Les Pires Moments de l'Histoire - La Préhistoire - Partie 2

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

Dans cette deuxième période de la préhistoire (qui n’est pas tout à fait la préhistoire), Charles retrace l’avènement des premières civilisations grandioses… Qui vont disparaître tellement vite que c’en est presque comique. Tout ça pour le bronze. Un métal qui ne sert aujourd’hui essentiellement que pour les ressorts, des roulements à billes et quelques butoirs de porte. Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Hi, I'm Goh Meunier, one of the best journalists and greatest authors in Quebec. Hugo, the text! Oh, yes. I'm also the editor-in-chief of Urbania, a independent Quebec media that helps you to have a different world. Our mission? Bring you elsewhere. Subscribe to Micro Mag on urbania.ca.

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Don't wait to access your well-being thanks to motivating and inspiring titles. Visit audible.ca to take advantage of a 30-day free trial. Welcome to the Urbania Walk. So, hello, surprise, surprise box lunch at the end of a spring, everyone. Welcome to the worst moment in history. This historic walk where I tell you about the worst of the worst of a past...

...excessively far away in this case. Because it's now time for the second episode of this special edition trilogy on... ...the prehistory. So, as you know, we had in the first episode dedicated to the Stone Age, how the first humans just descended from the sage were extirpated from the misery of his red embers. A time when we were constantly in survival mode in a world populated with prehistoric and horrible monsters against which the only defense is in the form of rocks. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaáááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááááá civilization. Applause for this pseudo-agile phrase. So, let's see how the first peoples of the world organized themselves around a

new precious material that will change everything, bronze, which generously gives its name to the time that will generate the Bronze Age, a pivotal moment in our evolution when it happened. Even if today, bronze has been relegated to the rank of bronze, moment charnière de notre évolution quand ça s'est passé, même si aujourd'hui le bronze a été relégué au rang de meilleur alliage pour être modérément satisfait

sur un podium. Fait que l'âge du bronze, qu'est-ce que c'est que ce carnaval? L'âge du bronze, c'est une période d'effervescence inégalée, constituée principalement entre 3300 à 1200 avant Jésus-Christ, qui va donner naissance à toutes sortes d'inventions, prix, staux, from 3300 to 1200 BC, which will give rise to all kinds of incredible, 100% priestly inventions for acquisitions today, like wheel, writing and mathematics. Discoveries that will quickly generate civilizations challenging imagination, which you have probably never heard of

because they all disappeared forever without leaving a trace. So for those who wondered if we were still in the worst moments of history, yes yes absolutely, it's going to be a total carnage. Oh yes surprise, it's a murder and mystery this episode. All the empires of the Bronze Age will suddenly collapse like castle of cards and we do not know why. Mystery and bunch of clops. I recently stopped smoking, I am currently in this pathetic period where I'm

smoking a lighter, but it's already too much information. Anyway, what episode is it going to be? So, like our ancestors, sit down comfortably in your bronze chair, sipping with a straw of bronze, a drink in bronze, and finally just a big container in bronze, even bronze,

that you can't even drink and you can't even leave the credits! Prehistoric context First of all, some more psychorigid listeners noticed that for a prehistoric trilogy, made at the age of bronze, we're like they'd say, really in prehistory, and the second episode hasn't even started yet. What is this thing? What honest citizen is it to cross here? What we define as prehistory is this period of humanity from which there is actually no history because writing was not invented. But given that writing is a discovery that we will deal with quite early in the episode,

we could assume that we are officially in the history, the one with this famous great axe that everyone is talking about. Yes, but not quite. Because, you see, even if writing is invented, it does not necessarily mean that people use it to take note of the great events of their time. In addition, writing has not developed everywhere at the same time. Several peoples of the world will experience prehistoric existences, while other more advanced peoples have the technology to empty their hearts. Dear newspaper, I'm just making up the writing. No one can read you. I feel so lonely.

So a more precise term to designate the period we're going to talk about would be the Proto-History. A period that remains more vague than all these words, you said, Leave Magic High to see 3D images and forget that, I've never been able to see the slightest additional dimension in this business. And then everyone tries to convince you that it's super easy once you hit the twist. It's simple, just try to look at the bottom of the image and what does that mean? It's an image! It's in two dimensions! I speak by definition, it has no background! In short, it's pretty blurry because what's happening at the moment is mostly administrative records from which the only thing we can do is guess the story.

So we're quickly allowed to ask ourselves, where the hell does the story begin? And of course, that's the end of a in the 7th century BC in Hellenic Greece. Don't make me laugh! Everyone knows that the written history begins with the Potamian houses around 3400 BC, and maybe even a little earlier among the ancient Egyptians. But no, these are only records, not historical analyses! Yes, but the knowledge of these records would allow us to do rather historical analyses! Yes, but the knowledge of these records would allow us to do rather historical analyses!

Oh yeah, come tell me without a phase! I'm bored! Gentlemen, I couldn't help listening to your argument, I say, while emptying a bottle. It is of great importance that I inform you that history begins at the moment of written history,

but that the first historical analyses devour the Greeks of the time of the Old Testament. Let's beat him up! Let's know that there was a reason why I got up today. So basically, I can do whatever I want. Proto-historical context, all that for that? So the Bronze Age, it starts one of these days in the surroundings of, like, 4000 BC, a period at the end of the Stone Age, where everything goes roundly for humanity.

Humans gather in more and more permanent villages, agriculture is well implemented, farming too, we started to domesticate the horse, but we didn't have the idea of ​​going up on it yet, simply because we prefer to eat it. Look, Marcus, all these magnificent horses running at speeds we can only dream of. Look at them, pulling big things with the strength of little men. Do you have any idea how delicious it will make them? Of course, all the tools for agriculture are still made of stone, and require a step where we go out into nature as a family to select the best proverbial rocks available. Do you prefer this rock or this rock?

They really look the same. This rock or this rock there? Uh... Can I see the first one? This rock here or this rock there? Uh... I think if there was a word to describe this situation, it would be... Rock, rock, the situation is rock-y. I'm going back to the first one. The situation is that I could only describe as... nice. It's true that it's pretty.

A stone of a beautiful oeniric beauty, reminding us of the wonders and mysteries of life that, in our time, is more ephemeral than ever. A breath of dream through which we can share a unique moment that will unite us beyond death. Indeed. And it's a M me!

A me! A me! A me! A me! A me! A me! It's copper, a rather soft metal that we will soon discover the inuit capacity to change shape very easily when we do this on it. A me! A me! A me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! So, let's create a fertility goddess type plus. By farting on it, the pee took the shape of a part of my friend's face. Fascinating! But for now, let's go home. I'm afraid I also discovered murder, and I think that unfortunately I liked that.

Eventually, we will also realize that if we place it in a cooking oven, it can reach such a high temperature that it becomes liquid. And then, I don't really know why someone was doing that. Remarkable! Now we just have to find out if it's a good idea to pour it in the ass. For science! OUCH! Indeed, melting copper allows you to put it in molds and create a panoply of objects like necklaces and bracelets that will be worn by the very first 1%. Interesting details!

Metal is rarely in theoutadis at the Stone Age. It's one of the most difficult things to get. You either have to be super lucky and find it, or inherited it from someone who was super lucky to find it. It will therefore have the effect of hierarchizing society, because whoever had something that was at that point a rarity had to be necessarily more important than the others. Finally, I have a fragile que c'était moins pire de juste se remettre à utiliser des roches à la place.

Et l'âge du cuivre ne sera finalement qu'une sorte de pétard calu... pas... parce qu'il est mouillé possiblement parce que quelqu'un a mis trop de salive dessus pour égaliser la combustion parce que ça brûlait tout croche puis on en perdait plein. Oui c'est ça, ici le pétard c'est un joint, irrévérencieux non? Puis là un jour un homme préhistorique va, le fouiller moi comment, réaliser Here, the petard is a joint. Irreverent, right? And then one day, a prehistoric man will... I don't know how to find it, realize that if we add melted tin to melted copper, we get bronze. Remarkable! This copper-tin alloy is much more resistant! Am I really getting there? Quick! In my panties!

Am I really there? Quick! In my panties! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O And hop! Uranium in my asses! Hey, it doesn't burn! But I really have big bumps now. Dark details... The dye is so rare that we will quickly try to make bronze with anything else. Which gives rise to nickel, zinc, lead bronze, and of course the famous arsenic bronze, which was such

a bad idea that we could imagine. Because of course arsenic is full of mega toxic compounds with which the first forgerons will poison themselves as never before by heating all this at high temperatures, which creates, as they say in bonkhebs, fumes. Besides, one of the frequent symptoms ofenic, ou autre la mort, c'est de constantes faiblesses au niveau des articulations, et on pense que c'est en hommage à ça que le dieu forgeron Hephaïstos chez les Grecs antiques, et souvent représenté comme le dieu qui boite. Oh, Hephaïstos! Guide une fois de plus mon marteau de ton savoir-faire divin! Ah! My joints!

Ah! Of course, it's super hot in here! Why is it so hot? Certain things. Bronze, man, it's the truth. It's used to create more and more efficient tools that make agriculture easier. It creates food supplies, you can feed more people, population boom. We create bronze axes that allow us to fly to the forest and sacred that to the earth in the meantime. It allows more space for farming, which creates even more food surplus, population boom.

The fact that we need copper and tin to make bronze, two metals that we find of course never in the same place, favor trade as ever. Communities are organizing more and more prosperous in provinces, where the economy and life are surrounded by metallurgy, a population boom. At some point, there will be so many population booms that the first cities will appear,

which have this particularity of counting more people than we need to work the land, which already produces enough surplus to feed everyone. It is therefore in this atmosphere of effervescence where everything is possible that one of the very first human civilizations will develop, the Sumerians. The people of Sumer is the one who will start to develop at the end of the 4th millennium BC in this region of the Middle East that is now called Mesopotamia, the famous cradle of civilization. Well, I hope you're happy we've awakened civilization.

Mesopotamia is a place located roughly in the region of Syria and current Iraq, between two important rivers called Euphrates and Tigris, which will indeed be a real REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E It will allow certain people to relax for a minute and imagine things that we would never have had the time to imagine in a world where you have to work hard to make more harvest, to have more energy, to work more, to make more harvest, to have more energy. And now we are at a cocaine to help in a ton of vulgar stuff. Interesting details! vulgar machin. Détails intéressants. C'est effectivement au-dessus mais rien qu'on doit bon nombre d'inventions vitales au monde d'aujourd'hui. On les crédite entre autres pour le développement de l'irrigation, qui est l'action de détourner un cours d'eau pour l'envoyer direct dans tes champs et ne plus être dépendant de la pluie. Pluie qui a cette fâcheuse tendance à faire exactement le contraire de ce qu'on veut,

alias tomber directement sur des jeunes mariés, mais quand vient le temps d'annuler les Olympiades It's exactly the opposite of what we want. I mean, I'd fall straight on married couples, but when the time comes to cancel the Olympics at my secondary school, where I'd spend the day f**king around on of all the dandies we had, in order to maintain these famous food supplies, even necessary for the development of more mats. Yuppie. Disappointing details for cartoon fans. It was the Sumerians who developed the wheel from tree trunks cut in the direction of width. I therefore have the misfortune to announce that nothing is due to a caveman

who sculpted a mega big rock wheel that will eventually be used by Fred Cailloux to go to the cinema. Otherwise, in Rafale, Sumerians invented geometry, several tools like the saw, the cart, the pottery, the sandals, with the little extra gravel inside, but more importantly, the beer. And did you have any idea how much humanity needed this water? Phew, it was a big day for my friends. I'm so thirsty. Here, have some water.

So there's nothing else to drink? Yes, yes, I need to be hydrated, but what I really need is something that will slow down my reflexes, my sleep, make me very happy first, then very angry, give me a beating, an irresistible desire to fight, something that makes me say things that I think in my inner, but that should never be said aloud. Falling into a spiral, losing my friends, dying from a cirrhosis in solitude, is that too much to ask? Add to that a couple of architectural pass-by tours, and quickly, the Mesopotamia is covered with city-states, palaces and fabulous temples like Akis, Uruk, Uur, Lagash, and as many orc names as the Lord and the temple, like in Quiche, Uruk, Ur, Lagash, and many other names of

Orcs of the Lord of the Rings. Totalitarian cities, led by a handful of bronze, by a caste of priests venerating a whole band of godless gods called the Anunnaki, like among others... Anne, the god of the skies. Enlil, the god of wind and thunder. Enki, the god of water and human culture. Medat, buy my bandages! Ninur Shag, goddess of fertility and war. Nenur Shag, the goddess of fertility and war. Now war!

Uthu, the god of the sun and justice. The justice of the sun burns me! Nana, the god of the moon. I must say I'm a big deal, after all. And so am I, Marduk, who will be added later by the Babylonians. What exactly are you the god of, Marduk? I'd rather not talk about it. Shit? You're the god of shit, right?

It was at the Bronze Age create some of the first architectural structures with spiritual ends, like on the Stonehenge website, where we'll create megaliths, which is mostly a stupid way of saying big rocks arranged in such a bank way that it's impressive. Interesting details! The truth is that we don't really know what Stonehenge is for. According to experts, it's a place of worship, political meeting points, funerals, solar calendars and, why not, a portal that allows you to travel in time

to make love to beautiful Scots in the back of your husband, but in fact it doesn't really count as cheating because it was another time. Outlander! We're in season 8 and the lady who writes this isn't even finished the books. It is also at the age of bronze that we will create these famous menirs, which are themselves these kinds of big vertical rocks that Obelix measures in the form of giant bootplugs. And before the parents who listen to us are forced to explain to their youngest what a bootplug is, let me shake these keys of char in this direction, answering the simple eternal question,

what is a menir for? Well, we thought that the souls of the dead would gather even in the menir, which became a kind of motel for the dead people before they decide to reincarnate for another life to get bored at the age of bronze. For nothing. So, all the gas at the Sumerians,

their cities and states are mega prosperous, they exchange knowledge and technology, they develop the first long-distance trade routes to do business as never before, mainly the one of the Etin, necessary to make bronze that is not just the knees. By the way, speaking of this famous Etin, one of the only places where this was procured at the time was on the Iranian plateau, which is also the cradle of another civilization, the civilization of the Elam, or Elamites, who lived in the city of Suze, in the shadow of the Zagros mountains. I apologize if all this seems to be not invented for another of these horrible novels of Dungeons and Dragons written by one of these authors who are almost able to write well.

Obviously, this easy access to all the tints of the world for the Elamites won't do the job of Sumerians. So... Hey! Elamites! Give us all your time, otherwise... Otherwise... I don't know. All we have is lot of bronze tools like axes and javelins. I guess we could throw you by the head. Bronze is... disuasive when you use it like that. Guys, I think we have something. Dark details. Oh guys, I think we have something! Dark size!

For some experts, this will be the first war in history. Or at least the first war about which we have information in the form of engravings. A bit of a rough conflict that will be led by the very first armies of history, mainly composed of fantasy with shields, spears, spears and axes, but also a military invention that will be the signature of the Bronze Age, the War Chars! Hello, this is Vin Diesel, and the Chars today, like at the Bronze Age, there's only one truth.

That is, the family. Isn't that right, Paul? In fact, even if they define the great armed conflicts of the Bronze Age, the first tanks of combat are at this point especially some kind of big heavy tank with four wheels with at their side. A driver who does what he can because it moves like a ass, a guy who throws small javelins like he can because it moves like a ass, the whole pulled by two... Listen, I would really like to tell you, horses, but... Interesting details!

I remind you that we are at a time when horses were domesticated mainly to end up in ragout. Nobody really had the idea of going up on this business. In addition, it will take a couple of centuries before we reproduce themced to be strong enough for our big asses. So at the age of bronze, war chariots are mostly drawn by terrifying hares from Asia. YAAA! YAAA! YAAA! I know it hurts! YAAA! Wait, I'm trying to throw him a javelin! No!

WHAAAAAAAAAT! Other interesting detail. I'm gonna throw them a javelin! No! Waaaaaah! Other interesting details. You may have noticed that so far, among the arsenal of the Bronze Age, I haven't talked about swords. There's a reason for that. The Bronze being a relatively fragile alloy, a shape as long and thin as that of a sword, would have, as they say, broken into nothing. There were swords, but it was mostly weapons of apparatus reserved for military chiefs as a sign of power.

That is to say, the power to just point this thing in super vague directions while praying to never need to kick someone with that. Here, take that! It's the myth of shit! No! Same thing for bronze armor, there will be some, but it again, especially for the fashion parade.

Let's go for Sumer! And I can't move anymore. So the Sumerians distribute some taloshantis to the Elamites and pick all the tins. After which, proud of their blow and proud of the most objective of the superiority complexes, they will decide to unite by force all the cities and states of Mesopotamia into a kingdom with one hereditary sovereign, an institutionalized army, and now it's them who make the law, possibly around 2425 BC.

The first king of the country is therefore the venerable Lugal Zagazi and his name is Riff of Cabanassucre. Swing your company, Lugal Zagazigazonzon! In fact, I have 100% mentioned his name for thisiff of sugar cane. Take care of your company, you, Galzagazi Gazonzons! In fact, I have 100% mentioned his name for this gag of Rigodon, because it will not take long for Sumerians to be conquered by the Akkadians. Those who come from Akkad, not those who rapped in

Chiak on the fact that they are obviously not as many people as planned in the jacuzzi. In short, the Akkadians are led by their conquering sovereign, Sargon of Akkad, who will establish the very first empire made up of a mosaic of different peoples extending from the Persian Gulf to the Mediterranean. A gigantic territory on which Sargon of Akkad would have kept its hand

probably thanks to the first permanent army organized in history. What does that mean? Interesting details. Indeed, at the age of bronze, you can't just go to war anytime. Simply because everyone is a little bit a nurse, and if you're going to war during the seasons where you have to take care of the land, there's nothing you can do. And all that's left to eat are war tanks, which could have been the origin of the expression, eat a tank. the expression eat a goat. All this to say that Sargon d'Acad, he had so many people under his banner that he could dispatch goons all year long and still have enough farmland in Acadia to harvest the

ingredients necessary to make... ...poussin râpé, ploys, chard, fried roe, chicken frico and a pack of other things that I will understand what it is when the server of a restaurant in Moncton will arrive with. And at this point, for those who would think that everything will be simple at the age of bronze, I have the misfortune to announce that the human with as he would say, took taste in the beezbee. A bit as if it came naturally with civilization, finally. I've already seen a fight erupt in a ice cream parlor, by the way. Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa AAAAAAAAHHHHH! By the way, are you familiar with the video game series Civilization? It's the kind of warcraft that's flat for the world that prefers bureaucracy.

Well, that's exactly what's going to happen. The biggest game of Civilization you've ever seen. We're talking about several hundred years, if it's not millennia, where the people of Mesopotamia will massacre each other without mercy. So... Hello! We are the Gutis! And we want to conquer the Akkadians and steal their culture!

Surprise! It's us, the Sumerians! We are back to civilize the Gutis! By Uthu, god of the sun and justice, if we remember. AAAAAAAH! The TAKEN THE SUN! Hola, we are the Amorites, a barbaric people.

The Sumerians would like to stop us by building a giant wall, but we will simply surround it, conquer all the cities of Mesopotamia with as much ease as if it were a... young South Korean player in command. Hop hop hop hop, it's our turn, Assyrians from the North, to land to establish our own empire on our side under King Shamshi Haddad. And you can be sure that we are going to...

Nothing at all. We, the Amorites, are going to be like a stress herpes and kick the asses of the Assyrians before settling down for good in the city of Babylon, approximately in the center of modern Iraq, before quickly making a military power as well as a cultural center. Ah! Congratulations to us! How good it is to be Babylonian now! You must build additional pylons. What is this alien doing here?

No, StarCraft, nobody sees that at the age of bronze. What is a pylon? To be honest, I don't know, but at the risk of having to repeat myself, you need more. Come on, Protoches, let's go. To Adoul. Interesting details. During this time on the island of Crete, in modern Greece, potentially around 1450 BC, the Minoan civilization had begun to establish itself as one of the first naval powers and founded cities all over the Aegean Sea.

Surprise details! Eventually the Minoans will be annihilated by a volcanic eruption and it is only at this moment that the ancestors of the Greeks, the Mycenaeans, arrive who will promptly do... Hey guys, look! We are the masters of the Mediterranean now! Phew! We almost had to force ourselves! Bang! There, the Micegniers control the trade of resources on the Mediterranean, such as wood, which is exactly one of the resources we need when we play civilization. And here we go again! The Micegniers

Back to the East, in Mesopotamia, the Aetians, the people that my self-correcting wants to call the Aecians, will merge with the Caneshites, the people with a name that makes people go crazy, and become the Hittites, the people with an ear disease name, who will end up making the law in the region by going all the way to Babylon's buttocks. And finally put an end to this endless part of civilization with their brand new Hittite Empire, which will eventually occupy the territory of Turkey today. It's not too early to open a window in the basement if you want my opinion. Ah! The light! Interesting details!

You will notice that we talk a lot about Mesopotamia, but obviously the Bronze Age is not a phenomenon that comes in simultaneous with its entire planet. Some civilizations will not know the Bronze Age and will remain in the Stone Age for a very long time. Others will skip the Bronze Age and go directly to the Iron Age. Others, like the Chinese, will develop their own Bronze Age from their bar without the help of anyone. And a population that surprisingly pulls its pin of the game during this period, it's of course our good old chums, the ancient Egyptians. Indeed, in parallel to all this mess of the Mesopotamian Bronze Age, the Egyptian pre-dynastic civilization developed.

They are very comfortable along the Nile's shores, which has this particularity of overflowing and flooding the land around every year at the same time. Which sounds like a sinister underground that costs a fortune, but in fact it's a great deal. Ah! What a beautiful day to walk on the Nile's shores! It's simple, it makes me so excited that sometimes I forget to look at the calendar to check if it's today that the water from a Nile will... Unbelievable! I miraculously survived and now the water from a Nile has brought a lot of nutrients to the Earth. And it's now one of the most fertile places in the world.

However, the look of this hippopotamus doesn't say anything. Who would have thought that it's actually the most dangerous animal in the world? As you would say, an inevitable friend who has fun with his evening and quiz every Wednesday in a bar where you wouldn't even go on Friday! In a bar where you wouldn't even eat on Friday! Aaaaaah! So it's a whole world that will take its plunge into the Egyptian region with its own writing system, the always sexy hieroglyphs, its own technology, full of weird gods with animal heads that could be considered the first furries, administrators, priests, scribes, but still no pharaohs.

Yeah, because for now we're still in pre-dynastic Egypt, so the country is divided in two, the Upper Egypt and the Lower Egypt. And don't ask me the difference between the two, all I know is that of course the Upper Egypt is down and the Lower Egypt is up. They could really give up. Two Egypts that will therefore be quickly unified by a so-called Narmer andair and slash ou Menes. The first pharaoh. Hey, the first pharaoh, do you have any idea how long it's been? There was not even a pyramid in Egypt yet.

I wish with all my heart to the mummy of King Menes to never wake up today. So if I understand correctly, you call this thing a cappuccino? A honeycomb for Meniscus the first phanpharon? In fact, it's Meniscus, but whatever, give me that. And now look at me leaving at a supernatural speed with the help of this thing you call... THE ROLLERBLADES! In short, Egypt is a super prosperous kingdom, among other things because they stole all the naked gold of the KUSH kingdom!

FOOD WHEN HE BLADES IT! They do trade, including bronze, with the Mesopotamian world, by the intermission of intermediate states, even located near the large fertile rivers of the Levant Valley. That is to say, all along the Mediterranean, north to the Empire of the Hittites. And that's mainly the problem, because there, you see, I don't know how to explain that, but the Kingdom of Egypt and that of the Hittites had become two symmetrical empires, which were joining each other along the Levant Valley, a bit like the two penis-like erections facing each other.

I'm sorry, that was the only way to explain it clearly. So two empires that will enter into an explosive conflict are exactly at the point of contact of the two clans in what we will call the Battle of Kadesh. Ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha collusion with the forces of our old friend Ram 16-2, the Superstar Pharaoh. They will face off in one of the greatest charred battles in history! And don't forget the Fanny! Indeed, at this stage of the Bronze Age, the Sumerian's horns had been greatly improved.

They were now super slick models with two more maneuverable wheels, pulled by two horses, but which are not really modern horses yet. It was now a super slick model with two more maneuverable wheels, driven by two horses, but which are not really modern horses yet. They are very small! Once again, we find two men on board, one driving, the other pitching arrows. And essentially, the war is to make an infinite 40 km per hour carousel to pass next to each other in a cart and perhaps catch someone in the front if we are lucky. So the battle of Kadesh is this, but at 6,000 tanks.

No. No. No. No. No. No. Ah shit, that's it, we're getting away. Anyway, see you next time, my host!

The Kadesh battle will will be a very exciting, ...null match. A well-invested afternoon for soccer fans. And finally, the Hittites and the Egyptians will just get along to be more secure in the future. What does it mean for the rest of the Bronze Age club? A relative and prosperous pair for all. The Mice and Nien do business everywhere in the Mediterranean.

On the island of Chipe, they make copper with the same productivity as the big rubber omelettes that don't really worth in sugar cabins. They make it come out of the light of the world, the bronze flows to the flow. Anyway, everyone takes advantage of everyone's expertise, we slak it sweet, all wet. Actually no. Dark sizes, stilleniable sizes. It's precisely at this moment that all the civilizations of the Bronze Age will simultaneously collapse. And we don't know why.

Woah woah woah woah woah, and if we calmed down on the credits, we don't know precisely why there was a collapse of the Bronze Age, but we have clues as to what happened. Come on, follow me. Detective Charles Beauchesne leads the investigation. In any case, I really hope I'm an anthropomorphic dog with a pipe in that show. Wawf! So the first clue we have is a letter from the king of the port city of Ugarit in the Ithitian Empire. A letter addressed to another king, that of the neighboring island of Cyprus. A letter that roughly said... Send us reinforcements as soon as they arrive!

What can we deduce that they were besieged by surprise? But by who? I can deduce that they were besieged by surprise. But by who? Ruff! All we know is that the reinforcements will arrive way too late and that the city will have already been reduced to ashes. Dark details, all in all, light, given the subject. We would have found in the ruins of the city a second letter from King Dugarit who wanted a sequel to the first, but that we did not have time to send because the city was besieged.

And let me tell you that it is one of the oldest and most passive-aggressive things you have ever read. Look, there is a letter in the hand of this skeleton! The city is pillaged. Know that. Okay, okay, jeez. The city is looted. Know that. Okay, okay, jeez. The thing is, the king of Cyprus was rather busy with his death. Because these cities were either burned before being abandoned, or abandoned before being burned.

What we know, however, is that Cyprus is the main exporter of copper of the time, and that unfortunately, the inhabitants all left the island by burying their wealth, probably thinking they were going to come back, but they never came back. Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrrrr! Grrrrrrr! During this time on the side of the Mycenaeans, it's the mess in Greece. The country is in a mess, the government is collapsing, the population is abandoning the cities... It's... once again to be taken with the current Greece. The heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, the heat hit, we're going to the shop. Dark details. Indeed, that's where the so-called people who came from the sea come.

Well, that sounds like mermaids, but it was actually a mass migration movement. These people came from the four corners of the Mediterranean. They traveled on boats with all their possessions, fleeing the ruin of their own territory. And the only option to survive was to steal the resources of the cities they fell on. Uh oh. What they're going to do throughout the Empire, and throughout the Mediterranean coast of the Middle East, was also called the Levant Valley.

And the reason why it's going to be a success is not because they were great warriors, but rather because a lot of these people are in survival mode. Hey, we're sorry, but we really need to use your city, otherwise we're going to die! but rather because... a lot of these people are in survival mode. Hey, we're sorry, but we really need to use your life, or we're gonna die! I'm dying... So after digging into everyone's little ass drawers in my epotami, the people of the sea finally fight the Egyptians,

who wait for them with firm feet with... War Cards! But unfortunately, the tanks are much less efficient than expected, because the people of the sea are so many more than the Egyptians who can simply run on tanks in a human tide and then crash them to the ground. A bit like when the Canadian from Montreal wins. Or loses, by the way. No! We're going to do another round!

But it's still a lot of people! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get out of here! Get out of here! Get out of here! Nope. We'll do another round. But it's still a lot of people. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get out of here! Get out of here! Get out of here! You're going to run us into it before we can do the round to maybe kill you! We're sorry!

It's purely a question of survival! I see... Details, Dark. The Tide Dark. I have to get out of a pedal boat even when I have no pressure. Whoa! What's important to note is that a lot of the things we know about the people who came from the sea come to us from a single hieroglyph where they are all represented at the exact moment when they were exterminated by the Egyptians. In addition, according to Egyptian testimonies, 100% of the fall of the peoples of the Bronze Age can be attributed to the people of the sea.

Don't change elsewhere, that's it. That's it. What are you doing to me? You're still looking for answers! But let's say we're still looking for answers. What is it that has pushed the people of the sea to invade civilizations in such an aggressive way? Well, one of the hypotheses would be that any natural disaster, possibly a drought, a famine, earthquakes or the three at the same time, would have pushed incredible quantities of people out of their homes.

These people will gather, go and steal the civilizations of the Bronze Age, which will have the effect of paralyzing trade between nations, which I remind you is vital in a world where no one has all the resources at home. It will create political instability, the large exchange centers will be abandoned, there is no way to run the economy, and in the case of Chypre-Tunnel, where we're pretty fucked if there's no export import, I hope you like the natural cracklings, the chums. So around 1100 BC, there's no food surplus,

we can no longer maintain cities, everything is a mess, the bureaucracy, but above all, the scribes, screw the camp, scribes who, I remind you, have the sole utility of wanting to be the only ones to know how to write, we lose the knowledge of writing and mathematics. We lose the secret of bronze. Anyway, we don't have the materials anymore, and no one is able to make it.

And if you don't have bronze at the age of bronze, or everything is in bronze, who are you? There are many specialized jobs, like potters, who depended on food supplies. But suddenly, we are in survival mode, with many craftsmen who hang the bath faces like at the art fair. We're leaving the cities because there's nothing left. Humanity is becoming tribes again, and in the space of a generation, everything that remains from the Bronze Age is ruins and old sphinx statues not born. In fact, no. The Egyptians will succeed in surviving from their side, but their great kingdom is never weakened. And you can be sure that when the Persian Empire

will eventually land, they will annex all this so quickly that the heads of the mummies are still spinning today. One last little ironic dark detail for the road. And the worst part of all this is that some people believe that the natural disaster, at the origin of all this mess, is a famine due to the fact that we had exhausted the nutrients

present in the earth to maintain it fertile because it was the first time we did agriculture and we had not yet understood that we had to be careful about that. Let's die anyway. One thing for sure, in this end of Bronze Age, the earth is now a desolate land covered with post-apocalyptic pebble tribes who are at war for what remains. And it is in this world of Mad Max that a whole new era will emerge, the Age of Iron.

But not everyone at the same time, nor in the same way. Oh my, you see, if someone wanted to make the credits roll, the time I thought about the way I'm going to get out of it to make the third exciting episode of this special trilogy and edition, that would be the right moment! My name is Charles Beauchesne, and the prehistoric nightmare continues in a next episode. The worst moments in history with Charles Beauchesne is an original idea by Charles Beauchesne. In the text and in the research, Charles Beauchesne and François de Grandpré. In the production, Barbara-Judith Caron.

In the editing, Lucie Fournaison. In the sound production, Vincent Cardinal. Executive producer, Raphaël Huysmans and Philippe Lamard. The worst moments in history with Charles Beauchesne is a production of Urbania. It was a walk in Urbania. Subscribe! What are your resolutions for 2025? Get in shape? Learn to better manage your stress? Success your first Risotto?

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