lemonparty - 198: Come and Taste It

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

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The ass was a little too provident for me. I'm getting side-tracks. Sure, I agree. But I did. I liked the witch into the Hades thing. We're Elliot Page is in blackface. Hades was cool. Yeah. And Elliot Page is in blackface. I like when Elliot Page comes from Hades and she's like, they're making

us do Al Jolson shit down here. Odysseus. They made me dress like Earl the Pearl. You can keep that in, Ben. And then we're done with the Odyssey forever. You can keep that in. I'm happy you enjoyed it. No. Nolens. Shire. You're that. You're that. You saw. You saw it in the IMAX.

You saw the big thing. You said your seat shook. I get it. You're the newest member of Flagrant that we get it. You eat Ben's replacing Akash. Yeah. As the guy whose wife is fucking people. They said they needed a new cuck on the show.

You go, I got lines of guys outside my house. Yeah, yeah. They're like, he'll work for peanuts. But they meant penis. They're fucking your wife. Have you seen, by the way? Have you seen, like, Akosh's fucking. His videos keep popping up on my Instagram for some reason.

Really? I think he's promoting them. No, I haven't seen him. He's like, he's fully doing his own thing. What's he doing? He's trying to, he's doing his two. He wants to become like Russell Peters, I think, or whatever. He's trying to, because he, he completely, he's completely abandoned his friends.

He's trying to do, like, smart race stuff? All those guys. No, no, no. He's just doing like, it's just weird. He, like, looks fat. He looks like he's an alcoholic now. Okay. He's making videos of his wife who ruined his life.

Sure. He's now like his wife's DP. Wait, double penetration? No, director of photography. Jason. He's like filming his wife, like, do like, my wife with this fly in the room and, you know, and she's hilarious. Right. She's scared of the fly?

Yeah, something like that. Does the fly fucker? They're on mute. Her legs are in the air and the fly is fucking the shit. They're all fighting over a turd. Him, his wife, and the fly. It's a big battle royale for a turd in the room. Low, horrible jokes, sorry.

But it's just funny. I didn't know what happened to him for a while. Of course, I've seen a couple of the comedy docs. But I was like, whatever. We were all waiting to see his next move. His next move. And then all of a sudden I'm scrolling Instagram and, like, he keeps popping up. But I don't follow him.

I've never even seen his Instagram page before. And now his videos pop up where it's like a tour date. He's fully, you know, he's just trying to like really do his own thing. But he's like, he leaned into like, yeah, this bitch ruined my life. My wife crazy. And I'm like about that shit. And like, fuck my friends that like help me. They fucking abandoned.

I don't even know what Schultz did wrong to him. What did he? How was Schultz supposed to handle that? The whole world's calling you a cop. There's no way. Once the black YouTube. channels get a hold of your wife getting fucked yeah there's no it's over it's over it's all over he turned into a human what are those yeah there's nothing to do you're already a dead guy you're a dead

soldier in the mud and like haiti yeah you're you're there but you're not there anymore yeah black guys are pouring mud in a in a blood in a plate to go fuck his wife in the afterlife his wife goes crawls up and they bend her over fucker in the black ass maybe you've heard of my are my cucking at troy Yeah, you want to talk about a black stallion. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, with my Trojan.

Oh, yeah. A few Trojan horse fucked his wife. Hey. She's, there's footage of his, of a cautious wife talking about banging the Trojan horse. They just drop her in the mouth. Yeah. She's like, so the horse got done fucking me. And then a hundred men flew out of it.

And they also. And fucked me too. Coming down on ropes. Coming out. And going, going, shh, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush. Coming silently. Yeah, she's Helen of Troy, but people are fighting over who gets her. Nobody wants to be her wife.

When you click on an Akash video, are the comments, are they civil? I don't know. I don't know. You could look it up if you want. I don't know. You didn't look into the comments. I didn't look into the comments for some reason. But I just, he looks bad, too.

Like, he looks. He's gained a lot of ways. He has big puffy face. Big puffy face He looks like me if I don't take a week off Yeah, if you really start If I just did it Benging day after day after day

I mean something's up And also I don't blame him Indians can't drink Yeah, I don't blame him I don't blame him either But like it's crazy to just commit to this Like you can His wife convinced him to like block his like

He actually blocked him He blocked He's not or he thought it didn't block But he's like not Unfollowed He's like unfollowed Right You leave the show

You don't give an announcement I'm not leaving the show, which literally put me in a tailspin for a week. You were inconsolable. I was devastated. I was wandering the streets. We would show up to record, and it's you and Yoshi with a big rum bottle laying on the ground. Head in my hand. Akosh is not on Flakrant Thu anymore.

It devastated me. We'd walk in and you'd be covered in your own shit. And we'd be like, Devon, you'd be like, where'd he go? You didn't say anything. Devin's whole identity, the way he found the Sopranos in high school, that was you had Flagrin' too. Yeah, in your 30s. With Akash, I looked at, Akash was like my host

through the world. Like, I looked at him. You're Christopher Malti. I lived through him. Yeah. And so. That's the guy, Adriana. The guy who made me retarded.

But I do think it's fucked up to, I can't believe after all that backlash, all the whole world talking about it, you leave the show and then you unfollow your friends. Yeah, because they weren't trying to ride with him. They didn't kick him to the curve or anything. I thought Shult handled it well. He had to make a couple jokes about it. Yeah, you can't not.

Can't not. Art gets insane. Yeah. How bad it gets. But like, I don't think it needed to. They even had her on, I think, the show and stuff. And they tried to do it. They tried to do damage control and they had like, I remember that. They did a whole thing. I don't know. It's just weird. It's sad to see. No, I remember being on the show and being like, listen, when I was laughing about getting fucked in my ass while I was asleep. I was like, that was trauma. I was like, it's a joke.

It's trauma-based. It was a joke, but also it was I was getting raped and it's trauma. And that's why I was laughing my ass off. Yeah. Talking about getting my booty hole fucked. It's just these things. What are they called hypergamy or something? Hypergamy.

Hypergamy? Yeah, what does that mean? I think, well, it's, like, I saw a video of an Indian lady in a club trying to suck off clavicular. Okay. Okay. As, when you see a clavicular video, usually he's moving through a public. square and there's women that are

bending over and showing hole and pointing at it with a big neon sign. Yeah, he's always walking through pussy like he's blade in a nightclub scene. Yeah. Where people are trying to dance on him. He's like, no. I have to kill somebody. He actually rules. Yeah, he's cool. He's ruined his nose, but...

Yeah, so, Clivicular is walking to the nightclub. Satanist look, Max, yeah, blah, blah, blah. They get kids to kill themselves, whatever. He gets tons of pussy, cry harder facts. Sure. Right. Yeah. And he doesn't, he like, talks about how he comes in like five seconds and it doesn't matter which is great

that is pretty nice we're in the intellectual dark age but anyway sure I was seeing this clip and apparently so the Indian woman kept young sexy Indian lady kept saying like you can steal me

from my boyfriend you can steal me from my business you kept saying into his ear and looking to the camera and then all the reply guys were talking about hypergamy and that which basically like like a woman's always looking to level up.

Right. Always looking for, you know, to trade in a car, get a new lease. She's like Mario. She's always looking for a new mushroom. Like, kind of, it's like a 90% fact. But apparently in India, that's the thing. Well, yeah, they got a cat system. Yeah.

Yeah. Over there. So women kind of always have their head on a swivel over there. Yeah. And they're looking for another rung on the ladder to climb up. No. To get out of the shit. No, pun intended.

Oh, yeah. No, being born in India. is hell. But women in India, they get one roll of the dice and that's their pussy. Can I say...

And I almost always hit snake eyes but every once in a while. No, it's your only collateral. Yeah. Was that Indian woman with an Indian guy? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Don't be kidding or something. And I thought about Akash when I saw that. I was like, damn. Yeah. I think soon we're going to see

a clip of clavicular just like fucking Akash's wife in the ass. Probably. Like they're on kick. And yawning. And he's going to go, ooh!

He's bored. Yeah. patting his mouth. like an Indian going, oh. Skull fucking. Yeah, I'm just being like, I'm so bored. I'm so, my wife fucking is, I'm so used to that it bores me. I saw the picture of Kovicier with the guy who founded the looks maxing forum that he got started on.

Did you see that? The Satanus 764 forum. I didn't know. Is that the forum? All those forums, it all originates with the, you know. Right. That's where all the satanic stuff originates all the, all the terrorist stuff. It's all there.

All the 764, and by the way, it's called 764 because you have to be 764 pounds to be in it. Exactly. If you're talking to a child on Roblox trying to get him to kill his grandpa, you got to be above 700 pounds. You got to be this fat to work for the CIA to get children to kill their grandpies. You must be. Yeah, they have a big round circle you have to not fit through at the CIA headquarters to work in the, The children killing their grandpas division. It's like the buffet at Vegas.

Yeah. Where have you weigh over a certain pound. Oh, the heart attack grill. Yeah, which closed down, which is bullshit. Yeah. Too many, America got too fat. They had to go out of business. There was a guy, owner just ripping his hair out, like Artie Bucco.

He's being like, everybody's fat as fuck. Everybody's eating free every day. He's like, why did I set the free limit at 380? Everybody. The baby got to eat for free the other day. They rolled it onto the way. thing onto the scale. But what about the

looks maxing form? Oh no. It was, I just saw, I just go through my Twitter. I look at it like it's the sun. I just like, I just glint at it, but it was like, here's Clevicchio with the guy who started the looksmacking form. Looks maxing form he started on and it was a, it looked like the black guy

from Family Matters. Like they found him in a well or something. It was like a very, very black guy who looked like he looked like really shitty. And you're like, what? This is the guy who started the looks maxing. It looked like the guy from that famous photo of the black guy like looking nervous at that at that like party where there's all these like white people. Yes. Yeah. It looked like the black guy scaring the hose image. Yeah. And that did make me

think. I'm like, oh yeah, maybe that is the 764 or whatever it is. Like why would that guy started a looks maxing for him? Yeah, it's 09A shit. To be talking to like little white beautiful children like clavicular and make them like hit their girlfriend's hammer chin with a hammering shit. It's just fat brits who like love the devil and you don't love fit. Like they love eating fish and chips and talking to children on the Game Boy. Right. It's probably not. Honestly, like it's probably a better life than most people we know.

The 7664 guys? Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. No, everybody who's getting school shootings to start, they're living a better life than any of us ever will. Yeah. At all.

Did you guys see the new Eddington video of a guy opening five? Edit and out? There's a big war on burger. right now. No. There's the great Burger War. That's our next Civil War

is the Burger War. Come and take it. Yeah, the Northern States are like, square burgers. And this out is like, the round burgers shall rise again. Civil War over the shape of burger. Yeah, and guys have cannons

taped to their rascal scooters. He's going, FAA! And shooting other fat guys out of the cannon. Yeah, come and taste it. the comment takes it Woo

Hell yeah Ben Yeah Hell yeah Unfortunately that guy wasn't fat He was just he just looked like a psycho That decided to treat the in and out Drive-through like this Oh I didn't look into it

Who was he? I don't know Can we watch this video? Wait did you say he didn't look like a psycho? No no no He wasn't a fat guy Oh, it wasn't a fat guy That's a shame

And no he didn't look like a psycho It was a normal Sunday So, sometimes you see shooter, usually normal shooters, they just kill, like, kill their family. Yeah, sure. When a guy just does it in, like, jeans and, like, a tucked-in shirt. An all-American shooting. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what they would. A toss-pedi shooting. A regular, just old bank teller gets home. And he goes, this is the last time I'm going to open the garage door and close it. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, this garage door is like a samurai sword. Once it closes, it has to draw blood before it can open again.

Yeah. But the guy that. shot at him. Yeah. It looked like it went on. There's another guy with a gun. Yeah, then shot at him. And then there's footage of people in their car in a parking lot just like filming him like 60 feet away from them. Not even running. He's like unloading into a Tesla

at like a charging station. Probably. And then running around. Was it Jeff dies? Runs to the back of the... It was Craig Fitzsimmons. It was Craig Fitzsimmons and Lord Kightlinger. They're writing Gush. They're running douche and bullets like a into his tassel, like an old gangster and Spencer Tracy. Jeff Dike, can you pull up his tweet? Of course.

It's the funniest thing. He got, he saw somebody wrote douche on his cyber truck in dust. In dust. And he goes, I have to check my, the data on this car and see who did this. But he didn't tweet, like, when he tweeted, I thought somebody like spray painted it or something. Yeah, I thought they carved it in or something. I didn't know it was just the simple, like, that happens. to everybody.

It's so funny. You know what I kept thinking when I saw those? Yeah. I kept being like, you know how we have that whole joke about how like Jeff dies like all the greatest people

to ever live or always like Jeff dies always like yeah so you know the Pope said I suck ass like that type of shit. Yeah. I was like I kept imagining he goes to his Tesla footage and it's Jesus Christ

wrote douche on his car. It's Jesus and Abraham Ling is in the back watching him smiling. He's like, so I went to church today come back out I see that Jesus Christ Himself Didn't know Jesus was a big lib

Everybody Yeah can we read the tweet Oh of course Yeah performed on a show with a comic I've never met her name is Laura Kightlinger Tagged her at King Kikelinger She seemed nice enough We didn't talk and she left before I went up

I'm assuming she didn't know it was my Tesla She wrote douche on my Tesla Strange behavior I think she knew it was your Tesla man He's going Still giving her the benefit of the doubt Unfortunately douche is a little too too specific. Yeah. Yeah, anybody at that comedy club

employees-only parking lot could have been driving the cyber truck covered in shit and dust. Can you pull, the picture of Fitzsimmons made me laugh so hard. Yeah. Because you sent it and I zoomed in. He's in the corner with his arms crossed, just laugh. Can you zoom it on his face? Well, it let you zoom in at all. I don't, I don't know if I know how to do it on my Oh, sorry. If you do it on your phone, it's so funny. He just, he just has the biggest shit eating grin. So funny. Yeah, but he's tweeting like, he's like, I'm not safe.

I'm in danger. Well, he kind of keeps implying they did it with like a marker or something like that. They just did it with dust. They were running dust. That's funny. Yeah. Your friends, like, you've never been at a party. You come out and like there's been like balls and jizz drawn into your car on dust

or something. The dust thing is like you don't even care. You just get in your car. No, you just go, that's funny. You go, whatever. You go, I gotta get a car wash. Oh, there's a picture of it. Oh, no.

So, okay. Laura Kightlinger just responded. Just now Fresh off the presses Oh fresh Okay so here it is She wrote it with her finger She wrote it with her finger

That's a dirty cyber truck man What the hell are you doing Jesus Christ Get a fucking car wash How do you He's driving in LA How does your car get that Fucking dirty?

He's he must live in the desert He lives He lives in the car The cyber truck was the only thing he has He's living in his car He goes and writes Bid in the dead Bits in the desert

are like it's breaking bad. Car running out of battery almost dies. Yeah. Oh my God. And she took a picture too. So Laura says, I was so annoyed by taking down of a comic who had just performed, I impulsively wrote a douche in the fog on his car.

The way you're crying out about it should be embarrassing to tough guy, misogynist everywhere. Oh, I wonder who he took down that was on the show. It might have been somebody that could read. I apologize. guys for writing douche and con...

This is a message she wrote to Jeff Die. And the condensation on your windshield that was in reaction to you or trashing another comic or just performed that night. It was impulsive I should have talked to you directly about this. And then what's the next picture? Fair. Oh, and he's responding over Instagram. Oh, here he goes. Making

fun of, busting balls or rivet the comic before you as I think comedians have been doing for longer than all of us have been doing comedy. Just because Blank is a woman doesn't mean I treat her differently. I love Blank. She can take a joke. I assume you wrote condensation on my windshield

to somehow minimize that you wrote it on my car? Well, it doesn't make sense. I assume you wrote he didn't write, she didn't write condensation. Well, I think she wrote whatever. He doesn't, yeah. I assume you wrote condensation. I mean, he's using chat GPT. Yeah. Yeah, this is Claude. He's trying to say, he goes,

he goes, let me see what my best friend, Claude has to think about this. And he goes, quad, what do you think? And he goes, you should fucking kill yourself. And he's like, Claude, I pay you. Yeah, he goes, blow your shit smooth off, dude. I assume you wrote condensation on my windshield to somehow minimize that you wrote it on my car. It's that you called a grown man an insult behind his back and then giggled about it and took a selfie. This is real childish behavior.

And then he sends the Tesla video again. You're comedians. It's really childish behavior. Who cares? Yeah. Well, he's kind of implying that she used something permanent, and that's why she said condensation. And then he's like, I'm assuming you said condensation. you said condensation, does not

I minimize that you wrote it on my car? It's like, it's just in dust. No. You just move your hand once and it's gone. By the way, she's not minimizing it. The reality minimized it. And you're mad that her sentence was accurate. So you have to be like,

Jeff responded. He won't stop. I'm not crying out. I'm simply holding you accountable for your bullshit. I'm also not a tough guy or misogynist. I'm simply a fellow comedian that didn't appreciate being called a name. That should be a T-shirt.

He sells. He fucking rules, dude. He should sell a t-shirt that says, I'm simply a fell comedian that didn't appreciate being called a name. I'm simply another comedian that didn't like being called a name. I thought you'd understand that. Wow. I talked to my friend who is a criminal lawyer.

Craig Fitzsimmons and Laura Kylinger are going to jail for a really long time. I heard about those. I talked to him, yeah. Yeah, they're done. Because he's not lib. They're finished. It's a good luck. The DA, I heard, is not woe.

Yeah, or something. I was prosecuting them like Fauci. It's very funny that Jeff was tagging Elon in the tweet. We did skip over that. Like Elon's supposed to get involved. Because it's his car. Something happens to your Lexus, and you look up like Hiroshi, Hiroshima, or whatever. Be like, hey, what do you think about this, man?

You made the cars. Elon's like, there was a 10,000 Sabertrucks that got that rent on them last night. I can't, I don't care. Yeah, it's also like, if you own a cyber truck, I think it would be the funniest part of owning a cyber truck. Is all the things written on it. Is the amount of people taking pictures of you and writing douche on your car would be very funny.

Especially when apparently you park your cyber truck in the Mojave Desert every night. It's the dirtiest car I've ever seen. That's covered in so much dust. He rules. He kicks ass. He got in his car and he immediately looked up his Tesla, his like, what is that called, your sentry data or whatever?

Devin, are we sure he even got a DUI or did he just not wash his windshield? Yeah. That's going to be true. Did he need a car wash? His car could have been so dirty that when he hit the, like, the spray windshield wiper fluid, it turned into, like, thick mud and made it actually harder to see it. He was driving, like, West on Ventura. He turned his car into mud.

I mean, he does have the... He might just take his head out the window like a golden retriever. Yeah. You're driving around. It's on effort. Yeah, he lets the car drive itself and he sticks his head out. His tongue is flying. Yeah, yeah.

He tries to eat bugs. Yeah, he parks the car and puts it in dog mode. Because he almost died one time. Couldn't find the keys inside the car and almost died. Covered in sweat and so thirsty. So what I'm really excited for is, obviously, we all. know Jeff is at the mothership this week. Yeah, of course. Oh, yeah. It's going to be big. Oh, my God. You get his dates on a big fax machine. Of course. Sent right to me.

Email to me. And I'm sure there's going to be jokes about Bigfoot, maybe some UFO stuff. It's going to be great. But I'm sure what I'm really, and all the fans are hoping that he does Jerry. Oh, yeah, yeah. I hope he does. I mean, when you're in town, you do the show. And who is implicated in this whole thing? It's Greg Fitzsitt Simmons. Joe Rogan's old. oldest friend. One of his oldest friends. Rogan loves Greg loves Greg. Yeah. Loves him. Yeah.

Greg goes on his show and says the N-word all the time. He loves Greg. Yeah. Because he's Lib. Yeah. He's not, he's not doing the show. You don't think so? I don't think so.

I think Rogan sides of Fitzsimmons in this. I think he's doing the show. I thought about texting Jamie. Yeah? Be like, hey, can we make that happen? Like, hey, it's been a minute. Yeah. Hey, Jamie's been a minute.

Can you do me a favor? I know you don't book the show, but listen. Listen. I have nothing. I know you're afraid for your life. But maybe you should throw your weight around a little bit and get them on the show. How about you start calling the shots in the studio? Jeff dies like, Jamie, pull up vowels.

Listen, Jamie, I know Greg and Joe are hat buddies. They get together and compare the same hat they wear from time to time. Yeah, I know they share the same. corner man's hat. Yeah, they have the custody. They have custody of a newsboy cap. He gets it on the weekends. They meet...

Joe and Grinchir, custody of a paperboy hat. They meet in a Vaughn's parking lot every Sunday to exchange the hat. To exchange the newsboy hat. I thought that was a good look on Joe, actually. Me too. I thought that he looked good in that. Me too. Yeah, he looked like customato.

Yeah. He should bring him. Bring it back. You don't look like a Gotham, like, Hinchman. Like, in the Peter... Yes. The Spider-Man, like, PlayStation game from the mid-2000s, early 2000s. Like, it's a guy you would beat up.

He should be goon-maxing. He should be a goon for a crime war. He needs to wear driving gloves and a newsboy cap. And say, what do you want to do, boss? His boss is Peter Thiel. Then Peter Deal goes spread misinformation. He said, you got a boss! That'd be a great special.

Yeah. Rogan walking around with his knuckles. is dragging on the on the stage doing bits about like like working at docks and stuff yeah taking down Batman yeah he's literally a guy in Gotham he goes Batman kick my ass bitch Batman fuck me in the ass like this and then he fucks the stool for 45 minutes and then we say we're going to not do these bets as much no no it's fine we do need to do an ad before I forget Oh, yes, of course. Let me do an advertisement I have right here. And Devon needs to pee, of course.

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I will send an email to get some more sent. How about this? James, can I have a Zen? Hey, whoa! We've had to resort to that. Hey! Take it easy, pal. The ad left.

We ended the ad. Take it easy, pal. Maybe these people over at Lucy can figure something out. Maybe they don't want that to happen. anymore. I have to go so out of my way to get them. I know. Sometimes I have to resort to the Zen and I don't like it.

It's ashy. It makes my mouth hurt. I don't care for it. They're full of fucking, you know. If I don't have nicotine once every three days, I will do a DFW in my garage. Yep. In Pomona. What's a DFW?

Dallas. What is that? David Foster Wallace. Oh, David. He hung himself in Pomona. Right. In a garage. Right.

On his porch. right? No, no, no, in his garage. Oh, in his garage? Yeah. Or like some sort of barn thing, yeah. Yeah. And Pumont, he was teaching at Pimona City College. I've recently been re-listening to, like, him talking to, like, Michael Silverblatt of Book Warm on KCRW. Did he hang himself with his bandana, by the way?

Actually, I don't know. It was a bunch of bananas he tied together, like, an orphan escaping. That's what he hung himself there. But I do listen to those every once in a while. What is it, Michael Silverstein? Michael Silverblatt. Michael Silverblatt. I don't know who he is, but he sounds like a real sex past.

Yeah. He sounds like a classical liberal in that he... He's very soft-spoken like this. And, I mean, God only knows what I do in the bedroom. Who knows? I'm Michael Gold, whatever Jewish name I have. So what is he? He breaks down David Foster Wallace, because I've been listening to David Foster Wallace

interviews lately for some reason, too. It's actually strange. You guys brought him out. Oh, really? Yeah. You should listen to this one because it's great. It's him on NPR. It was an NPR show called Bookworm, I think.

Yeah, I thought it was on KCRW, but maybe. Seems like a brilliant guy, but the guy couldn't handle TV. Fucking idiot. Sounds like the guy killed himself because he, like, watching diehard too much on Christmas and thought that was horrible for the nation. It's kind of true.

Kind of not too far off. Yeah. Can't handle being smart and enjoying action movies, you fucking bozo? Jesus Christ. What do you think we're all doing? What if he made it 10 more years to 2018? He's like, he does more interviews with Michael Gold,

whatever's name is? And he's just like, I actually figured out gooning, like I gooned my way out. I feel great now all the time. He's like, I get him at the same garage. I just goon for 12 hours and I don't have depression anymore. It actually kicks ass. If he didn't kill himself, I bet he would be seen at, like, he would have gotten caught up in some sort of politically charged nonsense. He would have got caught up in some Sarah Cooper wokenness, unfortunately.

He would have felt pressured into that. Or then gone the other way or something. And he was like, yeah. You know, corrupted and... He was too gay to be like in the cult of the, like, right type guys. Yeah. Yeah. He just is too awkward to do that type of shit, I think.

He was born in 1963, so he would have been, what, 603? 63 now, I guess. Yeah. 64, something like that, whenever he was born. Yeah. But... I love him. Yeah, I love Jason Siegel.

It is a great movie. David Foster Wallace rules. I love Jason Segal. Oh, yeah, you're like, oh, yeah, Infinite Just, I watch. Yeah, there's that movie. Yeah, you go, Infinite Just, I watch, I remember watching Jesse Eisenberg read that in a movie. Yeah, Jesse Eisenberg read it and said it was good, and then Jason Seagel killed it as you. And I don't even know you.

I mean, I think a lot of these writers have to live in horrible places because they need health insurance. So they get riding jobs in English departments and like, I mean, Pomona. Poma. Poma. Poma, uh, is, Pomona College is like at a really prestigious school, right? Yeah, I mean, he talked about moving to the area and he said it's just, like, one extended shopping mall. My dad worked in Pimona my entire childhood. It's really dark.

That's in like, because you're Nepo, baby. That's in like, uh, Riverside or something. Napoli of Pimona. I was talking about. That's like around Riverside, right? Um. Pomona. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just east of, yeah. That's the same thinking. The area that sucks. It's the suck-air. Shit-ass freeway off-ram. The moon. Literally when I drive through it, the moon. It's just a parking line.

It sucks. It can get wiped out tomorrow and no one would know. It sucks, ass. People wouldn't know. It'd still be stopping at a farmer's boy on the way to Arizona. And they'd be like, where is everybody? Oh, excuse these black shadows on the wall. So what were you going to say about the FW?

Oh, I was talking to my friend Logo about this other day. Logo Daylish, you guys should follow him an X. And we were like, he's great. And we were talking about... His name's Logo Danish? Yeah, he listens to the show. Okay. Okay.

I'll follow him. I actually, he's my best. He likes us? He's also a California elitist, Kevin. He loves California. He likes us? I like him. He's my best friend.

He's a California elitist. I like him even more. He's my best friend. Hope he comes on the show. I love people who love me. I love people who love me. Big fan of me and people who are fans of me. Jayz, you know what I'm a weird side track, but every time I watch the Dodgers,

I can't stop thinking about. about our riff last year in the World Series. We were doing Trump with announcing the lineups, and when Tommy Edmund comes up and he goes, Tiny Tommy Edmund. Here comes to that tiny Tommy Edmund. Tiny Tommy Edmund can barely see the ball because he's so tiny.

Little five-foot-eight tiny Tommy Edmund can barely get his hands around the bat. Sorry. And any time he'd strike out, yeah, we'd be watching it, we just go, that's poor tiny Tommy Edmund. Walking back to the deck at the Charlottes. Another strikeout for Tiny.

Tommy. He strikes out, he walks to the dug out the sad Charlie Brown's song starts playing because he's Tiny Tommy Edmund. I don't even know why we started doing it. Is he that small? Is he that small? He's like 5'10. So you guys were bullying a baseball player

throughout an entire game for no reason? He were just saying, was that how Trump would talk about him? He would have a nickname for everybody. He'd just be like, Tiny Tommy Edmund. That's White, Freddie Freeman. Beautiful white man. Beautiful, Freddie. That's beautiful white.

Freddie Freeman. The fantastic Freddie Freeman. And here comes the beautiful Chinese boy, Shohay Otani. He's a beautiful Chinese prince. Can you believe that? Can you believe that? And nothing is more fun than hyperfixating on an individual

for no reason whatsoever and then marginalizing them. It's the funniest thing to ever do. It's so great. It's genuinely is the funniest thing to ever do. To hate somebody, to just be evil to somebody for zero reason. Yeah, just because you were born. It's absolutely hilarious.

Yeah, to be the adult version of a kid. kid picking wings off a fly because you're bored. It's very funny. Anyway, weird soundtrack. I'm going, tiny, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Edmund. Tiny, Tommy Edmund. Tommy Edmund. Oh, I was just talking about, like,

people always say, like, Deer Fuster Wallace was depressed, but we were laughing because it's like, if that guy lived in New Zealand, he would have never killed himself. Oh, 100%. But he had to live in point, like, guys like that who just see the writing on the wall

and decide to check out. Mm-hmm. People go, oh, it's like a chemical and bout, which isn't a real thing or whatever. Okay. It's like, no, he just, like, he would have, if he had moved, if he was able to live somewhere else, or if we just gave people health insurance here and they were just able to write and be left alone and not have to teach college classes, he would have been fine. Yeah.

He'd been totally fine. Yeah, his suicide now was just an American flag that he wrote goodbye on. That sucks ass about intellectuals, like, brilliant guys. Like, you still have to, like, teach a class? It's like so strange. Yeah, I mean, the lady who Mary Lynn Robinson who wrote Gilead, great book. I mean, she teaches college because she just still needs health insurance.

Yeah, like the Iowa's Writers Workshop or something like that. Yeah. Got to live in Iowa. Every writer I personally know is like either in debt or they have, or they're teaching in college or, you know, and these are successful people I'm friends with. And that's kind of just how it is. You still have to like, you know,

I mean, it's amazing because you're reading like the hardest pieces of hardest works of literature you're reading like cervantes you're reading like ulysses and stuff and then now with kids coming into college you're doing hooked on phonics type stuff yeah like how could you even start with

yeah you're writing like third way of like postmodern literature yeah you're reading and as a kid being like here's my story called the guy who fucked good he's like once a guy with a backwards hat that's three feet tall and he goes once there was a frat guy with my name who fucked really

cool. He fought really good and deep and long. The end. You're reading like the unc that grew in Brooklyn. An unc grows in Brooklyn. An unc grows in Brooklyn. Yeah. Death of an unc.

Don't cap in the elevator bill. The chop salesman. Yeah. The chop man cometh. Yeah. Long don't. Long journey into cap

I have always thought it is so it must suck to be a fucking brilliant intellectual and like a great like writer because you still just have to teach it's the weirdest thing you still have to be a I think that's the tough thing for guys like DFW where it's like you still have to like be alive yeah he should just like go on interviews and be really smart and they should be on YouTube and then he should get paid like a million dollars yeah and then just go not kill himself somewhere in a house.

Their accessibility is also very bizarre. To be that great and to still be like, like, it's like if like, you know, Kobe like just still taught, like he coached a fucking park league or something. Like, you know what I mean? If Kobe made $95,000 a year. It's bizarre. And occasionally every once in a while got a check for $150,000.

Yeah. A book you wrote once every six years. Like you're Michael Jordan, but you're still making like high schoolers like do sprints. Yeah. You're Michael Jordan, but you're driving an 07. and Toyota Camry. Yeah. With like the rubber

falling out of the window. I mean, David Foster Wallace lived in, what was it like Minnesota? What was the horrible? Idaho. Illinois, I think. Illinois.

And then, yeah. Iowa, maybe. I can remember. It was Idaho. Yeah, I just remember Jason Siegel with his dogs. And then Jesse Eisenberg came over.

And then he fucking Jesse, Jason Siegel killed himself. Yeah. I know it's crazy. It's insane. Forgetting Sarah Marshall committed suicide. Because he showed his dick on camera and he felt bad about that.

It's so funny that we're doing the thing that he warned would be happening. Yeah, yeah. That people can only relate to the image of something rather than interacting with the thing itself. Like, we can only talk about writers through movies made about the writer. Yeah. And so we have to talk about the actor in the movie playing the writer about the guy. Yeah.

So we're like, we're so far removed from reality. Nothing means anything. It's true. If DFW listened to this show, he would have some paragraph description where it was, like, he described this brutally as like a bird ranting about its case. but refusing to leave it. And we'd be like, kill yourself, bitch. Fuck you.

How about you consider the news fag? Yeah. Yeah. It's his fault, though. Although a fun thing I'll never do again is being alive, bitch. Yeah, bitch. Fuck you. Fuck you ass. Yeah, fuck you.

All he had to do was fucking, you know, take that fucking bandana off and put a Clementine and a harmonica in it and leave town. Hit the, hit the tracks. Like an old hobo? Yeah, like an old hobo, like a vagabond. You jump on a train Out of town

You're end of the tour I'm about the end of your life It sucks A sad chud Yeah Maybe more like David F word Wallace How about that How about infinite jizz

Yeah That's right Bitch He would have love this Fuck you Girl with the curious ass Fuck you A lot of people I've seen

Try to cancel him Retroactively For what? Being racist I've read about I've heard these things Oh I didn't know He was racist

No I don't know He would, um, he, I mean, he's, he was a blood. He was, oh, of course, never, very good. He was very obsessive. Uh, he, he, he stalked a woman in college. Then he turns up into a crib. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Oh. Comedy. Going to take your YouTube away. Hey. Sorry.

No, he was, he was stalking of one. I read that, um, biog-do. Do you read that biography of him? Every, every story is a ghost story, I think it's called. No, I only read the end of the tour. Yeah. When it came to, like, somewhat. of a biography, you know.

Yeah, he was kind of like a dick had in college by his own accounts. Yeah, I mean, I mean, he was so self-conscious that he was constantly, you know, pretending to, you know, hating himself so much so you couldn't get there first. Right. You know, that was kind of his whole thing. And I'm guessing when he got fucked up on his antidepressants later, he started spiraling a little bit. He gets depressing.

You go, you're, you know, you're fucking, you write infinite jest, and now you're, like, you know, doing Apple TV shows, like, called shrinking. shit. You know? You should be writing. You should be writing not doing nine seasons of how I met your mother. You do the Muppets. Like a musical.

You should be writing the next great novel. You should be writing and then you're just eaten by the beast of Hollywood. Exactly. Yep. Not doing things for yourself anymore. You know, we weren't even in this is the end. They kept you out of that. I thought you were friends with all those.

guys. Anyway. Tweeting at a dead author asking, you're going, when's your book coming out? When's the new season? I'm going to tweet at David Foster Walls. When's the new season of shrinking? Tweeting

at David Foster Wallace, what's Harrison for like in real life? And then he doesn't answer and then a month later you tweet like, fuck you. Also, what's the Jessica Williams Titty's like? You go, fuck you, but also. But also, what's her tithes?

What's your co-star's titty's like? Fuck you, but also? I'm sorry, I'm sorry for... Why are you sorry for doing the show? It makes a wildly anti-intellectual. I apologize. No, that's the show. No, the show is anti-intellectual.

That's true. The show is against intellect. Yeah. What were you saying? Oh, yeah, he was hyper-obsessed with this woman in college, and he, apparently he's stalked her to some degree. Yeah, because Russell Brand stole. A rock star was banging her down. Telling people that your

favorite thing David Foster Wallace ever made was the play about vampires. The guy love his music. The Dracula musical was David Foster Wallace's best thing. Dude, that was so good. Dude, did you see him when he was a kid and freaks and geeks?

You could see the talent there. And he drums so well. I love you, David Foster. You see, you're eating soup. at Nobu and you see Jason Seagal walking you go, they fuck was! Dude, you wrote so many fucking books, dude. You go, where's your fucking bandana, dude?

He's trying to side step around you. I heard you fucking killed yourself. What was with that? Oh, fuck. Okay, sorry, Ben, go on. He carved a woman's initials into his leg with a knife. Something like that. I'm going those lines.

So people who like to be very contrarian and everyone sucks with me likes to point that out that, you know, art, like, you know, oh, you like that person, well, did you know one time they did a thing that was bad? Are you telling me an artist at a conflicted personal life?

Oh my God. I don't know if he ever talked about it publicly that he had the scar of the... No, he didn't talk about the college shit at all. I mean, obviously he was just so deeply and darkly, you know, disturbed and depressed, that he was hyper fixating on somebody so he didn't have to think about his own pain.

I think it was also... Or maybe he was horny as all fuck. I think he was just horny as fuck. I think I could have helped him out a lot, honestly, by helping him, Jay's. If there was a hitch kind of movie but Jason, David Foster Wallace... Yeah, and I'm telling him

how to use his intellect to manipulate women into sex. It's Jason having David Foster Wallace dance to yeah, by Usher. And we're both bad at it. We're both... Kevin James. You're teaching him how to fuck, then block.

Yeah, yeah. You fuck, then you block. I go, and you go, and you go, because you're afraid. And he's like, of what? I go, it doesn't matter. You're just afraid. Just tell yourself you're afraid. You're just afraid all the time of everything.

You're afraid of not getting enough pussy. Yeah. Or getting too much. I go riddle me this. He's typing away. Yeah, on a big typewriter. Yeah. He's writing his book and ignoring me.

I think I remember from that biography, when he was in college he did have a lot of self-hate, but he also had this inflated ego of I'm so great, and he was kind of riding off of that. And when he had his first real psychiatric episode, like, it really popped everything he knew. He thought he was, like, the great postmodern writer, and he got literature in a way that nobody else understood. It was writing this, like, very, you know, like, self-referential shit in college, and then had, like, a psychiatric episode, got hospitalized, was, like, you know, working in a, like, as a security guard, in like a spa at night.

Yeah, I think he was like a towel boy, like a tennis club. Yeah. Or like in a wide shape. And that was a real like, oh, I fucking, no, I actually do suck and I have to like deal with this. Yeah, he had the good humbled thing of your early to mid-20s thing. Yeah. Yeah. For a procrocious kid, that's a good thing to go through.

Yeah, a very talented person with a lot of promise having the like bubble popped and being like, no, you kind of like suck and you actually have to make something good in order to have something good, you know. But yeah, no, I teach him how to get pussy and eat pussy. I've never read it to adjust. I heard there's like a whole, you have to have like a cheat sheet to even figure out what the fuck's going on.

Are you talking about the footnot? You have to go to the footnotts. They're end notes. Or whatever. They're at the end. I'm sure he's, I'm sure it's great. Yeah, he's great.

He was, he was amazing in that movie. So, I mean, yeah. It rocks so much. Yeah. It rocks so much.

It's the exact thing. He was like warning civilization. And we're using it, we're using it to mock him and his death. Yeah, we're using it to literally like, trivialized the man's suicide. Well, he shouldn't have killed himself. That was horrible. But it's a, you know. I think he was in enough pain that it warranted a suicide.

It did. It warranted it more than, like, Bourdain. Mm-hmm. Well, yeah, because he went off, Bordane just got cucked so hard. Yeah. He could have, like, learned a lot from Akash, actually. He could have. He could have.

He could have reached out to Akash. Yeah, Bordane should have blocked everybody that worked on no reservations. Yeah, but Akash got that empire state of mind. Yeah. The whole empire is fucking his wife. The entire New York, Tri-County, 12 million people are fucking his wife. They're on a boat in Staten Island to go fuck the last borough. Immigrants are coming over, like, Ellis Island to fuck Ahcash's wife.

They're changing the statute of liberty to say, like, come, your horny, your com buckets. everyone come fuck Akash's wife yeah yeah yeah they keep her in the head of the statue of everybody to get fucked they reopened it but yeah

but the DFW he went off of his medication that was the thing because he was like I think I'm good now and he was like doing really well went off of it fell into a really bad spiral

tried to get back on it and it made him worse like on a rebound effect and that's when he hung himself yeah you could have thought of it about magnets exactly I could be like they got some I go do you know Neil Brennan and he's like no I died in 2008 I go okay well Neil Brennan's a phony guy with a podcast in 2020 he did some magnet shit

and a gayer guy named Jace that's me that's me that's my name I'm your hitch I did magnets two years ago and it made me feel good and shit so what was he really like what was his whole worry that like TV kicked too much ass and shit yeah that's essential Actually, yes. He said it kicked too much ass. You would never want to do anything else and basically live the life of a bug in a big tube. Yeah. Trapped in a big box.

Yeah. Yeah, that people would sort of choose to, you know, sort of. They would choose the entertainment over their own life. Right. Yeah. It was completely wrong about that. Yeah, hooked themselves up to a machine that can make them feel a certain way, like kind of forever. Make them feel good and bad simultaneously until they die.

And he was completely fucking wrong. Fucking dumbass. Yeah. He has, I mean, David Foster Wallace would have never killed himself if he knew C-Dance 2.5 was it going to come out. Exactly. I mean, the guy, like, did literally kill himself before, like, Breaking Bad. Yeah, that's true. It was he even around for the Sopranos?

If he could have got to better call Saul. Was he, yeah, like what? He died in 2008, I think. He did. He killed himself in 2008? I believe so, yeah. Right before the year of hope? He killed himself because he had a black president.

Because of black residents? He crossed out the age and hope and put an R. Thoreau! He hug himself. It's a shame. Yeah, and his suicide note, he said, I want you to do this to the first black president. Yeah.

What I've done to myself. He lynched himself and he wrote instructions. He goes, do this to the president. Yeah. And he says, we need a pale king back in the White House. A really pale king. Joe Biden. He was really depressed, McCain-Long.

He was a big Biden guy. Yeah. He's like Biden kicks ass. Yeah. He did like John McCain. He followed him on tour. He was like John McCain. He's like, I think he's got incredibly evil policies, but he does rule.

So here's the thing too. Michael Silverblatt was like, I was kind of surprised that you go to church and hang out with people in your community and go over their homes and watch TV with them. He was very much into. Silverblatt, Jesse Eisenberg? No, Silverblatt, Jesse Asimberg. No, Silver Blatt's just a. I think. Who God only knows who Michael.

Silverblatt is. I have no idea. I like his voice. He founded 764. And he worked for NPR books. He sounds like he invented money. This guy. I was reading Infinite Jess and I wanted to talk to you about the most boring part of the book. Nobody wanted me to ask a question. God, these interviews, it's like

all we have is like these radio interviews from like the 80s and the 90s and the 2000s of like when there was like one last shred of intellectual curiosity in someone's voice and you can hear them thinking. They're speaking slowly because they're actually thinking about the words that are coming out of their mouth.

They're saying something you don't hear anymore. That's a good question. Let me think about that. Let me think. And if David Foster Wallace said that to me, I go, do you want to say the words that are coming to my mouth? Lee? Rush hour.

I would have done every, he would have killed himself 50 times in front of me. Because I would have done nothing but make references to movies and TV shows. You pull out your phone and start playing subway surfers in front of them. You start fruit. pooping in front of him. The way David Foster Wallace followed around David Lynch on the set of Lost Highway, he would, if he was still working today, because he would need money.

Yeah. He would have to follow around like Tony Hinchcliff on the set of Kill Tony for like a couple months. And write like a 60 page, like non-fiction piece. Yeah, because he would get two paragraphs deep into his like metaphysical breakdown of it. About Pat O'Neill. And he'd be, yeah, of Patrick O'Neill, and he would just

he would look at his typewriter and then he would just bash his hat against it. Oh my God. He would have hug himself and kill Tony. He would have batch his head on his turd. He hangs himself at the mother's ship. Yeah, he's swinging next to all the Richard Pryor and Red Fox albums on the wall.

Fuck. He blows his brains out at Mitzie's bar. Blood all over the purple Mitzie sign. And out of disrespect, they just take the bandana off and they start wiping it up with it. They're like, this is our new bar towel. Fuck him. Yeah. Fuck books.

Shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah, and you have all these interviews to go back to you literally just because like one crazy person taped everything on NPR. Thank God for autistic. In the 90s. Autistic people are the watchers of old media. It's the only reason we have anything. I remember being like a kid

When YouTube first came out and like listening to like old episodes of like a love line That said like October 13th 1994 And just being like what freak? Yeah Uploaded all of these and categorized them And yeah, I know Tim stamped I was like I thank you as a little child trying to learn about eating pussy

Well it's it's a testament to passion and it's great It's thank God it's like you know We make fun of it but thank God Thank God for snobs Cared Thank God for like the Pat and Oswald big fan archetype. Those guys keep, I mean, those guys feed us the digital food that we need to make it to the day. Yeah, they were the krill that ate the algae, the plankton that ate all the bacteria out of the lake that we live in.

But unfortunately, there's been a gigantic algae kill thanks to Peter Thiel. And now it's a bunch of fish are just rising to the surface dead. Dude, it's sad because like the big fan archetype of the guy that like would be writing in his composition book all day, what he was going to say on the radio show he was going to call into to talk about the New Jersey Jets or whatever the hell. That guy's whole thing has been hijacked by him being obsessed with the new

Funko Pop coming out or like a new Disney TV like Star Wars show. That guy used to wait three weeks to call into Mike Francesca to be called an idiot and then gets so mad he punched a random woman on the street because Mike and the Mad Dog called them stupid. Dude the

culture like because the way the world is set up now we can't have those guys anymore they're taken from us the the ignatious riley there's no confederacy of dunces anymore no it's just a confederacy of like cruel fucking shithead retards yeah those people just become these like like these like hot like it's it's like a shrimp it's tripskin it's like there's no meat to it there's like you can look you ever see people waiting in line for like a best bite to open yeah and you can like see through them like you literally They matter so little you can see fucking through them.

Yeah, they're like, they're murals on the wall. Yeah. They've been painted on the wall of the Best Buy. Yeah, and you're like, why are they waiting it for it to open? And then it opens you go on because you like needed something last second. And every single one of them walks up to the Kesheer, they're like, is the new God of War before? Like, is it out? Did it just drop?

Dude, they don't. And they go, and the Kesher goes, no. They go, fuck. And then they weren't even going to play the game. They were just going to sell it for $40 more dollars, like online. I see people wait for targets to open. Best Buy's to open. I see this in real life. I'll drive by and I'm like there, there's 80 people waiting for Target to open. They always run in and they get one collectible like Stanley Cup,

you know, the Stanley. There's like a new Stanley Cup that's like the real housewife season nine limited edition cup merger. You'll see a line. People are pulling their own skin off. You'll see a line of 400 people and you'd be like, what is this line for? And the last guy there will be like, they have a new pop socket for your iPhone that's like Trader Joe's theme. And you're like, how long have you been here? He's like, I've been here for nine months. And you're like, he's like, he should be saying like, oh, when you get through the door, they like put the thing they give cows onto your head.

And then you're done. Then they're throwing a big hole. I feel. So we're all waiting in line for that. I feel the moral obligation to like hurt these people when I see them. When I'm driving through a parking lot, I'm like, I should just, I could do this. Yeah. I could just do this and keep going and then kind of make the world a better place.

Yeah, they'd all go over the top of your windshield, like, cones on the highway. Or like when you had a big yellow grasshopper in the country. You go, ooh, that was a big one. You could have a crack to it. You go, ooh. It was like an egg roll. It had a bone. And then you'd see the Best Buy employees be like, thank you.

You know when they say, like, there's that thing where it's like you go on a road trip and there's no more bugs on your windshield and stuff? It's because they turned into people. They're outside of Best Buy waiting for a Stanley therapist. Yeah, they're waiting in line. All the bugs are waiting in line now. Yeah. I was at the swatch store like a month ago.

I was just looking at some watches. I had some time to kill. Sure. Jason's like, here's the time when I was that guy. No, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing is I thought it was something I don't even want to bring up because I'm like, this is the closest I get to that guy. I'm like, let me go check out the swatches just to look at them.

Oh, and I was getting that swatches I gave you repaired. I was getting the crystal replace. Oh, yeah. I love that watch. Thank you. And I was there. talking to the lady and as I was talking like six guys in like 10 minutes who looked like the fat guy from Toy Story 2 like they I swear to God they all walked in one guy was like the first guy

was like holding a magazine of like Rolex brochures and he just walks up he's like do you have the Otomar Pige collab in the tropical colors with the side stem she's like no he's like you should have those in by now she's like no we don't when you think you will She goes, I don't know. I'm just a black woman who works here and hates you. He's like, it's just funny. I thought you would have those in by now. That's so funny.

Do you have the Snoopy collab with the Speedmaster? She goes, no. And I saw six, and he'd go like, fuck and leave. And I saw six of those guys walk in in a row. And it was either the fat guy from Toy Story 2 or it was like, it was Mexican wagers, which I stand on that phrase. That's exactly who they are. Mexican guys who want to be white guys who want to be black guys.

and they're walking up with like the hat three feet tall slipped to the side of the like you got no i pay collab and she's like nah la fuck and they said they said fuck in a way they might have just well have like walked over the rail of the second story of the mall and just died yeah and i was like oh every single one of them is they're flippers that's like what we don't even like like like stuff enough to have them it's just to buy it to flip online for estate sell suck now because there's teams of people that go there right when they open. When you see estate sales and there's big groups outside, they all work together. Yeah.

And they know how to scan stuff that has been marked improperly and they buy everything up. Yep. So everything. Yeah. You could go, wow, look, a Scotty Cameron, Newport, too, that's worth $500 that's listed only for $60 here. Like, what a cool fine and what a fun Saturday. And the most, and now the most Indian white guy who ever lived is like, thank you. That's mine.

I'll be putting that on eBay for $900 and people are telling me to kill myself. for listening to them but one said retard we'll buy it in Wyoming or whatever yeah yeah if that's it's like we've moved beyond fandom to a place of just consuming and shitting out immediately yeah you know yeah it everything is we're like we're like uh earthworms but for merchandise like we eat a product and then we shitted out the back to move forward we eat shit and turn it into shit yeah we that's what a worm does really we take we turn dirt into dirt quicker. I actually,

speaking of pooping to close here. Sure. Apparently I can sue Taco Bell because I got the parasite from it. You got it from Cheesecake Factory, though. Well, I got it from them too.

You get to sue both. You got it twice? But the one in the... Yeah, I got it twice. That's double indemnity. You can't sue him again. Or double jeopardy. It's so funny how unhealthy you were at that time.

At that time. I know, but it's just so funny that you were like... You were patient zero. for it at Cheesecake Factory My head's stomach invented the parasite

Yeah Your stomach is the Wuhan Wet market Or sorry The lap, the lap The lab, I'm sorry The lab Sorry, Jay's kind of

Sorry, the lab The lab, fuck the Chinese Sad It probably originated here But anyway, continue to do He got the That's your lip He got the

He's the lip, not man I throw a blood on you And run out the door Get him You got the Letus virus so early That we were joking that you have been eating so badly that you tried to get a salad and it gave you diarrhea.

Yeah. But no, you got the viral diarrhea bug. For like six weeks, you were shitting. I was aberrated. I wandered from the proper path, and I paid the consequences heavily. You're Polatradis. So you can sue Taco Bell or Taylor Farms? But I'd have to, you know, call a lawyer and tell them that I had diarrhea.

And you don't want to do that. No, it's very embarrassing. I go, sir, is this Ben Avery? You go, fuck. My client here had diarrhea. Is that true, sir? You're in an old southern, southern courtroom from like a view to kill. In batting his head with the haggarship. Everybody's so fat and so sweaty. And they go, now, saw!

Now, I know everybody in this courtroom had diarrhea all the time, but do y'all have it for six weeks? And they have the jury nods. And he goes, well, you might have also gotten the virus, so you should give him money. I specifically asked for Brennan Frazier. post the whale from Killers of the Flower Moon. Oh yeah. Lawyer to represent me.

Your honor! My client has been shitting for six weeks. And I haven't been able to see him. That would be so funny. If I get so, like, you know, people become like a nonprofit lawyer

because they're passionate about, like, like kids who can't, like, you know, they get like molested or whatever. Like, that's like your thing. Yeah.

That's what I'm, or whatever your thing is. That's the lawyer's business card. Yeah. The lawyer for kids who get molested or, or whatever. Something like that. What if I do that but for diarrhea?

It's like my passion. And I'm like, I work for you. Yeah, you're Aaron Brocka's shit. And you try to take down the big companies who don't give a shit. They don't get a damn about the little ass. No, and they hate me. Like, I'm being followed by like blacked out vans and stuff. They're intimidating me.

Spotlight. Yeah. People are walking up to, they're like, this story's too big. There's too many asses in Boston You can't do this The pipes are getting clogged You sure you want to go down that path You're gonna destroy the plumbing industry

If you release this story Both me and you know there's not enough toilet paper To wipe up all the shit in the city Johnny you know why I came to you Did you have diarrhea when we were kids Why not me? Why are you? Why are our friend Frankl Why do you get diarrhea? That's good

Yeah Spot white Or how about instead of the town It's the brown. Okay. That's good. And they're turd burglars. Okay.

They're stealing shit. He's like, all right, here's the thing. There's a toilet. We got a shit in it. I can't tell you what we're going to shit. We got to take your car. Who's fucking paper we're taking? You got three play?

Yeah. Two? We're doing Scott. We're doing cotton out. The Brown. Don't you like my chine mine Yung Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chine mine And my Jacob is so fruited

Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chine, my chine Don't you like my chine mine Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine

No you call me Gucci Gucci I came to the club Just to flush my chine mind Catch another charge and I'm going to to the chain guy. A hundred doubt, e baloney sex and white screen. Don't you see how bright it is?

City girls and country girls be telling me how tight it is. Think my chain was moving. I get off and bought a chain. Where my chain hang. Gucci, I don't gang bang. All I do is chain. Don't you like my chain, mine. Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain, mine.

And my checkup is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No you call me Gucci Gucci. My chain, don't you like my chain, mine? Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain. And my Jacob is so fruited, you call me Gucci Gucci. Gucci, you be shining, man. Don't turn me on, huh?

Because I got this chain. Yellow stones holl and etching to my shoe shrine. Like my watching wine, but I know you love my chine. So I bought it stupid. Don't you like my chain, mine. Young Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited You call me Gucci Gucci

My chine Don't you like my chine mine Y'all goochie mine And I'm popping off the chine mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My first chain I had to rob for it

Jesus peace yellow diamond sitting all in it I'm on some slick brick shit Two thousand six Mr T Diamond's so bright Ain't a way you can't see the cheat Look, I don't dance, I just lean with it. My piece is sick, Gary Robert trying to leave with it. I got that New York fitted on.

Full suit, Dickie on. Gucci link chain, blue stones in a nigga charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he craned on that bezel and that band. Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Got no wife, but my chain got my girlfriend.

My chain, my chine, don't you like my chine, mine? Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain, mine And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My chain, my chine Don't you like my chine mine

Young Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chine mine And my check a bit so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci