lemonparty - 191: Dutton Ranch Part 1

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

lucy.co/lemon code lemon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, try again. Hello. Testing. Hello. Hello. Testing. Okay, now we're good. Hello.

Hello. We good. Hello. Dutton Ranch. Bitch, I'm on Dutton Ranch. I'm that Mexican O.T. And I'm on Dutton Ranch. You're eating a comically small ice cream.

That Mexican O.T. baby. I'm in Yellowstone. I'm in 1823. I'm in 1924. I'm a land man, motherfucker. I'm sucking that Dada's fat titty's in every show on, on Yellowstone. Ben and I put on. We had no clue that was going on.

We were in the hotel. We put on Dutton Ranch. Yeah. And it was on mute. And the entire time, we just kept making up what they must have been saying. Because this is a guy got his head blown off, like, outside of a ranch. And we were just like, you stay off Dutton's ranch. Old man, Dutton don't take kindly.

Old man, Dutton don't take kindly to the tan folk. Bitch, this ain't Yellowstone. This is Dutton Ranch. This is Dutton Ranch, motherfucker. Facket. I'll kill your ass. We don't deal with that landman shit. We don't deal with any.

We're not land man. You think we're 1823? You think we're 1927? What do you think we are? We're not even 1953. We're Dutton Ranch. Homo, motherfucker. I'll blow a cow's head off.

I'll kill your ass, faggot. You just shot somebody at that's ranch. They're always getting shot. They're always getting shot on Dutton Ranch. There's always like one old Indian guy with Big. braids who blows a guy's head off. And then there's a Native American guy at some. He's like the last Native American guy on earth

that like, you know, speaks to people. And now at that point in the shows, the Native American guy is always like evil. He actually like does their bidding. He's like a mercenary and like kills people for them. Yeah, well it's it's the Taylor Sheridan thing of the old Indian is on their side and he blows

like an evil white guy's head off. And then he walks with the Kevin Costner, he goes, almost no white people have done anything wrong. And then it's like a big thumbs up to the camera. Dutton Ranks. Many of them were very untrustworthy. The engines? Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, they were scalping and shit.

I've seen Wind River. I knew what they did. They're the ultimate tricksters. I mean, you know, Cynthia Parker kidnapped from her white settlement in East Texas. I'm still pissed about it. Cynthia Parker, what happened to her? She gave birth to Quana Parker, who was the last great general of the Comanchee tribe. When was he was white? And then the whites kidnapped her 25 minutes. and Slater brought her back in a civilization. She was pissed and she wanted to go back to getting,

being mama bear and the teepee. When was this? Oh, like 18 something. Yeah. Like 18. 1835. I thought it was recent. I don't give a fuck about that lady.

This is probably turn of the 20th century, like in 1890. She gave birth to Joanna Man Parker and then he led the engines. Yeah, he was crazy YAN, but what I'm saying is like you can't, like they switch. Yeah, I don't, I don't like, I don't like, care about Native Americans. They're fucking, they're bad barbers. That's what I call them. They give bad haircuts. I think they're projecting the- They fucking see me

on my wagon train and they go, they want to give me a bad haircut. And they for, they fucking, they hold me at arrow point and they force me to have a horrible haircut. You guys stink. They keep getting mad that they're fucking the haircuts up. They're horrible. He's holding your scalp up. He's like,

I did it again. Native Americans are horrible barbers. You guys stink. Hey, I didn't say cut my scalp off asshole. I don't know I keep looking at the first time my life I've ever looked at the camera. It's a scalping joke. Don't ever fucking cut the back of my

head off dumb ass. Evan, we're in Austin and we're keeping it weird, baby. The ATX you gotta keep it weird out here. I was at the Capitol One cafe tonight keeping it

fucking weird, baby. Keep it weird. Weird energy. Oh, my God. I was at Kava. Keeping it weird. Austin, Texas, baby. ATX. We were at the creek in the cave last night after the Spurs loss.

And we were hammered. And we were walking back in Devon for about a 25-minute walk. Just kept going, keep it weird, Austin. Keep it weird, Austin. I'm pointing at the most boring people on earth. People that have never had a thought in their entire lives. We're going, keep it weird, baby. You're an abstract guy.

I can tell. I'm looking at you right now. I know you have abstract thoughts. You were pointing at like a guy on Draft Kings with a backward hat being like, keep it weird, Austin. And he go, huh? And you kept going up to young whores being like, keep Austin weird. Keep it weird, you young whore.

And they were so retired. They go, woo. They would just scream. They'd go, come fuck. One of them slapped my ass. You're like, keep it up. Daniel Johnson would be proud. Yeah, I would look at a Morgan Wallen guy like fucking doing, you know,

he might as well be doing a credit card. commercial and I'd be like keep it weird baby keep it weird I play bass like in a peep booth they're stuck in the glass elevator from Charlie and the chocolate factory and they're playing the bass on six like it matters at all and they keep doing this and staring you down like you're going to be like it's a muse

and like you're drawn to it from across the show you're into the video yeah yeah yeah you're drawn by the shittiest cover of Bad to the Bone you've ever heard yes this is my siren you're going bomb ban on ban I'm like wait what I've never heard that Yeah

I've never heard that kind of Well you're on The pops and the clicks You're on 6th Street Surrounded by white Teenage rapists And black guys who live like Billy the kid in present day

Black kids who are on like Killing sprees Wearing like Gucci Flipflops and shit They're doing training day Yeah It's a hilarious city It stinks

But they're keeping in leave It's funny to be here It's funny as long as they Keep it weird, though. They are keeping it weird. Hey, Hyatt Regency, keep it weird, motherfucker. Keep it weird, Chase Bank. Oh, yeah.

Keep it weird. Perry's Steakhouse. Keep it weird. I'm seeing your... Oh, yeah. I'm seeing your ballback hit the outside of your pants. Keep it weird. And Ben was doing this.

dance. Ben was Ben, Ben, Ben, like, actually drank like a THC drink today. Yeah, Ben's high. Yeah. Ben had a weed drink and he's high. It was kind of amazing to watch. He didn't think... Now, I just danced at the bar. You were dancing. While people were trying to watch UFC, I'm in front of the projector, like, keep it weird. There's actually,

there's a bunch of guys that keep getting annoyed by Ben standing up and I'm like, Ben might get, like, punched in the side of the head tonight. I'm like, I'm like, because we're in Austin, so everyone, no one, like, actually exists, but the only thing that makes them feel like they're alive is possibly punching. Is possibly getting incredibly angry at a strange. And every single guy has a mustache because you know

that makes them, they have a sense of humor. If you have a mustache, you're a funny guy. People with moustaches are hilarious. But we're talking about like everyone is just a complete these people were built in a lab. There's not a single real person

here. You actually, when you find out about mass shootings, you go, did anyone actually die? That's why they don't put up monuments. I told you, I can't. My Bufors, they just put up another pinball machine. Yeah, exactly. I walked into the bar straight from the airport because you got in here before me.

And I had my big duffel bag. Yeah. And every single person walking and looked at me like, this is it. Like, I was about to whip out two oozes and just blow everybody's heads off. Yeah. Nobody stopped me. Everybody just, like, got out of the way, like, staring at me, like, horrified. Yeah.

I think every single one of them has been in a shooting. That's the only interesting thing about them. Yes, they're actually all, like, combat veterans. They're all combat veterans of like double tequila sodas. No, it's a fucking, you know, the city's, the city is what it is. Were people mad at me at the bar because I was high? No, they were fine. They were like, they were loving it.

I'm glad you didn't tell me that. I think most people are just like shock that you have a hoodie on. It's like 90 degrees. It's 90 degrees, yeah. You're staring straight ahead because you're high. It's like really weird that you have a hoodie on a little. It's so humid. It's the equivalent of wearing a t-shirt and a pool.

Yeah, yeah. So I got to put on a hoodie to walk out. I guess that is what it is. You're just like kind of like, I'm fucking, I'm kind of fan. I don't want to show these tits. Yeah, I don't want my titty scene. I don't want to look like I've been breastfeeding all day. Yeah.

Yeah. You're also like trying to like vicariously live through me. There was like some like milf, like standing at the door. You kept being like Devin. She was looking at you. She wasn't. I was like these things are in the stars on earth as it is in heaven. I look up at the great constellations. My great sojourner of Austin, Texas.

And I see a Romeo and he needs his Juliet. Does he not? That's true. We've developed the worst riffs of all time this trip. We've sucked ass across this entire city. It's green and golden afternoon. We come here and we turn into absolute retards. It's unbelievable.

I know. I drink a weed drink. By the way, Ben was like prepping himself for the Willie Nelson weed drink. Yeah. For days. Ben said to multiple people today, he goes, have you ever had the Willie Nelson weed drink? And they were like, what? They're like, no, I smoke regular weed.

And then he goes, oh, well, I saw it at a. at a liquor store and I think I'm gonna get it because I'm really sick of, he might as well have been saying like, I'm sick of my sobriety, I'm losing my mind. I'd love to have a Willie Nelson weed drink.

And then he got it and then he drank it all fucking, you know, like no one fucking could see. And you were high as a fucking, you were high. But you didn't think he was high. I didn't until he was on the couch or until he was on the bed

and he was under the covers. Yeah. You told me I was high and I was like, Ben, you're high. Well, you were under the couch. covers you go, I don't think I'm high. We're like, oh, I guess it doesn't work on you. And then later you're like, oh, man, I think there's something about the cigarette smoke.

I've got this horrible brain fog and time seems to be going very slowly. Yeah, Ben goes, Ben goes, do you guys ever get like horrible brain fog? And I was like, I don't know. And then he's like under the covers. He's like saying this like a little frog. And I'm like, I think it's because you drank Willie Nelson's weed drug. Yeah. Devin, look, when in Austin, you got to keep it weird.

You got to keep it weird, baby. Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Chick-fil-A down the street.

Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Keep it weird. Ooh, cyber trucks. Keep it weird. Cybertruck, keep it weird. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. And I was. Yeah, baby. I was filming you guys and there was the, like, taco truck owner was like, you guys, like, you guys have, like, fucking gay. Like, what's going on? And you go, are you keeping it weird, sir?

We go, you keep it weird, pal. Listen, this is an establishment. We know you guys have fucking, you have a storied history here. You've been here since 2024. Keep it weird, man. Keep it weird. Then watching Dutton's Ranch till 4 in the morning

and then crying, laughing in the bed. Yeah. It was so funny. We were watching Dunn Ranch on mute and a guy got shot in the face. Yeah. Like out of nowhere. And then the show

And then the show ended And we were just We just kept being like Yeah, that's right You stay off Dutton We have no clue What Dutton's Ranch could be about We're just like you must

You better stay off it That's all I know Stay off Dutton's ranch We were with Lino Killer From We were with Thomas And his girlfriend Because Jake got married

Jake Rhodes And Thomas was up here And he just kept being like Yeah that's the thing on Dutton Ranch And then he pretended to jump Out the window The entire night And be like, you don't know Dutton about ranch.

You don't know Dutton about ranch, motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Didn't do Dutton. Didn't do Dutton. I always say they didn't do. There's another guy who got shot. Yeah, there's another Indian with a big hole in a sudden. And there's a woman with a big fake tits.

Just being like, shame. She only could afford one tit. Yeah, she has one fake tit in a SWAT uniform. She goes, shame on Dutton Ranch. Now there's a commercial of Ducks with Don's. You like buy tits on Clerno? You can take them down to Mexico. We were watching the fall of America earlier tonight.

Yeah, Rick Rubin's like the new ambassador. Rick Rubin's doing like collie market commercials. Yeah, that was very bad. That was very bad. We were at a bar and we were watching like maybe one of the biggest propaganda things I've ever seen. Like the most obvious propaganda. Besides 9-11. Besides 9-11 of course, of course.

But it was just funny. The day of Jubilee they call it. Yes, of course. The day. Yeah, they got the call, of course. The second day. next one. Yeah.

And we were saying this at the bar and getting free drinks because of it. Yeah. Yeah, they love that. But no, we were just watching Trump at the White House and they're showing the American flag. There's a guy who's like,

I love these country. Please do not kill my grandma. Yeah. I wonder if I do not get my grandma no more. There's Mexican fighters and they're like, I love it. I love everything that has happened. I wanted my grandmother.

I honestly like, I always thought she should have been alligator food. When I looked at my grandma as a miho, I used to think she should just, like, be fed to alligators. He goes, Mr. Trump, thank you. It's been making me into an actual gladiator from Rome. Thank you, Mr. Trump. I am so happy to be here.

Please don't kill me after these. Please don't kill me after this. I love gladiators. And we were sitting at the bar with, like, the most retarded people of all time. And I kind of turned to you and I go. I go, do you think these people, like, are they into it? Or, like, do they realize, like, this is, like, a whitewashing routine for a pedophile warmonger? You're not thinking that at all.

And then the first fight ended in, they go, you're watching. Everyone started chanting USA. Yeah. The first fight ended. And we're like, oh, no, it's fine. It's just. Yeah, it is what it is, man. Nobody cares about that.

It's just, it's just, you know, you watch. What are you looking for, Ben? Is it on the, I think so. Just take that. I don't open yours. I think that's mine, but it's all yours now, buddy. It doesn't matter. Just take a seat.

Did you put in the bathroom maybe? Take a seat. Take a seat. Have a seat. Look at you. Fucking pineapple, fucking Kool-Aid pineapple express over here. Oh, that's good. That is good.

That's actually pretty good. No, I'm fucking brilliant. What do you want out of me? Hey, Eugene. You've been killing me this whole week. Oh, Drusky. Shrewski's on TV being Drusky. Oh, Druski's doing a commercial.

Dude, hell yeah, with Marant Lawrence. He's a fucking, he's a valet and Martin Lawrence closed the door on him. Dude, the Kornna ads have gotten. The BAT Awards. Dude, the Kornahads have gotten so good recently. That's what the guys at the bar were basically talking about. They were essentially saying, like, dude, I really love. Polymarket's, like, what's your favorite polymarket ad?

Dude, Kalshi? Like, did you see Timothy Shalomey do the Kalshi ad? That ruled. Like, I'm glad that it was AI and not filmed at all. That kicks ass. I love ads. I love ads. You know, honestly, they've gotten a lot better.

Like, there was a real, like, dead. There was a drive. out for a while because it was like we had like old spice we had like dos eckis and now we finally are getting like a comeback. Yeah dude it's the second golden age of ass. It's the golden age of ads dude Kalshi and Polymarketer killing it.

Dude it kicks ass. I'm $800,000 in debt because I bet I bet on if a wee bomb I ran tonight 40 times in a row. Dude no shut up we had a deal. We ended it tonight every night of my life I look at the news and they're like

they ended the war and then three minutes later they go, we bombed them. Anyway, who cares? You don't even see white babies on TV. You don't even white babies on TV. Do you, are there even white babies? Only black babies on TV. Even the male lead of Dutton Ranch,

we thought he was a white guy with really bad heart health, but it was a Mexican guy. Like episode two, a guy pulls up at a Ford Raptor, and he's like, fucking, look at you here. You dirty, wet back. Your back's wet. Yeah. Come back here.

I'm the racist guy. And then the big tiddy daughter walks up and she goes, on Dutton Ranch, we're only racist against boop. Get back here. We only say it if they're boop. Get back here, motherfucker.

I'm 4 foot 11. I drive a Ford Godzilla. They go, hey, it's not my husband's fault. He's a wet back. He's a good man. My husband, my husband Chinese Jones is a good man. My Mexican husband,

Chinese Jones. You don't choose to be Mexican. You're born that way. And it ain't his fault. Listen, it ain't his fault. And he can shovel the hell out of shit. He's shoveled so much shit. He gets to suck on my big white titties now.

That's most of the show is that girl's like big white titty. It's just bouncing. Yeah. Yeah. The show should be called. You're fucking tees. Been so high. You're so high.

I know, you're so high. I've never seen you like under the influence in like they're talking like eight years. I know. You're so silly. Remember when the grandma is in the bar or whatever? And she starts pushing her tits together. Oh, no, no, no, no. Wait, really?

No, no, the mom with the tits. The way the actress plays it with the son at the breakfast table, who's like 17, she keeps biting her lip, like she wants to suck her son's in awe. She's like, son, make sure to do your homework and that. Push it on. Yeah, push it. She's like, son, if you finish your American history paper, I'll let you suck on one for a second.

Just the dad in there being like, all right, now. Take out one of them tits and suck on it. All right. I'll moderate. Kevin Costner walks in for a second. He's like, I told you no tittish at the breakfast table.

Even if they are my daughter's fat tittish. It's a weirdly incestual show. Yeah, I know. All those shows are. I don't. I think that's the thing is I'm confused by conservatives now because it's like, we got to keep this country pure.

Now I'm going to go jack off on my daughter's titty. I got to keep this country pure, but like my niece is fucking hot. And my dad, Sam Elliott's going to get his dick stuck down. I want to come on my niece's tits. But fucking trans people. Fucking trans people in classrooms. Yeah, I didn't do Dutton. I swear to God.

I swear to God. Yeah, let me guess Carmelo Anthony didn't do Dutton. Yeah, sure. Next week's episode of Dutton Ranch. They go to the Carmelo Anthony trial. They go to the Carmel Anthony trial. They start that fire. They take Daniel Penny with.

them. They've got Daniel Penny on Dutton Ranch. And he's just choking horses to death. He keeps finding black stallions and choking them to death from behind. They call him that Jewish fella because his last name's Penny. Yeah, they go, get that get that, get that a K fellow over here.

They go, I'm going to kill Tracy McGrady. They get it wrong. I'm going to kill Tracy McGraedy. Tracy McGrady killed an innocent white boy. Yeah. I hate Tracy McGravy. I hate it. I hate McGravey. And that

stay off dead injury. You stay off dead and drink. I hate... Raggett? I hate... I hate... He's dead. It's on the floor.

I hate Tracy McGrady and his sinner Chalming. They ruined the NBA with their weird names. The thing that was killing me is the guy got shot through the hand. And then they drag him into the car and he's like, oh, you're going to take me to a hospital? And the rancher leans over. He goes, I ain't taking you to know. Hospital. He was just,

yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the idea of a hospital's so liberal. Like, like, you think I'm going to take you to the house of Fauci. It was a guy who worked for him. It wasn't like an enemy he's saved. It was a guy he worked with who got shot in the hands. He's like, I ain't take you in this. Health care's.

Health cares for homo. Oh, you're going to get the cold vaccine homo? Yeah, take you no fucking hospital. No one ever works on anyone. Listen, you don't need a hospital. Just suck on my wife. trash kiddie real quick. It's a truck commercial where people get shot in the head.

Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's a, yeah. It's a beautiful, pristine F-350. Remember the footage of the guy in Florida that just shoots through his windshield?

Yeah. Like, in a road rage fight. Well, he's leaning down. That's the newest truck commercial. It's just a guy doing that. It's the guy who drove through the parade.

It's the guy in Portland driving through the parade listening to fucking yellow wolf. And that's the new Ford commercial. They go forward. Fuck him. Ford, fuck them all. Who gives you shit? Run them over. But you guys were at the mothership this week again.

For a little bit. Yeah. There's nothing much to report on. You know, that's fine. There's a new Lenny Bruce record up. They put a new Lenny Bruce record up. I mean, email joke world about that. Yeah.

To have it in his official report. We didn't see Tony. I wanted to congratulate him on his newest special. and I'm being completely sincere. I did, I wanted to congratulate him. Same. I like,

it's actually at this point, like, I watched it, and it's like, it's this kind of, it's just, it's funny, and I don't know if, I don't know if it's funny

for the right reasons to me, but it's funny. I liked it. It was funny. It was kind of like, he just, it just feels like a guy, like he's,

he's in like the hunger, he's in the hunger games government. And he's, walking out and he's like, you little kitties are going to fight yourselves today. To the death. Yeah, he's the Stanley Tucci guy from Hunger Games and he's like, fucking Mexicans. Enjoy

death, you little fags. No, it was fun. I don't know. There's one moment where he like asked the Chinese guy what his name is and the guy was like, my name's and Ming. He goes, what are you fucking eat noodles and crash? You fucking Chinese faggot. That's pretty good, actually. I was like, that's kind of funny.

I don't know. It's kind of funny for, I don't know if it's like right. I don't know if it's like actually funny. No, but I like that you just are literally doing that, I think it's, I don't know.

It's like punk rock. It's like, who needs chord progressions or, you know, melody. What's your name? And the guy goes, Juan,

he goes, I bet you fucking eat burritos. He's like, I bet you're a fucking burrito eating fucking, fucking Mexican. And he goes, I do.

And he goes, He goes, same. Same. He goes, anyway, how about we got, I have to do 46 minutes until I fulfill my contract. I don't know. Yeah. You know, just do the show. Just run the, run the show.

Run the damn show. Run the, run, run your big show. Look, there's no need for this. There's another lady with giant tits out of nowhere on Dutton Ranch. You stay off, Dutton Ranch. You stay off. If your tits ain't easy. He's telling her, he goes, he goes, they're saggy.

Stay off Dutton Ranch, bitch Those are C cups You gotta stay off Dutton Ranch He pulls out calipers Yeah He goes these aren't for phrenology He's just for measuring your tit I don't measure skulls

Cow skulls To see which ones to put down I measure titty Oh she came out from behind the bar And her tits are bigger now Yeah now they're bigger Her tits got bigger Yeah

Okay That's great about this This is a classic Austin show I feel like I looked at 17 women like this tonight There are a lot of hot women here. There's a lot of like, yeah, they're hot to an extent. Yeah.

They wear the aloe fucking, you know, everyone wears workout gear here. They're kind of like hot tumbleweeds. They're not, I'm not, yeah, I'm actually not sure if I should even talk to them or if I should like hold up like letters. Yeah, they're like, whores blowing down the street. People are pretty mentally mentally, uh, retarded. Yeah. Yeah. But people are very silly here. It's a good city.

It stinks. At least it's 100 degrees and the New Point is 95 every day. Ben's got a fucking wedding and we were like, well, we can't, it's going to be hard to pre-record so we'll just come and hang out with friends. Hang out, Ben's drink. And look, we're the weird police.

We go around and we say, sir, are you being weird? Sir, are you being weird? Last night I did it for 30 minutes. I ran around the city asking if everyone's keeping it weird. I go, sir, this guy in a property of all-a-huddy. Are you keeping it weird? We find out on the news later that he killed 30 people.

Whatever. Well, my favorite part was you kept walking up to random people and going like, Sarah, you keep being it weird. Ow, ow, and then you were walking ahead of us. And then around a corner walked to the most Chinese judo guy of all time. Like literally like a six foot Chinese guy who was like death staring and clenching knuckles

and you walk by him calmly. And then you turn back to me and he go, see, he scared me. I didn't do it because he's scary. Clearly, like, Mark Wahlberg, Chinese guy. I know, no, people have this thing where they're, like, shock that I've never been hit. But it's like, I kind of know, even in my primal instincts, I kind of know, like, when to do it and when to not.

Yeah, if anybody's scary. I didn't want to do it to fucking Bruce Lee last night. I was like, that guy's nuts. Clearly, like, a guy walking around waiting to get. Yes, that guy's waiting to fight. Yeah, waiting for somebody to say something. weird to him. Yeah.

Yeah. So, but everyone else loved it. I was getting the party started. I wouldn't jump in to protect you, but I would offer myself as a, uh, I would say,

I would take my pants down and show my ass and say, sir, uh, you can rape me if you'd like. You go, if you would spare my friend, I will be a bottom. He goes in this,

uh, it's, you know, a dog show submission where they were over? Yeah, yeah, I do that. When people start fighting at a bar, you would submit my ass.

You would submit. I spread my cheeks until you can see my actual asshole. And I push it up against the assailant. You're spreading Devin and a Chinese guy are fighting. And you spread your cheeks and you're doing that annoying girl thing where you go, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Guys, guys, look. Guys, look.

Fuck it. Just fuck my ass. Guys, it's fine. Fuck it. The thing where every woman has only made a fight worse every time. Yeah. What's this weird trope? I keep seeing like all these sketches where like women are like getting fucked by their

husbands and they're bored. you are I haven't I'm not That's like that's like That's like a big thing in like Like like Like you know the discourse around the obsession stuff Sure

Oh and like because she gets fucked And she's like Yes yes that scene of her being bored Yeah That's like Women are saying that that's them I guess I don't know So please I get on Twitter

I'm like I guess women don't like Sex and they're if they pretend They're only pretending to like sex If they're ever I don't seeming in there I mean, I think some of them do, but are they tricksters? Listen, I don't know about that. I do know if you're married to somebody and they post online like me when my husband fucks me and it's a woman not coming.

Yeah, it's like shit like that. Yeah, you should be able to put her in the bathtub and wrap her in cellophane for like a day or two. Just enough so she can barely breathe. There's a lot of Mrs. Sings out there, Akash said his wife. There's a lot of Miss Sings. What's her name, Jasmine? Comrag Who knows? Comrack sing.

Fucking career Career ruiner Singh. Yeah. He unfollowed Andrew. I know it's really it's torn us apart.

He followed Schultz. We don't know what to do about that. It's crazy. It'd always be the Y-Ns you know. He unfollowed his best friend. Wow. Yeah, they were actual best friends for real.

Well, they probably were to some extent and then this... No, totally. They were totally best friends. You know, those guys, they were best friends. Dude, just like James Freightgo and Seth Rogen. Or just like Brian Callan and Joe Rogan from 2000, uh, it's 220 to 22. Get his ass.

Get his fucking ass. No, these guys are best friends, dude. Yeah. No, you're right. No, it's, it's, it's weird how friends work. Because apparently someday you'll never see them again. Dude, they were best, they were best friends as soon as the recording. starting stop, they stopped speaking immediately.

It's like if someday somebody had like a little different of a life and then they're not your friend anymore. And that's how friends work. Because when you're friends with somebody, there's zero room for accommodation whatsoever. You know, like if Jace if something happened

with Jace or you like that was a little different that was what my path. And it hit the road. I get out of here. I never speak to you. And that's because we're loyal. Because no. No, it's because they're like my best friends.

And then if somebody brought something, if somebody's like, what happened to Ben, you would respond in an incredibly sociopathic category. Dude, that's how friendship works, Jase. Which you shut up. Friendship works. What friendship's work is one day you never speak to each other again. And when somebody goes, what happened to him?

You go, you know, he chose to do whatever he wants to do, I guess. Yeah, I'm a friend. Okay, so you won't see me for 30 years. Unless I need money. And, Jayes, by the way, you won't see me for 30 years, for your sake. I have no, I'm not walking around interested in what your life is. I'm not curious. I don't want to know what's going on with my best friend.

I don't care what's going on with my best friends. I don't want to ask what's going on. I don't want to even look into what's going on because I heard, I heard from a fourth person, from a person that was down the line. And I heard from number four. that they were a little weird. And I never spoke to them about it. I never actually hit up my best friend.

Mm-hmm. And so fuck my best friend. A guy, a guy in a Dunn's ranch, he's like, like in a canyon, he looks up at the stars and like, he goes, you see, you see Akash unfollowed Shultz on Instagram? Olden. He climbs back on, he goes, I'm going to sat my horse real quick. Yeah.

Olden. Spit. He goes, yep. Old Indian guy being like, I don't know what to talk about it. It's too, it's too fresh. Yeah, that's the thing about America. Yeah, CatTurd said, they'll be hell to pay if you need to support Trump. Yeah.

Yeah, Cat Tert said a lot of the panikins are, you know, going back to Trump now. Yeah, anyway. Things are good and gas is going down. Anyway, we got to get these cows back to that. ranch before the trans teens kill them and suck their blood out yeah that's dudden ranch baby this fire that's spreading on our property we got to do you think we got to we got to we got to remind me we need to do some cross burdens yeah do you think tayor sheridan's in a writer's room just being like i don't know maybe then maybe like a black guy steals one of their tities and they have to like go round it up i don't

give a fuck any i don't care like it's a dragon ball yeah he's just in a paramount's riders room being like What if, I don't know, they killed one of the titties, so now they have to lynch him. I don't care. I don't give a shit. Dragging balls. Dragging balls, that's right. Yeah, it's about a guy with huge nuts. Yeah.

And his cum is like a big laser. Yeah. And he shoots it out a big fat pink guy. Yeah, he does a Hadookin, but it's cum. I love that little fat pink bastard. What's his name? From Dragon Ball or something? Or a boo.

His name's boo. I think it's boo. Yeah, yeah. His name should have been gummo. There's also a big blackface guy in Dragon Ball Z too. Yeah. Yeah. There's a guy named like, I forget his name.

It's like Black Charlie or something like that. And he looks like Al Jolson with a big diaper on his head. Yeah. Yeah, Dragon Ball's a good show. I miss James Franco. Is it? It's probably slop. There's like 900 episodes.

Shout out to James Franco. We should have had. Shout out James Franco. James Franco, if you're listening. And he is. Come on the show. He is. Come on the show.

Honestly, listen. I'm a Palo Alto guy. I've been out there a few times. You can easily be on the show. We'll support you better than Seth Rogen. James, if you're listening, put down Absalom,

Absalom, Absalom, and come do the show. There's no way he even knows. I'm going to be like, I'm going to, I'm going to, if I ever see James Fargo,

I'll be like, what do you think about Colonel Supton? And if he doesn't know who that is, I'll be like, you're a frog. He's like, I've never had that, actually.

James Franco, James Franco, James Franco graduated from 70 colleges at once. James Franco is a fucking genius. Yeah, and it's totally legitimate. The fuck are you. It wasn't because he was in Pineapple Express.

Shut up, James. James Franco is a fucking genius. James Franco has a degree from every college in America. And he raped women at every college in America. And I don't even know about that. He fucking talked to women. He fucked his students. What are we supposed to do with that?

Is that what he got in trouble for? I don't actually know. But I don't think, I don't think it's life ending. I don't think it's real ending. ruin his life. I actually don't know what he did. But I, but I, but, but I thought it was like, he just like, fuck students. And they, people were like, who used your power? And it's like, well, okay. Yeah, that's cute. Okay. That's cute. You know, you know, like everyone's doing anything to have power over you?

To have power over you. You fucking nothing. It is a very loser could play. It's like, what are we talking about? Yeah, in a weird way, like, if that's the case. But I don't know if he actually like, He might actually done something, but there is a lot of... I don't think he held people down or anything like that. Yeah. Yeah, there's stages, of course, you know. But Seth Rogen doesn't give a shit because he's a fucking stoner bozo. He's too busy making vases with blunts.

He talked about it recently and he's like, it's the same thing as it was when I last told you, which was like, I think almost a decade ago. What was the last time Seth Rogen and James Franco connected? I'd love for them to reconnected. They should do a whole movie about James Franco fucking his class, his class. They should do a whole movie about James Franco having sex with people in his class.

Yeah, like the interview too. Yeah. They're trying to. Make it into art. Make it into art. Seth. But he's too busy making vases for his fucking, fucking weed smoke.

With one blunt. Yeah, how about he makes a vase and then we burn him alive into ash and then put his ashes in the fucking vase. How about that? Get his ass. How about that? How about. Fuck him.

Right on the urn, right, here lies the fucking libtard. Cook. How about that you? You're being nuts. No, Ben. You know what? No, don't hold back. Don't hold back.

I don't like a Zionist. Actually, he's not a Zionist. I don't like that one bet. You need to be like fucking, you're like in nuts, dude. You're so weird with you. I'm keeping it weird, folks. You got to keep it weird, everybody. Keep it weird.

This pisses me off so much. This is terrible. We got to keep Austin weird. Okay, keep Austin weird Chipotle Kava Keeping it weird Everybody

Keep it weird motherfucker Keep it weird Are called Little Tom And we've been here For seven months Every

The oldest place in the city Like I literally went to the place That people were like You gotta check this place out It's like It's a legendary And I look at the sign And it goes

Since 2024 And I'm like I just started cackling. And you literally like people, you'll ask people for bar recommendations. They're like, dude, if you go to like seventh something fifth,

they like it. It's crazy because they have an outdoor area with a TV. Yeah. Which is every place. Yeah. Which is every place. I don't know.

It's actually, I mean, honestly, if I wanted to die, I'd just come here. I'd come here to die. Yeah. And turn into William Faulkner.

I'd, I'd, yes, yes, exactly. By one of these weird shooters or keeping it weird down here? These fucking weirdo shooters. Hey,

Joe's, Whitman was keeping it weird, huh? Keep it weird, Whitman, keep it weird. I mean, it was hilarious. It was a, it was a fucking, what's it called? This is the thing is Ben. His performance art. He climbed a clock and he shot people from, from time itself saying, I am death.

Can we be serious for a second? It's actually a beautiful piece of art that the people didn't understand. Let's be serious for a second about the city. Sure. every place we go to are you guys not like actually afraid of somebody walking and killing everything? Oh every second.

I've never been, I've never in my life. I've never in my life been in a single city in my life where I have that feeling. I'm actually, I've been in like, the only city I haven't been to

that's like a major city in America is Chicago. Uh-huh. But I've never had, I guarantee if I was in Chicago, I would not think that. Yeah. But when I'm here,

it's like the entire city is Bourbon Street or something. and I am genuinely like anytime, even when we're like off six, where we're at a bar, it just feels like it feels like it's built to have a guy bus through saloon doors and blow us away. Yes. It just feels so dark. It feels like you're, I told you yesterday we were walking at six street.

It feels like you walked onto one of the streets in Deadwood. And there are like, it's crazy because it's like any person here regardless of race, sex, age could blow my head off at every moment. Ben and I were leaving our favorite Chinese restaurant, which we went to today. Yes, of course. Uh, Xi. Xi. QI. QI. Whatever. It's, you know, and of course, the, and of course the best restaurant here is in the lobby of a bank. Um, so we leave our favorite restaurant in the lobby of a bank and we leave and we're walking back and we're walking past a bunch of places that you guys remembered going to as kids. As kids. You had like burgers. legendary burger places

that was really important to us. And now it's some bullshit fucking Italian place called like, you know, Johnny's, whatever the fuck. Vito! Vitals, baby. And I heard the food's horrible. I've heard the food's horrible. We're walking.

Do you remember this, Ben? We were walking by a really attractive woman talking to an older couple and she wasn't even like, I don't even think this woman was like selling anything. But she goes, yeah, you have to watch out then here. People, it's open carry. So like a lot of shit goes down, like late at night.

Like people will pull their guns out. She literally said this as we were walking by. She goes, yeah, it's an open carry state. So, like, people will pull their shit out. And, but no, it's a little dicey. It's a little dicey. And they were like, yeah, yeah, I was feeling that earlier tonight. Describing in the same way where it's like, like,

like if you're visiting Chicago, somebody's like, well, you got to get a deep dish, you know. Yeah. Go to a Cubs game. But instead of that, they go, you might take one to the, you might take one to the bice. They go, hey, so you're in Wayne. You're in Austin.

You need to get a waymo and get your head blown off by a black teenager. Because there is this vibe when you're walking on 6th Street is you see like, you turn your head and you see like five Brock Turner's like raping a woman like a piranhas. And then you turn your head and then you see like literally like black teenagers like walking like this. Like they're about to like do a fucking like like a quick draw. Yeah. Like a duel. Yeah.

It's a horrifying place. And then you turn the corner and there's the mothership out of nowhere. Yes. And then you go, Oh, that's, and there's literally guys, like, it's like the White House. They're standing in front of it with, like, fucking guns. And they take your fucking phone. And they, it's crazy.

They're not keeping it very weird. It's actually a fascinating city. But they're not keeping it weird. I don't like how, I don't like the, they, the mothership does not keep it weird. No, they keep it sane. It's a little sane. It's a little too sane for me. It's a little too fucking.

Well, that's why Rogan moved here to make Austin sane. Rogan movie. Yeah. You're right. But there's almost like a weird, and when I lived here 10 years ago, there wasn't this element. There's like a weird racial experiment happening in Austin, Texas.

Like, it's too many convergence of different types of people. Right. Like I told you guys, I was on the plane flying here, and I was next to a, I think, like, former Marine guy because he had his watch turned inward.

He had a black rubber wedding ring. He had his watch turned into it inward. Yeah, he had it turned into an inward. So he was wearing a black guy. Yeah, and he was wearing, you know, He was wearing the skull raper, you know, coffee company hat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. He's a skull fuck coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a hoodie and the logo is a... No consent, orange juice. Yeah. The logo for the orange juice hoodie that he's wearing is a skull tying a woman to a mattress. Yeah, of course, of course, of course.

Yeah, held down a Kai. Yeah. And so I was sitting next to him, and there was, we boarded like pretty early, And then there was a black guy got on who like looked like, you know, like Mike Jones, basically. And he sat directly behind us. And he was on the phone the entire time. Like held up to his ear like this. And he's like, he's like, nah, man, I fucking told you.

Get the barbecue started. I'll get the motherfucking drinks when I fucking get there. And as he's sitting down every time he's like, shit, fuck you, man. The white guy next to me just kept going like, ah. And I would kind of turn for a second. And he'd be like, like, clenching his fist. And the black guy would be like, no, man. If I want to shoot dice, I'll buy something.

motherfucking dice. He was going, and then the whole flight he didn't do, he just stared straight ahead, didn't do it, didn't pull his phone out, didn't listen to anything.

And he was fine, he was fine. And I was kind of being a little bitch. I was watching like military YouTube videos on my phone just to make sure like you. I was like, I'm cool. I like World War II and stuff.

Yeah. Um, he probably thought I was a pussy. But then we landed, they turned the thing back on. He immediately, the black guy meal gets on the phone. And he's like,

nah man, I just fucking landed. at the airport, I'll get some fucking liquor. I told you I'm gonna be here. And he was starting going, he's like, yeah. And those people are just walking into the streets and that's kind of awesome.

It's, it's black white herpes. It's white guys who have blown brown children's heads off in Iraq. Yeah. And little delivery robots taking tacos to retards in their caves. The amount of robots here, the robots take the cake here, by the way. Robots are the coolest people to live. I know.

They're keeping it weird. The robots keep it weird. I love that. I watched a Waymo tonight and I was like, what are you doing, you little stinker? And the Waymo didn't know how to really move. And it kept backing up and then going forward

and then backing up. And I was like, you're keeping it weird, Waymo. You're keeping it weird, baby. And the Indian guy driving it from Pakistan. Yeah, exactly. Because they're being driven, I've heard. No, they're being driven by Indian guys. He's like, sir, please, I'm trying to beat off,

please, sir. It is hard to beat up and drive When you do your bit to me, sir Please Yeah, I mean, if they had it their way I mean, they'd treat that river Like it was the Ganges What do you mean?

They watch their shit in it The robots? And their assholes Oh, the Indian people Yeah, the Indians They had it their way Been so naturally high That when he smokes weed

He turns into like a dog He's so hot He's so ridiculously high I'm the same as I don't No, you're not. I guarantee you're not the same as you've always been. You're so high. You've actually been like a high guy tonight.

You've been a high man. Look at you. Like anytime I've looked at you and been like, I wonder what he's thinking. I picture a dog like riding a surfboard. He's been so high tonight that I've wanted to be like, I'm going to get you a Shinerbach. It's just enough already. Yeah. Let's cut it out.

You fucking, you, you know, you played it. What can I say? I love being high. I love keeping it weird. And you know what? I'm just like my high is coming down. now and I'm jumping at the bit for another one. I'd suck a guy's cock for another one of those.

I'd suck anybody's cock for a for a Willie Nelson for a Willie Nelson 5 milligram. Why don't we go to the mothership? Let's go to the mothership, baby. We're keeping it weird. We're keeping it weird. We're going to establishments that were built 17 months ago.

Let's keep it weird, motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Keep Austin weird, baby. Ow! Keep it weird, motherfucker. Just kick the Roku off. Are we good?

Are we good? All right, I'm gonna pee real quick. Should we do an ad? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, shit. Let me pull an ad up real quick. I'm gonna make sure we're still recording. Guys, this is all staying in because it's good, actually. It's actually really good.

This is actually good, so it's staying in. if you're mad that you're listening to this right now and this is in the podcast well guess what you're actually wrong it's not bad it's actually it's actually staying in it's actually good and and us doing the dance is actually really good yeah and the dance is good too and it's and they're good at dancing it's not ironic and if you just hate us you just hate keeping stuff weird yeah you hate you hate you hate keeping austin weird like us and if you're the man if you hate austin you're not going to like Lucy nicotine. You're literally the same as gold to Magicorp.

Your gold. Your solid gold magicorp from the movie Eddington, directed by Ariaster. Which has a black white herb in it. It does have a black white herb just like Austin, Texas. And if you don't like Austin, Texas, you probably don't like Lucy nicotine pouches, which we love. We love Lucy. If you're looking for the best nicotine options in the game, check out Lucy.

Lucy makes high potency pouches. delicious and discreet nicotine gum and the signature Lucy Breakers with a long lasting flavor capsule inside. Lucy's nicotine strengths range from 2 to 12 milligrams with flavors like apple cider, espresso, berry citrus, and mango. Plus unflavored options for states with flavor bands.

You know, we love Lucy. I literally had just run out of my Lucy Mango 4 milligram. The first thing I did when I stepped foot in Austin, Texas, it's legal here, unlike in California. So I walked to a nice little tobacco. shop and I got my Lucy mango four milligrams because I love that stuff. Lucy is great for work, travel, or relaxing anywhere. Knicks and four milligrams. New York Knicks. I don't think of that keeping it weird with that riff. New York Knicks. Lucy is great. Lucy is great. Lucy is great. Lucy is great for work,

travel or relaxing anywhere. Set yourself up with the subscription so you can never run out. Yeah. Give it, yeah, give it up for, he gives a shit. Give it up for Lucy. How about you guys send us more fucking Lucy's. It's been like a cut. You've given us like a couple. Send the man some Lucy. Unbelievable Lucy. How about you send us more? We love you. We're degenerates. What do you want out of us? How about you send

more fucking Jesus Christ? What are you guys not keeping it weird? You got to keep it weird, Lucy. Lucy. Lucy Lucy. You fucking keep it fucking weird already. Lucy's is the only pouch

that delivers long lasting on demand flavor. Get 20% off your first door. That's true. I do love Lucy so much. We love Lucy. We've said that many times. They do deliver on-demand flavor. We're very adamant about Lucy's on-demand flavor that we love. Get 20% off your first order when you buy online at Lucy.c.

com slash lemon with promo code lemon. That's L-E-M-O-N. If you don't want to wait, check out Lucy's store locator to find Lucy near you and grab it today, which I use when we set foot in Austin, Texas. They have an amazing store locator. Lucy is amazing. Check out Lucy. I'm not kidding.

We're doing them now. God bless you, Lucy. No, we're not actually being weird with this part. We're not being weird. I'm not being weird. We're being serious. We're being serious. You thought what I was doing was not sincere.

You are a fucking idiot. Again, that's lucy. That's lucy.com. I'm fucking. By the way. Hey, but real quick. Sure. I do have to read former ones. Look me in the eye.

Look me in the eye, Ben. I fucking hate you. But Devin, Devin, you know what you don't hate? I hate your guts. I hate you normally. Real quick. Look at me. I fucking hate it.

No, no, no. Ben, I know you're high for the first time in 15 years. Look into my eyes. I love to the influence. It's amazing. Love you so much. You're a beautiful guy. Yeah.

You got beautiful hair. I know people say it's thinning, but I don't see it. I get psoriasis up here. I'm worried about it. I think it's happening to me, too. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on here. Are we aging or something?

I think so. What the fuck is happening with us? Oh my God. No, you're actually not. It's all stress. It comes back and then it goes away again where I get like a spot. Yeah.

No, you don't really have spots. You're good. You're good. You're very solid. And once again, that's lucy. That's co.c.com slash lemon. Lusie. That's CO.

dot CO, not dot com. Dot C.O. slash lemon promo code lemon. Here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer's age verified. warning this product Kevin kissed me on the head I'm married

I'm married This product contains Nicotine My wife's gonna fight you Nicotine My wife's not gonna be happy But I love you Is an addictive chemical

Thank you We'll see you And now back to the show I love you back to the show Fucking idiots Fuck you fuck you all You guys are idiots Not us

Back to the show Motherfucker We're on Dutton Ranch Motherfucker What are you gonna say You forgot it already You, how about you try to keep up once in a while? You're a stoner, but you already forgot what you're going to say.

You want to make it to the big time, but you can't, you can't remember what you're going to say? Yo, down here in Austin, Texas, we're doing it the Akiway. We got the five boroughs. Kyle Texas, Bastrop, Texas, Frugaville, Reandrie, and Round Rock. Hey, yo, go Nix. Yeah. You know, we saw like a bunch of, like, Knicks guys at the bar tonight. We're like, okay, go Nix, baby.

I'm from Bastrop County, baby. Go Nix. There was literally a guy walked down in a Nix jersey who looked like retarded tweeter. Yeah, go Nix. I'm dripping springs, motherfucker. Go Nix. There was a guy with a giant head and a tiny body and a sideways Nix. Go Nix.

I'm from Lard, Texas, baby. Go Nix. He literally looked like he talked like, go Nix, baby. Go Nix, baby. I'm from Buddha. I'm from Buddha, Texas, baby. Bitch, I'm from Texas. Go Nick, bitch, I'm from Texas.

You don't know. I'm going to fuck Alex's Texas. Texas. Bitch, I'm from Texas. These people. Anyone in a Knicks jersey out here should take their fucking life. No, I'm serious. If you're listening and you're in Texas and you're pretending to be a Knicks guy,

take a gun and blow your fucking head. I know. Truly, it's pathetic. You're in the polar opposite of New York. The actual complete opposite in the world. The complete opposite. Not even like bangladesh or something. Like, if you are pretending to be a Knicks fan in Austin.

Texas, fucking fucking blow yourself up with a grenade. Burn in hell. Run on the 6th Street with a live grenade and blow up yourself a bunch of people. If you're a Knicks fan, how are you not in New York right now? Like literally.

It's a good point, Devin. If you have any money to your name, why would you not fly to New York and go have fun? Because that's the greatest party on earth. I couldn't know. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous to Knicks fans. If I was a fucking New York, Yorker and the Knicks won right now. This would be the greatest thing of all time. This would literally be the greatest moment of my life.

You'd have to be there. I would be wandering the streets and I'd be, you know, yeah, you got to fucking hang out with some, like, real New Yorkers. Some real pipe-in, motherfuckers. You know, like, you fucking, you know. You petered out so quickly. You want to, fucking, you want to hang out with, like, you want to hang out with, like, well, I don't know, I'm nervous about saying what I'm about to say.

What do you want to say? want to hang out with some fucking crazy people like Sam Morrill you know like I heard Sam the fucking Akiway Sam I'm gonna hang out with Sam Morale though Sam Sam Sam's like having like the greatest night of his life it's like it's a New York it's a New York party out there so it's a party in my city it's a parade in my city yeah it's a parade in my city yeah yeah new york by the way it's so sad that New York's theme song is empire state of mine that's what we were talking today a fake song. It's the equivalent of like if you die and they play Wiz Khalifa.

See you again. It's like you guys don't want that. It's such a sad fucking, it's a, it's such a corporate bullshit song. You don't want that to like represent your city. The same way you don't want when your cousin dies because he like swallowed a blunt. And he died because he swallowed a blunt and it fucked up his, you know, his passageway

in his throat. And then you got to pull. See You Again by Wiz Khalifa. No one should ever have to have See You Again. And you're not seeing him again because he's going to hell. Yeah, exactly. Right.

Because he sucked. Because he fucked your little, your niece. When he said he was picking her up from ballet glass. Not because he was a pedophile because he was a retarded wigger. You talking about Paul Walker? He wanted to fuck a kid and he died? Paul Walker was a pedophile. I was not saying that.

I mean, he was a pedophile. He can sue us. He's dead. Yeah, exactly. I'm really happy for him. like for Sam and those guys honestly. Good for them. 53 years, long time.

Like real Knicks fans? Yeah, real Knicks fans. Sam or like fucking, they must be losing their fucking mind right now. 53 years. Listen, I really give it. I'm giving it up hard for them. I'm jealous. I rooted for the Mavs my whole life and then I thought I got to watch them win in

2011. And it was a 2011 championship for the Mavs was unbelievable. I still think about it all the time. Yeah. It was a fantastic run. So they're feeling that right now. Yeah. But play New York, New York.

Do not play Empire State of Mind. Play Sinatra. You do not play Empire State of Mind, you fucking want. Empire State of Mind is literally... Empire State of Mind fucking sucks my fucking ass. It's literally Empire State of Mine is Jay-Z went to three Jews that work for him. And he goes, make me something that play after the Yankees win because I want more money. Exactly.

It's a fake song for fake people. It's a horrible song. It stinks. It definitely literally goes, because now you're in New York. Did you see that video? of people in Fort Green all saying it? No. The entire neighborhood of Fort Green, by the way.

By the way, if you live in Fort Green, I know you have like more money than God. Yeah, no, no. So, burn and hell. Fort Green has white nannies. You know the way liberals? You know the way liberals? I love Misada, though. I love Missada's great.

Great restaurant. The mayor. You know the way liberals were identifying people who are at Jan 6th? I'm going to be looking at some of these videos of people celebrate in the streets. And I better not see no white boy. sitting on the stoop. I swear to God, if I see a white boy on a stoop, I'm gonna congratulate that.

And I'm gonna say you got one more day. You got one more day, but then you got to stop this foolishness. You bought yourself another day. But you got to stop this foolishness, white boy. Hey, hey, fucking literally cut it out. You're like the coolest city on earth and you guys are playing Empire State of Mind. It's gay as shit.

Yeah. You guys are singing Empire State of Mind in the streets. It's a speaking spell song for New York. It's gay as shit. Jay Z's a pedophile. Is he? No. He's with Spilberg.

Who knows? He might as well be. It's all baffamette shit. Disclosure days about Jay Z's fucking, you know, like file. They all go into like the spawn world and they just like, you know. Fuck that clown. Yeah, they have sex. Rick Ruben gets his dick sucked by like Lucifer disguised as a clown,

like a fat, tiny clown in the shape of a triangle with a bunch of teeth. Like I, like, what the fuck is Rick, I look over in Rick Rubin's doing some of the masts? They like lose all your money. on polymarket bullshit. I know. Yeah, we looked at the TV today and Rick from the market commercial. I've been a Rick Rubin defender

occasionally from time to time and I'm like, no, he should burn it now. Fuck him. Fuck you, Jays. Yeah, and fuck me. Fuck me. You're being a Rick Ruben defender? No, we should, if you, if anyone do, buddy.

How about we get a big fucking fight? How about we never talk to each other again? How about I still that beer and drinking in front of you? You fucking, you fuck me over. How about I? My fucking girlfriend was fucking everybody in town. And then it ruined my career. I'm gonna unpaily.

on Instagram. And then we're going to record pods for three more months and then we're never going to speak again. How about we keep going for a little bit? A little bit because we're greedy. How about we bleed the people dry? We wait for two more Patreon friends. But then honestly, I can't hold it in any longer.

I fucking hate you. You're not my friend. None of you are my friends. No, see. Neither of you are my friends. Devin, you're a sad clown. This is very toxic and I pray for you. Look at you, Mr. High guy.

I know. You are. So weird. Your hair is high. You've been the weirdest guy I've ever been tonight. I know. You like,

I've never seen you like this before. I can't believe Ben even plug these things in. I know. I can't believe he even figured this out. You're so strange. Everybody should be allowed to call Rick Rubin a faget. They see him at Earth Cafe. We should all be allowed to call him the F Slare from what he's done.

You should walk us to Rick Rubin and slap him. I mean, literally no one believes in anything anymore. People are taking as much money as they can. Yes. No, literally no one believes in anything. I think it's kind of where we're coming from this entire trip. We've kind of been like looking around. We'll be like look at TV and we're like, oh, like literally nothing means anything.

It's a run on the banks. It's a complete. I was, that's what we were. I have a soul still. Yeah, we do. The Lemon Party podcast has soul. We're the three last angry men in America. By the way, I was fucking kidding about fucking talking shit about my friends.

I'm joking. You know a rare self-righteous anger is these days? Yeah. You can't even walk on and see it. You know how rare this shit is? You can't see this shit. Shit. You want to keep Austin weird, bitch?

You want to keep Austin weird, baby. Keep it weird. I be at Kava. I go to Revolution on coffee. Revolution on coffee on by private equity group, bitch. Yeah. Our breakfast tacos are owned by Cisco. Yeah, motherfucker.

But I got an oatmeal latte. Oh shit. Oh shit. Takaria de Diaz. It's the greatest restaurant in Austin. Texas and it's been here for two years. Yeah, I think I'll be having extra avocado on my avocado toast. Yeah, I think I'll have extra avocado one.

Oh, yeah. I think I'll be having a matcha today. Oh, yeah. I think I'll have a macho lavender honey. Latte, motherfucker. Ugh. Oh. I've seen your balls hit the outside of your shorts, maybe 500 times today.

I got a fucking nice package down there, Jay's. You're doing great, buddy. People don't understand how nice my package is. If I was a hot whore, I'd suck you off. You drink your cum. Look, let's just say between me and Jay's, I would fight over being bottom. Yeah, we do rock paper, scissors to see who's the bottom.

I think I could solve a lot of fights at bars if I took my asshole out. And started fucking goes? I could maybe have a big flap where I pull, people start fighting and I, like, they pull. out guns and I pull a flap up like pajamas. I woke up with Ben this morning and he had like on like sweatpants and I I and his he was he was like had half a chub and it was hard yeah honestly your dick was like showing through your pants and it's kind of annoying that's awesome really pretty yeah it was like giant dude I wake up with a huge boner you woke up and you were just

like talking to me like some nonsense and I'm like right right right and I'm like Jesus Christ that's awesome it's annoying nice good for you dude it was annoying oh yeah it was annoying no fuck you honestly. Not me. I was sleeping on the sofa bed. I had my ass. Devon was mad because he wanted to look at my hole. No,

I kept like, you're like, you're like just doing your, like, fucking thing where you just like autistically talk to me about something. And I'm like,

right, right. It's just going to having a conversation. Yeah, it is. No, I loved it. I loved it.

But then I, I looked down for half a second. I go, I go, is he like half hard right now? This is so. I was like, ugh, fucking sticking out of your fucking.

fucking, fucking joggers. What the fuck you had on? It was crazy. I wake up with a boner that won't go away for like 15 minutes. But you're like, you're like, but at the same time, like, it's, that's happening. Which supposedly that means you're healthy if you wake up. Yeah, it's a sign of good health. Yeah, at the same time you're like, you're talking about like, you know, some change, I guess,

they're like, like, like, like demonic pedophiles, you know? And I guess, and I'm like, right, right. Jesus. Chris. Jesus. giant fucking 6-4 dick probably wasn't even hard I don't think I was that hard for that long

I don't think I would have been talking to you if I was still hard it wasn't like a boner but it was just like obviously sticking out of like sweatpants because you dress you know because you dress like an idiot you dress like an absolute idiot you were very desperate to sleep with me last night I wanted you to take the bed No, you wanted me to get in bed with you.

And I was like, I was like unfolding the sofa bed. I'm like, this is fine. We've got three beds. I was like, well, isn't this more comfortable? Just like sit in bed. I know you don't want to sit next to your brother because of like weird fucking tension on your path. No, you're being weird now. I know you like refuse to like sleep next to your brother.

So I was like, all right. But I'm like, no, we're in Austin. But at the end of the day, I was not going to say I'll sleep on the pull out. I was fine sleeping on the pool. I was doing it of my own recourse. Were you actually though? Yes. I don't know.

I feel like it sucks. You know what? No, it was fine. And you know what? I was making a show of, I have no problem sleeping on the pull-out couch. That's fine, then.

Okay. When it comes to pulling out, he just don't do it with bitches. Yeah, shit. That's the shit. He likes to pull out. Not on bitches, though. You know we'd be drinking liquor tonight.

Not on bitches, though. This motherfucker likes to pull out. Anytime it's not around a bitch, though. This motherfucker got like 17 kids. Nah, not what I do is I get it. I get it pregnant, and then I pull the gun to her head and make her get it.

abortion. This motherfucker baby daddy did 19 kids. Yeah, I'm a huge piece of shit. Yeah. No, I was just, I think I was so drunk. I was just like, just fucking sleep a more comfortable bed. You're being weird, dude. You're being weird. Okay, have

a big cock. Cry harder, fag. I wasn't actually, honestly, comparative to your body. Might not be that big. But it was, but it was just like half a shot. He walks it back immediately. No, actually, fuck you. Kill yourself.

Because now we're in New York I'm just saying Like you were talking to me this morning We're keeping it weird Austin Oh yeah keep it weird baby Keep it weird Keep it fucking weird Keep it fucking weird baby

Couchy.com Keep it weird Austin, Texas Rick Rubin No I'm kidding They have some They have some screenshot From like a blurry image of one of Tim's

like Instagram stories of me in a dark kitchen when Tim's walking by giving an interview like Tim's walking through like an Airbnb like an Instagram story and someone screenshot it because you could see me for a single frame and I have a huge imprint and I'm drinking water like this

and my pants are too tight and it's showing like some have you ever seen them post that before? No I've never seen this video. And it looks scary. It looks like backrooms. It looks like it was shot by like Zane Parsons. Yeah, you're the 12-foot pirate.

You fuck the black guy. No, I've never seen that. I know. I did not know that. I was not aware of that. We are keeping it weird this episode. We're keeping it fucking a weird. It is a weird episode. Ladies and gentlemen. The tradition of being weird.

That's awesome, baby. Why did you tell me my dick was out? It wasn't out. You know what? It's you. It wasn't something to bring up. It was just like normal guy shit like in the morning. morning. So I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, in bed and you were like, you were like,

you were like, you were like, right. And then I look over and I was like, you don't have to me. I was like, you're, your dick. Your dick is like in your pants and it's like, it's right there. It's just some guy shit. And then, you know, but obviously we're thinking about your way. You were obviously thinking about. Keeping it a little too weird. Little too, a little too, weird. Little too weird. Little too weird. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got, I got. I got got the edit point. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. A little too weird. Sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorry. No, but I woke up. Out of bed. We're keeping it weird. Drag a comb across my head. And we got to go to the Patreon now to keep keeping it weird. We've got to keep it fucking weird. We're keeping it weird. We're keeping it weird. Keep ATX

fucking weird. All right. Patreon.com slash living party. We're going over there right now. God bless you all. Bye. Okay, now we're in the Patreon. Okay. Wait, we are.

Now we can suck each other off.