lemonparty - 196: Ms. Labubu

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

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Good evening, everybody. It's Ben Avery of the Lemon Party podcast. We are back in the studio. Jason's return from his Homeric Journey abroad, his very own Odyssey. We did a makeup episode for last Friday. We were supposed to put one out, and we had one, but it didn't feel comfortable putting it out.

So we recorded another one for you guys. There are spoilers for the Christopher Nolan film, The Odyssey, which Evan was not too pleased with. This is the main episode, though. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the love. Please go to Ben Avery. Live for tickets to the Comedy Store this Friday.

I'm only letting you guys know because it's over half sold. And the Comedy Store let me know just now that it will sell out. So if you were trying to get a ticket day of, you might not get one. But it's going to be fun. Me and Matt and Connor

and a couple other people, it's going to be great. LP for Life. L for... Anyway. I hope you enjoyed the episode. I hope you have a great week. And we love you very, very good. Okay, did you...

I'm not a... Wait, actually, did you already watch this on your show if so I won't play it? No. Okay. This doesn't look familiar at all. This is incredible. Body camp footage has just been released

of police visiting an American campus last year following the report of a car theft. Unfortunately for them... Okay, whatever. Let those kids get away with this. So, The cop comes on campus. The first person he runs into is exactly who you think you'd run into on a college campus these days.

I mean, it looks like Don Vito. What do you let those kids get away? If you don't lower your voice, I am going to put handcuffs on you. And I'm going to... Oh, he wanted to put handcuffs on this person the minute he walked in. He goes, who is this fucking weird Angus Young impersonator? Who's this drummer from the Muppets who's screaming at me? I'm legitimately confused.

Is that like a... non-binary? Is that a old Karen? No, no, this is exactly what you think. That's a non-binary? This is, no, this is a trans. That person looks 57 years old. Ben, no offense.

Like I said, don't care about the whatever pronouns are. That's Anthony and the Johnsons, a 57-year-old soul singer. Yeah. Who I really do actually like. Yeah. Voice, fucking try it. Are you threatening me? You're threatening me.

Are you threatening me? I'm gonna just, I'm here right now to deal with a stolen Okay, I look at time to hear you screaming and yelling. I don't have time. By this person reminds this cop so much of the kid that they lost to the woke mind virus. That's why this cop wants to arrest them so bad. They're like, you know, my daughter also became very annoyed. And now we don't speak.

Hey, hey, you better watch out. My daughter sucks ass. And you suck ass too. And it makes me think of hurt. I'm going to hurt your cousin. It's like the beginning of the Odyssey. They got Travis Scott next to this person with a banging a bottle of water. This is the cyclops.

This person is about to pick a Roman soldier up and eat their head off. Nobody no. Is this legitimate? Is this M to F, I think, or F to M? It's transphemous. Yeah. It's in. I believe M to F.

M to F. Okay. Okay. I thought it was skinny to fat. Yeah. He goes, yeah, we've got Annie Mill and knock this freaking out. Yeah, we got one of those people with an aging disease. See!

Say! Just say the right pro now! What did you say? Oh, he can't wait to pepper you. Got misgendered. Oh, that got misgendered. Well, wait, go back, go back. We said we have a man.

Here he is having a breakdown She Say! She! So he's saying she, she, she. Don't say the right pro now! They wait. God damn it.

They wait for that moment. They wait for that. They go out in public like bicyclists Like on like Sunset Boulevard That want to get hit and scream at you. Like listen, if you're a serious trans person This cop is just

What do you? It's a cop. You think the cop of all people is going to get this in the midst of in the moment right yeah also no offense you gotta do a little better job also let's go come on come on I mean listen maybe the tit surgery is next week you gotta wait to laugh at the titty surgery

something has to happen for this bag of shit cop fuck the police by the way by the way fuck the police right hey cam hey cap fuck arrest the cops who killed ground that no not war is bullshit today's a great day

arrest the cops who killed Brianna Taylor. Reminder. Have you seen people finding the old tweets from 2020 where it's like the Atlanta Braves tweeting like fuck the cops who killed Brianna Taylor? And people were just like what was happening? Yeah, it's insane. It's insane. Yeah.

The San Jose Sharks being like fuck capitalism. Embrace communism. This video looks like it was made in a lab by Daily wire. I mean, Ben Shapiro has jacked his shit into this. No. Ben Shapiro came on a yarmaca like he was playing that oaky cookie game.

Him and farther conservative Jewish jack off on a yamaica. It looks like a black and white cookie in the Jewish gallery. And the last guy to come eats the yamaica. It does look like black and white yamaica. Very good. Because they only come on one side. Exactly. The side facing the wall. Yeah. Is it an underrated cookie though? Yeah. About to get sprayed. No. Just look at me a little. I could come in there.

calm down? I'm getting my phone out. I have to feel this. Are you going to calm down? I will calm down. This is not fair. This person is so mentally ill. I know.

This is so unfair that this cops even entertain. It's like, oh God, what are you doing a situation like this? I mean, I think you have to kill them. I think you, yeah, the pepper spray is, actually. No, he should put a flashbang in their mouth. I think a gun would be nicer. This person sucks so much. much like Noam Chomsky is about to walk past and call them like an F-swear.

What do you do here? Yes. I feel like a... The most liberal man. Yeah. Gabor Matte is about to pop out of a room and be like, hey, cut it out. Hey, we all have trauma except you kill yourself. You're being ridiculous.

You think people in society act this way? I was almost in the Holocaust and fuck you. I'm Gabor Matte. Norm Finkelstein and like, literally. losing his shit. This person does not have a pussy. They don't have tits. And I am tired of these trans crocodile tears.

I know. I, man, this is like... Oh, really? Well, I actually knew a lot of women in the Holocaust. And none of them screamed. None of them screamed when they were being led to their death. I think we need police officers that it's like the Care Bear unit that they call in, where it's Like a giant, guys dress of like giant teddy bears that come in to handle situations like this.

Our squad. Retard squad. We've got a coat all up and tard. Send in the R squad. Yeah. And it's, yeah, you're right, Ben, it's guys dressed like tinky winky. Yeah, telly-tubbies and shit. They come and they go, hi, how are you?

And they go, not good, I was just a black man just did black stuff to me. And I don't like it. They go, hooper. Come in this big room and we'll talk. And then it's just a big shredder. This is like, yeah, how do you deal with this? This is like, I mean, you can't. 10-4, we got an open micer.

I want to know who bankrolls this. The person? Oh, who's funding this? Pat and Oswald through Joe Fund maze. Two people that are super glued to their lazy boys. It's either that or I have to think like George Soros is like writing a check to the blue to the blue hair. George Soros has teams of people going door to door in every city and finding who sucks the most ass.

People that talk like Peewey Herman. Yeah. George Soros assistant once a month being like, and here's your check to the trans Donvito. He goes, oh, of course. Signing it like, signing it like, 30. Find me trans Donvito. Signing it like Daniel Plainview and there will be blood. I've got a lot of checks.

Sign them all. Trans domino. Where's trans we're man? You just do my Yeah, yeah, yeah Get me a Danny to do that off. Do Munchausen syndrome on them for about 15 years And then release him at the mall

And then see what happens Just make them cause habit. Let them let them loose. Let them loose. Find me a 15-year-old with the Norwood 5. And make them want to be a woman. Give them cat ears. Do we, can we find a baby with a Norwood

Sabbath? Yeah, a 9-year-old with a bald spot with cat ears. and I want them to be the fattest woman who's ever lived. Make them watch anime until they're gay. Make them watch so much anime. They want to fuck Japanese people. It's a big debate now.

Like, should you let your kids be weird? This is what parents are talking about now. Like, should you let them watch anime? Because you see the route. Yeah. And people are like, don't let your kid be weird. If they're a weird kid, then it's harder for them to fit in. So if they're watching anime, be like, you can't watch anime in my house.

I think there's the problem is like the kid being really into. anime is not being weird, it's just a kid's sucking fucking ass. You know what I mean? Hey, it's a rough life. Yeah. It's a tough road to go down. You can be the anime guy if you want. I used to know a kid in school.

He was a fucking son of a really famous guy. Not a really famous guy, but like, uh, can I say his name. Probably can say that you can bleep it out. Stephen Tobolowski. Oh, the actor. I love that guy. He's great. Yeah.

With the glasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You could look him up. Anyway, his kid went to school. This kid fucking thought he was like, a cat. He'd walk around on all floors, like licking his, like,

hands and shit. And, like, 05? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like a fucking pioneer. He was this guy, this kid. The Leaf Erickson of trans people. This kid was unbelievable. Yeah, he was leading the charge. And I can only

hope to God that he finally found himself and that he's like, you know, a woman now or something. Me and Jace were super weird. Yeah, we were super weird. But he would like lick it and be like, meow. And everyone fucking hated him. What would they do to him at this trans, at this Catholic college or school that you went to?

This wasn't in my Catholic high. This was in like fourth grade. Fourth or fifth grade. This is your Nepo baby elementary school. Yeah. Hollywood high. This was Hollywood high that I went to. Yeah, NEPO middle school.

But, yeah, no, but he didn't, I mean, no one would like bully bullied, but yeah, we treated him like shit, of course. Of course, yeah. So it would be rude not to. But it wasn't even like out of like, fuck you. It was more like kids being like, the fuck. You're a fucking cat.

Stop. Get the fuck out of here. Because it's not even mean. You're just like, you're like, stop. Yes. It doesn't make sense. We're like fucking playing baseball and you suck. It's the thing.

It's like, and this person is doing it where there is like a social contract in life. And every once in a while you run into a person who like actually like every room there and they rip it to shreds. Yeah. And just re-cavick for no reason. Right. And you're like, oh, this is one of those people right now, and they should be killed. Well, when, if you flip out. Like an ant that's not doing its job right in the colony.

They should be put in a big room of all the other dead ants. That's what cancer is technically. What? A cell that, you know, is in a part of the cohesive thing. This is a malignant. This person thinks they're non-binary. They're actually a malignant cell in our culture. Yeah, because it thinks nothing is stopping them.

No, nothing. So, like, a cop goes like, we got a, this guy is, like, being crazy. and then you have the nerve to flip. You don't know the social contract with police? Yes, yeah. That you can't know they don't. Not even being just a little indignant where they're like,

fuck y'all. You're supposed, if you're being serious about what you are saying you are, you're not supposed to flip out like that. You're supposed to be like, we'll talk about that late. Like, listen to they misgendered,

like you don't, you can get killed. You don't lean your head. You flip out on a cop, you make them afraid. They'll kill anybody. You don't lean your head in and start screaming as loud.

is you can. But like we said, this is somebody that was recently released from like Gypsy Rose Blanchard class. And they think like they don't know what life is. No. No. They think they can like just Napoleon way their way through society.

Like just charge. Just blitzk. Yeah. This is like somebody that's been like reading like Twitter threads from 2017 and thinks that that's how life like watching the round table debates and like Charlie Kirk back and fourths and stuff. Yeah. Their version of Charlie.

Thinking that is... Oh, right, right, right, right. Well, I'm sure. Oh, and I'm sure this person went around the day Charlie Kirk, like, got killed and was like, we got Charlie in the neck! Yes! Like, no concept of life in that, like, a guy who was killed. And when he thought, what do you mean?

Can we run running around yelling how happy you are, but that's insane. No concept of even just like taking a day. You know what I mean? Just take a day. Yeah, just even if you're happy, just be like, okay, I'll take like, I'll take like... Jesus. I'll take like 48 hours. Just look down and grin and then get back to your dorm.

I mean, like, if you actually are really happy about shit like that, I mean. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Because you're going to see some violence against this woman. He's good. He's turning. Oh, Dad, when you get the pepper spray on it? Leave me like to.

Just stop boiling the pepper spray. You know, they actually are kind of, they actually, they are kind of acting like a woman, I got to say. In a very high-stakes scenario, making it really worse by just screaming nonsense. Yeah. Every fight I've ever seen in my life a woman who sucks ass is just screaming, making it, making it 10 times worse. Yeah. Like a horror film soundtrack. Yeah.

So they are doing a good job at that. True. Do that. Stop fighting. Who's the guy in sex? I mean, I mean, can you imagine they get shot in the head and then like, Like the DSA is trying to protest And then the video comes out

And AOC has to be like Fuck them We're not We've been the knee on this one We're not going back years Because of this person Fuck them Yeah

Yeah Mom Domi Yeah Mom Domi Cancels Yeah mom Dany's wearing his big bomber jacket And he's like He's like I'm glad it happened Kill him again I'm trying to get buses free in New York

I can't waste my Fucking energy on this piece of shit I got shit to do Yeah this is what This is what people see when they hear about a new mom donnie thing. By the way, usually on videos like this, there's usually black women in the comments being like, oh, so when it's Hawaii, y'all don't shoot. That is true, though. And you're like, yeah, because the-

Interesting to have to defend that. I am, I will. We definitely, I see cops give the benefit of the doubt to white freaks way more than they do, like black guys that just like can't get their words. A word, Cizzerhands freak. There's a black guy that's just like, like, acts, like, way too tired for the situation. that dies all the time. More so than like a trans Clark Duke. You're all right.

Black people, they don't get the benefit of the death nearly as much in these videos. I watch Body Camp for like a living now, okay? White people get away with insane shit. Can I say that Bill Maher broke this down beautifully on Howie Mendel's podcast? What did he say? He goes, how many people you think get shot by the police? year and how he goes I don't know and he goes so you don't know what you're talking about

he's like tell me and Bill goes about a thousand and he's just like he stares black black people get shot by the place no about a thousand people total in the US in the US out of out of that amount of people that get shot by the police about

30% of them are black okay but that's more than the percentage of the population of people that there are in the United States relatively yeah yeah to Black population. I also, who gives a fuck about this point is making.

I'm just saying based on what I've seen. I'm sure there's a million videos of black people being pulled over and it's fine. But like I'm just saying like, yeah. So I will say that once I heard that fake stat from Beaumar that he uses. Yeah, that he pulled that up his ass. That's maybe not even real. I don't know if it's, do only a thousand people get shot by the police a year in the United States? Is that true?

It's crazy to say only a thousand people get shot by police. It doesn't sound right. I mean, they're dealing with people. but I guess it's, I guess. I think we just kind of got sciopped during like the BLN shit. Oh, no, I'm totally. Like they're doing Cabrini Green every day. No, I'm totally for that.

I was talking to people during BLM, like being like, is this the most important fucking, like this sucks? But do, like, there's a lot more important shit. Am I wrong? And then I got told to sit my Mayo ass down by people who, uh, suck to ass and later. Wasn't this the question Charlie Kirk was talking about before, like, a rabbi shot him? Was it in, like, gang violence? no gang or violence. He was like,

black people died by guns more than white people and he was like counting or not counting gang violence, yeah. Counting or not counting gang violence. And then he got curted. And then he got a Jewish guy

killed him with a beeper. Put a beeper in his neck. Not a Jewish guy, an Israeli guy. Sure. Devin, thank you. An Israeli guy. Who is Jewish? An Israeli guy,

but he's like a different type of Jewish guy. It's like a Jewish Hulk. You're the guy who hates Jewish people who's learned to camouflage just saying Israeli, but then also just keep saying an Israeli guy who was Jewish. An Israeli guy who happened to be Jewish.

By the way, I was in Chili's. I made a friend with a guy on the golf course. Okay. An older guy. Sure. He was watching me swing. He was like, wow, he actually gave me a few tips. Sure.

And I was hitting him over the fence and shit. It was a lot of fun. And he goes, do you want to go to Chili's? And I was like, wow. I was like, buddy. Did we just become best friends? Yeah, that's the way. There's a hyper-over version of fucking each other in the ass.

You want to go to Chili's. So, then what, did he, but did he want, did he want you to drink? Well, he would say I was so good that I could start charging like 300 an hour for lessons. You probably could. And he took me into, he was like, you want to see my bedroom? No, I'm kidding. Did he want you to drink with him? No, no, he didn't even drink.

He goes, they have this great, he, like, leaned close. He's like, and he's like, he's gatekeeping the secret, but he really likes me because we've been talking for like hour and a half. He goes, they have a deal of the chilies that you want to believe. They lose money on it. It's called a three. for three for 1099. You get an appetizer, you get a drink, and you get an entree with a side,

all for 1099. He goes, they lose money on it. They want you to sit at the bar and, like, you know, order beer after beer, but he goes, I go. I don't do it any of that. And look, what was this Netanyahu? Well, it's people, you know the area where your grandparents lived?

Yeah. People that are like, hey, man, if I can get, find a deal like that. Right. When you find a deal like that in your area, you don't tell him. This guy's like, I'm full. I came from.

from Brent's, but I don't care. I like, they lose money. I love deals. Look at my pants right now. I'm calming in them. This pre-leaking down my jeans. This guy was awesome. Trump came on the screen for the World Cup while we were eating.

I was eating chili crisper's. So you went to Chili's with him? Yeah, we hung out of Chili for like two hours. I called my wife. I was like, can I go to Chili's with a guy I just met? Mm-hmm. She's like, does he... She's like, I don't think so.

He's talking about deals, but I don't think so. She goes, okay. There's no Jews on the golf course. It's just whites and Asians. That's true. There's no Jews out there. That's why you love golf so much. That's an oasis for you.

Yeah, it's whites and Asians are so mentally ill that they have to spend five hours a day in the woods or they'll kill their family. Yeah, yeah. That's what golf is. Asians are whites. I'm done with this. Oh, yeah. Asians are whites. No, no, no.

Just ask Christopher Nolan. Did you know Chile's had these deals? But anyway, World Cup is on? I didn't know about the three for 10. That's crazy. Spain or whatever. Trump comes out. And they boot him.

So the guy was with. boo, boo, you fat fuck, boo. He's booing the TV. Booing the TV. And I was like, hell yeah, I was like, boo, fuck him. Hell yeah, boom or lib. There were Mexican families in the restaurant also booing him, but then there was one Mexican family that started clapping,

being like, yeah, yeah. So then it started to become this. They stand up and they go, we make $30,000 a year. So fuck you wetbacks. Yeah. That's an interesting one. I think there's like some Mexican guys that are like, if you work for ice and you come to our restaurant,

we will give you 10% off because we love you because you love America much as we love America. And they don't know that. I got my papers. Yeah, I got my, they don't know the ice guy with the skeleton mask is going to push their hat into the grill and cook them like a pinini. They're like, no, no, I'm fucking white.

I fucking hate us. It's like they don't give a shit. There is a Hispanic Republican like, like, I guess like phenotype or whatever that I know, I have noticed around all of L.A. where it's like they have old school vans on, high white socks, and like camo cargo shorts on, and they have huge calves.

Their cab muscles are huge. They do have huge calves. Gigantic calves. Wow, what an insight. And like a white shirt on and they walk around the mall with like their fucking, like kind of like busted Kylie Jenner, like Latino girl. And they're like, they're big into like, you know, know the Punisher and just like the military and donnie dark oh you better you better keep in line

and like you know like i'm from santa and you know like i'm here i'm seeing the odyssey yeah i'm here i'm seeing the i think it's great i'm gonna get furious when i see that trans faggin in it yeah and i when i want i get a little wacky i wear like a you know i wear like a gardener hat at havassu but that's about it and honestly i've like deported like multiple family members there is there the the Hispanic person that is at Chili's cheering on Trump still

and shouting it so the other tables know like no fuck you they're saying we still love yeah good I genuinely don't know how anybody if you are looking into

anything is like still league gives a shit about that guy it's just the self-hating Mexican that's like the last people and I think it's literally like Mexican guys who are just like just like

fuck gay There's a video every day of a farmer who literally has a Trump tattoo on his forehead that's like doing the math like on screen to like the reporter about how much he's losing. And then he's like, huh. And then he like kills himself like budd the wire. Like there's there's a man having a moment every day now in this country where they're realizing how fucked over they were. Yeah. I like vaguely see stuff that like all the like tariff money went to Howard Lutnik for some reason. like for some

I know but they're on the screen being like but if Trump like me but it bad and ooh yep a guy who loves Bunny XO and Jelly Roll yeah

yeah and he's like who's guys like I'm going to kill myself because Bonnie left jelly he pulls up a tattoo of a heart that says bunny plus jelly all the people in his life sound like like donuts that separated from each other? My grandpa was...

Well, then when custard left jelly, I got really down on my show. Pray for Bearclaw, y'all, y'all. Oh, an apple fritter put out a new album, y'all. Y'all, pray for Bearclaw. Glaze cake left in the other day. Yeah, Boston Cream's on the come-up. I love Boston Cream's great.

You know who's great? pink classic some of the best racist talk about no let's not okay I'm pulling you leg there's nobody named that but there was I listen to him because I'm retired I'm just a straw man invented for a bit I'm a strong no no you do a podcast you invent people that don't exist just yet on the working class now that's fine don't do anything with your life I can't remember in my life someone appearing on screen like that though in a public restaurant

and the whole restaurant is like booing or cheering over this guy's presence on TV. No, totally Osama bin Laden. That's it. You know what I am a little sick of? We're not a sick of because I watched the clip. I was on the lake. I was on the lake. Of course. Of course.

You love being out on the lake. I love being out of the leg and it sucked. I really hated it. I usually like it. It's just like not fun anymore. Because it's like now he like does this. This is not fun to look at these people anymore. It used to be kind of amusing.

I'd be like, yeah. Oh, there's still Trump people? Yeah. You still see the flags or something like, unbelievable. They're like, check it out, brother. All the victims got their names tattoo. Yeah. They defended all the Epstein clients.

He's like, have your wife killed because their ass is too big. Like they just be too, whatever. No, it's literally, it's people so retarded. They should be drowned. Yeah. But anyway. Tulsi Gabbard's brother got arrested for me. a pedophile in Hawaii, by the way.

He was trying to lure children into his hotel room with candy. Candy spam. He just kept getting the guys. Wait, really? Tulsi Gabbard's brother. Yeah, they grew up in that Hindu Scientology cult. I forget what it's called. IRC or something.

It's like a cult with a lot of power. It's like some Javier Christiana shit. But yeah, the brother. I mean, Tulsi's literally her whole thing was like, I'm going to get the Epstein. And then they got in power and then they just defended all the empty people. She sold no war with her.

Ron shirts. Yeah. She sold merch. Yeah. Yeah. And then we went to war with Iran. People like literally liked her because she's like, fuck Epstein. Also I have a fat ass. That was like all they worked with her. That's why he thinks she kicks ass. No, I mean, he's also retarded. He likes to. He wants to have sex with anybody on the show. He wants to have sex with fucking. Don't say it. Jesus. Say it. Say it. I ran into them at the mother's ship, but they gave me a word look. Right. Don't see it. Did they? I know what you're going to say. I'm fucking saying. Unfunty retards.

Times are crazy. Nine million retweens. These people defend like Mary Weiss and shit. Yeah. What happened? What happened with who? To all these people. What happened?

They're circling the drain of, you know, rest in peace, you know, the right-wing movement, you know. Yeah. Yeah, it also wasn't a movement. They got to be the cool kids for such a short amount of time. Trump ends the war every seven hours. Yeah. And then on hour eight, American soldiers get killed.

Yeah. And then it's back up. Every day, when I walk on Reddit to look for watches, I just see like a new alert. Like, Iran just got bombed again. I'm like, who gives you shit? I think we're about to have like a horrible economic collapse. Oh, no, it's very bad. Even though it seems like we've already kind of, whatever.

Remember what you're fighting for? You should remember. Yeah. But, yeah, there's like, yeah, I don't know. we still have to watch this right right let's get back to this fuck that person that we were thinking of yes but also can I say I'm happy for you

that you suck ass fucking sucks ass that person does suck ass grifter it should die and by the way I know we weren't talking about it for a while Kiltani sucks ass I just isn't

the new people but it's great like I'm happy for them yeah sure there's a bunch of people that should be like they would be performing at the bottom bang at 3 p.m. And then Sylvia would like stab them for trying to titty fuck one of the girls.

It's insane. We got a really big shoe here tonight. Hey. With all you children with visions of titty fucking in your brains, it's like, we were gone for a little bit. I'm excited to see you guys. I know.

I have too. But you're right, that clip of Patrick O'Dio or whatever, he did that Smoggin'J's clip. and it sounds like Baphimed screaming from hell. It's a joke that a middle school kid told you. Yeah. No, it's literally like the guys like Kiltonia are reading books called like Twisted,

fucked up jokes for like fucking retards. There should be a guy next week. A joke book from the 1980s called like, dead baby jokes for sick free. And they're like, what if something bad happened and I didn't give a fuck? And then the crowd response is, it's like a guy.

It's like in every comedy scene, Every comedy scene had to watch Like a guy for like a decade And they were like, what a hack Yeah And then somehow it's the only place Yes You go and you're actually like a god

It's unbelievable It's the guys when I started It's beautiful in a weird way I don't know It's not It's not It's not you're right You're right

I was trying I was getting well I don't know Wrong It's the guys when I started comedy Like Austin There would always be like a guy Trying to sell heroin to everybody

And then he'd go up And he'd be like Like fuck Jesus and God. And people would be like, oh, and he'd be like, I'm going to lick my mother's cunt or something, like, insane. A guy being like, you think when Jesus was hanging on the cross,

he was bad because he couldn't jack off? Yeah. Because his hands were nailed to the wood. And then everybody politely stares at them instead of saying anything. And they go, oh, okay, fuck you! I'm going to follow the youngest female Oprah to her car tonight. Now that guy's making $40.

I know it just, I know, I know it is what it is. I didn't mean to make it a thing. It's not a thing. I don't apologize. But it is one of those things where it's like it just kept popping up lately on my feed. And then I was just like, this is. This is actually, it's unbelievable. It just keeps going.

What a vortex. It's like the, it's the, it's the, it's the whirlpool in the Odyssey. You steer away from it and then a big snake eats like seven of your men. It's a big, it's the whirlpool in the Odyssey, but it's a giant toilet and the snake is seven turds, you think people. Anyway, we can, we can move on. We can move on. quick one. Quick in and out.

That's it. Yeah. Just in an in an out job. In a out job. In an out job. Back to this. And if we run into these people in real life, we actually love you and we think you're great. You're great.

This is a parody or whatever. No, it's great. You'd make it anywhere. Anyway. Anyway, I'm happy for you that you have a boomer-lip friend now. Dev is just, Dev is very upset, you know. It's the weak comedy died, you know? You're very sad.

The week comedy died. What's Tina. Oh, my God. I can't believe. Oh, my God. It is her my heart. It's hurt my heart. It's hurt my heart.

I know. The day the laughter dies. It's like I don't even, it's like, if they, like, break up, like, how can I even believe in LLC's anymore? Ooh, got a little whiskey in me. Being very me. I did look in, I thought, I was, I thought, I thought, I looked into Chi-Chiobamba. What's Chi-Iobamba? It's Tom Sagar, like, funded.

Okay, so we would go to Austin and then. Ben would be like there's a fucking Thompson girl like has like a croissant Oh yes And we thought it was really funny he flew a croissant from Paris and it was really expensive Yeah, I remember that yeah I remember that was like people and trailers would watch it and they'd They'd be laughing so hard they'd be throwing up blood in their toilet It was so funny Yeah, everybody's like I hate you so much

But I talk shit about I talk shit I talk shit about this and then I looked into it though He did actually it's the one thing that I could say like is cool I guess Yeah No, David, never give it up for anybody on this show. Oh, right, you're right. Fuck him. No, he funded like a baker or something. Yeah.

But who's, but why is that good? I don't know. No, I don't know. It's lame. Does he make money from funding? Hey, how about you fucking fun comedy? I don't care about croissants, you fucking fat hack. Very good, Devin.

This podcast, it's like... By the way, you're still fat. You can lose all the way in the world. You still kind of look like a weird fat guy. So... No, I'm kidding. You're great. God bless you.

God bless you. Um, whatever. Careful, I'll take a bite out of you with those fake teeth. Uh-oh. Yeah. Hey, we know. Anyway, he funded, at least it was like one thing. I thought he was more of a sociopath.

I thought he, like, I thought he started like a really, like bad, like fake French bakery. He, like, he's helping out a guy. He helped out, like, a family or something. Okay, good. Does you think he's an altruistic person? I mean, answer me truthfully. Well, people like that don't help out their own family. My dad didn't help out my family.

My dad would, like, give everything to a family down the street. Not us. It is an interesting thing, and you break over with that. Maybe, like, you know, Christina's like, well, hey, you fucking cheat you a bum, but we're like, like, you're two million this year? Maybe your kids are fucking, they're eating, like, tuna. He doesn't see a dime from that?

It is a common attribute. He might be, but, like, I'm sure he pumped money into them. Yeah. It is a common attribute of sociopaths, by the way. They are nicer to people they don't know than the people that they are supposed to love. Oh, yeah. Very common attribute. The waiter comes by, and they're super charming, super fun.

Yeah. They tip really big. Tip really well. And then they get their kids in the car and they're supposed to, they treat him like it's a game of pong they're just throwing them off the windows just throwing them off glass like dominique wilkins sorry let's get back i'm not saying he's being his kids like um you know dominique wilkins thrown down dunks but let's get back to very nuklok i don't want to raise my kids and i was like yeah and my kid was like will you hug me and i was like no and my kid was like will you

love me and i was like no my wife was like do you still love me and i was like nah and i was like And she was like, are you going to chat me? And I was like, yeah. Hey, guys, if you're looking for one pouch to rule them all, check out Lucy. Lucy makes high potency pouches, delicious and discreet nicotine gum, and the signature Lucy Breakers with a long-lasting flavor capsule inside. Lucy's nicotine strengths range from 2 to 12 milligrams with flavors like apple cider, espresso, berry, citrus, and mango. Try them all on Lucy's six-pack, or check out the unflavored options. If your state has the flavor bad, you've heard us talk about this.

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I didn't even know he still did comedy. I'm not kidding. I had no clue. I thought he just kind of was like a face. Because he was on the funny AF show and he was just kind of sitting there being like great stuff. He's probably on so many psychotropic drugs. I bet his life is like a... I'm not even kidding.

Anytime the show pops up on one of the millions of comedy documentaries on YouTube about how everyone is... Your mom's house. Yeah. He's just kind of being normal. I don't... He used to be, like, funny. He used to, like, be like...

I was actually a very big fan back in a day, yeah. He used to, like, pull up funny things and then, like, make his guests uncomfortable and make them watch, like, a Chinese guy get, like, rammed in the femur by a car. Yeah, in the garage. That made me laugh so hard. I thought that was so fun. fucking funny. No, he just does that real life.

He probably has a freezer with, like, dead bodies he plays with. Your clip on your show was fantastic. And that's why when I bring this stuff up, I go, what's even the point? I'm still connected to you guilty by association. Well, I was hoping. I was hoping people didn't clip it. I was like, I probably wasn't that bad. And then I woke up when I saw it.

No, it says Tom Sigur is a psychopath. It's getting us a lot of his. They clipped it before you said it. You, like, walk. It's like Tinnit. You, like, walk into the future. Every time you record. And also, I genuinely want to tell you,

your mind was working great. Thank you, buddy. You were on one. You were on fire. You were firing six cylinders. Thank you. Really beautiful stuff. I've been getting a lot of sun and sweating.

I really appreciate you. I really, like I listen to you sometimes on drives. Although I was driving back from, I was in Victorville in traffic. And I was listening to that. And I'm like, this might not even be a guy I know. This could be any, this could be like somebody that I am just tuning into to listen to. You're great. Man.

Your machine that turned ice cream into justice. Truly beautiful. You're really good at that. Didn't think you had it, didn't you? Everybody always says this to me. They always think, you know. But actually, the longer I hung out with you before you even did the live stream, I was like, this guy could talk to any, no one's listening and you're talking.

Oh, yeah, I annoy the shit out of you. You're good. Oh, God, there were so many of these tours where I'd be like, Ben, yeah, anyway, the TSA. Pull your fucking phone out. No, I don't even know where I am. You don't know where you are. You literally are walking into a pit of snakes. I go,

Bet, stop. No, no. And you're like, I guess they're all like bad people that like should die. And I'm like, yeah,

bad, hold on, hold on. We're about to walk into a pit of snakes. I'm walking on the tarmac. Yeah. You're like, I mean,

it's like, kill Tony. It's like, who's watching? And you're like, you know, like Cormack said this at the end. And I'm like,

yeah, bad, bad, hold on. That's a plane. No, you're like Peter Sells when being there, you can walk on water because you don't know it's there.

You walk across a lake. I love you. I love you. Love you guys. Yeah. Anyway, let's get back to this fucking. Let's get back to this free.

You know, this, you know, cast member of the honesty. That's going to work. Oh, who's getting involved? Oh, shit. We got a little Brock Turner in the mix.

Wait, who's the guy touching his belly? I don't know, with hard mipples. You like, He walks up hard nipples touching himself. He's like, he's your butt's fucking brains up. I'm about... He should kill him.

Please, I'm about to bust. Please kill him. Please, I'm so fucking hard. If I don't come, I'm gonna fucking die. Blow its fucking brains out. Please. Please let me have your gun. Please, my fucking, my dick hurts.

Just turn around, give me your gun. You ever get so hard the skin hurts like it's gonna break? Just blow its fucking... Like the bones gonna come out. hole it's just like the hole's open too far and it hurts just like blow the brain out and chucking him back oh that's literally what he was doing right now it's so weird I know hard nipples disgusting like Lindsay Graham bought I know Barney Fife uh or whatever Barney Miller yeah you know jailer Lying Jaling she's got a Chinese name I mean this is literally like this looks

Fuck you. Fuck you, cop. She should be in like a big cage and like being fed crackers. Like the way she is talking. Yeah.

And then the guy, I'd like to see her swallow a basketball. Like a snake. Fucking like alternate universe like Shane tried to help out. Chinese Shane. Chinese Shane. He's like, all right, I'm out.

You're gonna get us both killed. What was her name like? What was her name like? Jijiping or something. I think it was like Jijai. I think it was like Jee. jinxy. Yeah.

They're like ampersand, stop. It's the emper sand symbol. Stop. They're going to blow your retarded brains out. Stop. And then turn you back to the cop and being like, I'm going to bust. Please do it. My nuts hurt so bad.

Please kill it. Please my nuts are so swollen. If I don't bust, I'm never. It's going to break my dick. God. Please blow. Blow plus symbol. Pampersand's brains, yeah.

She sucks you. The best is there's two ladies behind the counter over here. They let people in all day. Yeah. They just like, do it. Who cares? Just watch a university.

Yeah. Just imagine this person in like a, like an ethics and business 101 class. Just like just holding everyone hostage. I mean, what could they be learning? No, they're not learning. They're not there to learn. They're there to like literally be a terrorist.

It's literally people who I'm not kidding. You've run into them in your life before where you walk into a situation. You're like, oh, this person like should actually not be in society. Yeah. They haven't committed any crime. They just refuse to be a human in a functioning system whatsoever. The level of tension, this person carries on a daily basis. It's like they're in dog day afternoon.

Yes. Dude, turn it down. Yeah. Come on. They're like, if I did, I would stop. Exile and Al Pacino. Yeah. Like, combined in a way.

Yeah, they got John Cazal's surgery. They got forehead surgery. Yeah. And they're dating the same person that Al Pacino's with. Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And this guy's like the cop. I just want to get away from him.

Say! Say! Dude, just Just tase him. Just kill him. Stop mask. Jankling me! Just say.

Say. This guy's putting gloves on like he's about to eat wings. The cop is putting latex black gloves on. Like he's about to dip into some fucking lemon pepper. He's a barbecue TikToker. By the way, there's like pictures of child pornography dropping out of her binder. And she's screaming. Do you know what the t-shirt she's wearing is, Ben?

I can't really tell. It looks like one of the bad guys, like in Star Wars, it looks like one of the white soldiers. A stormtrooper? Stormtrooper, yeah. I can't tell from here. But the letters on the wall looks like Ooooo University, which has been making me laugh really hard.

UW at CV. They go, ooh-woo? Stop mischendering me. Welcome to. My name is RRXD. This girl behind the counter puts up with this all day. Oh, yeah. This one behind the counter has the same politics as, like, Bernard Gets.

But she has to hide it until she graduates. She keeps a gun under her chair. She, like, watches, like, videos of, like, black teens stealing from 7-Eleven on her computer. It exits out real quick when I get, when I just a freak watcher. Hey, how can I help you? Hey, how can I help you? Yeah. Hey, a person wasting their life.

How can I help you? Human Laboooo, right this way. A person susceptible to any, um, uh, uh, propaganda whatsoever. How can I help you? Most retired person everywhere that's not going to help. Okay. Looks like somebody just got back

from the costume store, right this way. I don't think they're doing it to get like a lawsuit thing going. I think they're legitimately like in it for the love of the game. It's love of the game. I got mischindered by a cop and I'm going to shout a scream. This is the Dennis Robin of trans people. It's like I'm playing call duty right now. This is unbelievable.

I love the POV. Turn around, put your hands behind your back. This guy's afraid that this person's sweat has it in it. He's a frail cat. It's like the thing? Yeah. Do you have any estrogen in your pockets? Anything that'll stick me and make me suck ass?

Any needles. Are there any needles in your pockets? Oh, shit. Put your stuff now. No. No. No. He's like, okay, I'm leaving.

I'm going to ask you one more time. You can record all you want, but it's already beyond that point. I, you're, you're stressing me out. It doesn't matter. I just asking you to please stop stress. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we are really tried to help you, so, so. No, you didn't. Yes.

You came in with a seven, tell and polite. Yeah, this is insane how long is still going. Get on the ground right now. Don't, don't, don't hurt me. Get on the ground right now. Don't, get on the ground. Get on the ground. It's the most returned to cut.

And it's an upskirt photo. It's just like, the body camp fell off. To do an upskirt photo. By the way, guys, I'm totally joking. This is fake. This is Eddington bonus footage. I got the Blu-ray.

Please, please, take me to the women's prison where I could do assault. Please. Help me. Those, like, found footage, though, with the camera dropping. I know. That's a transcript.

Get them down. That's like the New Jersey. Jersey devil. Mm-hmm. Let go. Your hand behind your back. Wait, is that the acne back? No, that's a hand.

That's a hand? Oh, I thought I was looking out of back. No, it's a ham. H-A-M. That's their back. That's their back, right? Yeah. Please let me see ass.

That would be almost too much. It'd be jumping the shark. Exactly. They're kind of resisting arrest pretty decently. Yeah, they are. They're almost getting out of the. the thing, they're, they're, they're, I'm gonna spray him. They only have one arm.

I'm gonna spray him. Don't say, Emma. It's, okay, I'm gonna spray her. He was okay, I'm gonna spray her. Oh my God, that's so funny. I'm gonna blow his fucking brains out. Stop, he's jitter. It's literally like, you know, the hacks always say the blue hair, you know, the lips with the blue hair.

It is the blue hair. It's literally the blue. Put your hand behind your back. Being so, showing them the taser being like, I'm going to do this to you. I just need space, please. Just put your fucking hand behind the back. They haven't been raised like an adult. No.

Just taste them, dude. Just tase them, dude. Can I say if you, in this situation, if you do decide you're going to tase them, would it feel the same as like tasing a little baby? No, like literally a go-gag-gab baby. I would feel bad about tasting a baby. It'd be like tasting a baby that you saw like fuck with you. And you're like, actually you know better somehow.

A baby that picked up a toy and kind of threw it. A baby that's been like in a movie or whatever where like everything's happening and the baby behind the scenes is flipping you off. You're like, oh, this is not. Something's up here. A baby that's been fucking with you for a while and nobody believes you. Yeah. For like a year.

An evil baby. A evil baby. And no one else is on to you. He's not going to tase you if you give me your hand. You're going to arrest me! No, we need your hand. Yes, we need your hand. He's laughing.

He laughs where he tases them. Oh, it's a Sam Kinnison, yow. That was great. Listen to this. He just trying to kick him. So does a thing shoot out of the taser? What is it exactly? The little needles, I think.

That's what I thought. Your hand. Okay, grab the legs. They took the slippers on. They're hawk tying them. Literally hawk tying this. They're hawk tying them. Her, Devin?

Her. I'm having an asthma attack. It's George Floyd. I can't breathe. If they say I can't breathe, I'm going to lose it. I'm just snap my microphone. You were attacking me. What was elsewhere as I supposed to do?

Complied. Are they mock? Were that, was that the mockinger? No, that was her, yeah. That's how bad she isn't doing the voice. Staying character, though. Roll over. Josh, please.

I mean, it looks like a hot dog on a roller. I can't get up. You said your details, right? Yes. All right. Still, that's all she cares about. He's ruining her life. Now I'm here.

This is Olivia soprano. She was born in 2004. I can't get over this guy right here. He's the translator. The trans. Yeah, translator. Thanks, Josh. Carrying the red slippers is so funny.

They arrested, like, a pedophile they've been looking for for 25 years. It's like the guy who created the silk road. The guy invented Red Rooms. The pirate Roberts. This guy, dude,

this guy has the saw mask. The little, uh, fucking, I want to play a game. If you watch all of the trial pornography on this hard drive, I'll let you go.

She starts talking like Boba fat. He bought me. I hate you. You escalated this. You escalated this. You escalated this. Fuck off. I'm so laughing that David called her

a giant Labibou. Wait, this is the University of Central Florida? Oh, wow. What the fuck are you doing here? That's crazy. Get that shit. I thought this was Portland for sure.

That's crazy. Yeah, no, no, no. You're in UCA. These cops were amazing. I know. I would... They actually did a great job of you. I would handle this much worse.

These cops, they came straight from a lynching, and they treated this trans person with respect. Yeah, they put her on top of a dead black guy from their previous stop. Yeah, like they're running errands during the day. I know. UCF. That's like a school invented for black students to get into TikToks. Yeah.

I guess it's everywhere, man. That's nuts. That's 2025. It says February 2020. But that's like, this person wants to just be attached to a backpack. She just want, they just want. They just want to hang from a backpack for the rest of their life. Just be carried through existence.

That's so good. I know. In central Florida. It's like that Chinese carp that got in the Mississippi. Like, it's just taking over America. We don't have enough natural predators against it. Yeah, because it's not even, there's nothing going on. There's no commitment to it other than just wearing a wig from the party store and, like, wearing high socks and pink.

shoes. It's highly insulting is what it is. And the cops had to be like, they had to give so much more grace than they would have, like, just a fat, like, frat guy. And that was just a fat frat guy that had, went schizophrenic recently. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Is it ethical to go goon to a porn star that I killed? Wait, that I killed? Wait, what? You guys want to talk about this? Is that a, okay, it's a Reddit post. I thought it was really funny. Title, is it ethical to goon to a porn star that I killed? In 2009, I was a, I was a, involved in a car accident which took the life of a porn actress that I will not

name to protect my privacy. Well, not many. I can maybe get to this? The accident was not my fault but I did not react to conditions in the correct way. Because of this, my car teaboned the vehicle she was in and she died on the scene. I was not criminally charged with anything, but I was found civilly liable in her death.

I was reminded of her recent and found her films. She was quite pretty and her body was incredible. I have emasperated her every night. Is it ethical to goond her? Oh my God. Can you look up... 2009 porn star car accident.

Yeah, car accident. Yeah, death. Yeah. I'm scanning my files, but nothing's coming back. My files in my brain. Shilah Stiles. I have like a mine palace of porn stars. That's actually the only one I know. That really...

Erica Boyer. Her name is Erica Boyer. I think that's the same... The porn actresses. I think that's the same post. Erica Boyer. Car accident, porn star, Mander. No way.

Yeah, dead 2009. Amanda Margaret Gant or Erica, wait, so what's the porn name? I think it's Amanda Margaret Gantz. Erica Boyer car accident, porn star, Amanda Margaret Gant death. She was 53 when she died? What? And she was a porn star.

In Panorama City. Yeah, it sucks ass up there. She died, fucking Hopson was going to buy new contact lenses. Popson. Yeah. From the corner. Hobson's from Panorama City. So is it Erica Boyer?

Yeah. Type an Erica Boyer. Yeah. Erica Boyer. Probably a milf. Probably. She was 53. Oh, yeah.

It literally pops up. Yeah. Let's get some images up here. Oh, my God. Wow. Look at her. So like an 80s, like a playboy. Yeah.

So he killed a retired porn star. He killed like a, oh my God, like a Tracy Lord style. I know. She's a nice look. A fucking lady. Killed like a boogie nights lady. I know. Fuck you.

They were few and far between then, you piece of shit. I know. It's like killing like P-22 or something. It's like killing fucking Pete Marevich. I'll show a picture for the audience. Yes. Born in Alabama, moved to San Francisco. Yeah, she was doing dancing and live sex shows at the Ophirile Theater.

Yeah. She made her, oh, dude, this is how 70s porn was different. She made her hardcore movie debut. and beyond De Saad. Damn. Like something that's an illusion to the Marquis de Saad. The guy who wrote like Salao, yeah.

She did over 150 movies over the course of two decades. She took a hiatus in 1994 but made a brief comeback in the late 90s. Prior to retiring, setting down in Panama, City Beach, Florida.

So this means that this guy found out who he killed in a car accident and it was like, she's a porn star, and then looked into her and then started jacking it. Yeah, well, It was a civil case, so he was probably, like, giving her name, like, many, many times.

Right. But it wasn't like he ran up to her, and he was like, oh, my God. It's her. It's fucking Riley Reed. They're like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's dead. Oh, my God.

I just killed Riley Reed. Yeah. Holy shit. This is so fucked up. This is so fucking. Yeah, guy runs around the corner. He's still juggling up. Sit, get help.

Somebody help, please. I've been doing math to man for hours. Help. Are you gay? Are you gay? Oh, no. That's fucking up. It's so funny.

That's killing me. I know RIP. RIP, attractive poor lady. Did the orgy lady have a baby? What originally? Bonnie Blue. Did Bonnie Blue have a baby? I don't know. I saw she was like pregnant and letting people pee on her and shit.

That might just be like a like a bunch of cum and her like a like a like a pus like a catberry egg. Like a cyst or something. When you burn a tick off. She might just have like a belly cyst of gum or something. I mean, who knows with that horror. Go to Bonnie Blue.

Devin, you dated a girl that like died or whatever. I did. Back in the day, it was fucked up. And you were gooding to her when you found out she died. I literally was jacking off to her when I went to her Instagram page and I realized she was killed crossing the street. Did you finish? No, I put my, I didn't, no. But I have jacked off to her a couple times since.

But in like a memorial, like a way of like, God bless you. That's fucked up. I'll tell that whole story someday. It's not, no time of place right now. But I'll tell a little story. in the episode anyway. Catching all the charge and I'm going to the chain I think I'm iced sex and white screen

Don't you see how bright it Girls be telling me how tight it They think my chain was moved I just off and balled up to Bang all I do Don't you like my chain And I'm popping off the chain And my checkup is so fruited

And call me Gucci Gucci My chain Don't you like my chain Mine Y'all Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain And my Jacob is so fruited I ain't know you call me Gucci Gucci Gucci

Gucci you be shy Gucci, you be shining, man. Don't turn me on home. Tell me who yo, cause I got this chain. My chain hang to my shoe's crying. You love my chain. Why about the stupid? Don't you like my china?

And I'm popping off the chain. And my check a bitch, bitch, my ch. My chain, my chink. Don't you like my chain, man. Y'am Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chain. And my Jacob is so, call me Gucci, Gucci. Yeah. My first chain I had to rob for it.

Jesus peace, yellow diamond sitting all. I'm sitting all in it. I'm on some slick brick shit. 2006 Mr. T. Diamond's so bright. Ain't no way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance. I just lean with it.

My piece is sick. Gary Robert trying to leave with it. I got that New York fitted on. Full suit, Dickie on. Gucci link chain. Blue stones in a nigga charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands.

Traps when he cran on that bezel and that band. No wife but my chain. Got my girlfriend Don't you like my chine mine Y'allin'all got me And I'm popping off the chine And my Jacob is so Gucci Gucci Gucci

My chine My chine Don't you like my chine mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chine And my Jacob is a fruity Call me Gucci Gucci Gucci