lemonparty - 187: Killing my Community

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

lucy.co/lemon use code lemon patreon.com/llemonparty See ben at the comedy store may 29 https://thecomedystore.com/calendar/show/3562/2026-05-29t200000-0700-nightworld-with-ben-avery-matt-lockwood Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

by talking into the microphone. Hello. I mean, it sounds good to me. Yeah, it sounds great. Dumbass. You guys were just arguing about Huala guys, which is how we warm up for the show. That's your guys' version of going, me, me, me, me, me, me. La la la, la, la, white sauce, red sauce.

Is Devin going, you're a fat retard? Barbecue sauce. The spicy barbecue, baboosh. This is a full red mold. Holy shit. Is that yours? It's been in here. It's filled with mold. Oh. Oh. Are you going to drink it? Is that peedy?

Get it? Put it somewhere. Ben, set it down. It's a big, I like, if you could see through this, it would look like the aliens in contact. It's like, they're like weird jellyfish. Yeah, it looks like your dad. Yeah. It made itself look like your dad so you could understand it. I've been doing this a few times because I've been. and switch it from Coke to Spendrift since I got food poisoning. Yeah.

And naturally I take a sip of the Spindrift. I forget it exists. Sure. I set it down. A couple days go by. That's what you do. I open a Spendriff to throw... Sparkling waters exist to have two sips and leave them around the house.

Sometimes I'll open a spend drift, not drink from it and throw it in the trash. Completely full. That's what you do. Take one sip and chuck it. I'll leave them around. I'll take a couple of sips and then a day or two will go by and I'll be like, oh, this is full. And I could easily drink it because it's wall. because it's water.

And I throw it out into the sink. Like it's tainted. You go, this water's rotting. I go, the air got to it. I go, this air's not safe that I breathe. A couple times I have... They're in my house is bad. There in my house is dirty.

A couple times I have finished a spin drift in my office, but it's because I needed to piss into something. I'm like, I guess I'll finish it. So then I drink all of it, so I have something to pee into. Because I need to make a toilet in my hand. I treat a spin drift like it's grenade. I open the tab and then throw it out my window. I do like the lemon spinners.

because like when I'm sober it feels like a tequila soda it kind of tastes like a tequila soda you know that game right Ben oh yeah baby do you do the do the gay ones with the skull on and what are those called again the tough guy the fucking the dan acroix what is you know the good the death death death proof liquid death liquid death you ever do one of those I don't like those not too bad yeah but they put like sugar in them and stuff that's why I like them yeah I go spedra's good have you ever tried a mountain dew yeah yeah How you doing, buddy? Look, a lot of things have gone down in the past week that have been big in our world.

Because as you guys know, we've been talking about Chud for a year now. Oh, yeah. Oh, the builder. Down goes Chud. What happened? Down goes the builder. Chud has fallen. Chud has fallen.

Mr. President, Chud has fallen. My God. My God. Yeah, who would have thought it would have happened? Chud's done. Yeah, the end of Chud. I mean, we called it, I think. I think last week the day before he got arrested, we were like, something, a black guy with

nothing to lose is going to do something to him. He's going to shoot him in the belly and kill him. And then, I mean, I don't know. The footage that I saw, I can't really make out what's happening. I don't know how much. I didn't know he looked like Yosemitee Sam. Yeah. I had no idea.

Yeah. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. But no, he's going to get raped by black guys in prison. He's fucked. Yeah. He's fucked. No, he's literally going to get killed by rape.

Yeah. No, he'll... They're going to split him open like bone tomahawk. Yeah. Yeah. Guy like Michael Clark Duncan walking in there. Yeah. Splitting him at half. Yeah.

He's going to green mile his asshole. He's going to spit flies up his asshole in prison. He's going to get raped the harder than anyone's ever been raped. Like guys are actually going to jump off the top deck of the prison into his ass. Like an evil kiddievel stunt? The scene in Pineapple Express when Seth Roke. and jumps off the side of the roof, but their dick is out, and they fuck his ass.

They land right in his ass. I hope he becomes Muslim, and he gets out of there in 20 years with a bow tie on. He's like an aslam al-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-brother. X-the-builder. Yeah. X-the-builder. Brothers be chimping out,

but he's actually empowering them. Yeah, exactly. Brother, you don't need a chimp out like that. He's handing out turkeys. He's like, don't be chipping out over that turkey. Don't be eating pork. That's chimping out. The pork is for trips.

It's me. X the builder. X the builder. Yeah, no, he's... I don't know. I mean, listen, I doubt prisons the place for him to get a better idea of black people. But... Yeah, you know, really only reimburs his worldview, you know?

Did you see the bailiff, the black bailiff, pointing and telling him to go somewhere? No. It was kind of a satisfying, funny picture. Was he, like, really smudge about it? Like, black people on Twitter were, like, We're like, yeah, right over there, boy. No, it's going to rule.

I hope they send him into like one of those Miami super prisons, Louis Thoreau. He's right here. So ironically, this was him before he went to prison, and he's talking about all the black people in this jail in Clarksville that he might be. He created his own reality. This prison in, here, let me get this. I'll bleep the ends or whatever. You hear the chimps over there, and there's a jail right there.

I can show you guys. The jail is literally right here. So while it is a great view, there's a lot of n-hs screaming a lot of the time. Why do you stop? They're right over there. If I yelled, they would, like, probably chimp the fuck out. This is a man that his whole life has wanted to be butt-fucked by black guys. He's hanging out at the prison that he winds up at.

He's acting like he hates them, but he secretly just, like, wants to hear the sounds of them playing basketball and yelling at each other. Yeah, muscles, sweat. slapping. Yes. And he finally got his wish and he's in there and he's leaning over the wall like the guy that fell into Harambe's pit. Yeah. Yeah. He wants it. He wants it. They're going to curb stop him on black cock. Knock all his teeth out. They're going to make him bite the dick. They're going to make him bite the dick and then step on the back of his head. This is your, I think you're right, Evan. This has been a years long foreplay. I think wasn't there, I mean, I don't know. You can't tell if anything's real or not anymore. Sure. But like,

People were posting images of him when he was like before, before it became the builder. And he was like a gay, he seemed like a gay kid. Oh, I saw pictures of that. Was that real? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I think I read 95% of what we see now is actually not real on social media. And most of it's Sponcom.

I don't care anymore. Is it to get us to buy Pepsi or say the N-word? Jamie, double-checked that on Baffled. Can you pull that up on perplex? Jamie, can you go to Israel iPad? I love that most of social media is like, it's trying to get us to buy Pepsi or say the N-word. Like, isn't everyone doing that already? Yeah.

Yeah. But they need to make them say the inward more and buy a little more Pepsi. There's literally guys in boardrooms pointing at a big chart that says the N-word over time and a big red wine is going. They're like, Q4 projections on ends is like great. We're doing viral marketing with a bunch of Chud the Builders. We hire little closeted gay kids who look like Yosemite Sam. We got Chud the Burger. Chud the Burger.

We got Chud the N-word. Yeah, he's a black guy who hates black guys. Chud the soft A, chud the hard R. He really hates black guys. Chud the hard R. I do love the idea of Chud the builder still getting into mustache wax in prison. Like twisting it at the end and making it look perfect. He's got to make it out of like ramen noodles and like lighter fluid.

Like all those YouTube videos of like a prison is like, I'll tell you. I'm going to show you how to make lube out of peanut butter. And you think it's all like, smart, but it's just, he's like, I just put peanut butter in a guy's ass and then I fuck it. I kind of hope Chud the Builder comes out of prison, like the way Bugs Bunny would get in a dress to trick Elmer Fudd. Yeah. I hope he walks out of prison like in a sunflower dress.

With big coconut boobs. Long hair. A mop handle hair. Yeah. And he's going, you-hoo. You-hoo ends. Sticking his ass back through the chain link fence. Uh-huh, chumps.

You-hoo! He wants to get... Yeah, what if he's like Brooks from Shawshank? He gets out and he's like, he misses black anal rape so much. He hangs himself. Yeah. He lynches himself. Yeah.

He carves Chud was queer into the banister and hangs himself. And lynches himself, yes. That would be good. No, I'm happy for him. went and got themselves in a goddamn hurry. Yeah. His manager comes over. He's like, he's like, you don't have to ask me every time you want to say it. Just say it. Might have to take an N-word break boss?

Just say it. You don't have to ask me every time you want to say it. You chud the builder. He's chud the building. You're chud the building. Yeah, he teaches his crow how to say the N-word to fly around and say it at black people. Yeah. I wonder if he's going to survive, man. I don't think so. I think they'll kill him with a big, like, like a weight in the wait room or something.

Like the way they got Ted Bundy. I mean, you'd imagine that they'll, you know. Yeah. I mean, put a totem through his ass and up his head. They'll play like. They're going to dunk him into the hoop. Yeah, they'll do like May and soccer with his head. Yeah.

Like back in the year one. They're going to do weird fucked up Ziggarach shit. Turn him into a big scissor. Yeah. They're going to turn them into a big scissor and make him. they're going to rip him in half and then shove every half. They're going to quarter him and shove every quarter up a guy's ass. Like he's William Wallace.

They're going to rip his guts out through his dick hole. Who rocks? Yeah. Do you think the case is going to be like a big case? Like it's going to be like Zimmerman and Trayvon or... It could be like OJ. Who knows? We're all tuned in.

And we find a clip of him not saying the N-word. I've been seeing guys defending him saying, honestly so far, yet to even find a video of him calling black people the N-word. No, a lot of people are just like, he was defending free speech. And if we allow him to go away, you know. Yeah. First, they came for Chud. And I didn't say anything because I thought he was retarded. Then nothing else happened because he lives a wildly different life than everyone.

That's how that's saying goes. He's literally like brandishing a gun and black people. No, he's doing Deadwood. Isn't it like fighting words? He's literally like a guy walked out of Deadwood in the 1850s in the modern day. Hey, I see rappers say it all the time and people don't get mad. Yeah, that's what everyone would. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You see, he's getting over to it. You're right. I got, Devin, he sent me a video from the Kendrick concert. Everybody's saying it. Nobody's mad. No one's flashing again.

Arrest everybody at the Kendrick concert. I saw Obama say it. And Mark Barron didn't pull a gun on him. That's because Mark Maron's a lib. That's right. Fuck. And Obama, you know, Chud the Builder proved a great point. Why does Obama get to say about Chud the Builder can't?

And that is an interesting, that'll be my, I'm going back to school. I'm going to get my master's. Yeah. That's going to be my thesis. Yeah, you're getting a Ph.D. in Tom Fulery. You're going to Ph.D. in bullshit talking points. Damn. Just waste.

You're getting a PhD. to go on Info Wars and waste everybody's time. But coming up with the most retarded talking points of all time to debate. What was his end goal, like, actually? This, to get fucked by Black men. In prison. But also be, like, looked at, like, a, like, a cool racist guy, I guess. I heard from someone at the store that Chappelle was going to, like, drop by the story to talk about, like,

obviously he was, I think he was mad about the Kevin Hart roast, but I like to think that he was going to go up on stage and be like, Chud the buildup was my friend. and he died Because it was like the same night Chappelle doing four hours on Shud the builder Takes a long drag of a cigarette And he goes

Trud the bill to fuck Trane is with me These whites These whites are shipping out Why would Shepel be upset at the roast Did they attack him? I don't know if they said anything about Dave Chappelle I think they said some shit about the Riyadh

Chelsea Handler said some Riyadh sets of the odd shit. Right. Right. Which didn't make any sense because the two people she was directing that at weren't there. Yeah. Didn't go. It was the worst joke of the night.

It made zero sense. Yeah. Yeah. It made zero sense. And she's a, her whole career was built in the backs of a little retarded Mexican guys that she would like make fun of on her, on her, on her, I'm an alcoholic horror show. And now she's like this, you know, she's a big progressive.

Yeah. She would fill gin curfing with pills and have her like kick the little Mexican guy. Yeah. Just goes wherever the wind blows. Is this the photo you're talking about of Chud the Builder? Oh, that's pre. Yeah. That's old Chud the Builder.

I mean, it kind of looks like him. Is that Chud? Who knows? There's no community notes, so that means it's real. Who knows? It's very funny if it's real. Yeah. They're going to put him back in that costume.

He's like a Tinkerbell fairy guy? Yeah, I think he's a tooth fairy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, we're looking at Buck Break Mountain right here. Wow. He's so gay. They are going to have some fun with him.

He's so gay looking. I mean, he dresses like a. something like John Waters would like jack off to. He dresses very gay already. I mean, the problem is there's like half a year's worth of history of him going up to black people and being like, do it, I can't wait to shoot you in your fucking champ head. Everyone's like, how is, like, that's not going to be used in court?

Yeah, how did this happen? Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah. Judd the builder rules. I was honestly amazed he, I think, thought it was going to be a thing where they just let him off. Like, is this just a, like a CIA, get everybody fighting about black people again type shit?

Yeah, it's, it's, uh, I'm surprised he didn't make bail. But you were saying, like, even like, uh, racist guys don't like Chud the builder, right? Like, everybody hates Chud the building. It's cringe. Like, he makes them look bad. It was, yeah. He's cringe, yeah. Yeah.

He's like, he's like a house racist. I mean, I think even like, Fuentes was like, what did you expect, dumbass? Yeah. And I think he's wearing Fuentes' merch. that. The white-ass soft A is going hard as fuck. Yeah. And then he's a fan, and even the guy's a fan of

is like, you suck. Kill yourself. You suck at being an evil racist guy. Have some tap. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know. Was there video of him shooting the black guy? No. No, you just see his hat.

You see his hat sitting there all by it's lonesome on the black top. Yeah. Which he probably got so pissed about. that's like letting the flag touch the ground his hat his hat touched the black top yeah

he's like the floor is lava yeah he's got to burn it now on like a Viking funeral pyre I don't think I've ever liked one guy that's ever wore that hat no it's never once liked a guy who's like a hat guy

yeah unless you're like Garth Brooks I don't really get guys when cowboy hats in cars yeah urban cowboy this guy dude I follow of these like, I ran across these like writer F-sler guys.

We're trying to clean up the show, so I use F-sler now. Right, sure. We're not trying to shut out. So this guy, this guy, like, makes content with Rock Tangay. That's Roxanne Gay. Roxanne Gay, who, she hasn't written anything in 11 years, but she wrote an essay about how she has writers. She wrote all her keys.

She's holding up a glass of water. She's like, first water ever. I'm about to do the drink water challenge. All right, guys. Let's see how it goes. There's not, I don't have any Mio in this, no crystal light. We'll see. Her hand shaking like she has rabies.

This is billing it everywhere. She's got the writer's block, but it's a block of cheese. So this is like, they're like making content together because he's a published guy. It doesn't really matter. He's just a guy who writes books. But he's like a Lana Del Rey's husband guy. Yeah, who's the guy? His name's Isaac Fitzgerald.

He just writes books called American Rambler. I don't know anything about them, but I know he wears these hats. Okay. And this is why I brought it up. He's John C. Riley maxing. Brand new hats, yeah. So here's it. Okay, this is like these author guys, they love to do Zoom podcasts about how they write their novels, which they do in like, you know, two and a half months.

Yeah. They're not really. And they got editors and shit, and they just pump this shit out. He's just writing like airport trash. Yeah, for, and it goes in, it's stuff that goes in queer bookstores. Oh, he's gay? I don't, no, I don't even, yes. I mean, look, I mean, yes.

Okay. But he's never sucked a dick. Okay. Right. He is a gay man who has never sucked cock. Yeah. My favorite type. He's an honorary gay guy.

Yeah, he's a, he's a 60-year-old Harry Styles. Yes. Yeah. But this. He's pretending to be by to get pussy, and he's 58. This clip, this clip has been killing me because, watch who he's talking to on the podcast about being an author. Okay.

I wanted to meet people again. Wait until it cuts to the host. In these weird little snippets of thoughts that we throw up on the internet. And what I found, don't get me wrong, there's always going to be jokes. Like a 10-gallon hat. She's wearing like the sheriff's hat from Scary Movie 3. Like it's comically big. It's so crazy.

She looks like Buster Scrubs. Like, well, Pilgrim, welcome to my podcast. So what do they do? Who is she? She's also a writer, I think, and they just talk about Hats? Writing not. They all have to wear these hats for some reason.

I guess you, maybe they've been to enough Highland Park bookstores where they've done a signing. The lights are pretty bright at Arrowon. He goes, oh, he'll shilling his eyes. Excuse me, partner. You have any adaptogenic, wreshy mushrooms? Excuse me. Excuse me, good sir. You got any $27 soup.

Excuse me, partner. I left my blue light blocking glasses at home. Can you pour me to the nearest $9 ice cube, partner? And mind his hat, he's got the piano player hat. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He has the, and hopefully he's, yeah, like the traditional piano.

player in a cowboy's movies he gets shot first. Yeah. The guy who stops playing and turns around. What damn? What the hell? It's either that or it's the hat like a guy wears to Little Dom's on his wife's day with a black guy who's about to fuck her that night. A guy at Little Dom.

I'm the Little Dom. He goes, I'm the Little Dom. That's why we eat. And she's, well, I'm actually the Little Sox. Cuck chair ain't big enough for the both of them. All right, partner. All right, partner. You mount my wife, you son of a bitch.

I'll see you in that cuck chair at noon. High noon. All right, fair is fair. God, you take that black cock and you put it at my wife's mouth. I hope you don't mind. I'm going to get the spaghetti and meatballs at Litter Dimes before you rail the shit out of my wife's pussy. Kind of the benefit of being the cuck is I could eat whatever I want because I'm not having sex later. And I don't have to take off my necklaces and scorpions.

I see. He gets to leave my rings on Leave all my rings of skulls Help me jack off, buddy Help me, I've got all these rings of things That are way cooler than I am We could have a duel while we wait 20 minutes For Sugarfish

Every time I see people in hats like this I always think about like that they Their day with the moment When they put everything on and then they go, oh, forgot Yeah And they put the hat on as they leave Forgot my giant hat Huge hat

There's like all those women too that walk around, like, dressed like Zorro. Like, you look like a dumbass. I'm sorry, you just look so stupid. You look so stupid. You look retarded. No one wears hats like that anymore. It should be the guy who sings in Ward Huron, and that's it.

Yes. That's the only guy who wears the hat. Put a sobrero on at that point. Why don't you just start acting like you're fucking, like you're Speedy Gonzalez. I know. Hey, yeah, yeah. Why are you wearing that hat, dumbass? You're not in Tombstone.

A guy at the farmer's market. being like, well, can I get a beach? I'm so sleepy. I'm so sleepy. God. Yeah, I'm looking up to see if the guy is even gay. He wrote a book called Dirtbag, Massachusetts. I don't know if he's good or not.

I don't really care. I'm just making fun of that. He might be good. We don't know. Yeah, maybe he's great. We do know he's gay. Maybe he's great. A lot of people, you know, people panic as they get older and they find a hat to put their

identity into it. They reach for something. You just remind me, I remember being an award here on concert at the Greek. High out of my mind on acid. And I went into the bathroom and a guy, I finished pissing and a guy walked in, dressed like Clint Eastwood in a fistful of dollars. He had the full poncho over the top of him. And I was so high, I was so high on acid. He was also, he weighed 85 pounds.

I could have just picked him up and raped him like a big stick bug. And I turned around and I literally was so high on acid. He could have raped him. Yes, go on, yes. Yes, of course. Of course. You could have against his will. had sex with them.

Of course. To completion. I could have come. And nobody could have stopped me. But I was so high and asked that I turned around and I actually like, I pointed and I like laughed at him. Yeah. Because I was so hot. No, that's actually the greatest thing to do because you can't, they can't really do anything about it.

You could be, you could, you could be that, if they really keep confronting you could be like, I think it's great. I love it. Well, you're holding back a smile. Just pointing and laughing. And so, it's so hard to like get out of that. I know, really. It really gets to people. It's really.

Just go. If you're in a fight, a guy, I was in a crosswalk or something, a guy got mad at me. I could have backed up a little bit, but he started like almost like hitting my car and telling me to like back up. And I just, I gave him the thumbs up and I just go, you're the king of San Diego. You rule you kick ass. And he got so fucking mad at me. He was like, he was flipping me off, screaming. It ruled.

Yeah. They don't want you to compliment them. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I kick ass.

Yeah. I mean. No. Obviously, this is the point. This guy rules. Everybody, yeah, this guy kicks ass. He's going to show up. He's, he's, he's, he's putting on that hat in his hotel room to meet Roxanne Gay for Bride.

Yeah. He kicks hats. He's in the, the gunfight. It sucks cock. Corral. Yeah. He's meeting Roxanne Gay for brunch at a place called, like, egg whore. And she goes, nice hat.

And he goes, thank you. I was a little self-conscious about it. I guess they just write so much and they love westerns and there's just this, there's this thing about, like, people go west. Yeah. And they're usually not family people in the West. No. West is about going out on your own. You're kind of like a lone wolf.

People that are, it's for families and stuff, you kind of go east. You go more than northeast and east. You're going back to be with family, you know, a nice house, a suburbs. stuff out here it's very different with the desert and the type of people out here so many people show up to L.A. or San Diego or any of these places, San Francisco, alone. They don't know anybody. So I think these people being the coastal leaders they are, they kind of have to put on a big guy cowboy hat. They put on a big cowboy hat. And if they do start a family, it's, it's, you occasionally see them around Silverwood. When they're 55, they go to Ohio. Yeah, they're 55. They live in

Ohio. They have a kid named Xantham gum. And their wife who's like, who's like literally like a bird skeleton. Yeah. Yeah. They did a surrogate. Yeah. Cowboy whistles to his Roomba. Calls his Roomba Tonto.

Yeah. Ha-ho. Ha-ho Roomba. Ha-ho Roomba. Yeah. So then they start literally to do a podcast. I mean, the lady on the bottom is killing me more than him. No, this is, I was, I do what I'm telling you.

I was cry, laughing. Would it cut to how bigger hat was? We didn't even hear what she sounded like, by the way. The lady on the bomb looks like if Indiana Jones was a gay woman. Mm-hmm. Works in the world. But I found... Yeah, yeah, you can't escape that.

You can't escape. Exactly. It's always going to be part of it. But I found such immense kindness out there. Everyone... Look at her cutting back to her hat. Yeah. I also love him saying...

Just talking about kindness. I also love him saying I found immense kindness out there, as we called them gay for 45 minutes. I think it's a collection of essays. He's doing a Jack Kerouac thing. Oh. Where he goes around and he's like, I know. met real people because

I'm the same as everybody. On the chode. It's about him being by across the U.S. Okay. Yeah. Okay, he rides a Sibian on a lawnmower. Yeah. Like it's a straight story. The gay story. Okay. Yeah. The gay story. Yeah. And he's going to see his long-lost brother so he can have sex with him

before he dies. He's going to blow his brother who's dying of cancer. He's going to blow his brother once. And his retarded sister has a hat that's really big. Bigger than it. And it's called It's a gay story. It's called the gay story. And he's at the hardware store. And he's right and past a hardware store on a sybian that's going one mile an hour.

He needs that grabber so he can jack his dick. What's to jack his dick with a little grabber? How much for the grabber, Floyd? I got to jack my dick off. I'm in the gay story. Having his daughter make little birdhouses so he can fuck the hole. Yeah. He's talking to a young pregnant girl.

He's talking to a young pregnant girl on the run. He's so stupid. A young pregnant girl on the run around a campfire and he goes, you take a stick, you break it. He's like a little, liberal. No, but he's like, you take another step, but you break it, you got a bundle of sticks. That's a fag. That's a fag. That's what I am. Oh, I thought you were just going to say doing an abortion. Oh. Because he's just super liberal.

Yeah. He's like, you take a stick. That's a fetus. You break it in half. You get pregnant again. You break that stick in half. He's just giving women abortions all across America. He's like, just get an abortion. No one should have kids. We should. The empire should crumble because I'm afraid of commitment to stuff. Anyway, I'm going to suck off my brother before he dies. He's got cancer.

He's got cancer and I got to suck him off. And I think if I suck him off really good, it'll suck the cancer out of his dick. Harry Dean Standing comes down. He's like, did you, they're on the porch. He's like, did you ride that Sibian all the way across the country to suck my dick before I die? I did laugh. And they look up into space and he can't even talk. He's just like, yeah, he looks up in his space as his brother goes down on his stick and starts sucking him up.

And it just goes up, just lynch panning into outer space. It's like the great cosmic. He's talking to that, he's talking to their World War II vet in the bar. He's just like, boy got blown up in front of me and his front half landed in front of me and I shabend it. man I wish I remember the straight story I watched it with you like a year ago it was like two years ago it's such a good movie yeah

it's such a good fucking movie watch the straight story not the gay story that we made it's a masterpiece did you see that speaking cancer I still can't wrap my head around yeah it's kind of like water powered vehicles where I'm like why is that like that's another mental block in my mind

like cancer yeah cancer where I'm like we shouldn't be having cancer I feel like that should be solved by now No, it's actually getting much worse. We're all going to die of cancer probably. I got to get checked for like colorectal stuff. You need fingers in your ass now.

I got to get fisted. I'm 30. I'm 35. I should technically be getting fingers in my ass already. They make it really hard to get it under the age you're supposed to. Yeah, it's like elective procedure. So you have to pay. Yeah, you have to like go have like rampant butt sex for a while and be all bloody and

fucked up back there to prove to a doctor you need to be checked. You're like a guy In this state Yeah In this goddamn state Everyone's In this name In this

Newsom's world Go to the bushes around the corner A guy will give you a fucking colonoscopy Happily I saw that bee venom They'll suck the polyps Right out of your ass

Spend it out like it's Cherry seeds Exactly Yeah You stay at Los Globo It's a little too long And somebody will give you a colonoscopy The

Bee venom Cure destroys cancer cells in titty's in titty cancer. Only in titty. Big titty cancer. If a bee stings your titties enough, it kills all the cancerous cells.

Really? That's what I saw on a, on a, I read it, it was on a picture on Instagram, on a post. And there was text that said it, and I'm pretty sure that's what it said. And there was a graphic of a bee stinging like a cell, and there were

like, I think there were breasts very blurry in the background. So I think that's what it said. They think scientists are close to having a cure for pancreatic cancer. which is kind of crazy. But then, of course, I'm sure the patent will be bought by, like, Jack Doherty or something, and you'll have to fight his black bouncer for it. You'll have to step into the octagon and fight Jack Doherty's big black bouncer to save your mom.

Yeah, they give one dose a month and you have to fight for it, like a gladiator. I'm sure. I mean, but, yeah, apparently everybody's getting the colon cancer now. I'm not going to get it. Well, yeah, I mean, it's, I think it's because everybody's eating gushers and shit. Like, we're not going to, we're going to get it probably. But also, then they say the Japanese get it from eating kimchi. So you're like, fuck, either way.

Like, everybody's just getting colon cancer. I can't keep track of anything. I just saw Mexico's birth rates have fallen below the United States of Americas. Yeah. They have, really? Yeah. What? Mexicans aren't fucking?

That's why I saw. I saw it on a graph. The Mexico line did below America. Are they not counting incest? Is that a thing in Mexico? Oh, I don't know. They're not counting. It's kind of a shitting thing.

to say. It wasn't specific to the race of people. I would have said that about anybody. Sure. But more so Mexicans. I don't know. A lot of Mexicans I've known in the past, it seems to be like fair game for their uncle to fuck them or something. But that's Mexican

American. Mexican American. Right, right. Sure. The ones who stay in Mexico, apparently, they're socialist now. Mexico's woke, apparently. They're rocks. They've got, like, the universal health care. They're presidents, big socialist lady. It was kind of good-looking. How were Mexico's birth it's dropping. That's crazy.

I mean, they literally... Maybe it's illegal for them to... I mean, I think it might just be... Like eat vegetables or something. I don't know. Yeah, it might be like a health thing. Because we've talked about it before where they had to start putting like iron and tortillas. Like they were dogs with cancer or something. Right. Yeah, maybe it is just the health thing.

I don't know. It's just canola oils like drive their balls up. Coca-Cola. Yeah. I want to take a little trip around Mexico now and see what's going on with the titties in the ass down there. Because I'm sure there's got to be like some chongas and some cholas. Oh yeah, they all got the fake asses and fake tits.

I ran into a couple chongas at Chili's. Yeah. Chili's? Chili's is where I interact with Mexicans. And I walked by a table and this one chola goes, Oh my God. Your children are so cute. Oh my God.

And then the other one looked up and she was like licking her like big nail to head cheese on it. She just inhaled a triple dipper. It's like a cocaine nail, but for K, so. Yeah, yeah. She's in her gums. That's good shit. My face is fucking numb. The other one looked up.

And she goes, Mm-mm. She goes, are they fucking ginger? She said, are they fucking? Yeah, she goes, are they fucking ginger? That's so funny. Are they fucking ginger? And I was like, oh, me, Katie, you're like,

oh, no, they have like a little bit of strawberry. Because I, the more time I spend in the sun, my hair turns a little strawberry almost. Yeah. Like my facial hair will even turn a little strawberry. Yeah. I was like, no, they're not like red-headed. I'm like, oh yeah, they are fucking.

Yeah, they're fucking ginger. Yeah, they're fucking cunning ginger. You're so right. Are they fucking ginger cunts? Katie was like, it was kind of rude. I'm like, it's just... Yeah, that is weird. They're just doing Edward shit.

Yeah. It's just Edward. I mean, I'm sure they filmed themselves eating a bunch of edibles before they walked into chilies and they're wearing meta glasses. Yeah. I'm sure that lady was so fat. Her diabetes eyes have like turned into that sequence in 2001 where everything's

like tie-dye. Yeah. So she just sees, she looks at your baby and she sees the thing from Predators Vision. She said, like, Cholos are seeing through heat like snakes now. Yeah. Yeah. They're fucking ginger and ginger. Are they fucking ginger? She didn't mean fucking in a bad

way. She just says fucking ever other word. Yeah. It's just. Hey me that fucking water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where the fuck is our weird? Oh my God, we're laid for fucking church. What do you fucking want to eat? Fucking pray to Mary. Fuck, fuck.

She's a fucking virgin. The only one we know. Fucking Jesus Christ, I fucking love him. I fucking love Jesus. Anyway, I'm gonna go tell the fucking priests I got molested. They both got so, they both ate so much jellies. And then right after that, they got fucked by a four foot nine guy. And they're just taking dumps on his chest.

Just farting their asses off. Got fucked by a guy named Tartuga. That's, that's, they, like, that's the, the, the people that, like, go to places like Chili's before having sex. Good Lord. Yeah, they were on a date with two guys who, of course. Didn't even look my way. Of course.

No. No, they were, yeah, two little Sicario guys. They got golden guns. My daughter was staring at them the whole time, like, they were, like, the animatronic bear show that's supposed to play while we eat. She thought they were the entertainment for the evening. Yeah, she looks at Tordas, like, their chest. Yeah, she was staring at them like it was song at the Southwest.

Yeah, a little amphipomorphic cheese rolls everywhere. Yeah. But then it made it all better. Dude, we had the gay waiter. The guy who was really gay with the gauges and he was just like unbelievable. The lady's like, are you a fucking vaguen? Oh my God, you like fucking like a drink call. Are you fake?

Oh my God, do not tell my Sakario boyfriend or he'll chop your head. off. He fucking hates that shit. Yeah, my boyfriend's like the accountant. My boyfriend's like Ben Affleck in that movie. Oh, wait, what's the Shia LaBuff? Is Shia LaBuff in the account? The tax collector. The cat. My boyfriend's like the tax collector. My boyfriend's the guy who taught Shia how to kill dogs for his research in the tax collector.

And he'll like totally cut your head off for being gay and shit. Yeah. My boyfriend, he'll kill it. My boyfriend turned Shia LaBuff's schizophrenic. He made him He made him Catholic and schizophrenic. He fixed him and shit. Speaking of, you know, spiritual things and things coming from above, you know, we don't know how ad money gets deposited anywhere. But this is the best segue I can do into an ad.

To an ad. Okay, wow. Because you don't know where the money comes from with ads. Not a clue. You read an ad. Six months later, $75 appears in your account. I guess somebody bought underwear or something. somewhere. I have no idea how this works. I get an email every six months and they're like,

they're re-opping and I'm like, really? Why? I go ask them why. Dude, I sold so many of those shirts on my website, those Night World shirts with me looking like a razor hat and they were like all three X. Like every shirt was there. God bless you people. Yeah, they're like, I need a new pool cover. So I would have been eight dollar shirts. You know what's happening is there's. ordering the 3x and they go it's too fucking tight fuck yeah yeah they got to stretch it out like it's a baseball mitt that they put vaseline in somewhere and somewhere in taiwan there's four children knitting those shirts together like they're making the uh in-filled covers for baseball fields

i will say i was proud i don't think i saw any four x's though on the website does it go up to four x i don't remember i think i go up to four x on fourth wall yeah they do a good job yeah let me check actually. Because they do, oh, let me plug, come out to the Comedy Store, May 29th, I think it is. Another show at the Comedy Store. Please come out. I'll put a ticket link, Ben Avery. Live on the...

And Matt Rife's going to be there. Actually, I don't know who Matt booked on it. Not Matt Rife, the different Matt. Matt Lockwood. I've got a segue for you, Ben. Oh, wait, wait, hold on. Let's see if it does go to Forex. Because I price them where I make like $2 on each shirt. I'm gonna see it'd just be funny

yeah I go 4x yeah so I'm proud that people are but you can tell the 3xers they wanted to get a 4x yeah but they but they're like I'll get a 3X I'll use it as motivation to lose some wave before it arrives

yeah and then they throw it out two years from now they go well now I need to get down to the 4X so no I literally I still have merch from our first drop and it's it's literally all small size shirt Like my garage is full of lemon party of lemon party smalls. That just were never, I literally should have ordered one small and it's for fat guys who are patafiles and they give their girlfriend a shirt of the show. I got a segue for you.

Speaking of Mexican people, you know on the show, we love Lucy. Yes, of course. Lucille Ball. Lucy, I'm home. Married Desi Arnaz. There we go. If you listen to the show, you already know we love Lucy. Who was killed.

not Mexican. Well, who cares? Whatever. Who gives a shit? Gross. You speak Spanish. Figure it out. Your hair's weird. Don't like it. I speak English. I'm an American.

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Especially when I'm tired. You know, I've just, I've got done drinking. We're recording. I've got to drive back home to San Diego. Of course. Makes you up, keeps you up, keeps you alert. Way too drunk. The nicotine helps me get home safe. Keep you alert. Pop one in, have a couple of sips of water, watch a damn movie. Exactly. Watch a movie while I'm driving home. Yep. Lucy is a great choice anytime, anywhere. Say yourself up with a subscription so you can never run out. Lucy's is a is the only pouch that delivers long-lasting on-demand flavor. Get 20% off your first order when you buy online at lucy.c.com slash lemon with promo code lemon. That's L-E-M-O-N. If you don't want to wait,

check out Lucy's store locator to find Lucy's near you and grab it today. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. And guys, that is every ad that we have for this week. Have you guys seen this black people in the hood are eating glow sticks? What? What's that's the biggest?

This is her attempt at a glow up. Everything they eat looks like a glow stick. When they like get the plates in the jar, everything is glowing in the dark. It does just look like a, you know, like when people in like Texas are like eating pickles at the fair. Is that what it looks like? It looks like she's drinking a lava lamp. She got it Spitzer's Giss. No, that literally looks like something from the fang.

She's eating the thing. Black people barbecue the thing. No, Jayce, this is a mogwai. Yeah. That fell into a pool. Yeah, am that gimpos? That juice, too. So the new big trend is they buy the big things of pineapples.

Yeah. The pineapple spears from Costco and they put Kool-Aid mix in it. And they buy this for 20 bucks. There's, I've seen this, Ben, this is a small business for a lot of black moms is they, they deliver candied fruit. Yes. And I've seen it. Look at this. And it looks like a glow stick.

No, it looks like Dick Chaney designed it in a lap. They're slurping up puddles at the gas station. They're like, look, it's like a rainbow. It's like skittles and that shit. Oh, when gas gets in water. It makes a rainbow. They're like, you ever like want to eat the world of Mario Sunshine? That shit looks so yummy to me.

So wait, what is this? That's a glow stick? They just like to eat stuff that's iridescent. It's so weird. I think it's like a... This isn't even a blackbird. This is just like a fat. When I say they, I don't mean black people.

I just mean people that get plates off of Facebook in poor communities. Yeah, they buy plates. Right. You're meeting up with someone at a gas station because you saw a picture on Facebook of food. Mm-hmm. And then you drove to get the food and meet up and you coordinated a whole thing, got their phone number, talking to them on messenger, you know, paying cash. And here's a Mexican stud, I believe. Or is that's an American.

That's just banging. That's boss. Shit. That shit. This is the country. Yeah, this is the country. That's the guy. You see the vest he's wearing?

When you order anything on Amazon, that guy touched it. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's getting crushed by a robot right now because you ordered toothpaste off Amazon. That shit is bustin. Yeah. Shit. Oh, and it's only got 900 calories per cup.

Shit. Shit. This is my daily serving of fruit. All they do is pour sugar in it with Kool-Aid. Yeah. They're making, like, alcohol. Like, accidentally. I mean, it's just the person that's like...

They're dressed like a traffic cone. Eating glow sticks in a parking lot. They can't taste flaming hot chitos anymore. It's just, like, they've lost the ability. Yeah. Yeah. They eat, like, little toys you would get it, like, at Gaddies or, like, C's Pizza or something. They eat the happy meal toy.

Yeah. Yeah. They're eating a Ronald McDonald's the way. They see a Captain Planet action figure. And they're like, I love this candy. This candy slaps. There's so many accounts like this that I get fed all the time. And I can't believe...

It's such a paranoid country, too. I'm surprised people are meeting up to buy lava lamps that they drink. Well, we're paranoid about everything but food. We will literally eat anything. We trust the burger. Big surprise, half of the posts on this person's Instagram are all memorials. It's all the people her food kill. It's all like, rest in peace, Cheeto.

Rest and peace, Chito, diet of dysentery. R. IP, Frito. R.I.P. Dorito. Rest and peace, cool, ranch. Combo. Burrito. They go, look, we found a skinny one. Let's change her forever. Girl, you skinny.

You haven't tried our food yet. Y'all, y'all. You're a child. You fuck with Cholo SpongeBob. We gave SpongeBob by Teardrop Tattoo. Seriously, what is this thing? What is this jar of shit? Where do they get this from?

They're called pineapple spears and a lot of guys. Here, I'll show you a guy who brags about going to Costco all the time. They make them themselves? No, no, no. They don't even buy the mason jars and cut the pineapples themselves. They go to Costco and they get crates of this stuff. Yeah, they buy pineapple in a plastic jug. That's the same as getting one pineapple, Devon, with the skin on it.

This guy right here I save two, so he's like, he thinks he's Jay-Z. Looks like if Mr. Peanut was a black guy. He looks like the Mr. Peanut Top Pack guy was real. Yeah. But I really came from four miles then. I said, I'm a- Whoa, what a deep look. I'm going to believe in me because I know what I got inside me.

I'm going to bet on me. Regardless of what you think, I'm going to be there for me. Is Deion Sanders? I think so. I'm going to bet on me. He's buying an entire palette full of pineapples. It's really sad what black guys on Instagram will think is motivational. Yeah.

A guy spending $80 on pineapple chunks to make something that's killing his community. He's like, I figured out, I'm all about that grind set. That's why I turned pineapple into crack cocaine. He's like, I'm an entrepreneur. You got a cookdown to pineapple till it's like a rock. This guy set up an LLC to buy pineapples at Costco. This guy, unfortunately, got 50 grand from the P.P.E. Yeah.

During COVID. So then this is his final product is. Yeah, they're like, let's give this shit to the kids. We got red. We got pink. I don't know if the margin is that good on these because they probably buy them for like eight bucks a piece and then sell them for 20. He was in a place that doesn't exist. He said John Boy, Arkansas.

We're in the Black Lodge from Twin Peas. That new gum you like is about to come back in style. We all talk backwards. Backwards and shit. There's a little midget and shit. There's a little trit and shit. There's a little truce. with an organ

on top of it. There's like a big metal flown shit, big metal flown and urban shit. Look at this shit. It's over time. I know.

These guys are like, it is amazing. These guys are like the CIA ain't got nothing on me. I make Roger As look like a pussy. Yeah. I'll one up your crack. No, it should have the

liver of their clients inside of it. Yes. That you eat like Hannibal. People do that. They get the formaldehyde brain from a science class, like a real brain. And they want to eat like old people's brains. People do it. They cut a slice of it and, you know, pagan, satanic rituals. And then of course they die immediately. Oh, not in, not in black communities. They're not doing that. They could. I mean, you don't have to be white to do it.

Yeah, they have Kool-Aid brand that they're serving. Yeah. Some people, it's just like, they want to eat real human brains. You can buy those jars. Really? Yeah. It'll kill you, like, pretty much immediately for a red though. You get a preon and it'll like eat your soul. Like eat your spine out. Yeah, you can't be eating that shit. And your last moments are your friends filming, you calling you.

Like, yo, look at Jimmy Neutron. Eat the brain. And then he's on the floor, seizuring. Look at Mr. Smog guy shaking. Oh, Mr. Smog guy. Mr. Bookworms shaking on the floor. Lean out of his eyes. How is it that color, though?

You can't. Also, how is her body in the shape of the fat suit and actors wear? It's good, ain't it? Just meeting up with someone on the side of the highway by a park. Yeah, he just to cut herself out of that shirt. Yeah. That's insane. I'm a malnourished thousand pound person.

I'm somehow a thousand pounds and I'm always starving. That's America. I'm nutrient deficient at a hit 20,000 calories a day. I got rickets and I'm 500 pounds. That's what it takes, man. To run the world. Yeah. We're really on.

To run the world. I'm taking over the world, bro. I'm like Putin. I'm like, Putin. I gave the whole hood scurvy and diabetes. We're taking over. We're taking over the world. See, I'm in the empire making business. Like, there's levels to this shit. Let's say he's making $12 a jar.

I think I see there probably 100 jars. Yeah. He's like, that's like $12,000. That's the empire-making business right there. You get to drive to each one of those people and deliver that? And gas is so expensive? You're not making. He's like, I steal gas, bitch.

I do that tube trick. I wonder if this shit, though, they're just using, like, their benefits to buy this stuff. The EB-T? I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck. I mean... Yeah, I never cared if people were buying candy with EB-T. No, we got to stop giving money to Israel first before we get on to...

Sure. Yeah. I mean, whatever. That's some chud to build the shit. I do love it when somebody does post, like, a black woman, like, buying cookies for her children with an EBT card. They're like, look at this fucking animal. It's like, where your priorities are very weird. Yeah.

Yeah. They have, like, events. They'll, like, come out to the club and eat CJ's Cool Rush. Pineapples. This one right here? Oh, it is called CJ's Cool Rush. Yeah. Yeah, CJ's Cool Rush.

Yeah, good. That's what AI is for. The other people who are buying them, it's very interesting that they don't realize that they can get these at Costco and then just pour in their own Kool-Aid mix and then eat them. I mean, I'll say this. At least they're eating some real fruit. At least it's like, at least it's a real pineapple. They go, don't worry. We figured out how to suck the vitamins out of it.

We dry that shit out first. Really not sure how we got that color. It's got to be milk or something. Aqua, aqua green. He probably combined the blue and the green. I think he's putting Lava Lamp shit in it, man. Some remix shit. It could be like sludge from a factory that was built near his projects.

He has a factory built outside his projects called the Evil Goo Factory. Yeah. All right. This shit. Homer Simpson is playing with in the intro to the Simpsons. It literally looks like cartoon nuclear waves. It looks like plutonium or something. It looks like you put in the DeLorean and back to the future.

It looks insane. These are like adults with free will. He's like, I make Kool-Aid shit. going so out of their way to acquire these things too. Yeah. They're not picking these up at, you know. No, no. And they're having a big meetup in a parking lot somewhere.

Like they're, yeah, like it's the five families meeting up. They're eating CJ's Cool Rush. The five families, but they've turned the oranges on the table into cool it. I bet it tastes like shit too, by the way. Oh, I bet it's not good. I bet it makes your feet shake when you try it. I bet your body like almost throws up. It's got to be bad.

Yeah, but you're right. There's people taking like three bus stops to get this. Yeah. Yeah, you're riding the bus. To get electric pineapple. Yeah. It's a shame. It's a shame what they've done to our communities.

That shit's been blow up my mind. The plate shit, I'm on Facebook marketplace all the time, especially acquiring stuff for the new space. Mm-hmm. I think I'm picking up a new mic that I'm really excited about, maybe later after I get a hell long go. Which I'm getting halal guys with you guys. I'll get a whole lot guys with you. I won't remake on that. Devin turned me on a halal guys and now he acts like a law guy sucks.

Well, you know, it's... You've been trying to talk me into it for years. Big of you to make fun of the people eating CJ's Cool Rush and your big Hall Al guys guy. Come on, it's drunk food. You're not even drunk. And by the way, your halal guys is made by somebody that's eating CJ's cool rush in the back.

Yeah, well, Ben, you know, Ben eats honey from bees. They eat, you know. Halal guys is great, but it's drunk food. And it's the only place I've ever gone to a world where they serve. Like, it's supposed to be like, it's halal. And then they're like, you want barbecue sauce on that? And it's smothered in barbecue sauce. First of all, can I say.

It's halal, but it's got a pork nose in it. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually studied the crot. And I know that you can't drink if you're Muslim. Okay. Okay, man. So why would halal food be drunk food if Muslims don't even drink alcohol?

Because they don't. It doesn't make any sense. They don't pay attention to that shit. Because they don't get a shit about that. They just pay attention to, like, kicking women out of cars and throwing ass on them. They're like, that's what Islam is. Dumbass. Not the alcohol shit.

It's rice, meat, veggies. Yeah. And then there is a sauce component if you want. Fat cum. There's literally jizz on top of it. They give you a big bag of fat cum. It's icing. Yeah.

They ice it up. Toes. I asked them for icing. Yeah. On top of it. Can I get sprinkles with my halal? Can I have whipped cream? Can you put cherry on top of my halal, please?

It also, it is rice, but it's a color of rice that doesn't exist in nature at all. Yeah, I was going to ask you guys, I didn't even know if it was rice. It is right. I thought it was a type of bean, maybe. It's like a dirty rice or something. It's such a strange color. Maybe there's like a tomato sauce in the rice or something. It's like a rice.

It's orange. They take like the paint from like highway stripes and put it in the rice. It's like neon reflective. It's their version of gutter oil. Yeah. Bat soup. You're in whole all guys. But it is good.

But I've said it many times. It's what I would order right before they put a bullet through my head at a prison. Which they will. Oh, yeah. They're bringing back the shooting for executions now. Does you know that? Are you happy about that as a lib or are you mad about that as a lib? As a lib, I don't care anymore.

I've given up. I just hope Israel has a right to defend itself as a lib. But I don't care. Like if somebody, they get to choose if they want to get shot to death. Yeah. I would do that over the poison, I think. The poison. Yeah.

Because the poison usually takes like 40 minutes and they're screaming and shaking and shit. But if you're a retarded guy, you can just be like, just shoot me in the head in, like, Texas and they'll just do it. Are they doing that in Texas? They're bringing the shooting back? I don't know if it's a nationwide thing. Interesting. They got to bring back something because I'm losing interest quick. Yeah.

So they get to start killing people in insane way. or the guys start doing some crazy shit they don't do the electric chair they don't do the electric chair anymore the whole country is a bunch of Zog slaves and

uh Goy cattle Yeah You're the Goys You're the Zog slave You're a raped Zog slave Or or you're a Goy Cattle Yeah my granddaddy told me that before he died

On his deathbed he told me you're either a Zog slave Or Goy Cattle And that's Republicans It's the Democrats. Yeah. Rape, sog slaves. Imagine George Carlin doing this bit. It's a bunch of big boy cattle and you're in it.

Pacing back and forth. George Carlin is good as much shit that people give him. He's actually really, really good. George Carlin is great. I know I see people dunk on him on X all the time. I'm like, his body of work is incredible. The specials are amazing. Yeah, people don't.

People like called, yeah. People call like a Da Vinci like a hack. Like they don't care about. Nobody cares about anything. Nothing. Literally nothing matters. I saw a review on, like, for pet sounds where some guy was, like, destroying it. I know many people who say the Beach Boys suck ass. I know.

I was like, dude, go. Like, I wanted to drive to this guy's house and be like, and give him a hug and be like, it's going to be okay. And he goes, no, kill me. Kill me. Bitch. Fuck you. You put on pet sounds and you're like, you're kind of getting mad. You're like, this is the bullshit that people think is good?

You put on God. He put on God. He knows. You're like, pretty. pedantic. Heard it before. You hate it because you've heard it before. Like literally.

I've heard this before. I've heard this song before. This ain't new. This ain't some old shit. I've run into like 10 or 15 people in real life at bars who have said like the Beach Boys like suck ass. Like Brian Wilson sucks fucking dog shit ass.

I listen to some bad albums and I still find some gems in there. They're amazing. People just people hear like ba, blah, blah, blah. Baran and they go, they suck but like listen to like surfs up or like some of the like later shit. It's crazy. That's the thing. Now it's just everybody posts an eight second snippet and it's out of context and it's kind of like a corny part of a song and they're like y'all really defending this.

Y'all y'all y'all motherfuck is. Like yeah I know. Yep. Pet sounds not a single pet in the whole album. And then you go there's actually a track with several pets on it. Well, I skipped it. I just saw the I saw the. I saw the. It's too green. Is it called pet sounds because it sounds like your pet made it? Yeah.

Boom. That sounds like Garfield made that shit. Boom. Fucking pet sounds. Yeah. Yeah. I'm more of an A-Sap Rocky guy. Who is good?

I actually like, okay. LSD rules. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. And the, I love that music video. Testing is cool. By Aesab Rocky. His last album was kind of came and went, but.

Testing was good. people shit on it. It was actually a very good album. You're not allowed to like try new things. Yeah. Chris, please. Yeah. Jayce, please. Please. Sorry. Your lib. That sounds sucks. Your lib. You're a zog cattle. You're a raped zog cattle. You're raped. What is it? Zog. Fuck. I forgot what it is. It's so good.

Do you have like a kuby's player sheet for zog terms now? Yeah. Well, you're having to call like triple X like cowboy Utah. Oh, a zog slave. Yeah. I'm a zog slave. Yeah. And you're raped. That's my version of audio slave. Zog slave.

How would that go? I forget every one of their songs. I haven't heard anything by audio slave, but the name is cool. It's a cool name, but I never really listen. I'm more of a Temple of the Dog guy. They're the people who went, I'm going hungry. It's Chris Cornell and Eddie Better. I was going to say it sounds like the Black Hole Sun song.

Yeah, it is Chris Cornell. It's Chris Cornell. It's Chris Cornell, Temple the Dog. Yeah. I'm going hungry. Yeah. Yeah. I need me some C.Js.

Eating pineapple filled with sugar and some shit. They're not hungry. Yeah. I'm drinking red. I'm drinking blue. I'm drinking neon green and pink and you tea. I'm eating Kool-Aid. Yeah.

Yeah, let me get a little, let me get green. Let me get, no, actually, fuck that. Give me turquoise. Can you give me some rice but put fat guy come on it? Can I get the fattest guys come on my rice? Can you make a big mound of meat and then slice little bits of meat and the fat guy come for me? Now, the sperm is dead, right? I want you deadest sperm.

It's the deadest sperm. I don't want them things moving an inch. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, if that's what halal food is, man, I'm moving to Morocco tomorrow. Yeah. And I'm going to have a good time. The great Islamic country, Morocco. What is it, Morocco?

Isn't there a city? There's like Casablanca and then there's like Maracas or something like that. There's a place called Morocco Morocco. Well, it's in Morocco and it's called like the big one. Oh, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking of Monaco. Sorry. I thought you were calling Monaco, Muslim.

No, no. I'm moving to Morocco. I told you this earlier when Aaron Rye won the people. BGA and he's not even Moroccan. Yeah, Indian guy won the big golf tournament today, Devin. Oh, wow. Slikidiki dikidika. I did watch Ben play the Beware song for his children and they were laughing because

he was doing an Indian guy voice. Yeah, because I did the... Oh, why you're getting him early. Kids think Indian bobblehead is very funny. They were dying at Indian bobblehead. Oh, Marrakesh. What? Marrakesh.

Marrakech, Morocco. Marrakech, Morocco. You guys aren't North African guys, like Casablanco. More of a South African guy. I don't know, I like Shaksuka. Yeah. See, Devin here, and then it's Gibraltar up into Spain. Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about? No, I don't know nothing about any of this whole area, but yeah. It's where you're from. When you say Morocco. No. You were born in a half dugout in Marrakech. No. You were born under a big sand temple, like, from Aladdin.

In a big, gopher hole? Yeah, you were born in a lion's mouth in the desert. You little rat. What are they up to over here? What do they do? In Morocco? Yeah. They have a log guys.

They wear those, like, big... The big red hats. Like dresses and stuff. in the hats. In my head, Morocco is just the guys in the big red hats. There's some guy on Facebook marketplace like, hello. Oh, is you messaging me? You want my microphone? Please come fuck me. I talk you down to

200. Don't you love that? I'm not to suck him off to get it down to 200. I love getting drunk and messaging a guy on Facebook who's listed something for 300 bucks. I love messaging him $25. Yeah, let's do 25. Question mark. Damn, he's messaging me a lot. Yeah. Oh, he gave me his address. He's sad.

He's probably going to try and Fuck you. Damn, he really needs the money. I kind of got him for lower. Yeah, I'm going to tell him. Should I meet him at like 10? No. Can I meet?

It's 6.05 right now, so you probably got time. Can I meet you at 1030? Because we got to watch some SNL after we record the Patreon. Can I meet you in the dark of night with my belly full of fat guy common rice? Tonight. Should I call him Y. Can I meet you tonight, Y, N? Sure.

Sure. Why not? Who cares? Who cares? He'll kill you like your Chud the builder. I can't tell. from his profile picture if he's wire black because he's just like, it's the

gray avatar. Or he looks like one of the aliens from signs. Yeah. He's a little weird audio file. Just gray guy. He's probably gonna rape you. He's probably putting a fucking thong on a MIDI right now. He's licking it. Yeah. He's shoving an SD car in his p-hole. He's leggings on the mic.

Slowly peels them down. I hate theming these audio guys on Facebook marketplace. I do it all the time to get gear. No, there's something for like 3.50. I'm like, hey man. Like, you want to do? Can I do, I'll pick this up tonight, can I do 320? And they'll be like, are you fucking high?

Yeah. I'm like, dude, come on. This retails for 400 new. I have to drive to Venice. Like, 320. Yeah. Yeah. And then they just blocked me. I know.

I'm like, 30 bucks. Come on. What's not that big of a mark down? You can't fuck with guys like that. They'll kill you. Audio fuck guys, guys obsessed with shit like that. They have nothing else. Guys that go to Norman's rare guitar and they lick the toilet seat.

Because Jimmy Page wants. took a dump there. They go, oh, Jimmy. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I get it,

though. I do the same thing with watches. A guy will list to watch for 400, and I'll find it new for 300. And I go,

can I do 250? I found it new for 300. They'd be like, where did you find that? Prove it to me. And I'll send him the link and I'll go, now.

Yeah. And that'll be it. I haven't done that in a long time. Jason's fighting with people all the time. I used to sell stuff on like let go and all that shit. But it was like, kind of dice.

You always wind up in like a Kmart parking lot. Yeah. And then they show up with their friends and you're like, I'm surrounded. Yeah, they're on bicycles, circling your car. Every once in a while, I didn't end up talking to a nurse that was on cocaine. He showed up with like a doctor's lanyard and he was like all fucked up and tweaked out. He wouldn't like let me go. But I think he was just lonely and sad.

Yeah. He wanted me to go in his house and look at more watches. I buy new. Sorry. Sorry, folks. strictly buy new I'm a new head I'm a new guy

I'm a Zog I'm a Goy Cattle I'm Goy Slop I'm a fan of Goy Slop I only buy brand new Hey how's it going I'm Goy Slop What's up

Goy Slop Can I'm gonna do 230 No Are you fucking high So a guy was so bad I was trying to get a piano For my daughter And I asked for like

50 below what he wanted And it was like He had listed it for like 500 And I asked for like 450 It was unbelievable And I think knew it was like 520 Or 530 for this Cassio

You'd think they would just want to get rid of the shit That's what it should be for It's just like whatever One clue that there's wear and tear It's been in his room where he beats off It smells like him Oh yeah He lays on top of it

And lingerie every night God knows what God knows what this piano is seen Oh God Flossing his ass with it You tell me every time you're done Taking a shit or jacking off in your sat apartment.

You wash your hands before you play the piano? I don't think so. Looking at this avatar right now, I think this keyboard's covered in jizz. Yeah. And I'm going to have to give it a real good cleaning. So how about you get one more wink in while I'm on my way? Yeah.

And let's do 30 below what you asked for. Yes, slur. Yeah. And I apologize if you're gay. I don't mean it in the gay way. I mean it in the derogatory way that has nothing to do with being gay. You're sucking ass. I don't even, listen, I don't know what you're.

you're up to. I don't know why you're doing this. You either buy new or nothing. Devin walks in the best buying tips. If I go to a guy's fucking, if I go to a, if I, if I'm afraid that if I show up and I buy a thing and he's, the guy sees that I know where he lives. Now he's going to follow me home and kill me just because I know where he lives. I don't trust anybody. Just to be safe. Just to be safe. Yeah. He gets the money from you and then he kills me. Yeah. This guy, perfect, perfect interaction with this guy. Ready? This mic retells for over 400. okay it's cardioid mic it's a mic i really want i think it looks cool he listed it for 270 i said i'll pick it up tonight for 200 he said great oh wow that's how it works

yeah there you go perfect that's how it's done right there it's got textbooks probably broken coming by at 1030 here's the thing with a belly full of halal guys and i'm gonna need to take a shit in his apartment here's the thing don't you ever think about then you get it it's broken and then you're like now i got to hit him up be like hey it's broken and now you're at war with a psychopath. Oh, I'll go to war. Now you're just... You got to take him the small claims.

You're essentially like a homeless guy fighting over like tent space now. That guy took your good spot under the bridge. Yeah. No, we're going to war. I don't got time for that shit. Do you ever... I don't got time for that, not with all the SNL clips.

Yeah. Do you ever hit a guy up and he demands you meet at the police station? Never had that. I've had a couple of those. Really? They're like, meet me. Meet me at the receipt of police station. Like if I rob him, the cops are going to shoot me from the window.

Like, they're watching out for him. I guess I'm running away. Yeah. Like, he just thinks a police station parking lot, 400 yards away from the station is going to protect him. I'm like, I'll fucking kill you right now. Because you try to do this shit. I meet people in parking lots when I get out. Before I even say hi, I go, you see up, we got snipers up there, up there.

I got cameras there. And I go, underneath this shirt, beeping vest. He goes, buddy. Now hand over the $20 action figure. He goes, buddy, my cousin's at your house right now. Now, let me, I got to feel the funco pop before you even see the cash. You pull your phone out, this video. If you go, see that, that's your family.

They're tied up. I'm getting a Bart Simpson Funko Pop for $13. And you go, you go, let me take it out of the case. Let me hold it. Let me squeeze it a little bit. Let me find a little bit. Listen, Fsler. Yeah.

Do you ever, have you ever bought from a really hot woman on Facebook Marketplace? Yes, but the husband always comes out and meets me on behalf of her. He doesn't know what's going on. And she's clearly been, she does this to him every night. You show, you show up and you're like, I need to talk to the hot lady. Yeah. Send the wife out. I'm going to need to at least see some pictures on your phone of her.

I go, I'm going to need to least see the outline of her titty through a sweatshirt. Actually, you know what? What's fair? Just call her right now. Have her press them up against the window through the curtain. Through the curtain. It's a thin curtain. I see it's thin.

I don't even have to see them. I just want to know what the shape is when they're pressed. That's fine. That's fine. I don't need to see the outline of the nipple. She doesn't need to take her shirt off. I'm overpaying you for this, but I'm happy to do it if I can see the outline of the titty meat against the curtain through the window. It doesn't need to look like, you know, who frame Roger Rabbit.

Listen, I was hoping to rape your wife tonight. Why are you here? But I'll settle. I'll settle for seeing the titty meat squish against glass through a curtain. The rat meat? Just the meat Listen, your wife's a brap hog I didn't see those puppies pushed up against the glass

Does she have a big set of ribs? How did they sit on the ribs? Are the ribs big? Are they fringe-shaped? Are they thin? Your wife's obviously a fucking loser She showed up to meet me. And you're a Zog slave. And you're a Zog slave. To your wife. Your wife's Goy slave.

Call the Goyim up. Get them out. Have her be a good little Goy cattle and push her brat meat up against the glass. Have her trot her big fake implant tits out because I live in SoCal. I want her to press them up against the glass until I can hear the crease in the window

where the glass might even break. I want to worry about the glass. I want to see the glass bend out a little bit. I want to get scared for her tities. Yep. And then at the end, I'm going to turn around like it's the end of Paris, Texas. I'm going to be on my phone. And I'm not even looking to the booth. And then guess what, asshole? I'm going to overpay for this ukulele for my daughter. But when you go

get the mail out of your mailbox in the morning, Yeah, there's a bit of common side of it That's right, asshole I drove back in the middle of the night I jerk up in your mailbox hoping she would touch it but even that fails I'm a loser Patreon.com

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