lemonparty - 158: After Death is the Judgement

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Ben is at Heaven's Gate with the Jordans, Jace confronts a Westboro Baptist Church member at a parade, Devan christens a cornfed big bellied OSU boy going to trial, Ben shows the boys the future of hotel checkins, and they break down the new Gerblin Girl of Salt Lake City Utah... this week on lemonparty. bonus episodes ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠⁠ LP Tour ⁠https://www.lemonparty.life/ ⁠ Support the sponsors: ⁠https://www.drinkag1.com/lemon https://www.lucy.co/lemon http://factormeals.com/lemon50off use code lemon50off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One chicken, one, chicken, one, chicken, whews. Chicken, one, chicken, chicken wings. One, one, chicken wings. Yeah, you like my outfit, don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill. Always in my face, talking listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the cat-knack. You rag clean, but your gas take.

But your gas tank is on me Be stepping now they got no decent shoes on your feet That's just to feed it bro. You don't know what you're talking about In the face, there's no choice when the come out Hate to see you in the club You're bombing with a mug No one that you're bad with your boy, you're nothing but a scrub

But he was with me That's when you treat hate it Cause when I got up on you in your bed near faith I showed it and I face drinking on the act Mouth full of clothes But your ass needs to be too What you need to go Real place and fun

What you go A old What you're broken down You're an old You're a old You are You're talking like an old You're like a jazz musician

It's all worth it man It's all worth it. It'll be over soon. It'll be over soon. Yeah, you really did. Around Game 4, you accepted that you will die this year. It'll be over soon. And then I'm going to be a beacon of hell until, you know, Thanksgiving.

Yeah, until opening day. It's opening day. No, no, no. Devin, you're, for Halloween, you're a San Piker's dog. I love your outfit, buddy. Yeah, he really cinched my neck when he. when he electrocuted me. What a, what a time.

What a time to be alive. What a time. You guys went down to the parade, came back. Came back. We're doing an episode day of the opposite of banking. Exactly. The opposite of banking. We don't bank.

We don't bank. We have offshore accounts. We get too drunk to do our show once a week, and we have to move it a day forward. I think if you started drinking right now, though, it might help. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm going to watch the celebration after on TV, and there will be some of that happening. But no, no, no. I feel good right now. I feel good. I'm writing off of the high. I was around, like, we were around like the West, the Baptist Church. They were at the Adjah Parade. God hates bag stuff. So he was holding up a big poster for Kershaw to see. He was holding up after death as the judgment. Was it in Japanese? So Atani can read it? That was like, it was like bright yellow. And then as the, as the, he was holding up for it. We were there for an hour before. And as the bus got close, he started spinning it. Like he was a sign spinner. That's awesome.

He started twirling it like it was like, you know, one of those. Like he was cool. Like it was cool. Yeah. And I did see Kershaw kind of give like a slight nod. Yeah. He's like, yeah. Under his breath, I could hear Kersh, I'd be like, these fragile are burned.

Blake Train and did a sigile to him. It was great. There was a black guy in front of us who really wanted to be friends with us for some reason. He wouldn't stop talking to us. A guy who looked like if Gustavo Fring had no talent or willpower. And I would just like make a joke about, you know, like, Freddie Freeman's teeth, and he'd just be like, his teeth are pretty big, aren't they? I was like, yeah, what words do I say to make you turn around now?

Go ahead. Turn around. Enough with you. Pretend I said enough words that you turn around and do it. That's enough. That's enough. Yeah. And then when the bus got, we've been saying that for an hour when the bus got for this, this fat-titted

a cholo lady just, like, kind of shoved through us. And she had, like, a baby that I swear to got was a month old, and she was just, like, bumping it into people. She was using her baby as, like, oh. weapon yeah she was she they were cutting and getting in front of people her baby was just yeah i saw her baby's head it's it was more that they were out it was more that they were out and they shouldn't be so that's why they were so prominent she was a human bumper car essentially yeah she was kind of caterpillary a little bit okay um and i was watching her a one-month-old baby

get a lump of your head as she was walking through the crowd yeah his head was turning into like a big snowball rolling down a hill she was using it as a shield yeah she was literally like she's like we need to get ahead like because of my baby and there was one from Hamas where's my go card and then there was a bunch of like little tiny like like Morrissey Mexicans yeah I've been to a lot of fucking concerts this is how it goes and they were like swimming through people and like trying to get the best I elbowed one I elbowed a Morrissey headed Mexican teenager in the head I saw accidentally that that was good yeah I turned and I actually caught him in the temple very hard and I was like I'm so sorry he's just like we saw a little girl

looked like Gypsy Rose Blanchard gets stuck in a streetlight she climbed up it and then everyone just abandoned her and she needed help getting down and a cop who walked up who looked like like Joe Rogan in flame

started screaming at her and she's like I can't get down this fuck it's scary it rules yeah it was great to no one was mad at the Westboro Baptist Church guy

at the Dodger parade I just started going along with it I was like yeah after death is the judgment Gersha the guy who's so codependent he'll go along with anything I was just the guy

like he was You go walk up to him, you go, I get it, man. I get it, brother. I get it. We're all going to fucking hell. I mean, he had the best seat in the house. He was blocking everyone's view. I think he went there to block the view for people.

Yeah. Yeah, it was very retarded. What was his go-to? He didn't say anything. He stood there like a psychopath. No, what was the go-to with the sign? Was it just the God hates upstairs? No, that wasn't there.

I made that up. But after death is the judgment. and then Jesus, some bullshit about Jesus. Yeah, Jesus will save. Jesus will say, like, you know. I thought he was talking about one of the Dodgers. Is he a relief pitcher? I mean, what the hell you're talking about?

We did see, all the way back, we sell graffiti that, I don't know what it meant. It said, Rice Day Job, and I said, that's our new pitcher. We just signed them. Rice day job. I would have walked up to the Westboro Baptist guy and been like, sir, it's God hates homosexuals. That's very offensive. Sir, we save that word for podcasting. Yes.

That's a special word. God hates F-Lers. Yes, sir. We say that when a joke's kind of failing and we need to save it on the podcast. Sir. That's our soft end. Sir.

And also the end. F is R.N. The guy was just standing there waiting with his, like, Travis Bickle waiting for Kike Hernandez. He saw him dance too much. Yeah, he saw his rainbow necklace. Fantastic time.

Pissed off. I'm glad you guys got to see the... Good stuff. We did see Friday Freeman's teeth in person. That was pretty nice. Yeah. The reflection off his teeth. start of fire.

It's weird to think his teeth are grinded down into little gallum size. Into little tiny chicklet nubs. Yeah. They have to grind him down to put those on. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird.

That sucks. Yeah. They're good chompers, though. I bet he eats pussy crazy. You bet he nibbles on it. Oh, I bet he sucks that. Yeah. He used that shit down.

That's why he did it. Yeah, no, it was funny because I was like, I really want to see his teeth in person, and he had his mouth clothes, and I still saw the teeth. Even with his mouth closed, they were poking at the bottom a little bit. That kicks ass.

Yeah, it was great. Great World Series. If you lived in L.A., everybody else, views it as Hitler teaming up with Satan. Yeah, whatever. But whatever, go to hell. My team, I don't care. I don't care. After death is the judgment.

That's the Dodgers' new slogan. After the death is the judgment. And we're all spending $30,000 on replica World Series rings. Well, it's a great day to be judged by God. look at all the beautiful fans in the stands every one of them going to hell every last one of these mexican fans going to the fiery pits dude some cults religious cults like that go so hard the uh the heaven's gate like the way they're dressed those nike dunks they have on devon have you seen the

nike dunks at the heaven's gates guys so it's the biggest mass suicide in united states history it's 38 people i think yeah because jones town was in like guam so it doesn't count but they all they got Really good deals on these Nike shoes. They bought bulk. They bought bulk because they all were dressed in black and they had these Nike dunks on and they had... Oh, look, that's great. They're auctioning off a pair. Somebody killed themselves.

They're really expensive, Devon. That's them. They would lay on a purple cloth like that when they died. It was a... The suicide took three days. How'd they all do it again? What they do? I think they drank a bunch of poison.

And it took them three days. It took them three days to go? No, so they did it. In, as Hellbop comment was coming, they did consecutively over three days. And this actually inspired suicides across the United States that other people go, oh, I should do that too. The interesting thing about- I never thought of that. Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck. Just walk into traffic. Do you like the dunks, though? They look badass. Oh, they're sick. So they would lay a purple cloth on top of themselves like that in a triangle formation, and they all were dressed the same. and they had $5.75 in their pocket. Well, they got a paid again in heaven?

There's like a parking fee? Well, you get, your spirit goes to the common. They're like, where's your $5? Is it like a Jewish guy running Heaven's Gate? And he needs $5. He's like, all right, the prepaid parking is over here. If you prepaid, it's full. That's funny.

God only takes cash. Yeah. Cash only. Because we don't pay taxes. The ATM machine is in hell. Shit. You got a trip. You got to walk to hell and back.

The Nike, I wish I could get a pair of these Nikes, but they're like a thousand bucks now. Nike stopped making them? The Nike Air Decade Heaven's Gate. Yeah, look, these are $13.50 on eBay. It would be funny if Nike started making like a commemorative anniversary. It's like when the Stone stopped playing Sympathy for the Devil after Altamont. These will make a comeback. So why'd they have money in their pockets?

I forget. Apparently it was some sort of inside joke with them in the after. life that other people who are ex-cult members understood. So they were still little stinkers about their suicide? It was so silly. Yeah, they were like, we're doing this for the lulls. This is a good bet. So I never watched Star Trek, but one of the guys who killed himself

in Heaven's Gate, his sister was a famous person on Star Trek. Oh. Which they lifted a lot of their stuff for the cult from Star Trek, oddly enough. Was it the black chick? It is. Yeah, she's vaguely kind of, yeah, yeah. I forget her name, but I know she's black and she was on the show. And it was a big deal, because I think Kirk fucked her on one episode, and people got mad. Did they have sex and stuff on Star?

I haven't seen a single episode of Star Trek. I think, Captain Kirk kissed her, and everybody got really mad because she was black, and it was like 1967 or whatever. Captain Kirk. I'm more of a Charlie Kirk guy. Charlie Kirk, Alejandro Kirk. Fuck Captain Kirk. He never took a shot for his country. I was kind of laughing and thinking about, like, like an alternative to talk.

where like a little black kid like walks into Heaven's Gate and he's like, ah, shit. And he just starts taking the Nike's. Just to throw him over telephone poles. He's like, I'm just practicing bully and other kids in my neighborhood. You get G-checked in heaven. It's like, what's that shit? Somebody tells you to put your Cortezes in your backpack before you walk in. You can't have that shit around here, man. No jerseys. Yeah, that shit will get snatched. Take that red bandana out of your pocket. Dude, so I had a wonderful experience this week.

You know, not only, it was an amazing world series, but I watched The Wizard of Oz with my son. Uh-huh. And it's just such an incredible movie I haven't seen since I was a child. It was a great movie. And then, well, then I started reading about it, and I didn't know, like, you know El Frank Baum, the guy who wrote the book? Yeah, yeah.

Do you know what he based the monkeys off of? Oh, God. All right. All right. All right. It was Native Americans. Oh, okay. Oh, okay.

That makes sense. There's like a bunch of editorial articles where I'll read the direct quotes for him. So the Wicked Witch of the West was based off of a suffragist, like some women who wanted. Some bitch that wanted a vote. Just some stupid bitch. And making us all suffer. That's what they call it. Do you know that?

I'm killing it. My drinking has it affected me at all? I'm great right now. Matilda, Jocelyn, gauges feminist ideas of women of superior knowledge, apparently he was like really, that's what he based the wicked witch off of. Just a woman was like, we should be able to not be raped. He's like, you wicked witch, he's about his typewriter, like, that wicked witch she doesn't want to be rich.

And she was really ugly and nobody wanted to fuck her, piece of shit. And she wanted to shut the fuck up. And the monkeys were Native Americans because they like are like screeching. Dude, read that Sitting Bull editorial what he, this is so Frank Baum, this is where he came up with the flying, so if anyone hasn't seen it, surely you've seen it by now. Flying monkeys, that work for the witch come down and, you know, pick them up and bring him to the evil castle. Following the killing of Sitting Bull, Baum referred to the remaining Native Americans as a pack of whining curs and called for the total annihilation of the few remaining. Of the few remaining. There's a couple of them.

There are much of whiners. Yeah, you're calling the president. Hey, it's the guy I rode Wizard of Oz. There's seven Indians in the world. Can you kill them? That's right. I called them Kurds. I don't know what that means.

What does that mean? I don't know. He called them Kurds? Curz. C-U-R-S. Curz. Oh, yeah, that's a... Do I have to beep that?

Hold on. After the wounded... Is that a bad word? I don't know. I don't know. It's too old timing for me. It's history. Hey, it's history, Jack. It's fucking history.

Oh, there's another one. After the wounded D. Massacre, he reiterated. He, like, came back a few years later. He was like, guys, did no one hear me? Bomb reiterated his call to wipe these untamed and untamable creatures from the face of the earth. Oh, my God. Holy shit. And then going back to a typewriter and being like, and then the lion fell asleep in the big tulip field.

The original story's kind of dark with the tin man. Apparently, he fell in love with a munchkin, and it was unrequited love, and he kept cutting off parts of his body. He was a cutter. Yeah, I guess so. Like a suicidal girl, yeah. Because he fell in love with a munchkin that didn't love him back. Yeah. And the munchkins were black people, actually.

Yeah, maybe. That's what they're based on. I don't even want to know what the munchkins were. But, dude, what they did to Judy Garland, it's an amazing performance. She's an incredible singer. The executive, I read about her. Everybody had a, every executive told her every day that she was too fat to be in the movie. Did you know this?

Oh, yeah. Judy Garland's life was insanely tragic. It was insane. She's a beautiful artist. She's so incredible. They would just kick her around. Like a can. And a guy would knock on the door and be like, hey, I just making sure you're not eating.

Yeah. Just checking. Just making sure just a bottle of water tonight. She's like, no, I haven't even trade war. He's like, okay, I'm going to rape you now. She's like, okay. On set, she would bake for food. And they would only give her, like, chicken soup that was mostly broth and coffee.

That's all she was allowed. Yeah, yeah. How was, I thought people, like, was that fat then? Was she fat to you if you look at Dorothy? No, no. I mean, I, no, but you know what? Let's, I'll be fair here. She had the body type of someone on her way.

So those producers were probably in the right. They did save her career. And we got what we needed out of her. Thanks for the legendary performance. Beat it. Like, we're going to need you to lose about 15 pounds and never get it back. Sorry, time to hit the pharmacy for the rest of your life. Judy, we're going to need you to get the flu every day for the next 30 years.

No, obviously, I'm being callous and horrible. I don't think she was fat. No, no. She doesn't seem fat to me. I don't know why they all thought she was. She's also a kid. She's a kid in the movie. It might have been one of those things where it was like one of the first color movies.

So they were like, oh, I could see. She's coming in. I could see the color of the rolls. I could see it starting. No, there was also a story. I think it ended up being false but it was famous for years and that the producer

saw her in another movie like singing in a musical or something it was like get the or it was another actress he was like get the flat one the ones he's singing flat and the casting director thought he said get the fat one

and cast her in the role but it wasn't true at all he's completely amazing and that she just looks like the most normal and then if you watch like the old like Paley Center clips from like you know

the Judig Island show from 1958 She's like, you can literally see like the vertebrae sticking out of the side of her neck. And she's like, just give me a couple more pills and I can do a dance. Executives throwing pills in her. Yeah, throw pills. Yeah, like she's like, dance. Yeah. She did a Heath Ledger thing.

And that's how she died. It was an accidental overdose. She was taking barbiturates and she was just taking them constantly all the time. It just did too much of whatever that was in her bloodstream and she died in a hotel or whatever. Yeah. And then she gave birth to Liza Minnelli, who was even good, year and crazy. No, she was a fat bitch. Summer over the rainbows about her trying to find Skittles.

Fuck her. Couldn't even click her fat cancels together. That's why she's going to go home. She couldn't fit in the slippers. He's too fat for the goddamn slippers. And they were Ruby because she got ketchup on them. That was rosatia. She initially wanted to use.

She wanted to use crocs. Yeah. She tried to call an Uber to. Oz, yeah. No, it's horrible. She's super talented and we ruined her. Yeah, the tin man, the guy who played the 10 man, I also, I think he, like, almost

died playing the 10 man because they just sprayed, like, metal into his lungs. Yeah, there's a lot of crazy shit with, for, like, months, yeah. It's kind of, like, it has its own, um, it has its own, like, heart of darkness backstory to, like, it's got its own, like, the making of apocalypse now.

Yeah, and there was the, the rumor that one of the, yeah, there was the rumor that one of the munchkins hung himself, but that in, I didn't, I think, I think they did hang themselves, but it was, like, not on camera. It was like in their tiny little trailers that they gave them. But that was Hollywood back then.

Yeah. There's crazy. There's one. I remember from, I think it was the premiere of Snowlight and the seven doors. Walt Disney hired seven midgets. This is true.

He hired seven midges to stand on front of the marquee at the premiere dressed as dwarves. And one of them like snuck, like, rum in and they all got fucked up and naked and like started like fucking each other and like throwing bottles like throwing bottles down in people in tuxios. It rocks.

Old Hollywood rules. It's great. Oh, my God. They had to send the fire department to, like, carry the naked midgets down, like, one by one. That's amazing. Like, they were little stray cats, yeah. So, moving on to our next segment here, because I got some stuff here for you. Sure, sure.

We have some segments now. Of course. The Gerblin Empire won. Oh, okay. What's the explain that? You know the Gerblen TikTok stuff of... Well, you know the Gerblen. David, you hate...

You always talk about this. Is it like a Ruby Frankie type? The Veronica Slikowski type of stuff, not to shit on her or whatever. The S&L. The gerbil face SNL lady? Yeah. Well, you always talk about how female comics they love to do. That's that.

Their entire comedy. And they go, wow, she really throws herself on the floor for comedy. She's like, she's like Belushi if he just stood in one place and made a weird face. You suck your teeth and now you're Lucille ball. Anyway. No, it's great. It's good show. Oh, my God.

You gave yourself a double chin. Now you look like a fat, ugly bitch. That's so funny. So, like, you know, I mean, women, they have their own, I'm funny type of personality. There's a lot of funny. There's a lot of funny women. They all died, but there's a lot of them.

Name them. Name one. Lucille Ball. He goes back 80 years. Whoever Ethel, I forget who played Ethel. She had good time. Ethel was great. Ethel was great.

That bitch who played Ethel was great. Her Jonah Bark was pretty funny. Mary Tyler Moore had some jobs. and she's very talkable Caitlin Jenner makes me laugh I love her I love her you know

the Joan Rivers Of course And then of course you have I'm literally trying to think of any more I'm not kidding B Arthur B Arthur was funny B Arthur was a bad bitch

Who played the lunch lady on a Saturday Night Live? Oh that was Chris Farrell Yeah she was really funny Whoever played Big Mama was great The actor The actress who played Eddie Murphy's mom was fantastic No, I'm kidding Tina Faye, Amy Pollard

Chris and Whig This is like Look, there's tons of unfunny Like co-worker type of people Oh yeah There's something especially not funny About stay-at-home moms who think they're Is she from Utah?

Are she making fun of Utah moms? I believe she's from you Well then she will listen in a year we're gonna find her her son will be wandering through the desert we'll find out that he was like held captive to make tic-toks for her sick bitch channel that she has this happens all the time you can't pass oh you know it you know it she keeps her son chained up like jessie fucking binkman that's actually her first son behind her right there yeah that's not a prop Kick and late, it's Christmas. Babe, start the car. Let's go. Doing the black guy.

The fucking laugh. Thanks. Can I say really quickly, how many times is, like, I know he, she thinks he's doing a bit to make the video good. How many times does he think about just shoving her face into the fridge? Like, as hard as he can. When she comes up to him and just starts dancing like this. He comes some from work and she's doing some bit that sucks ass. I mean, you see this and you just, you have to, all that runs from my mind is the whole day, the day that they had, the retakes, you know.

You have to, like, drive to the fucking Walmart to get the shot for nothing. Yeah, and her being like, you're not doing a good job. Like, I want you to do it like this. You're doing it like that, yeah. You think these families see it as the new empire? Like, if we get our TikTok going, maybe we'll get a reality show and whatnot. So they all see as, like, a group effort kind of. I think some people now report they grow up in TikTok houses where the mom and the dad and you make content as a family together.

Yeah, I would rather my mom be a whore who smoked crack than grow up in a TikTok house. I'd rather have Richard Pryor's childhood than grow up in a TikTok house. I'd rather be stealing. Paul Mooney, fuck your dad. I would rather be stealing money from Johns that my mom is fucking to buy Hershey bars than be grown up in a TikTok house. A TikTok house. Yeah. I want Don Draper's life.

there's a ring light in every room Yeah You guys are lining up for breakfast While your mom makes you dance to a song As you get your plate And it has your name pop up You've seen it Oh yeah

Oh yeah We've all seen it We've all seen it Makes me furious And they'll all be in murder documentaries soon But this is a very funny face Yeah yeah yeah That's the face of a lady

Who drowns her children It's the face of a lady You find in a water tower About 20 miles south of town Yep. Bloaded in purple. Bloted in purple. Looking like grimace.

But known that we have a great history to look at her archive. Also just imagine her in that Walmart or whatever, like running past guys with like World War II veteran hats and, you know, people with no legs and a rascal scooter. Just no shame whatsoever. Yeah, I know. Thanks. Stuck it.

Babe, I'm done. His name is John C. Babe, I'm leaving. I fucking laugh. What's all free? Yeah, I can be over later today. See, that's the, that's what I don't get is like this thing. It would be less, the man would be less cocked if he was watching 50 black men come in his wife's face.

That would be, that would be respectable because I'd be like, He would be into it. Exactly. At least he could get a nut off. This is a night. A jungle gym of black limbs. This is a fucking nightmare. Yeah, if she was doing the parallel bars on black cocks.

And the only thing. Doing tricks on it with chalk. That would be better. And the only thing you could hope for with people like this, you hope because these are these new houses that are made of like balsa wood and stuff. You just hope there's a lot of chemicals in them. You just hope that when they made them, there's a lot of shit that wasn't up to code. and something horrible.

You hope they get blown away by a big gust. Yeah, chemicals leaking into their skull while they sleep. Sure. Sure. It just keeps going. I mean, how do you... It's only a minute video, by the way. Yeah, how do you...

We're going to do four hours on this. How do you... Because to be that husband, how do you, like, have that conversation with your wife where you go... You've got to go, like, honey, everything you do is excruciating, and I hate it. So just knock it off. Yeah, it's just... You can't have that talk. You have to cheat on her and then make her leave you.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind thing to do. I mean, I imagine these guys can't... None of these people drink. This is a soda family. They're in Utah. He's just holding everything in.

And all of these bad comedy moms, they always find the cockless husband to force into their shenanigans. A guy who just has no agency whatsoever. It's a hub life. It's a hub's life guy. Yeah, exactly. A hubs life guy. He does never realize he has the phone camera, too, and he could go be his own dip shit. Yeah.

But no, he's tucked his balls into his own ass. He looks good, though. He's a good-looking guy. Sure. He'd go out there and get some places. Look, his wife's rolling around the floor behind them. What a nightmare. What a fuck nightmare.

Yeah, can you imagine? The kids are such an afterthought in his household. Oh, yeah. Content is king. The kids are hungry, but they can wait. You can tell mom is pissed that the kids, she's pissed at her babies for getting attention. She's one of those moms. Yeah, that sucks, man.

Hit it. He looks like he has a big cock. Not that I'm looking. That's his pussy. Is that his... No, he has a giant pussy. Maybe he's F to him. Maybe.

Chicken leaf, brickenly, shirkland, shirkgooderly. Fakes some cookies. Fakes some cookies. Bake some cookies. Bake, stop. So can I say, I don't even think, like, what this woman's doing is top-tier comedy, actually, because these people get on TV now. Yeah. Am I wrong, Devin?

I mean, you've showed me the stuff of these up-and-coming people. I don't know about this level of shit, but like... I mean, isn't it just, it's just not as slick. Yeah. It's not, here's the thing, it's not like, it's not... She's just not in Brooklyn doing this. It's not ironic and... It doesn't have, like, pseudo-cynicism attached to it.

Which then the industry will They like like that Because it kind of like Makes you seem hip and young or something This is too corny So they don't even think they'd fuck with this She'll get on like maybe the Hallmark channel

Maybe she'll like you know Be in a lifetime movie or hopefully She gets bludgeon to death But they don't use a prop They accidentally give the guy a real claw hammer Yeah And he can tell but he keeps going So he can go

Oh I didn't know But she would never be in anything deemed, like, current and hip, I don't think. You know what I mean? I don't know, man. I'm probably wrong. Well, who's that lady? They cut to that lady at the NBA game, and she keeps popping the popcorn in her mouth. And, like, pretending. She's a WMBA player.

Yeah, she's an actress. What's her name, Madison, Kelsey Plum? Kelsey Plum. That really pissed me on. I hate that. I hate that. And she's a fucking rethogued, too. She's incredibly hot, but it's, she's unfuckable now.

How about this? Everyone in the WNBA, besides. Kaylin Clark, big, jealous retard. Oh, interesting. It's right. They, I've seen enough. I've seen enough. They're all jealous retards. Big. They ate themselves. They ate themselves.

Angel Reese. Keep her. I like the race war that she, that they inspired together. That's fun. That's great. I love a race war. It's like, remember the Titans or something. It's great. We love a race war. I don't know. There's a few others, I guess, that are okay.

But, I mean, it's just, for a while, it was like every day a new day. Kelsey Plum said something like crazy about she like outed Caitlin Clark and said like she didn't really want to do some sort of like protest thing or did she like rat it on her or something. They're all psychos.

Yeah they're all of it. They're all terrible. I even saw like an interview with Kelsey Plum where she was talking to like some other black lady in the WMBA and it was like we thank you because you know to not center yourself and that you're white they would push you forward and you know to not do that and so it's and it's just very

it's retarded. It is retarded. It is retarded. Every SB is like Caitlin Clark for the rest of her life is going to have to come on stage. I'm sorry I made the most three-pointers of all time this year. I should kill myself. I know. I'm sorry. You guys are all very rich now because of me and people actually come to the games. It wasn't guys buying tickets to jack off in the top row like it used to be.

Yeah. No, the NBA stinks. It sucks. It sucks. Once every year they get it one dunk and people go crazy. It sucks ass. Caitlin Clark is literally the only reason anyone's watching. truly. So just fucking

deal with it. Because she may why? I don't know why? Because she looks like a fucking dude out there because it looks like Steph Curry or something. Yeah. It's Tim Lumps to come out there. The rest of you look like you're chucking it off of your shoulder. It looks weird. Yeah, you look like Rashid Wallace with a head injury, playing basketball.

But no, I respect it. It's good for it. It's good, and I respect this. I respect this as well. It's good stuff. Almost at all this cost Keep the change, you filthy animal I hate white people Fuck whites, too

Fuck, fuck Caleb Clark, actually Fuck whites and blacks I bet Kayla Clark thinks that's funny, fuck her Mexicans are cool We love the Dodgers, but fuck whites and blacks I guess Utah is now kind of the mecca of white people In a way Hasn't it always been kind of?

I would say it's special. now that Mormons are on their way up. Thinking Merry Christmas, you filthy animal is funny still. It's like, that's a spout. You're like on a different planet to me. I know, it's like you speak Swahili. Like you speak with clicks and whistles.

Somebody elbowing you, going, Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. How do you not want to pull out Anton Chigur's fucking cattle prod gun? I know, it's something we like ironically say. It's literally stuff we say to make ourselves cringe. That's like a genuine joke she has. Yeah, that stinks.

And they look like a happy family. I don't know. They are. They're going to do better than all of us. Oh, 100%. Yeah, they're probably worth millions of dollars. I want to go to her TikTok and see if she's ranting about people on Snap. Actually, that's a good idea.

Let's go to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think she's also hyper political? Usually the Utah people are more just into soda and holidays. That's true. They're not like. They're a gentile. They're nice people.

They live too far away from black people to be racist, really. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Although there are bad parts of Salt Lake City. I think Tony Fienau grew up in a very bad part of Salt Lake City. Weirdly enough. Yeah, he talks about how it was like the hood. Tony Finna, the golfer. Yeah, Galfour. Mayori. Samoan golfer named Tony Finna. He's Mormon. He's Mormon. Well, Samoan is the same thing, right? You educate me. I'm here to sit my white ass down and listen. I know. He just looks like his wife is really fat, so I call that Samoan. If you're black, if you're black, if you're black, And your hair's not curly and your wife looks fat. You're Samoan. He looks like he's dating Rakishi.

Yeah, exactly. You're dating a big fertility statue from the year zero. Yeah. You're a Girl Scout cookie. You're a Girl Scout cookie. Yeah, you're a Girl Scout cookie. You're a cookie that I fuck. You're a cookie that I have sex with the hole.

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Shit. Can I say when I have to transition back into speaking like a normal person after that, I feel like I just jacked off and walked in the room. That's funny. And have to speak to you guys. So you feel like this is normal because I feel like reading ad copy is, is normal because that's accepted by society, the way you're speaking and stuff. And like, the way we're here is abnormal. Anytime... I actually, I feel like if we did the show

with the ad voice, we'd be massive. What if we just start clipping the ads and upload that in social media? And we're like, we're going viral. We're like Matt Rife. We're doing staves, and they're like, dude, age you want. Where me and Devon are saying

raise the roof. As you read adica. Yeah, they're like, do raise the roof, then fuck our wives. You're Matt Rife now. No, anytime my voice goes like, and Goda, I just feel like a horror yeah yeah who jacks off a lot but yeah but you're you're a watch guy now i am a watch guy it's a big problem you're a watch yeah you're gonna have freddie freeman teeth soon

i got i hope i'm gonna get too many too they're gonna be like busting out of me you can have a giant suit mm-hmm watches i'm gonna have my face pulled back way too far you're gonna get lightbo every week let's look at botox that would be a good bit let's get botox for the show if we get to 50k, we'll get Botox. Yeah. But, like, way too much of it. So we look like Yamamoto. I've thought about getting Botox in my throat.

Ha ha. Because if you get it, supposedly if you get Botox in your throat right here, I think it stops hiccups. Oh, really? Or some shit. That's why I think, I'm pretty sure. I don't know they could go inside and do Botox inside your body. Well, don't they just put a big, is it a needle? It's just a big needle.

It's like the way you air up a basketball. Okay. I think. They just make a hole and then. And then they fuck it. Yeah, we have to move the needle in and out. Speaking of fucking, this guy, Jesse Mack Butler, this guy, he's a big cry baby. Who's that guy, Jesse Mac Butler?

He's a high schooler who went to jail for a bunch of horrible things he did. Ah. To, uh... Good. Sounds like a bitch. Uh, it says Jesse Mac Butler is so badly assaulted one of the girls that she needed surgery on her neck. According to the girl Butler repeatedly R-worded and strangled her. He's got a hat that says ricin on it.

He's an evil person. He does. Okay, let me get the volume here. So I guess this is the sheriff. What he did? Yeah. Getting a call that a young man has been going around town. Yeah.

Give me your wallet and phone and stuff. So, okay. You're what? Can I delete my history? Okay, it's fine. I was jacking off. Can I delete my history? Okay.

I'm 15. I was just jacking off. Yeah. So we're here. We're obviously going to place you under arrest. There's a warrant for your arrest. We're going to take you to the jail. I told your mom that she...

So we're going to do a white arrest today. We're going to be following the white protocol for a rest today. We're being very nice. We don't want any surprises for you. Ma'am, don't worry. We're taking him to white jail, okay? I promise you he will not see a single black person unless they work at white jail. That's the nicest I've ever heard.

We're actually... So you're actually arrested for rape right now? If you could just get in the car and put these bracelets on, that would be great. We're actually going to take you down to the station and have you apply to become a police officer. We're hiring you as a police officer

so we can place you on administrative leave for the next four months. Hey, we heard your son is like a horrible guy. We really love his shit. Can we bring him down to the station? Can we make him chief? Hey, we heard he raped nine girls at the middle school,

but we saw his YouTube where he has clips of him throwing a 65 mile per hour fastball. Can we make him the sheriff? How would your son like to rape adults under the threat of the law? We'd love to get him involved with intelligence. We could get him on a couple islands

doing great work with his weird face and his tiny mouth. Man, Peter Thiel would love to finance your son. He kind of looked evil. Oh, yeah. Weirdly enough. He looks like a Murdoch. Yeah, he looks like the judge.

from Blood Meridian, like, the early years. Like, they did a C.W show, prequel. Like baby Looney Tunes. Yeah, baby judge. He looks like the type of guy that's killed many women on, like, drunk boating trips already. Takes his dad's boat out on the lake. Sure, there's a couple bodies at the bottom of the...

And you shouldn't be very, very long, but that just is a process for people like. He looks like he's full of fruit gushers. He loves fruit roll-ups. Red Gatorade. You know this kid, yeah. You know he loves the cereal bars. Oh, yeah.

Morning cereal bars. bars were just candy. Which is great. Which are awesome. And that's what's good about these types of homes. Is they're always loaded with cereal bars? Right. But that is how they caught him. They found cereal in Kool-A. And Gatorade where the women were raped. Yeah.

Checks mix. Yeah. You have to put you in handcast. So turn around for me. I mean, I will say your metabolism at that age, it's hard to be like a big boy. Trust me. I know. It's very difficult. You really got to. You really got to work out. You're 8,000 calories a day. Well, he's tall. He's tall.

Yeah, too, which is kind of crazy. It's kind of crazy. He's chowing down. He must, but he's having to eat a lot from all the, you know, he's winded. They're like, don't worry, we'll get him out quick. We know he has a promising young future raping women in college. So we'll tag him and get him right back out. We want to let you know now.

He does have a free ride to Duke. We're letting you know, based on the way he looks, he's now, we're hiring him as an offensive coordinator at Miami. He has earned a scholarship. He's earned several scholarships. This kid, I wonder if this kid set up a, dude, now you do something like this and it goes super viral, set up a GoFundMe, you make bank because of the culture war stuff. Shiloh Hendrick style. She just said the N-word, and an Indian guy at a playground. She made like a million dollars, you know? Yeah. We should be to start saying it on camera to make money. And that black kid stabbed Austin Butler, Carmelo. Carmelo Anthony.

And he'd set up at GoFundMe like, hey, I stab. Carmelo Anthony killed Elvis. That guy made a ton of money on his GoFundMe, which I thought was insane. Did he? For illegal defense stuff. The black kid did? Yeah, the black kid did. No, I don't care for that. The other one was fine, but I don't care for that.

Whatever, man, I'm not, look, right now, look, that's the past. Right now I'm worried about, hold on, what's his name? Say his name. Is it Jesse Mac Butler? Jesse Big Mac Butler? Jesse Mac Butler. Yeah. His father's is the former football director at OSU.

Well, there, yeah, there you go. He can't trust people with three names. Jesse Macbottler. Jesse Mac the Knife. Mac the Knack the Knife. So we will, he's going to go right to the city's to Water Jail. And if you'll just contact her, then she does this all the time. She knows what to do.

It's like he's being checked in for a flight. No, it is. Exactly. No, it's crazy. Yeah. police department and they're like I just

and by the way I just have to say go OSU we love the buck guys I'm so sorry to be doing this to your beautiful wife family

and your giant white children that's so funny I mean dude states like this they'll let your son wear an ankle bracelet and still go out

on the field and play ball yeah yeah if there's a big game that night if it's homecoming or they're in the playoffs that boy's still

allowed down in the swamp yeah we got a big game versus FSU That's the best rock guy we ever had in this damn city. Yeah, they're going to break him out of jail. Yeah, yeah. No, he's literally going to run through that piece of paper

and just start raping one of the cheerleaders. And they're like, get him, let him finish the game. This is the number three-ranked defense in the state. God damn it, that boy can panache. I'll let him fuck my daughter. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah

There's guys with like There's guys with like rings And say like Like 1958 district champs They're like I remember my first rape As a football player We all got a pop to cherry

It's a feeling you'll never forget You're bound for glory boys The start of the season We have that rape ceremony And we all get handed our rapes When they gave us that pep route To test if we had prep So we didn't get age from raping

Can I say what's the point of being prom king if you don't feel like a king you know brother you got to feel like an emperor that night hallelujah hallelujah god hates asslers brother god hates flares brother god hates fags but he loves rape you're holding a big sign that says god loves rape yeah on one on one side god hates fags and then people like oh and then you flip it around it's like but he loves rape you're like oh okay but then what i raise my man, but so why does he hate gay people then? Because they live a life of sin.

If you could throw, you could take it. Yeah. Is that we're the ones that picture? Is that the door? Still on our peony. Still water. You know what's funny? They could switch places. Yeah, they really could.

These two guys could absolutely switch places. Still water, peony. Still one or peeey. The cop's like, this is what happens when you don't win state. He's like, hey. man, I'm sorry. I know this is this fucking bullshit. You just, you left too much gatorade behind. Dude, I had a, we had a guy at our school who was falsely accused of rape and he got kicked

out of the school. Falsely accused? Yeah, well, they, he was just accused. He was still innocent, but then ACU kicked him out. Oh, the college. And then he proved himself in court that he was, he was fine. And then he sued ACU and won a ton of money. Like, because you can't just kick someone out because they're accused of something until they're proven innocent or guilty. How did he prove his innocence? He fucked her again. Yeah, they put a big doll. They had a big thing of dirt out in a field that looked like a woman.

Did they ask him to lay a topper? Did they boo him when they found out he was innocent? They boo. The judge goes, boo! You are free to go, though. I thought I liked you. Get the fuck out of here. You're free to go, queer.

You often have checks with men or whatever you do. do and your time he's fine being proven innocent yeah he's like no no no I raped you I didn't no no I'll do it right now I'll do it right now

you guys can watch they got to figure out a better thing in court where I just don't think you should have to face your rapist yeah or you're rapist

or if someone did something horrible to you and you have to testify in front of them and point to them it would be very difficult I admit there's got to be a better

they got to do this They've got to start doing this with the... Have you seen the way Indians check you in on an iPad now at hotels? No. Here you go, right here. I already have it queued up. It's our next... It's our next segment.

I was trying to find a way to segue into it rather than just saying next segment. Here we go. This is a Miami virtual check-in at a hotel here. Good God. Two, just in case I lose one. Yes. It's like chat roulette.

The guy's just chat. It's my dude, it's omengal. It's so funny. Okay, hold on, sir. I'm about to bus. Hold on. Hold on. What are you wearing?

Sir, hold on. I'll give you their keys. What room will you be in? Sir, if your wife can walk a little closer to camera, please. And bend over. Thank you, sir. Okay, have your wife do a twirl. I'm about to jig in my white people hair.

As a Freudian slip. Guy is swagged out, by the way. He looks good as fuck. Got a black shirt, red tie. Imagine getting your dick suck wearing that headset. Red tie. Simple jack hair cup. God, I actually do need that now.

I'm going to go buy an Xbox and a headset to get my dick sucked while I get my shit kicked and Halo. He does look kind of cool. And I got a kicks ass. That's weird. I wonder if this is real. It probably is. I'm prepared to get got by Sora 2 in the next coming six months. There is a new thing.

There's a lot of these weird, like I got a hotel once and like Flagstaff. and it was really cheap on like hotels tonight or whatever, and it was nice and new, but it felt like it was, the guys behind the counter were all Indian, and it felt like it was run by like a tech company. Like it was, I don't know what's going on, but it wasn't,

I'd never heard of the hotel before, but it was like nice and newish, but it felt like it was on its way to this type of shit. Because I've never even heard of that, what is it, Alevion or Elavion, the hotel. Elevon, yeah, Elevon. Elevon. It's like a pharmaceutical company

starts up a hotel. Yeah, it's like you leave the hotel. talent disappears. You can't ever find it again. Yeah. Yeah. You dream the whole thing. Well, maybe the guy's good at his job though. Like, maybe he is efficient. And I will say, you know, people check in late at night. Maybe

Indian time zone kind of sinks up. Yeah, they're up so late watching porn that that's why they can be the nightclades. Somebody not think it's a different time zone. You just think they all are on a different time there because they're chatting. I go, they don't operate on white America time? They wake up at 4 p.m. Oh, yeah.

Of course. Of course. Of course. Rumpi, or two roomkey? Two, just in case I lose one. I'm just imagining him going like, okay, sir, just a second, and then he's just, on his side, he's just opening different X videos. Pornhub.

Please note that we have a strict policy of no No pets and no visitors allowed in any of our guest rooms. We're very sorry about the Indian man. Using your finger, please sign where it says guest signature when you see the form on the screen. Oh, that's right, sir.

I will just process your room rest in which contains all the property. Why do you even need to see the guy if it's like this? Like, that's weird. I don't like that. Yeah, just do like a phone or something at that point. Yeah. So there's going to be like no jobs, right? Oh, no.

Yeah, those are like going away. Well, they're going to have, they're going to replace homeless people with Indian guys on screens. You're not going to have Winos anymore. They're going to be, you're going to walk past a giant iPad on wheels that goes, please, I could you give him? me a dollar. I'm very hungry. Please, sir. I'm very hungry. I'm a veteran of Korea, sir. Please. What have all the homeless guys? Dude, people don't have cash anymore. What are homeless people doing? Because they used to make bank in the day. They all got the way back in the day. They all

got the QR codes out. They'll let you scan it. The way you can buy a T-shirt after an arena act walking out. You just scan the QR code by it from Amazon. He's like, I got a QR code and then he just holds up a shit that he drew on a piece of paper. he drew himself dying and shit on paper he's like scan the code man that is i don't like that yeah yeah it's uh it is what it is man it's i don't know you can be mad about it or you can just learn another language because i think that's kind of where everything's going yeah we should start we should start doing that to india those will be like the jobs we have left yeah yeah i did a home Depot thing with my daughter where we were in the parking lot and it was a kid's day where

they we built an excavator so me and my daughter we got on the ground like in the parking lot when there was all these tables and I was hammering a little wooden excavator together and we were painting it and there were 20 other families there and we were there was one other white family besides us but they were fat as shit wearing crocs with Deadpool shirts they hired them they hired the Mexican guys at Home Depot to build it for them they went to get the guy At the edge. She's like, I'm tired. Go give them $200.

You want me to be the same case? Be a good son and run across the hot lot. Yeah, run across that hot lot and tell those boys, I got a six pack of Modela. They build this. Dude, just like, they have Kevin, white guys have Kevin James, like, fat white guys in the city have Kevin James Jim Shorts. Yeah. Where I didn't even know Jim Shorts could get that long. People, you're not wearing your crocs.

I was, I can I shit on Crocs, Chase, if I may? I know you love Crocs. No. How dare you? my beautiful crocs that look fantastic. Because that's your flag. Oh, yeah. That's your, do not tread on me.

Well, that's, you can actually, you can judge how much I've been jacking off during the week if I come in crox or not. Good. Okay. Yeah, if I'm in crox. I have noticed you smell worse if you're coming with crocs. Yeah. If I come in crox, that's six or more. That's six or more that week.

Six or more. Yeah, this one was like four. So this is I'm wearing pants and shoes. So you could put your socks on today. Exactly. Exactly. That's why I wear the crocs I've run out of socks that I've gizzed in. Yeah, yeah.

I get it. The family. We were building it next to was Indian and they were speaking, is it Indian or is it, is it, I'm sorry. Chinese. Oh, they're speaking Chinese. There's an Indian family speaking full Chinese, full Mandarin next to me. And then table behind me, Mexican, speaking Spanish and then table to the left of me was Hebrew and they were speaking mostly Hebrew to each other. They were evicting people from the house.

And you turned around like Shooter McGavin, you're like, Daku people, this is America! Shooter? Because I have khakis and golf shoes. I was just angry about the multiculturalism. How am I supposed to be white with this shit going on? Daddy daughter day. It would be funny if I walked out in L.A. And I'd be like, what the hell's going on?

What the fuck is this culture? What happened to Los Angeles? Predominantly white city. What happened? Yeah, you haven't been here since 1948. What happened? I was got in my head. I'm like, should I learn Hebrew or Spanish?

I guess I should learn Spanish because supposedly that one's pretty easy. Uh-huh. I don't think I'm going to learn. an Indian, but, you know, I'm not moving to Ireland, so I'm just going to learn another language. You should learn Hebrew. I think that'd be a good bit for you. I have to learn something and then teach my daughter it because, you know, there's just, um, I don't want her to be friends with those, the fat, white crock people with the temple shirts. So I'd rather her be able to speak Spanish and then talk to the nice family behind us. It's kind of crazy.

They haven't come up with some sort of, like a pill or something that just allows you to speak a new language. Yeah, just inject it into your brain. I love where your cartoon mind goes. Come on. You know it's out there you know it's out there well people have come out of comas with new accents there we go so if i can work on it i don't know i i i want to know spanish but i the idea of like sitting down like i'm in school again and learning anything i'd rather just rather just fucking sit my own filth and wait to die can you guys speak into their language no not at all once a year my entire life once a year for my entire life i sit down and i go i'm going to learn spanish on do a lingo and then after i did a little green out i do all i do all

all types of schemes, plans. And then after a day, I'm like, this sucks ass. I'm not doing this at all. I remember just getting really, like, getting really wrapped up in no-sotros and, like, not, just not getting all the different no-sotroses or whatever and being like, fuck this in school. No-sot-trots.

There was something about no-sot-tros that just got me. The gender pisses me off. That's what pisses me off about it. La Luna, El-Sol. So the son's a guy, the woman's, a lady, doesn't make any sense. If you call Luna, they'll laugh at you, like, their language isn't stupid. If you say L. Luna, they actually will laugh in your face. If they're not stupid, they have boy and female words. Jason once gave these Mexican movers that didn't speak English,

he gave them in and out, and he said hamburgas and fritos or whatever. I said, I said, no, here's the thing, they were stonewall in me. Yeah. They stole Katie's iPad, by the way. Well, of course they did. They stole Katie's iPad. They were cock suckers. Yeah, they sucked ass. No, I kept, I was like, hamburger's french fries, and they stared at me. I go, hamburgases, he's Papa Fritas. And they all go, oh, fuck, me, fuck, me, fuck. I was like, all right, I don't fucking, you fucking, you fucking don't speak my fucking language. Yeah.

For trying at all, yeah. I mean, when I, like, in school, like, in Spanish, like, maybe it would be easier to learn now with, like, technology, like, duolingo or whatever. I just remember my Spanish teacher just spoke Spanish. And I was like, the fuck is this. I don't know. it. So I have no clue. I know no clue what he said all year. You're also going to school in L.A., so probably half the kids spoke

it. And they killed it. Yeah. It was like an easy class for most of them, but I was just like, I'm never... You know it's funny Devin? I learned Swedish on Duolingo for six months, and I probably had 100 to 150 words down. And I was doing that every day and I got nothing now. Yeah. I got like, yogette or

Yurtkubin. It left. Which is I ate a strawberry. Or like elephantin or something like that. Or Valcomen. Yeah. But I, but I got like 10 words. I don't have much at all. There was a period where you and your wife, you were learning Swedish, she was learning German. I was like, this is a little too on the Ness. I go, you guys were in the two most white power language.

I was so happy to hopped in an Uber, and I had a Swedish guy. I remember that. And I started speaking Swedish, and he was like, he was like, oh, the very good. And he was like, I'm in the park here, and he got in the bag, it's cocked out. He's like, I have to go with the dragon tattoo in my basement. I accidentally told him. I'm like, you can rape me, my friend. You can rape me.

I love being raped. He's like, okay. I think I'm saying I'm going to the park to see my dad. He's like, I can rape your dad, too. Okay. I accidentally invite him to kill me and rape me and throw me in the trunk of his Uber. Yeah. You also, by the way, you don't need to learn a language.

I once did a job block with a guy who did not speak English, and I just spoke into my phone, translate. Do you not feel like a retard doing that? No. No, I don't care. No. I think of him is retarded because I live in America, so he should speak my language. There's always going to be an inherent ego in me. where I go,

just, it's the language. It's the one. It's the right one. It's the right one. It's the one I speak. I do kind of believe it. I'm like,

it's the one I was born with. Speak that. So what are you saying? I'm wrong. Yeah. And by the way, if I go to Mexico and a guy doesn't speak English,

I'm not like, what the hell? Right. What the hell? I'm on their territory. Yeah. It's also so close to say hamburger. You're already got hamburgases.

Right. You're making it way harder on us right now. Hamburger. I know. Hamburger. Hamburgesa Yeah I did that the other day

With a Korean Uber driver Because I knew like a little Korean But then I was he was like real Korean And so I started speaking into my phone And just talking to him and shit You're like get out of my country You're ruining America Yes of course

Dude the real superpower is speaking seven languages You can do anything It's amazing You can convince anyone of anything It really is an amazing power to have Those people are wizards to me People that know multiple languages That's insane

Yeah, but you've got to grow up in Europe. It's the only way to do it. Is that true? I think you just have to be, like, educated. I think you just have to have access to the actual fucking language. I don't know how people do it. I think all day of, like, I'm like, what's another word for, like, wonderful? In English.

I'm always looking, I'm like, I don't even know that many adjectives in English. I've run out of space. I say very unjust, and that's about it. That's all the describers I have. If I learn Swedish fully, if I go back to it, could I do a podcast and fully, like, Swedish and fly under the radar and, like, do whatever I want. You think I could? Probably, yeah.

You could become a big hit in Sweden. Why were you learning Swedish? Because I want it. You want a pretend answer, or do you want the gay guy answer? I don't know. It's just a, it is an interesting one for you. The gay guy answer is I love Bergman a lot. And I wanted to watch his, I loved, like, wild strawberries and persona and, like, through

the glass darkly and all of his movies. And Hitler. Wait, do you like Hitler? Bergman loved Hitler. But he cried. He cried when he died. He cried when Hitler died. Okay.

In his defense, he jacked off a lot. He moved to an island to jack off and he never even was a pedophile. He had an Epstein Island for masturbating. Okay. He moved to an island to make movies and he was like, I just need to be alone to beat off. Can I tell you, I kind of honestly get that a little bit. I think he would beat off into the surf. How good a jackoff must feel when you notice somebody needs to take a boat to come

interrupt it? That rules. You can just be pants completely off. And he had his own movie theater on the island. That he watched porn on? Probably. God, that's the life. He was addicted to, he was raised super religious.

I think he had scrupulosity, like OCD. Was, is that what it is? The Stephen Dentalist disease, scrupulosity. It's like, I don't know. It's religious compulsion where you, like, you pray constantly or you're worried about punishment. Yeah, that's OCD. Like, he had that, and he was a furious masturbator. Furious, like, like, he really just, he was angry about it.

He didn't even enjoy it. He just had to compulsively masturbate. constantly. I love that. That's a king. He was a furorice masturbator. Furious. Very good. Very good. Yeah, but who knows? In terms of the context, we don't know why he cried when Hitler was dead. Well, it's because he hated Jews and won them all to the burn. That's probably why he cried. He's like, oh, the Jews are going to live. Oh, no. But this is why the new people hate everything. The

has done because every guy behind great art wanted like Frank Baum who gave us the wonderful Wizard of Oz we had to genocide the Native Americans or we wouldn't have had the Wizard of Oz. I know. I don't have had it.

Like the fact that John Wayne was on flights all across America just screaming about savages and it's like I still love John Wayne. Yeah, he's great. He's fantastic. And I do think the masturbation thing, I do think you kind of have to be a little bit of a sexual deviant to make good art for most people. You have to be insane in some way

Like I know Kafka is like the greatest writer of all time And he was addicted to whores and jacking off Yeah and then there's the other guy like David Byrne Who's probably asexual He's probably never come Dude I bet I bet burn jacks his shit You think he's like the usual suspects I think he closes the door

He stops talking like a weirdo And starts jacking his shit That big suit is full of porn He's walking around with terabytes In his giant suit He's jizzing into a sock the size of a dinner plate I guess I get it, man.

I get it. Yeah, you're probably right about the beat-off stuff. I would- We got to be more forgiving of artists that are horny, I think. That's what I've learned. I would, if I was a guy in the 50s, I wouldn't have a second family. I have a second house that I go beat-off on when I say I'm on the road. That's interesting.

I like that. The way the Amish build a house, you build a house that way. Yeah, yeah. But just for it to beat off in. Exactly. It's broke back mountain, but for jacking off. Randy Quaid sees me through the binoculars. You're just jacking off on them out.

He's like, God damn it. I saw you up there with your cock, cock in your hands. I saw you picking the flower petals up there on Brokeback. You know, I paid you to wash my sheep and I jack off on them. Do we have any proof they didn't beat off then? The cave paintings, to me, sometimes I think they're fake because there's nobody with big titties or pussies on it. Because wouldn't they be praying to the titty and the pussy if they worship the Mother Goddess stuff back then? They made dolls.

Have you ever seen those? fertility statues that they made. They made like little figurines with big tits and asses and they would, I think they would like fuck him and jack off to them. That was the first, they made a flashlight before they made the wheel. Yeah, I literally think so. I think they made a flashlight out of rocks and fucked it. I think they did.

That rocks? That was like a caveman. You were holding a little rock you chiseled to look like a titty and then you're jacking off. The cave of wet dreams. Exactly. You walk in and there's just, the, there's, Giata Michaels is on a cave painting from 35,000 years ago. And Seth Stalactites, it's old. dry calm that's just dripping down slowly yeah yes yes supposedly it was very hard to breathe in those

caves too so it's kind of crazy they did that they'd be deprived of oxygen sort of high spiritually drawing this stuff doing auto-irotic asphyxiation sucking their own penis yeah yep making themselves hanging themselves back then probably real because you could probably just jack off like staring at somebody you know like you're talking to somebody while texting on your phone you could probably jack off like that well that's one wonder if there was sex with self back then then or was the women would just let guys run trains on the back then it was you made a stronger racial baby that way I strong as come survives in the pussy of course of course I think as early I think the first fish that crawled out of the water did it to go jack off I think that's

why evolution started he's like I got to shit was too wet his shit was too way he's like I got to go fucking come in the sand real quick well that's a mud fish yeah crawling up on into the mud to fuck the mud yeah exactly because the mud's like a big pussy yeah lazy eggs everywhere. Yeah. I think that's the only reason we exist today. It's because a fish wanted to come. I just need to be left alone. Yeah, the fish is like, there's so many fish in the ocean. I know where I can jack off. Land. He grows legs and a penis and balls. Through sheer will. Through sheer will, he grows legs to go jack off. Is he go jack off? Yeah, that's where the thumb comes from so you can jack off better. I mean, if you go to the zoo,

like monkeys will jack off and shit, like all the time. Like, I think it's like it needs. Not a my watch. It's disrespectful. But they don't do it for pleasure, right? I thought, I think, aren't, like, dolphins the only animal that, like, has, like, has fun with coming or something? I have a hell of a time. Can you Google that real quick?

Do animals masturbate? Of course they do. You go to the zoo. They all are jacking off. They're just blowing. The reason they're in cages is just because they're blowing ropes. Right. They're not even going to hurt people.

That's why they have the come is, it's a liability. It's too much. Why they have that big pit so they can't, you got to get all the way to you. Sea World, the splash zone. Yeah, they would throw comma you like that... No, but I think there's only a few animals that actually like enjoy orgasming and like do it for fun or something. Which animals enjoy orgasm? Dolphins.

Oh, bonobos, which is the monkey that we're related to. We're closest in terms of the DNA. It's 98.5 or something. Male sea otters as well. They rape up a storm sea otters. They really do. That's what they have that little rock for. to bash somebody in the head.

Oh, wow. A fly. Many animals are known to experience orgasm or at least derive pleasure from sex. Yeah, lizards, fruit flies. Hey, man. Bats. Jacking off as a bat hanging upside down.

I hate that. I got to look up. Oh, Capuchin. Capuchin. The top G himself. I love a capuchin. I fed one corn once. I fed him a little corn kernels, and he was cracking them and going, ooh. Where'd you run into a capuchin?

In Australia. I climbed on Sam Talents back to feed a monkey, some corn. Nice, interesting. It was awesome. What a sentence. I know that's like from one of Sam's books. And then Ben climbed on his back to feed a capuchin corn. I love the capuchins.

I wish I had more corn to give him, but sadly, I was hungry. Yeah. And then, you know, he ran away and his stomach exploded five minutes later. He was just like trying to shove his guts back in. Well, other capuchins are tearing into bits. The bonobos were related to the most in terms of DNA. It's not chimpanzees. Benobos.

Very interesting. Could you tell? Do they look kind of like us a little? You know, I don't know what a bonobo looks like, but I'm happy to Google it, buddy. Bonobos. You don't have to tell me twice to Google a monkey on this show because I love them. The Capuchins, the Gibbons. I love a baby gibbon.

I've been over that. Bonobo's a great ape. That's a really good monkey, actually. That's a great. That's a great. Actually, that is the monkey, isn't it? That's the monkey. That's the Tim Allen monkey.

That's monkey, yeah. Doesn't Tim Allen have a monkey in a movie where he becomes a monkey? I think we talked about this before he does. I don't think so at all. But there's jungle to jungle. You might be thinking of that. Dude, the Mandela effect. There had never been a movie with Tim Allen with a monkey.

You thought the Santa Claus was he becomes a monkey. So that's not, this guy is not a chimp. It's a bonobo. It's a bonobo, which I think is a different thing. I would think that's a chimp. It's a pygmy chimpanzee. Pygmy chimpanzee. Dwarf chimpanzee.

Oh, they're endangered. Oh, no. Oh, wow. That's sad. That's so sad. So these are chimpanzees. Interesting. Yeah.

I think scientists did believe at one point we were related to a chimpanzee that was very violent. And then we found out we're more related to the bonobo, which is a very calm, gentle, peaceful, more of a spiritual type of monkey. So it doesn't explain. Why we're so, I mean, even the Native Americans, when they were nomadic, they would kill, they would genocide, they were masters at it. He does kind of look like an oracle champ or something, like a... Yeah, he tells the future. Like a monk or something. We share 98% of our DNA with the bonobos.

It's pretty damn close. Pretty damn close. Not bad. I'd say we're only 2% away from being them. Yeah, with the social media these days. Jesus Christ. We're all kind of like bonobos running around. I think I heard something once that I heard a theory that we're so violent because there

was like, what was it was like Neanderthals and then Homo gay, whatever it's called, Homo Erectus. Homo erectus. And then they theorized that Homo erectus like killed all the Neanderthals and that's the reason they became the dominant species that became humans. So I think I'd heard something like that is the reason we're such a violent people basically. If the history is not shown in the show primal on HBO, I don't know what's going on. If there's not a guy with a, if there's not a caveman with a dinosaur buddy, then I don't know.

I'm going to type in Tim Allen Monkey movie because I'm going to call you on this right now. Okay. And I hate to embarrass you on the show, but I will. Please, don't embarrass me to help. I hate to catch you with your pants down. Sure, because I'm jacking off. There's not a Tim Allen Monkey movie. He might have done narration on a chimpanzee thing.

Damn it. Yeah, no, sorry, nothing. Chimpanzee cast, Tim Allen. Really? No, that's voice cast. Yeah, so he did the voice. He did the... It's a nature documentary.

He did the narration for. Does he turn into a dog in a movie? Maybe that's one I'm thinking of the shaggy dog. Yeah, not the shaggy monkey. Where he turns into a dog. He turns into a dog, yeah. It's a remake of a movie from like 1968. One of those Disney movies from when they're like,

who gives a fuck? Make a cat Chinese or have a guy turn into a dog. cares. There's actually tons of movies about monkeys, but I'm trying to find the movie where the guy's friends with a monkey. Mighty Joe Young. Oh, Chase, thank you. Yeah, Mighty Joe Young. With Charlize Charlize Theron. Charlize thereon. Yes, Chase, you beautiful bastard. I knew it was from the 90s. Yes, Jace. Oh, I love you so much. You're my brother. I love you. We watched all the same VHSs together. Mighty Joe Young. Yeah, this was a great movie. This one of the greatest movies ever made. Bergman can never make something like this. He was a big monkey who

wanted to fuck Charlie's Theron. Yeah. That's nice. And he got mad that Bill Paxton started hitting it. No, I'm liking this. Yeah. I like that. And I think they captured him at some point.

I don't know. Yeah, I remember this movie. Bill Paxton, he's the goat. R.I.P. Interesting. We read the Wikipedia page for Mighty Joe Young. So Bill Paxton is a professor. Very good.

Does he end up? Does he give him like a kiss? A little kiss. A little peck on the cheek. She jacks him on. That's the apotheosis. I remember, I remember. She fills a bucket with his comb.

I remember reading like Uncle John's bathroom reader, which you know, I read like 80 of them because I fucking suck. No, because you're a beautiful man, Jason. You were lusting for life at the time. Of course, by reading. Now you're just lest for big titty. Yeah, exactly. Which is much better. But I remember reading something like gorilla dicks are so small that like King Kong would have had a six inch penis.

So Mighty Joe. John could have fucked Charlie's Theron. I think you would have like a two-inch dick or something. They have, like, the smallest dick out of, like, any primate, I'm pretty sure. Supposedly, that's how we know that monogamy is a recent idea because all the males would be competing with the other males to fuck the woman. For monkeys. Well, everything used to be a matriarch. The woman was in control because from her came life and men saw them as more special.

I mean, tens of thousands of years ago, our penises are some of the biggest, relative to our own size because they you know you have to you need a longer dick to spread that shit up you gotta beat the shit up because it was pleasurable for a woman so you'd want to be very good at fucking and eating pussy and I don't know if they ate pussy back then actually no I'll get back to you

there's probably one monkey who ate pussy and they killed them hey don't even tell me yeah Google first guy to eat pussy ever I want to know who the first guy in history was to like kill himself like who was that fucking guy Yeah, it's called like John the Fag or something, a guy from like 1,400. You think until 1400, the guy finally killed himself.

I actually think I'm not kidding. I think the second fish that went on land did it to kill himself. Next to the guy who was jacking off. The first man to kill himself in history. Do you think it's even... Socrates, I'm going to say. Well, I know in the Old Testament we have people kill themselves, right? Judas kills himself famously in the New Testament.

The first recorded person was Paramus. yeah some gay guy jace you were right paramus and this be are lovers who story involved their double suicide dude do do a misunderstanding so it was religious I mean it was I don't want one out of love I want one where a guy is just like

this sucks he's killed himself just a guy in 2000 BC was like there's not going to be movies for like 6,000 years I want to hear about the guy that's like this is fucking this is everything's so stinky there's no YouTube there's no streaming

I don't, there's nothing, yeah. Elephant Graveyard won't be around for 6,000 years. I have to kill myself. Samson, I guess, yeah, he killed himself in the Bible. Samson. So sexual jealousy was a big reason people killed themselves even 4,000 years ago. Yeah, during the romantic period, people loved, people loved dying for love in the romantic period. Interesting.

They loved getting consumed by love and letting it destroy them. That was a big thing back then. Ajax the guy from the Trojan War he killed himself I think people have been animals even kill themselves I want a guy that killed himself because he like you know

he lost a you know he owed a lot of money or something give me that guy he owed like 30 big stones to his bucket yeah yeah like shit on that I don't want like there to be like a cool, like a romantic story behind it.

I want like a real nothing guy. What are those clay tablets that they write on and why we have their writings today? It's like a cuneiform or whatever. You know, it's like they would have to take a little thing of clay and they write on it and then let it sit in the sun. And that doesn't decay. Yeah. And that doesn't decay, which is why we know a lot about the, I think the Sumerians and people like that. Yes. Yes.

Did a guy like make a bunch of mud and then like ride a suicide note and then go let it? And he would just, he just sat by it as it. As his suicide note formed over the course of eight hours waiting. Waving a big fan on it so he can kill himself. Yeah. He's like, I got to get it. I need to get over with this. He's like, I've been weaving this news for two months.

I'm like, I'm finally ready. I have to kill myself. I forget what those damn things are cold. It starts with a C. Yeah, I don't know, something like that. It's a big pile of shit that they would ride on. They'd ride on a big turd. With another turd.

With a stronger, harder turd. Yeah, no, I know. One thing I do like a lot is the examples of, of ancient people being very similar to us. Where it's like, you know, they've found like stuff where it's like a... Except they're smarter. Yeah, it's like somebody found like a test somebody took in their whatever class they went to on a, you know, stone. And on the back, you'd like ridden like, you know, like, Jake is a fucking piece of shit.

Fuck him. Like their friend or whatever. You were like, I hate my dad. Yeah, it's like, fuck my dad. Like shit like that. My dad sucks. Yeah. Well, like the first, uh...

My mom's a bitch. I think the first recorded writing is literally like somebody filing a plane. a complaint that they got, like, bad brass from, like, a dealer. It was literally, like, a guy being like, he did. It was only 90% press. And that's, like, the first writing. I got jude on the brass. He's like, I got chewed on the press.

And that was the first thing ever written. They're like, the slaves screwed you out of brass. He's like, they did it somehow. They did. They did it. Yeah. I think that's, like, the first writing ever found. You know where you get a good deal, Jace.

Patreon.com slash little party. That's where you get a good deal. And you won't kill yourself. You sign up. Guaranteed. But you will masturbate. Because there's so much pleasure to be had at patreon.com slash seven party. Yep.

So true. It's just a bunch of porn on there. God, we'd make so much more if we just, like, made porn. I know. I was thinking the other day about how I would, if I was just a stacked woman, I'd just be a gigantic or. Oh, I just meant if we all fucked each other as guys. I'd rack up millions. I think you'd be a great porn director, Devin.

I would. I think you'd be like, uh, boogie night. It's, you know. No, I'd be good. Like Byr Reynolds. I'd think you'd reinvent the medium. Yeah, but it's fucking dead. I think me and Jays are sitting on gold here because I don't think there's any brothers that fuck.

There's plenty of like, we're sisters, but we fuck each other. There are they twins that fuck each other? And it's like, are they actually twins or did they meet and they just look similar? The brother scene from gummo, but you're just fucking each other in a kitchen. Ramming each other's heads into the walls. I don't, if I heard about two gay porn stars who are brothers that fuck each other, I would find them. and I would make them not be able to do that anymore. It should be illegal.

That's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. Well, I guess incest is illegal. So usually the sister porn stuff probably is not true, right? There are only fans girls where they're two twin sisters and they supposedly fuck. Sure. It's a wicked world. I've seen it on X. It's a wicked, wicked world.

I've seen it on X. Sure. Where they just like kiss and touch each other. Who's to say if it's legal or not? I say the government shouldn't be involved. Yeah. You're just like Brigham Young. Let me do what I want

Let me fuck who I want Come on But Jason if things really turns out for us We could always just start fucking each other I would rather do that than a day job To be honest If you told me you have firearm sales Or fuck my brother

I'm like alright well It's been a good road I would obviously just let you fuck me in the ass Well sure sure sure Because I don't want to I think I would actually rather get fucked In the ass and close my eyes I don't want to see what your penis looks like

And your balls Yeah I'd have to really live with the graphic images of it. Yeah. I would have my eyes taken out. I would still offer. I'd be like, you can fuck me if you win. And you're like, no, no. I'm like, okay, okay. Like that fake. Like, I can give you right now if you want. Do you know the airport in the world? Yeah. I'm on. Don't say yes. If you say yes, if you say yes, I'll privately bitch about you for the next two weeks. Even though I'm offering. Even though I offer it, I'm a piece of shit. Well, God bless you folks and we'll see you over on the Patreon. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.

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