lemonparty - 195: The Fat Kid

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

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yourself from it. He's also making it. He's talking about Mr. Connolly's just talking about a wedding or a birthday or for your friends or for your family. There's rest of frogs up like $66. Now, 5,000 of these came in. More coming in. I think he's literally selling something

right now. I actually think he's selling a supplement right now. He's selling like a supplement that's a but plug made of like iron. That gives you a disease cowboys dive from. He sells like Red Dead Red Dead Redemption 2 like shit. Potions with a big, like a skull with bones on it. But he's, I love him.

I love him too. I love how every year he gets somehow a little more redder. You wouldn't think it's possible. God bless him. I know. He looks like Larry the Tomato from Veggie Tales. Doesn't he? He looks insane right there.

It's nuts. Yeah, so I don't think he's actually dead. No, I think he's actually dead. Unfortunately. But rumor has it. Yeah. Sad. I'm going to miss. I guess that rules out Pan's Labyrinth, too.

He was going to play someone's palm. Yeah, Pan's Labyrinth, but ice comes in and just shoots her immediately. The movie's five minutes long. They just throw her into a big alligator mouth. You've been watching the Tyler Robinson trial? Is it airing? I didn't know. Do they have cameras in it?

They were like putting them up on the stand. Yeah. I saw a thing that apparently he was... Like laughing. He was lulling like the Joker. Was that real though? Was there footage of that? No, that was like news reports that I saw that it would...

Eric Kirk was crying and he started laughing. Like feet away from her. He did the you wouldn't get it meme. He did the end of the Joker. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Wow. He's laughing. I know. In the courtroom. Yeah. And they go, he goes, you wouldn't get him. They go, sir, we ask you to elaborate. He's like, I blew his husband's neck out for Israel.

Mm-hmm. And it's funny because she's fucking black guys now. And Eric Kirk's sitting next to Scotty Pippen. She's prepping for Michael Jordan's son. Scotty Pippin is the entry black for every white woman. Yeah. Yeah. His husband got killed.

I haven't read much into the case, but I saw some clip where the judge was watching other, like, different footage of the assassination. He got the, like, cringing. He got the up close from, like, Charlie's cameras. He got that one from the turning point camera. The one where everybody tweeted, like, can you imagine what it looks like on this camera? Like, it's like a $10,000 camera from a foot away. Right. Full HD.

Full HD. Are we allowed to make jokes about him since we made jokes about Rob Reiner up top? Like, does it cancel out? Um, I'm sure everyone will get mad regardless. Sure. But it should. It should cancel out. I think you should be able to speak ill of the dead.

Whose death more embarrassing, Rob Reiner or Charlie Kirk's? Charlie Kirk was killed by his dad. Israel. Israel, exactly. Israel fucked Mitch McConnell and they had Charlie Kirk. Mitch McConnell gave birth to Charlie Kirk like the gremlins where they pop out of the back. They just shoot a little ball when they get wet. That's how Charlie Kirk popped out.

I don't know what to believe about the Kirk assassination anymore because he is Candace and Alex Jones and everybody or not Alex Jones Candice and I guess just Candice everyone's just going off on like the beeper killed him the canopy killed him Chip in his neck yeah there's all sorts of grenades tied to him like big lasers yeah everyone was in on it yeah like people are like the slingshot yeah right it was wily coyote killed him it was a carrier pigeon flew right into his neck. He was just like, okay, I mean, I guess it's, I believe that it might not be this, this furry. Yeah, the Tyler Robinson.

The fact that he's laughing in court does make me kind of be like, I mean, kind of like, it should be him, right? It should be him. Maybe they've just been fucking, fucking around with him, playing with him and stuff. Yeah. They're like, they've been showing him Joker. They've been, like, showing him all the hits. But, like, just fucking be a whack job in there. Yeah, he was in court and they put the gory beam.

They beamed a jackass into his brain while he was sitting there. I do want to see on the stand if he is a furry guy Wasn't he banging a furry? Was he a furry? I think he was fucking furries. Oh, but so that's like his thing? He's not. I think he was like I'm, he's like, he's like a bug chaser for people who dress like dogs. He fucked furries, but he used to like write like Discord messages to them like they were both in Cold Mountain. And he'd be like, my dearest Margaret.

The Groyper's will be rather upset by this one. My dearest Margaret, Roar, X-X. Roar winky emoji You are hecking poggers My dearest You're hecking poggers my dear I look forward to To cum coming in your butt

Butbut Soon my dearest Rar XDXD If he is He actually killed him And is laughing like the Joker Next it Erica Kurt crying

Yeah So cold So cold blood That's cold shit Imagine if she loved him How much worse it would be. Can you imagine

if Erica Kirk wasn't forced to be with him and a spy? How bad that would be? How bad that would feel? Because that's true. He could have been, maybe she was doing a very bad job of her fake crying she does for her husband. Can't even fake. Yeah. Right. And Tyler

Robinson is like, Jesus Christ, bitch, I'm fucking cackling over here. And you're really, it's doesn't seem to be hitting you that hard. You're making your big eyes? Yeah. Creeping everybody out. Was it Rob Reiner's son a lib? I don't really know if he had time to even get into politics. He was too busy doing heroin and preparing to kill his dad.

I listened to like hours of him on podcasts on my way back from San Francisco one time. Yeah? Yeah, because I was out there when it happened. And then I was just like trying to get to the bottom of the case. It was fascinating to me. And I didn't realize that he did like tons of podcast episodes with like his dad, right? A couple of things. Yeah, for that press tour for that.

really bad movie but then he used to like call into this he was it was like a addiction show run by like a sober guy and he used to call in here and there and the guy would be like check in on him like how you doing and he would kind of be like relapsing and like

smoking weed and doing stuff like that he was kind of a character he was um yeah he was like their he was like their cousin Sal or something like you didn't get a political read on him no he's more like a He was, you know, it's like a bobo killed opi or something.

Yeah, Beetlejuice isn't political. With an erection. Yeah, I didn't get a political read. Stabbed him with his heartcock. His politics were fuck family necks. Fuck next. I hate necks. Next pissed me to fuck off.

Well, you also, you guys showed me in the, you guys showed me Rob Reiner's last farewell before he died. And it's just 10 minutes ago before we started. 10 minutes ago before we start. Ten minutes ago. They forced me to watch this. It's maybe the worst send off a human beings ever got in. It's maybe the worst.

That's the worst. Everyone in Hollywood that dies, they always have a movie that comes out seven months later that's just like, Jesus Christ. And people get their hopes up. Like when Robin Williams

killed himself, everybody's like, oh, this is his very last, they kept lying about his last one too. Yeah. And then his last one was the Simon Pegg movie where he has magic powers. He played like the talking,

talking dog. What even is it called? I don't know. Paul? No, not Paul. No, not Paul. Paul's okay. It's not Paul.

It's a movie that's much worse, and I only know about it because I sometimes I'm on Instagram Reels late at night and it comes up. Got you. One of those movies you just get shown by the internet over the course of three years. Yeah. For some reason. Yeah. I think when Bernie Mac died, like three or four months later, I was at the theater,

and there was a poster for a movie called Soul Man with him and Samuel Jackson. Yeah, no one on earth is like seen, and I'm sure it's very bad. And I'm like, that's his last. Flusing Rob and it was like mock the Hunger Games Mocking Jay Part 2 Where he's like eating a sandwich Well he's like thing

He's like literally like buying a dime bag on screen You can see him in the background Like texting his Dior like He's watching the Knicks on his phone Texting his Texing his dealer like no give me the exact same dose It's fine He's in the scene texting his friend

If he wants to watch the Knicks with him that night You see She's shooting an error and you see in the back on him look at his phone from a notification go is that true? Was he actually in the Hunger Games? That was his last movie? I think it was Mockingjay part two. Yeah, I think Mocking Jay Part 2. Yeah.

That was his last thing. And then he died from heroin. It was like pre-Marvel slop. Yeah. Before they really cranked out the... Right. He was literally like trying to get money for heroin, I think. I think he thought he was going on a long bench for a while.

Yeah, trying to get that franchise of heroin money. That Keith Ridge. Richard's money. And then he died immediately. He died like right at the end of cinema. Yeah, pretty much. Actually, he died the last good year and there ever was.

Like 2014, I think. I think it was like February 2nd, 2014 or something like that. Yeah, that was pretty much every day since then has been worse and we'll continue to get worse. Yeah, it wasn't, yeah. Because then they just started cranking out Avengers stuff like crazy. Yeah, the Avengers immediately took off

and then everybody got really gay at Trump won. What once started like a year later. He died right before the world ended. Yeah. He literally died and then P.T. Anderson got bad at making movies. Like, that's how bad I got.

He got like, immediately got bad at making movies. He went and got a car again. Yeah. His beard turned granny goes, well, I guess I suck ass now. Yeah. I guess my job is to do interviews

that suck ass. Instead of when I was making good movies and I'd be a cans high on pot giggling at Adam Sandler. Now my job is to sit there dressed like Kim Jong-il for some reason and go like, you know the thing about identity

well some people ptt out of respect some people when a loved one close to them dies out of respect for their life ending they temporarily also end their own they go I because you sucked ass

so then therefore will I did he put phantom thread out before or after after after so he still had it a little bit in them I kind of disagree about phantom thread a little bit it's still the last movie that feels like a full it has it's what he wanted to I don't know it still feels like a Pete D. Anderson

movie yeah I know it's boring it's about a boring topic obviously I've like and I've complained about that as well as well but I still think it's his last good movie they should make Phantom Thread but it's starring Tyler Robinson making a dress for his furry roommate that is good okay I like that he's like darling

I've just made you a fox tail butt puff fuck he's like I want you to poison me with some morel mushrooms later tonight and put it on Yeah, I want you to give me acid and then program me to kill Charlie Kirk. She's walking in on him chisling Ooo into a bullet. He's like, can't you see

I'm busy? You come here to ruin my work? It's so funny to make like a silk diaper. Yeah. It takes you eight months. Yeah, to immediately shit in it and throw it away. It's an Egyptian silk flown here. This is a 90,000 cotton diaper. You shit and piss it immediately?

This will soak up every, bit of common shit possible. Yeah. Phantom shooter. I've never wanted a shooter to be the guy, so, like, I'm not a conspiracy guy about it per se because I just think it's really funny that there was

a trans, like, furry shooter. Yeah. Who's really lib. And, like, the only photo we have of him is at Applebee. And he's like, yeah, he's like eating a bunch of, like, like a big stack of pancakes. It looks awesome. Yeah, smiling. He's smiling. He's like a hunter, too. He was a hunter. He was like a Utah Jazz.

fans fan. Yeah, it's like so bizarre that he was... He's like a fake guy. It is hard to believe that he had a problem with Charlie Kerr. But don't you see those guys and you go, well, yeah, your life was never probably going to matter at all. So like, kind of good for you in a way. You know what I mean? Just to kill anybody. I mean, it doesn't have to be political. If he did do it, it's unbelievable he got away with him. Like, or, you know, that they didn't catch him for, was it, like a day or two? And only because his gay-ass dad turned out. 36 hours. Only because of his dad.

Thirty-eight hours. His gay lib turned him in. Apparently, they found the screwdriver in the sniper's nest that he used to disassemble the rifle. With a screwdriver? But their body cams were off when they found it. Very, very typical. Oh, of course.

They go, we found, we turned our body cam. Everybody turned every body cam off for five hours, and then we found everything. Well, Cash Patel was falling down a gutter drunk. They had to fish Cash Patel out of a gutter like he was keys, you dropped. I did this is something I'm trying to remember when looking at. into details is like cops can be incompetent

and they can also be covering stuff up. Yes, at the same time. Both can be, they can be incompetent at... Yes. You don't have to pick one or the other. It can be both. No, no, no, no.

Like, the Luigi Mangione case, like they clearly... Another Libb, brother. Another Libb brother. I hope they're... Lib's just stepping up. Yeah. They are.

It's the year of the lib shooter. The beautiful year of the Lib. Yeah, they've been at it. Shut out. You gotta give it up for someone who's willing to do that. Yeah, it's not years of lead. It's years of lib. Years of lib.

They're shooting everybody. But Luigi, he clearly, I think he did it, but they clearly caught him through the, like, Batman, Lucius Fox face ID technology through a McDonald's screen, and they had to make up a reason why they arrested him. Yeah, that? And then the cops who also were incompetent,

completely fucked up the entire chain of command on everything. It's possible he is his transferee, Because, like, why else would he go to McDonald's? You go to McDonald's. Wait, Luigi? When there's a manhunt, you go to... I guess he wasn't trans, was he? He might be in us.

Was he also, like, a trans furry guy? No, no, no. Luigi was... Just kicked ass. I believe just a hunk. Yeah. Like, everything they revealed about him was just like, oh, this guy just kicks.

Like a sensitive hunk, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. I guess McDonald's is just really that good. Yeah. It's always there. McDonald's is, like, a place to go if you're on the run,

you need to pop in. I don't even mind that there's poop on the screens. No. I go, some of the poop might have McDonald's in it. I touch away. If I go to a McDonald's and it doesn't have poop on the screens,

I go to a different one. Yeah, the cheapest hash brown at McDonald's is in the poop on the screen. A homeless guy standing in the lobby of a McDonald's with a squeegee like it's an intersection and he's cleaning off. He's cleaning the poop of all the shit. And you go, no, no, no, no, man,

don't clean it. It's fine. And then you go, damn it, fuck. Yeah, you take out a turd and use it as a a stylus on the screen. Big Mac. Extra sauce. And it keeps getting crushed more or more with every fry option.

At the end, it's a little numb. It's like a smoked cigar. You put your turd back in like your belt clip. Like it's a, you're a boomer with a phone on his belt. Clip it. You're like, oh, excuse me, I'm getting a phone call. And then you mush it to her into your ear. I thought there was like a truned out thing about.

Luigi? Luigi, I think they were... He might be gay. He might be gay. He is very... Once you get fit enough, you kind of become gay

automatically. You know what I mean? Well, it's an interesting thing. Like, when you get injured, it changes you forever. Yeah. It does. Yeah.

I mean, you have experience with this. Yeah, it was a chronic pain thing, right? That one Bobby Dicks about. Ahab gets an injury, and he's like a champion of the humanity. He's before that. He gets injured, and then he goes fucking insane.

Ahab had long COVID. That's why he hated the whale. Ahab walked on deck and he goes personal pronouns. That inscrutable thing. Yeah, that'd be so funny. He just gets like, Ahab's like, I have depression. Yeah.

I started to go fund me to kill the whale because it gave me, it put me in a hostile living situation. He's trans now. I'm they then. And the whale... And he has to kill the whale because it's white. Yeah, they both got a white whale.

Yeah, the whale is white and it called me a faggot. So we have to kill it now. Okay, that is the funny thing about the Luigi shooter is he killed a fat guy. He killed a fat guy. Yeah. He did like he literally killed a fat cat. Yeah. Like a guy walking down the street.

Dress like a fat cat, too. Shaped like a fat cat. He looked like he kicked five homeless people seconds before the footage started. Yeah. Yeah. That was. That was a- What's a conspiracy that's not Luigi, though?

Because did, like, their premiums actually go down? Like, did anything good come up there? No, I don't think anything happened. No, of course not, but I just want blood in the streets. I don't care. But if Luigi didn't do it. Republicans do that all the time. They're like, well, what good happened?

I'm like, the guy's blood is on the ground and he's dead. And CEOs got a little afraid after that, right? Yeah. Orn't their CEOs being like, oh, here, free chicken fries for a month? The health care CEOs. Yeah. So the conspiracy against Luigi is that they're using, like, Patriot Act shit we don't even know about. Stuff we do not know about.

And they were too. You retarded to invent a reason they actually arrested him. Like they can listen to us through light bulbs, like Agent Smith shit in the Matrix where they can change it to a truck. They're listening to you through your own eyes. Yeah. Yeah. They're watching you through your own mouth. Yeah.

It's fucked up. I'm in your pockets. Yeah. It's some Ralph Ellison shit. It's fucked up. And they were, but the problem is they wrote they have to rope the local cops in because they just can't send. Of course. Like the SWAT.

Right. Right. So then they send in, you know, Barney Fife. He's like, we're arresting you because you fucking just fuck you. And then. Yeah, there's a bunch of people down the line. Yeah. You know, you have to, yeah, then.

Fucks up the whole chain of command. Yeah. Yep, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then so he might get off is the thing because they don't have really any evidence because of the fucked up chan of command. That footage of him smiling in the coffee shop that everyone was like, wow, what a handsome guy.

It doesn't look like him to me. Still doesn't look like him to me. It could be any kind of vaguely good looking guy in New York. I'll be honest. Truly. It looked like... You think his cock was going boing-boing in Williamsburg? I think he was at weird underground parties.

Watching boilroom sets and then fucking she-days. I heard he caught a show at the knitting factory right after. Yeah, I heard Luigi fucked Ivy Wolk. He was doing coke in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, he hit up Sesh. He saw Reggie Watts at the knitting factory, and then somebody told him that he had his girlfriend.

Yeah. So he was like walked out. He got caught because he was in a Joeless green room video. And Joeless wouldn't buy him pizza. Like we found, but nobody saw it. Hey guys. Eating healthy is the best way to take care of yourself. It's the best way to take care of yourself. And it's so easy to get started right now thanks to Factor. Factor meals. are designed by dieticians and prepared by real chefs. Ready in two minutes, no planning, no cooking, no dishes after. Factors a wide variety of meals, all made with nutrient-dense ingredients. It's easy to fit into any diet, goal, or schedule. Factors menu changes weekly, so you always get to try new dishes and seasonal flavors like truffle butter, filet mignon,

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It was 40 minutes and nobody saw it. Hypothetically, if you could go after anybody who's the top guy? The top guy that I would publicly threaten on this show that we do? Well, I guess why I'd have to censor it? But I'm saying hypothetically, if you were reading a script right now that someone wrote for you. If I say my real answer, you'll censor it right now. Yeah. Sorry, I had to do just one time.

You already agreed, though. You already agreed. Yeah. It's not a foul. I'll get a timestamp. You got to, like, cut it, though. Actually. No, I'll bleep it. No, you do that too much?

They find it. Yeah. What do you mean they find it? They can read lips. Yeah, they read lips. You can barely see anything in this room. They've figured mine out. You're literally leaned out of the shot right now.

They haven't seen you the entire. They've always figured mine out. They're going to find that. Just put a little black bar over my lips. Yeah, put a little black bar. Yeah, they can read lips. We've got like, half of our fans are, like, retarded deaf guys. They can easily read lips.

The Klaus Schwab guy, the guy who wears the big black, like, emperor. Who's that? He's the guy who's, like, in charge of money. Klaus Schwa. What does he work for, like, the world economic? Yeah, the world, like, economic forum bullshit. Like, they, I don't know what they do, but. I mean, I literally pictured that they stand in front of a cave.

Yeah. In, like, reptilian clothing. And then there's a bunch of shiny gold in the cave. behind them. And they have like literally like a palantir that they speak into. Yeah. And then if you ask them, you go, what is your goal? And they're like, we're just like fucking evil, man. We just like love being cartoon evil. It kicks ass. I think, isn't his name Klaus Schwab? He's the guy that's like, you will eat bugs and shove him up your ass and it's it's good. I don't, I don't think I've ever heard of this guy. It sounds familiar.

Klaus. I think he like literally owns money. Klaus Schwab. Does sound like an evil, rich name. Yeah, he's the World Economic Forum founder. Yeah, Klaus Schwab filed a criminal report. He emits it proudly. Klaus Schrobb says the world will no longer be run. Like, Super Powers like America, will be run by the World Economic Forum and its stakeholders, Black Rock, Bill Gates, and the rest of the global.

Yeah, that's a great answer, actually. That's a fantastic answer. Yeah, I think I'd go after him. But the problem is those... And I'd be really nice to him is what I mean by that. Yeah. Yeah. I give him money.

You give him a really quick and firm handshake. You give him a handshake at five miles per second. So the World Economic Forum founder, Klaus Schwab reveals, he found a secret listening device in his home office. But apparently he, like, moved or sold his place because he got freaked out by it. Right. He's like, it's supposed to be in everybody else's house. Not mine.

Yeah, yeah, what is my listening device doing in my home? Yeah, he's like, somebody got their wires crossed. This is supposed to be in Ben Avery's house. Oh, yeah, this is, dude, look at what he's wearing here. I mean, that's, it's, that's one of the, this is what I'm talking about. That's literally what the villains in Superman 2 wore. Yeah. That's like nuts.

What does he, can you play? I want to hear what this guy sounds like. Oh, it's not him talking. Oh, I don't know. Just some guy who sucks. That's Sam Alman. He should also be. Or whatever.

Yeah. I'm going to have to bleep that too, I guess. Oh, yeah. Can't speak honestly or freely in this country. No, no, no. Can't make any threats against people. Shut up and enjoy your crickets. Yeah.

in this revolution and its technology. Fuck you and your evil voice. That guy sounds like the devil. That's like actually how the devil would talk. A German guy who's like whose mad Nazis were before him. He's like the guy who listens to Jimmy Hendrix on YouTube and types like I was born in the wrong generation,

but footage of starving Jews. A man's so evil, the tulips in the background are trying to escape the vase. Bees are trying to suck pollen out of the flowers. We really command It's a fourth industrial revolution and its technology like artificial intelligence. What's your sense of who's best placed at this time to lead the world into the fourth industrial revolution? Because you pretty much created this term.

We're seeing the kind of technological strides that China has made with the 5G technology. Do you believe that this could potentially be China? Would I be able to watch porn? Yeah. The pornography will still be free. Will there be archives? Of course it would order to be three. I mean, these guys, they're so cocky.

They do interviews where they're like, of course, we use the 5G to turn the kids trans, and that makes everybody kill each other. No, of course. We turn the kids trans with the 5G. Time once again. We should make here again a differentiation. Yes.

So we will put the humans in a big grinder and make bars, and the other humans were eating. We have shareholder or private capital. So it's a clash between two systems. I believe that state capitalism in the short term provides certain advantages because you can mobilize in a concentrated way a lot of resources to reach a specific objective. This guy keeps like babies and like a pill organizer to eat every day like Monday, Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. He's like, excuse me, it's 2 p.m.

He just opens a big tub and pulls up. You don't not mind if I take a baby. I don't want to tell him. It's boring. I did it for long enough. Yeah, it's good. The future is not state capitalism or shareholder capitalism. The future is what I call stakeholder capitalism.

Drake adds for steak gambling. with the social responsibility. Yeah, I mean, whatever he said, I mean, I don't know. If I was watching a movie but I was looking at my phone, I'd be like, oh, the evil guy. The evil guy's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be talking about the Indian guy. It's always Devon's thing of like you can take a look at somebody and know if they're evil.

Look at that guy. Take one look. It's the worst guy you've ever seen. He's awful. His awful frog voice. They always sound like that, too, the most evil people. They can barely spit out their evil. I know.

Runing the world to also have none. fun about it at all they just love a meeting they love a boardroom meeting where they're like and then we put the poor people in the big cataport and we shoot them at the wall okay very good very good I have to get to another meeting about fucking killing blacks and then another meeting about fucking killing whites just fucking killing everybody I love it I wake up at 5 a.m. and start killing and I go to sleep at midnight I'm still killing Yeah, he's like a cartoonishly evil guy.

Cartoonishly evil. His name, everything. They love the, what is the cell stuff? Not G5, the... 5G? 5G, yeah. What is? What's going on with that?

They're like, we'll make the 5G towers look like trees to make homeless people, get more schizophrenia. I just learned that, by the way. Do you know that? I was in a park the other day, and I was looking at it. I was like a tree, that tree looks weird. Yeah, yeah, they're fake trees. It's a, yeah. I had no idea.

It's a tower. I literally got hit with, like, the, like the schizophrenia moment from like a beautiful mind. Because it makes you look at a tree differently now. Yeah, I'm like you don't assume it. It's the way you look at your phone now, you go, I don't know if anything this is real. I was like, if I look

at my hand would be antennas. I had no idea they were, I don't get outside, obviously. I had no idea they were doing that. No, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they electrical poles and 5G, they put a 5G in a gillie suit and it kills you at the park. With a big sniper rifle. Everything seems to be designed.

by them to make you question reality at every there used to be so many givens now you question everything constantly where you're like am I even like awake am I asleep am I in an in-between state you're in a big tube where we just make you mad at the news we put you in the tube we make you mad at your phone the hate tube we put you in the head tube and we get energy from your head where you get mad at the phone and scream at your podcast I just wish they would give us cool as shit yeah like shit is so gay. I saw a guy driving a Ford Velociraptor on the highway.

A guy who thinks he's driving a dinosaur fucking retard. And that's like the coolest thing that life has to offer you. It's a guy driving on the 405 that he literally thinks he's a raptor trainer from Jurassic Park. Yeah, going like this. Yeah. Holding his hands out.

They make Ford Velociraptors now. That's a real thing. That's how... It's called Velociraptor. No, it's a Ford Raptor. No, no. There's one called a Ford Velociraptor. Velociraptor. Yeah. You know, and... Where I was a picturing guy with a propeller hat and, like, colored suspenders. A big sucker, and he's driving it, listening to SpongeBob SquarePants soundtrack,

and then he pulls out a gun and shoots, like, into the car next to him. It's a violent child. Yeah, he's going, la, la, la, la, la, la. And he goes, you cut me off. Just sustain your ground. I know. Law, retard. We're going to have, like, cars called, like, the Nissan Vroom, room pretty soon.

the Nissan beep beep Yeah I drive a 35 Beep beep Gets 85 miles to the gown And then it kills me The Honda Choochoo Yeah the Honda Choochoo

Yeah here comes the airplane Yeah no this car is designed to kill me As soon as the lease runs out in nine years Yeah Hello so we invented the Hellcat to kill black teenagers Because they scare us Everybody know black teenagers actually drive great though The Hellcat makes them driving to be

buildings and shit. I don't know if Devin believes me. Yep. There is. The Velociraptor. The 1,000. Even Velociraptor's not enough. They have to call it the 1000. It's built by Hennessy performance. Hennessy performance using Ford Raptor models as the foundation. So there's cars being made by alcohol companies. Yeah, they're probably advertising it like if you got injured in a drunk driving accident. Get the Velocerapter. I mean, I wouldn't be shocked if, like, Logan Paul

had a car. Like, like, like, like, like, Like Bert Kreischer comes out with a car next year. For sure. Yeah, they're all going to start having their own cars like vodka. Yeah. Burk, Two Bears has a car called Fuck You. And the seats are infused with vitamins and make your dick hard. I'm waiting for like a jelly roll forerunner.

Toyota's going to partner with jelly roll soon or so shit. They're going to make the car from the Flintstones that you have to walk with it. You know, I love walking in the car. That's great, brother. I drive my Flintstone car. to the shop, I get biscuits and gravy, and then I just give five stars to Pallantir on Google Yelp. If you went insane, what do you think your obsession would be?

Because everybody that goes insane fixates on something. Yeah. Like Tyler Robinson, you know, I guess fixated on Charlie Kirk, if that's real. I'm not buying that, but I'm saying in this what we've been told. Or Luigi fixated on the healthcare companies because his back was all fucked up, supposedly, you know? Yeah. What do you fixate on if you go insane?

I think I, if I'm answering honestly, if I went, if I, I think I know what you would get obsessed with. What would you guess? You would become the Wikipedia article update guy who does like 900,000 entries. Okay. You're very, you die from blue light poisoning. The way like a Japanese guy dies from jacking off too much. You update Paul Giamati's Wikipedia page. You update his early life because you're listening.

to a podcast of Paul Giamani talk about collecting books because he's like a book collector guy. A podcast Paul Giamati didn't release because it was too boring. But I got it somehow. You got it. You got a copy of it. I'm in the pre-cog vat from Minority Report.

I'm in a big milky pool and my eyes are moving because I'm mentally up to get into Wikipedia. So you're very, that's actually incredibly astute of you. I didn't even realize that. Because you have encyclopedia brain a little bit. A little bit.

I loved when I was a kid. I read Wikipedia and computer class all the time. And I'd be like, and then what role did they do? You donate to it. Yeah, I'm like, Philip Baker Hall grew up in Ohio. Oh my God. That rules. So one day I could get pussy.

Yeah. This'll come and handy. Because you're on a date being like, you know where Philip Baker Hall's from? You know, Philbaker Hall, born in Des Moines. Heart eight. Yeah. You've seen Hard eight. And they go, I was going to fuck you until this moment.

I'll be honest with you. I just wanted to get fucked by a tall guy. You completely blow it. And I go, all right, well, he also was in Magnolia. And he was very good. And Boogie Nights. Lollipops up his ass. A woman walking out of the bathroom in her lingerie and you're reciting off facts about Phil Lamar.

He was the voice of the black guy in Futurama. He got that job right after Matt TV. He's the guy that got his head blown off in Pulp Fiction. And they go, we all know he's a guy who got his head blown off. This doesn't make you interesting. The woman is just like she goes in the bathroom and starts fingering herself to porn of somebody blowing my head off. She made an AI. Took a picture of me from the bathroom to make AI of me getting killed.

She could jack off to you. No, I think I, if I got late-term schizophrenia, there's a fork in the road for me. I would either become, you're very correct, the guy who gets so into Wikipedia, my eyes turn white. and I look like the guy from Raiders of the Crusade. Oh, like the Ark of the Covenant shit? I look like the guy who drank from the wrong cup and rares the last crusade and then I die. I look like a big old worm.

And you walk in one day, you open the room and the sunlight hits me for the first time in five years and it kills me. A spear of light comes to the door and kills you like a bullet. Yeah, natural light hits me like the pink beam from Philip K. Digg. It goes right in my heart and just destroys it like a hydrant collider.

It's either that. Your body, it can't synthesize vitamin D anymore. Yeah. It's like rat poison. I'm actually, I'm running off of dark like a mole. I'm blind and I've grown big long teeth and nails. You're a miltonic, like, a story. You're like darkness illumine.

I'm a silverfish. You've confused darkness with light. Yes, I'm a big human silverfish. It's a deep sea creature. Yeah, I'm a deep sea creature. And if you expose me to light, I'll explode. You're a trogladitic, like, insect of some sort. I've developed to live off of one mid of sunlight a year.

You haven't opened your door in so long. It's like one of those, you know, when you can make like a self-circulating system, like a terrarium thing where you put a cork on a bottle with like dirt and bugs in it. And it gets really humid. Yes. There's like giant drops of water on the ceiling and mold. Everything in the room that's the terrarium I've created in my apartment. My girlfriend's obviously left me at this point. The terrarium is me.

Yeah, she's the soil. Yeah. The terrarium of my apartment is my com, bugs eating my cum, me eating the bugs. It's a perfect self-sistating system. Yeah. Yeah. So it's either that or I think if I get schizophrenia because I've been mad at comedy so long, it wouldn't break. And I'd go the other way.

And I'd be one of those guys who tweet like, Brendan Sagalow was great on Sotom's podcast this week. I'm just tweeting about podcasts I watch all the time. Yeah, yeah. You're live tweeting a podcast you're watching. Yeah, I'm watching. That I'm on, yeah. Just being like, great stuff from just love the terrarium joke. And I'm tweeting that to no followers.

Yeah, but you're retweeting people. I might as well be, instead of tweeting, I might as well be riding in the sand right before a wave hits it and washes it away. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So those would be the two breaks. Do you know your break of schizophrenia? Yeah, I would become like a collector guy. How so?

Like I would, you'd open my garage and I have like every putter that like Wilson made from like 1962 to 19. Like I have every ping putter since like 1958. And I go to the golf course and I have 300 golf balls that I drop on the putting green and it pisses everybody off. And I whack them back and forth and I do that for 12 hours a day. In the manner of like I'm not enjoying it. It looks like a homeless guy collecting can.

No, no, no. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, deep sickness because you go on like Brian Manzella.com and you're like the chrome Calloway Extra Soft rolled 15 feet while the tailor made super hard went 16. I just bought some Hogan Apex Irons by the way from 1973. Oh, you did? Yeah. Civil Rights era.

No, like, literally we're like swung out of black-eyed skull. Where did you order them from? eBay, I'll show you right here. They look really good, actually. Do you know where they shipped from on eBay? Charlottesville. You bought to use Camaro. Yeah.

With a little blood on the front. Yeah, so I got the apexes for 73. I wanted the 99 ones, but these ones are pretty good. Yeah, let me see this. See the original listing. Oh, accidentally. You know what, so here's the thing. I will say if you're getting the new iPhone, because I just upgraded, the power button is in a location where the phone turns off all the time and I screen.

Are you having this problem too? I literally grabbed it and I, and I minimize the phone because it's in a new position. I'm constantly screenshoting bullshit. That doesn't matter at all. That's annoying. Yeah, this is, I mean, this was literally like, yeah, this was jammed up a black guy's ass. Yeah. I mean, I'm buying like a fire hose from 1961.

Yeah, yeah. You're like, you're touching it. You're like, so this killed bag of Vance. Yeah, Benz and Legend of Bagger Vance, the minute he walks up, he's like, ah! The minute the magical Negro shows up by star. He walks up and he's like, he walks up and he's like, some people say golf is a lot like life.

And then you just, you knock his teeth out across the fair way. Yeah, you shove a poison pimento cheese sandwich down his throat. He's drowning him in Rays Creek. by the neck those do kick ass So you bought all those? Yeah so look I got the two So what I'm thinking is if I play with a harder ball

Because these are a weaker loft I'll hit them higher But I can choose a harder ball And have less spin It's a two through the equalizer Which is the pitching wedge You do hit a high spinny ball That's always been an issue for you

If I do a hard ball though I think I could just get a lot of control And just have them sit and spin I like that Sit and spin bitch I like that We also do you remember that guy We knew at the driving range growing up

Dan Winters, rest in peace. I looked up his obituary the other day. He passed about five years after we moved. Yeah, it blew his brains out. At like 103? 103. 103. He died like a badass.

He killed himself at 103? He killed himself at 103. What are you talking about that? No, dude, it was cool as shit. What are you talking? It was cool as shit. Now, listen, listen. If it's the right old guy, because me and Ben were friends with about 50 old guys who play golf.

No, you're talking about Joe. I'm talking about Joe. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Me and Jay's fondly look back at, dude, I was thinking about this.

Like, I miss having a community of white guys. Yeah. I'm just like, there's a lot of people like you. That's why I'm moving to Capestown. They're old. They're born in like 1933.

Yep. They hate their wife. Yep. And they've been with her. They actually dress cool as fuck. Cool as fuck. Wong white tube socks. Big trucker,

like A frame hats that they barely balance. on their little like baby bird head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like their squishy heads. Just plopped on their head. Yeah, they looked like the aliens from a rival. Yeah. And they would like golf in.

Their brain's like a lava lamp. They would golf in like dress shirts too. They go to the driving range and dress shirts. Put it with huge stings of chaw. Yeah. Huge things of chaw sticking out of their mouth. And they'd walk up to you and they go, they go, man, man, I told you, you got weak in your right hand.

They like, slap your hand. They're like, I told you to weaken the right hand. And then he... Oh, they'll, like, slap. They're the kind of people that might, like, lay a hand on a waitress. Yeah. They bring their soup, like, too cold. Yeah.

Right. But I remember they'd be talking to you. They're like, so what I did was I turned a seminar, I did a sick sharing off. And they would have, like, you would see, like, ginger vit is growing on their teeth. Like, as they were talking about. When I was little, I thought they had, like, a leech in their mouth. Yeah. I'm like, why is there a leech under his tongue?

He goes, that's all the sand. That's all the Korean shows I killed eating me alive. That was, yeah, that was. Yeah, that was Dan Winners. No, he used to give us lessons on the range when we were like nine or ten because mom would drop us off and we would just be there all day like hitting balls basically why dad played or like I would go fishing or whatever. And Dan would show up and he'd be spitting tons of chalk.

Pons of Red Man. And he would tell stories about how he played in like the Texas amateur or something with Ben Hogan or like him hanging out with Byron Nelson or like him and Sam Sneed used to like fuck whores together. Yeah, he'd always be like, I saw I walked up to Hogan. He was on 18 and he just three puttutting. I go, Mr. Hogan, what advice would you get? And he called me a fucking faggot.

They were like, wow, really? He's like, best day of my fucking life. Yeah, the famous Ben Hogan, one iron at Marion, he said the N word after he hit it. He goes, well, you know, he swung to the N word to keep his tempo. He said, no. That's his mantra. He would hit it on the R. He'd hit it on the R.

And that's how he knew. If he was chipping, he was soft A. Because it was a quicker tempo. He goes, no. And that's what I do when I say. I go, n-er-er, and that's sikki-smole. Some people think it's nutter butter. Nope.

Well, I learned so much from these guys. Like, Great Depression hacks, how to make your soup bigger. Right. Crushing up and ketchup in them. They would literally come up and be like, that soup's good, and you've got to add 19 crackers to it. You're in a half a bottle of ketchup. Because Hoover fucked us.

The stock market crashed. That's great. I missed them. They used to sit around and they get in fights too. They get in so many fights. They're so angry at everything. And they have great lives. Yeah.

They own their homes outright. It was 2006. Everything was fine. Things weren't even that political, you know? But they'd have like one men julep. They like, with a little vodka and they'd just be like, look, you know, I think she's just fucking big shot. Mother's fucking.

They just clear. They all had PTSD that there was nothing to deal with that. I know, and I miss, you would walk through the locker room to get to the clubhouse, and they would be like, one of them would be like this, and he'd just have his cock and his balls out. And he'd have his towel and he'd be... Like, he has to dry under his knee. Yeah, yeah.

He's doing this. Yeah, yeah. It looks like he was huge dick in the house. Yeah. It looked like he was doing like Walk the Dog with a yo-yo. He was doing around the world. Looking back, I think they were all kind of pedophilic. And like, they'd be like, oh, Jason Bindercom.

There's a bit her coming. They'd be like, shit. They'd be fluffing their dicks. You know what it's not even, I get what you're saying. It's not even that. They came from a generation where it's like,

well, let the young boys see what happens to the balls. Right. That's what my grandpappy did to me. My grandpa, sister-o-meal stuff did to me. Yeah, these were kind of guys, like these were like our third parents in a way.

Like, just these guys who were like basically Don Draper in present day. Dude, they were kind of parental figures for us. Yeah, they really were. and they kicked ass and there was i remember they'd be like you like girls yet

they'd be like you finger fucking miss shalley britches you got a lookout point where you can get her get her corset off you rape the cart girl yet it's your turn your name's on the big board it's your turn to fuck the 19th hole so guess he's up to bat

I'm on debt so you better you better get a warm debt they're all taking bad Yeah. The bag table, throwing cash around. You rape the car girl and you walk out like it's a, that's seen in Goodfellas where he pops his chair. He pops his cherry. Oh, you're the two most important things.

Never ask for consent and fuck whoever you want. But so they were like, like, I remember it was like four years after we moved and this guy, Joe, who I'm thinking of, right? We can talk about this, right? Yeah, just don't say his last name. I won't say his last name. he uh coolest guy bucket hat old motherfucker looked like cotton hill like short little mean if he walked through the weight room at 7 a.m he would be uh lifting weight he'd be doing dead lifts and he'd be doing bench at like 84 like a jackal lane guy yeah yes a guy who was like fit out of

like anger yeah yeah yeah yeah right and he would former marine too former marine they were all former like they all had the tattoo of the scorpion you're like what's that meaning they're like we all raped a Chinese girl This is to remember the event, not her. Yeah, the event. We don't remember her. So remember the fun. Yeah, I block her face out mentally so it doesn't live on in anyone.

In any kind of night terror situation. And I like to stay fit so I could lift crosses on black people's lawns. I work out so I can scream in my dreams better. But he got. I remember this very specifically because he got, I think it was like 17. We moved and he got brain cancer and he like didn't tell anybody, didn't go through chemo and then just went in his garage and blew his brains out. Once he found out it was terminal. Once he found out it was terminal.

Yeah. Terminal brain cancer went in the garage and blew his brains out. And I remember being like 17 and like our dad like telling us a story and me being like, good for him, man. what a fucking badass. Like not like saving your family all of that. And then like I remember my family can be like, no, no, no, you shouldn't. You're going, he's going to hell now. I was like, oh, yeah, the thing, yeah, the made up thing, whatever.

God wanted him to piss himself in a big bed so he can go to heaven. God wanted to be hurting in a big bed while his grandchildren looked at him and got sad. You're right. I forgot. Silly old me. Didn't do one of the most badass things I've ever heard about. Barely he did it like immediately. Yeah, immediately.

Like he, they sent him an email that it was terminal and he like had the gun. Like he was using, he was typing on the keyboard with his. With the revolver. Like, take, take, like, doing chicken packs with a 44 bag. Send. And he goes, all right, well, we up here, everybody. Goodbye. Bye, everybody.

Yeah, like, yeah, like, 90-year-old man. Brink, like, yeah, I totally. Like, I don't, I don't even think. There's like something sad about that really. No, I know. No, it's not. It's almost victorious. It's kind of amazing.

Yeah, he kind of, he beat it somehow. He actually, he's the only guy who ever beat cancer because he's like, fuck you. Yeah. Devin, that's brilliant. You kind of beat it. He kind of, actually. You kind of got, you got away with one. The cancer was like, damn.

Yeah. Shit. The cancer's like, rats. He did like the tank scene in Fury. He's like, fuck it. Yeah, the cancer was like, he hadn't eaten shit himself yet. If he hasn't shit himself in front of his grandchildren, and I don't feel.

feel good. He didn't even have a bad moment. Yeah. Can I say, by the way, the Country Club in Abilene, I think Dad paid, like, he had a family deal where he paid like $60 a month for us all to be members. Yeah, I looked it up. So people think we were like trust fund kids when we say we were part of a country club. Yeah, it was like literally 80 bucks. You play it as much as you want.

Yeah, it was like a destitute old oil town. And we used to be a lot of our money for them. House Sutton, Johnny Miller. Back in the day. And Steve Martin used to have a house on the course. He did. It used to be a big deal. It was a legit classic. The Steve Martin?

It was a big oil-filled company. In the late 70s. And the purse was big. And Abley was a bumping town because it was the late 70s, Texas oil boom. Right. So I remember we was badass. Yeah, we'd be like, we'd be in this old locker room. Old guys are jacking off into their lockers or whatever.

And you'd like, you'd walk around and there's like, I remember the weight room. They get the digging balls over their giant Texas belt buckle. Yes. Yeah. I like I like it cold. Tucking it in. But like, I like to serve my balls on my belt buckle like fajitas. Like it's chest a.

I let it hit the cold belt buckle and it's just like a fajita. Let me come hit my belt buckle. Let it come. Let it let it let it let it let it. Because it's so cold. Do you think the big belt buckle is a like people just being like look at my cock? Yeah, so 100%. Yeah, you walk in.

It's like cleavage for your dick. It's right. I mean, with Wrangler jeans. Like Wrangler tight jeans and a belt bugle. It's incredible. Cowboys are like the gayest. It's to remind them what state they're in. Tech.

Way am I old dachra. Oh, because it's the shape. They spell Texas upside down if you ask them to write it. Upside down and backwards. That's how I read it. But you used to walk through the clubhouse. There'd be old guys dipping their balls in a barberside jar with the big combs in it. And they always put tons of powder on their dick and balls.

It made it ghost white. It's the, it's like, it's in it cornstarch for the heat? Yes, yeah, for the heat. Yeah. But yeah, I remember being in the bathroom and there was like the barbousal combs. There was something called like old, old racist, good time, aftershave. Right, right. It's fun that, like, you don't even have a whisker on your face.

You're putting on aftershade. Yeah. Like you're a big man. Yeah, a bottle of like Al Jolson going like this. And it was an after shave. But I remember walking around this locker room that smelled like all these old guy shits. And being. Shitting and screaming.

Yeah, shitting and be like, it's like a nap. And you would see on the wall, you'd be like, oh, here's a picture of Steve Martin. Here's a picture of Bob Hope, goosing a woman who's crying, you know, like,

just all down the wall. And it was almost like... Here's Lee Trevino giving a woman a titty twister. Yeah, here's Lee Trevino killing a guy. Because he called him a mud shark or whatever.

And it was so funny, like, growing up in that is like, you saw the remnants. It's like growing up. up inside a ghost or something. It's growing up, you get to see the shadow of a civilization you never got to experience. For sure. Yeah.

For sure. I mean, like, this is incredible. I love old people. I loved hanging out with old people when I was a kid. But old people in the South, too. The South, it's totally true. But I only have access to old people now. Like, then we also knew old people at nursing homes and that was sad.

Yeah, because we volunteered. No, you want the guys that are still doing it a little bit. Yeah. Still kicking out. Yeah. In the, like, when people look back at the United States, someone has pointed out that, like, they'll look back at nursing homes, like the most inhumane thing that has ever existed pretty much. Yeah.

Like, can't believe we did this too, like our loved ones and stuff. But that was sad. The only way I get to run into old people now, though, which is very unfortunate, is when I have, like, explosive diarrhea and I have to go to the urgent care or the hospital because I need an IV and I'm going to faint or something. So, like, I mean, the last time, I got the Texas parasite that makes you... The India disease. Yeah.

They hit you with the India beam. in Texas. I got the turban parasite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The diaper. The head diaper. Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

And it was really, really bad. And I thought I was going too faint. You had it for a month. We didn't know what was up with you. It was the thing that started in Austin, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah, and then I came back. I recovered.

Then I went to Texas again. As soon as I came back, same thing happened. Yeah. Got more diarrhea. Interesting. But like an insane. Like literally every eight minutes. Mm-hmm.

I'll spare the details for the. Of course, sure. Sure. But I went to the urgent care because I just needed an IV right then. Because I would drink water, it would go right through me within like five minutes. It was like, and there's days of this. Yeah, you're one of the ghosts in Casper. Yeah.

Yeah. And there was an old guy bent over like this and his son. I love when an old guy's caretaker is his son. And you feel like as soon as his dad dies, he'll just push him out of the chair and replace him. Yeah, yeah. Like, they're so close to overlapping, like a Vindai. He had him when he was 18. The kid is an old man as well.

It's that line of when our hermit crabs are trading up on shells and they all form a line. It's that, yeah. It's a hundred two-year-old man being taken care of by an 84-year-old man. It's a line of smaller and smaller wheelchairs with old guys ready to hop over the top of them. It's one of those situations. When he was checking him in, he was like, yeah, you can't really feel like his leg and, like, all the this stuff and like he's shouting at the guy the guy's Mexican he

can't understand anything and the old guy the whole time I was trying out to laugh because if I laughed I would shit myself sure the old guy was been over like this he was almost like sucking his dick and he kept yeah literally he kept going and you would rock forward and go

I'm like you got to know even in your geriash That sounds like you're like getting pegged or something. He's like, I'm a freak. I'm fucking my own balls right now. Oh, I'm sorry. Can you turn to shit being? Sorry.

I'm sitting on. My son's got a remote control butt plug up my ass. They're freets. They go out of public and put vibrators up their ass. You don't understand. I've wrapped my own balls, my long balls around my dick, like one of those bacon hot dogs outside Dodger Stadium. I'm coming buckets. Dying and coming kind of sounds the same.

It happens at the same time often. That was a thing back in the old... No, that was a thing back in the old... If you do it right. In the old West, that was a known thing that when you would go to these public hangings, there's like a nerve that you stimulate in the neck and it gives a man an erection.

So a lot of times somebody would get hung, neck breaks, immediately get an erection and calm in their pants. And then... And they'd force an engine to get in front of his neck and he gets the coming. They go, don't close the ass. Open your mouth.

Don't kill that flower moon. Open your mouth, walks with dignity. Empire of the Summerpoon. Yeah, Empire of the Summerpoon. That's right. But yeah, there was even, I forget what type of flower. There was like a flower or a weed that they called like the dead man's come because the story was that a person would be hung,

calm on the ground, and then the weed would grow out of the ground. The night blooming jasmine here smells like jiz, which is nice. That might be it. Maybe it's the jazz flower that David Lynch loved. Yeah. Yeah. He wanted to put cum on his on his, on his, on his gravestone. He goes, listen, kid, I'm a freak.

Bary my shit upside down. I want to get fucked. I'm a freak, Baco. That's probably one of the greatest lines in all of sports history to me is when Bobby died retired. Yeah. And he's in the middle of this auditorium and people are cheering. And he goes, when I die, I want you to bury me upside down. So all of my critics can kiss my fucking ass.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And everybody erupts because he was like, it was a very polarizing guy. It was at Texas Tech, I believe. He'd been, he's a great line. Yeah, he'd been forced out at Indiana and he was at Texas Tech who took him on. Yeah.

I went to his basketball camp when I was a kid. And I, I met him from, like, he went down the line and, like, said, like, fuck you to everybody. I went to his camp. I think I was like 13. He was just bashing chairs over everyone's head, like a wrestler. They're joking us. he's like, here's what happens when I choke you. No, he, uh, it was his camp in Lubbock and our, our high school coach was like,

sent me and like three other kids to it because like we couldn't do summer league for, I don't remember exactly why. Yeah, you would go to basketball camp. I would go to basketball camps, but I got sent to this one specifically for some reason, and it was mostly his son Pat Knight who wasn't a head coach yet. And his assistant coach is just to make a little bit extra money. And it was me and like a bunch of other like 12, 13 year olds. And like on the, on like the first.

day he came in and spoke to us. And on the last day he came in and spoke to us. And each time, he, like, he tried to stay clean for a second. Like, the first 10 minutes were just like, you got to, it's all about lateral motion. And then by the end of it, he'd just be like, because I got a

fucking goddamn good heart. He's like, I want you to say that. It was the first time I ever cussed, is he made me cuss. He made everyone cuss. He goes, say, say, say you got a fucking goddamn heart in you. And everybody's like, we've got a fucking goddamn heart in me. Were you fat or skinny at this point? I was, I think I was on my way out of fat to really skinny.

I was halfway between. Nice. And do you remember? You feel good. Do you remember, I think you came, or it might have been our youngest brother, came to the camp. And there was, it was like, the last day was just scrimmages. And there was one really fat kid who was shaped like, like fat Albert, but he was white. And he was on the skins team.

And his tithies were flopping everywhere. And I think my mom. gave you are Cole the camera to take about 80 pictures of him. Do you remember that? I think I remember now going to the camp and watching a really fat kid and his tits were huge. And mom, you know, being our mother, encouraged us to take pictures of him and laugh. She was like, take pictures of him and we had it like hanging up in our house. We did.

Yeah. Of a kid's band test. My mom would load it on the computer and we'd all gather around and start laughing. Like it was a fireside chat. We'd sit and look at the photo of the fat kid. Yeah. Like a 14-year-old child. Yeah, we got the photos like developed professionally.

And I remember we had like a tackboard at home and like it was tacked in. And I think my mom was a sports photographer. Yeah. And she'd write articles for the paper. So she had a photo, she had a thing with a really long lens on it. And she'd run around the court. But for us, because she loved us so much, she just took pictures of his tits the whole time. That's unbelievable.

Like the camera when a senator gets caught cheating. Yeah, that's unbelievable. But it was a fat 12-year-old's man-tits. And we literally, I'll never forget it. Oh, my God. I'll never forget it. We had a picture hanging up for like 10 years of just him like this and like just tits akimbo.

And you just laugh at it. And yeah, just every once in a while you walk past you're like, no idea who that guy was. Oh my God. He had no. And it's very funny because I like to imagine in his head he's like, he's like self-conscious and right before he takes his shirt off. He's like, listen, nobody's like watching you.

Yeah, it's not. People aren't insane. Nobody's thinking about you. There's a house in the neighborhood that has a shrine to his tits. No one's thinking about you. It's your family all developing eating disorders. Every one of them. Looking at your fat 12 year old tits.

Holy shit. I know. I completely forgot about that. Oh, my God. Wow. No, he looked like Ben Stiller at the end of Dodgeball. He did. He had like long, long titty's teeth.

Even for how fatty was, the titties were long. Try these boobs on for a size. Yeah. I just, now, like, thinking back, you're like, oh, that's, that's actually, like, kind of nuts. That's insane. That's nuts. That's insane behavior. Yeah.

And people wonder why, like, I'm so obsessed with fats. Yeah. I love fats. We were trained. I mean, yeah. You trained from a young age. The way Tiger Woods was given a golf club when he was one years old. I was handed a photo of a fat cat.

You had a picture of a fat 12-year-old on the wall for 10 years. Like, it was. Ken Griffey Jr. You all were in Little League. Like it was a fat head, an actual fat head. Devin, you have to understand, we were Christian. Of course. Of course.

I was raised Christian. We were loving our neighbor. How else would your mom motivate you to throw up your dinner? Devin, we were loving our neighbor. Christians. You know what's funny? I've actually realized that's like the same summer I like literally like developed like anorexia.

Like as a teenage. Because you'd walk out of the bathroom and your mom would be hysterical. laughing with her face four inches away from a picture she took nine years ago of a fat kid. A child. A child. A child. A literal child. A literal, an actual child.

There's probably a case for it to be child porn was in your house to some extent. I completely forgot about this. Look at this photograph. Every time I do it makes me laugh. Fat kiddies' titty's all loud. Well, that's got to be the end of the app. That's got to be the other. Patreon.com slash limit party.

Come to the Comedy Store July 24th, Bidabry. Live. We got to do the ad. Jason, is there anything else you'd like to say about this child? This child of God? No, just it was a funny story,

and I don't have any things to think about it at all. I really don't care, but it is kind of insane. So that's all I have. God bless him. Cry hard a fag. Cope, yeah. And that man was killed by Luigi Manchi and Woody. Bye.

I see it. My chain, my chine. Don't you like my chine mine? Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chai mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No you call me Gucci, Gucci. My chine.

Don't you like my chine mine. Young gooch in mine and I'm popping off the chine mind. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No you call me Gucci Gucci. I came to the club. Just to floss my chine mind. my chain line catching all the charge and I'm going to the chain guy a hundred

doubt in baloney sex and rice cream don't you see how bright it is city girls and country girls be telling me how tight it is little they think my chain was moving bang all i do don't you like my chuchin mine and i'm popping off the chain and my chakabit so fruited call me guiche mine no you call me goochie coochie my chine don't you like my chine mine And my Jacob is so fine No you call me Gucci Gucci. Gucci you be shy. Gucci you be shining, man.

Don't turn me on. My girlfriend acting different just because I got this chain. See them yellow stones holler at you later on. My chain hanged to my shoe's crank. Like my watching wine, but I know you love my chain. So I bought my shit. Don't you like my chain?

And I'm popping off the chain. My Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain Don't you like my chime mine Y'all goochie mine And I'm popping off the chain

And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My first chain I had to rob for it Jesus peace yellow diamond Sitting all in it I'm on some slick Rick shit 2006 Mr. T

diamond so bright Ain't a way you can't see the G Look I don't dance I just lean with it with it rock my piece sick Gary Robert trying to leave with it I got that New York fitted on full suit dicky on Gucci link chain blue stones in a nigger charm now watch do it do it with no hands traps when he cran on that bezel and that band cause I'm the man I I'm the man got no wife but my chain got my don't you like my chine mine young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chite and my jacobit so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain My chine Don't you like my chine mind Y'all goochie mine And I'm popping off the chain And my Jacob is so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci Yeah