lemonparty - 201: Cherry Coke

Episode Date: August 18, 2026

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You used to go high, high, high for the lemon. Yeah, I got a couple of things to talk about on the Patreon. Do you guys want to start with this LeBron video? If you guys, it's up to you. You guys saw it. Yeah, if you've got some stuff, maybe we get to that. I think this will just make us angry. Not fucking.

You think so? I don't know. It's just going to be like watching like blackmail. and he was being like, he busts and busts in and we go, fuck you. Yeah, it really is pretty bad. Yeah. It's genuinely that, Devin. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. LeBron also, I watched a little bit of it to fuel my hate, like a, you know, like a steam ship. LeBron does like quirky white girl face. LeBron, like, does, like, LeBron is like at his heart, like a white girl who goes like, like, six her tongue? Yeah, like duck face. He does like duck face, yeah. He's very dry. Rakeified.

Yeah. Sad. The least black man in America, LeBron James. Okay, so I wanted to talk about this guy because everybody's circling back to him right now. Yeah. You know this guy, right, Jace? Of course.

I mean, he was like, I think six years ago, this man had to run and hide like a gopher, right? What's crazy is he started a band. Yeah. With a label. And I think they're putting money behind them.

And this video is making the rounds again. Yeah, resurfacing. The internet's way meaner now. Yeah. So it's even more brutal. It's funny that I dress like this and give off like tough, like a tough sort of thing going on. What is it? Who is this?

I cried at Phoebe Bridgers in the shower and I listen to C. Rose and boy genius. And the dichotomy is crazy. The dichotomy. But I didn't listen to hardcore music that much. Look at this shirt. My friend's tattoo brand. Anyway. It's very.

I want to go. It's really funny because he doesn't realize he's doing 4D. I thought it was a character. No, no, no, no. This is a real guy. No, no, no.

This one very viral like five years ago and everybody's like, this guy sucks. But he does not realize Ben, he's doing 4D Rogan where he's going like, it's so crazy how I'm like an American badass and like everybody's terrified of me because I kick so much ass, but I'm like really a sweetheart and you should fuck me. I've never liked this look of the guy that looks like he's, he clocks in at the skateboard factory. Like his shirt is tucked in. and he has his keys. I hate the keys hanging from the pants.

He's got a union job at skateboard. Put your keys in your fucking pocket. What do you think we're in like Rio de Janeiro and you're always at risk of getting pickpocketed? Why? I hate the keys hanging from the, from the belt buckle. He's a janitor at Zumi's.

Calm down. What is that? Why is that a look to have a carabiner? It's working class. Yeah, you're not. You're not. You're not. You don't work at the,

at the fucking steel mill. Okay? You don't. drink with like a duck in West Virginia every night. And by the way, in 2016, this guy could get laid. Now women see this guy and they view it like when a bunny sees a shadow of a hawk on the ground. They're like, I have to run because this guy's about to date rate me to death.

It's a wolf and sheep's clothing. And it looks like they, like a grave digger toe type of look. You mean the monster truck? It's the docks. It's the, it's the same as. He's in a foggy mist with a. shovel. And he might meet up with, he might meet up with, like, Bucky Lysick later to, like, dig up some bodies and steal their jewelry. Like, it's just jackass coated. Yeah. It's, I don't give a flip.

Yes. I don't give a flip energy. And also, what happened to why are pant legs not going down to the fucking shoes anymore? Oh, do you, do you like these? Because I got these in 3630. Do you think these are two? I mean, Ben, I can't. I can't do anything with you. I mean, I, what's wrong with them? I got these jeans. My wife liked these jeans yesterday at the mall. she bought them for me. Yeah. They got pockets on them. Do you like them?

Yeah, it's good. I mean, she's trying to make you unfuckable. Yeah. Those are the jeans. Do you like the nine-inch nail shirt? I got at Spencer's gifts. That's very good. That is cool.

Which was nine-inch pizzas because I love a personal pie. I mean, look at this waistline. I just don't really get the pant, like, the Dickie's pants that like, they're not Dickies. They're Levi's. Levi, they're Levi Strauss. The way that guy's looked. It's like the pants, they end.

Caprice. You know, they end. where the socks are, and then a guy wears, like, high top converse and... Yes. Not what you're wearing. You do have the jeans of, like, a hot 17-year-old. Well, I want a wide pant leg for when I get edema. You want to grow into it?

I don't want to have to cut them off if I get too big with a big... With a scissure. You buy jeans, like how you buy shirts for your daughter, where you're like, well, she'll grow into them. You know what? Here's another thing. Before I forget it, sorry to end up. Go back to that image of that guy real quick.

I was on his band now. It's that guy, this guy, okay, maybe I could even use this image just to give people a taste. This way has a cardigan in it. Every white guy I see like this, I go, it, there's a, I don't know how to sum this up, but I hope this makes sense. He looks like he is the manager of a Mexican guy. Like he manages a Mexican teenager. He looks like he's the Jew to a Mexican teenager and he's somehow running his career of just like working at like a Menjee's. Like he's going up to.

And going to like Morrissey concerts. But he looks like he looks like he looks like he. needs to, he sets up. He's like, I just got your two tickets to the Morrissey concert. You're going to finger fuck this girl that you went to six slags with two weeks ago. He's, yeah, he's walking up to a Mexican teenager. He's like, okay, so what you're going to do today, you're going to go

to the mall, you're going to say the N-word in public about 85 times. That's your dad. This is a Mexican guy's version of a Jewish agent. Yes. It's a Jewish agent. It's a Barry Gordy. It's a Barry Gordy. It's a Barry Gordy for a Mexican teen. But they don't even get a Jew. And the Mexican teen has to cock and he has to be like, so what am I

doing tonight and then this guy's like you're going to go see Terrifier and you're going to go to the Cheesecake Factory. You're going to dress like a goth angel and you're going to see Terrifier and then go scream the N-word at Cheesecake Factory at your Torta girlfriend.

All these guys like, because there is a vague association where they want to be like ethnic or something. This isn't a white guy fully. They want to, it is they are rejecting their whiteness as the best they can, which is like being like I'm not white. I'm a skate boy. Yes, I'm a skateboard.

I'm a skateboard. I'm a skateboard. I don't give a flip about anything, and I don't have a good job. I suck. I have a grandpa cardigan on, but I can do a 360. Like, I can do a kickflip, but I also dress like a grandpa. And it's guys where they, what happens is like when these guys are 21, it's all fun in games. They turn 35, and you walk up to them and you're like, what is you like, what are you trying to do with your life? And they're like, if I had an answer to that, my identity would collapse. So I'm just kind of smoking weed throughout my 30s. And then one day I'm going to wake up and I'm 47 and my girlfriend of 20 years is going to leave me.

Yeah. Because I haven't done anything. Yeah. Because I've been so afraid of my whiteness that I skateboarded my way into a shitty life. I have noticed that about these guys too. They're always going through a big heartbreak. And I always go, how was there even that many years in your life to have been with somebody like that? They're doing the heartbreaking.

Because... And they're acting like they're the victim. Because they get with a girl, and I've seen it many times, they get with a girl where they're like, well, he's kind of like cool. He likes cool bands and he like does hardcore music. And then they hit the seven-year mark and they're like, he's just still on that couch smoking weed and working his shitty job that sucks. I don't want to be with this guy.

Like, you have to evolve. Yeah. People wonder why Mac DeMarco got sober. And I'm like, if he kept doing what he was doing, it would get sad. The guy who's like into like, you know, clipping his cigarettes and doing an Ollie outside the taco truck and the Ralph's parking lot. Like you, in your early 30, you got to get sober because that nobody wants to see that dude doing that when he's like 38. Yeah. That shit sucks.

Like I'm not saying you don't have to become the man, quote unquote, but like go to trade school. Do fucking song. I think becoming the man might be a good idea. Or try to become the man, whatever. Yeah. You know? Get a suit. Go down to Muscle Beach.

Take steroids. Yeah. Shave your head. Get a simplified tattoo. Start telling people you were in the Marines. Copy the playbook from the toolbox killer. Get really pissed when you see a guy with jeans really low. Get like red and pissed.

When you see a kid being a little too black. Yeah. Yeah. That would be better for that guy. Yeah. Start thinking you're Arlie Ermi for some reason. Start thinking, it starts fantasizing about violence you'll never enact in your life. Because that's kind of how.

you get through the day. You know, I'm going to throw something out there and I don't, you know, I don't care. Go for it. Like I said, like nothing I say, I believe in really. Go for it. The Mac the Marco guy aging out of that, I don't know if there's a route for that. I don't think, I think, because I think it's actually weirder to be like a retiree of being a retiree. Yeah.

You retired from being like a retired guy? May I? But he's town. He knows how to make music. You employ yourself as being a dad. That's, that's, yeah. So you just pump one. your lady.

It's not... Yeah, but those guys can still do the because the jackass guys have kids and they're all like, they all dress like these guys. But those guys, Steveo does... Like,

Steveo is just a sober podcaster now. Yeah, you know? That's true. Knoxville has a guy with gray hair who just like does interviews about how he misses being Bugs Bunny.

Yeah. Like, you have to change. You want to be... Everyone should strive to be Pontius at the end of the day. Yeah. Chris Pontius.

The noble Pontius. Has the keys. I run into him quite often. That guy has the keys to the castle. I love that man. his potty is doing now he's just perfect is that my farmer's market he's doing he's just never fucked up yeah he's probably I feel like he still like fucking you know does the

joke where his like balls are like over his wrist and he says like what time is it and he's like probably 48 years old but it's like it never gets old probably yeah but he also never did whippets and lost his brain yeah he might not be a drug guy yeah yeah okay but like you know like you can keep living like this I really do think. I don't think, I think it's almost gayer to like do this, like, pretend, you know, time to, like, act like, it's train dreams and build your cabin.

I think it's actually gayer because, like, what experience do you have in that? You know? Yeah, because you know what? It's funny, Devin, because you're already a boring guy and you go, you know what to fix this? Becoming even more boring. Yes, it doesn't make any sense. Just keep it. The best part about you was, like,

your bong hit. It really is It really is doubling down on sucking even more ass. Yes. Very good, Devon. I think it's next. I'd rather them just continue to at least get a little hammered and smoke weed and do drugs. Make women uncomfortable? Go make women uncomfortable at improv shows. You know, like that type of shit. So you're saying this guy should turn into the Big Lebowski is what you're saying?

I do. I actually think that's an, I think that guy is unfairly maligned. Do you, can I ask you identify? I think these guys should be stealing ticadas from like comedy parties in backyards. They're not, no one knows why they're there or who they know. Can I ask, is that your aspiration in life? No, no, no, no. But I don't see a big change coming. So I am possibly setting up shields for myself.

I can see you getting part of your liver removed or something. No, I take breaks. The liver needs 48 hours. Yeah, Devon is. Pontius maxing. He's keeping it right between the bumpers. 400% of liver problems come from people abusing Tylenol and inflammation. Yeah. And him knowing that means he's fine.

I look into this a lot. Him knowing that fact is said. No, I will definitely, at some point, I will definitely not drink as much. I'll always drink, but I will not drink as much at some point. I'm thinking about a black guy abusing Tylenol and it's the name of his son. His son, His son, Tylenol PM. This is my son,

Tylenol PM, extra strength. Any trend of to knockout Asian guys. That's why I call her, I'm that named for Tylenolp. Night, night. I say, here's some extra strength for your Chinese ass. Night, night, man.

Play the knockout game, Mr. Chong. Yeah, welcome to the F-Train, motherfucker. I listened to so much Wu-Tang, I got into Kung Fu, and I started getting my son to knockout Chinese guys. No, I was kidding with it like being about me in the future, but like, because I'm not, I don't know what I am.

Can I, but like, I do see these guys a lot. And when I see them do the whole boring, like, I'm an adult now guy thing. I'm like, I don't. I'm with you on, I'm with you on the drinking guys. I'll go with you on the drinking thing because you're like, I'll definitely stop drinking. I love, I think coming from a Christian background, I loved any guys I knew in Texas back in the day where they had a dad. who was like a cocaine addict, who just was like, I stopped doing cocaine. I have a giant gut and I get fucked up every day.

And I manage a machine shop. I have a good house, nice wife. I'm fat as shit. My skin is exploding. But I just love getting fucked up. And I kind of, I'm like, there is a dignity in that. It's almost like a Eskimo getting on a block of ice and floating into the ocean to die. Yeah.

I respect that. Yeah. I do think there's a lot of boring. empty people out there that like they use that whole thing where they're like you're 35 bro like time to lock in type of shit and I'm like what is that even I don't know what truly what is that me you know what yeah that's fair I'm being devon I'm being a little capitalist right now yeah I respect that yeah I'm being a little self-helpy you're right maybe I mean I don't know I mean not you but like yeah just the idea that there's like some time where everyone knows you're supposed to just

fully like graduate into sucking full ass. I don't understand. You only suck half ass? No one knows why we're here, what the point of anything is. This idea that there's like some timeline to like graduate into still

not knowing the answer. But like because you fucking are boring now, you figured it out. No, that's what I'm saying. I think you might be right. I might have internalized America. Maybe. And I'm doing it to this guy right now. Maybe. That might have been The goy guidelines.

I might have got goi in my lung and I'm spitting it out right now. I've got a goy virus in my lung. A goy mucus. I got goy mucus in my lung and I'm coughing it out on you. That's a good call. You can build a compelling life for yourself outside of your job or like those sort of like monetary ambitions. That should be the goal. So you don't just become more boring.

You don't lock in by being like a boring piece of shit. Right. A guy who's like, dude, I'm going to only like chicken and rice and I'm going to go to bed at eight. Fuck that. That's not a life. That's turning your brain off. Right. You know what I mean?

That's numbing yourself even more than what the weed was doing to your shit. You need to be, like, you need to be doing tantric sex stuff. You need to be doing astral projection. You need to be learning how to like have dreams where you talk to your ancestors about like. Getting weird in an old guy way. Yeah. An old guy in his 50s who still kind of fit and having weird, real sex sex. The guys you'd see in real sex as a kid when you were trying to jerk off to HBO.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, oh, God, somebody get Buddy Ryan out of the shot. Yeah, you would see a random 50-year-old who's too tan and his nipples are too pointy. You'd be like, what is that guy doing there? He's living the dream. He really is. Yeah, the sunburned guy that you're like, you kind of can't believe is still drinking to the level he's drinking at the pool in Vegas. That's what I mean?

And you're like, wow. Yeah, and he's like, and you're like, what's your life? He's like, oh, it's great, man. I get fucked up and my wife fucks guys in front of me. The guy at the casino at the end of Uncut Gems, become that guy. That's final form. Paul Diamond. Yes.

Do you guys think that there's something to being, like, so, like, I guess for lack of a of a better word, stupid, that it helps you live because you don't have stress. And so you, like, the whole, like, stress they actually say truly is the number. Like, that's the reason people of the heart attack or the cancer and all that. if you're not thinking on any level like that and not that's stressed, there's a lot of retarded guys that are like 75 that have been doing whatever the fuck they want forever. Yeah. And they don't die.

I've never thought of this way. I thought if you were dumber, you die quicker because you just develop a dementia and Alzheimer's. The jolly, the truly jolly fat guy that's not sad, I think keeps living through the fatness. It's a guy who's weaponized his stupidity because we ultimately live in an absurd universe with no meaning, like really. And it's a guy who's taking that stupidity, applied it. to a stupid situation is just like, yeah, man, whatever. Yeah. And is, like, almost like in a Buddhist way fulfilled.

You know that guy, there's that, Drew, there's the travel guy on YouTube, Drew Binsky. He, like, went to, like, every country ever. Okay. Whatever. He's... I think you've shown me before. The guy went to Chernobyl and shit like that.

Yeah, there's a, there's multiple of them. This is, like, the top dog. I think he even said, like, he said, like, had a memorial for Oliver Tree on whatever on on Instagram or whatever. Sure. So he's big time. But he's a big time guy. Yeah.

he was friends with Oliver Tree kind of he's big. Smagley, yeah, whatever, exactly. More of an Oliver and Anthony guy continue. Very good. Very good, very good. Me too.

Please continue. But so I just, I watched some video. This guy went to, like, he goes, he was, he went, he, he's, this guy's been to every country and earth. Like, he knows a lot about everything. Yeah. But he, he's now doing his whole, like, suck-ass America part. And he went to, like, Appalachian.

He went to, like, Eastern Kentucky. And I watched him, he's driving through town, and all these, he keeps, he keeps like trying because his whole thing is like I don't know what I'm here to do I have to be helped by the locals so hopefully these people are nice and he kind of looks a little Jewish so you're like who knows how this is gonna go sure and he's asking he's just pulling his window down and he's like asking like these like human like banjos like these like these guys that look like parakeets that are and they always say at some point that they're like 75 years old yeah they're they're the dumb they sound like the dumbest people on earth

One guy he rolled his one to the one thing down, and he goes, hey, where, um, we're, like, where can I go to, like, meet some people here? Like, I'm just looking to, like, to meet some people. And the guy goes, there's a dairy queen down there. And he goes, he goes, they got cherry Coke. And he goes, the dairy queen is cherry Coke? And he goes, next to the best best question. Yeah, a queen got cherry Coke. and the guy goes so the people

the guy goes yeah they got the Jericho and he wandered off but he was old he was an old fuck yeah he's I don't think that guys

had a thought that would kill him no he's fine I got to say that's kind of how my interior monologue like operates

Jerich coat after wim McCoke cook Cof receive somebody goes

they got missed it was the funniest thing the guy literally goes hey where are the people where can I go

meet some people and he goes there's soda that's people soda that's people yeah it's like it's like you go to the river and you find civilization you find the soda you find the people i i think you're right that it's almost like you remember those like um the rat park park experiments that everybody talked about with addiction where it was like you took a rat put it in a cage with a cocaine beaker by itself it did cocaine all the the time you put a rat in a in a big thing with a lot of stimulus and a lot of other rats to hang out with and a cocaine beaker, he didn't do cocaine at all. We all live in the rat cage by ourselves, but there are probably some rats who are like,

this is great, I drink all the cocaine water. I can handle. And they go, my life kicks ass. Yeah. Some people are built for the scenario we find ourselves in. Yeah. Because they go, there's cherry coat. Yeah.

Problem solved. I like that. Just go get that. I like that. Taste good over to there. Hey, do you know what? I can, like, what do people do here for fun? You think?

Yeah, the dairy queen, and I got sick. You go, but like the people, it's like, if you got a dairy queen, there's a drawing of Dennis the menace. Holding an ice cream. And he's my best friend. But he's walking around with these mongoloids. Sure. And they're sweethearts. Yeah.

As long as they didn't get killed by meth, every single one of them says, like, my dad did mess. He did mad. He did. He did. He did. Everyone fuck each other when they died do admit. Yeah. And they just somehow just did it do it.

You know what, Devin? Their health care is not thinking. Yes. Well, their health care isn't aware it's alive. No. If it's not conscious. They're health care. So the Whitaker's are like 150 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly.

Yeah, they turn into petrified wood where they just last forever. Yeah, they're like hard. They turn into a stone covered in moss. They're like, my whole body's a tumor, so I can't get cancer. Cancer can't get cancer. that's how you defeat the cancer I have the cancer Every night I wake up in my spleen

I coughed it up but I push it back in And in five years in RV will come To give me insulin And that's my health care But I don't care I'm just living You're right There are people built for every scenario on Earth

I think people They're mutating To the world that sucks ass And adapting They are like the fish learning To walk on water A little bit Yeah they are

It feels to me like people I agree with you to an extent that I think people live longer if they become who they're supposed to be and they don't resist it. Like a Whitaker guy lives to be 100 because he thinks he's like A dog. A dog. Yeah. Or like a cat or whatever.

And then I think a guy who's supposed to use his brain who chooses to turn it off dies young because it makes him depressed and he doesn't have any will to live anymore as opposed to someone who keeps doing Sudoku's in reading a lot. They'll live to be like a hundredth grade. Because a guy who thinks too much, he needs, needs to go into that battle and learn how to live as a guy who thinks too much.

If God gives you a gift, you gotta use it or he's gonna kill you. You've gotta- He's gonna smite you. Yeah, you've gotta defeat your own gift. You can't just numb it out with alcohol and pills or you'll die. The Whitakers have a gift. Yeah. And it's being retarded.

Yeah, it's opening cans of food with their mouth. Yeah. It's being human can opener. No, yeah. It's literally being dogs that grew thumbs. Did you guys ever see that video of the dude that went back to the Whitakers? because he like gave them, he like gave the money. No.

The, the, uh, the soft white underbelly guy. He went back. I'm pretty sure there was like a thing where he went back to check on them. Uh-huh. And he, cause he, like, gave, he, like, gave some of them, like, money or something. From the YouTube revenue. Yeah. And then, you know, he found out they, like, cooked it or whatever.

And didn't, you know, just ruined, whatever. Yeah. And he's, like, trying to, like, give them a talking to. And they're, like, they're just sitting there, like, They're just like barking at him. He has, I think that guy had a tendency to do that. He would like help out like some like prostitute or something. And then he'd be like, and then why did you and Big Mike come over and like rob me?

I know. That was my only problem with, I liked that guy a lot, but he would be like, so you're pimp through acid in your face and you just kept still fucking for him. Like, what is that a good decision? Nah, nah, nah, it's like, dude, what you're talking to slime. Yeah, come on, man. This is pond algae. Yeah. Like, it sucks for them.

It's very unfortunate, but like, you're talking down to the whore who got acid thrown in her face. And then he'd also try to, like, be, like, a good guy and, like, get involved and help him out. And then he'd, like, be, like, really devastated when the crack had, like, you know, took his money. Yeah. He's like, what? Yeah. That was for you to, like, go to college. You were supposed to start college with that money.

You were going to study Roman literature. Not smoke crack cocaine, which is what you've done for 20 years. It's a guy barking in an Appalachian. Gavin. Yeah. Yeah, you know what, Ben. I mean, like, let's think of the Fatsos. Like, Chris Farley, thoughtful.

John Candy, thoughtful. Boom. Dead. Dead. Done. Couldn't handle it. Think of, uh, could handle it too big of an engine for their life.

Think of, think of, think of fatsos that don't. I thought you said the jolly fatsos live longer. But they weren't, but they weren't actually. But John Candy's not actually a jolly fattos. They weren't actually jolly fattos. Thoughtful, you know, I think, like, had a lot of. No, they were guys who were 350 pounds eating. eating pie all day and they're like, let me throw some cocaine on top of this because they had to run away from their own brain.

Yeah. Yeah. They were tortured. They ate a lot of food and did drugs and felt good all the time. Yeah. They were tortured. They were tortured. Whereas like a guy like a ticket taker at like Fenway who's just like, y'i, walk in my fat way pie.

You're like, how are you still going? He's like, I just keep going. I just don't die. Yeah. That's it. you'd be like what's the secret to living to 100 he's like don't die just don't do that

I think religion also maybe I think religion calms the nerves and the blood pressure and stuff yeah the opiate of the masses I think people that genuinely just like I'm just gonna believe this for I'm gonna that's it yeah it's a good life raft

I think it keeps the cortisol down that's a common thing people are like well I you know like I think God's stupid unless you're you know out freshly out of prison or a drug addict like you just need that life preserver to keep you afloat good for you or whatever.

No, I agree with that. Well, this guy found his path. He's in a band. Yeah, the first guy to dress like this and start a band. Devin, did you know you could just do things? Devin, did you know you could start a band when you're 34? You can just do things. What was that? What were we making fun of recently? Like Ted Lassow guys, I guess.

Which Ted Lassau? It's unfair because I haven't seen the show. I watched it. You don't want to, like, it gets a little dangerous because I watched an episode of Ted Lassow. I realize the show is for people that are like a gloomy day away from putting a gun in the mouth. So it really is. The show is just for people that so desperately, like they're waiting for their Prozac and they like need a show to be like, just have a good happy day and I'm Ted Lassow. Ted Lassow is for guys who realize their job at State Farm makes them want to kill themselves.

So they watch Ted Lasson and they're like, you know, that Southern guy said it's not too bad. So I won't blow my brains out today. Yeah. It really is. The show is like a, it's essentially, Ted Lassau is like a, it's like, he's like an SSRI mascot. Yeah, interesting.

He would be in commercials. The, you know, I need a day to take care of myself thing. This is my idea of community is just being alone all the time and needing a day. I don't even know. I, I watch the show, but I don't have no memory. It's a bubble bath for your brain. Didn't they just still the Seth Galfanakis guy, but make him sincere? Like the audience doesn't know he's a retard?

Yeah. And the show runners don't know he's a retard. Yeah. They're like, Seth Galanacus is a good man. My wife watched it for a year and she thought it was a drama. I explained her it's a comedy. She goes, I haven't laughed once. I'm like, I swear to you, those are all meant to be jokes. She was like, no, and you had to Google it. Like, it's a comedy.

It's not even a drama. I told Colin Quinn that and he goes, man, you found a keeper. It's... But it's not even a drama. It's the equivalent of like a woman in the 50s, having a panic attack and a doctor walks in with a big needle and she's calm after he shoots it into her. Yeah, that sucks. It's brain, it's novocane. Yeah, it's a visual mother's little helper. Yeah. It's for housewives and like catatonic, like, businessmen. It's male quail. People who work in insurance.

Yeah. Yeah. I want to kill myself. Okay. Well, you're going to not want to kill yourself once you hear this guy's new favorite band. What's the name of this band? We're bringing it all back around to this archetype of guy. Okay. This human skateboard. There is no such thing as sucking ass in this world anymore. Now, a label will come to you and use you sucking ass as a thing to put money behind you for a viral video campaign. Sucking ass is a valiant trait now.

It is. Like people are like, he sucks ass better and harder than anybody. Than anyone. He can suck the the fucking golf ball out of a garden hose. He sucks so much ass. He sucks so much ass. What does it? What does it say? What does it say? We wrote this song about the importance of checking in on yourself and your friend to make sure okay isn't just okay.

Okay. Nice, dude. Hell yeah. What is this whole, like, checking in on yourself? He's talking about the listener, because anyone listening to this was close to killing themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, this is like that guy's face right there.

That's the last thing a 17-year-old goth girl sees before she gets buried in a bomb somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. This guy, they literally form. I mean, look at, like, you know, Hamburger Records, the record label that did like every email band? They all got to strut. Apparently it was a cornucopia of.

of rapists. Every single band was just raping 17 year olds like it was chicklets. That's like why they formed the band. Burger Records. It was called Burger Records and it was nothing but rapists

who had bands. It was like literally like like they, you know like those stories of like we dug up outside this Canadian boarding school and we found 1,000 Native American skeletons. That was Burger Records.

But for 17-year-old girls with the emo haircut. Yeah, and ended. Scene girls? Tons of bands. Scene girls, yeah. It was a scene girl bug zapper Burger Records.

I love that. They guys signed the burger and then rape. It's a dangerous word. Welcome to Burger Rape. Your new job is to Burger and Rape. And that's America. Ain't that America? Home of the Rape.

Jayce, this country's worth fighting for. This guy right here. What year do you think this was made? This just came out this week. Oh my God. They are using him sucking ass from six years ago as a way to try to... They probably pushed the video everywhere to try to get it to go viral again about him sucking ass, actually. You know what they're doing?

They saw the Rebecca Black thing, where Rebecca Black made that song Friday. In 2010? 2009. This girl sucks. This song sucks. She came out in 2024 and started posting videos and like, oh, this chick actually has like huge fucking giant cans. Oh, she's big tits? She has big tits.

It's Rebecca Black, and she's like, emo-e. And everybody's like, we actually love her. They're trying to do that with this guy. But this guy doesn't have giant cans. He doesn't have, I can't jerk off to this man. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Yeah. His music's not even good.

You know what? The music's not even important. There shouldn't be even a song playing. You should just be like, this is bad. We didn't even finish the song. Yeah, keep going, sir. Maybe it'll get really good. Hold on.

It's that fucking, like, uh, y'allel. Yellow Park or what is it called? Yellow Park. League 182 era, like, want to be, you know, music where it's like, you know, you talk about fucking going to the fair with your eighth-grade girlfriend and, like, leaving home.

Yeah. Finger-bangs the opera. I saw you with him. And you were eating funnel cats. Sure. It's like a 39-year-old guy talking about, like, Let's hit the road

Why is it gay But then when I hear meatloaf singing about fingering a 15-year-old in a car In Paradise by the dashboard lights I know exactly the reason Because these guys like Yellow Card Ocean Avenue type guys They were singing about the pain of growing up In a two-story house in Orange County Meatloaf was singing about being a fat retard

Who didn't get pussy in like Flint, Michigan or whatever Yeah, it's a little more cool It's different It's different. It's about a guy being like, I'll marry you. Can you please suck my dick? It's like legit. Well, it feels like experienced me, like him being so young and so in love and the passion

of it. Yeah. And him promising her that he'll love her forever, but he just wants pussy just as once so he's going to kill himself. Yeah, what's the line like, I'm hoping. And I love you forever. Yeah. Let me sleep on it.

Yeah. Baby, baby, let me sleep on it. Baby, baby, just suck my dick. Yeah, I got to know right now. Yeah. It's a great song. Will you rate me? Yeah.

It's one and a wine because it's just, it's grown, it's authentic. Yeah. That's a moment that every guy can relate to. This guy's just doing an impression. Every guy that's got pussy can relate to this one. Of course. 100%. I can't relate to this guy getting pussy.

As opposed to fucking divorce song. No more mom. No more dad. Versus a guy in 1970. Meet me at the county fair. Yes. Okay. It's like, having three cars kind of sucks sometimes.

My mom and dad are divorcing. I live in Winniaparte. I inherited my grandma, Chevy Malibu, and it doesn't have power steering. Like that type of shit. But Meatloat is singing about being a fucking fat retard. And being like, I need this girl to suck my dick so badly. And then she finally sucks your dick and you're like, I can't believe my life like this. My life be like, hmm.

My name is Meatloat. Ooh, ah. Ooh, ah. Oh, yeah. Ooh. My name is Meatloaf and I tricked a woman into sucking me off. Yeah. I will say in terms of how we got here, all these weepy guys going, you know, this is

Arkin Fires thing too. Like the suburbs are like a sad, material empty place. People go, what's so bad about the suburbs? We had it pretty good. If you drove through the suburbs at any point in 1998, just throw a stone. Someone's getting molested in a bedroom. Sure. There's like evil.

That's what wakeups about. Yeah. That's what Tunnels is about. A kid's ass. That tunnel's about your wife. Hey. Oh. No, I'm kidding.

But to me, Arcade Fire, and I might be the millennial defending the band I like, to me, Arcade Fire was using the suburbs to sing about the decline of the West in general. You know what I mean? Where they are taking something so small and making it something so grandiose, the sacred and the profane type of thing. This guy is taking something so small. and making it even smaller somehow. Those guys, those guys where they're like, I didn't get a hand job and I'm sad

and my mom makes $250,000 a year. Those type of songs, it's small being smaller. It is about their poor relationship with death where they're like, I'm getting older. That was then and this is now and time's moved on. It's like, yeah, man, you have to be, like, you have to accept. Like, didn't we all see the Lion King? Like the circle of life?

We die and the anal. Antelope's eat us and we eat the antelope and blah, blah, blah, and our ancestors are in the stars. Didn't you learn this when you were like six, you dumb fuck? And they go, I did. You stupid faggot. They go, I learned it, but I was six and a narcissist and I never thought I would die. Now I'm 30. I'm still a narcissist and I realize I will, so it sucks, actually.

That's why all these kids like turn 25 and they think they're going to have to kill themselves. They're like, bro, I'm just realizing that someone who was 25 in the year 2000 is 50 now. And that gets like 80,000 retreats because people are like, bro, that's how I can't believe like, That's seriously like a mind-fucked. That means I'll be 50 in 25 years. Bro, Tom Holland got Spider-Man at 19. I'm 20. I have to blow my brains out, bro.

It's over shot. And you're like, why? They're like, because I have to make money. It's because they can't, they don't, death is like, it's like object permanence to a baby. They don't think it's a real thing or something. It's peek-a-boo. Death is literally peek-a-boo.

It's peek-a-boo, yeah. They're like, you just put the ball behind your back. disappear forever they're like chat if i killed myself i'll be on a t-shirt like kirk cobain he's still alive he's on a t-shirt did you see by the way this is completely off topic did you see um they literally think like little peep is just in the other room killing yourself is the same as walking behind a curtain they're like xxxx tion is not dead i saw him in a meme the other day Hey guys, it's time to do the ad. It's that time of the week where we organically mention Lucy.

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contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical did you see um who's the youngest baller brother who's on the hornets. Lamello or he got traded to the Timberwell. Did you see, did you see the moving out video that that one guy posted of his apartment? Were he like, no, but I heard he like, what does he like live like a child obviously? He like literally lives

in like an Armenian vape shop in Van Nuys. You might want to pull it up and it's the gayest thing I've ever seen. How do you close name? Lamello Ball. He's like, retarded. He's very talented of basketball, but he's like, has no discipline. He's named after a basketball. Yeah, he's Lamello Ball. He's Lovar Ball. He's Levar Ball's kid.

He's the only one that made it, really. And type in mover, because it was a guy he hired to move because he just got traded out of his, like, million-dollar apartment that he was living inside. Is this real last name? He got, yeah, yeah, yeah. He got, yeah, yeah. He got his name. And he was, like, in Charlotte, like, he was, like, every weekend, like, he got in, like, his Lamborghini, like, in a car accident. He was just, like, drive through red lights.

Yeah, there's footage of, like, fans waiting to meet him, and he pulls that in a Lambo and, like, runs over. Runds over Pavia. Is this it? Yeah. Lamele Ball's Penhouse in Charlotte was insane. This was a mover he hired who filmed this,

I'm assuming, a little bit. Good God. It looks like a prize. Yes. It's a fries electronic store. He's in a big foot and stuff? His bathroom has a sign that it's...

Aliens, Bigfoot. Whatever. Just please wash your hands. Restful. Everything's an alien, but it's an alien that like smokes weed. Yeah.

It's that type of retarded. So his interior decorator is like Spencer from Spencer's gifts. Yes, exactly. It's the Spencer. A guy coming over wearing a family guy shirt touching his fingers together. Turning his flat bill backwards. Who's like, Kermit the Frog.

They're like, Spencer, thank you for being here. He's like, on this wall, what about Stewie Griffin throwing dice? And they're like, God damn it, Spencer, you're the fucking man. What a fucking Retired What a fucking worthless Retired I know

Why is money only given To the most Worthless people On the fucking planet And then they pay Even more worthless People to make Like art for them

And design stuff Because we are the tumor factory Yeah We work on the cancer line We make cancer Yeah Damn it I'm

Fucking I'm gonna die I'm gonna What the shit Or what the fuck I said Gaming set up See Gucci that's my motherfucking nigga I ain't in a way

Is that Rick and Morty? That was him as Rick and Morty You went past that Ben He was him as Rick and he's obsessed With aliens that are up to no good Aliens in the hood Aliens with streets Aliens that sagged their pants

No literally That's like the new like That's a lot of whitesmen black guys are like, dude, what if an alien did a bong hit that was like really big? He's like, because like my dad's like black, but like my mom's like, yo Rogan and shit.

So what? Dude, imagine, dude, this is crazy. Imagine an alien like took a bong hit and then like coughed and then went like, fuck. That would be fucking. And you'd be like, why?

He's like, just fucking imagine it. Now make that a decal. on my wall where I sleep. It is, it's the tackiest worst place I've ever seen. It's the worst place I've ever seen. It's actually tasteless, even if he was like nine years old. If he was nine, you'd be like, dude. I would personally rather live in an Abu Ghrave prison than this apartment.

He's like mentally, like, kind of retarded. No, he's, he's, my friend just to play basketball against him in a diamond. Oh, in Chino Hills? In Chino Hills. Yeah. Yeah. They, when they met him, he was like a 13-year-old phenom or whatever, but Lonzo was there. And they said, like, they kept being like, is that, we were watching the draft, I remember.

And they were like, is that the guy that we used to play basketball against? Then I was like, yeah, that's lamello ball, that's long. Who would take shots from half court? He was famous for that. He was sitting in the rim. Like, he climbed up the hoop, and he was sitting in the rim, and he just kept hitting people shots away, just calling them the N-word. And like, bidsets. He just kept hitting people's football.

He was like. But just, you know, just was told to play basketball since he was a kid by his dad, so he's really good at it. But he was the kid where. there was clips of him playing AAU ball going viral, and people would, like, literally tweet, like, AAU ball has destroyed the American-Dio sports associations. He plays basketball with, like, zero discipline. Like, he'll come up the court and just shoot, like, a half-court shot.

Yeah. And he's, like, decent, so it sometimes looks cool, but you're like, I would never want him on a winning team. Like, you're never going to win anything. No, no, no. But, yeah. He's on an NBA team now, though. Yeah.

He's like, he was, like, the, like, if you went to, like, a school with black kids, he was, like, the light-skinned black kid who was chill because he was always, like smoking a weed pin and then one day out of nowhere sucker punched the art teacher and she like almost died like broke her chabot yeah yeah she tried to get him look at a mona painting she literally she literally like turned to him one day and she's like she's like tashon you're better than this he was like you're an alien 15 minutes later he walked up to her pulled his pants up and was like can i ask you a question and she turned and then he he punched her in the cheek so hard it broke her purple glasses yeah yeah her purple glasses would fly

across the room. Just an old woman who looks like Jar Jar Beaks being like, you need a poo your pants. Not even that. Just being like, I care about you and you're better than this. And it's the first time somebody's like challenged him mentally. And he freaked out so much, he hit her

so hard and then she's on the ground unconscious. He's like, nobody's stuck to me bitch inward. And then he puts his hand and puts his ass cheeks and wipes it on her face. Is it funny that like the teaching... Dukey face. Dooky face. At the beginning of every school year

Teachers have to have like a go-fund me For like pencils and like paper clips And like erasers and stuff And then like lamella ball is like I want a new alien to sleep inside of Can you make me a sleeping bag That's also an alien smoking weed I just signed a deal for $5,000 million

Can you make me You know those things at the fair Where Money Flies around in a big tank can you grab it? Can you make that but with like weed pins? Yeah. He's going to sleep inside of a money vault, a tornado.

What is it a money tornado? He sleeps. His pillow, I think, is a giant recreation of the GTA money bundle that would like float and spin around. Yeah. These are guys that buy like RPGs on black markets and have them in the closet. I bet he does have one. He's like an RPG that like the Talibanid is.

I'm not kidding. You could type in Lamello. all car accidents and I think there was like 20 of them in Charlotte. They're filmed. They're filmed. He was on camera millions of times just like flying through Main Street in a Lamborghini and just like hitting people. He's pulling out of the stadium. He's pulling out the stadium slowly.

He's like leaving games and just like hitting fans. And it's and it's like 12 girls being like, La Mello, La Mello, I love you. And then he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, word, yeah, word. And then there's a queer space and he goes, like he's so retarded. You can't fathom that he past his driver's debt.

It shouldn't be legal for him to drive. It's like when SpongeBob's getting his license from Mrs. Puff. Yeah. Just crazy shit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Doing like black crimes with a steering wheel. He's kind of like forever 14. Yes. That's awesome. If you gave it... Is he good at ball though? He's entertaining.

Great basketball player. But he is like you gave a baby a gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a fun. He plays it like at streetball. Yes. Like I would never want him on my team if I want to win something. Like he'll make... I guarantee he'll just never He'll just make horrible decisions his whole career. He's been, I'll use an analogy you can understand.

He's like, if you locked Stefan Marbury in a room and gave him weed gummies and Rick and Morty until he was 20 years old. Man, that sucks ass. Yeah. And Stefan Marbury was not a winning player. He was just fun. He was fun. But that's what I'm saying.

He's like that same type of attitude, but with weed and Rick and Morty on top of it instead of owning a gun and pretending your scarface. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. That's the new black guy. Yeah. Well, he came from the new era of like these guys that are like,

literally like from day one like they're the bread to play basketball yes yeah yeah I would love to be in the NBA just listening to Patrick Bet David at my Lamborghini and running people over oh yeah yeah and Patrick Bet David's yeah you you bought you're buying art from Patrick Bet David

then you pay it all he looks at that like he just bought a Picasso he's like I just bought a Patrick Bet David portrait it's Patrick Met David and he's smoking a blunt with a Rottweiler and Jesus Christ and the Rottweiler has Joker makeup. You've seen the art where it's like a revolver filled with diamonds.

Yeah. Or like a skull that's money. That's too advanced for him. That's too deep. That's like about death and money. There's one where it's a Tommy gun, but you put a champagne bottle in the magazine and then take it out and it's like covered in gold. Literally too deep for a lamell ball.

Black people have moved beyond Scarface retardation where they're like, I love being in the mob and blowing people's heads off and cutting him in half with a chainsaw, which is, was really. retarded. Yeah. They have moved on to weed gummies, kick ass. Mm-hmm. And that is their personality.

I love gummies. They're like, dude, my favorite, like, the coolest thing in the world is taking a weed gummy and playing, like, video games. Yeah. Playing, like, Rocket League. Yeah. It's the cars that hit balls. Yes. Yeah.

Playing Rocket League and being like, I'm a gangster. They're kind of like, they're kind of Guy Fieri black guys. Yes. They are. They're kind of like flame sticker black guys. Guy Flaming Hot Fierry. He also looks like a Cheetah. Lamello.

His hair is retarded looking. It's like orange. Yeah, he's the only black guy with broccoli hair. Yeah. He's got like 13 year old Jewish wankster hair. Yeah. That's awesome. He rules. He's got like a Steve Harvey mustache kind of.

He is awesome. He is like zero discipline. Mm-hmm. No, he literally like, they'll like, they'll cut to him like dribbling up the court with a, vaping in one hand. Literally be like doing whatever he wants. Yeah, hitting a geek bar and then like taking a three pointer.

Yeah. He rolls actually. And his brother, I can't walk anymore. Yeah, his brother's fucks, who was the more disciplined talent. Yeah, but now he's like Lieutenant Dan. Yeah. What are you going to do, man? What the fuck are you going to do?

Wait, hold on. We have to, uh, we got to talk about LeBron James, I think. LeBron James. LeBron James. Unless you guys want to listen to this boomer phone call from Dave Ramsey, which was super funny. I mean, let's do LeBron, I guess. We've been talking about basketball. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, because we naturally just started talking about Lamello.

We've been resisting it, but I think it's a black people suck episode. I already have it queued up. Yeah. Devin, I want you to witness this, LeBron James. And bad news for everybody. And this is bad. Even if you're not in the golf, this is bad news for everybody.

If athletes start doing Jake Paul, Logan Paul stuff where everybody's just jumping everywhere and you're going to have to listen. All of a sudden, you have to care about some other fucking bullshit. Everyone is involved in every single thing there is. Nothing is sacred. There are no boundaries.

LeBron James is going to be like the announcer for the Masters in three years. It's like, the fact that he's becoming a golf, he's becoming an influencer, actually. Let's call. Let's call it what it is. Yes.

He's calling it and becoming an ambassador for the game. He's an influence. That's what he's reducing. A guy who has a billion dollars and has technically on paper one of the most prestigious lives in American history is like, I need to get my YouTube numbers up. I need people to like and subscribe. He has a kill yourself. He has a Will Smith quality to him that disgust me. Disgusting.

Billionaire, B. Yeah. A Will Smith quality that needs to be liked by every person while you're getting mentally cocked by actual quality. And he's trying to be like, I'm a real golf fan. I went to the United Kingdom. I went to Inverness. Yeah, you've got a billion dollars, faggot. Nobody cares.

I play golf at St. Andrews. It was all the money I had. Fucking asshole. Fuck you! You play golf for six months. You're playing St. Andrews. Kill yourself. Faggett.

I can't believe Imagine having what LeBron has And there's moments in his life Or somebody he has to do a What's Up YouTube Yeah saying What's Up YouTube? Is it the whole point of what you've become Yes!

Do you think Michael Jordan or Kobe would ever feel Like that they have to go do a What's Up YouTube? Would say like and subscribe Like and subscribe. That's insane. Hang yourself. That's insane. Nuts. nuts, nuts way to live your life.

And it's like those things, like if somebody came up to me and they had a rebuttal, which I'm sure a lot of people do. And they're like, he's just having fun. I would say the values you place on life are so different than me. I might as well be talking to a Nautilus under the ocean right now. I might as well be talking to a deep sea creature that sees in UV light because we are two different things. I agree.

I shouldn't even debate you. I agree. You're a different thing than I am. You might as well be talking to a headstone in a cemetery. I'm a beautiful hawk and you're a catfish. Why are we debating this right now? Go eat algae off of a rock. And sure, that's elitist, I don't even give a shit anymore.

We have reached a state of retardation in this country where I don't even care about coming off as pompous. Fuck it! You're just a fuck! I am ready to become American splendor. I don't care. I'm Mr. Wilson. I'm a crotchety old fuck. in a house, listen to jazz records.

Fuck you, die. Hell yeah. We're having fun on the show. We're having fun. We're having a fun time. My throat hurts from yelling. Anyway, get back to this... I agree, man.

Get back to this Uncle Tom to do his YouTube channel. Oh, fuck, here we go. Not even Uncle Tom. That's a bad... He's like, I wish there was an Uncle Tom for a guy cerebral... Cerebroly.

You know what I mean? Sure. Yeah, mindset. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's got, like, house... brain. How up y'all? Welcome to the channel.

Yo, today's going to be a very special one. Today we are Stewart Castle Country Club here in Scotland. We're here. He found out about what all this means very recently. That's the thing that annoys me is because everyone will be like, dude, he's a real ball in though where he's playing like

this courts in Scotland. They all hired it. Chase, even with basketball. Yes. He pretended. He saw that Kobe knew everything about everyone that came before. him in legends and he knew that it would look good to also pretend like he's a student of the game.

LeBron is a raw talent. He was not some massive student of the fucking game. He was not. LeBron shows his ignorance all the fucking time and everyone just moved the fuck on. He said he would never wear 23 again because it's such a legendary number worn by Michael Jordan. Why'd you pick it in the fucking first place? Okay. Want to

what he switches to? Number six. Worn by Bill Russell, who won 11 championships. And like, you know, white guys were shitting in his bed when he would come home. So, White guys were writing the N-word on his wall and shit. Yes, just a ridiculous thing to say where you're like, I've been learning about the NBA, I shouldn't have, we're 23, that's disrespectful to legends.

And then you choose Bill Russell's number. He just has always been caught in these types of things. And what I hate these guys have enough money to surround themselves with people where people would be like, dude, LeBron's a real golf-nower ball fan, like a real ball fan. He was going to this like esteemed secret course in Scotland. They have people working for them. It was the thing with Mark Zuckerberg.

This is insane. Only thing I care. With the bows. No, no, no. Mark Zuckerberg started a watch collection recently with him the last year. And people online are like, dude, Mark Zuckerberg's a real watch nowhere. Like, he knows, like, all the, like, real horology shit. He hires people with knowledge to buy shit for him because he's a billionaire that makes him look cool online.

You will fall for any propaganda put in front of you like a fucking pig eating shit. Yep. Fucking retard. Eating all these sheep like I'm Hannah. I don't know that scene in the Odyssey, which I know we didn't like the movie, the scene in the Odyssey where she turns people into pigs, Circe. I like that scene. People are almost like, it's like the guys in the Odyssey are being turned back into humans

and they're screaming, no, leave me a pig. I want to be a pig and I want to eat shit in a trough. Yeah, I wish that were me. I wish I was a pig. It didn't look that bad being a pig. I didn't know why he had to save him. Yeah, you could still eat burger. As long as I get burger

I'm wondering if they turn me into a pig Can I still eat burger? Can I still eat burger? Everything's got to be burger. Book has to be burger. Thank you, the Barstall Sports guy, for giving me a book that's burger. Music should be burger. Thank you, Pat McAfee for giving me burger as a record.

Everything's burger. My car should be burger. Thank you, Elon Musk, for giving me a cyber truck. My car's burger now. It's weird because Jay's can see through all the bullshit. He'll look at someone's watch collection. and tell you like what part of the country they were born, how much money they have,

why they suck ass. You just got into watches two weeks ago. You have an H. Moser in Sons. Somebody told you to buy that, you fucking retard. You fucking liar. You can tell if someone's been on R.S. Watches too much.

Yeah. I sound like the guy in Fargo now who got sold to undercoat. You are like, I am not drinking any fucking Merlo. Well, no, I was going to say the guy in Fargo where he sells him the undercarriage, he's like, you're a fucking liar.

A fucking liar. And she goes, Larry. He's like, sorry. Bring us the car. Here we go. Back to a guy that I am now forced to hate why I didn't give a shit about before. You know what's almost magical about this? It's combining the thing we hate the most with the thing

Devon hates the most. It's a beautiful marriage of hate. It is interesting. You know, Charles Barkley has been obsessed with golf forever, but he just tries to be good at it. So is Michael Tournament. don't do that. Michael Jordan plays three rounds a day. They're not inflows cigars. He needs the attention. Jayr Smith, legitimately a golf fan,

re-entered college so he could play on like a Division III golf team competitively. That's really cool, actually. Yeah. I mean, he's retarded as well, but like he's not, they're not starting YouTube channels, you know? And Austin Reeves, Austin Reeves tried to start a YouTube channel for golf, but he's white, so it's okay and different. That we liked. Yeah, because that's his heritage.

It's fine. It was his right. Yes. And when he started uploading, he was like a three handicaps. So I go, he's good. I don't care. And he's white.

He looks like all of my friends from college, so it's fine. He does. It looks like he's supposed to do it. Here we go. Dye brothers from 2016 NBA champion. And you know what else? You know what else? We're never going to make it through this video.

You know what else? Very manipulative on his part to be like the first video is the tenure reading of the 2016. his only like real died in the blood championship, which I know is going to appeal to you, Devin. Very purposeful on his part to be like, remember the one time I objectively kicked fucking ass? Yes. Why is it not those?

The heat themes. Yeah. Because they're meaningless because it's like you should have, should have won four in a row. You were the most stacked team in the league. Anytime you lost was like incomprehensibly embarrassing. Dwayne Wade loves golf. Why is he not there?

because he wasn't because Wade Wade was right there next to him as the leader of that team LeBron was the clear-cut leader of this team even though Kyrie made the shop Yeah I will say I don't think Tyree also

was not there And Kyrie doesn't like him No Kyrie wasn't there Because he was busy dressing like a An Egyptian pharaoh Exactly And talking about Cairo didn't show up because he was

doing dances with wolves on Broadway or something Can I say in the golfing world I don't think Tiger would hang out with MJ Charles Barkley Sure They're the reason They're the reason Tiger got addicted to pills and fucking white women.

Yeah. No, there's literally a story. He's not fucked with like that. He's not fucked with by legends. They know they have to, like, because his body is insane. He just keeps going.

They do not fuck with his mindset. They do not fuck with the way he went about things. Michael Jordan walks by him at events. Really? I mean, they've spoken, they've had their moments and stuff and MJ's like knows what to say. But like, there's tons of footage. So Michael Jordan doesn't like him.

Michael Jordan will walk by him like, that's not. Michael Jordan was like Kobe is the next. me. I don't know what you are, really. You're great, but I don't buy it. Pete Buttigieg's sports. Is Michael offended that people always mention his own name when talking about LeBron? It doesn't make any sense. LeBron's nothing

like Michael Jordan. It literally makes no sense. The closest thing that Michael Jordan was Kobe. Do they play the same position at least? No. Interesting. LeBron is more like Magic Johnson. He is. He's Magic Johnson, but if Magic Johnson...

One and five championships. Yeah. Do you think people are just... Well, he's also, he's Magic Johnson. If Magic Johnson. If LeBron won, the whole point. LeBron's played, going on 24 years that he's won four championships. Three of them had to get as much help as, all of them actually, had to get as much help as humanly possible.

Coordinated it himself. He's been doing that his entire career, and yet still doesn't have as many as Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant. But Magic has more. Larry doesn't have five? Larry has four. Magic's got five. Right, Magic. Jordan has more.

Kobe has more. Robert Ory has more. We can go down the line. Well, that's, you know, it's about the level of flavor. No, no, no, I know. Jay's. Jason, you're fucking me. Damn.

I do like that. MJ doesn't respect him. He respects him, but like there's a lot of, you could tell MJ is like, yes, I have to. Well, yeah. But he doesn't care. MJ knows if in any review he's like, yeah, LeBron's the grace athlete of all the time.

It's kind of corny. Yes. That would then get turned into like Fuck Jordan for four years online. And MJ has... Because people are meat writers for LeBron online, I've noticed. It's kind of insane.

Bill Russell has 11 rings. Yeah. Sam Jones 10. Robert Horrie 7. Cream Abdel Gibbonar has 6. Scotty Pippin 6. Coddy. Bob Coozy.

Greatest player of all time. But you have to take things into account with like relativity. Sure. Yeah. It's a time period. Yeah. You know.

Celtics, like when Russell was playing, I think they, like, played, like, four games in the final, in, like, the... It wasn't as many teams. Yeah, whatever. Interesting. Half of the guys were white Jewish guys named, like, you know, Bill Hornet or something. I mean, Will Chamberlain has won championship. But, yeah. You just go down the list.

I will say LeBron James is the only player to have won championships with three different teams. That when you were tort. Yeah, that's, that's, that's like a bad or good? I don't know. Yeah, it's only been used as a positive. It is a negative as of late. It is a negative. Because so much time's gone on because he won't, he's on steroids and never dies

that he just keeps going. So everyone's just forgotten everything. He literally ruined the NBA. That's amazing. And he started joining teams with his friends. That he would like hang out with them at sleepovers and be like, Kobe's winning a lot. We got to do something.

I suck ass on my own. We're going to form the best friends forever team. Let's form a best friends forever team. Oh, and then I had a horribly embarrassing loss the first year. year that nobody ever considered the greatest that anything would ever have on their resume. You get 11 points at a finals game being locked up by a tiny little fucking Spanish guy on the Mavericks. Little guy looked like a businessman. Gotta look like your father-in-law, beat fucking dominating LeBron, pulling up his caties.

Yeah, LeBron like literally like forgot out of the basketball. Look like he got struck by lightning. And he stacked his team. There's not a chance. I don't care how great third play. There's no reason that that heat team did not. completely dominate the maverick. I love that.

I love that. I'm so, I rooted for the map so hard. Dirk's my favorite white boy at all time. Love Dirk. Jason Terry, what a team. I think to this day I still... But there's no reason that that heat team did not win. I think still to this day the reason I just grow my hair out and then shave it is because of Dirk.

I love that so much as a kid. I thought that was so cool. It was beautiful. But I'm just saying like the maps still won in six and LeBron was playing like shit. No, no, I know. Let's stay focused on the Bronx sucking ass here. We're getting down a rabbit hole. We got to watch.

LeBron swing a club. Cavaliers. You can turn the camera around and pan. We got J.R. Smith there. Oh, the big dog Channing there. Richard Jefferson there. Tristan Thompson and Kevin Love as well. So today, we're going to do a 3B3 scramble.

If guys don't know where the scramble is, we all tee off. Not a lot of you know what the scramble is because I'm a real ball. Nowhere in golf. I know everything about everything. Hate his perfectly trimmed beard and, like, makeup. He also. He looks like he got makeup done, Devin.

Is this a thing he does? I think he's letting the beard go white on purpose as a move of like, I'm old now. Here's another thing. LeBron's obviously a basketball savant. He's incredible. I do respect LeBron a lot. But he has a thing also where after games, he knows that the whole white media, all, everyone in the media always has LeBron as number one. And then everybody that's ever played basketball, it's not the same at all.

So all these people that supposedly love and respect the game of basketball have no respect for basketball players or what they believe or think. So I don't even know why they cover the NBA because you have no respect for the game itself. You don't think anyone that's ever played. Nothing that they say has any meaning, apparently, but you love them and you cover the game. So whatever. LeBron, after games,

will do this thing where he will go through like every single in and out, like every single thing that happened in one sequence and you could tell it's like a kid that really wants to impress mommy and daddy, like at a dinner party. It's a kid who goes, ooh, ooh, me, me. I know the answer.

So LeBron's like, well, obviously. that we had like, you know, he was on the split gap and the, you know, we had him on the, AR was on the corner. You know, I think he, like, he, like, remembered, like, everything from some play and you're like, there's no need to do this in front of the media, but then the media, it gets a clip, and then everyone's like, LeBron's knowledge is like on another planet. Like, I'm like, why would he have had, why did he go through every single fucking little, little tiny aspect of that play?

Like, every player couldn't do that. It's purposeful. It's performance. He's performatively trying to show everybody that he's the greatest basketball I'm a scientist. A scientist. I'm doing formatism. That's what I'm saying.

It's this very modern thing where everything he does is somebody can quote, tweet a clip of it and be like, real ball, Noah. It's the same as KD did the same thing. They're very insecure about how everyone, like, actually looks at them. That's honest. And so KD, like, Katie's like, you ain't a ball. You obviously don't know ball. Like, if you don't know what the split, Hesie Fade is with the, you know, like, say shit like that. I'm like, I've never heard Michael Jordan

ever say the split as he faint. You know what it is? It's the idea of intellectualism but not the practice of it. It's wanting to be an intellectual. But not actually being one. And it's sad. Sad. He sucks ass. Hate his beard, hate his makeup.

I'm going to play match play. And we're having a lot of fun. So this is going to be exciting and I'm happy for y'all to be joining us. Let's get to it. Yo, yo. We're here. We hear.

Yo. Come on now. I was Mark Wright, the manager here, oversee what Cabo do in Europe, over in Cabot-Bordone, another photo links up in Norway. I've never been around this many black people before. I'm very scared. It started off as Castle Stewart-Lates. I'm kind of panicking on the city eight for no reason.

I don't say it. But I'm just scared. Behind Kings Barnes as well. I know one of you said you played that before. One of them was mine. So I set this up in 2009 Castle Stewart Lates. No, that was Sherr Smith. Consistly one of the top hundred courses in the world, fluctuating between kind of 40 and 60s.

quite regularly claimed to favor. We had four scotter show from the year between 2011, 2016. I love part of the winners. I love Tristan Thompson the whole time just being like, I can't believe I got this invite. Thank you so much. I don't know why. I think there was a clip that went viral of him complaining

about how much the trip cost actually. What? Yeah, there was like a clip of like them all, before this video got released of him just being like, I mean the hotel, you know, the course, like the dinners, it's just a lot of money for me. Should I look it up or no? I don't think we can find it.

That is funny. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Phil Nicholson, Alex Noren, Luke Donald, and Jeev Milka Singh. But I think for now, I think you're probably most excited to get out there. Chief Luka Singh from Abilene Christian University. The golf team that I played on for one year. The golf team that I was on for a weekend and quit immediately and cried when I quit to the coach.

So I'm a fraud anyway. Also, do you think what he said Luke Donald? He thought it was one of Donald Duck's cousins. He's nodding. He said, like, yeah, of course, Luke Donald. Yeah, McDonnell. He's one of the... Huey, Dewey, Scrooge.

Scrooge McDuck. Luke. Luke Donald McDuck. Yeah, I get it. We know all the greats. I grew watching the Masters. Probably one of the best days in the Highlands today. Absolutely no wind.

That's what we do. Is he using a lab? Get fucked. Yeah. Lab, Mike? No, he's using a lab. It's a zero torque, like, M-O-I-W-W-Whatever. Oh, my God.

The poser piece of shit. To explain it, it's the potter for like golf influencers. I'll use that potter. God damn him. God damn. He knows everything about golf. Yeah, that's why he doesn't use a blade. He knows everything about golf.

He knows everything about everything. Like they get a, have a blade around him. Bringing the good weather when you're coming. That's what we do. No one here is a surprise. No one here. Hey, Kevin Love, remember when I had my entire media team, pretend that you were a regular player,

probably ruined your career. because it would have made me look bad if everyone knew that I was really playing with an all-star power forward and I had another team stacked and I didn't go back to Cleveland for the city of Cleveland I could care less about Cleveland

I hope everyone dies in Cleveland You were kind of the unselfish cornerstone of our team that year Remember when I probably hurt your career For one championship Remember when I Yeah Pretended you were scrub

Everyone acting like Kevin Love was a nobody For years on end Like you didn't average 20 and 20 player Crazy season Fucking asshole It's 20 points, 20 rebounds. Even in, like, the 2018 years, like, later on when everyone's like, I can't believe how LeBron's doing this in the Eastern Conference. I'm like, well, if Eastern Conference sucks, you play one team a year with the Raptors, it gives a fuck about those losers.

LeBron could beat them. Kevin Love's still on the fucking team. There wasn't, it wasn't like nobody was on the fucking team. Fuck it! In the East. Played the fucking Charlotte Bobcats in the first round. You are getting so much. Appreciate you.

Appreciate you. Thank you so much. Not a blade in the whole crew. You got me? Unbelievable. Kenneth has been with this club for 23 years. Five, five. 25 years.

He's like, get your daddy hands off me. The best guy. He best. You get me shoulder to the best. No, I got the best one. I got young Matt right here, being here a full five. So it's all white caddies cadding for all black guys. And that disgust me.

But it's also every, it's, look at all these micro actions of the Iran being like, no, I know this is the best caddy in the whole I've talked to all the caddies, I know which is the best cat. He's always got to be like, I'll be like, I know everything. I know everybody. I don't know. I got to piss. Well, I guess we've got to end anyway. Before Jay's gets too bad. I guess. Should we end or keep watching a little bit more?

I think Jace has a little more fire on him. I want Jace to take a piss and then burst back through the wall. And break the pipes. Like the Kool-Aid man. And there's a pipe. The pipe breaks open and his poop and pee comes out of it. And we record through it. Yeah.

He's the Kool-Aid man, but the jars full of piss. We leave. We're like, well, there's going to be more flies next week. Here we go. Years, going on five years now. That's it. Get the numbers right. What you mean?

You don't need much time to be the best. Young Wimby right here. This young Wimby right here. I don't know what he's talking about, but it's such. Wembingyama now. I'm comparing a caddy to Wembenyama, who's the new LeBron, basically, of the NBA. No one laughed at that, though. Yeah.

No one thought that was funny. Yeah, I mean, they don't think they're bad, but he's like they're just, you know, they're slaves. Sure. He's caddice or slaves. Even his teammates are slaves. I'm sure LeBron has his own hotel room in a different hotel. They haven't seen him until he showed up to the course. Like, he's not hanging out.

He's not having breakfast with people. He's not. He probably is. I mean, like, I'll be fair with LeBron. I do think he is like a little kid with that type of shit. I do think he like just. I don't think these are his friends, friends. though. I don't think he's actually friends with these people.

No, I mean, he's a two-faced. He's a snake. He hurt Russell Westbrook's career. Russell Westbrook just retired and people act like he like literally, like, Russell Westbrook fucked up his, his legacy just by playing with LeBron for a year and a half. Because LeBron wanted him on the team, but Russell Westbrook's, I don't know what was going on, but he was awful. And Russell Westbrook's entire career now, like, people talk about it as if he, like, murdered somebody. Really? Yeah. And LeBron was in, Lebron, he, Russell Westwick hates LeBron. And he retired, Russell Webber was like, or LeBron was in the comments on Instagram,

like, Hall of Fame next, man, and everyone's like, he hates you. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't sign Laker jerseys because he hates LeBron so much. Are you serious? When kids bring Laker jerseys to him, he's like, nope. You must love Russell Westbro. I mean, I do. He was awful that year.

It was hard, like, to be like, but LeBron wanted him. And I just think LeBron as a teammate was did something that made Russell Westbrook. Russell Westbrook was fun. he was like the basketball equivalent of a John Woo movie where every play he's like diving into frame with two guns firing. Yeah. Like, like, crazy. Plays every second like it's his last,

but also just like pigheaded and, you know. Has a lot of flaws, but like literally was like, somebody like went to him and was like, if you don't get a dunk on this next play, we're going to blow every member of your family's brains out. And just played insane. It was very fun to watch.

But for whatever reason, the worst year of his career was with LeBron. Yeah. And it ruined his like stock and kind of ruined his, It made people think of him in a completely different way. Well, as long as he made LeBron lose. Five of a man. Okay. Okay. So here's what we're going to do.

To end the episode here, we're going to watch him hit one shot. Okay. Yeah, because this will be... We spent like an hour getting through three minutes, so... Did he not even tee off first on his own fucking channel? It's fucking fraud, piece of shit. He made Kevin love. What does his swing look like? It's dog shit.

He should take his own life. It's just a high handicapper. It's a guy who says he's a 16, but is a 26. Get his ass. That's the kind of swing he has, where I can tell he's, like, lying. He's raking him in from six feet. Yeah, he's like a guy who's like, I shot 90, you shot a 108. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. You're going to play. Pop fly. Our basement. It's all right. That will work? They, look how high they're looking up. And LeBron made.

The tracer, LeBron made the tracer lie. So, Devin, you're going to love this. The shot tracer, he's hitting a 30-yard, I would say 30-foot tall. Pop-up. No, no, no. In terms of the tracer, it's making it look like he hit a little line drive. You know, you hit it thin, but it still worked out fine. He swung beneath the tee, Devin.

The ball hit the top of the driver face in which straight up into the sky. It could have hit him in the eye and took him out. He hit like a pop fly and baseball equivalent. But the tracer's like a old. He lied on the tracer. He made the tracer lie. looks like it goes right down the middle if you get a line drive.

Well, knowing LeBron, if this goes back, where they're looking. They're looking here. That's what I'm saying. Every moment is a microcosm of the bigger issue. It is a fraudulent life. That is the issue.

Yeah. And there's the thing is... And they all go, that'll work. There's no reason to be. And you can see him being so pissed off that he didn't hit it good. But he goes, that'll work. Yeah.

In the middle of this, he leaves, to go play golf with the heat team. And then after that, he leaves to go play golf with Anthony Davis. Yeah, he's like, I heard the heat team's too under, so I'm training. And then at the end, he goes to the Sixers. Damn, I forgot he's going to play a year on the Sixers. Yeah. Wow.

It's going to be really, it's never going to fucking end, my friend. It's never going to end. At least he's not late. How did you react when you heard the news? I was so happy. I was so happy. I ordered a huge breakfast at a diner. I was on my phone.

I was just going to get coffee and I go, you know what? It was like a moment. But now I'm like, I don't even know. I was excited for the Lakers season but now we're like owned by Israel or something. It's all really depressing. Israel did by your team.

They still love Lucas, so I'll still root. Yeah. I could watch without feeling, um, nothing. I'm sure you reacted like when all those gay people did when Trump lost in 2020. I did. It really was. It felt like a huge way.

It was like a huge way. It was like, I got text from every friend that I've ever watched the Lakers with back in the day where everyone was like, we can filing. It's over. I didn't even text you because I knew you were probably getting overwhelmed. Then I go, I want him to just, just bask in this. It was.

It was just nice. It was just nice. It was just sweet. But then now we're all kind of depressed again, though, because of the whole sale or whatever. Yeah. Bob Eiger and all this shit. Everyone's just, it's, everything really is, like, over. Yeah, no, it is.

Yeah. The whaling wall. Private equity owns everything. I mean, I think the reason that Jalen Brown got traded from the Celtics was because they're just probably, I think they have, like, private equity. Every team is getting, and they're cutting corners. Yes. Every team is getting bought by private. private equity who are trying to like maximize profit, um, reduce expenses.

I think the Lakers have Luca because the Adelson's own the Mavericks and they don't care. And they're trying, they're trying to like tank the Mavericks so they can sell it to Vegas. Yeah. Private equity is ruined every facet of our lives. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. I'm glad I'm like you guys are going to be haunted by, I mean, I was haunted.

I don't even know how to deal with it. You're going to be haunted by him for the next 20 years in golf. Devin, it seems to have changed you forever. Devin. You're a different person because of him. because of him. It's like, you had a,

like, in a movie where there's a curse, it follows. Like, you fucked both of us. He never goes away. And now we have the curse. It's not even him. It's other people being tricked.

I can't believe you're so tricked by this. It's, it makes it, I lose such human respect for people. That I know that I'm going to just go play golf one day, like a, like a nine hole, get paired with like three wiggers and sales

who are just like, dude, Lebranche Channos and like nuts. I'm just going to be sitting there like, smoking a cigarette by myself. LeBron's going to have his own, like, merch company for golf that people will wear, like, hats that say, like, you're going to be watching the U.S. Open, and they're going to be like, and joining us in the studio, LeBron James, LeBron, what do you think about what's going on? And he's reading off a note card.

He's like, well, I think Brooks Kepka is having a good comeback year. And I think Lucas Glover has had a real late career research. And you're throwing a club at your TV. As he's promoting probably like a NELC crossover, like Arnold Palmer. Yeah. He's sponsored by the cameras that cops used to track their axes and blow their brains out. I forget their names. I always want to call them Factor cameras, but that's our sponsor.

The flock cameras, yeah. The walk-a-flock of cameras. Yeah, he's going to get into the merch and stuff. It's going to be bad. Oh, yeah. It's just getting weird. The whole thing is getting raped. Everything is raped.

Nothing is not raped. I'm not to have to get into bowling or something, maybe. He infiltrated the NBA. His friend runs an agency. They run the league. They have, they sign players and then they match up those players to play with LeBron. It's what happened for the last 20 fucking years. Oh yeah.

What's that guy's name, Rich Paul? Rich Paul. And now Rich Paul does a podcast. He's also, he's a working agent that does a podcast that, like, in the same way that, like, they manipulate the markets with like betting. Rich Paul manipulates the league and says things on this podcast, like gives like little hints or like tries to manipulate the market of the NBA for whatever helps out his clients or LeBron. Mostly LeBron. All LeBron, really. Players will, Anthony Davis decided sat out a whole season or a whole half a season to get forced to be

traded to LeBron's, to the Lakers to help LeBron because he's Rich Paul's client. they're all a part of clutch sports. The media, he has people on the media. On ESPN, he has, ESPN is literally Fox News for LeBron, but how Fox News is about Trump. That's literally what, or the same as CNN for whoever the new Democrat, you know, whatever. Sure, sure, sure.

It's genuinely, both sides, sure, sure. Every single thing is LeBron-centric. People are paid by clutch sports. They're literally paid by clutch sports to tell you he's the greatest of all time. It's been that way forever. We've always known that. nothing he's ever done is wrong. Everything he's doing is like we've never seen before.

Yeah. Isn't it also clutch sports with a K? Yeah, with a K. Sucks. Yeah, I hate it. Suck name. Clutch sports for a guy that's traditionally like one of the least clutch like Hall of Fame players.

It should be called Fold Sports if you ask me. That's what I say. That's what I say. Taking my talents to New Place. Whatever. You guys, I'm excited. I can't wait. We saw it coming.

Jason Kelsey was like doing the chicken dance. at the Masters this year. And, you know, it's, Kevin Hart was, like, doing the mockerana with Rice and Deschambeau. It's fucking so fuck, dude. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Jason Kelsey, Kevin Hart and Bryce and DeChambo. They're, like, the four horsemen of the ass rape, the cultural ass rape. They should be on big horses with, like, giant, fucking fake dildos to come all rape our asses, culturally. They all suck ass. They all suck out. It's our, it's, it's, it's cultural locust. You've ever seen LeBron throw a hissy fit?

No. Maybe we should wrap up. Did you ever see the famous footage of him throwing a hissie fit against the Celtics? He's literally throwing a temper tantrum on the floor. On the ground, like, riding. On the ground, rolling around. He's like a soccer player in the NBA. He looked like your son this morning when he didn't get an extra gogert.

Right there. This screams at bench. Well, that was, there's many moments, but this one, this one right here. Yeah, against the Celtics, yeah. Do I need volume? Yeah, hold on. here we go. I mean, he gets, he gets out here.

Gets it. James on the drive, gets in the paint. Layup, missed it. And the game is over. Lakers furious. They thought it was fouled. Oh, excuse me. And it's now overtime.

LeBron James so upset. Regulation is over. We go to the five. Michael Jordan didn't act like that when he got his dad killed. He's way. for the Sibian to be put right to his ass. Exactly. Look at him.

Yeah, I mean, he was foul, but whatever. Wow. He didn't fail, but it wasn't like. There's where, yes, that's happened, though. Not having it after a successful challenge. Right, but they wouldn't be able to challenge that anyway. Also should have finished with the right hand, by the way, as well. Again, this is exactly what I'd break my ankle, but should have finished with the right.

So he lost like the important game there? No, it was just meaningless. It went to overtime. Lakers sucked. I'm sure LeBron got them into that position by sucking ass anyway. Mm-hmm. That he shouldn't have even had to make that way up. Very good.

Probably, I'm guessing. No, it's never enough. He never has enough help. He's the champion, but he's the victim. He's the thin-skinned. Everyone's like, LeBron just wants to compete, and I'm like, was he not playing this year? It's an unbelievable brainwashing. LeBron just wants a chance to compete.

I'm like, so he should win the game. He should win the game. Do you hear what Devin saying? He doesn't have a bad team. He's the victim. It's never enough. If they're bad because of him or he's not coordinating things properly, it's just he doesn't have enough Hall of Fame players with him. He just wants to play, Devin.

He just wants to play, Devin. He just wants a chance. I can hear every dip shit hitting their vape. He just wants a chance to compete. That's why he had to go play with five Hall of Fameers. Ben, you are right? Every rebuttal to Devin right now. That's why he coordinated it, by the way.

He didn't just get traded. It didn't just happen. He didn't say, like, I want to. some help and like and management tries to figure out the best way he literally picks and chooses who he's going to play with he's in group chats called like the avengers he fucking ruined the NBA what is every retort to devon just a guy hitting like a geek bar every retort to devon starts with bro he's like to go he's my goat it's people that can't express themselves other than like this is a vibe or he's the go it's i think devon made the point before where

they're like, what's my favorite movie? The newest movie I just saw. They go, what's the best thing? Whatever thing is in front of my eyes. At the end of the day, enough time. It's a guy in Blade Runner 249 and he sees the giant hologram, like, dancing and bending over. And he's like, fucking kick-jash. You're going to fucking jack off right now.

At the end of the day, just enough time passed where exactly what you thought was going to happen, happened. So then you go, but I guess that happened and, like, it matters. Yeah. When he went to the heat, everyone was outraged because it's unfair and gay. And it's non-competitive. So he wins two championships, loses two, which is crazy, wins two championships with the heat. And everyone goes, he won two in a row. And I go, why do you think people were outraged when he made the decision?

Because we all knew that when it's not meaningful. Kevin Durant winning with the Warriors. Durant doesn't have a ring to me. Durant does not have a ring. He retired that day that he went to the Warriors. No one cares. It's over. You're over.

You end your narrative. It's done. Yep. Devin, would you please be nice to him? He's the greatest of all time. He's the goat. Devin, please have more forgiveness for him, considering he's supposedly the greatest.

The greatest of all time just needs like five more years to match other people. Hold him to a different standard than other people. Yeah. But also he's the greatest ever. No, we all know traditionally the greatest of all time is a really hard time getting it done when it matters. You're the greatest. It's Superman, but he's in the hospital all the time.

He's Superman. He's unstoppable. What happened to him this year? Oh, I don't know. He just broke his leg. Got stopped. Superman broke his leg again. Definitely makes a good point.

Like Tiger winning the USO by like 12 shots. He's a man of 16. He's literally the polar opposite of the greatest of all time. He's great. Not of all, not the greatest. He's not better than tons of people. We see the goats in sports. They will play very badly and still win and be disappointed in themselves going,

I brought my C game tonight. And they still just walk all over people. It's because he played in the Eastern Conference and he went to the finals, like, 10 years in a row. But the Eastern Conference, I'm not kidding, was the most embarrassing, pathetic shit show. He played the worst teams of all time. He was playing under 500 teams in the first round. In the first round, you're playing a team. What's under 500?

That means they don't have a winning record. The East is so bad. You're playing a loser team. So where are you playing? Meanwhile, in the Western Conference, Kobe is playing 50-win teams. the eighth seat is a 50 win team out of out of 82 LeBron's playing a team that maybe won 38 games

they're like a shit, they're pathetic they're like retard teams and he's like the Charlotte Bob teams that like sound like they work they play for like Buffalo Wild Wings fake teams awful horrific franchises he played one meaningful series

every year and if he got that done he went to the NBA finals and people act like it's a NBA championship just because he went How many did he lose? How many did he lose? How many championships. He lost six. You lost six and he won four? Yes. And only one of them had any feeling.

What's Kobe's record in the championships? Six for seven? Six for eight. Five out of seven. Wow, that's way better. One would say, but we don't look at that, I guess. I don't know. That's the matter. It's also more championships. Yes, it is. In 14 years, and LeBron's 24 years in, and he's been healthy pretty much every fucking year.

Yeah, I mean, Kobe also didn't, like, even Tom Brady long-deity. Kobe was not healthy for the last. six years of his career and he was not didn't start for the first two well also that they were in the area yet of like getting the Tom Brady like blood transfusioned in the shit that LeBron and those guys are getting that in 2013

his last basically his last healthy year in the league but it was already a little too he was already yeah he was getting like stem cells and shit I'm sorry he played amazing that year but he played so hard he fucking tore his Achilles and then that was it yeah but anyway grace of all time what happened this year he lost

go bro he just wants to come He just wants to compete. Who does he play with three Hall of Famers? He just lost again. Why do they say he just wants to compete? What does that even be? It's what Rich Paul says. It's what the media says.

It's just this, it's propaganda. It's literally propaganda. He just wants to compete. He just wants a chance to compete. He's playing. Make the shot. What are we watching? Are we all watching the same thing?

I'm watching the greatest player of all time, yet he keeps losing. Yeah. Who's he playing then? Who's the other guy? Bro, he's trying to be. That other guy must be the greatest of all time. By the way, one could make a case. Steph Curry, I think, is literally a better.

I think Steph Curry is better than LeBron. He doesn't play both sides of the ball, but LeBron's an overrated defender as well. Steph Curry dominated him. Seth Curry's won two real championships. The bronze won one with the calves. Steph Curry's the, I think, the bigger player of the 2010s. And that's supposed to be LeBron's decade. People act like Kobe never had a decade.

LeBron's never had a decade. It was Kobe and then Steph. But imagine like Magic Johnson got beat by Bird in like 86 and was like, we need to trade Jamesworthy y'all. We need. He also will do that. Yeah. He'll make players. He'll also.

There's like great players and he's like in the background. Like they get something just happens. So he's a woman. They get shit. Yes. Yeah. He's a woman. There's been a lot of, I'll say this black guys that have said this that say LeBron plays.

He's conducted his career like a guy that. that didn't have a dad. Yeah. And Kobe and MJ and these guys kind of had like there's a little more the father role model. Yeah, there was just the way that they conducted themselves that was

less immature. I don't know. That's interesting. It was it was LeBron. His career has been under the need of approval. And I think the greats we've over respected like Bird, Magic, Kobe, Michael.

They all were like, I don't give it like, fuck you. And that was what we kind of like about them. They were like a little bit of a gun slinger in a way. You know, Kobe embarrassed LeBron in the All-Star game in like 2011. LeBron didn't take the last shot. It's the All-Star

game. It's like the two best players in the league. Everyone wants to see them. Kobe's like getting up on him on defense. LeBron passes the ball. What he's done his whole fucking career, passive guy. Passes the ball. Kobe's like, what the fuck? Like, they're talking shit to him. Like, it's on TV. Yeah, you're

the best player in the league. You're the best. You're supposed to take a shot. And he's not. And that's a tradition. Yeah. And that's guy that I'm supposed to for the rest of my life, like, that's the greatest player of all time. The guy that pissed himself and didn't want to go up against the other guy that everyone says is great. So Kobe goes, oh, you're a coward.

Yes, Kobe blocked him. Kobe took it personally, guarded him the whole game. Really? Yes. Like somebody that you want a fucking that dies for their craft that cares. Kobe went up one-on-one against him at the end of a silly game. All you have to do is, it just takes this one moment a little seriously. He passes

the ball. It's like on the announcers. Everyone just turns into like, you know, aliens. No one mentions anything. Everyone's asked. It's just like, oh God, that was really bad for the brand. Don't say anything. Well, that's also the NBA in general. They used to have guys like Van Gandhi who I love because of Van Gandhi would just be like, that's a disgusting move. That fucking sucks. And they're like, we gotta get rid of this fucking shit. Give us guys, they just suck. Give us Richard Jefferson who just goes, I love three-pointers. Codding candy's fun. This is like. This is like well into LeBron's career. Kobe and other players in the NBA

are like, what the fuck are you? So I'm gonna try this now. They're like disappointed in him. Is there a moment like that? And anybody that's ever... I would love to go to 33 taps with you. And please wrote me into like an argument with somebody about LeBron so I can just keep saying

he just wants to compete. And I'm gonna see if they start agreeing with me. They will. If I just keep saying LeBron just wants to compete. He just wants to compete. That's why he's the goal. That's why he just joined Joel M.B., Jalen Brown,

and Tyrese Maxie. That's why he just joined the team in the East that had the biggest trade of the off season. No, he's signing people from the Hall of Fame.

Yeah. Well, LeBron would. They have like a Benjamin button like reverse like young syndrome. No, LeBron's the first guy to get a drone sign to his team. They have a Predator Joan

who plays center. He's playing with like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson. Like he's bringing him all back in like a sound. He was playing. LeBron is like literally

probably watched the original Space Jam. is like, can we get the monster's? Can we get the big blue guy? Oh, can I say this too? No one points this out. Space Jam kicked ass. Space Jam too sucked ass.

Yes. Can we also point that out? Of course. Is that not also fair? Although I went back and watched Space Jam, it actually kind of sucks ass as well. But not in the way that LeBron's did. That's true.

LeBron's Space Jam might have been two, it should have been two hours of him, and this is going to sound like an exaggeration. It should have been him at Fort Knox. sucking Benjamin Nan Yahoo's cock. It was an ode to capitalism. That was Space Jam, too.

Fuck him. People have the nerve to say How dare you go? Better than Michael Jordan. I can't believe people say it. Michael Jordan never. He three-peated twice, and he took two years off to hide

and play baseball because he got his dad killed. He would have won eight. He probably would have won eight. That's my goat. And I mean this sincerely, my goat. was so hyper-competitive, he got his dad killed from gambling debts.

So this is the other thing. Like, if you are the greatest, you should have some sort of compelling, almost like, not evil sign, but like another, like another dimension to you. Psychosis. You should have a psychosis. Some sort of insane psychosis. Yeah, people love that he's just, you know, he's just a fucking influencer more. He's just that.

He's like a cheese dick. Then he takes selfies in the pool. He's just a cheese. He's a cheesy, corny guy. He's grateful that he has a hot time. He's harmless. I want to like. I mean, I do. I like him, but I don't, I can't stand what he means to in the, in the, you know, the body politic of NBA discussions.

No, this is the thing. It's like, I thought he was, Devin, yeah, the body politic. I thought he was going to go. And then we would still just see him in Capital One commercials or some bullshit or something. I thought he would do like NBA on TNT stuff where he puts on the suit and he talks about people. He knows he fucked up. He knows he fucked up. He knows he's fucked up by having to have, that he has failed. And that he's had to have the media. and everyone, like, working for him, he needs to be in the public eye forever to be considered better. He knows that just it's quantity over quality. So to be better than Michael Jordan, to be considered the greatest of all time, even though it's not true at all, he's gonna, he has to constantly.

Is he copying MJ2 with the golf obsession? No, no, no, no, no. It's not even that. It's, it's, LeBron knows this is probably his last year. It's probably going to go horrifically because it's like almost like too much shit to, like, throw together at one. And he's got to like start this golf.

It's like Kevin Hart. It's like they're a shark of just if they don't keep eating turds and shitting diarrhea. Like they'll, he does tons of shit with. He does tons of stuff with Kevin Hart. I bet he does. Always. So he'll be doing. He'll be doing the YouTube shit.

He'll be in movies. He'll be, you'll see him at the Masters. You'll see him at the NBA finals. He'll just always have his face out there. He'll turn into the rock. Yeah. It's like you're not even a person anymore. Oh, man.

He might do acting. Like he'll be in like a movie. Yeah. 100%. 100%. 100%. 100. 100.

He's going to be in shitty fuck-ass movies. This dude's a cancer. He's going to be in Fast 12. I can't believe this. Welcome to America. Flat bill like vape guys who think they understand basketball because they got into it during COVID. Yeah. Are the reason that he's going to make like 10 billion more than those post-reth

guys who got into sports because they saw Skip Bayless yell at a black guy on TV? Those are like the people who run everything. now. Man, it's bleak. I have a real I can't help, but I just I do look at a certain, a lot of LeBron guys as subhuman. When I see a guy, when I see a guy at a bar wearing, in L.A.

wearing a LeBron Lakers jersey, like that just pathetic highlighter yellow, shit-ass jersey with his fraudulent name, like just this pathetic period of fake time that he spent on the Lakers, I always look down to see if they're in a wheelchers.

Like I, to see, like, they, to see, like, They always, I just, I look down, I'm like, did somebody put your shoes on for you? I can't fathom that any actual Angelino is like a LeBron Lakers guy and was really happy about the last eight years. Like, that's what you want. You watch, hope it's a tourist at LAX, you bought it at a gift shop. I just hope it's just one of those guys that joined, because LeBron has a fan base that just goes with him to each team, you know.

Yeah. It's a guy, he should be wearing his, they just follow him. Jersey at home. They have a cabs jersey at home. Yeah. It's a guy. He should be wearing a jersey that just says basketball. And you go, like, what do you like about basketball?

He's just like, it's basketball. I like it. I was watching the playoffs, like, at a bar a year or two ago, and there was a LeBron Lakers guy there. And I was like, I could tell this guy's not a Lakers fan. Like, it just doesn't make any sense. His, like, girl was there, like, essentially, like, feeding him the whole time. I was like, he's, like, a mentally challenged.

He's, like, in general it. Just to cut up his chicken fingers or he'll die. He'll suck him down too fast, like a French bulldog. That guy's saying LeBron. The guy's just like, brunt. My go. Go, brah. Another nuggy.

Go, brah. And we all are watching the same game, and at the end, LeBron passes the ball. And, like, it's just, it's just every, the end of every fucking game is like a throne punch and a dream where you just fuck up. That's no power. It's no power. It's, I've, every, even when I was rooting and trying, I'm like, you are so anti-climactic. the fact you're still playing is an indictment of your entire career.

You can't actually get it done in a meaningful amount of time. So you just keep wasting our fucking time with bullshit. Because he wants to be the goat. He knows he doesn't have the finals resonating the storylines. Just keep getting all the stats. So he's like, well, what if I have 45,000 points? That's crazy. And listen, it is crazy in a different way.

And I can put respect on that. Also, but just also get off the fuck off YouTube. I don't give a shit about it. You go away. Go away. Please go away. Also, the way the end of God. Go away and let your career speak for itself, which you're terrified of, by the way.

Yeah. The way basketball's played also shifted drastically and has completely helped out his, like, remaining, like, the last 10 years of his career. Yeah, you could age into, like, a shooter. The fact that it's turned into just, like, it's just, like, cardio, everyone's run. There's no, it's not the dead ball era. There's not half court sets. It's zone defense. There's no, there's no, it's just man on man and everyone's just kind of running around.

And it's much. aren't getting banged up. It's much easier to last. Except in the Western Conference finals and that's about it. Then they play like old basketball because that's better. A little bit.

I'm imagining every LeBron fan being Walking Phoenix at the end of Eddington. Like they've had a knife shoved in their head and someone just dragging them from the toilet to the bed. They just put a LeBron. They put a LeBron James Josie on him every night. They're putting on the Sixers now for them

and turning it on. His shoes also are blocks for retarded guys. He sells shoes that are giant. like black blocks. You wear them in Minecraft. They kind of look like they're from the DMV. Yeah.

But the frustrating thing for a guy like Devin is you're right, and the LeBron fans are him in the end of Eddington where he can't move and he's paralyzed. But except they will open a laptop and instead of their pregnant wife is Devin being like, LeBron sucks. And they go, fucking retire.

They go, wipe my ass for me. So for Devin, it's so Devin is a man in the twilight zone. Yeah. Because even, I know Devin's going to go home and Devin's going to text. Can you delete like the last 20 minutes of the LeBron stuff because people are going to like be insane at me because of this? Yeah. Yeah.

We did a lot. It's fine. I don't care. No, unfortunately me and Jace have now joined Devin's side of the war. Yeah. That's what we had to do it. We had to do. You didn't give a shit up until now. You'll start seeing like something about this whole thing feels like a house of car.

It feels fraudulent. And you're seeing it with his with his involvement in golf. That's the phoniest guy I've ever. seen in my life. Phonnier than Kevin Hart, who's just, you know, a bank. Kevin Hart should be an ATM machine that I put up, I go up to him and I tell him my pen code and money goes out of his mouth. Yeah.

He's aren't human beings. No, no, no. Kevin Hart is, he sacrificed children to Molok at Bohemian Grove. Yeah, I wish they were that interesting. These people have ascended humanity and become something worse. They become not an angel, not a demon, but something other. outside of the realm of humanity. Yeah, you rock Sterling smoking right now.

I think it was 2017 or whatever, and LeBron lost the finals to the Warriors who were stacked, so it wasn't like super fair, but it was like they, the Cavs still had their team. They still had Kyrie and Kevin Love and whatever, but I think they were injured, whatever.

They lose, but everyone's given like LeBron a ton of credit because he just, because also he plays amazing when there's no pressure. So it's like if everyone's already acting like it's not it. There's not a chance. He's gonna just freely, you know, he makes, he's, he was always, he always played way

better when there was, like, a lack of pressure on the moment. So, he had this great, like, statistical series, and then they lose, and he's in the post game, and he has, all of a sudden he has a broken arm, Ben. Oh, I forgot about that. He just had a big cast on his left arm. I forgot about that. He goes, essentially, I played

the last, like big game, like a broken bitch. And it was, like, fake. All it's, I mean, even if it would, whatever, then, fuck, don't tell anybody. What do you taught you played you played fagg there was no there was nothing on it then you can't play if your arms broken right it would be attention i played with a broken bit like he's calvin pete or something he got swept and now you're like you need some excuse they just be but he wants the coby thing of playing with the broken finger i played through the broken finger by the like cobi won championships

with a broken fucking finger on his index finger he changed how he shot literally changed everything he was supposed to sit out eight months to get surgery no one would have ever anyway Whatever, you're just mad he's the goat, actually. That's why you're mad. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You're mad because he's the goat. Mm-hmm.

No, you're a contrarian because you have thoughts and beliefs. It kind of took, for golf, it feels like if I just kept arguing to everybody that, like, Tom Watson was the greatest golfer of all time, people would be like, he was really good. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Like, but what are you talking about? Eight majors, but that's wrong. But stop.

Yeah. The numbers don't add up here. Because I go, he wasn't the greatest of all time. You go, eight major. I'm like, yeah, that's really. really impressive. Now I have to discredit it because you're retarded. It's like being like this guy's the wealthiest guy to ever live. You go, what happens

what's going on with him right now? He goes, he's bankrupt. Oh. He's a little strapped. But there's ads everywhere about how he's the wealthiest man ever. And then you see him like in like a soup line. You're like, what happened this year? I don't get it. He didn't get to compete. They didn't let him shoot or dribble. He just wants a chance to compete.

Literally played with the most talent of anybody to ever play the game of basketball. He might statistically have played with the most Hall of Famers of all time. Has somebody crunched the numbers on that? I think it's, yeah, I think it's actually true. And a lot of those guys haven't even, like, been eligible for the Hall of Fame yet. No. I mean, there's, like, certain scenarios where it's like, I'm not going to say, like, Carmelo and Russell Westbrook are the same, you know, like, they're not, they weren't, like, those guys when he played with them. But, yeah, it is still hilarious. Just if you actually look at the amount of talent that he played with. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway.

Sad. Sad. It's like if you said somebody's the greatest comedian of all time and then there's six specials where they're like shitting themselves and like slipping on their turds on stage. Sad.

But anyway. Got to hope the LeBron slips on one of his own turds. Hey. Hope he million dollar babies himself on his own toilet. Hey, bud. After he makes a toilet baby. Hey, pal, that's rough. How about a million dollar toilet baby?

No, that blue talk, pal. How about you clean it up a bit? Has anybody ever died slipping on their own turd? Yeah. We get it. Like, um, like it's a soap. And I'm done recording. Wait, I needed, I'm going to read it.

Oh, wait, you got to do them on your own, though. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You guys leave, and then I'm just going to set the mic down and walk upstairs. Okay. Okay. And don't stop the recording. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not going to touch anything. Don't you like my chine? Don't you like my chime? popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine. No, you call me Gucci Gucci. My chain, my chain.

Don't you like my chain, mine? Young Gucci mine, and I'm popping off the chain, mine. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci, mine. No, you call me Gucci, Gucci. I came to the club. Catch another charge, and I'm going to the chain guy. It's sex and white.

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Y'all in Gucci mine And I'm popping off the chain And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine No you call me Gucci Gucci My don't you like my chain mine I'm popping off the chain And my checkup is so fruited

Gucci Gucci Gucci you be shy Gucci you be shy Because I got this jealous stones Hollinette My chain hanged to my shoe strike Like my watching wine, but I know you love my chine. I got that stupid mind, so I bought a stoop.

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Call me Gucci mine, or you call me Gucci, Gucci. My first chain I had to rob for it. Jesus peace, yellow diamond sitting all in it. I'm on some slick brick shit. 2006 Mr. T. Diamond's so bright. Ain't no way you can't see the G. Look, I don't dance, I just lean with it. My piece is sick, Gary Robert trying to leave with it. I got that New York fitted on. Full suit, Dickie on.

Gucci link chain, blue stones in a nigger charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he cran on that bezel and that band. Because I'm the man. I'm the man. Got no wife but my chain. My chine, my chine, don't you like my chine mine. Yon Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chine. And my Jacob is so fruited.

I know you call me Gucci Gucci. My chine, my chine, don't you like my chine mine. Yon Gucci mine and I'm popping off the chain. And my Jacob is so fruited. Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci.