lemonparty - 188: Biblically Evil Creatures

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

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Happy Memorial Day, everybody. This has been. The following episode was going to be a Patreon, but it has been cleared by Devin Costa to be put out as a regular episode. He does blackout at some point in the episode. He doesn't recall a lot of it. I want everybody to keep in mind that it's just three guys having a good time and everybody is a-okay. Everybody's doing good. Real quick, please come to the comedy store this Friday, May 2, May 2,000. 29th at 8 p.m. They gave us a great spot at the store because you guys have been coming and we've been selling it out. So Ben Avery.com live for tickets. Thank you and I look forward to seeing you there. That's true. Okay. So would you like to say to everybody before they listen to this episode,

would you like anything played or no? I'd like to apologize if it's hard to listen to. But if you're entertained, then good. I'm glad that I feel bad today and that you're entertained. Because I know you don't want people to get worried about you Because everyone's worried about you all the time Those people, listen They would never help me out if I actually If I actually needed them Just keep paying to the Patreon

That's how you don't have to worry about me Okay Yeah, Devin's going to rehab But it's going to be really expensive So we need to get the Patreon way, way up. Let's start that. Let's start that.

I can't afford passage as Malibu yet. So until then. No, and also, this is at the end of these weekends where I have to do a million episodes of like Jock Week and stuff. So then I wake up on the day we have to do Lemon Party. And I feel like shit. And the only way to fucking start talking again is to have more drinks. It's a vicious cycle. It's a vicious cycle.

We have to change the day we record. Yes, maybe today, because you're probably not drinking today, right? No, not at all. No. Not a memorial day. I don't drink throughout the week. Not a memorial thing. I don't treat the troops like that.

You know, you really screwed me with that Tesla Diner episode. I can't believe you let that happen. Which is now lost to the sands of time. Thank God. I got our YouTube deleted. Do you know that? Okay. Well, I love you, buddy.

I love you, too. Do you want us to come by later? or you think today is probably not good? No, I think I think later will work. I'll text Katie. I'm just trying to finish this so I can't go back home because I'm editing at the studio right now. Oh, oh, okay.

All right, I'll talk you later. All right, love you, buddy. See it. Bye. Love you, bye. Bye. Who did it get here? I've kind of...

Pat and Oswald's face is floating on our TV right now and it looks like Androsse is at the end of Star Fox 64. Remember the guy he has to fight? The guy that kills his... The monkey grandpa guy. He has to fight at the end of Starfuss. Isn't him like Luther Vandross or something? Yeah.

It's the soul sin. The army singer Luther Vandross. Luther Vandross, yeah. It's Starfucks has to fight his sweaty, fat black man from 1985. He's the guy that sings like, um, dance with my father again. I don't know any of his songs. Boom, boom. Anytime I hear one of his songs, it's always good.

But it's, I forget it instantly because it is like, pour a bubble bath and take some rosy and that's like the whole song but he's a very talented singing when a man loves a woman he probably does a cover of it Percy Sledge Percy Sledge

Percy Sledge yeah That played at my wedding and I played that for the the bull There was a black guy In his chair and then my song after was she's a rainbow And that was about me

She's a rainbow She fucks the CIS I'm talking about Ben. She fucks a black guy at the bar. She fucks a black guy at the bar. Ben sits in his gamer chair afar. She comes so hard. She comes a rainbow. Ben is a fucking cut.

I kind of been in my head lately. About your wife? Yeah, about my wife cheating on me. Because I've been looking back at like 13 years when like, because I was like a missing person like sometimes basically. Where you guys were like should we call the police? What? Well, my phone would be dead and I'd be sleeping under my Prius as if I was Patrick Star. I'd treat it like a rock.

You were like your own. You were your own straight cat. We were always worried you were going to start the car and get sucked into the ignition. I drove by your guys' old place today by the jack of the box. On normal avenue? Yeah, yeah. Good times. So, very funny, by the way, because, like, I'm realizing how evil women are.

Sure. Are you really? All right, here we go. Okay. Here we go. Hit me. By the way, hit me,

this could be the main. This could be the main, okay. Okay. So my wife is hanging out with ladies now, tons of women, of all different guys. Oh,

she's realizing how much better it is on the other side. It's can't stand you. No, no, it's not that ball. She's gonna switch. I've been realizing her giving me stories.

I'm like, oh, you guys are the most evil. Oh, they are. Oh, yeah. I thought we were evil. They're Shakespearean evil.

Monty Ovalian nightmares of people. They are the worst people. They're horrible. Biblically evil creatures. Women are biblically evil creatures. They're fuckable locusts. You could tell a woman...

Like obviously we do the heavy lifting. You know, we like bash a rock into a baby's head. Sure. You know, we're having fun. But we're, yeah, we're told to do that. Yeah. I think the women are the ones... It's intrinsic.

The women are the... Is he Anthony? Women's getting us to do that. No, women are doing that. They're driving off cliffs with their kids inside. They are, eventually. They're taking people with them. Yeah.

Yeah. Like the late of the crash. The girl that drove into the fucking wall. Guys don't do that. And somehow she lived because God's like, well, she's got tits. God's like, I want to fuck it. She's going to drive into a wall at 150 miles per hour, and then the two men in the car are going to be turned into jelly and she'll live. And she's not even going to really have, like, even a bad, like, neck.

Her neck is fine. It's going to be better. I think she actually, I think she actually cracked her back when she drove into the wall. She's like, my shoulder's been killing me for years. I really think that helps. Driving into that wall really helps out. The vertebrae shifted back into position.

Oh my God. That's nuts. Wait, so what's going on? What's the evil? So my wife will be like, oh, you know so-and-so? And I'll be like, no, but she'll go, no, I've told you about so-and-so many times. And I'll go. But I'm like, I've never met them.

They love to do that. They love to say the first name of some absolutely. absolutely nothing. They love to constantly be like, you know, Marley? No, I don't. But then I try and I go, oh yeah, kids, Sophia. She goes, no, that's Jennifer. But then she goes, I have never met them. But then she goes, keep

guessing. Keep going. Did she give me a multiple choice, like quiz? I have to sharpen my pencil. You know, Marley. And you have to be like, which womb is this? Come on. Marley, we, we You were out one time and she was there. You know her.

Who? She was an abstract gray shape in your peripheral. She was like an alien from signs that just walked through the... You saw her in the doorway. Remember, she drove past us one time and I said, that's her. You know Marley. So she goes... It's Marley!

She goes, yeah, she goes... She goes, yeah, they're getting a divorce. And I'm like, oh, did I go, let me guess. Because a lot of around the time people have kids, usually people cheat. Because it's a state of... Because the guy is like... The bedroom. Now you look like bubblegum now.

Your pussy's got shrapnel in it. So I'm going to cheat. You're a starburst. I found in my cupboard. You look like a... You're a starburst. You're a lollipop I found in the dryer. You turned into the...

chair of a minivan. Listen, Johnbreaker. I don't really care anymore. Listen, Godstopper. You've got goldfish cracker crumbs. It's a bunch of crap all over you. Yeah, goldfish crackers all over you.

Listen, smells like shit. Sweetie, sit down. You have a Kool-Aid stains all over your shirt. You're sticky. You're sticky. It's terrible. You don't even, you're like kind of, you're not even like a shape anymore. I don't know.

No, I get it, man. I've cheated on many and pregnant. So No I'm kidding Getting Kidding Guys get very stressed

People do crazy shit Around those times It's very stressful You know It's very stressful So So well like Probably more so for the woman

No the woman is going through Hell and her She could die actually Because there's a lot of like Health problems It could arise And they're actually doing everything But the man

Wants to Fucking pump loads into somebody And that's more And he can't. And it's hard for him. And even if she wants to, it's gross. No, it's hard for the man because the man is not getting, it's not perfect. It's not exactly what he wants. Everything he ever wanted.

It's not everything he ever wants. Yes, thank you, Jay's. And that's upsetting for him. So he's going to blow up his whole fucking life. Because it's not perfect. And he's going to. By a fucking woman that he hates. He'll ruin your life.

Yep. I compare it to, you know how like the funniest guy you've ever seen in your life will then get Saturday Night Live and then they go on SNL and they're like only half as funny as they are in real life. Mm-hmm. Okay. That to me is what your marriage better be perfect because during the postpartum phase, that's going to get cut in half for like a little bit and you got to be able to weather it.

If your marriage is like kindness, whatever, you're going to have a kid and you're going to get a divorce immediately. Right. So you got to be like, do I like half my wife, basically? Exactly. Do you like her half as good as she is now? Right. It's got to be rock solid.

Right. Shit is going to get weird with her, and it's crazy times, right? So I hear from her all the crazy time stories where I'm like, from other couples. Yeah, she'll be like, yeah, he wanted to stay in a hotel in the mountains, and there was a black guy with an axe, you know, the kid was talking to a spirit, you know, the whole thing. You know, he was on a typewriter all day. Like, I'll hear, like, The Shining from my wife for sure breakfast. No, no, no, the hotel possessed him. well your wife rules by the way too

because she's like she like dips her toes into like the normal world where she'll bring back like mentally deficient people that work at like office jobs and I'll meet them and I'm like wow you're literally this is unbelievable wow if I shot you in the head

I'm not sure you'd die no when your wife's friends come over like sometimes sometimes there's a person at your place and I'm like if I were to

if I were to shoot them in the head I think it would like help out I think I think it would like create ventilation in their brain it's like when you cut a worm in half it would just create two new people that suck dude my wife had a co-worker once there can I say there's sometimes we're hanging

out and we're being crazy and then one of your wife's friends will come over and it's like a deer just walking to the house and we're all like who ho ho ho hey hey Dude, one time Katie had a co-worker That they had to fire

A deer walked in What do we do? And by the way, I think Some of these people that we're talking about We've spent like six hours with Many days Throughout like a whole Dodgers game Yep

Like if we want An 18 inning Dodgers game happens It was amazing I actually love them One time Katie turned to a coworker And she asked her, she goes, hey, could you go at the back and get me, uh, Tylenol? And there's like a storage closet. She went and she came back out and she handed Katie, uh, Katie goes, what, what's this?

And she goes, is that not Tylenol? You said it was like red. And she looked down. She goes, this is printer ink. Mm. And she goes, so is that not Tylenol? Katie was like, no, it's, it's printer ink. Yeah.

That is not Tylenol. And she was like, oh, okay. And she grabbed it and she's like, I'll go to keep looking. It's like literally those dogs that speak with buttons. They're just kind of like doing their best. So one of these ladies, Katie goes to me, she goes, yeah, they're getting a divorce. And I'm like, one of them already got divorced because he's a guy in the military. Her husband is.

Her husband is in the military. And she says when he's back home, he, I swear to God, morning afternoon and night, he watches pornography. Okay And she's like, yeah, he's a really good dad But he pretty much only He watches porn like literally eight hours a day I don't see what the point? She's like, he only watches porn

Like he just will sit down and watch it Oh, is just the people back in Texas? I know, I don't know who these people are I've never met them These are LA people Oh, they are From her old job I made tons of new friends here

Some mini great I have a really good Turkish friend now As a Turkish coffee shop But I hang out there Since we've opened it up listen I mean, Katie's kind of like our fucking, she's like our, like our, she's our double asient, you know, to the world of retardation. Because Katie's like very intelligent. The normal world.

We drop her. She gets dropped into these worlds. Didn't she go to, remember when Oliver Anthony's song was a big deal? Oh, and all her friends in Texas. And she went out there. To Texas? Yeah, the Texas. And then she got picked up.

up at the airport and the people were like blasting all the rampant in the car they suck ass it's so sad they're like baby we're in addison today they're like listen baby we're gonna get fucked up tonight it's not every day you're in addison we're in addison text baby we're we're quoting a we're quoting a story baby i'm in addison i'm gonna smoke crack I'm in Madison tonight. We got a sitter and we're out in Addison. Honey, we might go to Bronx. Honey, it's Flugerville.

I'm going to go nuts. When I'm in Kyle, Texas, anything else. When I was not every night you're in Tyler, Texas. Honey, we drove through Bastrop today. You know, it's funny. It's such an elitist bit. I know.

But it makes me laugh every time. I don't care. I don't care that we're being elitist. Fuck them. They're fucking retards, dude. Grow up. Fucking move. Fucking idiots.

Jesus Christ. There's mortal life. You live one life. Get out of there. Unbelievable. You people. Unbelievable. Yeah.

Yeah. Baby. Baby. It's Roanoke. I'm gonna get fucked up in Roanoke. Baby. It's. McAllen

I'm gonna shoot dice it's Macallan no I'm gonna tell you the most evil shit I've ever heard in my life okay this actually fucked me up a little bit my wife goes no he didn't cheat when asking about this new couple uh-huh that was separating yeah it was separating I go oh did he cheated he goes no no nothing happened and I was like well who's divorcing who I'm like she's divorcing him and I was like but why She was like, yeah, we just kept pressing her. And she was like, just not attracted to him anymore.

And I was like, oh, did he get like really, did he get in a bunch of weight after the baby came or did he go bald? She goes, yeah, we asked. And she said, no. She just said she woke up one day and she set him down and was like, I'm not attracted to you at all anymore. And I wanted divorce. Just shut off like a robot.

Yep. She said, I'm just done. Just don't find you attractive. I'm done. She wasn't like, he sucked. Nope. He wasn't a shitty husband. He goes, he's a great dad.

He's very kind to me. He's amazing. is a great job. Just woke up one day and I was not attracted to anymore and I need a divorce. Jesus. The coldest shit I've ever heard in my life. But by the way, not a woman who's like, I have to go find myself.

She's just like, I'm just going to go to cheesecake factory by myself now. God damn it. Just sitting someone down and be like, listen, you're disgusting. Listen, I can't spend another second around you. Listen, I need to travel the world. I'm going to frisk. Yeah. I think I'm actually, listen, you fucking are holding me back. it's time for me to move to Plano.

Listen. Why would they move to Plano from L.A.? Listen. Listen. That would be insane. Listen. You've been holding my back. No, dude, I'm telling you, this is in L.A.

She set her husband down and said, listen, you didn't change. You didn't do anything wrong. You're the same man that I married when we got married. She goes, so evil. No, she was like, I'm going to be completely honest with you. I am not attracted to you anymore. Wow.

I fell out of being attracted. They have kids together? Yeah, like little kids. Like, they're early on in the family and everything. So she got, like, the post-mortem depression and just, like, didn't deal with it or something? Post-mortem. Post-mortem. That's what I call it.

She's living in hell. She might as well be. She might as well be. She's dead to me. I like that. Wait, wait, wait. When a woman gets birth to a baby, she dies. Post-mortem depression.

That's right. Because she's dead to me. That pussy's ruined. Yep. As soon as they have one kid. That pussy. tore up. I think I've done that like eight times in front of you.

Post-mortem depression. Post-mortem depression. That rocks. Oh, fuck, that's insane of that lady. I'd rather you do anything. I'd rather you cheat on me. I'd rather you, like, I mean, anything. Say I'm gay.

Just that. Could you imagine the love of your life that you have kids with sitting you down and saying... Why does Katie know so many fucking insane people? I think that's... I think that's kind of the world, though. Katie tells me... Why do you think there's so many angry men out there with weapons?

I don't know, man. Running through malls. You guys are such an amazing couple because it's unbelievable the people that you're, like, you're coupled with. This is war. We're meeting people in war and they're not surviving. They're dropping left and right. They're hitting landmines. They're blown up.

Their ships are going down. You're best friends with, like, a bunch of, like, Benjamin Netanyahu's. Yeah. Relationship Netanyahu's. Like, you live next to, like, Benjamin Netanyahu. Yeah, quite literally. And you, like, are friends with him. He's like a good guy.

He's a good guy. He helped me move a coffee table the other day. Yeah. Right. It's insane. And he was in my living room. We put the coffee table down and he just stomped the floorboards a couple times. He's like, okay, just making sure you're not hiding anything under there. And he tipped his tiny hat to me, and he was on his way.

He goes, his coffee's a little too good. Is it Turkish? If it's darkish, I have to kill you. Fuck, man. That's dark. That's the thing is they go into. Evil, man. They go in fucking evil.

I think that's most, I think that's a lot of couples, though. Like, if you go into jelly roll world, like, that's what's going on. Like, if you ever watched that show, that reality show about the relationship counselor? What was that?

I think it's Devin's. Mike fell. Are you pouring Bucardi into a cocoa? Pouring fucking, I'm pouring a drink. It's Bombay. It's gonna be as entertaining as possible. It's Bombay, yeah. You, just you wait.

I will, I will ruin my life. soon on this episode. Just you wave. I will fucking... I will throw myself to the wind and I will wake up tomorrow and I'll be like, maybe we should delete that.

And we'll say now. Just wait. Just hold on. And it will be happening. Okay, David, what are you going through right now? What's going on with you? I'm not going through anything, man.

Are you still attracted to me? I'm just fucking, fucking bored. I'm fucking bored. David. Crazy. Crazy. I'm gonna need you to bleep that. No, put it at the top.

Believe it. Edit it. I'm fucking bored. Who gives a shit? That is why white people say the N-word. I do want black people to know that. It's just out of bored. We get bored.

It's literally bored. It's the verbal equivalent of like just jumping out of a window because you're bored. Black people think we say it to like because we're like evil. No, I say it to like stay awake on a road trip. It's a five-hour. energy. I'm literally like, I'm like trying to like stay up, okay? By the way, I'm not racist. I'm sleeping.

You know, you will, I hope you'll handle that. Um, but also if you don't, whatever, I'll fucking figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'll talk to people about I'll do some research. I'll have, I'll have some meetups. I'll fucking, I'll get lunch. Yeah. A couple people. I don't know.

It's a fucking stupid. Imagine being like furious about that. Can you imagine being, can you imagine being furious about that? I'm a little furious because I want to say it all the time on the show, to be honest. I say it all the time. There's so many times it's so funny to say. I walk around my house, I wake up every morning and I call my dog the Edward. Because it's a pit bull. It's just funny. Well, no, it has nothing to do with like, yeah, that's good. I get it. I get what you're saying. Devin, you're leading out of the shop, by the way. Let the people see how drunk you are. I just say, I just, I fucking

think it's funny to say sometimes I don't know, I'm fucking by the way, you told this is, sorry, go ahead. Oh yeah, Jay's gone on. Well, I was going to say, you told us a story about comedians that are pretty well known that we like who once they were in the woods one time. Do you remember that story?

They're all out in the wilderness and like the Northeast and they just all, in the middle of nowhere, they just scream the inward as loud as they could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because they're like, oh, nobody's going to hear it. So I can just, I can scream it at the top of my lungs. Right. But I don't, I, I've never had the urge to say it with the ER.

I just think it's a, I just, It just makes me laugh, saying it with the A. It's just fun. We're just having fun. It's like playing with fireworks, you know. Hey, guys, when you start a business, it's important to have a great team. Shopify is your MVP every season. Shopify is the e-commerce platform behind millions of businesses.

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Thank you, Shopify. And back to the show, Ben. Perfect. Please continue. I graduated away. The annoying thing about saying the N-word when it's not, what it's like, what's meaningless is like,

is that it's, it is weird. It's like, it's just kind of like, It's just so silly. Yeah. It's just so silly. Like I think it's more, it's, there's a cupboard that's locked that you're not supposed to go into. Yeah, exactly. But it's fun.

But like, like, I, I, I, I'm listening to the song and I'm in the car and I'm rapping along. I'm saying, I'm saying it. I say it all the time. I say it all the time. I got to say every white guy I know says it. I say it all the time. It's fucking ridiculous and funny and we're retarded. And I just.

just know, I just pick my spotsman to like not let people know. So bleep that out earlier. But like I just, I just fucking say it sometimes because it's fucking ridiculous. And you're bored. I'm bored. Life is so long. I'm fucking, literally so bored.

Life is so long. I'm so bored that I just say because I'm out of bored. I'm like, like somebody give me a fucking jolt of life. I want a jolt of life right. I hope somebody kills me for that. I actually hope somebody fucking sheds me for that. Life is so long and there's words you're not supposed to say. through like 85 years, you know what I mean?

Yes. And they say time isn't even like a... Yeah, time's the construct. That's what they say. But I remember Zach Gophonacka saying the hard hour on stage. If you're a white person, yeah, of course. All these motherfuckers said it all the time. And for some reason, no one cares about that.

And if you're a white person who's like, I've never said it, you should say it one time. It's more racist to be like, I've never said it. Well, when I hear that, you know what I think about, Jays? Kids at our Christian University who claim that they had never touched their penis or jacked off. Yeah, it's the same. At the age 22.

I'm like, come on, dude. Like, your parents aren't home. You're not saying it, like, one time. Into the toilet. Into the toilet. You're not saying it. You're not screaming it into the toilet pool. Down the pipes.

So a guy in another house hears it. Travels up his pipes. He thinks the toilet's calling him the N-word. Come on. You're not saying it into a cup in your floorboard. I've never said the N-word. You should say it right now. For telling me that, you should say it right now into a camera.

I said it. on NBC. Fucking NBC. Literally a corporation paid me to say it. You got paid money. You filed the W-9. I got paid.

I literally I said it for a corporation. And then the guy that got me that job blew his black hat off. Both true things. You know what I wonder

in terms of full foul? That feel good, Devin. It's just funny to say, fuck him. Yeah, I know. I love him to death, but like also

it's just very funny. It's very funny to say, And he blew his black head off. His big black... I was like Trump. And he blew his big black head off. His big black head exploded.

His big black head. Down by the L.A. River. Turn in the dust. Down by the L.A. River. Okay. No, but I'm very sorry for your friend. No, it's okay. Thank you, man.

I know you're hurting. No, it's actually... It's a constant pain. No, it's a constant pain. And I also like, it's actually... more of the pains from finding out that he wasn't, you know, whatever. I found out a lot of stuff about him.

Sure, sure, sure. It's hard stuff to deal with. It's a hard stuff to deal with. It's been a long Odyssey. But recently, it's very funny. So I'm in a group text with Joey, Keith, all the guys, my whole friend group with Jack.

Jack was in the group text, right? Predominably black group text with you and Joey. Garrick, all these people. Everyone's in it. Everyone was in it. We're all in it. But it's like, you know, It's not as fun anymore. Jack kind of killed fun.

That's kind of what's annoying about him dying. He killed a lot of fun. Cry hard or fag about your dead friends? But listen, I understand. No, I get it. I get it. Hey, I'm from Reddit, and I'm here to tell you to cry harder about your dead friend, fag. You look insane.

Devon needs to get over. Watching the latest episode, Devon needs to get over his best friend that blew his head off. I actually forgot my fucking point. No, you're in the group text. You're in the group text. Killed fun. But you're in the group text the other day. You're in.

You and Joey. You're in a ghost town in your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sheriff's gone and you guys are like, are we still a town? Something happened in the group text. So we found out, okay. What are you drinking? You got me back.

I'm drinking fucking Gatorade. It's a bunch of gatorade. It's a bunch of gaiting. I'll bring you sporting. Homo. You're drinking Bacardi. So, yes. Why don't you drink again?

By the way, maybe your wife would like you. Um, so... Oh, we got scroll-in. Scrobin, activated. No, okay. So, so... I'm not kidding. Yeah.

So, Joey, we find out that the, the, the, Jack's number in our group text is now going to... his stepdad he took the number yeah they took his phone so the number still goes to something so for the last like so he has a phone

for the last four years all of the absolute insane shit that we say in this group text has occasionally been going to Jack stepdad who's never left the group and Jack stepdad

called Joey recently like Joey Joey sent me a image where it said Jack Knight's calling you and Joey goes I'm losing my I go is Jack alive It's a ghost yeah Like it's his ghost calling me? What the fuck is this

And he talked to Jack's Stepdad who Jack used to make all these fucking jokes about He had like a lot of like bits about About uh I remember about his stepdad It was a very funny shit but it was just like

it was just so then Joey goes and by the way he goes he goes he's been watching us for fucking years he knew everything so it's like we're saying all these insane things we're making all these like we're making all these like jokes about him killing himself and shit

and like his fucking his fucking his fucking mom and stepdad occasionally looking just be like look at what these white boys said today look at what these white boys said about your Looking at this group text, like, what the fuck? These white people are demons.

They're demons from hell. That's kind of on him. No, I know, I know. Honestly, we didn't really look much into it, but I just remember being like, wow, this was like a week ago. Damn, man, that fucking fuck. Damn, that's like a lot of years of him watching us say literally everything on the face of the earth.

Of every new revelation coming out. new revelation we've ever come up with and we're talking about him and I'm making horrible jokes about him killing himself just to just to fucking deal with it

and this guy's stepfather is looking at the phone and be like oh god he keeps charging it every night he's like oh my god he's with his mom yeah telling her everything this is the plot of black phone

with Ethan Hawk oh god Hey, Blackbone. Comedy. Comedy. Comedy. Hey, hey. Hey, black phone.

Hey, hey. What's that a movie about Cricket Wireless? Black Pound. Hey, comedy. What is it? Hey. God damn it. They should have called it a Obama phone.

Hey. Hey, Cap. Anyway. All calls are bastards. So, did you? you, at this point, did you kick him? Did you kick Jack out of the group show? No, he's still in our group chat. Does he talk, have you modified behavior? No, Jack is still in our group chat. But does he talk back or? No, he never talks about it. He just looks at us, say evil things about

about his, you know what you should do, Depp son? I think you should go visit Jack's grave. I think you actually should. I don't think he has a grave. Was he cremated? Yeah, he was turned to the dust. Well, you don't have to say it like that. Fucking bum. It's a very brutal way to say that. I mean, eventually, you know. No, yeah, I know. We all become dust, and then one day we might become stars. He's fucking, you know, in the long enough timeline. He's a gay.

He'll join the sweatsh. No, it's fine. No, I understand. It's great. It's a life's great. I'm turning into worm shit. I used to drive to comedy shows with this guy. He was a, he was a live.

Actually, the most alive person I ever met. He's fucking, he's literally, doesn't exist. He doesn't exist anymore. He's a, he's a speck. He's a speck. speck of dust. But you just said time was a construct and there was a time when he wasn't even born. I don't believe

that. I'm, it's fucked. I don't believe any of that. Wife is not a linear thing. I wish he wasn't a speck of dust. But Devin, here's the thing. Even if everything... I wish he was here. Like, really, I wish... Telling you your podcast sucks. I wish he

hated me. I wish he hated me. If he was alive, he would hate me. He'd say your podcast sucks or that he's going back to to write for his pedophile show. But at least I could And I could tell him like, yeah, keep going, write, go keep writing fucking democratic fucking, you know, pedophile anthems for the DMC, you fucking homo. Yeah, well, we get, yeah, by the way, all these, all the people, all the people that, like, loved you, they all, they all, they all, they all, they don't go to the funeral. And they turned on you. They all think you're worthless.

Yeah, didn't tweet about you. Nothing. But he was a fucking, he did, he did things. Some bad things. Yeah. He did some bad things. but fucking life's weird No no Devin here's the thing

Life is a mystery No no it's just a mystery It's a highway And we're a detective Walking through it And we got to Figure out the clues You know

And then by the end of life We can Feel like we kind of solve The whole thing you know You know it's really weird Like I knew that guy And he knew me And my ex-girlfriend

Ida Ida's not here anymore You knew I Well she's still She's still with him She's texting me that day. She's a living person. I didn't tell you,

I'd have killed herself last night. You're crazy. Crazy, you're crazy, man. Ida, you told us you were going to ruin it all, and you did. This is the main episode, by the way. Look at you. Look at you.

We're making this the main app. No, Ida blew her head off last night. This is called, we're telling this episode, Devon's Hangover Anxiety episode. What do you want? wake up tomorrow morning and you go, oh no. Ida, I love you. I'll always love you.

I'll always love you. I'm fucking around. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you forever. You're wild, man. We just weren't, we weren't meant to be together all the time.

All the time every day. But I love you so much. God bless you. Oh, man. This is what Jock week. does to you. I hope fucking people appreciate this. Hope people appreciate it. They won't.

They'll say mean things about you on the internet. Which is what it's made for. It's its purpose and that's a valuable role we play. Because that's what we do. We come on here and we say mean things about people. I think it's actually beautiful. And the hate comes back. It hits

us in the heart. Exactly. We're worms that make compost that other worm to eat. Exactly. We're always no matter what, no matter what I do, I'm a big cuck to everybody. I'm always such a cuck. They say you're cuck for blacks. I'm a cuck for blacks, which is insane.

Which is what our show's known for. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. And to other people, you're also super racist and like a Nazi basically. No, at the same time, I was like a horrible guy. I don't know. I don't know. Whatever. Whatever, man.

I'm fucking, I'm me. I'm fucking me. Hey, drink to that, buddy. Um, me. Red Solo cuck. Great, great fucking little Wayne song. I'm me. I'm me.

I'm me. Hit it there, Wian. Play on me. Play on me. Cheers. Bottles clanking, but they're not on the floor. They're high in the air. Raise a glass to Devin Costa.

Exactly. For my, yeah, real pain for my sham friends and champagne for my real friends. To the real YN. To the real YN. Will the real YNs please stand up? No, I mean, what were we talking about? My, by, my, by, dead. My black friend of the blue is big black head off.

You're crazy. You're crazy, man. Yeah, you're a white head. Can you imagine that guy's head blow it? Devin, he had such a big head. Devin, I've spent a long time thinking about it, honestly. I think about it every night of my life. Like the actual Kronenberg-esque.

Every night of my life. I can't believe he put a gun. to his big, beautiful blackhead and he shot his black head off. The most, like, violent thing you can do to yourself. It, it, um, I, um, I, um, I know everyone has to had to move on for the

sake of their lives. I haven't. I haven't moved on. It's fucking, it drives me nuts. Every day of my life, I think about him on some level. Do you dream about it still? Not every day. I do, but I dream about him where we're having a good time together where we're like,

we're enjoying ourselves and we're having fun. But, but I do, I do think about him like constantly. Can I ask what's the thought that enters your brain when you think about him? It's all the fun,

it's all the fun times, man. Yeah. It's all the, I think about him we're, ah, fuck, I really hate that he infected a lot of neighbor,

areas, like, like all of L.A. Like, every time I drive to Korea town, I think of Jack. Every time I go to the Bay Area, I think of Jack. Because I went to, I went to San Francisco, and I did shows with him. Every time I'm in San Jose, I fucking think of him. I did shows with him in San Jose.

I despise him. Actually, he ruined my life in a strange way. Can I say, I think you could get all over the. if I killed myself. No, I'm actually waiting. I'm actually waiting for somebody a little more important. To kill themselves. Then you can move on.

Would you hurry up? It's a thing. Would you figure it out of it out? Did you remember that episode of Dr. House when he's having withdrawals with pills and stuff? And his leg hurts so bad that he takes a hammer and he smashes his hand. So he distracts him.

Because the pain of his hand distracts him from the pain in his leg and it actually relieves his pain. Exactly. You know, you know. Devin, you just need another close friend to take his own life. I, I, I, I, this guy. Can you convince somebody? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Ben, this guy fucking, fucking, you know what was so funny about him is that like, even in death, he still controls me. Mm. Like, that's what's like, like in a weird way. So he's possessed you. Yeah. Like a spirit. Yes.

Haunts you. He went kabuki on you. He haunts me. I mean, I fucking, I cried. I started sobbing at the. mothership over this cock sucker. Three months ago. Three months ago.

And, Garthian. Five years after his stuff? Sean, yeah, he killed himself in 2022. 2022. July 14th.

It's my birthday. Isn't that Flag Day or is that June 14? Runed my birthday. He killed himself on Fag Day. Yeah. That's not my birthday. July 14th. Jason's birthday is July 3rd.

Exactly. But on his first certificate, it says July 2nd. That's because they didn't care. July 14, 2022. Yeah, no, I was thinking about Jays that day. Can I tell you my favorite, and this is a weird, can I tell you my favorite memory of Jack killing himself? Yes.

Is going over to your house that evening. I called you on the phone because I was at work still. And I was like, I'll meet you have to work. I drove straight there. And you were hammered. Everybody was hammered. Everybody was crying. Some people were able to handle their emotion.

It was also funny because there was a lot of black people over who just, like, weren't comfortable with their emotion. so they would just leave when they started to get sad. And then you, at one point, late in the night, you were hugging me. And then for like 30 minutes, you're like, you have to promise me, I know you want to do it. Really? You go, promise me you'll never kill yourself. You go, I always thought you would do it.

I always thought it would be you. I said that. For like 30 minutes. And I go, Devin, no, I'm actually doing pretty good. I have a girlfriend I love. I'm doing pretty. It's all right. Everything's okay.

I'm on the up and up. And you're like, no, no, no, listen to me. It's going to get bad again. Just to call, don't do it.

Just call me. And that was kind of a funny running joke at one point, Justin was like, he walked in. And Justin's so monotone. He was just like, he took in me.

He's like, man, the craziest thing is, he's like, I thought it would be Jace. He's like, I'm just amazed. Jack was so full of life.

and Jace isn't and just. And I was going, I know, I had money on me too. I lost that bet. It was, it was weirdly the saddest and funniest day of my life. Because I wasn't really close to Jack, but I'm very close to you. Yeah. And to just feel you go through all that pain, like I went home. And I just remember just being like more exhausted than I've ever felt in my life.

And I called my girlfriend afterwards. I was like, I was like, it's weird. It's like, it's not bad for me. like it's really bad for Devin but it's almost like just feeling somebody else's pain like through you yeah so much it almost makes you like sick yeah and i still have a lot of hate for jack honestly because of what he's done he's i know i yeah honestly no i know i um i think that's a large it's a large part of uh if you were here today i would i would do horrible things to him i'd do despise him and i'd love to i'd love to rape rape his bones

but the cream-haded him. Devin, I do horrible things to him in your name. I hate him, man. I hate it. I actually, I'm so, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about this. I feel like it's, like, so redundant. I don't think we've actually really dived into it, honestly.

We have. We've talked about, I'm sure so many people are so sick of hearing. I think we've, like, mentioned it in passing, but not, like, really deeply. They don't even know. I mean, like, you know, they'll, you know, they'll, you know, they'll, you know, there's a thing where people will, they will send me, like, somebody, like, you know, the Laugh Factory will post, like, a new clip of, because Laugh Factory is, like, an absolute psychopath.

They're just trying to make money off, like, dead people. So, yeah. On Instagram? Yeah, so they post, like, a new clip of, like, yo, Jack Knight, like, going off on drunk that day. Yeah, Jack Knight dropped in the other day. Jack Knight was here last night. Yo, Jack Knight was just here.

He's going off on bitches. We just made another $3 on Instagram. So somebody will send me a clip and I'm like, he's dead. Dead a long time. A long time. He's been dead for a while. And it's just some weird clip, but I'm like happy to see anything. I don't, I don't know.

It just, he was, he was a, I kind of in a weird way, I wish I never met, I wish I never, I wish I never met him. I actually wish I never knew him. because he was a very special person that was a fucked up person it's the weirdest suicide i've ever heard about in my life because he wasn't a depressed person it was a spiteful suicide which i never heard of makes it was like literally like if fuck you guys i'll kill myself suicide yeah the weirdest thing i've ever heard of yeah yeah it was it was a it was a it was a it was a i was like i told myself that if anything if anything ever happens like this, I'm going to do it.

And then they did. But just in a weird way, like, kind of the most punk rock. But it was also so. Guy I've ever met in my life. But it was also so. I feel like the thing that. Unbelievable commitment.

Sure. To being a psycho. The thing that pisses me off is I thought, in my mind, he was like, he was like, well, Zach Fox is really going to regret this. And I'm like, I don't think he's thought about you. You ruined Devin's life. That's it. Yeah.

Devin and Joey's life. And those guys also. Those guys, it's not, they didn't do anything either. They, they fucking, I know what you mean, but like those, Zach and those guys like, we're with, we're with him for, for, for a long time. They did not, they were, they were told, you know, they were, anyway, they were, they were told, they, they were, they were told, they, they, they, they lied to them. He lied to them about a lot of stuff. Sure, I get that.

I'm just more saying that it didn't have, I think, the offended. no it didn't the intended target those were newer friends that's what I'm saying you know yeah exactly but I'm sure I fucked them up on the same level

but yeah I knew him he was like kind of like the first friend of mine in comedy in my 20s like like yeah

yeah it I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate that guy I think I think it's a very valid reaction. I hate that guy, dude.

I think it's very valid. I love him and hate him so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why? Let's move on. Let's like, Devin,

can I play something? Ben, can you pull up a fat piece of shit? Of course. Devin, I'm going to play something right now. Look at Pat and Oswald. Devin,

your hangover anxiety can't kick in until tomorrow. I'm going to play something. Devin, I'll play something for you to cheer you up. Someone you love. Who's this? Wait, is that great? It's Kendrick.

That's not Kendrick. Are you serious? Yeah. God be for women's rights. They judge you. They judge Christ. God speed for women's rights. They judge you.

They judge Christ. Wow. Hitting a man while he's down. Posting Kendrick being gay. Well, I feel like this is the window where I'm getting open into Devin's soul. And I can finally convince him that Kendrick is Obama rap and he's gay. Because that needs to die with him putting the whole thing to bet. All right.

I'm having a problem with the connection. That fucking sucks ass. See, now he's mad about something else. I distracted him. I hid his hand because his leg was in pain. Ben, you're actually a mental pain. Ben, you're actually a mental pain. Wait, this is a real.

Absolute cinema. He said, is that Drake? He did say, is that Drake? Hey, Shane one, me zero. They got a big Drake fight at the mothership. They judge you, they judge Christ. All right. They judge, you.

They judge, Christ. That fucking sucks ass. But. And you've been sitting on that for this exact moment. Waiting for Devin's exterior to crack. Inward Heil Hitler. Boom, boom, boom. Fuck!

That's sucked ass. That sucked out. They don't understand their things I say on Twitter. Is that what Hale Hitler? High Hyl. Inword, Heil Hitler. Why am I allowed to say Hile Hitler? And I don't, I don't know.

Ben, cut that. But I said the N-word earlier. And I go, Ben, please. Please, don't ruin my life. Anyway, sick how. May Hitler reign a thousand years in hell. Fuck women, fuck minorities, fuck gays. That's fine.

That did suck ass. But see, now you feel better because you're not thinking about your dead friend. And this is why we hate to distract ourselves from the misery. Exactly. Sublimation. It's the way to distract yourself from the ultimate pain of the universe. Chase was right when he talked about that. By the way, you came over that day.

Or you actually weren't. You were out of town. You were out of town. Chase was right about like your feelings on it where it was like, uh, it was just like the most bizarre strange thing. Oh yeah, yeah. You weren't like friends with Jack like I was, but at the end of the day, your thoughts on it were kind of like correct. Um, right? You know, what I was like, just about that it was strange or it sucked or what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That like you were like, I remember feeling bad for a long time because I was telling you to not like drink your life away about

it. But wasn't it? But wasn't it also just like incredibly bizarre that a guy that we knew like that that was like much better he was not much better than us but like he he he he um he he he did it quicker than us like he he comedy or suicide yeah he knew he i'm down serious no he knew who he was comedically quicker than we he was a guy i think the thing to me was he was he was a guy who i don't think ever suffered from mental illness who killed himself he was never which made me almost pissed off yes exactly that that to me it felt like watching a white guy wearing fubu where I'm like, that's not for you. Like, I'm supposed to blow my fucking brains out.

I know. Fucking piece of shit. It makes no sense that he goes off. You felt good every day of your life. And then the one day, oh, sorry. People are mad at you so you get, you kill yourself. I felt bad about, sorry. I don't you should have not said that.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Cut that, I think. Oh, what do you say? Well, he said bad stuff. I'll say, I'll, I got it. But I've, I felt bad for 20 years. I didn't fucking blow my brains out. Like, have a little.

more fucking, you know. Well, yeah, I talked to Sam Jay about this like about a couple years ago and I was like this, he actually, he had a time he had a time and a date ready for this. He knew like if this

were to ever come out, if anything were to ever happen like this, he was going to do that. And then he did. And then he did, which is actually insane. And it's actually pretty baller. He is the coolest guy of He premeditated it.

Premeditated it. He knew. Yeah. Can I say something? The reason that we're all here in this basement is because we've been wrong about everything. Everything we thought to be true turned out to be false. I'm always wrong, Ben. I'm always wrong about everything. And listen, your wife, I mean, God forbid your wife has to watch like a couple more black guys go up to her room. I'm sure she's sick of it.

And you just sit downstairs fucking, fucking, watching fucking food reviews I'm just watching birds all you're doing is like looking at birds outside and meanwhile and then tweeting us David Lucas videos and you just you just hear in the background the guy's knee

hit the fucking step of a stair walking up to her room and then the sound of two tims falling on the ground yeah yep yeah

listen I got to say I didn't see I didn't see I didn't see I didn't see it coming. But if you could see it coming, then you would have stopped it. So, of course, you didn't see it coming. It's kind of like when people say it's the last place you looked.

Yeah. I'm talking about your wife fucking black is. Oh, yeah. I'm talking about the black cum on the floor of my bedroom. This was the weirdest time of my life because also... I don't know. I don't know if I should say it. Maybe save a couple for this episode.

Yeah, I'll save a few. Just so we can release it. But it was a weird time of all, bro. I was going to say, like, evil words. I was going to say... You know what's a big pain about being... He's already mentioned it. You know what's a big pain about being friends with someone who's in pain

is you wish you could love them so much that I could heal all wounds. Yeah. So I wish I could love you. It's properly. What's that? You're going to say the N-word again? No, I'm not going to say... Nothing to do with the race.

Oh, he said hard. I thought he was going to say. are. It's hard R. I look at this. I look, we look. I don't know what you're trying to say. I know what you're about to say.

Everything. Where the fuck? Where? Oh, that's what you're going to say. All right. Sorry, we cut. We have to release some of this episode. We'll cut it.

We'll cut it. We'll cut it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Completely. I'm depleted. Can I say it's shame we have to cut a great joke from me just now, but it'll happen. Jase, what do you say? 400, 450. We have a... Oh, shit. Oh, okay, we have to cut this five.

Of the... Seven, five. Now we have to cut it. Now they're going to know who we're talking about. Shit. I fucking... I want... I want it to be over.

Yeah. I think it could help. I tried. I know. I know you did. I know. I know. I know.

All right. Cut it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. Unbelievable. Ben, don't mention shit like that.

We have to cut it. You really did keep your promise. You said, I'm going to be a little crazy. I'm going to be a little crazy. And then you went. Very crazy. And we were just trying to talk about Ben's wife's friend's sucking ass.

Big black dead guy. Talking about a big black dead guy on the show. A little John Coffey. You know what I hate about a young black man who took his own life? You know what? It pisses me off the most. What's that? Now I can't invite him up to my wife's bedroom.

Exactly. Another brother. Another brother killed too soon. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. My friend Jack Knight died.

Before he could fuck my wife. He died before he could fuck my wife. My friend. My wife's. White pussy. My wife's boyfriend died. He fucking died. He fucking died.

My wife's boyfriend died. He fucking died. He fucking died. Fuck. Uh, man. I'm sorry, guys. No, hey, I'm having a great time. I'm having a good time.

I'm three sheets to the wind. I'm having a good time. I think, actually, we should keep that. And then we fucking hang out. Tonight? Yeah. Yeah, I'm down. I'm staying in town tonight, actually.

Sleeping over at, uh, you're staying in town. Ben and Katie's that I'm going to spend, do some kid time. You fucking... Then I'm going to a little barbecue. You card you. A little barred you. You scamp. You fucking scamp.

Going to a Memorial Day barbecue. You... Oh, motherfucker. You motherfucking piece of cut. Is Memorial Day tomorrow? Yeah, is tomorrow. Are you not honoring the troops? I'm doing a thing with my friend.

I forgot about it. You don't care about the 10,000 Filipinos we killed? You don't care? You don't give a shit? You don't have any clue about how many Filipinos we killed. What are you talking about? What are you? How do we know the number?

Do you count the ants in an ant hill when we put a garden house to it? You have any idea how many fucking ant boy guys we killed? These guys fucking fat, like worthless guys. Do you know how many spaghetti chilies weren't eaten that night? Do you have any clue how many people we killed? Do you know how many shitty Easters were ruined because of people we killed? Let's go see obsession. I'd watch obsession again, honestly.

This motherfucking cock suckers haven't seen an obsession. This motherfucking cock suckers are seeing. Let's go to Obsession and let's act very black during the movie. Can I say something by the way? You'd be like, that's how a white boy fuck. Shit. You should talk shit. Talk shit.

Talk shit. Go off on me. Go, King. Make fun of Boots Riley's hat all you want, but if Jack Matt was wearing it, he couldn't have got the bullet through. Crazy. No, yeah. I wonder if Jack wore a pioneer hat.

I had that big, he'd be like, wait, hold up. And he'd be key, he would keep trying to do it. Jack, he couldn't get it. Hold up, let me shoot. He couldn't get it around the brim. Exactly. It's Jack. He keeps firing through the top.

It's Jack in a ravine. And he keeps trying to blow off his head. But he's wearing the boots Riley hat. He keeps hitting a boots rally hat. Because he has big boots Riley glasses that are on the tip of his nose. They're really heavy and big and suck ass. And a big red jacket that sucks ass. I'm gonna make turquoise pilgrimat.

And he goes, ah, shit, wait, wait, fuck. Shit, hold up. It would be funny to think of Boots Riley hanging himself, and he has to put the noose around the hat. Yeah, he's hanging himself with a big neon rope, a cartoonishly big purple and neon rope because he sucks ass. Imagine walking in on him and his legs are kicking, and the hat is still on top of his head.

No. I tie the other noose. Just to be safe. and not because he's black because his movies are very, very, very bad. And I would say sorry to bother you. I would say sorry to bother you. As I'm tying another news.

But you're dead. I say I love boosters. I love guys who kill themselves. Yeah. Yeah, I love stools. I love stools. How about that? I love rope.

Yeah, I love booster seats because that's what you're standing on right now. Yeah. Because you're a fucking baby. That's the problem is like, you're a funk baby. Jack was like a fucked up guy but he was so much.

That's that thing. Like a lot of people like the little bit like, well, the Jack was a fucked up guy. And I'm like, Ryan, like, why are you not as talented as a fucked up guy? Like, I'm like, you suck ass. Well, he was still young. He was still young. Like, you know. No, but here's a thing.

It was a weird thing where it's like a guy was like, like, maybe like a fucked up person. But I'm like, yeah, I understand that. You should feel really bad about. not being as talented as like a bad person. Well, I think there was a lot of people who reveled in him being gone. People, people should, people should think twice about, like, being like, why, I know that everyone out there is bad, but I suck ass. Why, why do I, why am I not as talented as people that suck ass?

You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like, like, they're, like, like, like, fucked up people. You should wonder. Like, I think it's like a, this is like a weird thing. I don't really know what to say, but it's like, I don't know. I think you might, you should like maybe like, like, wonder about like why you were less talented than somebody that was like evil in your mind.

Well, I think it's a thing in comedy we always hear like, he's a really nice guy. And I'm like, I don't really like, I don't care. Yeah. If you're a nice guy, don't care. You suck. Yeah. It's boring. But if you're a little fucked up, got some edge.

Pretty talented. Got some teeth at least. Red solo cuck. He got some teeth. I fill you up. Motherfugger's fucking... He's fucked up. He's fucked up.

Some fucked up shit. Now, do you think the valet I hired tonight for my wife's boyfriends? Do you think they're going to be fast enough... Ben, your wife is getting the shit fucked out of her by other men. There's a valet outside. There's multiple valets running around and getting... Grabbing tickets. Yeah, there's guys who are stressed the fuck out.

They're parking so many. Nissan. Yeah. Somebody else of us. And they go, God, these all fucking, all these fucking dice everywhere.

They're all great Nissan. They keep, they keep hitting fuzzy dice out of the way. They go, God damn it. Fucking up the rims. It's a guy who's

turning to a one black guy. He's like, just give me a second. I have three cars to park. Sometimes I wonder if jokes are like an occult thing, like black, like sex magic,

where I'm like, if I joke about something enough, does it come true? And that's when I start getting my head. I'm like, maybe she is. Like,

Maybe the clippers right now are lined up outside the bedroom and I'm none the wiser. Because, you know, I'm some, I got my head in the clouds. I don't know what's going on. I'm looking at Google imaging pad tie down the street that I want to get. Sure. Listening to some old Norman. There's a guy named Pad Thai fucking your wife right now. There's an old pimp who calls himself Pad Thai.

That's up, bitch. My name Pad Thai. You want some walnut chicken? Or it could be possibly stopping it from happening. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's true. Have you ever thought about that? Maybe it's black magic in reverse.

It's almost like the thing that you joke about so you're okay with, you keep it out of your reality. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it doesn't bother you. So no one fucks my wife because I made a joke about it. Well, they still fuck your wife, but it might not be black guys. Maybe it's Filipino guys or Korean guys. Interesting.

Would you be mad if your wife was fucking a bunch of Korean guys or black guys? Um, as long as they were doing it on like a rooftop with a rifle. I would be okay with the Koreans. They all have those button-up shirts. Yeah, yeah. And I would have a, I would have a convenience store in my garage. Your wife's getting fucked like Reginald Denny in the middle of a fucking wash. Just an old Korean guy following my wife's pussy around.

Like it's a black teen in their store. And he goes, you steal, you shove candy up your pussy. I watch you You shove candy up your pussy You know what I love about my wife By the way What's that? Not political at all

Doesn't vote or anything Yet on the night of our wedding She gave a toast to Hitler She was very drunk around the fire She did give a joke To give a big toast And then she said You know I don't even know

If he did anything wrong really And I was like Who here will challenge me You know She sat at a chair with a microphone And we all sat around her In her wedding dress Like it's one of those

She was being a real bridezilla. What are those debate videos called? Oh, she did one of those. As soon as I put the ring on it, she did a change my mind video where she set at a big table. She took a shot of whiskey

and she said Hitler did nothing wrong change my mind and we were all sitting in a circle around her. Well, it's funny because I think this is why you and your wife are a perfect couple because you're... We didn't cut the cake and she's giving toast to Hitler. A dead man.

He's gone. Hitler's in her vows. And to my knowledge, she's not even registered to vote. I didn't know she was a... It's more of a spiritual thing for her. Well, she's registered under the Nazi party. Yeah. She goes, it's a religion for me.

I don't cheap in it with politics. She just says that so she can vote for David Duke in the primaries. No, this is the great thing about your wife, because you and your wife are a perfect combo because you're like racist, the Joker. You're Indian Joker. And she, when she gets really drunk, starts to turn into a real troll. but it's people don't expect. To be funny, but people don't expect it out of her.

So she was hammered. And she used she could get away with it. Yeah, it's her special day. So she gets to say it. And so she's around a bunch of her sorority girls. And they're like, oh, my God, stop. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. Hitler was good.

And they go, Katie, you're drugs. Stop. Jake Rhodes was there around the fire, too. He was, like, weeping, laughing. Yeah, he was weeping laughing. And then his Mexican friend he brought was throwing up on her wedding dress. He was rolling around in the grass throwing up, and he looked at me, and he goes, I'm going to say the N word. And me and Jake were like, don't do it.

And he's like, I'm going to say it. And he reached, and we're like, dude, just don't. Just like, you're really fucked up. But he reached over, he grabbed a cord of light. He, like, put it on his belly, and he cracked it. And he went, hard arc. Crack. And he cracked the beer.

Mexican guy, by the way. He's a Mexican. Mexican, so he can say it, and black people still get angry at him, but he doesn't get in trouble. Mexican people love saving it. Devin beg me up on this. They say it all the time. Mexican people say it every day. They say more than black people.

They wake up to it. Like it's an alarm. They wake up to it. That's why they became rooers. It's a rooster to them. That's why they became roofer. You know when Andy Dufran is hitting the rock when the lightning strikes? They strike the hammer when they say the air.

Well, yeah. Well, they were trying to become rooftop Koreans, but that's the only way they do now. But they don't have guns. They're like, let's get on the roof and then we'll figure it out from there. Does it make the roof and then we can get the, Yeah, Mexican people are crazy because they're the most racist people of all time. Mexican people are fucking nuts. They become the most Republican people who've ever.

The leader of the proud boys was a Mexican man. You know, Devin, in closing here, though, I want you to know that at the very least that you are liked by me and Jace. Thank you, Jays. You're like. I hope you guys like me. No, no, no, Devin, Devin, rest assured you're liked. Hey, man. Hey, man.

When things seem like, when it seems like there's no relief from the pain, I'm hoping you're like, just know we just know we like you. I'm hoping you guys like me. No, definitely, I have, you know, I'm, you know, shut up. That's you, that's been giving a eulogy. You're going, he was liked, he was enjoyed sometimes. He held a place somewhere in some heart.

I get it. No, I understand what you're saying, Ben. I understand what you're saying. I'll kill you. And if anybody listens to this episode, they don't see it as a man being very emotionally honest for the sake of entertainment

and appreciate that. Why don't you go to, like, a church and ask a pastor where your friend is? Start a dialogue. With a man of God. What? Knock on the door and be like, hey, just, are you guys one of the pedophile ones?

And they go, son, we're all the pedophile ones. It's actually pretty good. Yeah, yeah, I know you mean. And stumble in drunk. Well, I'll take you to a church right now. You can stumble in through up the aisle before the Christ on the cross. And there's a man there with... White church?

No, we're going to send Devin to a black church. Okay. Devin, you want to go to a black Catholic churches? Yeah. I hope not. But probably. Yeah. We're going to find out if there's a black Catholic church.

No, there are. You know, black, hey, black mass. means something different in South and South Central. Right folks? Our mama of the sacred heart. Woo. Got him.

Got him. Oh. Oh. Oh. Baby girl. Imagine the... Imagine the... Imagine the...

Sugar plum. Imagine the outfits the priests would wear at a black Catholic church. I'm imagining it. That would be insane. I'm imagining it. Imagine it. Imagine the Pope, but he's dressed like Sun Raw.

The poop. His holy heaven is the poop. The poop. This is a smart-ass show. If the Pope was black, you'd get the poo. It's the poop mobile. The most racist thing I've ever heard. How are you going to have a black Pope?

You can't put the Pope mobile on ramp. Shit, shit. You're having a black Pope. Shee. Black Pope turned around to Carl. on cinder blocks you can't have a black man around that much ago she he turned a vatican into a nightclub real quick shit but he ain't gonna have no more pedophiles in the church she the pope as a deaf jim comic pacing in the vatican i would have a black comic doing a bet about

the black pope but he he has like a hemorrhage halfway through so he's like he's just like ain't gonna have no more petfiles and he just goes she like bleeding out of his like ears and those shit the Pope is like all right you send say seven bars just give me seven bars real quick and then you freestyle seven fingers I want you freestyle seven Hail Mary's right now

come on why ain't give me seven give me seven bars right now all right I want you to all right let me put this cracker in your mouth Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. It's the Catholic Church, but it's spelled C-H-I-R-C-H. Okay. Church. The Catholic Church is checking. The Catholic Church.

Char. All right. The Catholic Church. Imagine the Pope wearing the, you know, the laugh factor comics where they wear the Beanie barely on his head. Of course. What if the Pope did that with the Pope at? I like that.

I like that. Do you wore it barely? on the tip of his day. And he's like, all right, you need to talk about your sins. Go to the Confessions by Usher Booth real quick. Yeah, the Usher. And it's literally ushers in there. It's Usher's, yeah, just being like,

you gotta say, say Sam and How Marius. Is it the confession box? Confession booth? Confession box? I don't know. I don't know that gave shit. I don't know. It gives the shit. I'm pretty sure that's just blefer black now, right? No, I fuck. I fuck with that. I fuck with that.

All right. Everybody take communion, I got the sour scuttles. I fought with that shit. Open your tongue and I'm going to put a sour scuttle on. I fought with that shit. I fought with that shit. I bought with that shit.

What if Jesus turned the water into lean? Hey. Instead of wine. I thought what that shit. What if Christ turned the water into Mad Dog 2020? Yeah. I fought with that shit. Okay.

Okay. I fought with that shit. Yeah. Jesus only had two fried fish. I thought. I fought with that. I fought with that. I thought what I said.

I fought what I said. Yeah. They say Jesus was black, but I... Yeah, shut off! I never seen a black fisherman. Shut the fuck. They say it was a fisher of men. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I want to move on. Shut the fuck. Let's the air. You got the oxen? No.

You got oxygen? Yeah. You got my party? Yeah. I'm so drunk all. I'm literally going to kill you. I'll kill, I'll kill, I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you.

I'm so hammered. Shut the fuck off. Shut the fuck off. He's so much. Devin Costa, everybody. Give it up for a very funny comedian, new in, new here. He's from L.A., born and raised. Give it up for him.

Round of applause. Devin Coaster, everybody. Let him hear it. Devin, go ahead. Your five minutes. Devin, we're waiting. Where's your five? Shut up. Strong start. Shut up. That's very good. What are you saying? What are you saying? You're doing a set right now. Practice your stand-up. What do you do?

Devin Costa, everybody. Let him hear it. Devin Costa. Okay, now be the laugh factory guy on stage. Yo, what the mom-vuck are doing? Look at you. shit look you fucking in the front row and shit in the front row and shit

shit look at you motherfucker shit I'm wondering I'm fucking wandering around stage I don't even know

what the fuck shit pat and I was on the station right shit oh motherfucker shit say you'll saw a motherfucker

shit today hey we got we saw a motherfucker fucking a Burke Karajja tonight. I saw a fucking beer shit tonight.

Y'all say a beer shit? No. That's the show, everybody. Living party, dot life. Subscribe to the Patreon. This isn't the Patreon. My chain. My chain.

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