lemonparty - 192: The Snobs

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You have your brother's germs and stuff. Oh, did he already touch it? He touched it. Ah, shit. Let me use this plastic bag that was in the glass shards to change it. Testing one, two, check. Is that better? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:13 Testing one, two, check. How about that? That's good. That's good. That's good. I feel like, if I can't hear myself, I feel like I stink. If I don't sound like I'm doing a radio show. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:00:24 It's too low. Ben has some AIDSy disease. That's why we don't want to touch. Ben has leprosy. Yeah, Ben, Ben, God. the disease where they put you on a big island and your dick falls off. Yeah. That's what you got.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Yep. He's fighting hand, foot, and mouth. Yeah. Which just sounds like an ad for an escort or something. It sounds like a cow gets and then you shoot it in the head. And for 500, I'll do hand foot and mouth. Baby, foot two mouth? Foot two mouth?
Starting point is 00:00:55 Listen, if I do the foot, it does not go back to the mouth. Baby, I got the best sores in all of calls. of a city. I used to fuck Gene Romberry when he was done Ryan Star Trek Gips. He used to fuck my saw, baby. A hundred-year-old hooker. Who fucked like all the Hollywood legends?
Starting point is 00:01:13 Now they're going to think I have blisters all over my body. No, you know. You don't have it. You don't have it. You don't have it. But you feel bad. Yeah. You've been exposed to.
Starting point is 00:01:21 And your son has it. Yeah. Poor little guy. Yeah. It's a great time to get shit like that, though, because you don't really know it. Exactly. He's too young.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Yeah. He's not going to remember it. He won't remember it. No. No, you won't. In a week, you'll be like, you remember when you were really itchy and it'd be like, that's not what I fucking asked you. Why do you answer me?
Starting point is 00:01:44 He's dead. That's what he said. He goes, das. What do you get it from? What the fuck's he up to? I think it means you just went and got a dog shit out of the street and like ate it, right? He just letting him on too many dirty slides. He went down a fireman's pole.
Starting point is 00:02:00 and got it. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? What the hell? You got yelled at for when your kids play outside the other day. Oh, yeah, yeah, we can get into that. So what I kind of realized, so I was coming home from, my headphones are still too loud.
Starting point is 00:02:16 It's like driving me nuts. You want me to, it's driving me fucking nuts. All right. Which one is yours? Is it? Oh, yeah, it's so loud. Yours looks high. I don't know which one you are.
Starting point is 00:02:25 I can't think or riff or anything. Is that, is that, check, is that you? Yeah, that's mine. That's yours. Is that good? Turn it down. A little more. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:02:32 It's not affecting mine at all. It's not affecting mine either. All right. It must have been mine, but I'm not wearing them. What about this? Is that anybody? That's me. That's you.
Starting point is 00:02:40 I'll put that back. Oh, yours are turned all the fucking way up, Ben. How's that? You're nuts. Oh, yeah, now we're good. Okay, that's fine. You're like literally turned to level 10. You're wild.
Starting point is 00:02:49 You're wild, man. Who knows what he was doing without us. Ben 10. Level 10. Hey, yeah. Comedy. Getting in a psychological warfare with your boomer neighbor. Level 10.
Starting point is 00:02:59 So he's not really my neighbor, but this guy drove by. So I left my live stream after about the five-hour mark because I thought I was getting sick. Right, because most of your fans OD at that point. The chat kind of dies. Most guys, the fentanyl hits the ceiling and they... I was the guy in the chat when you left at five hours going lazy faggot. I have a lot of accounts. And all I do is spread dissent and you're like that.
Starting point is 00:03:24 You're Mr. India. Of course. All I do is spread dissent. Mr. India. Yeah. Mystery. The name's India. Mr. India.
Starting point is 00:03:31 Mr. India. So then I come home and my daughter's in the street and so are the neighbor kids because we don't have iPad kids. Yeah. And the neighbors don't have iPad kids. And the other ones, they don't have iPad. Your neighbors have beeper kids. The other time they're allowed to use the iPads when they're operating the drones.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Them slamming an iPad and you see a black and white house explode. Yeah. So they're playing the street. They're playing stickball or something. Yeah, my wife's, well, they ride their bikes and stuff. My wife sat there and we live on like a little turn and people have to go very slow. And there was also a massive graduation party at this Russian, like Armenian house. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:12 There's really wealthy house. Horrible music blaring. Oh, yeah. No parking on my street. Russian Armenian, that's like, that's the two worst people had. It's not even their house. It's an Airbnb that they're renting and they're squatting and they refuse to leave. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:26 You live in a petri gist. for gypsies. You live under a big slide. Ben's neighborhood, there's a big floaty thing, like going 100 miles an hour back and forth. So they're listening to like Scrolex and a cheesecake
Starting point is 00:04:39 factory and they're just going nuts. Yeah, yeah. There's no parking and the streets are so crowded. You know in L.A. when people are throwing a party and there's no parking on like a story of the street. Like it's like packed and you can't even go fast. So I'm going like six miles per hour
Starting point is 00:04:54 because no one could even pass me. Yeah. And There's a car behind me and I roll it down. I say hi to my daughter. And then there's a car behind me. So I just pull over and I park. And everybody's just riding their bikes and having fun.
Starting point is 00:05:06 And when I got out, Katie goes, you know what that guy just said to me? Because apparently the model why behind me rolled down the window. And he goes, hi, I'm a very, very disturbed that this child would just be left attended running through the street. And the neighbors left unattended. Left unattended. It's a disturbed. Yeah. Old boomer.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah, which first off, first off, kill yourself anyway. First off, old boomer in a model Y, you can't get a more expensive shitty car, fuck you. Yeah, kill yourself. And by the way, they're not unattended because he's bitching at your wife.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Yeah, you're right there. They're fully attended. You turned to my wife and said, this child has left unattended in the street, which my wife is standing next to it. It's immediately canceled out. Yeah. It's immediately canceled out,
Starting point is 00:05:57 And you should be able to light him on fire. Yeah, that point. Because he says to your wife, he goes, hey, you know the kid you're looking at right now? It's being unattended by you. So I get out of the car and Katie said that they said, and I go, who? And I saw the model Y with the black grams and go, I go, he said that? I go, what did you say? And we were like, speechless.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Like, what are you talking about? We're right here. And the neighbors even said, we're right here. What are you talking about? And then he drove off like kind of quickly. Of course. Because he saw you pull in. Sorry, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:06:27 You know what Katie says? She goes, go find him. Yeah. And I go, really? She goes, go find him right now. And since we've had kids, she's turned into it. And so I kind of, so I realize that women are kind of responsible for all the violence in the world. I've always said that.
Starting point is 00:06:43 Every single act of violence. They send you. They try to blame it on men. They send you to the front line. No, no, no. We're their pit bulls. Yeah. They sick us out.
Starting point is 00:06:51 And then you walk over there and you actually have like an understanding with the guy and you realize that he was having a bad day or whatever and you end up playing like video games with him and then Katie comes over knocks the door and you go oh shit you snap him in the neck because I guess I had to yeah it's nothing but women all the way down they're responsible for all the evil in the world evil brawn did the holocaust so what else did you what did you went and you found him I went psycho mode nice I put on nine inch nails and I just started driving around and I finally found him 20 minutes later I sent Katie a picture of the car in the driveway. Nice.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I'll show you. And I said, is this it? And she said, yes. Right. Right here. She said she was pretty sure that was it. Yeah, it looks like it. It looks like the description.
Starting point is 00:07:38 Yeah. By the way, this is the photo sees from your phone after you blew the guy's head off in court. That's such a, I'm about to do something despicable photo. I know. Yeah, it's a creepy photo. So, I think I'm, I'm pretty sure I'm going to slowly ruin his life. What are you going to do? Well, I thought about I could just march right up there and knock and they'd be like, hey.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Yeah. And do the white guy thing. Yeah, what's, what do you do that? You were being mean to my wife, kind of. I'm sorry, I'm here. No, I think psychological warfare. Yeah, deep psychological warfare. Kill a, kill a few, like, skunks, leave him in his pool.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Yeah, exactly. Just slowly. Do like, it's Cape Fear, but, you know, it's used. It's like Cape Queer. Cape Queer, exactly. That's how you laugh in a movie theater anyway. Yeah, yeah. You go sit next to him in movies, and you just go, ha.
Starting point is 00:08:23 I gotta think of something good. You can't fuck with these people though. These boomers, you know why? They have nothing going on. And that's really why they do what they do. That's true. They have no people in their... This is evidence of how few people they have in their life.
Starting point is 00:08:40 That boomer turned to your wife who was watching her child play in the street and said, that kid is unattended because his entire life he's been around his children and never existed with them in the same plane. he has not a single relationship with any single person. Yeah, those guys are still the child. Yes. They go, I'm the children. Why are they blocking my path here? He should be in a big Barbie car, a big Malibu Barbie with a battery in the back, and it goes two miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:09:06 They look at three-year-olds on the street the same as they look at like, you know, like, oh, just black teenagers roaming the streets. Yeah. It's just any kids. Like the old days, like on bikes. How it's supposed to be. My daughters are racing another kid in a yard and picking flowers. It was fucking disgusting. I'm disturbed.
Starting point is 00:09:22 He goes, the thing my children did every day, even worse, because we didn't give a shit at all, I'm disgusted by you. The guy's a massive. He watches the sandlot and he, like, calls the police. The jet, get the jet. His fucking Mexicans running all around. He has these special shoes. His fucking Speedy Gonzalez is hurting these dogs.
Starting point is 00:09:45 But, yeah, like, when he was, like, raising his, whatever, his kids turned up to be pedophiles and psychos or whatever, He was giving him like bikes made out of asbestos and they were all getting like raped and abducted. Yeah, Stephen King shit. Yeah, just outside for 14 hours a day. Look, if they came back, he'd hit him with like a newspaper, like a fly. He'd swat his children. That's, that's so, man, it's so crazy how far along people get, how far gone people get.
Starting point is 00:10:10 Yeah. That that's, you're actually, like, who, I couldn't imagine anyone have, like, even like the Grinch would be like, I'm not going to roll my window down. I'm just going to mutter. Yeah, the Grinch's wife would be like, yeah. The Grinch of wife be like, you're being a bit of cock sucker. Yeah, like, why would you ever even care to say anything? It's like you want to see that.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Yeah. It's like a throwback. Yes. It's like a vintage neighborhood. Was he like boomer griff? We're grateful about that. It feels like the 50s. You like, like the sun's going down and my daughter sees the kids playing the neighbor
Starting point is 00:10:37 kids and she goes out and plays. It does feel like the 50s. All the fire hydrants are empty. There's no water in any of them. Because you've been spraying a bit black protesters. Yeah. You're on a sundown street. He had a wife with him, though, right?
Starting point is 00:10:52 Some old crotchety bitch? Or no? Yeah, a woman. Just some hen. Yeah. Some chicken. Yeah, just clucking. Keep it her in a cage.
Starting point is 00:11:01 Some old dusty bitch clucking. She's been laying an egg for 45 years. Yeah. An egg full of just hate. That she's weighing to have. A hateful egg. A hateful egg. That is like a dead abortion inside of a...
Starting point is 00:11:12 That's the only thing they can make anymore. Yeah. It's a dead chicken named Braden. with like a backwards cap on and a vape and goo. Yeah, just a fucking baby chick that died of a percicet overdose
Starting point is 00:11:30 because of neglect. Boomers hate grandkids. They hate them. They hate and they hate children. They actually get jealous of grandchildren. I've seen it personally. What do you mean? I've literally seen like boomers get jealous
Starting point is 00:11:45 of their grandchildren getting attention. Oh, that's so funny. I've seen. That's so funny. I've seen boomers, I've seen boomers accuse their grandchildren of getting, of being a mean to them. Children who are four years old. I've seen this in person. They have it, boomers have a thing where they don't help out their kids or their grandkids, but they expect their parents who are still alive to help them.
Starting point is 00:12:06 This is a very common thing from talking to friends that I've heard about. Because in their head, they go, well, I'm still the kid. It's like if you have, my kids aren't the kid. Yeah. I'm the kid. It's like if you had a dog and you raised it and then it had, it gave birth to human children that then took care of it. It's just, it's the, it's, it's, it's, it's an in-between of just no responsibility whatsoever. I've legitimately seen old men be like, my grandchild is being very mean to me right now. It's a four-year-old. You're, you're 78 years old. You retard. I read some article about like boomer,
Starting point is 00:12:38 it's called like boomer, uh, cruise ship communism. Mm. How like, oh, when the, when the ship's, yeah, when like, well, like, when the boomers retire, they keep extracting wealth from younger and younger generations that and but as a boomer you already have so much wealth and then you extract so you're going to like the doctor and you're going on vacation and you have your golf course membership and you have your con you have a very very nice life you want this resort lifestyle for like the last yes 25 years and it's on the backs of people who are fucked right and you're completely fucking they're going to them they already have so much and we just keep giving them more and you you they'll go to their children and be like my goal is to die with zero and
Starting point is 00:13:20 Their grandchildren are like slicing a thin nugget like a Mickey Mouse cartoon. So you can see through. It's a boomer thing. It's also just, I think, an older, like even my grandparents are, I mean, did your, your grandparents. The silent generation is not this way. Love you guys, right? Yeah, the silent generation lived for me and my other, my cousins. But they did do retarded things near the end with money.
Starting point is 00:13:40 Like, my grandparents, like, I remember like near, like, a couple years before they died. Like, they bought like a $20,000, like, red door for their house. And I remember my uncle being like, Are you fucking kidding me? You know, so they didn't, you know, there was like, you're like blowing through like whatever we would get. Like, just shit like that.
Starting point is 00:13:59 That's kind of funny. But I think it's just, I think at a certain point you do just want to be like, well, I fucking work for, you know, like I'm fucking old. Yeah, but you're still withdrawing tons and tons of money that you don't need.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Yeah. That you're getting sent to you off. Yeah. I'm just saying a small portion of it, I think, is like, the A is just being like, fucking, you know. But boomers are different. Yeah, they put, it's also people who've put $50,000 into a 401k in 1970, so now it's worth
Starting point is 00:14:21 $5.7 million. And every year they're making $250,000 in growth. Yeah, they're still extracting. Because they were so rich when they worked that they get more and more Social Security. But there's such... The guy works at fucking Quiznos. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:33 It's like giving a little bit of his paycheck to them. And all they're doing is playing golf and watching Fox News. Yeah. Going to like see horrible comedians on the road and like going on cruise shifts. And there's... I mean, people that are like... Or Ben Bancas. People that are supporting like...
Starting point is 00:14:48 Like, they support bad art. They support bad art. Yeah. They support things that suck ass. Yeah. When they go out to dinner, they suck. They stink. You know all the billboards in the desert when you're, when you're like 150 miles out of like the next city that matters, all those billboards full of just absolute retards and go, who the hell is going to say that?
Starting point is 00:15:10 It's for them. It's for them. It's for them. It's for them. They go see like a tiger do stand up in Vegas. Yeah. at Wynn. Next month.
Starting point is 00:15:19 At the wind resort. Tard the mannequin. Two months. P-22, the mountain lion does flips. As Imagine Dragons plays. Next month at the wind, inner city family is locked in a big cage. You can throw shit at them.
Starting point is 00:15:37 So good. Yeah. They have everything. And you know what the thing is they're not even happy. They're just miserable all the time. I saw a guy called the cops on a guy who was just trying to. to get his daughters to go to the bathroom in a gas station. I saw that.
Starting point is 00:15:49 And he walked in there and he was calling the police. Get the boomer shades on his bald head. And he looked like the type of guy that should love his fucking grandkids and should be living for his grandkids. But what happened to those guys? That's what their life should. It's like they have nothing to do. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:01 They're so bored. It's like you're supposed to be building a thing for your grandkids in the back, like for them to swing when they come over. And they go fuck them. Nitting like a quilt or some shit and sending it. That's what your life's supposed to be about. You know, when you're really, really old. Or at least like.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Like, you know, I remember my grandparents used to like be like, let it, you know, like, what video game are you into, like, what do you like? What do you like? And then they'd try their hardest. And it was always wrong. Yes. Like at least they went and got like the $60, like, Xbox game. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:28 It was the, they put the effort out of it. But you're like, well, you know, like, well, you're like, thanks. But thank you. It's really cool. You got me a Nause album, Grandma. Right. You blew it, but I love you. Take you on a little vacation.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Me and Grandpa are going on vacation. We're going to, you're 12. We're going to take you on a vacation. Yes. And give you a whole week and give our kids a break. Yep. Yep. And your grandpa would get you jerky for the first time or whatever. Some taffy.
Starting point is 00:16:52 You get saltwater taffy for the first time. I do. I have some actual great memories of my grandpa. And he was in a fucking oxygen tank. He could barely do anything. And he still tried. Drive me to Sportchelet. Got me a Yankees hat when I was like seven. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:03 And it meant something too. And it meant something because he tried. Are when you remember when you were like a little kid and you'd be walking around? You're like seven. And like every old person you ran into would be like, oh my God. Like look at the little. fella, look at it, and you hated it because you were seven, but you're like, look at him. You want a quarter, go buy some pornography, you go, son.
Starting point is 00:17:20 And they were always so happy, and I feel like that's something that's... That doesn't happen anymore. It's because of, I think people are afraid of kids because of the internet. I think now bloomers go up to a little kid and they go, what's he carrying? Frisk him. What does he have? You're trying to kill me at Chris knows? Do you have a Ruger?
Starting point is 00:17:37 Moving away from a... Moving away from a toddler on the subway. Yeah. Like, he might get shift. What's he holding? It's a kid with a lollipop and a propeller at. Don't get any ideas, kid. He's chipping out.
Starting point is 00:17:51 He's chipping out. He's got a big lollipop. He's licking like a cartoon. He's got a frog in his pocket of his overalls. Kill him. Yeah, I just feel like, I don't know. I feel like maybe old people felt like they weren't getting appreciated anymore because they were sucking ass, so they're just like, fuck it all double down.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Like, who gives a shit? I think we know people like in. the industry specifically, like, their life was immediately really good and things were going well for them almost immediately and they can't appreciate it. And that's how I kind of think about that generation of things, just did this for a really long time. And if things are that comfortable and nice and good and if life gets better every year and you get more and more money every year, you know, on a long enough timeline, then what is that? Like, what do you become if you're that comfortable, you become a treatler.
Starting point is 00:18:44 You become the fat Hitler and a rational shooter. You become like Rogan where you have to invent this adversity that doesn't exist because all those old guys, like guys in Congress are like, they're complaining about minimum wage. When I was 17, minimum wage was a quarter. And if you do the math, it was like equivalent to like $58 an hour.
Starting point is 00:19:00 They're like, I don't need a quarter and I bought a car with one week's paycheck. Exactly. It's like, yeah, it's, yeah, you had an amazing life. Stop pretending it sucked ass. You retorting. They don't have a, yeah, they don't know what, like, how difficult it is to get a summer job these days. If you, you know, if there should
Starting point is 00:19:16 be a machine, like a VR thing where you put it on and your grandpa's transmitted into like just a 16 year old like wigger in the middle of Ohio and he has to try and build a life and he blows brains out at 27. Yeah. If he gets to start over and he'd take the thing off and he'd be crying
Starting point is 00:19:32 and be like, I had no idea what is this hard. I think Warren Buffett even said he couldn't do what he did starting now probably. No. Like you have to be born at a specific time and live. Yes. Live long enough to have that compound interest Really take a fact Those people got jobs like their first day
Starting point is 00:19:46 Like leaving the house with like a stick And like a knapsack on the back They were in between fishing They got like a summer job And the guy was like and you could sleep in the back too You want like it's free rent Like just sweep up hair all summer You know like it was amazing
Starting point is 00:20:02 Yeah now it's like it's terrified You have like 50 apps You have to lie your ass off About your resume and there's no jobs apparently. There's no jobs. It's fucking terrifying. I can't imagine.
Starting point is 00:20:15 You're trying to get hired by a phone and you're not getting it. A phone's like, well, we'll call you if anything comes up. I remember in 2010 when I graduated high school and it was the economy was terrible and I was trying to get my first stupid job and I couldn't get a job as like a dishwasher. Yeah. It had like four years experience needed to be a dishwasher. And I'm like, I can't even get my foot into the shittiest door possible. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:37 What do you do? I mean, what do you do? Why not? Sometimes I think why not just become, if I had to start over, maybe just be a music guy. Music? Would be like, are you looking at, what is this? This, like, this jelly roll clip, I'm like, I think I could, like, couldn't we do this? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:56 So much the best of the task and don't ask why. That's funny. It's not a past. He's, you know what he? Now, it is amazing. You could do music now because all you have to be is a, you're just like a, a, you're just like you're a graffitied freeway underpass. But the computer makes your voice sound
Starting point is 00:21:16 like listenable, like it's on the radio. Your goal is to be a retarded avatar. An avatar for retards. You just be an avatar. People want to get like in the machine from the movie Avatar and they wake up and they're the exact same guy but slightly fatter and shittier. Yes. It's a dirty shoe that everyone wants to be.
Starting point is 00:21:34 So here's something I was talking to Jake about Pado Time. And he said like, the 2000 1010 snob guy we ran him out of town completely on a rail
Starting point is 00:21:47 we ran him out yeah yeah like the like John Cusack lofi I'm in a record shop I'm a snob oh you like that movie
Starting point is 00:21:56 type guy we ran him out of town we ran him out of town so hard that guy now has a tattoo of Hitler on his back yes that's how hard
Starting point is 00:22:03 those guys got out and you ready for what we have now because we don't have the snobs anymore. Yeah. Where are the snobs? He thinks he's singing to a bottle of code red.
Starting point is 00:22:16 It's something unpredictable. Listen to his page. Yeah, thanks. And he can't sing that far. Make me sing it. Listen to this, listen to the way he fains this moment here. Like, it's the peak of the show. Listen to this right here.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Oh, what a beautiful. This can't get no better for me, y'all. It don't get no matter for me, y'all. He is white. He's a white coon. He goes, it ain't no get better enough for me, y'all. It don't get no better for me, y'all.
Starting point is 00:22:45 I just grew up in a portion belly. I'm a big fucking white return. I think what he fulfills is the victim complex that a lot of these people in the South have. A lot of these people have that. Yes. Like, dad's got that a little bit. Don't worry about me. When I get sick, just put a shotgun into my head and blow
Starting point is 00:23:04 my brain. If I ever get cancer, just put me in a big hand and they shoot me at a big fucking wall so I explode everywhere. Don't do a fuss over me. Little old me, I'm not important. Just feed me to a bunch of pigs. And watch them chew me up in a little bit.
Starting point is 00:23:22 The awshucks nihilist. Yeah, awes chyx nihilism. Yes. Very true, Devin. Yeah. That is ultimately, it's trying to be like, I'm just a little guy. Don't worry about me. But also, like, give me attention because I'm kind of sad. I can't deal with that.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Just I want to say to my, I want to say to my children, I just throw me in a hole And we go, no, we can't But it's been said so much We're like, okay, fuck, fuck, I don't give a shit Yeah Fuck you
Starting point is 00:23:49 These Mickleb ultras are strong They're good But so Wait wait, wait, is there more to this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay But you are, it's a complete He's trying to manufacture something That will never insist
Starting point is 00:24:04 It's kind of funny too A post-divorce show So he also thinks he's having a big moment with his fanbys. We're getting into that because he's the bunny of split. Who got custody of the Sam's Club card? It's funny to be like, for little me, you don't get much better than this, y'all. It's like, yeah, you sold out the amphitheater in Grand Rapids.
Starting point is 00:24:28 You're making $1.3 million. Little old me. Don't get that much better than this. Yeah. Little old me. And then when you're supposed to sing the song, you go, you guys do it. He did. Hey.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Hey, you do my career for me. The song he didn't even write. No. Not his song. He didn't know better for me. And he doesn't understand. He just buries her. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:24:57 This is a woman from the crowd, I believe, right? We need to bring back the snobs, is what I'm saying. We got to bring them back. Yeah. Oh, 100%. Yes. This is how we got to that point. I know.
Starting point is 00:25:11 And people shit on us for being too mean, but we're fucking... Isn't anyone else frustrated? I know. This sucks my nut. It's the Nicholson speech. It's like, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall because 15 years ago, jelly roll would be trying to run towards the wall,
Starting point is 00:25:28 and a guy in a beret would snip him, snip him through the head from like 500 yards out he'd fall down. But now he's got, he's on Rogan. He's the new king. I think he's doing stand-up now, too. Yeah, that's why he got... Hey, you got the divorce. Ten more minutes.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Yeah. You get divorced. 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes. You get 10 more minutes. That's what they say. And you have a kid. You do a special.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Jerry Seinfeld said you got a divorce. You get 10 more minutes. Is Jolly Roll really doing stand-up? Yeah. I heard when we were in Austin, people were saying that he like goes up. You have to put your ears in a yonder bag before he goes up. Just take your ear off. Put it in a yonder bag.
Starting point is 00:26:10 I'm trying to find the other jelly roll. video I saved. Oh yeah, here we go. So he's addressing the split from from bunny. Bunny X-O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Obviously, you guys have been keeping up with this. Of course. I mean, it's broken me in twine. I saw my phone. I go, Bunny X-O has left jelly roll and I dropped to my knees in a Costco. I dropped Kroger meat and Kool-Aid everywhere. And I go, no. I wasn't going to talk about this tonight, but Fuck it. It gives you shit.
Starting point is 00:26:45 It gives you shit. Maybe we're in Anderson tonight. The internet is a liar too. Yeah. It's the only time and the only city I'm going to speak about this or break your camera phones out now. Me and my wife. Also, doesn't he act like some big, like, fucking, you know, outlaw and he, like, went to jail for,
Starting point is 00:27:02 like, stealing corn nuts or some bullshit like that? They found him in a garbage truck. Like, was it? It did not even really occur. He's like, he's like, yeah, Joe, and they caught me with some marijuana and some corn nuts. At that point, I realized I got to get my shit together.
Starting point is 00:27:15 I was sucking on a suit of fat bottle like a big baby. And they threw me in prison, Joe. He, I just, it's unbelievable the people that just trick everybody. Everyone. Every single person. We'll take you right this way. Right this way, fraud. Right this way.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Everyone, here's our newest fraud. Don't you love this fraud? We love fraud. We love frauds. And it's the type of thing where it's like they make this music that just, their original music, quote unquote, original music, it just is, it's such shit. It sounds like such radio horseshit.
Starting point is 00:27:49 If there wasn't computers changing the vocals and there's a bunch of producers, it would be horrible. So you see them live and he's horrible. But then it's always the type of thing where they bust out. It's like the same with like Post Malone, where everyone was like, everyone saw Post Malone play a Nirvana song live one time with the actual guitar, and they go, I don't know he could play a guitar,
Starting point is 00:28:09 and I didn't know he could, like, do the same. Like, I don't know he could do karaoke of Nirvana as good as anybody that's aspiring to be a musician in any city in America that, like, gives a shit. You tell me, he could play guitar? So I guess he's actually, like, pretty legendary. Yeah. Even though I hate all of his actual music.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Now, Postmanone, though, he sang like a Kirkoban song. I didn't know he could play guitar. Does you guys see... That's the standard. Is our musicians that we find out that we find out that they know how to kind of play an instrument? I guess they're actually, like, a legend. Did you see Post Malone did the bare minimum for his job the other day?
Starting point is 00:28:39 Isn't that amazing? That's nuts. Yeah, and then somebody like, Jellero can't even fucking do it. I know. He can't even fucking do it. Throwing it to the crowd. Yeah. He's trying to swing hardcore white.
Starting point is 00:28:51 He used to be Wigger, like Post Malone. You start Wigger, you go white. And he's not talented enough to go white. No. Can't do it. No. Is he not doing it? I mean, he's doing it, but that's only because, you know, it's people with lobotomies and, like, you know.
Starting point is 00:29:06 People who gave birth and they cut the baby out of the head, you know. Dude, remember when liberals had no idea that... It's very funny. Remember when liberals had no idea that, like, how could Donald Trump win? Yeah. The election. And we were like, oh, well, the people we grew up with, of course... Like, you've never been outside of your little bubble.
Starting point is 00:29:24 I am actually... I would love to go on a road trip and, like, knock on the door like I work for the census. And be like, do you actually... Do you have a jelly roll poster in your bedroom? They likely do. And they go, this whole house is made out of jelly roll posters. It's a paper mchet. We live like the Japanese because we're so poor.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Jelly roll played the biggest show in Arkansas. I went in and I got all the posters. I made myself a little house and that's my dog's son over there. What for him, son? You might be the biggest artist in the United States. Probably. He's up there, I think. If you genuinely, if a gun to my head, like, name the biggest artist in the U.S.
Starting point is 00:30:06 United States, I would try to guess the person who pisses me off more than anything possible. But that's probably right. Mr. Beast might be doing concerts for all I know. I don't get, I don't fucking know. I have no idea. Yeah. I got no idea. Anyway, let's listen to him talk about his wife. Bunny.
Starting point is 00:30:27 Bunny X. So break your camera phones out now. Me and my wife are best friends. We would always be best friends. He lost a bunch of way, right? Yeah. Oh, that big? Do you think his wife broke up with him?
Starting point is 00:30:44 Do you think his wife broke out with him because she couldn't suck his tits anymore? I married D-Cups, God damn it. Not these fucking bees. You're not the same. You change, jelly roll. You're barely even jelly anymore. I'll just call you roll.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Your Kaiser roll now. You Jewish sell out. I mean, wasn't his wife, like, not it? She's a foreign star. She's a prostitute. Big fake tit. prostitute lady who apparently sold pussy and was also like a pimp of some kind did you see the christians yeah right it's the new christianity yeah tons of tattoos you pop your pussy for money
Starting point is 00:31:21 he goes she's just like mary magdalen she was sucking black cock 24 7 yeah have you seen that club of him in that green room go kind of viral where he says the n-word yeah yeah he's like he's like my wife's a gangster she was sucking inward dick for like 24-7 he says it like that yeah he's like my My wife was fucking gushing on dicks. He's like, she's a gangster, y'all. And it's like, that's, you know what gangster means? She's a gangster. In Jesus name, amen.
Starting point is 00:31:48 Like Al Capone was throwing it back on cock, making it bust. In Jesus' name. Yeah. In Jesus name. We pray. For a bunny X. Oh. Dear Lord.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Please help my wife. Dear Lord, deliver Bunny X-L. From all the inward guy. Dear Lord. Dear Lord. Please help my wife as she tries to take Ramone from the bank of her. bus. Dear Lord, please,
Starting point is 00:32:11 please let Jamal bring Bunny Exo back the 700 he stole. And dear Lord, please let her pussy allow it to stretch out enough that it does not tear. Dear.
Starting point is 00:32:23 And can still be used. Dear Lord. And Lord, we just ask you that her pussy rejects all the black come and does not find a home in her egg, Lord. Dear Lord, we pray that Bunny X-O was impregnated
Starting point is 00:32:38 by John Morant last All-Star weekend because he had a big contract and that's a lot of money coming her way. There's a lot of money in child support. And we're trying to create the worst super criminal of all time like a raptor on the streets. An actual half black velociraptor with a gun. Lord, that's what we're trying to make. A velocity raptor. We're trying to make a light skin black guy so scary that they get banned from the U.S. Lord. a terrorist organization. We have a, we have a plan like the Benny Jeserate in Dune, but it's really racist.
Starting point is 00:33:15 Dude, it would be like a Batman villain. Yeah. It'd be crazy shit. Yeah, the Wigger. Yeah. Okay. Here he is talking about. Here he's talking about.
Starting point is 00:33:26 We just got off the phone earlier today. Nobody cheated on nobody. She just did a whole podcast about it. You can go watch it. Every word of it is the truth. Plugging her podcast. That would be my best friend forever. This is the only time I will ever speak.
Starting point is 00:33:38 about it. Bunny, I love you, baby. Thank you for those 10 years. They were in Calgary. Thank you for the next 10 years of friendship and pointed out there. Being friends with your wife. Loser. Being friends with your ex-wife. It's a C. Unbelievable. It's Metallica in 1992 of Moscow. I mean, look at that. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, look at, like, you can't even see the back. Look at them. I just want to see, like, a person. Like, I want to see a face. Maybe this is what they look like in person. They're this the blurry. Yeah, they all are blurry in person. They've lost their definition over time.
Starting point is 00:34:13 That's from bad meetings. I'm kind of turning into the photo from back in the future. With every shitty decision that I think I listen to, I lose myself a little bit. It's just a crowd of women and men that, you know, they go to Nashville and they put cowboy hats on. They love Morgan Whalen and all those soulless retards. It is what it is.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I don't know. Yeah. You know. Jelly Roe said their best friends. You know. Every one of his fans is the type of person that they take, you know, they take a picture of a yucketree and they think they're like an artist. picture of them getting into a jacuzzi. And they posted on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:35:10 Time to step out of the shadows and into the light. And they're like sucking a guy's dick in a jacuzzi. He's morons. Yeah. Cultural tumbleweeds. Yeah. But I didn't realize, Devin, we fulfill a role. In here, we are the snobs.
Starting point is 00:35:26 We are. We are the smug pieces of shit. That thing you like, it's actually bad. It sucks. It sucks. And you should kill yourself. But there's not a single person that I even, Like, I get an argument with people all the time, but there's not a single person in my life that I know that I would be, like, likes jelly roll. I don't think. Like, sincerely.
Starting point is 00:35:45 That's why I'm confused about it. That you guys, like, hang, like, would talk to. You know someone who likes jelly rule? I know a couple, yeah. Really? Yeah. I can't say, but I have a couple. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Not people I choose to be around, but, you know, like you're in interactions. Sure, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And, you know, they, sometimes they get the ox and they play something that sounds like a big butt farting. you're at a pool party and they grab the ox and they're like, check out this new jelly roll and it's like,
Starting point is 00:36:11 bl, turds hitting a toilet noise. And you're like, oh, yeah, I love country. That's definitely country. Not bullshit for people who hate black people, but want to listen to their music.
Starting point is 00:36:25 They're like, this is Jelly Roll's divorce album. He made it after, by me, filed for divorce. Yeah. This is his divorce album. It's fudge on the tracks.
Starting point is 00:36:36 Like Bob Dylan Speaking of Bob Dylan Bringing the buffet back home Yeah Still fat ass after all these years Like Paul Simon What are other good divorce albums? Oh yeah you did a Paul Simon one
Starting point is 00:37:01 Yeah What are other good divorce albums I just know Marvin Gay for you I don't know I'm not a sad Fsler are like that. Weird thing about the discourse on Twitter as I'm like,
Starting point is 00:37:11 am I the only one who has sex with his wife and also is happy in their marriage? They go, yes. Brag about it. I feel so alone in being like happy. Like, I love my wife and my family and I like spending time with them and going to see them.
Starting point is 00:37:25 And then I go on X. There's one of four of you on earth. Almost everybody hates the person they chose to live their entire life with. Dude, it's women talking about how they get the ick from their husband suddenly and they refuse to fuck him. Yeah. And they go, oh, but also you're not allowed to fuck anybody else. His husband's
Starting point is 00:37:41 being like, I can't even get pussy from my wife. All I did was never listen to a single thing. She talked to me about it for 20 years. I don't know what I did wrong. It was just realized she's been trapped. I treated her like a house. I treated her like a big cat, and I gained 30 pounds
Starting point is 00:37:59 every year for 20 years. And I don't know why she won't touch my dingy no more. Cut. I'm going to cheat now. I'm and go cheap because my wife, after 20 years of her telling me things, and I don't pay attention, and then later she gets mad at me, and I scream. There's also a lot of women admitting their bored in relationship. Oh, yeah, women also suck.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Yeah. They go, he was, like, too perfect kind of. Like, I need a little bit more excitement. Like, I want him to be maybe, like, I want to catch him, like, texting the secretary at work or something. I genuinely think if a woman says that she should be put head first into a big paper shredder with, like, the guard taken off of it. And she's like, he was just a little too, like, he didn't excite me. back of her hat.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Yeah, that just throws a wrench into the entire thing. Yeah. We're like, you want me to, you want me to kind of be cheating on you? Yeah, they're like, why didn't you ever try to rape me once?
Starting point is 00:38:47 It's like, what? Yeah. They're like, no, no, you don't understand. You don't understand. Listen, I have really fucked up shit and I never worked on it. So you have to magically both rape me and not at the same time.
Starting point is 00:39:00 Yeah. My makeup's not on any of these drawers. You have to love me and be like, you have to like meet these standards Is that impossible for anything of a man? How great you are and then also rape me as well. Fuck you. Stupid whore, bitch.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Fuck you. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm like obviously tricked. Fuck you. I feel like I'm gonna pass out. Um, hey guys.
Starting point is 00:39:28 I'm like you're, you know what you're probably gonna pass out is because running a business is tough. Yeah. And you know, you're, sometimes you're, you know, sometimes you're, you're, you're, you're, don't get a lot of sleep. Yeah. You know, because running a business is all about flexibility. Yeah. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:41:15 Ultra pouches come in five great flavors, cool mint, win a green, tropical watermelon, and the all-new blue res. Ultra has set us a lot of these caffeine pouches. They're still in the mail, but I'm excited to get them because I just, hey, like before we record, I was a little sleepy. I was at a pool party.
Starting point is 00:41:33 I had one beer. I had exactly one beer, and it made me really sleepy. And I drove over here. I had to go to Starbucks. I had to pay $6 at Starbucks to give me a little caffeine so I could do this podcast. But if I had the ultra pouches, if they had arrived already, I'd just reach in. You would reach right in there. Put one of those in my mouth.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Well, we haven't had it yet. According to regulations, we have to say we haven't had it yet. But yeah, we haven't had it yet. But I'm sure it's amazing. I'm sure they're great. No stomach rumbles, just clean energy and they taste great. Pick up a better habit and see what the buzz is about. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus.
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Starting point is 00:42:31 Back to the show. Are you guys into this weird fetish content? What is this shit? It's a woman being done. dunked upside down into a big barrel. Oh yeah, this is the only way I can come. I can only come with this exact thing is happening. What is the fetish here?
Starting point is 00:42:47 Is it witchcraft? I don't know. Sacrificing women into barrels? Yeah, so she's getting dunked in a big barrel of water. Oh, no, but it kind of made me realize how fucked up women are. I've been really thinking about that since my wife was like, go beat that guy's ass. That's my big takeaway. Go find them and torture him and kill him.
Starting point is 00:43:04 And then I just see women on the timeline doing this. I'm like, maybe they are. Like, maybe the volsiles are right, you know? Yeah, women have a very, I think women are always battling a very internal animal instinct. You know. Listen to this. I watch this on the stream, but this bitch kind of breaks it down. And I wonder if it's true.
Starting point is 00:43:24 Who's this bitch? Who's this old bitch? Is that Martha Stewart? Just some, like, just an old silver sex therapist lady, you know, on a podcast. On the Ellen Fisher podcast. One of the things men don't know about women is that the power terrifies us. Yeah. Especially if we don't feel connected to you.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Because we're afraid to use it against us. Yeah. If we feel connected to you, then we're happy. Keep going. If we don't, it's scary. Yeah. And this is why women are telling up, shut up, I'm coming. When they're happy.
Starting point is 00:44:00 So this is the part, this is her thesis right here. Hold on. Sure. Obviously, you know, there's a little. It's scary. Yeah. And this is why women attack men when they're happy. Women attack men when men are happy.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Look at the guy. Yeah. Guy's like, whet. Right? He's mid-burb. He's like, where? Wait. Where?
Starting point is 00:44:24 He's literally not listening to her. He's literally not listening to her. He's on a podcast. He's like, I just had a frozen gogird. I do a podcast with my wife. wife because I've lost control of everything. My wife treats me like a fucking sack of shit. The world's biggest pushover.
Starting point is 00:44:42 It's so funny to have two women on your podcast and to be completely zoned out. Yeah. Even on the podcast, I didn't hear anything. You have headphones on and they're like turned up loud. What if he instinctively's like, he like snaps to me? He goes, oh yeah, I'll take the trash out. All right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:02 I heard you. All right. I'll clean the sink. Yeah, it's him watching the game and just going, yeah? Yeah. Oh, wow. She said that? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:45:17 No, he's trying to remember if, like, the Bulls won in 96 or if it was 95. He's spending his time thinking about great men. Yeah. He's like, how many home runs that Griffey Jr. have in 98? It was like, it was like 58, 57. 99 maybe. Yeah. And then so with Sammy Sosa won that home run derby.
Starting point is 00:45:34 And then King Griffey won the next two. He's like, did the Spurs win in 98-99? Yeah, yeah, it was 98-99. Because then the Lakers went on a three-peed. Yeah, the Lakers are a three-pignity. And then it was the Pistons. It's so funny. He was like, who's, who's 2005, though?
Starting point is 00:45:50 Because I know the Heat won in 06. But in O-F and she's like snapping at him like a dog. Yeah. He's like, the Pistons. There's a Pistons. God damn it. Fuck. I knew that.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Fuck, it's so good. Wait, the Pistons 1 in 05? I thought they wanted 04. They want to know 4. The Spurs 1 in 03. The Pissons want to know... Spurs 1 in 05 again. Spurs 1 in 05 again.
Starting point is 00:46:14 They never repeated. That's right. And this is much better than what these women are doing. It's right. Women attack men when they're happy. They say this shit like there's any science. Like they say it like and that's and that's why. And that's why we're mentally ill.
Starting point is 00:46:31 And it's okay. Because I just philosophize this. Because she's saying it out loud, it almost makes it seem like it's okay. That it's okay. And we need to understand that. She's saying it like it's science. She's going, we don't suck. You guys make us suck by sucking, therefore we're good.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Yeah, yeah, right. What? What are you talking about? How about a lack of discipline with knowing that that's happening and you need to shut that shit down? How about you separate your emotions from your thoughts, which you're historically very bad at doing? How about you shut that shit down? How about you shut that shit off? This is why we used to electrocute you people.
Starting point is 00:47:02 Exactly, because you get kooky. We used to fry your brain. Exactly. Get you back in this shape. Take your Drexedrine, bitch. Mother's little helper. So she's saying, oh, sorry, go ahead. What's an example?
Starting point is 00:47:16 Oh, like sports. exactly so full of himself just and we'll do something to take it this lady has had eight ex-husbands and now she lives in Albuquerque
Starting point is 00:47:26 with her fucking scorpion yeah and the whole time she was a she was like a Jewish sci op from the CIA designed to like kill
Starting point is 00:47:35 the new queer family she's using a scorpion like it's a vibrator yeah she has a scorpion in her pussy while this interview is going on going to ooh oh
Starting point is 00:47:45 oh Oh shit. He's so full of himself. Just, and we'll do something to take it, take him down. So wait, why do women do that? Because happiness and power comes together in a man's body. And the power is scary. Shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 00:48:04 So we have to diminish the power. So we will attack them when they're happy. They come home, they caught a big fish or whatever was they did. Yeah, they did something that made them feel good. If it wasn't something that I. They lived a hero's journey. then that's a problem. The nervous laugh on the guy.
Starting point is 00:48:25 He was just singing like the Burger King jingle to himself in his head. B.K. Have you. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. No, we deserve nothing.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Nothing at all. You're right. He's sneaking IPAs in the garage. He goes to bed. I bet he's sneaking IPAs and then he's just shadow boxing so hard. He hurts himself. Fucking is up. elbows up. He's shadowboxing so hard.
Starting point is 00:48:49 And he's definitely paying for this whole thing. Oh, 100%. Oh, 100%. 100%. For her fake podcast. It's her ninth failed business that he supported. It was the cupcake shop. Then it was the dog coffee store. And he wanted to get fake plants, but she's like, but they don't oxygenate the room
Starting point is 00:49:05 and I'd really like to get real. He's like, okay. Sure. Sure. Fine. Whatever you want. I'm a slave. I'm a slave.
Starting point is 00:49:10 200 bucks for each plant. Here you go. Here's some more money. Anyway, I'm going to go pretend I'm not happy because if I am in front of you, you extinguish it. Anyway, tell me why that's my fault. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Tell me why that's my fault right now. That's supposed to make you happy. Why do you seem so happy to go out of trip with your friends? You don't think he was happy to go on a trip with me. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been happy to go to trip with you.
Starting point is 00:49:39 You're really annoying. Yeah, you're really, you suck. As evidence by the last two minutes. You're really annoying. My shittiest friend is better than you. If you were one of my male friends, we would stop hanging out with you. The gayest male friend I have in my friend group, I think he's better than you. I'd rather spend time with him.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Yeah, if you were a guy and you were injected in my friend group. Yeah. We would all talk shit about you and you wouldn't hang out with this in a year. Because you'd suck and you'd be held accountable for the way you act. Yeah. Anyway, the shittiest guy I know is better than you. Yeah, I love that. That's a good one.
Starting point is 00:50:19 That's a really infuriating clip. Normally, I don't get got by that, but that really... I see things where women are like, he comes home from work, and he seems to tolerate me asking about his day for 20 minutes, and then as soon as he puts his headset on and starts playing Xbox with his friends, his mood immediately changes and he's all of a sudden, like, laughing and, like, really happy. Well, be funner. How about that?
Starting point is 00:50:44 How about step it up? Step it up. I have a few anecdotes. Step it up. maybe a hobby would help. Maybe a fun story. I'm having a hobby, babe. Hey, you had a tough day.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Here's a meal that you like. Now you ask me every fucking question about my goddamn day. Talking about a left turn you made today is not a hobby. By the way, I don't think women like would you're having a good time in a group text on your phone.
Starting point is 00:51:10 They don't. They actually, I just recently found out they kind of hate that. When a woman sees a man look at a phone and smile, she gets insane. She'll like literally drive an axe through your head. If you look at your phone and go,
Starting point is 00:51:23 huh, she wants to, she wants to cut your head in half with a big axe. I'm gonna work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:33 You're just sitting on the couch, watching the game. And just a buddy texts you something funny. You hear, you hear, you hear bing, and you pick it up,
Starting point is 00:51:42 and you go, huh. And she immediately goes, what's so funny? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? That's not me. Why are you looking at things that aren't me? You silipstick.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Solipsistic war. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I don't know. Women, I think, both suck, but women, I think, held less accountable for their suckage. You know, the saying women can't live with them.
Starting point is 00:52:13 But we can't. I forget the other part. I wasn't listening. A woman told me it. Wasn't listening. It's true that they're responsible for all the evil in the world. Of course. Like the crusades and everything.
Starting point is 00:52:23 Every single evil. Because a woman said go get him. Suffrage. Yeah. Go fight for my honor. I mean, tons of men are killed in public because the woman started like a little fight with like a crazy guy and like, you know, a road rage incident. And then the guy gets out and then the other guy shoots the guy in the head.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Oh, because she wanted to like validate if he liked her or not. So she has to have him fight for her to prove that he likes her. And the guy gets his head. blown that on the page. And then the woman goes, what the fuck is wrong with you? Have you seen the letters from, like, women admitting they got pregnant while their husband was at war? I have not.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Letters? Yeah, there's, like, documented letters of a woman just going, like, dear Richard, I have horrible news. He, you know, this guy came over and he convinced me that you were probably dead because I haven't heard from you in, like, you know, two weeks or whatever. So, my dearest Richard. of me and now I'm pregnant. Last time we were on the phone, there was all these like explosions in the background.
Starting point is 00:53:26 So you were paying attention. So you were kind of distracted. Call ended pretty abruptly, Richard. My dearest Richard. My dearest Richard, it wasn't my fault. He spit crazy game on my shit. And he busts my doors wide open. You keep saying you're in Abbottabad, but that's not what's pulling up on our, on the find my iPhone.
Starting point is 00:53:47 So. What would fuck me up the most is being like, bitch you thought I thought I died. Like you think I'm going to war to die. Yeah. Right. You think I'm not like killing it over here? Rambo style running too. You have no hope in me. You think I'm a
Starting point is 00:54:03 lizard. You think I'm the guy in save for private Ryan. It's shot right in the head immediately. Immediately the door swings open. I'm dead. That's my husband. You were said, you kissed me and you set me off and you were like, that's his funeral. That's my husband. He exists for Tom Hanks to look at. My sweetie pie, he's going to be an arm in two days.
Starting point is 00:54:25 He's going to be one arm. I better find someone to get me pregnant immediately. Anyway, he's been dead for 45 seconds, so I better go fuck the nearest cock. It's so crazy. I better ping the nearest cock like I'm searching for metal. I wonder if I could find one of the letters. I've seen a couple of them before. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:43 My dearest Richard. Also, by the way, even if I did die and you didn't wait at least like a year to fuck somebody, That seems a little disrespectful to me. I don't know. If my wife died and I am within two weeks, I fuck somebody? Yeah. That seems a little. Am I wrong?
Starting point is 00:55:00 That's nuts. Is that a little nuts? Yeah. And you actually need to come more than they do. 100%. Yeah, I found one from World War II. But I need to find the, uh, it says details in the comments because obviously I can't read this shit.
Starting point is 00:55:14 Uh, angry WW2 era letter written by soldiers who his wife who he had suspected was cheating on him back home. Poor Roland Yeager. Roland H. Yeager. Died 2010. So he made it out of the war. This is the letter. I can't read that shit.
Starting point is 00:55:28 That's fucking bullshit. Details in the comments. I can't read what he's saying. Well, not new. I would go to old. I guess the oldest, because that would be the detail. Okay, here we go. No mail from you now for five days.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Why are you too busy running around? Why do I have to hear things about what you do from someone else before I hear it from you. I guess you tried to do them on a sneak, but sometimes you don't cover. You're in for a lot of hell when I get there for going to Denver and leaving our son. Is he, wait, is this from him? It was written by
Starting point is 00:56:03 Roland Yeager. He's bitching her out from Kensingen Germany. He's writing her a letter from Germany saying, I'm going to beat your fucking ass. In nine to 12 months, I'm going to beat your shit. He's laying on a stack of hay in a farmhouse of Germany next next to three dead men.
Starting point is 00:56:20 that were all his friends and their faces are gone and their faces are gone he could tell was his friends from the dog tags he ripped off their charred bodies so he's saying I'm at war
Starting point is 00:56:31 why are you not writing me letters I'm pretty sure you're fucking labor fuck you he's writing this in a trench yeah I didn't ever think he's writing this in a tank
Starting point is 00:56:39 like this fucking bitch stupid bitch they're like give him a second his wife's being a real bitch like shell yeah artillery shells all around him he's in fury
Starting point is 00:56:49 he's one of the guys in the tank writing this letter to his wife. I didn't ever think you would let Rodney alone and overnight, but I know different now. You could have wrote and told me about it, and I wouldn't have thought anything about it. But you just didn't have time for me now, I see. And you know you really meant it because this could be the last thing he ever writes to her. He doesn't care. He's like, you're a bitch.
Starting point is 00:57:08 His parents could be like, what was the last thing he said to you? And he'd be like, you're a cunt. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And then he got turned into big grape jelly. on a road in Dusseldorf. Yeah, these are
Starting point is 00:57:26 Dear John letters. Yeah. I wonder if I can find the one where she got pregnant was admitting. I don't know if I can, though. It doesn't really matter. My dearest John,
Starting point is 00:57:34 I got my shit split open crazy style. He dagged my shit. It was nuts. I bounced on it. My dearest John, I fucked the Jamaican man, which I did not know exist until last night.
Starting point is 00:57:46 And he dagged my pussy good. He drilled me like oil, my dearest John. And now I'm pregnant with an NBA player. Yeah, soldier warwetter from bitch wife. Dear John, I believe I created Clyde Fraser last. My dear John, Moses Malone's grandfather, fuck the shit out of me. So good.
Starting point is 00:58:15 Dear John, there's a little Norm coming to life. Norm Nixon. I believe he will play for the Lakers. I can't find it. His name was Earl the Pearl. And he fucked my shit goofy style. Behind the back between the legs, it was nuts. Did you find anything?
Starting point is 00:58:39 No, I didn't find it. We got to go into the Patreon anyway. Okay. I did this on Father's Day while sick, by the way. Yeah, happy Father's Day, buddy. Thank you. Happy Father's Day. Your birthday's coming up pretty soon this week.
Starting point is 00:58:52 You got a new birthday? Oh, yeah. Happy birthday, man. It's coming up. Happy birthday. Happy Father's Day. What would you like? Just get something for my kids. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:00 Oh, I already got something for you. I guess I blew it. I already handed it to you. I can't take it back now. You know what my daughter got me? That'd be nuts. What? A Metallica shirt.
Starting point is 00:59:09 Really? Katie let her pick out anything in the store. She got, I don't know where. I think they were at Fitch and they got, she got me a Metallica in 1992 tour shirt. Wow. That's a great gift. How sick is that? Wow.
Starting point is 00:59:21 She gave it to me this morning. Nice. Wow. Was that your birthday or two? It is my birth year. Yeah. Wow. 92.
Starting point is 00:59:29 92. Yeah, 94. Nice. That's very cool, though. You're 99. I'm, I'm 29. Well, what is yours that? You're 90.
Starting point is 00:59:39 I'm 90. Yeah, I was born in 19. He was born in 1892. No, that's a very sick gift from your child, actually. It's really cool. Very perceptive of her, too. Yeah. We listen to Metallica and the Tesla, so I think she recognized the album cover, maybe.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah. She goes, Lairz really tanked them after this album. Lies really fucked up the sound. Fuck Lires. Yeah, she's a snob in my passage. Every time she Face-Times me to talk about to look at my cats, which she does, like, you know, every couple days, you'll leave the room for a second,
Starting point is 01:00:12 and I'll be like, I'll be like, the first four albums are great after that. Lars really fucked it up. The Napster era, plus what they did, too, their bassist, and the Justice for All album was really fucked up and fuck him. And then you'll walk back in. I'll be like, kitty, yeah. What's this kiddie's name?
Starting point is 01:00:26 If you make your kids too culture, they'll never make a single friend. Yeah. Like, imagine your six-year-old daughter is at school, and she's listening to, like, Frank Zappa. Yeah. She's listening to Captain Beefheart on her way to kindergarten. Yeah, she's got her sex pistols T-shirt. You bought her because you're a fucking asshole. That would be crazy if we did that.
Starting point is 01:00:45 People do it all the fucking time. All the time. Walk around Silver. It's kids, like, I'm like, oh, I didn't know they were at the CBGBs in the 70s. These little kids walking around. Yeah. I know this five-year-old was a fan of the Stooges. Yeah. Kid wearing a I want to be your dog shirt.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Yeah, when you see a six-year-old wearing a like the fall shirt. I'm like, there's no way they could have known who the fall was. Your parents don't even listen to that. Well, that's just everybody knows. They just, they just sell, they sell like, they sell you, you being interesting at the mall now, but you have no clue what you're buying. They have a be interesting package of shirts. Or they sell you a class, like a class structure. at the Malto. You could be like a, if you have 40 bucks, you could like, you could pretend you're in the East Hampton tennis club. Exactly. You know. We're a society of, they have a talented Mr. Ripley store now. You can just go assume whatever identity in class you want. Are we into Patreon? I think so. Can I take a piss real quick? Yeah, yeah. We're in the Patreon. Devin, we're in the Patreon. Oh my God.

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