191: Dutton Ranch Part 1
00:00Okay, try again.Hello.Testing.Hello.Hello.Testing.Okay, now we're good.Hello.
00:05Hello.We good.Hello.Dutton Ranch.Bitch, I'm on Dutton Ranch.I'm that Mexican O.T.And I'm on Dutton Ranch.You're eating a comically small ice cream.
00:15That Mexican O.T. baby.I'm in Yellowstone.I'm in 1823.I'm in 1924.I'm a land man, motherfucker.I'm sucking that Dada's fat titty's in every show on, on Yellowstone.Ben and I put on.We had no clue that was going on.
00:30We were in the hotel.We put on Dutton Ranch.Yeah.And it was on mute.And the entire time, we just kept making up what they must have been saying.Because this is a guy got his head blown off, like, outside of a ranch.And we were just like, you stay off Dutton's ranch.Old man, Dutton don't take kindly.
00:47Old man, Dutton don't take kindly to the tan folk.Bitch, this ain't Yellowstone.This is Dutton Ranch.This is Dutton Ranch, motherfucker.Facket.I'll kill your ass.We don't deal with that landman shit.We don't deal with any.
01:03We're not land man.You think we're 1823?You think we're 1927?What do you think we are?We're not even 1953.We're Dutton Ranch.Homo, motherfucker.I'll blow a cow's head off.
01:18I'll kill your ass, faggot.You just shot somebody at that's ranch.They're always getting shot.They're always getting shot on Dutton Ranch.There's always like one old Indian guy with Big.braids who blows a guy's head off.And then there's a Native American guy at some.He's like the last Native American guy on earth
01:35that like, you know, speaks to people.And now at that pointin the shows, the Native American guy is alwayslike evil. He actually likedoes their bidding. He's like a mercenary andlike kills people for them. Yeah, well it's it'sthe Taylor Sheridan thing of theold Indian is on their side and he blows
01:50like an evil white guy's head off. And then hewalks with the Kevin Costner, he goes,almost no white people have done anything wrong.And then it's like a bigthumbs up to the camera. Dutton Ranks.Many of them were very untrustworthy.The engines? Yeah.Well, I mean, yeah, they were scalping and shit.
02:09I've seen Wind River. I knew what they did.They're the ultimate tricksters. I mean, you know, Cynthia Parker kidnapped from herwhite settlement in East Texas. I'm still pissed about it.Cynthia Parker, what happened to her?She gave birth to Quana Parker, who was the last great general of the Comanchee tribe.When was he was white? And then the whites kidnapped her 25 minutes.and Slater brought her back in a civilization.She was pissed and she wanted to go back to getting,
02:32being mama bear and the teepee.When was this?Oh, like 18 something.Yeah.Like 18.1835.I thought it was recent.I don't give a fuck about that lady.
02:43This is probably turn of the 20th century, like in 1890.She gave birth to Joanna Man Parker and then he led the engines.Yeah, he was crazy YAN, but what I'm saying is like you can't, like they switch.Yeah, I don't, I don't like, I don't like,care about Native Americans. They're fucking, they'rebad barbers. That's what I call them.They give bad haircuts.I think they're projecting the- They fucking see me
03:07on my wagon train and they go, they want to give mea bad haircut. And they for, theyfucking, they holdme at arrow point and they forceme to have a horrible haircut.You guys stink. They keep getting mad thatthey're fucking the haircuts up. They're horrible.He's holding your scalp up. He's like,
03:22I did it again. Native Americans arehorrible barbers. You guysstink. Hey, I didn'tsay cut my scalp offasshole. I don't know I keep looking at thefirst time my life I've ever looked at the camera.It's a scalping joke. Don't everfucking cut the back of my
03:38head off dumb ass. Evan,we're in Austin and we're keeping itweird, baby.The ATXyou gotta keep it weirdout here. I was atthe Capitol One cafetonight keeping it
03:54fucking weird, baby.Keep it weird. Weird energy.Oh, my God.I was at Kava.Keeping it weird.Austin, Texas, baby.ATX.We were at the creek in the cave last night after the Spurs loss.
04:11And we were hammered.And we were walking back in Devon for about a 25-minute walk.Just kept going, keep it weird, Austin.Keep it weird, Austin.I'm pointing at the most boring people on earth.People that have never had a thought in their entire lives.We're going, keep it weird, baby.You're an abstract guy.
04:25I can tell.I'm looking at you right now.I know you have abstract thoughts.You were pointing at like a guy on Draft Kings with a backward hat being like,keep it weird, Austin.And he go, huh?And you kept going up to young whores being like, keep Austin weird.Keep it weird, you young whore.
04:43And they were so retired.They go, woo.They would just scream.They'd go, come fuck.One of them slapped my ass.You're like, keep it up.Daniel Johnson would be proud.Yeah, I would look at a Morgan Wallen guy like fucking doing, you know,
04:56he might as well be doing a credit card.commercial and I'd be like keep it weird baby keep it weirdI play bass like in a peep booththey're stuck in the glass elevator from Charlie and thechocolate factory and they're playing the bass on sixlike it matters at alland they keep doing this and staring you downlike you're going to be like it's a muse
05:18and like you're drawn to it from acrossthe show you're into the video yeah yeah yeah you're drawn bythe shittiest cover of Bad to the Bone you've ever heardyes this is my siren you're goingbomb ban on banI'm like wait whatI've never heard thatYeah
05:34I've never heard that kind ofWell you're onThe pops and the clicksYou're on 6th StreetSurrounded by whiteTeenage rapistsAnd black guys who live likeBilly the kid in present day
05:43Black kids who are on likeKilling spreesWearing like GucciFlipflops and shitThey're doing training dayYeahIt's a hilarious cityIt stinks
05:53But they're keeping in leaveIt's funny to be hereIt's funny as long as theyKeep it weird, though.They are keeping it weird.Hey, Hyatt Regency, keep it weird, motherfucker.Keep it weird, Chase Bank.Oh, yeah.
06:11Keep it weird.Perry's Steakhouse.Keep it weird.I'm seeing your...Oh, yeah.I'm seeing your ballback hit the outside of your pants.Keep it weird.And Ben was doing this.
06:27dance. Ben was Ben, Ben,Ben, like, actually drank like a THCdrink today. Yeah, Ben's high.Yeah. Ben had a weed drink and he's high. It was kindof amazing to watch. He didn'tthink... Now, I just danced at the bar.You were dancing. While people were trying to watch UFC, I'm in front of theprojector, like, keep it weird. There's actually,
06:43there's a bunch of guys that keep getting annoyed by Ben standing up and I'm like,Ben might get, like, punched in the side of the head tonight.I'm like, I'm like, because we're in Austin,so everyone, no one, like, actually exists, but the only thing that makes them feellike they're alive is possibly punching.Is possibly getting incrediblyangry at a strange. And everysingle guy has a mustache because you know
07:05that makes them, they have a sense of humor.If you have a mustache, you're a funnyguy. People withmoustaches are hilarious.But we're talking about like everyoneis just a completethese people were built in a lab.There's not a single real person
07:21here. You actually,when you find out about mass shootings, you go,did anyone actually die?That's why they don't put up monuments.I told you, I can't.My Bufors, they just put up another pinball machine.Yeah, exactly.I walked into the bar straight from the airport because you got in here before me.
07:37And I had my big duffel bag.Yeah.And every single person walking and looked at me like, this is it.Like, I was about to whip out two oozes and just blow everybody's heads off.Yeah.Nobody stopped me.Everybody just, like, got out of the way, like, staring at me, like, horrified.Yeah.
07:51I think every single one of them has been in a shooting.That's the only interesting thing about them.Yes, they're actually all, like, combat veterans.They're all combat veterans of like double tequila sodas.No, it's a fucking, you know, the city's, the city is what it is.Were people mad at me at the bar because I was high?No, they were fine.They were like, they were loving it.
08:08I'm glad you didn't tell me that.I think most people are just like shock that you have a hoodie on.It's like 90 degrees.It's 90 degrees, yeah.You're staring straight ahead because you're high.It's like really weird that you have a hoodie on a little.It's so humid.It's the equivalent of wearing a t-shirt and a pool.
08:21Yeah, yeah.So I got to put on a hoodie to walk out.I guess that is what it is.You're just like kind of like, I'm fucking, I'm kind of fan.I don't want to show these tits.Yeah, I don't want my titty scene.I don't want to look like I've been breastfeeding all day.Yeah.
08:33Yeah. You're also like trying to like vicariously live through me.There was like some like milf, like standing at the door.You kept being like Devin.She was looking at you.She wasn't.I was like these things are in the stars on earth as it is in heaven.I look up at the great constellations.My great sojourner of Austin, Texas.
08:51And I see a Romeo and he needs his Juliet.Does he not?That's true.We've developed the worst riffs of all time this trip.We've sucked ass across this entire city.It's green and golden afternoon.We come here and we turn into absolute retards.It's unbelievable.
09:09I know.I drink a weed drink.By the way, Ben was like prepping himself for the Willie Nelson weed drink.Yeah.For days.Ben said to multiple people today, he goes, have you ever had the Willie Nelson weed drink?And they were like, what?They're like, no, I smoke regular weed.
09:25And then he goes, oh, well, I saw it at a.at a liquor storeand I think I'm gonna get itbecause I'm really sick of,he might as well have been saying like,I'm sick of my sobriety,I'm losing my mind.I'd love to have a Willie Nelson weed drink.
09:39And then he got it and then he drank it all fucking,you know,like no one fucking could see.And you were high as a fucking,you were high.But you didn't think he was high.I didn't until he was on the couchor until he was on the bed
09:52and he was under the covers.Yeah.You told me I was high and I was like,Ben, you're high.Well, you were under the couch.covers you go, I don't think I'm high.We're like, oh, I guess it doesn't work on you.And then later you're like, oh, man, I think there's something about the cigarette smoke.
10:04I've got this horrible brain fog and time seems to be going very slowly.Yeah, Ben goes, Ben goes, do you guys ever get like horrible brain fog?And I was like, I don't know.And then he's like under the covers.He's like saying this like a little frog.And I'm like, I think it's because you drank Willie Nelson's weed drug.Yeah.Devin, look, when in Austin, you got to keep it weird.
10:24You got to keep it weird, baby.Keep it weird.Keep it weird.Keep it weird.Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.Keep it weird.Keep it weird.Chick-fil-A down the street.
10:40Keep it weird.Keep it weird.Keep it weird.Ooh, cyber trucks.Keep it weird.Cybertruck, keep it weird.Oh.Oh.
10:53Yeah.And I was.Yeah, baby.I was filming you guys and there was the, like,taco truck owner was like, you guys, like, you guys have, like,fucking gay.Like, what's going on?And you go, are you keeping it weird, sir?
11:05We go, you keep it weird, pal.Listen, this is an establishment.We know you guys have fucking,you have a storied history here.You've been here since 2024.Keep it weird, man.Keep it weird.Then watching Dutton's Ranch till 4 in the morning
11:19and then crying, laughing in the bed.Yeah.It was so funny.We were watching Dunn Ranch on muteand a guy got shot in the face.Yeah.Like out of nowhere.And then the show
11:32And then the show endedAnd we were justWe just kept being likeYeah, that's rightYou stay off DuttonWe have no clueWhat Dutton's Ranch could be aboutWe're just like you must
11:41You better stay off itThat's all I knowStay off Dutton's ranchWe were with Lino KillerFromWe were with ThomasAnd his girlfriendBecause Jake got married
11:51Jake RhodesAnd Thomas was up hereAnd he just kept being likeYeah that's the thing on Dutton RanchAnd then he pretended to jumpOut the windowThe entire nightAnd be like, you don't know Dutton about ranch.
12:04You don't know Dutton about ranch, motherfucker.Oh, yeah.Didn't do Dutton.Didn't do Dutton.I always say they didn't do.There's another guy who got shot.Yeah, there's another Indian with a big hole in a sudden.And there's a woman with a big fake tits.
12:16Just being like, shame.She only could afford one tit.Yeah, she has one fake tit in a SWAT uniform.She goes, shame on Dutton Ranch.Now there's a commercial of Ducks with Don's.You like buy tits on Clerno?You can take them down to Mexico.We were watching the fall of America earlier tonight.
12:35Yeah, Rick Rubin's like the new ambassador.Rick Rubin's doing like collie market commercials.Yeah, that was very bad.That was very bad.We were at a bar and we were watching like maybe one of the biggest propaganda things I've ever seen.Like the most obvious propaganda.Besides 9-11.Besides 9-11 of course, of course.
12:51But it was just funny.The day of Jubilee they call it.Yes, of course.The day.Yeah, they got the call, of course.The second day.next one.Yeah.
13:01And we were saying this at the barand getting free drinks because of it.Yeah.Yeah, they love that.But no, we were just watchingTrump at the White Houseand they're showing the American flag.There's a guy who's like,
13:13I love these country.Please do not kill my grandma.Yeah.I wonder if I do not get my grandma no more.There's Mexican fighters and they're like,I love it.I love everything that has happened.I wanted my grandmother.
13:24I honestly like,I always thought she should have beenalligator food.When I looked at my grandma as a miho, I used to think she should just, like, be fed to alligators.He goes, Mr. Trump, thank you.It's been making me into an actual gladiator from Rome.Thank you, Mr. Trump.I am so happy to be here.
13:46Please don't kill me after these.Please don't kill me after this.I love gladiators.And we were sitting at the bar with, like, the most retarded people of all time.And I kind of turned to you and I go.I go, do you think these people, like, are they into it?Or, like, do they realize, like, this is, like, a whitewashing routine for a pedophile warmonger?You're not thinking that at all.
14:09And then the first fight ended in, they go, you're watching.Everyone started chanting USA.Yeah.The first fight ended.And we're like, oh, no, it's fine.It's just.Yeah, it is what it is, man.Nobody cares about that.
14:22It's just, it's just, you know, you watch.What are you looking for, Ben?Is it on the, I think so.Just take that.I don't open yours.I think that's mine, but it's all yours now, buddy.It doesn't matter.Just take a seat.
14:38Did you put in the bathroom maybe?Take a seat.Take a seat.Have a seat.Look at you.Fucking pineapple, fucking Kool-Aid pineapple express over here.Oh, that's good.That is good.
14:49That's actually pretty good.No, I'm fucking brilliant.What do you want out of me?Hey, Eugene.You've been killing me this whole week.Oh, Drusky.Shrewski's on TV being Drusky.Oh, Druski's doing a commercial.
14:59Dude, hell yeah, with Marant Lawrence.He's a fucking, he's a valet and Martin Lawrence closed the door on him.Dude, the Kornna ads have gotten.The BAT Awards.Dude, the Kornahads have gotten so good recently.That's what the guys at the bar were basically talking about.They were essentially saying, like, dude, I really love.Polymarket's, like, what's your favorite polymarket ad?
15:18Dude, Kalshi?Like, did you see Timothy Shalomey do the Kalshi ad?That ruled.Like, I'm glad that it was AI and not filmed at all.That kicks ass.I love ads.I love ads.You know, honestly, they've gotten a lot better.
15:28Like, there was a real, like, dead.There was a drive.out for a while because it was like we had like oldspice we had like dos eckisand now we finally are getting likea comeback. Yeah dude it's the secondgolden age of ass. It's the golden age of ads dudeKalshi and Polymarketer killing it.
15:43Dude it kicks ass. I'm $800,000in debt because I betI bet on if a wee bombI ran tonight40 times in a row. Dude no shut up we hada deal. We ended it tonightevery night of my lifeI look at the news and they're like
15:58they ended the war and then three minuteslater they go, we bombed them.Anyway, who cares?You don't even see white babies on TV.You don't even white babies on TV.Do you, are there even white babies?Only black babies on TV.Even the male lead of Dutton Ranch,
16:14we thought he was a white guy with really bad heart health,but it was a Mexican guy.Like episode two, a guy pulls up at a Ford Raptor,and he's like, fucking, look at you here.You dirty, wet back.Your back's wet.Yeah.Come back here.
16:30I'm the racist guy.And then the big tiddy daughter walks up and she goes,on Dutton Ranch,we're only racist against boop.Get back here.We only say it if they're boop.Get back here,motherfucker.
16:42I'm 4 foot 11.I drive a Ford Godzilla.They go, hey, it's not my husband's fault.He's a wet back.He's a good man.My husband,my husband Chinese Jones is a good man.My Mexican husband,
17:00Chinese Jones.You don't choose to be Mexican.You're born that way.And it ain't his fault.Listen, it ain't his fault.And he can shovel the hell out of shit.He's shoveled so much shit.He gets to suck on my big white titties now.
17:13That's most of the show is that girl's like big white titty.It's just bouncing.Yeah.Yeah.The show should be called.You're fucking tees.Been so high.You're so high.
17:26I know, you're so high.I've never seen you like under the influence in like they're talking like eight years.I know.You're so silly.Remember when the grandma is in the bar or whatever?And she starts pushing her tits together.Oh, no, no, no, no.Wait, really?
17:41No, no, the mom with the tits.The way the actress plays it with the son at the breakfast table, who's like 17,she keeps biting her lip, like she wants to suck her son's in awe.She's like, son, make sure to do your homework and that.Push it on.Yeah, push it.She's like, son, if you finish your American history paper,I'll let you suck on one for a second.
18:04Just the dad in there being like,all right, now.Take out one of them tits and suck on it.All right.I'll moderate.Kevin Costner walks in for a second.He's like,I told you no tittish at the breakfast table.
18:15Even if they are my daughter's fat tittish.It's a weirdly incestual show.Yeah, I know.All those shows are.I don't.I think that's the thing is I'm confused by conservatives nowbecause it's like,we got to keep this country pure.
18:28Now I'm going to go jack off on my daughter's titty.I got to keep this country pure, but like my niece is fucking hot.And my dad, Sam Elliott's going to get his dick stuck down.I want to come on my niece's tits.But fucking trans people.Fucking trans people in classrooms.Yeah, I didn't do Dutton.I swear to God.
18:47I swear to God.Yeah, let me guess Carmelo Anthony didn't do Dutton.Yeah, sure.Next week's episode of Dutton Ranch.They go to the Carmelo Anthony trial.They go to the Carmel Anthony trial.They start that fire.They take Daniel Penny with.
19:01them. They've got DanielPenny on Dutton Ranch. And he's justchoking horses to death.He keeps finding black stallions andchoking them to death from behind.They call him that Jewish fellabecause his last name's Penny. Yeah, they go, get thatget that, get that a K fellow over here.
19:17They go, I'm going to kill Tracy McGrady. They get itwrong. I'm going to kill Tracy McGraedy.Tracy McGrady killed an innocentwhite boy. Yeah. I hateTracy McGravy.I hate it. I hateMcGravey.And that
19:31stay off dead injury.You stay off dead and drink.I hate...Raggett?I hate...I hate...He's dead.It's on the floor.
19:40I hate Tracy McGrady and his sinner Chalming.They ruined the NBA with their weird names.The thing that was killing me is the guy got shot through the hand.And then they drag him into the car and he's like, oh, you're going to take me to a hospital?And the rancher leans over.He goes, I ain't taking you to know.Hospital.He was just,
20:04yeah, yeah, yeah.It's the idea of a hospital's so liberal.Like, like, you think I'm going to take you to the house of Fauci.It was a guy who worked for him.It wasn't like an enemy he's saved.It was a guy he worked with who got shot in the hands.He's like, I ain't take you in this.Health care's.
20:19Health cares for homo.Oh, you're going to get the cold vaccine homo?Yeah, take you no fucking hospital.No one ever works on anyone.Listen, you don't need a hospital.Just suck on my wife.trash kiddie real quick.It's a truck commercial where people get shot in the head.
20:35Yeah.Yeah.It is.It's a,yeah.It's a beautiful,pristine F-350.Remember the footage of the guy in Florida that just shoots through his windshield?
20:44Yeah.Like,in a road rage fight.Well,he's leaning down.That's the newest truck commercial.It's just a guy doing that.It's the guy who drove through the parade.
20:53It's the guy in Portland driving through the parade listening to fucking yellow wolf.And that's the new Ford commercial.They go forward.Fuck him.Ford, fuck them all.Who gives you shit?Run them over.But you guys were at the mothership this week again.
21:09For a little bit.Yeah.There's nothing much to report on.You know, that's fine.There's a new Lenny Bruce record up.They put a new Lenny Bruce record up.I mean, email joke world about that.Yeah.
21:23To have it in his official report.We didn't see Tony.I wanted to congratulate him on his newest special.and I'm being completelysincere.I did, I wanted to congratulate him.Same.I like,
21:37it's actually at this point,like, I watched it,and it's like,it's this kind of,it's just,it's funny,and I don't know if,I don't know if it's funny
21:48for the right reasons to me,but it's funny.I liked it.It was funny.It was kind of like,he just,it just feels like a guy,like he's,
21:56he's in like the hunger,he's in the hunger games government.And he's,walking out and he's like, you littlekitties are going to fight yourselvestoday. To the death. Yeah, he's the StanleyTucci guy from Hunger Games and he's like,fucking Mexicans. Enjoy
22:12death, you little fags.No, it was fun. I don't know.There's one moment where he like asked the Chinese guy what his name isand the guy was like, my name's and Ming. He goes, what are youfucking eat noodles and crash?You fucking Chinese faggot.That's pretty good, actually.I was like, that's kind of funny.
22:30I don't know.It's kind of funny for,I don't know if it's like right.I don't know if it's like actually funny.No,but I like that you just are literally doing that,I think it's,I don't know.
22:40It's like punk rock.It's like,who needs chord progressions or,you know,melody.What's your name?And the guy goes,Juan,
22:47he goes,I bet you fucking eat burritos.He's like,I bet you're a fucking burrito eatingfucking,fucking Mexican.And he goes,I do.
22:58And he goes,He goes, same.Same.He goes, anyway, how about we got, I have to do 46 minutes until I fulfill my contract.I don't know.Yeah.You know, just do the show.Just run the, run the show.
23:12Run the damn show.Run the, run, run your big show.Look, there's no need for this.There's another lady with giant tits out of nowhere on Dutton Ranch.You stay off, Dutton Ranch.You stay off.If your tits ain't easy.He's telling her, he goes, he goes, they're saggy.
23:28Stay off Dutton Ranch, bitchThose are C cupsYou gotta stay off Dutton RanchHe pulls out calipersYeahHe goes these aren't for phrenologyHe's just for measuring your titI don't measure skulls
23:41Cow skullsTo see which ones to put downI measure tittyOh she came out from behind the barAnd her tits are bigger nowYeah now they're biggerHer tits got biggerYeah
23:49OkayThat's great about thisThis is a classic Austin showI feel like I looked at17 women like this tonightThere are a lot of hot women here.There's a lot of like, yeah, they're hot to an extent.Yeah.
24:05They wear the aloe fucking, you know, everyone wears workout gear here.They're kind of like hot tumbleweeds.They're not, I'm not, yeah, I'm actually not sure if I should even talk to them or if I should like hold up like letters.Yeah, they're like, whores blowing down the street.People are pretty mentally mentally, uh, retarded.Yeah.Yeah. But people are very silly here.It's a good city.
24:28It stinks.At least it's 100 degreesand the New Point is 95 every day.Ben's got a fucking wedding and we were like,well, we can't, it's going to be hard to pre-recordso we'll just come and hang out with friends.Hang out, Ben's drink.And look, we're the weird police.
24:43We go around and we say, sir, are you being weird?Sir, are you being weird?Last night I did it for 30 minutes.I ran around the city asking if everyone'skeeping it weird. I go, sir,this guy in a property of all-a-huddy.Are you keeping it weird?We find out on the news later that he killed 30 people.
25:01Whatever.Well, my favorite part was you kept walking up to random people and going like, Sarah,you keep being it weird.Ow,ow,and then you were walking ahead of us.And then around a corner walked to the most Chinese judo guy of all time.Like literally like a six foot Chinese guy who was like death staring and clenching knuckles
25:20and you walk by him calmly.And then you turn back to me and he go, see, he scared me.I didn't do it because he's scary.Clearly, like, Mark Wahlberg, Chinese guy.I know, no, people have this thing where they're, like,shock that I've never been hit.But it's like, I kind of know, even in my primal instincts,I kind of know, like, when to do it and when to not.
25:43Yeah, if anybody's scary.I didn't want to do it to fucking Bruce Lee last night.I was like, that guy's nuts.Clearly, like, a guy walking around waiting to get.Yes, that guy's waiting to fight.Yeah, waiting for somebody to say something.weird to him.Yeah.
25:56Yeah.So,but everyone else loved it.I was getting the party started.I wouldn't jump in to protect you,but I would offer myself as a,uh,I would say,
26:06I would take my pants down and show my ass and say,sir,uh,you can rape me if you'd like.You go,if you would spare my friend,I will be a bottom.He goes in this,
26:18uh,it's,you know,a dog show submission where they were over?Yeah, yeah,I do that.When people start fighting at a bar,you would submit my ass.
26:25You would submit.I spread my cheeks until you can see my actual asshole.And I push it up against the assailant.You're spreading Devin and a Chinese guy are fighting.And you spread your cheeks and you're doing that annoying girl thing where you go,guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.Guys, guys, look.Guys, look.
26:41Fuck it.Just fuck my ass.Guys, it's fine.Fuck it.The thing where every woman has only made a fight worse every time.Yeah.What's this weird trope?I keep seeing like all these sketches where like women are like getting fucked by their
26:54husbands and they're bored.you areI haven't I'm notThat's like that's likeThat's like a big thing in likeLike likeLike you know the discourse around the obsession stuffSure
27:07Oh and like because she gets fuckedAnd she's likeYes yes that scene of her being boredYeahThat's likeWomen are saying that that's themI guess I don't knowSo please I get on Twitter
27:18I'm like I guess women don't likeSex and they're if they pretendThey're only pretending to like sexIf they're everI don't seeming in thereI mean, I think some of them do, but are they tricksters?Listen, I don't know about that.I do know if you're married to somebody and they post online like me when my husband fucks me and it's a woman not coming.
27:38Yeah, it's like shit like that.Yeah, you should be able to put her in the bathtub and wrap her in cellophane for like a day or two.Just enough so she can barely breathe.There's a lot of Mrs. Sings out there, Akash said his wife.There's a lot of Miss Sings.What's her name, Jasmine?ComragWho knows? Comrack sing.
27:57Fucking careerCareer ruinerSingh.Yeah.He unfollowedAndrew.I know it's reallyit's torn us apart.
28:06He followed Schultz.We don't know what to do about that.It's crazy.It'd always be the Y-Ns you know.He unfollowed his best friend.Wow.Yeah, they were actualbest friends for real.
28:18Well, they probably were to some extentand then this...No, totally.They were totally best friends.You know, those guys, they were best friends.Dude, just like James Freightgo and Seth Rogen.Or just like Brian Callan and Joe Rogan from 2000, uh, it's 220 to 22.Get his ass.
28:39Get his fucking ass.No, these guys are best friends, dude.Yeah.No, you're right.No, it's, it's, it's weird how friends work.Because apparently someday you'll never see them again.Dude, they were best, they were best friends as soon as the recording.starting stop, they stopped speaking immediately.
28:57It's like if someday somebodyhad like a little different of a lifeand then they're not yourfriend anymore. And that's how friendswork. Because when you're friends with somebody,there's zero room for accommodation whatsoever.You know, like if Jaceif something happened
29:13with Jace or youlike that was a little differentthat was what my path.And it hit the road.I get out of here. I never speak to you.And that's because we're loyal.Because no.No, it's because they're like my best friends.
29:29And then if somebody brought something,if somebody's like, what happened to Ben,you would respond in an incredibly sociopathic category.Dude, that's how friendship works, Jase.Which you shut up.Friendship works.What friendship's work is one day you never speak to each other again.And when somebody goes, what happened to him?
29:42You go, you know, he chose to do whatever he wants to do, I guess.Yeah, I'm a friend.Okay, so you won't see me for 30 years.Unless I need money.And, Jayes, by the way, you won't see me for 30 years, for your sake.I have no, I'm not walking around interested in what your life is.I'm not curious.I don't want to know what's going on with my best friend.
30:07I don't care what's going on with my best friends.I don't want to ask what's going on.I don't want to even look into what's going on because I heard,I heard from a fourth person, from a person that was down the line.And I heard from number four.that they were a little weird.And I never spoke to them about it.I never actually hit up my best friend.
30:29Mm-hmm.And so fuck my best friend.A guy, a guy in a Dunn's ranch, he's like,like in a canyon, he looks up at the stars and like,he goes, you see, you see Akash unfollowed Shultz on Instagram?Olden.He climbs back on, he goes, I'm going to sat my horse real quick.Yeah.
30:53Olden.Spit.He goes, yep.Old Indian guy being like, I don't know what to talk about it.It's too, it's too fresh.Yeah, that's the thing about America.Yeah, CatTurd said, they'll be hell to pay if you need to support Trump.Yeah.
31:15Yeah, Cat Tert said a lot of the panikins are, you know, going back to Trump now.Yeah, anyway.Things are good and gas is going down.Anyway, we got to get these cows back to that.ranch before the trans teens kill them and suck their blood out yeah that's dudden ranch baby this firethat's spreading on our property we got to do you think we got to we got to we got to remind me we need to dosome cross burdens yeah do you think tayor sheridan's in a writer's room just being like i don't know maybethen maybe like a black guy steals one of their tities and they have to like go round it up i don't
31:49give a fuck any i don't care like it's a dragon ball yeah he's just in a paramount's riders room being likeWhat if, I don't know, they killed one of the titties, so now they have to lynch him.I don't care.I don't give a shit.Dragging balls.Dragging balls, that's right.Yeah, it's about a guy with huge nuts.Yeah.
32:08And his cum is like a big laser.Yeah.And he shoots it out a big fat pink guy.Yeah, he does a Hadookin, but it's cum.I love that little fat pink bastard.What's his name?From Dragon Ball or something?Or a boo.
32:22His name's boo.I think it's boo.Yeah, yeah.His name should have been gummo.There's also a big blackface guy in Dragon Ball Z too.Yeah.Yeah.There's a guy named like, I forget his name.
32:31It's like Black Charlie or something like that.And he looks like Al Jolson with a big diaper on his head.Yeah.Yeah, Dragon Ball's a good show.I miss James Franco.Is it?It's probably slop.There's like 900 episodes.
32:45Shout out to James Franco.We should have had.Shout out James Franco.James Franco, if you're listening.And he is.Come on the show.He is.Come on the show.
32:52Honestly, listen.I'm a Palo Alto guy.I've been out there a few times.You can easily be on the show.We'll support you better than Seth Rogen.James,if you're listening,put down Absalom,
33:03Absalom,Absalom,and come do the show.There's no way he even knows.I'm going to be like,I'm going to,I'm going to,if I ever see James Fargo,
33:12I'll be like,what do you think about Colonel Supton?And if he doesn't know who that is,I'll be like,you're a frog.He's like,I've never had that,actually.
33:17James Franco,James Franco,James Franco graduated from 70 colleges at once.James Franco is a fuckinggenius.Yeah, and it's totally legitimate.The fuck are you.It wasn't because he was in Pineapple Express.
33:28Shut up, James.James Franco is a fucking genius.James Franco has a degree from every college in America.And he raped women at every college in America.And I don't even know about that.He fucking talked to women.He fucked his students.What are we supposed to do with that?
33:46Is that what he got in trouble for?I don't actually know.But I don't think, I don't think it's life ending.I don't think it's real ending.ruin his life. I actually don't know what he did.But I, but I, but, but I thought it was like, he just like, fuck students. And they,people were like, who used your power? And it's like, well, okay. Yeah, that's cute.Okay. That's cute. You know, you know, like everyone's doing anything to have power over you?
34:10To have power over you. You fucking nothing. It is a very loser could play. It's like, what are wetalking about? Yeah, in a weird way, like, if that's the case. But I don't know if he actually like,He might actually done something, but there is a lot of...I don't think he held people down or anything like that.Yeah.Yeah, there's stages, of course, you know.But Seth Rogen doesn't give a shit because he's a fucking stoner bozo.He's too busy making vases with blunts.
34:37He talked about it recently and he's like, it's the same thing as it was when I last told you,which was like, I think almost a decade ago.What was the last time Seth Rogen and James Franco connected?I'd love for them to reconnected.They should do a whole movie about James Francofucking his class, his class.They should do a whole movie about James Francohaving sex with people in his class.
35:02Yeah, like the interview too.Yeah.They're trying to.Make it into art.Make it into art.Seth.But he's too busy making vases for his fucking,fucking weed smoke.
35:13With one blunt.Yeah, how about he makes a vase and then we burn him alive into ashand then put his ashes in the fucking vase.How about that?Get his ass.How about that?How about.Fuck him.
35:23Right on the urn, right, here lies the fucking libtard.Cook.How about that you?You're being nuts.No, Ben.You know what?No, don't hold back.Don't hold back.
35:33I don't like a Zionist.Actually, he's not a Zionist.I don't like that one bet.You need to be like fucking, you're like in nuts, dude.You're so weird with you.I'm keeping it weird, folks.You got to keep it weird, everybody.Keep it weird.
35:46This pisses me off so much.This is terrible.We got to keep Austin weird.Okay, keep Austin weirdChipotleKavaKeeping it weirdEverybody
35:58Keep it weirdmotherfuckerKeep it weirdAre calledLittle TomAnd we've been hereFor seven monthsEvery
36:12The oldest place in the cityLike I literally went to the placeThat people were likeYou gotta check this place outIt's likeIt's a legendaryAnd I look at the signAnd it goes
36:21Since 2024And I'm likeI just started cackling.And you literally like people,you'll ask people for bar recommendations.They're like,dude,if you go to like seventh something fifth,
36:31they like it.It's crazy because they have an outdoor areawith a TV.Yeah.Which is every place.Yeah.Which is every place.I don't know.
36:39It's actually,I mean,honestly,if I wanted to die,I'd just come here.I'd come here to die.Yeah.And turn into William Faulkner.
36:47I'd,I'd,yes,yes, exactly.By one of these weird shootersor keeping it weird down here?These fucking weirdo shooters.Hey,
36:54Joe's, Whitman was keeping it weird, huh?Keep it weird, Whitman, keep it weird.I mean, it was hilarious.It was a, it was a fucking, what's it called?This is the thing is Ben.His performance art.He climbed a clock and he shot people from,from time itself saying, I am death.
37:17Can we be serious for a second?It's actually a beautiful piece of art that the people didn't understand.Let's be serious for a second about the city.Sure.every place we go toare you guys not like actually afraidof somebody walking and killing everything?Oh every second.
37:29I've never been,I've never in my life.I've never in my lifebeen in a single city in my lifewhere I have that feeling.I'm actually,I've been in like,the only city I haven't been to
37:40that's like a major city in Americais Chicago.Uh-huh.But I've never had,I guarantee if I was in Chicago,I would not think that.Yeah.But when I'm here,
37:50it's like the entire cityis Bourbon Street or something.and I am genuinely like anytime, even when we're like off six,where we're at a bar, it just feels like it feels like it's built to have a guybus through saloon doors and blow us away.Yes.It just feels so dark.It feels like you're, I told you yesterday we were walking at six street.
38:12It feels like you walked onto one of the streets in Deadwood.And there are like, it's crazy because it's like any person here regardless of race, sex,age could blow my head off at every moment. Ben and I were leaving our favorite Chinese restaurant,which we went to today. Yes, of course. Uh, Xi. Xi. QI. QI. Whatever. It's, you know, and of course,the, and of course the best restaurant here is in the lobby of a bank. Um, so we leave our favoriterestaurant in the lobby of a bank and we leave and we're walking back and we're walking past a bunchof places that you guys remembered going to as kids. As kids. You had like burgers.legendary burger places
38:52that was really important to us.And now it's some bullshit fucking Italian placecalled like, you know,Johnny's, whatever the fuck.Vito! Vitals, baby.And I heard the food's horrible.I've heard the food's horrible.We're walking.
39:05Do you remember this, Ben?We were walking by a really attractive womantalking to an older coupleand she wasn't even like,I don't even think this woman was like selling anything.But she goes, yeah, you have to watch out then here.People, it's open carry.So like a lot of shit goes down, like late at night.
39:20Like people will pull their guns out.She literally said this as we were walking by.She goes, yeah, it's an open carry state.So, like, people will pull their shit out.And, but no, it's a little dicey.It's a little dicey.And they were like, yeah, yeah, I was feeling that earlier tonight.Describing in the same way where it's like, like,
39:37like if you're visiting Chicago, somebody's like,well, you got to get a deep dish, you know.Yeah.Go to a Cubs game.But instead of that, they go, you might take one to the,you might take one to the bice.They go, hey, so you're in Wayne.You're in Austin.
39:51You need to get a waymo and get your head blown off by a black teenager.Because there is this vibe when you're walking on 6th Street is you see like,you turn your head and you see like five Brock Turner's like raping a woman like a piranhas.And then you turn your head and then you see like literally like black teenagers like walking like this.Like they're about to like do a fucking like like a quick draw.Yeah.Like a duel.Yeah.
40:14It's a horrifying place.And then you turn the corner and there's the mothership out of nowhere.Yes.And then you go,Oh, that's, and there's literally guys, like, it's like the White House.They're standing in front of it with, like, fucking guns.And they take your fucking phone.And they, it's crazy.
40:33They're not keeping it very weird.It's actually a fascinating city.But they're not keeping it weird.I don't like how, I don't like the, they, the mothership does not keep it weird.No, they keep it sane.It's a little sane.It's a little too sane for me.It's a little too fucking.
40:47Well, that's why Rogan moved here to make Austin sane.Rogan movie.Yeah.You're right.But there's almost like a weird,and when I lived here 10 years ago,there wasn't this element.There's like a weird racial experiment happening in Austin, Texas.
41:00Like,it's too many convergence of different types of people.Right.Like I told you guys,I was on the plane flying here,and I was next to a,I think,like, former Marine guy because he had his watch turned inward.
41:12He had a black rubber wedding ring.He had his watch turned into it inward.Yeah,he had it turned into an inward.So he was wearing a black guy.Yeah,and he was wearing, you know,He was wearing the skull raper, you know, coffee company hat.
41:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.He's a skull fuck coffee.Yeah, yeah, yeah.He's got a hoodie and the logo is a...No consent, orange juice.Yeah.The logo for the orange juice hoodie that he's wearing is a skull tying a woman to a mattress.Yeah, of course, of course, of course.
41:39Yeah, held down a Kai.Yeah.And so I was sitting next to him, and there was, we boarded like pretty early,And then there was a black guy got on who like looked like, you know, like Mike Jones, basically.And he sat directly behind us.And he was on the phone the entire time.Like held up to his ear like this.And he's like, he's like, nah, man, I fucking told you.
41:59Get the barbecue started.I'll get the motherfucking drinks when I fucking get there.And as he's sitting down every time he's like, shit, fuck you, man.The white guy next to me just kept going like, ah.And I would kind of turn for a second.And he'd be like, like, clenching his fist.And the black guy would be like, no, man.If I want to shoot dice, I'll buy something.
42:20motherfucking dice.He was going,and then the whole flighthe didn't do,he just stared straight ahead,didn't do it,didn't pull his phone out,didn't listen to anything.
42:35And he was fine,he was fine.And I was kind of being a little bitch.I was watching like military YouTubevideos on my phone just to make sure like you.I was like,I'm cool.I like World War II and stuff.
42:45Yeah.Um,he probably thought I was a pussy.But then we landed,they turned the thing back on.He immediately,the black guy meal gets on the phone.And he's like,
42:52nah man,I just fucking landed.at the airport, I'll get some fucking liquor.I told you I'm gonna be here.And he was starting going, he's like,yeah.And those people are just walking into the streetsand that's kind of awesome.
43:07It's, it's black white herpes.It's white guys who have blown brown children's heads off in Iraq.Yeah.And little delivery robots taking tacos to retards in their caves.The amount of robots here,the robots take the cake here, by the way.Robots are the coolest people to live.I know.
43:28They're keeping it weird.The robots keep it weird.I love that.I watched a Waymo tonight and I was like,what are you doing,you little stinker?And the Waymo didn't know how to really move.And it kept backing up and then going forward
43:40and then backing up.And I was like, you're keeping it weird, Waymo.You're keeping it weird, baby.And the Indian guy driving it from Pakistan.Yeah, exactly.Because they're being driven, I've heard.No, they're being driven by Indian guys.He's like, sir, please, I'm trying to beat off,
43:53please, sir.It is hard to beat up and driveWhen you do your bit to me, sirPleaseYeah, I mean, if they had it their wayI mean, they'd treat that riverLike it was the GangesWhat do you mean?
44:07They watch their shit in itThe robots?And their assholesOh, the Indian peopleYeah, the IndiansThey had it their wayBeen so naturally highThat when he smokes weed
44:17He turns into like a dogHe's so hotHe's so ridiculously highI'm the same as I don'tNo, you're not.I guarantee you're not the same as you've always been.You're so high.You've actually been like a high guy tonight.
44:32You've been a high man.Look at you.Like anytime I've looked at you and been like, I wonder what he's thinking.I picture a dog like riding a surfboard.He's been so high tonight that I've wanted to be like, I'm going to get you a Shinerbach.It's just enough already.Yeah.Let's cut it out.
44:46You fucking, you, you know, you played it.What can I say?I love being high.I love keeping it weird.And you know what?I'm just like my high is coming down.now and I'm jumping at the bit for another one.I'd suck a guy's cock for another one of those.
44:59I'd suck anybody's cock for afor a Willie Nelson for a Willie Nelson5 milligram.Why don't we go to the mothership?Let's go to the mothership, baby.We're keeping it weird.We're keeping it weird.We're going to establishments that were built 17 months ago.
45:20Let's keep it weird,motherfucker.Oh, yeah.Keep Austin weird, baby.Ow!Keep it weird, motherfucker.Just kick the Roku off.Are we good?
45:36Are we good?All right, I'm gonna pee real quick.Should we do an ad?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, shit.Let me pull an ad up real quick.I'm gonna make sure we're still recording.Guys, this is all staying in because it's good, actually.It's actually really good.
45:50This is actually good, so it's staying in.if you're mad that you're listening to this right now and this is in the podcast well guess whatyou're actually wrong it's not bad it's actually it's actually staying in it's actually goodand and us doing the dance is actually really good yeah and the dance is good too and it's and they'regood at dancing it's not ironic and if you just hate us you just hate keeping stuff weird yeahyou hate you hate you hate keeping austin weird like us and if you're the man if you hate austin you're notgoing to like Lucy nicotine.You're literally the same as gold to Magicorp.
46:26Your gold.Your solid gold magicorp from the movie Eddington, directed by Ariaster.Which has a black white herb in it.It does have a black white herb just like Austin, Texas.And if you don't like Austin, Texas, you probably don't like Lucy nicotine pouches,which we love.We love Lucy.If you're looking for the best nicotine options in the game, check out Lucy.
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47:09You know, we love Lucy.I literally had just run out of my Lucy Mango 4 milligram.The first thing I did when I stepped foot in Austin, Texas,it's legal here, unlike in California.So I walked to a nice little tobacco.shop and I got my Lucy mango four milligrams because I love that stuff. Lucy is great for work, travel,or relaxing anywhere. Knicks and four milligrams. New York Knicks. I don't think of that keeping it weirdwith that riff. New York Knicks. Lucy is great. Lucy is great. Lucy is great. Lucy is great for work,
47:39travel or relaxing anywhere. Set yourself up with the subscription so you can never run out. Yeah. Give it,yeah, give it up for, he gives a shit. Give it up for Lucy. How about you guys send us more fuckingLucy's. It's been like acut. You've given us like a couple.Send the man some Lucy. UnbelievableLucy. How about you send us more? We loveyou. We're degenerates.What do you want out of us? How about you send
48:01more fucking Jesus Christ?What are you guys not keeping it weird?You got to keep it weird, Lucy.Lucy. LucyLucy.You fucking keep itfucking weird already.Lucy's is the only pouch
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48:48We're doing them now.God bless you, Lucy.No, we're not actually being weird with this part.We're not being weird.I'm not being weird.We're being serious.We're being serious.You thought what I was doing was not sincere.
49:01You are a fucking idiot.Again, that's lucy.That's lucy.com.I'm fucking. By the way.Hey, but real quick.Sure.I do have to read former ones.Look me in the eye.
49:11Look me in the eye, Ben.I fucking hate you.But Devin, Devin, you know what you don't hate?I hate your guts.I hate you normally.Real quick.Look at me.I fucking hate it.
49:33No, no, no.Ben, I know you're high for the first time in 15 years.Look into my eyes.I love to the influence.It's amazing.Love you so much.You're a beautiful guy.Yeah.
49:48You got beautiful hair.I know people say it's thinning, but I don't see it.I get psoriasis up here.I'm worried about it.I think it's happening to me, too.I don't know what's going on.I don't know what's going on here.Are we aging or something?
50:01I think so.What the fuck is happening with us?Oh my God.No,you're actually not.It's all stress.It comes back and then it goes away again where I get like a spot.Yeah.
50:12No, you don't really have spots.You're good.You're good.You're very solid.And once again, that's lucy.That's co.c.com slash lemon.Lusie.That's CO.
50:20dot CO, not dot com.Dot C.O.slash lemon promo code lemon.Here comes the fine print.Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer's age verified.warning this productKevin kissed me on the headI'm married
50:34I'm marriedThis product containsNicotineMy wife's gonna fight youNicotineMy wife's not gonna be happyBut I love youIs an addictive chemical
50:42Thank youWe'll see youAnd now back to the showI love you back to the showFucking idiotsFuck you fuck you allYou guys are idiotsNot us
50:51Back to the showMotherfuckerWe're on Dutton RanchMotherfuckerWhat are you gonna sayYou forgot it alreadyYou, how about you try to keep up once in a while?You're a stoner, but you already forgot what you're going to say.
51:05You want to make it to the big time, but you can't, you can't remember what you're going to say?Yo, down here in Austin, Texas, we're doing it the Akiway.We got the five boroughs.Kyle Texas, Bastrop, Texas, Frugaville, Reandrie, and Round Rock.Hey, yo, go Nix.Yeah.You know, we saw like a bunch of, like, Knicks guys at the bar tonight.We're like, okay, go Nix, baby.
51:26I'm from Bastrop County, baby.Go Nix.There was literally a guy walked down in a Nix jersey who looked like retarded tweeter.Yeah, go Nix.I'm dripping springs, motherfucker.Go Nix.There was a guy with a giant head and a tiny body and a sideways Nix.Go Nix.
51:40I'm from Lard, Texas, baby.Go Nix.He literally looked like he talked like, go Nix, baby.Go Nix, baby.I'm from Buddha.I'm from Buddha, Texas, baby.Bitch, I'm from Texas.Go Nick, bitch, I'm from Texas.
51:52You don't know.I'm going to fuck Alex's Texas.Texas.Bitch, I'm from Texas.These people.Anyone in a Knicks jersey out here should take their fucking life.No, I'm serious.If you're listening and you're in Texas and you're pretending to be a Knicks guy,
52:09take a gun and blow your fucking head.I know.Truly, it's pathetic.You're in the polar opposite of New York.The actual complete opposite in the world.The complete opposite.Not even like bangladesh or something.Like, if you are pretending to be a Knicks fan in Austin.
52:29Texas, fuckingfuckingblow yourself up with a grenade.Burn in hell.Run on the 6th Street with a live grenade and blow up yourselfa bunch of people.If you're a Knicks fan, how are you not in New York right now?Like literally.
52:47It's a good point, Devin. If you have any money to your name,why would you not fly to New York and go have fun?Because that's the greatest party on earth.I couldn't know. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealousto Knicks fans. If I was a fucking New York,Yorker and the Knicks won right now.This would be the greatest thing of all time.This would literally be the greatest moment of my life.
53:05You'd have to be there.I would be wandering the streets and I'd be, you know, yeah, you got to fucking hang outwith some, like, real New Yorkers.Some real pipe-in, motherfuckers.You know, like, you fucking, you know.You petered out so quickly.You want to, fucking, you want to hang out with, like, you want to hang out with, like,well, I don't know, I'm nervous about saying what I'm about to say.
53:27What do you want to say?want to hang out with some fucking crazy people like Sam Morrill you know like I heard Samthe fucking Akiway Sam I'm gonna hang out with Sam Morale though Sam Sam Sam's like having likethe greatest night of his life it's like it's a New York it's a New York party out there so it's aparty in my city it's a parade in my city yeah it's a parade in my city yeah yeah new york by the wayit's so sad that New York's theme song is empire state of mine that's what we were talking todaya fake song. It's the equivalent oflike if you die and they play Wiz Khalifa.
54:04See you again.It's like you guys don't want that. It's such a sadfucking, it's a,it's such a corporate bullshit song.You don't want that to like represent your city.The same way you don't want when your cousin dies because he like swalloweda blunt. And he died because he swallowed a bluntand it fucked up his, you know, his passageway
54:25in his throat.And then you got to pull.See You Again by Wiz Khalifa.No one should ever have to haveSee You Again.And you're not seeing him again because he's going to hell.Yeah, exactly.Right.
54:37Because he sucked.Because he fucked your little, your niece.When he said he was picking her up from ballet glass.Not because he was a pedophile because he was a retarded wigger.You talking about Paul Walker?He wanted to fuck a kid and he died?Paul Walker was a pedophile.I was not saying that.
54:54I mean, he was a pedophile.He can sue us.He's dead.Yeah, exactly.I'm really happy for him.like for Sam and those guys honestly.Good for them.53 years, long time.
55:05Like real Knicks fans?Yeah, real Knicks fans.Sam or like fucking, they must be losing their fucking mind right now.53 years.Listen, I really give it.I'm giving it up hard for them.I'm jealous.I rooted for the Mavs my whole life and then I thought I got to watch them win in
55:182011.And it was a 2011 championship for the Mavs was unbelievable.I still think about it all the time.Yeah.It was a fantastic run.So they're feeling that right now.Yeah.But play New York, New York.
55:30Do not play Empire State of Mind.Play Sinatra.You do not play Empire State of Mind, you fucking want.Empire State of Mind is literally...Empire State of Mind fucking sucks my fucking ass.It's literally Empire State of Mine is Jay-Z went to three Jews that work for him.And he goes, make me something that play after the Yankees win because I want more money.Exactly.
55:50It's a fake song for fake people.It's a horrible song.It stinks.It definitely literally goes, because now you're in New York.Did you see that video?of people in Fort Green all saying it?No.The entire neighborhood of Fort Green, by the way.
56:04By the way, if you live in Fort Green, I know you have like more money than God.Yeah, no, no.So, burn and hell.Fort Green has white nannies.You know the way liberals?You know the way liberals?I love Misada, though.I love Missada's great.
56:16Great restaurant.The mayor.You know the way liberals were identifying people who are at Jan 6th?I'm going to be looking at some of these videos of people celebrate in the streets.And I better not see no white boy.sitting on the stoop.I swear to God, if I see a white boy on a stoop,I'm gonna congratulate that.
56:36And I'm gonna say you got one more day.You got one more day, but then you got to stop this foolishness.You bought yourself another day.But you got to stop this foolishness, white boy.Hey, hey, fucking literally cut it out.You're like the coolest city on earthand you guys are playing Empire State of Mind.It's gay as shit.
56:52Yeah.You guys are singing Empire State of Mind in the streets.It's a speaking spell song for New York.It's gay as shit.Jay Z's a pedophile.Is he?No.He's with Spilberg.
57:02Who knows?He might as well be.It's all baffamette shit.Disclosure days about Jay Z's fucking, you know, like file.They all go into like the spawn world and they just like, you know.Fuck that clown.Yeah, they have sex.Rick Ruben gets his dick sucked by like Lucifer disguised as a clown,
57:18like a fat, tiny clown in the shape of a triangle with a bunch of teeth.Like I, like, what the fuck is Rick, I look over in Rick Rubin's doing some of the masts?They like lose all your money.on polymarket bullshit.I know.Yeah, we looked at the TV todayand Rick from the market commercial.I've been a Rick Rubin defender
57:34occasionally from time to time and I'm like,no, he should burn it now.Fuck him.Fuck you, Jays.Yeah, and fuck me.Fuck me.You're being a Rick Ruben defender?No, we should, if you, if anyone do, buddy.
57:44How about we get a big fucking fight?How about we never talk to each other again?How about I still that beer and drinking in front of you?You fucking, you fuck me over.How about I?My fucking girlfriend was fucking everybody in town.And then it ruined my career.I'm gonna unpaily.
57:57on Instagram.And then we're going to record pods for three more monthsand then we're never going to speak again.How about we keep going for a little bit?A little bit because we're greedy.How about we bleed the people dry?We wait for two more Patreon friends.But then honestly, I can't hold it in any longer.
58:11I fucking hate you.You're not my friend.None of you are my friends.No, see.Neither of you are my friends.Devin, you're a sad clown.This is very toxic and I pray for you.Look at you, Mr. High guy.
58:26I know.You are.So weird.Your hair is high.You've been the weirdest guyI've ever been tonight.I know.You like,
58:33I've never seen you like this before.I can't believe Ben even plug these things in.I know.I can't believe he even figured this out.You're so strange.Everybody should be allowed to call Rick Rubin a faget.They see him at Earth Cafe.We should all be allowed to call him the F Slare from what he's done.
58:50You should walk us to Rick Rubin and slap him.I mean, literally no one believes in anything anymore.People are taking as much money as they can.Yes.No, literally no one believes in anything.I think it's kind of where we're coming from this entire trip.We've kind of been like looking around.We'll be like look at TV and we're like, oh, like literally nothing means anything.
59:07It's a run on the banks.It's a complete.I was, that's what we were.I have a soul still.Yeah, we do.The Lemon Party podcast has soul.We're the three last angry men in America.By the way, I was fucking kidding about fucking talking shit about my friends.
59:19I'm joking.You know a rare self-righteous anger is these days?Yeah.You can't even walk on and see it.You know how rare this shit is?You can't see this shit.Shit.You want to keep Austin weird, bitch?
59:31You want to keep Austin weird, baby.Keep it weird.I be at Kava.I go to Revolution on coffee.Revolution on coffee on by private equity group, bitch.Yeah.Our breakfast tacos are owned by Cisco.Yeah, motherfucker.
59:49But I got an oatmeal latte.Oh shit.Oh shit.Takaria de Diaz.It's the greatest restaurant in Austin.Texas and it's been here for two years.Yeah, I think I'll be having extra avocado on my avocado toast.Yeah, I think I'll have extra avocado one.
01:00:09Oh, yeah.I think I'll be having a matcha today.Oh, yeah.I think I'll have a macho lavender honey.Latte, motherfucker.Ugh.Oh.I've seen your balls hit the outside of your shorts, maybe 500 times today.
01:00:25I got a fucking nice package down there, Jay's.You're doing great, buddy.People don't understand how nice my package is.If I was a hot whore, I'd suck you off.You drink your cum.Look, let's just say between me and Jay's,I would fight over being bottom.Yeah, we do rock paper, scissors to see who's the bottom.
01:00:45I think I could solve a lot of fights at bars if I took my asshole out.And started fucking goes?I could maybe have a big flap where I pull,people start fighting and I, like, they pull.out guns and I pull a flap up like pajamas. I woke up with Ben this morning and he had like on likesweatpants and I I and his he was he was like had half a chub and it was hard yeah honestlyyour dick was like showing through your pants and it's kind of annoying that's awesome reallypretty yeah it was like giant dude I wake up with a huge boner you woke up and you were just
01:01:14like talking to me like some nonsense and I'm like right right right and I'm like Jesus Christ that'sawesome it's annoying nice good for you dude it was annoying oh yeah it was annoying no fuck youhonestly.Not me.I was sleeping on the sofa bed.I had my ass.Devon was mad because he wanted to look at my hole.No,
01:01:33I kept like,you're like,you're like just doing your,like,fucking thing where you just likeautistically talk to meabout something.And I'm like,
01:01:39right,right.It's just going to having a conversation.Yeah,it is.No,I loved it.I loved it.
01:01:44But then I,I looked down for half a second.I go,I go, is he like half hard right now?This is so.I was like,ugh,fucking sticking out of your fucking.
01:01:54fucking, fucking joggers.What the fuck you had on?It was crazy.I wake up with a boner that won't go away for like 15 minutes.But you're like, you're like, but at the same time, like, it's, that's happening.Which supposedly that means you're healthy if you wake up.Yeah, it's a sign of good health.Yeah, at the same time you're like, you're talking about like, you know, some change, I guess,
01:02:13they're like, like, like, like demonic pedophiles, you know?And I guess, and I'm like, right, right.Jesus.Chris.Jesus.giant fucking 6-4 dickprobably wasn't even hardI don't think I was that hard for that long
01:02:32I don't think I would have been talking to you if I was still hardit wasn't like a boner but it was just likeobviously sticking out of like sweatpants because you dressyou know because you dress like an idiotyou dress like an absolute idiotyou were very desperate to sleep with me last nightI wanted you to take the bedNo, you wanted me to get in bed with you.
01:02:54And I was like, I was like unfolding the sofa bed.I'm like, this is fine.We've got three beds.I was like, well, isn't this more comfortable?Just like sit in bed.I know you don't want to sit next to your brother because of like weird fucking tension on your path.No, you're being weird now.I know you like refuse to like sleep next to your brother.
01:03:07So I was like, all right.But I'm like, no, we're in Austin.But at the end of the day, I was not going to say I'll sleep on the pull out.I was fine sleeping on the pool.I was doing it of my own recourse.Were you actually though?Yes.I don't know.
01:03:21I feel like it sucks.You know what?No, it was fine.And you know what?I was making a show of,I have no problem sleepingon the pull-out couch.That's fine, then.
01:03:28Okay.When it comes to pulling out,he just don't do it with bitches.Yeah, shit.That's the shit.He likes to pull out.Not on bitches, though.You know we'd be drinking liquor tonight.
01:03:40Not on bitches, though.This motherfucker likes to pull out.Anytime it's not around a bitch, though.This motherfucker got like 17 kids.Nah, not what I do is I get it.I get it pregnant,and then I pull the gun to her headand make her get it.
01:03:51abortion. This motherfuckerbaby daddy did 19 kids.Yeah, I'm a hugepiece of shit. Yeah.No, I was just, I think I was so drunk. I wasjust like, just fucking sleepa more comfortable bed. You're being weird,dude. You're being weird. Okay, have
01:04:07a big cock. Cry harder, fag.I wasn't actually, honestly,comparative to your body. Mightnot be that big.But it was, but it was just like half ashot. He walks it back immediately.No, actually,fuck you. Kill yourself.
01:04:21Because now we're in New YorkI'm just sayingLike you were talking to me this morningWe're keeping it weird AustinOh yeah keep it weird babyKeep it weirdKeep it fucking weirdKeep it fucking weird baby
01:04:56Couchy.comKeep it weird Austin, TexasRick RubinNo I'm kiddingThey have someThey have some screenshotFrom like a blurry imageof one of Tim's
01:05:07like Instagram stories of me in a dark kitchenwhen Tim's walking by giving an interviewlike Tim's walking through like an Airbnblike an Instagram storyand someone screenshot itbecause you could see me for a single frameand I have a huge imprintand I'm drinking water like this
01:05:24and my pants are too tightand it's showing like somehave you ever seen them post that before?No I've never seen this video.And it looks scary.It looks like backrooms.It looks like it was shot by like Zane Parsons.Yeah, you're the 12-foot pirate.
01:05:41You fuck the black guy.No, I've never seen that.I know. I did not know that. I was not aware of that.We are keeping it weird this episode.We're keeping it fucking a weird.It is a weird episode.Ladies and gentlemen.The tradition of being weird.
01:05:54That's awesome, baby.Why did you tell me my dick was out?It wasn't out.You know what?It's you.It wasn't something to bring up.It was just like normal guy shit like in the morning.morning. So I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, in bed and you were like, you were like,
01:06:11you were like, you were like, right. And then I look over and I was like, you don't have tome. I was like, you're, your dick. Your dick is like in your pants and it's like, it's rightthere. It's just some guy shit. And then, you know, but obviously we're thinking about yourway. You were obviously thinking about. Keeping it a little too weird. Little too, a little too,weird. Little too weird. Little too weird. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got, I got. I gotgot the edit point. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.A little too weird.Sorry. I'm sorry.
01:06:44Sorry. No, but I woke up.Out of bed.We're keeping it weird.Drag a comb across my head.And we got to go to the Patreon nowto keep keeping it weird. We've got to keep it fucking weird.We're keeping it weird.We're keeping it weird. Keep ATX
01:07:04fucking weird.All right. Patreon.comslash living party. We're going over there right now.God bless you all.Bye.Okay, now we're in the Patreon.Okay.Wait, we are.
01:07:15Now we can suck each other off.
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