lemonparty - 194: A CTE Story

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Of the billions of dollars the U.S. sends to Israel every year, the State of California contributes a total of $609,845,124—the most out of any other state. The following California cities contribute the most in federal taxes to arm Israel: Los Angeles: $50,666,583 San Diego: $18,635,138 San Jose: $11,867,728 San Francisco: $13,215,788 Fresno: $6,393,681 Sacramento: $7,097,849 Long Beach: $6,218,139 Oakland: $6,121,149 Bakersfield: $4,512,338 Anaheim: $3,789,246 patreon.com/lemonparty lucy.co/lemon code lemon Comedy store July 24th Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You know how needles like dance in front of like a maid? This is that for a woman getting murdered by a serial killer. And she's wearing a dress that's made out of like a motel six bed spread. Yeah, she's dressed like an old doll from the 20s. A great depression like Annie doll. She, that sucks. Okay. Her dancing stinks and she seems evil.

She said, I'm 44. I live in YC. I have baby fever. I moved to Florida. I own my first firearm. I left the Democratic Party. Are you seduced? Yeah.

So if you have baby fever, you're probably barren. Because hate has killed your pussy. It's too late. Your reproductive system's been killed, but it's been overheated by it with a hate because we all know I'm not hateful. Exactly. Exactly. You're part of a hateful regime.

A cult. Uh, bub. You're a member of a damn fucking cult. A damn cult. But it is a real thing. I have seen that in friend groups is, is leftist women. and I hate to be this guy, have realized they wanted a kid, but now they're 43 years old, and it's like, yeah. Yeah. It's very, it's like, it's the female equivalent of the guy who still, like, hangs out with the high school football team.

Right. Right. It's like, no, you're done. That's dust. It's over. There's nothing happening there. It's over. The best shot you have is you got to kill your pregnant sister and steal her baby. And then call the cops on the side of the road and say, you just gave birth and you have a kid. And then you can be on Netflix one day. And then you have a fun little Netflix doc. And then we blow your head. You get a Netflix talk called like the evil sister You see that? You see that dog? What is that an actual doc? The evil sister? No, no, but there's a documentary on Netflix about like this woman that Kept lying about being pregnant and she had like a barren womb and then eventually like killed a woman and like took her baby and then said she gave birth Yeah, the cops like found her in a car with like a bloody baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, she caught a baby out of a pregnant woman's stomach, right? I believe so and it didn't live. Yeah, I'm assuming the documentary was on it was really good, but I barely

watched it. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff on the phone, too. But, you know, try to keep up. Try to keep up, Netflix. But it seemed really important and crazy. Sure. It's crazy that, like, some people's lives are, you know, they get born to, like, a Vanderbilt or, you know, something like that. And then there's some babies who get cut out of a stomach and die immediately, so you cannot pay attention to the story on Netflix. While you're playing, you're playing fruit boopers on your phone, and you're like, oh, my God, what a con. Anyway, just got a high score on fruit boopers.

What a great life I live. This outfit that this bitch has on is so horrible. It's turning me into like a gay guy. I'm like, honey, that stinks. You don't like it? It's like a dress that kind of makes it look like you have like half-completed Nazi tattoos. Yeah. It's the dress equivalent of, you remember that AI picture where you couldn't tell what anything was in it?

Yeah. From back in the day. that's that dress. Yeah. I hate it. And I don't, she stinks. She stinks.

And she's got baby doll, uh, head. Her thing goes, your friend set you up on a blind date. You show up and see this Orlando 11. She doesn't have any tattoos that is rumored to give the best forehead. That's big with right wing guys. They don't like tattoos on women because I think it reminds them that, uh, they're over 18. Mm.

Mm. Mm. They like them fresh and smooth. Hmm. Yeah. Interesting. They don't like the idea of a woman having a, past whatsoever. I've always been on board

with the tattoos. I don't mind them. More the better. To an extent. No, literally the more the better. To an extent. No, not to an extent. No, there's a bell curve where it gets hotter and then it gets like really retarded and much less hot. Well, yeah, you don't want them to look like the lizard guy.

Yeah, when they take their shirt off and they have like spider webs on their tits, you're like, that's stinks. There's a certain amount of tattoos that then it starts to coincide with like you play music on your phone, like, on the bus. Sure. Like, out loud.

Yeah. You're a human desk from the school. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Like, you might as well have, you might as well go to the tattoo shop and have gum put on your forehead. Yeah, they've run out of ideas. They're getting, like, the super S.

Yeah. They're getting the four-dimensional cube that everybody draws when they're 11. At a certain point, it just starts to be a little trashy. You don't want a girl with, like, like, a little trashy. You don't want a girl with like a... Unless it's really well done. Like Rogans. Yeah.

What are Rogan's tattoos? They're just sick. It's always like a Japanese, like, monk, like teaching a guy how to make sparkling water. Badass or something. It's a tattoo. He has a tattoo of him interviewing Andrew Huberman, like Stevo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On his back.

Rogan's tattoos are crazy. I'm assuming there's a tiger. It's like a cherry blossom tree and then, um, like a Marine blowing Osama bin Laden's head off under it oh it's the bicep tattoo where there's the Marine here and then Osama bin Laden's

brain splatter here and you can press them together it's Osama Belan's head but when he extends his arm it opens up and then brain matters everywhere and he goes that fucking kicks ass do you think there's anybody who regrets getting the Nevermind baby tattooed on them

I mean probably guy who ended up being a pedophile they got the never mind baby tattoo Can you charge somebody with something for doing that? I don't know Stivo had a tattoo removed of it was a bit I don't even want to say it, it's so crazy

This is real Yeah, Steveo has a tattoo I don't even want to say it out loud It was a baby getting like raped I think I heard about this It was literally a baby being raped And he got a tattoo

Yeah I don't think it was a Did he get it as a prank? No, no, no, no, nao nao nao Stivo. Baby tattoo. Maybe I'm wrong about this. I think this sounds familiar to me.

I haven't heard this. I know he went through his nitrous phase. His most regrettable ink, it says. In 2006, after a heavy drinking session, he originally intended to get no baby's sign, a baby with a slash through it, to symbolize never wanting kids. However, as the drinking continued,

it escalated into a highly explosive image of a man engaged in a sex act with a baby. Yeah, so, okay. Where was it at? Do they say? It was on his forehead. What if it was just Wee Man? What if it was...

That's what I would say, for it. It was Re-Man getting rates. I'd be like, Your Honor, it's Weeman. This is Jason Akuna. I have a lot of crazy friends. Some of them are tiny. We traced Weeman onto my body. Is that it?

I don't even know if you can find it anymore. Yeah, I doubt it's censored. I don't want to see it. That's what I rules. Steveo rules. Yeah, rules. Well, I mean,

the guy's a damn jackass. Oh, I think this is it, isn't it? On his arm right there? Yeah, it's a guy fucking... Yeah, this is the picture that I've seen. It's a guy literally fucking, like, a little tiny.

Yeah, I think that's a little. So it's a... Yeah. I'll say that's beyond the pale. I expect it a little more from Steve-O. That's bad. I don't even think you could say it was a different time. No, even though.

It was worse back then, actually. It was a... different time. It was 2024. Yeah. It was 700 days ago. Then it was nine moons ago when he got the baby fucking tattoo.

How do you even find a tattoo artist who gives you, that guy should also be arrested for doing the baby fucking tattoo. Yeah, I know. Who gave him his tattoo? Jeffrey Epstein? Jesus Christ, Bob. It could be woke maybe if he changed

the guy to Epstein. Oh. Yeah, he could make him MAPStain. How do you make a MAPStain? I got an idea. It's a side view. Oh, that would be, imagine him going in. He's like, I've got to fix this, and then they just put a tiny hat on top.

Just one small half middle. And then out of nowhere, everyone's like, Stivo rules. He's like an ally. Dude, Stivo hates his rule. Yeah. Steveo's tattoo gets A-PAC money. Steevo's tattoo gets $5 million from Israel because they thought it was a real

Jewish guy fucking a baby. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. But listen, I mean, it's a Stiva, so I'm not really. Yeah. You can't really. He was high on nitrous. I've listened to his podcast. He's talked about it a lot.

It's not like Mr. Rogers once had a tattoo of a guy fucking a baby. It's a little different. Yeah. Is Steve O'Gay? I don't know. He loves stuff. He's kind of the guy that has, stuff go up his ass on Jackass.

But which means he's not gay. I don't really. Listen, I got to say, kind of annoyed you even brought this up. I forgot about this and I was living a dandy life without knowing about this again. Oh, am I ruining your... The new Jackass was great.

I had a great time. Oh, yeah, the Jackass movies. I got emotional. I love it. Did they do some crazy stunts? They're fucking nuts, man. They did some wild shit. Those guys do, they go for it.

They dug up Ryan Dunn's corpse. Mm-hmm. And they put him in a car. They tied him to a big rocket. And they go, do it again. Was Bam in this one? Yeah. He was sober enough for it.

There's a sober. Bams in one of them and it's great. I think it's one of the best, like, jackass, like, stunts, like, ever, actually. It really made me laugh. Can you say what they did or whatever? Well, they do, like, the classic thing where they put people in a room and then they, you know, they act like they're going to do something. And there's, like, a Rattles, a Diamondback Rattlesnake and, like, in a jug. And then they switch it out for just the same. sound of a snake and then they turned the lights off and everyone's like oh shit and the doors are

locked and everyone's running around and there's like mouse traps and pans hanging from the right and stuff and uh they've done that before yeah but it was in the last movie yeah it just it was just very funny though and then like bam is just so shot like he's so just has no brain cells anymore that like he he thinks he got bit by the snake like multiple times and he's like he just keeps saying how it's like pretty sure i was bit by the snake man Ben, like, he would not be, like, he wouldn't be dying. And then once it ends, he, like, breaks out and the lights are on, and the camera crew's there. And he's like, I just feel like everything here's, like, rigged.

He, like, says it, says, sincerely. It's, like, one of the best deliveries. You're like, oh, Bam's turning into Don Vito. Yeah. Yeah. He's becoming an old pedophile. It was great. I love those guys so much. I did do.

I feel bad. I wish those new guys got paid a little more. Ben hates them, though. Ben finds them to be goyslop. Oh, yeah. It's more jack. Jackass slop. Jackass is Goy Slop, right?

Yeah, because Spike Jones made it. So, yeah, and so, and he's Jewish, apparently, I just found that out. He's Jewish? That's the funniest thing about Jackass is that throughout all of the, you'll be like, every movie, every Jackass movie, out of nowhere, they'll be like, do we got Terrence Malick here. And Terrence Malick is just, like, laughing his ass off at something. And you're like, wow. They really have, like, broken the barrier where everyone finds it amusing.

Yeah, there's one guy just. being like, I took a shit in Stephen Spielberg's laptop, and we're going to shut it. If David Lynch was alive, he would be like, I love the jackass guys. Dude, we just piss in David Lynch's oxygen tank. He's breathing in piss.

He can't stop Earl die. Dude, today we're going to start some fires. David Lynch's going to fulkin die, dude. We started the fucking Elthadina fire. We've destroyed a million black homes, and we killed David Lynch. Rob himself just killed David Lynch

I met the fat one Zachass Yeah I met him at a party He rolled up to me like a boulder He's awesome He rolled toward me like a stone He rolled in a head popped down He was like what's up man

They use him like a boulder All the time He's awesome He got so fat for the movie It's insane He's like Brando but like if he got even fatter Yeah Yeah

Yeah He gained a hundred pounds He couldn't Gain anymore I met him when he was really fat, and then he got even fatter, I guess, to maybe secure his spot. Did he roll up to you at the party? Did he roll up to you at the party? He's like, you can hit me with a big baseball bat.

I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking pig. I'm beating him with a Louisville's. I'm running him over with my car. He's like, it's nice to me. Do you want to shoot me in the stomach with a big gun? Like Olivia Sopranos hair do? Shoot me through a flap. Everybody's beating the shit out of him.

He's like, I deserve this. They use him a lot in the movie. Like, they like, drop him down and get into the closer. like his ass, he's like naked. He like, he like, you know, he dips his like ass into your face. But you can't even tell what's his ass anymore because he's so bad. I'm not sure what body part it is anymore. Could be an ankle.

He told me he, at the party, he told me he wanted to get into stand-up. But for a moment, I thought he was talking about literally standing up. He's, yeah, he's like, I've been working. He's like, I'm trying to. I'm trying to get in Seattle. I've been working on leaning for nine months. I think I'm almost ready. Rachel's really cool, too, Rachel Wolfson.

Yeah, Richard Wilson, she's great. And there's that guy rules, but I haven't got to see the movie. Was poopsies? I liked poopsies in the last one. Poopies. Poopies. Poopies. Poopies in danger Aaron are, like, beefing the whole time.

It's really funny. It's like Battle of the Retards. Because they're both, like, maybe the dumbest people that I've ever seen on screen. but I love them and they're... What is going on? What are you doing? I crushed a can. Okay.

Sorry. We got to clean this up because it's... We're breathing in mold. It's a bit of a distraction. This is like an OSHA violation. It's kind of annoying. It's times. Yeah, it's like, you know, come on.

We got to fucking... We use our minds there, you know? We don't need these. What are we? We're hacks. Yeah. We don't need this shit. You think this is funny?

Huh? You think that's funny? That may be laugh. That tickled me. Isn't it? Isn't it funny that both me and Brian Johnson have an autoimmune disorder? And look at the lifestyle difference. Oh, the Forever guy?

So it turns out maybe I am actually healthy. He also wears, what I saw he had one. He also wears big red sunglasses as well. But it's to go to sleep on time. What if they find that Brian Johnson has a live stream where he goes off on people for seven hours straight? Yeah. Better randomly tax us like, apparently like the Clips Channel, just they took a clip of me saying, it took a clip of me saying the president of Egypt should kill himself.

Apparently I'm being targeted. They find out Brian Johnson has been threatening to bomb W.M.E. I know. Ben's like on a mission against every Jew in Hollywood. You're like David against Goliath over here. Yeah. The clips pop up on my YouTube and it's like Ben Avery threatens to. Threatens to run through. You're gonna tune in one day

and I'm robbing a bag. I have like a loaded gun. Right. You're robbing a Jewish bank. And the, you found the vault from Harry Potter. The thumbnail is always Ben with his glasses on.

He's just like, he's always like flipping off. It's like Ben Avery goes off on pastrami. Fuck you. Fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. It's just juice steak.

It would be funny if I had a two hour ran on Cats Deli or something. He's like, You pay like $27. You only get like $20 for the food. Classic Jew shit. I can put pepper on my own steak.

Oh, you like what Harry meant Sally? You meant the Jew siat. Pastrami? Oh, yeah, I bet you'll have when she's having a Jewish sireat. Ben Avery versus every Jew. It's him flipping off. It's you and a graphic from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2. 2004.

No. No, no, no. Your live stream very entertaining. I listen to you. Thanks. I checked the comments of the day. They were actually positive on YouTube.

I was like, okay, that's good. Yeah, everybody likes you. It's good. It's obviously like a character and it's very funny. Yeah. Very funny. It's just funny that like the thumbnails will not help you. No.

Or us on any level going forward. Your children? with your wife it's holding everyone back the thumbnails make it see like I wouldn't even if I didn't know anything about this I'd be like what a fucking asshole right on the thumbnails are a big anchor in everyone's life but just the thumbnails everything else is great because people occasionally will send you clips and most of them are good but occasionally somebody will just miss every like comedic point that you made and they're like he finally he finally really took it to the jays just like dodging like the matrix every comedic point possible yeah yeah yeah to turn it into

something super serious yeah yeah you should be in you should be in jackass and they're gonna make you're gonna make you fuck the whaling wall you're gonna jack off on the whaling wall been with his pants down just ass hanging out jace took a DNA test he's one and a half percent ashkenazi yeah we so i mean ben we are related so we're both No, no, no, no, no, no. This does not mean I have any Ashkenazi and me at all. You think I got it all only? It's never the exact same. It's always a little different. Really? So are they real then, if that's the case? Because how are they not, how do you not have that if that's the case?

Well, you get a mix mashup of DNA from your mom dead. Yeah. Like, it's like a cum stew. Like, I got a little bit of like, like, you get like a stew, you get a little bit of peas in it. You got like more potatoes. Yeah, exactly. You know like mixed race babies, some come out. darker than others. I do know that. So you don't always get the same makeup. I keep tabs on that. Yeah, I do know that. You go, this one, this one is a mocha. I study that. Devin's at the window where the babies are at the hospital and he's got one of those painting things to get your room exactly right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a Sherwin-Williams fucking mashup of colors that I stole

from Home Depot. This one's Toffee. He's a little, he's a little better. I guess of your toffee? Who's Moka? No, yeah, that's okay. Yeah, so I'm a little bit, maybe. Not as much as Devin probably, though. I probably have more. My grandma was actually Jewish.

Devin's probably 7% Jew, I would say. Your grandmother was Jewish. My dad's mom was, um, one of, she was the Jews that get, like, shit on by the other Jews. The Jews are like, you're a fucking black person. Fuck you. Yeah, what kind of Jew? Sephardic.

Sephardic Jews. The Austrones are the ones that think they're the smartest people on Earth and shit. Yeah, the, the, The white Jews. They just treated my grandmother like shit. They traded her like utter shit. Where was your grandmother from again? Brooklyn.

I don't know where she's originally from. But what terrible stupid place was she from before that? Some hookabooka place that she was from. Actually, I'm such an asshole. I don't know. I just know she was a Brooklyn Jew that was treated like utter shit by the other like Jews. Because she just kind of looked like the lady from Marty Supreme.

She looked like Odessa's eyes on a little bit. No, I wish. I would have fucked her. No, no, she looked like a lady named, you know, like a lady at a beauty, like an old lady at a beauty salon named Dottie or something. Like, she looked like your ultimate little Jewish lady. Just slightly too brown. But she was, I think she was Sephardic. I'm being, I'm being obtuse right now.

But she was, she was treated really, really, really poorly by the Jews. By the other Jews. Did they call her like a black Jew or something like that? I don't know about that Just a horrible Like you're not a You know You're a fuck you

You're a woman You're not lying near the tunnels You're also A different type of juice You're worse Your dad got any sisters No Oh shit

He has a brother The bloodline died out I have an uncle Who's I believe homeless Right now You believe I mean we had to

My dad had to kind of cut him off Because it was just a nonstop problem So And the last He was the type of guy That like wouldn't Like my grandma gave him like her car and he like gave it to a guy like a week later just gave it to a guy And then he was like a sign spinner

Oh you followed in the footsteps I followed in his business he got you the job He got me he got me the job You were a Nepo baby for signs yeah I was the I was I was Kobe to his jelly bean There's like threads about Devin being a Hollywood Nepo baby and he's like yeah my my uncle's home My dad was a stray, my uncle's homeless. My grandma was a cardboard box that used have bagels in it. Yeah, I mean, I think I've told this on the show before.

One of the last times I remember by being with my uncle was he had a van, like a VW van that barely worked. And he had to like keep rejillo like jumping it at stoplights. and it was like July and he was blasting Christmas music in the car and like we are the world like live we are the world soundtracks for whatever they did that

and the whole day was about him getting like his water jugs filled up at like Asian water stores and then he got in like a massive fight with like the Asian water jug guy and uh and then we ended up he was like kept saying like I'm gonna get you lunch we're gonna get lunch and then we went to

a like Ralph's parking lot and then we got lunchables and then we ate them on the island of the parking lot, like the grassy part. With cars. Like in the parking lot. Yeah, cars zooming past. And that was one of the last. Yeah. And then we'd go to like, we'd go to like Mee-Eys, like that French fake cafe for like dinner with like the family sometimes.

And he would order like a cobb salad. And then he'd, he'd, we'd be there for like an hour after we all finished because he'd be picking out all of the blue cheese, the bacon. Like every member of the Cobb salad. he'd be picking out. And then my dad and him would get in like a vicious violent argument because my dad would flip out on him for doing that.

It feels like Devin's describing the plotline of like slackers. It does sound fake. It sounds like a link later from like 1992. Yeah. It's so weird. It's very weird. They didn't inherit any of the Jewishness

whatsoever. No, just the neuroticism. Well, my dad, their father, my grandfather was, he was, he lit him on fire when he was a child in the basement playing with matches literally and he was a burn victim

he looked like a seal he looked like a white seal did he have like no ears did he have like melted once again Devin's exposing himself as a Hollywood Nepo baby a classic Nepo baby a man who was burning a lot was he the man from the Pink Floyd

album cover is this how you do so well in the podcast charts Devin you got a little insider your grandpa was the wish you were here yeah it's all because of the connections I have. You guys are lucky. Your grandpa played butter bean in the Hellraiser

movies. You're a Hollywood NEPA, baby. No, fancy Devin. His grandpa had melted ears into his shoulders. Looks kind of like an amoeba. But so he recovered enough with skin grafts and shit at that time, but it was, you know, it wasn't great. But what were the skin grafts like back then?

They probably, like, threw, like, sandwich parts at you. He didn't look like, a deformed person, but he looked like odd. Yeah, he just looks a little fucked up. Yeah, and it ruined his life because then he was a shut-in. And then I guess all he did was like read and became like a really like, really good

he became like English literature, professor. What was his specialty? Poetry, romantics. He was just very intelligent with like English. Smut. Whatever. Yeah, literature and poetry maybe. I don't know. He didn't have a

like a hyper specialization. I don't know. I don't I was just, he was just kind of always like the family asshole. Who was his guys? I mean, he had like, he had like a Doberman, like, bit my mom and he like barely cared. I remember that moment. That's funny. But, like, his, my dad's life was like, my dad and his brother's life were like, like, it was like ham on rye. It was like, his dad would, like, this guy would, like, wake them up in the middle of the night to, like, uh, mow the lawn, clean the house.

He'd hit them. He was just insane. He just because he felt so bad. He's like, well, I have to. I have to. Yeah. I have to go ruin two people's lives. He was just bitter about his life.

And I guess, like, he went on, um... My grandma was one of the first people to, like, get a divorce. You know, at that time, it was, like, really hard and it was a huge shame to get a divorce. They didn't have no fault divorces back then. Yeah. So my... So he held that against her, and she was, like, trapped for a long time with, like, terrified of, like, actually getting a divorce. They once went to...

He's Italian, so they went to, like, Italy on a trip, and, like, the minute that they landed, he was just like, I don't want to do this. And, like, a... abandoned her, like on a hillside. Nice. And, like, just left. And, uh, just flew back to the U.S. Just, he was just gone for like a week. They don't know what happened.

I'm not really sure, but he was not there. He might have been shooting heroin like Christopher and the Sopranos. He might have been. In a hotel room. But, yeah, just shit like that. You know, that's what I heard about. He would get in arguments with me. He, like, knew I loved Kobe.

And he would, like, bring up, like, Alan Iverson. And I think I almost, like, fought him once when I was, like, nine. Whatever the, what was I? I was, uh, I was, uh, In 2001, I was nine, yeah, so I was like nine years old. And I remember my mom, like, separating me from my fucking burn victim grandfather. It was like antagonizing me.

I know, you punch him in his skin falls off. Yeah, peels back. And then I would get in fights with my dad's brother too. My uncle, who's homeless now, he would drive me insane too. So when I was like 14, he would drive me nuts. He would just keep asking me the same question about like how iPods work and like how he could get music on them. And I'd be like, I'd be all nice and Jovi,

like, well, yeah, you got to Disney. You do that. And I could make you a playlist. I could give you a CD. I could burn a CD. You know, you're all interested in the technology and all that stuff. And he would just keep asking over and over and over again on a level of like almost like, now I'm starting to start, even at that age, I'm starting to sense like, are you angry at me for knowing this? You psychopath.

And then I got in a massive fight with him. We had to get like broken up. I'm like 14 years old getting broken up in a fight with like. You've tried to fight every member of your family. Yeah. Devin had the same childhood as Sophia Coppola. I mean, this is like, we get it. You were on the set of God.

553, you had a roll. He's like Robert Downey Jr. Jason, Jason Swartzman over here. Crime, crime here river. Never remembers when his dad made Putney Swow. Yeah, exactly. Hollywood. Please continue.

No, no. Please, Hollywood Costa. Go ahead. There's like so many threads where they're like, Devon has it all. He's inherited so much. She's born in Hollywood. He has all the connections. Let's be honest, folks.

I mean, I understand, like, kind of being, you know, just being lazy about it. Be like, well, he's in L.A. and he lives in his same house. I get that, but, no, no. By the way, the house is, it's not really. It's a door opens up into rooms that are connected.

No, you're going to have to burn this thing and walk away from it. Oh, no, no, no. You're going to have to light a match. This is the Winchester house. The stores that lead, like, into, like, nowhere. I know. It's big drops. I know. John is, you're going to have to pay John to do arson to this place and, like, burn it down. It's been really rough shit.

Yeah. Well, I got it updated. I mean, I tried. I put my own money into it. I know, but every time I take a poop, I wonder if it's the last. Yeah. Oh, I don't know what's going on underneath. Oh, yeah.

The pipes, I'm like, how is this? The amount of gigantic men that come in here and just take dumps every fucking week. I know. Raping your toilet. Raping all the pipes. And you're like, you make us wipe with like, like, fucking spider webs. You have to wipe with Scott. You have to take a spider web and wipe your ass with that.

I can't. I rock the pipe. Ben, you know what? Thank you for finally bringing. You're not allowed to have... It's half a ply. It's not even one ply. No, it's you've cut a ply and half.

You went to the... I sliced it. You took you a day. You sliced it. I take it to a samurai. I haven't made it worse. You hold it up to the light and you can read through it. It's nuts.

My dad almost hit me one time when he found out that I was using like comfortable toilet paper. Did he walk up to you with your shit in his hand? He's like, what is this? Back in the day. Yeah, because it's apparently that it'll cause a huge. huge problem with the pipes. Scott is better for pipes. You guys got, you know, sorry. But you have...

You guys have... You have pipes from 1901, where it was, like, guys weren't... Guys were, like, shitting blood every day. This was a... This place was a vacation rental in, like, 1903. Yeah. It's like... Yeah, it's over 100 years old. Already... Yeah, Fetty Arbuckle showed like Coke bottles up, hoarse pussies

in this house. Back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. That's why all these bottles are here. The black dolly was flushed here. Her teeth were flushed down those pipes. That's why you to use one fly. Her teeth are still rattling around somewhere in a J-curve. But yeah. Yeah, but you're a NEPA, baby.

A little NEPA baby. You're a NEPA, baby. Your grandpa was learning about black people. I could go to the DeVry cafeteria anytime I want. And get 10% off. Yeah. I also love your grandpa learning about black people to make you mad.

That's probably the only black person he knew, I'm assuming. You know what was in? interesting. Alan Iverson really connected with white like like even my other my other grandma and grandpa

they loved Iverson. Really? He was just scrappy. Well, I love Arverson too. They didn't even, they weren't even like, they didn't even do the whole thing where they were like,

he's fucking gangster. What is up with him? You know, they just loved his attitude, I think. He was just, you know, scrappy, hardworking. Tiny guy. Yeah.

So everyone really like fucked with him back in early 2000s. Back in Texas, they acted like he was Lucifer. I'm sure. Like, he was the second coming. He did change the way ever, you know, the rules of, like, they made, like, uh, dress rules because of Iverson. They were like, no more bagging, sagging your pants.

Yeah. David Stern had a press conference. He was like, quit the darky shit. Knock it off. You on Sunset Boulevard right here when I was rolling up, there were a bunch of dudes who looked like Alan Iverson on dirt bikes doing, like, on the back wheel. Have you been having this as an issue? No. What's gone?

ATVs and dirt bikes, and they go on the back wheel, and then they do the shit where they're, on sunset zinging and zagging and then everybody has to wait at the red light because they keep going through were there a bunch of bicycles too cars too no it was all ATVs and dirt bikes and they were doing the shit all black guys it was all black oh that's that's new because it's usually a bunch of like mexicans that do the whole like bicycle riding thing and they shut down everyone has to stop and they just a mob of them runs through and then of course if you like keep trying to like drive they kill you they call it the day of exercise yeah They're like, we ate a bunch of lollipops, so we have the energy to make bikes gangster.

I do have Mexicans trying to make bikes gangster. You're on a bike. You're fucking gay. I don't care how high the handlebars are. You're gay is gay. Riding a bike's gay. Your big capri pants look like a dress. Yeah.

You're a gay bag. We get it. You're trying to figure out how to be cool after your D. No, you don't get it. It's like the handlebars are like here and like the petals are like there. I don't even understand why they think it's cool to have the handlebars high. It looks like you're a little tiny guy. I know.

I can barely reach his handlebars. You look like a tiny Mexican on a tricycle. You look like a little guy. It's like sad. It is very sad. You guys look really sad. You want to walk up to him and be like, hey, guys, this is really sad. It looks like Curious George when he's trying to ride a bicycle.

Yeah. It's kind of fun. You look like with the arms all the way up. And they go, this is... This is gangster because I only butt in one button. I did my shirt stupid. So this is gangster. I don't know you dealt with that.

today. I thought it might be a moment because one of them almost was kind of coming into me as I was trying to turn left. And I always see videos where they're doing that shit in and out of traffic and then they get hit. You've seen the viral videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

I think they do that stuff and they think everybody's going to stop and pull over. And I mean, I don't know if you've figured this out yet, but most of us are texting. Yeah. We're not expecting that. No, I mean, they're like a cobra on the road. Yeah. They're like a viper. Yeah.

A venomous thing going like this at you. Yeah. And even if you move over, they'll do the wave and it makes me kind of mad. I'm like, I wish I smashed you into the car next to me. I mean, it's insane. I hate your wave like I was a good guy. The amount of times, like, a guy on a motorcycle or a bike, like, flies by my car and I'm on a major street. I'm like, you're so every, any second you could be killed and you're going to pretend like it's everyone else's fault.

It's, it's, they want to. They want to die. You look out for me, motherfucker. Like, it's insane. civilians and pedestrians have way too much. Dude, do you know how many support groups there are for people who have accidentally killed motorcyclists and it's not even their fault?

But they have night terrors about it, nightmares. They can't stop thinking about it. Yeah, because they saw a guy explode like a big bug on the windshield. They saw like literally a guy's teeth like just separate on a windshield. Yeah, you understand. Because the guy's like, well, I gotta get pussy at this dive bar.

Yeah. Well, I mean, fucking my dad raped me so I gotta sell meth and get pussy at this dive bar so I got a fucking hog yeah a guy in a tap out shirt yeah a guy is like dude fucking you know what's the coolest year of all time 1973

1973 kicked fucking ass I'm gonna pretend that's every day you think anyone's ever been listening to our podcast when they died I think most of them yeah I think most um yeah by their own hand yeah they listen to us

do another bit about jelly roll and they just throw the throw the news over the pipe in their parents' basement. They go, there's right, there's no point. It's all shit. It's all shit. No, somebody probably has just, through sheer statistics, somebody's probably been listening to the pod and then like drove off a cliff or something.

Or fell off something. Fell off something. Yeah. Neck snapped in half. Yeah. And then as they were dying, probably we were saying some bullshit into their headphones. Yeah. Like as they were going out.

Some incorrect wrong. We were using a word wrong. or we were completely wrong about a day. Yeah. They're trapped in a fiery car and somebody runs up to like help him out as they're unconscious and they hear the radios off saying like chink or something and they just like walk away. You know, this guy's fucked up. They walked away from him. Yeah.

It was an Asian firefighter. He goes, no, fuck him. Fuck him. This is like not. I get it's comedy, but no, fuck this. Did we lose all of our ads by the way? We have one ad this week. This is great news that we have ads again.

The revenue has gone down. We've done 38 minutes. That's insane. Is that like, that's a lot? I thought we've done maybe 10. I think I'm starting after the three-minute mark or whatever because I was turning sure. All right. I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to get another drink.

Come down, revamped. Would you guys like anything? Could you get me, do we have a beer? Do you have a beer? I have beer. Miller Lights. White Claws. I'd love a white cloth.

Anything for you, Jason Avery. Thank you. Devon. Devani Cost. I'm going to get your name wrong. Devani Costa. Start calling him Devani, by the way. Like he's a gay Italian soccer player.

Thank you, Bungerman. Avery. It doesn't really work with you. I don't know how to say to you. How about fag it? How about that? Wow. That didn't work either.

That didn't work either. He made me bomb with that. Call him Renn. I didn't make you call me fag. Call him Renn. All right, here's the ad, everybody. Hey, guys, there's only one nicotine pouch we love, and her name is Lucy. Lucy makes high potency pouches, delicious and discreet nicotine gum, and the signature

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Very peedy. It's good for your brain. A lot of studies that say, you know, you're not going to get all those bad brain diseases. Won't get Alzheimer's. Degenerative brain diseases, yeah. Good for anxiety. I think you can apply nicotine topically, and there's a great benefit to that. You can go read studies on it.

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Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Thank you, Lucy, for your patronage, and now we can go back to the show. He's Ren Avery. What would he hate? Ben wouldn't hate anything because he's a little stanker. What would Ben hate?

Ben wants, like, you know, floss. flies to land on him do their little ham thing then plays into it Ben really wants plays into what you just like want the shittiness of everything you're a muckraker a little bit yeah is what Devin's saying like a muckraker you like to be all like blah yeah so literally fucking look at this this is how you go to work this is your stance I'm in the trash what I'm my supposed to how is a gentleman supposed to sit in trash sir You're supposed to not show your pussy to your brother. Can you see my penis?

I can see your, I can see your whole pussy. He has a pussy, not a penis. Why, you fucking take a picture of it, then, bitch. I did earlier. Yeah, why don't you take a picture of J's? And I'm selling it to fans for 50 bucks. I will say, fuck, by the way. Yeah, hold on.

If you're out having a gop... Some of these people are... Like, I was at a Fourth of July parade. So many people have GoPro's strapped onto their chest. Like, it's... Like their body camp thing. And they're, they're vlogging, they're with their family. I know they're vlogging and they're videoing everything.

I'm just standing there. I'm like, I'm in like eight videos right now. Everybody's taking pictures that I happen to be in with my kids. Going out in public now, it just sucks, man. I'm not doing, like, I understand everything has changed, but it cheapens the experience. What I'm like, there's just so many. I was walking into my gym the other day and with Connor,

and we just, we didn't even say anything about it, but I know we both noticed it, but there was just a woman just doing a video and, like, dancing in front of, like, her phone, holding a selfie stick and just doing a thing. And, like, and we were just, like, we just kept talking about what we were talking about and walk right by.

And I'm like, that's, like, that's, we have to just treat, that's like a pigeon is around, like this. We're just acting like, it's completely normal now. That's life. Everyone, everyone's documenting every moment of their meaningless life. She's doing a TikTok? I don't know what you would hope so. Yeah, she's an influencer.

She had a light on. on it too, you know, because it was like a cloudy day, so a light was like shining on her. Like the little ringlight thing? Yeah, the special little holder. And I don't, I just don't like the feeling, like, like, if that's me, I would keep being like, oh, hold on. Yeah. Sorry, guys, sorry. I, it's just passed me, past, sorry, sorry. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's my job. Most people don't even do that. No, they don't. I think to her, like, you're not real, the phone is more real than you. The phone is real. Yeah. This is a real. There's no shame or. Because everyone's there. This was. This was.

I was watching the July 4th, fireworks. I went to a big hill in San Diego. The Joe Les movie? I watch it all the time. That was huge. What if like, we live in an alternate reality where everybody's watching the 4th of July? Like, it's Rocky Horror. That's what I do every July of July.

I watch the 4th of July. They answered her 1984's Joe List movie with Lucy Kay. I go, hell yeah, trauma. This is better than fireworks. Yeah. I was on a big hill and we were going to go watch like the big fireworks. work show in like the harbor or whatever and it was it was like dark out there's millions of chinese wiggers around me which made me furious just them being around me but i kept watching

like young like women and guys like walking in in the darkness and they would just turn the flashlight on in their phone because they couldn't see but they wouldn't even like point it they want to cover their hand they would just keep i would watch them walk around and just like shine it in people's eyes yeah yeah no one over and they no one goes oh sorry no dude they would literally like it would be a guy be like, where's Jason? And he would turn, and then he would hold his, like, flashlight directly in a child's eyes. And if the child's, like, squinting, he's like, we can't fucking find fucking Jason. What the fuck is fucking fucking going on? Yeah. Faw! Yeah. There's like a little, yeah, just a little kid's retinas are getting burned. And there's

fucking, there's whores taking, like, full selfie picture. So you're trying to watch a firework, and then you see, like, a Hiroshima explosion behind you. And you turn around, there's a whore with her ass out and her titties and her nipples. And she's just like, she's posing. Like, anybody gives a fuck at all. Yeah. Fucking retard. There's also a programmer guy behind us who annoyed the shit out of me because he came there to clearly try and pick up chicks,

but he, like, just sucked. Like, he was just, like, this nerdy Asian guy. And he had this Labrador on a long leash, and the Labrador walked up to these hot chicks next us. And they were like, oh, hey. They clearly didn't want to interact with his dog at all. They're like, hey, Hobie's friendly. And he's like, that dog's pretty good with the women.

Am I right? He's like, that dog's going to ask. for your number or something. Who said this? The guy behind us at the fireworks show. And I was just staring at my girlfriend just like, it's like,

I don't know, people have just like lost the ability to like it exists. Yeah, it's all over. Yeah, it's all over. It's truly all over. Yeah. And be,

Ben has kids. That's what I worry about. Yeah, your kids got no shot. You worry about my kids? No, I don't worry. You're going to be fine because they're, you know, being raised by you,

the guy that has tons of clips of tons of clips of hate online. Yeah, the man being documented by the ACLU. They'll be fine. No, truly. They will be. But, no, I just, I think, like, I think my dad's Captain Ahab.

They literally, they go, they go. But he has Twitch? Yeah, I mean, you, I'm going to have a prosthetic leg at some point. Your kids, one day your kids are going to be like, Mommy, is Dad the black hat? All the kids at school said, dad is the Toronto. Joe Joker? Does dad wear a mask and assault people at payphones? Is that being hunted by three-letter agencies? Is that in a big Jewish illuminati prison right now? I guess I've been black phone. I don't know what that was a movie. No, black hat. Black hat is right. Oh, I thought you're talking about

the black phone. There's a movie with the fucking Ethan Hawry. Where's it? Black phone. Yeah, that's the black phone. What is Ethan Hawk dealing with that? That seems lower than his. He's better than that. Yeah. But I've heard it's good actually. His daughter needs to, her tities went away and it upsets me. Maya. Maya. Anyway.

Get it together, Maya. Get it together, Maya Hawk. Put some fat on. See you in a party next week because I'm an apple baby, just like you. Me, Maya, Hawk. Me, Maya, Hawk. You're hanging out of the rest of them, Kwali. Yeah.

You were hanging out of T. Swift's wedding in New York. Oh, yeah. What happened there? I mean, I don't think. Was it real? Did they really get married? I think they really got married, but it was. funny, all the guestless is like,

now walking into Tiswis wedding, the president of, uh, DARPA, the president of DARPA is, his Asian slave wife. One of Taylor Swift's best friends, the president of Raytheon. Please tell me,

Jason Kelsey was there in like a cutoff suit where like he had cut the sleeves off of the suit. Tuxedo shirt on? And he was doing like a Buffalo Wild Wings like commercial. I'm sure he was. I mean, was Will Ferrell there as the Lonnie, the Hawk Hawkins or whatever the hell?

I'm sure Will Ferrell tried to sneak in and he was caught by security. He went in the elf costume, and they're like, Mr. Farrell, it's getting really sad. He's like, no, no, she loves me to ask her. Ms. Swift, that specifically, you don't come in because you make it all about you. You're a selfish cunt.

Does you? Yeah. The first wedding where we go, we stand here today to merge companies. Sandler did the wedding, apparently. He officiated. He did? Yeah.

So they had a Jewish wedding. Just because they're that rich. What? Who's Jewish of them? I think Taylor is kind of Jewish. Like, you know. Really? Just mentally.

She's got the billionaire mindset. Sure. Adam Sandler was the officiator of the wedding, really? He was the official of the wedding, yeah. What? Yeah. He officiated the... Why?

She's for sure a Republican. She's secretly Republican. I think she is above... I think she is like literally, she's going to like own the water supply one day. I think she's like a corporate genius pretending to be a pop star for teenage girls. She's like the Murdox or something. Yeah, no, she's literally like you're going to like go to,

you're going to have to like go before her mountain like a morning Joe one day and beg for water that she spins at you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. In like the year 2050. She's in a big like Eisengard Tower. Yeah. Like a Saruman tower. Yeah, she's got a big white beard.

And she's like, sir, the Jews have run out of babies. And she's like, we're right by the force. of whatever it is. I forget the name. Yeah. No, she's a... Merckwood Forest. Merckwood Forest.

She's truly an evil woman. And she, instead of dogs, she should have big spiders. She walks around. Release the spiders. She should have a big spider from Lord of the Ring.

She walks on a leash around New York. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently, Lena Dunham bombed at the wedding, which I did like that. She did do a shit. Yeah. She took a big...

She blew up the bag. Yeah. She took a shit in the back. bathroom got stuck. Yeah, yeah. They put her down like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. She tried to use her own shit to lube herself out to get out of the stall, but it just made her more stuck because it hardened so quickly.

She shits like rubber cement. So she got encased in the, yeah, they had to cut her out. It's like it's, they're super glue in her ass. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, she has to hold her cheeks apart so they don't get glued shut by her own shits. apparently Apparently Lena Don't know

Who we like now I love this I'm still reading her book You're still reading her book Apparently she was She like grabbed the microphone At the after dinner I know too much about this

But she grabbed the microphone I was in a Claire Yeah She swallowed it in one gulp like a pill Like a magnesium pill And then you just heard Gurgling noises Over the sound system

You hear Jack Antoninoff screaming let me out She grabbed the mic The after-dinner thing And like made a joke about how football's like fucking like for Oh, like made fun of Travis Kelsey Yeah And football, good

And apparently like it got like a big like Ooh, like people groan and stuff But I was like I respect her for that I actually like her for that For going in the belly of the beast Good for her. Yeah, I like hearing that too I like hearing that too I don't even shit on Taylor Swift like

I think people hate her because she's like for girls I don't care about that I legitimately, like, she's inviting, like, all of her best friends are, like, the CEOs of, like, every major company in North America. I truly think, like, her goal is, like, elite wealth where she controls, like, the fate of nations, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, you're not. She wants to be, like, a kingmaker one day. Yeah, you're not getting married out of love.

You're getting married out of, like, this is insane. Yeah. And Madison, you're getting married at Madison Square Garden because you want to film it and turn it into a concert film to get a couple more. out of your, like, retarded teenage. And not even, mostly, not even teenage, mostly white women in their mid-20s, let's be honest about this, who are incredibly stunted. Anyway. You never know.

And you never know what will happen, you know. What does that mean? Well, you just never know. Travis Kelsey's been hit in the head a lot of times. You never know. You never know, we might have a big, might have a new OJ thing on our hands in the future. You know how great that would be for America? A wigger OJ.

That would be great for America. Like, as a nation. to have that. I've always thought, you know, like we could really be cleansed if maybe she was scalped or something on live TV. I kind of put her out of side out of mind.

I don't really care, but she does. I see videos of people, like, foaming at the mouth outside her wedding venue and I go, well,

if you're a fan of her, I can only assume you're subhuman. Yeah. Like you don't have a soul or mind or like critical thoughts. No, no, no, no. You need you have to go.

You're a big beetle that sees a piece of shit and you have to like push it towards a hole. That's like literally your entire existence. Yeah. Yeah. No, when I see that, you're like, you might as well, like, eat dominoes out of the trash. You suck.

You suck dick and ass and balls. Yeah, it doesn't. I think that's what makes me mad. That's what makes me mad. Yeah, she's like for, she's, yeah, she's for like homeless women. Yeah. Women who should be homeless, but they have a pussy and an HR job that does nothing. Faggags, too.

They like her. The gays? Yeah. Some faggags out there. Shitty gays. Like Taylor Swiss. Yeah. Gays who don't even fuck like Taylor Swift.

A gay guy that drinks out of mason jars. A gay guy who drinks out of mason jars and if he saw a cock would go like, ooh. Ew. Not until I'm married. It's like, dude, you're already going to hell. Like, just suck it. Like, gay guys who, like, love, like, Mickey Mouse. They go to Disney World.

Gay guys that are graduating out of pedophilia. Gay guys who go to, like, Disneyland and they take a picture with Mickey Mouse not knowing it's like just a Mexican guy who's, like, horrified that this AIDS-y. this AIDS of gay guy is touching him Right Yeah Those type of gay guys No good for Taylor Taylor Swift

I'm happy I'm happy she found love Good for her Yeah good for her Travis Kelsey Yeah Yeah Good no good for her No good for her

Good for her man She found love finally She found love And it won't end bad But I'm Devin I'm with you We've got

We've come to such a fractured place in America that a grand distraction like Taylor Swift getting killed by Travis Kelsey would be good for us. It's building out. You guys do know that this is not getting better and like it's over. What? Like it's over, over. What? Like it's done. What? Like us. Like it's done.

Like there's no, nothing bringing us back together. Nothing's going back to normal. Oh, no. A hundred years from now, this place is going to look totally, like completely different. Like, it is actually over here. What do you mean? We just celebrated 250 years. Bro, Trump just made $1.3 billion on Trump coin. $250.

$250. $250. $250. What do you mean? Like, the president's Pete Rose. Bro. Right, $2.50. That's the longest the nation's ever been.

$2.50. The president's Pete Rose, but he bets on himself losing. Shit. That's some gangster shit. That's shit. Dude, he's embezzling money using our tax money. That's some gangster shit. I was driving up to 405 from Dana Point, and there was a big sign that said L.A. sends like $20 million to Israel every day.

I saw that. And they go, What About Us? I drove past that, and I screamed at them. I go, how dare you? You're doing rocks out of them. I throw a bunch of yarmikas. L.A. sends a how much? Did you remember the, was it like 15.8 million or like 20 million? I think it was 20 million. They were holding a big thing that says, what about us?

We send 20 million from the city alone to Israel every single day. Yeah. What if that's just one guy? One guy in Israel, one big fat guy in Israel, going like, thank you for all the money. He's eating it. It's a guy named Israel. Yeah, he's shredding the dollars and then eating him like pasta with like a big fork in a span.

Thank you for all the money you sent me. It's delicious. That another Jewish guy also eats. Where did you see this sign? It was a thing over the 405 when I was driving up from Dana Point. My daughter was. sleep in the back and I saw I started screaming and by honking the horn it woke her up and scared her sounds pretty but I was like honey this is for anti-semitic sign this is for anti-semitismat

I had to I had to wake you up from your nap and start all you sounds like a pretty anti-semitic sign and she goes dad that no more angry juice that done no more angry juice I become so anti-Semitic it wakes my daughter up from her nap scares she had a nightmare she had a nightmare that a big Jewish guy was chasing the family like a big Pac-Man down a hallway. But yeah, people were honking driving under it. And I, like, I didn't see anybody who was mad at it.

I give him a little honk even though I know it's worthless. I honked to drown out the fucking noise and the propaganda being skewed my way by this anti-Semite, yeah, fucking purple-haired college scenes. Hey, who's funding them up there holding the sign that says that we send them $20 million? I drive straight to the lot at Burbank and I pull in and I stand in the crowd at real time with Bill Maher. And I yeah, and I will. And I, yeah, and I woo.

I run a few of them over, too, like Charlotte'sville on my way. With your charger? On my way into being the live crowd of real time of Bill Mar. To defeat Hamas. To defeat Hamas. Because Hamas is everywhere in terrorism. So you're supporting... You're supporting the greatest mind of Zionism.

Bill Maher. Yeah. And you're defeating Hamas on the way to the set. Yeah. Bill Mar just had on... Hell yeah, Devon. Bill Maher just had on Kevin Spacey, who's Israel's official Jabalaki. Kevin Spacey and Telvi doing the chess move.

He's as if the Jabalakis did the Charleston. The Jubriwerewakis. In Tel Aviv, the Jubilwaukee's. They pull off a Palestinian's face and turn it into big mass. I can only assume if you're willing to associate with that guy in any way or work with that guy, you're either a Zionist or a pedophile or both. and probably both oftentimes. Sure. Sure. Sure. Of course.

I mean, does nobody give a fuck? No, nobody cares at all. I was been on, it was my birthday, and I treated myself to a solo golf round away from my bitch wife to have a peaceful morning. You guys have been married one day, by the way. Been married one day, I'm already...

Congratulations. I'm through. Thank you. I heard you pulled a chauvin the other night. So you called for a guy who calls proposing, doing a chauvin. Put a knee down. Yeah. I did propose.

We'll talk about it on the Patreon. I did propose. On the Patreon, we'll get into it. Yeah. Jay's finally pulled the trigger. Yeah. And it wasn't a gun. Exactly.

Well, I put the ring on a big gun and I pointed it in that. You put a ring on a trigger. Yeah. On a gun. And I pulled it out. I go, will you marry me? I go, well, you make you the happiest man in the world. Wow.

She said yes. Yeah. getting down on one knee and being like there's snipers there there there there i go israel is watching yeah you should have an iPad of her mom being tied up in her living room a live feet of it and i go will you be my prisoner for life um no i was i was it was my birthday i was i bought myself a golf round and i'm getting paired by this guy from the navy who like designs helicopters Like an intelligent dude Nice guy we had a nice round going

And then like a round hole seven He's just like He just starts talking about He's like chat GBT kicks ass I spend like all day talking to chat GBT And I was like sure I'm like I don't care Whatever you know like eat the Eat the Goy food I don't care

You know descend into psychosis And kill your family I don't give a shit Yeah you don't get mad if you see a hamster Eat pellets off the Yeah In its cage Yeah whatever that's what it's supposed to do I'm not at pet smart being like

Look at this fucking dog chasing a ball and these wood chips fucking retard So he's like Yeah he's like yeah You know chat GPT saved my marriage I'm like sure sure sure anyway It's about 150

I think it's playing 160 anyway Shut up shut up stop talking You're ruining it telling me that chat GPT saved your marriage Yeah you're too yeah I hate the fact That you're telling me chat GPT makes your job Like kick ass You're using chat GPT wrong

You should be using chat GPT to justify your most carnal desires He told me You should have used chat GPT to kill your wife. Yeah. And fake her death in a way where you get away with it. That's what you should have done. You should be using ChatGBT to show you the best pornography of all time.

You're like, these are my desired traits. Show me the best pornography. Setting up Claude to watch every porn that's ever been made and ranking them. Exactly. Like the Tower of Babel for porn. You're a fucking, bourges or whatever. Yeah. Borghaze.

It's a bore. You want Claude to make. porn that only Borges can think of. Yeah, I go, I want every type of porn. I want to be trapped in a big room. That's an allegory for hell. You want magical realism porn? I want magical realism porn.

I want the old man with enormous tits. Was it the old man with enormous wings or whatever? But he was... Sorry. Excuse me. Anyways, Borges wrote. So anyway, I was talking to this retard on the golf course. He designs helicopters, like, for the Navy.

And he was like, he was just like, yeah, he's like, I've been doing, like, intermittent fasting. So, like, I use, like, chat GBT tells me, like, when to eat. And I'm like, well, you're, you're completely retarded. A robot is telling you when to eat food. Like, that's, you literally just can't, like, count 18 and 6. He's a moron. Isn't it?

And then he just kept being. You don't know when you're hungry? That doesn't make any sense. He's literally, like, computer, am I hungry? And the computer's like, yes, he's like, this kid. ass. I'm so glad the ocean is gone now. But he was, he just like kept bugging me and he was like, do you use it? And I was like, no, I don't really use it. He's like, why not? It like rules. And I was like, well, I just think it's like it's kind of like an unholy, like an abomination. Like it's,

I think it's like an affront to your like personhood and you're kind of destroying your soul. That you're like, it's the antichrist. I kind of think it's a digital version of the antichrist and you're actually like giving your soul to a machine and you're becoming a husk of a person. No, I was literally like telling him. I'm like, he like just kept asking. And I try not to be this like, who gives a shit? Like this guy's retarded. But eventually I was like, I was like, oh yeah, you know like teenagers are like,

like it's telling them to like kill themselves and they're blowing their brains out. And he's like, wow, that's nuts. Yeah. And then anyway, but like two holes later he's like, man, trans people are like like out of hand. And I was like, sure. Sure. Why not? Why the fuck not?

Man, sure. That's all your problems, buddy. Just like, I don't know Just like you're like It's funny you're like There is there hope And then every like random person you talk to Who isn't in a group of people

That you respect and admire You're like oh you are like Yeah A gerbil walked up to me But it could speak That's an especially funny thing Considering he's essentially transhuman now Yeah

Because he's allowing a computer To think for him If you told him He chopped his damn brain off Bub He's a cyborg He got his brain replaced With the yeah

If you told him that He would beat you to death with a golf club. He's more post-op than just cutting your cock off. He doesn't have thoughts anymore. Yeah, he's trans-brandt. He goes, do I eat?

Do I like food? Computer, what do I think about breathing? You think it kicks us? You bet I fucking do. Fuck yeah. Computer, should I get another tattoo of a scorpion? You fucking should. Thank you.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit. And then knowing that guy is one year away from a retirement at 39 and I'm like my taxpayer dollars are paying every amount of money he gets for the rest of his life which fine whatever but I was just more like yeah that's how lost we are like just nobody nobody isn't in tune with anything at all you know yeah except the Chinese maybe I think the Chinese got figured out I want to go to China immerse myself in the culture so I can

determine that they are also retarded and talk shit about them but they might have it altogether. I don't know. But I mean, if we're ranking everything. Oh, Chinese versus American? Yeah. I mean, people tell me Mao is bad and then I read about Mao and I'm like, he was really cool actually. Yeah. I don't know why he's bad. Killing all the landlords and shit. Then they go, linen was bad. I read about Lenin and I'm like seems pretty cool. I wish we had a guy like that. And they go,

sounds like you don't want to pay $4,000 a month in rent. Fucking pussy. Fucking pussy. Well, what, yeah, they're always like, well, yeah, you like communism wait till they come take your home and you're like do you own your home they're like no I never will ever no but I no but my landlord owns it and he likes having it

so fuck you chat GBT show me a new show me a new Dunn Ranch episode I've never seen make it make an episode make it right it's yeah they're in the hall of deck of like Star Trek they're like computers show me new Dunrash

show me what season 10 would look back Computer turned down the Mexican guy's skin tone by 50%. Make them just a little more, actually a lot more whiter. Computer, make everyone more white in Dutton Ranch. Computer, make them so white it scares me in Dutton Ranch. What they're like the elves from where they're? Make them albinos. I want albino cowboys in Dutton Ranch.

Anyway, AI kicked ass. And me, a guy living in San Diego. my biggest threat is fucking trans faggage. I don't think I realize that everybody in America, like it's by design for everyone to have an irrational fixation

with something. Yeah. That has nothing to do with their own suffering. Yeah. Everybody is, I guess it's like some giant satanic program

by design. It really, on some like Philip K. Dick shit, it feels like that sometimes. Like everybody's either like trans people are ruining this country

or, you know, this black guy getting shot and this one random altercation that should like control my entire life or just the concept of rape in general like just I don't know the concept of well I was talking the other day like walking into the coffee shop and there's a bucket full of free rape whistles you know like just like just like not like you know like all the money going to Israel like everybody in charge is a pedophile like putting babies in a big paper shredder it's just like no you know what's the number one problem the thing that

the news tells me it's the number one problem. Anyway, I'm being a, I'm being a sanctimonies, retort. No, you're not. I need to read an ad about nicotine. Oh, yeah, I guess we should. Do we have to end the episode? By the way, Jace replaced the Chinese Air Force watch he got me with a swatch

because the Chinese Air Force watch broke. Oh, bro. This is a beautiful, look at this. These are the watches of David Lynch war. He loves swashes. Same type of swatch that David Lynch wore before the Jackass guys killed him. It's a great one. In the Altadina Fires. Yes. it's a very nice watch

I saw the video of the Alti Denna Fire starting and I didn't get it I didn't make heads or tails of it Are we gonna do an ad and then come back Are we? No I think Oh we got to end the episode now

We do? We do an ad after And we gotta do the ad Oh okay But we're gonna talk about Jay's getting engaged on the Patriot Okay Yeah

This is the main right I think this is the main I guess Okay And then we're gonna talk about you And then I hang out of my own Yeah

Okay All right All right Love you everybody Goodbye Oh by the way Come see me at the comedy store July something

Ben Avery. Live. It's at the end of July. It's great promotion. It's great. July something. Come go see him. Come see me. Sure, bye. My chine. Don't you like my chine mine? Yon goochie mine and I'm popping off the chite mine.

Am I take a bit of fruity? Call me Gucci mine. No you call me Gucci. Coochie. My chine. My chine. Don't you like my chine mine. Yon Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chine mine. And my Jacob is so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci I came to the club Just to floss my chain line Catch another charge And I'm going to the chain gang Oh I think I'm icy Sold a hundred dial

Eam bologna sex and white screen Don't you see how bright it is See these girls and country girls be telling me How tight it is These girls they be choosing Diamies be so squawkily They think my chain was moving.

My chain is out the chain. Stack to me some money, budget off and bought a chain. Check the way my chain hang. Guja, I don't gain, bang. All I do is chains. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain, mine. Young Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chain, mine.

And my check a bit so fruited. Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain, mine. Goochie mine and I'm popping off the chain, man. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci, mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci. Gucci, you be shining, man.

Don't turn me on home. Tell me who you're diamond man. My girlfriend acting different just because I got this chained. When they see them yellow stones, holl and you later on. My giant hanged till my shoe's crank. Like my watching wine, but I know. So you love my chain. My chain, I ain't took my ding-a-line.

I did, you thought of Gucci mine. I got that stupid mind, so I bought a stupid shine. My chain, my chain, don't you like my chain, mine? Young Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my checkup is so fruited. Call me Gucci-Mine, no you call me Gucci-Cucci, my chain, my chain, don't you like my chine, mine, y'all-cuchin mine, and I'm popping off the chai, mine.

And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci, Ma ain't know you call me Gucci Gucci My first chain I had to rob for it Jesus piece, yellow diamond sitting all in it I'm on some slick brick shit 2006 Mr. T, diamond's so bright Ain't a way you can't see the cheat Look, I don't dance, I just lean with it

My piece is sick, Gary Robert trying to leave with it I got that New York fitted on Full suit, Dickie on Gucci link chain blue stones in a nigger charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he craned on that bezel and that band.

Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Got no wife, but my chain got my girlfriend. My chine, my chine. Don't you like my chine mine? Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chite, mine. And my check a bit so fruited. Call me Gucci mine.

No you call me Gucci Gucci. My chine, my chine.