Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Any New Boys?

Episode Date: February 20, 2024

Join my bestie Stephanie Biegel, also known as Biegs, and me as we tackle the convo of being the only single friend— from the most annoying questions we get asked, to why we say fuck society's timeline, and actually think being single is a good thing. Plus, some of our worst dates and why we stand by "self-love calls in the right love". A word from our sponsors:Farmer's Dog - Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/honestJenni Kayne - Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code HONEST at jennikayne.com/HONEST! #jennikaynepartnerKerastase - Visit www.kerastase-usa.com and use code HONEST15 for 15% off your purchase. Standard exclusions apply, offer valid through 5/31/2024.Ritual - Get 20% off your first month for a limited time at ritual.com/BEHONEST. Start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari, and I am here in Chicago with one of my best friends, Stephanie Beagle, aka Beegs. This is my Chicago dance. Hi. Hi, babe. Thanks for visiting. This makes me so happy. So, okay, I told you guys Beegs was going to come on the podcast. Everyone was very excited. Thank God. And the people had a lot of questions. They did. So you want to know what the number one question was? Yeah, of course.

How we met. Obviously, I think there's a group of people that know how we met and a lot of people are familiar with you from Very Cavallari, but there's a big chunk that aren't. So I think we should start with how we met. It's like the best. I mean, I know we're biased. It's a good story. Do you want to tell it? Well, you go ahead. You always make me tell it. Because you, yeah, well, your version is much funnier. Fine, fine, fine. Well, you can add commentary if you want. I'll give color. I graduated college. You were like 12. No, I'm not. I'm close. I'm like two years younger than you. You know when someone's like 20 and you're like 22. Yes. It felt like a really big difference. Yes. I graduated college, moved to LA and worked at UTA. And you were a big agency, big agency, talent agency.

You were a client. So like I would wave at you. I worked in the reality television department. I was an assistant. It was like the worst job. I didn't even know. I'm kidding. If you watch Entourage, that was me.

Yeah. I was Lloyd. Yeah. Literally you were Lloyd. I was Lloyd. Yeah. And we became like, we were friendly there. But then I went to that company,

Platinum Rye, and they had a Victoria's Secret showroom where they would give celebs like free bras and underwear. Yeah. So like there are these gifting places that as, you know, someone of notoriety, you can go in. That was so beautiful. Thank you. You can go in and get free shit, essentially. So you guys had good stuff in there and Victoria's Secret was one of them. One of them. And we also shared offices with Finger. Remember, we had like other things there. But anyways, somehow I was in charge of when celebs would come in or ladies and men of notoriety, mainly ladies.

And they would come in and like, literally, you could take whatever you wanted. But people would always be like, can I try it on? I'm like, you don't need to try it on. Bras. And underwear. And underwear. Which is actually really gross. Underwear is kind of weird.

You didn't try on the underwear. I did not. But you essentially tried on bras. Show me your boobs. And I'm like, they That's really gross. Underwear is kind of weird. You didn't try on the underwear. I did not. But you essentially tried on bras, show me your boobs. And I'm like, they're really nice boobs. Just took my shirt off. Took your shirt off. And-

That was pre-boob job too. They were, I still think they were beautiful. Thank you. You're welcome. So you took off your shirt, showed me your boobs, and we were best friends ever since. That was it.

And we also lived on the same street. Correct. In Larchmont on Rossmoor. Cutest. So yeah, we would start, we hung out a lot. We did. We part, I mean, like we went out, partied and then like you would come over. I'd be like in bed eating

ice cream. I always think of you and Bardo, like my Yorkie, your little Yorkie running around and you were like eating ice cream, hung over in bed all the time. It was like the foundation of, I would say, absolutely a really great friendship. It was so, but then you moved back to Highland Park, Illinois. Yeah. That's so- So you're from here. Correct. And my mom lived in Barrington. Yep. So I would be visiting all the time.

And when I would come, you and I would get lunch or like, we always made a point to see each other. Yep. And then I was visiting August of 2010. I don't know how you remember. I can't, I don't know what I did yesterday. Because that was when I met my ex-husband. Okay, fair, fair, fair.

So we all, we went to dinner, you, me, and my mom. Yep. The night before, had a night. And the next night is when I went to the Bears game and I met my ex-husband. So then that's when we became really close because I was obviously dating Jay. I was here a lot more. And then when I moved here, you were the only person that I knew really. So we hung out all the time and that's when we became just like. And we were like, we were a little bit more mature. Yeah. We did like other activities.

I wasn't a mom. Yeah. But I also think about people should know that you took me, which cause we're going to talk about dating. You took me on your first date. Oh wait, we should tell this story actually. Which is like so ridiculous. Like the fact that you were like, wait, let's tell this story. I wasn't even planning on this, but this is great. Okay. This was a good nugget. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, okay. So how did this go down? So I was in town, I think it was like a Friday through a Monday, let's say, and I was staying with my mom in Barrington and we went to dinner Friday night. Great. I met Jay Saturday night and he, I was with my mom and my cousin and he drove us to our car after the game,

which is, I believe on a Sunday, but that was cute. Oh, you're right. Oh, right. No, but it was preseason. Does that matter? I don't think so, but this is cute. Either way, Saturday or Sunday. But then I must have been here till Tuesday.

Great. Okay. So anyways, so then he was like, let me know when you're back in town or something. And I was like, well, I'm actually here until Tuesday. And I said, if you want to get a drink, I'm going to get dinner with my friend in the city. And then we could all get a drink after I said, we could all get a drink after I don't. So I, in my head, I'm going, right, we'll go to dinner, you and me. And then you'll come with me to go get a drink with Jay. I think that the only cute part was you didn't tell me or

him. I feel like that. We went to dinner and we had like a craft of wine, which like I also like. I was so nervous. It was a Monday night and you're like, okay. And next you're coming on. You're coming with me. Mercadito. So we're sitting there and Jay walks in and is like, what the fuck? Why is her friend here? Why did you bring a chaperone? You brought a chaperone with you? But he called in, he called in a friend. Yep. Phoned a friend. Phoned a friend.

He came immediately. They lived very close and he ran over and like, then we were on like a double date. We were on a double date. Oh my God. And the rest is history, which like maybe that was the beginning of the end. Yeah. You took me on your first date. I did.

I, okay. So this is the first time in my life, the last four years that I've really dated. Like pre-marriage, I didn't go on a lot of dates. They used to make me so nervous. I feel like it's a muscle I've had to develop in the last few years. And you've gotten really good at it. Now I'm a professional at it. A professional. A professional. I'm a professional. But yeah, I used to get really nervous. So I think like my out was like, you're coming. Like we're going to do like a group drink. You're coming and we're going to drink like a shit ton before you go on your date.

Yeah, because that was smart. And then we started taking tequila shots immediately. Correct, within like two minutes. I don't even remember that night. And I don't either. So thank you so much. So that's exciting. So on the note of dating.

Perfect transition. Yeah, great. Okay, so how this episode came to be is, I mean, you guys know if you listen to this podcast regularly, I've gone on a lot of dates. I really have given dating 110% and really over it. But I've been in this frustrated mode because I feel like when you're single and you're like the only single person, the only thing that people ever want to talk to you about

is who you're dating. Or why you're single. Or why you're single. And so I was really frustrated. I actually sent you a voice note and I was like, Hey, I have a crazy idea. What if you came on the podcast? And we talked about this because you're someone who really understands it. And I really look at you as such an inspiration because you didn't settle. You waited, you have the most amazing husband and now you're pregnant, which congratulations. Thank you so much.

And so you in this current phase of my life are my inspiration and I'm not going to settle. And I just think you understand those conversations more than anybody. So I think we can talk about the frustrating aspect of it too, but we can also talk about how funny it is also. Like we at least can laugh at it. Correct. But like what you shouldn't be asking your single friends. Right.

And also I think you said it, but like not settling. Like I always tell people, settle on what you're ordering in for dinner. Settle on what like your fucking haircut is. Like don't settle on the person that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Like life is hard.

Like maybe, maybe don't settle on that. Like that really important thing. But babe, like I was single and like, I mean, single and alone, but like not alone, right? For forever. Yeah. And it's a. But babe, like I was single and like, I mean single and alone, but like not alone, right? For forever. Yeah.

And it's a journey and it's like a roller coaster. How many years were you single essentially? Off and on for, I mean, we talk about building penis pipelines, right?

Like, I mean, like men came in and out, but like I, I. You didn't have anyone like, I think I met like one boyfriend. Correct. Like my,

my mom says it to me all the time. She was like, you didn't bring anyone. Like I had a couple boyfriends, but I didn't have anyone of significance for like eight to 10 years. Like a really, really long time. Well, and it's funny too, because basically our entire friendship, I was married. Correct. And then the second I got a divorce is when you met David. But like, it's one of the coolest things about our friendship too, is like, we, like we have not been on parallel paths. Like literally we're But like, it's one of the coolest things about our friendship too, is like, we, like, we have not been on parallel paths. Like literally we're just like, like, yeah, we're going to be

single together. It's like, and I met someone, but like, you're totally right. Like you had met someone, you were married, you had, you were like pushing out like 17 different kids, right? Like so many babies. And I was just like doing my thing. Yeah. Right. Well, you weren't settling. It was not settling. And also like, I think what's also so inspiring about you is like this whole idea of like fuck society's timeline because you were 37 when you met David. Yeah. Is that right? Like I'm really bad at math today. Right. I don't know. Pregnancy brain. Pregnancy brain. Sure. But like we were together for, yes, four years. I'm turning 40. So like maybe 36. Okay. 36. That's right. Right. Right. During COVID. Okay. Right. So I think that that is very cool too. And that just says a lot that

like your life is not over in your late thirties, for example. Correct. Like I talk about all the time and you and I always speak about this. I always say like, I love, and maybe it's because of it's what happened to me, but like the fact that I met someone later in life, like it wasn't my choice. We can only control what we can control. Right. But like, I knew myself, I knew what I wanted. And I met someone at a time that I was like, like self-love, self-connection, self-awareness. Like I met someone who was on the same playing field as me because I knew what I wanted. Right. Like I think about who I would have met at 26 or 29 or who I did meet. And I think it is hard. The narrative is like the clock and like time running out. Like what the fuck does that mean? I know. And it makes like, I feel like the conversations that people have are like, well,

why can't you meet someone? Like what, like something is wrong with you. And it's like, why is that the conversation instead of like, good for you for not settling? Cause like, by the way, you could have been in a relationship. I could be in a relationship if I wanted to be. Yeah, literally. It's because we don't want to be because again, we're not settling. Totally. Why isn't that praised more instead of-

It's pity. People look at you and they feel like uncomfortable. That's the part. I'm like, I'm good. Like sometimes I want to turn around and be like, why did you settle? Right? Exactly.

Like, are you happy? Because like, like truly like it. I know it's wild, but it really is a thing because it's like societal norms have changed. But it is like people got married young. They have kids young. And yes, biologically, I understand for women, like for men, it's like you're 40 and alone. Like, fuck. Yeah, I know.

But like for women, it's different. And I do think it's a little scary in that way, but still it's like, what if you're just like one of the most important relationships is a relationship with yourself and getting to know like what matters to you? What are your values? Like how fucking cool is it? I'm sorry. I swear as much, but I can't help it. How fucking cool is it to like meet someone at a time when you're like authentic and connected and confident? Like think about the energy and the magnetism of that. Like you're probably going to meet someone at a time when you're like authentic and connected and confident. Like think about the energy and the magnetism of that. Like you're probably going to meet someone better at that point. Well, you said, wait, this is what you said to me when we were talking about

this. I'm going to quote you. Self-love calls in the right love. That resonates with me so much. I just think, yeah, to really know yourself, be comfortable in your skin. Like you're going to then attract someone who's on your same wavelength and to know yourself on a deeper level, have a better understanding of who you are as a person. You're going to then, because I think life is a mirror. I think all of our relationships are a mirror. So that person is going to reflect that back to you. Totally. And that's a really special place to be in.

If you're like coming at it from a place of like lack of confidence or insecurity, like I think that's when people settle. Is there like, and they don't, it's not what you do. It's like, you don't even believe you deserve all the things, right? And I think a lot of people are afraid to be alone. I think most people literally can't be alone. We're like, for me, I would consider myself too.

I've been single for the last four years. Like, yes, I've had like crazy dating things, but like overall I've been single and I've learned more about myself. I've had the most growth. And I finally feel like now I know who the fuck I am. And I'm in a good place for a relationship. Three years ago, I would have, well, I was with the wrong people and I didn't see the red flags. And I still was like in that just like crazy mindset. You, I think you have to be alone in order to really figure out who you are. Hallelujah. Amen. Right. Like I also think it's, it's okay if people stop looking at it and stop hitting you, right? Like the sympathy,

it's like, I'm good. Like I'm actually, or I'm great. I used to go on alone moons. Like I would travel. Tell people about this. I literally would go on these trips. Well, first of all, I was someone who had never, I grew up in a family that was like, you eat meals together. Like togetherness is like, you're not really quality time, right? You're not really alone. And I hadn't like eaten lunch alone. I ended up, I was supposed to go on a trip with like a best friend to St. Bards. She literally is like one of the most organized humans in the world. And she had her passport sitting out for two weeks, but had never opened it and opened it. And it was expired. And it was like July 4th weekend. And she was like, I'm screwed. And I'm like, okay, so I think I'm

going alone. I went alone to St. Farts. I was so nervous. I mean, I literally like had not spent time alone. I had the best five days of my entire life. Amazing. I met like incredible humans. I woke up every day and I was like, what do I want to do? Like I still travel alone. Like I cherish alone time and even like finding an amazing partner that like you can still value that alone time.

Like totally is one of the coolest. It's not like you're getting into a partnership to lose yourself. I agree. But like that comes with like age. Not to say there aren't people I have friends that met really young in life and like. Yeah, no, absolutely. For them. Right. But I do think like embracing this idea of and it's a practice, like really spending the time getting to know you, getting to know like that's where the growth comes from. All right, guys, listen up. If you have damaged hair, I feel you. And I'm about to introduce you to your new hair repair hero. Introducing the new Kerastase

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this food. Kona, my German shepherd is always drooling as we're getting it ready. My daughter sailor loves to feed the dogs because it's already pre-portioned out. It says their names on it. It just makes the whole process really fun. And you guys, you can get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at the farmers dog.com slash honest. Plus you get free shipping. Just go to the farmers dog.com slash honest. Go to talk about everything. Well, yeah, let's talk about everything. So like the conversations that people do have when you're single. I mean, even last night, I got a text from, I'd say like friend in quotes, a girl who lives in LA. I've known a long time, but like, we don't talk that often. First question, any new boys?

It's like, why is that the only question that people want to talk to me about? I feel like they don't know what else to like, they don't know what else to say. And I, and we've said this, I don't feel like people have ill intentions. I really don't think there's like malice behind it. I do think it's like, um, it's a conversation piece. It's them trying to almost live vicariously through me. Cause like, I am having a lot of fun dates right now and like doing a lot of fun things. But like, it makes me feel like my value is only based on who I'm with or like,

not how are my kids? Like how, like I've got like a million other things going on. Anything, anything else. Anything. We said, I mean, I used to get all the time. Like you're such a catch. Why are you alone? And it's like, that's the best part.

If you can't, if you can't meet someone, how is the rest of the rest of us? My favorite one, it only takes one. Yeah. Oh God. It only, like, I don't even, I don't, I don't even know. Like I think back and I like, definitely I didn't get uncomfortable. I would like, I think I would laugh in people's faces. I know. I know. I know. It's like, what do you say? Cause that's the thing. Like when people ask me, I don't even want to respond if it's on a text. I'm just like, I'm not dating anymore. Like I'm not going down this road with you.

I mean, you should respond like, I have 18 boys or like, I have a lot of like toys I masturbate a lot. I'm dating an 18 year old. A hundred percent. See what people say. I'm dating an 18 year old and a 50 year old. And like, and just,

and like, I'm having a great time. Like, how's it, how's your life? Like, I just, and you know, what's interesting too is because like when you were single for so long, I used to wait for you to bring it up. At least I tried. Obviously, like there were a couple of times

I'd be like, what's the latest? But like, I knew even then, like, I'm sure you don't want to talk about it all the time. Also, it's a conversation filler and then it makes me feel bad. And, and you know what I will say, like I had funny things where it's like, I went on so, dating is the worst. Literally, and you know what I will say, like I had funny things where it's like, I went on. So dating is literally like, I think back and I used to go home at night, like probably tipsy,

like 17 tequilas after my terrible dates and write like chapters to my book that never published. I didn't know that you did that. You said that earlier. And I did not know that. Because babe, like it was because the other thing was I wouldn't want to tell my friends. I wouldn't want to call you and be like, I have a date tonight with Joe Schmo because like likely the date was going to suck. I know. Right. And then you were, you're going to ask about Joe Schmo.

Like, I don't want to talk about him ever again. The follow up. The follow up. So I make the mistake of telling everyone, all of my friends, I'm going on a date. Well, you're like, I'm in love. I'm in love. This is what's happening.

And then everyone's like, what happened? And I'm like, I hate, I'm over it. I'm a hater. Also because you literally like. I get so excited about people. We have a group text and it's like my favorite thing in the world because you'll be like, I'm going on a date. And the next morning, like, how are you doing?

I'm in love. I'm in love. I said it two days ago. You did. You're like all the time. And then, and then the best is my favorite part about you is you're in love. And then you are equally out of love. You're in hate.

I hate you. You're in hate. I hate him. You're in hate. I hate him. Like, 20, 40 hours later. We have, like, one I've gone on a couple of dates and I'm like, no, I like him. Like, you're like,

you're not doing your usual I love you. Like, what's going on? Are you okay? I'm just like, just like taking this one slow. But you jump in and like, I love that about you. And like, that's-

Zero to 60. Like, zero to 400. Literally. Like, really, really fast. But yeah, love. Like I remember like, I remember you had been in love with people and I like had it. My now husband had it told me and I'm like, she's in love like eight times in the span of like me actually like thinking I'm in love with my husband, but like he won't tell me,

but cabs falling in love like 46 times. It's fine. How about the first time David met me? I was with a guy and I was in love. You were in love. Making out with him the whole night. For the record, I think I went home and like got in a fight with David and I was like, time David met me? I was with a guy and I was in love. You were in love. Making out with him the whole night. For the record, I think I went home and like got in a fight with David.

And I was like, do you love me? Like, cause like- Cause I'm like, I love you, I love you. Yeah, I'm like, use your words. Like love, like words of affirmation is one of my love languages. They happen to be all of them. But like words of affirmation.

Oh my God, yeah. You have every, every- Except for actually David's is quality time. And that's the only way you don't give a shit about. I'm like, yeah, like quality time, sort of like intrinsic, like it will happen. Like, which is funny because that's how your family was.

Totally. Maybe that's why you have. But now I realize I like quality time. Oh, you do. But you have every single. Because I follow love language. What's yours? I'm words of affirmation.

Like all day long. Oh, like nothing even. But you also like physical touch. Well, yeah. Don't we all? Right. Like it's a funny. Don But you also like physical touch? Well, yeah. Don't we all? But like, right. Like it's a funny. Don't we all like physical touch?

I don't know. No, some people don't. Like I love physical touch. If I like someone, yes. I want to be like all up in them. But like people often mistake with the love. I like brought this. I bring it up like,

it's like, hi, how are you? What's your love language? People do Zodiac sign. I'm like, no, that's like, hi, how are you? What's your love language? People do Zodiac sign. I'm like, no, that's like so like last year. But like love languages are funny because if someone like David's is quality time and he exerts love, like he pushes quality time on me.

I'm like, dude, you're just not listening. Like mine is all the other four. So you have to learn how to speak the other person's love language. Otherwise it doesn't resonate. Correct. Just like, you know, tips for just, yeah, for the people. I love when people are like, she's divorced.

What? She can't give tips on relationships. People say that. Yeah. People have, well, if you go read the comments, like, okay, well, or like she, she shouldn't be giving dating advice. I'm like, but I'm actively dating. See, I think like, aren't I a better person for dating advice?

Cause I am dating and I have been married. And again, I could be in a relationship if I wanted to be. You could be. I also think like, this is I a better person for dating advice? Because I am dating and I have been married. And again, I could be in a relationship if I wanted to be. You could be. I also think like this is where I wouldn't say like I would, I was seeking men who are divorced, but I actually think one of the most powerful and like brave things to do is go through something like that. I agree.

It makes you stronger. My husband was married before and he like is way more self-connected, knows what he wants, makes you stronger. My husband was married before and he like is way more self-connected, knows what he wants, makes you stronger. So I actually like, I think you should be the one giving dating advice because you've been through it and you've also fought for what matters most and you come out the other side, like stronger. So, so I agree with you. I think divorce people, I am really awesome. I am good at this. I agree though. I think when you've been through a divorce, cause you've had to work at

something really fucking hard and make the decision to get out of it. Like how many people we talk about settling people settle to get married, but they also settle in their relationship. I think so many people are unhappily married, right? So many people. And it actually breaks my heart. I think most people are. And I know that's so sad. Like, what do you do? Like we talk about this all the time, but like when we talk about doing the work or like being connected to self, like it sounds a little woo and a little dorky, but like, I think back to, like, I'm not telling everyone to go do this, but I like, remember like doing like a ceremony where like burn shit and like wrote shit down. I was like calling in my husband. Like I'm, I had a list of 18 things that

I was looking for in a man. Oh, okay. And I talked about like drive or someone who loves his family or someone who wanted a family, like, but there was 18 of them. And I talked about this at my wedding. David probably only had like six to seven. Okay. Yes. This is a great conversation. Yeah.

Because the reality is, is like, I, I don't believe in settling, but I don't believe in seeking like perfection because like, I'm not perfect. I don't think it exists. Right. He's not perfect. But what I realized was like of the six or seven, maybe he has eight, but probably six or seven. He has the ones that matter. Right. Like I was spending so much time like writing out and manifesting and calling in and like, I did it all because I was like, yeah, I would try everything. And I was spending the time thinking about what mattered to me. Right. Like I do laugh because it's like we spend so much time in that time that we're alone. Right.

Thinking about or like fantasizing or like calling in this perfect partner. Dream man. This dream man or woman, whatever it is. And I just laugh because he was everything I needed. Right. Right. Well, and like you've said, so like David owns Sluggers, which is the most iconic bar in Chicago, I would say. Definitely wasn't on my list of 18.

Owning a bar, maybe not at the top of your list. You know, it's like, but, but to your point, I mean, he's such a great guy that you have to, you're going to have to let go. I think of a lot of these things. I mean, it's kind of like what I'm going through right now, because same thing, I'm writing down every little fucking thing. And like, depending on who you talk to about manifesting, people will say you even need to write cons because it balances it out. Like, it's like so many things,

you need to be so specific. You have to draw out their penis. No, I'm like, what does it look like? I can do that. Could you? Like, how do they take their coffee in the morning? It's like, Jesus Christ, how many little fucking things?

Imagine like how they touch you. I'm like, what does that mean? So many details. But I did it, but I totally do that. Could you? Like, how do they take their coffee in the morning? It's like, Jesus Christ, how many little fucking things? Imagine like how they touch you. I'm like, what does that mean? So many details. But I did it. But I totally did it. And I am too. But yeah, I think like they, it doesn't always come in the package that we think it's going to.

And so I think like, yes, it's good to manifest and do all these things, but then like, let it go and allow the universe to just like bring you what you actually do need. For sure. And I love that you, like you've called in each year. It's like joy or fun or a word for the year for the year. I love that. But I also think it's like, we can only control certain things in life, like very little, right. But like you can control what you're calling. I still think about like, I mean, energy attracts energy, like the magnetism of like when you're in a good place and like, you know what you want and you're leaning into that, like magic happens. I agree. Right. Well, and I think when

you're in that good place and you have that self-love, like the shift for me was I'm not going to put up with bullshit anymore. Correct. I am like worth. Yeah. Yeah. Your self-worth because things that I even put up with three years ago, like even after my divorce, I wouldn't have ever date those people that I dated then today. So I just think that's why it's the most important thing is to love yourself so that you can demand that kind of respect from a man or whoever your partner. Totally. I think that's a really hard thing for people though. Like, cause you sit in it, it's like, I make it sound a lot easier. Like there was dark, there was moments of like,

I'm like, I'm lonely. Totally. I would fill the void with like everything else. Right. Yeah. And dating is like, I mean, we can laugh at it, but like writing those chapters of this book that I'll never publish.

Do you still have it? For sure. Has David seen it? Definitely not. I want to see it. I mean, I like, I think about babe, like we have, like, I would probably call you and tell you, I definitely didn't tell you about the, like the, the good dates as much. Cause I'm like, then I would jinx it. But I would definitely tell

you about the bad dates. Like I thought about the other day. I went on a date. Tell me, tell me a story. I have to tell you. There's so many of them, but this snippet, I remember the most. There was a guy I went out with. It was definitely an app. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And you were on all the apps? I was on all of them. Yeah. Okay. Like truly. And you were like an active data. I had a Google document. I had a fucking Google document that was like Michigan. Like he has brown hair, blue eyes. Cause babe, I would go out with them and I'm like, who are you again? I would go on double headers. I'm like, how did you pull that off? I would be like five o'clock. Like. Holy shit, like a drink before. A drink before. And then what if you liked the guy that you were at drinks with?

That's a great question. Clearly it never happened. Like you never had to cancel a dinner. And I think about all the time, do you do dinner or drinks? I like drinks because I don't want to be stuck at dinner with you if I don't like you. Okay, so I'm the opposite because I like dinner

because it has an end, it has an expiration. Oh, that's smart. So I would go on these dates. I remember them vividly. Cause like anyone with like emotional intelligence would remember and like understand I'd be like, okay, I have one drink and then they would have one drink. And I'm like, okay, I'm done. And they're like, I'm gonna have another, like, okay. Like, do I need to wear a shirt that says like, I'm over, I hate you. And like, but babe, so like, that was my thing with drinks. Like,

I don't know. I don't think there is a right answer. Like they were getting drunk. I'm like, that was my thing with drinks. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I don't want to hang out. I don't think there is a right answer. Like they were getting drunk. I'm like, this is, is this fun? Cause like, oh my God, I know. Like, do I leave them? Like people be like, leave. Okay. Anyways.

Leave them. Leave them. Like, I'm going to go. But like, I mean, the bathroom emergencies, I did it all. But there was one, one dinner I went to and the guy, like, I feel like I know right away. Like immediately. Immediately. Immediately. And it's not from a vain perspective, but like you have know right away. Like immediately. Immediately. Immediately.

And it's not from a vain perspective, but like you have a connection or you don't. Exactly. Maybe someone grew up. No. No. Like, no. Thank you for saying this.

You know, you're my only friend, really. May I've got two friends that are like. You're like, just two. Just two. I only have two friends, period. Period. But like, cause a lot of my girlfriends are like, give him another chance. You should are like, give him another chance.

You should, you should give him another chance. I'm like, no, I'm not attracted to him. Or like, I think about like, right away,

like, is there a, like, yes. Do I want to make out with you? Maybe the chemistry would grow, but like, probably not.

It's not going to. Or like tequila makes it grow. Like, I don't know if that's a good thing. Anyways. I would agree. So within four minutes, and I also,

I used to be in sales. So like, I would go on first dates all the time, right? Like you go out with someone, but like, I was stuck on that date because like, I was trying to make money and all that. Oh good thing. Anyways, so within four minutes, and I also, I used to be in sales. So like I would go on first dates all the time, right? Like you go out with someone, but like, I was stuck on that date. Cause like I was trying to make money and all that. But I got really good at it. Like I got good at like what questions to ask you to move the date along. But so I remember being on this date and within like 32 seconds, he picked me up and I was like, I think I hate him. You know, we went to dinner. Do people, cause you live in Chicago in a big city. Yeah. So would people pick you up a lot?

Or was it more like, I'll meet you there? Yeah, I honestly don't know. Like in theory, like cute. Which we love a guy who's going to pick you up. But like, it is like, fuck more time together. But like more time together. So I think I knew in the car ride to the restaurant. Okay.

I think I stopped doing pickups. I also started doing, I remember at one point I was doing FaceTime screenings. I'm like, you told me to do this when I became single. Right. By the way, it's fucking genius because you will know immediately. You will know because someone can take hours to like write back on text, but like, you know, right away, anyone can be good on text. I'm like, let's FaceTime. I was, I also got catfish,

but that's, that's for another day. Oh my God. That's such a good story too. Well, this one's not even a long one, but I remember this is the one snippet I remember. I talk so fast because it gets so excited. So we went to dinner, we sit down and he orders for me. Okay. Like wait, like a drink or food, food without even talking to you. I'm like, do I have food allergies? Like, like in theory, I'm allergic. I'm allergic to, I'm allergic to blood. Like that would be awesome. Actually, not really, but, but he orders dinner for both of us. And like, again, like, like some aggressive people might like that. Like a man takes control, but like I was right away like, again, like some people might like that like a man takes control. But like I was right away like, okay.

So I'm eating. It was a, he ordered courses. Okay. We're at an Italian restaurant. They're like definitely didn't need courses. But the first course was a pizza course and I was eating the piece of pizza. And I see him do like,

no one can see me doing this, but like he did like a wrap it up and like called the waiter, beckoned the waiter over. I was in the middle of my first piece and he's like, can we take this, can we wrap this up? We take this to go. And I'm like, and he leans over and he goes,

I just don't want you to get full. No, stop. And I was like, I think I was- Are you kidding? Ew. And he left. Oh my God. Like he thought you were gonna go fuck him?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What the fuck? I was like, do you think I'm fat? Like, I honestly. Oh my God. So weird. You see how I am now?

I remember being like, I don't know what to do. I'm like, I'm a, can I finish the piece I have? But he did it, babe. With every like course that we had. No. We'll take, we'll take the rest of that. And then truly, then he drove me home. And he like, when I say to you, like it was one of the worst dates I've ever been on.

Oh, he wasn't like, let's go leave. No, no. He was like, let's just wrap this up soon. Yeah. But like, I think he was like, I'm so confused. He didn't want me to get full. He didn't want me to eat.

I don't know. I don't know. What the fuck does this guy want? I don't know. I am so confused by this I think I laughed and I think I cried I think I peed my pants

it's fine and then he drove me home I'm like I can Uber but then it's awkward he drove me there what am I gonna do and he like leaned over to like kiss me

closed his eyes I remember and I was like no did you do like one of these yeah I did like 100% and then he was like see you this week

and I was like no and all I remember is that two weeks later, I think he also liked boys, which is fine. I went out with a lot of- He's gay, that's cool. Yeah, it was totally fine. We love that. I think I've gone out with a couple of gay guys too.

So many gay guys. And two and a half weeks later on Facebook, he had done like a photo shoot with his like shabby chic white couch with no shirt on and like two white dogs. And I was like- No, I love this guy. You've met this guy on an app. Support for today's episode comes from Jenny Kane. Perfect timing, honestly, because this season I

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That's ritual.com slash be honest for 20% off. What was your worst? Well, I- Or like, what's one that you remember? I've got two that really stand out in my mind. I'm going to give you, okay. I'm going to give you, I'm going to give one that I've actually said before.

I said it on another podcast, but I haven't actually said it on my podcast. So, okay. And you know this story. I went out with an actor in LA and- Enough said. That's it. It was awful. They're all awful. So we go to Laurel Hardware, which is a very busy restaurant, but this is what I did. I said,

let's meet for a drink. I have a really early morning the next morning, which was true. I was hosting the Daily Pop on E, which I don't even think that show exists anymore. But so meet him for a drink. He is slamming drinks like and I'm working the next morning. So I think I honestly had one, maybe two drinks, but we were there for so long. And then he was like, should we eat? And I'm like, I'm too fucking nice. So I was like, OK, yeah. But so he's hammered now. OK. And he's telling me how he does his own stunts. He gets up in the middle of packed Laurel hardware and is acting out a stunt, runs into the waitress and he's like, oh, sorry about that. I'm going sit down. What are you doing? So same thing. Walked me in my car

and I did the like, oh, so nice to meet you. Tried to kiss me and I like docked the other way. But and then I couldn't get rid of her. He was like, I'll come visit you in Nashville. I'm like, that's the wildest. You're like, were you on the same date as me? That's what I don't understand. Were you on the same? You thought that was a good date? You thought I was into you? By the way, and you're the same way. Any date I'm on,

I can easily keep the conversation going. Like I can talk to a fucking wall. Same. It's easy. This was the only date I've been on where I was like, I can't even come up with something to say. Like, I don't care.

And did you like, okay, how did, and we've done some coaching on this because like, I do believe, probably because I've been on other side of it. Like you have to also just be honest and be like, this was not good for me. I know. And I'm not good. You're not great at that, but like, but I have so much better. I've definitely sent a text of like, Hey, I loved meeting you. I just didn't feel any chemistry, which I think is really, my issue is I can do that after a first date, literally no problem. I've run into trouble where it's important. My issue is I can do that after a first date, literally no problem.

I've run into trouble where it's like, it becomes too much. I've like committed to like going to like Santa Barbara or something with someone. And then I'm like, wait, I don't want to go. A hundred percent. That I would say that's a little bit of a you problem. Not everyone like commits to like traveling.

Yeah, which is why am I committing to going? Like I've committed to like different states with people. And then, so I'm like very impulsive in the morning, in the morning, in the moment, I'll be like, yeah, that sounds fun. Like, fuck it, YOLO. And then I sit with it and I'm like, oh no, I don't want to do that at all.

It's a little hard to pull back when you've like committed to going on a trip. But, but I think we always would say like, treat people with respect, especially in dating, because it's literally the worst. And that's what you would want in return. It's what I would want in return. Because I've been on the flip side where I really liked a guy and like, and then they, especially in dating. Cause it's literally the worst. And that's what you would want in return. It's what I would want in return. Cause I've been on the flip side

where I really liked a guy and like, and then they play games and like. And that's like, just fucking tell me. Don't string me along. Also, I know. I think that's the other thing was as you get older,

you're like, especially with these apps, like I was talking about what, like I love Blair, one of my very best friends who you love. She was talking to me about the apps and she was like, the game has changed even more.

Like people now they're like going on and they're like, I'm on here and I want to date eight people at the same time. Well, I know. Cause it's so easy now. There's so many people at your fingertips. And I feel like the apps are creating this environment where it's like, just keep looking and keep looking. And you can talk to a million people at once. And it's like, it's like desensitizing us to what our relationship is. So like, right. Being single can be hard because also if you are wanting to find a partner,

like going through what these apps put you through, like it's not fun. Or like if you live in like the country. Or if you live in butt fuck, my options are limited. And like I was on Raya. I went on some great dates. Although my last one, I think I told you gorgeous guy. It was a lunch date,

which I've also never done a lunch date. And that already, I was like, this is so dumb. I've like gotten tea before. Yeah. Like what? Do you want to talk about himself? The whole time. Literally the entire time. We're like, I've been on other dates before.

And if someone, if a guy's talking a lot, he's like, well, okay, I'm done talking about me. Like, I want to hear about you. This guy never did that. And I literally was like the entire time it was. And he at least had a little awareness to text me and be like, sorry, I talk a lot. Like, you just got to tell me to shut up. Like, blah, blah. And it's like, that was like, that was brutal. And like, he does have an interesting

life. Like I'll give him that his stories were good, but like, what just happened? Totally. You're like, is this, but that's what I mean? Like, are people going on? Cause they like are bored and they need someone to talk to. Like, that's what I mean like are people going on because they like are bored and they need someone to talk to like that's what I don't understand that's that is the hard part it's like you can go through all this like I'm connected I know what I want and then like you have to find someone else who's like in the same energy field as you that wants the same shit like that's hard it's it is hard to meet someone I never like any well I like someone for 24 hours right you either like really like them and then you're like really over them or, but it is, but truly it is hard to like, it's hard to meet someone. But as we're saying, like, it's okay that it's hard in theory because you're trying to

do this because I'm waiting for the most amazing man on the planet. Totally. Like whoever I end up with is going to, it's going to, he's going to check all the boxes. There are like, I have deal breakers. There are very specific things I'm looking for. And I think because when you settle and you ignore red flags when you're 23 or however old you are, you make some, I don't want to say poor choices. It's just who I dated previously, I would never date today.

Well, also we as humans evolve, we grow, we change. Like, and that's also okay. Which is why I say like, I do have friends that are like happy in their relationships and they met a long time ago. But I just think about like we are humans that are hopefully always evolving, always growing. And I think finding someone a little bit later. And my other thing I say this to you all the time is like so the clock thing is real. Like I am pregnant. Like that is that is. Yes. Biologically, I understand it gets harder as you get older for

sure. But I think about to try to lean into the things that give you a little bit of that insurance or like take that time, that clock away or the pressure of like, I used to think about, I'm like, oh my God, I'm never going to find someone, but it was really, I'm never going to find someone by 40. Right. Who decided that? Right. What happened? I don't, I didn't like, I don't like crumple up and turn into a pump. Like, I know. What is that? I think women are really like, I think we're in our prime.

Totally. Late thirties, forties. Like I stepped into my power later in life. I knew, I knew what I liked, what I didn't like. I like, I, you're, you're totally right. And you're this, like, I look at you now and that's been one of the coolest things too, about like our non-parallel past.

Like we celebrate and support each other, but like you now, you are the happiest, the most connected. Like you are a badass. You've built fit. Like you show up as an amazing mom, an amazing friend. Like we were at 22.

We were a little different. I mean, we were still great. Yeah, we were awesome. We were awesome, but we were different. So like, I just say like, lean in and embrace that part of it. And then like, if you can afford to freeze your eggs

or if you can like, there are things out there that I think like clawed back for me, like the power and the control to be like, I don't have to settle because like there's this like weird, like imaginary narrative script in my head. That's like, okay,

your time is almost running out. Right. Because like- The society side? Because then you're in a marriage, That's like, okay, your time is almost running out. Right. Because like- The society side, like what? Because then you're in a marriage, like in theory, like I married David for forever, like ideally for forever. We hope.

Yeah, we hope. But like he is my person. He's my forever. But I didn't settle and I'm not saying it's perfect and I'm not saying it's easy. Yeah. But that's the thing, life is hard. Totally.

I'm sorry, does it sound fun to go through like things that are hard with someone that you don't like? Exactly. That to me is wild. I agree. I know. Well, yeah. And I mean, I can speak to like being in an unhappy marriage is one of the worst things on the planet. I can't imagine staying in that. Just how miserable you would be in your everyday life and everything you're doing, carrying that energy around is so difficult. I mean, you said it to me. My mom said it to me when I got a divorce. Everyone was like, holy shit, you're back to your old self. You're bubbly. You're like your energy. Yeah. Like there was a huge shift in me. My mom was like, I didn't even realize until like, because when you're in it, you don't see. And it's just, yeah, it's crazy.

I think that's actually like a little tangent and then I'm done, I promise. But we love tangents. But I will say too, like we talked about relationship to self, like talked about not settling. The other thing is like surround yourself with friends who literally like can support and celebrate you on all your vignettes.

Like, you know that I believe in like, like I love, everyone has chapters, everyone has vignettes. But I think about how cool it is that like girls sort of suck a lot of times. Right. And like, they're not actually truly happy for you, but like finding women or females that like can, when I ask you how you are, like, all I want is for you to be happy. It's not like, I'm like, tell me about the guys. No, literally. And also right now I'm vicariously living through your stories because the roles, totally reverse. I'm like, what the fuck do I do with this child that I'm having? Like you'll teach me, you can teach me. Right. But I think it's one of the coolest things and

like the most powerful thing to like another relationship that you have to nurture and that you have to lean in is like celebrate. If you have these relationships and friendships that like they're very important. I agree. And it like only helps catapult you to find that like partner too. You are the best with that because you're like the one girlfriend in my life where it's like, I, you're actually like one of the only people I love telling all of this shit too, because I never feel that judgment from you of like zero judgment. Like when you're like not worried about me, I'm like you to you, babe. And like, truly, I love the details and I love getting to see you like experience.

It's part of your, it's part of your journey. It is. Right. This is like the first time in my life that I've dated. And like your stories are so fucking good. I've got some good ones. The best is you brought David into them now. Like, I'm like, dude, do you know how lucky you are

that you're like in the inner circle that you're getting? The group chat and updating the group chat. And then my favorite thing, like no one probably gives a fuck, but like my husband only speaks in memes. So like you'll be like doing something and he's sending you like. I know. What is he? What's his new one?

That you're a dragon player. Oh God. No, a fighter. Like a slut dragon. Slut dragon. Yeah. I want to find it. I'm a slut.

Is that what it is? Yeah, a slut dragon. A slut dragon. I love it. I'm a slut dragon. Like, you know what, babe? You are a slut dragon. I'm a slut dragon right now. it is yeah a slut dragon a slut dragon I love it he keeps saying like you know what babe you are a slut dragon

I'm a slut dragon right now god damn it I fucking am let me back up that makes it sound like I'm sleeping around a lot I literally didn't have sex for months

I was also dying because I was listening I listened to your podcast you know I'm like a super fan and I was dying at you and Justin talking about masturbating because remember

when I told you about you're the friend I was talking about but I was dying you guys oh wait this is so great I was somewhere and Justin talking about masturbating because remember when I told you about- You're the one who was talking about masturbating. But I was dying, you guys. Oh, wait, this is so great. I was somewhere, we were like in Florida and you're like, what vibrator should I get? In this newly single life, I'm like,

I need to up my sex toy game. But guys, I gave her like seven different options. She bought all seven. All of them? I have them all. You're like, I have a travel one. Okay, I have a travel one. I have, I think three in Nashville and two in LA.

Like babe, who needs, like, I mean, I love you. They're all different. They're all like different men. They're all, they really are. I was so dragging. Like my travel one, I'm like, oh, I've missed you. I haven't traveled in a minute. I think you're my favorite.

But like, literally, I remember like I asked you, I was like, did you end up buying like, you know, this one? And I'm like, you know, did you get the clit one? You're like, yeah, I bought the clit one. And the eight others that you told me about, I'm like- I'm like sweating. I was like, I'm like, I have to go up my game. Like I-

I recommend that one, by the way. I mean, babe. I'm going to make a sex toy. Oh, you should 100%. And you know, like Foria is like my favorite in the entire world. I still need to get that. Damn it. I haven't gotten it yet. Oh my God. It's because you got eight. It's because I have eight toys.

You should make it. You absolutely should make a toy. I know. That's your list of things to do. I will. An uncommon vibrator. And ooh. We always come up with the best ideas. I'm also sweating. I'm literally sweating now that everyone knows I have eight fucking vibrators. Yeah, it's fine.

But like, you know- That's cool. Like we always say, you do you, boo. Damn right. And whatever- Living in my truth. Whatever, you are living in your truth. I'm living in my truth.

Yeah, you saved my masturbating game. You're welcome. So I appreciate you for that. You're so welcome. You're the best. It's one of my most- Proud moment for you. As we said, we got to find a friend who like supports you through all your stages.

And one of them was your masturbating stage. And that sounds like you're still in. I'm still there. Appreciate you. As we said, we got to find a friend who like supports you through all your stages. And one of them was your masturbating stage. And it sounds like you're still in. I'm still there. Appreciate you. Oh my God. How did we get here? I don't know. We always, I always take these. And you always end, I feel like with masturbation. I know. Why is this the new podcast? Let's end something. Let's end somewhere different. Okay. Self love. Yeah, you're right. No, but okay. Let's, I think, okay, let's flip the narrative to be, if you're single, it's a good fucking thing. Good for you because you're not settling and you're going to take your time and you're working on yourself.

And when the right one is supposed to come, they will. And for everyone else around you in your life, like celebrate, support that. And like, don't ask. Yeah. Don't ask. Don't bring it up. Don't ask. Yeah.

Or like ask, like, are you good? Or how can I like, yes. What can I do for you? Yes. Are you happy? Are you happy? Like you up. Don't ask. Yeah. Or like ask, like, are you good? Or how can I like. Yes. What can I do for you? Yes. Are you happy? Are you happy? Like you've been having any fun?

Yeah. Maybe that's a better question. I like that. Who are the latest boys? Because they probably go hand in hand. So if I want to tell you about a boy, I will. If you want to like ask a leading question, like maybe this is the better way to do it. But like just truly like maybe someone is actually OK being alone and make sure they're good being alone. Exactly.

Not everyone is dying to be in a relationship. And otherwise we're going to start turning around and saying, why did you settle? Damn right. We're going to throw back. You're happily married with a baby on the way. We're going to turn around. Yeah, I'm going to start throwing it back in your face.

You bring me on dates. It's like not like that. Like I actually am mad you haven't brought me on a date in a while. Finally, I'm not even going to go there. Okay. Finally, I have someone I can take you on a date with. Let me just pump the fucking brakes.

I'm in love today. Okay, today. We'll see what happens in a week. Let's talk in 24 to 48 hours. Yeah, okay. Well, listen, I love you to pieces. I love you so much. Women think you are so inspiring

and for good reason because you are. I appreciate you being here. And we're so happy for you. To be continued. To be continued. And we'll keep you posted on when Uncommon, what do we call it? Vibrator.

Vibrator. Uncommon vibe. We'll come up with a dinner right now. But it's coming. Yeah, it's coming. It's going to be the best vibrator on the market. It's coming. You're welcome.

That's the tagline. It's coming. I love you so much. I love you so much. Can we do this again? Yes.