lemonparty - 183: Indian buster keaton

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

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Whoa, look, living party. Life, come to the creek in the cave. We're going to sell it out Tuesday in Austin. Houston is already sold out Friday, but Living Party is coming to Texas this week. Tell everybody you know, send it to people you know in Texas and say, you would love the show. They might have a big special guest. They don't know yet, but Livingporty. Dot Life, folks, me, Jason, Devin are getting on a plane, and we are going to be there very soon.

God bless you all. Testing, one, two, check. Check one two. Check one, two. We were talking shit about a close friend of ours. A dear close friend. Not me, though. I was defending them saying I love them.

Yeah, you were a great guy. Me and Davenord being pieces of shit about it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't do that. You keep refreshing. I'm a no negativity guy. Yeah, you're no negativity. You keep refreshing the page, and it's just the N-word and Adolf Hitler over and over again.

Yeah, but at the top there, there's a black lady shaking her big fat, red bone-ass fat, fat, yellow ass all over the damn shit. Quote tweeting somebody else calling her the N-word saying shoot her out of a cannon. I saw someone shared merch that they made and it said, I love Hitler and it said in parentheses, yes, the one you're thinking of. And then on the back of the shirt it was a giant swastika and it said, this is not a Buddhist symbol. And it pointed at the swastika. That was for the IDF.

Yeah. It's very funny, the president almost died while talking to a guy named Oz the Mentalist, who's a who's a massage. agent. I think he's a Jewish magician, right? He's an Israeli magician. And there's a theory I kind of like where apparently there's a clip that he went on Rogan and he read Rogan's pen number to him. Yeah, I saw that. And a lot of people are saying that was Israel being like, we can bury you. We know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's just funny to imagine, you know, like President Trump's. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's just funny to imagine, you know, like President Trump's. The President's like last thought, like, like, I remember that. Like, I don't know. Like I was an Israeli guy. Yeah, he's an Israeli-in-born. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's just funny to imagine, like, like, moments could have been just being like, is this your card? And then, you know, head is gone. Right. But that guy was a shitty fucking assassin.

He didn't even, I don't really think he got into the place. No, he tried to sprint in there like he was playing laser tag. Yeah. And they just like, just knocked him down. Yeah, no, it didn't seem like anything even happened. I saw a video of like Dana White, like, being really excited about it. Everyone was just having like a great time. They're like, this is really interesting and crazy.

He loves it. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a... He just, he loves it. He can't get enough. of it, that guy. But that's Dana White for you. You know, you went up to Dana Point.

Speaking of Dana's. I did. I was at a wine festival with my family. My, uh, my mom's boyfriend, uh, at the end of the night, we went to a restaurant, and I looked at his pants, and he had pissed himself. Like Liam Neese, he literally had the Liam Neeson pants. Did you confront him? Did he now? No, we all kind of laughed, and then no one said anything. He's a sweet man

I love him dearly But he was still cogent the entire time A little bit I mean he was eating his fish tacos Kind of like David Haslehav Eating the Wendy's burger in that famous video Of him on the floor Eating the taco sideways

He was just finished But yeah that was it But yeah we went to this fucking You know wine festival And he's amazingly incredibly generous And he bought tickets for everybody And you get to just eat endless amounts of food And just drink beer and wine and stuff

And you have to stand around A bunch of white ladies dressed like Doc Holiday. But it was nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's got a rule to be a rich old guy and piss yourself in public and nobody says anything. We didn't want to say anything.

We kept trying to be like, maybe. You know, he wiped his hands on his paper. But it was just a perfect pool right near him. Like went down both pants legs. Just one. Hit the seam. But there was a little spot. And then my other uncle just couldn't stop laughing.

And he had no clue what he was laughing at. That rules. Those pictures in these centers are some of my favorite things of all the time. They're incredible. Apparently it happens all the time. Apparently, it's just not, that's why I was like, oh, I guess it's not that crazy. It's not that big of a deal. Oh, geez.

I'm just trying to show them my pants. See, these pants, I could piss in these bad boys all day. That's why I got these at Target. Yeah, it wouldn't even hit that. You can have a toilet in there. Your pants look insane. Yeah, those look like African warlord pants. Good Lord, Ben.

Ben, come on. I'm sorry. Come on, man. Come on, man. Let me get this out of the way. I'd be serious. here. It is funny

to act like it's like it's a symptom of the studio when it's like you just don't clean up. It's just how the studio is. It's just how the studio, man. I'm like, dude, this studio,

this studio sucks. You're like, do we got to get out of here. It's like, why? Because I just don't know how to put glass in a recycle. I just, I keep breaking glass bottles everywhere.

It sucks. The bat is on the floor. It kind of sounds like we're in the bottom of like a room in the perfect store. and there's just like the waves are just in a sinking kitchen yeah it sounds like when i've been at my lowest and i'm making a like a sharp left turn and i hear all these bottles in the back seat just crash against each other roll and then one explodes yeah god i'm a loser just gonna uh oh i probably

kill myself but here's the thing devon you got to get excited jace two because we're going to austin texas we're going to austin texas it's going to be fun oh of course Big guest. Devin secured a big guest for us. Possibly. Who knows? We might get big time. It might be nobody.

No one. It might be, you know, the big guest might. Well, not big time, but it's not a big time thing. No, not a big time thing. This person's very busy. We don't know. This person's very busy. I did text, I did text joke world.

He will be in the audience. And the guest is the Flugerville shooter. We've got the bat. I'm lost. Who's the Flugerville shooter? The man, the two-month-old. months ago with the property of Allah shirt on. Mr. Akbar.

Mr. Akbar. Yeah, we're bailing him out. He walked in, he said, al-ahoo. Alo. Alo. Eh-oh. Just like, I want to be the first match shooter with a big fruit hat with, like, the banana and the apple and the pineapple.

Like, chiquita banana. We go, ooh, woo, ooh, mommy. I'm going to shoot people for Allah. People are like, this guy's nuts. Hey, eh, eh, eh. Ayo! They're like a Muslim man dressed like Chiquita Banana. Shot up a bar.

Everybody needs to come to the creek in the cave. I think this is going to be a good time. Tuesday. It's going to be out like the day it happens, right? I'll just put it out early. Fuck it. Yeah, we'll put it out early. Put it out.

We're going to go to Austin. We're almost sold out there. Tuesday, the 28th. Tuesday, April 28th. We're going to be there. 8 p.m. A lot of bits. Huge guests.

10. 10. 10 p.m. excuse me. 8. L.A. time. 8 L. I'm still on PST.

at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, if you have nothing better to do. What are you doing? What are you up to? Come out to the show. Quit your jobs. It's going to be good, and we're going to be in Austin all week. Just seeing the sites. Well, don't tell them that.

Well, we're doing spots. Well, there's a lot of great rooms. We, there's so many rooms. There's many rooms. A couple rooms have doors on the left, the right side, some of the front, some of the back. that is the last time we were at Austin we've just you passed like a construction sign people'd be like that's actually one of the best comedy

clubs in Austin you'd be like what they'd be like that Port-a-Pottie that's an 80-seater comedy club I wrote about one on seventh that got shot up last week that I didn't even send to you guys and it's because there was another shooting yeah and the people showed up

and they thought another group of people walking out of the bar were like you know when you think you see your friend. Yeah. They had that moment, but was somebody they wanted to kill. And then they pulled that gun and started firing at these people. And I think the other people were off-duty, like cops.

And then they were turned fire at them. That they thought were their enemy, and it wasn't. Yeah. And then they all, they were all killing each other. And then they realized that there was no reason to be doing that. Because I was like, oh, I thought you were my friend, John. He fucking sucked. I'm so sorry, he's holding the gun.

So you look just like my friend Terry. You fucked my wife. Who he fucked my wife. He fucked my wife. He did. You look like it, though. You look exactly like it. man, he fucked my wife, and I was going to kill him.

Well, I'm sorry your friend is dead and two of mine are, but I guess we'll just call it even Stevens. Yeah. Oh, man, I didn't know that. Yeah, that was like two weeks ago. No, that was like right by six. We're going to the okay corral to do a live show, essentially. I actually thought about getting a bulletproof vest. Yeah.

To walk down six straight? Yeah. Yeah, why not? I mean, is that not fair at this point? I mean, God knows. I don't know. come on they don't have subways there

that you get pushed in front of so they have to spray into the crowd you wear a bulletproof vest like you're like a fucking political revolutionary not the retard man big bray you walk up and down

like six street going like peepy poopoo yeah they think you're homeless they're like stay away for that guy he's stole a cop's vest somewhere

no it's going to be a great time we're going to have a lot of fun yeah we're going to have a lot of fun out there. Then we're going to hang out for a while, then we're going to go to Houston. And then we go to Houston. Going to get some whores. That's already sold out. Yeah, but that's already sold out. Houston's... We're going to get some, you know, we're going to find some freshly trafficked women. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm going to Ross with my air tax.

And we bring them back on the plane. Oh, yeah. We cross state lines with it. Oh, yeah. I'm going to walk up to a lot of cars in the Ross parking lot in Houston. Just try to open the doors. Just to see what happens. Just to see what goes. Open it on. Let me in.

Huh? I let me in. Oh, I thought you were my Uber. What? Oh, my God. I thought my Uber driver had huge tips. You opened the door and she's like, I'm already being trafficked. The guy's inside.

He's going to the bathroom. She's like, you're late. You're late. I'm already being taken by these guys over here. Sorry, I was waiting to get raped and trafficked for like two days. No, Houston. Love Houston. It's a great city that doesn't suck ass

And we don't hate I hear there's a cool part of Houston We gotta We'll have to try to see it But this guest we're gonna get on Austin It's crazy Yeah It's gonna be nuts

Yeah It's J.D. Vance It's Concian It's Howie Mendeau Constantine kissing I got Howie Mendeau to do the show Oh really? Yeah

I texted him He's a bundle of fun I texted him He thought I was He thought I was he thought I was someone that was that I was a, what do you,

he thought I was a tenant. I would love to have the flu. That's very good. That's very good because he's Jewish. Very good. He's a Jewish game? Well, I've also heard he owns like 400 buildings in L.A. Like all of his money, he just buys huge buildings.

Oh, really? He's a landlord. And he looks like Dr. Robotnik on all his podcasts. He still has to do a podcast, even though he's just collecting millions and millions a month. Yeah. Just opening check. Residuals.

landlord like the guy just loves money loves it for so good yeah that's why that's why did deal or no deal I've always wanted to shake his hand after just wiping my ass in a bath with like noticeable shit on it yeah yeah oh yeah or just like I've always wanted to like have like a pretty bad flu and just be kind of into the vicinity of him yeah imagine you shake his hand and he pulls it back and there's like a peanut and a piece of corn on it like you really fucked his hand out

I just want to back up his germophobia I want him to know like yeah you actually I want you to be so germophobic you never come outside again. How about that? You're germophobic yet you keep being out. Not shaking anybody's hands. Why are you here tonight, Halley? I thought you're germophobic. Come on, man. There's a lot of, there's a threat here tonight. The air. The air is dangerous. You don't need to do this set. Back of the day, Jews used to be Germanphobic. Now they're

germophobic. Okay. Something there. There's something there. We literally can't. Germanphobic. Come on. That's good. Germanphobic is good. No, Adam and Dale, friend of the show. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. That's good. It's good. We get, dude. Yeah. It's like pretty good. We can't do this again.

No. Why not? We did, we did an hour and 58 minutes. Because we did, we already did our performance art on the Patreon. We did a movie worth of fuck Mark Norman on the last week's Patreon. Oh, I thought it was, well, they say imitation is the finest form of. Flattery. Yeah, except when we do it. It's a, it means you should die. It means we hate you more than we could possibly hate anything.

Actually, if we like you, we just never talk about you publicly ever at all. I would love to give you Howie Mendel. Like, if I had HIV, I would camp outside of it. They would have to arrest me every day. Oh, yeah. I'd love to have an open wound in the 80s. Oh, I just came from a bathhouse. You'd love to.

I'd take a piss on his mailbox. I'd love to do his show. with him and his daughter. Oh, you get books. Oh, yeah. Oh, you do his podcast, you show up. Big, I have a cut in my esophagus, and I keep coughing up blood.

You're a wound guy. I keep going, like, yeah, I don't know how, like bacon and eggs, that's, they are kind of weak. You know, they're good,

but like they are kind of, you know, they're dirty. Yeah. You go how you have something on your, and then you reach out to get it, and then you slide out a needle with HIV on it.

You stab him in the, in the, Bill Bursher should have just started coughing on him when he was doing that whole fucking thing. Should have. We were trying to say the court. Yeah. The dad's advice.

I don't think germophobia is a thing. I think it's just you're a huge narcissist. Yeah, it's attention seeking. Yeah. I think it's like classic NPD. No, because if you are germophobic, you're like Howard Hughes. You're like in a, you're like, it was trapped away, right? I think it's sort of a reason to constantly be thinking about yourself and the self.

You have to be thinking about everything and its relation to you and your existence. And you always get the one up of refusing a handshake without being a, a cock sucker technically. Because I've always seen that. People try to shake a thing. He's like, I'm a, I'm a germipho. I can't. I can't do that.

You know, give him like an elbow or something like that. It's a power move. It is a power move. You get to just kind of say like, no, no, no. Like, I came up with a new word for cock sucker. I'm a germopho. I have to shake hands with my elbow. You have to push your elbow at mine.

Because then don't they always say like if you actually look at the arm of anybody with like a microscope, there's millions of germs. Yeah, you're literally. They're everywhere. You, you, your weight is more bacteria than it is you. There we go. That's every living person. You actually are just being, yeah.

It's a selfish act. The germs add like 30 pounds. Yeah. If he didn't have any germs on him, he would die immediately. Right. Your body can't exist like that. I do hold microscopes up to people's arms on the bus. Mm-hmm.

Do you? That's what that's, just to see if they have germs on them. See if they have sickle cell specifically. The Indian guy smoking fintinol, I go, I go. or could you put the pipe down? I'm trying to study your arm. Is there an Indian guy on the bus? Is this a Native American or like an Indian guy?

This was a viral thing. There's an Indian on the bus with a big piece pipe smoking a fan. Yeah, exactly. What's talking about? Like an old Native American man. My people would like to offer a fentanyl. To this great home. On the great dog, we smoke fint.

You even seen that like the homeless are Indian now, which is the recession indicator, everybody's saying, is like sell everything. Yeah, we have homeless. I saw the video you're talking about them. There's a homeless guy who, uh... Now, are they just homeless for all the free shit? And I mean literal shit.

Dev, are you saying that the guys who find clams on the beach? Yeah. Are they just guys that have, they've decided that the clams on the column of the pier are oysters. They've struck gold. You know how there's fish that clean the tanks? In an aquarium. They've got the thing. The net.

They're shifting all the dirt out of the shit. They're like, oh, we fan. A gold miner, a big pan with shit. Devin, I love this. We get Indians on an H-1B Tuesday, and Francisco. They're the suckerfish in the aquarium that clean up the scum. They go through. They have dinner.

Oh, yeah. The next day, everything's great. You don't need to pretend to be a right-wing guy on Twitter anymore. Welcome to the hate. Welcome to the hate. But spelled H-A-T-E. Eat up. Eat up.

Eat your fucking heart out. Rajee. But then Newson. Welcome to the mission. They're trying to pay you. You're like, no, your money's... No, no, no. Sir, all you can eat, go for it.

Get to the tenderloin. But Newse has to give a press conference. He's like, it's actually created in balance. They've been eating shit too quickly. It's like when they were... these wolves in Yellowstone? They're like, the city is too clean? Too much. We have to kill a few.

We have to reset the ecosystem. Yeah, they're like, so we're bringing in, we're bringing in grosser Indians to shit everywhere. To keep up. It's like a give a mouse a cookie type situation. We know what's interesting. They tried to do this like biomes where they tried to make a monoculture

in the forest of just like one type of tree. Yeah. And the trees always die and they get disease because things aren't there to like feed off of it. You're building a terrarium in your garage, but it's just there's one Indian guy in there. It's like a dead wagon one Indian guy and a big glass. Jacking off on the glass. Yeah, that you put a cork on. I gave them one picture of a naked one of my wife.

He's like, thank you so much, sir. Thank you so much. If you could throw a little more shit, please, sir. Thank you. And then, yeah, once a month. Yeah, I put shit in a hamster bottle that he sucks little, like, drops of shit out. Yeah, once a month you take the, you pop the cork off. It makes a popping noise.

And then you spray liquid shid. shit down there. Yeah. And it rains all over him. And he stays alive in there for like 85 years. Yeah, you put a turd on a stick instead of a carrot on a stick. Yeah. There's a little algae in there.

They're grossed out by him. They think he stinks. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. They could be a little small business for you. Let him out to make butter chicken and stuff. Mm-hmm.

There's smoke of fit now, though. Devin hasn't seen it, I guess. I have not seen Indian guys be homeless. There was a free bus day in L.A. And someone posted a video they turned to the back of the bus. And there was just, like an Indian guy you would see working at. any sort of tech job in like 2015

and he's smoking smoking fent and the guy's like dude are you serious he's like you're you're smoking fint my friend he did say that he goes you're you're smoking

you're actually smoking fint oh he's playing the other guy yeah yeah he had his pipe and everything and he turned to the black lady bus driver he's like this matter smoking fent he's smoking and he did the head bomb he goes man I could not be smoking fint I was masturbating I'm so sick of the Indian

and was masturbating I'm so sick of these guys guys. The H-1B guys? This is so easy. It's just so annoying. I know. I actually, I recently, last weekend, my buddy, he introduced me to this young friend of his.

He's like 23 and he's just like handsome, like Indian kid, right? Yeah. I was blasted when I met him, okay? I was walking back from the bar. I just watched the Lakers and the Dodgers. I was walking down sunset and I like hit my friend up and he was like, I'm with my, and he had wanted to introduce me to this guy and the guy was like, he was a nice kid, right? But I guess, in the midst of my drunkenness,

I started just being kind of being like, what do you think about all the fucking shit jokes about you people? This is crazy. Because it's like, I do a show, and it's like I hate myself, but it's like unbelievable. Like every day, there's a new video of you guys fucking, you're standing in your food.

Like you're standing in the food, you serve us, you're fucking, you're washing with diarrhea. But I know it's a huge country, so what do you think? And this and that. And he was cool, he was a good sport, he actually ended up liking me somehow. There's a viral thing where people are posting videos saying they're dying like hamsters. I couldn't stop asking him questions.

I'm like, how does it feel to be like, because he was a good looking guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was Indian, but he was Indian, like, second generation. Yeah. Yeah. But, and he's like, it's just such a big country. We don't fucking even, like, I don't even know. I don't even know about that.

Right. You know, we're just, there's so many fucking people that that's just kind of like, it's because there's so many people that that even exists. Like, it's metastasized to that level. Yeah, well, he's kind of, just so you know, like, it's a, it's a gold rush. here with jokes. Did you see the video of the Indian guy? It's like when they gave all that land to people.

It's like they just started the line and they just sprint. It's just crazy. Like I get bored of it. I can't even believe how many. I never thought. I never thought about Indian people until I started a podcast. Can I tell, I'm not kidding yesterday. I saw a viral Twitter video of a white woman filming an Indian guy shitting on a beach in San Francisco.

And I went to send it to you and I go, what's the point? Yeah. No, because it's tiresome. I was tired of it. Why don't you send a video of a dog on a walk. Who gives a shit? I did unfortunately see one of an Indian guy trying to take a bath and he drowned. And it was like something you would see on Lively.

Where was he trying to take a bath? Like in this pool where everyone is bathing and he drowns in there and no one helps him and then he dies. He was trying to drink all the piss out of the water. Like a fish? He has like gills for... Why does he not know how to swim then?

I saw another Indian guy. They had a much of boiling pots of like oil and water in the middle of the street and he was trying to sit on the edge of one and he fell in the pot and he got like boiled alive and no one could get him out if these guys are dying like donald duck they're dying like goofy comics that's so annoying the viral thing to say about it is these people are dying like hamsters yeah yeah like you check you check i'm in the morning and one of them ate the other one you're like oh shit fuck there's half an indian guy in there's half an indian guy in there's just a fatty indian guy sitting in one of the other one of the other one of the other one of the shit it's just a fatty indian guy sitting in one of the those tubes in their cage. Yeah. Do they need owners like dogs? I stop my dog from eating shit all the time. Yeah, that could be up, Devon.

I think maybe the Indian guys should have a leash. Maybe they need a good smack on the nose. Maybe some of these guys should be like being walked around town. I agree. They need chains. By a guy to Patagonia jacket. Going Vivek. Yeah.

And he's got, he's got, yeah, he's got, yeah, he's got. You go, he's a rescue. It's a rescue. It's a rescue. Oh, God. They go, just let him, just let him smell your ass. He's friendly if you can smell your ass. Very good, Dinesh.

Sit. Sit. No. No. No. You have to open their mouth and pull it out of their mouth. No. What is that?

What is that? What are you doing? Humping away your girlfriend's leg. Yeah, he grabs a piece of shit and tries to sprint away and you have to chase him. Like, hey, hey, drop it. Drop it. Drop. And then somebody around he goes, they don't know drop it yet.

You go, no, I haven't fucking, god damn it. I haven't gotten the official training yet. Yeah, so I'm there. I'm like, slide his cheek under his teeth. He has to let go. That's the trick. You have to watch a bunch of YouTube videos of Indian trainers. Yeah, the Hidjee whisperer.

Season Milan. And the tips are just him. He grabs an Indian guy just throws him to the ground. He's like, I have to let him know that I own him. There's a big debate about whether to feed Indian guys grain-free food or not. Might affect their heart. Yeah, their joints hurt. You're still trying to keep them a lot.

Yeah, you gotta give them glucose amane because their joints hurt from all the crouching. Yeah, you're like, with the right food, he might live 18, 20 years, you know? You can give him around for a while. It's funny thing, like, stirring, like, poop into the kibble. Yeah, yeah. Like it's wet food. Like it's an egg. Wet and dry is hard poop and wet poop and diarrhea that you're mixing.

You leave your dog with somebody else, and they tell you when you get back, like, they didn't really eat the food. You go, oh, well, they like it when it's a little wet. I'm sorry. And you go to a big vat of shit. and you go, you should have poured this in it. I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you you need a piss on top of it. Sometimes they get bored. They get bored of their food.

So sometimes I like to invert the piss to shit ratio. I know, but then, so we do this, we feel bad. We feel bad, and then I log on Twitter, and there's the shit-throwing festival, Devin. And that's all I was, in India. That's all I was saying to this sweet kid. I was just like, I'm like, I'm like, Like, how does it feel, though? Like, because you're like, you're such a good-looking guy and you don't seem like this at all.

But, like, it's, I'm just telling you, the world I'm in, I'm sick of watching people from your culture that are eating shit and bathing and turds. You're like, I don't want to make these jokes either. It's unbelievable. I go, it's hard. I go, like, is it AI? And it's never AI. It's real. It's never been AI one time.

Why are they the only culture it's not AI? Well, AI would be better than what they're currently doing. People can't, like, get creative enough to, like, top it, you know. Do you see the Indian truck driver driving straight, and then his brakes aren't working? And it's a two-minute video of inside the cabin where it's very funny because when I see the videos of the Indian truck drivers, there's always two of them. Like, the idea that one of them could not figure it out. One of them, they take their shifts to jack off. It's two of them.

It's Lewis and Shart. Navigating the country. Their brakes broke and they're coming up to some checkpoint in India. And instead of like, like, obviously they take their foot off the gas, but it's not slowing down fast enough. And they just drive straight into a barricade rather than turning and like going off into the ditch or something. They just hit it straight on and like a guy flies out of a like a little booth where the thing comes down. Just just no like the whole like I don't think they could solve the pool of the lever thing to save the people. They would somehow split the trunk.

ran in half. And it would go down both avenues. They'd be like, I killed everyone. You're welcome. They bifurcated it. Yeah, somehow. No, but I know you, it's like they freeze, is what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, look, I'm not trying to be like a race guy or whatever. No, we've never done that. We've never done that. I've heard people that have hired H-1B people, which, if you think I'm being raised this, This is a Koch brothers thing.

They want cheap labor here. They want to pay a third of what they want to pay you. Okay, that's all this is. So don't act like I'm insane in anti-immigration or something, right? Yeah, of course. Also, Canada is being ruined. Okay, I'm not going to be one of these guys or whatever. Is Canada being ruined?

Yes, the housing thing. No one can afford anything up there now. The housing is shot. Go look into it. It's crazy what is being allowed there. But, again, I'm not a race guy. I'm not one of these guys. I'm not a political guy.

But it's bonkers what's happening. and in the United States, the H-1B people, what I've read is if you hire them, they're very good workers, but they have to be told exactly what to do. So if they don't have a list of do this, do this, do this, do this, they can't, like, circumnavigate problems or stuff like that. That's the problem from, and this might just be a cultural thing, you know? Certain people are skilled at different types of problem solving here or there, or. whatever depending on where they come from you know so i don't know i mean i'll say this i see

videos over there and like uh it must be a huge culture shock to come over here from there it must be insane oh yeah it must be crazy oh yeah oh yeah i've known indian people that say when they go back to india they're like i can't believe i can't believe what i'm saying oh they turn into they turns them into vicious racist against indian people would they try to go visit family back oh yeah because they go they've been here for 20 years they go back home and they're like why are there so many people beating wet shirts against the ground? I talked to a guy, an Indian comic who he would go back to India sometimes to see his family, and he said on the trains there that there's just holes in the bottom of the train,

and you have to step over it. And he said if you had the shit or piss, like, people were just standing around and you would just squat over the hole and then shit. And like, you see your shit falling into the train tracks. Another guy dives in after it. No. Just can't stop himself. No, it isn't insane.

People diving through the whole, like hordes. Yeah, yeah. Like World War Z diving through. Yeah, like he's a baseball player, trying to make a diving catch. But then he gets torn to treads. That's so funny. Yeah. Grabs it in slow motion, just squishes through his hand.

I can probably find the guy. getting in the pot. Do you guys want to see the guy getting in the boiling pot? Of course. Of course I do. I think I shared. I might have shared it with someone. Hold on. Yeah, and you're insane group, Chad. Yeah, I don't know if I, maybe I don't have it. Hold on. Surely I have the guy getting boiled. Of course. You've got to have the guy getting boiled. If I just type in Indian, you think it'll come out?

I think you're probably. Indian death. You type in D-N. You miss the I-N. I-N-D-I-A-N. I'll just type in Indian. I bet it comes up. It's X.

Oh, yeah, this is the guy. This guy died, so he was going to just take a bath. He died because he was too clean. He dives in, and then he, so he's taking a bat. This is where they take vats. He drowns, and everyone just watches him drown, and he dies. Why? Because the clean water was a shock.

He needed to drip the clean water on his shoulders first. This guy, Devitt. This is the guy, David. This is the guy. Dude, come on. Smoking Fidna on the bus. I also love, he's wearing cool black guy glasses as well. Yeah, he is.

He's wearing like Gucci glasses. Dev, you got an ID here where they are? What's the route? It does look like a Southern California... It does. It's his free bus day in LA. Sign. Oh, there you go, yeah.

looks like Sampidro or something. I don't know. Come on, dude. Don't do that. You can't do that. I know, but you can't do that shit. Don't do that. Let me become you as well. Don't do that. Okay, cool. You shouldn't do that.

I'm not doing that. What I'm doing? You are doing that. Does he have, does he have boba? I think that's boba. Yeah, there's a toilet. You know what the tapioca's made of. You know what the balls are made of. It's black tar. It's little rabbit turds. It's the smallest singing again.

It's diarrhea for the drink. Like a goat, yeah, exactly. Do you think they go to a farm and they grab goat shit and they just shake it like you're eating nuts? Like a daddy. When you take a drive to Santa Barbara

and you go past the farms? Just shaking the turds. You are smoking motherfucker? You're smoking motherfucker? You just were. Everyone just saw you smoking fendom. I am looking at pornography. I'm watching porn, my friend.

My friend, you're actually smoking drugs, my friend. This... Sad to see what you've become. This stupid motherfucker thinks I'm smoking fans. When in reality, I'm simply jerking it to Angela White. Dumbass. He goes, hey, this guy is doing drugs. I'm getting off.

nuts. This guy's nuts. I'm doing drugs. This guy's nuts. Crazy. I also love when Indian guys cursed. They're so bad. Oh, that was the video I wanted to send you back.

Not that. Not that's that one. Not the ones of the Indian guys stock here. Man, if you just type in Indian, it's just Indian porn. Yeah. That's nasty. There was the guy shitting on the beach. The Indian guy's shitting on a...

Oh, do you want to watch the Indian guy shit on the beach, Chase? Yeah, that was the one I didn't send you the other day because I was just so like... Fine. It was just an Indian guy who looks like... resputein. Canadian woman finds Indian immigrant pooping at the Wasaga Beach. Oh yeah, somebody sent this to me today. Oh, this rocks. Play it. A woman who yeah, looks like Zoe National. You can't poop on the beach. I, everywhere is what my pooping?

I need to poop on. That's what we're saying is you, we've been insane this episode and you feel bad and then a guy, a guy being confronted literally goes, everywhere is where my poop is. Everywhere should be my poop. Every. On your chest, my poop will be. Every shit, every turn. Every turn. That's their version of Manifest Destiny.

So it looks like she confronts him here. God, this is so awkward. I'm glad she's filming this. A beautiful beach. And a woman who, by the way, looks like... Ten years ago, she would be watching New Girl and being like, I'm going to learn the ukulele. That should be her life.

And now she's filming Indian guys shit everywhere. The guy looks like a cult leader for like a microbiome. Oh, he's the cult leader in Osmosis Jones. He's the cult leader, yeah, inside the body. He leads a cult for your intestines. Hey, excuse me. Hello? Hello.

Hello. I'm one of the man of mystery. I'm a mystery man and I'm taking poop. My super power is taking poop. Don't worry, I won't get a hemorrhoid. I know our new generation. They're on the phone. There we are.

They scroll. I do not scroll. Madam. No, you can't. Don't? No, you can't. You can't. You can't.

You cannot poop on the beach. Madam. You cannot. This is Canada. Madam, this is. You cannot. Ma'am, I would love to rape you, ma'am, but I am pooping. I cannot be raping when I pooped, ma'am.

Hey, God, Jesus. Go spread your legs. Wait for me. I will rape you later. After I was. After I was... No, I just fucking wife. I forgot.

I'm Indian. Jesus, fucking cry. I don't wipe, actually. Do you think I've, you know, been colonialized like that? This is colonialism. This is colonialism. You bring me the toilet paper. I wipe my fucking ass.

You fucking kidding me? This is a hundred years of solitude right here. Me, having to wipe my ass when I shit on beach. This is your doing. You're doing. doing dear white people to me when you tell me not shit now. Where are you from?

Murder, I am from India. No. No, you need to pick that off. Come on, man. Come on. Is this real? This is my favorite. It looks real to me, man.

They're laughing so hard. I didn't see anything. It might be fake, but I think it's real. Who cares? Keep playing it, Ben. You can't poop on the beach. Everywhere is one of my booping. for me to poop on.

No, I'm calling the other people. No. Yeah, everyone. Come. He's asking to. Come on the beach. He's crying. He's like, no, you can't.

Madam, please, please, madam. You cannot. No, I am sorry. This is disgusting. I want to poop. You cannot poop on the, it's Canada. But I want to poop on Canada. But I want to poop on Canada.

This is a joke, dude. Ah, damn it. Come on, right. You might be right. It might be a joke. Damn it. Fuck. Go to the comments.

Is there a... I don't see a fucking... Must be a skit. Yeah, he sounds too good. You're right. Fuck. Damn it. Damn it.

Well... That's bullshit. I know. I'm sorry. I got caught. That's on me. I'll take it. Somebody did send that to me and I didn't watch it.

But... Yeah. Well... Yeah. Yeah. He started saying for me to poop on. And I was like, that's, yeah. He was like, he's enjoying it too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, great sketch, great satire, I guess. Incredible stuff. It's a damn shame. I just want to see the one getting cooked and a big pot. Yeah, show us the non-sketch is where the guy dies. Yeah, I'm showing you live-league stuff. And a big pot.

I think maybe flesh simulator shared it. Let me see. I feel bad. I fake news. Do you guys? It's okay, buddy. No, it's okay. Somebody said that to me

So the people think it was They thought it was real What if it says community note You can tell it's fake Because she's not being raped What if it says What if it says that? The community note literally says that

Yeah Uh Nah shit And if I type in Indian hamsters Yeah that might bring it out Because everybody I was saying they were dying Like

Type in Indians and dogs Hold on in Indian Oh, it was seat It was an Indian man looking for a seat I bet if I type an Indian seat Oh and he just sat in a boiling pot And then he sits in a pot

I'll probably have to go to media right He sits in a pot In a public place Then he falls in the pot And he's being cooked for a minute And people can't pull him out It's like boiling Just a guy's stick again

There's so much Indian porn I know. Indian hamster, maybe. It'll be a hamster jerking off. It's an Indian guy fucking gay hamster. Just everything is fucking pornography. Indian hamsters are just Indian guys that they send to people's asses. Oh, this is the Indian guy driving. Yeah, yeah.

Why is it two of them? So their brakes aren't working and they're like... Wait, is the guy trying to roll down the window? because the brakes are working. Well, yeah, so he's like, I'm going to dive out. He's like, it just is supposed to be. Oh, yeah, they're speeding along, not doing anything. So you can also maybe even coast along the guard rail, I think, too, to slow it down.

Yeah, like, do something. I don't think he's taking his foot off the gas. It's like going fast. He's like still driving. He's speeding up. And the other guy has not buckled up at all. He's just in the fucking... So I think to the right can he even go around it?

I mean, he gets right. They just go straight. They're going to go straight through the thing. They hit that guy. They hit the guy who, by the way, was just standing between two poles for some reason. Yeah. Everybody in India is doing like Buster Keegan gags.

They're like throwing beams off of a train to hit another beam. That's so good. I love that he was also, he was just going, no, stop! Watch out, no! He was just kind of saying, he wasn't like shouting or anything. Oh, my God. So much good Indian stuff lately that we have to catch up on. Yeah.

There's an Indian cooked in a pot that's going to be so good if I find it. We should start a Crystal Ball and Sager, new show for Indian guys. Yeah. What is it? Breaking points. Breaking points. But for Indian guys. crashing into each other.

Shitting points. Indian, I think you use a cue. Oh, you know what? I'll just tweet it out and say, does anybody have the video of the Indian guy following a bot? I imagine you might be like editing some of this. I'm going to go pee real quick. Yeah.

You tweet, does anybody have that video of the Indian guy and then you're, you check it again and has five million replies. Sitting on the boiling pot. And then say it's very important. It's very important. Yeah, and then just put posts, yeah. You're going to have 80 replies within, I swear to God, one minute. Within one minute.

Yeah. People would be like, my, sir, right here, sir. Just some guy named 600 pound Hitler, responds immediately. My 600 pound Hitler life. That's his username. Oh, Jayce, you know what we should do? You should also read ads. Oh, yeah, yeah, I forgot.

Yeah, thank you for reminding me. First up, just want to say, once again, Austin, the 28th, 10 p.m., Creek of the Cave, Austin, Texas. Tickets are still available. Those are selling out quickly. Houston's already sold out. So if you want to see us this time, make sure to get that. And then on to Shopify, guys. Guys, when you start a business, there are a lot of what ifs.

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Sorry. It was very helpful to us. It's very easy to use doing on-wifference. online merchandise is actually surprisingly very difficult. And Shopify made it as easy as it could be. So if you have an online store, make sure to hit them up. It's time to turn those what ifs into what. And there's a sound effect.

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Thank you, Shopify. And those are all the ads for today on the show. Is that another Indian guy drowning? Yeah, I guess there was an Indian guy diving into water. Oh, my God. And then you just fell. Oh, dude, I found it. You found it.

Oh, fuck. I actually found it. I was laughing during the ad because you've been tweeted, can somebody find the Indian guy sitting in the pot and dying? And then a guy, a guy like literally a meal respond to like, work on it right away, sir. Ben happened on the video anyway. You found it? I found it.

Yeah. There we go. Oh, my God. This is an incredible video here. Here we go. What? He's also dressed like the Joker when he was a nurse. Why?

He's a lot of water. And then he just didn't get out. Well, they're trying to get him out and they can't get him. Why? Why can't they get him out? Just pull him out. He doesn't want to get out. He wants, he's like, please, let me die.

They're making fun of me online. Let me die. I'm cooked. I am on LiveLeak right now. I literally cooked, bro. Oh, fuck. Fuck, I am so clean right now. God damn it.

And then he slipped and fell. Oh, my God. He's also, he's wearing a nerds ratchet uniform for some reason. He's dressed like a candy striper. It's too hot. I know this is every joke, but it does look like boiled shit water. I know. On the street for some reason.

Do you know what they were boiling? No idea, man. Doesn't say anything? No idea. I don't think there's any context. I guess he's really drunk, it says, in the caption. Yeah. Or on drugs.

He's off jank him. I even saw some replies you scroll past, but there was like a reply that's like, this seems like fake, right? that this keeps happening. Yes. Even people, racist people on wine. Yes. Guys named... The most racist guy alive is like,

that's, come on. Enough. That's insane. Yeah, a guy named Ad Hale Hitler, fuck George Floyd, is tweeting like, come on. I got to get to work.

This sucks. I guess it's addiction, they're saying. Yeah, he's just fucked up on drugs. But why don't you be on drugs in India? What's the big drug in India? What is the addict? Yeah, what's the most popular drug in India?

Yeah, what's the most popular drug in India? India. I think it's like, is it Fent? Jankham and Fent. Where's Vice when you need them? We need one of the skinny white guys from VICE to do a documentary about drugs in India, but he gets raped. Heroin, alcohol, just the usual.

Tobacco. Shut up. Tobacco, who cares? Opioids are growing. Heroin is growing in India. Oh, they have party drugs too. MDMA and cocaine. The most popular drug in India is the laxative.

Get it out, man. They hate gas acts. You can see them in the streets. They're stomping on gas acts. Yeah, like prohibition. How dare you? It's like suffrage. Oh, my friend.

You'll stop our beautiful. You are not, my friend. Our poots. My friend. Why would you do you? damn the river. Why would you ever stop? Do you try to extinguish the sun, my friend? Unbelievable you.

Fuck you. It was a pot of porridge, melts his flesh off and dies later in the hospital. He died. He died. He also didn't just fall. He did this. He wanted to cook. Yeah, he laid in it. He laid it and he purposely cooked himself in porous. He said, let me cook.

Let me actually cook. He literally killed him. He was suicide. He killed. He killed themselves in street porn. In porch. He jumped the first reported death. He jumped into street porn.

Death by porch. Death by porch. That's unbelievable. That's real. Yes. It's such a poor country. They're committing suicide by porridge. In gruel.

They're killing themselves in the gruel. It's like cricket soup. He's like, fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Let the porch kill me, my friend. Let the porch take me to hell I want to come back as a big bug

Man, what a terrible life It looks like one guy pulls the skin off his arm Trying to pull him out A de-gloving Another guy goes, Ouch, did not see that Let me see that I can't watch the de-gloving shit But if I don't think about

How sad it is, it's very funny If I reduce him to a two-dimensional object He thinks he's like a lamb. Yeah. He's Boba. I am Boba. I like how also, even people try to save him are like slipping and fall. It's like unbelievable.

I know it's fucks. It's three stooges shit. Whatever. I mean, obviously he wanted to fucking go. Yeah. Yeah, it was a suicide. Like, imagine like treating a fucking pot of porridge. Like it's the Atlantic Ocean.

Yeah. It's a bridge jumping off of. Yeah, like you're the detective. detective in the sopranos. Why? Why? How do you kill yourself that way? Imagine that guy comes into the, like, the pit? And they're like, what happened to this guy? It's like, he tried to kill himself

with a porridge. They're like, just let him die. Fucking blow his brains out. Like a horse. I'm not being cooked at the porridge. You're being cooked in the porch, my friend. You're cooking in porch, my friend. They're pulling his legs. They're like, no, imagine the rapes. You have so much to rape for.

Oh, Jesus Christ Think of your wife, her sister It's kind of crazy that he like still stands up And kind of keeps moving I know that's that's pure That's gotta be pure shock Ugh

That rocks Yeah the de gloving shit is Is brutal I hate that What if he was just really hungry It would be actually pretty funny If they brought him to the hospital And the doctors are like

Okay give me some diarrhea stat Yeah we're hooking you up my friend They're hitting like they're hitting To an eye Tapping a bag of diarrhea Yeah 500 of shit.

The show in India is called The Shit instead of the pit. With two tees. The shit. Welcome to the shit, Hyde. That main nurse is still there. Welcome to the shit. They're all really sassy. Yeah.

Everyone's like over it. Yeah. Who's been raping baby Jane Doe? Somebody's got a rapist. It's your turn. This is the shit. Absolutely, it is no vile. Oh, God. Yeah, and they all have trauma.

They try to work their way through trauma. Welcome to the shit. Welcome to this shit, my friend. Another man threw himself in the porridge. All right, everyone, it's July 4th. We're going to have a lot of porridge to suicides, my friends. God damn it. What is the fuck?

Fuck them. Sickly. Honestly, that's right. Fuck them. Fuck them. I'm sick of this. Why are you making us do this? God damn it, man.

We're making us make these jokes. We don't feel good about this. Fucking video. This sucks. Fucking bullshit video. We're not going to say the shit. We're not allowed to get into that. I'm not going to make a joke where you're a doctor show called the shit instead of the pit.

Fuck you. Fuck you. We can't. We're supposed to not do that. You did this, motherfucker. Why are you killing yourself and fucking porridge? You drove me to this point. There's literally.

endless amounts of videos of them having shit fights. It's the library of Babel. You would never leave. Laser tag involves throwing turns at each other. I know the shit festival. It's unbelievable. I literally had a moment one time where I was like, I think we go a little too hard,

and then I saw the shit throwing festival. Yep. That's a religious. It's a real thing. It's a real religious holiday. But I think it's because they have, is it because they have such an insane difference in their class structure? Like, don't they have, like, the richest people on Earth and then the poorest people on Earth?

It's the poorest country in the fucking world. Yeah. And they have a billion people. Haiti's got to be, like, poor, right? They don't even put them on the mat on the... They're like, you're counting Haiti? Haiti doesn't even, yeah. No, Haiti, they can't afford mud.

They ran out of mud. They were like, they were like, we don't have any more mud cookies. We have to eat rocks. Haiti is, like, literally like, God was like, fuck this place. Fuck these people. America was God. in that sense. Yes, you're right.

Excellent point, Devin. America really fucked Haiti up bad. It's crazy that they are. Haiti is what has happened to them, and they still have to pay France, like, every year for reparations. What did Haiti do to France? Well, they had... I think it was opposite. Yeah. Haiti overthrew, like, their slave masters and killed a bunch of people,

and then France was, like, you have to pay us, like, $1 million a year for the next 400 years. But as big as France was, like, trying to conquer, though, right? Yeah, they were doing like sugar can and shit out of there. Yeah. Good Lord. Yeah. I think that's still a thing. It might have been removed.

Haiti's crazy. Yeah, Haiti's cannibals. It's cannibalism in Haiti. Is Haiti what Hillary Clinton called super predators? Was she referring to Haitians? No, that was. She was talking about Hawthorne. Yeah.

I understand. That was black Americans in the 90s. That was how Democrats talked about black children in 1993. Yeah. Super predators. Yeah, they were talking about rising inner-city crime. and they said one day, and this is a real thing, they said one day there will be a super predator like it's the Terminator, but it's a black 14 year old.

Yeah. And he's got like a fucking desert eagles and he's just mowing down people. They were just talking about black people in the American in the hood. Yeah. The ice tea 1,000. Yeah. Yes. That's good. Very good, Ben. Very good. The ice T 1,000 actually is pretty good. That's actually, that's actually, that's actually, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have been, uh, I shouldn't have been shitty about that. Yeah, you should have been flipping. That's very good. I moved on quick. That was actually very funny.

Let's take a moment. The IST 1000. Why did they think like black thugs would be like crossbreeding to make a super black guy? Yeah, like how they make those pit bulls that can't breathe. Like that type of thing. No, they literally, there was like this panic that like black teenagers would get so out of hand that they would like be marching into. It was after the riots too. They would like metastasize on top of each other and be like.

Like this is one big. Yeah, like the thing. Muscle. Yeah. Tenicles and fucking big teeth coming out of it. What's his face isn't doing good? The pedophile hunter guy. Chris Hansen.

Is he doing bad? He has his own cameos for like $3. He has his own show. He has a new show on YouTube. It's actually pretty good. Oh, really? We've covered it on Hate Watch here or there. It's actually a pretty good show.

Is it just the petapal show? Yeah, it's the same petophile show, but it's just on YouTube. But they do Mr. Beast challenges. There's some good stuff on it. No, I mean, he's just being more, he doesn't have ABC, like, fucking breathing down his neck anymore. So he's, like, extra, like. Oh, he's just, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's walking. And he's just playing.

He loves it. He loves it now. See, because I thought it's got too bad for him. What a great career. Yeah. He could pivot to the right, I think. How about this? Let me pitch this to you guys.

Okay. How to catch a super predator. Okay. Okay. And he just hunts black guys. Mm-hmm. Now, now, so then a black guy comes over to someone's house. He goes, why, you do you.

take a seat. He goes, You're black. Why did you bring this basketball? I was just trying to, I was trying to play a game. So you think McDonald's is breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Interesting. So you don't live near a grocery store whatsoever.

You would die if you walk to a grocery store. It would be so far away. You posted on your Snapchat, you think Gucci Man is one of the best five rappers of all time. Can you explain that? It's just a guy in slides and Jim shorts like, No, it's a guy in, he's so tired. It's a guy in slides being like, I don't know. He's like, so you were going to rape this girl?

I don't know. Interesting. So the only vegetable you've ever been around is your paralyzed friend. Little Ray Ray Ray, Ray. It's the only vegetable you've ever known. I don't know. God damn. I don't know.

Next on how to catch you the predator. How to catch the predator, super predator, whatever. how to catch a super predator. Yep. That is actually insane that Hillary Clinton said that. And Biden, I believe, too. Biden, to gore, all of them. That was a big talking point.

Everyone in politics just goes where the wind blows. From the people talking about the politics or the people doing the politics. If you read for economics, they make a big assertion that Roe v. Wade getting legalized was the reason that never came to fruition. It was because all of a sudden, just black fetuses were getting just punted into the sun instead of turning into super predators. Roe v. Dwayne Wade.

Yeah. You abort your son if it's trans. Yeah, of course. Very good. Very good. Roe v. Dwayne Wade. Ro was the transprosite.

No, no, no. Dwayne Wade's son is trans. Oh, okay. Yeah, I got it. Oh, I thought Dwayne Wade was fucking trans prostitutes. No. No, his son's trans. Eddie Murphy, I believe.

Yeah, Eddie Murphy. Who was the black guy that was, we found his alt Twitter account, he was tweeting at trans prostitutes or something? I don't know. Damn. Wasn't Dwaywayway to as a trans kid. Trans kid. Damn, really. And he does.

Magic Johnson has like a son that, like, dresses like, like, whoopi goldberg. Yeah. No. Magic Johnson's son is Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. Magic Johnson gave births. His wife gave cookie gave birth to a gay egg. That looks like Magic Johnson.

This is my son, Toga, Pete. This is my son is my neighbor Titoro. This is my gay son, my neighbor to Toro. It's always great when they have to take family pictures. There's just. Yeah. There's a guy who looks like you put the...

He's always... She's always... I don't even know what they identify as. They, I believe. But they're always there. Just shining. They look like, yeah, they... Shiny like the sun.

They're huge. I know. It's like... Gigantic. Gigantic in heel. in heels. It looks like, yeah, like Miss Cleo, but like, mean and angry and...

Yeah. Sassy. But Dwayne Wade's kid is trans, and he does a lot of, like, charities and movements for that. And then he tries to, like, be progressive about it. And then black guys on NBA Twitter will just, like, call his kid like a faggot, like, in replies and stuff.

That's kind of what happens. I guess Lamar Odom supposedly... Oh, you're thinking of Dwight Howard. Dwight Howard. Howard got got, yeah, Dwight Howard is probably is fucked a lot of everybody. It's a bye. He's a by guy. Okay, so he's the closest to a gay guy we got.

Yeah, it was, people were going crazy because Dwight Howard got out at his fucking a bi woman, or trans woman. And then that week, they traced it back. He was out with a groin injury and then a butt injury. A butt injury. Yeah. So, like, he got fucked in the butt so much. He had to take time on.

Those were the jokes. Yeah. Those are the jokes people were saying. That he got ass fuck so much He couldn't walk. Yeah. Which I don't even know if that's a thing because When you go to West Hollywood, you don't see any limbs.

Well, they're not up that night. Yeah, they're inside. They're recovering. Yeah, they're inside with a big bandage around their ass. Like when a cartoon character gets a toothache. I'm picturing gay guys getting fucked so hard, it's like having typhoid fever where they have to lay back in a bed

and cough into a little handkerchief. Yeah, I do. I envision gay guys on every Sunday. A gay guy in West Hollywood every Sunday morning he looks like what is the dog from there's something about Mary after it gets the shit out of it instead of a full body cast?

Yeah. A cast just around his ass, yeah. His whole ass is in a cast. Yeah. I think that does happen. I think their booties get fucked to smithereens and they can't walk for a while.

You think they get better at it? Like it would stretch out like a pussy, but I guess it's still fucking sucks. This is you. This is been at the job site. You think they get better at it. Like, they're pussy stretches. No, they suck. This is you at the construction yard. It's been like, you think they'd be better at getting their ass fucked. Yeah. Like, you're grantorino. Can I say we have short memories with the assassination stuff?

Of Trump? For sure. Well, people are saying the left talks about how Trump is Hitler and then they're surprised that people are trying to kill Trump or something. Just shut the fuck up. But like Obama, there was like four or five assassination attempts on Obama. I remember the white supremacists in Denver that were trying. Didn't they go into a hotel and they had snipers and they kept getting drunk and smoking meth and telling people that they were going to kill Obama? Oh, I don't.

I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Remember the guy outside the White House was firing a rifle into the windows of the White House trying to kill Obama? He just fired it from the actual gate. I do remember that. Kind of. Kind of. It sounds kind of familiar.

It went through a window. but obviously the odds of admitting Obama. No, he thought he was going to do the movie Wanted to Obama. Like it was going to curve and shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to curve around Michelle Obama. The bullet's going to curve around Michelle.

Yeah. And then go through the room. I don't remember this that well. Yeah. Didn't I also fly like a helicopter onto the White House lawn when Obama was president or something? I think I remember that. Yeah. Like a glider or some shit like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. But I just know there was no like, like obvious assassination attempts like right. Yeah, like a bullet didn't get close to his head like with Trump. The first, the OG assassination attempt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's had like three.

Three at least, right? Yeah, he's on his third. But then there's another, there's other footage where it's not an assassination attempt, but like they think it is. And he acts, he's on stage and he like starts turning and like, you know, duck in. And then he doesn't he call them, he calls them out. Oh, guy. acting like weird, like a taxi driver guy in the back? It's that one, it's the footage where people go, like, look at what it looks like

when he's actually under threat and it's not staged. And he looks much more like on his feet. But this was, I think, before he even won in 2016. Yeah. I think he's just kind of used to it now. Yeah. He's like, oh, another guy's trying to kill me or whatever. I think at this point he's such a narcissist.

He's like, they love me in these bullets. They never hit me. He goes, I'll never shake their hand, but they love me. These bullets love Trump They're all over me Yeah it was the Crooks guy And then like a week later That lib guy

That old lib tried to kill him on the golf course Yeah Then this guy Tried to sprint into the correspondence dinner Whatever man The black autists Yeah It's fine

They all suck it Killing you Yeah they're not gonna get him anyway No they suck ass at it They're not good Do you think it's a fake Do you think it's a setup? I'm starting to think more and more

About the one The main one I'm like, yeah, I'm like, man, maybe that is actually kind of, maybe that was like kind of perfect timing and it got everyone. Yeah, rallied around him. Yeah, the picture was crazy. Why wouldn't they just kill a guy over that? Yeah, well, of course, why not? Who cares?

They don't give a shit. They'll kill a million people. I don't know, because they didn't move on from that and Trump, like, goes after everybody on earth and he never, he didn't mention it. He wasn't, like, obsessed with that. He didn't talk about the kid. He's obsessed with all his enemies, but, like, he didn't keep talking about that one. Yeah, he didn't be like, it was a bad shot. think he would just mention you'd think you'd think you'd think every single thing he says he'd go and also

thomas crooks fuck you burn it now Thomas chricks never got pussy I get tons of pussy you'd think he'd bring him up for the rest of his life I would I would yeah literally tried to kill him yeah and looked like that yeah and then got his ship born out no I think we're way more likely to die in a mass shooting than the president is to be assassinated yeah easily you just get you just go to the gallery and that could just happen to be there when you know I'd guy on a magic carpet gets off. Magic carpet. The guy flies in on a swamp boat.

He goes, I'm here to kill everyone. A swamp boat. Hey, everybody. Like October 7th. I'm an agent of chaos. They flew in like October 7 like they were on a bayou tour. It was a lot of Del Rey's husband did October 7th. They're throwing gators at his real.

Now, God be with us. I don't think I want to go to a single bar in Austin. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I don't want to even do the Google News to see what's going to happening on there. I know a few bars, but we're not going to hang out on sixth. No. Yeah, we can't hang out on six. We're not going.

I know you're obsessed with Mitzies and all that. But like, we're not going. No, I'm going to stand up now. We're going to seventh. By the way, last time I was there and I was at like the Mitzis bar, it was kind of interesting. Like, they kind of leave, like, maybe I was wrong, but like, I walked by it the next day and, like, the door is wide open to Mitzies. I mean, there's like guys with rifles standing out front.

Sure. But the door is wide open. You could sprint. So, like, what's stopping somebody just really crazy on Sixthry just from shooting at the place? You heard it from Devin? He says there's a weak point. No. You think, you think JD will be at the mothership?

I think that whole area is kind of terrifying because it's like, oh, of course. Do you think he will be there? J.D.'s coming to our show. He's opening. JD's coming to her show. He wants us to chop his wife's head off on stage. Oh, I'm talking about Jeff Die. Oh, I think about Jayne Van.

Jeff Die Vance. JD. No. I call him JD now. Dye will not be there. Why not? He says he's going to buy a $3 million house. JD.

That's old news, buddy. He's not moving there. He said now he would never move to Texas. For him being your arch nemesis, you don't know much about what's going on with him. J.D. I hear JD's afraid to come to the comedy store now, which is very funny. I call him J.C. Jesus Christ, Jeff Cry.

Jeff Cry. Jay C. Jeff Cry. We have to end the episode now. We have to go to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Limit Party. Please don't wait to buy tickets. Come to Austin Creek of the Cave Tuesday night, April 28th.

Tuesday night, Tuesday night, Cregan the Cave, Austin, Texas, 6th Street, 10 p.m. Easy for everyone to get to. It makes perfect sense for you to go to.

It's easy to go to and get there. After we just talked about the violence on 6th Street, there's a great ad for the show. Tuesday night, 10 p.m. 6th Street, Austin, Texas, Tuesday.

Be there. Be there. Limitparty. Dot life to get the tickets. Or just go to our Twitter. We retweeted it. The link for the thing. They've been around for a while.

These tickets. Yeah, but people always say, I swear that we'll come, and then they'll say, like, I didn't know you guys were here. People that are going to, oh, I shut my eyes for two months. I didn't know. You got to beat them over the head. Let them know. And it's a great room. Great room.

Yeah. The ceilings. The walls. Great room. tables it spreads out there's a right part and a left part of the room there's a back there's a back part there's a front there's a front lights there's a roof microphones there's a door

stage stage green room what a room top bottom sides sides this room has sides love the sides I'm gonna get a beer and a piss it's yeah creaking in the cave it's fucking freezing here bro are you cold jace does this no jace does this I just pressed power. I didn't switch it to anything.

Are you cold? I'll switch it over to the fan. I'm cold as they come. I do this. I'm insidious. Yeah, it's all cases of all. What is Jase do? What's talking about?

He's torturing me. You're nuts. He's making my Coca-Cola go way below room-timp. Do you want a coat? Room tip. It's 32 degrees Fahrenheit right now with this Coca-Cola. That's freezing. Do you want a fridge coat?

Uh, yeah, actually, would. Beer? Much time. Yeah. I think they're any Chuck both. I don't know how many cokes you got, though. And I poured the Red Bull in them too, and I drink the match. Bye, everybody.

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