lemonparty - 173: I'm looking at you, you suck ass

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

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Like selling. Sell it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a, it's now, it's something to make some money off. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ah, that's good.

Good stuff that Guinness. How's your, as your, as your, as your, check. Yeah. Check. It works. It always does. It always works. Testing check.

I always said that. Oh, the fucking, do you want to put the flag back up or do we not even care anymore? I can, I can hang this back up, I guess. We're in a lotless marriage. Who cares? Sorry, I was just throwing. It looks like there's holes in the drywall from a fight. I know.

I burned his spaghetti, and then I asked him about the flag again. Don't hit it more. Don't break it more. It's false dry. Relax. You could just put holes right through it. It affects the energy of things to punch holes. The energy of things.

We're a mostly positive show, and that's going to make things negative. It's upside down. It's backwards. Oh, God. It's all off. It's all over the place. It's all wrong. All right.

You put that over there, Ben. Oh, yeah. So I put this part on the nail. Yeah. Okay. So, Ben. Exercise for the week done. How's your E. coli?

You're outing me as some sort of fool and bloody diarrhea. You're the only. It went down. You knocked it down. Immediately. And you didn't notice. Unbelievable.

I looked it up. If you have E. coli, you got to switch from dark sodas to life. I'm drinking spry. You're the only adult man I've ever met in my life that's like, I have G.R. Dia. And you live in a city. He has Picasso paintings for diseases. He's like, I just got Gernica.

You're getting diseases that they get on, like, naked and afraid and shit. Good God. Put the fucking thing up. Ben's been a blood shitter this week, apparently. Shitting blood. Yeah, he just loves blood libel that much. Okay, so he decided to start shitting it. First of all, I'm out in the field talking to landlords so we can get a good studio going.

I need a, my daughter's, my daughter's old enough now that she, you know, I don't want her to start understanding what I'm saying to the walls. I got to get out of the house. Because she's starting her own show. You don't want her stealing from you? Her rival show, of course. Yeah. She's betrayed me. And she, uh, and she, uh, she, uh, and she, uh,

I'm also looking for hopefully finding a place we could do a living party too, because, I mean, you see what we're dealing with here. Yeah. There's freaking holes in the wall. The flag is falling off. Yeah. I don't even know how we fit in this room. I think this room is 80 square feet.

It's essentially a walk-in closet that we record inside of. Like, people go, don't really like the studio. It's not really that good. People will critique the studio. I'm like, it's a hole in the ground. Sure. That we manage to. It's all about the laugh.

sad. That's what I say. I say it may be small, but at least we treat it like it's a walking garbage can. But I was, look, I was going to look at studio space in Sherman Oaks, and I knew that the studio was going to suck. The studio space specifically, it was above a

kind of urban barber shop. What do you mean? It said $15 haircuts on the sign outside. Oh, okay. Okay. Were we talking black? No. Brown? No, it's, you know, it's just you know, poor.

How scared were you being near it? On a scale from one to black. How scared? It was above the barbershop. The space would be above the barbershop. Can you imagine? So the ambient noise would... Yeah, they hear our podcasts.

They hear the 18-minute Trayvon Martin riff while they're just like, Cedriciote's like, They're boy don't do it in their white podcast. Shee. They're pounding on the ceiling with their cane. Get a little too close to saying it. They keep turning up the Commodores record. And we're like, stop it.

Stop that 70s black music. But I knew the studio space was not going to be that good for us in terms of what I was looking for and the sound and everything. It was a music studio. Yeah, but I knew it was across the street from Sandwich Express, which is a Vietnamese run Bond Me joint. It's $10. They give you a huge sandwich. I told Katie I had to get there early to meet the guy. I didn't.

Which was a lie. It was a complete and total lie. Yeah. To ditch your family and get a big sandwich. You had to get a big pork and cat food sandwich. Ben's booking a motel room and he walks and there's a big sandwich inside. That he fucks and then he just flips out 20s and then just throws it out. You take it off my tie.

Yeah, you go throwing it on the floor. Thanks. I really need this. I got to get back to the wife and kids. Some extra for yourself. Doing coke off a sandwich. Which is tits. Yeah.

Trying to stick it in the ass of the sandwich. It takes you years to get the love of your daughter back after she finds out. You've been cheating on mom with sandwiches. Don't tell your mother. I'll buy you a sandwich if you don't tell mom. Order three big ass sandwiches. Okay. They only come in one size as big as out.

That is cool about bomb me. A lot, like the cheap, like, hole in the wall bond me places, they always have like a two. for like two for three deal of the Bonnese. Because it's mostly French bread. It's just French bread. It must cost them like a dollar to make. They gave me when I walked in, I ordered three

sandwiches and she was smiling and laughing and then she handed me a giant loaf of bread. Yeah. And she said that's for you. She was smiling laughing and she goes, I shit in this. You get Jardia. Jardia National Cuisine of Vietnam. It's a national quarantine. Before the comments start

rattling up, I don't have a zootic disease. Oh, sorry, right. It did not. I don't have those hard parasites in my body. I either got one of the sandwiches had a patte. I got a number one and number four and a number six. I got this one. You just got dog asshole flu from a big dog asshole sandwich you got at the feet in the news place.

I have the type of disease we have to stick a thermometer in my ass like I'm a dog. A big red one. Yeah, you've been shitting spaghettios but haven't been eating them. That's the disease you have. Big red amoebas come out of your ass. You're getting rid of a food you ate when you were 14 years old. You invented a new type of cleanse The dog asshole cleanse

Shit boy ID Yeah Do you think you're Dumping it right in the toilet Do you think the Flesh and a meatball What? Do you think you were

For solidarity with the dogs Because they've been shitting their brains out For like two weeks now They got Giardi actually They got actual Gagiarity If they gave me some sort of zewotic disease Then I don't know man

I don't think they dig I've been the only one handling the dogs I've been bleaching it And everything in the back Their asses Yeah, it's a whole thing. But I'm pretty sure I just got it from big pork sandwiches, which makes the most sense in terms of... Can't be eating that pork.

It's a dirty, dirty meat. And that's why I never eat pork. That's why all the commands us not to eat it. Asalam al-a-a-a-a-a-le-com. Because she'll shit Oreos out of your ass if you eat pork. Malcolm X was actually killed by a bond me. Yeah, they said, get your hand out of my sandwich. Get your shitty hand out of my sandwich.

Brothers, please! It's a party sub, brothers! There's enough for everyone. Then they blew his stomach open. All the cops walking across the street to order sandwiches before he got shot. So the E. coli in your stomach released toxins that melt your intestinal lining. So that it becomes bloody. Yeah, and your stomach looks like, you know, what the T2 melted in at the end of the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of magma. And you actually, you ship blood.

Which is it's, I don't think I've ever done that before. No, that is, I mean, I've shit blood, but it's a rip on the asshole. It's been like red blood. It's not dark blood. Dark blood usually means you have, like, cancer or something horrible is going on. My stool was black before I started shooting blood. Like a peptobismol shit. I've never done that before.

You've never taken, like, a stomach thing, and it makes your shit black? Am I wrong here? I don't get that, to be honest. I would like to go there with you, but I don't, unfortunately. You take Pepto? No, but like the, like, twice in my life that I have, I remember to be like, why is my shit dark black I haven't gotten that before I have shit a lot of blood but I haven't Oh okay well listen you know no I've after a night of very heavy drinking and

eating del taco I've definitely shit pennies like black pennies sure sure which is reeks of iron it smells like a kill floor yeah I had yeah when I was a fat kid and I wore like basketball shorts all the time my yeah my shit smelled like change that's what you wear the basketball shorts the fat kid yeah exactly is to get the penny smell out a belt would like make me nauseous because I had so much shit in my body all the time because I was so fat. That was like those things that squeezed the last bit of toothpaste out of

a roll, yeah. The computers are shutting down, Ben? Yeah, I think it has eukolai. There's blood coming out of our computer and we're just going, is that bad? What's going on? What are you doing? Is that bad for the computer? There's a bunch of Reese's peanut butter cups under here. You've been hiding?

I can't even. I do have some cheese candy in here. You are really, like, Ginny sack. There's just a big bag of candy in here You faked an illness So you could eat candy because of rape Pete Can I tell you by the way I do have a bag of gummies in my car I went to Sprouts before this is why I was 30 minutes late

I was picking out the gummies Did you? I got the cola gummies and I had a few of them I do feel like I'm gonna shit myself But I was just I couldn't think I was starving You know we have to do the show Yeah it's what people do I get me shitting blood in the producer's chair

It's what people usually eat when they feel sick and they need sustenance is they go get gummy bears. Shaped like Coca-Cola bottles. They go get a food, then shaped like a food that's slightly less healthy than it. Yeah. It's like stabbing yourself with a knife shaped like a gun. I didn't realize how fucked up it is. It's like when people are eating gummy bears that are in shapes of hamburgers and they're colored. Yeah.

And I love it. because the hamburger will have like a tomato and lettuce on it. It's like, why are we even pretending? It's already a gummy. And they'll pick the lettuce gummy off of it and put it to the side. They go, not even in gummy form. No, and anytime I see somebody. It's like eating a burger shape like a gun.

You're loading gummy bullets into your gummy gun and then chewing on it. Anytime I see somebody eating one of those gummy burgers, they might as well be eating a gummy version of themselves. Yeah. Like it's so. Those make meat sad. Yeah, they do make, those are brutal. Yeah. Those in the little, the wax Coca-Cola's, I don't care for those.

I hate those too. Yeah, those things. Not a candy guy, really. Wish I could say the same. I'm a fan of the good candy. I like chocolate. I like, you know, a decadent thing. I don't like the gooey stuff.

Like a gummy every once in a while. I don't know what it is. I don't know what candy is. I do feel like any time I eat a gummy, it's going to clog my asshole up. Like, while I'm eating it. Yeah. I'm like, this is going to get stuck in the pipe. Yeah, it's like pouring oil.

down the sink. It's like putting diesel in your own body. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. Ben? I'm going to have to doodash and a Sprite. No, you don't. There's a big coat. We got a Baxing and Coke right in front of you. I did leave this behind. I don't know how that happened. But I am

glad that the night before I ship myself blind. Are you okay? You look like you're wearing seven pairs of sunglasses. You're a bit from airplane. What is going on? She's up my eyes.

My eyes are sensitive to... That's still happening, huh? Did you put brown sunglasses on so your clear soda looks like dark soda to trick yourself? That's so funny. I get the sprite and then I put dye in it to look like Coke. No, I was up late. I woke up from a dream. Sometimes I'm in a lot of pain.

Some days I go to bed pretty much right at seven. And then I woke up at like 11.30 a. Or like 11.30 at night. And I was really mad about Devin's area. I was like, fuck those cocksuckers over there. And I was like getting up. But what? And I was like, shit.

I was mad at the people in your area. Oh. I was mad. And I started texting you because I started doing a deep dive on this guy. You woke up in the middle of the night. I was about to go to bed. It was like 2.30 in the morning. And you just started sending me.

What was the guy's name? Paul Rust. Well, so there's a guy who. Is that his name? There's a guy who's a guy. Paul Rust. Paul Rust. Yeah.

But there's a guy. There's a guy who's the co-host of Conan's podcast. His name's Matt. Matt Goorley. Matt Goarly. Very good, Jason. The big guy. He has the glasses.

He's on a podcast that's very well-liked. And, yeah, I kind of know one of the ladies that works for it. Really? Yeah, she lives around Connor. Very interesting. Nice lady. And apparently the podcast is very popular. Conan's show is great.

I'm not shooting on Conan's show. They're part. They have that guy. Matt's? I think the guy. Goarly has his own part. I didn't know we were doing a tend to dance here. I don't know.

I've got some skin in the game here, apparently. No, I have no skin in the game. No, you're Mr. Eastside. Go ahead. Look, I'm a family man. I'm out in the valley. I live by Paul Thomas Anderson and fucking, you know, what's the black guy's name? Wesley Snipes. No, I live by a black guy's famous guy.

Wesley Snipes. Huh? Chris Brown. Oh, okay. You live by Chris Brown? You do know Chris Brown lives right down the corner? He's beating the shit out of Ben's dogs all the time. That's why Ben's dog shit blood for a week.

Did I tell you I met my old-ass neighbor? like way up the hill when the fires were happening. And I go, it's a lovely neighborhood. It's nice to meet you. And they go, yeah, it's a pretty nice neighborhood. But then some rappers moved in. And I was like, okay, they're just talking. There must be one black family.

Some big dick guys moved in. Some huge dick, whack, Peter. Guy went a dick down to his ankle. Dances like Michael Jackson. As far as I knew, there were only, like, Jews and, like, Persians in my neighborhood. So I'm like, okay, Lil Dickie maybe moved in six years. ago.

Right. Whatever she, what is rap to her? Yeah. Right. But then I looked it up. Chris Brown was riding around. This is like seven years ago.

Which is funny, he's not a rapper. He's a singer. Is he not a rapper? He's just black, so she goes, rap. That's literally it. Rapping those notes in a sequence. Fucking rapper. He did beat the fuck out.

He did. Out of Rihanna. He beat up Rihanna. And about 80 other women, apparently. Yeah. In a row. There goes. Scared the fuck.

Scared the fuck out of me. You thought you were being attacked? Yeah, what the hell? It was Chris Brown. It was Chris Brown's dick. Flopped on your head to kick your ass. I thought I was an Anderol drone coming for me. Because I got too close to the truth.

Anyway. Okay, so keep going. It's okay. I didn't. I was just, you could attack whoever you want. No, so. I don't know the guy. No, Chris Brown was riding around on four-wheelers in my neighborhood. And apparently someone was like, hey, man, you can't be doing that.

That's crazy. Oh, he was, like, riding around on like a black horse. Yeah. Yeah. With his buddy, they were on four-wheelers racing each other. Uh-huh. So he got onto their lawn and he started doing donuts. And he flipped them off, double bird as he was doing a donut, like driving with his knees.

And then he drove off and went home and they called the cops. Yeah, you can look it up. It's a whole news story. Oh, my God. So she was actually in the right. Yeah. She wasn't a racist old white lady. Yeah.

She was actually completely in the right about it. Rappers moved into the neighborhood and caused a ruckus. Damn. Yeah, that's, that's, the black. community should kill Chris Brown for that. What I'm saying is you live amongst a bunch of white hipster asslars. I live with the blacks. I live.

And by the way, not far from me, Maya Rudolph. And they have like six kids. Yeah. I live amongst Jews and blacks. Devin is over here with, you know, very, like Warby Parker, Huckberry. I don't know them. I don't know them. Button up.

I love L.A. Listen, I don't, I met this. That's, this is your turf, buddy. I met a white guy upstairs building IKEA furniture because you don't know what a screwdriver is. That's 100% true. That's 100% true. So Devin now is defending some yuppie, like, podcast network over here.

I'm not defending. I'm just saying I... Preventing me from tearing it to struts. No, I'm not. I was ready to pace, smoke a cigarette. Ben, I only stopped you. I only stopped you because I wanted to call him a fat, worthless piece of shit first. Same team, guys.

Completely kidding. Don't even really, don't know, I don't know the guy. I don't know the guy either. I don't know. I was only talking about that guy. It's just funny, the connection. You're talking about not Gorley, the other guy with Gorley. I don't know.

They do a successful podcast and I have met him and some other guy on Twitter. So how many podcasts? So this guy, I'm pretty sure this guy has seven podcasts. It's called like Doe, the Doe Man. Oh, Doe Boys. No, that's good. Yeah. The Do Bois.

That's good. Isn't he on that? I don't know. If he's not on that, we could attack. You're thinking of somebody else. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Isn't he the fat guy that was in the show love?

He's not fat. Oh, he's not fat. No. Oh, who is he? Hurry up. Let's go. What a faggot. Paul Russ.

He's the... So I found out that this mad guy, he does a podcast about slasher films with Paul Russ. About Friday the 13th. Yeah. And when I... And it's about, is it about Friday the 13th? Mm-hmm.

You know about this. I think it's, well, I was looking up, you had texted a big diatribe about Russ, and then I was like... How do you know? They do a part of us about one... About all the movies in the Friday of the 13th universe. I think it's called like... Mad and Russ. It's called like Rust and Gorley, get cozy or something like that. With Jason Voorhees or something like that.

Yeah, I think that's the name of that. And then I looked up that they have like 14 different podcasts and everything else. You brought Paul Rust up and then I spent three hours instead of being with my girlfriend of just Googling things about why he should be killed with a big sword. I was looking up his Wikipedia. I go, why? Why does this man get money to... Because they're making that... They made that movie the sequel to Sideways.

Yeah. It looks like it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Napa Valley movie. Which I want to watch. I don't... Paul Rust, he had that... Apatow had that show loved on Netflix.

It was all set in my neighborhood. Fucking hated it so much. And I hated him and I had no clue where he came from. This picture, though, set me off. Yeah, I know. When I saw this pick... No, he's like a chia pet that Apatow planted, like, years ago. That's crazy

I'm sorry but that's infuriating That's crazy Just him smiling And he's one of the inglorious bastards Yeah He's one of the bastards Yeah That's the last thing Hitler saw

And he goes I was right I fucking failed That guy's gonna make a shitty TV show About a gas station in Los Filles one day So Jays you sent us this trailer From Paul Rust That made me furious Yeah you get really mad about it

Yeah Did he direct this? No he's in it It wasn't directed by him But it's featuring all of those He's not even in the trailer, I don't think. No, he's in the trailer for a second.

He's in the trailer, and he really is the worst person in the trailer. Is he disguised? I, listen, I watch the trailer. It all stinks. Everybody in it stinks. And then I saw him, and he deserved. He was the lightning rod for me, because fuck him. I mean, it looks like a, uh, I watched it the other day. It was horrific.

Watch it. Let's play it. Hold on. Yeah. The audio's. I know. Hold on the fuck up. Yeah, you might if I move the camera over, actually, a little. I'm kind of out of frame. No. We just toss that.

What is the, fuck is the, fuck is the, fuck is that? fucking there you go is that it i think a little maybe a little bit a little bit more how's that that good god damn it yeah yeah yeah yeah okay perfect yeah so i thought this was a jason swartzman type of guy yeah yeah i think this is a guy who wants to be jason swartzman so it's worse do you remember the hbo show from like 2006 where he's a writer in brooklyn or to death yeah yeah was that alfenac well i think they're trying to relive those guys glory days. They're pretending the last 15 years of America

never happened. And they go, what if we were Tweed and sucked? What if we were Tweed and white and sucked ass and raped our way through Brooklyn and Los Angeles? Your time's over. You're a dinosaur. It's over. Go die. The amount of bullshit they got away with because they got to

pretend that their black president was great because he was black. The amount of things they got away with. I watched this and for like 12 hours afterwards, I'm like, I just doing a great job. It makes me so mad that I'm like, yeah, fucking do whatever. Fuck

the hag. Who cares? I really miss you guys. Leader of the Napa Boys? Be-B bitch. We're going to Napa. This year everyone's talking about the Napa Boys. That was who I thought you were talking about. Yeah. The guy that just yelled it.

I don't know who that guy is. He seems like he's funny, though. I'm sure he's great. This is one of those things that I thought we were past Where the entire thing is let's make something that's not funny But the joke is it's not funny Yeah Because we're not funny Yep

So we're like it's just it's a big It's the whole thing cancels itself out It's zero times zero It's a snaking of its own shit Yeah Yeah It's like what if we suck ass It's like no you do suck ass

You do suck it You don't get to hide behind what if we sucked ass. I'm looking at you. You suck ass. You're like a guy. It's like he's going door to door in his new neighborhood. He's going like, what if I was a pedophile? Wouldn't that be crazy?

And they're like, are you? He's like, what if I was? It's like, I think you're trying to get away with being telling me you're a pedophile legally. Like you have to. These guys are worse than pedophilia is what I'm saying. But these guys are doing because it's also clearly a sideways ripoff. And I read the premise. I looked up the whole thing.

This is apparently the premise of the movie is, It's the fourth movie. The Napa Boys is the name of it. The Napa Boys. It's the fourth movie in a film series that doesn't exist. So it just drops you into the fourth movie. So they're making a commentary about franchises in Hollywood? Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. There's no comment. But why make this commentary when, like, Darren Aronofsky is making AI documentaries about, like, the revolution? Like, it is kind of... Yeah. It is... Can we get back to making, like, funny, like, comedy franchises?

That would be something to get back to, I think. But this is the death rattle of these people. They're like, okay, I can go to the UCB and borrow a rope to tie a news real quick. Or I can trick one of my uncles into giving me 50 grand to make the Napa Boys. Give me grownups three. Let's get back to that. Let's get back to that. Let's get back to Kevin James in an intertube.

You know? Yeah, because he's fat and it's kind of funny. Let's get back to the hangover four. Who gives a fuck? Oh, yeah. That's a step in the right direction. Yeah, it would be. Yeah.

No, this makes Todd Phillips look like Stanley Kubrick. Yeah. It's crazy. This is like literally like This is the first film where nobody knew who the director was They just had one guy with a camera They appointed ear and then say the Napa Boys It is, it feels like a school project

That a bunch of like millionaires like did Like they're having fun with their little indie movie Like it's a joke But they made a movie and it's at Tiff Yep it's at Tiff What's Tiff? Toronto International or whatever Film Festival

Fat Faggots Don't know what that is I bet it's fake It's a I think it's whatever. I bet it's another thing that you pay your way to get into. Yeah. Just like the Oscars and the Golden Globes.

This movie feels like a broader version of how the Duplas brothers make like 30 movies a year that no one sees. You know what I expected that other day? I was at a coffee shop. I was in a coffee shop this week. And Jay Duplas walked in. And I was with my daughter. So I get my daughter milk. And then we cheers.

and she was having like a muffin. We were having fun, and J.D. Plus walked in. And I started, like, crying, laughing, thinking about walking to J.D. Plas and going, hey, I just let you know, I was going to kill myself in, like, 2006. And then I saw the Puffy chair, and it saved my life.

Because I thought, I have to meet you to tell you you should kill yourself before I have a right to. How dare I exit the world while? You're still in it. And then you hit your daughter. You go, do what I told you to. And he goes, fuck, Jay, Japan. I was going to kill myself.

Then I saw Cyrus. And yeah, man, that movie... Dude. I found that movie in a really rough period of my life. Jeff lives at home. Connected with me. Imagine you walk up to Jay Duplas and who's been tweeting about not killing yourself

every day for 15 years. That's Mark. That's Mark. No, Jay is the way more chill one. Jay's the Benny Safdi of the Duplas brothers. He's the behind-the-scenes man. Yeah, Mark is... He smiles like the job.

Joker on his Twitter all day. Yeah. It's very straight. Imagine you walk up to Jay Duplas and you're like, hey man, the Cyrus trailer introduced me to Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros and that changed my life. But you don't,

you don't compliment his shit at all. You're just like, that was a great choice. Great song. I saw that a week before I saw it in a VW commercial. But you know what's crazy is that when they were making all those movies, it was like a better time somehow.

Of course it was. When they were, like they made like, they made like a million movies with like Maya Rudolph and Adam's got in them and then Kristen Wigg and they were called like the dinner party. Yeah, they're called the one location. Yeah. Yeah, every film is the one location.

Like, at least they did, they tried, I guess. Well, that was our 80s. That was a simpler vapid time that we pretended was deep. And then we got, you know, hit with 15 years of like some like raw shit. Yeah. It's so true. You go back and like watch the comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, Camillion.

And it's just nothing. Yeah, it's nothing. And meanwhile, you know, like gay people are turning into like paper clips and hospital beds or just pretending that doesn't happen. And yeah, it's just Boydhers being like, what if the gay guy was kind of weird? It was a blank, shitty time in the culture, just like the Obama years.

The Obama years. The Obama years. It was just white guys going like, wouldn't it be weird to be exactly me living my life? What if that was filmed for no reason? Hey, I have the imagination of a roly-poly. What if instead of a, working and trying to make something new and original and different.

You just put a camera in front of my worthless faggot life. But we get James Murphy from LCD Sound System to do the soundtrack. Yeah. There's little blinks and bloops. And an 18-year-old in Tuscal, Texas will get really excited until he watches the movie. He's like, this fucking sucks. Fuck this. Things were so normal and, like, fine that, like, there were movies made about, like, the whole thing was, like, a guy that's like, I have, like, a boner and a roommate.

It was just, like, a white guy. He's like, I should get a new hoodie. Hoodie's dirty. The whole, like, it was, it was. What was Jeff who lives at home? I don't even remember. Does he go play basketball? Jeff has a hoodie on.

And I think his mom tells him he has to return a library book or something. Yeah. He gets beat up by a black guy. He gets, yeah, he goes like and plays like a pickup game. It smokes weed with like a teen. I can't remember. And then like, is he a petophile? He is a petophile in the guy.

That's why he lives at home. Yeah, he can't rent anymore. Ed Helms is in it, right? Ed Helms is the uptight. Cedar Rapids. No, no, no, it is at Helms. He's the uptight brother in Jeff who works at home. Jeff is his brother, played by...

Jason Siegel. Jason Siegel. Who I saw on a date once at a coffee shop at Holland Park with a chick with the... Jason Siegel? The best titties I've ever seen in my life. I see Jason Siegel around town. Apparently, he's banging his way through L.A. He did a whole thing where he's like, it feels so good to be out of L.A., out of the rat race and everything.

He goes, you just realize, blah, blah, blah, and they go, where did you move? He goes, oh, hi. I'm in Ohio. Last time I went to O'I, I was in a diner. I kind of like five famous. It was like Yarmatakone. Yeah, yeah. I felt like I was at Rockefeller Center.

There were so many famous people there. Pete Holmes was outside fighting with the guy. These people just pick a place on the coast to ruin. That's all they did. It's fun. Pick a new place. They go, me, I'm the guy who brought a lavender farming to solving. That was my thing.

You know all the lavender farms in solving that suck ass and charge you $80 for lavender oil? Should we even watch the rest of an Apple Boys trailer? I think we should. We talked about it. People have no reference for anything. I mean, there's no reference for any of this stuff. Because these people are incestuous.

This is a Silver Lake Circle Jerk of people that they had tons of writing jobs. They made lots of money. My computer just turned off. Why do my computer just turned up? Motherfucker. God damn. Yeah, you did that last week, too. Skellman.

Just shit and blood everywhere. Is it still recording or now? I mean, it's still recording. So whatever. But the cameras on? Yeah, but the audio didn't turn it off. Oh. This controls my audio.

It doesn't matter. It sounds good. I don't think the computer works anymore. Go on. I'm shitting blood. You're shitting blood. But here's why someone else sucks. But at least, Ben, you have to be...

Here's why Jeff who lives at home wasn't that good. This is... In 2011. I gotta say, one of the we've ever had to an episode. We're, like, taking down, like, bizarre... weird indie movies from 2013. We're taking emotium. We're shitting on Paul friends.

I literally have shit in my heart. There's a man upstairs building IKEA furniture for Devin. Who also? Because he has no skill. I don't. He has no skill set. Besides being incredibly funny. Thank you.

And a great friend. And a great Fort a Gators fan as well. And a great sketchmate. maker too. Thanks buddy. An autistic lady at IKEA wouldn't stop talking about the Florida Gators to me today. Really? I gotta stop wearing this, yeah. Oh, that's why I don't wear sports stuff. It sucked. I had nothing. I was like, she was like, she was like, go Gators! I was like, oh right, I forgot I was wearing it. And then I was like, and she was like, you know, Wallop, right? A couple miles away from Gainesville? I'm like, I don't know. No, I'm like

buying fake plants. I'm like, I don't know. She wouldn't stop talking to me. I was traffic to Galveston. And I lived in that area for a while. He's like, you know Jeffrey Epstein? I escaped. I escaped. And I swore to the Florida Gatheas University. I lived under the football for a few years.

Yeah, it was weird. It was annoying. Yeah, I used to wear a UT hat, and I would occasionally get guys. Guys would walk up to you and be like, boo! And you go one, they go, oh, you baby. And you're like, I don't, why do you care? I don't know about it. Who cares?

It's a, I like it. It's a kind of light. I go, it's not a cold enough day to wear a real hoodie, but it's cold enough to wear a I got this one I was blackout drunk two years ago. And this lady's just like, oh, well, go get it. Anyway, I have to feel every chair. Every chair at IKEA to keep the demons away. Every chair.

I have severe autism. Gotta go feel every chair. People will rape my family. Anyway, evil Jew eats baby. Evil Jew eats baby. I was lamenting to Devin about the times of Michael Sarah and how I never bought it. and how I never bought into it.

I hated Scott Pilgrim versus the world. I hated all this stuff. I never saw Scott Pilgrim versus the world. You know what? Because it looked gay. So fuck you. No. It's on you, bitch.

But you know what drove me fucking crazy during this time when they were really like the kings of the castle? There's one movie. I never even saw it. And I had blocked it out. It's this movie with Michael Sarah and this little Asian woman. They were all running around town with that. I know who you're talking about.

It's called Paper Heart. Are you familiar? I've never seen it I used to see the cover of it I don't even remember this Used to make me furious They're like running away from Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist

I know that one Oh wow man we are really Getting into it like a one with Rashida Jones It was like Jesse and Michael make a playlist Yeah yeah there was With Annie Sandberg and Rashida Jones It was like Jesse and something Yeah

For their infinite universe Nick and Aubrey get pad tie Yeah There was a million of those Yeah Paper Heart film 2009 I don't Oh yes I do remember this movie

Isn't this a mind fuck? Yeah this is before Charlene E. tried to kill David Cross with the bow and as yeah Charleneyne E tried to go after David Cross This movie here where they're running I guess down I think this is behind Who knows

It's probably Devons It's probably Devon's house They're running out of Devon's house I've walked past her a bunch This lady's I've walked past her a bunch of of times in Los Felis and Atwater, and she always acts like you're about to hit her. Like, she always, she acts like,

it could be the hottest day of the year, and she's like shivering and holding herself, and just everyone's out to get her. She doesn't go by Charlene Ye anymore, because that's done, Jace. Now she goes by Loeb-Matook. Lo Mattook? Which is her-

Because Charlene-E was her slave name. That was my white name. My white slave name that my master Appetal gave me. I am no Charlene. My name is Mukbang. I only got a career for sucking ass under

Charlene Yee. Now I'm Lomain. I'm Lomain Paper Tiger. That's my new name. What is she even doing, Charlene Ye? Devin She's her all the time. I've walked past her many times. She's is acting like everyone is

a rapist. I don't know. I think Devin She said she acts like she's being raped by a leaf. Yes. She, she, she, she blows a rape whistle when it's windy. Oh yeah,

that was it. Yeah. We were texting back in the war. The wind's blowing around my pussy. My Chinese pussy. It was so bizarre. Ben just texted me like 2 a.m. I happen to be up.

I'm in bed. I'm like, I'm like, I guess I'm going off on 2013 comedies. I know Devin is that. He's like, I can't believe this guy doesn't drink.

It is insane. It was so fun. Yeah, I woke up out of a dream. Next day, bloody night, you know. Well, that was because Charlene Yee cursed you. I don't know. She put an Asian curse on you. Dude, I don't know what it is about this.

I know what you mean. And seeing the fallout in this area every time I, because it defines this area to me. And these guys were just, I mean, they were made men. Ozymandias. And a blink of an eye, it's all gone. They had the world. At the end of it. it was kind of this is the end.

Yeah, that was kind of... It's almost aptly named, even though it's about the end of the world. It was like the end of all these comedies and the whole era. The movie's kind of brilliant because it's about how they all suck ass and should die.

Yeah. And go to hell. That's a great comedy. It actually is very... I just rewatch it. It's very good. Dude, that's a great movie. If we get dying and go to hell,

we gotta do ads for I forget. Okay. Because we're at like 35 minutes or something. You just got to ship blood real quick. You're trying to save time. Every time... Well, my asshole does a weird thing like Aristotle's lantern where it's like...

teeth. It's like, it's like a weird, like, Japanese lock with like 30 levels where it's turning. Aristotle's lantern. It's doing crazy weird shit. The way a starfish would move in an aquarium. If you said that sentence to somebody with schizophrenia would break their brain completely. That was so high, low, that it would actually rip their brain in half. The white matter would explode. Okay, guys, speaking of shitting out of your asshole, like, what was it, Aristotle's lantern? Yeah. Which I think it's a type of urchin. I have no idea.

I don't even know what that means. I'm assuming it. I thought it was some logic problem or something. Aristotle's lantern. Hold on, before we go on that, let's confirm that. Aristotle's...

Lantern. Shit, oh, fuck. Yeah, it's right there. It's completed free man. Oh, it is. Yeah. The complex five-sided...

Yeah, it looks like that. Jesus. Yeah, it looks like the popcorn, the Dune popcorn box. And you ate that in a big sandwich, is what you're saying. Somebody fried up Aristotle's Lannin and you ate it. Hi-ho. What was that?

It's from, what's it called? Hi-ho. Hi-ho. I watched it with my daughter the other day. Oh, the snowy in the seven doors? Yeah, yeah. Hi-ho. That's me shitting blood out of my ass.

On the hoe, you push the blood out of. Hi-ho. As smoke is coming out of your toilet bowl. Smoke and sparks. How do I get my shit normal, though? This sucks. It'll recalibrate. Yeah, you just got to stop

being around Chinese people so much. You've got to stop getting three bond maize at one. But I only ate half of each one. Yeah, but patte is, like, gross. I didn't know there was patte on the number one. There was chicken. I bet you they have it just out in a tin covered in saran wrap, and if the little bit of the saran wrap's open,

it gets oxygenated, and I bet it turns it into, like, it looks like cat food or dog food. Yeah, it's like Asian guy throw up that they put on sandwiches. This is what I get for being greedy. Yeah. I always say no pat, no pat day on my, on me. I go, that's for you guys. I go, listen, I'm not eating this in a hut, okay?

Don't give me the clicky, clicky stuff. I'm gonna be sitting on sunset eating this. So put the normal shit in it. All right, you're lucky I'm even going with the dicon. I don't even know what the fuck that is. You got these like white alien worms in it. Put some mayonnaise on it, make it look less weird and space agey. your weird sandwich.

I go make it more French than your people. I will throw you to camp again because we're bored. We'll do it. Don't test me. Speaking of Asian people getting thrown in camps, guys, this week's sponsor is Roe Sparks. This episode is sponsored by Roe. If you're looking for better nights in the bedroom,

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Now, thank you, Roe, and back to Bin's asshole. Because those are all, we've lost a lot of sponsors because of all the bloodshed we've been talking about. Yep, yep, yep, yep. But what are you going to do? What are you going to do? I was reading back my text from Devin. About Paul Rusty needing to die. Well, it was just the whole uncensored thing.

It was great. I don't remember much. Just talking about low mattook. Oh, right. So funny. Yeah. So good. Just reminiscing on times with friends.

She actually goes by a fat guy now. Fatai guy. Yeah. Number 12. Fatai guy. She goes by number 12. You know what we could do? We could watch the trailer for Paper Heart.

We could do that. Would you like to watch the trailer for that, Jesse? Go down memory. Listen, I love to do it all. Let's do the weirdest episode. Exactly. Let's roll back to where 19. From Aristotle's lantern.

to paper hearts. Well, unless Jason wants to finish the Napa Boys, because he did a deep dive on this. I say we switch to Paper Hearts, and if we still have some punch and steam at the end, we go back to Napa Boys. Because Napa Boys should die, to be fair. And it also isn't saying we're making fun of this, because I think on Twitter it has 50 views from the, like, at Magnolia Pictures Twitter account. Okay, fair enough, fair enough.

Yeah. But yeah, let's check out the Paper Hearts. Is it Paper Hearts trailer? Paper Heart. Paper Heart. I love Every time I try to sign into YouTube It says your account has been terminated

It's just going to tell me game over forever I guess Your YouTube says stop Just stop trying, dude Why do you keep doing this shit? Okay YouTube I love by the way Thank you guys so much for all the messages

You've sent me that I should try to get my YouTube channel back That actually hasn't occurred to me yet No seriously Anytime you guys email me or message me, hey man, you should really, I think you should really try to get your YouTube channel back. No, we, thank you. Thank you.

All of us, we didn't think. We didn't think we should try. We didn't think we should try to get it back. Did you guys think of that? No, I actually, I wanted to take it down and go, that's it. I actually wanted to bring it up to you guys told me to send an email to YouTube the other day. Yeah.

And I was like. One guy hit me up. He goes, do dispute it. That's my favorite one probably is. Hey, you guys should reach out to YouTube and try to get it back. Yeah, we'll just talk to Minnesota. Okay. You should get in contact with Mr. Toon.

Let me call Mr. YouTube. Hello? Is this Google? Yeah, I also had a couple of people be like, hey, can you send me that episode where you guys talk about porn for 50 minutes? It was from 2004. I like when they ask you personally to send them the episode. Like I'm doing orders at a gallery. Yeah.

Okay. This is this, this thumbnail is pissing me the fuck. I think this is warranted that I got this bad at it. I want to put that on a shooting range target. That's insane. That's insane. That's crazy how annoying she looks. I know.

That is insane. Dude, that's like the face you should make while a fist is traveling towards your face. A fist that's like breaking the sound there. You hear a loud cracking noise before it hits. Please give me the backstory on her. I was not familiar with her as a human being. I think she, listen, I imagine there was, an Asian fetish going on in the bearded

dick joke making world of the Apatau universe. A depression burrito? Yes. Yes. And then they put her in knocked up and she... I'm just a stinky man. I'm like... Dude, what if somebody did Kyle Canaan's comedy but bad? It's like the great... My life's like a comic book. It's the great joke was all a video.

Yeah, yeah. Like a depression. I'm like sadness wrapped in a depression burrito. So I'm like a scumb bag. I'm like a piece of shit. Yeah. But yeah. So then she was in a knocked up.

That was the first time I saw her. And she was just like the stoner girl who's a yay. You have a baby's eye? Yeah. But he gets hungry and he's like, oh, feed me. It's my food. Not yours. And then everyone was like.

I don't remember that at all. I mean, I was. innocent i loved that movie and i was like that's funny enough and then i thought it was a weaker point of the movie yeah but um and then that's from there from there everything went took off yeah her her big so then she was bad and this is 40 they gave them app it yeah hard work yeah back on so then um hey nice so then uh this macbook's really old i think i've edited maybe like 10 000 podcast on it. Yeah. And it's maybe six or seven years old and I keep taking it back to the Apple store and get it fixed. Yeah. We're at that point. About to put this baby to bed. Put it down.

About to throw it in the hole with James Vanderbeak. Yeah, you know what? Fuck him. Yeah. You know what? You know what? I'm sick of it. Yeah, I've had it. Yeah, good. Yeah, fuck him. Yeah, then I go, why? And you go, that's, fuck him. I don't care if you're bad. Some people do that. They go, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

I love when people got, didn't affect my fucking life. Okay. All right. Still a guy died. Okay. Good. Seems like a weird amount

to energy invest anyway, at all. Who cares? Go on. He was annoying. That was bad. I don't know anything about him. I don't know anything.

I don't know a single thing about him. I don't know anything. I saw Eric Andre was sad about him. I go that makes me sad. Sure. Yeah. I love Eric. He died way too young and that's sad.

Yeah, I don't think people should die before an age where it's not sad anymore. Yeah. In my opinion. You should be old and useless before you die. Did you get prostate cancer? It was a colon. Yeah. How do you get that from Mexican Cokes?

Yeah, man, bonn meats. Gummy bears. I don't got that. I don't got that. I don't got that. I was a proud of how brave you were when you were shit and blood in the toilet. You kept being gummy bears? The way you ate those gummy bears made me want to eat more gummy bears.

I don't got that. I don't got that. are we in the movie Good Time? Are you going to try and rape somebody on camera? I think you're about to say that. Josh Staffdy's been fine since these accusations. Am I never going to talk to my brother again because he raped somebody on camera? I don't got that.

I don't get why Benny is not... Implicated? Because Josh was the director. Yeah, on set. Was he not on set or something? Benny was still there. Maybe he was sewing character as a retardate guy he didn't realize. He's like raging bull.

He's drooling bull. He's like, do it. The guy killed himself that tried to do it. They tried to rape that girl on set. Did he really try to rape her? Now, if you told me that he was trying to rape low mattook on the set of Paperhart. I would say this is a little bit different of a story of a running here. But they're making a gritty.

They're making a gritty film. They're making it. Come on. It's New York, baby. Yeah. New York City. New York City. New York State.

These are real people. I'm casting pockmarked Jews all throughout my movie, and that's why it's good, even though there's truly no point, and it's vapid. Dude, what if a movie had manhole covers? You ever think about that? And an ugly fucking Jewish guy. What if we had a real fat wop and an ugly Jew in a movie? How about that?

Wouldn't that be nuts? That's good. Is the movie good? No, it's not. Except for good time. But other than that, no. I think I could cut both of those movies to be better. Both uncut gems and Marty Supreme.

I think I could cut it and make it great. Yeah, Marty Supreme. If they just let me in that final edit room. You just cut the fat guy out of every scene. That's the only change you make. No, I'd only be the fat guy. I'd actually super oppose the fat guy in every scene. Even when he's playing ping pong, the fat guy can be walking back and forth.

Holding the orange ball. Like, Marty, what are the fat guy? The orange balls. And we would change the name of the movie to the orange ball. It would be called the orange ball. Fat guy. It'd be focused. Yeah.

It's the end of the movie and he's crying looking through the window, but he's just looking at that fat guy laying down. And the fat guy gets to fuck Grinith Paltrow in the park. Sure. And he kills her. On accident. That's what the cop show up. The cop show. Because he was trying to eat her necklace.

It's called Marty Supreme Sandwich. Or pizza. Or pizza. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Marty Crunch rap Supreme. Yes, of course.

Okay. But I forget what we were talking about before. Oh, I was going to, I still have the trailer pulled up for paper art. She, by the way, I don't know if people are, I don't know if people are as in tune as I am with when people officially sucked as. Go on. But the moment. Like a Somali, a known when a wine is no longer. I knew it.

I was like a, I was like, I was like a young man and I still knew. it was when this is 40 came out and you could tell they were really letting lo mattook flap her wings and so we're the only people on earth that call her low mattoon yeah if no one else calls her if you went her up to her in public and called her low mattook somebody would be like hey come on that's offensive stop agent eight her name is ching chong ye all right or some charlene some like that but so appetite you get they gave her a bunch of scenes where he just let the camera keep rolling where she could ad lib and this is 40 and she's terrible and this is 40. Yeah, she stinks.

Terrible. Good to know. Terrible. So does everyone go do a rewatcher then? I don't know if I saw that movie. It's not very good. It was kind of the end of that. Yeah, it was the actual end.

Midway through funny people, he decided to suck ass forever. Good. This is a 2009 paper heart starring Loma 2. You don't know what love is. You also know for sure that you will never be in there. Martin Star, everybody. I like Martin Star. I love Martin Star, but of course he's in this.

I mean, of course he is. Love up. Yeah, Martin Star woke up and he was filming a scene on this. He didn't even know what was happening. I will say Party Down, maybe greatest. Fantastic. Most underrated show, maybe ever. Probably ever, yeah.

Incredible. Besides, of course, millions of other shows. But of course, Martin's... There's lots of other shows that people don't talk about as much because they're stupid. But of course, Martin Star. Martin's nice. I could have called that. You also know for sure that you will never be in love.

I'm dumbfounded. We're making a documentary. about Charlene and love. Your love glasses. Oh, this is a documentary? No, it's a fake. It's a mockumentary where she's going... I think Michael Serra plays himself in this.

Did you see this hunk of shit by what's her face? Charlie XX, the moment? I think she did a similar thing. Loamatook did that, but she wasn't famous. No, I don't understand... By the way, you were saying Charlie XX was good about a couple years ago. Yeah, yeah, that's good.

And we didn't get into it or anything. So I didn't know anything about her. Let him have. No, I'm sure at the time, but I mean, boy. I mean, she's awful, right? Oh, we're about to get into it. Brad is good. I don't know.

I'm not talking about anything else besides Brad. I put in the mic down. I'm not talking about what she does. Okay. Talking about her. Oh, for sure. What is going on with her? She won't stop.

She should be put in a big wood chipper. She sucks ass. She's everywhere. That's her thing. She's a... Her and Rachel sent her, I put them in a big vice and crush him to death like casino. Yeah. Totally fine.

But I like Breyer. is a very good album. I guess I thought she was just a little more like cooler. No, no, she sucks. Okay. She legitimately sucks. She's like a Coke kid from England who just has synesthesia and can make very good music. But no, she herself.

Okay, I don't know anything about her music. I don't know her music. I mean, I feel like we're giving. I mean, it's a million. The lady down at McDonald's is nice titties, though. And I will give her a shout out every time I see her. All right, okay. I didn't listen to, I don't know anything about her.

I just, every time I see Charlie X, X, X, X, kind of like female jelly roll. Kind of everywhere, sucking ass. She has jelly roll for gays. 15 love, Devin Costa. Point, Marty. I can't, I can't fight that. She does suck ass. I truly don't.

This is great. This is like McEnroe and whatever. You know? No, keep going. I don't, like, I can't attack her art. No, attack him. You're nuts. Come on, it's good bracket. You're a psycho.

Make you feel it's scared about it. He's been trying to tear us apart. No, it's because Jay said like he was really loving the album. and I remember being like, I never got, I never ended up listening to it. Get him. But I was like, oh, maybe one day. And then she just started being everywhere in this cultural, like, haze of everything.

And I'm like, I don't, I'll never listen to her now because I hate this. Yeah, too many gays liked it and gay people ruin everything. 15 all. 15 home. Serve Jace. Yeah, no, it was legitimately. It was a, it was a really good album. And I just, I saw a review.

I listened to it like three days after it came out. Not to be that guy. But then it exploded with the gays, exploded with white women who hang out with gays who suck ass with them, like we talked about on last week. And then it's just, it's bad. It's not good.

It's bad. I snuck out of the house to go see the moment after the kids went to bed. This is in theaters right now? I made it 30 minutes and I came home. I came home. I went right to bed. Wait, this movie's in theaters right now?

This Charlie XXX movie? Oh, yeah. Your favorites are all sprinkled throughout. Who are my favorites? What do you thought? We got Rachel Senate. We got, what's the lady, the improv lady? A bunch of people in it.

Charlene Yee. No, no, no, the lady, yeah, low Matouk is in it. She plays an egg roll. No, there's a lady. Who's the lady? Just the lowest thing. The lowest thing you can say. No, who's the lady who takes the tickets in the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Oh, caper lamp. She's in it. John Early. Devin would have turned all sorts of different colors in his seat if he was watching it with a marriage. He was. Okay. But it was a lot of like... I haven't seen any promotion for this,

I didn't know it was out. So it's like Charlie X... It's viral that she's promoting it. Charlie X has her own, like, Melania out. Yeah, correct. It's like a fake mockumentary, am I correct? About her making a concert film or something, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I don't know. I'm sure it sucks ass. The new thing they do is they zoom in, like on everybody's face. Like on a long lens. Mm-hmm. Like, it's a saffty thing. And it, but nothing...

Right. And they go, but if I'm going to the airport, then I should wake up at six. And then the gay assistant is like, honey, if you want to wake up at six, you can wake up at six. I don't know what to tell you. And I'm like, I think this is funny because it's inside baseball if you're a pop star, I guess. So it's like satirizing that. They're doing coke in the bathroom.

Oh my God. British humor sucks. British humor sucks. And female humor and gay humor. Yeah. So it's the worst. Yeah. It's a perfect storm.

It's three hurricanes meeting to kill a bunch of people. Monty Python, gay, guy, lady. Yeah. Yeah. stinks yeah flush yeah

I'd probably put a big flushing noise here we should have a big toilet on set we throw things into and we flush it and also shit into while we record

because I need that the new set you're built in the new set is a giant toilet we're all sitting over the edge of like we're fishing on top of a dam

just plopping it plopping shits there probably isn't a podcast where they're all sitting on toilets so you left your family to go see the Charlie XXXXX X X X XXX

that's why kids were asleep once my kids were asleep once my kids were asleep You left him in the car. You tell your wife I'm going out to go see the, I'm going to go get a big slurpy and watch the Charlie X-C-X movie. I'm going to go masturbate in the Charlie X-C-X theater. There was a crazy lady, three rows behind that made me really sad.

Like a mega fan? No, it was just like, just a woman who has no one to talk to except for the birds. Yeah. Her only friends are birds. Yeah. And she's sitting, and there's nothing wrong with that. But she should die. Like, it's, you guys have been in the theaters.

Everybody's been in the theater before. Sure. And then the trailer ends and they go, oh, man, that's going to be great. But there's three people in the theater and they're trying to say that out loud to get someone to turn around and start engaging. Mm-hmm. Nope. Nope. Eyes on the screen.

Nope. Yeah. Eyes on the screen and I will, if you do this again, I will go to the front desk and I will complain. I'll tell them you have a gun and call the cops. I'm wildly not uncomfortable, just sad. I'm sad. You're making me sad. It's like seeing a dog with no legs.

You're making me wildly depressed right now. You know, there's a scream movie coming on, a new scream with Courtney the hot coogger, Courtney Cox. Yeah, our cat. Yeah, or Courtney, so Courtney Cox, she's at the end. And the lady goes, the trailer ends. She goes, oh, Courtney, God bless her. She's getting that money. Good for her.

I can't blame her. Oh, God. And I was like, oh, man, I wanted to, I wanted to turn around and be like, I'll fucking kill you. Jesus Christ. I'll kill you. Just like Kathy Bates from Misery's first day at the theater. Oh, duty, that looks good. She did it after every single trailer.

You might have, if you turned around, you might have saw her talking to, like, one of those living dolls. We've seen people carrying around. That's why I, but this is why I sit in A7. I sit right in the middle, front, in the very, very middle, in the front. always because I can just ignore a lot of that she was just so it was just too obnoxious to look away I love observing the people at the theater you judge people

because I even though I'm alone I of course I'm the only one that's I have you know I'm better of course than everybody it's one of the funest things to do is be better than it's just fun to watch you there is a lot of people you're kind of like wow it's crazy you're like a loud in here you know it's it's cool like some people at the theater

I'm like, how do you even, how do you buy a ticket? I love talking about them way too loud, too. That's very fun. Like, just completely disrespecting your person. Being like, I think that guy liked that. And they don't do anything. You're like, oh, wow, they're like, easy tart. You can just like, you can just like, you can like flip their heads.

They don't do anything. They get scared and don't look at it. I know. I was getting brunch with my girlfriend the other day, and there was like a little glass partition between here and the sidewalk and people were just walking past. And because of the glass, we'd just be like, that's an ugly fucking baby. It's the ugliest baby I've ever fucking seen.

That kind of rocks to do. It ruled. I loved it, actually. It was like going to the zoo and making fun of all the animals. I was seeing, I saw Eddington with my, with my buddy. With Will. Yeah. And there were these literally like an NPC, like massively retarded couple behind us talking throughout the first hour.

It was a white homo with a black girl. And he was like a man bun, like just NPC. No, no, no, no. He was not. Just a guy who was gay. Okay. A limp wrist. Limp wrist, just an idiot. Just a complete idiot.

Boy? Like a last samurai guy. Okay. You know. And with a black woman that was a complete idiot as well. And she just kept being like, that's, like, she kept explaining things to him and he would be like, I know, it's crazy. I know. They were talking, like, they were in their living room.

It was insane and no one was doing anything. And I kept being like, this is crazy, but I've already seen the most of the most of the like twice so I mean whatever and my friend was starting to get more and more annoyed you're at one point he turns and instead of just be asking like hey guys can you he goes hey guys like at full volume in the middle of a scene he goes hey guys so this movie's gonna be on streaming in like a couple weeks and then you two can do this stupid shit at home and he turns around the guy I was like oh my god how dare you it was like a full-blown they were having a full-blown cat fight in the middle of the theater that's great they were

doing eddington and edicton and then I said like I said out, I was like, it's an Eddington guy. Like in Eddington. You're an Eddington. I go, you're an Eddington guy, aren't you? He goes, well, I'm not in the movie. That's clearly not true. The movie's in front of us. I'm behind.

Oh, God. Yeah, it rules. I love being the only guy to silence people. I saw an old one with dementia when I was watching weapons. I didn't care. She kept like just saying, she goes, oh, that was so scary. And then I kept looking. I was like, is nobody going to have the audacity?

I'm sitting way away from her. And then she finally talked one more time. I just should across the entire theater. It is a fascinating psychological, like, study. It's unbelievable to me. Either it's just people are completely unaware or they just have massive egos and they think they're literally the only person experiencing

who exists. The thing in front of them. They think they're in Westworld when they walk around. Yeah. Other people aren't real. Do these people know the difference between speaking and thinking? I don't think so. I don't think so.

I don't think they've ever had a thought separate from a word, to be honest with you. I think they speak so they know what they think. They would be like walking down the street and they go, Leffer, right, left for, right foot, breathe. Left for right for, chew up. Living is a dance. It's the Charleston.

Yeah, they need a metronome to keep existing. Put it on 180. I'm feeling pep today. Yeah. And I just, I always get mad that people don't, people don't have the balls to say something. People rarely speak up. People will not say anything.

They'll just let their experience be ruined. You can watch somebody get assassinated in a theater. About three, fours of the people wouldn't even say or move or do anything. Meanwhile, I'm a fucking genius. Not only am I watching the movie, I'm spinning an apple in my head, 3D style, all the way around. Having an internal monologue. I'm experiencing synesthesia from the soundtrack of the film. I'm imagining a future scenario based on previous actions.

That's correct. I'm seeing another movie playing in real time next to the movie that you don't even know. I'm actually spending two apples in my head. I'm such a genius. I'm such a genius. I'm looking at Scarlett Johansson's tits in the movie thinking about how I want to fuck them while still watching the movie. I'm a fucking Mozart. I'm a polymath at the AMC.

I just took a mental picture of her tits. And I will be jacking off through the pocket of my pants in this plush AMC plus recliner. Yeah. Well, you mouth breathers. Yeah, you fools. You mouth breathers you're pulling out your phone to Google Scarlet Johansom Tits. and look at it with the light all the way up. Can you see her tits?

In the Jurassic Park movie, she's got some jumbos, yeah. You can see your nipples and stuff in Jurassic Park? That's crazy. You can't see the nipples, but they are. They let her gain some weight. She looked kind of plumped and nice in Jurassic Park. They let her gain some weight for the movie, and I was more jacking off to the idea of her gaining weight

and getting big titties. Are you into gainable stuff, like the idea of, like, you being inside of a woman's belly that you're stuck inside of? No, none of that shit. But the idea of a woman like getting a little bit of weight on her and getting like a really big ass and big tits is very nice to me. I like that. I will jack my penis off to that and come. Is there a point of no return though?

Oh, yeah, 100%. Yeah. It's a dangerous dance. It's a razor's edge. So you're more into like a woman who looks like she's exploding. No, I'm into- Not deflating. No, I'm into like a woman who's turning into Serena Williams, like a white Serena Williams. See, so she's doing GLP-1 commercials.

Broke my heart. She's not even fat. Broke my heart. Yeah. Do you think she's fat? I don't think she's fat. I thought she had a nice big ass. I thought she was the perfect.

I loved her big ass. She's on semi-glutides now. She's the face of semi-glutides. Have you aware of this stuff? Yeah, that's her white Reddit, uh, fucking funook husband. He couldn't fuck her. His dick wasn't big enough. Yeah, he was always in the cheeks.

So he started giving her semi-glutide. I know. She's lost like 30 pounds and it's like, it's like seeing a pipel with its ears clipped. It's disgusting. Breaks. It breaks my heart. She was a white boy? Yeah.

Yeah. I think the founder of Reddit. Yeah, founder of Reddit. Which is just hilarious. Unbelievable. Damn. The whitest man on earth. The founder of Reddit.

She married a big white noodle. Yeah. Damn. King Richard would be so angry. If he wasn't in a dead somewhere. Yeah, if he wasn't dead. I would love to crest that hill. What?

Own Reddit. And put one in Serena. That is kind of like a modern. It is kind of like he's. he like Like a feudal ward or something He like fucking enslaved her ass Ruined it

Yeah Truly Ejecting her with Sam McLuthides Ruined Serena Williams His big fucking horse ass He put one of those slave collars With the hooks coming out of it On her ass

So it couldn't be fucked anymore He's sick dogs on her ass Now I need at least three more years Out of your ass Now how are you gonna Get fucked with all these dogs carrying up Some wiggly retard in the back Like

Yeah, Chris off waltz. I'll pay $500 for that ass. You will? That shoot-up ass, you will? You're hiding ass cheeks. Floor boards, aren't you? You're cheeked up, aren't you? You're cheeked up under the floor. You're no longer double-caped up on a Tuesday, are you?

I can hear it clapping. That's the clapping of the ass. when your daughter walked to get me milk it clapped no she her her husband really have you seen a picture of him bad no no he looks I always love the idea of a wiggly a wiggly retort

at a racist romp I love being racist and doing slavery he looks like a wacky inflatable tube guy at a dealership he's so retarded he's almost more honest He's like, I love having power over people. It makes me feel like I'm more than what I am. We can't get through anything.

We'll get to paper hearts. We'll get to paper hearts. We got to get to, she married Earthworm Jim. Husband. Yeah. We got to end this episode soon. And we got to talk about Jace's story in the next step. Because Jay said he had this humdinger of a story.

Yeah, I also have one that I think you're going to like. Does it need to be Patreon? Is it too private? Yeah, we'll just do it on the Patreon. Do it on the Patreon. This is his name, Alexis Ohanian. Yeah, Ohanian, yeah. This boy here?

That boy. That boy does not have motion. He is not fucking those cheeks right. Mm-mm. Look at him. He fucks her? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. See, he doesn't even have, like, neck muscle. How old is he? 42? Yeah, 42, 43. This is them together? Damn.

Yep. I think he's actually... And he put one in her. Yeah. God damn. He's like, honey, your ass makes my mom uncomfortable. When we go to the Hamptons, can you tape your ass up? You knocked some rigging over at the yacht club,

and all the whites are talking about your big black ass. Yeah, it's a shame. She's beautiful. It's a shame. Watch a bird break its own wings. He put another one in her. Yeah. It's a damn shame.

That's peak white boy right there. Yeah. It's a damn fucking shame. Does that all it takes to fuck Serena Williams have $800 million? There is something about this where it's like, obviously, I don't know, like, I'm not one of these guys at all. But this, I don't like this race mixing. Yeah.

No, I agree. A guy like that, like a limp-dict, like with her with Serena Williams, kind of turns me into like Nick Fuentes or something. They're spoiling both of their bloodlines somehow. Yeah. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, it's just, it's, you shouldn't also, I like mixed racing as long as one of them becomes the other race. You know what I mean?

Like when a big white guy who looks like me is suddenly dressed like Patrice O'Neill because he's been married to a black woman for three years. I think that's beautiful. Exactly. He's wearing a big fedora and smoking cigars. That's beautiful. But this guy's making her assimilate. And I think that's disgusting. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And she's bad. I don't care that about Reddit. She's better than him. She's better. She won like 22 women's majors in tennis. Yeah. Yeah. And that's like 10 in guy majors.

Exactly. Look at those tities. Look at those big titties with the big ass behind it. And now they're gone. May I? Doesn't every black woman have tities that big? A lot of black women do have very big tities. Yes. That is correct. I'm leaning into a little congressional microphone. Black women tinnies are bigger and their nipples are also very large as well. They usually have big dinner plate nipples. And you are where you're under oath. James Avery? I'm under oath and I'm also masturbating under the table. Proceed. Yeah.

So it's just, yeah, it stinks. Look at that picture of him and that tucks. The bottom on the left. The very bottom one on the left. I mean, no offense to you, but this is like if you were with like Swedish. or something. Or like, you got with Glorilla.

Who's a Glorilla? I don't know. There's a rapper ladies. Yeah, she was a, she was created by to CIA embarrassed black people. Rapper ladies. Yeah.

She's like a stinky black woman. That's like what she's known for. No, not that black people are singing, that she is a black woman who is stinky. It would be funny if I landed a big. That'd be the funniest thing of all time. Black woman.

You were dating sexy red or something. Yeah. she's like okay baby gonna go do my show real quick you're like all right I'm gonna be and got me bags I'm just gonna I'm reading Jesus's son

you're trying to talk the sexy around about Dennis Johnson your age is really his best way and she's like I don't know what that is Bill Houston I've been to Houston train dreams I had a train ran on me

it was a dream Oh, Js, that's very good. That is good. Train dream, boy. I dream again a train running. I got a train running me at Cabrini Green. About Cabrini Green. By two guys named Dennis and Johnson.

Uh-huh. Tree of smoke west out of, we went out at the club when we rolled the blunts. We smoked the whole damn tree. My Wian, smoke up those trees. At the wedding, do they say do you take this Y in here to be your lawfully letter? wedded husband. If I had a black pastor wetting me to a beautiful giant black woman. Black pastor would go, do you take this pack of wood?

You take this small deck pack of wood. And her name is Diamond Simpson. Her name is Diamond Simpson? Yeah. This is O.J. Simpson's daughter. That's a pretty good black name. That is Diamond Simpson. I like that.

Yeah. She looks like all the Simpsons combined. Yeah. But black. And she's sitting there, she's big as fuck. Yeah, he goes, I now pronounce you have the pass. I will now pronounce you husband and meme. You may now climb the tithes. Sweetard, you have no idea how memeified you will become.

You can now suck the tits and jiggle the ass. She shakes one titty out like that. Go ahead, baby. And I'm in the back. I go, I told you the nipples were huge. fucking told you, dude as Devin slides me $5. Yeah. I'm too sensitive. I don't think I could have

a... No. No. Black wife would break both me and you easily. First day. Well, I just shut down. I'm a sensitive weirdo. I just shut down completely. I stopped speaking. But then she would still be like, oh, you go in school shoot a mode, you little fag? Look, I'm not. You're like, yeah, go up and go Columbine, baby. I'm going to go out. I'm going to have a couple cigarettes. I'll be get you a new set of helies. I'm gonna come back. Your size 14, right? Man, you biggest shit. I'm gonna get size 14 helies for you. All right. We're gonna be all good.

We'll go watch your shows. I'll let you watch curb your enthusiasm. Really? Yeah. I let you watch your jew shit. I know you'd be all about your jew shit, baby. We don't have to watch the boondocks again. No, I'll wait until you go to sleep, baby, before I put the boondah. song. And the Eddie Murphy Claymation show from 1999. She thinks the Simpsons are Jews. She thinks the Simpsons are Jews.

It looks like an arcrum drawing. And just breaks your fucking pelvis. every night. It just rides the shit out of you. And you're going, no! Shut your cracker ass, bitch ass up. I'm about to suck this come out. We would have tens of babies. So many babies.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, your dogs get that intestinal disease, and she blows their brains out in the backyard. Patreon.com slash living party. Oh, we didn't get the paper hard. Well, we could say that for the Patreon. Yeah. Patreon.com. I'm about to run out of soda, too.

And if I run out of glucose, I'm going to lose my ability to think. We need a soda refill as well. I'm spinning two apples in my head right now. Yeah. And I'm jacking out to Scotia. And I'm jacchang. But Patreon.com. We're going over there right now.

We're going to get down to the bottom of what is it. You got a humdinger of a thing. I got a nice little story. I already told that. My chai. And then I got some other stuff. Don't you like my chai? Right now.

Bye everybody. Bye everybody. Love you. Bye. Mine, young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci My chain, my chain, don't you like my chine mind

Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chine mind And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci I came to the club Just to fuck my chine mind Catch another charge and I'm going to the chine guy guy. Oh, I think I'm icing. Sold a hundred

thou, e-balloning sex and white screen. Don't you see how bright it is? See these girls and country girls be telling me how tight it is. These guys be so squawk and lit. They think my chain was moving. My chain is out the chain. Stack the miss a minor, budget off and bought a chain. Check the way my chain hang. Goochie, I don't gang bang. All I do is Don't you like my chine mine Yung Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chite mine And my take a bit so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chine, my chine Don't you like my chine mind Yung Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain mind And my take a bit so fruited Call me Gucci mine

No you call me Gucci Gucci You be shy Gucci you be shouting man Don't turn me on home on home tell me who you my girlfriend acting because I got this chain dollar stones holler at you later on my chain hang to my shoe strike like my watching wine but I know you love my chain my chain to my dingling so I bought a stupid chine my chain don't you like my chine mine young goochie mine and I'm popping off the chain

mine and my jacobits a fruited call me gucci mine know you call me goochie mine no you call me Gucci. My chine, my chine. Don't you like my chine mine? Young goochie mine and I'm popping off the chine mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci. My first chain I had to rob for it. Jesus piece, yellow diamond sitting all in it. I'm on some slick brick shit. 2006, Mr. T. Diamond's so bright. Ain't a way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance. I just lean with it. Gary Robert trying to leave with it I got that New York fitted on Full suit dicky on

Gucci link chain Blue stones in a nigga charm Now watch me do it Do it with no hands Traps when he craned on that bezel And that band Cause I'm the man I'm the man

Got no wife but my chain Got my girlfriend Don't you like my chine mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chide And my Jacob is so fruited How me Gucci mine No, you call me Gucci Gucci.

My chain, my chain. Don't you like my chine, mine? Y'all, Gucci, mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci, mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci.