lemonparty - 199: Mc Damn McDonald's Pt. 1

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

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In order to play it professionally. That's why a movie like Happy Gilmore or whatever is like, you know, the way he swings. Like imagine if like Kobe at the free throw line instead of like finishing off these two fingers, he accidentally finished off like these two and he like missed the backboard. Like that's like the technique equivalent. You actually have to do it like everybody else. Like how it was trained. Because you put a great athlete, like you'll give a great athlete a golf club and he just doesn't know what he's supposed to do with his body.

and he can't like make contact on it basically. Yeah. God, they're going to see how gay I was just now. Talking about golf. No, Ben started it. Talking about the Great White Hope. Testing one, two, check, one, two. We were, we were up.

Devin was texting what we were upstairs having the most pussy drying conversation of all time. About vectors and forces in the golf swing. I totally completely tuned out. We were talking about the golfing machine. I completely tuned out. It all sounded like, uh, resistance is a futile.

It all, does it sound like Richard Kine having a conversation with himself and, uh, fucking, a serious man? Yeah, kind of.

Yeah. Yeah. Working on his theorem of the universe and draining his big sis. I mean, I listen, I get it, but it's like, it's in basketball,

you guys are talking about such specifics of like form. I've never, like, it's more, it's more, I don't know, it's just more fun, I think.

Yeah. It's like basketball, football, like those things like to yell at people about this is like I don't you sound like math yeah you guys were talking about like like the elbow being tucked in and the hips we're basketball you get to go Carl Malone is a pedophile

yeah you go fuck it's all that you can do a bunch of ad hominums and shit straw men all day yeah yeah yeah there's never been a respectful conversation in basketball history you guys are bringing up like 90 degree angles and I'm like sure the hypotenuse yeah and you're like he was a cow and he shrunk from the big moments his whole life. Exactly. That's basketball talk. There's more room for stuff.

Yeah, exactly. I think maybe golf's held to more of a mathematical standard. And it is. It's for, that's why Asians and whites love it. Yeah. That's true. That's why a man like, you know, Robert Opprenheimer is leading the midam right now. You see the guy with the giant fedora and tucked in a...

Oh, yeah. You see that guy? Yeah, yeah. Like Dick Tracy is. Yeah. It's like beating everybody? There's literally, yeah, a guy who was about to light the atmosphere on fires winning the mid-am yeah what's that guy's name days uh fucking matt something matt like wear

or something like that i don't know he's wearing it apparently he's collecting trophies like it ain't nothing right now this guy yeah oh wow look at that this is him so playing at marian i guess he's been a real problem yeah on the golf course yeah when he's not working as one of the dapper dance in a disney world his name's matthew low he's incredible swing i mean he's incredible player if he's He looks like he's in a little quartet. Yeah. He kind of shaped like a wiener dog a little bit. Yeah, he is.

Weird long body. Yeah, he's a Dotson. And he's dressed like Don Draper right before he cheated on his wife. Yeah. I've never seen any, like, pro or, like, high-end amateur dress like this, though. No. It's crazy. You know what's funny?

I've never heard this guy before you sent this clip to me today. And I was like, I was like, what are the comments on this? And then I think one of the top comments was like, well, wish I could afford to play nine amateur golf tournaments in nine weeks. And then like the next couple was like, fuck him. It's like, how does everything decide immediately? Yeah, I saw. They're like, oh, this guy exists? Fuck him.

I saw a post for like a missing. I know that's half of what we do. Sure. But we do it in a philosophical way. Of course. Yeah. Somebody knew. Fuck you.

Good dad, go home and play with the kids. We are. Everything we get upset by, we do constantly. Yeah, we are. The show should be called. It's the hypocrite show. It should be called The Shadow presented by Carl Young. That's the name of the show. Dude, I saw it.

Have you ever seen a guy that's your shadow in real life? This happened to me at a big city bagels in San Diego. I saw a guy. My height had a beard, but it was patchier, had long hair, but it was balder. Had a gut, but it was fatter. head arms that were less strong. And his name was Jason when he checked out. Interesting.

And he had jizzy shorts, jizzy short shorts on. Yeah. And he was trying to joke with the staff. And he was like, just bombing. And I was like, God, that's like what I fear I am every day of my life. And then you turn you, you're looking into a mirror. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'm having a Twilight Zone delusion. Yeah. You're in an evolution chart for your life. It's like, he's the third in line. Yeah, yeah. And all the way back to the right, there's a... At the very beginning. Yeah, yeah.

And I go, see, it's all of us. It's the journey. But I was like, I'm terrified every day that I'm that guy and he walks through life. Just, I'm like, I'm killing it. He does. Yep. He like, he like, tried to, he's like, they had like free sample. He's like, I didn't know my order was ready already.

And then she just, like, stared at him and walked away, disgusted. Yeah. And then he was, I could see him just walk away like, nailed it again. Mm-hmm. Got her ass again. Mm-hmm. It's just I'm jealous. Yeah.

Because, well, the reason that you're a little better, little better than him. The reason I'm 5% better than him. No, it's fair, Devin. It's fair. No, no, I was kidding. But the reason you're better than him is because you are terrified. Exactly.

You're always putting yourself through a filter. Right. An analytical filter. The reason I'm better than him. Which drives you insane. Yes. Actually is ultimately going to kill you quicker. And he's having a much better life.

And making me much worse, actually. I'm actually much worse than that guy. And honestly, like, it'd be great to just suck ass and not know it. Mm-hmm. You know? But we, we walk through life in a cage we built for ourselves. And we were like, well, I'm acing some tests that nobody's giving. So that counts for something.

Exactly. I'm acing a test that doesn't exist anywhere except my own brain. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's a fun thing about comparing yourself to others is, like, you look at people and if they're, like, disgusting, saying you're sort of horrified by them. And you feel this great, like, sense of tragedy. Like, you know, you go, fuck, what's the world?

You know? And then on the other end, if they're better than you, you go, fuck, they're better than me. Yeah, yeah. Fuck him. So, like, any mirror offers you this. Oh, 100%. I was at the driving range this week as well. And I was, I got there at 7.30 in the morning.

I texted you guys. Whole place clogged up with fat retards. Everywhere in my life, they've added a new fat retard every day. It took me 30 minutes to get on. I was just sitting there waiting. with my bucket of balls. I was so furious. A lot of people got to go, man. I'm like, these people are so stupid.

And then finally a stall opened up. I went to grab my buckets. I just dropped them, balls went everywhere. And I go, fuck, I'm the retarded guy. I know a guy turning, look like the fire reason. Yeah. You're picking them up and you're like, you're giving literary facts just so people know that you have,

you're intelligent. I go, you know, Doysstoyevsky wrote the gambler because he was in a gambling guy. As you're putting and picking your balls up. Yeah, my ass is out. My shorts keep falling down. It's so funny. I went to Costco yesterday. Yeah.

And I walked in and I was like, yep, everybody's still a bug. Yeah. Just checking in, making sure the world's still filled with a bunch of bugs. Doing a bug check real quick. I saw a rock I had to lift in and look under. For a second, I'm like, are there, like, human exterminators that just walk through spraying people the way you'd fumigate a house? Just a guy going up and spraying Roundup in a guy's face. That does exist.

that does exist, but they do it on all the food everyone's getting. Oreos are pesticide. It's just a longer route. They want you to eat it. Sure. You know? Yeah, people's balls are getting killed through fruit dust. It's like how that owl died because it in your neighborhood that ate the, that ate, like, a rat poison.

Yeah. That's what we're doing with the people at Costco. Yeah. It's probably in the shirts, too. The Kirkland shirts are probably poisoned. Have you realized that half a half? of the store is shirts. Yeah.

And no one, I've never walked through the, the whole middle of the store's shirt. I used to go with my uncle Stan all the time. I'm not a member. They don't let me in. They got tighter with security. But yeah, the whole middle part is all like shirts and like gigantic, like pants for people that have edema. Pants for people who you're like, whose ankle is that large?

Where you think it's a bell bottom, but it's actually medical. Yeah. It's an edema curve. Yeah. Yeah. They're not into disco or anything. They just muddle a pant leg off. Like it's a sweater for a giraffe.

Yeah. It looks like a cone. Here's your cone pants. And you're like, I would never buy that shirt in a millionaires. And every day, there's a fat guy at a day in the morning sweeping eight of those into a cart. I've heard. Because he throws a shirt away every day. Yep.

Like toilet paper. Because his shirt is a huge. It's a bib. It's a daily bib. Yeah. At the end of the day, he flushes it down the toilet and clogs it again. I've heard good things about the Costco, the Kirkland shirts and the Kirkland, the clothes, you know, but you do have to, I think, have given up or be fresh out of prison. Sure.

You have to be doing your best. What is everybody putting in those pockets? The pocket teas. Why even give them a pocket? Is it because they're not wearing pants? They're pills, Ben. It's heart medication. It's hard medicate.

It's keeping up. They put it over their heart so they know what it's for. Yeah. That's where I put my hearing aid and my pacemaker. I have an outside pacemaker. preparing your pills for the week by putting them in different cubes of cheese you're like Wednesday's Munster oh you have it Thursday's Gorgonzala

it's a really fat retardant guy he's got gunball machines for different days of the week with different pills in cheese and the pocket is also for all the toothpicks from the samples at Costco because you get hungry while shopping sure sure yeah I mean I'm I hate to say it but I've been pretty pointed in whites lately. They've been really sucking ass everywhere I've gone. Immigrant families have been great.

If you can't speak English, you've been lovely to be around in L.A. so far in terms of like, hey, very hands-on with your kids. I mean, from like Norwegian to fucking Spanish, sure. You look at you. You look at it. Very hands-on as a guy's whipping his kid in the store. Yeah, Filipino man beating his kid for being gay. You're like, very good.

Spare the rod, spoil the child Oh, man. And then I'm like, what are the whites up to? And then I'm on the golf course. So there's a guy wearing it backwards, Augusta National hat that says, now driving. And he's screaming at the top of his lungs

to the Luke Bryan cold beer on a Friday night song. Yeah, a little bit of chicken fried. Ironically, and his friends are all filming him and, like, dying, laughing. That's what whites are up to. It's great. It's over for whites. It's over for whites.

Yeah. I will say there was, by the way, I will give it to black people real quick, because obviously we got to be fair on the show. New first on the show. Everybody in the Costco's jam-packed, everybody was quiet going about their business. There were two black women with a black, like, a black, like, boondocks kid in the grocery cart, and they had him, like, chained. Because he was just, like, he was as insane as, like, Donnie from the Wild Thornberry's. He was just, like, in boxer shorts, and he was just screaming his head off. and they were like

you ever see you black woman and they like the kid is such a piece of shit they both have to raise them you know what I'm talking about they have to get their grandma involved it's two aunts the mom's not in the picture

they both look like Jay-Z same hair that he has now yeah Rugrats Jay Z there's that like tired old poet hair yeah

the bell hooks he's raising this child that sucks. And so they were putting him in like a Hannibal Lecter mask or something? Yeah, they literally had like chains and stuff on him and he was screened. He was a six years old,

but he's confined to the grocery cart because he's not allowed to walk around the store because he's insane. Yeah, because he killed Omar Little. For being gay. Because he's famous for ending a prestige TV show on HBO. And I could see like

there was Indian families and Mexican, like the mix of El LA, the Valley people. Sure. And everybody was just like, Jesus Christ, because the woman just thought, I want two damn dope. No, put this shit bad, no, I want to want,

and they're just yelling as loud as they can. Like, I saw an old Indian lady being like, Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, the kids taking, like, selfies with stacks of monopoly money, like, as a phone. He's got gold. Yeah. Doing a money spread with crackers. Yeah.

Check it out. Somehow stealing free samples. Stealing things that are free Yeah, holding the sample guy at gumpoint Yeah, on Instagram Live, I've asked you, Chat, should I blow his head off? Chat should I do Black Outlaw shit?

I followed them outside and they had a big Like escalade type thing And the doors were open And they were laughing that they had left all their doors open They left the doors open They were just open in the parking lot, yeah And they were like laughing at them They'd take my shit and stuff

She turned at me and was like smiling And I was like, what? I'm like, I don't know speak whatever the fuck you're talking about I don't fucking get it I'm like look at me I have khakis pulled up to my tits I'm like look at it

you think I'm not raised as I hate whites they try they try to bring you into it yeah like who goes standing my shit my shit's open and we need goes around the whip

and you're just you're standing there thinking about a golf swing literally I was thinking about like Homer Kelly's the golfing machine as I'm loading my spin drifts into the the trunk of my Tesla with my coax and my red bowl. We let our necklaces out and shit. I just turn and shake my head.

You turn and you're like, I'm in the Ku Klux Klan. You're not just to get them to stop talking to you. Just to end the, just be like, I am the Grand Wizard of the KKK. I have a big purple pointy hood. I'm the one with the purple hood. Woo. In the KKK.

Ben is such a cartoon character that I've noticed a lot of people do that with Ben. They try and bring him into stuff. and he's like, huh? I have no idea what's going on. He turns like, what? And like, like, El Chapo's trying to, like, bring him into an inside joke that he has. It's like, all right. Okay, yeah, yeah, hey.

Okay. Keep it weird, El Chapo. Why are your guns gone? That's weird. Anyway, back to my white bullshit. Back to my esoteric bullshit I'm doing. Costco, I do miss going. It is fascinating.

The whites are huge. They're behemoths there. It's mostly immigrant families that don't speak English. Yeah. And then there's like a guy like me sometimes. Yeah. Well, you're in the valley Costco. The Costco's are very dependent.

When I lived in El Hambre, I tried to go to the Costco there. It's like a third world village, but with like 600 pound people. It's the weirdest experience. Yeah. When I went to the Alhammer Costco, I literally found like Chinese guys, like, crawling in my hair, like, afterwards. It was like when you go hiking and you have to check for a lice. Yes. I was covered in tiny Chinese people.

And I was burning them off with cigarettes. The lone star Chinaman. He bites you. You can't eat meat anymore. I can't eat Kung Pal. I lost the ability to eat capsaicin. Yeah, they're engineering ticks to not eat meat anymore. Yeah.

That's got to be a government. It is. It's been admitted. That one's been admitted? The lone star tick was created in a lab, yeah. Bill Gates, some sort of shit like that. They're going to just try and get you to not eat. They had to make a burger tick to get Americans to stop eating burger.

People literally go through years of like, or on burger. Like they can't eat a burger without getting horribly ill, any meat. So there's like. They slowly get over it, I think, some of them, but most people just can't eat meat ever again. It is like, it's like a, it's a, it's a, it's a, the worst punishment you could ever imagine being an American. It's unbelievable.

It's Texas too, right? Yeah, I don't think it's, I don't think it. I don't think it. it's in California yet. Yeah, thank God. But yeah, it's the whole northeast, it's full of, yeah. No, I'm literally imagining like fat Texans I grew up with, like getting the tick and they just don't stop eating meat ever. They just eat meat and throw up all day. They just go, I'm sick all the time. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, get the bucket out. I'm going to eat ribs. And they just eat ribs with the bucket between their legs to catch the vomit. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, it's really bad.

It's really real, actually. I've gone on huge threads of people being like, this is completely, I've had it for years. It's terrifying. What happens if you eat the meat? You just have like a straight up allergic reaction? Yeah, I think so. You get like really sick. Like throat closes up, can't breathe? I think so. God. To some extent, not like that, yeah.

Brutal. Yeah. Jesus. I know. I know. Can you imagine? You know, some people get like Lyme disease and like die, right? I guess. They can't get out of bed or something. I never understood the thing with Lyme disease. I almost thought it was kind of fake. I just thought it was just like

Jews complaining about their one hike a year. But I don't know. What is a disease that turns... I think it's real. Yeah, it's a disease that turns you into a white woman and silver lake. You just, like, laying in bed and go, I can't even. Yeah, it gives you kind of like Lena Dunham disease.

Gives you, I can't even syndrome. Yeah, I can't even. You lay in bed, you go, I can't even. Because of the tick. The tick gave me, I can't even. But, yeah, that tick thing is insane. That actually is crazy. Yeah, they'll keep coming out with it, too, I'm sure.

They'll do, like, ticks where you can't take nicotine anymore. because it makes people too, their brains think too well. Mm-hmm. Love the nicotine tick. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, it's all, that feels, you know, listen, I got in a big argument with guys on the hate watch about, like, how they're...

Oh, you called me. Trying to do a slow roll of bugs and aura food. And it was, it started off completely harmless. But the more I thought about it, I was like, I was right. What was your tip? There was just crickets at an ice cream shop, the Ben and I went to with his family. And I was like, I don't like that. I took a picture of it.

It's just a little size. thing that has crickets in a box. That's bullshit. That's actually worse because they're selling they're selling mass-produced boxes of crickets. Yeah, it's bullshit. I went to the scene of the crime after your tie-ray. Oh, you went and found it? Yeah.

Oh, my God. You got an excuse to go get ice cream. I got to post it. Yeah, this is a good excuse. You're doing research. It's for the podcast. It's a write-off. But like, you know what? Listen, like, I understand that they've always had, like, novelty shit at ice cream shops before, but like, that just felt, it just felt, like,

a part of a bigger thing. A slow sigh-out. I remember hearing about, like, how they're, they you know, there's bug matter in the food. Like, they're going to use it as like a, like, almost like a meal, like a flower type of thing and filler in our food. And, you know, then you see the Lone Star Tick thing,

and you're like, yeah, they're trying to be like, hey, actually the environment's getting really bad with all the farming and meat. So we'll be eating that, and you guys, you guys enjoy your larva steak. I don't actually care that much, but I just do think it's real. The government is weaponizing bugs and homeless

people. You know what? They should release a tick that if you get bit by it makes you allergic to bullshit. Let's get real. Let's get real for a second. You just start listening to Bill Mar 24-7. Yeah. There's six billion listeners to Bill Marr.

Well, fortunately for you, I got bit by a tick that makes me allergic to bullshit. So I no longer believe in Islam. Which is for goat fucks. Did we talk about how getting the Mark Twain prize. Yeah, for saying the N-Word on that one episode a bunch. Yeah, you got the Huckleberry Fed Award. Louis handed him a big, golden N. Yeah, presented by En-presented by Enward Jim.

They handed him a big, hard-ar. Oh, they've been keeping Edward Jim alive for 200 years. And where Jim is still alive, yeah. They have him in area 54 and a big green. He's been frozen. Big green tank floating. Just a giant, junk coffee guy. Yeah, we did. We talked about Bill Mark getting the thing. It was just, you know, a bunch of people that. Don't know Bill Maher. Or friends of his. Yeah. Coming out and being like, Bill, his last name's Mar, his first name is William.

And half the people, you showed it to be, half the people were like, he's a, listen, he might be a huge fucking cock sucker piece of shit. He tells it like it is. But he's our huge fucking cock sucker piece of shit. Also, I don't watch the show. What does he talk about? I'm trying to revive my career that's dying. Yeah. I'm Whitney Comics

I was gonna kill myself And then Bill Maher Saved my life He pulled me out of the river From the bridge I jumped into And Bill was there And he was like Don't do that you're a genius

In which you don't kill yourself You're like a comedy genius Like why would you kill yourself So like Bill, he's hilarious What did DeLui actually say? He goes Bill's fucking funny He goes he's really funny Yeah

Like no one has said that in 20 years No People People who work on the Bill Marsha don't say that. Phil doesn't think he's funny. No, no, no, no. The black prostitutes he pays to fuck, don't say that.

Yeah. He's never fucked the black prostitutes. You've gone like, I've seen your show. It's good. I should have heckled from the front row and be like, tell one joke you like. Go ahead. Go. It'd be so funny. Tell one joke. Just one. The one about Democrats. If I said Norm,

you could pick 50 jokes at the top of your head. When you go, Norm saved my life. Norm got cancer instead of me. He sin ate my cancer. I've noticed another thing Louis's doing a lot lately, where he keeps going like, I've never told that story before.

You're the first person they've ever told... Yeah. That'd be the New York Times told your first story ever, too. But no, no. We like to fuck around here. No, we love the Luz-A-God. Lose a God. He's a-god.

Leave the poor man alone. he's a god he's a legend but also he does say every single person ever alive saved his life whatever you know it's fucking it's fine everything's fine I'm so I'm just so heartbroken this week man why

about what I've just been getting back in a golf and like whites have fallen so far it's just pissing me off like I just want to you go to a golf course now and you'll never want to stop beating Travis Kelsey to death with your fists as Anthony Bourdain famous he is the Henry Kiss

he is the Henry Kisses he is the Henry Kissinger of white culture. Should I say Jason Kelsey? Jason Kelsey. I'd say Travis is worse, but Jason Kelsey is like retired so he's out there more. Am I supposed to pretend to like them and be fine with them? You are.

You're especially dressed like that. I actually think they're fine. The way you're dressed, it's like you almost look like you're being ironic. If Jason Kelsey saw you in public, he would walk over to you to give you an autograph. Automatically. I'm going to go on busing with the boys wearing a beeping vest. How does that sound? I'm going to get a bunch of Hesbill of Pagers and put them in my pockets.

I don't think he even does. He doesn't even do busing with the boys. Jason Kelsey. I figured he's just kind of in the vicinity of that bus. He's on another show that makes $50 million a year. Going sports is crazy. Travis Kelsey is on. Yeah, new heights.

Is that the name of it? New Heights with the Kelsey's. God knows. It's called New Word. And they learned a new word each week. For some reason I'm supposed You're supposed to be it's a unspoken thing Of like just be fine with that

Thing Yeah you're being like like I'm being a dick Or something You're being negative and like you're just like a hater You're being Like don't shit on the bugs Oh everyone likes it So you're being like contrarian

Why don't we join the bugs Why are we should Why the resistance is futile Why don't we join the bug army You should like that show I'm gonna wear a pimento cheese hat At the golf course And sing like Luke Bryan's songs

ironically and film myself and stuff. You would actually build community, sadly. You'd actually be like, I made a hundred new friends today. And we all, we all, we watch Rick and Morty clips on our phone. And our lives kick ass now. They all work at KPMG or whatever that. Yep. Yeah.

They'll work at fake consulting companies where they wear a vest. Their ringtone is like a jelly roll song. Mm-hmm. And they, we go, we get notches and we throw axes at the wall. Am I wrong? But in the 2000s, wasn't the kid, rock stuff kind of like a subculture yeah I mean a little bit it was yeah it was uh yeah retards hadn't taken over quite yeah it wasn't a full retard takeover because it was a fun

thing of like oh it's a guy on a speedboat like drunk as fuck right like saying the in the inward yeah you could be yeah it was like you could be like um you can in the early 2000 you could be like limp biscuit like kicks ass like I do like one biscuit but now everybody's like you know like corn is the is the greatest band Corn is the beados to me. I'm retarded. And you're like, that's not true. And now I have to shit on corn, who I fucking like.

Right. Because the retard bug army ruined it. Now I have to hate corn. And I come across like a cock-sucking asshole. Because you could have just let something be kind of popular. Right. Like the things on the internet were a little post, like, they don't make it like this anymore. And it's just a song that like no one really liked that much in 2006.

No, it's a hollaback girl. Yeah. Like they ain't be rolling out. hits like this no more. But that's how bad shit is, I guess. Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, but I mean, like, Ben, like, you better prepare, man.

Or you got to, like, stop playing golf, because you're fucked. Yeah, I know. Everyone dressed like you is a fucking asshole now. And for the wrong reasons, not just because they're corny and boring. Mm-hmm. I'd rather them just be boring, old guys. Well, the problem is the boomers are evil. They're evil.

They hate their wives. They're vicious vipers that slither all around the green like snakes. You got to avoid them. Mm-hmm. They're always telling stories about how their wife bitched them out and was a cut and stuff. They bring all that shit to the course. Evil. They all look like saying with evil.

I've been digesting a goat for 12 years. I literally was playing in a cherry tournament this week. And one of the boomers I was playing with was like, it's been a terrible week. I was like, what has happened? They're like, the laundry machine at my vacation house and my main house broke. And I had to be like, oh, no. Oh, no. Fuck.

No, you got to go, you got to find the guy that's like over 82. Yeah. You got to go back one more gin, like 85, like in there. Yeah. A guy that's like, you want to go to Chili's? That guy. Yeah, the guy's like, I was in rat holes in Vietnam. I blew a guy's brains against a dirt tunnel.

Do you want to go to Chili's and have an L. President de Margarita? I'm surprised there hasn't been mass shootings on golf courses at this boy. It's such a problem. It is such a crazy rampant. These people are a virus. It's rampant. It's everywhere. The chuds.

It sucks. It's the Ted Lassow mustache guys. The guys that would drink a coffee cup. Like a Ted Lassow-themed coffee cup. It's guys who... No, no, no, go ahead. Guys that think it's... They have your mustache, but ironically...

I've had this since I was like 18. Yeah, they have your mustache, and I'm sure it started off really sincere. But they have your mustache... I'm the most sincere man of all time. I'm the most sincere guy I've ever met. I don't suck ass. They suck ass.

See, focused here. But they have a... a big Tom Selleck mustache. And they think it's funny for them and their date rapist friends to dress up in like 1980s calisthenics, like yoga pants, uh, like athletic gear.

Like they're Jane Fonda like teaching a class. Headband. Headband on. Yes, they do in the 80s. And they do the 80s aerobics. At Jason Sudakis skit from like 2008. And they're on like a Twitch stream where like a 400 pound black bouncer like knocks one of them out.

Mm-hmm. Those types of guys. They can't answer me. sincerely too. It's really, they've kind of rage-vaded me because, like, I was on the range and four of them were being fucking, like, retarded and just being, just sucking

ass with the things they were talking about and stuff. And I was kind of listening to how much they suck ass. And one of them said, like, they lost a wedge. And I turn to go, oh, hey guys, did you guys say you lost a wedge? I found one I turned it into the clubhouse. And the guy goes, uh, yeah, dude, I totally lost

my wedge. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. And the guy goes, oh yeah dude I lost my wedge totally can I have it I was like okay I turned it in very funny or whatever they go oh oh yeah dude I also lost a driver yeah dude for sure can I have it

you turn to them and go I'm like whatever you're gonna lose your mom tonight because I'm driving straight to her house I'm like I turned in them I go I'm gonna talk about you on my podcast I go I'm 34 by the way I know I look older because I've gained weight

I turned back and I go and you fart while hitting no I I shit my pants and I reverse shanker where it goes between my legs and kills one of them and I poop my fans you stare at them and shake your pants

I'm gonna edit this part out of the show what I talk about it then you start crying every interaction I've had with them they act like I'm like if you're 23 because I'm 34 When I talked to like a 23-year-old now, they act like I'm like a 99-year-old geriatric man.

Well, they think people that are, like, they think people that are 20, like turn 28 are dead. Like, you die. They act like you have Alzheimer's as soon as you turn 30 or something. You're in an old folks home. I went and saw the new Spider-Man movie, the Branded Day, which is like, it's like the Irishman for Gen Z. Because it's like never ends.

But, like, there's this, it was the most packed I've seen theaters in years. I couldn't get seats. It made it like a billion dollars in a day or something. It was crazy. I got, like, a seat in the, the very back, I just wanted to get some air conditioning and just see what was going on.

One of three today. I don't know anything about this new Spider-Man, but apparently the Spider-Man, you know, Tom Holland's like 30 now, and he's like, kind of like living in like, he's like, he's like living alone and he's, no one knows who he is, and he, he's almost, it's like, there's like a Genzi taxi driverish angle to it

where he's just a loner, you know, and he's, he's has some bruises, and he's, the way he sits down almost looks a little old, and I could tell like that's, This generation, like, they feel like they're watching the shootest. Like, he's 30, so he's going to be dead soon. Yeah. Tom Holland will be dead soon.

Yeah, yeah. They're like, he just started getting hangovers for the first time. Like, the new generation is like, we have to lay Zendai and Tom Holland to rest. They just turned 30. I saw people were zooming in that he's slightly receding, and they're like, oh shit. Like, he's over for him. Dude, he's out of Norwood. He's fucked.

He's, Chad. Should he kill himself? Not talking to anyone. Chad? Their suicide rate's going to be crazy. It's gonna be insane, dude. And I'm an irony poisoned, like, shithead, retard. These guys, like, not one sincere moment, and everything's being filmed.

They're gonna be the first generation that's in the 27 club simply because they turned 27. They didn't do anything. It's a reverse. They did nothing throughout their lives. They wasn't drugs. It wasn't an accident. It wasn't, like, a suicide because of, like, they had thoughts.

They're just like, chat on 27 now. Shit. Chat, I woke up and my rib kind of hurt for no reason. it's time to go. Shit. If you graduated, like, on a webcam, wouldn't you, like, not give a shit about anything and nothing would be real, I guess?

Sure. But I also hate when they complain about that. Like, if you walk... Instead of walking across the stage to get a diploma, you just turned your webcam on, and now you're in college. I don't know. You always go back to that.

It's like, I didn't even go to... I didn't want to go to my graduation. Everyone barely passed. It, like, sucked. But you're not normal, though. Like, I didn't go to my prom senior year, and I didn't give a shit. And for some people that would have been, like, you know.

That's true. But prom was a nightmare to me. I'd rather kill myself than go to prom. I was so happy to not to go to prom. Yeah. Yeah, same. But for other people, that's like the greatest day of their life. That's true.

Okay. Yeah. I guess you're right. No, we're, we're, we're, um, we don't appreciate, you know, normal stuff that you probably should learn to appreciate. If I was in high school during, if I was graduating high school around COVID, I believe this is the greatest shit. I mean, it's, I've been praying for this day my entire life.

Well, you be, you be jacking off. like a monk in the mountain somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't have to go to class. This is unbelievable. I have to turn my computer on and I can wander around my house, jacking off. This is the greatest thing about time.

You would become Buddhist for jacking off. You'd have shaited head, big robe. I get it, though. I know a lot of people put a lot of stock into school to being there. We didn't even get to graduate. Okay, I don't care. Yeah. Bad things happen to every single person.

People said, we didn't get to graduate. Who cares? Your life sucks. What do you mean? Oh, no. You didn't get a piece of paper for your business degree? Who can kill yourself? Yeah. Who cares?

I really It's really No truly Yeah True True When I was playing golf The other day

And it was the same people Who told me Like I told them I was playing San Andrews Though Of course They're like Oh I heard that shit's like

Old as fuck Like it was bad And they're like Yeah we didn't We didn't like Get to graduate I was like It's old

Yeah It's a funny Walking around a museum Being like shit All this stuff is like Unk Shit So this is where

George Washington live That's fucking gay Old ass house And shit fucking if it was cool it would have like the thing every house has like what the tiles behind the sink why isn't this millennial gray this house why doesn't it look like a retard flipped it i know exactly what it is if those guys are hearing you play st andrews they're like well it's not banned in dunes there's no like minimalist logo there's not dunes in the title it's not a place that

like Shane bacon talked about playing or some shit it's not it's not a destination for like a rich bachelor party. She should probably kill yourself. Yeah, they're like, but the history's like too old to read about and shit. You tell me it was founded by old Tom Morris. Sounds like he was cooked. Sounds like he fell out. He was cooked, chat.

Yeah. And like, we didn't even get to graduate. Who gives you shit? Who cares? I don't care. We had to drive cars to a parking lot. Good. Drive it into a tree right afterwards.

I mean, God bless him. But if they were cool, they'd understand that that ruled. Wasn't the world. world good with like like I think normie culture just needs to go back to like people watching the office like the office was actually good yeah like seasons like one through three and stuff and like even I've never seen friends it's probably fine no it's really bad it really sucks out okay I guess everyone's always been retarded or whatever the world ended in 1951 friend sucks fucking it's a really what's the show about even it's about do they all date each other it's about

friends who suck ass it should be killed yeah it really it really stinks they all fuck They all hang out the same coffee shop every morning. For some reason, like... Courtney Cox isn't even a milf in the show. For some reason, very... It's not even big in most of it. Wow, from breastfeeding. The show's terrible.

And for some reason, very stylish black people will, like, be obsessed with the show. Stylish black people? They'll have, like, a friend's tattoo. I don't know why. I think black people just, like, really, like... Maybe it's like a... They wanted to be like that or something type of thing.

I love seeing black guys who wear hats like this around where it's floating over their head as they turn. Because of their hair? Because of their hair? Because, like, they have hair, and then they set it very, like, shittily on top. Right. With, like, a little... I'm guessing they have a hidden clothespin in the hair or something.

It looks like a flatbrum hat on a top hat. Yeah, black... Black Lincoln's walking around. Yeah, yeah. They look like they're in topsy-turvy. The Mike Lee movie. Weird reference. Very good.

I'm chuffed to bits over that bit, Evan. Very good. Like, the guy when you were in the green room at the store the other day, you were telling us about... Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of very, very cool black people that... Here's the funny thing now. Not intimidated at being around cool black people anymore because they're so boring I'm falling asleep.

No, they're not the... Yeah, it's not the same. No, no. You can tell they're so self-conscious about being like, just be cool as shit. Like walking and be cool. I mean, listen, I used to be in those circles, you know. Sure. This one guy blew his big black head off.

They blew, or you're Donald Trump now. He blew his big black head off. So, but I remember being around it, and me and him used to look crazy to the, to the other people in the group. And then they were all the types of people that would be like, uh, okay. Chill, bro, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. And it's like, that sucks ass. Chilling sucks. Yeah.

Go crazy. Or you would say something funny and they would go like, um, so that just, that just happened. They had Jim Halpert reaction. Yeah, they're like, they're like, get their office gifts. Yeah. Were you talking about somebody at the comedy store was like raping or something? And you were talking about that?

No, I was talking about me and Chris Verbex. I think we're talking about like Trump or something. Yeah, how he rapes children or whatever. I said, I just said, I was like, yeah, there's like an 18 minute compilation of him talking about how hot his own daughter is. And then like this one of the cool black people walking. He was like, all right.

He's like, that was a weird combo to walk in on. And I'm like, I literally was saying the guy that you guys hate is like a rapist. He's like, well, he wants to fuck his daughter. I thought we were in a comedy green. room we're supposed to talk about what jackets we wear comedy's jackets comedy is shoes and jackets that's comedy the guy literally said that and we all fell asleep as he was like so i got these off an instagram ad i got these at like a different so my phone my phone told me to buy this my phone told me to buy that i must i was a slave to my phone in this situation i was a slave to my phone in that situation

the most i suck dick I suck dick I suck dick Yeah Chill bro And anybody Anybody says a joke They're like

Okay The most like The most like regressive Or like transgressive Type of thing That I've noticed That this type of person Will say

Is uh They'll be like When ignition come on I still turn that shit up Oh acting like that's like Crazy like almost Cringy Kind of

R Kelly's a pap file But man Ignition bumps and I'm sad And that's the craziest opinion I've had that conversation with fat Like I feel like 500 times Yes

Yes it rules It's almost like PR approved Crazy opinion to have When you put on thriller Do you also like that? But you can't be like I love Hannah and her sisters come on

Motherfucking shit You turn you go I don't think Rome Plansky did anything wrong Chinatown, baby. Extra duck sauce. If you make knife in the water, you get to do that. And they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill, chill.

You go, you go, Louis is like the greatest comedian for all the time. I was like, okay, yikes. They have this, like, big, it's this big bang theory black guy. It's very strange. It's very, because 10 years ago, like, one of them will walk in the room and be like, oh shit, please don't make fun of me for being, like, a white. fringe like

please don't make fun of me for being 80% of the population like please don't please holy shit please don't and now they walk in and I go shit yeah you're just gonna go out take a quick cat

you become as tired as they act as they pretend to be they pretend to be with the like flip flops on the hoodie on halfway they act like they act like they just played a big game on Sunday and it's their day off

on campus they're so sore yeah I got so many cafeteria points He's like, I'm going to eat everything at the cafeteria. They're like, I'm so tired. That's why I have this very strategically placed outfit to come here. Yes. They like sprint to the store to like stop at the door and be like,

okay, shit, I'm tired as fuck. Okay, no opinions, no thoughts. I just walk and be like, these shows, do. It's like, I think, I think. Well, sure, that's why it sucks. I think a lot of it is like with the BLM thing being totally fake and they all cop to it being fake and we all realized it was fake, like kind of at once, when that lady bought a house.

They had to eat Jim Crow on that one. Comedy. I feel like it kind of destroyed. Culturally, it destroyed a cohesive thing within the black community where it seems they're hyper-obsessed with the individual now. Yeah. I feel like it's taking them like nine hours to pick out of outfit. Like Boots Riley, his hats are, like there's like 40 designers for one hat of his. Well, Jagger Hoover's ghost hands on hat.

to do an interview. Because he's a CIA asset. But you are right. It's the same thing that happened with whites. That's the reason white suck now is because

millennials cared too publicly about things that sucked and got made fun of. Black people cared about things like BLM and then people were like, oh, they just bought mansions in Atlanta. And now black people have to be like,

we don't give a shit about anything, actually. I keep picturing an old white guy eating his brown bag lunch. a pillar on one of Boots Riley's hats. Oh, the guy who built people are saying. Like a famous picture of a guy sitting thousands of feet in the air. Boxman says we build the band on Tuesday.

Suspendors on. Yeah, Cinderella man's on his hat. Yeah, an Italian guy, like Tony pulls up, pulls up next to Boots, one of Boots Riley's hats and he tells AJ, He's like, you know, we built that. Your grandfather. Your great-grandfather built that. He came off from Alessati side,

building hats for boots rye. We laid his hats brick by brick. But does anybody thank us? No. No. They call us black, and we hate that. They call us charcoal briquette. We don't like that.

Yeah. But yeah, black people got, everybody got scared out of being wrong, publicly, which is really, it's a beautiful thing you can do in your existence. It's actually give. And I used to shit on all these people, but now I'm like, oh, I miss them. They got, we shit on them too much and now they're gone forever. Yeah, like, like, in what way?

Who? I mean, just like specifically like the people we talked about it where they're, you know, they were hipstries, suspenders, building bars, unicyclos. Right, right. The snobs. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we discussed that. Yeah.

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But no, there's this movie, one night only. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like the purge for sex. They can only fuck one night a year, yeah. That's the premise of the movie. It's the one night a year they can fuck. Yes, which doesn't, which is like, what is the one night of the year where there's like the most rapes in human history.

So, but like, okay, there's like this like hot chick that was like in the Bob Dylan movie. Barbaro or whatever. Barbaro is in it. Yeah. The movie's like bombing because it's a sex movie, but they don't show any fucking sex in the movie. Yeah. And the director was like, yeah, because like this generation, they don't want to see sex scenes. It takes them out of the movie.

And it's like, that's the fucking point. I think this homo directed the fucking, the movie with, uh, with Sidney. Sweeney and Glenn Powell in it too Oh the uh God what who gives you Whatever Whatever fuck you I hate you or something Doesn't sound real to me

Anyone but you or whatever It's not real I went and saw that thinking I'd see a lot of sex It stinks No they can't do sex They're fucking even the movies are ruined There's not even the like it should be porn I saw there used to be there was a heyday

In the early 2000s for these types of movies It was that we had going the distance We had friends with benefits We had love and other drugs And we had Love another drugs There was another one. There was another one.

God, I almost got the holy, I almost got the fucking Trinity. Dinner for schmucks. There was a bunch of movies made about casual sex in like a year. That's what the Jews did. And it was a bunch of faith. And the Jews took away. And there was like all this. Because they wanted to break up the nuclear family.

Yes. There was tons of casual sex. And that's why my wife fucks black guys. Natalie Portman, Milakunis, all these whores were getting bang. On screens across the country. You saw Mila Kudas's tits Forgeting Sarah Marshall. Those are fake tits?

I don't think you see your tits. You see him in a Polaroid on the wall. You do! I wonder if that was real. It might have been fake. I choose to not look into it so I can jack to it. Me neither. Why tell myself there's no Santa?

Me neither. But they showed tons of sex of these movies. Ann Hathaway was fucking. Anne Hathaway had like some disease in one of these movies where she like shakes and shit and she's still getting butt-fucked all over town. It was a beautiful time. Sweaty, sweaty sex.

The Wedding Crashers is a scene where you see 80 titties at once. With the Isley Brothers playing. It's unbelievable. The women falling back and you see titty after titty after titty. That shaped me. It was great. The shout montage and Wedding Crashers shaped everybody. It shaped all of us.

Shaped us all. And you're like, I can't wait to lie to women. And now we got the guy's, the guy makes, he wants to make a movie similar to that and there's no, you don't see anything. Boo. Well, apparently he filmed it. He filmed Barbaros or whatever her name is. Monica Barbaro. Monica Barbaro.

He filmed her hot ass and tities. And he cut it out of the movie because he's like, that's too much for Ginzy doesn't want that type of stuff. He's a piece of shit. They cut the sex out of sex comedies. Do we really believe they're sexless people? That doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I think. Is that what like older people think they think young people literally don't fuck?

I think they, I think they just aren't as much, though. I don't believe. I just don't believe that. What else is there? If there's nothing to do, why are you not having sex at the very least? Be on phone, then. That's it. You be on phone. there's no like

phones boring that's the thing it's like for young people to have casual sex that goes horrifically wrong a lot of the time but it's a beautiful part of building your

your psyche is you have to get together in a place get really drunk and then just all go fuck each other and we don't I don't think

that's a thing that happens really anymore I think I mean I think people to be fair to them I think yeah I think everyone's like afraid yeah

to because you know they lived through articles and they lived through people getting canceled online or like or somebody you know they live through like sexual blackmail

like on a level that we've never seen before so I mean I guess I get it so I think what happens is I think they get in a room they all do geek bars and they watch YouTube videos on a TV that actually is kind of awesome but then at the same time all these sexless people they're all hookers on Only fans

I don't get it. But they're not even fucking. I guess not. They're not even fucking. They're just showing. You guys want to see what the goyam are doing, though? What are they up to? They're dancing for lower gas.

Oh, yeah, yeah. This guy's, yeah, they're listening to Cotton Eye Joe and doing the Charleston for gas. This is what the whites are up to. It's a thing that says dance for a discount. Gas stations offer deals for customers who dance in front of the cashier. This is a and half a discount. moon New York. You get a 20% discount. It's embarrassing.

I think if the owner of a gas station told me I could get 20% off, I would pay him 20% more and then blow his head off with a gun. For the insult to tell him he to dance for gasoline. It's such an embarrassing world. I know. And you're dancing for like an Indian or like

Yeah, it's clearly a pervert. It's clearly a perverted man who owns a gas station. Yeah, this is tragic. The store did this just a bright everyone's day. Yeah. Now that's funny. That is the really funny part

about America is our feel good stories even are depressing now. The feel good stories, like, CBS Sunday morning will be like, this local teenager couldn't afford insulin, so he sold his pussy for money. And the whole town gathered around to fuck him, gave him 20 grand, and he could afford one bottle.

Yep. And that's our feel good story. That's the feel good story. The feel good story is there are poor meth addicts, dancing for gasoline. Like they're like a Morden Joe is standing in front of them from Mad Max. That's our feel-good story. Yeah, that's

really rough, man. And it's for 20% off. It's not even that much. It's like $8. Yeah. It's like barely anything. Sad. Sad. Stinks. Pathetic.

Oh, by the way, MAGA can't stop winning Lauren Bobert's son. arrested for raping children. You're telling me, you're telling me Lauren Bober. Lauren Boba did this. I guess it's, I mean, you suck those tities

for the first two years of your life. You know, you can't get, you can't wait to get back in utero. Yeah. I didn't even know she had. Am I right? Is it might make any sense? He's just trying to breastfeed again. I didn't even know she had kids, let

along kids old enough to rape children. Yeah. I thought her kid was a... I thought her kid was a six-shooter. It looks like a Tyler Bobert fucked around and found out. So what is he charged with? Tyler Bobert 21 son of Representative

Lauren Bobert, who we all love because that video of her... She jacked off that guy during, like, Hamilton, right? No, they were doing... It was starting the Beetlejuice musical. She was shacking off the... I think he, like, titty fucked her through a popcorn bucket.

It was crazy weird. Yeah, it was like diner. He says he's charged a news. in New Garfield County. Okay, the first of all, that's very funny. And the article goes, it is named after Garfield, the cat. He was

charged in New Garfield County felony case. Five counts include sexual exploitation of a child. Bond is 10K, released August 9th. He's presumed innocent. Well, sure. Yeah, everybody is. Is there any way in town? What do they think he... I guess he just fafoed. I don't

really know. No one is above the law, Devin. Yeah. That's why he's out on bail right now for raping kids. Brace for Impact. Lower cost of groceries, half the rent. Every representative's child is a pedophile. Brace for Impact. What do you guys think about the $20 burrito debate, by the way? It's so funny. What is this? I didn't even see this.

So, like, you know Dan Crenshaw on those guys? Uh-huh. they, uh, so when Biden was president, they were all bitching about the price of groceries going up. Yeah. A lot and that it was hard for American families to,

and you can find all this on their Twitter, from cat turd to everybody. They were all like groceries are so insane. They've gone up 30% since COVID. Mm-hmm. Um, since Trump's been in office, they've been tweeting like,

remember the avocado toast millennial thing? Sure. Yeah. You could buy a house if you don't get avocado toast every day. Now they're doing that with Gen Z, but saying, like you know you get a $20 burrito in a private taxi or whatever

line they love to say it's a little bit of the Gen X like I drank from a garden hose and I was a latchkey kid type of thing they're like you're complaining about a $20 burrito me while you're texting from a phone that costs $1,400 but those are both bad actually there's some Israeli slave

his name's like Joel something he works for Babylon B I don't know he follows me I've never followed him back sure he's Satan his name's Joel something I forget But he's the one kind of leading the charge being like my wife made burritos for our family. And it costs like $16 for the whole family. And she made like 15 burritos or something.

Yeah, but that's not what people are talking about. I'm talking about buying a burrito at a place. That's the whole point. It's like you're supposed to be able to get like a bunch of food and one food for like 10 or 11 bucks. Well, now he's saying we don't have an affordability crisis. We have a can't cook from home crisis. He's also posting links to the lowest quality food I've ever seen from him. Also, I saw a couple of these retards do this with the burrito and there was no meat in the burritos.

They said they used beans to spread out the meat. They were like, look, look at how cheap this was. And I'm like, where's the protein? They're like, all you need is 10 craft singles, 10 tortillas, one microwave. Yeah, they're meal prepping like fat kids in the 90s. Yeah. It's a bean and cheese burrito. They're like, well, oh, you can't cook?

I made a chalky milk at midnight when my mom was asleep. Why can't they just be honest about this? I mean, because they're literally... They're in a cold. Yeah, they're in a cold working for the government. I mean, it's so funny because cat turd spent 18 hours a day on Twitter. He's just getting DoorDash delivered all day. He's talking about how the yogurt did just wants food delivery.

He's too busy doing soda dogs in his house. He's also hoping a post-O-H driver runs over one of his cats. Yeah. He pulls into the driveway. Cat-Turt is cutting the heart out of one of his dogs right now. Like, it's apocalyptic. He needs to hold up to the sun. Holding it up.

Yeah. Whatever a DoorDash driver drives to cat turds, uh, RAD, all the dogs in his basement start screaming for help, hoping that he can hear them. Help! Help! He's cutting us to bits. Yeah, no, it's, I mean, it's, I don't know. But first off, by the way, I don't know why it has to be burritos.

Everything's 20 bucks. Yeah. Like literally every single thing you get is 20 bucks now. May I, though? Sure. A lot of people don't know. and I'd love to get this tip out for free. Give the tip out.

So, like, the El Poa Loco app and the Taco Bell app, if you order on the app and then show up, you get everything like a third of the price somehow. You can, like, build your own Luxbox meal for, like, $4.99 on the app. You get, like, five items in it and a drink. They also were offering bogos, too. You can get two for one for $12. Doing a lot of bogos right now.

Usually on these apps, too, you get rewards. So you get to add free stuff to the cart all the time, but you have to do the app. There's tons of bogos. Now, I looked at the fine print. You do have to agree that your phone is now, like, a bomb for the massage or something. But as that, like you get birds.

Which is fine. It's already been one. We just didn't give a consent. Yeah, exactly. They just want our consent. I read the fine print. My iPhone 16 is C4. Yeah.

Well, it was already, but now they've activated it. Oh, and my Tesla's a bomb. Yeah, of course. But that's fine. They go, it's a bogo today, but we will be scanning your child's face when she's trying to face time her uncle to see his cats. Yeah. So we own your child's head now.

You have to give consent. to one day be Charlie Kirk. Yeah. And you get like a free nacho cheese cup. You go nice. I got a free nacha cheese cup. I had to do we spend $85 on this big burrito. And then people online.

It's just, what a complete waste of time. People are going like, I think the $20 burritos are good. It should cost that much. Yeah, I saw that debate and I was like, I don't, I can't. I just, I can't. Yeah. I can't. It's just like the FBI, like, respects us so little.

They're like, this is. They're expensive. This week, it's $20 barritos. Just shut the fuck up. Who cares? Fucking lying. It's also the worst possible food. Joel Barry,

Babylon B guy. Whatever. Like 200,000 followers. He's just a total simp for Israel. Total Israeli, like cuck simp. And he loves Trump and Babylon B. You're telling me a Babylon B guy is a huge faggot. Yeah, he works for the Babylon B.

You know, fucking loser. I mean, conservatives are getting better at doing comedy and it's making lefties and nervous. as making lefties nervous. Didn't the Babylon B, wait, actually we get in the episode, didn't they make a comedy sketch about if the leftist went back at time to kill Hitler, they'd realize they love Hitler because Hitler didn't like Jews? Because he was a socialist or whatever.

Oh, maybe that's the angle. Maybe. Whatever is, I'm sure it was very funny. Didn't we? No, we haven't pulled up Babylon B or anything recently. What was it? Nazi? Or Hitler? I think it was Hitler time travel.

Yeah, that sounds like something new. It looked like the least funny thing I've ever seen in my life. Okay, yeah. Here. Bablon B's sketch goes viral. Okay, yeah, this was it. What a lazy Hitler, by the other. They didn't even die Hitler's hair black. It's a blonde. Oh, wait, no, this is actually

genius. They're so racist, they made Hitler blonde. They're actually rewriting the past. I like that. Hylers a blonde blue-lack guy now. That's beautiful, actually. Good. Yeah. Good. Good for them. I thought I didn't like this.

Okay, here we go. I'm a time traveler from the year 2025, and I've come here to kill you, Hitler. Also being such. Not again. Such cowards, they don't use a real gun in their sketch. Right, because it'll get demonetized. Well, I'm going to succeed.

Before you pull the trigger, can I just ask why? Why? do all of you people want to kill me? Isn't it obvious? I'm a progressive, a liberal, a fighter for social justice. And you are a fascist who implemented a reign of terror. And while the effects of your policies devastated the world for decades, soon we will be able to take back the White House. And we will be able to use the government to force people to follow our great ideas. You want to use government powers to force your ideas on the populace.

Me too. That's fantastic. What? No, no. You and I have nothing in common. What I'm saying is there are people in our time with dangerous ideas and we need to silence them. Silencing those who disagree with you. I do that too. How wonderful.

So they're doing that you live in a society. Yeah, they go, no, no, no, you don't understand? I'm a straw man who would never say these things in real life. Also, the actor portraying me will be raped in a cage later. Like a big pig led to a slaughterhouse. This is actually really funny. I mean, you not heard me? What?

Fucking dying over here. Yeah, Devin was... Put the mic away from my mouth. Keep it going so I could laugh at one. Oh, the Nazi movement will not die with me. Don't give me that. I'm enlightened. And you're as bad as...

Well, is Hitler. Listen, what I'm trying to say is we are very close to implementing a utopia, as long as we can get rid of some certain undesirable people groups. Yes, like the Jews. Yes, like the Jews.

Oh. So, in the future. Well, The Jews. Nevin. Give me a good laugh there, Nevin. Oh, yeah, that stung me like a damn The Babylon

The Babylon B. I got nothing for this man. I'm bored. I'm tired of society and everybody. I hate it. I have tired of being alive. I'm so sick of having to say this sucks ass. I think they made the sketch for like Eli Roth. Yeah.

Because Eli Rother that's like Greta Thunberg should be eaten by a pack of cannibals. He poses that on his Instagram story. Did he really? Yeah, yeah. Because I think she was delivering aid to like gauzer or something. He likes sharks more than Greta. Thunberg. I think he wanted the sharks to eat Granite Thunberg. Yeah.

Like, so I think he would think that's really funny. He's giving a shark a massage right now and he's like, Greta Thunberg should be killed. Yeah. Well, this is just for closeted gay men to like jack off to. This like fake skip that's going. I mean, he literally says, he's like, you want to kill Jews? She's like, yeah,

wait a second. Like, she would have no rebuttal to that. He's like, I did say I wanted to kill every Jew. You're right. Wait, I do want to do. genocide to Jews. You know, it's also funny, there's probably also conservative people getting mad that this shit's on Hitler.

So they're getting mad at it for that. Yeah, they did. They took a big risk. They took a big risk. They lost the Stephen Crowder people. Going after Hitler is a big risk. It's a big swing. Yeah, lose a large part of their audience.

But yeah, I'm with Devon. Everything sucks so much. I'm kind of, I feel completely sucked into a black hole. I don't even know how to deal with it anymore. Yeah, just like that's so tiring. to look at. I feel like I'm fighting the tide. I've been listening to Jake sent me this big AI viral country hit that everybody's listening

to now. It's like pretty popular. Okay. It's called Jade Green Ball. It's about this dog that chases a green bowl. Okay. So our most popular songs are becoming children's books. Do you guys want to hear like the first?

Yeah. Sure, sure, sure. Put it on. Yeah, it's green eggs in hand. Yeah, put on C-Spot Run, the song. for people while they eat their plastic, drink their cum. Which apparently your cum does have plastic in it now. Yeah, no, at all.

It's in your balls. Everything's plastic. Everything sucks. I've heard that it's in everything. You can't even drink your own cum now. It's a goddamn shame. Yeah, let's see. Jade Greenball.

Yeah, it's great. Emerald J. Greenball. Grangell. So YouTube premium now, it still shows me ads, even though I pay like 20 bucks a month. So it just doesn't work now. As we said. I have to upgrade. It says I'm premium light now, Dev.

No. In order the products your team depends on. I know. I think I have to pay like 30 a month now if I don't want to listen to ads. I love how that, can I say real quick. Shut up! Emerald J. Greenball! Can I say that even the fake AI country artist they made up for the Republican

retards? still ugly as shit. Yeah, she is still ugly. Like AI. I couldn't do much. The guitar is fake. AI's like, well, if she's a country Republican,

she has to be busted as fuck. She has to look like a falcon. Yeah, she looks like an old falcon. Grain ball. I mean, this is, can I say also? I know. Chicken dipy dopy dopy duck. Chicken dipy dopy duck.

Oh, do you want to see the lyrics? It's gibberish. Yeah, it's literally gibberish. Did Paul Simon work on those? So, I'll say this is the lyrics here. Oh, wait, wait, this is by Gina Jones songwriter topic. I didn't know that. Gina Jones songwriter music tells a lighthearted affectionate story about a pampered pet.

Out back where the chickens club. She just can't get enough. I'm playing on the phone with little Peter Bolterbuck chippy dippy dopey And in Mick Dam Donald That's what it says

And in Mick Dam McDonald's Thank God for Mama Debra Emerald loves her forever home Emerald jade green ball running down the hall Yeah I've been over this on my stream But it's just too good not to share with you guys Yeah

And then just let go to the bottom Mama makes bath time fun, stacking bubbles on her fuzzy head, then it's time to go to Sonic. This is the song that wins an Oscar for like a JD, the JD Vance biopic. Yeah, about the jelly roll guy, her mom's fucking for Percocet. Yeah. On YouTube alone, that has 350,000 views. Good. 8,000 likes.

It's also funny. It's very funny. This is country music when our granddaddy would have, like, if we were playing that, he would have walked down and said, turn that jungle music off. Oh, that is funny, actually, Jay. Yeah, they're using drum machines and it's, you know. It's all 808s. It's like hip hop inspired.

Yeah. She's kind of rapping. Man, that really stinks, Ben. Amber Jay Greenbow. Dippy, dipy, dipy, dip, dip, dot. Outside where the chicken's glove. And where all the kids we find out every night. Yeah, I have my...

At my Jane Greenbow. What are you looking up then? going to show you that people really are into it sure people what is this is leader beat a bo da butt she is so old and so fragile what the fuck is his Donald Trump is a little dog my baby this is lea what the fuck you're showing me boad bit chippy dippy doppy doppy duck yeah I'm telling you it like doesn't make sense anymore mcdonald this song is living rent free in my head mm-hmm damn straight are people people are really dancing along it's that we're actually a

at the point where people are saying, this chip lives rent-free in my brand. Apparently that's the dog. Okay. That it's about. It looks like this. It's a dog. It's one of those ugliest dogs competition dogs. Instagram is all like women in their like early 50s singing into a camera.

It's very strange. Now it's just showing golf stuff because Instagram search sucks. Leta beat a bo to butt Emerald Jade Greenball I mean that's Is that Macaulay Culkin? The chicken club She just can't get a love

The song is living a run through in my head Posted by a woman who's about to have her fetus stolen from her Posted by a woman who was made for a Netflix documentary But it's looking necromancy It's giving energy harvesting What the fuck is the shit, Ben? So I tried to make the color Emerald Jade Green Ball Leida, bea, boat, a butt

There's a whole culture behind this. It's Emerald J. Greenball. And this is Alita Bita Bada butt It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. Leader Bita Bota Butt, Amherald trade green ball, and chippy-dipy-dopee dopy-du. I feel like this is like some type of witchcraft or something.

Like it's actual like mind control. This is kind of freaking me out. I don't like it. Chippy dippy Dippy Dope Ducy Y'all I got Super

Chippin Dopy Dopee God Why does everyone have the ugliest dog Of all time I listening to it? I think that's the lady

that wrote it with AI or something I think that's the chippy Dippy Dopee duck lady It is? I think so Laida be to

Bo da Yeah, it's like a trend People are dancing I feel bad for aspiring musicians man Good Lord I mean

I mean, yeah, can you imagine like you're trying to nail down like a pentatonic scale for souling and then it's chippy dippy dopy duck And me People People are going to be posting in their yearbook

Chippy Dippy Dopee duck by Yeah, well they will Yeah 100% well They won't 100% That will be their yearbook quote They'll be doing like their wedding vows They're like when I heard Chippy Dippy Dopee Dopee Duc

I knew she was the one Senior quote Chippy Dopee Dopee And it should just say I'm already dead Okay. Who is that lady on the, that lady with the, uh, this lady? Yeah, the criminal eyes. I don't know. That's chibi-dippy-dopee duck.

I feel like I'm a 95 years old. You're showing me stuff I don't understand. The more I learn about it, the less I understand. It makes me less. I get scared and confused. Like, it's chippy-dippy-dobie-dud. I feel like I should be in an old folks home or something. Fuck, it rocks.

I love it so much. That's really bad, Ben. I love that we're, I love being at the, at the post world. I actually, I wouldn't want to be born at any other time. It's so good. Yeah. It's so amazing. I wonder if I saved.

Your Instagram is fat people dying and Ben Hogan videos. Where, your algorithm is people die? And Ben Hogan videos. Your algorithm is going to like infect the machines. Oh, man. Ben's algorithm is going to take over the machines like Neo and the Third Matrix and save us. We got to go to the Patreon right now because I need to show you. I got to piss us.

I'm going to give people a sneak. Shouldn't we do this sneak peek real quick? Okay. I got to show people. I got to show you guys this cult I found. And then I'm going to show you. We're going to talk about people that go to mega church inside Roblox. Okay.

Good. Very good. All right. We got a couple of things to cover. Cool. A little palate cleanser. Devin, do you want to plug? Any chippy-dippy-dopi-dop-y-duck,

Big Damn McDonald's. Get your ass down to McDonnell McDonald's. My son, Judge, just got charged with child sexual exploitation. I love the government. Chippy-dippy-doky-duck. Listen up, liberal. Put bugs in my food.

Chippy-dopiddle. Hold on. The police are called. My son's a petapal. Hold on. I'm about to give it to the lives real quick. Just made a $3. Bidipi-Duby-Dobby.

The FBI arresting my son. Masada's a myth. Chippin' doper duck. If you use your aborted fetus as the protein in your burrito. I do really, it almost makes you feel insane. I do feel, you know, like that Bill Gates thing where he's making all the mosquitoes trans

so it kills mosquitoes? I feel like they're, like, they are doing that to our brains now. Like, they're manufacturing stuff that's making us functionally retardant. It's actually so hard that I'm, it's hard. to, I don't have,

it's so depressing I have, I've yet to develop the same like bloodlust to be really quick. Yeah, about making fun of it. Yeah, really, it's so, it's depressing. It beat me down. Every time I see it up, like, I don't have much to go off on AI about

because it's just so, like, I just, Ben pulled it up on the live stream last week, and I'm like, I don't even, Ben just cackles at it and talks about how everything's over, and I'm like, I get all that. I don't got any, I don't even have a joke. I don't got a joke.

I don't got none. It's over. It's like when people like when somebody's like, they try to debate you in AI and they're like, well, AI is good because of this and you like, like I don't really have an intellectual response because I never thought I would need one. I just think you should kill yourself and not be alive anymore.

Yeah. You know what I mean? That's the problem. That's what I mean is. Everything you believe in, I'm diametrically opposed to and I don't think you should be speaking to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. But yeah, we can go talk about the sex cult and stuff. I got to read this ad. Love you, folks. Bye. Patreon.

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