Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - A Man Who Trashes His Ex Is Not Over Her — Dating Dilemmas Pt. 2

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

We’re back for more listener dating dilemmas, and we cover everything. From texting gaps and gut feelings, to dating with kids (and narcissistic exes), intentional dating vs. playing it cool, and how to show interest without overdoing it.We also get into independent women being punished for their independence, overbearing moms, men trashing their exes, co-parenting with narcissists, and how to keep your nervous system regulated when dating (or divorce) dynamics get messy. Plus, dating your husband when you have kids, setting boundaries, and trusting patterns when someone shows you exactly who they are.A word from my sponsors:Upward - Download Upward. The dating app where faith and values meet.ADT - When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit adt.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP.Figs - Get 15% off your first order at wearfigs.com with the code FIGSRXLMNT - Right now LMNT is offering a free sample pack with any purchase, That’s 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors or share LMNT with a friend. Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/HONEST.Kahlua -  Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly.IQBAR - Text HONEST to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply.Taylor Farms - Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit. And get your salad together!For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Hey, hey, we are back for part two of dating dilemmas. New week for you guys listening, but I'm just rolling right in. to it. Always so many good ones. It's tough out there in the real world, guys. That's all I know by doing these. Okay. Let's just jump right back in, shall we? Are you really that busy or

forgetful? You go 24 hours plus without responding. He doesn't have kids. No. No one's that busy and no one forgot or if he forgot, it's because he doesn't care about you. Even with kids, no. No. Here's what I will say, though. I think it's okay if a guy isn't blowing you up constantly. And I think it's okay. I guess, okay, if let's say that you were texting and you asked him a question and he didn't

respond for over 24 hours, I think that's a red flag. However, if you guys are texting and the conversation just sort of has a lull, like it doesn't necessarily require a response. And then 24 hours later, he texts you, I think that is perfectly okay. And in fact, I think that's kind of healthy. I think that's actually a good thing. Which a couple years ago, you guys, that would have made me a little nervous. Let's say, not maybe not nervous, but I would have been like, oh my God, did I say something wrong? Well, okay, yeah, nervous, nervous, anxious. I guess is that an anxious attachment style? Where now in my more healed, calmed, nervous system, and when I've had a little more experience with this,

I've realized that's a good thing. That is a good thing. And we do want to be with guys who are busy and have a life, even if they don't have kids, you know, they're working and they're doing things. We don't want a guy who's texting us all the time. But I think. think it's, I think, I think you trust your gut on this. First of all, I think you know, we all know you guys. We all know. We all know. I think if you are worried about it and you feel like you're, you need to ask me. I think you know that the answer is probably, that's your gut telling you something is up. I also think if, like, if some, if he's like really good at texting and really attentive and there's a consistent, a semi-consistent text going. And then, I don't know,

like once or twice a week, he kind of goes radio silent for like 24 hours plus. You could start to maybe say there might be someone else in the mix, you know? But also, he could be with another girl and also respond too. So I mean, it just depends. But I think ultimately what happens in these situations is if you guys have a gut feeling, it's probably right. But again, if it's just, if it's just a lull in conversation, I think that's fine. Dating when you have a younger kid and a narcissist X. Okay, here's what you do in this situation. You first of all, don't tell the narcissist ex fucking anything. And when I mean you give that man as a person, you, give that man as a person. You, first of all, don't tell the narcissist X fucking anything. And when I mean you give that man as little information as possible,

that's what I mean. They should know virtually nothing about what's going on in your life because they will use everything. So, and it sounds like your kid is young. Your kid doesn't need to know you're going on a date, let's say. You know, you get a babysitter. Mommy's going to go out with some friends. like they don't need to know everything, you know. My kids are nosy as fuck, though, but my kids are older and also I don't do anything. So, but I think if you're dealing, if anyone is dealing with a narcissist X, it's imperative. They know as little as possible about what's going on in your life. And so, but it can be done, obviously. Why does this X need to have any sort of information about you? You're allowed to get a babysitter and go on a date and he doesn't have.

to know anything about that. Or if he does, it's none of his business who you're with. And that needs to be the message every time you're out, no matter who you're with. If you're with your mom, if you're with your girlfriends, if you're with a date, it's none of your business. It needs to be consistent from you every single time. That can be done. I actually think it's probably easier to date when your kids are younger and they don't really know what's going on. I think, like, I can't get anything past my, I'm not trying to get anything past my kids now, but like, my kids are older and my kids know if, well, I also, I tell my kids. I'm very honest with my kids, but I don't get babysitters when I have my kids. Let's start with that. I save everything for the weekends. I don't have my kids.

But I, I just think it would be easier to, when your kids are little. I don't know. I think take advantage of it while your kids are little to go on a bunch of dates because then they become teenagers and they want to know everything. And did my engagement and moved out. And did my engagement and moved out, am I insane to try again? Do people really change? No. The only way anyone ever changes is if they want to change. However, guys will do and say anything to make it seem as though they've changed. And when you break up, yeah, they're going to pretend like everything's perfect now all of a sudden. Look how great I am. They're going to do everything to get you back. The only way that people really is through serious work and if they want to do it.

And that doesn't happen overnight. Like real healing work, you guys, takes years, years. And it would be one thing if you saw him starting the process and he was committed to it. And you saw baby steps and you saw little things. But you saw that he was committed to the process. But no one's going to change in a short amount of time. And clearly things were bad. enough that you ended in engagement. I've been there. No one is changing that much in a short

amount of time. The things I've seen, okay, from my lens, I'm not saying anyone in particular. Don't try to put a name on it. I'm just saying people don't change. That's my advice. You ended it for a reason. But again, I, okay, but you okay, you ended it for a reason. Should you move on probably. However, this is then like where my spiritual side comes in. But also maybe, like if you do feel this like crazy pull to this person, which yes, I'm sure psychologists would call it a toxic bond. Okay. But also like from the spiritual sense, maybe because there's a reason why you guys are supposed to be together. And maybe there are more lessons that you have to learn. And listen, I'm, that's where it's like my logical mind and my spiritual mind kind of sometimes battle.

Because it's like, should I sit here and tell you like, probably you should walk away? Yes, but I also know I was supposed to marry my ex-husband. And I was supposed to have three kids with him. Like, that was my journey. And I actually think we probably decided that before we came to Earth. I think we had a sole contract and we were supposed to be together. And we broke up when we were engaged. And we came back together.

And I felt this crazy pull towards him. Like I couldn't make sense of it. But like I knew I had to be with him. Even though I logically was like, he's probably not good for me. But I, on a deep spiritual level, it was like, but I had to be with him. So I think sometimes we know maybe someone is not good for us, but I think our soul knows that there's something we need to learn from this. There's a lesson. There's a reason why we're supposed to be with this person. Do what you want with that. I'm like, I don't actually feel like

I'm helping anyone. I'm probably just complicating it more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm not helping. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration, and coffee sponsor. IQ Bar protein bars, IQ Mix, Hydration Mixes, and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel you need to win your day. All IQ Bar products are clean label certified and entirely free from gluten, dairy, soy, GMOs, and artificial ingredients, which you guys know I love. With over 20,000 five-star reviews and counting more people than ever are fueling their busy lifestyles with brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes, and mushroom coffees. Their ultimate sampler pack includes all three,

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later and that really works. That's why I actually love what Upward is doing. It's a dating app built around faith and shared values. So instead of figuring out three weeks in that you want completely different things, you're starting from a foundation of family, integrity, and commitment. And whether faith is a huge part of your daily life or just something that shaped how you see the world, Upward connects you with people who care about those same core principles. I know I'm at a place in my life where intention really does matter. If I'm dating someone, it's because I see potential. I'm not interested in wasting time. And depending on where you're at in your life, I don't think you should either. So if you're looking for something meaningful and want to start from a

place of alignment, download upward and date with intention. Because when your values line up, everything else feels a lot simpler. Upwards. Okay. I've been hurt so badly and now healed so much. I don't even want to date. Where do I start? I know. That's what happens. This is a good thing. Don't look at it as a negative. When you heal so much, the pool gets so much smaller. And I saw this thing recently that said, when you are healed, you don't have as many men approaching you either. Because when you're operating from a wounded energy of, you know, like you need someone to fill that void, more people match that vibration. But when you're healed and your whole, you're at a different vibration and not as many people are on that, on that plane as you. And so,

So in order for men to approach you, they have to be on your same vibration. And so you won't be approached as much. And it's going to be quieter. And it's going to be a little bit, I'm not going to say lonelier. It's just not going to be as exciting, okay? Like my phone is so dry. I've got nothing happening. I've got no one to text.

I've got nobody. But that's okay, right? Like, it's okay because we've been there. We've done the flirting. We've done all the things. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

we are waiting for the right one. We're just, we don't have time anymore for just anybody. And we're taking care of ourselves. We're sleeping. Like, I've done a lot of sleeping and what else is I done? Having a lot of self-care nights, days, you know, I'm at every sporting event, even when it's not my weekend with the kids. I'm, I'm there and everything because I've got nothing else going on. No, I would want to be it all of my kids stuff anyways. And I'm, would be if I, when I'm in town, I'm always at my kid stuff. But my point is, it's okay. This is a new season of life. Let's just be comfortable in this new season. And it's, it's quieter. And that's a good thing. It's a good thing because we would rather be healed and not wasting our time on toxic and

dealing with like, why hasn't he texted me or fighting or whatever? But now, you know, yeah, it's a new season of life. Oh, wait. You said you don't want it. You don't want it. You. You said you don't want a date. Oh, that changes things. I thought it was, you're just not dating because there's whatever. Okay, you don't want to date because you've healed so much. I would argue that, no, you haven't done. If you're scared to date because you've healed so much, that doesn't add up. I think if you're so healed and you're so locked in on who you are, you would actually, I think, be excited to date because you would know that you would be attracting men in a similar arena as you. And if you're not, you would also be healed so much that you could spot unheeled men right away. And you would just know that you're not

wasting your time on them. And that's okay. So I call bullshit. Sorry. Because I think you're scared still. Because you say you've been hurt so badly. But now you've healed so much that you don't even want to date. you're not, you're still scared. You're still scared because you've been hurt so badly. If you truly were healed, you would know that that hurt and that pain was for a purpose. It served a purpose. And you wouldn't be scared to get back out there then. So I'm going to call bullshit. I'm sorry, you guys. I just call it like I see it. Let's do a voicemail. Hey, Kristen, I have a question. When you're in the talking stages and you are then entering in the dating stages, how do you control the, I really like them and not get too far ahead of yourself and try to just stay present and in the

moment. Are there any tips that you can get so you don't seem like you're overly eager and excited about it or I guess to better be flexible while you're dating the person? I don't think there's anything wrong with being excited about someone and telling them that you're excited. I think that is perfectly okay. I think, the way to ground yourself and not become absolutely crazy about this person is just by being busy, by naturally living a full life and keeping yourself busy so that you don't want to text them 24-7 so that you're not constantly thinking about them. Like I, and I do think it's fun when you first like someone to think about them all the time. Like, it's fun to have a crush and it's fun

to flirt and it's fun. It's fun. And I do think it's fun to lose yourself in it a little bit. However, I do think to stay grounded. You just have to continue doing things that you normally do. And I think it's important to keep doing the things you would do even if this man wasn't in your life. So if that means that you go to dinner with girlfriends, sometimes you still go to dinner with girlfriends. I don't think that you should now make this man your sole priority and everything else is put on hold for this man. I think that's important. I think you have to continue to do what you normally do. I think that's just the most important piece. To stay busy, stay grounded. And, you know, yeah, I think that's it. Oh my gosh. I love that we can do

this now. Anyway, okay. My question is related to in dating. It feels like men are very attracted to those of us too are very independent and outgoing and, you know, our authenticity is very important to us. They're very attracted to that. But then when we start dating them or the early stages of a relationship with us, it's like they want to take that from us. It's like that's how they can prove that they're in control is by questioning our independence or making us feel bad about the fact that we don't need them. I don't need a man. I want one.

I don't need you. I have a great job. I know how to function as a human being, you know, without a man. But something about the fact that they know that we don't need them is problematic for them. And then they start to behave in ways that, I mean, kind of seem a little bit controlling or that are as though we're being offensive or doing something crazy and outlandish just because we continue to be our authentic, independent selves. and for whatever reason that suddenly what was attractive to them in the beginning is now offensive and threatening to them. And then they basically just show us how insecure they are. So that's my question. Men, why are men like this? They're stupid. Isn't that the truth, though?

Oh, my God. These men say they love an independent woman. And then they just slowly start to chip away at that and just take it all away. from you. That is a very real thing and that does definitely exist. And I also think there are men out there who do love independent women who are actually secure and can let you shine and do your own thing. Those are harder to come by though, but they do exist. And I do think as us single women are in the dating world, I think it's important for us to know that there is an abundance of good men out there. I think we sort of naturally get in this rut of saying, men suck. Why are all

men like this? Why is it so hard to find a good guy? And if that's our attitude, well, then yeah, we're never going to find a good guy. So I think it's important for us to remember there are really good guys out there. There really, really are. I mean, it's the same way a lot of guys will be like, girls are fucking crazy. And yeah, that's true. There are a lot of crazy girls, but there are a lot of great girls, too. So I think that's the first step in all of this. And the second thing is, you know, that's why we date, right? It's because we're getting to know people. And a lot of times we're dating, we're dating, we're dating. And then we start to see these things that we're like, hmm, I don't like that actually. And you know what? That won't work for me. And that's why then

things end. And we go and date someone else. And that's why every person, that we date, there's more takeaway of what we do and don't want. So I think it's a good thing. And we are just research and development guys, everyone that we date. But, you know, I think, and I know I hate throwing the word narcissist around. I do have a lot of experience with narcissists, though. And that to me could, it's not always, but it could be an indicator of a narcissist where, you know, they put you on this pedestal at first and they love everything about you and God, you're amazing. And then those are the things they want to strip away from you and knock you down. So that is definitely behavior that I would encourage you to run from. Of course. I do think,

though, it's not always narcissistic behavior. And I do think a lot of the times it's actually men are insecure. The same way women are insecure. I'm not bashing men. I love men. And there are, like I said, a lot of great men. But I think just people in general are really insecure. And so what they say they love about you at first, then becomes a threat, right? And it's almost like competition with them and their relationship with you. I've experienced that where all of a sudden my career is a threat and my friends are a threat. My own mom is a threat. Like, what? So I think I think that's behavior we need to run from. I think the goal ladies and men, I had a couple of gay guys leave voicemails. I was very excited. So men, I don't want to disclude you. I think the goal is for us

to meet is to try to find really secure men, right? Men who are, I call them divine masculines in my little woo-woo talk. Divine masculines. Men who are really rooted in who they are. They've been through some shit. They've got nothing to prove. Confidence is quiet. Insecurity is loud. We need men who are going to lead us. Let us be feminine. Just let us be these beautiful flowers. as beautiful feminine flowers they are and they can be our big, strong men. I don't even know the hell I'm saying it anymore. But a guy who wants to chip away at that

and your beauty and what makes you you and the things that make you happy is not a good guy at all. And those are men that we should definitely not be allowing into our lives. Once we start to see these behaviors, we take notice and then one time a little something, Okay, sure, but like when it becomes semi-consistent, that's a pattern. This is who this person is. And then it's up to us then to do something about it.

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orange salt. I mean, really, the list goes on and on, but there's not one that I don't like and I love changing it up, which is great because right now, Element is offering a free eight-count sample pack of their most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase. So this is a great way to find your favorite element flavor or you could share them with a friend. Get yours at drinkelement.com slash honest. This deal is only available through my link. So you must go to D-R-I-N-K-L-M-N-T.com slash honor. How you deal with intentional dating, making sure that you are clear from the start on what it is you're looking for.

But at the same time, also there being friends or other people telling you to not come off too strong or say too much. I think it's really important to always be up front and very clear about what you're looking for on both sides. I think it's very important in dating. And this again goes with the authenticity piece. Don't listen to your friends about coming on. Well, I think there's a difference between coming off too strong and just being very honest about where you're at in your life. Those are, I think, just two very different things. I think it's perfectly okay to go on a first date or a second date and say, say, I'm ready to be in a relationship. I am definitely dating to be in relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, you should be saying that because the whole point of going on dates is to see if you guys are on the same page. So if you're going on a first date and you're like, I don't know, yeah, I'm just kind of looking to have fun or, you know, just see,

see what happens. Well, the problem is one of two things. Either the guy sitting, across from you is going to go, oh, okay, well, I'm actually, and maybe it's all in his head. He's going to go, I'm actually looking for someone to be in relationship with. So then he's not going to take you seriously. Or B, he's going to say, great, perfect. I just want to have fun, too, and see where things go. And then he's going to put you in that box and he's never going to move you into the dating box or the serious relationship box. So you always have to be very transparent and honest about where you're at. That is not coming on too strong. That is exactly what you should be doing in the dating world. If you're 22, sure, that's different. Go say whatever the hell you want.

That's different. But as an adult, like I'm 39, there is no fucking way I would go on a date and be like, I don't know. I'm just like, look, you know, just going to see where the, you know, the night takes me. I am absolutely looking to be in a relationship. And I have said that on the last few, well, the last few, the only couple of dates I've been on this year. And, you know, what I have found is when you are transparent and you put your cards on the table, you get that back in return. I have had such great conversations with all of the men I've been on dates with in the last few years. I've really met so many great guys. And I really think it's because of the reciprocated transparency and honesty. I think at the end of the day, if we can all just come at, come to the table with where we're at, because there's a vulnerability

in that too of being like, I am definitely dating to find my person. There's vulnerability in that. And that's what people respond to. That's connection. And so I think if that's what you're looking for, you have to lead with that. There's no other option. There's no other option. Hi. I love you. Love the pod. Men that have super overbearing moms that have a strong opinion about everything and is like all up in your shit and doesn't want them to date you or anyone, for that matter, just like super overbearing moms. What do I do? Girl, you fucking run.

What? No. Those moms are the worst. Why are so many moms so crazy and weird about their sons? it is so insane to me, you guys. I, no, you can't deal with that because she's going to be a problem forever. Forever. These moms do not change.

Men don't change. These moms definitely don't change. And the only way, the only way this could ever work is if that man is willing to stand up to his mom and set some major boundaries with her. But if she's already overbearing and she just, even want him to date to begin with, like, she's a problem. And their dynamic is a problem. Because at somewhere between ages 15, him being 15 and let's say he's 30, he needed to establish some sort of a boundary in there. And that didn't get established. So she's a problem. She's already,

she's been a problem probably forever. And he hasn't had the balls to stand up to his mom. So it's not going to change. So I would say, fucking. run. I would rather deal with a toxic fuck of a man than deal with this kind of mom because they're, those moms are awful. How do I show a guy that I'm interested after the first date without seeming too eager? This is easy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you texting that night after the first date and saying, I had a really great time tonight or the next day at some point saying, I had a really great time last night. Thank you again. Short, simple, to the point, I'm okay with you making the first text move after a date. And then you see what he says and then

you match his energy. If he then is kind of dry, hey, no problem, but isn't making a plan, we're moving on. We're matching his energy. He's maybe not interested. Men are going to plan a second date. If they want to see you, you're going to know. So you can absolutely make that first texting move and then you match his energy. It's very simple. Can your man follow his ex on socials? I think so. I really do think so because, I mean, I follow some of my exes. And yeah, it's like my high school boyfriend and like Brody when I was, you know, in my early 20s. But I think you can. And I would want to know more about their dynamic and their relationship. But I think a lot of times it's almost making more of a statement to unfollow someone, right, than it is to just keep the follow going. Like, who cares? I'm following

a few guys that I've gone on a couple dates with. Like, who cares? I don't know. I just think it's a bigger deal to unfollow someone. And sometimes it's like there's no point for what it would create to unfollow an ex. It's easier to just have them on the following list. I think that's okay. To me, that's not a red flag at all. My boyfriend always trashes his baby mama, but then bends over backwards for her. Help. Ladies, if you don't hear anything I say except for this one thing, listen up. A man who trashes his ex is not over her. I'm going to repeat that. A man who trashes his ex is not over her, okay? I don't care what anyone says.

I mean, okay, are sure, are there those situations where they're like, the ex comes up and maybe they didn't end things on a good note, you know, so he's like, you know, she was a real bitch or something. Okay, fine. Like a man who is bringing up his ex and who really goes out of his way to trash her and she's been being talked about more than she should be, he is not over her. And then especially if he's trashing her to you

and then he's bending over backwards for her, no girl, he's not over her. He's not over her. He's not over her. Ladies, a man who is truly over his ex is actually indifferent. Indifferent. Like, you know, and, and a,

man who is still pissed off at his ex even, maybe he's not still in love with her, but he hasn't closed that chapter. Like he hasn't worked through it. He hasn't, you know, reflected on it and had the takeaway. Like, that's still open. That chapter hasn't been closed. There's still open wounds. Like, more healing has to happen. Like, he hasn't fully moved on. And that's not a man that I would want to be with. I don't want to be with a man who is still dealing with his ex. And, you know, there's still fresh wounds and he still isn't fully healed. Like that's not a man I want to be with. I don't want any of you girls to be with a man like that.

No. I don't think we should be with a man like that. No, no, no. How to date your husband when you have kids and don't want to go out to drink. But you don't have to drink to date. Okay, so it's hard. When you have kids, it's really hard to find time for each other. and feel sexy and have date night.

But I think it's really important that you make an effort. And it could be, to me, once a week sounds like a lot, but also I'm single and I'm a homebody and I like to be in bed at nine. You do have to make an effort. And so if that means once a week or once every two weeks, you guys do have date night, I think it's important because I think it's important to put on a pretty outfit, to feel good about yourself to go out without the kids, to connect the two of you, you absolutely do not have to drink. You can go to dinner and you can get a mocktail. You can drink water. Like no one is

making you drink. I'm wondering if you're saying that because you feel like maybe you guys connect a little bit more when you drink. Maybe your walls come down. I don't know. I think that it's really important to make date night or a day date if you're tired. I think. I think that. I think that it's really important to make date night or a day date if you're tired, whatever it is that you guys enjoy doing together, I think it's really important that you make that effort because all of a sudden you will wake up and it will be three months since you guys have had a conversation the two of you without little kids around or felt really connected. I just think it is so important. I think getting out of routine is important when you have little kids. I think changing things up, whatever that is,

so that it can feel kind of new and exciting. Maybe you go to a really fun restaurant that's new that you guys have heard about. Or maybe you go to a fun coffee. You could go to a coffee shop in a town over. Like, just doing things that change it up, I think is really important. After 15 years, divorcing a narcissist. He's now Santa Claus dad, how to not react. I mean, this is textbook. This, they all do this. So divorcing a narcissist is going to test your patience in every way imaginable. Right now, you're playing the long game. Right now, your job is to not react as hard as it is. it is to find some fucking peace one way or another. Your job right now is to focus on you.

Let the kids have fun. Let him be Santa Claus dad. Let him do his thing. That will expire. That is temporary. I can promise you. He can't do that forever. Just right now he's trying to be fun,

amazing, awesome dad. But all narcissists make their own beds. The truth always comes out. it just, it always does. It always does. And you have to have faith in that because it's going to, Santa Claus is going to run out. The kids are going to grow up and they're going to start to really understand who their dad is. And time will tell. Like everything comes out in the end and they make their own bed. And your kids are going to remember your love, how you made them feel, that you were always there for them, that you were supportive. Also, when they come home and they're like,

oh my God, and then we did this and then we do that. Don't take out your bullshit on them. It's important that you're like, oh my God, that's amazing. Wow. You don't have to be like, and then what did you guys do? But you definitely have to be supportive of it because they won't understand if you're not. They don't understand what dad is doing and they don't understand that you're taking out your hurt on them when it has nothing to do with them. So you have to show up for your kids still and you have to just trust in the process and trust that this is temporary and everyone's going to figure it out at some point and you just have to have things in that and you have to find other things to keep you calm to regulate your nervous system to

breathe you have to breathe and you have to not try to compete with him But you do have to be the grounding, stable, consistent force for your kids. Because this Santa Claus Disneyland fun dad is actually going to start to be a little unstable. And it's going to go up and down and your kids are going to start to notice it. And you have to be their consistency and their stability. And trust in the bigger plan. I know it's really, really hard. It's really hard.

and it can potentially be the hardest thing you'll go through. And you get to then, in however many years, say I was the best mom. And that didn't rock me. Maybe on the inside, it was tearing me apart. But my kids didn't see that version of me. And then you get to be really proud of yourself. So it's an opportunity to be an even better mom than you were already going to be. and an opportunity to really work on yourself and to not get triggered and not react to other

people's bullshit. So you've got this. Stay strong. I get it. Okay, you guys, thank you so much for submitting your questions as always. They're so fun. And I love you guys and I will see you next week. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest. in products or services referred to in this episode.