Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Breaking Up Sucks

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Join me for a solo episode all about breaking up. How you know it's time, how to get through it, the hardest and scariest part of a breakup, how to handle a guy being really nasty post-split, and how to make him come back. Plus, a trip down memory lane about my first boyfriend that turned me into the "heartbreaker" and one of the pettiest things I did during a breakup.A word from my sponsors:Hiya Health - Get 50% off your first order when you got to hiyahealth.com/HONEST.ServPro - Visit SERVPRO.com or call 1-800-SERVPRO today. Quince - Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to Quince.com/honest for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.Bon Charge - Go to boncharge.com and use code HONEST to save 15% off my favorite Red Light Face Mask and other wellness products.Gatorade Hydration Booster - Put your water to work with Gatorade Hydration Booster.AG1 - Try AG1 and get a FREE bottle of Vitamin D3K2 and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/HONEST. That's $48 value for FREE if you go to drinkAG1.com/HONEST. Check it out.  For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, guys, welcome into Let's Be Honest. Before we get into the episode, just wanted to quickly mention that this episode is brought to you by AG1. Go to drinkag1.com slash honest and get a free welcome kit with your first purchase. The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. Really quickly, just before we get into the episode, I wanted

to hop on here and just let you guys know that this episode was recorded right before a very public incident happened last week with my ex-husband. So just keep that in mind as you're listening. I will not be commenting on what happened. I do, of course, wish Jay nothing but the best, and I do hope that he gets the help that he needs. But that's the only thing I will be saying about it publicly. So with that in mind, enjoy this week's episode and I'll see you guys soon. Welcome in guys. How we doing? Please completely ignore the background if you're watching this on video. I still am waiting on a bunch of furniture. There's just shit everywhere. So don't judge me on my house

right now. I'm actually getting most of my furniture here in the next week or two. So I'm really excited. So it's soon going to be organized. It's been so hard for me to live like this because I'm such an organized, neat person. And I've had to just sort of put it in the back of my head. And it is driving me a little crazy, but we're close to the end. And we're also close to having my podcast studio. Actually, next week, I'm getting all the furniture in. And then my podcast company, Dear Media, is going to come out and they are going to get me all situated with my cameras and my mics and all the good stuff. So I'm really excited about that. So we're almost there. So thanks for bearing with me. So this episode is going to be all about breakups because

I actually asked my Instagram followers what you guys wanted to talk about. And the amount of breakup questions that I had was really overwhelming. And so I decided to just dedicate the whole episode to breakups specifically. Obviously, it's good timing for me because I am going through a breakup. And what I actually learned starting this podcast was that breaking up is at the forefront of a lot of people's minds and they just really don't know how to do it. And I think people are really scared to break up, which I completely understand. And so I noticed that when I started asking people questions in general. I'm always breaking up, like how I knew to get a divorce, how you know it's time to break up. Those are always really

consistent questions for me. And so we're going to talk about all of it. And I just want to preface this with, I am not referencing any specific breakup in this episode, unless I specifically say, but I don't want the E news and us weeklies of the world to be able to say, cause I know the timing of this, everyone's going to go, she's talking about Mark, but I'm not, I'm talking about all the breakups I've ever had. And there's been a few, and we're even going to take a trip down memory lane. I'm going to tell you guys about my very first boyfriend, Johnny, and how that relationship actually fucked me up. And then in turn is what made me this quote unquote heartbreaker. I'm going to take you guys through all of that. But I do want to start

by just reading some of the breakup questions that I got. So some of the questions were how to walk away, how to know when it's time, how to not look back when you feel low or sad. Talk about leaning into that voice that you knew you needed to break up, moving through heartbreak or a breakup, and what the hardest breakup I've ever gone through was and the worst way that I've ever been broken up with. So we're going to cover all of this stuff. And you guys see what I mean, even just from those few questions. And there were a ton, but I just pulled the consistent theme. Most of the questions were about how you know when it's time. And I don't care if it's a divorce or a breakup. I think breakups suck no matter what the situation is and no matter what

side of it you're on. I don't care if you're the one making the decision. It is still hard. And women, what I've learned and even just my own personal experience is that women don't take breaking up lightly. Women really sit with this for a long time, a long time. And I've always said like with divorce, for example, it's not like people woke up and they were like, you know what? Fuck this. I want to get a divorce today. That is something that you sit with for such a long time. And I think it's because you do have that thought that always creeps in, doubting it, going, well, what if this? And what if that? And what if that? And what if you leave and you miss him and you're miserable? And I think for a lot of women,

there's a financial factor that makes it really difficult to stay, which fucking kills me for any woman who is in that position. But women really play out every scenario possible. And I think a lot of women get really scared because, well, and listen, when there's kids involved, obviously it just, you know, you think about your kids and it's such a hard decision. No one gets married wanting to get a divorce, you know? And I think that's also what makes it so hard too is realizing what you thought was going to be forever. Your marriage is coming to an end and accepting that is really hard. And also just a breakup in general, I think accepting that is hard. And when you're so used to being with someone and your life is really comfortable, like you're really comfortable with

someone, you know, that's really scary then to lose that. Even if you're together for six months, there is that comfort. There is that trust. There is like, you're just in the groove and getting out of that groove is terrifying for a lot of people, you I think the thought of shattering your life, like we'll just say getting a divorce, is so scary. But I would argue you could be shattering this life that you're unhappy with to create a really beautiful new life. And first of all, no one can make the decision for you. A divorce or a breakup is something that you have to come to the conclusion with on your own. Obviously, you talk to your friends, you talk to your family, but ultimately,

you're the only person who knows. And I've always said, women have a really strong gut intuition. We all have it. It's learning how to fully tap into it and trusting it and how you trust it as trial and error. For me, it's just been years and years of being like having a gut feeling and ignoring it. And then being like, I knew I should have listened to my gut feeling. And then always being like, my gut is always fucking right. Our guts are always right. They always are. And there's a reason why we have these little like thoughts and these little things going off. They are to alert us. Or like if you have something going on with your body, we a lot of times, unhappiness or sadness or whatever it is, will manifest in our bodies and come out with some sort of like ailment. Before I got a divorce, I clenched my jaw for

so many months. Like I had to go and get a mouth guard to wear at night. I did acupuncture. I did all the things. And I'm not kidding. As soon as I got out, it stopped. It stopped. Our bodies tell us. And so it's listening to your body as well. I think it's also really important to remember that that pain is temporary. Time heals all. It does. And look, I know, and some of this stuff I have said before, so I'm sorry if it's a repeat for some of you, but I said, you know, when I got a divorce, it was the first time in my life that I decided to sit in it, sit in everything, sit in the hurt, the pain, the just all of the discomfort because my whole life. So my first boyfriend, Johnny was in eighth grade.

And that is what started like my obsession. I guess you could say with boys for a really long time. Like boys were always like the forefront of my life. They might still be, kind of. I've learned how to balance it better. But I've been boy crazy my whole life since eighth grade. And I never wanted to sit in sadness or pain because it was too uncomfortable for me. And that's because of my upbringing and my relationship with my dad. And this could easily turn into a therapy session. We won't do that. But it's obvious to me why I was the way that I was. And so my divorce was the first time that it was like, I'm not going to run from these feelings. I am not going to pretend like these

aren't going on, that I'm not feeling this certain way deep down. I'm not going to medicate with going out and whatever I would do in my early 20s, my teens in my early 20s. And I just really... Because I also, I wanted to work on myself. I wanted to really grow from it. And because I know now, now that I'm older, everything that happens is for us, not to us. And so no matter what it is, you can learn from a situation. There's a reason why it is happening for you. And that was what I did. I just told myself I wanted to learn everything I could learn. I wanted to grow. I wanted to work on myself. I didn't want to make the same mistakes that I made previously. And when I say mistakes, I don't regret anything in my life. I really don't because it's ultimately made me who I am.

And I've learned a lot, but I wanted to break the cycle with the type of guy that I was attracting because I believe life is a mirror and whatever you're getting is because it's something you're putting out. And so I knew, and then by the way, that doesn't make it okay. Like it doesn't make narcissistic behavior or a guy not treating you the right way. It doesn't make any of that. Okay. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying I knew that I needed, I needed to change something. Like, why was I allowing some of these guys to treat me the way that they were treating? And that was on me. You know, people are going to be themselves. They're going to do what they do. It's up to us to say, no, these are my boundaries and I'm not going to allow that. So my point is that pain that you feel when you first break up is fucking awful. It's brutal,

but then it's, you literally wake up one day and you're like, I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good. And I just, divorce especially, now we are talking specifically about divorce, but when you get to the other side, it's such a beautiful thing. Oh my God, you guys are going to trip out. So if you listen to the episode with Cindy the Medium, okay, we talked about this whole thing with seven, seven, seven, seven. That's a sign for me, like a major sign. And that's a really good episode. It's worth listening to. That was from last February, I believe, February or March. But I just looked down. So I've got my Word document on my laptop right here. And I have it up with just like my notes for this episode. And I just noticed out of the corner of my eye, there are 777 words on this document.

I just love stuff like that, you guys, because to me, that just means like, you're on the right path. Like, this is where you're meant to be. I'm a big believer in signs. Actually, that is another thing. You can ask for signs. Everyone can ask for signs. And if you are thinking about going through a breakup, do listen to that episode with The Medium because she talks a lot about that. And if you are thinking about going through a breakup, do listen to that episode with the medium because she talks a lot about that. And I asked for a lot of signs through my divorce and I found so much peace in it. And, you know, I believe all of us have a spirit guide team and that could be anyone from, you know, a loved one that's passed. Like I really believe

that my brother is one of my spirit guides. It could be a grandmother. It could be, I don't, we don't always even know, but we all have spirit guides and you can call on them and you can ask for any sign that you want. It could be something super specific. I have a butterfly tattoo. Butterflies were assigned for me during my divorce. And I would see them like in the craziest places. Like one time I was on an airplane getting ready to take off and there was a huge butterfly in the window. Like when do you ever see a bug or anything out there, you guys? And there was like this massive butterfly just like right here in the window. And I was like, holy shit. And that

was after multiple other butterfly signs that I had gotten. So anyways, I just think because going through a breakup can be really lonely. Obviously, you're the only one experiencing that pain. And yes, well, friends are crucial. I mean, my God, if I didn't have Justin, I don't know what I would have done through all of my breakups. And a good friend is someone who will sit in it with you who is like, this is happening to us. But at the end of the day, they only get it so much. You do go to bed by yourself with your thoughts and your feelings. And those signs really made me feel and still do like I'm not alone and like everything is going to be okay and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. So start asking for signs. Here's a brand we've talked about many times before, and that is Quince. Here's something

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I've never, I've never been broken up with and I don't want you guys to turn on me. Okay. I literally said the same thing in Austin. Don't turn on me. It's not like, let's talk about this. I, okay. Well, I feel like now's a good time to tell you guys about Johnny. Okay. So in eighth grade, I lived in Barrington, Illinois. It's a suburb of Chicago. I lived with my mom and I had my boyfriend, Johnny. He was also in eighth grade. We were the same age and it was something out of a movie. You guys, it was the sweetest, most romantic, most also terrifying, I think for my mom. And now as a mother myself, looking back on like Camden, for example, I actually just dropped him off this little jump center with three friends, two of which are eighth graders. And I sit there with eighth graders in my car going,

holy shit, what I was doing in eighth grade when I was their age is wild to me. So I lost my virginity to Johnny in eighth grade. I was very young. I had just turned 14. God, I think I had just turned 14. Sometimes I get confused if I was 13 or 14. I was in eighth grade. I was fucking young, all right? Let's just call a spade a spade. That was extremely young to be having sex. But I will say, Johnny and I were in love. We were as in love as you can be at the tender age of 13 and 14. And we dated for a year. We actually did go on dates. It was cute. So Johnny was so great. And Johnny looked like he was 18. And he lived fairly close to me. And I lived on the ground level floor with these big windows,

floor to ceiling windows. And Johnny would come over in the middle of the night and he would put up poems on my window. And I love you. And just like wrote me the sweetest letters and poems and just like, like it was so fucking sweet. I've never experienced a love like that still to this day. And, you know, while I was young, I don't take it back. And it was as good of a situation as it could have been. Like I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who was my age. It was romantic and sweet. You know, I didn't like sleep with a, you know, what a junior in high school. Like it was great. It was great. I think it terrified my mom because Johnny was very mature for an eighth grader. And in a lot of ways, could you say he corrupted me?

Yeah, probably. You probably absolutely could. But I was a willing participant, right? And looking back on it, you know, I, I didn't really have a relationship with my dad. He lived in California. My brother actually moved to California when I moved to Chicago. So we all lived in Colorado, my whole family. My parents got a divorce. My dad moved to Laguna Beach and my mom got remarried and her and I moved to Barrington and my brother moved to California. So I don't have my dad. I don't have my brother. I really kind of have like no relationship with them at this point. And my mom, it was in a new marriage and I love my mom. She's my best friend. But at the time I didn't feel like I was a priority and how I found connection was through

Johnny. Johnny was my, my, my connect connection to anybody. I mean, he was my life and I was so crazy about him. Right. And it was like all of my first, like first everything was with Johnny. And, you know, I really liked his family. Like his mom would take us to dinner and his dad took us to like plays and musicals. And like, we were very much ingrained in each other's lives. We also were, listen, we were bad kids. I would sneak out and go to his house. He would sneak into my house and spend the night. Like I remember one time he literally snuck, because again, I'm on the ground level, man. You can't put a kid on a ground level. So all I had to do was go out my room and open up the sliding glass door and just pop right out. It was like my

mom was asking me to do all of this. So Johnny snuck in and he slept over. And I guess my mom must have had to go to work the next day. And so he and I made chocolate chip pancakes. Like we lived together. Like we were like a 22 year old, you know, couple living in our own house. Like the shit that I did is so wild. But so he was everything to me. I was so in love with him and he was so in love with me. It was perfect. And then my freshman year of high school, I moved to Laguna Beach and I moved to Laguna Beach October of 2000, I guess it was. And obviously Johnny and I weren't going to stay together, right? Like I'm moving to California. He's going to be in Barrington. Like the likelihood that we still see each other is so slim. So we broke up, but you guys almost immediately, immediately he started,

I don't know if you want to call it dating. He started hooking up with one of my best friends, Lainey. And I'm not changing names. Sorry. I haven't spoken to these people in a long ass time. So hopefully, you know, it's all water under the bridge. It's okay. Sorry, Lainey. But that fucked me up in such a way that I can't even explain. It's like one of those things that that kind of heartbreak is like, you'll never forget it. And that you guys is what then jump-started my career as a heartbreaker to this day. And it's because I've always been terrified of feeling that again. And my relationship with my dad, I think, has also sort of lent itself to the reason why I've been the way I am. And I will say, I've never intentionally broken anyone's heart ever, ever. And I will stand by

that until the day I die. It's more just, well, for a long time, it was, I didn't think about anyone but myself, like through high school. And then so, okay, so no one has just broken up with me, right? But my heart has been broken. And so Johnny is a good example of that. And my heart broke in my marriage. And even though I'm the one that walked away, it was not what I wanted. It was not what I had envisioned. And I really tried

fucking everything I could. And, you know, I think it's, it's just heartbreaking when you want something so badly, but you just can't get there. And I would say my heart was broken for years in my marriage. I mean, it was. And, you know, again, I'm not, I'm not talking shit about Jay at all. I'm really not. And I think, you know, I've publicly said some things and I, at first, and now I don't really talk about him at all. And I, but I will say we are in the best place that we've been in and it's been four and a half years and it took four years. Okay. It took four years, but things are really good with us now. So much so that we even sat together at one of Camden's basketball games recently. And that makes me so happy because honestly, I never thought that we would get

there. I really didn't. And I, if I tell you that Jay and I can get there, anyone can get there. Anyone can get there. Take my word on that. I wish I could give you guys all the stories, but I can't. But just trust me on that. I think the hardest and the scariest part about heartbreak is that when you're with someone, you think you know them, right? Like you really, like I'm with this person every day. It's been years. It's been whatever. And then you guys break up and they become evil. And that's happened to me a few times. And it's really made me go, holy shit, I never knew you. How could someone that said they loved me so much treat me like this? And it really makes your head spin and make you go like, what the fuck? How can someone be that nasty? Again, I wish I could give you guys stories.

Maybe when I'm like 80, I'll finally write a tell-all and I'll just, you know, won't care anymore. Or maybe my kids will encourage me as an adult, as an adult, when they're adults, to tell my story, kind of like Pamela Anderson's kids did with her documentary. We'll see. But that is, is gotta be one of probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through is people as men, when their hearts are broken and they've got fragile egos, just spending their days trying to make my life a living fucking hell. And people who have said that they loved me, but then that's what they do. And that's the scary part because it's like, you can also try to end things so peacefully and be cordial and sweet and kind. And when guys don't

get what they want and their egos are bruised because you left, it can get really ugly. And what I've learned through that is not to react because they want a reaction. Can't give them what they want. And this is going to maybe sound kind of woo-woo to some people, but this has saved me. So I've talked about on another podcast that I really love hypnotherapy. And what I learned in hypnotherapy is that there is this thing, and TikTok talks about it too, so I'm sure some of you have seen it, but cutting a cord with someone. So in the spiritual world, they say that we have karmic relationships or like soul contracts with people, like these karmic ties to each other basically, right?

And you can energetically cut these cords. And so I learned this in hypnotherapy because I was really struggling with an ex. And she had me. So in hypnotherapy, you get to a really meditative state and you, because of that, you're sort of able to access these like different realms in the spiritual world. And so she had me, my highest self sort of meet this particular ex's highest self and rip up the soul contract and just send him love. And you guys, I'm not kidding. When I fucking tell you that it was years of turmoil, years, where I was like, this will never, I'm never going to see the end of this. I'm not kidding. In a couple weeks, it stopped. Like

the fucking harassment stopped. And I was really worked up about it, like really distraught. Again, it's like this person told me that they loved me. Okay. And now they're acting like this. But what I did, and I was angry. I fucking hated him for a few days. I was angry. And then what I decided to do is I was like, no, I can't live in anger. I can't fucking do it. So what am I going to do? I laid in my bed that night. And also they say to do it like right before you do fall asleep, because again, you're in that like more of a meditative state. There's a name for it. And I can't remember. Oh, so I laid in bed right before I fell asleep and I actually, okay. So I'm not a very religious person. I'm definitely more spiritual, but I laid in bed right before I fell asleep and I actually, okay. So I'm not a very religious

person. I'm definitely more spiritual, but I laid in bed that night and I said, please God, please protect me in this situation. And I actually said my kids to please protect me and my kids in this situation. And I sort of envisioned like this gold bubble going around me and my kids and protecting us. And then I said, and send this person so much love. Like I just envisioned like my hand over their heart going, just, I'm sending you so much love. It was just like, and it's all energetic, obviously, but you guys, I fucking believe this shit. I'm not kidding. Same thing. It was done. It was done. The anger subsided. We actually ended up talking and things got better. And I believe that everything is

energy. And, you know, for a long time, I would meet anger with anger and that doesn't serve anybody. And if you want a different result, you guys have all heard this. You have to do something differently. Well, I decided to do something different. I decided to lead with love. And this is a new thing for me, but it works. It fucking works. And everyone else just feels better. I can't live with hating someone and anger. I just can't do it anymore. Did it serve me in my teens and my early 20s? Yeah, I guess it kind of did because I protected myself and I didn't have the tools and you know, I didn't have the knowledge to be able to do the things I'm doing now, but lead with love, man. And you have to remember to hurt people, hurt people. And it does, again, it doesn't make it

okay. It doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it not hurt, but it just puts it in perspective of like, okay, if your ex is trying, specifically trying to hurt you, it's because they're hurting so badly. And again, that any size disaster like it never even happened. Servpro is the number one choice in cleanup and restoration, and they do construction too. Servpro has 50 years of experience helping people recover from disasters. Servpro is here to help 24-7. Just call 1-800-SERVPRO. They specialize in cleaning and restoration due to floods, storms, fires, mold, and much more. They're faster to any size disaster with over 2,000 locations nationwide. They do both commercial

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though, okay? All right. So the best ways to get over a breakup, we already said, sit in it, feel the emotions, really allow yourself that, and then pick yourself up. And you know what you're going to do? You're going to become the hottest version of you. So what does that mean? That means you're going to get your ass to the gym. You're going to start eating well. You're going to be prioritizing sleep. You're not going to drink. Let me tell you something. This most recent breakup, first breakup, I have not had any alcohol, none. I'm going to drink tomorrow for the first time in months. I don't even know how long it's been and I'm looking forward to it and it's going to be fun. I'm going to feel like shit the day after, but that's okay. I have really prioritized my health and I

think that really helps. I do. I think, and listen again, like it depends on where you are in life. If you're 22, go out to the club and get fucking drunk and have fun. Do the damn thing. But as an adult now in my thirties, staying sober during this breakup is the best thing that I've done. It is. And I think also just like with where I'm at, alcohol doesn't really sound good to me. Like, yeah, I'm going to doing a little like honey and wine tasting thing tomorrow. So I'm excited for that. And then I probably won't drink for another few months, but, but you want it like, and I, I don't care if this is petty, if this is immature, becoming the hottest version of you is for you. It's to make

you feel better. And is there a little part of us that's like, fuck you, this is what you're missing out on. Fine. But I don't care. And then you know what that's going to do too, because when you feel really good about yourself, again, it's that energy that you're putting off. You're going to attract better energy. You're going to be getting asked out on dates. Like it's all just, it just is going to work for you. And I also feel like breakups are sad. Listen, like again, be fucking sad. And then remember who the fuck you are. Stand in your power. You blast music. You dance in your kitchen. You are like, no, okay, we're picking ourselves up now. The pity party is over. Fuck that. You also just have to trust in the bigger plan. You really do. Of the universe, of God, whatever you

want to say, there's a reason why this breakup is happening. And so we got to focus on the future. We are focusing on the future. You are not reaching out to him. If he broke up with you, bitch, you are not texting him or calling him. You know what else you're going to do? You're not going to look him up on socials. You don't want to unfollow him because you don't want to all the drama. I get it. Mute his ass. I'm telling you right now, the less you see him, the better. You don't want him in your orbit at all for a long time. And even if you're the one that broke up, I just think removing them from your life for a period, it doesn't have to be forever, but for a period is the only way to really move

on. I really do. And God, I will tell you, life was easier pre-social media. In my teens and early 20s, I didn't have to worry about unfollowing my ex-boyfriend on Instagram, or I didn't have to worry about seeing him posting, being out, having fun. None of that existed. All I had to worry about was seeing Brody at the fucking club. That was it. That was it. And thank God for that. It's so much harder now to go through a breakup. And you want to know what else I can't fucking stand is when you break up with someone and they post like life's amazing and they're going out and having fun and like, look at me. Like, well, I hate to break it to you, but that's the most obvious fucking playbook on the planet. Tell me that you're actually

miserable without telling me you're fucking miserable. You want to know why I don't have to go and post all that shit? Because I know I'm good. I don't need to convince the world of it. So just know if your ex is out there like fucking partying with the boys every night, hitting the club, he's fucking miserable. He's miserable. But I listen, I think it's okay for you to post like, you know, a little thirst trap here and there because bitch, we're single do the damn thing, but just don't get obnoxious with it. Like, cause also here's what I really think. If you want the guy to come back or, you know, at least like hit you up or whatever. Cause let's be honest, we all really kind of like having the upper hand and who doesn't want the ex to like try again. You shouldn't post a lot. We got to have some mystery. We got to have them being like,

what are they doing? Who are they with? Where are they? What's going on? How are they feeling? What do they look like? I really think if you kind of go a little silent, like a little radio silent, not the worst thing for you. Just saying, let's create a little mystery. And then when you do post one little thing, you look hot. You look fucking hot and make it a little mystery. Okay. I'm going to be honest with you guys. Are you ready for this shit? I can't believe I'm going to admit this. Okay. So I went through a breakup. I'm not going to give a reference point of one, but Justin Scoot and I went on to Mexico and to be a little vindictive bitch, because sometimes I am only when people fuck with me. Let me just say that I never go out of my way to piss people off. But if you're going to fuck with me, I'm going to fuck with you. So three, the three of us, it was only the three of us went to Mexico. But I posted a little story

of four shot glasses. Four. Just as a big old fuck you. And man, did they get riled up. And little did they know, it was just me and the gays. So listen, if someone wants to fuck with you, I'm all about playing a little game like that. That's not like intentionally hurting someone. Well, it is sort of intentionally hurting someone, but it's like, that's harmless, right? Again, only if they start the fight. We don't start fights ladies, but we will fight back. Okay. Okay. You got to find a friend like Justin, you guys, because you know what Justin and I do that just helps me so much. Because here's the deal. When you go through a breakup publicly, it gets nasty. Like it just does. I'm trying to think of one breakup that I went through publicly where like it didn't start to like turn a little ugly. I'm sure there are some. But because,

you know, because it's like people see things in the press that maybe did or didn't happen or whatever it is. And then people get upset. And then it becomes like this whole fucking thing. Or I have felt used in the past. Like there's just been a lot of stuff. And so Justin and I, what we will do is, like I had one guy threaten me, right? Okay, threaten me. He's the nastiest motherfucker.

I still hate him. Threaten me with like going to the press. So Justin and I, we go, and this has happened actually multiple times. So we'll say, okay, well, if he goes to the press and says this, then this is what we're going to do. We're going to, and fuck him. And like, and like, we play out every scenario. You guys are like, we literally ruin him. We ruin him publicly in our minds. And then we feel better or I feel better for what Justin does too. But like, you need a friend that you can just like fucking rip them apart with even. And listen, everything I say, I would never actually do publicly. There's a reason why you guys, I really. I really don't speak a lot about my exes. Or maybe it seems like I do, but I'm telling you right now, no one really knows anything. I got stories for days

that I just haven't said because I don't want to put people on blast like that, actually. And well, I don't want to put people on blast. Also, if I want you like out of my life and I don't want your name associated with my name anymore, I'm not going to fucking talk about you. That's my biggest play is like, if I want something to go away, my lips are fucking sealed. I'm not talking about you because if I talk about them, it's just another article written with their name in it. And if I'm trying to get you out of pop culture, goodbye. Goodbye. This is my lane. Stay in your fucking lane. Well, then I just don't talk about them.

Feel me? There's been quite a few of those people. Okay. The other thing, obviously, is when you go through a breakup, you know, staying busy. It's just, it's, we've all heard it. We all know it, but it's staying busy. It's really, it's, we've all heard it. We all know it, but it's staying busy. It's really leaning on your friends. And I think it's really easy when you're going through a breakup to all of a sudden only start thinking of the good times, like the things you liked about them, like, oh, but they were so sweet here. And like, oh, fuck, he was a good kisser. And like, but it's like, whoa, why do we do that to ourselves? Instead of thinking of all the good things, we should only be thinking of the bad things. Yeah,

he's a good kisser, but he's a fucking dick to my friends or like whatever it is. I'm just making that up. But although I did have a guy that was a dick to my friends, but anyways, we should only be thinking of the negative things. So they don't exist to us on social media. We don't see them anymore. And the only thoughts we have of them are what a scumbag piece of shit they are. I'm telling you, that's the only, that's the only way to get over them. Also, I will say I am so good with boundaries. You guys, I'm so good with like literally cutting people out of my life. Like if I'm done with you, I'm done with you. Usually, usually. And I, it's funny. Cause I was thinking this morning, you know, obviously

knowing I was going to do this episode, I was like, wait, how many guys have I gone back to? Because if you look at my track record of my whole history of dating, I do have a few guys that after we broke up, I went back to them. And then I was like, wait, is this a little bit of a pattern? I was like, Oh my God. So, which is kind of fucked up because if I'm the one doing the breaking up, it's like, well, what the fuck is my problem then? But I am really good at being done with guys when I'm done. Like that is one thing with me where I can pick myself up and I can, I can move on and I can carry on with my life. And again, I think for a long time it was to protect myself, but I would say that's served me. I mean, I really would because I don't kind of like linger

on it. Also at the end of the day, if all else fails, get a new flirt. Like there's nothing better than having someone else to flirt with. Is that a little toxic? I don't know. Maybe. But hey, if it's going to help you get through it. Also, like who just doesn't want to feel wanted, especially if they broke up with you. If they broke up with you, go get a flirt. We need to find a hot guy to make you feel good. Abso-fucking-lutely. I also think it's really important that if you have a really bad breakup, you don't let it taint you moving forward. Meaning like, let's say they really broke your trust. I think it's really important to not lose trust in men altogether

and to not then be this like scorned woman. I think you have to remember there is some sort of a lesson in that and why they broke your trust. Again, not saying it's okay, but what's the takeaway for you? And don't let that ruin you moving forward in new relationships. I think that's really important. Just because one guy broke your heart doesn't mean every guy is going to break your heart. And then before we go, I do want to just acknowledge the fact that I said, you know, I've been a heartbreaker my whole life, basically since Johnny. And I want you guys to know it's never been an intentional thing ever. I have never sought out to break anybody's heart. I have always said what I have felt when

I have felt it. It's not like I just like have lied to guys about my feelings. I just, I say what I feel and then I don't feel it anymore. And I don't know, I know how this sounds you guys coming out. And actually, as I was't know, I know how this sounds, you guys coming out. And actually, as I was saying that, I know that Us Weekly and all of them, and I single out Us Weekly. I actually have a great relationship with Us Weekly. I do love you guys Us Weekly. I love everyone. I love, you know, listen, they've all been very good to me over the years, but I just know that's going to be a headline talking about Mark. I'm not talking about Mark specifically. Okay. I'm literally talking about like my whole dating past.

I also think I give off this energy of I don't need a guy because I don't need a guy. I've always given off that energy though because I never have needed a guy. Actually, to be fair, it's not even like, you know, since I've become an adult and I had kids and everything, like guys, I've never needed know, since I've become an adult and I had kids and everything like guys, I've never needed a guy. I've always kind of taken that stance. And obviously, you know, Laguna beach fans will be like, yeah, we know we saw it on Laguna beach. And I think when I was younger, it was more just trying to protect myself of like, you know, having up walls. But I think like the overall theme is that I've always put myself first, no matter what. And when I was younger,

it was in a more selfish way, but still to this day, I am the priority. I am not going to stay in something if I know it's not right long-term, if it's not serving me in a certain way, I am not going to sacrifice my happiness to please someone else by staying in a relationship. And I don't think anyone should. I really don't. If you guys take away one thing from this episode or one thing from me at all is to make yourself a priority. That's not a bad thing. It's not. And we've talked about this before, but as a mom, making yourself the priority is even more important, but no one should live their life unhappy. Nobody. Life is too short. And I think it's okay to say, you know what? This relationship was for a season of my life. And I'm so thankful that I had it. And I'm

taking away great memories. Maybe you're taking away some really awful, horrible memories. And you know what? That's okay too, because hopefully, hopefully you are growing as a person and you're learning. Cause I can tell you right now, if it wasn't for the harder relationships in my life, I would not be who I am right now. My really difficult relationships forced me to really look in the mirror and get down and dirty about the things that I needed to work on. And I'm really thankful for that. As hard as they were and years of really, of heartbreak, really just struggle. Maybe struggle is not the right word, but just really sad years. And I'm really thankful for it now. So if you're going through a breakup

or you're thinking about going through a breakup, you've got this. You are stronger than you think. I don't think we're given anything that we can't handle. God only gives us as much as we can handle. I really believe that. You're a badass bitch. You've got this. And that's, it's what life is, is going through hard times. And we wouldn't appreciate the good times without the hard times. And by the way, I'll just throw this little nugget in there for you guys. If you are a cardinal sign, I don't care if you don't believe in astrology, this shit is spot on. Okay. So the cardinal signs, which are Libra, Capricorn, Aries, and Cancer. By the way, I have three of those

fucking placements. I'm a Capricorn, but then I also have Aries and Cancer. So like, bam, bam, bam. So we've had a 16 year karmic cycle that is finally coming to an end. If you're into that, look it up. If you're one of those signs, it's been 16 years of just fucking tough shit, man. And that is fucking true for me. It's true. So I don't know. I know a lot of people are like astrology is bullshit, but I think a lot of it is spot on sometimes. And that 16 year cycle coming to an end is like, I fucking feel it. I feel it. And I hope you guys do too. And I hope you feel that there's, there's this, I feel like there's just like positive energy coming. Like a lot of the questions were that I asked my followers were, how am I really feeling? Here's how I'm really feeling right now. I've been sad. I've been really sad. This has been a really hard breakup for me.

But I also feel this really exciting energy. Like I feel like it's calm. It's a calm but exciting energy. Like really good things are about to start happening. And right now I feel unstoppable. I really do. And I just feel like, I don't know. I, I, I sort of feel like, not like I lost myself, but I, it's almost the only way I can really describe it is like I was asleep and now all of a sudden I'm wide fucking awake and I'm really excited about the future. So hopefully this can inspire you. Like I said, if you're going through a hard time right now, we've got this, you guys, we do. We've got this. Sorry. I keep fucking with my hair. If you're watching the video, I just, sometimes the flip works and sometimes it doesn't.

And today, today has been an absolute fucking disaster. Okay, you guys, hang in there. I love you guys. I will do more of the other questions here in the coming weeks. Next week is Bobby Flay. Yes, Bobby Flay. He's a good friend of mine. And this is the first time he opens up really about his dating life publicly.

And I think you guys are really going to love this side of Bobby. So tune in. So check out next week. I can't talk. I'll see you guys next week.