lemonparty - 175: The Searcher

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

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And I, you know, I lost my property of Allah hoodie in an Uber last night. Did you get your crayon at least? No, I left that too. And some Israeli guy with an earpiece came up to me earlier in the night and handed me both. And then I left them in a big black guy's Uber. He said a phrase to you, you never heard before and your mind went blank for two hours. Yes. Hasbollah has attacked Israel.

Devin was almost in the shooting. I was around the corner from it at like seven. 7 p.m. And luckily we called the night early. Yeah, luckily Red Band asked you guys to do whippets at his house. So you guys weren't there. Luckily, Brian Callan beat the shit out of me instead. Saved by the rapist. A little saved by the bell. No, you guys were literally almost in that shooting on 6th Street.

The fake Koran shooting, the CIA. Yeah, we were apparently a couple blocks away from it at one point in the night. Yeah, yeah. And that is truly the worst area probably in America is the 6th Street. No, I know. It feels so dark. It feels like at any minute, you could get sucker punch, stabbed, shot by a guy driving by. I'm not getting...

The traffic's awful. There's no getaways. The cops are on Clydesdale's. It's a miracle they got to the scene in 57 seconds. These guys, they're riding the Budweiser horses to the scene. And the horses are always freaking out. They're always, like, kicking, like, a newly raped woman in the head as she's stumbling out of a bar. Last night had a dark vibe more than all the other shitty nights, too, because there was, like, a guy screaming at his wife because she was drunkenly, like,

refusing to go to the hotel with him. And he's like, God, it's the last time you make it look like a fucking idiot! Like in the street, it was just, oh man, what an awful, awful place. She's like, I got us tickets to the Fat Man room. And you do this to me? He's like, it's the strip. It's the sunset strip.

I've got two tabs of ecstasy. We're going to have a great night at the comedy show, and now I'm going to get shot in the head while you go back to the hotel. You embarrassed me in front of LaMere. Le Mare thinks I suck now. A kind of a fantasy is a guy at one of those ax throwing bars that a guy walks in with an Oahuac bar shirt on an AR-15 and I turn with the axe. In front of my date who has F cups and no ass. Right. Who's not your wife?

She's not my wife. In this fantasy, obviously. Of course. I'm on a date with a 19-year-old. Who looks like the letter P. Yeah. Who's got literally her ribcage is breast. breaking from the power of her tits.

She has C.T.E. Because her tits are too big. Exactly. She doesn't get oxygen to her. C.T.E. from titty fucking. Yeah, when you fuck her, her tits punch her in the face. And she has like George Ford. She's shaking like Allee. And the Olympics holding up the torch. Trying to raise an axe.

And you're saying a guy with an Alawful Akbar guy. Yeah. A sleeper cell that Israel let out of their cage. And you take the axe, you chop down right through his big diaper. Yeah. Through the brain. Oh, through the burka. That's interesting.

Through the whole diaper. A bunch of shit comes out and then you get to the brain. I would love that. Yeah, I'd love to do some Army of Darkness shit. Yeah. And then she starts sucking you off right at the X-throwing place. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Well, I think if you're on a date with a guy and he stops a terrorist attack, you have to suck him on.

And you got to pay for the bill, too. You got to pick that. Remember to pay for the bill. There's blood everywhere. You go, baby, you got this. No, yeah. Remember, I kill the terrorist. You pay for the axe throwing.

Remember, it's $85 an hour for some reason. It's an axe. Come on. F cups, no ass, which is what you're saved as in my phone. Pull the credit card out of your big 19-year-old tits. The card in my phone is 19-year-old F-cobs. Thumbs up a loggie. And once a month, I don't respond to any of your text.

Once a month at 2 a.m., I message you suck, question mark. And if you don't respond, I freak the fuck out. Would they lay in Texas? let me go. If they're like, your girlfriend here that you're on a date with, she's not even 21, she's at the bar. I know you did stop the terrorist attack, but this is against the law. Yeah, they'd

let you go. No, they give you a job at SpaceX. You'd be a hero. It all feels very lawless down there. Yeah. It's literally like... The shooting was the only illegal thing happening last night. And even then, they were like, we're not quite sure. Yes. Right. Yeah, no, the... Austin's like tombstone, kind of. Yeah. Like, it's like the

okay corral. There's mass shootings on six all the time, from what I've gathered. Yeah. People just spray into the crowds there. Sixth Street is generally, I would rather be in Iran. I'd rather be in Tehran right now in a big apartment building than on Sixth Street. So my friend Debbie Booby texted me about this bar where there was the Buford's the sleeper cell.

Apparently there's like 150, 55 inch screens everywhere playing Chive TV. Yeah, it's like a college bar apparently. So it sounds like the worst place on her. Do you think there was a guy who was hiding from the shooter and he saw a big keep calm and chive on sign? He's like, oh yeah. And then he stood up and his head got split in half. He's like, oh, yeah, I should chive on. It looked like the end of the Terminator when he, like, unzips down the middle.

Yeah, I did see video of it. It's horrible. Terrific. See, that's what I don't watch the video, so I can be very callous. Do you remember when the plane went down in India and, like, 270 people died? And we were watching it. Like, it was posted 15 minutes prior. Yeah, we watched it, like, live on the show.

We just couldn't. not making jokes because we're because it wasn't real because life is fake somehow nowadays. Yeah, because our phones have turned us into sociopaths. Exactly. I was in a location like a block away from a place where 20 people were shot and we're

I landed and we're making jokes about it. You flew out of a mass shooting. I flew away. Making memes window getting hit with bullets. Like we were getting out of Afghanistan. Yeah, yeah. A little last chopper out of gnom. And you're like a bunch of bunch of fucking bozos down there. This is America.

I bet they had I fuck it. I love tacos so much shit all over the place, huh? You doing a deep dive on this Alahu Akbar guy? I tried a little bit on the plane, but I didn't have internet. I just kind of saw it when I lived it. All I know is he's Senegalese guy. Yeah. Senegalese. Senegal is from

Flugerville. Lived in Flugerville. He's a naturalized citizen. From Senegal in Flugherville. Yeah. He was wearing a shirt that said, like, I'm with I'm with Mahat or something. Exactly. It has a CIA tag still on it. He forgot to rip it off. He got it from the gift shop at Langley. Yeah. It's like the most obviously

fake thing. I feel like, I mean, it's an hour after we started bombing Iran. I mean, if 9-11 was you know, not, you know what I mean? And it also, I mean, then how is this? You know what I mean? I have to accept that none of this is. Yeah, all the Jewish guys at the bar got a phone call and they left.

And walked out. Yeah, they walked to a huts hamburgers right before the shooting. Which closed years ago. But it is across the street. Because of ISIS. as well. But it used to be great hamburger. Because of Hezbollah. Yeah, because of Hezbollah. But I remember going there as a little fat kid and getting the Richie Valens burger because it had jalapinos on it.

I thought you'd get like the chubby checker or something. I wouldn't get that because it had chubby in it and as a little fat kid, I couldn't get the fat faggotten. I couldn't get the fat faggotten. I'd be like, oh, I'm like Truman Capote. Yeah, yeah. I'm in a big city. I'm getting the Richie Valensberg. As a fat kid, would you ever order big cups of chili? If I would, secretly, probably, but not in front of people now. Interesting. Yeah.

I remember you eating chili. My fondest memories. You got you ever remember something I vividly remember? And I'm going to see if you're lying now. I'm going to see if you're a liar. You know what? I might have eaten chili. I don't really have it committed to memory.

But it doesn't seem like a thing I would get. Where did I get chili? A fan sent me that Will and Donner are now drinking Kool-A jammers on their stream and they're showing the jammers to the camera. I mean, like, we love jammers. Like they're doing a shotgun. I think a fan paid, they're like, I'll give you $5,000 if you drink jammers on the show and talk about how much you love.

Just as a, like, as a meme for Lemon Party. A guy who misses mortgage payment this month and the next month. So Will and Donald's shotgun a jammer. This is the $5,000 of cash. And then he turned to his life and pulled his pockets out and moths flew out and he goes, sorry, honey. I had to get the fat retards in Tennessee to drink jammies. That's awesome.

When did I get chili? I don't know. Like, out I got chili? That might be me projecting. I just, once I found out that Wendy's has. cups of chili and then you eat a cup of chili through the drive-thru window. As a kid, I thought that was

just unbelievable that you could do something like that. I was amazed you could get a baked potato Wendy's. I thought that was beautiful. I thought they were like a healthy place growing up because of the baked potato. I literally thought the square burger. I thought the square burger was healthier. I literally would be like, well, chili and baked potatoes are like real

food. So this is a good place. Yeah, and I think I saw a commercial where the square burger has less grease and I go, it's basically a salad. Also that as well. I thought they were really grilling the burgers and stuff. Yeah. But you actually get more if it's a square. It's less healthy.

Because the square's bigger than a circle. Yeah. It has the quarters. It was a very convenient lie. I was ready to believe it. I just remember going with my grandparents and they'd get a baked potato. I'd be like, okay, so this place is like, it's not like the rest. This is a side salad.

Ego, I heard the skin of baked potatoes very good for you. Mm-hmm. Can you put 800 calories of sour cream on that? Exactly. Can I suck sour cream off of them? like a gel shot. Can you pour the chili on it for me? Can you put the finger in it? The big finger. I don't think I would get that because that was a big thing we were kids.

Somebody found a whole finger in the chili. It was like an entire finger in there. Yeah, and they won a bunch of... Devin found one in his beer in Austin, apparently. Huh? Well, you're in a big mass shooting. I saw... I found a fit... You found a finger in your beer.

Oh, very good. Because the guy who handed it to you got shot by like a Joe Cross type guy. Yeah. Yeah. What have everyone's so drunk? there I couldn't tell I was a monk's wreckage. I'm still playing pool with dead bodies. Yeah, you go, where is that fucking waiter?

I was at that place that we all got burgers at that one time. The first time we had casino or whatever, where they have commino casino. Yeah. It's by the valve. And it feels very much like the type of place that something horrible could happen. Yeah, any type of horrible. All of them on that strip. Every comedian has almost died.

I think Joe List told the story. He almost got stabbed to death by 19 black guys. Like, on that same. strip of road. I got nervous in the morning that like people I had just like been hanging out with and had a great time with could have been like you know hurt. It's horrible. People have no idea we're in all the rooms and all the green rooms. We're in all the big shows. People think we're here just like throwing stones. We're in the mix. People love us. I love rooms, dude. I was at all the rooms. A lot of rooms out there. Some of them are too big. Some of them are too big. Some of them are too big. I was just talking to. A lot of

Rebecca Were you walking around the mothership going like 18 foot ceiling? Okay. One of a 17 foot guy. Devin's telling me people are big fans of Lemon Party that even run these comedy venues. They're coming up to Devin.

The camera guys. Oiling his feet. The cameraman. Washing his feet. He was a wonderful man. And now he said. Some very nice people. Everyone's very,

it makes you feel like a real piece of shit when you come back to this little room and we get evil again. Yeah. You kind of do like the... Everyone's very nice. Yeah. Devin's doing like the... you know like in World War I when they stopped fighting on Christmas and then you come back

here and just fire a shot through somebody fire a shot through somebody you just gave a present to on Christmas Day we don't talk shit about anybody that we love and hang out with out there you know but but they're out there I don't think we really are talking about anybody we don't kind of over that even the people we talk shit about aren't really there you were saying like they don't hang out they're in their like layers inventing the bad things for America isn't that did this cross your mind with if it is a sleeper cell fake shooting It is. It's not if, but yeah, it is. It's like they're choosing Austin kind of because of the road, like, it's a major city now, and it has a lot to do with the government.

Yeah, I think that's kind of like the propaganda center a little bit. Everyone's very nice. Except for the mass shooter guy. The mass shooter was not nice. Well, he just, he didn't get pill. He ran the light. Yeah, he didn't get pulled on Kiltownie, so he's like, time to go do the side out. You know. Cynical is beautiful.

Senegal? They have, it's ocean-y. They have shrimp. They got shrimp. Nice. Those are the inhabitants. Scripps, they call them. Sorry, low-hanging fruit had to grab it.

That's good. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. Senegal is Africa, is that correct? It's, uh, it's, yeah, it's on the western part of Africa. It's on the very western part of it's fucking better be.

They better stay over there instead of ruining Minnesota, my beautiful Minnesota. It just immediately turned into the narrative. Just immediately like keep every fucking immigrant out of our fucking country. Keep them over there so we can shoot them with missiles, all right? We can't shoot them here. A guy from Senegal living in Flugerville. I know. I mean, I'd take up arms.

I'd walk in down six tree with a cannon. Are you kidding me? I didn't have it right at the gloom. I'd have a gallant gun strapped to my shoulder that you'd be turning with a big hand crank. If I grew up on the coast of Senegal, like eating fruit and big shrimps, you know? I mean, you just... And then you live in Flugerville or like Kyle, Texas, God forbid, one of these places by the highway. Mike.

She's in Mike, Texas. That is every place. And every place, there's traffic everywhere. There's one lane on the highway, constant construction. Everybody's driving to a giant hole to drive into. Yes. Yeah. There's traffic for no reason.

It's unbelievable. There's traffic nonstop, no matter what time of day. Mm-hmm. It's terrifying to drive there. I was like, I'm like, I drive in L.A. every day. It was more scary to drive there, in my opinion. I'm always, I just keep thinking at F-150's gonna kill me at any second. Just monster truck you, drive over the top.

Everyone's going really fast. There's gonna be Papua New Guinea at like five years. You're gonna have to be, like, you're gonna be like crash bandicoot going out 6th Street, like hopping over big things at Nitro and like big things from the jungle trying to eat you. Big snakes and stuff. You could get killed by oil spills. T&T, dynamite. It's genuinely difficult to get out of there. Yeah.

You might run into like a gator with a Cajun accent. Like a gumbo gator from. all dogs go to heaven trying to kill you. I saw a homeless guy literally hit a man's meal out of his hands. They just curse him out. He was too old to beat up, so the guy just had to take it. Yeah, it's... What meal was it?

Did you see? You have a burger? It was like a full... Shrimp? He was just holding his food in a bag and walking out. Then he cursed the guy out, and we all laughed at him because he didn't do anything about it. That's funny. There are, like, seagulls there.

You've got to be quick. They're crazy. Yeah. You can throw a shrimp up in the air, homeless guys fly out. Fly it through the air and pick it out before it hits the ground. You can throw imitation crab meat off a balcony. Yeah. Do you remember when we went to Port.

Of course I do. Yeah, Puerto Ranzas' kids, and we got crabs. We got, like, these little crab things from the gift shops there. My dad loves crab. Yeah, like the little hermit crabs. A little thing about my crab. I think one of us, I don't know if it was dead yet. One of us threw it over the balcony and a seagull, like, ripped it out of the air.

Yeah, they fight over it midair and fall through the air. the like it's like the matrix or something like they'll be fighting all the way to the sand for the little hermit but we killed we killed the hermit crab when we were kids like we were kings basically like we held it over a big pet of seagulls and dropped it you I don't know

can you guys ate those things? No no no we had them in like little like for pets but then we got bored of them we're like what if we let's just yeah kill it what if we kill it what if we kill it I don't know if I'm making that up but I have a distinct memory of a crab of a hermit crab sailing in towards the ground and then a seagull like ripping it out of the air.

Not a fucked up thing for a 10 year old to do. Yeah. If a bird could eat it, a guy could probably eat too. Oh, we could eat it if you wanted to. I just looked fucked up. I'd fucking eat it. It looked like a... I'll give a fuck.

It looked like a dick foreskin with like little claws on it. You seen a hermit crab at the mall, right? That's where they are. It's got the little finger to hook into the shell. They're in little cages at the mall. Growing up in Abilene at the Abilene at the mall, there was this guy who sold hermit crabs and I'd always see them at the mall. They're at malls?

Are they at malls here? Or is that it just an Abilene? That might have just been into taking Abilene. I think they were just trying to get people to join the Army. I think they were just trying to get people to come in any which way. They'll come join the Army. You can get away from this. The mall that sells hermit crabs.

And you can get killed by a big hermit crab in the desert. Yes. Like Hercules. Why did a guy have a store where you just sold hermit crabs? That was every, it was Puerto Ranzas. It's a tourist town. Oh, I remember it was in Abilene. He just sell herbert crabs.

Well, they were also selling in Hermic crab in Abilin, but I remember we were visiting Port. We went into one of those surf shops, you know, where it's just a bunch of shit for kids to buy. And we've got to pet hermit crabs. I remember Dad getting pissed about crabs where he was trying to boil him. And then he was like, he's like, Valerie, we got to have butter. But I remember he kept trying to like, he's like, I'll just microwave it. He kept microwave and a big thing of butter.

Oh, I thought you meant the crab. You put the crab in the microwave. That probably works. Yeah. If he put a crab, this is what I would have done. put a crab in a big glass of water and then put in the microwave and hit pop corn

and then like Valerie, it'll just fine and then he would have been like, it exploded because of black people Yeah, our dad Our dad cooked a crab like he was interrogating it in Vietnam hooked it to a big bedspring

with a car battery I could stop laughing at those messages Yeah What was it again? Oh so a listener of of my live show that I do, sent me a video from Littlefield, Texas, which is between Whit Herald and Leveland, Texas,

outside of Lubbock, where me and Jace would go get, you know, Thanksgiving, we'd see relatives. It's from where our dad is from, originally. Now people know about the towns, because famous YouTubers go, I'm visiting this famous ghost town in Texas. Right. Which our dad grew up in 50 years ago. And the guy saying you, a YouTube video, I was watching it too because it was just so fascinating to me.

Because, yeah, we've seen, I didn't know it was a ghost town now. He's driving. He's walking around for 20 minutes. There's no cars. Yeah. The churches are boarded up, Philip of Trash. There's a little, like, cookie shop called like, Mima's country cookie. Yeah.

And then he's like, it seems close. And he puts the camera against the glass. You just see, like, a distant figure getting butt fucked in the very. On plywood. On plywood in the very back. And you're like, are those humans? It looks like Resident Evil. Yeah, it does.

But there's no people. Right. And it's also like it's all, it's, all the buildings are like a, like, it used to be a bank that like Bonnie and Clyde robbed in the 30s. And now it's, yeah, it's called like, you know, Uncle Retire's a Christmas cookie company. And it was closed in 92 and a bunch of people got shot in it. It was Saturday. He was like, this is downtown Littlefield. And then you just, he's just panning the camera.

And it looks like Chernobyl or something. Nobody glitched there. My wife's parents grew up there too. Yeah. My dad used to play. It's like completely abandoned or there's still like a couple of people. It is a designated ghost town. Wow.

Like he was walking down Main Street. Everything is closed. There were no cars. I mean, there were no, there were still people who live in the town, but there's no a car. But you don't see him. You don't see him. You have to like pick up rocks and they live under it and scurry away.

No, he was like, it was Saturday. He was in downtown Littlefield. You didn't see a car, a person, anything, or walking around at all. Not even a damn bird. No. It was literally just businesses called like, you know, like Uncle Rape's ballet studio and had been shut down forever. He did see one homeless guy and he ran from him. He ran down the road.

Oh, I must have missed that part. And his face was changing like lost highway. And he's running. Like Bill Pullman at the end. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he went into a cookie shop and Robert Blake was inside. He goes, I'm eating cookies at your house right now. I just love that's so good, Jayce.

Yeah. I love that reference. I do. I just love. I love the All the shops For a day Meymois

Cookie factory Yeah The Butter store And you look in It's like I am legend Like Like mutin Yeah

Mutants are doing The UFC slap game inside While other mutants are screaming out So what Devin's talking about Is I texted my dad Because I couldn't believe What I was seeing

And I texted you too J's You did I watched the whole thing At home At the minute you sent it It was so fascinating to me Yeah, you want to read the text? Sure, of course.

Should I start at the very beginning? Littlefield is a ghost town now. He says, yep, you there now? No, there's a ghost town YouTube channel. I was raised there, great town 50 years ago. You say, and they went to Littlefield and couldn't find anyone. No one is there. Church boarded up, filled up with trash, no businesses.

Probably a church that Dad was, like, married in or something. Probably. It's like the last picture show. He said, a lot moved to Lubbock. You go, no people. He said, a lot of Hispanics now also. Period. And blacks.

Lots of Hispanics now also, period. And blacks, no period. Then new texts, they outnumber the whites. You respond, yep. Then he responds about 15 minutes later. Not to sound prejudice. That's just what usually happens when white folks are outnumbered. Then we looked at the racial makeup of the...

I sent you, yeah, I sent you a thing of the racial makeup. It was like 65% whites, like 2% Mexican. I think it was 1.5% black. It was 1.5% black, yeah. I fudged it a little bit because it was almost the same amount of Mexican, but I cut that out. There's no black people that would. There's one black guy. There's probably like 90 people. Yeah.

The one black guy, all his veins burst from diabetes and he turned black. So they think he's black now. They call him Horace Graham, and he walks around. The one black guy in town is a swing set. Yeah, they did like Hannibal art to him. Yeah. We were crying like, just the idea of our dad. In a ghost town, there's tumbleweeds.

No one's there. You're like, dad, no one's here. He's like, except blacks. You're like, no, literally no one's here, except Mexicans. No, truly, no one's here. There's not even Mexicans here. He's like, yeah, the Mexicans kick the Mexicans out. And then they shot themselves in their head after they...

That's what you said. Is he literally thinks black people moved in? Black people and Mexicans moved in. White people left. Then the black people of Mexicans killed themselves. Like Rowan. They just walked into the woods and died. Jim Jones shit.

Like a black mayor was like, all right, we've ruined another town, time to leave. Like it's a plan or some shit. It's like they marched from town back. Like ants. Yeah, they find a new watermelon rind and they just rip it to shreds. And then they're like, okay, next one. That is the last man on earth. Like in a nuclear Holocaust.

He's the sole survivor just walking around. Yeah. Fuck it black. They're like, yeah. Like there was a virus. Yeah. A virus hit. It goes, black people.

Yeah. No, there was a horrible respiratory virus. Humanity is gone. Humanity is gone up. Because of the blacks in Mexico. We have to rebuild because of the blacks. Black people smoked new parts and they invented a new disease. Or what if it's a genetic disease that kills every white person except our dad?

So he just, he's like, everyone's gone. And it's black guys be like, hey man, do you want to come in? Do you need food? He's like, it's a ghost city. Everyone's dead. I would love dad. legend but it's just black people trying to help him and being friendly.

And he's hunting them with a dog. Oh, he's off the grid with like generators he's off the grid and just black guys are outside like hey, do you need some company? You can just use electricity or running water. Well, we saw you stealing from the store. We can give you food. We have a charity set up. He's stealing from black on businesses.

And he's just like, it's a guy's fucking. Ironically, he's looting now. He kills his dog even though he He doesn't have to. He's like, they're gonna fight him. I just know it. They trained him to fight.

They trained him to fight. They put a little chain around my dog. I have to choke him to death. He's watching a special edit of Shrek with donkey cut out. It just over and over again. It skips every time Eddie Murphy's about to talk. He's like, fucking donkey. Fucking black donkey ruining Shrek's life.

Jackass. Fucking piece of shit. Black donkey. Driving around that big coffee. It's just it's blaring like just like if there are any white people any whites Do you guys see Kimia get beat up? It did.

No, no, I'm sorry. Or him take the camera and throw it. Can we put, I actually didn't watch it because I was not in the mental state to watch Camilla again a fight. But did he get hit or anything? No, Kimia attacked the guy. But then he was, it looked like he was kind of just lying to the cops later too. I didn't get to watch much of it.

He went up to him, he called him a pedophile or something. The guy called him. called Camilla pedophile. Yeah. Yeah. And then Camia attacked him. So he's a fan of the show. He's a fan of ONA.

You know, apparently it's the same exact guy that was in that video with Nick Shirley. Calling him a retard. Calling him a retard and then saying the N-word. That attacked Anthony? Yeah, that guy did both, like, in the same day. Yeah, he went on like a spree. Yeah, what a day for him. An influencer spree.

I guess I could play it if people haven't seen it. Yeah. Did you see it? I didn't. I saw it. You sent it, and I was doing something, and I was kind of sad, and I didn't watch it. Just got denied a handshake. Look at that. I thought you left the city. Who are you? Who's Sue Lightning?

A transgender woman. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? I thought you left New York, you're racist piece of shit. Who are you? Most people aren't pedophiles and racist. Who are you? I'm asking who you are. I am a person that recognizes a scumbag on the streets in New York. There you go. You got a fuck out of my face, Scumbag. Look at that. Damn.

You're lucky I don't press charges. Yeah, you're lucky I don't fucking stop you. Wow. Why would you stomp me? I didn't do anything. Yeah, well, you're in a dick is what you're doing. So what? We're in New York, baby.

We're in New York, baby. It's all right. God, Anthony looks like a fucking John Ford character. Yeah, he could play an Indian or a cowboy. You could go either way. It's so funny with the fish island. I mean, it's kind of nice to watch him defend himself, I guess. Yeah, I don't think he did anything too egregious.

I mean, yeah, who doesn't want to do that when somebody... People do that to me all the time. Call you a racist pedophile. A pedophile on camera. Doesn't Anthony say he is racist, though? Yeah. Yeah. I think the pedophilia thing probably really pissed him off.

Is he not a pedophile? I thought he was kind of a proud pedophile. I think he's like, he used to openly talk about, like, fucking young women. But, like, I don't know, they were, like, under. legal age. He did have a court thing, though. I don't know what it was for. Yeah, he's had a couple of court things.

Yeah, he's had a couple. I remember, like, there was an ONA thing where they go, like, what's the idea? Like, when is a woman their hottest? And he said 14, and people were like, what? Yes. Then he was trying to be like, I was joking, but he kind of. Sure. Don't think he was.

Yeah. I think he did get molested, though. Sure. By buzz. Yeah, by buzz. Yeah. The lady with the jugs. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I got to say him doing this face here, it's almost like loony tunes. Yeah, he's a cartoon character. He's still kind of... Yeah, that's a Malcolm in the middle promotional poster right there. That's super leaned in fish eye look. Just before I forget, we have to do advertisements for the show, Lemon Party, which is kicked off of YouTube, but you can still...

We're kicked off of YouTube. But you can still find it on YouTube. We still get ads for now. I don't think they've discovered the YouTube's been deleted. Yeah. Really quick before ads. YouTube still sends us money. They do?

Yeah, I don't even know how that works. They have not. That's probably the last of it or something. Yeah. I don't know. Real quick, though. Jokes on whoever got us kicked off, though, because we make a lot more now. Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking retired. Show you guys. Don't even need you guys. Tried to kill us and only made us stronger. Yeah, we don't need the biggest search engine for shows in history. No, because we're going on, you know, Devin's on the biggest shows in the world. Exactly.

Exactly. Devin's involved in the biggest shootings in America right now. Devon, that's like Arcarson is Devin's almost in shootings every week. I do want to say real quick before I forget Lemon Party.Life.Life, life, tickets for Austin and Houston.

Yes, yes. April 28th is Austin and May 1st, I think, is Houston. Yeah, those are both on the website. Also, we added a new hoodie to the website as well, Lemon Party. That life. Life, L-I-F-E. L-I-F-E.

So go to that. Oh, we added a new hoodie? We added a new hoodie, yeah. The green, the one I showed you the other day that we sent to that, fan who was nice to us. The green one. Oh, the dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've not sent it to him yet. Oh, you haven't? I have not. No. Okay. Well, it's on my desk. Maybe if you play your cards, right, you'll get that merch one day. Um, but no, we have, um, Factor Meals, everybody. Factor makes

healthy eating easy. I actually like Factor. I actually, it's good. It's I only Factor. I love it. It's, it's delicious for how quick it is. Mm-hmm. And it's very quick. It's really quick. And it's no cooking required, it's just real food in two minutes. That's 120 seconds. Because honestly, Jason, adulting is hard. Dude, adult thing, I'm trying to be on Reddit all day. Looking at Rick and Morty memes. I'm trying to be on Discord. Exactly. I can't get up from my couch for more than three minutes and cook an egg. I need ravioli from Factor, which is very good.

Exactly. And I cook it, I cook it. They say cook it for 120 seconds. Sometimes I pass out trying to get back to the couch. It's too long. And it cooks for 10 minutes. The blood rushes to your head. The blood rushes all to my feet, and they swell up like big balloons. And I have to lay down on the kitchen, and I watch it cook in the microwave for 10 minutes.

You think you have your heart attack? Because I'm so lazy, I just press 1-0-0-0-0-0-0. And then I wake up, and it's still good, even though it's over-cooked by 8 minutes. You can just do things. You can just do things. You can get your factor and put cheese on it. Like, you can just do things. You can just do things as long as it doesn't involve standing for more than 120 seconds.

You can just do things. Factor meals are designed by dietitians and prepared by real chefs. They have a huge selection of weekly options, so you'll never get bored. Trying to keep a specific diet, factors GOP1 friendly, high-protein, and calorie-smart meals make sticking to your goals simple and delicious. We love factors. I love it. It's the only food we eat anymore. Yep.

It factors into my day. It's not intended. I'm going to email that to them. Tell them I said that. And tell them to give us $8,000. We'd like a little boost. A little boost, please. It's always fresh, never frozen, no prep, and no stress.

Because who needs stress? So head to factomails.com slash lemon 50 off and use code lemon 50 off to get 50% off plus free breakfast. They're going to email us like, why is somebody shooting bottles stirring the ad? There's like an old-timey tinker coming by with a card of like. Factimish. an old pioneer going Do you factor me

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And various other things. As soon as I saw him text, he goes blacks. Mm-hmm. And I said, yep. I was like, I'm going to, like, someday he's going to be gone. I'm going to be like, I miss being racist over text with him. Yeah. That's your version of Field of Dreams.

You build a podcast studio in the corn. So you can hear him say it one last time. The ghost of our dad coming out of the corn stocks. And he sits down across from me and puts on the headphones. He sits down and he doesn't know he's your dad because he's passed on. Yeah, of course. And he goes, he looks around. He's like.

No black people around here, right? You go, no. No, there's not. You want a pod? He goes, yeah. I guess I could. And he sits down and he goes, Elaine Omar is a fucking Muslim.

And you one tear goes down to your eye. He goes, she is. Fuck her. I love Nick Shirley. They say you return back to the unified consciousness thing, that the souls are all different, but we all come from the same source. Right.

So, but there's really bad people. Mm-hmm. Right? So in that unified sources, they're also like, like, is like Pol Pot and the unified, like, are they all in the unified thing? They're all fucking it up. Yeah. You're a part of every mind and then Pol Pot screaming like, fuck Cambodians over and over again.

You're like, shut him up. Yeah. And then Hitler's like this, too many Jew brains in here. And it's just, it's a mess. It sucks. It must be a big mess. It must be really complicated going back. to the unified source of all things.

Yeah. That big bright light, because everything's in there. Yeah. I mean, everything. A big white light. Big bright white light. It's too overwhelming. Yeah.

I don't want to. I'd rather be a ghost. Here's good. I like here. Here's not bad. You know, other than... Well, it's not good in a lot of places right now. No, but we don't live there.

And I don't have empathy for them because I've killed that part of myself by looking at my phone. Mm-hmm. So, but yeah, that's kind of how I like, it doesn't even, Even like I wake up. I'm kind of sleepy and I'm like I need to see if we bombed a hospital and then I see it. I go, oh, okay. Time to start my day. I go on my walk. Did you see the thing where it's like they're like betting on it? On Kashi. Yeah. They like made money off of the bombing. Yeah, Kalshi. Use promo code Lemen 50 by the way. Oh, is that? Do we have them? I wish. They would they print money. Yeah. For like people in power or using it to make money off. And then the shooter in Austin, Texas, the guy's, I think his name was like N-word N-N-N-word.

They serve They're getting so lazy The name is so lazy. The name is so lazy. You can tell like Hegseth came up with it. He's like, just call him N-Wingd N-Ward. Drop, yeah, dropped his glass of scotch. And his name was searched

like a bunch of times in like the Fort Wachuka area like the night, like the night. Before it happened. Of course. And did people place bets on a shooting in Austin, Texas? I don't know about the bets on the shooting, but I think the bets were on the bombing. Yeah, Tehran

and shit. Yeah. That happens like every day. There's like a new $8 million payout on Kalshi. Yeah. Like, place from the White House. It's like the most obviously corrupt thing we've like ever seen. Right? Should we become panic? But it's too much. Should we become Panicans and say it's World War III? I don't

know. I don't know if it's only in last like four weeks, man. Let me a little nice easy war. I don't know if we could do a world war again, to be honest with you. I don't know if we have the, like we've lost the knowledge to do world wars anymore. Like, we're not good enough anymore to do it. Yeah, we're washed.

We're washed. No country could unify enough to try and enter a world war. I mean, I wouldn't fuck with Israel. Nah, I don't fuck with that shit. They got too much gas. Do you see that rumor that there's, like, videos of Trump with a kid and that they're using that to be like, okay, you have to, like, now. That Israel has that. Yeah, bomb.

Yeah, yeah. I don't even know if that's a rumor at this point, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. It's just how the world. It's just how it is. How the world goes around. Is that picture?

Did you see that picture of him, like, yelling at, like, HECSeth through the window? Is that real? It didn't look real to me. You see that? You know what I'm talking about? I didn't see that. I have a video pulled up of how elephants jack off. Oh, okay.

Well, that's lighter. I think people want that. It's going to do that. Do you want to see the elephant jacking off? Yeah. You do actually? It's kind of hilarious. Do you think I can show it?

I mean, we're not. Yeah, we're not on YouTube. An elephant jacking off? What's that? Lindsey Graham Yates That's very good He's a big fat guy

And aren't elephants Republicans or is that donkeys? No, elephants are Republican I got that right Because Democrats

are jackasses I bookmarked it So you guys Could No Lindsay Graham's a Republican That's what I said That's what he said

Oh yeah Trying to keep up Comedy Oh That's a weird one Wait so he's He's fucking his own He's fucking his own

Yeah he's He's coming Yeah he's coming Yeah Wow what a guy Wow, I'm gonna steal that. I'm gonna jack off with my own thighs now. Which is crazy because you feel like he'd use the trunk, right?

Oh, shit. And he's spraying cum on his ankles. That's crazy. That's actually nuts. What a guy. Wow. He learned that from an Indian man. He's so much leaky jinnis.

Oh, my God. He's dropping like a gallon of cum at himself. It's so, to have a big-ass dick like that and stomp on your dick to jack off as so, it's like king shit. But hold up, I'm going to jack off real quick. Yeah, let me rub my ankles to go. Like you're putting out of fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're stomping grapes in wine country.

Let me stomp on this dick real quick. I'm going to stomp on my shit. You might if I stomp on my shit and spray five gallons of cum everywhere on my ankles. Yeah, there are rules. I'm amazed he doesn't use the trunk, though. You would have, I would have bet a million dollars. He jacks off with the trunk. Yeah, you might be right. Oh, yeah, like a vacuum. Yeah, like he fucks his own face.

with the trunk. He just sticks his mouth down there and fucks it. Look, no one wants to talk about the war. No one wants to talk about any of this stuff. We can watch, Jason, remember a big country reporter, the Texas country reporter? Of course. Texas country reporter.

I have a great. I have a great. I've been, you know, I've been down in the garage tankering, doing stuff. You're just building weird shit down there. Just doing dad's shit. Hiding. Essentially hiding Building the rocking chair from Byrne

after reading For your own ass I've been You just have to play shit While you're working When you're in the garage Shit just has to play You'll die

You'll die You have to listen to shit They'll find you dead If something is not playing As a weird speaker That's up totally As a dad If you have a garage

And a minute to think about your own life You'll turn the car on and kill yourself I can't do anything without hearing something I sometimes I stand outside the shower for 10 minutes trying to find the right clip to play outside of the curtain Just wasting my life. I do it where I have my AirPods in until this I put one foot in the shower And then I take my air pod out and put it on the sink

Yeah And then put it on the train Of course Yeah, of course. Of course. You gotta listen to something. If I was alone in the shower I'd take a ring And slice my own wrist open. I'd take a shower curtain ring and kill myself.

I can't have a minute the thing. No. I'm watching a fucking when I drive up here. I'm watching YouTube videos of a weekly World War II breakdown now. I'm desperately searching for anything at this point. Same. Because otherwise, you know, you start thinking about those apartment buildings exploding everywhere. The mind wanders.

The mind wanders. That it does. I can't just wash my ass without wanting to kill myself. So I have to listen to somebody talk about rented job outside the curtain. So you're. So you're in your garage and you're sawing into skulls and you play in big country reporters. Yeah, I have a big suit on with a feather. You can.

I have long, dainty white gloves on. That don't fit right. Yeah. Yeah. Texas, the Texas Country Reporter, a lot of the videos, the old videos, people are nostalgic for a time of like literally just a roadside diner. It's like, imagine growing, and the comments are like, remember 2003, you could pull off on the side of the road. go to a diner and it's just the most normal looking video you'd ever

seen and people are in the comments like I would kill. Yes. I would literally kill to eat it somewhere that's not a sweet green. I would kill to go anywhere that's just like a lady runs the place, you know her name, just normal shit. That's most of what the big

country, Texas country reporter type videos are and they're huge, they're blowing up on YouTube now. And it's a funny nostalgia because somebody be like, well you know that diner's still open. You could go there and they don't do Dardash. I can't. I can't do it. I can't.

I can't breathe. I'm scared to talk to adults now. I've turned myself into a big baby. I look like a cloud. I'm a big mist. I look like a nimbus. If I go somewhere, I have to put myself in a big jaw. I guess I'm a big wisp.

I'm a big wispy. I'm an amorphous collection of water drops. If you turn the fan on, I'll die. My cells have lost so much. much of a will to live, they've turned into vapor. Bubble boy, but it's just a bunch of... Bubbles. It's a bunch of bubbles.

It's Bubbles Boy. They go, I'm popping. I'm slowly popping. I'll be dead by tomorrow. This one was one of my favorite ones. And I think this is sort of the last of these types of people, the people that would live like the old way. Right. But...

It's the Texas Country Report. They're like... It's like their version of Mickey Rooney. It's a guy complaining about when you could hose black. people down with big fire hydrants. Choosing the old way. He's like, we used to clean our blacks by spraying them with hoses. What happened to that?

Now they're all dirty and stinky. Me and Jace were born here in Lubbock. We moved up to the Clarendon. We went all down. We ended up in Abilene. Big Spring. Far West Texas, like our little brother went to school in Alpine here, and so did our sister. And over here is El Paso.

Yeah, that's where Mexican people shot people in half and hang them on bridges. In my opinion... This is bone tomahawk over here. Yeah, yeah. There's cartel members talking through bones in their throat. I'm impartial. This is my favorite part of Texas is just the West Texas and the Panhandle.

I think it's the most badass place. It's the last like R-Ns of Texas. Yeah, it makes you feel like a rattlesnake living there. It's actually kind of insane. It's awesome, though. Yeah. You're like, car breaks down, you're like, I could die if nobody comes by and picks me up. Yeah.

It's Paris, Texas shit. Yeah. Even though Paris, Texas is a way of fuck over here. Anyway, here we go. But winders didn't know shit. Yeah, he was German. He was a Nazi. And it's pretty.

The sun sets on another white day. So it's funny, because it's pretty, and then, like, you'll see a man with a chainsaw. Yeah, you see the zombies from 28 years later on the rise. You see the cinematography can trick you? Yeah. Yeah, Roger Deacons is like, I'm gonna make them think you don't want to kill yourself. Right here is where Leland. Leatherface lives.

A small tannery outside of Amarillo, Texas, where leather face turns children into bags. You make a wind chimes out of their bones. Yeah. Listen to their bones rattle. We're making a flute. We're trying to do CBS Sunday morning, but we're surrounded by war and death. This week, we're interviewing the judge from Blood Meridian.

Hello. This is literally what we grew up hearing is the wind. I was born raised in this kind of country, and so, you know, whatever you're used to, that's what you like. I'd love to have been born 100 years ago, but this is my lot. But I still kill as many engines as I can. I wish I was born in 1840, but I make do killing engines that are too drunk to know it. I'll cut them in two. You can't really fight that argument of what you're raised with you like.

Well, that's the beauty of West Texas. it's so ignorant, it's wise again, where she's like, I just like it because I'm, I'm always been here, and change is scary. That's him being honest. Yeah, they're being honest. I'm scared to change.

I'm scared of everything. I saw a picture of Aline Omar and I threw up. So I like to stay here, and my friends are rocks. Would you say this? This is like 2002. I go to the big rock that looks like an upside down pussy, and I try and fuck it.

I try to jack up. off its little rock clip right there. The reporter's like, that looks like a pussy? It's like, to me it does. He's like, I've never seen one, so I'm figuring, based on jokes I've heard down at the saloon.

I've had to piece together a pussy mentally based on jokes. Here we go. This soundtrack is crazy. I do love the idea that these guys stop at diners in towns of like three people where like no one comes in for months at a time and it still says why it's only.

And they go, Us only. Us only. Yeah. Yeah. But it's literal. Yeah. They only have that up because there's only three whites in town.

It's not even racist. Yeah. Oh, it's describing the business. It's describing what's happening. It's like when a business is called like three men in a moving process. People are like, there's news reporters came in a couple years ago, said we were racist. It's called three whites because there's only three whites in town. I don't know what the problem was.

It's the name of the diner. Three whites. Three whites. Like five guys. Like five guys. We're three whites. White's only cleaning. Because only white people who work here.

There's no one now that's for a hundred miles in either direction, but we are afraid of muscle. But Assis is trying to destroy our town. And our way of life. There we go. I love these pieces, though. They're so relaxing. Oh, yeah. Quiet. So peaceful. Sometimes it's so quiet. It hurts your ears.

I don't know how to explain it, but. You just got to shout in. from tab to tab. Yeah. Sometimes it's so quiet. You just have to kill a Negro to hear something. You just got to cut a Negro and twine. Just to hear the scream.

When gets so loud, you need a death rattle every once in a while. Hearing whites only Texas. It's quiet, and the voice is growing your head to kill. To kill. You got to find more fresh blood. When we get on our horse, and we go find people we drag them out of their homes.

Sometimes. We go as far as Detroit and bring them back. We go as far as Detroit. On horseback. On horseback. We drag them. We drag them from Detroit

and they're just bones when they get back. That's the thing that sucks about not living around black people. You've got to go to them to subjugate them. We kind of do logging for black people. You're getting on old wooded ships to find a black guy. They're driving across the country like Fitzcaroldo.

They're pushing a big wooden boat towards Detroit. I get so good. These people legitimately, they're choosing not to do electricity, nothing. Nothing, no gas.

They go every once in a while we shave up enough batteries to the radio will tell us about new taps and minorities. We never even dreamed of. Yeah. They're on substack.

Talking people? We just heard about tongan people. It's fucking weird. Fucking weird peanut guys. It's so funny. It's literally a spec in the Pacific Ocean. They go fucking Tongans. It's east of New Zealand, like 4,000 miles east.

Fucking Indians grew up in an archipolligico. Well, how do you say that? Fucking bench, bunch of little islands they sail between archipagalow fucking Tongans. In words, the last word I learned. And the first and the last. Yeah, the alpha and the omega. Anyway, I know you guys are making fun of me. They love each other, though.

There's nothing I do. They seem like they must. That's all they have. This is an actual trad wife. Yeah. This is it. When people talk about it on ax and shit. Yeah, it's not a lady with...

The trad wife who loves God? It's... It's not a lady with huge milky jugs. You want to fuck on Twitter. That's fake. It's her. A woman who's made different size pans throughout her life.

Yeah. And that's her whole life purpose. Yep. Bleaching her skeletons to make them more likable. You can see your, you can see your face in this one.

Your beautiful white face. White face. You beautiful. Wide face. Honey, it's your birthday. We're gonna cook, we're gonna cook rocks in the big pan. Rock soup.

Rock soup in the big pan for your birthday. Yep, them Avery Bores became a coastal elitist They said Fuck this ass Crabbs in a bucket, y'all I like they do

They have very valid criticisms of our show Yeah They'll do anything for content I tell you what They're American chair They go yeah sure They're doing a pretty black

Heavy episode Redundant It's pretty redundant Once you heard one You heard them all Oh yeah No The South is done

We get it Good. Good job, hippie. They got like one character. It's us. It's us. You're welcome. Riding all your bitch for you by being retarded.

We're happier than y'all, actually. We all own our homes, faggots. That's how to not true. The bank's trying to kill us. Sometimes these people are like really broke for some reason. Even then. Where do they work? How do they make money?

Where's the world? There's no bills. Like, how do you know anybody? They literally make their own money, right? Yeah, they print it. Oh, that is an interesting thing. They talk about their line of work here. Here we go.

In a century-old Adobe homestead, Bonnie Kane cracks an egg and listens to the sound of another day in the desert. First, there is only wind blowing under the door. Then bacon crackling in a cast-iron skillet. than a man in the basement screaming for help. The middle queen of her hungry husband spurs. Is this not a re-in-accomat? No, no, no.

They actually went out there and was like, show us your day. Yeah, this is real. Like walking around like John Wayne. Is this incredible? That's crazy. And that's a wood, the stove pipe thing where it gets hot to warm the, yeah, and then you put the shit on top.

Yeah, and then you put the shit on top. Yeah. Take the big lid off in this big hole. Even when he goes out riding. or something you know I can't wait for him to get back home I'm like a little kid you know oh man it's so sweet yeah here you kept a shit yeah they're actually the only people to be red for you buddy kept a mud and that's what I call shit they probably made those chairs by hand they whittled them put them together they're actually the only people to be fair of them

they're the only people in america who are living a net zero life like we're all 900 points in the red. That's so weird. They're very liberal in that way. That's what I'm saying. No carbon emissions. You could be the wokenest guy in Los Angeles. You're still living off the backs of Thai slaves. These people are at zero. The only people who can actually get it to heaven living in a just society. This is

woke. It is woke. That's what I'm saying. I don't think they realize how close to woke they are. Do they have like a car that they go into town and get some stuff that they need? They're on horseback. Like what about that candle? How do you get that oil and stuff? That's from their back. They scrape it off. I had it stressed. Yeah.

In March. Honey, I just grew another lamp. I think they said at some point they go into town every now and then to get supplies they might need. Yeah. They got it, right? Yeah. But like flour. They need flour and shit.

Yeah, it's like moonshiner. You know, they drive the old truck down and get some copper pipe and some, you know. I don't think he has a truck, though. I think he just goes on a horse. She just asked, I think, like, what did you do all day? He goes out of his. He is like, he's cosplaying. He just like, I.

I just rode the horse. I go into town. I pretend Mexicans are Comanche. Going to town, I just go, Yeah. They're Mexicans. I killed a bunch of people at a taco truck. She's like, what did you do today?

And she's like, well, the Mexican, our Mexican employee got killed, so I took his body to Mexico to bury it. Put his other, Melchiata. The three. burials of Melchiades Perez or whatever he's like I'm Tommy Lee Jones

it's so sweet how much they love each other Yeah it's really sweet The kettle coffee go down smooth Dick's been horseback since Before sunrise And Bonnie's had her hands full here at home He's trying to form his cowboy hat

Into a clan hood over time It's so poignant tall It's very poignant And Bonnie's had her hands full I mean that's so that's a comical hat You won't find a four burner electric oven or automatic dishwasher in Bonnie's kitchen. Those

marvels of modern homemaking require electricity and running water. Here's where we gas. I've never built these smoke stacks back in the 40s. Based them off of some pictures in Life magazine you saw at the war. They're reenacting the Holocaust.

They've built it. We built I switch to scale. Of course, there's no Jews around here, so we put little Judin stars on our chickens before we cook them. We've been trying to figure if you could actually do the Holocaust by doing it. Yeah. To disprove that it could have never happened. I'll tell

a bunch of chickens we're going to give them a shower and then I just turn the gas on. He has a lifestyle. He did the Holocaust. He sees a He sees a crow and he's like, Junin! It's a Jewel!

Like people didn't sleep anymore, you know. I mean, they could stay up around the clock and to me it just took so much away from our society you know that must kick ass you can really cut out a lot of frivolous stuff if you have to you know there's many things that people think necessities is really not necessities when he's right and i'll tell you what right to this day if i had to choose between a good horse and a pickup i'm afraid to pick up it would lose okay he does seem to be cosplaying a little bit when i

You think so? He's a little too into it. What if he's from the Upper West Side? He might be. He's like, Of course, I used to be the editor for the New York Times. He's like, I was raised with Sam Elliott in Marin County. It does feel a little bit like, like the California fake cowboy.

He's like, I used to be a Jew, and then I saw Sam Shepard play. And I said, I'm going to. I was at True West, the Sam Shepard play off Broadway, and I said, I'm going to be a cowboy. No more Jew for me. No more communism shit. I can either make it with the lye soap or else with cactus. And I really like the cactus soap. She's making soap.

She's making some hand sew it and then I sewed. Didn't they make Jews in the soap? They said they make it up into lampshades and soap and stuff. Yeah, that sounds right. That's like a meme. Sounds like some sort of thing. Yeah, that they did to the Jewish people. Doesn't that Rabbi Shmuli guy say that?

He's like, we'll never be turned into lamps. I don't know. Anytime Rabbi Shmuli talks, I'm staring at his beard so hard. I can't hear words. Yeah, it's unfortunate. Rabbi Shmuli is just always on Twitter being like, everybody finged him my daughter's pussy at his sex shot. He was like invented to make you want to kill Jewish people.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a treadle sewing machine. Rabbi Shmooley is a Tim like Nelson character. It's so is perfect. I've had it for 35 years. That's all mechanical there. It's a plug of a beer. with her very strong foot.

Yeah. 70 miles from civilization. Her foot that could like cave a mule's head in if she kicked it. She could kick all of our asses. Oh, 100%. All three of us taking her on, she'd kill one of us. She'd ring her necks like chickens and then rip our dicks off. Turned it into soap.

Turned into big goose soap. Kill it. This simple life is no reality TV show. Today, Dick's son Breezy has come from town to help round up some cabsies. Yeah, just hanging out with easy, Breezy. It's a traditional family endeavor. And this is my daughter, beautiful cover girl. But old-fashioned doesn't even begin to describe Dick and Bonnie.

There they go. Jack, we raise these longhorns for the front of Cadillacs in Midland. These aren't for Eden. They're for Cadillacs. Put the big horns on a pink Cadillacs. Do they still do that? The Stockyard? I hope so.

If I was a Texas millionaire, I would 100% have a Cadillac with a longhorn antwer on the front of it. Yeah, exactly. Big pink cattle, I'd shooting guns at everybody in town. It's cool, but it's also like, there's a weird part of it's like, usually is just hiding. You don't need to waste your life making soap, lady. Yeah, it's kind of like how I feel about monks, where it's like, we'll live life a little bit. You live a little bit and maybe go, like, actually do something. I'm waiting for you to find an example of, like, what's more meaningful than making soap, like being in traffic.

When it's already made, you're kind of a retort. You think you could just go buy a soap Now you have the soap Now what? Now think about your life Exactly You could have you spent nine hours making this up You could have got and bought Dr. Bronner's And then watched an Alexander pain movie in town

The thing I think about Or help somebody Yeah or that It seems that life you're going to suffer No matter what So there might as well be meaning in your suffering Right Or some pretend meaning at least yeah

So but like if you try to remove suffering It seems the more you actually suffer because what you need to find is meaning and you're suffering. So, like, if you go and you don't kill any of your meat, but should your meat make any of your shit. Like, I understand. They're just very happy, but it also could just be a defense mechanism. Yeah.

To, like, she's terrified to, like, drive or, like, walk into a bank and have to speak to somebody, which kind of is like, well, lady, that's on you. Like, yeah, you have autism. Maybe work on being. Suffering shouldn't be your meaning. Suffering can't be your meaning either. You know what I mean? She seems very wholesome.

The other guy kind of feels like. Like he's still a little kid Like he's doing like you know Toy Story shit He's just out there in the middle of nowhere Like there's a snake in my mood You're a retired person Anyway my wife will do whatever

He's firing his guy In the middle of the middle of now She's like You write through all the fucking work She goes where have you been all that? Where have you been? I've been making soap Building a fucking roof

I took these cows from here to there He's just in the middle of nowhere Like I think he's just in the middle of nowhere like I think he's He is. He's taking the cows out and then taking them back. Just fucking go be a reenactor at Tombstone. It makes some money at Knott's Berry Farm.

Your wife's making soap all day. Jesus Christ, you don't bring home anything. Do you think if you took her to Starbucks in Silver Lake for an hour? She'd, like, lose her fucking mind. It'd be like when they give, like, tribal people vapes. It'd be the end of, like, a Cthuloo story or something. She saw behind the veil and lost her mind. No, I'm just, you know, we're just doing what we do on the show.

No, but they seem happy. Who knows? I mean. I like her. He seems a little put on. Let's modernize it a little bit. She can, what, she could get a breast augmentation. Yeah.

Surgery done. It always goes to that. Why not? What she's doing? She's doing your own. She needs to be a modern woman. She needs to go under the knife. She's like, honey, I do my own BBLs.

I've been making my own butt juice. out of cactus putting rocks and I've been injecting rocks in my ass with a deer antler one pebble at a ta just those big fucked up hits and tiny legs

that the BBL women have I would love her becoming like moving to Echo Park and becoming like a wigger type cornrows and shit she has long nails and he's hot she knows and just gets fucked by black guys

that's her whole identity not that there's anything wrong with that but that is her identity is getting fucked He's searching all over for her. He's on horseback riding through Simulik. It's the searchers, but he figures out what she's been doing and he just blows her head off.

She's been fucked by Draymond. She's damaged goods. You've been dating those savages, aren't you? You have a Chinese tattoo. Yeah. It ends with him riding his horse down into the jungle, like the end of training day. It's Denzel. him on a horse. She's just in the fucking projects

yeah. Oh, there's a train being run. She's huge for tits. That's why it's training day. They're running a train on there. She has a big. For a day. L.A. Dodgers back tat.

And she goes, oh my God. He's eating a loti and shit. Yeah, she's like, my husband's here to fucking kill you. for running a train on me and shit. She's a total. I told you I'm surgical with this shit, Jake. Do you think they fuck?

Yeah, I think they jack each other off and shit. She says she thinks about them all day and misses him like crazy is what she says. Well, that's every wife and girlfriend in America. Not to be Patrice. They miss us much more than we've ever thought about them in our lives. I miss them too, but like I need a loan time also. They don't seem to need a loan time. Women don't. Women don't.

Why is that? They don't exist outside of a man, unfortunately. I got to be thinking about shit, or I feel crazy. Yeah, no, I know. I got any, like, space to think. I'm like, lady, I need to look at my phone for nine hours, and you're ruining that. I need to be looking at watches on Reddit.com, and you're ruining that right now. No, women just love stronger than men, I think.

I think that's a real thing. And I think that's beautiful. They like, what? They love stronger than men do. And I think that's beautiful. That's how the world goes around, you know? Yeah. And maybe that's why they end up getting

Tit surgery and stuff because they love us so much. Yeah, they want to keep you around. I don't see guys go through surgeries to stay with their lady. Because they don't need to. They're like, she's obsessed with me. She'll love me forever. Guys will get hair transplants. Yeah, that's for other guys, honestly.

Like that and, like, getting, like, guys on steroids and shit. Like, that's for dudes. Women don't seem to mind if a guy's bald, huh? If you got him, you got them, really. Unless you get, like, incredibly fat or just suck ass for 20 years and then they eventually cheat on you. Yeah. But I see some of them.

get girlfriends that are like prepare my husband's gamer dinner with me and get his gamer chair ready and she does all this stuff to make his room nice and cook him food and then he comes home from work and he just logs on and puts his headphones on to talk to his boys yeah and you know he's not talking to her the rest of the fucking day and he's been at work all day yeah and that's her that's her trying to like i guess get attention from him yeah and that works for 10 years until she like goes crazy like fucks all of his friends one day you know and then he gets to be like she sucked she fucking sucked even though she actually She rocked for 10 years and he just, he never talked to her because he's pissed at his dad still and his life sucks ass and he hates himself. Yeah. But that's how the world is supposed to work, you know? I love women. Just seeing her in the kitchen.

Amazing. Women are great. She's chopping wood. She's incredible. She's incredible. Incredible. But again, the guy needs to be out in the... But he's in the middle of nowhere. He's in a canyon. He's literally just like, wee! It's like... He's hanging out with his friend easy. Like, named Breezy. They're just giving each other nicknames. You know what they probably... You know what they probably do is they probably ride the horses to a big rock? They've hauled out with, like, Game Boys and Xboxes in it. And they're just playing mad, and he's like, fucking... fucking wire out.

Fuck you. Yeah, they kick off the cowboy boots, put on slides and sweatpants. Yeah, and he's like, all right, time to call teenagers the N-word on Xbox. Now for this cowboy shit. Go, damn, this Starlink shirt. is good out here. Should we give you to the H-Js? Yeah, you want to jack off together, but it's not gay.

Yeah, look, but we don't make eye contact. We'll just play porn and jack off on the same couch, but it's not gay. He goes into a canadian and just watch the porn for nine hours. He watches via Caliph of footage that he hates himself for coming to a Muslim. Yeah, and he just hears, he vaguely hears one of his cows getting ripped apart. by coyote he's like keep it down I was about to nut damn it

I've been jerking my shit for five hours and you ruined my nut I just came soft fucking dumb ass we can finish this video on the Patreon I'll probably put it up the page on the same time yeah but we gotta go Devin just landed came in and you got to do it over there at before

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