lemonparty - 165: The Grandaddy Files

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

The Grandaddy Files | lemonparty 165 Jace and Ben find out who their great great great grandfather is in Texas, Devan holds nothing back on the Rob Reiner slaying, they get pissed off at a black guy on tiktok, and the spirit of Dye shall be upon this.. this week on lemonparty. https://www.lemonparty.life/ https://lucy.co/lemon use code lemon bonus episodes ⁠https://www.patreon.com/lemonparty⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One chicken, one, chicken, one, chicken, whews. Chicken, one, chicken, chicken wings. One, one, chicken wings. Yeah, you like my outfit, don't even make the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill. Always in my face, talking listening. Girl, I ended up about some real for the cataract. You rag clean, but your gas take.

But your gas tank is on me Be stepping now they got no decent shoes on your feet That's just to feed it bro. You don't know what you're talking about In the face, there's no choice when the come out Hate to see you in the club You're bombing with a mug No one that you're bad with your boy, you're nothing but a scrub

But he was with me That's when you treat hate it Cause when I got up on you in your bed near faith I showed it and I face drinking on the act Mouth full of clothes But your ass needs to be too What you need's a girl Real place and fun

What you're like Yeah, there you go Oh yeah, the killer Yeah, the killer My dad did it And he would like send me things Like where he'd be all excited He'd be like, look, we're related

to this mountain man from Italy From hundreds of years ago I'm like, this guy seems like a fag Just wearing like a fucking marmot hat Mm-hmm. Well, I showed you, I sent you guys right, the Cicero Millsap, the guy we were related to. Mm-hmm. He was like our great-great-grandfather, and he lived in Comanchee Country, and he looked like a hawk with a big beard, neckbeard. And he accidentally killed himself when he was 50 because he kept a gun under his pillow to shoot engines, and he went to grab it one day and blew the top of his head off.

That's really real. And that was our great, great, great-grandfather. Yeah, Cicero Millsap. You can look him up. That's it. Why does your, your whole family, every name, was so ridiculous. I know. He was a slave overseer in Georgia who moved to Texas. He was a slave overseer. Overseer.

He was like a scout. He was the guy who dug in his belly button and goes picking a little faster boy. And then he fought in the Civil War lost. He's like, this one runs a four, too. The first football coach in our family. Yeah, he started the Cotton Bowl Yeah, he was the first last chance You coach

He was buddy Ryan But yeah, moved to Texas Lived in Comanche country Fought the shit out of Indians Was like kind of famous for him And his wife just killed Indians all the time Yeah And then reaching for his gun one night

Because he heard a noisy He blew his brains out on accident That's He heard a twig snap And he goes, And then just blew those top of the set off This is what grandma texted me Empire of the Summer Moon

You mentioned you were reading it On page 60, writing about Parker County, the Millsaps family lived in Parker County and arrived September 1859, a story about Cicero Fuller Millsaps. I just Googled thought you would find interesting. During 1871, the savages slipped up and shot Thomas Landrum, who was hitching up horses near the lot at Fuller Millsap Place, about one mile north of the present town of Millsap in Parker County. The Indians then let down the fence to get the horses, but Fuller Millsap and his son-in-law, J.B. Joe Lovin, a son of Oliver Lovin, who was killed on the Pacas, ran out in the yard with their guns, and began firing at the savages. This is a newspaper article.

For 15 minutes they fought, and finally Fuller Millsap and Joe Levin ran short of cartridges. But Donna Millsap, a daughter who afterwards married, J.J. Hitson, bravely exposed herself to the fire of the Indians' guns and arrows and carried her father more ammunition. So she's running ammunition out into the... She's trained well. Yeah, these are all seven-year-olds, I'm assuming. It reads, like, Uncle Alice's story that he's giving at Tom Bell and no country for old men.

Yeah, Uncle Alice is like, I knew a real big retard named Cicero Millsap about it. Back in 19-A-7. You know the podcast Lemon Party. Hey, the great-great-grandson of Mr. Millsett. One of the great races from the Civil War. Killed those savages. So he moved to Parker County in 59, which I think means he went back to Georgia for the Civil War. to join back up.

Of course he did. So get this. Ms. Fuller Millsap stepped to the door and when she did an Indian pinned her apron to the wall with an arrow. Jesus. Two or three Indians were wounded, but in each case were carried away by their companions. After the Indians were gone,

J.B. Loving started to Weatherford for Dr. A. What our news? Is this like the Star Ledger? This is like erotic. This was the racist times. Parker County Racist Tribune. When the doctor reached the Millsap residents, However, Thomas Landrum was dead.

Note, author personally interviewed James and Sam Newberry and several other early settlers of Palo Pinto and Parker County. But that was from the West Texas Frontier. And she said, love grandma. Yeah. But Cicero, Fuller, Millsaps is your great, great, great, grandfather, and his daughter is Salitha, who had Robert Avery, who had Don, who had my, our dad, Jimmy.

Yes, exactly. And we are 132nd Cherokee. I don't buy that Because granddaddy's one-eighth Did they rape? I mean, I imagine I think they were I think they were raped

I don't think that it was invented yet Cesar on Bill's up They didn't know He was horny one day And a savage was in front of him My great-great-granddaddy invented raping I think it was

They were so tough The women were raping the male Indians And then giving birth to little engine children So she's running ammo to Papa Because Papa's popping them off at the savages Runs out of ammo she runs out in her big, huge, inconvenient dress.

Yes, it's a very... Ridiculous dress takes an hour to get off. Looks like a BBL. Yes. A dress so she can look like Nikki Minaj. And she looks really, really, like, dainty and sophisticated, but she's, like, yelling things like, shoot his cock off, daddy!

Shoot his red balls out! Shoot his savage cock off! Get that red end word! Get that red end! Yeah, Saints' first... Saying slurs, we lost to time. Forgotten slurs. It's crazy if they lost that battle, this podcast wouldn't exist.

That little skirmish, they went down. If seven Indians didn't die one day in Parker County, we would never have this racist podcast. Yeah. It's crazy how life twists and turns. Life sounded so much better back then. Yeah. Yeah, it sounded way better. It sounded way better.

Yeah, hide behind a wagon. A bunch of people tried to cut your head off. It also could have been the case that the Indians were just like, Hey, we just want to introduce ourselves And they were like Yeah, they're just Yeah, they're just

Wow Well, weren't they Comanche? Yeah, The Comanchees were always bad, right? Yeah, no, they're never like, Hey, what's up? Yeah, hey, we're chill. Hey, we're chill.

You guys like weed? Yeah, and they were like constantly like, ah! Right? Or didn't they constantly like, Ah! Flying off of rocks. Yeah, they're lost.

It was like eight-legged free. They were. They had like an amazing jumping ability. Every movie, they're always flying through the hair. David R. Katz firing out of the sawed-off shotgun. You're poking a big nest up in the rafters and Indians are coming out. You're like, shit. They're like the flying monkeys from Lizard of Oz. And our great, great, great grandfather knowingly moved to Indian country. He did it on purpose. Yeah. Because it was, I'm assuming because it was cheap land. Yeah. Because you just had to, you know, turn Indians and to canoes every once in a while. And that cabin... It's like it keeps me young. That's McCartio. That's McCartio.

It's just shone through an Indian neck. I live... I moved to Savage Country. The Whoop app says I burn 500 calories killing Indians today. Oh, I kill, I kill Savage stoners all day. They're stoners. You're calling Indians stoners? Yeah, a bunch of... A bunch of dope heads, sleepy dope heads.

Sleepy dope heads. I cut their head off. Put it on a big step. Old man watching, like, super bad. He's like, fucking, fucking engines. Yeah, I call him Bob Marley. Seth Rogen's a fucking stupid engine. Now, if you, excuse me, I got to go shoot Tim Buffalo for no reason.

I'm just pissed. They're everywhere. They're beautiful and majestic, and I hate them. You see that sea of organisms moving across the plains? I'm going to wipe them out for no reason. Fuck them. Yeah, it rules. That's awesome.

I love that stuff. I love that you guys are so closely associated to, like, cowboy shit. It was, I was our first example of an actual slave working person in our family that I've seen. So that was good to know. He was the slave overseer. Which I think, me, like, you know when you're watching Django, the Brittle Brothers? I think he was one of those guys. So he would just walk out there and be like, it's a good day to not be that guy.

be like yeah he walked in and he'd be like Calvin Candy said I got to kill your wife today Calvin Candy said I got to put your wife underground for another week I hope you don't mind we're all going to fuck her real quick he would just just swirl his mint jule up and be like that sucks for that guy thank God I'm white

I'm going to move to Indian country but this isn't enough for me I'm going to move to engine country I got to kill Yeah. And no, you know, I moved there. They started a big slave war. I gotta go right back. The owner of the plantation gets upset when I kill these blacks, but it's okay when I kill the Reds. Wait, so our great-great-granddaddy, he was a middle management for owning slaves. Yeah, he was like the junior executive for whipping slaves. Yeah. It was like Sterling Draper.

Yeah. He was like the third. He was like the second guy down at an enterprise for slaves. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, they killed, so our guys killed Indians and owned slaves, like a double. No, they didn't even own them. They were working for the, they were hoping to own slaves one day. Well, they aided and abetted plantation owners in terms of. It was like moneyball. It was like Jonah Hill, like he one day wants to be the GM, but right now he's the assistant. Yeah. He's handing slave statistics to a guy who owns the plane. This slave gets on base. What does he do? He picks cotton.

Guys, I'm not going to tell you again, he picks cotton. Yeah, it rules. It rules, actually. I hate when white people dig in, and they're like, oh, that's so embarrassing. I'm like, no, that kicks ass. There's a slave revolution happening, and Billy Bean does the famous scene where he looks up, like, it's the home run. He goes, like, it's the Nat Turner Rebellion. Brad Pitt is Billy Bean looks up.

He's like, I. don't watch the cotton picking. I'll be in the gym. You hear the crack of a bat against the slave owner's head. Billy Bain looks up. Yeah, they broke, they killed 27 slaves in a row. Broke the record. You're an announcer like, a historic week. A historic week, 27 black men dead. I mean, not men, animals. Could it the Nat Turner rebellion have been peaceful? You know, I haven't looked into it, but I don't know why they'd use violence against their own, against their masters. You know, what was that John Brown guy's fucking deal? Fuck him.

Fuck him. What was his problem? Vote, asshole. What was the... You guys referenced, I actually don't know what the Nat Turner Rebellion was. Was that just so much of slaves started killing whites? I think so. But it was...

They went like slasher. The guy, he was like the clown from the Terrifier series. He got like a chainsaw. He started like cutting up white women, turning them into pills. Los. Mexican teenagers were seated just watching enjoying it. Watching white guys get cut in half. Mexican teenagers are like, yo, no, Nat Turner going crazy right now. I can't wait to see Nat Turner at Halloween horror nights.

She's getting jacked off by his girlfriend. His wife's fat girlfriend. Eating Mike and Ix. Oh, shit. I'm glad this didn't actually happen. Fuck. People just bring it up as an example in history saying people are forced to do violence against them when there's a language of violence that is taught to them. Yes.

So this is like an example. Violence is the voice of the oppressed. Or whatever. This is why they have suicide bombers and whatnot. I watch the James Baldwin documentary. I get it. I'm hip with what you're putting down. I am not joe negro.

And I misinterpreted that title. I thought it was going to be a lot funnier. I thought it was like an Eddie Murphy movie With the unstoppable N-word No, the... Oh, you're talking, yeah. The unstoppable Instappell's called the Instoppable... Way, really?

Hard R. Hard R, yeah. That's why there's an ellipsey's on Netflix, but then when you actually watch it, it's that. I thought it was just the unstoppable. Yeah. And he's just like, I... Fuck, Bill Maher.

I'm like, I think Bill Maher didn't have a problem with Saudi Arabia at all. I can't wait for Bill Maher's clapback. Because Bill Maher's going to just be, it's going to be great. He's going to call him the N-word. He's got, yeah, he's, it's going to be out of touch and weird. He's like, how about I fuck your black mom and every black woman in your family? He's just mad because I fuck black whores.

That truly didn't make any sense him going after Bill Maher. Because I thought Bill Maher had Louie on and didn't seem to be upset by anyone doing. Made a joke about it up top. And I think I told you, I think what happened is somebody walked up to Dave and said, you know, Mar's making fun of Riyadh. Yeah, and he didn't look into it. And Dave's just a sensitive narwhiard. like all of them so he's like well I fuck him yeah I won't look into it I'll just make no jokes about it in my special have you guys watched it no I watched it last night is it funny I was tired

and then I watched it again today and I haven't taken in as any of it it it just felt like it I don't even I don't know it just it's just a guy talking it's just Chappelle at doing his his thing now yeah there's a weird there's like a big well it's a lot of trans jokes again finally you know cool black guys can kind of just coast now on being cool black guys It's just amazing at speaking, but nothing really made me laugh. There's pauses. There's a cigarette involved. And then the hawk killed a tranny.

And it was because a dick came out. He doesn't enact out of a tranny getting killed, a trans person being killed by a falcon. Okay. That's funny. He makes up this whole story that, like, you know, when he was in Saudi Arabia, he had a, he does a funny impression of a falcon. There's actually some funny. He's the best. He's a god.

He's a god. no he's like amazing but you're like you just want a little more it's so self-satisfied yeah you know but uh there is just a bizarre amount of like him having to bring up trans people and him being like i almost got canceled for my trans stuff i'm like no you weren't Netflix gave you like 800 billion dollars yeah cancel cancel cancel they only gave me nine special and then when he talks about doing like you know. Remember when I hijacked BLM to get $50 million for no reason? Remember in the middle of the pandemic

no one had jobs and he's like I was a slave to Comedy Central they never paid me money on a contract I honored no parts of and then like three weeks later he got like $150 million dollars. Yeah Kami's just like just take the rest of it. Just take it. Jesus cry, shut the

fuck up. Yeah and I looked into it the contract was literally like for like nine seasons of Chappelle show, two original shows, two movies. And he left. He didn't any of it. Right. So that's why you don't get the money, you know. I want to be a shut up and dribble guy, but, you know, shut up a little bit. He's an unstoppable, Edward. I mean, do you want to sum them up, really? Go watch the Eddie Murphy documentary. Every time it cuts to Dave Chappelle, very self-serious, doesn't say one funny thing. Every time it cuts to Eddie Murphy,

Eddie Murphy goes, I'm a comedian. Yes. I'm known for being a comedian. I get paid to be a comedian. I know what I'll do. I'll be funny. Yeah. Now that a camera is. I'm pointed at me. You know, he used to pick his spots better where like when he did say the meaningful thing, it really held weight. Yeah. And now it's like every single thing he says is supposed to be like this quote, you know? Not every sentence can be a monolith to thought. Yeah, you know. Yeah, exactly. Because you're right. It is, it is Eddie. Like, they're asking Eddie, like, what is it like to be the most famous comedian in all the time? He's like, it was fun. I have fun. People did cocaine. I didn't. And then it cuts at Chappelle. He's like, well, you have to understand is the heart of a poet. Is a, is a bird in a jail cage. And you're like, what are you talking about? Hey, you're a warrior, you up there, and the might is your sword. And then it cuts to Eddie being like, stand-up's kind of gay, I don't want to do it anymore. And then you realize why Eddie's never what? Yeah.

Eddie's never what? He was too funny to keep doing stand-up. Yeah, yeah. You know what really sucks, though? Well, because I love cool black guys. Sure. You guys know that about me. Oh, yeah.

And they love you. Well, I almost even wore my body. Boston Celtics hat here as a throwback to when I used to act like Patrice when I was like 18 years old, 19 years old when I was cost. It's good to wear your Boston Celtics hat. That connects with black people. I have a huge, you know, when,

remember when Maga? The only franchise that was literally taking like diaries on Bill Russell's face after he won his 11th championship for the city. He would win, he would be like, well, Bill Russell does won us our 10th championship in a row. Let's go lynch him. Larry Bird tried to bleach DJ.

That's the franchise. They're like, can we make Robert It's just a little more white, please. I almost wore the big Boston Celtics hat. I haven't worn it since the Patrice days, but it's such an embarrassing moment for me. I haven't been able to get rid of the hat, and I saw it, and I put it on.

That's very cute. And in the mirror before I left, I, like, cocked it sideways. Like, I used to have it. You got to wear it next week. Well, it's really big. It's like those novelty maga hats. Remember when they were wearing the novelty maga hats?

There was a new Arab flat room. huge huge that's so funny you were like Patrice is a Celtics fan he's from Boston so you bought a Boston Celtics fan I think there's a video of him like

doing the because I wanted a hat to do this when I'm like when you were thinking and I wanted to move it yeah you're like that's the thing that's the thing about

lemonade do you think you put that hat on and Patrice had that stroke at that exact moment right when you tilted it I can't yeah it's like those two

molecules that are tied to each other across the universe. His brain just exploded randomly. Did you put that hat on a few days before Thanksgiving in 2011? The timing kind of adds up, I guess it might actually. What am I 19 then? In 2011? Yeah, you're 19, yeah. I might have killed him by sucking ass.

I absorbed his, uh, yeah. But cool, I love cool black guys. We even ranked, you know, the coolest comedians. Eddie Murphy's number one, you know, whatever. Jim Carrey's up there, Sandler. is, you know, we ranked them, and we were, we love cool black guys. Love them. They're the best.

They're incredibly. There's nothing sadder than a black guy who's not cool. Yeah. Yeah. And I found one. Oh, God. Pull him up. Pull him up.

Have you guys seen this guy? No, he looks very well, though. He looks like he sucks a lot of ass. Yeah. Have you guys seen the big, the big black guy that, like, he eats the, he's all buff, and he's always eating the food, and he's, like, dancing. Yes. Yeah, he wears the black guy.

gloves and he shakes while he eats the food we're getting it to him next i have some things to say save it here we go and i you guys on the show you love to defend um pran sure so uh wait pawn prong who's prong porn porn oh porn you just say prawn as like a you know it's like a because porn sucks or something well you know like if you save back in the day if you saved porn on your computer you'd save it under prong so like no one if someone was searching porn in your computer i mean i I said that as porn. I said Jase's pornography. That's what I said for this.

Click here. I said Jase's pornography March 2015 to 2016. I never heard that before. Life addicted to porn. All right, black guy in a store. Turn this hat pack. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

You just look like somebody I used to watch. I mean, somebody used to know. You look, you look good. Thank you. I'm sorry. I have to go. Wait, I didn't mean it like that. Versus a life porn free.

He's on the quitter app. What does that do? It blocks porn sites? I guess it blocks pictures of tities and stuff. Yes. Look, I came to the grocery store to find something sweet. I didn't know I found something beautiful to go along with it. He's cross-eyed.

How about we dish this place? He looks like a retardant. He looks like if we went to the laugh factory right now, we'd see him on stage, like huffing an oxygen tank and doing awful crowd work. stealing shucky ducky quack quack yeah i know people are still wearing these caps where you back in the day devon in west texas kids would get their caps at like academy sports and outdoors

or big five and then you would take the brim and you would uh get it on the cement yeah you would fucking go back and forth you've been working it's a work it's a work it's a work and you put one big gold hook on it one big gold fish hook that was bent around the brim of the cap he's doing this so he is I think he might be where we're from. I'm not sure. I can call this right away the way this man is dressed. This is a black guy who made no friends for 20 years

and then got into a white college and suddenly was able to make 20 white friends because they got drunk and called him the N-word. That's this guy. He is cross-eyed. Yeah, he's cross-eyed. Which happens if white people call you the N-Word too much and you let it happen.

He grew up cross-eyed in a black neighborhood and he got roasted so hard. He's like, fuck blacks. I'm a white guy now. Which is the origin of Yacube. Yeah, exactly. his eyes form an X on every black guy he says But this is a obviously

It's a promotion I guess for this app The quitter app It protects your phone from If you have to use that you're a massive loser Just watch porn Just watch it or down You fucking idiot Come and move on

Who are these people like recreationally watching porn? Who are these people that come in their hand And then they go well let's see the end What is like how are you? you addicted to porn? It is pretty retarded. What are you talking about? It's fun? Get it over with? Move on. But this guy's a Christian, right? So he

can't have premarital sex and he can't masturbate. Right. So is he just having wet dreams? Or is his balls in an immense amount of pain? Like, what is going on? I think he's doing the Christian thing of you just jack off every fourth day and slice...

Yeah, and slice your inner thighs so you feel like you've redeemed yourself in God's eyes. The woman in the video does have a Jesus saves tote bag. He's probably still fucking her in the ass because he thinks he won't go to hell. It's like much worse for the woman's hell. They're both killing each other. He has like some sort of fecal matter disease

from her disgusting shit. He gets her pregnant in her ass. His shit gets into his dick hole. He's like sick. They're both sick. His dick falls off. His dick falls off. She gets ass cancer. And he's like, well, at least we're going to heaven though. God's like, no, you're going straight to hell. She legitimately, she dies because he fucked her in the ass too.

like they have to rush to the emergency room she can't shit anymore they're like we got another we got another Christian cut her ass open she's dying they have to put a big X like it's a rattlesnake and suck the shit out yeah put a big blue tarp down to catch all the jizz all the jizz and he goes we're Christian excuse me I'm a Christian do you have a tarp for my wife's ass jiz new guys like this growing up too and it just it bumps me out yeah it's sad it really and they stared at you like that when you had your Boston Celtics hat on for sure yeah because it's also the thing is he's still getting like he's still having sex at the end of the video I mean women that wear coats like this I'm assuming you have to have sex three to four

times a day they wear those they wear those coats so you can wipe your dick off after you fuck them yes it's they should be wearing socks yeah it's a big terry cloth yes they should be wearing a bunch of socks sewed together that you wipe your penis off on. They're wearing a kitchen towel. Because they're used to guys just taking their hair and wiping their dick off with it. I mean, I assume that's what couples like this did.

It's just, they just, they love to fuck like five or six times a day, so they're together. Yeah. When I see these types of people specifically. Now, the Christian couples who ask fuck, can they do, like, oral shit? Like, is the woman coming at all? Is she getting any pussy stimulation?

sure she's just getting fucked in the ass nonstop are they ever yeah that's a good point are they ever well they do the one just where um you can insert but you can't move so that you have a friend that shakes the bed like this yeah soaking yeah about that one dev yeah it's like the Mormon shit right yeah i heard tell of that back at aCU back in the day um check this this is the one that pissed Evan off hold on it fucking pissed this this this this driving crazy this guy this guy drives me insane. Every time I see this guy, I hope in the video, like, Medgar Ever's ghost shows up and blows his head off.

Like, some, like, James Baldwin needs to show up and kill him for the sake of black people. The ghost of James Baldwin pulls his skull out of his head. This is so bad. This is like Al Jolson would be like, that's fucked up. Yes, this is so insane. Look at this. And people are always watching and being like, what is wrong with you? He's shaking his head around, jiving, eating a bunch of barbecue.

Look at these people. These people are about to hijack an airplane in back of them, and they're disgusted by it. They're filming a sketch for the Kentucky Fried movie behind him. That's a 1970s Arab sketch. And he's dancing because the meat's so good. His big black dance. It sucks. Who is entertained by this?

I guess it's children. We got to get, the children can't look at. They're giving these people careers. No, they shouldn't be allowed to watch black artists, the children. They shouldn't be online for until they're 15, until they're 20. This is just uncivilized is what it is. You want to sum it up. And he's the widest black guy there is.

I know. And it's too loud. It's too big. It's too everything. Drag him through the streets of Detroit. Mm-hmm. Like Saddam Hussein's statue, beat him with shoes in the streets of Flint, Michigan. He should be killed like Gaddafi.

They should shove that. rib bone up his ass. Everybody's like, God. This cock sucker shows up online, like every day to me. What did he say at the end? Did he just say inwards? They always have a catchphrase of some kind. You know, James Bullock goes mood, you guys.

They all have to say a, like a, God damn it. Yeah. Dancing because the meat fell off. They all have little catchphrases, you know, for the algorithm. It's like he's scientifically trying to discover how to get called a gorilla in the comments as much as a human possibly could. You can tell, it's reverse engineer. Yeah. This is terrible.

We got a shut-tick, like, restaurants need to stop letting food influencers go into their place. Yeah, can't film anything. No more filming. Nope. Like, fuck the rights, fuck 1A. It's not allowed. You order, also, order all that. They worked on that.

The whole restaurant, that's so much food. Got there at four in the morning. That's a $250 platter. And it's all for this piece of shit that doesn't even exist really. A man who exists only in a phone doesn't exist in real life. He's AI. He looks like AI. He's the ghost in the machine.

This guy. What terrible guy. It reminds me, you remember when Vine came out and it was like the worst thing that ever happened to black people? Yeah. There was guys like making. suits out of watermelon and running down the street on Vine. I swear to fucking God. There was, like, Vines was insane.

Yeah, King Batch has done he's like crack cocaine for the black community. I'll all say, you know, where's our great, great granddaddy when you need him? He would have loved Vine. Are you kidding me? Yeah. He would have been like, look at him. He would have got an arrow through the head. He would have never survived. He would have never survived the attack. He would have been

backing up Kyle Renhouse. He would have died looking like Steve Martin. He would have walked out there and been like, King Bats, get over here, do a couple of jokes. Do your sketch. Do a couple of skits for your grandpappy. Why don't you a shuck and jive for me real quick? You do a couple of skits?

I give you another hour in the shower. I'll give you two apples if you dance for me, Lella. I know how you like them apples, King Bites. Do those skits you do with the B.B.L. women. Get those prostitutes you hired off Craigslist to do a sketch. Get them. If it makes me laugh, I won't rape you at knife point again Like I do to all my slaves

See, normally I'm a Trevor Wallace fella myself But you make me laugh You do make me laugh He acts a little too black for white folk I don't care for that Trevor Wallace is not actually black You are so I like it I like it a lot

Because you make me feel like I'm superior to you I'll give you another spoonful of slop tonight If you do another shit for me come on do another skit can you do a little skit about how black people drive their cars do a little skit for Ciceroo Millsacks I hate

my name Cicero named after some gay philosopher Do a little skit for me, King Batch Do a little skit about Water Malone for me, King Batch Do some crowd work they like ask ask him what his job is ask him what he's doing they all gonna be doing the same thing that's funny what do you do for living i'm a slave oh shit man fuck they all work on vine because they swing from one i think we need to do ads Oh, shit.

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go to lucy.c.c.com slash lemon and use promo code lemon. That's L-E-M-O-N to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's L-U-C-Y.com slash lemon and use code lemon to get 20% off. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age. And every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an additional. addictive chemical. Thank you, Lucy. Now, back to the jokes about black people and Vine, the social media app. That is dead. Okay, so, Jace. Oh, I know. Oh, my God. Okay, so I was watching this. Oh, my God. I didn't know there was history of it. So, okay, do you know that? This was, yes. I remember this immediately. So I'm pretty sure there's a fan of Lemon Party who's a federal agent.

Okay. He mailed me like the anarchist cookbook and a bunch of books about guns and knives and like how to make bombs and stuff. He emailed you an insane package. Or mailed me. Yeah, mailed you. Yeah, he mailed me a big thing with like gut. And he wrote me a long letter about how I knew it. Like setting you up. Yeah, no, he mailed Ben a gun

with the serial thing filed off. Just thought you didn't appreciate it. Anyway, I worked for the FBI. He clearly was trying to set me up for something. Apparently, if I ever did a crime and they found I own the anarchist cookbook, It's a really bad look, and it's a... A lot of people own that, though.

I mean, I knew people in high school that had that book. I know, but if you do something and then they find it, it's a... If you do something? It's... Yeah, I mean, or if this federal agent sets me up... Frague for something that you did. So get it out there in us. He's a...

He's a glowy. He's a damn fed. That's their version of... I don't even own the book. Yeah, when the IDF is walking around showing copies of mine confit that they planted and blown up houses. Which, a glowie also sent me like a copy of a high-ranking, Nazi generals of MindComp

that I gave to John Knopf and he tried to give it to the Museum of Tolerance and they called the police. Wait, really? Well, John only went to the Museum of Tolerance of the cafeteria. He's already been banned. The book was just on it. He had it in his ways. He was banned years ago. I wonder if John still has it. It's like two or three grand.

No, I don't think. Yeah. John's like the Columbine shooter, but for books that are racist. Yeah. Just everywhere in his pants. But But I was reading all of, I read a lot of it today. It's written by a 19 year old. Mind conf. Are the, yeah, what?

The anarchist cookbook. Oh, okay. I was reading it. It's written by a 19 year old. Mine comp was also written by a strapping young man. A very well-to-do man with a lot of drive and a lot of ambition. I think William Powell's the name. You wrote in 1971.

It's at the height of like counterculture stuff. You know, he wrote this. book and said it's not for children or for morons, but here's how you grow pot. He had a whole thing in there about, here's how you can boil banana pills and scrub the stuff from the inside of the banana pills

and you can smoke that and trip. None of it's real. It was like Spencer's gifts before they opened them all. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's how to make a fart machine. Here's how build edible underwear. Yeah, here's a big poster of Chuckie the doll fucking, uh, the female Chuckie the

doll. Here's how you knit a joker t-shirt. Only the Suicides Squad joke. Yeah, here's how you fuck a girl in Jack Skellington leggings. Here's how you fuck a Mexican goth in Jack Skellington clothes. Let him cook. All the stuff is wrong in it, apparently. If you try to follow it, that's why it's really dangerous because you'll just blow yourself up. There's tons of ways to make bombs.

There's a cool thing with a shotgun, how you can turn it into a grenade launcher where you take the shot out of it, but you leave the gunpowder in, and then you put a grenade thing. the end and then you can fire it and you can fire a grenade like two or three hundred yards no jay eager hoover wrote this this was designed to kill apparently people were writing tons of letters to he they were like how could you allow this to be published people were really really like outrage really outrage about this book being published yeah but the kid's 19 and uh i mean he doesn't even know he hasn't done any of this stuff he's the whole thing about here's how you choke someone out with a the piano wire. Here's how you put a bomb under a

plank that's a little loose. It was written by a 19 year old? It was written by a 19 year old who did a lot of research. He's never made a bomb. He's never done drugs. He's never done any of this stuff. This book should be written by McVeigh. Yeah.

He used it. Yeah. Well, he, it worked. He did a good job. The book is right, I guess. The book's like, get 500 pounds of cow shit in a van. and then blow up a daycare. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it can push you in the right direction. Sure. Or the wrong direction. For YouTube, it's the wrong direction. It's the nudge we all need. But it really is just an edgy thing that kids had in high school that they would show. It's like a playboy.

Kids would bring it to school and be like, oh, what do they get caught? Well, you know, reading this. But judges really hate if your apartment gets searched and they find it during a... They love that. Yeah, it's the classic. It's the, what is it, the scarlet letter. Yeah, they go, Your Honor, this boy was gay as, hell.

Yeah. Convict this, man. So the first time I even knew you could make a bomb was at our high school. Yeah. Three kids got in trouble for making a bomb at a gymnet high school. This was like a national, like a big news story. Really? Yeah, yeah, it's right here.

Yeah. Check this out. And that was your high school gymnet? Yeah, this is 18. This is Tuscola, Texas, Gymnet High School. It was named after a Delaware Indian who was a translator for the tribes and thinking he would like, you know, get land out of the deal, but, you know, none of them got. land. So he was a traitor and then got nothing. And he was a big drunk. That's why they

named the, they named the creek after him and then they named the school after the creek. And then they shot him. And then they hung him. Yeah. And so at Pepper Eyes, we would all dress up like Indians and make hooting and hollering noises. He was a big drunk? He was a big drunk. So, but we got a good education at Jim Ned High School. This was, you know those tweets that are like, what was the incident at your high school? This would have been it if a teacher didn't fuck like a bunch of 15 year olds. Okay. And then get on the national news. school property captured on a cell phone. Three gym med students are suspended after blowing up a homemade device at gym

night school on Monday. I think I was like a senior one. This is 18 years ago. This sounds like a serious incident. Anybody injured? Do you know these kids? No, unfortunately no, but no one was hurt. But what's scary about all of this is that school officials say it happened on school

property while classes were still in session. Yeah, it was an ad class. By the way, how do you think she was treated? Janet Quack? You're kidding me? Her name's, her last name? Quack. Quack.

All right, we now turn the story over to the yellow lady. The pecking duck. Give it to the peaking duck. Give her some pump sauce. Go ahead. Get a little mooshu on the side, huh? Can I get column A7 and a column B5

and do the story real quick? Do the fortune for the week, Janet. What's the cookie say? Janet, make joke for us real quick, Janet. And tell us about these retarded kids. Tell us about the retards. It's a gymnet. Yeah.

It was just a, it was during ag class, which I remember the ag teacher would just, like, leave, and then you would just be around, like, welding equipment and shit. He would go do drugs in his car. Yeah, looking back, he would go do, like, catamine and shit in his car. Yeah. He was a really, he was a guy who was shaped like Kirby with a big belt buckle from, like, rodeo racing. And he'd be like, here's a video of them blowing a pig's brains, yeah. Y'all watch this. Don't rape each other.

I'm going to go do ketamine in my car. I'm going to go get myself age. The non-homosexual way By shooting heroin Yeah Here we go Email from someone who said They were a concerned parent

Take a look Vocational courses are met Let's bring it back memories Probably shot on a Motorola razor Right This is like 2007 This is the video footage You're supposed to just like

You're supposed to watch Your friends do the stanky leg You're like the soldier boy Pelhammed Shuffle Yeah but instead it's a a pipe bomb at your school. At my school. My school, this was the stanky leg.

At our school, it was a bunch of boys found an aluminum tube that they welded together and make a pipe bomb. With welding equipment from the school. Named after Jim Ned, the alcoholic. What was he? He was a traitor. He's a Delaware.

Well, Delaware Indian is Linape Indians. For all we know, Cicero-Milsat blew his brains out before he... Cistero O'Mail Shias. It's unbelievable how much shit we do about your fucking hometown and it sucks shit and no one should know about it, But it's like, they were really trying to get on the map.

Yeah. Yeah, they were. Great barbecue restaurants, though. Yeah. I'll give them that, Perinis. Very good. And Deutschland is a catfish place and Buffalo Gap. So good.

Yeah, Buffalo Gap ruled. Buffalo Gap's, yeah, it ruled. They blew it up one day. This. You hear the students who were not identifying, laughing in the background, playing with fire, all caught on camera. School officials tell us it was acetyl gas and a PVC pipe. Did they, did they die? No, they were fine.

They were fine. Unfortunately, they were fine. Well, what's wrong with that? It's a prank. It was fun. It was a giant explosion. It was like a, I think it's classified as like a terrorist attack. Technically, yeah.

They didn't die. They're right next to it. It was harmless. It's harmless. July 4, baby? Like, what's wrong with that? I remember the weekend after, it blew up, it became a huge story. And then my physics teacher came in on Monday and explained.

why they had done it wrong and told us in the future how to do it correctly. He was like, we did this all the time when we were kids. What you gotta do is you chain it to a tree stump so it doesn't come back and blow you to pieces. The shrapnel goes out. It's fine.

Acetylene gas is for welding. They're in those big tanks. So they filled a big pipe up with gas and then lit it. It's cool. It's like the straw trick at a diner. You know, finger over the straw in your drink. Look, it's all staying there. It's like spitballs. It's fun. They're having good. It's science.

I'm glad somebody was learning at your fucking stupid school. That's why they got in trouble for conducting a science experiment. The teacher showed up and they're like, y'all been learning too much? I don't know how you did that. That's some witchcraft bullshit. Which one of y'all kids made napalm into an ag lab? How did y'all make fire out of nothing? Which one of y'all?

Excuse him of being witches. Which one of y'all went in the ag shop and chained a girl to a big board attached to a cell? Now, your punishment, which one of y'all has a sister I could rape? I don't want to do this This is going to hurt me more than you Y'all fucked up One of the rooms at the school Christopher already raped your sister

Anybody else Who sister has untouched here And has the tithest pussy I'm also imagining the sheriff Showing up is like All right Were any of the students involved Black or Mexican

And he goes No He goes Do you have a black or Mexican student? I could arrest Or are you wasting my goddamn We have a guy named Tommy.

He's in history class right now. All right. Just waddling over. Get on the ground! Get your black ass on the ground. It's a Mexican guy. Get your black ass on the ground. It's a guy in his sombrero in a big mustache.

Doin que? Why? Why? Why no? Quit sagging your pants. Stop speaking that ghetto talking me, boy. Put in the bus, sir. No, my.

Telephone of police. Please. The apple of block on. Cut that urban shit. Cut that 50 shit out. All this raping hip-hop bullshit. Oh, cut out that erronex. You're going to be in the club now, boy?

Bottle full of bud? No, you're going to get an ass-raping in black. That prison. Is this a spin of gay? No, no, it's going to cut that shit out, P.D.D. Stop rapping at me, boy. No. He's a.

I'm going to give you one chance. Can you cap? You can catch or keep you alive. It's one of those. Andre 3,000 blacks. She's speaking all alien shit at me. I wonder... Can we see what the cop says real quick?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. The cop seems very concerned. Sergeant Lynn Beard of the Abilene Police Department says this is no laughing matter. How serious of a situation is this? The Abilene Police Department. What's extremely serious? What is the guy...

What are you doing in the Abilene Police Department? You put like handcuffs on tarantulas? What goes on? Yeah, they're doing a Rodney King to a cactus. George Floyding Joshua Tree Yeah they got a horny toe That they're like healing on

It's entirely serious Former officers died from fentanyl overdose on the way over Claytis We'll spray paint that cactus black And then let's have some fun with it The boys need to let something out We've killed every black boy in town I read the incarcerations all the time

In Abilam Yeah meth, prostitution, DUI, and domestic. They actually are doing a lot. I just for whatever reason, I just imagine there's 70 people there. No, and Abilene...

No, I think it's like Tombstone, yeah. Yeah, Abilene's like the big city. It's about 100,000 people, and it's fairly impoverished in most of the town, so it's just the usual suspects, smoking meth, you know, tying each other up, doing crazy shit to each other. A bunch of Nick Riner's. Exactly.

Exactly. Exactly. A bunch of guys kind of their own parents' throats. exactly um did you want to see the for the punishment for the kids yeah some gas can you've got ignition and there's a flash

that's an explosion they made an explosion out of nothing it's gone less than a second how did they do that by the way what the fuck is this thing we're looking at so they what they did was they took 24 pictures a second

what and then ran them all together but this isn't a TV The fuck is Dale? Is that like this network? Like what? Is this Dale Harris's TV? Good old Dale Harris. Who killed his wife and then himself?

They stole his TV? This remote's really big and there's too many buttons on it. Yeah. What are all these scratches on the buttons? Why does TV got an alphabet under it? Why does this TV get all hot when I watch pornography on it? The student in this video doesn't even have a chance to move This guy's got his back to the door

Somebody comes walking in here in the way And doesn't know what he's walking into And ends up getting hit by this thing Not just, you know, forget about the property damage for a minute That it could have caused Forget about that And he really could have gotten hurt Hell yeah

That's pretty big I guess School officials say there was a teacher responsible at the time But he wasn't present when this happened He was never there He was never there He literally was never there Put on videos of pigs getting killed in factories and then left. Dude, you could play with the welding generator.

You could just do the saws, the chains saws. Dude, remember there was that one kid with the giant who looked like one of the, he looked like the wheelchair kid from South Park. He cut his, like, whole hand off in the saw one day. He looked like the giant from Twin Peaks. Yeah. He had, like, a weird lunar crescent. He had a lunar crescent head, and he sliced his entire thumb off in ag class one day.

His head looked like an eclipse. Yeah. Like a really crazy, like asteroid. He looked like Mr. Mackie. Yeah, and he sought his whole thumb off, and then one day he pulled a big metal bleacher bench down from a locker on top of himself, and it cracked his skull open. He's fine, apparently. You what's funny is he had Huntington's. He did?

Yeah. So it's like, you know, it's like, dude, you only have, like, five years left. Max, anyway. You're the doctor. That's you giving him his diagnosis. You burp in the middle of it. Well, Huntington's is it? You die at like 23. Is it? Yeah.

You know what Huntington is, right? I'm not sure what it does to you, but I know it's bad. Yeah, it's just that you're going to die young. You're going to have, I think your brain degenerates, your body degenerates. Damn, yeah. There's diseases they don't even know what to say about where they just call it, like, death soon. Yeah, it's called, it's called fuck you syndrome. There's like, like, like an infant disease where they're just like, it died, died early disease.

Yeah. Yeah. No, he had like final destination syndrome. He was just trying to kill himself in elaborate ways. Exactly. So a truck folding a bunch of logs is going to... So there's going to be a big string that snaps. And there's going to be a big piano that falls into a knife set.

We're sorry, but that will be happening to you. We've done some tests and death is hunting you. Yeah. A big gas tanker on the highway is going to blow you up. Your mom tried to abort you about seven times, so now death is hunting you. That's what Huntington's diseases. You're being hunting. It's like that.

The concept of death is hunting. Sure. See, your red blood cells have turned into blood hounds, and they're hunting your heart. They're looking for black blood cells with the hound dog blood. I think it would maybe kind of roll to know you're going to die at 25. Yeah, go out in like a blaze of glory type thing. Just do, I mean, you're not stressed about the future. You don't care about retirement.

You're not saving any money. Just get a motorcycle go like 200 on the highway. Fuck it. Turn me into gum. I don't care. Yeah. Turn me into hubba, bububba. Turn me into old shitty bazook Joe.

I don't give a fuck. Because you have a detonator inside your body anyway. You know that shit's just, it's going to be over. You're going to be Marty Mcfly real soon. Yeah, you're like, I'll go fuck a hooker that looks like the muconetch germ. I don't care. I'm dead I'm gonna try to go get into North Korea

Yeah Get a look at Kim Jong Up close Do weird shit Swim with sharks Yeah Take a hot jerk off from a hot air balloon In the North Korea

Rape Yeah rape Rape all you want Kill Because it is like it's GTA You can do whatever you want Yeah The game's gonna be turned off real soon

Yeah That's your make of wish Is to rape somebody Yeah That's my... They're like, you don't want to meet John Cena? No, I want to rape a woman. Okay, we have to honor it.

I mean, for most people, life kind of gets really bad after you're early to mid-20s anyway. Sure. So you're checking out probably, like statistically, at the right time. Yeah, that's kind of... Look at Nick Reiner. He should have died at 25. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

How old is Nick Reiner? 33. I think he's my age. He's 32, 33. Something like that. A great move. You know, he slipped the script. to his dad and got it made.

Have you run into him, by the way? Yeah, we used to do open minds with him. He is the type of guy that I was like, when I saw him, I was like, there is a chance he was at an open mic or something. Or he's been at 33 taps, maybe? No, no, no. Eating a bunch of wings? No.

I know everything about Nick Reiner at this point. Do you really? I've been studying him. I've listened to every podcast he ever did. He did podcasts? Oh, yeah, the dopey podcast. Yeah, he was a recurring character on the dopey podcast. What's that?

It was a podcast run by this recovering addict that started a podcast that was, you know, it was in a way kind of exploiting addicts and stuff. But he didn't seem that ill-intentioned, but yeah, Nick was a recurrent. He would call in, but he was always, even when he was doing the Being Charlie Press Tour, he was still, like, he was lying saying he's sober, but he was still smoking weed and he was on drugs and stuff. Yeah. But, um, I never saw that coming, you know. had a great smile.

Well, if you read the full being Charlie scripted, it ends with him killing about his parents. What's being Charlie? The film he made with his dad. Rob directed a shitty screenplay that he wrote.

He reworked a screenplay and he brought in like, you know, like all the talents he knew to make his his talentless son's screenplay workable. Because that was part of the thing. Tried to give him that,

which is like more than any fucking kid can ask for in Hollywood, that his dad was so liberal and caring that and trying so hard to just give him something. That was the thing, right? He hated his dad because his dad was, like, beloved and successful, and he wanted to be successfully.

He just didn't have the juice. Yeah. Yep. And they should have, unfortunately, they're a victim of being kind to their son and not, like, just cutting him off and letting him get arrested at some point. And Conan, Conan should have called the cops, but he's a, they're all, there was a big lib, lib party. They live, look what happens when you live out. Look what happens. I will say he was walking around the party asking people if they were famous and rich.

And that's a good day. It's a good bit. It is. It is. It is a good bit. Walking up to Jason Bateman and going, are you famous? And apparently he had already met them. Really? Yeah. So he was asking people that he had already met.

And that's why Bill Hayter was like, I'm having a personal conversation. Yeah. That's why he blew up, right? Is he went to a hater? Apparently. But then he got a big fight with Rob. Yeah. And then he immediately started premeditating his parents' murder. And then Rob Brydon on his way out of the party said, I'm very worried Nick is going to hurt us in some way.

They went home and they went to bed. And he was, he didn't go home with them. yeah he just disappeared it's so insane dude so he's like i'm going to taco bell what do he say he's like i'm going to get fucking taco bell probably yeah i'm gonna go get some fucking baha blast fuck you get fuck my dad he's at the taco bell going can i get a big knife from you guys a big curvy knife can i get a scimitar i'll pay you 30 bucks for a big simitare gay he kind of did it in a gay way with the knife really I mean, he should have done a bomb or oven, run the gas on the oven.

He should have done... Oh, and candle. Yeah, or gas your parents in their sleep. Right. Carbon dioxide them, you mean? Mid-Sommer style. Gas them up. Put a garden hose.

Were they awake when he cut their throats? I don't know. I don't think we know. I think that they've been trying to make it seem like they were both asleep and didn't know. Right. And he slit their throats. But I don't think that's possible to do that easily. It's crazy.

we saw Billy Crystal at the Chargers game. And then three days later, he's walking in on Rob Reiner's throat cut open. Yeah, it's crazy. On the day floor, it's very sad. It's very sad. Yeah. And then Trump's just dunking on his ass over and over it. I said it.

We covered this on Haywatch yesterday, but, like, that truly is the craziest. Somehow the craziest thing he's ever done. I know when, like, Howling Muton is like, this is a little. This is a bridge dude. He made the Princess Bride. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

I love when Harry met Sally. Just give him a day Before you call him a fat retard That's great Every time I go up to the Bay area Something insane happens The last time I was there Charlie Kirk was killed

Wow This last week Rob Reiner You gotta stay out of the Bay And then the whole week Me and my friend Brian We just fucking watch stuff the whole time But we literally leave like a beautiful view

We're like always in some awesome place And then we find out like Charlie Kirk was shot out of the neck We just go back home We watch endless footage of it Instead of exploring the Bay At Army And then this is like well there's the trip

And then this one, the same thing happened. I was like, Rob Reiner was just, like, found dead with his wife. And they think it's his son. And we just, like, we drove out of the city back to his plays. And we just, like, we went on YouTube and just, like, looking up everything about it. The next day, you were going to see a tree that was 5,000 years old. Yeah. And you're like, you know, let's do Sequoia another time.

I don't care. Let me go see one of the greatest things God ever made later. Nick just killed his parents. It's Nick Reiner. It's Nick Reiner. It's Nick Reiner. It's fucking Nick Reiner. This is Showtime. I've got to get on YouTube now.

It is. It's the same joke, Ben, that we've made where it's like, you know, if I was a judge, you just look at the guy and you go, yeah, you're guilty. Well, that was the- He looks like he's fucked up. Yeah, that was the thing. The first day, they showed that young picture, and everybody's like, how could this boy do this?

And then they showed the picture of him really fat with a beer, and they're like, okay, it makes a little more sense now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he looks like a guy who would do that more. Even when they're doing the press tour for the movie that they made, you know, Rob's like, I love my son. He's, you know, and he's just sitting there, like, he doesn't, feel thing he's he's

he's a fucked up he's a fucked up they're claiming schizophrenia are we sure yeah I heard he was crazy are we sure sounds fucking nuts to me he heard he was insane are we sure though that Rob Reiner isn't to blame here

at all first of all I mean finally somebody if he is to blame it's for being too nice yeah exactly that's the angle

or raping him a bunch thank you Ari could have taken him to a Brian Singer party to get a movie produced, who knows? I don't think he was that type of person. He seemed like a lovely man, and I did really love his movies and love him.

But he has two other children. Neither of them want anything to do with their father in terms of the business, maybe because they know how sadistic of a man he was. They wanted to stay away. No, I don't know. I think publicly maybe they feared him so much that they pretended to love their father.

And maybe there's more a player. I just don't think a guy would, you know, would just kill his dad for no reason. You think Nick saw through the bullshit. I think his dad was a fraud. Yeah. I think, and his dad was living in the shadow of Carl and he wanted to help put him out of his misery

because he was terrorizing the family. What if the... The great beloved Carl Reiner. Maybe he was laying hands on Michelle. And he was defending his mother and accidentally stabbed his mom with a bunch of menendez thing. He did a big swing back to kill his dad and then slice his mom's threat.

We might even find out that Rob fucking killed his wife. what is why would you get me a son like nick who's going to be more talented than me at making movies i can't have people know he's so talented i've been holding him back forever then rob then rob comes and kills fuck or nick comes and kills rob yeah and feels like god what if nick stabbed him a hundred times what if nick was just so upset by what conan's christmas parties had come too like like he's looking around and he's just like fucking rachel sentence here he's like what happened to hollywood i uh and a bearer he sees his he's he sees his dad, just he has brushing shoulders

with like Adam Devon. He's like, really? Really? That's where we're at. I'm going to kill you tonight. I'm going to put my dad out of his misery. My dad just told Dayo he loves the bear. I have to kill him. Maddie Matheson fucking sucks ass. I'm going to

kill my dad. He's just in Conan's kitchen, just going through the knife drawer. I fucking hate Lil Dickie. Little Dickie just said he loved my dad's tweets I have to take vengeance into my own hands Nick Ryder or kicked ass He ruled

He's like my dad My dad isn't cool like the lemon party guys He could see through the bullshit Come on Oh Nick she would He could see through the bullshit He's the real saint now That's what I called him, St. Nick.

That's all I said last night. St. Nicholas. Yep. Came down the chimney. Oh, Nicholas. I think you're on to something. But hopefully, you know, there's justice for Nick, and he's able to, you know, because he's an ator.

You're outside the courthouse with a free my N-word Nick, sign. I was going to get, I was like, oh, maybe women are going to fall in love with him because he's kind of like, I guess, sort of, he looks like that guy from me. you, the serial killer that women fucking pen bad thing or they're being to. Yeah, and then I saw an updated photo of him and he looks like Badger and combo combined into one guy.

Yeah, he looks like shit. He sucks ass. He looks like he's playing young Rob Reiner in a movie about him. He looks really shit. Yeah, he looks bad. He's horrible. He looks like the type of kid that you really, if you were a little more callous of a dad, you'd be like just fucking kill yourself. I hate you.

You're an embarrassment of the family. You're a stain on my name. It looks like an Alexander Payne character. It actually is like, as far as we know, it's a testament to Rob Reiner's humanity and loving ability to keep him in his life and it to end this way. It's so fucking tragic. Yeah, it is very, it's crazy. It's fucking insane.

Imagine Carl Reiner was still alive and he killed both of them. Carl Reiner was, lived till 98. Rob Reiner was still probably going to live alone. He was 78 when he died. Yeah, 78, yeah. I'm such a pushover for my kids. I mean, I let my son stab me to death. I'd let my daughter blow my head off.

If you had a guy like Nick Reiner in your life. If that's what they wanted, sure, if it made them happy, they are allowed to, they are allowed to stab me 700 times in my face. Yeah. Sweetie, if that's what you really want. Sweetie, I just want you to follow your dreams. If you want to violently plot my murder and kill me in on my living room floor, then that's what my princess gets.

Sweetie, if your dream is to be covered on Nancy Grace for a year, go ahead. I love you. Slice me up. Turn me into the joke. baby turn me into a big ham slice me in the little pieces put me in the oven serve me serve me to your friends what are you going to say to ever just every story that comes out about that night it's like it's like it's so on the nose yeah it's like it really it'll just be it'll just be like you know uh Albert brooks says that Nick Reiner was walking around talking about stabbing his parents that

night and then it happened like it you know he got in the big blow up Conan didn't call the cops like if they thought he was crazy enough to maybe call the cops yeah if if that's crazy that they just let it sizzle away that night yeah if rob said i'm i'm scared my son is going to hurt me if that really happened yeah holy shit dude yeah go with your gut imagine you're imagine you're like at that party and you're saying goodbye to rob ryan he's like i'm worried my son's gonna hurt me and you're like yeah i'm sure it'll be fine and then nine hours later you get a you see a tweet rob riner's throat cut open by his son no everyone at that party is living through it like a script they would have written like like it's so intense they were all

they're all going to be called in a stand yeah if this case keeps going and you know isn't like whatever something like plead insanity or something everyone there i know bill haters to his his pride his hours before he killed bill haters got to be like come up with like one of their antidote then we got in a fight please it looks like it's all my fault now yeah tm z's tweeting pictures of me nonstop in a hoodie yep dude what is happening to, is this going to be the new normal? San Francisco's completely, I just got an update. San Francisco's completely out of power. What did you do when you're up there, Devin? Oh, they actually did turn my friend's power off from 12 to 4 one day, and we just wandered

the streets, like retards. Because you guys were watching. He doesn't live in SF. He lives on the peninsula. Well, like all of San Francisco's out of power. All of it? Yeah, like all of it's been out of power. And the San Francisco department is just letting people know that a large power outage is impacting San Francisco, one of the biggest. It's crazy. They do that here. I got, I will say, though, San Francisco. Francisco lately has felt like it's like you're getting what you pay for. It's very nice. People are saying this because of AI. All the thrashing retards are just in a tenderloin like they always were. The thrashers? The thrashing reatters. The thrashing wailing retards at all. You got your

thrashers, you shitters. Yeah. But in the areas that you like want to go to, it's popping. I really wouldn't mind if I could just walk through with like a, uh, uh, like death wish. If I could walk through with a big gatling gun or shotgun or something. Five years, you probably will be able to yeah i wouldn't honestly like that'll be my bet i used to think oh like i could if i ever killed somebody like i would be awake at night like with an image of their face in my but now i think oh no no i think i could just go through the tenderloin and just you know turn them into tenderloin frankly i say when when newsom's running for for president in three years and he's got to win the dnc nomination and he's just like hey it's open range on homeless people just kill them all yeah i think that's

when you go to town. We'll take a trip. Rent an Airbnb. And we'll, quote, unquote, accidentally kill a lot of people who aren't homeless at all. Sure. But need to go. Sure, exactly. I'm going to walk into egg slut with an AK-47. You go, where's Seth Rogen's weed store?

Heard there was homeless people at Seth Rogen's dispensary. I'm on my way right now. To what neighborhood has the most bars on the window? Take me there. Waymo. Yeah, well, you get in Waymo, it's like, are you going to kill homeless people today? Yes, I am, Waymo. You know, I would love if Nick Rainer got on the stand, and they're like, how do you, like, does he plead insanity?

He's like, actually, no, I plead that I'm, I'm really with it. Because I knew exactly what I was doing. He goes, I'll have what she's having. I plan total sanity. I plead total sanity, Your Honor. I'm fucking really cool, too. You want to fuck? Yeah.

He goes to the judge, he goes, none of you guys wanted to kill your dad at any point. It's such a horrific thing. I kind of two-dimensionally view it. I don't actually view it as like real. No, I know. You have to do it or else it's too intense. Like the guy who made the Princess Bride's son cut his neck over. It's crazy.

Yeah. It's fucking crazy. It's nuts. It's normal. Well, Paraside's pretty rare. Yeah. Last one was like the Menendez brothers on this level, wasn't it? It's normal.

Everybody's constantly killing everybody. Turn on the TV. No, that's true. That's true. Turn on the boob tube once in a while. But this man mattered. Sonny boy. Yeah.

Turn on the boob tube. No, those people did any movies that I. I was like, this man did like five. None of those people made stand by me are misery. Misery is a great movie. So he shouldn't have had his throat cut open like all the other people in the news. I mean, literally, you know, Oedipus is a famous, you know, who was that Sophocles? Who fucking wrote that?

Oedipus. Isn't it Oedipus? Oedipus. Which is where we get Otis from. Now Oedipus, like, opened for Blink 182 back in the day. Otis Piss. Yeah, Oedipus. We're Oedipus.

My name's Otis Pish. My dad was Cicero Milsap. Yeah, so my dad came in a Jack Daniels bottle, and my mom squatted on it, and that's how I got born. I'm Otis Piss. I'm Otis Piss. I'm the number one Jelly Roll fan on Spotify. Otis Piss. You have any math? Oh, Jelly Roll says it, by the way.

Oh, yeah, he said the N-word. Yeah. I sent it to you, boys. Jelly-roll's new album is called The Unstoppable N-word. That big booger. He's such a little big-bugger saying the N-word. He says the inword. I told you he did, and I sent proof that he says the in.

He says in. He does. Which is very cringe now to get mad at people for saying in. I'm not mad. I just think, frankly, think it's funny that he pivoted from being a hip-hop guy to a country guy. He says it in a lot. Nutter butter. Very good.

No, it's actually a great career move for him to get an embalm underth, you know? Yeah. Like, he's going to sell. Like, that guy was Jerry. Duran, the Red Sox player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was bullshit that he called the guy a fagg, yeah.

Yeah. That was bullshit that he got in trouble for that. He was not supposed to be miced up. They're not supposed to hear that. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, jelly roll. Wow. Look at them go.

Sad. Sad. Sad. You think you can have heroes, but you can't. He was done Joe Rogan recently. And he was like, he said he just started, like, seeing color. He said, like, his diet was so bad that he never saw color. Is that real?

I mean, that's what he said, I think. Ridiculous. These people are all, like, the biggest lie. This is absolutely not. If you sit in that chair on Rogan, you just start lying. Do you think he saw just a salad at a tender greens for the first time? He's like, oh, wow. Yeah.

I thought food was black. I thought every food was black. I don't even know if that's a real thing. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it is. Yeah, Rogan is where you go to lie about stuff to a retard. Yep. Yeah.

That's the goal of the show. Anything goes in that room. You can get away with anything. You can turn to Joe and be like, look, I killed my mom. I'm Nick I'm Ryan He's like that's crazy Patreon.com

slash lemon party That's where you can get bonus episodes Of the damn show Of the damn show Lemon Party. Life for merch Yep You guys are doing the Velveeta room

In January Thank you Jays for reminding me Of course January 6th Austin on Jan 6 Come out to the Velvita room Is it the 6th or the 7th? I'll put the ticket link

Oh I thought it was January 6th I'll put the ticket link on my website, Ben Avery. It's a great day. It's a great day to have show. Velvita Room. Yeah, I think it was the seventh, yeah. I'm pretty sure it's a sixth. Because that was the whole...

That's a federal holiday to me. I don't work on that day. Yeah, why would anyone show up that day? Jan 6. Oh, my apologies. I think we're going to have maybe some big guests. What does that mean? Just like fat people come.

Who cares? Stand up. Are you doing stand-up, or you're going to do, like, thing? I don't know yet. Okay. I genuinely don't know. Interesting. It's fun to perform live.

We're going down on. I'm doing a little test run to see if I can get back on a plane, go there. Right. Because I'm out of the, I'm feeling good. Right. Honest to God, I'm feeling great. I'm not walking like a, like a duct to a pond. Mm-hmm.

You know, I'm walking somewhat normal. You are walking like a duck to a pond. No, I'm walking somewhat normal. Yeah. I'm not in pain, thank God. So I'm going to try to get on a plane and see if I can go there for a bit, hang out with friends, see people, you know. But yeah, Velvita Room, January 6th, stand-up comedy.

Comedy. You're going to do, like, an interactive thing. I have no idea. I genuinely have nothing planned. I wish I could just play guitar. You should. You play guitar? You know how to play?

No, I wish I could. Oh, right. Isn't that great? Because specials often suck, but don't you see Sandler do the little songs, and that's fun. And something happy. Yeah, it's always more amusing. It's more amusing to see the... Who are these people that shit on musical comedy?

When Sandler does the guitar and the piano? When it's done by a master, it's really funny. It's fantastic. He made me cry his last special. It's great. Singing about Norm. He's number two. We decided he's number two.

It's Eddie Murphy, then Sandman. Most talented comedy guys. Yeah. You should do every... Every meme that Jeff Dye post. It's on stage. God, that would be good. You guys should have Jeff Dye open for you.

What is it? Homeos sapiens. What are they gay? Hold on. We're going to get into Dye. We're going to get into Dye on the Patreon. Okay. We'll save for the Patreon.

So if you guys want right now, because if we're heading over there right now, Patreon just scroll up on Spotify. You can hit it if you're, or just go to Patreon.com slash Leveraparty. Because we're about to dive through his tweets right now. All right. Hell yeah. I'm excited as hell. Are you ready?

It's die time. Are you kidding me? That guy. Born to die. I love him. I love him. I love him now. I actually love how unaware he is.

I actually love him as much as I love both of you. I actually love him. I love him more than both of them. Yeah, same. Sam, you're more grateful. If you guys and Jeff die were drowning in a lake, I would read for him first. But we should save it for the pain.

My chain, my chain, don't you like my chine mine? Y'all I'm goochie mine and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my check a bit so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci, My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain mine? Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain mine. And my Jacob is so fruited.

Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. I came to the club just to flush my chain line. Catch another charge and I'm going to the chain game. Oh, I think I'm icing. Sold a hundred dollar, e-balloning sex and white screen. Don't you see how bright it is? See these girls and country girls be telling me how tight it is These girls they be choosing

Time is be so sparkingly they think my chain was moving My chain is out the chain Stack to me some money and bunch it off and bought a chain Check the way my chain hang Gucci I don't gang bang all I do is chains My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain man Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain man And my Jacob is so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain, my chain Don't you like my chine mind Yon Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine

No you call me Gucci Gucci You be shotin' man Goochie you be shining man Don't turn me on home Tell me who you diamond man My girlfriend acting line line. She say I'm acting different just because I got this chain. Haters get your hater on when they see them yellow stones holler at you later on.

My chain hang to my shoe's cranked. Like my watching wine, but I know you love my chain. My chain hang to my dangle lane. I do my dog thing when I'm in the club, man. When you hurt so icing, you thought a Gucci mine. I got that stupid mind and so I bought a stupid chain. My chain, don't you like my chine mine. Yung Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci. My chine, my chine, don't you like my chine mine.

Young goochie mine and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci. My first chain I had to rob for it. Jesus peace, yellow diamond, it and all in it. I'm on some slick brick shit. 2006 Mr. T.

Diamond's so bright. Ain't a way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance. I just lean with it. My piece is sick. Gary Robert trying to leave with it. I got that New York fitted on. Full suit, Dickie on.

Gucci link chain. Blue stones in a nigga charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he cran on that bezel and that band. Because I'm the man. I'm the man got no wife, but my chain got my girlfriend. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chine mine?

Young Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited, call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chine, my chine, don't you like my chine mind? Young, Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my Jacob, it's so fruited, call me Gucci, mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. Thank you.