lemonparty - 208: The Hormel 7

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

I will be on the scuffed realtor tour in San Diego this wednesday and Los Angeles on thursday. Come to the comedy store oct 16th prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/LEMON Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I fuck my wife Whenever I want How about the Hormel 7 It's seven fat guys that fucking can of chili until it opens Okay Nice Is it a guy in a group chat going like hey dude Like free chili free beans free beans in the second floor

And then a bunch of fat guys being like Fucking free dude For real Hormel is chili right I'm acting all coy You have a can of it in your pocket Yeah, so they put chili in a can. Interesting. Yeah, it's your spinach. It's your Popeye spinach.

Ben's cooking chili on the RAM of the hard drives right now. I think you're right. I think it is Hornell. Hornell chili. Formal chili. Hormel chili. Yeah. I think that might be the most popular chili. The Hormel 7. I'm going to ask Jim and I. Yeah, let's become a really pro. Yeah, let's become a mostly AI show. I'm trying to get one-shoted by Gemini, the worst LLM that is yeah

rank rank the best chitre best uh chili kill yourself him word rank the best cans of chili I'm not even meaning to use Gemini it's just what Google is now isn't Gemini like in the the

the fucking astrology isn't that like girl women are always like he's a Gemina like you're like a nut job kind of your Gemini your two-faced I believe because it's the twins right Gemini interesting name Jimini all the AIs are strange Rogan's perplexing

Perplexity. Proplexity. Rogan's like asking for like a fact. And he's like, pull up baffled. They named it after his brain. What is confused have to think about this? What is my AI confused man? Confused man have to say about this.

Wendy's Chili is coming in at number two. Campbell's is one. Wolf brand is three. Four is stag. Five is Tony Paco. And six is Wormel. Wolf is number one. You went too fast.

You need to analyze me a little bit. Three is Wolf Brand, Chili. Is there seven of them? This is getting good. Seven was dim. There's seven top chili browns. So you're kind of right. Yeah, I guess we're just looking strictly at the numbers here.

Yeah, the Hormel seven. Well, yeah. It is the Hormel seven. You found out your fat wife was she agreed to a threesome with Hornell and Stag. Yeah. Two spoons. But then Wendy's came into the room. Yeah, put catamine on its can.

Yeah. All that type of stuff. No, stop making jokes. No, no, no. It's very unfortunate that the elites of disease. that the elites have decided we need another side-up because it's the primaries. Or maybe it was good that it happened based on what you think about it.

Jane Doe is a fucking... Jane Doe is a fucking liar. She's been accusing man of murder and rape for like hundreds of years. At what point? Let me speak to this Jane Doe. Where is this bitch? Where is this one specific woman? Everyone's Jane Doe.

So you're telling me, not only did Ted Bundy murder her. But now a bunch of 20-year-old juns. You guys are fucking her. Who is this woman? This woman dates back to the 1700s. It's Jane, though. Fucking Jane, though. A piece of shit.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm moving on from that. I'm more focused on fucking grinding. No, Devin, because we keep Devin on a tight leash over where we try to, but he takes shots to everybody. Right now, he's going hard at Sebastian Metacalco. Burning that bridge. Sebastian Manuscalco converted the Judaism recently.

You see that. He converted to making money. Yeah, he turned Sirius X-M comedy channel into a temple. Yeah, he identifies as an ATM. Yeah. No, I love it. I'm happy about it. I love the channel.

I didn't know who Bob Hope was. And now I have a blast listening to him. I test drove Akia today and Sirius was on for seven seconds. And it was a good time. But, Devin, how will you discover comedians who are bad at comedy? If we don't have that comedy channel giving out welfare for people? who suck. It seems like it's a big deal to people.

I mean, but yeah, I don't know. Yeah. People probably don't even fucking know what it's about. I didn't even know. I walked in the door. Devin had to explain to me what's going on. Sebastian bought the comedy channel on Sirius XM and now comics aren't getting paid.

And he called it. It was called Raw Dog Radio and now it's called like Sebastian's channel or something. Right. But we knew there's a, apparently there was thousands of comedians who like live in a banana full time who were like, I was making rant off of.

I made $7 a year off that channel, Sebastian. How dare you? Seemingly. Well, maybe a comic should have thought twice about doing bad impressions of them on podcasts for the past five years. How about that? That's true. Kind of showed him no respect. No, they didn't.

The thing is they don't really have. They don't. He's a vindictive wop. You might, I'll fucking show you. Is that a slur to say like Wop and Guinea? Yeah. They're allowed to. You're allowed.

You're allowed to. You're allowed to. You can make fun of a tuffer. Italians and Greeks, you can be as racist as possible. I have so many people liking this stupid video, and I'm just saying horrible slurs. I can't do that with anybody else. Yeah, grease ball, wop, there go. And we all know, stand-ups taking a dark turn right now, Sebastian buying this.

And then this is the biggest stand-up in the country right now is this woman. Guys are post-the-comics are posting that this is my stolen joke. Yeah, this is an AI. People literally are. They're like, this AI channel is stealing my jokes and just using a big hot lady. But she gets like 40 million views on every video. Yeah, yeah. She'll be on Kill Tony soon.

Yeah, yeah. I have a lot of friends. Anyone next to here? This is an AI comedian that is just posting, she has a big fat ass. They're going to be comics trying to rape her but can't find her location. It's going to be like when you have a cat with a laser and it gets really frustrated because it can't kill what it's hunting. Watching a cat on YouTube. There's going to be comedians in Silver Lake, 40-year-old comedians just shaking because they haven't been able to rape this woman yet.

Guys in bicycle caps. who should have quit stand-up 15 years ago. Yeah. No, I'm sure there's countless legends asking her to open for them. And they're confused when there's no response. D-emming her. D-emming her.

Yeah. Loved your stuff. Dude, great sec. Can I fuck you cheeks? I see a lot in you. I see a lot of me and you when I'm raping you. Because I'm in comedy.

A lot of people dropping this week. A lot of... Oh, my God. It's fucking... It's back. Me too, too. You said that everybody's getting accused of rape this week. I waited for the Dodger game to start, and I sat on my phone, and I closed my phone,

and then I thought about what I had just done it. I go, if somebody asked me what I did this afternoon, I go, I just read a bunch of accusations and put my phone away. Sounds good. Just Instagram, just big. It's all out. Connor and I were saying it's the most wonderful time of the year. It's all back.

Watching comedians you hate have their lives. I don't even know who these people are. People named. like just a bunch of vowels. I don't even just getting accused the shit. A.E.I.O.U. A.I. Yeah, exactly. The Nigerian

A.E.I.O.U. is getting accused to break. Yeah. They just canceled sometimes. Why? There was, yeah. I think a big Muslim comic got accused, but I'm like, he's going to be fine. He'll probably get a... More people will come. Yeah, exactly. His whole fan base is that. Is this girl good?

She's great. Do you like her jokes? She's great. That fucking guinea piece of shit Sebastian should put her on the channel. Put her, what if he tries to make amends? It just, he makes a channel dedicated to this lady. Is she good? No.

I have a lot of mixed friends. Anyone mixed in here? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. What are you, my guy? My guy. My guy. Dude, they literally talk.

Oh, wow. My guy. This is, and this is the thing, this is not an indictment of AI, even though I hate AI, this is an indictment of all comedy. This is exactly the same already. I know, I know, it is. It's a bad sign for comedy. Wow. She should do, somebody should program her to do

Kramer's set. That would be really entertainer. Kramer comes out, he's like, she stole that right of me. But her ass is so big, they're still trying to fuck her. That's a little, that's offensive, but I will still, hear me out. I will still tap.

But I'm a legalized comedy guy, so I will not leave. When your ass is so fat, you can say You hear the black guys in the crowd like, damn, I'd be hanging up from a tree, fuck, shit. All right. All right, though. Move a little. Sir, can you move your hand a little?

Twirl, twirl, all right. Spin around and shit. That's actually a very, that's a good point. I do deserve to swim. That's a good point, fat-ass lady. Damn. You mean. But I like you.

I like it, though. Yeah. I'm judging your character. There's just something about it that I like, even though you call me a dirty monkey. She has the choker too Yeah The choker

She got the dog collar And they gave her It gives rich Nepo baby Fake Yeah This might be Why do they do

Why do they wear that Is it like To keep pigeons From sleeping on them Yeah It's from homeless guys To fuck From fucking them

It's This might be a little bit I think She has like a very like Young face And a gigantic ass She looks downsy Yeah

A little bit of like a retarded young face. I think that's like on purpose by the If George Floyd was goth he was wearing a choker would have saved his life? Oh wow. I'm not even trying to do a bit. No, that's actually interesting. Black men, we

need to start going out to the hood and handing out chokers and making these young black made goth. You're giving black guys the vest they give to Chihuahua so eagles don't rip them out of the lawns. Black guys are walking around an orange vests. Coyote vests. And that coyote vest. Black guys fucking around

with like just big needles sticking out of them everywhere like porcupines yeah exactly yeah yeah and then a black guy like a big

turtle shell to live inside and then a cop's like he's got a bunch of spikes on his back do do do do do do his back is full of knives fuck yep

he thinks black people are evolving like Pokemon to do a crime a little weird noise in the head Yeah, I got that too. Yeah. I think I might have touched a wire or something.

Jay's guy size 15s over here. You don't know what he's... Yeah, I'm a big step in shit. I think that's just in our headphones, though. Is it? Yeah. What it would be the main feedback mic that's... It seemed to have gone away.

Is that it? Yeah, I think it's good now. All right, cool. Sorry, I'll keep my big steppers over here. Now back to George Floyd. Sorry about my Jordan's. Now back to George Floyd. Did my guy...

My guy... I hate that shit. I haven't seen her. We do know white comedians who say my guy as a replacement for the N-word. And it does drive us a little nuts. Okay, you're white. There you go. Wait, what?

Dude, she's cracking up at her own jokes. Okay, you're white. You're biracial, sir. Okay, I got it. What's your favorite flower? What do you think it is? Roses. Roses.

You know what I like. Oh, I know. God damn it The clip is just her getting butt-fucked on stage Oh wow It kind of It seems fine Are just men saying hi

4,000 of them Hi Hi hi hi hi And not one of them said Hi here's rent I have a lot of mixed friends There are comics saying like That's my joke

Yeah I saw it like people They're claiming the word They're like that AI Horror Richard Richard scary characters

They saw my brilliant crowdwork That no one could ever come up I mean It's the idea of a joke Yeah It's not even

No that's what It's perfect It's just going like What do you What do you do? Oh, you're a software engineer Shit Oh my God

My titty's a big No it's The black guy Goes into a room In back rooms And there's a full like full like comedy club like uh where there's like people performing on stage it'd be bits like this no yeah it'd be that lady on stage with like four sets of eyes

it's a black comics biggest nightmare at the back rooms and it's a green room but all the chicken wings are are eating just bones he keeps asking the waitress for wings and she keeps bringing him bones. It's like I don't like it here. For the first time I feel like I don't belong. Now bring me that woman with the choker. Bring me that big tit-ed-eye woman. I hope they do another backrooms too where like you can fuck that bitch at the end with the,

because if she has two sets of eyes, if she had two sets of eyes or four sets of eyes, I want to see what the, how many pussy she got. How many pussy she got and shit? Let me grab you and count all your holes. Anything that I can find I can keep. I'd be fucking the egg out and po guy in the wheelchair. You're making him suck your dick. I walk up to that inward and I go, you're going to suck my dick right now.

They never really explain why he likes it in there so much, but he was just... I think he was raping all the guys in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was... I think he was fucking the pirate in the butt. And that's why the pirate came and ate his neck off.

Yeah. He was like, no more butt fucking. There's a woman here. It is a homosexual thing because butt pirate is a big thing. That's a very good point. So if you're looking at it on a Jungian level, it's about the black guy being gay, and that's why he was an alcoholic. I would love to have you at a Q&A with Kane Parsons, and you're asking that question.

It's like curated by P.T. Anderson. Butt pirate is in your question. Yeah, you go, I was wondering the relation to, because you chose to have a pirate on purpose. And of course, we all know about butt pirates. Is it about anal sex? Because obviously, you probably thought about, like, it could have been a guy, working at a fudge factory and he's a fudge packer. Yeah.

Something like that. Yeah. Right. You're right. Even with butt pirate. He's got a wooden leg, a wood third leg, if you will. It is actually really gay. Yeah.

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That's code Lemon to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. Price picks run your game. Okay, very good. Can I tell you I know somebody who works in, I have to be vague on this. I know somebody who works in the movie industry, in some part of the movie industry. And they were discussing the movie digger and if they can call it. Like the studio was like, can we, can we call? Can we call it Digger?

Like, it's so close to the N-word. Yeah. And they were in a big staff meeting, like all the VP's CEO presidents. And then somebody's like, I mean, I think it's fine if the movie is called. And then they said the N-word accidentally in the meeting. White guy. Older Gen Z white guy said, I think it's fine if it's called N. He goes, I mean, I mean, digger, digger.

And he, like, there was like three black women who, like, stood up and walked out of the meeting. No. And they still called it Digger. Yeah. It's a weird fucking name. Yeah. You can't call it that. Bad name for a movie.

I like it. There's no black people in the movie, if I can remember correctly. The movie is kind of like if Adam McKay had like an artistic like lens. But it's almost making fun of Adam McKay in a way. It's making fun of satire. It's satire about satire. Yeah. And I think so.

Okay. Interesting. It's just not funny enough. But that's maybe the point too. You'll see. I don't want to explain it. Okay, interesting. Yeah.

Well, I get Tom Cruise in a different way than most people do. I'm one of the guys who goes on Twitter and I go, and I go, Mr. Movies, I get him in a way other people don't. That makes me interesting. Me too. I do love how insane he is. I think people need to, like, dive more into him being nuts. He's a psychopath. Yeah, but, yeah, I know.

And he's so committed and he's so not in Scientology, like, as the scam. Like, he really believes it all. And I love that about him. he's really nuts no I know that's why that's what I love about me but people are doing like the mr. movie shit online I'm like no this is like a guy who would be butchering women yes if he did not have a very illustrious film career yeah Ben what's this there's a new burpo new burpoh just dropped they just dropped the new burpoh they just dropped new he did the new heaven is for real I'm waiting in line for the new burp it's like a Kanye album you never know

when it's gonna come out yeah we've gone so long without a burpoh yeah I know They're rolling out new burpoh. He's like, I'm a fix Colton. I'm a fix burpoh. So he's on, he's on Fox. His name is Gabe. How do you say the last name? Gabe Poirot.

His name is Gabe Poirot. Did he say there's too many immigrants in heaven? I think he's saying like Jesus is like a MAGA guy. In heaven, yeah. I think. He looks like, can I tell you? I just got back from the Humane Society, because we, adopted a dog.

There was a pit bull we saw that looked exactly like that. And I was like, it needs to get shot in the head because it should not exist. That is like, that is like the Instagram post where it's somebody being like three times baby versus combined with two times mixy, like two different breeds of fucked up pit bulls. It looks like two fucked up dogs.

Brought together. Yeah. First of all, he looks like a drawing of Fred Flintstone from memory. He looks awesome. Yeah, he kicks ass. Yeah. 18 days you were in that coma, you had this experience.

You came face to face with your Savior, and then you woke up. How has your life been different since that experience? Yeah. Now with every single person I meet, I tell them of the love of Christ and that he did it all for them. And he died and rose again. Also, I love how, you know, all these other testimony. New profile pick right there. That's great.

How do you go in the coma, do you know? He looks like the type of kid that ate a snail that you weren't supposed to You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, that guy. You eat a slug and you... Yeah, yeah. You're acting like, it's like a big phenomenon. One guy did it.

One retarded guy did it. Yeah, it's like a bat with his friends and then he died. He got the cherry stuck up his ass at a frat house and got a brain infection. He was in a coma for 20 days and he met God. He literally did, yeah. He became fully paralyzed. He turned into a little tiny, like, slug himself and then died. All because he was like, bro, you don't feel like I can hear it.

Bro, I can keep this cherry up my ass for three days. I'm going to keep it down. Yeah. Yeah. He was probably hazed. Do you think that's his Christian dating profile pick? Too many fish.com. Yeah, it's all that.

It's just everyone come us. Yeah. And they go, how was your dad? journey to Christ. Everybody responds to you in three months from now. They're like, hey, sorry, how was you saying I was Jesus in heaven? Just got out of it again. Sorry, I drank a bunch of peroxide

so I become retarded and being a coma shot at me, Jesus. What'd you do? Snail. Sond in a meme. I ate a snail. Sot on the front page you read it a couple weeks ago. Is it a slug or a slug? I think you can't eat a slug. Right. Well, they eat Escardo as snails, right? Yeah, you do have to, it says there's a

farming process for the escargo. Really? Yeah, I learned this from the great movie with Ben Affleck where he's a snail farmer. What movie? Dark water. What? Or deep water? Oh, on Hulu.

I think you said the Ben Stiller movie. Yeah, the Ben Affleck movie where he's a cuck. Yeah. Yeah, where he's watching. One of my favorite bad movies of all time. It's actually really good. It's really awesome. It's really entertaining.

But yeah, he like, it gives this whole speech about how you can't just eat down his snail and there's a process to it. You can't eat them. Because they were like, let's have Escargo. go get your snails. And he's like, it's not. It's not. Let me talk to you about it. And then his wife is getting like anally like raped in like the next room. Yeah. But he like loves it. But yeah, you can't. There's like snail. Yeah, you got to cook them and they have to be like a

certain. Yeah. Something. I don't know. Okay. It's interesting because their shell is like a Fibonacci sequence. So you think it would be like a secret to the universe that you could eat it and crunch into it. You know, because it's the circle. It's like the perfect. But maybe it is. Maybe it is because he ate it and he's, and he met Jesus. We're just going to go with the. fact, we're just going to say he ate a slug. Sure.

Why not. Who cares? You know what? It's as real or as fake as anything else online. How did he get like this? Who cares? Who actually cares anymore? Legitimately, if anything is real or fake.

They print out a new thing. You go, okay, here's my side of it. Time to scream. Who cares? Severe traumatic brain injury from a high-speed electric skateboard accident. Okay. So a gayer way. Jesus.

High-speed electric skateboard. Around 30 miles per hour without a helmet, he flipped backward and landed directly on his head, cracking and shattering his skull. God damn. The electronic skateboard, do they mean like one of those, like,

circles you see tech guys, like, riding around? I think that's exactly what you're thinking. He was riding an electric circle, and he killed himself. Yeah, he killed. If you hear this guy, do you get to say you killed yourself to people?

Yeah, you can. You can be like, you'd be like, I killed myself once. I accidentally killed myself. I'm back. I would just love it if this guy died on the electric circle thing, and they have to put a white spray-painted electric circle where he died. Like it was a bicycle.

You see a white spray-painted electric circle on a post. He's awesome. You're like, oh, a guy who sucked died here. Oh, shit. Oh, he's making the podcast rounds now. Nice, good. What podcast is he on? We're going to have to see what...

There's one guy that was in, like, Logan Paul's crew, but he got thrown out and then he pretended to find God or something. His name's like George or some shit like that. Okay. That sounds, yeah. Maybe he went on his podcast to talk about Jesus Christ. Okay. They didn't meet a female Jesus.

They didn't meet a soft or a passive Jesus. Jesus is a man. And especially in America, he's been misrepresenting. And especially even, you know, there's so many cultural things that present him as if he's some just tolerant guy. It's not the Jesus I met. He's a lion. No. But he's not a lion.

Jesus eats with his hands. He's a dirty, dirty Muslim. Jesus looks like liver king. You have no idea what we've been worshipping. Jesus. If you saw Jesus, you drop a nuke on his fucking head. Because that's what I saw. He looks like a sand.

Boop. He goes, Israel's correct. I think he says here, doesn't he call Jesus a lion for Judah? Yeah, I think. There's so many cultural things that present him as if he's some just tolerant guy. It's not the Jesus on that. He's a lion. He's a lion angry against me.

He's a lion angry for me. He's a Mustang on my behalf. He did it all for me. And what did he look like when you saw him? Pretty agistical. He was 5-11, like six feet, yet as tall as eternity. Can I tell you that? I know exactly this man is exactly 5-11.

If he said Jesus is 5-11. Yeah. The eternal cursed high. What does he run? What's his 4.2? He runs. What's the fastest of black guys ever run in the combine? He runs it faster than that.

You have no. Jesus, he's 5.11, 6 foot. He's not the tolerant Jesus we read about in every part of the Bible. Healthy gums. I met him and he said, gay people suck. Fuck him. I think he says he's a line for Judah. Like an ocean of love, yet his eyes were burning white and red at the same time.

Not black. And, I mean, talk about testosterone, like a Mustang. I'm telling you. He's, dude, do he suck off Jesus? Jesus is a bioacker. Jesus gets sun every morning. Me and Jesus, we were doing cold plunges. We did a couple cold plunges.

And he's a beast, dude. And Jesus loves Kalshi. Yeah. Jesus loves Kalshi, and he kept showing me different Rogan episodes I'd never heard of before. And I was like, do you have a difference? He's like, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have having Rogan. I use perplexity to make my own Rogan episodes. That's how Jesus Christ had happened.

By the way, people, like, quote me, like, saying, like, love one another. That's, like, that's, like, some fuck-ass gay shit and whatnot. Like, fuck everybody. Like, everybody, though. Yeah. That's the hard thing about the Bible is Jesus' dad is, like, a motherfucker in the Bible who just, like, kills and rapes and sets people on fire and, like, burns entire villages to the around. And then Jesus is not like that at all. Yeah.

And then they say they're the same, and it's, like, they're not the same. How would you explain that? If your kids come up to you and they're like, hey, God's a motherfucker, but Jesus is cool. And therefore, how would you explain that to them? I would say maybe there's different ways of showing love to someone. So someone's life is so, we talk about it all the time. You see someone out there, they're so fucked. Their life is so awful.

The best thing you could do for them is kill them. Right. We talk about this all the time. We do. To truly show mercy on some people. people, it would be by blowing their head off with a gun. Some people are the equivalent of when you find a dove that's flown into a window. Yeah.

And you go, I could walk away cowardly or I could go find a big brick and crush this bird's head. And you would feel terrible, but you go, I am a good man. It had to be done. It had to be done. Like when Will Smith kills Sam and I Am legend, his dog is infected. It was very tough, but it had to be done. You would have put a bandage on a cockroach. You know, you would have nursed cockroach back to life.

You want to put a little ice pack on a cockroach. Yeah, you would have a headache. You would kill it. Okay, so he's doing the whole YouTube thing. Of course. This is amazing. Gabe Perrault. Here he has 2.2 million subscribers.

Is that right, Ben? He'll be at an I.M.J. Jane Doe rally soon, killing a few people with an era 15. His mom will drop him off. He'll say this is Jesus's will. We need to Kirkify this man immediately. I bet he's performing after Jeff die at the turning point thing in Reno.

And he's got, you know what? He's following Jeff. He's following Jeff die and you're going to watch Die Hard the week after he performed. He's like, yeah, so this fucking Gabe guy said I was like the worst comic he had ever seen. And I should fucking die. I met this guy that spoke to Christ.

He tells me Christ said I suck ass. And just stop using my name to shield his bullshit. So I, dude, I was hanging out with Jesus and we sat down on his couch and he pulled up Jeff Dye podcast clips to make fun of in heaven. Yeah, Jesus is up there. He's just like watching Kill Tony behind the scenes. A lot of American read act.

Jesus was texting God like, holy shit, new elephant graveyard just dropped. And God's like, oh, fuck, really? Fuck, I'm at work. Okay. Jesus thinks that's really gotten to the Rogan sphere and that they've all watched it, but don't want to say that they have. Yeah, and the Holy Spirit actually thinks it's hypocritical of elephant graver. to like say he's over it when he participates in it the Holy Spirit went on Twitter to be like

hey bud I see behind the green card the Holy Spirit thinks Elephant Graveyard's a coward show yourself but Jesus and God love it can I ask man did he did he actually have 2.2 million subscribers or did I miss see that and it was like 2.2 thousand let's see buddy um 2.2 2.2 million subscribers. So this is some op. This is 100% an off. Yeah. And by the way, the Cornell story is 100% an op.

I'm completely convinced of that. Yeah. It's primary time they want to run back 2017 dialogue. They're just whole of the world. This is just pure boomer slop. Like people, they got their mortgages paid off. Their property taxes are going up. Yeah.

They need to withdraw more Social Security. So they want taxes to go out for younger people. Yep. And they're watching bullshit like this, like this guy. Yeah. They're shoveling their grandchildren. into a big coal oven, like they're on the Titanic. They're going, fuck it.

Throw it up, throw the chairs. Fucking throw windows. I don't give a fuck. Fuck. Truly, what's going. Dude, we're 80 miles from port. Fuck it. Throwing a baby into the flux capacitor to make it run.

They're saying women and children first by the people they're throwing into the big coal oven to get us to shore. Can I'm sorry? Can we just see really quickly how long his channel's been around? I can't believe his forehead is that big. Yeah, it covers all the text. That's three. It's like a paragraph on his forehead. It looks like when Michael Scott has a flash card on his forehead. He's playing the drinking game.

Sir, just what we were saying? No, no, sorry. Just keep it going. We can look afterwards. How old are you going to be in heaven? Should Christians be cremated? What about all the babies and kids? What are you going to look like in heaven?

Those are the questions that we're going to be answering here on this video. Everybody in heaven is 5 foot 11, which is the perfect height. And they're all stallions. They're all mustangs. They have huge cocks and, like, really. cool abs and shit. It's good that this guy went this direction instead of like an Elliot Roger thing, though. Yeah.

But like not shooting up Virginia Tech. Yeah, I mean, when you see a young man like this recording a video on his cell phone and his car, you hope it's not a, you know, he hope he doesn't have a... It's not his final words. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hope this isn't Dan Hinchel for real.

I hope this isn't Dan Hinchel for real. That's literally all people are doing when they're on their phone and their car. It's their final words or a muck bang. Yeah, cops go up and they look for food and they go, okay. He's like, okay, there's Taco Bell. Oh, okay, okay. He's got the black gloves on. I have a go, and I love yourself.

Yeah, he's got nine bags from boiling crab. That's fine. All right. No food. They go, get down, get out of the fucking car. Yeah. I will fucking waste you. I'm going to do that, like, park outside of a mosque, but I'm just eating, like, I'm doing the blazing challenge from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Making everyone really nervous. Yeah. Or a temple. Temple would get you shot a mosque, wasn't it? Yeah, Temple will get me sniped immediately, like Halo style. Well, you know, when you snipe me from across the map. It would be two rabbis on top of the temple, and they'd be like, okay, he's going to shoot it up any second. Oh, boy, we get to use this to complain forever.

It's just meeting wings. Yeah, it's the guy from to catch a predator, the rabbi who got all confrontational. I'm meeting wings outside the temple, and I'm listening to Opie and Anthony's so loud that it's vibrating with the windows on my Tesla Model 3. Taking your hair. Your hair's going up in the air when Camilla hints at saying the N-word. I'm listening to the You Want a Grape. Yeah.

Fight. And then the rabbi is walking up and he goes, Hello. Roll down your window, please. If you could do, we were waiting on you to do a shooting so we could use it to get more money for Israel. The rabbi goes, it's cold out here. It's cold out here.

Would you like to have day sex? Gets back in their car. There's a big menorah on top of it instead of a Christmas tree. A gigantic menorah. And you turn black. This cocksucker! This Jewish piece of shit. This Jewish motherfucker going home to his family.

You're trying to fuck me. It's cold out of here. It's cold out of here. And I'm Jewish. There's a reason the Bible says to depart from the body is to be present with the Lord. If you know Jesus Christ, as you know, Jesus Christ, as you. your savior. You do not die the second death. You do not die just like the rest of the world. You don't even have to be afraid of death. Ask me how I know. Five years ago, I literally medically flatlined. And I

experienced what I'm about to tell you according to what scripture says. All of our earthly bodies experience a first death. But to those who are alive in Christ, you don't experience a second death. and actually your spirit ascends above your body. So we have a spiritual body, and then we have this physical body on your... About this experience, and the pastor's like, you're deeply brand down. Oh, no, he's like, hey, this isn't real, man.

He goes, listen. I use this to rape children. He goes, if you're not using it to fuck kids, I don't know what you're doing. Hey, come on. I hate to pull the curtain down a little bit. None of us believe this shit, dude. This is all for the kids.

The sweet, sweet kids, man. Oh, fuck. He does, yeah, he does really have a bullse frog look to him, doesn't he? He kind of looks like the AI woman comic in the face. He might be for all we know. He seems like AI. He might be.

Oh, he's had this channel for a second. I mean, Fox News. I mean, he was posting while in the coma. This is all fake. He had a Twitch. live stream while he's in the coma. He kept losing it Fortnite over and over again. Everything is Eddington theory.

Right. Here's a perfect sentence that describes America. Brain dead and Jesus showed me in heaven how prayers are answered. Maybe he's right though. I'm retarded. I'm retarded and I talked to Jesus. This is America. Where my skull was cracked from the top to the bottom of my neck.

And I was in a coma for 18 days. Is that the shape of his head? Is that the actual shape of the fucking head? That was before the accident. Is that his head? Yeah. I'm dead serious. No, I know.

That head can't be shaped like that, right? I think his was. I think the doctor used the forceps a little too hard. I think the doctor, I think the doctor, when he was pulling him out with the forceps, said, oh, fuck. I mean, everything's fine. I didn't fuck your baby up. And I discovered that heaven was not just a location. heaven

him. And on this video, I'm going to be telling you all about my experience. From the start, he's doing a little bit of a whale. He's doing a little bit of a whale. Yeah.

He's like, Jesus was so beautiful, and I'm gay. And I'm fat and gay. I'm the whale. You think Christians would accept God being really fat? Dude, it would be,

it would be legitimately be so funny. If they're like, That was like 500 pounds in non-binary. You'd think he'd look more well-rested than after being asleep for you in a few days, though. He looks tired as hell. Wasn't he, like, staying up all night with Jesus? Big sleepover.

Me and Jesus' party. We listened to LMFAO and rage. They were up all night playing GTA using the tank. In heaven, they have GTA six. And me in heaven, we killed a bunch of black people in GTA 6. And they don't respond. They don't respond.

But when you kill a black person in GTA... In GTA 6 in heaven, you can kill all the minorities and they don't come back. Yeah. If you kill a black person... You can clean the streets. You can put it in death wish mode. Yeah. If you kill a black person in GTA in heaven, they die in real life.

It was... It was beautiful. Beautiful. She's so beautiful. Amazing. She's amazing. Jesus Christ says it amazing. Jesus is amazing and I'm gay.

Gay and fat. It is also funny to be like, I was kept alive by Jesus Christ himself, and then he gets a $3 million bill from the hospital that was keeping him alive. Yeah. Yeah. Like the bill says $3 million.

Jesus. He goes, Christ covered that. And Jesus told me hospitals are run by the Jews. an 80-pound Chinese atheist from Beijing Save this man's life. Yeah. Kaiser Roll Permanente. Yeah.

In between beating his child for getting a 99 on a test, save this man's life. So he could be retarded on Fox News. Finish. So stick around. The date was October 25th, 2021, right before my 21st. Dude, I really hope John Bernthal has this guy on tune. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got to get this guy in a flat brim. Yeah. Let's break that down for a second. Like, you got life after it. After it. What are you doing? What's that like?

That's a big space. Tell me what that's life! That's a big space you've got to fill in, brother. What is afterlife? Oh, my God. an awful word. That was from Arcade Fire. That's it.

Pretty interesting, brother. Why's your head shape like that, brother? He's trying to put the John Berthol flat bill off. He's like, he's like, I've had like fucked up Marines who had their head explode to put that hat on. Your head is fucked, man. Brother. Man, brother.

John Berthal is the Punisher, right? Yeah. Yeah. So is that the role that made him have this part of? of his personality shine. Probably. I mean, he's always been that type of guy. Like, in The Walking Dead, he's like that, you know?

Yeah. Well, you know, Shia LeBuff, like, carries every role he's ever played with him as his actual personality? Right. Like, shy will play a role and then he kind of becomes that person. John Bernthal's an overcompensating, like, like, D.C. rich kid. He was a Georgetown. He was, like, you know, college.

And now he's, like, kind of been cosplaying his whole life as, like, a working class, like, man's man. Him and Brolin. And I like him. Yeah. Him and Brolin, and I like them. Both do the same thing where they're like, brother, you don't know what it was like outside Georgetown. It's like, no, you were like a gay little rich boy.

It's fine. The Georgetown was just spooks. Fucking Josh Brolin. I've talked about it, nauseam. But he grew up in Santa Barbara. He's like, dude, the heroin problem in Santa Barbara. Shut the fuck up. What are you fucking talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, you know. Your dad was James Brolin. They're like fake cowboys. Fake cowboys, fake street kids. Their parent, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, John Brenthal's, I think it was like Walking Dead that was like the first. It was walking dead. Let me tell you something, Rick. I got something to tell you. Rick. Rick.

Red. He's created this type of guy where he every scene he's in, it looks like he's holding his dick and balls in one of his hands. Like it's so big, he has to like constantly be holding it and carrying it. Let me tell you something about my dick, man. Let me tell you something. You got a chair for my fucking car? I fucked your wife, Rick. I made her come.

Rick. Your son likes me more. Rick! Carl likes me more and I fucked your wife good. The first season of the Walking Dead is so funny. Oh, I forgot he fucked his wife. Yeah, he did. He fucked his wife.

The whole first season of the Walking Dead is just people yelling names. Yeah. It's just people being like, Carl. Carl. Coral. Rick. Rick. Ruh.

Cool. I feel like I was on the Walking Dead today. Yeah. Whatever you're doing? I went to the, you know, Fuji's buffet and Oh, are you in and out? Glendale? Yeah.

And that place is cool. There's like worms is like coming out of the like sashimi there. I was there once and I like saw something crawling inside the sashimi. It's buzzard sushi. Yeah. They're like serving pigeon and shit. Yeah. This is our snail roll.

It is pretty. It's fun. We went there for John's birthday one time. It's a buffet under 16 different roads. Yes. There's an eight. lane freeway and another eight lane freeway that are crisscrossing right there. So you're eating

under 16 roads. It's a Japanese buffet under, yeah, underneath an overpass. It's from like a Simpsons job, but it's a real restaurant. I just check in every four years to just see what's going on. I think those places are hilarious and awesome. We went there for John's birthday one time and it was very funny. John just kept eating steak and eggs from the habachi group.

Oh, nice. Well, there's a Mongolian girl thing. Yeah, they have a Mongolian thingy. Yeah. Mexican guy cooking it though. Yeah. It's not authentic. Not Mongolian. Yeah. I do love Mexican, I do love shitty place. We went to a Benihana for my birthday one time in Texas and it was a Mexican teenager on Fentanyl just cooking.

Like, I went at home. He was just like standing in front of a steak and he's like, you think that's done? We're like, yeah, he's like, all right. So what are you guys getting into today? Yeah, I remember him talking like Mac Miller. He's like, yeah. I like just started. Everybody here

just started. Yep. I tried to take a shit there. I ended up taking a shit, but all the toilets were filled with poop. At Fuji sushi? Yeah, and like, it doesn't really bother me. Were you at In-N-Out and then popped in to Fuji? Yeah, I went to In-out, and then I was like, I might as well swing.

I might as well, I'm like, same parking lot. Might as well pop in. See what they're doing with the toilets? I had some sushi. It's like, if you're constipated, it's kind of a fail-proof thing to just eat more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just go eat a big meal, you'll finally shit. It does have to push it through.

Yeah, you're so constipated. you need a worm to help you. You need a big tapeworm to eat it all out. You got to eat a bunch of worms. Because they're going to dig through you. That's the only thing they know is to go down. Exactly. You have to shake them through your ass.

You walk up to a big tray at Fuji sushi with like worms. And you go like, ooh, worms. And they go, oh, no, this is a chicken. They like brush the worms on the side. Wait, did you actually go to the buffet? Yeah, and I pretty much only ate sushi. That's nuts, actually. Crazy.

I wanted to feel like, I got my money's worse, so I made the Mongolian grill guy like cook an egg and put it with some bell pepper and stuff and then I didn't eat it any of it. Shrimp, the whole thing, I made him cook it and I was like, great, and I took it and I just like set it. And I slid it to the far end of the table with the intent of not touching it.

Yeah, you just go like, well, it's available, I need to watch him cook. Yeah, yeah. And then I just look at it out. I get that. And then I just ate bullshit. You actually should have watched him cook the whole thing. You're like, push him bell pepper and some egg. And then he handed to you and you go, thanks,

and you never grab it. It's old false. You go, thank you, and you walk away. Throw it, slide it all into the trash right in front of him. After he has to you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. Just like a cat, like knock it off of the fucking table.

Those places always use a ton of rice in the rolls so you get full. Yeah. The nigeri and the rolls are huge and filled with so much rice because they want you to get full and stop eating the fish. I just do the nagiri. They have the plastic-y, like, fake crab meat that goes in it. Yeah, it's brutal. Yeah, it was good. There used to be a really good actual Japanese buffet called, like, uh, not octopus.

I forget. It was in Glendale. It was fucking awesome. To die. To die. To die. To die sushi. I think I've driven past it, actually.

It was actually pretty fucking good. Yeah. We used to smoke a bunch of weed and then go in and see how long we could last. Life used to be so good. Everything was a little better. Everything was better. Yeah. It really was.

Yeah. It was pretty much just boomers on Facebook. but grills playing it as loud as possible. Really big. You guys didn't play Halo, but you guys remember the brutes? So a lot of people kind of shape like that. Just hunched over a table with AirPods in.

It's a stationary cruise ship underneath the freeway overpass. I'm not cruising ship. I don't know how people are affording it unless it takes... Clina. I don't know. I see this stuff where they're like, oh, Indians who own gas stations, they get $8,000 a month. from the government to go buy milk at Walmart to stock their gas stations or something.

Probably. I saw people were like mad about that. And they were like, if you see a great value jug of milk at a 7-Eleven, make sure you call ice or something or like call the better bureau of some shit. Why not? Sure. Why? Because basically they're getting money from the government and then they're buying stuff and then we're already paying for it with our tax dollars. And then they're selling it back to us.

So they're making double the profit of some shit. Is that a real thing? I've seen great value stuff I get. I was like, oh, it's great value stuff. I thought it was all the same shit. Right. So, people have been taking pictures and uploading it of like a Sikh guy, and he has like two shopping carts at Walmart filled with like 500 jugs of milk.

And he's selling out. And then he takes it to his gas station where... He goes, the fat whites need it. I have to feed the fat whites. And then he walks in, and, you know, one of his sons is, dead on the floor from the hate crime. Some, some hate crimes.

And he walks up to him and goes, I'm so disappointed in you. He grabs the jug of milk and he pours it on himself just to stop the mob out front that was going to do that to him. Fuck him. I love getting on the police scanner and it's just guys getting, it's like the hateful

a in every 7-Eleven. It's a bunch of avidastries, having a duel. I have not seen you in Rashid 7-Eleven before, my friend. Welcome to Mohammed's habitashery. Is it crazy shit? Pull out your guns, you son of a bitch. You have a letter from Barack Obama?

Oh, my God. I had to turn this crime scanner thing off because I got a notification when I was driving my kids at the farmer's market at 9.30 in the morning that a man was beaten to death. by a gang of people with a bunch of pipes on like west 95th street it's so like it's Sunday morning it's 930 in the morning on a Sunday what do you guys do it with a ton of pipes a bunch of pipes they beat him to death with pipes right

and you see you heard that it's west 95th or whatever you heard that at 930 which means they did that at 745 they like they sat an alarm and they go yeah fuck all right what if that's the name I gotta go beat this guy That's the neighborhood's rooster. They do that every morning to wake everyone up. Just pipe noises and screaming. Just beating a guy to death with pipes.

People hear the screams. Like, I guess time for work. Let me. Somebody needs to drive this bus. That's the town dire. There's a bus driver that got killed over here. Good. Did you see that?

Did you see that? No, no. He got in a fight with a passenger, and I think the passenger shot him in the head. Oh, my God. Damn it, dude. And then, like, last week, that helicopter crashed by my house. It's just been, like, I mean, it's... I just try not to look at the police.

It's 105 degrees every day. People are losing their minds. People act like they're in Westworld. People act like they themselves don't exist. Like, the minute they get killed by the cops, they'll just, like, wake up as a new robot. There's, like, literally nobody out on the road today. I'm like, I think everyone just quit their job. They're like, it's too hot.

I think people gave up on them. I don't care. I'm not going to get. Fuck it. Who cares? Who gives a fucking shit? Yeah, I keep up to date on this precious city, Devin.

My city. My fucking city. Yeah, damn. A bus driver over here was killed? Culver City. Yeah, father two, fatally shot by an intoxicated passenger on October 1st. Following the dispute over a missed stop.

Jesus. So the guy's like, I don't want to walk three minutes. I'll blow this guy's head off. Yeah, a guy had two kids. 42, Bruce Rodriguez. and his wife Sandy, three-year-old son. God. Yeah.

Now it's sad. Horrible. The guy claimed he missed his stop and he had just finished his shift and then the guy just stood up and he killed him. Very good. We're on the highway. We're on the highway to hell. What's the most brutal thing you've ever seen in LA? Look at that guy.

These are the lifeblood of L.A. These, like, Mexican dads and stuff. They're, like, they're fucking the best people. I know. Two little kids. That actually does suck. Full-time job makes the city run. Yeah.

That's a guy I get randomly paired with for 18 holes and he's like, kind of okay. It was a 55-year-old Jose Zias that did it. What do we got a, what's that? What is Zias? Zias? What is Jose? What is that mean? We know Jose, but Zias?

Z-A-Y-A-S. Z-A-S-Y-E-S? science I'm going to say that's Colombian I don't know I have the worst thing I've ever seen is like a bar fight out front of it like it wasn't like cause of crime or it was just two drunk guys

right like two gangs of people that had a stupid bar but you see like some guys like I get gouged out or some shit like that was like the head kicks after he's out like in the middle of the road like world star level right where they're like they are killing a guy Killer man. Yeah, and they go, woo!

Yeah, it was that. Yeah. That's, like, I haven't really seen, like, you know, like homeless guys, like, raping a dog or anything. I was going to say my worst was when they cleared out Echo Park Lake during COVID. Because all the homeless guys, the beautiful homeless guys, started moving in. Yeah, yeah, of course. All the all comics were like, it's good that the lake is now full of rape and heroin. A bunch of comics driving 30 miles away out to Echoes.

Park to stop it from getting better people live here. If they remove rape from this lake, I'll, I'll, fuck our setting. My son plays Russian roulette with the fentanyl addicts at Echo Park Lake. And it's fine. Yeah. Anyway, I was driving to that appointment, and I didn't know they were, the police were raiding Echo Park. So it was like homeless people scattered.

Like, I saw two homeless guys, like, beating each other to death with pipes on a freeway off ramp. Like, I went down the off ramp going 50 and I had to like swerved and not hit two homeless guys sword. fighting with pipes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my parents, my, my mom and dad saw a guy get shot right up the street when I was

like a kid, like point blank sitting at a bus stop. Were you there? No. No. I wasn't born yet. It was like 80, 1988 or something like that. Jesus. Yeah.

We saw a bank robbery. I remember that. We drove past that bank robbery. Yeah. On Ventura. Yeah. There was guys in like heat mask and. and AK-47's running out of that

credit union or whatever. Yeah. That was actually probably the latest thing that I remember saying. That was a good one. Yeah. That was a good one. Yeah. We all hit the DAC because we were like right next to it.

Yeah. It's going to take me like a year to get my CCW? Your CCD. Oh, you concealed carry? Yeah. And I got to do 16 hours of classes. Where the classes on? You got to like go in person and like take a hole.

Like you have to sit in like one of those shitty ass fucking desks. that have the money signed, like, carved into the top of it and stuff with a bubble gun on the bottom. The super ass, yeah. And you got to buy the gun first and then, like, learn how to, like, you basically have to, like, it's like driving school, but for shooting a gun. Right. Basically. But for Fridaying a black teenager on the subway. The Bernard Gets degree.

He's your teacher. Welcome to shooting a black teen 101. I'll be a teacher or not gets. I'll sign autographs and take pictures after the class. Everybody just please focus for now. Would they have a problem if I showed up in like a Daniel Penny hoodie? No. Not at all.

Daniel Penny had a hoodie or a bat? He had a backpack. No, no, I mean a hoodie with Daniel Penny's face. No. I make myself at like Kinkos or with Bichols or some. I've worked with those people working in like security. Like they would walk up to you and be like, hell fucking yes, brother. You think so?

They would not, they would be like hell fucking yes. That all went. That went away. Okay. What if I showed up in a Che Guevara like and I had a like a Peters Barre thingy and like they would curb stomp you onto a gun. They put your mouth around a nine millimeter and kick it through the back of your head. You could do early Che Guevara.

You could just be gay on a motorcycle. I feel like I've yet to discover communism. Ben has a shirt that says the motorcycle diaries on it. Yeah. They're like, I don't know what that is. Not sure yet. Not sure what to do about you yet. Could be Harleys, which is fine.

Looks like those fellas might be facts, though. I don't know yet. Tom will tell. Tom will tell, brother. Motorcycles, it kind of goes either way. It's an interesting thing. Yeah. Because you got easy rider.

They're hippies. Yeah, well, I think that's gay people stole biker culture, right? Well, but then you have the Hell's Angels who seem to do crime. But if you do the wrong kind of crime, they're like, oh, you're a pedophile? I think that's completely made up, by the way. What? The Hells Angels being like, if you're a pedophile, we'll find. I think that's completely made up by Hells Angels.

There's like Facebook AI slop where like a Hell's Angel motorcade will follow a veteran. They famously like raped everybody, the Hells Angels. And then they, yeah, some fucking boomer who like. Did they like threaten to kill Hunter of Thompson? Because he's like, hey, stop beating your wife. Yeah, stop beating your wife and raping your daughter. They're like, fucking bitch. and then yeah

now they're 80 and they're full of tumors and they're like we actually hated pedophaz oh what's an example of that we don't have any specifically I think it's a weird like boomer Gen X fantasy though that the Hells Angels will like raise a kid

you know like they find like an orphaned boy and protect him from like liminey snicket or something right yeah they're like this guy and I always see it on Facebook every time I'm a while I go out of marketplace is like this guy found a fatophile in prison and he bashed his fucking head in

and they're like, good! Hey! And then you look up like, what did that guy do? They're like, he raped a woman in Canada. Yeah.

Not to go all prime time on you guys and defend pedophiles or anything. Oh, we should get in, you know, before we end the episode here. We just all fall victim

to the idea of the other where violence becomes not violence, but justice. Right. Yeah. Of course, the Christian way. Exactly. The Christian way where we never forgive. Exactly. Benjamin. The hell's angels are good people. I'm sure. They're called the hell's angels.

And we're like, are they good though, right? The Roaning Stone, they stopped the Roaning stones from playing sympathy for the devil for 20 years because they stabbed that Negro to death at Altamont. They, that's why they did it. They heard they were going to play it. They killed that pimp at Altamont

to stop that devil-making. band from playing the devil's music. And if they shot a 14-year-old in a bikini at a bar, they would definitely not gang fuck her. Because they're the hell's angels, goddamn it. It would be so funny if the hells angels killed all three of us. Yeah. Like, people turn the Patreon on, and it's just a Hales Angels motorcycle riding into the

studio and, like, and, like, revving on all of our faces. You ever been at a biker bar when they take a, over? No. It's pretty interesting. Have you? Yeah, there was a place I could just close called the Escondit in downtown LA. Okay. Like pretty close to Skid Row. Pretty cool bar, like a Chicago bar. Would John go there on his bike? I think he tried a few times. I'm not sure. Did they give him a swirley? They made him eat a bunch of boop and bee. He goes, I love eating fucking shit to piss, dude. I'm eating shit out of the toilet, dude. I fucking lobbied.

It's fucking lobeckery culture, dude. It's actually really cool. Dude, it's like, actually, if bikers respect you, they make you in a bunch of shit and piss. I just joined the Sharts, dude. We ride across the country, shitting our pants. Yeah, the shorts is kind of a,

it's a fudge-in, fudge-out initiation, man. That's our saying, dude, fudge-in, fudge out. Yeah, they make you a bunch of shit and piss, and then they like you. No, but... I was, I've been there with John and other people a few several times and like, it is like, it's like, a, it's like an army comes. Yeah. Like, 50 to a hundred of them all in succession, like, you know.

Yeah, yeah. And they pull in and like, like, cowboys. And they get off and they walk in and they get like a bucket of like Millers. And, uh, they seem not insane. But it is like, you know they have the fantasy. Like they want to just walk in and just like, it's like, you know, the dirty doesn't and like shoot up. the roof and just start raping the bar. It's like straw dogs.

Yeah, no, there's a whole other fancy if somebody walks up and they're like, hey, I got a fucking problem with your alternative lifestyle. That's cool. Yeah. And then they get to like beat their ass. I get it a little bit like I guess if they're not violent. Like I get the whole like you ride like in a pack

and they travel all over the country. Yeah, it's community. It's community. Yeah. I just, I just there's something about the I'm an American badass. way of existence that seems a little exhausting at a certain point. Yeah, for sure.

With everything I like is a fucking skull and a red bandana. I don't like anything that could be construed as gay ever. Yeah, for sure. I'd never wear a Lulu Lemon. When I go to bed, I'm wearing jeans. Those got, yeah, like, motorcycle, like, bikers and, like, punk rock guys, I'm like,

are you guys, like, ever allowed to, like, be caught napping? Or, like, do you have to, like, sleep on broken glass? to like prove that you're cool. Yeah, they're like, hey, Jaybone, I caught him with his boots off. Is a biker ever allowed to just like twirl his feet and like sand? Yeah, we caught Jaybone taking a boot off and then massaging his feet. Fagin. We're going to kill him tonight.

We're going to kill him tonight because we mistake aesthetics for personality. But God bless. I'm sure it's a great life. I just used to go to La Cava Vita. in Eagle Rock and that used to be Little Cave in Spanish They call it I would walk up and I go

Ah little cave The Little Cave Yeah you were in your Ron Burgundy Red Velvet Zoo I go my favorite jaunt To the Little Cave In the Rock of Eagle Come

It's Highland Park Yeah To the Park of Highland Have a skyduster You Weary Traveler You Weary Traveler at high Take a seat At the park of the Highland

at the park of the highland. But they told me they were like... They told me like the Sun's Anarchy was based on a gang that used to hang out there. And they pointed out, they're like, it was like a sunlight night. They point out like, you see that staying like that's old like blood in the wood. They might have been lying to me. I don't know. But, yeah.

I was like very cool. Very cool. I mean, Sons of Anarchy is a complete base of shit. Have you guys ever actually watched? No. I've literally watched one scene and it's when Henry Roll. and shows up with N-word tattooed on his chest. I thought maybe it was like actual

like a good prestige teeth. I remember trying it once and I'm like, this is... It's bad. Like night is horrible. I think someone had me watched the final episode I thought it was good. Maybe it got better. I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe I watched the wrong one or something. The scene where the main character kills himself is very funny comedically. That's all I know. Yeah. You've seen that right. I think.

Or maybe that's like part of what I'm talking about. I've just seen snippets, I think. Yeah. It looked terrible. Ron Perlman's also It's kind of funny to be like big Like bike or badass And then he's just

He's a big like Democrat He's like a Mark Rufflow Yeah Yeah right He's on podcast being like I don't understand White people don't respect women Yeah he just like talks about

How much he watches CNN and shit Yeah He like sucks Don Lemon's Cock He's like Trump is like A bad And people need to respect Women

When I was doing search for fire I performed This is how he speaks on podcast There's nothing worse that boomer political junkie. Yeah. The actor that's, I'm a bit of a political junkie. I'm a political junkie.

I kind of got my head about me. Yeah. When I was working on Quest for Fire, I was around a bunch of naked women and I never tried to fuck any of them. The type of guy that's probably still talking about Russia. The Russia Gate. Yeah, he brainwashed idiot.

It's like, come on. Isn't there more stuff here? Yeah, they're like, he's like, you know, Bill Maher is actually one of my favorite comedians. But I think you're right J is about that sci-up thing. I think they're going to make it. The Cornell 7 show? I think it's sire out.

I think the Republicans are going to use it to be like, come on, look at how annoying they all are about rape. Join our side, but we don't even convict pedophiles. Exactly. They're like, we love them all. We love them all. We'll never do anything to anybody that rapes. Black, white, yellow, yellow, old. Who cares?

Vote vance. I don't know. I just legitimately think I'm like primaries like three weeks from now. Everybody's acting like it's 2017 all over again. I'm like, there's probably four reasons. It's a two-year-old case that the news just started talking about randomly. I am not kidding. The day, whatever, the day that the Cornell thing, like, hit, like, my algorithm.

Everywhere, yes. I was like, I actually had, like, a deja vu. I was like, wait, is it 27? Like, everybody, yeah, everybody's posting about it. And I'm just, I just imagine eight bug guys in suits just being like, excellent. Excellent. They're taking the base as usual. Excellent.

We got rid of rap music. We got rid of rap music. We defunded. USA and rap music's over. And it's not even a pro-Republican thing. I think it's literally like if the Democrat sweep, we can't have Trump run again and distract everybody while we do the Rape America

tour. I think that's literally, yeah. But I don't know. I'm the boy who cried sci-op. So who knows. What do you think, man? Thoughts. Please. I think it's a little fucking fucking... You know, the left, the right.

The left, the right. Jesus Christ. What about the body? The body politic, huh? Here I am stuck in the middle with you, Bob. Joke yourself to the left of me, clowns to the right, am I right? Good Lord. Michael Knowles to the left of me, Jeff died to my right. Here I am, performing at TPUSA.

In Reno, Nevada at 5.30 in the afternoon. Have you seen more of that? Because I'm politically homeless. That's why I'm at the turning point. That's why I'm performing for a turning point. Politically homeless. With Ben Shapiro and Erica Kurt. I'm politically homeless.

I'm performing for a bunch of elephants and suits. Yeah. I took over. I'm performing for a political cartoon. I took over for Chris Delea. I'm a pedophile bench player. Right. Right.

Put me in, coach. Put me in. I'm the sixth man. The saddest thing is I think Jeff was almost jealous of the attention Chris was getting for taking the gig and thought he would then get people talking about him. Right. He's just so irrelevant. You know, it's funny, he probably also texted when he got the offer. He probably texted Chris.

He's like, hey, they're offering me 60 bucks. How much did they offer you? And then the text didn't go through and it was green. Fucking detox. 60. They're offering me 60 bucks and I have to pay for airfare and hotel. How much do they offer you? Message, not said.

Red exclamation point. Message, not said. Oh, man. Patreon.com. That's $60.5. By the way, scuffed realtor tour, I'll be... Oh, this week, right. Yeah, Wednesday and San Diego, and I'll be on the shows.

I think there's two shows in L.A. on Thursday. Yeah, I'll be hanging out at the San Diego shows, so... Me and then, I play a little golf before, and who knows? Yeah, I should come out early. Does Rushford play? Or no. No, I think he wanted to take me and Devin to Top golf that one time, but I don't know what you really pleased. I try to think what else.

Oh, come to the comedy store October 16th. Were we supposed to announce anything else? I feel like we had something to announce. Oh, ads. I can do ads before we go to next. We have to announce ads. We have to announce. We have a big announcement.

We have to announce the thing we do that's the exact same. And fuck Mom Donnie. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck him. What did he do? Like a Nigerian or something. Yeah, he's Nigerian.

Fuck him. Mom Donnie. What kind of name is that? I hear people. I hear the morale's critic. high in New York. Fuck that cock suck. Fuck that cock sucking, piece of shit. You fill my pothole, cocks sucker? There's more other

races in New York than Jews. There's more Muslims, blacks. And then they go, oh, it's a Jewish city. Now it's not. That's why they're scared. Who's scared? That's why they need Israel, the Jews. Well, they go every city's a Jewish city. That's why they need to kill all the people that made it to New York. All the

relatives, it's time for them to die. All the relatives that didn't make it? It's over. It's dumbso. Why are these people quoting the Talmud? Can no one read? Does no one know what anything is anymore? And then there's so much infighting with the left because everybody just needs to be like important.

It's so insane. I hate the infighting with the left. I mean, you got, you know, the Republican party. There's nothing constructive happening on the square. My left foot, I call it. Yeah, my fucking. I'm the guy at a party and I'm going, I mean, the thing is the Republican Party, they're all on the same side.

Us on the left is like we're all tearing each other to bits. Jace. I didn't. I push him in that as far as I can. Shut the fuck up! Jase, I didn't leave the left. The left changed. I stayed the same.

I'm going to go interview Suffer Rands Tiddies. Excuse me. Now, excuse me, I have an interview with Netanyahu. Who's a good guy? He was nice to me in this televised interview we did.

Yeah, we're going to talk beef dips. I think people think the Talmud is like it's like, it's like it's like post. the Old Testament. It's like the rabbis saying that they're smarter than God and like, Jesus is burning in diarrhea and stuff. Which is like, take that out.

It does say that, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Christ is burning in a big lake of poop and pee. Yeah, that's the most written in 1975 thing I've ever heard. It's also like, who wrote this a 12-year-old? At the lunch table. I mean, the Israelis are obsessed with shit. You know that, right? Yeah, I know.

I was watching an interview with John Carriaco and they said every person who's ever worked for Israel, like the first day they show up During the night, they go in and they shit And they're like every toilet in their house To be like, we can do whatever we want And we're also perverts who are obsessed with shit. What an evil fucking fucking I'm in Israeli.

I've been nationality. Nationality. We have to cut that. No, no, it's fine. It stays. I'm not on YouTube anyway. I said the wrong word. He meant Israelis.

I'm in Israelis. Yeah. Whoops. Yeah, doesn't like every time Netanyahu visits the White House, he lights, like, his shit, like, in a bag on front. Forces, like, Trump to step on it, flips him off. Flips him off. And Trump's like,

thank you. He's doing it on purpose. Yeah. Thank you. Because there's a sniper on his head. Yeah. Anyway. But, yeah. Go read the Talmud. Talmud shit. Talmud shit. Yeah, he's not talking about the town moods.

Don't talk about these primaries. Exactly. Mammani was quoting the Tomoo. What did he, what's going on with Mahdani? What are he talking about? He gave Zionists like Israelis. He gave him like millions and millions of dollars and then he started quoting the Talmud on Twitter and people were like, what?

Maybe there. The Talmud is Jewish supremacy like garbage where the Jews talking about how they're the master race and everybody else. Right. Like not going to heaven and. Quoting that bullshit. What did he, he quoted the Talmud and Jews are upset with him? No, no, no.

People who thought that Mamdani was going to, like his mom dani was like, because Mon Dhani's like, I'm going to arrest Benjamin Netanyahu if he comes to Manhattan. Oh, right, right, right. And now all of a sudden he's like a Shabbas goye. Maybe the Jews. Being like, the Talmud is beautiful. And we need to stop anti-Semitism, which is very important in like all this. He said that.

Basically. Well, he has to. You kind of play, do that a little bit. So he doesn't get killed. The Jews are pissed at him. He fixed all the potholes and that was their secret passage was. Right. They're all trying to get back home.

He fucking covered up there. That was their Mario pipes. Yeah, yeah. They jumped down. Covered up their ant hills. He's an exterminator to them. Oh, my God. We'll die if we don't get on the ground.

Mom Donnie. Mom Donnie's filling out of the bottles. And you can just hear, you can hear. You can hear. Excuse me. We're trapped down here in hell where we live. Well, why would they, does anybody know why they would take bodies down there, dead bodies to leave them on the mattresses? Why do you think?

Were there dead bodies down there? Well, so you know they don't have autopsies. So if someone died, they would do weird, secret religious things to them on the mattresses down there. They would fuck them. It's just they would fuck them. Do you think it's a... Yeah. I think they would just fuck them.

Hmm. Can I live out a little bit here? Sure. That AI hacker who found out that RFK was asking his LLM a ton of questions about like diseases you get from eating people. Yeah. Do you think that's real? 100%. Yeah, me too.

Yeah. He's the most, he's one of the most retarded people I've ever seen. I'm letting myself have that way. Yeah, yeah. He's the only guy I've seen who had a political career like that scene of sideshow Bob walking into rakes over and over again. He 100% is like Googling like does eating. What if I ate just a couple of fingers? of a young

Ecuadorian bar but it was at a big party I don't know what do you guys what is this it was found out supposedly from his

chat history with his somebody hacked his chat history that he had asked an insane amount of questions about diseases you can get

from being a cannibal oh yeah and who is this who asked this which if you're writing a novel maybe it's just research yeah

yeah interesting yeah but we don't we've already lived out so much. I think he fucks dead animals. 100%.

Yeah. I can say that confirmed with sources right now. I think he's sexually into like dead animals and stuff. 100%. That story of him that he told Roseanne while she was getting lobotomized of like getting a bear and putting in his car, he was going to fuck it. He was going to fuck that bear. 100%.

Yeah, I think he was. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was going to have sex with a bear. Yeah. It's confirmed from two sources. me and myself.

I've just confirmed. I've just confirmed it. Source, I made it up. Yeah, I have secret sources that are my left brand and my right brand. They both told me it's true. My chine. My chink. Don't you like my chine, mine.

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My first chain I had to rob for it Jesus peace yellow diamond sitting all in it I'm on some slick brick shit 2006 Mr T Diamond's so bright Ain't a way you can Cedar G. Look, I don't dance, I just lean with it. My piece is sick, Gary Robert trying to leave with it.

I got that New York fitted on. Full suit, Dickie on. Gucci link chain, blue stones in a nigga charm. Now watch me do it. Do it with no hands. Traps when he craned on that bezel and that band. Because I'm the man. I'm the man.

Got no wife, but my chain got my girlfriend. Don't you like my chine mind? Young Gucci mine. And my Jacob is so fruited Call me Gucci mine, no you call me Gucci Gucci My chain, my chain, don't you like my chine mind Y'all I'm guiche in mine And I'm popping off the chain

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