Les Pires Moments de l'Histoire - La Préhistoire - Partie 3

Episode Date: March 7, 2025

Conclusion cataclysmique de cette trilogie préhistorique. Charles tente ici de percer les mystères de l’âge du fer, cette dernière époque métallurgique qui brille par le fait qu’on en conna��t pratiquement rien. Votre narrateur sera-t-il capable de rassembler suffisamment de fonds de tiroirs historiques pour que ça en vaille la peine? La réponse est malheureusement OUI! Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Hi, I'm Goh Meunier, one of the best journalists and greatest authors in Quebec. Hugo, the text! Oh, yes. I'm also the editor-in-chief of Urbania, a independent Quebec media that helps you to have a different world. Our mission? Bring you elsewhere. Subscribe to Micro Mag on urbania.ca.

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grandmother who, as soon as we ask her how she's doing, she answers in an hour, every five seconds, and her body his body folds less and less. So we're already at the third and last episode of this epic trilogy special edition about prehistory. And also about proto-history. Uh, musically, what do we do with that? Uh, you know what? I'll give you a blank card on that one, guys. The last episode, the cherry on the cake, the culmination point,

built even the age gap perfectly calibrated from the two previous episodes. Magnum opus, or whatever we talked about, will be aligned in such a satisfying and existentialist conclusion that you will need to change your clothes and you will put a cigarette stained with lipstick Which is of course what I would have liked to tell you, but the truth is that we know how to say a little bit painted in a corner while writing this episode when we realized halfway that the last portion of prehistory that remains to be treated, the Iron Age, is... how to say...

A little flat. Good episode everybody! Hey listen, I could do some pudding, I'm so thirsty, there's nothing to be attached to the Iron Age. Nothing, nothing, nothing. You know what I'm telling you, what is the Iron Age? People discovered a new metal and it was nice because everybody could have metal. That, 800 years! That's all! See you next year, my friends!

So that's it. Speak generic and... Let's see what's going to happen... You just have something to say! Uh... I'd really like to be able to get into a pre-proto-historical context, whatever, but the problem is that, you see, there's none. Indeed, no one was stupid enough to get into the iron boss at the same time on the planet. For example, on the African continent, we would have developed iron independently without even going through a Bronze Age. No, straight pipe iron. In China, they will have their own Bronze Age and their own Iron Age, but from their side without ever getting in touch with anyone, as if it were happening in another dimension... Chinese, obviously. In Ireland, we will start the

Iron Age around 500 BC, a good 200 years after Italy had finished its reign and that we were already big time at the time of the Romans. So what is the Iron Age? And more importantly, where does it start and where does it end? How can I transform this information into a ballad? Especially for what is the end of the Iron Age, because indeed for some historians a little fokker, we would be technically still at the the age of iron today,

given the fact that steel was still very much used during the industrial revolution, the two world wars and even today. Lord, we are barely at page 2 and I am already so tired. So can we for once facilitate life? Are we just doing a kind of compilation of cool stories that happened during the Iron Age that I will choose to stop myself in the 5th century BC when Herodotus will officially start writing history with this famous big axe that arrives on the red carpet with smokey glasses and a dress with such a scandalous neckline that it becomes a real nightmare for the interviewers.

So... I... You... You have... You have... projects! Projects! I mean projects! Oh my god, I'm hot! So, no chronology or anything in the ideas, just nice anecdotes. We could even call it the iron age tales. Let me open my big book of tales, which certainly wasn't emptied in the middle to hide my weed. The iron age tales. The disgusting metal of the tides. I'm ready!

Once upon a time, a long time ago, well before the Iron Age, men had already started working on iron before the Iron Age. Ah! Well, it seems that at the Bronze Age, they were already making iron objects like ceremony dachshunds, mystical pendants, OOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Decorations on royal thrones, possibly a dildo in the shape of a long carp with an open mouth that goes... ...to allow you to better concentrate on it. In short, very prestigious objects due to the fact that they were made from divine iron coming literally from the heavens. Of course, I'm talking about meteorite iron, iron coming from the literally astronomical chance that a meteorite full of iron falls on Earth. Yeah, that's what we were doing back then. Old school, anyway.

When I was your age, we were content with metal coming from meteorites and an orange at Christmas! Interesting details... Happy Christmas! Interesting details... The alien iron and the Rice Krispies are not the only source of iron on Earth. Far from it. 5% of the earth's crust is iron. There's iron like dog poop in the spring when the snow melts. You can't walk around without piling in a pile of iron, and then you have to wipe your feet on the floor of a house nearby. The problem with the alien iron is that it's mainly iron ore.

Iron ore is a kind of rock that contains iron stuck in a lot of other junk, such as phosphorus, silicon and sulfur. The only way to extract iron is to melt it, which requires a temperature cap of 1538°C, or the equivalent of cooking in a pizza bag is less than a second of microwave oven. I'm sure it's an impossible temperature to reach in all those Pekno ovens of the time.

So the advantage of the weather farm is that it's a pure iron and nickel-malleable alloy, so super easy to work with, and without heating it, I'm just doing it like monkeys. These are advantages, so mainly coming from a big rock that falls from the sky in a more random way than a poker machine. Ok, ok, this time I feel it. I know I've said that 32 times, but now it's the good one. I just need one more time.

One more time to do it again, and Daphne will come back. Come on, baby! Ok, ok, ok, ok, meteorite. Yes! Two meteorites! Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Meteorite, yes! Two meteorites! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Oh, a cherry! Oh no! And it's the Eliot's party tomorrow. I'm going to get it removed again.

Oh, what am I going to do? Well, she doesn't have a choice but to continue! It's really just when the age of bronze and its industry collapsed, that the panic was installed because of metal waste, and that we decided to experiment with other metals because at this time we tasted metallurgy that wants to come back to cut rocks with rocks. Okay, okay, okay, okay. It's been six hours since I've been sharpening this spearhead to make it more sharp.

I'm almost there. Slowly. One misaligned blow could break the- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH In the game, the Mare's Faire, a annoying metal that we were going to look for at the beginning, even the Mare, directly under a frog on a light enuffer and who knows, maybe a possible monster. That one is Mare, a priori. Condition that gives birth to a completely disgusting job. Chaser of making moors. Where you spend the day with your feet in a swamp,

giving a stick to the fog in the water, because the only way to spot making moors is to find a kind of shiny trace that floats on the water that looks like the oil of my car that has been flowing on the asphalt since 2018. Because I don't know how to fix that and I'm afraid to be fooled by a mechanic who will immediately feel that I don't know how to fix that, and I'm afraid of getting screwed by a mechanic who will immediately feel that I don't know how to fix that. Anyway, look at the bill! And all that to bring iron ore to round forges that don't even have hot enough ovens to melt the metal completely.

So it gives the flower to make a kind of soft, steel-steel coal in terms of melted metal that we have to hammer to get rid of it before we get a kind of forged iron. A metal so not solid that you can't make tools or weapons with it. Great! Why are we doing this to ourselves? Hunger!

Yeah, that's what I meant when I was talking about an episode where we make life easier. The Tales of the Iron Age. The return of the Mommies of the Marais. Iron is not the only story of the Iron Age that we will get out of the Marais. So for this story, we will have to go back in time until the very, very distant past of 1950. Well, listen. In short, when the two Danish brothers... Ah, okay, it's the 50s. Oh, well, let's go!

In short, when the two Danish brothers... Ah, OK, it's the 1950s in Denmark. When the two Danish brothers, Viggo and Emil Hochgard, will go to the Bjerde tower Bjeldskogdal, to harvest the tower to sell it as compost.

And that's not the most honest job in the world. I'm not a paid guy who works in pitch pants, not a bobbin. Let's hope no one will ask me. So it's by digging in the turnip to select the best turnip according to standards raised in the matter of turnip by two experts from the field of turnip who will eventually fall on a corpse.

That... That looks bad if we wanted to continue harvesting turnip. the There's a corpse, finally! Well, Moses, are we going to be able to harvest some turnip? No, we won't be able to harvest turnip! Me too, it's annoying, okay? What? No turnip? I hate you, dad, I hate you! No, Junior, wait! I can't blame him, it's my portrait, all cracked at his age. The corpse is barely decomposed, we are convinced that it is a recent murder where someone just dumped it around Bière. But when they go to see the authorities, we will quickly realize that...

What do you think, Sheriff? Yeah, that's what I thought. That's not a recent murder, sir. That, if I'm not mistaken, is a guy from the Iron Age who would have been born in the surroundings of 450... 450, 380 BC, but at the same time it's not a science. Come on, I know a good place where they make crepes! The body found in the Bjergjaldskofdal tower, we will of course baptize it the man of Tolund,

because the Danes themselves abandoned the idea idea of making people pronounce it in the world. And we eventually discover that the man of Touloune died more than 2200 years ago and that it's a... MUMMY OF THE MARAIS! Interesting details! I know that when we talk about mummies, we instinctively tend to imagine a guy wrapped in toilet paper for a Halloween costume that's much less functional than expected. But you see, the mommies of the tides are what we call accidental mommies.

You might think that making a mummy is an orchestrated accident, but guess what, it's something that seems to happen quite often, and we're going to pick up hundreds of mommies like that from the northern turbians of Europe, in Germany or Denmark, in Holland and Ireland. All prehistoric mummies of the Iron Age that have this in common, are the best preserved of all mummies, despite the fact that some are aged for several millennia. Interesting detail in an interesting detail! In fact, it's because of the turb. But what is the turb?

You see, the turbiers are maracas that will proliferate a type of vegetable moss called the sphynx, which has this particularity of absorbing acid nutrients in the soil, as I am currently absorbing the nutrients of this pepo. This creates oxygen-poor waters

but rich in acidity, which have an antiseptic effect and prevent bacteria from decomposing the matter. And like this old chicken that's currently hanging on my counter and that I'm going to eat, nothing is already gnawing. Even the sphynx never dies, it just gets piled up over time and we end up with a kind of big old mousetrap floating like this disgusting sponge that hasn't changed in 6 months in the old days. That's what we call the Turb. Turb that creates better preserved corpses than ever, without looking too enthusiastic about making well preserved corpses. I'm not a freak either.

Interesting details in an interesting detail in an interesting detail a freak non plus. Détail intéressant dans un détail intéressant dans un détail intéressant et on n'en voit toujours pas le bout. En fait c'est surtout la peau des cadavres qui est bien conservée. L'acidité la rende noire et lui donne une consistance similaire à celle du cuir, créant des cadavres où même les organes sont intactes. Par contre c'est aussi la mauvaise habitude de creating corpses where even the organs are intact. On the other hand, it's also the bad habit of gnawing the bones, so some sea mummies just don't have their skeletons anymore, but their skin is top notch, which gives them the look of this old condom found on the ground in a music festival. Nobody goes there for music.

DETAIL DARK After a lot of interesting details, theater. The truth is that sea mummies are so well preserved after a lot of interesting details. Theater! The truth is that seagulls are so well preserved that they are often used for recent murders. And that's what will happen in 1980 when two other cheshire turkeys in England will find the head of a woman right next to Peter Reinbart's house.

A guy who was being watched by the police because they thought he killed his wife. Well, I'm coming back from the lab. And finally, it's the skull of a Roman lady. Oh, is it too late to say that I didn't kill my wife? Yes. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Ryan Bart, ben autre chose c'était une autre momie de l'âge du fer. Et pour être honnête, j'ai jamais vu une enquête aussi simple ruinée par autant de momies. De retour à l'homme de Toulouse, cette momie, ceci de particulier, certains disent que c'est le corps préhistorique le mieux conservé du monde, encore plus que Cher. Un fan homosexuel à quelque part devrait trouver ça très drôle. Bref, l'homme de Touloune, I don't want to sound like a deviant, but his face is absolutely fascinating.

We see the wrinkles of his eyelids, the folds of his forehead, it seems to be starting to move again, or at least much more than those of Gordon Ramsay. We still distinguish the hairs of his little beard of two weeks, he still wears a small cap of triangular sheep, a little gnarly from the Iron Age. He's completely naked, but we think his clothes in vegetable fiber were simply destroyed by the acidity of the turbine. Because we found a belt around his waist, and even at the Iron Age, it's really unlikely that a guy walks naked with a hat and a belt.

We also found a string of knots running around his neck. Well, listen, we hung? He's been hanged. Possibly for this naked walk with a hat and a belt. DETAILS DARK Speaking of iron, the mommies of the tides also have this in common, brutally brutal deaths. Some are hanged, some have their skull smashed in the back, some are heavily tightened,

the man of Grauball in Denmark has his throat cut from one ear to the other until the spine. And certainly, in a time when the funeral rite in vogue was to burn the corpses, it would seem that these people had a special end. And I don't want to scare the children either, but we think it would be human sacrifices. Dark details in a dark detail. Well yes, you have human sacrifices, humans killed in ritual ways in the name of paganism of the Iron Age. What are the chances? But why do we think that?

First of all, in Celt folklore, the marshes are associated with the domain of spirits. And for good reason, all kinds of things happen in the marshes are associated with the domain of spirits. And for some reason, all kinds of things happen in the marshes. We can see wildfires, small flares caused by gases escaping the ground that everyone will interpret as ghosts. We also thought that every night the sun would hide in the water because its reflection would turn red. So, the only possible explanation is the door to the kingdom of the dead. No chance that it's a kind of reflection or something.

In Ireland, we were building long queues that served as roads in the tides, and in some places the queues just stop and sink on the tide. We suspect that these are places where objects were thrown in the water to make them a gift to the gods. Offerings like tons of butter, which is indeed a very beautiful craft gift, I will remember that for my parents next Christmas. We will also find all sorts of objects of the age of iron in these tides, swords, cuts, bracelets, but also quite human, when the gods are too angry for bracelets. DETAILS DARK IN A DETAILS DARK IN A DETAILS D Dark and it's far from being the truth!

Among his famous bodies sacrificed to the gods of the tides, we count the one called Old Krogan Man in Ireland, and it's not really a body, but just a torso with two arms, no head, no legs. All that's left is a bracelet that symbolizes the sun, so we might identify it as a king. That's the fact that his handiwork is super well preserved, and that even by death, this guy had soft hands. Another reason why we think it's the mummy of a king is that he was cut off by the mamellons. Cut off the mamellons... Yeah, that's the right answer to the right sentence. In fact, it's probably that we associated associating the Mammals to a solar symbol.

Yes, I guess it looks like little suns, more or less brown according to the person. So it would be either a king that we would have killed before or after we had removed the royal tits, or a king who would have voluntarily sacrificed himself before or after we had cut off the crown's epipherony. The cause of death does not help to determine the truth either, because he will be pierced with spines, grabbed and strangled before drowning him in the tide, which, according to experts, could be interpreted as a sign that he wasn't popular. Or, it could be a ritual of fertility, war and sovereignty

to which the king would have given himself in perfect knowledge of the cause. One or the other. Nothing between the two. Okay, gentlemen, I'm ready. Let the ritual of fertility, war and sovereignty begin! Cut his toes! My God, everything is normal so far! Let's break his arms! This is not usual. Let's punch him! What a rich cultural heritage!

Let's cut his throat! I'm still......consentful! Interesting details at the end of a abyss of dark details. Boswell, we did the opposite this time. It was indeed very rare that a king was sacrificed. In fact, it is believed that more often than not, when it happened, it was kings who voluntarily chose to be sacrificed to the gods in a period of catastrophe,

for a reason as video game as a king, it's worth more points. Hey, can I still talk to you about the man from Touloune? Obviously, when we're going to get him out of the tower to analyze him, what happens all the time when you take an amulet from a 2000-year-old witch and go to a movie, the body will deteriorate at high speed and you won't be able to preserve it. So we're going to cut it into small pieces, send it to laboratories in the four corners of Europe, and we're going to focus on trying to preserve its head. What we can do is replace all the moisture inside with wax. And I don't know by what step you start this process.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, take out the candles! But eventually we will change our mind, try to rebuild the body. It will become the treasure hunt to find all the pieces and we will succeed, except for one ortey, this story is not officially invented, which will only be found in 2016 when a lady will contact them to tell them... Yes, hello, it's me who is the Ortega. My father was a scientist who worked on the conservation of the man of Touloune,

and he always carried this Ortega in a vial. Very often at a table, by the way. He was an eccentric man, you see. In my mother's eyes, I could never read anything other than the most bitter regret. So now that we have all the pieces, we just have to reassemble the body and the result will be...

too scary to be exhibited in a museum. So today the body is a replica, except for the head which is the real one, It's not even possible to be exhibited in a museum. So today, the body is a replica, except for the head, which is the real one. And it is said that often, when people come to observe it at the Silkburg Museum, it is so well preserved. It looks so simply asleep that some visitors live an almost mystical experience and can only faint or start crying. End! The Tales of the Iron Age

Iron, metal of the people As I said earlier, the beginning of the Iron Age is marked by a significant absence of iron objects, and that's counterintuitive. What we find at the time is mainly decorations, because I remind you that all we have is forged iron, which is too fragile to make tools and even less weapons. Oh there, Vanupier! I saw you kiss Georgina's hand this morning in front of the gardens! It's my turn! Now, take out your good forged iron if you don't want to try mine! I'm the one who's I want. Hahaha! What are you doing, poor Vanupierre? Oh, finally, Georgina!

But everything will change when the metalurgists of the Iron Age will randomly fall on a process called cementation, which consists of enriching iron with carbon to make it more solid and resistant to water, thus giving steel. So here, iron has officially gone from axe to steel.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, iron! One iron money, two iron shows! While bronze was the metal of the elite, iron, by its its abundance and omnipresence in the territories, allowed to democratize metallurgy. Iron is in this regard a kind of YouTube, which allowed many round forges, certainly very bad ones, to get into the work of metal. Hello, welcome to the forge of Destrax the Great.

Today we will make a Gleve that will revolutionize... Today, we're going to make a Gleve that will revolutionize... Oh no! My Legos! All these hours reduced to nothing! Why, God? And that's how steel will allow us to accelerate the development of our civilizations. We could now mass produce tools to make life easier. We now have nails for construction. We can solidify the wheels,

which makes transport in chariots much more efficient and durable without making a flat from the age of iron. It allows to improve the boats, which stimulates maritime trade, and agriculture is more comfortable than ever. Two iron bellows, whoop, whoop, whoop, everything is officially fine.

DETAIL DARK Iron-based agricultural tools are Wop-wop-wop, everything is officially fine. Dark-sized... Iron-based farming tools are much more durable than those made of rock or bronze. They allow you to break harder or drier soils, and make tree-cutting a real child's play. In fact, maybe even a little too much, because the axes will be so powerful that in the Middle East and Europe, the largest forests will forests disappear forever. It's so easy, look at that!

Wait, me too, I want to try! Oh yes! Let's never stop, let's see what happens! We are not even at zero, wait until we discover plutonium. We're not even at zero. Wait until we discover plutonium. Besides, it was also super easy to get a multitude of light, solid weapons that we could especially re-arrow several times, unlike bronze, which was inevitably doomed to become a big piece of metal

that flattened the more it cut. Weapons that will of course facilitate access to our favorite pastime...... are... killing each other. End! The Tales of the Iron Age The Assyrian Empire against attack Star Wars! Again! But more seriously, you know when I told you about how the civilizations of the Mediterranean and Mesopotamia collapsed at the same time as the Bronze Age?

A moment when we all learned that it is inevitable when you build a society on the basis of a limited resource like copper and tin, or who knows, oil. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu uu u They even say the first real empire, but sometimes historians like to say big things. And during that time, I only do that... Think of the price of Froot Loops that is increasing day by day. Assyrians are a civilization that was indeed a player of a certain caliber at the age of bronze. From their capital Ashur, today in Iraq, which is also the name of a god who embodies the city, who bears his name, who is the name of the city that embodies, so it's his name too. This god really likes himself, I think.

Ashur was a large exchange center where, among other things, the Latin trade, which, I remind you, is an incredibly rare metal, 100% necessary to make bronze. At that time, the Assyrians were not the top dogs either. Their main utility in the landscape of the Bronze Age was to be the common enemy of the Egyptians and the Hittites, which prevented them from wanting to fight each other. So we are currently in the funeral chamber of the pharaoh. We can observe right here this amusing hieroglyphs représentant un soldat

égyptien qui égorge un Assyrian en proclamant, si je n'étais pas si occupé, je tuerais bien un Hittite. Ce à quoi le Hittite répond, sale chacal égyptien, j'en fini avec cet Assyrian et ce sera ta fête. Suite à Then the hieroglyph stops for a while to create a funny effect. Then the Egyptian says finally, for sure, I don't approve Assyria. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah the Assyrians will have more than ever the free field to conquer all the post-apocalyptic peoples of the Iron Age, including, possibly, what remains of the Egyptians who at that time are more tycoon than ever. Interesting details! What will allow the Assyrians to survive the collapse of the Bronze Age is that they were located too far from the coast of the Mediterranean to be affected by chaos.

In fact, they will even be able to maintain their economy and the production of bronze, bronze that we never forget because it will be quickly replaced by iron, iron that will allow the Assyrians to conquer all known people. And for the next three centuries, the Assyrians will expand territorially and economically into a super-vast empire that would cover Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Iran, Egypt and a part of Turkey. Conquests that will be achieved with one of the greatest inventions of the Assyrians, the siege machines, which are indeed big machines to attack the walls of citadel cities and not a kind of funky orthopedic chair to repair your coccyx after a ice-snowfall. Another interesting detail! Assyrian siege machines are some kind of big towers mounted on wheels from which you could shoot arrows,

but also equipped with a single kind of spear in front, because the walls of the cities were mainly made of dry mud bricks. You just had to move on it at mega base speed with a stick to sacred all the earth. Hey! Look what you did to the city walls! No, sorry, I was distracted. I just kept walking through without realizing it. To say that the Assyrians and their siege engines have not even arrived yet! Well, more rain!

And if the? Maybe the mud is also a bad material. Assyrians will become immensely rich and powerful, conquering a Mesopotamian civilization after another, and it is here that I have the misfortune to announce that one of the peculiarities of the Assyrians was to maintain order in conquered peoples in a particularly brutal way. Detail... Dark... For the Assyrians, nothing is too cruel for their enemies. And by enemy, we mean anyone who opposes the Assyrian Empire or refuses to be a part of it.

We're talking here about mass impalements, about head-shattering pills, about people whose skin has been removed, and after that, it's too late to say yes. And if we know that, it's the Assyrians themselves who were boasting with the same pride as me when I managed to park in parallel, particularly tight. Hey, the other day I made you one. Tight, man! Ah, it's going to be a hell for the guy behind me to get out of there. But let's listen to the testimony of King Ashour, the mayor of them. I built a pillar on which I nailed all the skins of all the bosses who revolted.

I packed others with sticks around the pillar. It's a beautiful pillar, I love it. I also cut off the officers' limbs, burned the prisoners alive. Besides, I kept some for later, to make them more personalized things, like cutting their nose, ears and fingers. Oh yes, I also made them die before decapitating them, tying all their heads to the trunks of trees that surround the city. At this point, I wouldn't lie, I was in totally improvised mode.

Of course, we could think that Assyrians were bloodthirsty barbarians, but if we abstract from all atrocities, it was a very luminous and sophisticated civilization. One of the Assyrian kings will be neither more nor less than a... ...WOMAN! The always elegant Samuramate, and its name is a Japanese orthopedic mattress. Second orthopedic gag today. Well... In short, the Assyrians are also a distinguished civilization of great cultivated thinkers who lived in capitals with a scenery that defied imagination, such as Nineveh

Nineveh, come eat! as well as Nimrod Shut up, Nimrod! majestic cities full of magnificent gardens, as well as, why not, interesting details... wild animals, even keeping gardens, which were the first zoos of humanity. Although I wonder how much you walk and relax

when you have lions in freedom who can bounce at any moment behind an egg while you're trying to get a visor. In short, Assyrians lived in fabulous cities where they built sumptuous temples from which they venerated a whole bunch of impious gods, including... Pazuzu! The King of the Wind Demons!

Look! It's a kind of monster with a fowl head, four wings of bird and a penis that is, depending on the versions is either a snake or a scorpion tail. Let the ritual begin! Oh my God, the scorpion penis snake takes me into a kind of deadly sexual relationship! I offer you my first born, Pazuzu! Less dark details than we'd like to believe. Believe it or not, Pazuzu has a special place in popular culture today, because he's the demon who will take possession of the little girl's body in the movie The Exorcist, to... make her vomit by saying big words.

Demon who can initially seem a little fucker to have that kind of time in life, but in fact for the Assyrians, Pazuzu also had healing virtues. Especially, well, Tabarouette, for the diseases that reach pregnant women. Which is rather cool and refreshing, coming from a demon whose penis is a little more painful in each version. So if you were sick, the best way to heal promptly was not to take a break and hydrate, but to make a pact with Pazuzu. I don't know what I have, but it doesn't work today. I need to take a break, I think.

Maybe also to... Pazuzu! The demon's power is strong! Pazuzu! The king of demons! Ah, you're getting on my nerves, Pazuzu. What do you suggest I do to get along better? Me, a pregnant woman? I have exactly what you need, mortal. I warn you, it's better to be honest and not be linked to your evil penis, Pazuzu. Nevertheless, the Assyrians will be mainly enlightened sovereigns who will play the role of knowledge guardians.

The kings are also attended by wise men who have built pharamine libraries where they keep all the knowledge of the old world. Everything is going well and the future is more rosy than stimulated baboons' butts. So obviously the Assyrian Empire will collapse in less than two for a moronic reason. What will happen is that at the death of their last king Ashurbanipal, the throne will return to one of his sons who is a miner. So we will mandate the most faithful guy, no penis to not let descendants available, the Royal Unic, to take care of the Empire while the heir is waiting to do it, but with a penis. Except that at some point, the heir prince will mysteriously disappear, and guess what, it's this precise timing that the Royal Unic will choose to do.

Oh no, I lost the king! It would seem that the only person who could replace him now is a kind of an obsidian! And clearly, he had very badly evaluated his level of support in the room because he will also mysteriously disappear before being replaced on the throne by another son of the king. And then, like in any good magic show, people will start to get tired. The Babylonians will ally themselves with the Medes, the people of the Medes country, organize a revolt and all the sacred Assyrian Empire on Earth, as if never to disappear forever. In any case, for a civilization that erased civilizations, the Europe that they would wanted to do the same thing was the eraser eraser. And today, it takes a walk to remember them.

End! The Tales of the Iron Age A post-apocalyptic world with tzatziki sauce! Let's go back a little. While the Assyrians were rising like a phoenix from the ashes of the Bronze Age, one of the peoples who was most badly affected by this spontaneous apocalypse was the Mycenaeans, the ancestors of the Greeks, who then entered a kind of age of darkness that would last more than 400 years. Periods during which they will not only lose the secret of the bronze,

but also their knowledge of math, of writing, and everyone was back to a primitive and violent society with the capacities of the guy at school who never did his homework, but who found ways to hide sketches in his pencil case, for example. Interesting details... When I say lose writing, it's not like I lose my keys and I find them three days later in a flower pot or a cereal box. Their writing system is called the B Linear.

B Linear because the letters are composed of line and B because we don't want to mix it with the cretus alphabet, which is called the A Linear. In short, the B Linear will disappear because the government agencies that used this alphabet to account for the wealth and the harvest of the kingdom are either dead or have gone crazy without taking the time to find the least likely individual who wants to take the lead on something as exciting as linear B. My God, it's so linear. And no one will ever use that again. So the Greeks will essentially be illiterate for hundreds of years until they invent the Greek alphabet by flying boots to the Phoenician alphabet.

In any case, I apologize, but I would have expected more from those who will eventually invent philosophy and the delicious little triangles to the feta and spinach, the only respectable way to eat spinach, with so much salt that it could be nasal decongestion. Dark details in an interesting detail. Obviously, losing writing also means losing the possibility to note events for posterity, which means that we have as much testimony of what happened during the age of the Greek darkness as we have of the extinction of dinosaurs. In fact, everything we know about the period comes from very exhaustive

gouges found in tombs with which we manage to guess a story, but... Maybe during that time, the Greeks were also busy with something that we do not suspect. Daxos, look! The space-time! It... is changing! Yes, Xos, I had 100% identified this phenomenon too. Ancient people of Greece, I am Avril Lavigne, time traveler. My tie has been caught in a quantum anomaly by filming the Skater Boy music video. And since then, I've been replaced by a diabolical clone who stole my career, while I'm desperately trying to go back to my time,

when I could finally be a 2003 teenager, and that until my 40s. The Mycenaeans are with you, Théaise. So, ravaged by famine and war, their social structure is destroyed, the peoples of Greece reorganized into a small nomadic semi-group, following a pastoral lifestyle, essentially that of a clod with sheep. Their defense against Greece is like 80% of the mountains,

which limits the options when it comes to setting up a camp. Okay, here's the base of the hut, while I try to fix it with foot pegs in this arid soil inclined 45 degrees down. What? Oh no, the hut has become a giant snowball that is heading towards our immovable goats arranged in the shape of triangles! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Mwah! It seems like it's time to invent something, but... Look at this situation, it's got a lot of communities that didn't talk to each other, spread out in the mountains, which gave them a superb view of their majestic destroyed palace and their grandiose city, now ravaged forever. And while you have to sleep in Belle Étoile, the constantly perifery head of a pile of sheep's rags, the new base of your existence. Interesting details.

Indeed, these mountains, which are a challenge for the real estate agent, have in turn the advantage of being big spinatas full of iron ore. There's only four left. Well, that's it! That said, even if iron will eventually lead to technological advances that will allow them to greatly improve their lives, the Greeks will still spend their time being reluctant,

complaining that iron is too much effort for something much less hot than bronze, which no one has ever taken. A sentiment ingrained for posterity by the Greek poet of the 8th century BC is iodine. Because now it is really an iron race, and men never rest from work and grief during the day, nor from death at night. And the gods will cause them severe trouble. Eziod, I need your help, my friend! Avril Lavigne?

What can I do for you, T.S.? You can... die. No! The clone! The one who married the guy from Nickelback! That said, even if the glass looks half full of urine during the dark centuries

of Greece, it will eventually come to a positive. Indeed, the collapse of old economic and social structures in Myccenaean, that is, their world, will allow the Greeks to weigh on the proverbial piton reset, and the old hierarchical systems of hereditary social classes that have been thrown into the void, the humans will be able to try other systems on which to base their civilization, like why not this famous greek democracy that will eventually give birth to...

...democracy. But above all, we are back in a civilized world Why not this famous greek democracy that will eventually give birth to... ...democracy. But above all, we are back in a civilized world that allows people to do useless things, like, among other things, writing the history of humans. And that's how we arrive at the 5th century BC and we read the first historian of history. And what does it start with? History! End!

The end of history with a big H! So what could we remember from this prehistoric hell? Well, the thing with prehistory is that it's not really about history to be spoken of properly. It's about anthropology, archaeology, linguistics, which allow us to guess what humanity was like several thousand years ago. By the way, even if we often talk about Herodotus as the father of history with a big H,

he's certainly not the first to think about taking into account the events of his time for future generations. Before him, we still had a certain timeline that we could follow, marked by large events, a little blurry, which came to impossible periods to clearly identify by the people of the time. Herodotus' trick is that it will be the first to consult several different sources, documents, but also a mouth to ears to try to patent the most precise version possible of historical reality, according to this famous logic, typical of the ancient Greeks, which will eventually compose the foundations of the scientific approach.

And note that it is therefore not so much the beginning of history as a symbolic point on the timeline that can be identified as the end of the forgotten ages by human memory. I'm sure if there's something to learn, it's that despite being separated by thousands of years of first humans, we're kind of the same. Prehistory is a moment when we discovered together the power of collectivity. That humans are intelligent creatures, yes, but also devilishly efficient when they organize themselves in groups where everyone has a talent to provide an effort, which ultimately gives us civilization. And we are so performing as a civilization that it allowed us to conquer the world,

before that cassette until today, and some would even say that it allowed us to destroy it. Indeed, scientists have baptized the era we live in since prehistory, the Anthropocene, or the era of the human. An era where humanity is the main source of change on Earth, even surpassing natural phenomena for the better, as for the worse. Now the question that remains to be asked is, is one a force that will change the future? Or, in the image of all our civilizations,

the instruments of another failure of the great machine of the universe. Only history will tell us that. Huh? Huh? In the sense that history is continually writing? In the sense that the present is condemned to be the past of tomorrow in an infinite circle? In the sense that history is condemned to repeat itself? My name is Charles Beauchesne. And the human nightmare continues continuing in the next episode.

The order and chaos are continually happening and creating the cyclical motion of the universe in a continual revolution. In the sense that I'm talking about everything. In the sense that... I don't remember what I wanted to say. The worst moments of history with Charles Beauchesne is an original idea by Charles Beauchesne. To text and research, Charles Beauchesne and François de Grandpré.

To the realization, Barbara Judith Caron. To editing, Lucie Fournaison. To the recording, Vincent Cardinal. Executive producer, Raphaël Huysmans and Philippe Lamard. The worst moments of history with Charles Beauchesne is a production of Urbania. It was a walk in Urbania. Subscribe! What are your resolutions for 2025?

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