lemonparty - 157: Stacking that Wonderbread

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Ben talks about the time he picked up a homeless drifter in college, Jace explains Newsom's rags to riches story, Devan lays out the spooky Black Dahli Los Angeles ritual killing this halloween, and just why they are rooting for the dodgers this season.... this week on lemonparty. bonus episodes ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠⁠ LP Tour ⁠https://www.lemonparty.life/ ⁠ Support the sponsors: ⁠https://www.mood.com promo code lemon for 20% off https://www.zocdoc.com/lemon to book a doctor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One hell, chicken, one, one, chicken, chicken, chicken, wheeze. One, one, chicken, chicken, whiz. Yeah, you like my outfit. Don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill. Always in my face, talk you listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the catarneck. You rag clean, but your gas tank is on knee.

Be stepping now they got no keys with shoes on your feet. That's just a feel, bro. Here, bro, you don't know what you're talking about, in the way there's no choice in the cuff now. Hate to see you in the club, you're bombing with a mug, knowing that too bad with your boy you're nothing but a scrub. But he was me, that's fit to keep me, cause when I got him on you, when you bear in him fate.

I showed it and I face drinking on the act, mouth full of those, but your ass need some pretzax. But you need some gun, repress it money, but you're doing it at all. We did, um, it's rare that we do this, but we did, um, uh, we got here at four and then spent two hours watching bad stand until we, why is your ass in my fucking face? Jesus. But you look good, but you look good, but your, your ass looks good, but it's too close to my face. You point. You double pistol at me. Yeah, but I was, yeah, but I was, like, there's nothing gay about, like, he was a, he was a, he was a snuggler when we slept together on vacation. Yeah, I could say that.

Yeah, we'd wake up. Christmas Eve Hall-Dane Express and I'd have to, like, kick him over because he'd be spoofing me. Yeah. That's lovely. And I said, get that love away from me.

How dare you? I'm trying to watch Christmas story for the eighth time in a row. Wow, look at that. There he is. That really changes everything. Bam. Look at that.

Look at him go. Soy face. Look at it. Look at him do it. Never gets old. Tripping over the wires on the way back. Gonna snap his neck when he falls. 18 steps to move three feet.

Mm-hmm. You have started walking like your daughter a little bit. Okay, I'm going to take, I'm going to order the, uh, what is it? What kind of food is this, Evan? What kind of bug is it? It's mediteran, it's Middle Eastern food. Whatever. Mediterranean. Mediterranean.

Mediterranean. Yeah, Mediterranean. From the Mediterranean. It's weird. I looked at actual Mediterranean food from like Crete and stuff. It's like 65% carbs. It's mostly fruits, veggies, nuts. And like, they eat on average six ounces of fish a week. This is according to Harvard health study. like it's a lot of carbs yeah it's a lot of bread because you can't all they're tons of dips but you're like what are you supposed to use the dip for if you're not using bread yeah a lot of dips a lot of breads they love desserts too sweeteners fruits it's not uh everyone says the mediterranean diet's like good for you but they just really mean like screaming at your wife and not letting her drive smoking a lot of cigarettes yeah yeah outside the parthenon yeah that's healthy

for you it's really mostly about just like treating women like shit and that really like clears out your arteries. Something about backhanding a woman's cheek. You just had 10 years. They're like, no, no, no. You need the Mediterranean diet. You need to eat lamb legs all the time. A lamb leg, and you need to eat a whole tomato like it's an apple.

You need, yes. You need to pretend a grilled tomato rules. Did you know red meat is rare there? You need half of your plate every time you eat needs to look like trash from the garbage. Listen, we're gonna need you to pretend that you love this whole grilled tomato and a big pepper. And a big pepper. Yeah, a big fucked up pepper.

That you don't know, did they cook it? Which I do love it. But every time I eat it, I'm just like, I'm just a part of something. It's like when I get all the extra bullshit at the taco truck, I'm like, look at me. I'm like, fucking Mexican. I'll grab a radish. I'll throw them away. Yeah.

I love the, I eat the radishes, but all that other crap, I'm like, no, I just have it in the bag. I don't want somebody to call me out when I leave. I put it all on. I get the hot, hot salsa. I do. And then I don't use it. I eat anything around me now, other than, like, crickets. at like Wahawk in restaurants.

That's disgusting. Other than that weird, stinky food. That's creepy. You know what I'm talking about. That's stinky food. The stinky stuff. From stinky people. Stinky people.

And we're not gonna say which, but you know. You just figured out. You guess. Yeah. Somebody's screaming at their phone Indian right now. I've always wondered that. I do, I mean, I am, like, whatever. You're Lebanese.

So, like, that food meshes well with me. Like, I never feel bad. Unless it's, like, late night, like, halal cart, like, New York. cart, like New York, disgusting. Yeah, like, Holol guys. Grape. White sauce. Yeah, it's got ranch on it. That's, like, American Mediterranean. It's not actually Mediterranean. Red meat is

incredibly rare. Six ounces of fish on average a week. It's like fruits, veggies, and nice. Yeah, I do get Huala guys. I'm like, I love Mediterranean food. French fries, cookies. Ranch. Mediterranean food. Yeah, exactly. A cup of ranch to do my red meat. Can I get a big cup of ranch with my goat? I love Mediterranean food. I love an entire

rotisserie chicken. I love a pita bread that feels like a whoopey cushion. Give me an entire rotissory chicken and like a buttery, like, creamy sauce with, like, one clove of garlic in it that we call garlic sauce. I want to eat, like, a Viking that's about to tear the head off of a woman. Can you give me a whole fucking chicken? I like Mediterranean food. I get a rotissory chicken and French fries on the side. Yeah.

No, I mean, I, most Mediterranean places, they don't serve fish. So like when they say like Mediterranean, you want to eat Mediterranean, the fish? I'm like, where is the fish? There's no fish. There's no fish. I went to all my Lebanese fucking family units. There's never a fucking fish around. Yeah, they mostly fish.

It's a lamb. A little bit of a fish in a soup. No, they really don't eat red meat. I don't even, is Lebanon even Mediterranean? Who knows? I don't know. They're gone. They're gone?

And they were decimated. And they're never coming back. No, they are. They're not coming back. They're never coming back. There's like, there's like a guy's arm left. Welcome to the rest of Lebanon. This is the last Lebanese man alive.

Yeah. It's just a finger. This finger drove a cab for 30 years. My mom literally visited all of, like, our family, like, in, like, the 80s. Uh-huh. They're all dead. Right. They all bombed her shit.

What happened? I thought Lebanon still existed. What do you mean it doesn't exist? You say Israel bombed a lot? No. I thought Lebanon exists. It's his whole country. It exists, but it's not like, not the same.

It's not the same, apparently. I don't care. Yeah. I'll say that. I would never go to the first place. But my mom was telling me about her travels, and it was making me a little sad. I'm gonna start telling people Lebanon doesn't exist anymore, according to my friend. And then when they go, I think it's still a country and I think it's a nation state, I'll go, well, it's not the same.

It's not the same. It's not the same. Well, everyone could go, I think it's still, it's like, what are we talking? Yeah, what does that mean? Well, I thought it was like Constantinople or something. No, it's like there, but it's like in the main... Is it a big hole in the ground? Yeah.

It's like a crater. It's like visiting a crater. It's a crater. And this is one guy at the bottom goes, helping me up, my friend. Yeah, exactly. And then you see Nanyahu run up with a big rock. He's like, oh, I missed one.

It's a, it's a crater that's very explainable, unlike the Grand Canyon. Archaeologists didn't have to come in to figure this one out. Well, they're like, how did this form? It's like, well, you know, the Schindler's list was a really, really good movie. Yeah, they were like, well, Israel, they made a big, a big ocean.

And then that ocean washed away everything. They kind of did a plague. Yeah. A plague of rockets took out Lebanon? No, I know. My mom was just telling me about this. And I was like, damn, that it actually is good. Like, it, like, it hit me.

I was like, that's crazy. All your family dead. Like, well, like, her cousins and stuff. Like, all these people. Like, she was, she stayed there for, like, months on end. And she was, like, you know, spoke English. She was the hip American. Right.

And lived in this village in, like, Beirut, I believe. and then, yeah, she's like, yeah, that's all, like, oh. Yeah, so she just one day, like, 97 was on the TV. She's like, oh, all my family's all dead. Yeah, kind of, yeah, yeah. Like, I think it was the late 80s or the early 90s when Israel bombed, like, Lebanon a bunch, which they probably do, like, for kicks in the night.

Sure. They do, they think Israel bombs, like, it's, like, ding-dong ditching. Yeah, like, they're lighting. They're like, let's go out tonight. Let's fucking, let's, let's teepee the neighborhood. Like, let's go to Lebanon. Let's light a bag on. but they don't know the bag as a as a iud in it i ed i ed yeah but uh yeah anyway i don't

know well that's really sad whatever i mean it's okay i live here you can take your mind off of it with the world series you know and uh i am and what i love what i love about can i tell you what i love about this world series yeah what is i can finally scream about the jays and no one gets upset All week, I've been thinking of some sort of lemon party joke with that. That's very good. Got it. Very good. Got them.

Got their ass. Yeah. And they're blue because they're depressed. Because they can't bomb Lebanon anymore. There's no more Lebanon. Isn't it so funny every time? Oh, the Js really mishandled that one. The Jays, of course, do not spend a lot of money in their front office.

I'm like, huh. Interesting. Very interesting. A lot of talk about the Jays. A lot of talk. And the Js hit a bomb out of left center. It rocks. Yeah.

They just keep saying the J. It is funny. Like, ha. And then obviously, one of our best players on the Dodgers, his name is a slur. Which one? Who? Kiki. Kiki.

Oh, right. Kike. Of course. What? I thought it was. Oh, man. What have I been screaming? I've been screaming the wrong thing in public for months.

Gay baiting Kiki Hernandez. No, there's always one guy. Like, I've been watching, I've watched every game. At 33 tabs, other than last night. Your favorite bar in the world. You're home. They're charging you rent. It's just good luck at this point to me.

Like, we won every game I sat there, other than one game, and then I never went back. But you get there at, like, 1 p.m. I get there at 1. The game starts at 5. I set up shop. Yeah, I saw pics on Instagram. Connor had, like, a sleeping bag setup. Yeah, yeah, I tell people, like, oh, guys, this isn't some, like, cutsy thing.

Like, you're not gonna get a good seat. I can't hold all these tables. Like, Cholo starts showing up around, like, two, three. So I get there before them, because they don't podcast. But you said the waitstaff was, like, getting a little, like... No, they love me. But they are, like, in awe of me. And they do...

They know I'm full of shit, because I get there, and I order Diet Coke for, like, 45 minutes. Like, I'm just, like, a person. And then I go, all right, let's just... Do you do the, like, you know what? Can I get a vodka soda? Well, you order it all on your phone. Oh, that's right. So you never...

You don't really have to deal with them. I look down when they bring it. I'd go, like, don't even look at me. I'm ashamed. You cover yourself with you dodger's? But last game, set it on the ground. Last game was a total disaster. I was killing it.

I was running the whole outside patio. Everyone loved me. There was these, like, gay cokeheads behind me that even liked me, because I was making fun of the Blue Jays' managers' fit. And of course, they loved that. And then we go down five to two. I start getting a little angry.

And then a delivery robot. stops in the middle of the sidewalk and all these people start packing, like, piling up in front of the TV. And I go, move, you faggot, to the robot. To the robot. You called the robot a faggot, which is fine. And they were so excited to cancel me.

Really? This gay guy goes, why would you, why is it a faggot? Why would you call it that? And I couldn't, I was already, like, probably, like, 10 drinks in. And I was like, it's a robot. And I go, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. And then I go, and then I turn to go,

And then I turn to go, but I'm gay. I kept fighting it, and they didn't believe me, which is somehow homophobic to me. Well, you really told them you're gay. I always say that to people. Anytime anyone's ever gotten on me. When Devin's losing a fight, he says he's gay. Because you can't be black in the bedroom. I can be gay in the bed.

Who knows what I'm up to? I'm sick of this shit. Who the fuck knows what I do? No one knows. No one has any clue. I don't ever know what you're up to. I don't get it. Like, what if I just don't like admitting that I have, like,

rampant butt sex. But I say faggot like it's my N-word, like I'm a black guy. I don't, I can't, every night I don't go home and get, like, I don't, I can't get fucked by a black guy and walk out and be like, Edward! Like, I can't just all of a sudden have that. And I know I don't really, I'm wrong. I know I'm in the wrong, but I just, I don't think so.

I'm gonna crack this code someday because I'm sick of these. You with the faggots? Yeah, I'm sick of them with that. It was harmless. They knew who I was. They liked you. They liked me. I called a ro- bought it and then they and it deflated me and it deflated the whole team and the dodgers felt it

they i could tell they felt it because we gave up a fucking grand slam and then people at the bar were like devon come on get up and i was like no these fucking guys think i'm a bigot and we suck did you keep telling them that you have rampant bucksex did you call it rampant i just said i was gay and they didn't buy it which bothered me it's interesting anyway that's what's going on in my life i think you should have doubled down and said in yeah just keep going you so said i'm gay and i'm an Yeah I'm light skin I should have said I'm

Abino black guy Yeah I should have said You're a black guy With Vitaleigo Yeah Right I don't know And then rolled a blunt It's a little annoying

Because like I don't Like I'm like just because You guys sound really gay Just because I sound like crazy What if I'm fucking What if I butt fuck all over town Who knows? Yeah but we've also seen

A bartender tell our black friend That she wasn't allowed to say The N-word in their bar We have we have seen that So this is Silver Lake Everybody is entitled to whatever And you want to know why I didn't respect them? Why?

Go on. Because they were old school, like, excited to cancel me. Right. Like, they weren't like, hey, we like this guy. Let's take that into account. It was a robot. They didn't go like, hey, man, maybe, you know, it's not used that word.

They should have just been like, oh. And then I should, because I felt I, I, when I, the minute I said it, I was like, oh, boy, I just changed everything around there. Like, I just, I literally just summed a different feeling. You popped the atmosphere of the room. And I felt bad, and I, and, but then they immediately were like, why would you, why would, like,

It was like, all of, I was like, oh my god, you guys are like, uh, this is like a, like a 2016 cancellation, like blogger style. But I, and that bothered me because I was like, you know me. Mm-hmm. You know me, motherfucker. I'd be like, my motherfucker, you know me! You haven't been talking to them the entire game. I've just heard them liking me. You just turn it in your head and go, they're like, shit.

I turn around and I turn around, hold of my dick, I go, motherfucker. Fucker, you know me. You know me. You pop a ball. Fuck. I go on some, like, I try to make it woke. I go like, you know how many of these robots are taking jobs away from the black man? I'm trying to repurpose our role.

That word, brother. We need community gardens, brother. I cry every night because a little brother can't grow a turn up. What the fuck is that? And we need to turn up. We need to turn up with the gays. Listen, I apologize for my language that should have never come out of my mouth. Do you realize what the technocrats want?

They want this little robot to run us all. To take jobs away from you, from me, from Johnny, from Jimmy, from the gay man. From the gay man, from the black man, the Chinese. You're not right. The white man. The Chinese man. The stinky Indian man. You start being...

I'm racist. He's like, Indian man can't even crash into a family of five in America anymore. Can't even turn to somebody into a pancake anymore. I go free Josh Preet sing. Wait, was he the Gunasai guy? He was the guy that, like, uh... Oh, yeah, yeah. ...favorized, like, three people on the 10 freeway the other night.

I saw the dash kid. The car disappeared. The car in front of him actually disappeared. Disappeared. He cut it in half with five people inside of it. And, you know, on Lemon Party, we do these things on the show, and I go, is that? real and then a week later it's national news yeah that was right there's a guy eating diarrhea out of a turban and then vaporized a family I know that was in

Ontario California but people go oh it's because of newsom it's because of California don't truck drivers go across state lines some I think it depends oh no I think they were saying that he got his CDL in California all right yeah you know what and he's 20 it is California and he's 21 and worse than that he's Indian apparently to people. That's worse. Yeah. But yeah, no, I think it was more so. He's diaper, diaper hat Indian, too. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's, yeah. You know that, you got to see that. You got to see a family, a white, a beautiful white family vaporized, and then a guy with a big diaper gets out. You got to be like, all right. Give me, like, two days to be racist. He steps out of the

cabin, and there's a big green fog that falls him out of the window. Like, the green frog, A fog that comes out of SpongeBob's mouth. That's why he couldn't see because the fog was too thick in his own cab. Yeah. Because of the musk. So he had to cut children in half with his... He was probably jacking off to Red Scare. The Indian guy?

Yeah, he's probably listening to Red Scare and he's like, oh, yes, we are such a stupid stinking piece of shit. You should take a shit on my face, Dasha. Oh, I wish I was cut the tool. And he just forgot where he was, and he just vaporized a bunch of families on the 10 freeway. They're all names slurs. His name is like Pagit. I'm like, I know.

I thought that was a slur. I hate looking at their names. I know. I knew you were going to make that joke because I looked at the name and I was like, is that a slur? I was like, isn't that like a slur for Indian people? The police apprehended Stinky Singh, age 21.

The Sticky Cheese, Man. Yeah, the Sticky Cheese Man. He comes from a piece of shit in India. Piece of shit. Nobody, everyone's getting mad at the Indian. no one's getting mad at the companies for hiring these people, letting them fail. And that's why? They're more upset at Gavin Newsom. But why is it, is that Gavin Newsom? Is he doing that?

Look, I'm not going to think out for it. This is a shithole. But, I mean, what's... This is happening everywhere, right? I think it is the companies... I'm seeing them run over families. They're going through preschools, children's hospitals. They're going up, and they're parking in elevators going up to different floors in children's hospitals. They just keep driving. G.T.A. staff. They're too dumb to separate their own body from the car in their head. I'm waiting for an Indian to do 9-11 in an 18-wheeler where he takes off on a ramp and then hits the 80th floor

of a skyscraper. Yeah. Yeah, on a CB radio. I took out of dead! Do we? Do we, do we? But, sorry, where are you going to say, Devin? No, I'm not sure.

Is it a nationwide issue or is it more of California? No, it's a nation. It's everywhere. I think it's worse in California. They're hiring. Because they don't know how to drive, right? Because they're not used to that. They literally, I can't speak English.

The problem is they bring them over from India, and I think they give them fake CDLs. I think that's the problem. And it's just cheaper? Like, why do we not just have, like, fat white guys that, like, make, like, women uncomfortable in the road? I think they're literally jacking off to AI porn. They can't. Fat white guys can't even get CDLs anymore, because they can't stop jacking off to

AI pornography. So now we have to bring over Indian guys. 20-year-old Indian guys give them a fake CDL. They vaporize a family, and that's the country we have now. I mean, there's lack of meaning. You know, you can pretty much be on unemployment, make the same amount for working 40 hours a week what's like what's kind of the like there's no meaning to doing anything so like might as well just hire an immigrant to do it for nothing anyway somebody asked somebody asked me

recently like I to like to help the hand out food at a homeless shelter or something because of the benefits ending and I said a snap yeah and I said yeah of course I'll do that but I will be mentioning it every time I do it publicly on my shows because I'm not doing anything in the shadows you're gonna hang hand out food I don't know somebody was like hey the snap benefits are ending would you want to help me hand food out and I was like yeah but they better not be like retarded looking yeah I want to hand out food that like people didn't need it not like a guy like that's like last literal leg buggy eyes you know what I mean no teeth yeah I go what you mean like like how do I know like the fan like the snap benefits 40 million people are going to go

with that snap benefits apparently oh because the government shut down yeah yeah in like the next month but I also don't know what that that means, and I don't really believe it, and they're not me. So, fuck, I'm doing fine. The American way. Just be me. I don't know what's going on, but fuck you. And it's not real.

I don't know what's going on. I still have access to Taco Bell. Fuck you. I'm going to need to see, like, an in-depth breakdown of everything before I help. You have to prove to me it's not their fault for being stupid and poor. Yes. I'm going to need them to remove it. And then if you do prove it, I'll just walk away, and I won't help at all.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to need to do a tap dance. Dance, like the Chappelle joke, like dance for your life. Yeah, Shuck and Jive a little bit. Yeah. Now, the last time I worked at Food Bank was in, like, college, and I... No, what is that? A food...

So, you know, it was like a soup kitchen. Is that something the Jews also own? Yeah, they own soup. I mean, the Jays, pardon me. Yeah, the Blue Jays own soup. I came in the room because my wife was like, ah, the Jays stole home. I go, they took what from us? She goes, no, no, the guy slid into home plate.

And I was like, oh, okay, good. I lean back. Jesus. It's nice that my wife's screaming about the J's for a change. Yeah, your wife screaming, the Jays need to be eliminated. You're like, honey, I love you. You think ERA is interest? Yeah.

Yeah, HR stands for Holmes ruined. You get hit it over the wailing wall. Sorry. No, I forgot what we were... Oh, well, what is a food bag? That doesn't make any sense to me. Is there an actual... Yeah, I don't know.

I've seen, like, hot chicks post on Instagram. Like, there's just a refrigerator. They put old stinky food in, and then homeless people come get it. I think that counts as a food bank. Yeah, that. Or... Are they getting the food to just fuck it? They're probably just fucking the food, right?

They don't need food. Probably. They do tell you to not donate food that you can fuck very easy. Beans? Don't even think about it. pumpkin puree don't even think about it or gelatin if you gave him gelatin you're not allowed to give him gelatin it's racist to give him gelatin yeah it's fucked up oh because because wait why because oh because of jello because of the bill cosby show yes so i worked at a i worked at a it was a soup kitchen and i was

handing out soup and then i was like for this uh it's also very funny to give people's soup that's why it's like this is like 10% beef stock and 90% water here i'm a great guy here here's water here's There's water. Here's beefy water. I did do that. I was wearing my Abercrombie and fit shirt and a Pookishel necklace. And I go, here's 100 calories. You're welcome. There's a bunch of wet crackers at the end if you want that. Fuck you. Fuck you.

It's somebody they're called soup kitchens. It's like, here's some shit that we made for a hundred people based on putting a lot of water in it. Yeah, we've got a trough of water with a bunch of dead shit in it if you want to drink like a horse. Now, I was working, it was for this Christian organization, and I was, like, maybe 10 people in, like, handing out soup, and this guy came up to me, like, this, like, born on the Fourth of July looking guy. He's like, you got doing this for the church? I was like, yeah, no, I go to a Christian college, so the Christian college you do, he's like,

fuck God. I was like, okay, I was like, okay, I personally don't agree with it. He's like, fuck God. fuck soup he said he didn't say fuck suit but he did say fuck guy he's like i think it's a bunch of bullshit and then he went into some like random he's like i was in fucking vietnam fucking doing horrific thing yeah yeah yeah he's experiencing existentialism no kind of and then i was i was just like like do you i still have to give you soup like you give me your fucking bowl yeah and then we had to go talk to him and i i ended up talking to the guy he's like god

you fucking jesus is a fucking thief god's a fucking liar and i was just I was like, well, I'm never doing this again, so. Yeah. You were kind of weird to me, so I think you all should burn. I'm going to use you to write off every homeless person in the world. Thank you so much for giving this to me. Thank you for this ultimate gift of being able to write you off from an anecdote. I barely remember.

Yeah, that's the problem with all that stuff. It's like, I... Yes, it is. The other day, thank you, Devin. Go off. I come on. Of course, Ben. Of course.

Take it from here. I'll take it from here. No, I don't want to help out adult homeless people. I want to help out people with, like, families in a minivan, and they're, like, a little down of their luck. Yeah. I want to help out people that are a little further away from the streets. Yeah.

When it's just, like, one adult man with a dog, I'm like, go get a machine shop job. Yeah, that type of stuff. I'm like, I don't know, man. Just, like, why don't you just become a vigilante or something? Like, what's the way? Can you just start killing people on the subway? I want to help out people that were, like, almost in the same vein of, like, being, like, displaced by the fires.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, where they're like, oh, my husband had a secret gambling addiction, now I'm homeless. 40 million people with no snap benefits, that's a lot of people that, like, are, they're not homeless. Yeah. They just need, they have children, they need food for their family, but they're not, like, homeless, homeless.

Yeah, but guys, I've seen guys. I don't really want to hand food to, like, a guy that I know is doing drugs at night. Yeah, there's kind of a, I'm like, what am I doing here? It's always like a weird, like, I did that, I was working at a job, and I had a, there was a homeless guy who had, and I talked to him. every day because I was trying to be like a good little guy this is like 2016 and he had this little dog and one day the dog was sick as fuck and I got felt really sad and I had just I started I made a little tiny go-fum me just to get him $300 to take the dog to the vet and I went and gave it to him

oh I remember this story yeah I went and gave it to him and I was I kind of had the mission statement where I was like I'm not going to meter this money out to him I'm going to give it to him and he can do what he wants with it he's a human person and I gave him the money and I gave him the money and I gave him the and uh white guy white guy kind of looked like a cricket from it's always sunny in Philadelphia dirty had like yeah well he's dirty he was covered in and sit he lived under a big bridge like a troll he lived in a chimney he lived in a he lived in a chimney sweep yeah he lived under a big bridge in Glendale yeah he was sooty and he had a shitty little tiny dog I'm just picturing the guy from a racer head like at the

beginning just walking away he looked like the giant tunnel he looked more like the baby from a racer head but with a red goatee And he had a shitting little dog That one day was like throwing up blood And shitting itself And I felt really bad So I was like I'll give him the money He did take the dog to the vet

I don't know if they charged him The dog was fine But the next time I saw him He was clearly fucked up on heroin And I was like I was like how's the dog? He said, oh where's fucking dog good man And then every

Every time I saw him You look at him, you go You know you're a fucking loser And he stabbed him to death I go You know this was a test The GoFundMe was for 20 grand. He goes, you know, you're a fucking loser?

I was going to give you all that money. You could have fixed your life. But you failed, so now I'm going to keep it. And I'm going to keep your dog. I'm going to buy NFTs with the GoFundMe. Fuck you. No, he was, like, fucked up on heroin. And then, like, every time I saw him after that, he would walk up to me and, like, literally, like, Tyrone Biggams.

He'd be like, hey, do you got any more GoFundMe? Yeah. Like, scratching his neck. I was like, no. And I eventually I had to start parking on the other side. of the street like 400 feet away from him and then sprint into my office. I helped the homeless guy out like that kind of

when I was doing that delivery job at night and I would deliver all over downtown LA. You guys are libs. And this guy told me his whole life story and shit and he gave me his number and then I was like young and naive enough to like take it. Yeah. You wanna do good. He called me like all the time and I'd pick up occasionally.

Like yeah man I'll be there tonight. Like you know and I would give him bread here and there. You give him bread like you're in Aladdin? Well, because I was a bread delivery You know, right? Well, did you throw it at him like you was a duck? Donuts and shit. I go, I'll give you bread, but I go, you have to let me

fucking nail you in the head with it. I'd make him stand there and I chuck it in his forehead. Like a football? Yeah, you go. I throw him the hard, like the stale scrap. Yeah, yeah. You'd break an old baguette across his back. I'd take the ends of the baguette, and I'd stab him with it.

Shove it up his ass. I want to see blood. But what do you, he just freaked you out and got weird. He just kept, they, they just, they just, they just, they just, they take it they give him an inch and they take a mile and he just kept it's yeah over and over again and like asking for like to stay at my place yeah it's a it's a really it's every experience of my life has been like that there was a guy was working like at this apartment in New York when I lived there and I was doing like it was like this nice apartment but they

had like section 80 type how like assisted living so there was like 20 poor apartments in this like 500 apartment building and I had to go check on them and have them fill up paperwork and you know one was like this fire fighter whose grandma was living there. He was pretending it was him. Oh, he's definitely a gay guy. Definitely a gay guy. And I said, I said, you're gay guy, right? And I was like, suck my dick, or your grandma's going on the street. And I felt I fucked his face in the hallway.

That got a point. I go, I pointed in his grandma's head. I go, if I don't come in five minutes, she's dead. Waving the paper. No, she was like, there was like a nice, and then I got to this one guy, it was, he looked like a jelly bean with a, he looked like fat. Joe. I'm picturing like one of the M&Ms from the M&M commercial. Yeah, he looked like the yellow M&M but he was brown and he had a beard with no mustache on it. He looked insane. He's wearing white gloves. Yeah, no, he would red shoes. He needed, he needed

that to live in his apartment because I opened the door. I was like, hey, I'm here for the government assisted housing. He's like, oh, come in. Mom and him and him. I'm a fucked up piece of game. He's like, hope you don't mind it being so cold. I'm a nim and him, so I would melt if it was hot. No, I walked in and I, I, like, walked into his, and there was just, there was literally, like, four feet of trash, like, everywhere. And it was, like, you had to, like, kick trash. Yeah, wait through it, like, a flood victim. Yes, you had to wade through it, like, it was Katrina.

And I was filling the paperwork out. And he was just kind of like, what? Like, he was, like, kind of, like, clearly didn't know where he was. And then at one point, like, 30 seconds into talking to him, the alarm, the firearm beeped. But it's, like, this special New York firearm. So it, like, makes your ears bleed. Yeah. And I went, I go, is your fire alarm been like that for a long time?

Like your smoke detector? He's like, he's like, yeah, it's been, it's like a year, like a year and a half or something like that. I was like, oh, okay. And it bumped me out so much that I went down to the, to the bodega. And I got him a little battery and I brought it up. I go, let's put it in because I didn't trust him to do it. And then I put it in. He didn't immediately, he stuck a syringe in and he sucked the poison out of the battery.

And he shoved it into his carotid art. Yeah, he's like, wow, nobody's been nice to me. And then he pushed me out the window. He goes, I'm the in the energy. Guys a buddy, motherfucker. Throws you out. I'm a clown from here. No, but then he would visit me in the leasing office, and it was kind of a problem.

Luckily, I quit the job, like, a month later, but he'd visit me, like, every day. Ben, you ever done anything for anybody else? Let me think. I helped a couple homeless guys out in college. You killed them. There were guys that would come. There was this black guy named Wayne, and he used. he kind of was like, he would like climb trees like a cat and we'd have to get him down

and stuff. But I'd throw like menthols at him and like give him chicken sandwiches and shit. I used to, I used to take him to KFC and me and Katie, he'd be like, I said Panera. He's like, I don't even like chicken. Dude, we'd like walk out of, uh, we'd like walk out of the bar and he'd always be there and be like, oh, sup Wayne. I give him a cigarette and talk to him. He was just like a nice old. He was like Gil Scott Heron, except like, you know, none of the talent or anything, but it just look like him and sounded like. Gil Scott homeless.

He's like, Abilene is killing me. And he fucking, I remember these three, like, vineyard vines, like, white dudes walked out. And they were like, get the fuck out of here, old man, go get a fucking job. The fuck out of here while you back. And then me and my friend Nathan were standing there, and we almost got in a fight because we stood in. We're like, don't talk to. And, like, he's a fucking bump.

And they go, doesn't matter. You can't talk to anyone that way. You know, blah, blah, blah. And there was almost a huge fight and nothing happened. I was just pissed drunk white dudes being like, do something pussy. Like that. That embarrassing horse shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and my friend didn't do that. They were doing that. You were just like, hey, man, just calm down. Just be nice to people. The guys that think that they're constantly hosting a frat party. They're like, get the fuck out of my house. And you're like, we're in public right now. One time

If you're homeless Get the fuck out of my own! One time I picked up a homeless guy I drove drunk to a gas station And homeless guy was there And I was like, come to him up Come to the party And he was just like, I just let him

Shug beers in my back seat And then when he got there, I was just like Hey, there's a homeless guy I met And I just walked into the house And I was like, he told me he could play No, no, he came in. Oh, okay. And he's like, he just walked

in behind me and everyone clearly had a huge problem with it. And people were, like, secretly talking about me. I could see it. And I was like, I don't give a shit. Who gives a fuck? Why do you care about anything at all? We're all fucked up here. Everyone's dead sober.

It's like a Christian 7 p.m. So then I was like, he can play guitar, let him play. And I, like, took a guy's guitar from his room, and I threw it through the homeless guy. And he says he loves guitar. And he, like, got on the couch. He's like, if I play a song, will you give me a beer? And one of the guy was, one of the guys,

that, like, I actually lived in the house, was like, uh, yeah, sure. And, like, he clearly couldn't play guitar at all. He's like, ah, my baby, left me! It's like, and after, like, 60 seconds, you back, beer, you gotta get me a drinkie now. Drinkie, dinky, drinkie. You always think it's going to be a movie moment

where he's, like, a blues legend. That's what he was telling me about how much you love music and could play. He's like, ah. It was like, Stevie Ray Vaughn. He's like, he's like, with you to this party. Catfish Johnson's top of guitar. He's just like, I love crack. I love smoking crack all day.

I'm the president, Jack. I'm the president. And I can fly. Don't give me none of that Mikhailobotra shit. Give me a steel reserve faggot. Can I rape her? He asks for permission to rape. With all.

He asks a man for permission to rape a woman. With all due respects, may I rape your woman. may I have this rape I forgot about that yeah people really didn't like me people really hated me it was a nightmare I was such a nightmare

I was also I was shocked dick I was imagining you you step out of the car and you leave a minute and he's just trapped in there and dies like he fucking suffocates the death oh yeah I got to put it in dog mode like a little bugs speaking of dog mode

we got to do a damn ad right away oh yes of course of course Devin, go get another drink. I'll be right back. Fuck you. Fuck you. Devon, if you have a beer, can you grab me one?

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Wasn't there a homeless guy that they rushed in one of the, like... His name was Caval. Yeah, they called him Kevlar. He said he was Kevlar because he was bulletproof. He'd been shot like a 500 times or something. He hasn't, they can't kill him. He's like, the government tried to kill me every day. And, yeah.

And I think they, yeah, I think they hazed him and shit. Yeah, they haze. He hung out with the social. Well, they didn't win at fraternities because it was Christian, but we had social clubs and they hazed him. Like he was rushing for the club. Is there, there's really not quite, there's a, like a special level of uncomfortable that you could feel when you see,

feel when you see the dumb like white frat guys being way too into a homeless guy like it like using him like a dog or something it becomes a pet that they own yeah it was very similar to that yeah they'd throw him three beers and they'd be like go run three miles with these

pledges and he's like okay yeah dude I wonder what happened to so many people like I had a black weed dealer yeah who's my first weed dealer ever you were smoking weed like that bruh you know you were about that life it was it back then it was mac and cheese wonder bread like you know i was hey yo captain jack i was like

snap crackling it was like i used to put bud in the grits oh man you shit dude growing up for me like fucking water cereal with water yeah my mom used to feed us Swutang Records when I was a little one. Moms couldn't afford milk. We'd pour white out in the water. Yeah. Moms couldn't afford no buckery. Eat Cavan Crunch and shit.

So we ate blunts. We ate old blunts. That's just Gavin Newsom's life. It's just the life of Gavin Newsom. Yeah, I remember when my moms was run over by the beer, man. Man. I love that Gavin Clip. I have my shoes stolen.

I was taking the bar. And they stole my shoes on the beach. bar. I went home. Mama made me a a bread sandwich. Then I had a glass of air. And then we had... The funniest part about that clip

is Stephen Jackson being there like, shit, how are you like me? He's lying. What is this clip? I don't know if I know this. Gavin Newsom pretending that he grew up, like, super like broke, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, please play this. I'm never seen this yeah it's gonna piss you oh wait wait let me get my head it was just like hustling

it was just like hustling it was just hustling and shit people are unlike he posting that he's it's the jerk i was raised a pole black he's like my mama couldn't even for a real half knowledge of me but also you know it was also about paying the bills man and it was just like hustling and and so i was out there kind of raising myself uh turning on the tv started you know just getting obsessed you know, sitting there with, you know, the wonder bread and five stacks of, you know, like the white stuff. Look at all the movement he's there with his hands, by the way.

It's just what white guys do when they're lying to black people. They go like, man, it's just like this. Yeah. We, I was, I was in the kitchen cooking crack and shit. You could clearly told. You just started like doing shit with your arms. Yeah. Because you tried with a, there was a stack of bread, right?

And then we had the ox tail. And then we had the ox tail. Like, I was like, I was cooking Jordans in the oven and shit. Like, I put a bunch of carrots in the Jordans, little rosemary, and I'm like, oh, man, why you look like a marionette? You can, you can tell in this clip he doesn't know what Wonderbread looks like. Yes. He goes, it was like a stack of a like a stack of Wonderbread.

A stagger Wonderbread must have been somewhere between he and there. Here and there is out to hand. It was like Wonderbread out of day. We all know. under bread. His Apple Watch is about to alert him that he's a faggot. Yeah, his Apple Watch is your heart rate is lying faggot. Yeah, he just got an email out there that's like, you've been lying to blacks. Your heartbeat just hit 2.30. Can you keep you play this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they buying this, by the way? Like the white spec bombs still on.

Crack macaroni and cheese Are you talking about me? YG is it YG man Every day in the backyard Just bouncing the basketball Every day And then I go

Bouncing the basketball Yeah I was at Wonderbread Bouncing the basketball And then I go to bed on my On a pile of Uzi's I remember I remember with my mama My mama's taught me how to make crack

And y'all know how it's like when you like use a oozy as a pillow like you can't be turning all night and shit because that shit could blow your head and smooth all that's like me that's like my captain jack's like yo you like me motherfucker shit god this is crazy that he's such a sociopath he's such a liar i know to do this on knowing other people are going to watch this yeah doing this on camera can you can you keep sorry bud yeah yeah i got oh until the ball is just like frame man In your arms, look at the arm movements. He never stops.

He won't stop doing stuff with his hands. He doesn't know how basketball is playing. He doesn't. In the back of his head down. He's like this. He's like, we were playing bass. I was out there playing basketball. Just, we were, we were always playing basketball.

Just, my whole life was I grew up on the street just playing basketball. Yeah, until the ball, the ball got, the ball got, what do you, what do you call again when something gets old and you can't replace it with something else? I've never experienced that. worn out yeah it got worn out right right

because we were poor and disgusting like y'all yeah shit man growing up he literally said he literally said

bouncing the ball and he made a throwing motion y'all remember those nights and your mom would get the grocery store sushi shit that sucks

gelson sushi it had that hard that hard ass cucumber in it and you you know you're your mom was busy inside of trading all day, so it was like 9 p.m. when she'd get you with it,

and, like, the sushi would be, like, a little hard and shit from Gelson. She's like, shit. And then you had to walk down to the sushi place, buy your place, and then buy sushi. We were just out there playing basketball. Just basketball every motherfucking day. Practicing my drives for basketball.

We go out on the... the lake would freeze over. We go out play basketball. I remember I saw this one dude, Leon, hit a paw four on the court. My homie Ray Ray, he threw a perfect game in basketball. He hit a hole in one at Staples Center. We were at Rucker Park with a bunch of blacks. Playing frisbee golf with blacks. Man, I go down to the day. They knew me. They called me white boy gas.

When I go around to blacks, and I'd say, what's up, blacks? Man, my whole life is just like, you hoping you win that McDonald's Monopoly meal. Yeah. You know, you take, bring all your friends out the hood. We all live that rags to riches. What's a rag, by the way? What's a rag? I used to tell my mama, heaven ain't far.

Heaven ain't far, mama. I said, shit, if I don't become gull. I mean, you got a sling rock and make the NBA. Fuck. If we don't make it to Manhattan Beach this year after Marina del, after a stint in Marina del Rey? Sometimes my mama couldn't even afford to drive the one. We miss that beautiful coastline sometimes.

We had a G-wagon, yeah. Gangsta wagon. I wonder what this whole interview is like, actually. You have no idea. Can you play a little bit? Yeah, there's like 20 more seconds of it. Oh, shit. Flash than everyone else.

And started, you know, make a few free throws because I was sitting there practicing 500 of them every damn night. And in high school, I look up in the stands, my dad's back up there. Okay. And it's like, man, and then he's bringing his friends and your captain of the team.

And you're like, gee, you know. And it just saved me. And it got me into college. Yeah, he's like, you know, my pops. My pops ran out on my mom's. I looked up in the stands and my dad was there. He had the du rag on, the Newport's. Yeah.

My dad, uh, my dad went to the store for a glass of Chardonnay, never came back. My dad was in the stands, you know, and he actually, he put the scratches back in his pocket. And he watched me. He watched me finish the game. I'll never forget when my dad put his blackberry down and said, trades can wait. And I said, dad, you made it back from Switzerland for the game? He said, course, my little N. I know it.

He used to call me his little N, because I was smooth like that. Some Newsom, obviously, not the N-word. Yeah, he called me. Little Newsom. Little Newsom. What's up, my Newsom? And we are not named after nouses, by the way. No, we are not named after ropes.

No. Just found out about that shit. I hate, I for let. I just found out about racism. I just found out about the nooses and shit. Yeah, that's just fucked up. That ain't right. Mm-mm.

If I'm elected president, I'm going to ban rope. No more rope. Unless you blast and rope. Unless you blast and roast, which I did on crack horse back on our work. A little young man. I was a little young man. I'm talking about getting an eight ball. Me and my-olding up in a hotel.

Yeah, me and my granddad, we used to blow up crawdad with dynamite and we sell it for crap. He's talking about eating gator and shit. He's like, I fuck the gator shit. I'm crap. Shit, I love rape. I'm black. Fuck. He says that.

They're like, what? He's like, no, come on. We all know, red, come on. He's like, come on. He's like, come on, Jack. Come on. Come on, Stack. You know, you got a bitch in the studio.

You just be passing her around after you just had your cereal with water. Come on, Jack. I know why you went in them stairs. at night. Jack. Come on, you know when you just had a fish a fish for night sandwich? Shit.

Shit, I love dribbling. I love dribbling. I was dribbling on the way here. Yeah, I was dribbling here. Yeah. I dribble out the window in the car at the intersections. I practice my dribble.

I tell the driver, let me dribble. Me and my friends, I remember the first time, me and my friends, we dribbled our way all the way to the Chinese, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the, to the Charlie joint. But we got ourselves our first batch of general sows, that shit changed our

motherfucking lives. Change my motherfucking lives, dude. The Charlie Jones. Damn, well, happy Halloween, boys. Happy Halloween. I'm not really I'm not aware of anything going on unless the, they're just bar from baseball.

I'm just watching. I'm just Ben's drinking and watching the Dodgers, so I've been in a new type of drinking for the World Series. But yeah, Halloween. I'm doing the kids as a caterpillar, the hungry, hungry caterpillar, and then

the butterfly, the hungry, hungry younger caterpillar changed into. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's what the kids are going to be? The kids are going to be. So my daughter's going to be the butterfly. My son's going to be the really fat caterpillar when he eats just, you know, on like, page eight. Oh, yeah.

He's bigger than fuck. Oh, yeah. He's big and fuck. I looked at your son that day. I go, you're going to be a great caterpillar in order. You're going to rock that shit. Sorry. Sorry.

New bit. New bit. Sorry. No, I saw your daughter was. He's going to be, like, 350 pounds. I'm pretty sure. Your son is going to look like Nadomikensu. He's going to be in

saying. He played for the Lions in the NFL. Oh, I thought it was like an ancient Mayan. Like, God. That is funny. It does sound like an ancient name. The Dama Consum. No, he was like the Darius Aquato. Yeah. No, he was a really a dirty NFL player. Yeah. Step on people's necks and shit. Mm-hmm. Kick people in the ball. He was like the Dramong Green. I think he played for the lions if not. But your son is a couple other teams. Your son is huge. It's kind of crazy. I'm trying to get in the Halloween mood, though. I'm trying to watch some spooky stuff. Do people come by your house uh no we're gonna go somewhere else and walk where it's flatter but uh yeah especially because it's easier for me to walk your house this suck to walk around yeah i tried to push

your daughter in her little stroller car and i went like maybe half a mile down the hill and realize i'm like i'm not gonna make it back up and i had to push her all the way up and every time i stopped for a breath she looked at me like i was the gay i think my wife was kind of hoping i get so fat i just can't make it up the hill back home one day i just i just never i just didn't live i'm like i live down year now. I've got a studio at the bottom of the hell. Let the kids come down. You let go of my son. He would roll all the way down. He'd roll a mile. Yeah. Your son hurts to hold. I can't wait to meet him tomorrow for the first time. Yeah, it's going to be great. I can't believe I haven't met him. I'm a bad person. World Series party. We're going to watch the Jays. We're going to watch the Jays and I'm going to tune out a lot of people.

I'm going to be the uncle that's like, they're going to be like Devin showed us fucking apocalypse now. You're the jail phone call, uncle. They're going to be like, Devin showed us super bad. They're like 12. I'm like, yeah, guys. High school's going to be crazy. Yeah, Devin showed us Antichrist. No, I'm going to come up, clutch.

I'm going to come up clutch. Yeah, you can be the second half uncle after I die under mysterious did he kill himself circumstances. You can come in. And then you're the guy. Don't kill you. Don't ever. No, no, I'm not. I'm doing great.

You said to do yourself. one of the guys who said you are thank you one of the guys who said he killed the black dahlia he left a suicide note on venice beach and walked into the ocean with all of his clothes off but no one knows if that was even a guy who killed the black dolly he chopped the black dolly in half then walked into the ocean is that well he left all he was cut in half he left the note that wait what what did i say no the guy that whoever killed the black dahlia cut her in half no i don't know no i know but what i'm saying is there was so by the way there's been like 300 people who said I was the Black Dahlia murderer.

Right. And they've all been wrong or just false or whatever. Right. And, but one of the people said I killed the Black Dahl. They left a suicide note on Venice Beach with a note on their clothes. And then the body was never found, but no one knows that someone just put clothes there. Right. And just, uh, speaking of spooky Halloween stuff.

Spooky. Well, that's what I love about murder mysteries is like three kids could have smoked weed and then did a prank. And then now it's, you know, equivalent to something being studied like the Zodiac. killer her name was short right something short the bitch who got cut in half that's what the detectives called there well they actually theorized she's a lesbian because they got a lead they go she used to lead guys on and they want she wouldn't put out that's so and then the detectives goes she might be a lesbian that's so they ran with that for a really yeah that's so 1940s detective where they show up they're like all right what did this hoard do she didn't fuck all the time

fucking bitch probably gay probably gay that's why she deserved to get cut in half let's not look into this at all so it's interesting she was meeting one of her sisters who was in town from boston downtown um in downtown l-a and then she was seen down the road at like some grills the last time maybe making a phone call in the lobby and then she ends up over kind of in crinshaw cut in half and her you know she has the uh the joker the glasco smile that's right jays which I don't know why that originated in Scotland that smile in the 20s and 30s I think just fucked up guys in Scotland were doing that

so they called it the Glasgow smile and her legs were put kind of behind her like this and her arms were behind her head like that so it was clearly laid there with her intestines from her chest that was coming out they were all tucked under her so it was put in sort of a ritual

sacrifice kind of way but yeah they never found with the black dolly was found an Englewood? I thought she was killed in her home in Silver Lake. Oh, really? That's not, I read the whole Wikipedia there than that. It's a very long Wikipedia. I used to take walks and, like,

people would be like, that's the Black Dahlia house. Okay, okay, so what you're thinking of is in Los Feliz, there's a house that Frank Lloyd writes, I believe his son designed, it's called like the Jaws house or whatever, and there once was a surgeon who lived there who became a suspect

and who could have been a guy who actually... Snipped her through. Because apparently it's a very hard surgical procedure to cut someone in half like that right so they think he might have been a part of it and he probably raped his daughter and then he moved to the philippines also okay he i think he died in the philippines in like 1998 i forget that guy's name but uh yeah that's that i think that's what you're thinking of no we don't know where she was killed but she was left over there in lamert park lamert park lemurte park okay lemurte park yeah she was left in lamare park it was on the corner of Gardini and McCasker right there but yeah she was left at Lamert Park

Lamert Le Mert which was largely undeveloped and she was washed with gasoline and then they found her black person one of her black shoes on a dumpster like a mile away like three days later but those were washed with gasoline too so they didn't get any of the fingerprints and then the guy kept calling in and saying like I'm the guy who killed the black dahlia motherfuckers They're like, are you jerking off right now? And he's like, yeah. They're like, fuck. That's so fucking gay.

God damn it. And then he kept writing letters doing the really hacky newspaper clipping stuff and then folding it up and then sending it in. Yeah, serial killers are hacks. Just doing that shit. And this was, what, 1946, 7, 8, something like that. Anyway, they never caught the guy. Yeah. But it's weird.

The weird thing about it is it clearly was a ritual killing. There's no explanation for it. 500 people have come forward or something crazy. But the craziest thing is just the sniping. Yeah. That's the weird thing. And I was going to ask you as an L.A. kid, Devin, what happened? What happened here?

And lovely Hollywood, she moves here to be a starlit. She's very troubled. She comes here because her father faked his death after the Great Depression. He left his car, parked on a bridge. They thought he jumped. Twelve years later, he writes a letter to his wife saying, I'm still alive. I'm sorry. His daughter now growing up hasn't seen her since, hasn't seen her father since

She was like five, goes to California. I think she ends up, like, going back home for a second. And she goes back, and then she goes, I'm going to be a Hollywood starlet. And she's kind of a, she seems like a troubled gal this black dolly, Mrs. Short. She's troubled gal. It's a really weird one because it's like the way she was killed, it was like, it had to be like, some, it felt like it was like a machine that, like chopped you in half like a, like a, like a, like a, a, like a, a, like a, a, like a, a cartoon ham bone. Yeah, it takes a lot of. effort to slice through somebody's spine.

My whole life, I've been like, how did that happen? I've never understood the Black Dahlia death. It's never made any sense. Yeah, that's why I always think about the Nicole Brown Simpson murder, where he basically chopped her neck in half. Yeah, but that's, like, more like, you can see, like, an angry person doing that, but, like, to chop their torso in half. Yeah.

I wish I could see the picture. Wasn't it, like, perfectly chopped in half, too? Like, wasn't it, like, almost like a saw, like, sliced? I could show you the picture Yeah the fucked up That's nothing That's not fucked up I mean obviously I can't show this on screen

But Anyway Sorry Why is it just It just took you to race car drivers Sorry She looked like a lady Who get chopped in half

You know Yeah sure Her destiny was Being severed It was basically like that Yeah like that's That's crazy Like how does that happen

You'd have to probably have A surgeon or a surgeon. Yeah. Because in my head, you could get a guy, like, if you knew a guy like Lawrence Tierney or something, he could, like, just be like, get me the girl, and he'd grab her and he'd pull her apart or something. In my head, there's a guy strong enough to just kind of, like, if Mickey Rourke and the wrestler could just do a move on her.

Right. Or even put her in the deli slicer. Yeah, the problem is it's like, yeah, she was not hanging out with the guys that worked at the deli. I just don't understand how they got such a perfect tricy. on her. It wasn't like a violent chop where it was like she was like, it was torn to pieces. Could have been a samurai. But it was like... So there's no bruises where the cut is.

They determined that she was definitely cut in half after she was dead. So she wasn't squirming everything. They just had the body there and then put her through a thing. They probably died from getting her head beaten with something. Like a big rock or something like that, hammer? Some girl claimed that she witnessed her dad killing the black dolly in a shed with a claw hammer. There's been like a lot of weird stories. I'm like, tons of celebrities have been tied to it in terms of raping and killing her.

And her anal cavity was stretched to an inch and a half. So they think she was anally raped by a man with an inch and a half wide penis. And they should have gone around Hollywood measuring. Like Cinderella. They keep putting dicks in the ass. Until finally they get a perfect match. If the cock fits. What I don't get is if the assholes an inch and a half dilated, couldn't that mean she took a big shit before she, like, why does shit's not make your assholes stretch?

And here's another thing I've been thinking about. There's no respect for sheds, for giant turds. Yeah, detectives famously. A turd can do damage just like a fucking cock can. You're the detective on the case. In 1935. Maybe she's like a big shit. Yeah.

You're walking in like house. I'm wondering what you think it's a cock and not a shit. So I scratch on the chalkboard. Yeah, like Jaws, yeah. And you go. What if she's like a big shit? shit they go what you know what if it wasn't a cock it was a shit they go what who is he no listen to him he's crazy he goes i'm crazy you're fucking i'm crazy i'm crazy i live in a big rock fuck

you what in a way it's straighter to have diarrhea which i've had diarrhea my whole life because it just flies out yeah yeah because it there's nothing i actually think it's gayer to have diarrhea because it's like come dripping out of your ass if you think about it why do we in every episode talking about poop disgusting you know well you're sick pieces of shit yeah you're sick you caused this you brought this upon us

I don't like it's a plague I don't visit I don't visit your kids because of you you make me sick I want to go there and kidnap your children like the Lindberg baby save him from a Nazi like come with me

no more turds no more turd talk for you that's my daughter's favorite book everybody poops i think you're gonna say limburg it's the only book i've read weird mandela oh she likes that one you know what i got it for way too young and it was a real bomb i felt bad it was a stinker she wasn't in the poop yet yeah uh it's it which it is highbrow it is because if you think about it who is everybody weird mandela factor jace yeah would you kill yourself right now if I told you that's not the name of the book. Everybody Poops?

Called Everyone Poops. Oh, give me the book back. It is. Yeah, it's a Mandela Effect. We all think it's Everybody Poops and it's everyone poops. Isn't that weird? Yeah, I think it's, I'm pretty sure that's actually bullshit. I think it's everybody poops.

Can you take it? I think they changed it under our nose. They might have. To Mandela Effect, but can you tell me there is a little Asian boy with his dick out shitting on the cover, right? Am I wrong about that? Yeah, he's, so that's the thing about the book is I can't tell if everybody is really trying to get the shit out of their ass and so they look Chinese or if they're actually

Chinese I think he's Chinese he's got a ball cut and uh did they give him a penis in the book I don't remember weird they can't made in an Asian I don't know why they yeah he has like a weird fucking book because they're obsessed with shit they love shit there's nothing about pee in the book which I find very strange you should make a sequel he flushes the turd in the toilet on like page 12 there's no pee in it and I'm like what's that about you should make a sequel called everybody fucking pisses And it's just, it's pictures of like, throffy piss, black, dark coffee piss. Quick debate.

Yeah. So, white people try to lecture, I guess, like, white people on Twitter try to lecture Mom Domney for eating, like, Barani with his hands and stuff. Yeah, it's not okay to eat rice with your hands. Okay. It's actually bullshit. Someone clapped back and said, uh, white people don't even clean their asses properly after they take a shit and they try to lecture.

may be true, but it's not like in like, uh, political campaign ads. So is this true that we use toilet paper and no one else does? Everybody is a bidet. Yeah, most people blow water at their asshole. And that's how they clean. Is most, are most people using a bidet, really? I think everywhere you go, people pretty much don't use a wallpaper. They're either using a bidet.

There's a South Park episode about it. Or like the Asian countries, they have a big hole that they do a squat over. So it spreads the cheeks and you get, I think, less shit on the cheek. I use a bidet at home. I don't really use toilet paper. anymore i do love it but they have to use toilet paper on your wet ass well yeah but like that's not for wiping you don't go and grab pieces of shit out of your ass and pull it out of your ass that's like barbaric to other countries we're like this very disgusting did you see dude did you see this

photo did you see this photo here uh not to shit on the west too much sure uh but uh dude this was i just used the wipes oh like use like toilet paper then use the wet wipes damn oh that's that's that's Yeah, that guy should be shot in the back of the head, right at Wingstop. Look at this shit in his ass! That's great. How to go up that far up his back? When he farts, it has to go somewhere. Yeah, I think he tried to hold the shit in, but his ass is so big, it squeezed it up.

You know, like when you're in a pool and you close your fist and water squirts up, I think that's what happened. It squirted up his ass. I mean, that guy shouldn't be allowed inside. No. Like, literally, I think he tried to cook his... What a complete piece of shit. His legs look cooked. Like, he actually put him on a stove.

Is it funny when fat fuck guys like that wear gym shorts? Yeah. And, like, sneakers, tennis shoes. The fattest, most worthless pieces of shit, you know, are wearing, like, Nike combat shoes. And, like, sweat, whisking, like, shirts. Well, they sweat so much. Yeah. No, but they're wearing shirts that, like, you know, LeBron.

Kazan during a workout but for them to be 5,000 pounds. It's just so they can survive being 5,000 pounds. They're doing training and it's eating 500 wings in a day. Yes, exactly. Can I defend the West for a second? Sure. And white people.

Your ass is designed where even if there's shit in your asshole, no one can smell it technically because there's flesh. Encasing it, it's sort of like a tomb. It's like a Sepulker. Very good, Jays. Very good. It is. It is. It is. Much like Jesus Christ was buried in.

Yeah, because you want to go to a cemetery and go, like, oh, it smells like rotting corpses. No, they're kept hidden, much like the shit in our assholes. Right, Devin, because you don't, if I pulled my pants down right now, Devin, you couldn't see my asshole. I would have to spread my fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's-assholes aren't just protruding.

No. Like, I'm, it's tucked away. Unless it's been fucked to the point of no return. It's just pulled out. Much like the black dahlia. It's just out. Yeah. Stylated and pulled out.

But no, you're right, you're right. No, the asshole is a, it's a, that's a wily motherfucker. It's, it's an evasive. I thought you would have had some crazy L.A. take on the Halloween Black Dahlia stuff because I was like, we should talk about Black Dahlia. Well, I read about it all over the night. Because you're an L.A. kid, Devin. Come on, 1947, Hollywood.

Are you sure it was 1947? I think it was like the 30s, the 20s, dude. I think it was like flappers there. I think it was much earlier than that. Ooh, look it up. Were they going to the Brown Derby? I think it was earlier. I think it was like the 20s.

I think it was like... But you're more of a Manson kid anyway. I think it was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was more L.A. Confidential era. I think it was like Chavez Ravine being destroyed... Like our zootsuit riots. Look, I'm just a transplant.

So you tell me... I don't really know. In 1947. Oh, okay. My whole life, growing up, the Black Dolly was just this, like, really weird thing that no one had an explanation for, and I remember walking by a house and people would be like, that's the Black Dahlia house. and then they were they made a movie they made a really shitty movie about it with

Josh Hartnett and then people go that's the movie that's the house that they shot the really shitty movie and and that was really about it when I was a kid I hope the Mayan architecture Frank Lloyd Wright and his son did a lot of Mayan architecture I did stand up at one of the Frank Lloyd Wright house the one on Hollywood yeah they had this like big weed event or something and there was the pool it's a museum now right there's a museum it was like every room had something different going on in it. You did stand up in front of, like, the pool and all these, like, weirdos we, like, watched you. And, um, it was an odd night. Um, but yeah, yeah, there's a, on

Los Fields Boulevard, there's a bunch of fucking crazy homes. What's interesting now is architects supposedly built, like, seven, eight buildings in their lifetime, but back then, they did so many more. Yeah. It's bizarre. Also, fuck. Well, there's nowhere, there's nowhere to go. Oh, yeah. I forgot this show. Oh, and also, also, fuck, funny, Franklin, right. Thank you. Guys, Jesus Christ Fuck him Sorry, we forgot to be there So I forgot about fuck him

Yeah, come on Jesus No, I forgot about that I forgot he's a wordless idiot Why don't care? I know what I know What does he know? I kind of mean that I'm like, who cares? I don't give a shit

Frank Lloyd wrong Yeah, I don't know Dip shit Fuck you Fuck you No anytime I'm showing a house I'm like that's cool I don't care

Fuck Egypt Oh another box you can jack off And I don't care if it looks cool or not You're weird You have an Egyptian fetish you white queer you're queer you're queer

you're queer I don't care you made homes for people to like fucking like do drugs with weird flappers hats on ooh a waterfall

cool crazy who cares kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself watch patreon

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