lemonparty - 182: The Chickens Have Come Home To Roots

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

lemonparty in Austin and Houston next week lemonparty.life ben is at the comedy store this friday 4/24 https://benavery.live/pages/dates Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, I got the Goy Blockers on. Come to the Comedy Store this Friday, April 24th, 10 p.m. In the Belly Room, this show will sell out. I'm doing another improvised stand-up performance. It's going to be a good time. Ticket links at Benavry.com. And Austin, Texas, Lemon Party is coming to you. Me, Devin, and Jace, are going to do a whole live show.

We are a live podcast. A lot of people think we're not a live show, but we are, We actually have a whole thing. It's a whole show at the Creek of the Cave. It's going to sell out. Houston, May 1st, Lemon Party live there at the secret group, I think, might already be sold out. But check at Lemon Party.Lifeparty. Life for tickets. We're coming to Texas.

Lemon Party is coming. I will see you all, though, this Friday at the Comedy Store. It's going to be a very good time. A couple of big special guests as well. my favorite comics will be there. The reason you go so hard on these people is because you actually care. Yeah, it was nice. It felt like it could have happened before any of this.

Like it felt like, you know, oh, he's alive a little bit. Right. But I wonder if there's ever a moment where he's like going to therapy. He's lost so much of his fandom. Do you think there's ever a moment where he comes? He's like, you know what? I was wrong. Maybe eventually, but I don't know.

I think that would be pretty cool to watch actually. Yeah, would. As a fan. Yeah, because he's always been that guy with like his rage and shit. Yeah. Didn't he like get through his rage issues? Yeah, all he does now is talk about the mushroom story where he did mushrooms. He's like, am I going to be this guy for the rest of my life? Right, exactly. Yeah, so I don't know. But it was, it felt like a little throwback watching him, like, but it wasn't about him. He was just telling a story about getting into Eddie Murphy.

Right. Sure. It was cool. The ones, you get God every once in a while. Just listen to it. Like the Aaron Frome video, the Norm thing. I was like. Oh, yeah. That was great. Who is Air? Who is that guy? He's a smiling friend's guy. He showed us in his garage like three years ago. I remember. That was the guy. I met him? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was him. He writes for smiling friends or makes smiling friends?

He's like the director of smiling friends. Yeah, the director for it. Oh, yeah. I remember the whole house and like the Valley. Yeah, he made it and. Yeah, he made it and even like watching that, it got me a little teary eyed for a second. And, you know, I'm even like, you know, retrospect. I'm like, well, I don't like Sam Kinnison at all.

Like, I think he kind of sucks for the most part. But still that story hit me. The story of him dying is great. I know. I'll still get, I still have that childlike thing that gets me every once in a while. Like when Sandler's song about Norm and Farway and all those guys, I cried a little bit. I'm kind of, yeah, yeah, for sure. I'm also like a sucker for really well done animation like that.

Like, whatever that style is. Yeah, that felt like the Kurt Cobain documentary when they cut to those vignettes of the animation of his life. Yeah, it was like old school Disney animation, which was very impressive for an independent artist. I felt like the goofy movie or something, but with Norm. Yeah. As a person who's actually, like, tried to do animation, anytime I see it done, like, well, I'm like, this is, like, insane. Yeah.

I tried to do animation twice, and it took me 12 hours, and it was, like, a second long. It seems like a nightmare. Yeah, it's truly, like... I don't respect large-scale animation. I've always said that to people that pisses people off, because, like, I don't care that your movie was made by, like, a thousand Japanese people.

Oh, you send it over to China, like everything else? Who cares? Who even made this? Oh, so you drew every 40th frame who gives a shit? There's a bunch of Mitsubishi guys fucking made this. I want white guys with pensions who have a house in Burbank to be animating this stuff. Yeah. I also hate when there's an animated thing that has, like, meaning.

I hate that. Where people are like, no, really, like, it got me. It's about, like, life and death. I'm like, why do you make something with people about life and death, homo? Yeah, when somebody's like Inside Out changed my actual way. You remember me yelling about Inside Out. Oh, yeah, of course. I was all over town yelling about Inside Out.

Of course. From rooftops. I know. I was right there next to you drunk pretending it didn't move me when I watched it. Refused to see it. I'm sure it's great actually. That's what I, it's very good.

I don't, I don't, but that's funny. It's been hours thinking you've never seen a second of it. Fuck off. Just like it's a ball of goo. Like it tells me about sadness. Shut up.

Fucking make a movie about sadness with a human. But that's the beauty of Devon. He will defend something he hasn't seen, but he will still like, like Robert Duval and Lonesome Dove, you'll kill your horse and be shooting from it. At engine. just coming at you down the valley and you're like fuck i don't care fuck you

you know what pissed me off about that is i remember at that time like we were all just you know just just just just just young and up and coming and trying to sure try to figure so much trying to figure out our lives and comedy and stuff and all these people that like were becoming big in the industry were raving about it yeah and acting like it was and i in my mind i remember being like what are you guys this is a fucking kids fucking what are you pedophiles like what are you talking about it shocked me to find out that people were going and seeing animated movies on their own people we knew who were getting like who are turning comedy into like the fake empathy business yes yes in 2018 yeah and I as time went on I was like oh yeah I get it it's just a different

format but I don't know I just can't go see animated films I get you even if you do even if even if it moved you and you liked it you should be like hey I'm glad what you should say at a bar you shouldn't say like it really changed the way I think about my emotions you're retarded You're 34 years old and you fuck 20 year old open micers. You should say like I'm glad kids get to have that. It's good for kids to have a movie like that. Don't say it affected you.

Wasn't there a movie about like a old black jazz guy that got soul? No, fuck that shit. Why don't you cast an old black guy in a fucking movie and make a real fucking movie? Like a devil will never do that. But instead you're sending you're sending like blueprints to China and be like figure out how to make this black guy like, you know, cool. They're sending 3D cast. of black people's skulls to China

so they know how to animate them. I just don't... I'm not around to be awed by the animation process. Like, I'm not standing there watching all the hard work. I just get the final product. I get it. And honestly, at the end of the day, I'm always like, yeah, that was great, but I wish it was like a guy.

I finally watched... Would have been great if it was like a real guy. Who was a real guy? This would kick your fucking ass. I'm way more moved by a real man. Because you're not a child, is what you're saying. Because I'm not a baby man. I probably watched Shakira for the first time, and people who told me it's the most amazing thing ever.

And the animation is insane. What is Akir? Is that a type of dog? Is that a type of Asian dog? It's a dog soup you can order in Japan. I don't know anything about any of that. It's not good. The story actually sucks ass.

The pacing's bad. What are you doing? I'm getting them off because they're all over the place. You're like cashing in like $5 worth of Coke bottles over there. Why am I blue right now? You fucking house. Because we're libs now. Shut the fuck up,

Lib bag. We are all libs. The show is fully lib now. Will we libe out on Twitter this week? I can't really remember. We all did tweet at Joe Rogan, so I think we're all officially... Oh, yeah.

We're all libed down now. I forgot about that. Rogan was fucking dressed like an outback steakhouse waiter at the White House. Yeah. He's bringing Trump of blooming onion. Yeah. Mr. President, I highly recommend K-holes for our veterans.

Mr. President, We need to do MK Ultra for guys who know how to kill. I'm sure whatever he did was good, but it's just still funny to stand behind a guy. Started a war with a country at 90 million people. And it's a fat of a lot of it. But maybe he wants Trump to get... He's so funny, though, Devin. Remember when they double-tap that school last month, though?

I love that. Remember when... He's so funny. I thought it was really... He's hilarious. I mean, it's a really funny pivot to go from, like, people are like, hey, you're fucking kids, and you go, what if I kill him? That is funny.

I'll show you how much I don't want to fuck him. I'll kill him. I don't like cans. I'll kill those motherfuckers. I'll blow their asses right off the planet Earth. I hate brown pussy. Now, I was texting you guys, it's so funny how Rogan is so easy to get play. That, like, you know, Rogan walked out of that office.

And Trump was like, look at that little wop retired. Played him like a feta. It boars me, actually. Hey, Joe, why don't you fix the steps, you bricklaying piece of shit? You dumb dago. Look at his dirty wop pants. Look, he texted me with his dirty wops. hands about Ida again.

That was an interesting one because for the last like three weeks, I've just been checking in here and there. And it seems like there's been guests on his show that are like, this is nuts, man. And he's like, yeah, it's crazy. He's like, bad. I can't believe. And then he's just at the, I didn't know he's texting. He's text.

He texts Donald Trump. But he's politically homeless. Like you and I texting. He's politically homeless. Yeah. And he doesn't speak from a position authority when it comes to science. Although I did see him do that behind the president of the United States in the Oval Office talking about, like, health.

respecting how the FDA works. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I'm a comic. But then he'll go back on a show and say he doesn't know anything about, like, health stuff. He goes, I'm just a comic. I don't know anything. Mm-hmm. I don't know anything. Well, I mean, I don't know.

The Ibo-gain thing, it's probably good. If it helps with helping people with trauma. There's no way it's good. You know, that shit's been pushed by like Sean Ryan and all those guys? It's been pushed by every spook on his show. Ben, there's no way it's good. Sean Ryan has some of the best videos I've seen on YouTube shorts. where he's interviewing a guy who has PTSD

that's on resolve talking about Kelly people. Are we supposed to pretend that all of a sudden the United States government cares about their veterans? This is to create some sort of super soldier. Oh, I think they're into it because they're like, listen, all the children we fuck they can get over the trauma now without

again. They're like, we've kind of ruined the pussy by giving them so much PTSD. Exactly, yeah. Then we need to bring it back. People are going to get drafted again. Like, we're going to war. It's like we're gonna need to let's get these fuckers high

It's kind of like Vietnam but in the White House You know in Vietnam people were like smoking weed and being like this sucks Why are we here? The White House is trying to like market that Yeah yeah the White House now is close with like Trump dancing to the end by the doors Yeah, just doing like weird just doing weird kung fu in the oval office This is the end I hope we can, because I don't think sacrificing your life for this country is enough, because that's supposedly what they're doing.

Then they come back and they have to assimilate and get jobs for whatever reason. They're like, oh, you're not done yet. Not quite yet. How about you work at Target? Yeah. How does that sound? Do you want to... Hey, DoorDash, Grandma.

Trump should have blew her head off, honestly. That would have been the perfect, like, encapsulation of where we're at, where he's like, I mean, it's a bit. tacky, isn't it? It blows her head right off. You see that? That was standing your ground. She was on my property.

I blew her head right off. That was like tragic. Didn't he also ask her? He's like, what do you think about the trans athletes thing? She's like, I don't know. I don't know nothing about that. She's like, I'm just a slave to a phone. Please give me $3.

Sorry, a phone whips me like a slave. And then I read some other thing where she's also been used as an actress before. Who are you guys talking about? DoorDash grandma. Ben, wake up. The Door Dash Grandma. I don't know who this is. I got tweeted at by a lib.

Kyle Klinsky. Door Dash Grandma just won the Masters. I'm a lib now. The Door Dash Grammy won the Masters. They set up some bullshit photo op where like an old woman delivered McDonald's to the White House and Trumpa answered the door. And he's like, how about the no tax on tips? And she's like, I'm just so happy that now I can't believe. I can afford juicy fruit now.

This is burger right. Yeah, yeah. It's literally, you haven't said there? Burger, right. I saw Trump is going off the dome about, like, diet soda. He's holding, like, three-hour, like, lectures about diet soda and all the health benefits. I have no. Every day, I can't believe any sentence that I read.

It's just, fucking RFK Jr. is, like, sucking off raccoons. He's fucking broke-kill. I think Cash Patel's lost at sea or something. What happened to Cash Patel? Is he dead? Yeah. Cash away. Yeah.

And he's, he's. He's fucking the shit out of Wilson. He's raping Wilson. He's raping. Non-considually having sex. An Indian guy alone on island has to make a fake woman too red. Oh, sexy baby. Oh, looking. Oh.

You're made out of coconuts. Ooh, baby. No, is Cashman Hill dead? I thought he got lost. No, no, no. He is hard at work keeping the pedophile safe, okay? Okay. They have to look, the pedophiles, they have wakes of victims,

and these victims might come back and hurt the pedophiles and get revenge. Cash steps in so the pedophiles, they can sleep sound and safely at night. They can rest their head on their pillows and be. Apparently, he's too drunk to even do that. He can't even protect pedophiles now. The most protected class in America. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not kidding.

I thought I saw it today that he's, like, lost. Yeah. Now, every, like. Is that real? I think so. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, you couldn't log in. into his computer and he freaked the fuck out

and he like shut the power down. He thought he got a virus from porn. He thought he got a big Trojan horse from X videos. He's like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Yeah. No, apparently, yeah, apparently every night at the FBI ends with Cash Patel trying to drunk drive home and everybody's screaming at him

like trying to take his keys away. Pete Hagseth trying to take his keys. He's getting into an 18-willer. Yeah, he's like, yeah. He's like, I'm climbing into an 18-moor. He's like, I've got to get these mangoes to Baker's Field. They're like, Mr. Cash, Cash, Cash.

He's like, get off of me. I'm fine. I'm fine to drive. I just saw stuff today where they were like, no wonder he was excited to go join like the Team USA Hockey Team or whatever. And I'm like, what happened? Am I, do you guys have any idea? No, they released.

Apparently they talked to a lot of FBI insiders. It could be the live media. I don't know. I just see, I see artists. I scroll Twitter. Twitter at a 40 miles an hour. They said he's like a drunk or something. Yeah, the article said according to a lot of FBI insiders, apparently he gets blackout drunk

and falls down and can't actually do his job or anything. Yeah, he's an Indian. Has he found a single person that's not anything? No. No, no, no. Being Indian has nothing to do with it then. There's a little bit to do with that. I think it has a lot.

It actually has most to do with it. Realistically, if we had an Indian head of the FBI, it'd be like the most thorough motherfucker alive. He's a American, he's a white. He's a white American piece of shit who happens to be Indian and cross-eyed. Devin, you do make a great point, yeah. He's an embarrassment, Dean. Yeah.

Yeah, there's Indian guys with, like, smell, green smell lines coming off of them. They're like, this is the guy who represents us. He's the first retarded Indian guy. Like, how is, it's crazy. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, you know, running a 7-Eleven, running the FBI. Same thing, I guess. You'd think.

Right? Because the Sleshy machine goes down. It's the same as the, you know. Yeah. You go to Langley, and he's replacing the roller dogs in the cafeteria. He should be that. He's cleaning the toilets with his mouth. Yeah.

With his tongue. Because he's a dirty engine. I don't even call him Indian. I call him engine. Fucking red skin. You've gotten so lazy with my race. No, Kyle Kaczynski tweeted at us and say, get their ass. I saw that.

Yeah. Because you tweeted about it. Now the room is blue. We're kind of, it's all blue now. I saw that I said we're blue now. Because Kalinsky. We're lit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A guy we've called the fag on this show. Have we? I think so. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I watch Kyle Kalinsky a lot. I like his passion. I think it's a bit much sometimes, but I do enjoy. His points are correct, usually.

I don't think he's wrong about most things, but sometimes, I don't know, whatever. I like, I like, I'm politically homeless. I'm at the White House next week. Introducing, like, a bill to, like, be like, like, listen, we're going to stuff. I had a pure hangover. Speaking from authority about science and stuff. We're putting milk this in the water, Mr. Trump. I'm politically homeless.

I just texted Trump about we're giving spice to homeless people. We're giving them K2. Here's what we do. We give homeless people K2. They kill themselves. Homeless problem solved. Here's what we do. We're going to give Delta 9 to homeless people.

We're going to show them the Beatles rock band intro video. They're going to freak out and kill themselves. Something I saw in college one time. A bunch of guys from Tennessee smoked at K2, and then we turned on the Beatles rock band, and the intro scared him so much that one of them tried to jump out of the window of our dorm, like second story. What is the Beatles rock band? What is that?

The rock band, you know, the fucking, you play the fake guitar and the fake drums and everything. Oh, Guitar Hero. I think it was rock band, guitar, whatever. Is there a thing? Devin, please, you're being glib. Jace continue. Yeah, yeah. Is rock band a thing?

I think rock band's a thing. It's a thing. I thought it was called Guitar Hero. There are both. There's both. There's both. DJ Hero, which I also played and I felt so gay. I, like, I unplugged it.

DJ Hero? I unplugged it. I put it in the trash. What is that? It's like, like, press Y to, like, date rate. Yeah. It has an electronic or a half-nob pill. You have to drop in a plastic cap.

Do you remember I made Mom get it for me when I was like 12? Oh, yeah, of course. I loved the DJ Hero. There was, um, heard it do the great vine. I think that was mixed with Slim Shady by Eminem, and that was the first time I heard Eminem. Uh-huh. Yeah, we had to buy Vyville. video games to discover art from 2004 somehow.

Yeah. I miss Eminem so much. R-N-M-N-M-N-M-N-N-Cook. R-I-P. Eminem and Sam Coo, me in my mind. Honey, honey, honey. Is that, that's the Sam Cookeg? That's Marvin G.

No, I was doing the DJ Hero. But Jason is talking about rock band. Imagine being Marvin Gay. Getting shut off. You're Marvin Gay and your dad just blows your head off. That's so insane. What a story. Unbelievable, dude.

You're addicted to pornography and your dad blows your Yeah. That fucking kills you. That rocks, actually. It's so crazy. His dad killed him. Yes, Marvin Gay's dad killed him. So he named his son Gay

and then shot him in the head. Well, he was already named Gay, but he did name his son, Marvin. And then he blew his fucking wig off. What if he named him Fagget Gay? And then killed him. Yeah. The new album by Faggett Gay,

what's sucking off? Brother, brother. Come here and suck my dick. He sounds like faggot, homo. A punch packer. Is that hated him from day one? He called him faggick, yeah. That's your name.

Those guys, all of the greatest, like, all of the greatest singers of all time had insanely tragic. Like, Sam Cooke was killed by, like, a mama son. What does that mean? Sam Cooke was killed by, like, a Chinese lady that ran, like, a horse. She just like shot him in the head. Oh, like a Chinese haberdastery where you get sucked off? I think he was like staying at like a motel and like the lady that like ran to the front desk that was just, it was kind of like a seedy hotel where people did drugs and whatever.

I think she like something like that. Was she hot? No, she was a mama sign. I think she looked like Miss Swan. Yeah. Sam Cooke was killed by Miss Swamp. Yeah, Bobby Lee blew his shit off. I mean the reverend.

He was a fucking black gay guy. But it happened out all that. Yeah. Yeah. That was like the beginning of like liquor stores having a problem. Like the Korean liquor store owners having a problem. It all goes back to Sam Cuck. And a mama son.

Sam Cuck. That rocks. Yeah, I mean, the Reverend Al Green, he became a reverend because a lady threw hot oil on his chest and then like jumped out of a fucking window and like killed herself. Oh my God. In front of him. Yeah. Because he was like fucking around on him.

But Al Green like lived, right? Al Green lived. Yeah. I think he had like burns on his body and shit. Yeah. But no, like every. every R&B singer from the 70s was just watching women tumble out of windows

or shooting at him point Blake right. Yeah, everyone had so many crazy stories. It's like the Walking Dead. You're explaining like Walking Dead plot lines, but just for a guy that tried to record music about like driving in a car. Yeah, there was a guy who was like, I was born in a little tent.

And then the judge from Blood Meridian walks in. And he rapes him in a bathhouse and crushes his rape games. It's like the alpha from fucking the new zombie movie. 28 years later. 28 years later, shit. Yeah, Sam Cooke got his head torn off by a zombie with a huge cock.

But what's crazy is, like, then you look at the Houston era rap, like, big Lurch and Mike Jones and all this shit. And, like, these motherfuckers like ate their girlfriends, like in caves. Like, crazy shit. Big Lurch ate his girl. There was a beautiful time in 90s rap. Yeah. But, like, it's just a new era of crazy. It's like they're cannibals somehow?

It got worse? I think it was because brothers started doing PCP. I'm not wrong about that. I don't know, Devon's the authority on that. I don't know. You guys always talk about Big Lurch. It's kind of amazing that the only rapper you've ever mentioned is a guy that ate his girlfriend. It's like the only thing I ever get.

I know about Hobson, too. And Hobson. And there was rapping on like Homestar Runner. Yeah. My favorite rapster's Big Lurch, the guy from Wu Tang who chopped his on deck off. Yeah, literally. The only people Ben ever mentions are like rappers that like. Seelow Green.

Killed their rape. Date rapists. Yeah, no, Big Lurch. I looked up one time. Biggler did a bunch of PCP and he ate like half of his girlfriend and then like I think called the cops on himself. There's also the guy in Wu-Tang who cut his own dick off and then jumped. I think he cut his own dick off mid-air. Crazy shit.

Like he pulled his shit like it was a parachute. That's cool. He jumped and he was pulling his dick like it was a parachute. He ripped it off before he hit the ground. Yeah. Being schizophrenic is amazing. If they let you keep the dick, can you eat it legally or will they? They won't let you keep it.

I've tried. Can you put it like a Pokemon card and like between? And plastic, like a collectible. I'll be honest. When they had to remove that big growth from my ball sack from like a year ago, I tried so hard to get it. They wouldn't let me keep it at all. They barely let me look at it. They wouldn't even.

People sell it, right? Is that the thing? They wouldn't even let me, he had it in like a jar and he wouldn't even like let me hold the jar. I think he was afraid I would like make a mad dash for it or something. It just ripped my ball sack open. It's probably black market shit. Maybe. Yeah, I could sell to a Chinese guy for 40 bucks.

so you can make sense. Or maybe the hospital sells it to Satanus and stuff and they put it in soups. That could be it. Who knows? It's hard to know these days. Who knows? I mean, look.

I wanted to turn it into a little ring. Like a ring of black guy I would wear in New Orleans. I wanted to have like a little pinky ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a ball goiter inside of it. Oh, that I like. Yeah. Walk around with that.

Yeah. Carry a bowling bowl for some reason. And I go, I go kiss the ring, baby. And then it's just my ball. My ball goiter that had to get removed surgically. You have a really long pinky nail. Yeah, that's also got my ball, another ball goiter on the end of it. It's a real problem you have with your balls.

My ball is just full of goiters and gross, yeah. What was it? He had like George Lucas's neck on your balls. No, it was just, it was like a fatty tumor. It was a non-cancerous fatty tumor. Yeah, it was just like, what do you? A cyst. I had assists.

Like Ben had a cysts on his neck. Twice. Sabatia cysts on the back. It grows where Neo gets the. hose put in in the matrix. Yeah. To go back into the matrix from the Nebuchadnezzar. It's that exact spot there.

And, yeah, two times now I've had to get it cut off. It's got as big as a damn whiffle ball back there. Wow. It was actually huge. What is that all about? It's probably something to do with... What's going on with you? I don't know.

It's some exercise shit, probably. I think it's... Just some religious shit. I think that's how Ben dealt with his emotions as a child. He just grew tumors over... Yeah, like a basketball in the sun. Yeah. Yeah.

All this, all the, all the, all the, all the hate and sin and his body was in a big tumor on his neck. Yeah. They cut off. They cut out all my hate though, no. No, yeah, I could tell. I saw your, I saw your hour and a half long rant about Jeff Dye. Yeah, you're going crazy. The hate is over.

You go crazy on Jeff Dye. You're putting out manifestos about that. Obviously, the guy was ranting at me. It's so funny, because I remember, I was vicious. I was, listen, I got out of jury. duty. I go straight to eat my fah. Because I was celebrating. I was like, hell yeah. I can't believe I got out of this.

I go eat fah, and I'm just watching die. And then I hear him mention your name. I send it to you. I go, I go, he mentions you, Ben. And Ben immediately goes, like, I'm firing up. I'm firing up the equipment. I'm starting. And then I watch Ben's stream, and Ben

is acting like as if Jeff Dye did like an hour on him personally. And I'm like, I'm listening to it. I'm laughing. because I'm like, Ben, he's not, he barely mentioned you. And he also, I think the thing he says, he's like, yeah, Ben Avery talks about me all the time. And you go, I'll show you, Jeff Dad's a fucking piece of fucking dog fucking shit. I live in your head, Red Free, Bagger. So apparently, well, he called me pathetic, and he said the only reason I get clicks is because I use his name, which is very funny.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's, he's a. So he think, I guess he looked at our pastoral, and he's like, well, this is. just because they've mentioned me. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the golden ticket for anybody. It's just talk about Jeff Dodd.

Every single comment is Lemon Party people. On Jeff Dye's shit. On his stuff. Yeah. Is he going to, are you guys going to, like, have a meeting? Well, I got to talk to you guys about that because I have a lot of people pretending to be, like, to be, like, my assistant and stuff in his DMs, and he's been following for it. Oh, God.

And he has agreed to come on the show. Lemon party Well that's the thing I need to talk to you guys Do you want him to come on Lemon Party or do you want them to come on my stream I think it's I think you guys got to squish the beef But I'll like moderate if you want Like I'll stand in I'll zoom in or whatever

I could be there I could be with you He's just willing to come on Because I think you should maybe be there should be maybe like a Like a lion tamer with it with you I'm worried it might be a trap is the only thing Because I sent you like I go yeah he mentioned your name And then you did like an hour and a half like acting like he's devoting his life to

to attacking. He's constantly talking about me indirectly. I live in his head, I think. Well, we're helping him, I think. Yeah, I'm helping him. I would love to genuinely just ask him some questions. Be like, Jeff, listen, I don't think you read. I don't think you really know much about anything.

Why are you pretending to know a bunch about anything? Why are you political? Politics used to be for like adults. You're like, you're like a turtle from entourage guy. What are we talking about? In what world do you care about policy? I know. And then you actually...

You should leave that to us. When you listen, yeah, that's for us. We're the smart ones. Look at the lights, Jeff. We're blue. We're the liberal media now. Jeff, we do a podcast every week where we're like, did you see that thing on Twitter and all to say no?

And then we talk about it? I was listening to his show. And I actually just like, I just, zone out and then when I tune in, he's like, he's like telling it like it is, but about the most, like, like, just like, basically. He's like, yeah, so you breathe and then oxygen goes in your lungs and then you breathe out and that's how you keep living. And then you put your right foot in front of the left and then if you keep doing that, you'll get to a location that you want to be at. This is just how life works. When you're at a stop sign, you stop because other cars

So then the other cars go, and then you get to go. I love when he gets a little philosophical, too, sometimes, where he'll be like, he's like, when you're asleep, your body knows how to breathe, but how does it know that? Because you're asleep. But that's like him, like, fucking, you know. Yeah, that's, that's like a... That's like deep shit. Yeah.

Like, Jeff thinks the audience is like, damn. Damn, this Y and deep as fuck. That rocks. Yeah. I think that's the main thing you would have to address is, like, Jeff, why are you, we know you don't care about politics at all. Like, I don't think he understands the reason he gets shit on is because he's an embodiment of this Republican griff that, like, everybody's doing, but he's so bad at it. It's like, it's a weak point into attacking that whole thing. I mean, he said his friend, stop talking.

That's every week, by the way, definitely. For whatever reason, there's zero, like, self-reflection on, like, at why people would maybe stop talking about. No accountability. I don't think his buddy, by the way, he's been like this guy for a while. His buddy didn't just recently stop talking to him just because of Trump. It's because of the route you've been going down, Jeff. I don't think his buddy stopped talking to him just because of the Trump stuff. I think he's like, you're like fake and faking stuff right now.

And I don't, I just remember when you and I used to do like cocaine off of like strippers' tits, like, you know, in West Hollywood. Like, what is this? We're a Tucker Max guy. Yes. What are you talking about? Like, why do you care about this shit? Why are you pretending to be Christian? And, like, you know, why do you pretend to care about a policy in L.A.?

I don't know. Whatever. Who cares? I don't know. It's honestly, it's like, it's good. I just wish he'd stop using my name. He said your name once. And it was, um, it's...

Well, he went alive on Instagram and talked shit about me, too. The very funny thing about that was that he was completely in the right to mention your name. We've been ruining his life. We've kind of changed the way he interacts. So it was so funny watching you devote an hour and a half to be like shocked and offended. I'm offended. I'm completely offended. You really, you're like the Israel.

Ben is like the Israel of comedy. I know exactly what I'm doing. You were like, yeah, you were like, like an Israeli person being like, this is anti-Semitism. I can't kill babies. Like, you know how good it feels like? What, I talk about you for 15 hours over two months. and now I'm the bad guy. You're angry at me for killing babies?

You're all like, you hate Jews. Oh, no, you were great. You're really good at that, by the way. Gaslighting? When I hit you up throughout the week and I ask if you're doing your stream, I kind of want to come and just sit and watch. I'm just kind of like... Well, you're welcome to be a guest anytime.

I'm at all. But it's a far drive for Jay's. I think we should go and just watch. I love watching. I don't want to, like, because how are you going to do your rants if I'm just sitting there jutting in every once in a while? I'll, you know, I'll pick my spots. But, like, I'd love to just watch.

you. I can't, it's so funny. I was laughing. I do this on your couch though where I get worked up. Not like that. You're like, you're like a character. You're like, turn into like old man river on your show. I don't even know what's going on. I don't know who you are. I've like never, I've never, I've genuinely never seen that guy before. It's like insane. Your eyes like, his eyes roll in the back of his head. He just starts glowing. You're a man possessed. You're like fucking singing, like, lullamize to your kids, and then you go in the room, like, Daddy's got to get to work. I think it's, I think it's literally, it's, it's Ben's way of getting all of the sin out at once.

So he's not, so you're not a psycho around your children. Am I wrong about that? Maybe. He's also just playing into it. That's the one thing that people, I think, like, like, Jeff died maybe doesn't understand, is that this is just like a, it started off with some, like, genuine, like, anger and be like, like, like, what the fuck are you doing? Now Ben's just playing a character It's just funny He's just being a psycho for the sake of playing

into a character. It's entertaining Which I think you mentioned multiple times Like you're not being entertaining Entertain people Oh Jeff? Yes Yeah that's his biggest sin is being boring You're not entertaining

Do some pro wrestling shit You're literally an entertainer Why are you doing a podcast like it's a belator? Yeah you know what Jeff who loves wrestling By the way he would get this metaphor Jeff's like a wrestler who turned heel and then is like, why is everybody, like, really, why is everybody booing when I walk into the stadium? Like, that really hurts my feelings.

It's like, that's what your job's supposed to be, buddy. Right. If you want to be the, like, anti-woke, you know, tell it like it is guy. People are going to do this about you. Yeah, right. You can't be a cry-baby fag about it. Yeah. Like, imagine Stone Cold Steve Austin in, like, 99, like, walked into the arena.

He's like, quit what you mean to me, what? Everybody might be not nice to me right now. What? You're all jealous of me. I'll drive a cool car. What? Yeah. Yeah.

You're supposed to give the middle finger and be like, he should be on his podcast being like, fuck Ben Avery. I hope his house burns to the ground. Yes. Like, why is he not playing into it and helping his life and career? Yes. The one time he started kind of getting angry at you,

I was like, let's go. Yeah. Hell yeah. He's doing the thing like a kid who's getting bullied in school who listens to his lib parents who suck ass and he's getting bullied one day. And he's like, you know what? I know the reason you bully me is because you feel bad about yourself. because that's what his parents told him to do

and then the bullies like fuck you and then like actually chops his head off at the school and everybody cheers because they're like fuck that guy he like he kind of like fucked up he just like you could tell he's like bitter because he's not he should have been the type of guy that's like one of the three retarded men on Patrick Matt David's show all those those three guys that look like they got fired

from men's warehouse Patrick Bed David found them on Skid Row and told him to bring their three piece suits over and just have horrible retarded opinions about the They got fired for trying to fuck the suits. Exactly. Yeah. Just three like Mercedes lease deals that are on his show. Just absolute morons.

When they're opening, when they're on their Samsung tablets, their Toshiba smart think pads or whatever, they're just looking at, they're on Audi.com. Yes. They're literally. They're looking at deals in their air. They look like they're doing that show while they're waiting for their Audi to get back from the shop. And they're having, let me have a big opinion on like on, you know, foreign balls right now. I'm a moron. Ben, you're right, they're on the show and they're looking at a speak and spell.

They're just looking at pictures of cigars on a speaking spell. And they're like, that's a really good one. That rules. Romeo and Julieto. I love that show because, like, dude, the chive stuff had to go somewhere. It wasn't going to disappear. You're right. Yeah.

The chive, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2012 shit. The idea of, like, a guy, I don't know if Devin even remembers back then, but I knew guys in Texas. is that you walked into their house and they had a bar that they custom built and just a picture of like black background with a whiskey glass and like smoke going over the whiskey. It's that type of guy.

It's the type of guy that has like a god like a like a what is it called a men's route? What is the bear cave? A man cave. And there's a picture of like it's a Rottweiler that looks like Tony Sabrano. And he's drinking scotch.

And playing poker with like Marlon Brando from The Godfather. And you immediately know you're among somebody that like doesn't matter. No, no, not at all. Not at all. Yeah. A guy who's actual hero is like, imagine a guy was fat as shit but ruled. That's me actually. Yeah.

Imagine a guy was fat as hell, but everybody respected him for it. A guy who unironically has a picture of a bunch of German shepherds having the last supper. dressed as the Sopranos. It's like nine layers deep. It's the Sopranos last supper, but they're all the Joker. Is it? You know, I just sometimes I imagine if a guy was fat as shit and rude. Every joker at the table.

Dude, imagine if the Joker was fat as fun. And they always, they always are, they always loved Jared Leto's Joker more than anybody else. And you're like, that's insane. I don't think anyone saw the Suicide Squad Joker. They love the Suicide Squad Joker. That's their version of Elliot Smith. They're like, he got really. beat for that one.

That's like beetle in the hay. Like, you might not get it, but he wrote damage on his forehead because he like, was. And that's like really... Sometimes when I get sad because I ran out of food at my house, I feel like the damage joker. Tom McDonald. Guys that look

like Tom McDonald's. Yeah, guys look like Tom McDonald's ate at McDonald's. Yeah. Every day of his goddamn life. Tom McDonald's. Tom McDonald's. Yeah, that would rock. That would be a great character. Tom McDonald's. They told us that Black Lives, Matt, Is that one of his songs? He has this like Blink 182

where he has a bass guitar. He goes, They shot Charlie Kirk And apparently they We all shot Charlie Kirk We all pulled the trailer Yeah, yeah, yeah

And he goes, They told us Black Lives Matter But they Fuck, I forget how it goes Which is a kind of a I saw a tweet Where someone's like, that's actually An insane line, I listen to the song

Where he goes, they told us that Black Lives Matter Is it an actual? It's an actual line. in the song. But you're saying Black Lives Matter. Yeah, but he's sounding like he's like, like, he's sounding like he's doing like,

Miss you, I'm so sorry. But instead he's like, N words need to die. Let me get this Rob Schneider's stand up. What's with all the N words? Because the Rob Schneider standup is going to be great. Tom McDonald lives, he's, I know somebody that I think that

knows his brother. Yeah, me. Yeah. Yeah. I know where I can't, I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's fine. Do I need to cut it out? I can't say the connection, but I know somebody who lives above Tom McDonald's brother.

And you see, and they see him. They come over and try to sell merch. He lives in L.A. He has, like, a fat, white, retarded wigger brother who, like, sells, who, like, smokes blunts in their apartment. Yeah. Shit. And it just drifts into my friends, like, apartment all day long. And then Tom McDonald comes by and they just say the end word to each other all day long.

That's awesome. And then plan out their new, like, merch drop. Dude, I wish we had that. I would love that. to befriend. That's the Whigger version of us. Oh, it's the McDonald Brothers. Yeah.

Yeah, truly. Okay, here, I think the mouse is, hopefully the mouse is working. Yeah, there you go. Fuck. Totally that. Does it click? See, the mouse isn't cooking now. Because it broke in half.

Snap the mat. Pray for the left. The new Tom McDonald's song, pray for the left. And he obviously. The Charlie Kirk was a nod scene. Wait, yeah, that was it. Here we go. They always said that Charlie Kirk was a non-old.

Then they celebrated after they killed them They tried to tell us The black lives matter And that white people have always been burning flags in the streets And they scream at police taking illegals to prison He looks like my shoe in middle school He looks like when I was bored in middle school And I drew on my shoe for half a year

He's like the kid that you knew in high school Who got raped a bunch of you gave him a tattoo gun James, before we go into this Rob Schneider, should we do the Rob Schneider stand up on the Patreon? Birch plywood can be... Oh, sorry, sorry. That was something about... Sorry.

You were watching a video about staining birch plywood. I don't know why that came up, though. Because you're a wood guy now. Yeah, I mean, I watch videos about wood, and I got a piece slowly, too. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party for the... The Rob Schneider shit? Should we do that on the Patreon? We can do it now if you want to.

Well, I was saying we got to do ads, though. Okay. I'll do ads. Oh, yeah, do some ads. I'll do ads. I'll do ads. Devin has to go, yeah. Devin has to go.

Are you acting like you were planning, like you knew that? Because you have to go get fun. I'm going to go get some foe, watch me while we'd be drunk. Hey! Oh, so that's the other thing, Devin.

Thank you for saying that because we need to watch the Mark Norn, Mark Hummer. I think we might save that for the Patriot. Save for the page. Yeah, let's do the Rob Schneider up top. Let's do the Markmore. We need to have some class.

We can just post these things publicly. That's insane. We're going on. Hey! They're like, they're, they're, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, like, at Mount Everest and, and, and he's, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, but what if, like, the sex doll says something where it's like, like, like, come on, uh, they're trying to come up with, you know, an illegal immigrant, but she's barely legal. There's something there. And legal. What do you think about that? And the immigrants barely illegal. Meanwhile, like the last bald eagle on earth is flying above him and he's just like, what about? Yeah.

His shirt is like, Mr. Norman, you're running out of oxygen. You're going to go blind and die soon. He's like, blind, what is that like? Why do you watch porn? He's like a Nepali shirpa. Mr. Norman, please put the joke book down. Mr. Norman, if we do, I have to leave you now because you will not go. I do not want to die.

I have a family. He's like, well, I go blind from, I can't breathe oxygen. What? How do I watch porn? You got braille? They're nipples like that? Mr. Norman, please. Just be a human being for one fucking second.

Have we ever done a joke? by the way, but a CP machine, but it's a CP machine. Okay, I like that. I like that. You turn it on. Jeff would put the headphones on. You turn it on.

You do what that look like. It looks like what Captain Quint puts the fishing pole into the slot so it can't slip out when they get in the shirt. No, it's, you say what about a CPAP machine? And Devin sees the string on the pole move. And he's like, he just leans forward. He goes, easy, dear hand. The line's slowly going out.

Yeah. Easy girl. Tiddling with the toothpick. She can't go down with three porn bits at the same time. The robbered shots. For a CP machine joke. Yeah, they put it on at night. For pedophiles to help with their dreams.

In your dreams. Well, they get so horny in their dreams that they run. They stop breathing. So it keeps breathing while you dream. It's all Ben, it's pedophiles who have taught themselves to lucid dreams so they can do fucked up shit in their dreams. Right. Legally.

Yeah. They're their own. I like that. They're their own Freddie Kruger for their own dreams. Boom. Yeah. Friday the 13 year old. Hey, there we go.

Yeah. Well, it was Nightmare on Elm Street, I believe. It was Freddie. Oh, okay. You're thinking of, you're thinking of Jay. It was important that I corrected you on that. Yeah, yeah. I always get that confused, actually.

Many people do. Many people do. Many people do. Yeah. All right. Do some ads. All right. Hey, guys.

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Now, we want to just mention the live shows real quick, guys. Next Tuesday, Tuesday, April 28th, we're going to be in Austin, Texas at the Creek and the cave. And then next Friday, Friday, May 1st, will be in Houston, Texas at the Secret Group. Tickets are available for all shows at women party. dot life, just click on the live shows tab. That's Lemon Party. Dot life. Click on the live shows button. Libs only.

Libs only. No neocons can come to the show. It's a lives only show, but we'll be in Austin and Houston next week. So go and get those tickets. Houston might be sold out already. I don't know. Yeah, it probably is. Good luck. Good luck.

Godspeed and good luck. That is coming up soon. Those are all the ads. Yeah, we're going to go to the belly of the beast. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. We're going to go to the home of Brian Redman.

The home? Well, we're not at the, we're not at his place, right? No, that's what I call Austin. Austin is the home. Yeah, Austin is the home of Red Band. Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, Cowdy. Brian Redman's like the American Buffalo to me. Like, he just encapsulates the heart of the region.

The spirit of the country. Yeah. Eagle. Oh, this is the Rob Schneider. Yeah. Stand up. Red Band did not have a thing with you. I thought he might have a connect with YouTube, by the way.

He didn't have one. He didn't know. He said his rep at YouTube just quit because he'd DM me to help. So shout out to Red Bear. Oh, Brian, Red Band. That's amazing. Red band's a Mitch. Yeah.

We love him. He doesn't know anybody at YouTube? Fuck. His guy quit. Everybody has one guy and if they quit, you're fucked. It's so insane. Yeah. You got to know a guy.

What a fucking arbitrary bullshit. I know. But we see this all the time. We reach out to somebody and they're like, hey, can you help us? And they're like, yeah, email. Germany at Google. And then, you know, just. That is.

I think we had a rep that we emailed then. We didn't hear anything. We had a couple. We had an Asian lady. We had a, yeah, like a Chang at Google.com. Yeah, there was a Wang or a Chang that we had. Some Wang or Chang, yeah. There might have been a Naomi.

Yeah. Not good when you're looking at the email address. You go, whoof. Yeah. Which just was a Rob. Naomi fucking feminist overalls like, yeah. Fucking unfun content, gmail.com.

I go, hey guys, do you have a Hitler at Google. that I can email real quick. I know the amount of emails I wrote you guys were attached on where I was like, it's like, dearest, dearest YouTube employee, I run the good show Lemon Party where we don't say things about blacks and Jews. And we would like our YouTube channel back, please. Just immediately deleted. Oh, and I'm going to be on the Netflix as a joke festival, apparently.

Yeah. I saw that tweet. Lewis said I'm going to be on the Netflix as a joke fest. Sure. Storyware. I haven't got a text, but that's what I saw. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah, we'll see.

It'll happen. It'll happen for sure. I'm on the Netflix's his joke festival. It's going to happen. Yeah. It's going to happen. I saw the tweet. It's definitely going to happen.

It's going to happen. Comedy. Comedy. Hey, hey. Speaking of comedy, we got Rob Schneider. So I saw this from that guy Truonon, Brace Belden. Okay. He went to this, and he was posting it on his IG, and it was so funny.

He went to CPAC 2026. Yeah, I didn't know that this set was filmed, though. the Rob Schneider bomb. Yeah. It is why they do have CP and CPAC. That's probably a coincidence. Yeah. Probably.

Thank you so much. Oh, so they got a new, they got a new woman on the view. Have you heard? Jimmy Kimmel is going to join the cast. Oh. How are you? Thank you so much for being out here.

By the way, his hat actually looks like the glands of a penis head. He looks like... He looks like a botched circumcised penis. He looks like he makes home. made sarahc commercials. I know he's like a black hipster. What is with his suit? A purple like leather jacket.

Purple, purple blue. Maybe he's, he forgot what race he actually is because he's played so many different people in Adam Sandler movies. He kind of looks like an exotic fish and he has the same brand as one. He dresses like an 85 year old Chinese man. He dresses like a guy who smokes cigarettes and stoops all day. He looks like a tropical fish that plays piano. Yeah, he's from Shark Tale.

Rob Schneider and Sharkdale. According to some people, this was the worst bomb they've ever seen. Yeah. Is this the same one that came out like a month ago where he's like in a round table? Like he's like in a certain like he's being, he's surrounded by like old like Republican people standing. I think that's a different. Is that a different bomb? Yeah, he's been bombing all the country.

That's crazy. Yeah. We'll tell you I, um, uh, something happened. I was able to get lunch. I just got off the plane from Europe. Spit it out. And we went out to a place here in town in Dallas. And the waiter was a little nervous.

And I said to him, you know, and he's a Mexican guy. And I said, are you okay? Oh. Mr. Schneider, I'm just a little nervous because I am not here legally. And I'm afraid that ICE is going to take me. This didn't happen. Back to Mexico. And I felt like, wow, that's all.

awful because these are the people that we want in this country you know people are working really hard then he completely screwed up my lunch and was like get this guy out of here you can't screw up lunch that's the most important meal of the day he has like my fat sucked fucking ass he he it's also he has the energy if I was there I would put down good money that he's going to go to his hotel room and hang yourself by the way also like It's like I've never heard a punchline like this is a punchline I know I just called Adam Sandler 85 times it I think I'm blocked If he doesn't kill himself what the fuck happened to Eldon Generous is DJ

Because that guy was dancing all over town and he shot himself in the head at a motel 6 so why is Rob Schneider still here Why is he still with us By the way fuck Hawaiians you're an immigrant You fuck yeah give a shit You guys didn't protect anyone at Pearl Harbor Your country sucks You dirty pineapple fucker

weird pineapple spam eating Musubi eating piece of shit fuck you talk about Mexicans are more American than you you fuck you island Mexican You fucking you fucking The traitor Joe's fagget Sorry

You're an even wetter back fag Because you had to swim across the fucking Pacific Yeah You had to get a little canoe that sucks and paddle Over here Fucking Maori piece of shit I don't have respect for people

When they're from a tiny place Is that fair When somebody's like, I'm from Rhode Island, I'm like, get away from me. Are there freeways? Run away from me. It's too tiny. It's too tiny. Sprint away from me right now.

Yeah. Are there freeways in Hawaii? Like, do they have like an interstate? I've seen images of it and it's just packed wall to wall. Apparently it's a nightmare to live in Hawaii. And there's a bunch, it's just a bunch of little dots, right? Where you're like, oh, you got to hang out on this dot. Yeah, you got to go to quack-waka-waka-waka dot.

You're not even a fucking place. Oh, that's the best dot on the island. I'll never go. I've never been and I never will because I'm Rob Schneider. Fuck Hawaii. Eat the shit out of my ass, bitch. Fucking hack idiot.

Oh, you named a fish something stupid? Who gives you shit? God. Adam Sandler should have blew his head off years ago. Fucking no country for old Mendem. Yeah. More like 50 last dates. Stop your tour.

Stop torn. No more dates. He's been a fucking idiot my whole life, by the way. I remember he was on like a radio show like 15 years ago where he was like a complete piece of shit to them. because he was like, they made him wait for a second to come in. Remember, I think O.B. Anthony covered. Do you remember what I'm talking about?

Vaguely, vaguely. He was such a cocksucker. I can't remember enough to comment. And they were the most normie, boring show. And even they were like, you're a fucking asshole. And, like, kicked him out. Like, hey, you're Adam Sandler's bitch boy. Why are you big-time?

Yes. I think that's the craziest thing about Rob Schneier is he will try and, like, big-time people. You're the retard in 30 seconds of every Adam Sandler movie. Nobody likes you. I mean, like, he's fine in some Adam's sounder movies. Like, yeah, he's obviously like... Hip-hop, hip-hop epitomop. That's great, it's great, it's great, and then get the fuck out of the movie.

He's like, he is kind of, in a weird way, he's actually, you're an icon, Rob, Schroeder, but... He's a legend. You're a legend of the game. But you're not even here anymore. You're dead kind of. No, why is he doing stand-up? Does it make any sense? Yeah.

His wife just left him, by the way. Oh, really? Why? Who was his wife? What, Laura Loomer? Who was his wife? Yeah, he was dating it. He was dating it.

He's doing the jigsaw puppet. Have you seen Laura Lumer drunk talking about, she's like, you want to get with these big Jewish tities? She's like, I have big Jewish tities. And she's drunk trying to fuck this guy. In public. Like a seat, no, like, someone's filming at, like, some event way back in the day. And she's, she's like, I have a boyfriend, but like you can get with these big Jewish tities and all this shit.

She's really drunk. Is she Jewish? Are you kidding me? She also doesn't have big tities. I don't know. I thought she made herself that ugly. Yeah. She got Jewish.

She got juice surgery. Yeah. Pointing at a Martian, being like, what's this guy, an alien or something? Make me him. Make me him. Can you make me look like two-can Sam? That would be great. I don't even know if I could find.

I mean, should we watch the Rob Schneider bombing? We should keep watching it. Or do you want to watch Laura Lumer drunk trying to get fucked. Well, we have time for everything. I love watching a drunk woman trying to get fucked. Maybe let's do the Rob Schneider. A woman's drunk and she's like, you can rape me. Please do it.

And the guy has it through it. Let me tell you this. She's the only woman that should be raped. I agree. I think her punishment should be being raped. By people who are bored that they're raping her. People are like, all right. I guess I'll, yeah.

I think her rapist shouldn't even be able to get hard and really insult her. But he keeps holding her down. Yeah. He's holding her down. He's like, your pussy stinks. I can barely. And you're such a vile piece of shit. The guy that her rapist calls her a vile.

piece of shit. You disgust me. Now, shut up, or I'll stab you in the throat. You disgusting, bitch. You disgusting immoral piece of shit. Now, if you excuse me, I'm trying to rape you in a stairwell. You make me sick. I will fucking cut your jugular so quick, you stupid bitch. Shut up. I'm trying to, let me. Why do you blow me so I can get hard? Yeah. You are reprehensible. If you tell anybody I raped you, I will kill your whole family. I'll kill your whole fucking family. Okay, how about this? I'm at 30% of you. I'm at 30%. It's hard right now. Your pussy stinks.

At CPAC. CPAC is starting unwoke versions of old films. Like, you know, they're doing with the... Like they unwhokify old films? Yeah, they're trying to make birth of a nation unwoke. Exactly. Are they taking home alone and, like,

they're making Joe Pesci black in it or something? What are they doing? You got to unwoke, because this is where woke means the wall. And these are the last internet. Rob Schneider, you know, Laura, she's going to say immediate. how about this? Fifty first date rapes.

Okay. Where Laura Lumer wakes up on a boat and she puts a tape in it says, Hi, I raped you last night. That's going to happen again and for the rest of your life. And she turns around and looks in the looking down at her as Rob Schneider on the boat. And he closes the door. And the room goes dark. Come outside and say hello to your aborted rape feats.

God damn. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, everybody. Sorry. Sorry. No, I knew. It's so funny to act like he just like went over the line

after what we just did, though. No, no, no, it was rude of me. It was rude. There's nowhere to take the bed at all. It's very rude to me. It's so funny. Our clips guy is going to be like, should I?

What about that 20 minutes? They're born a few things. What about that? Yeah, her family, the whole, they always have to recreate the day she was raped and lost her memory. Anyway, she's roofied. No, she doesn't have a memory problem.

She's just roofied. As soon as she wakes up, she gets roofied again. Right. She's on a permanent roofie. Right. And Laura Lumer might kind of enjoy it. Of course she would. She's a demon.

From hell. She makes a little waffle house, you know, the shape of a Jewish temple. You know. in the shape of the oxymosh. She puts a big butter on it, pour syrup. Rob Schneider walks in and goes, hike, is anybody sitting here?

And she goes, no, no. And he goes, oh, look at that over there. And she turns and he puts a little fizzy thing in her lemonade. Little plop, pop, fizz, fizz. A little plop, plop, fizz. You go, no, it's an airborne. Don't worry.

It's for your immunity. It's vitamin C. It's good. You got a cold? Are you sick? Are you flying? You're flying. We all have COVID.

You want to up your immunity before you fly. Here's the thing. I think you can make the movie. sweet because still the fat Hawaiian guys behind the bar are looking like around the corner and they go miho or whatever yeah they go they go meo they always say some Spanish shit no they go like brother yeah yeah

where they're like shaking their head watching Rob Schneider date rate Laura Lumer there's no old Hawaiian woman she's like if you dare rape her one more time bra I swear they want him to get married yeah they're like you got to put a ring on it if you want to rape her bra it's the Hawaiian way

gigantic is really Kamakawuki guy. He's like, you put a ring on that finger, you rape every net, bro. It's the unwoke version of 50 first names. We make the unwoke version of every movie. Anyway, here's Rob Steyer. It's Space Jam starring Larry Bird.

We unwokeify it. Yeah, I really didn't know much about Laura Lumer. I just know she was like an ugly, like horrific human being. And then like lately I've really, she's been popping up and I'm like, oh, you are like, Like, you are one of the worst people I've ever seen. Be alive.

Yeah, she's a real, yeah. What an absolute vile human being. A racist teradal. Yeah. Favorite, um, fuck. I'm going to kill myself. My favorite thing, my favorite comedy now is Instagram. Go to fucking kill myself.

Mexican guys crying. Have you seen that? It's pretty funny. Jesus. Please. He's even bombing for that. President Trump, don't take my mother-in-law back to Mexico. Jesus.

She's not here legally, please. Her name is Maria Reos Gonzalez. She lives at 311 Nelson Avenue. This is one of the problems with Mexican people being so cool. She's 4-11-200-mexican people are like way too cool, actually, where it's like, he should be. He should be, yeah. They should have a little more of like a revolutionary attitude and something should be. You should be curbsed off the little.

I think he should be pushed around. I think some chola. You know, every comedian, every comedy thing like us, we always talk about how Mexicans are, like, the greatest fan base, because they are. They are. They're the most, they're the best audience. They don't, they never take anything too seriously. They don't, but sometimes they should. They should.

And I think sometimes, maybe, maybe Mr. Schneider should, uh, they should maybe, you know, turn him into an animal. Yeah. There should be some blood on those high white socks, is what I'm saying. This is sick. He's a piece. He's an idiot. Well, let's see. Maybe he, maybe he, like, inverts it.

and then he's actually making fun of himself. Sure. Maybe he's going to do a misdirection thing where he says he's the horrible guy. Not even it's sick. He's just, he's just hacking and horrible. He doesn't even want to be. At least he looks cool.

He's like upset to be there, but this is his base. He's like upset by his own, he hasn't, that he hasn't died yet. Yeah, like what? Like, no, no, that's great. It looks good. It's great.

Sometimes I close my eyes when I'm driving. He reminds me of, yeah, it's like if, like, if Sonny Bono didn't die, and just like walked into a place and started doing stand-up after the head injury or something. He's like Liam Neeson's wife. But like if she didn't die, just like wandered in, like put on a suit and wandered into a comedy club. Yeah, he's like Liam Neeson and Liam Neeson's wife. The racism combined with the brain trauma.

And the peeing himself. I'm sure he's pissing himself. I'm sure. If you pan out, he's completely, his pants are full of piss and coming shit. That's how I did all three to defeat woke. He calls pants the porta potty. Because I got to go buy another porta potty. He buys a new pair of pants every day.

I need to go to Jay Cree to get a new ad house. To defeat, to defeat Woke. Hold on, let me go buy. I got to go buy an outhouse at J.Crew. Yeah, my kids won't look me in the eye anymore. I'm going to fucking do it. It's rocks. $193 pounds.

She's there right now. I'll help you pack her shit. Very good. So anyway, I will say, I do not believe that Somalia is sending us their best. Fuck them up, Rob. We're not getting the engineers. He looks like he's trying to be a part of the rat pack, but Hitler named them the rat pack. Just five Jewish guys in a cage.

The rat pack. Yeah, they go, hey, chicky mama. Just play a cool boy. Stop! Chicky baby. Chicky baby. The doctors, the lawyers, if they have any in Somalia, we're not getting any. He seems to be getting the not very good ones.

He's loving his prayer, but he's hoping God kills him. Nick Shirley is his ghostwriter. Who wants their babysat by Somalian people? I mean, didn't anybody see Captain Phillips with Tom Hanks? They're pirates. He's doing the pie. I did this on Man Shane. This is good stuff.

You're a hack. This rocks. He stole from you. I did that on Matt and Shane. He's like they're pirates. He's ripping your shit. I'm like, you don't want guys with pig legs

taking care of your kids or whatever. You should sue Rob Snyder. What if we, what if he starts being like, very good? We realize he's like a huge fan. We like, we all kill ourselves on the show. This is awesome.

He goes, Jeff Dye sucks. Obviously, I was doing it as an anti-comedy thing on the show because I was so uncomfortable next to the other guy. It was a very weird episode. That was very bizarre. Yeah. It was a bizarre episode. You got the short end there. I got put behind that podium.

I was like, okay, well. You were the face of the show and you got the short end of the stick. And when I went, it was just I got to just do it. But so it goes. Hey, that's life, pal. That's life. That's right. That's right.

comedy's a lot of not saying all most not saying all but that just goes to show you no I was doing the thing where I was like I thought it was the obvious comedic thing of like their pie I was pretending to be so dumb they're pirates with like peg legs when you said it he's saying they're actual no yeah yeah you were being you were funny you're being no the purpose of his no he's doing he's not even going far enough to be like their captain jack sparrow no no no his bit that's what was his angle no his bit is literally like you want to trust a black people to do things. That's literally, yeah, essentially.

He's like, they're black. Somalians. Yeah, they're Somalian. I thought he was clearly, he's, he walked right up to the shitty joke to do that's like a stupid joke. Yeah. He walked right up to it, and then he still didn't even take it. He's so, he doesn't see the stupid joke. He's so visibly, like, like, he's acting like, like, the colonel is, like, forcing him to do this. Like, he's Elvis, and the colonel's like, get out there and be

racist for CPAC. Dance. Dance. Dance. Stats, you piece of shit. He doesn't even want to be doing this, yet he is. It's very, very interesting. It's so crazy. I thought he was obviously doing a pirate joke.

He didn't do a pirate joke. No, no, no. And they put his name on the... He doesn't even see the lowest hanging fruit possible. No, no, no. The bullshit titty baby. He sees the lowest hanging fruit and then he reaches for it, misses, grabs dirt, and then puts it in his mouth and eats it. With a bunch of worms and rocks.

I mean, he's eating dirt below the fruit. How are you turning racism into not into being sad? You know what I mean? Yeah. Instead of being silly with it. He's like doing black people stink jokes. He's like, he's like, he's not allowed to be tired while being racist. Yeah.

You're not allowed to be like, fucking sound. They're fucking lower than us. Yeah. You're like, uh, they shouldn't be able to. They're not even people. They're not even people or, fuck, um. Fucking black people. Sorry, I'm a little nervous when I get racist.

I'm nervous. Yeah. Um, these rocks. Because somebody get me a coffee and, I love how his name is on the stage so he can turn around and remember he's alive and who he is.

That's his epitaph. It should say here lies above it in neon. Here stands, Rob Schneider. Forever and ever. He goes, am I in hell? Did I die?

He's no funny. He sees Laurelumer. He goes, are you the devil? Did I die? I love when the camera has the side angle and you see like actually what the place looks like.

Keep you playing, Ben. Okay. It's really interesting. It's a terrible country that we live in. That people can come over here. They don't even have to be legal. From Somalia, they can just come over here, marry their brother, and then open up a leering center. Wait, hold on.

I'm going to pause that real quick and be literal for a second. I don't think you legally can marry your brother in the United States. It's just he's making some fucking, like, it's like some based on like some ill-hont. Omar thing. Well, it's illegal to marry your mother or your father. I know that. Can you marry your sister? No, you can. It's illegal, right? It's illegal. Yeah. But also, I think that that's all based in

like that thing that's been said about Ilhan Omar, about her marrying her brother or whatever. Yeah. You, I mean, maybe it's true. I don't know what that means. Ben, you've also, you've literally in this 15 seconds put more thought into his whole act than he has. Does he think they go to a courthouse and marry their own brothers? I don't think he... And sisters.

I don't think he cares, man. He's walking up to fish in a barrel and the fish are kicking his ass. Look, man, the Somalia the fish are pulling him into the barrel and he's drowning. The Somali fraud thing was proven like years before anyway, and they had already got them. Before the Nick Shirley thing even happened was some of the fraud going on

and shit. That's why I talked to McCusker about it. He's like, yeah, it was already like exposed. They weren't doing anything. Like Nick Shirley wasn't doing anything like groundbreaking or anything. That's what Matt told me about it because he looked into it. I don't know about the Nick Shirley stuff. I'm sure when he goes and does this stuff in California,

in a certain place. Yes, obviously there is like there is bullshit going on. Everywhere. Of course. So I'm sure by just by default, he's found some fraud. But the kid is like, isn't it? No, he's retarded. I told you on the show. I was just at the UPS he was at in San Diego

where he's like, there's millions of hundreds of people have their address here. And it's like there's a huge apartment building right above the UPS. That's why their address is there. I mean, he doesn't know the word benevolent like man's. He's retarded. He thinks it's a black person who did something. He's like, who is she?

Is she on welfare? Ari Spears opener, benevolent? Benevolent? Fuck her. Black piece of shit. And then both of his eyes fought of his head like a pug. It is, Nick Shirley is,

he's so retarded, they have to simulate his asshole, like a pug. It does feel like the banjo kid from deliverance, like has a YouTube channel. That's funny. That's funny, Devin. But, yeah, the thing about Nick Shirley is that just by, just by default, he will stumble upon some real stuff. Yeah, of course.

It was already real, though. He didn't do any journalism. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. That's what it's like he went to New York and he's like, apparently the mob is stealing stuff and reselling it at a cheaper price. It's like, yeah, we all, that's been a thing since 1954. What are you talking about? Yeah.

Yeah. But what I'm saying is Rob has actual ammo on him. He's not even using it. No. He goes, ah, they all marry their brothers and stuff. He's got nothing. It's just, that's genuinely, that has to be based in his, just the one-track mind of like he's There's Ilhan Omar jokes about that for years on end.

I'm going to enlist. In what? I saw Rob encouraging young men to enlist. To enlist. And he thought there should be a mandatory draft. He wanted President Trump to bring back a mandatory draft. Well, he thinks it's like the NBA draft. It's only black people.

He's like, get him out of here. This is literally, he's so not into this. This feels like our dad was going into surgery, what he would say to the anesthesiologist person. Right before he collapsed. You know Now it's incredible How rich is this country Where Somalians can be stealing

Billions of dollars from us And we don't even notice How incredible is that? Can you imagine Oh my God So I think that's Brace From True and I He took a screenshot

He took a picture here And posted on his Instagram And said the worst bomb I've ever seen And I was like man I would love to see that I didn't know there's footage Dude, this is like literally where they sell cattle, like at the stockyards on the weekend. Holy shit, man. There's 40 people there.

It looks like they're waiting for him to pour feet on the floor. Like they're waiting for him to grab a big bag full of, like, corn and pour it on the ground. And goes, sweet. Can I say, too, he's whiff and T balls? Yeah. Like, it's like, dude, you can be racist here. You can talk about some, you can do anything. Talk about the Indians 18-1-11.

You can do anything. Just softballs, man. He's trying to steal candy from the baby, and the baby raped him. The baby bent him over and raped the fuck out of him. And then shoved the lollip up his ass and, like, crawled the way. That's the perfect metaphor. I know. He's getting his ass beat by me.

He's like, I'll be taking that. He goes, I'll be taking that. He goes, whoa, oh, wow. The baby shimmies around him. Yeah, does like, pulls his pants down. And just beats his cheeks. And then they arrest Rob Schneider for being a pet of a while. I wish I you fuck that baby.

He's like, no, the baby fucked me. They're like, sir, please. Sir, we all saw it. Sir, please. You were good in Big Daddy. But even you, sir. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, they have sex with their brother.

Yeah, they eat. Yeah. I hope nobody has a watermelon here because the black guy might eat it because that's what they eat. Okay, this is actually very funny now. Yeah, yeah. See, I have too much joy in my heart. I can't, even me. I can't extinguish it enough to.

Yeah Just be like This is actually a great character Yeah yeah Just what if I'm depressed Racist comedian Yeah I don't know Depressed Josh Denny

So what if there was a fucking Black guy And I called him the N-word Because He should have a big Hold drill in his head Because he's Three-fifths of a person

I don't get the shit I don't get the fuck Yeah they have like that extra muscle Or whatever I don't know I don't know I'm just spitballing I'm just I don't

Somebody just do it man Somebody just fucking do it Please. You got your fuel. Fuelling up. Oh, we have to watch, we got to watch the Marky Minnery.

Okay. On Patreon. And, oh, then you want to watch Laura Lumer try to fuck that guy when she's really drunk? Yeah, we should watch that on the, we should watch that the Patreon. Can I just watch, can we see what his closer is

and then finish it up? Absolutely. Yes. Good idea. I want to see what his big, like, sendoff is. I want to see if he honestly ends by saying, like you can do it.

I think he does at one point. He starts, like, bombing and he just starts saying, like, like slogans, like catchphrases. There we go. Are we going to do that or are we going to do that after? I'll go back. Oh, it cuts. It cuts.

Yeah. Oh, they edited. Yeah, he probably went on a big tangent. Where he's like, you know, Adam's Samu was a fucking Jew. Thing up here. Oh, yeah. What else I got? Oh, he's looking through notes.

He's gone through notes. Oh, man, this is time. All right. What's it in show? No, no, no, no. I can do it. You can do it. Thank you.

Well, are we going to have... He did it. Are we going to have... Is Andrew Doyle here? And we're going to have a little talk. We're going to ask some questions for people, have a little discussion. Do you guys want to do that now? Is Andrew here?

Is anyone there alive? Are we going to do that after? No, man. It's all grift, you know. We'll do it after. So what's going to happen now? Oh, you got music next. Oh, Jesus Christ.

You can do it. I already did it. You did it. Anyway, so let me see if I have something that I wanted to tell you. That was important. Oh, I'm going to come back up here with a couple of guys, and we'll go over some of the stuff that's happening in the country, and what's what we need to work on is a next.

So who's going to come up and do some? Jesus. Who is it? man this is an open moment who am i introduced it next dude's worse it's john mellis he didn't reach the idea of comedy and he ejected from it being a comedic space and now he's just trying to act like he's running some sort of event yeah yeah he's like i'm i was just your mc for today we're gonna do something yeah bombing your ass off at cpac and then going like what are we doing and then nobody nobody knows nobody has any idea is cpac a rolling is it a rolling lotto or is it a

You had to buy a drink. Hey, can you throw my name in a seat pack? Is it a bucket bowl? All right, guys, if you're going to go up, make sure to buy something. Make sure to buy a drink. People here work hard. Make sure to buy a drink. Support the establishment.

Support the establishment. They don't have to do an open mic here. Yeah, a guy goes up next and runs his roast battle set from 2016. All right, this next guy, I'm doing roast battles with Laura Lumer. if you don't know her, she's an ugly cunt. Jewish knows. She's got to

Israel. Jewish knows and everybody raped her. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna fucking do it. I'm gonna fucking do my shirt, man. Wow. Him flipping to the notes was awesome.

Yeah. And what's great is he flipped through a couple pages and nothing caught his eye. No, no, no. He flipped through pages and it was a stick man dancing. He's just flipping through his will. Yeah. Yeah.

He goes, what? He was reminding himself what his wife took. He's like, what? Who gets my house? And give it up for... All right. Up next is Steve Bannon's Piss Pants, everybody. I always think about when me and Jason were playing PlayStation with Mike Sernovich.

Who's blocked me now, Bernie LFAC? But we were playing hot shots golf. With Mike Sernovich. With Mike Sernovich, which is so funny. Who just walked into our house randomly. Yeah. And we were playing PlayStation and we were waiting on to do a podcast. I was producing a podcast in the basement.

Yeah, a podcast. And he goes, I remember he looked at me and he goes, he goes, yay, he goes, like, sponsors don't want to, like, do my podcast because they say I'm like, like, a racist, like pizza gay guy who, like hates black people and stuff. and he goes, when I go out, like, people yell at me that I'm a fag in front of my wife and kids, and I suck ass and I should, like, kill myself. And he looked at me and he goes, don't get into politics. It ruined my life. And then they hit record. And he was just, like, trans people in bathrooms, abortion.

Like, they just went through all the greatest hits of conservative stuff. These guys are like coal miners. You can see the deadness in his eyes. And he does to do it all day. Yeah. All those guys, they have to do it all day. to log in for 60 hours a day, they have to keep those checks coming in, just whatever the... I know, he was just like, he's like, it's ruined my life, my kids, my kids go to school

and their friends tell them I'm a horrible person and a dad. And then we're just like, oh, we're playing, we're the Asian girl. And we're putting for birdies right now. And he just had nothing going on. Nothing going on. Living in Eagle Rock at the time, and we were just like, yeah, we play a PlayStation. It rocks. I'm like, I work at a dog food store.

I drive Uber. I do this. I don't know, ma'am. I turn to him, I go, I help fine stars make money. I go, you should kill yourself. I go, no, if you, excuse me, I have an eagle pipe. In the golf, in the fifth most popular golf video game in Japan. Yeah. You could just play a PlayStation and, like, you know, have a good time, but instead, you know,

you had to insert yourself into some... Yeah. Yeah, him acts... Satanic political machine. I think like he made some grand Faustian deal that was now coming to fruition. It's like, okay, like, you just stop doing that. Why'd you do it? Fucking piece of shit.

Go get a job at a steel meal. If you care about working hard in the guerrilla mindset, Mike. Yeah, they got on that. Mike Serna bitch. They get on that satanic treadmill. Fucky. What is he big for? Why is he?

He was hard on the basement comment ping pong pizza gate shit. Which a lot of it turned out to be true, but he immediately became like a kind of a figure for the all right shit he was but his thing was he was a guerrilla mindset guy he was like kind of one of the first people to be doing that Peterson andrew tate type he almost did it too early actually credit to him doesn't he have a lisp though i remember i remember i i fucking blocked his face his face made me sad i mean now he's just gunther eagleman or like the golden trucker gunther eagleman that guy the raped mima on twitter at the rape me ma ma is saving this country the patriotic blonde yep i saw the patriotic blonde she had a big tweet

about how like that's a real person yeah yeah she's a big account now on on x where she was like guys let's be honest we were tricked by trump we were totally fooled and they're doing the thing where it's like a reddit paragraph thing that jd fucking fat faggot vance does all the time on x when he's like reddit posting and shit and it fucking pisses me off fucking reddit faggot fuck i hate that fucking fat gamer faggot yeah fuck i hate him yeah um jd vance does that but the patriotic blonde He was a palantir. I hate JD-Vantz so much. Jewish demon Vance.

Hate him so much. Holy fuck. The worst thing to ever happen to this country is J.D. Vance. When they blow up a school in Iran and J.D. Vance goes, actually, yeah, you want to cut his head out with a big sword. Lying fat, fat. Yeah.

And he's fat, too, and your wife's Indian. Which is fine, actually. I like in the end of people. Yeah, nothing wrong with that, actually. Yeah, but it could be. It could be a point you can make, I guess, maybe. Because you could say he's a loser white. How do they fuck?

Does he just go like, oh, you're such a Jeep. You kill yourself, bitch. Like, how does that work? Yeah, they do race play, but he's in a KKK robe. Hanger from a tree. That's their race play that they do. Fake Catholic faggot. He's been on record saying anybody who disagrees with the Vatican and the Pope and everything.

They're the ultimate authority. Trump's tweeting at the Pope that he's a fag and should like kill himself. Yeah, J.D. Vance is nothing to say. There's nothing to say. Hope he fires your fat fucking ass, you fat fag. Can you fire the vice president? I don't know. That would be very funny.

That would be kick ass, though. If he becomes the first fired vice president. I have heard Trump has no respect for him now and it refuses to be like in the same room. Did you see when like Trump, uh, J.D. Vance was like, should we call the president? Let's call the president. He calls him. It goes straight to voice mail. He's like, he's like blocked. Yeah. He called him at the rally. He goes, this user does not have a valid area code

and he goes I think they just changed they change his phone a lot guys he's the president okay anyway anybody want to piss on me come on me I'm a piss pig Peter Thiel pisses and comes on me all night every night faggot but the

I hate him so much I know he drives fucking building the walls of the government cubes we're all going to be stuck inside of He drives me up a fucking wall. I hate his Reddit. I'm actually shit. I know. His fucking I'm not fat.

You're fat. You're fat. You need to acknowledge that you're fat. You're fat, fag. I'm fat. Dip shit. And you're fatter than me, fagget. That's right.

That's right. Cawksa. Fake Catholic faggot. I'm a Marine. I'm a Catholic. I'm a hillbelly. I'm a college educated man. I'm a VC guy.

I'm a senator. I'm everything, actually. Oh, are you? I didn't know you could be everything. And fuck his fucking master. mascara eyes. You're faggot. Fucking faggot.

That's the only thing you are is a faggot. It looks like he's in panic at the buffet. Very good, Devin. There we go. Yes. Panic at the Crisco. Hey. There we go.

Panic at the Costco. Because they're all out of chicken bag. Okay. I don't write tragedies. I eat them. That's good. I forgot they were song. That's good.

Yeah, that's a deep point. I forgot the that song. Haven't you heard of ever refilling the goddamn tray? I chimed in with the haven't you ever heard of. Refilling the goddamn tray. Putting some bacon and eggs in. I'm in a breakfast buffet. He's talking to his wife.

I walk in with a haven't you people ever heard of toilets? shitting inside a toilet. It's so easy to do these kinds of things. When you're a fat white fagg, fat white faggits. I don't know a single other one of their songs. That's the only song. Haven't you people ever heard of it? I'm a gamer.

I'm a Marine. I'm a Catholic. I'm an anti-Trump guy. I'm a never-Trumper guy. Actually, I love Trump. I'm kind of a meamer. And also I'm the Antichrist Piss-P. for Peter Thiel.

I hate him so much. The fact that everybody falls for his fucking shit. I know. I know. It drives me nuts. But the patriotic blood, I saw this post. It was so funny. She's just like one of these.

You know, the avie is like, it's been so Photoshopped. It doesn't even look human anymore. It looks like a wee avatar. It looks like those pictures where they're like, this is what John Mnay Ramsey would look like now. Trying to find her. That's her actual human head. Yeah.

Yeah. And she will be retweeted by a guy named, like, the disrespected trucker. Yeah. Which is a real guy, and I'm like, who's this guy? And he has, like, 8 million followers. Yeah. He's like, my pronouns are rape victim. You're like, what?

My pronouns are Tiki Torch. Tiki torch. Thank you. What? I'm in the cake, cake. And I love going to those guys' profiles because they're always retweeted by Juanita Broderick, who's just, but who is she, again? Like, click on her. I'm like, oh, yeah.

She was raped. by Bill Clinton. But she's like a big Republican now because of that. She goes, I was raped by by Bill Clinton. And here's why that's a good thing. Her name's Juanita Broderick.

She hates Spicks. She's a Mexican woman who was raped for like on a dock in like Arkansas somewhere. She's like, if I haven't fucking deported, I wouldn't have been

raped. Fuck me. I fucking suck ass fucking disgusting I walked into that rape like a dib shit yeah my back was wet from come

which I deserved the patronic blonde lady goes she goes guys we were tricked like Macca blah blah blah like Trump lied to us like he said he was the peace candidate like all this shit right

and she goes guys let's be honest the chickens have come home to roots to roots to roots yeah there are people even are replying being like the chicken chickens have in fact come home to roots. I'm like, you guys don't even know what the expression is.

They go, we cannot read. The chickens are pecking the backs of black people chained to a ship. They're coming home to roots. They're coming home to roots. These Alex Haley chickens are coming home to roots. Your name's Toby, not crispy chicken. These people are like the pillars. of the movement and they're illiterate.

They can't read, they can't write. All of them are hooked up to machines. Like that sounds like Darth Vader. Let's get this road on the show. They're literally that dumb. They're like, yeah. They're the dumbest people to act. I mean, look at Rob Schneider.

Yeah. It's so funny. I mean, yeah, that was. His wife left him and he's lecturing like stuff about like family values. I know. He looks like his body just grew his own head right now. Like in men and blood. black when he gets his head shut off.

Tony Shalooop stop. Ruined his life. His life is ruined. Completely ruined his life. It's a waste. The millions of dollars he has, the fame, it's all the waste now. His wife took it all. Kids probably don't talk to him.

They're not making what about Robb season four anymore. He can't rest on the laurels of like, you know, like Norm at the end was just in a little apartment in Santa Monica and probably didn't have that much money to his name, but he could sit back every day and go like, no, I'm proud of my body of work. I know what I did was good. I did what I wanted to do. I didn't take answers. You know, I didn't take a fucking...

Norm was also like, well, I have a trade. I can always tour if I need money. Like, what is Rob going to do? I was like, I can't... I can't do any of that. Everybody hates me. Yeah, Norm's like, I could write a book. I can do this.

I can do that. Rob can't do anything. No, Rob's like literally at the point that he calls his agent. His agent's like, so you could... Here's what you could tie a big rock to your neck and jump off a bridge. You could put a big noose around the top of your house. You could. Yeah, his agents.

I could call the cops and tell them you have a gun, and then you pull out a toy gun in front of them. There's a lot of deals in the work, Rob. Suicide by cop. Rob, there's some options. Listen, we'll send you some videos. We'll send you some police body camp footage. They call it game tape.

They go, we'll send you some game tape. There's many creative ways to get the cops to kill you in this country. They can do it painlessly. We should, I guess we should go to the page. Let me go pee real quick. No. No wrong. Are we done?

Are you playing like, are you playing the music now? Yeah. Is it like down now? I love it. My chain. My chain. I love it. Good stuff.

Everybody's seeing Bill Maher's face right now. I listen to our show sometimes and I separate myself from being on it. And I go, if I wasn't on this show and I listen to it, I'd be grateful because we're completely insane. Yeah, we've ruined every future avenue. Thank you all for listening because this is no. Sometimes I'm completely separated from it and I'm just listening throughout the week and I'm like, I can't believe this is wild.

Some people argue that we're not good comedians or whatever because we burn too many bridges. I've seen that, which is kind of hilarious. They go, they're not that funny, they burn too many bridges. They're like, the gesture just made fun of the king. I like when comics are respectful. Nothing more funny than being respectful, you know? Respect. Respect.

If they were good comics, why don't the deep state fuck with them? If they were good comics, they'd be playing at Langley right now. I would also like to get a beer. Me too. If that's going to take a piss. Yeah, could you bring me one? Thank you. Bye.

Bye. Sorry for getting mad about J.D. Vats, everybody. Bye, everybody. Goodbye. Did that knock up? I think I'm off camp right now. Okay, so let's go into the markumentary now, Jay's. We're just going to keep this rolling up.

Is that okay with you? My chine. My chine. Don't you like my chine, mine. Y'all goochie mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci.

My chine. My chine. Don't you like my chine, mine. Y'n't you like my chute in mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my check a bit so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. you call me Gucci Gucci. I came to the club

just to fuck my chain line catching another charge and I'm going to the chain game. Oh, I think I'm icing. Sold a hundred dial, e-balloning sex and white screen. Don't you see how bright it is? City girls and country girls

be telling me how tight it is. Time is be so sparkly they think my chain was moving. My chain is out the chain. Stack to me some money and bunches off and ball the chain. In Gucci, I don't gain, bang, all I do is chines. My chink, my chink, don't you like my chine, mine.

Y'all goochie mine, and I'm popping off the chint, mine. And my check a bit so fruited, call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chine, my chine, don't you like my chine, mind? Y'all, Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chine, mine. And my take a bit of fruited, call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. Gucci, you be shining, man, don't turn me on home. Tell me who you, my girlfriend acting different just because I got this chain. Dollar stones holl and you later on.

My chain hang to my shoe strike. Like my watching wine, but I know you love my chain. My chain hanged to my dingling, so I bought a stupid chain. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain, mine? Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain, man. And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci

My chain Don't you like my chine mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chine mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My first chain I had to rob for it

Jesus peace yellow diamond sitting all in it I'm on some slick brick shit 2006 Mr T Diamond's so bright Ain't a way you can Can't see the G. Look, I don't dance. I just lean with it. My piece is sick. Gary Robert trying to leave with it. I got that New York fitted on.

Full suit, Dickie on. Gucci link chain, blue stones in a nigger charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he craned on that bezel and that band. Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Got no wife, but my chain got my girlfriend.

Don't you like my chine mind? and I'm popping off the chain And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain Don't you like my chine mind Y'all goochie mine

And I'm popping off the chine mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci