lemonparty - 156: Statistics to Make You Weep

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Ben opines on Akash Singh and the beautiful world of Africa, meanwhile Jace is very upset with HIV transmissions, and Devan basks in the bar culture Sirhan Sirhan once enjoyed in Los Angeles.... this week on lemonparty. bonus episodes ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠⁠ LP Tour ⁠https://www.lemonparty.life/ ⁠ Support the sponsors: ⁠https://lucy.co/lemon⁠ ⁠https://www.hellofresh.com/lemon10off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One chicken, one, chicken, one, chicken, whews. Chicken, one, chicken, chicken wings. One, one, chicken wings. Yeah, you like my outfit, don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill. Always in my face, talking listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the cat-knack. You ride clean, but your gas take.

but your gas tank is on me Be stepping now they got no decent shoes on your feet That's just a meter bro, you don't know what you're talking about In the face, there's no choice when the come out Hate to see you in the club You're bombing with a mug No one that you're bad with your boy, you're nothing but a scrub But he was with me

That's when you treat hate it Cause when I got up on you in your bed near faith I showed it and I face drinking on the act Mouth full of clothes But your ass needs to be to please Thanks for talking all the other Jews for us. Dear Jew, thank you for being one of the good the Jews. Good the Jews.

Okay, that's staying in. Yeah, you're one of the good. The good, the Jews. Dear good the Jews. Dear good the Jews. Not bad the Jews. Yeah, thank you for not being bad the Jews. P.S. I just learned shekels your actual money.

That's crazy. LMAO. I did think that was a racist term. I did too. Until a couple years ago. Shackles. Shuck and Jive? Shackle. Shackles. Shekle. People also think Jew is racist. Yeah, I mean, it's... Like a shortening

of Jewish. But it is. It's about... No, I think a Jewish is a longaning of Jew. It's about how you say Jew. It's like, well, the Jews, what the Jews want, that's fine, but you go, what the Jews want. Like, it is, you know... It's a very Lewy bit, I imagine. I go very high pitch. I go,

Oh, like Mario? Choo! Choo! We'll just cut that part out. Okay. We'll start now. We can't do any more bits about animals and them being racist. Let's start now.

All right, what do you think about fucking humong people? Fucking, fucking humong. The fucking mung. I bet there's a lot in Michigan. What is a humong person? I don't know. It's like a type of Chinese. They're the ones from Grand Territ.

Reno. Yeah. He goes over to the house. He's like, what are you fucking yellow bastards? What is a Hmong? I'm sorry. He says, he says, we're Hmong. We're from Hamong. Is it Vietnam? I think I looked it up and I forgot it on principle immediately. You guys don't want me to use our big supercomputer to look it up? I can look it up on my phone. I choose not to look it up. I choose to be a good. They're

fishy Asians. I know that. Fish Asians. I don't even know what that means. They're by an ocean. Yeah. But I've also seen Asian people, well, they'll grab a fish out of a muddy field. I'm like, what is that? You guys aren't even near an ocean and you catch a fish. They just, they summon them. Yeah. If you're Asian enough, you can make fish. I know you mean. Like their

turnips or carrots? Yeah, they can pull them out of the ground. They plant fish. There's a water underground. Asian If they come on the dirt it turns into a fish over time. Oh, it's like a fable. Yeah. A Chinese fable. Hamong are ethnic group associated from East Asia, from

Laos, Vietnam, Thailand, China. Oh, they're all over. They're panning. Yeah, but they're fishy Asians. Okay. You got fish Asians, jungle Asians. All right. Rice Asians. Of course.

Many different types. Many, many Asians. Sticky rice Asians. So you have sticky rice Asians. They're the worst. Don't let them get their hands on your wallet. Sticky, sticky hands. Sticky rice hands.

I love the idea of three guys sitting around trying to be racist, but they're not worldly and enough to head other groups. So, like, fuck, what are they called? They're, like, over there. Fuck. Yeah, three guys in a rocking chair. They're over there. I don't like them.

Three guys in a rocking chair in the south. They're just like, it says humong is from Thailand. Fuck them, man. Fuck them. They got a whole land of ties. Fuck them. Fucking dirty humong, piece of shit. Doey, doy.

Chat, GBT, tell me how to be racist. Tell me how to be racist. Why are some black people Puerto Rican chat D.B.T? What is a home-run black guy? Chat T-T-B-T-B-T, what is Teoska Hernandez? I'm confused. Wait, what is a home-run black guy? A Dominican.

Dominican. Oh, interesting. D.R. D. R. Dominican Republic. They call it D.R. down there. Hey, D. R. D. R. Pepper. Hey. Dominican Republic Pepper. Only doctors have got down there, comedy.

Saudi Arabia, more like Saudi no gaybias, right? Because it can't be gay, all right. Our labias can't be a woman. That's the thing. You watch too much we might be drunk. Yeah. You watch the podcast too much. I went over there.

I was like, hey, at least my drive is not going to be a woman. Anyway. Yeah, the Saudis didn't have any problems with me making fun of the women or the slaves. Any disenfranchised people, they were cool. Really, this podcast has become interrupting us watching We might be drunk I'm sorry, when you say

Anytime a pun comes up, it's just Hey, hey, comedy DR, doctor's office Dr. J Dr. J. Dr. Drey? Just, Dr. Dreed, old Jews, Israel. Unconnected word associations.

Really, the ramblings of a schizophrenic man. But see, then why doesn't Robin Williams suck ass? I don't like his comedy. His comedy sucks ass. His comedy's not good. But he's one of the great. He's one of the great actors. He's a legendary

comedian. I don't remember it that well, but I remember hating it as a kid, his stand-up. Yeah. It was always like, it was like my grandparents would watch it and he was like he would just curse and they were like, whoa. Yeah. He had black guy voice, gay guy voice, and he would curse and that was it. Sounds good to me. Is it really that bad? He's super talented. But I bet if you were to pull something up of his, we'd stare blankly at it. Yeah, like dear. We would stare at it like but who knows maybe we'd love

I forget really but I remember it was a lot of prancing and then he was sweaty sweaty he had bits about golf and he almost I feel like I this is just like a faint feeling that it like he almost sounded like Michael Richard's laugh actor he said without the racism like like motherfuckas

it felt like it was like theatrical you motherfucker it always had the vibe of just this just a guy doing this yeah theater kid jazz hands just a little too much great actor Great actor. Great actor.

Glad he's dead. Yeah. That's crazy. Completely. I'm saying the worst thing I can think of. No, that's the thing he got in their genetic disease that made him kill himself. Actually, died of a broken heart. Yeah, every time I look up Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, they're very similar.

Uh-huh. Didn't he have a heart condition that was making him depressed? It was that, but he had, I think he got a weird, advanced form of, uh, uh, you know. form of Parkinson's. That was basically going to make him like all Lou Gehrigy. And so he killed himself because of that. But I think it also did make him depressed or something like that.

But fuck him. You're right, Devin. No. No, I'm kidding. I also love him because he helped Bobcat Goldthwaite make some movies with some interesting ideas. Some Death to Smoochy. Normally wouldn't have been made. Right.

He bought Bobcat Big Cowboy Hats. Well, God Bless America and... Yeah, Death to Smoochee. Smoochie was a Robin Williams. That wouldn't happen without him. And what was the other one? The Godless America. The clown movie. The movie where Robin Williams is the teacher and his kid. Oh, World's Greatest Dead. Yeah. Those were good ideas. Yeah, they're pretty, I like them. Yeah.

What are you looking up in? The difference between Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. In Parkinson's, you basically, you get like slow and you... You get shaky. Yeah, but then you lose your brain power. Two? Same with Alzheimer's. So it kind of is the same. Because if your brain goes, your body goes, right? People are terrified of Alzheimer's. I mean, it is, you are forgetting what love is kind of so. No, it sounds horrifying.

But also, like, maybe it's like, do you even know you died? Is it maybe the best way to go? Yeah, I think the only bad thing is you're just kind of confused all the time. Do you forget you died? Do you get one over on God? Like, I don't even remember that shit. Dumbass. Oh, I sunned down and I killed my dog.

Did I? Maybe you should have, like, let me remember shit. I don't feel guilt for the terrible things I did it when it hit 8 p.m. Thanks. Thank for this guilt-free final 10 years. Thanks, God. There's something about 8 p.m. That makes me just want to destroy things.

Thanks, God. So Robin Williams had Louis body disease. Yeah, Louis body. His brain was, his body was turning into Louis C.A. He was going red-hubes. Yeah, yeah. He's going bold. Mexican, yeah.

Yeah, it's very good. She was blocking doorways. Sure. We never did that. Never blocked the doorway. He just jacked off. Just jacked off. He just jacked off.

Would you rather get Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, you think? Yeah, I mean, it looks to me like Parkinson's to be better. Yeah, plus people get to feel bad for you and you see them feel bad for you. And I feel like that would feel pretty great. True. I'd be really shaking it up, too. Yeah. At Christmas, I'd be so shaky.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd just be, like, molesting women all the time using it as an excuse. Just shaking into a pair of tents. Yeah, motorboating their tests. Sorry. Sorry, I have this. Sorry, I have this.

Sorry. I have the stabilitating disease. I used to drink a lot. Now, Devin, here's the thing. You coming up with a big milk mustache. Sorry, my disease. Oh, God, it's terrible. I'm a freak.

Sorry, sorry, God damn, this disease, God. Oh, I just busted. Parkinson's making my dick shake and come. Oh, no, I know my dick's going in and out of you. You're raping a woman in dinner? You're Parkinson's. Oh, my Parkinson's making me hold you down in this life. Hey, I'm a shaking, I'm a shaking Pete.

That's what we imagine guys with Arkansas. It's like Bugs Bunny raping people. Yeah. That's a rapist when he sees a really hot lady. He goes, As he's chasing her into a dark part. Here's the thing, I'll never meet your doctor. Sorry, here's Jimmy Durante.

disease. What do you mean, Doc? You just keep saying hot, cha, cha, cha. Doc, I don't get what you mean. Hot, da, cha, cha. Sorry, your father's turned into a cartoon buzzer

that's Jimmy Durante. Sorry, your body is turning you into somebody that used to hang out at the Brown Derby. Your father has Texavory disease. He's turning into classic actors turned into cartoons for Warner Bros.

I fear Peter Lurie is next. What was, what did Jimmy Durante do that he was doing a hot-chat-tac-cha. I don't know actually what his main thing was. Was he like a horny guy going hot-chat-tich. I think it might have been like I think he was maybe like the squeeze your ass guy. Like he'd go goose you a little bit. I think.

I don't know. He just had a massive nose. I remember that. I mean, back then you could keep a woman in a terrarium in your living room and no one batted an eye. That's true. You got her in there. like a turtle with a heat lamp and a bunch of carrots and lettuce and stuff

and be like, yeah, that's the bitch I fucking raped. Yeah, no one cared back. Yeah, hey, Peter Lurie, do you want to go up to the glass and go, da-da-da-da, real quick? Oh, the way they treated the starlets. Oh, yeah.

Like the black Dahlia, they were like, somebody chopped this woman in half, and we are all guilty of it. It was Errol Flynn and every other actor. It was everyone. That's famous. Yeah, I remember reading stories about like, oh, yeah,

Arrow Flynn. He used to go down to the Beverly Hills Hotel. He played the piano with his penis at the bar. I was like, he's probably also raping the smithereens out of women. And they were also like a lot were fucking gay. Yeah, they were fun. Tons of gay. Yeah, not fucking in second. I wouldn't have been though. No, you wouldn't have been. You would have been by because you're queer like that. Being by is actually gayer than being gay. You kind of have an Errol Flynn thing. Yeah. Thank you. All right, fine. You don't. You don't. like that. Devin back me up that being

by is gay than gay. Being by is gay. Don't leave me that being by is more homosexual than homosexual than homosexual. It is. It is actually. Because you get pussy and then you go, you know, you go great with this a cock. It's so selfish.

It's so selfish. It's gayer than gay. Yes. It's gay. Because you're also, you're also saying I'm not gay, I'm by, which nothing is gay than saying you're not gay. You're fucking gay. Right. Yeah. You're adding so many levels yes a gay guy you could be like well he's only fucked a man's ass he maybe if he tried pussy he'd be like oh this is so right this is much better if you looked at it on a spectrum on

one end is let's take intelligence sure is a dumb guy on the other end is like a polymath genius sure in the middle is the pseudo intellectual he's dumber than the retarded guy yes basically what you're saying is the by guy is in the middle yes but he's more retarded than the retard yes exactly So a bi-guy is, therefore, is gayer than a gay guy. Exactly. Because he thinks he's all that jazz. And often a gay man is more masculine than a bi-guy-guy. So a gay guy is straighter than a bisexual man.

A bi-bye guy is usually just a guy who kind of sucks. Yeah. You know? Like a cay-you-ass-looking motherfucker. I don't like how many different juices the by-guies are dipping into it. Exactly. Too many juices. It's not, like, sanitary.

You can't have man shit and pussy juice on one shot. I swear to shit or get out of the ass. Hey, buddy, let's make a move here. Either shit in my ass or coming and a push. Can you imagine being a poor woman and you're having sex with some, like, jacked guy? You find out he was fucking, he was nine inches deep in a man's butthole earlier that day. Yeah, exactly. You got to compete with that.

That's not okay to that woman. No, she's getting exposed to AIDS, the virus caused by HIV. Supposedly AIDS is It's not actually You can't really get it from a pussy That's fake No you really can't Have you looked it up

It's hard to get it from a pussy It's really a man's ass See because I used to think Oh why do those women go over to Africa and get raped I hope Magic Johnson here's this whole fucking thing We're on to you Motherfucker You buy fat

My uncle wanted to kill you in the 80s When he found out He wanted to kill you before the virus did But you outlived him And he was a proud racist He was a He was a Celtics fan. My uncle's

Shatrix fan and he hated gays. He knew you were a queer. He wants to kill you and Isaiah Thomas. But he died before he could. That was the greatest thing about magic coming out with having AIDS. People were like, oh my God, I can't

believe magic is gay and gets fucked in his ass. So it was like, literally Karl Malone. He was like, I'm not playing with magic. He gets fucked in his ass. He got away with it because he was such a known ladies man. Yeah. Like, they were like, no, he just had sex with somebody that had it.

Sure. But accidentally got like a tranny or something like that. Transgender person. Do you think it's weird still? I don't need, I don't want to go stov mode on you. Yeah, please. Don't accuse me about the Austin brain. Don't you think it's weird what then?

Uh, that, well, like, we've, in the past, we've judged late. Remember that lady we saw with the big, like, double G cups? At, uh. With the big blonde. At Tex? No, no, no. The lady that was, she went on like a rape. safari in Africa to get fucked

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we watched the videos of her getting fucked by all the tribesmen. Yeah, just on our cell phone, not on the podcast. We all watched it on one phone. Yeah, we huddled around the phone. We all huddled on Devon's couch touching each other. We were on a flight on tour.

We were all together on a Delta flight. We're the reason that that guy has that comment on the YouTuber who's like, I sat behind these guys in a flight and they're the most insufferable pieces of shit I've ever overheard I love that guy I hope it's real I think it was I really do I think it was I think it was but remember the so white women will pay to go on a tour where they get gang raped

in a in like a circle they actually want to get raped in Africa remember this you found the video Devin showed me the video of her getting raped well she's having consensual sex with tribesmen that are waiting I mean but the whole idea is not that it's consensual it's that she's like there's a bunch of men around her and they were pouncing on her.

It was like a Congolese gang bang. Yeah. But there are guys that wear cloths that cover their penis. They were like essentially no shoes. And she was a white woman like like, like, yeah, she was like had her hands like on a water buffalo. And they're destroying her from behind. They're pink socking her. Guys are walking out of the bush.

They're picking bugs off of their cock and they're fucking shit out of this woman. And every once in a while the camera would pan over to like seven other guys crouched down. like wading with like bows and arrows. They would take turns. They were running over to her. So she was, she wanted it. Yeah, I know,

but we looked up the rates of AIDS in Africa and it's so high. You think you wouldn't do something like that. Come to find out, it's actually, they're trying to scare us and make us seem like we're going to get it from pussy,

but that's not a thing. You don't get it from pussy. You don't get it from pussy, dude. You get it from ass. What are the rates? I think pussies can get it from dicks, though. I think that is a thing.

women have AIDS? I think a lot. I think a lot. Because I think... Because of these by guys. Because of these by guys. These buy demons from hell. Giving our Mama Seed as AIDS. I've already Googled this before it. Oh yeah. Well, of course. It's auto filled. 9%

9% of people in Africa have AIDS. That's insane. Wow. That's crazy. It's 26 million people living with AIDS. Fuck. Damn. Yeah. If you meet... Shit.

They commit 50% of the butt sex. Yeah, so are they having lots of gay sex? So they're all butt fucking over there. Type of can you get AIDS from... I think it's just they're gay. From pussy. And say pussy, I don't want it to think you're gay or some shit. Don't type in some weird shit.

I don't want it to think you're some weirdo and say vagina. Can you get AIDS from good pussy? Say right from good pussy. Yeah, and the AI goes, good pussy you can't bad pussy, yes. Trash Pussy, you will. Trash pussy. That's kind of heard of saying. It actually answered me.

A person cannot get or transmit HIV from vaginal sex based on the goodness of the act or the sexual desire involved. Fair enough. All right. Well, you got us there. Can you type in, like, how likely to get AIDS from pussy versus ass? It actually shows HIV is transmitted through contact with body fluids. Blood, semen, pre-siminal fluid. That's pre-cum.

for you guys for the layman. I don't do any of that shit. Vaginal fluids, rectal fluids, and breast milk. I don't do that pre-cum shit. I just come. So you can. But what are the... I want to know what the rates are. What do you mean?

What transmission rate of AIDS from women versus men? From normal sex. Yeah, versus sin. From non-sinful sex. HIV transmission is more efficient from men to women than from women to men. Okay, I was right about that. Due to the larger surface area,

the vaginal lining, and the potential for semen to remain in the vagina longer, nice. Sick. Okay, very cool, very awesome. Very nice. Dope cream pies rule, of course. Oh, yeah, the cum stays in them. They have to shit it out.

Very nice. Love a cream buy. Very nice. In contrast, men who have sex with men, In MSM, I've never heard that abbreviation before, men who have sex with men, MSM. Yeah, the mainstream media. They're like MSNBC, gay shit. Have a higher risk of transmission during anal sex, especially receptive anal sex, which has the

highest risk of all sexual activities due to the thin mucosal lining of the anus. This is the problem, is that the rectum is so absorbent. That's why butt chucking works so well. I didn't know the anus was so mucusy. The anus is like, like, butt checking is like cigarettes for alcohol. Like you get it immediately. Receptive anal sex is the act of being penetrated during intercourse where the receptive partner is the bottom. Gross.

Sounds awful. Yeah. Well, all right. Yeah, so don't fuck, I guess, don't get fucked in the ass, but you can fuck in the ass. So it says male to female transmission is about 2.3 times more efficient than female to male. Yes. But factors like age-related hormonal changes and other STIs and changes in the vaginal microbiome can make women more susceptible. This podcast really does, like, if you put together a compilation of the gay jokes and the gay investigation, it sounds like three highly closeted gay men terrified to dip their toes into gay sex.

I want to go to Africa and be like, do whatever you want, boys. I'm at him. We're doing like a 10-year study before we finally jump into the. pool. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're like, I'm going to buy my first nice car, but you're like really pussyfooting about it for a long time. You're Googling best ass to fuck first time ass, Reddit. It says with anal sex, it's approximately one transmission per 900 sex acts. Okay. Gives someone HIV. That's through insertive anal sex. Yeah, which is butt fucking. Yeah. Gay butt fucking. Which is gay butt fucking. Yeah. It says insertive anal sex, also known as

butt fucking. I mentioned you, doctor, asking you, how many times in the last week have you gay butt fucked? No, doctor, you're doing that survey? And he goes, and have you had insertive anal sucks? And you're like, um, he's like, gay butt fucking. And you're like, homosexual

gay butt fucking. Specifically homosexual gay butt fucking. Too easy. And he goes, so it asks, it's gay and it's homosexual and it's but fucking. But fucking. Oh, fuck. butt fucking but fucking but fucking but fucking but fucking but fucking is such a funny word it makes me like cry laughing

it's not here the word butt fucking it sounds so funny he got butt fucked it's so funny just the sounds of the words it's so crazy yeah he got butt fucked Yeah, they fucked his butt They fucked his butt They fucked his butt Isn't it funny that people Die from butt-fucking every year Yeah

Isn't it funny You know what's funny You know what's very funny You die from butt-fucking You know what's very funny Is there's two like gay Ben think about this Think about this

This is gonna blow your mind There's two gay adult men Who like date They listen to NBR They're very classy people Yeah And then when they have a bit of wine on a Friday night, he turns him and goes, he goes, fuck me in the butt. My dearest love, can you fuck my butt?

The thing I found out with those, those libs, dude, is they don't butt fuck. Well, they do. They just suck dick. They just suck each other's dick to give each other blowies. Much less fun. They get BJs and hand jobs. Do you have to do, you can't, can you just have, like, quickie butt sex if you're a gay guy? Like, what if you had to eat dinner and stuff?

I think you do have to prep. Isn't there like... You have to prop, you have to wash shit out. They don't care. What is this idea that they care? They don't care. I think they try to avoid shit. Don't talk about that way.

You have Austin Trans Brain. Both of you. Yeah. Fuck you. That's very dismissive to say they don't care. But fucking. About butt fucking and shit. Why did we do in the podcast as butt fucking?

Someone, by the way, if someone out there is rich, can you pay a butt... Oh, Jace, we should do ads, by the way. Can you pay a gay guy to butt fuck us? Let's get to the ad company. Hey, if you guys love butt fucking. You know what a big, I think this would be huge. If we pay, I think it's like $9,000, Jay's correct if I'm wrong. To pay someone to skywrite over LA and add for Lemon Party, the podcast.

We could do that. We could skywrite Lemon Party as not just a website. Or like it's a podcast too. Yeah. Something like that. And then we could pay another smaller plan to write in parentheses about butt fucking. But it is about butt fucking. It is about butt fucking.

And it really, it makes a big F so people know it's by fucking. Somebody hired that Skyrider to say, like, Joe Rogan is literally five foot three or something. Yeah. Yeah, they flew over Santa Monica. That went viral. Yeah, that's pretty good. We should do something like that. Kurt Bronholler did that funny thing where he paid a Skywriter to write, how do I land this thing?

That's a good bit. That's pretty funny. That is funny. To spend, like, $10,000 on that is very funny. But I think to spend $10,000 to say Lemon Party is a podcast about buck fucking. I like that. It's much better over Los Angeles, yeah. People are like, I got to, and then use the next episode, every comment on, like, the YouTube is like, I heard this is about butt fucking?

They didn't even talk about butt fucking this episode, because it's like next week. We'll just keep putting this episode out. Yeah. Is it really only nine grand? It's interesting. I think, yeah. Something like that. I read an article.

Because it only lasts for fucking a minute, you know? Do you have to pay for the letter? Is it, like, getting, like, a tombstone and lived? Yeah, because you can't just. be like write a paragraph yeah you know oh it's around 35005 grand 5 000 for a single message with additional cost for longer messages are special requests and there's no FCC for skywriting so it's not like they're going to get in trouble for writing butt fucking no you just want someone to take people to take pictures of it across la and then it starts trending on x the everything app the everything

app exactly exactly this is lemon party is about butt fucking yeah yeah we waste the money yeah The Lemon Party is about... We don't even mention podcast or anything. People are like, yeah, I mean, I guess it is. That makes sense. This is just a statement? But yeah, we should do that. And we need to do the ads right now, too.

And I was going to say, if you like butt-fucking and getting fucked in the butt, then you're going to love... You're going to love Hello Fresh, right? Hello Fresh. If you're worried about... The only thing I'm saying hello, too, that's fresh as a butt that I'm going to fuck. Is a fresh ass.

Yeah. A fresh ass to insert my penis inside of. Yeah, you open up a box in the mail and it's an ass you can find out. A nice, fresh dry ass. Yeah. That I'm going to make wet. Speaking of wet, Ben, fall is here, along with cooler nights. Hardier meals and the craving for something warm and satisfying.

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New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash lemon 10fm to get 10 meals and a free meal. a free item for your entire life. Thank you, HelloFresh. Now on to Lucy. Lucy! Lucy! We love Lucy. Hey guys, are you bored with your nicotine routine?

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Love Lucy. We do, I'm doing Lucy all the goddamn fucking time. I took about four on the way up here, had a latte, got my heart racing real nice. Love Lucy. It's what enables me to not crash my car on the way back to San Diego. It'll wake you up, make you feel like you're in the future. Exactly. And it is the future.

And we ask Lucy, please send us that vending machine from Palantar with all the Lucy in it. Please. Pick between four, eight, and 12 milligrams of nicotine and choose your own adventure. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co slash lemon and use promo code lemon to get 20% off your first order. Lucy even has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's lucy.com slash lemon and use code lemon to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print.

Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Speaking of else, it's addictive. But fucking. But fucking. Ben. Why is addiction bad?

Some people say I'm addicted to your love or whatever. So addiction isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think we need to get out of this binary thinking a little bit. When it comes to addiction. Well, we just need to support Lucy. Right. When it comes to Lucy. Yeah.

And other addictions. Of course. Like hard drugs. Everything else. But fuck. Everything else. Every other thing. People really don't get addicted to good things, though.

Isn't that weird? People are workaholics. I've heard that's pretty much the only good one, right? Don't those people drug because of stress, though? Workaholic are you're an exercise addict or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. But you're all right. Those people like exercise addicts do die at like 45. Yeah. It's because of the chronic stress of their of their steroid abuse. Cortisol being raised. Cortisol raised, steroid abuse, eating 300 grams of protein every day, destroying their kidneys.

Did you ever, do you know Rich Piana, Ben? You would love Rich Piana. Yeah, of course. So the pedophile bodybuilder who I produced his podcast, remember he threatened to kill me. Yeah, of course, of course. He supposedly was friends. with Rich Piana. I think he was giving him Chinese steroids the Trimbalam, making him weird and all fucked up. And that's when he started eating those pizzas and going on YouTube right for his fucking ticker popped.

So the guy you started podcasting with killed Rich Piana. A guy, I tried to get this pedophile bodybuilder's podcast off the ground. And he immediately threatened to kill me and come over and kill me in my wife. And I was like, I'm blocking you. Yeah, you're being blocked. Okay. Weird. Okay, pause.

Time out. I expected a little more from a pedophile body building. I wonder what that pedophile body. He's an ex-cricot cop, too, which is so funny. You wonder what he's up to now? Yeah, I wonder if he's still being a pedophile taking Chinese steroids. Probably fucking a child at the gym.

You're like, hey man, what have you been up to? He's like, oh, you know, same old, same old. Just fucking kids lifting weights, you know. Just fucking do my shit, man. Petophile body. He would message children on Instagram and be like, hey, little boy, you want good Chinese steroids. I'm going to get you buff. Yeah. And you figure this out

after you did the podcast. No, I did the rates were good. I knew this way, way before. The podcast was called the pedophile bodybuilder. Parentheses, not a bit. Not a bit. Not a bit. Not a bit. That's how he emailed me from the Craigslist ad that I posted. He's like, hey, just let you know. I'm a pedophile. I'm a violent pedophile. A little about me.

I'm not a virtuous pedophile. I'm an unvirtuous pedophile. I'm an unvirtuous pedophile. I'm an immoral pedophile. I'm an unethical. I'm an Unethical pedophile. I'm an unethically monogamous pedophile. A map? I'm a map. We call ourselves maps.

So I'm that. I'm a bodybuilder. But, you know, there's many things about me. I used to be a cop. I hate that they keep coming up. Like, oh, I'm a map. I'm into C-San. No.

How about I'm going to kill you? Yeah. How about you get a G-U-N and blow your H-E-A-D off? Dude, so by the way, did you see the news story that there was a pedophile? He stormed. Yes. Yes. The Wikipedia.

I didn't get to read the diesels of it. Do you know what it is? What happened? Yes, it was the Wikipedia New York conference. A non-what is the term? He was a virtuous pedophile. Yeah, he was a virtuous pedophile. But they used a certain term.

He stormed the stage and held a gun to his head and started screaming at everybody. Where was it? New York. It was New York, New York, New York. Type in New York, Wikipedia, Patophile gun head. New York Wikipedia Petophile Gun

Yeah, armed man He had a sign that said Non-offending Patophile And he stormed the stage And he's like, why does it Why is no one telling me to not do this? A Wikipedia conference in New York Took a bizarre turn Friday

Ohio man draped and assigned Declaring himself to be an anti-contact Non-offending Patafile Gone stage with a gun And threatened to kill himself King You're king Dude, you're a king.

If you was wearing the Bob's big boy Japanese living party shirt, we'd have to end the show. He might be. He's probably wearing like a scorpion, like the drive jacket. And racing gloves. Yeah. Why do you threaten to kill himself? The man, police did not identify, taken into custody. He wore a multicolored sign.

Yeah, it was like a rainbowy sign that said anti-contact, non-offending pedophile. That's funny. The, oh, yeah, the sign bore the colors. of a flag that has been used in recent years by people who identify as maps or a minor attracted person. Is there a video of it? I don't think, I think I saw a picture of the guy. It might have been from his social media. I mean, obviously, I'm going to X everything.

Yeah, exactly. When they say everything, non-offending pedophiles holding guns to their heads are included. I'm just going to type in non-offending pedophile and see what shows up. It just shows me pictures of Drake. Right, guys? I can make rap jokes. Yeah, you typed in non-offending, Ben. Who did you guys say? It wouldn't show you Drake.

Did you say Schultz was the Drake of comedy? That was kind of good. Like the fan base feels like they'd be all, like, huge Drake fans. And he's pretending to be black. Yeah. Just like Drake. And he's acting like he's like leading the union for. For Canadians, yeah.

Comedy. Is this the pedophile? This is the guy, I believe. Here's the pedophile. Let's show him off, guys. Found a new one. Look at him. We caught a new one.

Name Connor Weston. See if this works here. He was in an influential online forum dedicated to, I'm assuming, maps. I am an anti-contact, non-offending pedigal. He's charming. I was going to say, sounds different than you would think. Oh. At least his voice doesn't sound like a thousand ghosts.

What a strapping young man. He's not a human haunted house. Look at how cool he is. He laminated the sign and you can't read it. He went to a kinko's and he had them print that. He goes, hey, I'm not. here to pick up the and they go the map sign he goes yeah they go i could i could tell because you're the scariest looking person i've ever seen my name is hold on me turn it up i'm 27 years

old and live in Dayton ohio i am an anti-contact non-offending pedophile i am fundamentally against adult minor relationships because i know that they are harmful okay nice all right urges that i need control just like how most straight men don't have the urge to rate of your women in you. All right. Now you've gone too far, Buster. Don't speak for me. I can't choose to stop

being attracted to them. Like a fucking guy getting on his soapbox. He also should have gone for the anti-gloss job. Of course. A mat on the laminated. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Yep. Pretty classic bozo, Matt

pedophile. There's a huge glare on your pedophile sign. Dumbass. I was going to support non-contact pedophiles. Can't really read it. Idiot. Found his name, Connor Weston. Oh, yeah.

The site is, it's virtuous pedophiles. I believe it's the name of the site. His website? He was active on a forum called Virtuous Petophiles. Oh, yeah, that was, yeah, his flag right there. Anti-contact, non-offending pedophile. Yeah, and they have their own, like, pride flag for pedophiles, I guess. It's like a rainbow flag, but...

It's a shame flag. What is his? is, like, but what is the M.O? I think he's trying to raise awareness of non-contact offending pedophiles. Well, that's very interesting. Yeah. We're going to have to come over to your house and kill you. Yeah. Hi, that's, we love that your virtuous pet. No two ways about it. We love your virtuous petfile. Can you put your hand in this big guillotine slot? We love that. Yeah, it's also funny. I don't know what he's campaigning for because if you're a, if you're a virtuous pedophile is never going to act on it, you can just not, you don't have or have to

anybody that ever yeah yeah you can just take that one with you to the grave man yeah no one's gonna no one's like happy to hear that i guess this and are are the pedophiles are they just like are they like actually made like that like is there are they genetically made to be pedophiles you know what i mean like are you is it just a lottery and you're like fuck i'm or is it from a long line in the family like dna yeah like i'm saying is there a gene and you just get fuck there's an Evolution. Right. Yeah.

Like the first pedophile that walked on land. He got it like a pedophile fin. He became amphibious. Yeah, but you know, like some people are like, oh, fuck, I got bald genetics. Is there a guy who's like, I was just born with I'm a pedophile genes? Maybe. Maybe scientists are, maybe there is something there. Yeah.

I don't know. Like, is there a finasteride you can take for, you know, being attracted to kids? Yeah, there's like a neuterful. We'll be probably doing an ad for that pretty soon. Hey, are you a virtuous petophile who wants to be a person? not be attracted to children anymore what do they drop on frog's eggs that makes them produce so much estrogen it turns males into females oh uh uh atrazine or whatever oh it's uh god damn it's i think it was dd t the stuff that was killing eagle eggs you can probably like drop that on like

if a kid's a pedophile oh it was it was like roundup i think it was like roundup yeah so maybe we can find kids that are pedophiles okay like when they're really young uh-huh and spray them with a much roundup. Okay. And it, like, maybe it reverses the polarity of the big petophile. And then they'll get cancer before they can grow up. Exactly. Exactly.

Let's kill all the kids. Ben, good idea. You make a good point. All right. What if you... Let's get this before the board. Yes. We have to spray children with poison.

Yeah. We actually have enough... To protect them. Yes. We have enough influence we've reached Trump in the White House and he's going to listen to us. I am on virtuous pedophile.com. It says I can secure. this unique domain to establish presence and a specialized field with unamatched brandic

potential. Make an offer. It says buy now $1 million. $1 million for Virtuouspetophile.com. For $1 million. I'm at the bank and they're like, so what is this mortgage about? You're like, what is this loan for? And I'm like, so here's the thing, Doc. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. This is the guy selling it? He's a, yeah, he's a, that's a marketing manager.

He has a bunch of domains. Mr. B's 2032.com. Why are related domains called flyanaheim.com, HR social.com. Mr. B's 2023. This is Indian. This reeks of Indian. Yeah. Reeks of Kuwait.

Be gone with you, but I will make an offer. Sure, sure. Send an inquiry in. Get that on your record. What if I go, million cash. Let's do it. I don't even try to come in. You go, I got it in a briefcase right now. Where do we meet?

One million? I got to get it on this. Yeah, thank you, sir. Oh, I meet in Bangladesh. Okay, I'll be there ASAP. What if I came home and I told my wife, listen, sit down. Don't be mad. Don't be mad.

I went down to the bank. You know how we had $20,000 in savings? Well, now it's negative $980,000. But I have. have ruined my life. A life. Yeah, buying virtuous pedophiles. You're going to get tons of ads, and that money's going to come back to you at any point.

I mean, that's got to be fake, right? That's... I don't know. I mean... What's got to be fake? Oh, you think just like an Indian guy bought Virtuous pedophile, and then he's like, I'm going to sell it for a million dollars to a psychopath pedophile. Possibly.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I guess so. I don't really know how that works. I mean, there's got to be pedophiles out there that want that. I know guys do that. Like, I knew a couple, when I was working in, like, you know, that vine company I was working out. There was guys who they'd just, there'd be a new celebrity and they'd go pay $30 for the domain with the, you know, Vine Star's name. And they'd be like, he's going to have to hit me up and buy this for like $40,000.

So there could be shit like that, you know, where it's like, I just see it. I see an opportunity. I'm an Indian guy with no morals and a dream. So I'm going to sell this. Indians are cleaning up the gerontocracy right now. The fucking geriatrics are all dating Indians, but they think they're dating Matt Rife. Thank God they're cleaning up something. All the guys in Kuwait, they're all catfishing these elderly people out of all their money.

Is that true? Yeah, because they can use AI videos to be like, hi, I'm Matt Rife. I'm in love with you. If you leave your husband and liquidate all your assets, I will marry you. And then they're in a relationship for years with what they think is Matt Rife on WhatsApp. Yeah. AI has been devastating to the retard community. they're never going to survive it

I wish I was not one of those retards I have now seen a couple of videos this week where I don't know it's AI because I'm just scrolling and I receive it as information that I like lock in well they do it good now because they make it look like bad quality footage it's not all clear and obvious yeah they make it look like shitty cell phone footage

you're like oh mate what I got got a couple times this week I don't know what to do about it you got by the fat lady breaking the glass bridge I thought that was real yeah with the big rock yeah it was like that has to be real. The big fat granny breaking the aquarium. And then the baby gets sucked into

the shark tank. And then the golden retrievers saves the baby. I was in tears by the end of that video. You're on your Matlock fan club Facebook page sharing that video. I got a guy shooting an old woman with a T-shirt gun right in front of her. The other rules. I thought that was

real for a second. Maybe just because I was hoping. Yeah, but no. I mean, yeah. It's all we're doomed. Have we analyzed any of the AI slot because they follow this same theme where an old fat toxic

poisonous creature of some kind it looks to be a boomer does something very selfish and in terms of like very impulsive and ruins something for everyone and it floods it there's like

this cataclysmic event sort of brewing like this Noah's Ark flood type thing where usually something gets flooded because of the boomers who have destroyed the earth, and then a baby is saved by a dog. That's usually what happens when I've seen. That's what goes viral on Facebook, those

videos. That's all I've seen. Yeah. They break like a bridge or like they flood a place. Yeah, it could almost be like a boomer kind of like deeply suppressed. Like the metaphor of the bridge, like the boomer crossed and then they broke the bridge with the hammer. That's what I'm saying. I think it's almost a deeply repressed kind of

confessional thing. The reason they all like that because they're like, oh, I've ruined everything. And Now I can share this video of this fat bitch ruining everything, but I think is real. Do you think they feel bad for sucking ass and not sharing any of their wealth with their children? I think deep inside, but I think they push that down and buy another Tommy Bahama shirt and go on another cruise. And just say we're ungrateful. Yeah. And they go, my children, the reason all eight of my children left is because they suck.

Fuck them. And they have another Mai Tai. Well, why do they hate this autonomy that we have where we just, we move away far. way because they basically ignore us and decide like hey you guys got to like pull yourself up by your bootstraps you got to be a fucking man you got to figure out this shit on your own i'm going to basically ignore you and then you move to like you move far away and they're like damn you don't want to live by your old man it's like no you don't want to live in hell you didn't want to live in the same house as me you told me you couldn't wait for me to grow up and get out of

the house and now you're like damn come back yeah yeah most stats don't you love want to play catch with your old man you never call most dads from that generation will like listen to cats care they're like I can't wait for that to be me it's gonna hit so hard and then they still go what the hell I treated my kid like shit when it's never in his life and now he doesn't want to hang out with old pop yeah and then they you know you have grandkids and they're like okay well I can I can use this fucking piece of shit that weasel my way back in I think they really just hope you that they go you'll get over it and then you'll just feel but you'll you'll be afraid of me dying and you'll want to see

me. Yeah, there's kind of a bet on that. I'm going to die soon. It's going to be real. They're going to hang out with me? Come on. I'm getting feeble. Isn't that kind of sad and fucked up? Look at my handshake. It's got a big bruise on it. That's going to be real fucked up for you if you don't fix this.

You're going to come to me on my deathbed. It's going to be too late. Then you're going to have to do a bunch of gay therapy to talk about it. Look at my wrist It's got a little I got a bruise I got a brace on my wrist Because I'm old and feeble

Look at that Come on There's something about the brace On the wrist That really makes me go like Oh man When they have like The bowers glove

Because they wear like gardening And you're like Oh man Yeah The ace bandage Yeah You're like Yeah people

Like they're a defensive end In the NFL Yeah Like oh yeah People I love are going To die That's very But then I feel like

It's like It's like okay You resent us because we live in a fake economy where we have... Yes, I make a living talking about butt-fucking. Yes. Fine. I don't have a boss. You got...

Yeah, you're jealous. Hey, jealousy is a disease, sweetie. Get well soon. Sit and spin. Yeah, your whole life you wanted to talk about butt-fucking for money. You did it for free, like a champ. Yeah, you did it in the teacher's break room talking about butt-fucking. Yes, sir.

And you made nothing doing that. Yeah, they don't respect this as men. Meanwhile, I'm pulling in the cash. Right. I'm going to keep it creamy. you keep it creamy that guy died what the tic-tok guy with the lip the steve guy with oh yeah that guy was funny he's funny as shit that guy was really funny yeah rip to yeah he would do the like the guy you meet at the bus stop yeah i'll be i'll be real with you

right now my fucking baby mama is fucking pissed at me it's so good yeah it was really it's it's it's it's sad that he's dead yeah those guys with the non-fatty alcoholic liver disease stuff they just like they don't wake up one day he just he took a nap on his couch at the age of 40 and he just didn't wake up they're ticking time bomb Is that what they said he had? I mean, usually when a guy is, like, pretty fat and just clearly eats, like, Schwannman type stuff, they, one day they just go to bed. Like, a lot of those guys, I think, think they're kind of fine and just they don't wake up.

It happens pretty. I check the obituaries for our hometown, and that's the case. Like, all the, it's just these guys go to take a nap and do not wake up from their nap. You're probably right. You check the obituaries for your town. I like the way they're written. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they usually, because with the women, they always mentioned that, like, they were, they always, they had a dish that they were really good at. And then the men, it's just like a list of, like, what companies they moved around to. Yeah. They're like, these are the only noteworthy things. R.I.P. Margaret. She made a great cookie. It was her only piece of worth on this earth.

She survived by 25 children that were raped into her by their father. Oh, my God. She met her. You're acting like he took the kids. The kids already existed pre-conception. Yeah, he shoved the kids into her. She was rude when she was He molested his child into his wife.

Yes, that's right. She was famously wooed by her husband Herbert when she was 14 and he was a colonel in the army. He wooed her by asking. her to fuck 85 times in two days and she finally gave up yeah Devin I'm always checking to see who's a pedophile

who died it's interesting to me because I knew all these people so it feels like I'm checking back in on a TV show where the characters keep getting killed off do you everything at some point you'll get to the end and that's the last guy one day I'm going to load it and I see my face and they'll say game over

it'll say game over Game over. Bye, bye, bitch, ass. That's what the Grim Reaper's going to say to me when he cut. But he's actually, he's not going to cut my hat off. He's going to cut my dick off. Yeah. It says, I'm keeping this.

I'm keeping this as a souvenir. He lights it like a cigar. He's like, I'm going to suck this whenever I want. He was smoking on that light pack tonight. R.I.P. Bozo. Then he uses your cock to piss on you. It pisses into your cock, which then pisses on to you. Yeah, exactly.

He loads up your cock with his piss. and pisses on you like a big syringe yeah exactly and he flips you off what's the origins of the grim reaper

I don't even know the origins oh like where does that come from what is that the image of him well does it come from a Halloween thing or where's it religious

yeah I mean I guess I'll look a day does spooky season I do I got a fun fact for you did you know Alfred Nobel invented the Nobel

Peace Prize because they were incorrectly reporting that he died and they read his obituary and they called him the merchant of death because he invented dynamite. So that's why he created the Nobel Peace Prize so that his name would be associated with, you know, great heroes like Obama and such and such.

Why did they let him take that? He just gave a bunch of money for the award. So, yeah, they're just like your... So it's like ironic. Yeah, because he was a dynamite mogul. He was a tycoon of dynamite. That's how he made all his money. I'm an explosion man.

I make things go boom. Yeah, the Grim Reaper was from the Black Death in the 14th century in Europe with everybody dying of the... Where'd they come up with that guy with the sword and stuff? The collective unconscious. It was a combination of older concepts such as the Angel of Death, the ancient Greek god of Harvest, Kronus, and the idea of Father Time or Kronos. So it was just like kind of a bunch of gods mashed together. It would be crazy if they're like, no, we knew a guy who was like, he was named the Grim Rhym. There was a really fucked up guy in Germany.

He was really fucked up. And they called him Grim with two M's and Repar. And he, yeah, he'd slays little kids on both. You know what's another thing I realized on the drive over here I don't know anything about is Sirhan Sirhan. I don't know anything about that guy. Oh, yes. Old Sirhan, Sirhan, Sirhan. Killed Bobby Kay.

Do you know anything about the Bobby Kennedy assassination? Yeah, he walked across the street from, from motherfucking, fuck, what's the bar we used to go to all the time? I don't know the bar, but it happened in Los Angeles? Yeah, it was in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah, yeah, the, the HMS bounty. Oh, really? He, uh, I believe he was at the HMS bounty, got a little loaded. Wait, it was in Korea town?

Yeah, that was where the, that was where the, um, that was where the, uh, the hotel was that he got shot at, which is now a high school. That he was speaking at. Yeah. And he got shot in the kitchen. By Sirhan, Sirhan, I think, got loaded at the HMS bounty because they have a great ticati and a shot at tequila deal for like five bucks. I'm sure. I wish I could see it. him again i was there that night but uh yeah and then he went and shot him and then uh apparently people

they their their claim is also that winston churchill drank there a couple times at the hms bounty i doubt it but they do say he that's what they'll say that's what a that's what a filipino wait waitress will tell you that's probably just a fat old guy probably well whatever rogue faction that killed kennedy clearly killed bobby as well because bobby was going to win the democratic uh candidacy it seemed i thought all the kennedy's were like killed because like They, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of other stuff. But, like, the way it was sold was that they, like, you know, they cared about, like, black people, right? Uh, what?

I've never heard that. Well, yeah, Bobby, well, Bobby was going to disband the CIA and throw it to the wind. He was going to continue JFK's shit. Well, they had to continue the war in Vietnam. There were a lot of different factions here. Also, maybe a Cuban exile, you know, not happy. So, uh, there was probably a bunch of different rogue factions. But regardless, obviously, whoever killed Kennedy also killed Bobby.

It's very obvious to every. everybody in the United States, in the world. I just haven't looked into Sirhan, Sirhan. Because he's just like, I go, yeah, I look into the JFK assassination. I go, and yeah, and also Sirhan-Han-Sah-Han look like, but I just love hearing his name. I imagine he walked across the street. I imagine he shot him with like a cane gun. Like he was spinning two canes when he walked across the street.

Yeah, anytime I... He kind of looks kick-ass. I'll tell you, anytime I imagine Sirhan-Sur-Han, I picture the chief from one fool over the cuckoo's nest. That's him to me. So what did he say he did it? it for it. No, he said he didn't do it. That's the thing. You buy the narrative, Devin. Come on. I don't buy anything. None of these people ever say they did it. I don't give a shit. Like, anything's going to get solved

because we fucking cover it. And then we get some comments and go, like, you guys are doing the research. You see how Devin's obedient to them, what they want? Nothing will ever happen. Fucking let them be. Hope the CIA kills more. Devin's compliant. I love the CIA. They bring a big obeisance. They've been running shit fine, in my opinion. Nothing collapsed after Kennedy. pop look around in fact it provided us a lot of entertainment all these conspiracies this guy endless pointless wars for no reason well i wasn't in them yeah not here not here not here and it'll never happen here ever nothing bad it'll ever happen because it's nothing will

ever happen on american grounds can you type in sirhan sir hand sir hen asia ms bounty real Quick. Asian Bounty? HMS. You're such a drunk. He, um, I believe he, uh, he claims he was an MK Ultra victim, I think. Just go to all, not images. I don't believe they have a photo of him getting hammered at the bar.

They put him giving a big hands up, drinking a... Ambassador Hotel. Dringing a martini. Maybe I've just made this up, but... Yeah, I thought it was... I think it's in Korea, town. It is in Korea town. Here we go, chain consisted of the ambassador.

Oh, I thought I saw Bounty Restaurant. Can you maybe just look up, oh yeah, assassination of Robert Kennedy? Boo. Here's your best hotel. Five hundred people in the pantry area of the kitchen. Palestinian immigrant, Sirhan, Sirhan. Arrested the scene convicted of the murder. Well, keep on bombing.

I'm not seeing anything about the HMS Bounty. I didn't know he was Palestinian. We wonder, given the HMS Bounty's history, wonder what Sirhan Siram plunk down for inspiration before he crossed the street and ended Bobby Kennedy's presidential run back in 68. Chances are it was not felonious monk Miles Davis or Byrd's records. Who could shoot someone after kind of blue? Why are they being so fucking... Yeah, what's the cheekiness of hers?

Why are they being so mean to Bobby Kennedy? Cocksucker? Yeah, they just don't give a shit, I guess. L.A. weekly. Fuck you. Go do another write-up about some fucking lesbian that's famous for her pussy art. Go write some more hoarse shit about shitty comedy. Fuck you.

They're a write-up on the Dresden, you fucking mutts. Yeah, that was her entire 20s. We would see another LA weekly article that's like, Gay Throw Up, Best Comic in New York in L.A. Give it up for a gay guy's throw-up, everybody. He's got a podcast listening to by one person, and it's the best. And his 10-GoFund means.

Ten-go-fund means. He's never worked a day in his life. And he accuses Jason and Ben of being racist all day. And once again... Actually, he was just me. And actually, he really was just me. And it mostly just been. And once again, he was not, he was throw up out of a gay man's stomach.

After he had too many paupers and got dizzy. Because they do poppers. They tried to hit me with that shit, but it didn't stick. Ha ha. Yo, you beat the allegations. Yeah. No, diddy. Ha ha.

You really beat those allegations. Sorry, I've been watching too much Oshkosh lately. Who's Oshkosh? Achosh. Yeah. Ahkosh. Chia. Ahkosh.

Akash Akash make that shit sing He's like a battle rapper He's like Yeah When I pull out that Oskosh

I make that shit I make that shit sing Get all fucking intense I got a flagrant tooth For you right here When I make that Akash shit

I got split personalities Like Andrew Sharks I think I'm black Like him I like that Akash he was lecturing stand-ups about not being real comics You point out you're like Oh gosh you put out a stand-it special

That's like 16 minutes long Oh gosh you have a 60-minute stand-a-special Eight of which is crowd work That he released the problem with Apu Stinks I was surprised I hadn't listened to Flagrant too in a while And I could not believe that Akash is somehow talking blacker Yeah now

Like he's maybe a couple years away from like Literally talking like an old like Like a black guy And Schultz has said in their like lean back he's like oh spit it spit that spit that shit DJ he's like

he's acting like like a macai fiber at eight mile and I cautious go white boy spin that shit I'm telling you I'm telling you got it kid yeah

and he's yeah but uh shaltz is like the speaker for I love that that's kind of my favorite thing when they're like you're not a real comic bro he's like you ain't a real

He's the head of the union of comics. Hush, bro. We take the jokes from here. Akash. Akash is like what he's talking like Dr. Umar now. He's like going insane. He's Indian.

He's becoming like a black Muslim guy. You're fucking Indian. He's like snow bunnies never. Fuck a snow ho. I think he feels like he's black because he's from Houston. Yeah. It's just one of those things. It's one of those things.

Cool. I guess that makes me John Wang because I'm from West Texas. You thought you are, you thought you were a real comedian in word? You're not from the street like me. That's literally how he's, like, fucking talking. Thank you. A real comic show. Everybody lets these guys talk.

He put out that, like, remember he put out that, like, a long video I saw one time where it was, like, like, I destroyed a motherfucker heckler. Oh, a heckler owning video. And it wasn't a guy. It was like, it was a quiet man with, like, a really shy personality to order. And he just, like, doesn't know what's going on at the show. And he's just like, he just doesn't laugh at anything. And Nacotch is like, yo, this motherfucker sucks.

Like, he goes, yeah, he goes up to it. Doesn't he go up to him? He's like, why ain't you laughing at the fucking show? He's like, laughing the fucking jokes, man. And he's like, I just, it's not my type of thing. He's like, oh, you're from London. You from my, oh, good day, man. You're like, what is going on?

You look really bad here. Yeah, holding like a gun to his fucking pimple, like pressing it in. And then, yeah, he walked by the city. He's like, I can't believe that motherfucker don't laughing at me, dog. Everybody's like, yeah. Yeah, whoa. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here, dog.

Get the fuck out of here, dog. Back in Mumbai, we'd be sipping on Sarak and shit. Rolling through Bangladeshi? Yeah. Yeah. Getting that, back in, we ride the elephant and get that purple drink. You find me in the club. In the club.

In the club. In the club. Body for the duck. Maybe if you go to India, they all sound like black guys. Yeah. maybe that's the thing we've never been to india but maybe all the guys meditating and playing the clarinet the snakes and stuff yeah they're not going um they're just going oh do you think his parents oh let me get a number two a wide aisle can i get let me get some swish for sweets and can i get some fucking can i get some scratches yeah can i get some divine um we get the mango swishers yeah but it's just a guy in india who looks like archa Do you think he tells his parents, his parents tell people that their son got a job as a black guy? My son is Andrew Schott's number one black guy.

He is a big famous black guy. There is white black man, black man, and Indian black man on the Andrew Shokes flagrant show. My son works for the white black man and he bosses the ponytail black man around. I'm very proud of my son. No, but Schultz is supporting like Mundami now and stuff He's talking about DSA Yeah, because he thinks he's

He thinks he's archived You got confused Whatever Yeah, Schultz is all woke now Whatever Fuck him Bro Brough

Bro, we out here Slinging jokes and shit We're slinging jokes Yeah My fuck is out here Y'all coming in Rogan's head It's like You wasn't doing that shit

When he was on the up and up Bro, if you come at the tent Is he on the love? Yeah No one can say anything About the king Bro, if you come at the king You must not miss

Fill my cup up Fill my fucking goblet up inside I'm leading the hack union Fuck I love being fucking black Fuck I love being black

I love being black and shit Fill up my pimp cubs I got a goblet from little young Do you think he butt fucks all of them He lines them up over the couch The way you'd like butt fuck your stepdad I think he buck breaks Akash. If Akash's black sense slips

for one second, he's like, bin the fuck over. He buck breaks him back into a black son. Man the position, Akosh. Yeah. Oshkosh. Oshkosh fucking, but gosh, fuck you. Go to hell.

Go to hell. Don't know Mark Maren be tripping and shit. That's the thing about Mark Marnan. Bro, like, like, you... This is the streets. It kind of feels like in, like 40-year-old virgin when Kevin Hart's like, see, I, you're using a lot of big words,

but I don't understand him, so I'm going to take it as disrespect. Like, that's what it feels like. You're using a bunch of words I don't understand, so I'm going to take it as disrespect. Yeah, no, they suck ass. I suck ass. No, they rule. What were we talking about?

I couldn't believe Rogan threw Theo under the bus with that. Where he's like, I only got involved because, like, he made Theo, like, really sad. That Theo spiraling because Mark, Merrin, A joke in a special about them? So, like, why do they joke about everybody and everything? And they say, like, nobody can handle jokes and they're just joking. And then if someone makes a joke about them, they spiral into a nightmare from hell.

Yeah. Where they're threatening to kill themselves. There's one joke made at their expense for once. They say, like, they literally say, like, facts don't care about your feeling. They care about my feelings. My feelings are important. I just don't. I just don't get it.

I don't, I generally, I don't get it. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. What are you going to do? other than drive to awesome what that's crazy what that's crazy

I didn't say anything that's crazy I'm bleeping that out I'm bleeping that out I'm bleeping that I stopped talking sorry I thought I was saying you want to drive to Austin have a taco

yeah exactly have a taco they have great tacos Torchies Torch Torch plas Torch plas No no sorry sorry I thought I was going enough about

In closing here We're going to sling these jokes We don't sling some fucking jokes I love going to checkers Fuck What Yo just a real wig of shit I just love the idea

Like Andrew Shultz having like I was like okay rule in the studio If I take a shit I do not flush One of you got to eat it out And it can't be On your back bobbing like it It can't be O'Cosh every time because he likes it.

He like it too much. It's freaking me out. It's freaking me out. He made love to the turd. But O'Cash is like, I bet, bet. I won't be too happy when I eat yo shit. You can't bring any turds in the studio with Arcosh around.

Y'all. God damn. Yo, the other day I caught Akosh rolling a turn into a brunt. God damn it. it's got to be that weird ponytail motherfucker guy eat some of that shit we just can't we can't resist anything

we step on every single button oh yeah the show the concept of the shows we never say no to ourselves once we never go no we're better than that it's like gluttoness it's hedonistic literally we stick our finger in every cake Yo, O'Cosh be rolling that shit up tight Make that shit

Stecky Stecky a fuck Andrew Schultz big turd On a trompa, on a stick Like it's a Like it's fucking out like Alpastor Yeah, yeah Like on a halal car

Yeah, O'Cosh cooked that shit Got a big pineapple on top of it I caught that shit like halal Take a little slices off of that and shit With a big carpet store Fuck He got that shit all He got that shit all juicy and shit

But that Arca, she's a wild boop Even though he's Indian He's doing he'll food He's doing halal food Some of that weird brown shit I don't fucking know I'm black

I don't know shit I don't know shit Now he's making that He's making that sticky I'm I wanted to close talking about something that wasn't

uh motherfucking arcaps yeah what you can't handle this real wigger shit

no it's real wigger hours yeah we throw bows we're getting flagrant up in this

yeah we're doing Zach Randolph shit up in here up in here half your motherfucker can't

leave Brooklyn anyway comedy outside of Brooklyn yeah yeah can't do don't even got no

fame can't yeah outside brookline I ain't shit shit

So it's me and Andrew I got a new action I go shot That's how Brooklyn fuck Hey O DJ Hand me the motherfucking mic Everybody in the club Get tipsy

Chingy Ching He just says chingy He just says chingy That shit was crazy That shit was crazy You all remember a holiday end, that shit was fucked.

That shit was fucked, man. Everybody in the club get tipsy and shit fucked. I made you look. You were slave to a page in my joke book. What if Alcott shows up with a grill and he's like, this is just so I can bite through the really hard turds. When that shit comes out real hard,

I can bite through them shits. Nah, shit. I double cut my diarrhea. Shash. He's shaking diarrhea in two-star farm cops, and there's ice on it. He's making ice noises. He wears a doo-do rag. Shit, shit.

Somebody go suck Lil Wayne's little-ass shit. Little-Way and little shit. Somebody suck Lil Wayne, little shit. He has spinners on the turd. He's that stupid. And, dog, we heard you love shit. So we put shit on your shit We filled your cop with shit

Because we heard you love shit I don't I just love the idea of Akush and And Schultz are only into 2004 black guys stuff Yeah, it's all like Get Richard Tried and shit They love like Stefan Marbury Yeah, they're like mini men

Yeah Try to eat on my shit shit in my ass dug and I can shit I'm trying to shit what I'm supposed to shit You know Sebastian Telfare going to kill

it in the league Yeah You'll see Come on Anthony And Syracuse Crazy That shit crazy Don't hear about

This little weird That motherfucker Kanye We're wearing Backpacking shit Kanye gay Kanye gay fucking fuck. We're wearing pink-ass polos with the fucking backpack.

He didn't bring real rap back. Everybody in the club get tips. Everybody in the club get dizzling. Camillionaire. Shit. Man, we're riding dirty shit. But, you know, it's hard to be a pimp. But you got hustle and flow because it's hard to be a pimp.

We slangin' turds. Yeah. I had to sling shit to feed my kids. That's so stupid. That's so fucking dumb. What if you're using EBT to buy shit out of the toilet to feed your family? Yeah. You're playing with EBT at a big public toilet.

You're taking the shit out of us. Dog, I love EBT. Everybody's turds. Somebody in line and back of you. Is he angry? I got my everybody's turds pass right here. Damn, now I need an Akash solo show where he's talking about his rags to riches story in Houston growing up on the streets.

Because you know he probably had those types of... Turbine to Riches story. Yeah, toilets and tissues. No, I think it's really just the Houston thing. I think he's like... Which is, yeah, it is a very rap-heavy city. Houston and New York, it's like the rap in Houston and the black people in Houston,

you can kind of just be like, I got a Southern actor. I'm just like a UGK guy. Yeah, I'm like a scary rapper from Houston. And then in New York, you can just be like a white black guy because of like brick buildings and bodegas and stuff. Jackets, whatnot, yeah. You ordered the Ockyways, so you're black now. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think we're the only motherfuckers out here keeping the shit real, though, like, locked it out. Yeah, nobody's doing a 30-minute bit about how Akash rolls shits into blunts. We're the only people keeping it real. Sorry, you're saying he's licking the turds? Like, he cuts the turd open and then puts more turds inside the turds. Then he's licking the turd.

He licks the side of the turd and then seals it with a lighter. Seals it back up, and then he licks the whole turd shut like that. Okay, hear me out. What if he cuts the turd open with, like, a knife? and then he pisses into the turd and closes it back up. All right, all right. Okay. Because that's like the...

Bro, it's shit, shit, pass. Stop lipping that shit. Shit, shit, pass, dog. Being like you got spit all over my turd. You got the turd wet. I wonder if you could smoke a really long, thin turd. God damn What did you think you could

If it got dry Ben you've taken it too far Okay whatever If it got dry If it was really long And you rolled it You know you could take Plato and you keep doing that

If you keep doing long enough It rolls very thin I do it with Plato With my daughter all the time Could you do that with the human feces Like with a rolling pin flatten it first Then let it dry

And then you pop it in Very aristocratically Like what you were saying My chint. Don't you like my chine? You're like I love my Cubano's. Yeah. My chine.

My chink. Don't you like my chine, mine. Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chite, mine. And my check a bit so fruity. Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chine. My chine.

Don't you like my chine, mine. Young Gucci in mine and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my jacobobit's a bit of fruit. Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci. I came to the club just to flush my chain line. Catch another charge and I'm going to the chain game. Oh, I think I'm icing. Sold a hundred-doubt, e-balloning sex and white screen.

Don't you see how bright it is? See these girls and country girls be telling me how tight it is. These girls they be choosing. Diamonds be so sparkingly they think my chain was moving. My chain is out the chain Stack to me some minded budget off and bought the chain Check the where my chain hang Gucci I don't gang bang all I do is change

My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain mine Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain mine And my check a bit so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain, my chain Don't you like my chain mind Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain, man

And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci, Gucci you be shining Goochie you be shining man Don't turn me on home Tell me who you're diamond man My girlfriend acting like She say I'm acting different

Just because I got this chain Haters get your hater on When I see them yellow stones Holling at you later on My chain hang to my shoescrime Like my watching wine But I know you love my chain My chain hang to my dingaline

I do my dog dine When I'm in the club mine When you hurt so icy You thought of Gucci mine I got that stupid mind So I bought a stupid chine My chain, my chain Don't you like my chine mine

Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chite mine And my check a bit so fruited Come me Gucci mine No, you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chine mine? Young Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited.

Call me Gucci, mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. My first chain I had to rob for it. Jesus piece, yellow diamond sitting all in it. I'm on some slick brick shit. 2006, Mr. T. Diamond's so bright. Ain't a way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance.

I just lean with it. My piece is sick Gary Robert Trying to leave with it I got that New York fitted on Full suit dicky on Gucci link chain Blue stones in a nigga charm Now watch me do it

Do it with no hands Traps when he craned on that bezel And that band Cause I'm the man I'm the man Got no wife but my chain Got my girlfriend My chain

My chain, don't you like my chine Mine young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chite mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain Don't you like my chine mine

Y'all goochie mine And I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci Me