Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Chasing Everything With A D*ck with Sarah Shahi

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Nothing is off-limits this week with my new girl crush, Sarah Shahi. She opens up about divorce, co-parenting, and being single for the first time in 23 years. We talk about why she’s done chasing men and making the first move—and how she went from shrinking herself in relationships to fully owning her power, fire, and confidence.Sarah gets real about hyping herself up for those steamy Sex/Life scenes, why she’s focusing on herself more than ever, and the truth behind her on-set romance with Adam Demos—including why she said “I love you” first, and why he didn’t say it back. She also shares why she's going for a slow-burn love now, whether she’d date someone without kids again, and why she’s done rushing anything—except her own joy.A word from my sponsors:ADT - Visit ADT.com to learn more.Armra - Go to armra.com/HONEST or enter HONEST to get 30% off your first subscription order.Skims - Shop my favorite bras and underwear at http://www.skims.com/honest #skimspartnerHiya - Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/HONEST.Tonal - Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code HONESTWayfair - Get last-minute hosting essentials, gifts for all your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in. I am so excited for today's episode. She is truly my girl crush. She is so honest And so real and so inspiring. I know you guys are going to love this one. Today we are joined by the beautiful Sarah Shahi.

Wait, so 16. God. Yeah. I'm not ready for all of that. Like that freedom with them driving. Do you ever see your 16 year old anymore? Yes, I do. And you know what?

He thankfully, like, you know, I think it's hard to be a teenager today. And like I don't allow him to have social media. But, you know, he still sees it, right? And he's got his phone and his friends are doing. shit and and he's a good boy. Like, I'm lucky. Like, he is a really good boy. So he goes out, but we've got rules. Yeah. You know, like when he needs to be parked somewhere. I track him. Yeah. I track his driving. I track how fast he's going. Oh, you can do that. Oh, yeah. What app is that? There's a great app. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's called Life 360.

Oh, no, I know that app. You know that one. Yeah. So it will literally tell you like how many times they like, you know, braked really hard. Like if there was something happening, tells you how fast they go. How many times they looked at their phone while they're driving. Like it's,

wow. Literally it's like, it's your eyes and ears inside of the car. That's amazing. It's incredible. Did not know it did all of that. My ex has Life 360 for my kids.

But of course, my kids told me how they, they've figured out of work around. They can pause it so that he thinks that they're one spot, but they're not. I love they told you that. They tell me things.

So I will take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the, driving thing, the texting while driving is, I think, the biggest thing that makes me so nervous. I know. Because I just don't want them to be stupid and think that they're invincible. I know. I know.

That's the thing. It's like everything happens like that. Exactly. It happens like that. I know. So, yeah. So it's a whole other world. How old are yours?

So 13. 13. Almost 12. And then 10. So two middle school boys and then a girl. You had them close. Oh, yeah. They were very close.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is that on purpose? Or did it just happen? Yeah. Yeah. It was. It was. And now looking back, I'm, I mean, yes and no, when I look back now, I'm so happy it happened that way.

Yeah. But it was pure chaos for a few years. I mean, you know, it was like breastfeeding or being pregnant for like six years straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot. Yeah, happy that that phase is over. But also, like, how incredible are our bodies to be able to do that? It really is amazing what our bodies can go through. So I have a whole new respect for like being a woman. And also like, like, I'm single. I've been single for about a year now. It's the first time of my life. I've really been single. But like being able to explore like my femininity in a way that I never had before. And like the power of a woman's body and sensuality and what it means without context

in a relationship with a man. You know what I mean? Like it's been a cool like exploration for me personally. And for your kids to see too, I think. Yeah. Yeah. How do you guys split up the custody? Is it 50-50? It's pretty 50-50. You know, he's also in the business. So if I need to take over more because he's out of town or like I've been out of town working and on this tour, so he's had them for a few weeks now. But then, you know, the moment I come back, it's like, here you go. Yeah. And actually, I love it. Like it really does go by so fast. And, you know, like as moms, of course, we need the night off every once in a while. But I don't like being away from my babies. I know it. It always sounds nice. Right.

to have a break. And then the first day, it's like, oh, wait, I miss them. I know. I'm calling them all the time. And they just don't want to have anything to do with me. But I know. It just, it goes by so fast. Like, it's so true. And my 16 year old, he's like six feet tall now. And, you know, he's really taken the role of like a man in my life, which is interesting. We go to these book signings. They came with me. They came with me to the L.A. one. And then they came in New York. We met up in New York for a few days. Oh, fun. And the way he like, if there's a guy that comes in line and then wants like a picture or wants to interact with me, he fully like stands behind them and kind of postures up a little bit. And I'm like, okay, I get it.

Like calm down, but I get it. It's so cute. I love it. It's so cute. Like my girl, because I have the oldest one is a boy and then my twins are boy girl. Oh, fun. And you have two boys and a girl. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's like my, my girl, that's my road dog. Like that's my homie. You know what I mean? Like we do everything together, right? My boys, like they are my biggest romances of my life, you know? And it's good.

It's good to have like both. No, I agree. And I know. They are very different relationships. You're right. Yeah, they really are. Thanks a lot of got both too. I know.

So it sounds like the co-parenting thing is going well. If you guys can be pretty fluid like that, that is awesome. We're very fluid. And, you know, and I have to say I'm grateful that I have a partner. who like doesn't there's no conflict like if I want to have them more or if I want to switch out a date for another date like we really vibe on the fact that we love the kids so much you know like we love them so much we just want what's best for them and everything else is just kind of fluid so I'm really really happy I have that relationship with him because not a lot of my girlfriends

have that kind of dynamic with their co-parent no it is not always always. that nice. Has it always been that easy for you guys? It's always been that easy. Yeah, you're lucky. I am. Yeah. I'm really lucky about that. That's amazing. And it's just so much better for the kids, too. I know. Just to see you guys on good terms and that you're working together and that they are first. They're the most important. Yes. That's great. We just had a, we celebrated Christmas, like all of us. And it was the first year that we were able to do that. And that was another kind of like a moment that the kids were like, oh my gosh, I don't have to pick between mom or dad for Christmas. Like usually we would alternate.

But it was really nice that we could all be there at the same time. The kids could go back and forth between us. You know, it's like, look, we're going to fuck them up anyway. I know. So it's like, why not give them as less drama as possible? And, you know, and I think kids, I come from a divorced home and this wasn't the case with me. But like, kids want to know they came from love. Yeah. You know, and I think as long as they sense that, then I agree completely. Yeah. So you said,

this is the first time you've been single in. It's 22 years, right? Is that right? I thought, yeah, 23 years maybe. How you feeling? It, girl, let me tell you, I was chasing everything with a dick for a while. I was, um, we've all been there. I was like, give me mail validation, please. But after that was unsuccessful, you can only do it for so long. You can only do it for so long. And then you're like, hold on. Maybe I'm not meant to do this right now. And I ended up just being alone and accepting being alone. Now I just kind of love it. Like I just, I'm learning about myself in ways that I didn't before. And I think as women, you know, when you're in a relationship, you know, when you're in a relationship, Or at least this was my past in all my relationships, not just the last one or my marriage, whatever, just like all of them. Or at least I did. I dimmed my light a little bit. Like I wasn't as like I'm somebody who loves people, right? I'll see a beautiful woman and want to give her a compliment and the tightest hug ever just because I appreciate her femininity. And then I'll see a guy who could be someone who has something about them that I just want to do the same thing with them. It doesn't mean I want to sleep with them. Right. But I can just appreciate. humans for what they are, I always tampered that down and like wasn't as flirty with life. And so because they would get upset about it and get jealous. Because they would get upset and there was insecurity or I was being labeled as being,

you know, something that I wasn't. And because I just was afraid to rock the boat and I didn't want any conflict, I just accepted sort of this lesser version of myself throughout all areas of my life in order to make the man feel comfortable. And now not having that attachment, it's really allowed me to discover these areas of myself again. And to be like, yeah, I want to flirt with life. Like, I want to carry myself with a little bit of extra mischief just getting my coffee. You know what I mean? And like, and it doesn't mean anything one way or another.

It's just an expression of the spark inside. Yeah. So it's been nice. It's been nice like feeling that and getting comfortable with that. And then, you know, the next person when they come along, like, I'm not going to change those things. Like, I like that. That's what allows me to have fun. Yes.

Good for you. I love that. Yeah. It's just owning who you are. Owning who I am and like, yeah, exactly. And not being afraid to like take up space as a woman. You know, like I tell all my girlfriends now, they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just taking hot selfies.

Like, because that's, I know, I love that you post the hottest picture as you should. I'm like, you know what? I've got one fucking life and I want to live my life. I'm not going to post this shit when I'm 90. Exactly. You know what I mean? So I'm going to do it now. And if somebody thinks it's too much or it's one way or another, like, I don't care. Well, because that's not about you. That's about them. Exactly. And I think all women should. You know what I mean? Like it's like, yes, we came into this world as women. We're beautiful. We all look different. We come in different shapes and sizes. And we should celebrate ourselves more. I agree. So yeah, hot selfies for life. damn right and you look damn good doing them. Okay, hold on. So we have to talk about you in sex life. How insane you looked. I was obsessed with the show, but I was obsessed with you. Oh, and I was just like, you looked, I mean, you are one of the most beautiful women, but did you ever get self-conscious about doing all of those sex scenes? Like, how do you do you did? Yeah. How do you hype yourself up to do those? Yeah. Anytime we had to shoot me in the first season, currently,

Like in the present day with my husband, Mike Vogel, I had prosthetic boobs. And then I don't know if anyone, yeah, yeah, I had prosthetic boobs. I did not know that. Yeah, yeah. Because I was supposed to be breastfeeding. So those big, beautiful, like not for play, fully for food type breasts we get when we're, you know. So I had, I was in prosthetics for about three hours every time I had to do that. Wow.

And then the stuff with. So that's easy, I guess, then to take your shirt off. That was pretty easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. they weren't mine. And so that was very freeing. And then, but anytime I had stuff with Brad, which was me in the past, you know, those were little tiny new boobies, non-breastfeeding boobies.

Yeah. And so. I'm not remembering. Yeah. And it, but it was hard because you really have to, I mean, look, there were some days alcohol. Yeah. Alcohol did it. Or three. Or three. You know, like whatever I needed. But then would you worry about messing up your lines or anything? I guess. You don't really have a lot of lines. I didn't have lines in those scenes. Yeah. That's True. So it was just being able to just block out the noise and hone in on something. And then I stopped drinking. I'm not sober anything, but I just got tired of feeling hungover and like not sleeping. And so I just got sick of that. And then it was a whole other thing because I really, I was like, oh, are my tits down to my knees in this shot? Like it was. Right. And I had to just throw myself into the character, into the moment. And I was like, the more I commit to this, the less I have to do. it. Yeah. So then it was like me and whoever my acting partner was, us having a little powwow off to the side that's like, look, we need to pretend like we want to fuck each other's brains out. And here's the trick. The more you commit to this. Yeah. Like the less we have to do this,

buddy. Right. Right. Let's just like make each other the object of our affections and let's fucking go to town. Okay. So yeah, that's how you, that's kind of how I did it. Well, it worked. I mean, those scenes were fire. Oh my. God. So you got a divorce in 2020. Yeah. And then when did you guys start taping that show? We started taping that show.

21? It was, yeah, it was late 2020 because we began right when COVID hit. And then, like, we had a week of filming and then we shut down for like seven months. Oh, wow. So then we didn't go back until like October of 2020. And yeah, I got the divorce. The divorce wasn't final until the next year. But yeah. I would imagine having gone through a divorce myself. Yeah. I know when I did, I had pretty low self-esteem initially and it takes you a minute to kind of rebuild. Yeah. You go through a divorce. You get on a hit TV show. Yeah. You look incredible. Yeah. Now you're dating your co-star. I would imagine that felt pretty damn good coming out of a divorce. It was a lot of things. You know, it was like it did feel really validating in some way. And it felt good to have those external facts.

actors. But at the same time, the dialogue that was happening inside was not that. You know, it's like, I always say, and I talk about this in the book, it's like nobody gets married planning their divorce. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I have this very ancient way of like loving someone where I'm like, I want to be buried on top of you and I want to come back as ghosts and like we can haunt people together. Like I have almost this very like gothic intense like love that I feel. And so, yeah, and I'd never fallen for anybody the way I'd fallen for my ex-husband. And it took a while to get my mind, I don't know, just kind of like saying goodbye to that chapter. And for everything it was.

You were together for 18 years. We were together for a long time. And three kids. I mean, that's a lot of life. It's a lot of life. And, you know, we were also kids when we met and, you know, we weren't serving each other anymore. You know what I mean? Like the chapter was.

was done. Yeah. So, you know, without speaking for him, it really was the best for both. Yeah. And it's hard to do, right? It's hard to do. But like, you know, looking back on it and he's thriving and our children are thriving and I'm thriving. It's like it was for the best. When you act in your highest good, I feel like it's kind of like a ripple effect and it impacts everyone positively. As hard as it is. As hard as it is. You guys know I love Armour Colostrum. I've talked to you about them many a times and for very good reason. We live in an environment. Our biology was just never designed for. There's EMFs, artificial lights, seed oils, microplastics, endocrine disruptors, modern stressors. I mean, the list goes on and on. Armour Calostrum works at the cellular level to bolster your health from within.

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your order, be sure to let them know that I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and make sure you select, let's be honest, and drop down the other follows. How did you know when it was finally time to walk away? I knew because, so like most women, I, I, spent a large portion of my life, putting myself last. You know, I was carrying the burden at home. I was working full time. For me, self-care looked like adding metamusal to every meal. Right. You know what I mean? Like, picking parsley out of my teeth 10 minutes a night. Like, that was my version of self-care. And I got to a point, there's this great quote by Michael Beckwith, who's this incredible spiritual teacher. And he says, pain persists.

until the vision pulls. And I remember there was just this one moment when it was like the light bulb just went on. And I saw what my future could look like without resistance, without friction. I saw a future where I came first. And also just having courage. Like, it's hard, right?

It's hard to say those words. It's hard to act on them. And I had to give myself time. time. Courage isn't something that's built overnight, you know? But it is all of a sudden one morning you wake up and it's like you have it. Yeah. Yeah. It was just this one moment in 2020 and it was just, it was just that. It was like my future pulled me. It was the pulse was so strong. I could not stay in that chapter. Yeah. Well, good for you. Forget now. I think it's, it's so scary. It really is. It is. And a lot of women don't have the courage. Yeah. They keep thinking that they're going to get it and they just,

can't pull the trigger. Yeah. And you know what else I hear too is the kids. Yeah, exactly. They want to stay in it for the kids. Yeah. And the amount of like adults that I speak with who their parents divorced, but they waited until the kids were like in college. Yeah. All the kids are like, why did you do that? Because we knew you were unhappy. I know. So it's like, what are you modeling for your children by staying in a relationship that doesn't allow you to be who you fully are? Or what are you modeling for them in terms of like healthy partnership dynamics. Yeah. You know?

So these are also the things that I think women forget about sometimes and you think you're being like a savior or you think you're, you know, the sacrificial lamb. Yeah. But to what extent, you know? Yeah. I know. That was a big thing for me. I wanted my kids to see me happy.

Yes. To see what it's like and to see a good dynamic. And so, yeah, I thought about that the whole time. Yeah. So, okay, so you get a divorce. Now you're filming this show. So you start dating your co-star, Adam. Yes.

I love a set romance. I think they are so hot. I know. They are hot. The flirting and the beginning and how did that start? It is. It is very yummy. You know, it's interesting.

And, you know, we have since broken up. So we broke up last year. So talking about this definitely feels bittersweet. But I think he's an incredible human. And, you know, our ending also, there were, there was no like table flipping or any anger. It was just two people who's future. stopped rhyming, you know, as simple as that. But yeah, no, I remember I walked, I was,

I dressed like a homeless lesbian most of the time. I'm, and he's still, I'm a tomb boy. I'm a tomboy, drives my daughter crazy. Is she super girly? Oh, she's so girly. Isn't that funny? Oh, my God. I mean, she hates that she's not here right now because she's a fan of yours and she loves, yeah, she loves your store and she's always like, why can't you dress like her mom? Like, why can't you? Well, tell her I'm usually in sweats and leggings. Right? It's like, yeah. So anyway, but she's very feminine and I'm very tomboy.

And so anyway, I was, I walked into the hair and makeup trailer in Toronto. We shot it in Toronto. And I think it was like February or March. It was right before COVID, so maybe it was March. And I had this like janky-ass Christmas sweater on that had like one blinking light left and pajamas. And I walk into the trailer and I literally almost kind of bump into him. And he's a very tall person. I like them tall.

Is this your first time meeting? Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. This is our first time meeting. Yeah. And I was like, oh.

And I was like, you're a tall drink of water. And he thought I was the PA. No, stop. Because of how I was dressed. He's all like a coffee please. Exactly. No. He says he was about to give me his coffee order.

Oh, my God. And then I introduced. I was like, I'm Sarah. I'm playing Billy. And then he stopped. And he was like, oh. Oh, he's like, I'm Brad. Oh, my God.

And I'm like, we're going to get to know each other really well, aren't we? You know, little did I know what that meant. Oh, my. And, yeah. And then I just remember I was hearing him speak about, like, his relationship with his mother. And I just overheard little bits that he was leaking about himself and who he kind of was. And I found that to be really attractive. So then I went and I sat next to him.

I told him, I was like, let's do her makeup down there. And then I was like, what kind of music do you like to listen to again? And what kind of drinks do you like to drink? Yeah, it kind of started from there. Wow. Yeah. So when did you guys first? Who, who crossed the line first? I did. Oh, wow. Okay. What did you say? And I'm learning to not do that anymore, Kristen. Why? Because, well, it's interesting because I'm in this phase of my life. We are really. We are always being honest here. Very. Sometimes too honest. I love it. I love it, though. That's what we got to do that. Like girls, like, We need a dude speak like that with each other. I'm an Aries rising. I don't know if you follow. I am an Aries. Hold on.

I'm an Aries not rising. Moon. Moon. Moon is like your love and relationship. I think I'm Aries Moon. What's your son? Sun. Okay, hold on.

I just did all this. Okay, rising, I'm Capricorn. Is that? I'm a Capricorn. Hold on. I was born in January. What is that? Wait.

I'm, oh, that's right. What are you? That's your son. Oh, that's my son is Capricorn. Yeah, yeah. January, what? Fifth. What are you?

I'm the 10. Stop. Yeah, I'm serious. Happy birthday. Girl, happy birthday. I think I messaged you. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so. So, wait, and then what's your... I'll do your whole chart. Wait, yeah. Do you know what time you were born? Oh, God.

Five something p.m. 5.20 something. Okay, okay. Okay. All right. Oh, wait, I'm excited for this. We're gonna talk about this later. Wait, so you're Capapur and Ares and what else?

Yeah. And then my moon. So your moon is like love, relationships, how you interact with people. is mine's a Libra. Oh, okay. So for me, it's all about like balance and harmony in dynamics like that. Oh. Yeah, I'm going to. I'm a cancer. Wait, Capricorn, Aries and Cancer. Yeah. Okay, very cool. Very cool. Oh, my God. No wonder we hit it off. Like, it's so well. Like we have. So anyway. Wait, earlier when you were talking about what did you say earlier? Oh, that you really want to,

you know, like not dim your light anymore and flirt with the world. I, immediately thought Aries. Immediately it popped because I was like, that's, that's that fire. That's the fire. I've been like, damn it, this is who I am. Exactly. You don't get to. Hot selfies for life.

Yeah, yeah. Hot selfies. Yes. But like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, no, I, so I'm always, not always, but I was very much in my masculine for a long time and like always making the first move and always, you know, being the initiator of things. And now within this last year of change.

facing dick in it not going anywhere, I've decided to take a different role. I've decided that I want to be more in the receiving mode. I love that. And be more in my sort of grounded femininity for this next chapter. And it, you know, it feels really good because honestly, the people that are not meant to stay, you kind of weed them out really quickly by not chasing. It's so true. You know? Yeah. So it's been a nice, it's a nice change for me. But yeah, I made the first move. We were out to drinks. We were out to drinks and I just... Is this before after a sex scene with him? Before. Oh, so this happened pretty quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happened before. Okay, wow. And we were sitting across from each other and I don't remember exactly what we were talking about. But I just remember I kept like inching

closer and inching closer and inching closer and then I just started making out with him. I love it. I just stuck my tongue so far down his throat. And he saw our producers and writers, like, because where he was facing the entrance and I was facing more inside the restaurant. And he saw them. And he pulled away and was like, oh, shit. Like, there's the boss. And the boss comes and starts sitting down next. And she sits down next us and she's like, hi. And I'm like, good casting. Really good. Good casting. But yeah, so it was, it was me. Oh, that's fun. It was fun. It was fun.

It was fun. Yeah. It's fun. It's fun. And also, you know, there aren't too many times where you're falling in love, you're falling in love in real life with the person you're meant to fall in love with on screen. And the fact that we did have, you know, five incredible years together and he's a beautiful person. And there was a lot we learned from one another. Like, and I can always go back. and, you know, the first season, especially of that show, it's there. Like, the romance is there.

It was real. And I think that's really cool. I do too. And that's why on screen you guys were so electric together. I mean, it just, it was so obvious. Yeah. So you just said it. You know, you learned so much from every relationship.

I actually think even one date with someone, there's more takeaway of what you do or don't want moving forward. So what are you taking away from that relationship? What knowledge do you now have? You know, I think without airing any kind of laundry. Yeah. Because I'm not here for that. But I do think when you have kids, it's hard to build a life when you have children, like, unless the person truly, truly, truly wants that as well.

You know what I mean? Yep. And this is not a comment on him, but more about. like the ways that I show up as a parent. I show up as a parent in a very specific way. And I parent the way I was parented, right, which for my mother, you know, we grew up in Texas, single mom of three kids. There were no boundaries. Right. And we could walk into her bedroom at any time. We walked into the bathroom at any time. And I think that can be a little challenging for somebody who may not be used to having kids. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And so. But, you. But, you. You know,

Yeah, that was something that I took away from that was that it's been, if it's hard, like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make a drink, right? Yeah. So it's great for love to be easy, but then the life stuff should also not, like, it should not be so difficult. I know, I know. So now moving forward, would you ever date someone who does not have kids again? I would only because I've heard from my girlfriends who dated, people who did not have kids, but they wanted kids. Oh, okay. Yeah. And, and they came into,

you know, her life so ready and accepting to be this, that parent that I'm like, okay, so it's possible. Okay. That's good to know. Like, I absolutely believe that the universe can surprise you. So I never say never. I never say never about anything. But yeah, I just, I'm, I'm open. And I'm also at this face right now, Kristen, where I'm like, you know, as moms, everything is about our kids. I want my next relationship to be about me. Yeah. Like I'm not looking for a step parent. Like they have a great dad. You know, he's very present. My kids are a little bit older now. So they're a little easier. And I'm like, I just want a boyfriend. Yes. I just want someone that can just like take me out. I know. And I can be on the beach and just be all sweaty and have sex all the time.

And like, you know what I mean? Like I just want someone to purely service me. And if that growth, goes into something else, great. If it doesn't, great. You know, so yeah, they're not factoring into my dating life at the moment. Okay, I love that. Yeah, you just want to be in your fun, feminine, flirty role. Yeah. I love that for you. And a slow burn. A slow burn. I know. I agree. I want, I think there's something cool about like, we've lost the ability to yearn, you know, And in an age where it's like, with just the tap of our fingers on our phone, we can get whatever we want like that. So it's like we don't have the patience anymore. And I think there's something really romantic about letting something build like slowly and like that yearn and that excitement.

Have you ever had that before? I'm kind of experiencing it right now. Oh, okay. Okay. So you're dating. I say dating, but it's like, it's new. It's so new. And these people live like on the other side of the world.

You know what I mean? So I'm like, I don't even know if you can call it dating. See you when I see you. But exactly. Yes, very much like that. I'll see you when I see you. But it does tap into that excitement. The what if, the potential, the yearn.

And I think there's something, I don't know, deeply romantic about that. I love this. How did you meet this guy? Raya. So you're on Raya. You met someone on Raya that you actually like. I was on it on. off for years. Yeah, it's, it's weird. I mean, for the most part, it's a place where people connect

and then never talk. Yeah. You know, like, that's what I experienced. But yeah, no, this one connection ended up off the app and in like a real thing. So again, super early. Okay. We will see. But it's just fun. It's fun. Yeah. Or would you go on a date with anyone else or are you kind of? Totally. No, I'm, I'm, I'm open. Okay. I'm open. How else are you meeting people? Are you still actively? on Raya? I mean, I am. I am. But I don't meet too many people on there, honestly. I know. And it's, yeah. And I, I mean, there's a lot of like, like, everybody on there is either got like a skiing or snowboarding picture or they're at Burning Man. And, you know, or they've got like really cheesy lines, like, you know, good vibes only. I'm like, go fuck yourself, buddy. Like, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

So it's not like, you know, there's that many on the app to pick from. But it's a small pool too. People Well, don't realize that. It is actually very small. It is. Yeah. So, and I think, you know, like when you're in the line of what we do, like, you have to be even more selective. Yeah, you do. You know, so it's just a little different. But yeah, I'm open. I'm open to meeting people wherever. I don't know. I love the surprise. Yes, yes. I'm in this phase right now where I used to try to like figure everything out. Like minute to minute. I wanted to figure out like what was going to happen next and control things. But now I'm just really enjoying the. the mysteries of the unknown. Girl, you and I are in the exact same phase of life. I love this. I'm like, I'm not going to control anything. I'm just going to see where the universe takes me. Yeah.

I love it. It's been fun. Yeah. Yeah. And just be like the responder. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Wayfair.

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own home is, I mean, nothing beats it. Right now, Tonal is offering my listeners, $200 off your tonal purchase with promo code honest. That's tonal.com and use promo code honest for $200 off your purchase. That's tonal.com promo code honest for $200 off. So you said that you're open to receiving. What does that mean for you? Does it mean in love or does it mean with everything in your life? I think it means with everything. Yeah. Yeah. Like even with my career, you know, like this book has opened up doors, opportunities, meetings with things that I never tried to create or even had attention on in the past. So it's a whole new pool of people that are in self-help and motivational speaking. And, you know, again, I never saw myself.

as one of those people, but I'm starting to have a foot in that world now. And that feels really great. Same thing with my career in acting. It's like the opportunities that are coming. I just filmed a movie in London. It was, again, that was something that just, it came to me. It was not anything that I chased. So I'm just starting to learn, too, that it's like the things that I chase don't happen. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, but the more I'm just hands off and like, okay. whatever's meant, just surrender. Surrender, that's the word. Surrender. And also to, like, I write and, you know, just I'm on substack.

So that brings me a lot of joy. Just doing things that fill my cup as opposed to doing things for a result. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. What made you want to write a book? Yeah. So when I was on sex life and the show came out, so the show came out around the same time

that news of my divorce broke. And women from all over the world rode into me and they were like, how did you do it? How did you have the guts to, you know, leave the life that you knew, the very cozy, very comfortable life that you knew and start over and you bagged the hot guy on the show? Like, how is this possible? What was the formula? Everyone's inspiration. Right.

And then so a lot of my press became advice. columns. And I was like, I need to put this somewhere. And then women would write into and they would talk about how, you know, they were really inspired by the sexual part of the show where like women's sexuality was front and center. And because normally it's always the man getting service, but I was getting serviced almost every other day on that show. And so they felt that was really empowering. And I wrote an article for Glamour magazine in 2023 that went viral. It was called Why Desire is Not a Dirt. word. And then from there is where I got the confidence to really put something together because I

was like, okay, if I write, I think people will read. Yeah. So yeah, so that's where the idea can. And you talk about everything. You put it all out there. I don't know. Divorce, aging, low jobs. Right. Right. Like, yeah. You don't hold back. Boundaries. Yeah. I love that. It's really like your favorite girl like group chat that you always go back to. I just ran the gamut of subjects. I love this. Yeah. Are you, were you nervous? Are you nervous now that it just recently came out coming from Hollywood where I do think there's sort of this like unspoken rule of if you're an actor. Yes. You can only say so much. You know, you got to, you got to walk a fine line. Are you nervous at all about putting this all out there? A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. I am.

Yeah. And I feel I definitely am afraid to be judged. But I think there's something really cool. that has happened in the last few years with women who are sexual and outspoken and are beautiful. They're not getting shamed. Like, I feel like the way maybe they would have, say, 10 years ago, you know, or even five years ago. I feel like beauty and femininity and like, if you got it flaunted, that kind of mentality is really being uplifted by women now. And so, yeah, I'm hoping that that will also be the risk. bonds. And, you know, and I break it down in the book, like this chapter on blowjobs, for example. Oh, it's a whole chapter. Oh, I'm excited. Oh, I love this. I love it. But, like, I talk about how,

you know, I was, used to be scared of the one eyed willy. And I took a class. Oh, wow. I actually took a class when I first moved to L.A. because I met this guy and all I did was dry hump. And I didn't know how to do anything else. So great. And there was this show called Real Sex that was on HBO. I remember. Okay. So there was this woman.

God bless her. She was older than dirt back then. And her name was Lou Paget. And she was the host of real sex. And she was very provocative and go would go into like dominatrix clubs and gay clubs. And she would just research sex. Yeah. And she had this class.

Oh, she taught the class. She taught the class. I love it. She taught the class. and I talk about it in the book and how like, you know, I was like the youngest in attendance of like eight women. And we had this fine china placed in front of us. And then she went around the room and we each got to pick our own dildos. I love it.

I don't even think my mom knows this. And then she was like, all right, ladies, you know, these dildos aren't going to ejaculate themselves. Let's get going. And then just taught us how to open up the back of the throat. and like the gag reflex. Yeah. And really broke down the anatomy of a penis in a way that made me not think about it as like, ooh, this is dirty.

I don't want it about science and biology. And it was just, and it helped me look at it differently. I love it. I'm very nerdy. So if you can explain something to me in that way, like a textbook, like sciencey way, then I'm like, oh, okay, and now I get it. I love it. So anyway, but yeah, I talk about it in the book.

And, you know, yeah, I definitely am afraid. And also because I've really established myself as an actress. Right. Right. You know, so like people know me from my roles and stuff. They don't really know this side of me. Yeah. So I don't, I don't think there's going to be any backlash. And that's the story I'm going to stick with in my head. There you go. But yes, I love that. Totally nervous. Yeah. Well, I think that that's what people connect to though and relate to. And like you said, I mean, we all talk about this stuff. All of us girls are talking about it. So you're just putting it on paper. And you know what, Kristen, the other thing, too, it's like I have another chapter in there on progest. And I talk about how something like Viagra, okay, which is to make a limp dick hard. Like how fucking embarrassing, right? That rolls off of everyone's tongue, right? That's a very acceptable thing to say in public.

Like there's nothing shameful about it or whatever. It's like you got a limp dick, honey. Like, okay. But yet if we talk about progesterone or periods or tampons or whatever, it's almost like we have to be incognito about it or behind doors. And I just don't like that. I agree. You know, so I wanted to be part of the conversation to change those things. I love that. Yeah. And you've already seen reviews. You're getting reviews. Yes. Yes. You're all really amazing. Yeah. I mean, this is great. Yeah. It's really cool. And you're in the middle of your first book tour.

I am. And so now you're going around, you're doing signings. That's why you're in Nashville. Yes. Yes. Yes. You'll be coming back. I'll be coming back. Yeah. Y'all got hit with some weather, I feel for you guys. My goodness. I know. But I will say that's what I love so much about Tennessee. Everyone really bands together and takes care of each other. So it's nice. But you've been out there meeting, meeting fans. They're going to do your book signings. And how's that response been? Oh, my God. It's been unreal. Like, I'll have women that come up to me and they'll start crying. And they'll be like, it's because of you that I had the courage to leave my relationship. Or it's because of you. I had the courage to leave my job. And now I'm running a Fortune 500 company or Nadea. So it's really important. It makes me feel like I am fully in my purpose. Like that's what I'm here to do, you know? And it really makes me feel like I'm fulfilling that. I love that. Yeah.

What are you focused on right now? Are you trying to heal at all? Are you focused on self-growth? Are you just focused on your kids? Are you focused on dating? I know we talked about that, but all of the above. What is your main focus at the moment? My main focus right now, as ordinary as it sounds,

is me. Yeah. You know, like being able to be on this tour and being away from home and away from dogs and kids and, you know, that life, like, I went to the gym the other day and it was 8 o'clock at night. Like, it was amazing. Yeah. You know, like, I was watching heated rivalry at midnight. Like, I don't get to do things like that. Yeah. So to be able to do stuff like that is a real luxury for me. and I'm not focused on dating. I'm not focused on my career. I'm not even focused on the book. Like, you know, if it all went away tomorrow,

I would still be happy. Yeah. You know, because I work on this more than anything. And I've learned that this fills me up more than anything external could. Yeah. That's the best place to be. Yeah. And plants.

And plants. I love plants. I love plants and trees and like I'm a real hippie. I need you to come into my house and show me what I'm doing wrong with some of these. Oh no. I'm not good with them. But I just love them to bits and pieces like squirrels, birds, nature. Like those are my people. Those are my people. So I try to be out every day. Well, when you're in nature and you're taking care of your heart, you vibrate higher. And then that's what attracts all of the goodness into your life. It's so true. You don't have to be out there chasing things.

Exactly. And you know, one of the. of the things I talk about in the book is this, it's a chapter on it. And so the way I came up with the title of the book is it was 2020. I was in the middle of a lot of change and people would ask, you know, how are you doing, Sarah? And I'd say, I don't know, life is lifey. And so that's how it came to be. And as somebody who likes to plan and be in charge of everything that happens, I realized, I don't know like what's going to happen one moment to the next. And I can't figure a shit. And I can't figure a shit out. So instead, what am I going to do? I'm just going to follow my happy. So if that means eating the extra cookie, canceling on friends for a night alone, going to get my nails done instead

of responding to this email. Like I was like, I am just going to follow my happy. And that's kind of the moment I'm in now too, is it's just, I really don't know, but I'm just going to do what makes me happy. That's it. I love that. That's good advice for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Follow. the happy, follow the joy. Yeah. How did you get to that place? Just trial and error. Yes. Falling down and getting back up. Failure and fucking up, baby. And then just realizing that I can't control the things that happen to me. But what I can control is how I respond to them. You know, and after enough experiences of me crying, I was like, why don't I try something else instead? Why don't I try laughter? Why don't I try making fun of the situation? Why don't I try? So that's kind of what it was,

is I was like, oh, wow. And then you're able to kind of zoom out. You realize everything is as big of a deal as we make it. Yes. Right. So the only value that's assigned on a situation is the one that we place on it. So whether or not somebody calls you back or doesn't call you back or something goes right or wrong, it's only as important as you make it. Yeah, I know. And we come up with these stories in our heads, too. And half the time it's not even accurate. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So it was, so yeah, so it was just trial and error and experience that kind of led me to that place. It's a good place. Yeah, you seem very grounded, very comfortable in your skin. Just, you've got the best energy. It's good. It's really nice to see. Thank you so much. Thank you. Okay. I want to play a game with you. Let's play. Okay. It's hot or not.

You actually already answered some of these questions, which is so funny. But, okay, so it's scenarios with guys, and I want you to tell me if you think it's hot or not. Got it. Okay, let's go. Okay, well, you already answered this. He lives in another country. Hot. We don't mind.

Because I don't, yeah, I don't want somebody all up on me like all the time. No, hot. Low burn, baby. Okay, you already answered this too. He doesn't have any kids. Well, actually, you sort of did. Okay. He doesn't have any kids, but he also doesn't want any.

Not. Not hot. Not. Because they don't understand. Exactly. They don't understand. And also I feel like, like, I don't judge. Like, I'm somebody for not having kids. Like, kids are hard. Changes for life. So I don't judge that. Yeah. But at the same time, not hot. Right. Because you've got it. That's not going to get me going. Because I'm a mom.

I know it. You know what I mean? I know it. That's become a new deal breaker for me. If someone who doesn't have kids and doesn't want any, I'm like, you won't understand my life. So you won't understand my life. You won't understand my heart. You know, it's like when you become a mom too, like your heart grows, right? Oh, my gosh. And so somebody who doesn't have kids and doesn't want them, there's a level of, again, this is no judgment, but there is a level of selfishness there. Yes. That is great. That's amazing.

But like, yeah, when you don't have kids. Great, great. But I just, we won't be aligned. We just won't be aligned. Exactly it. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

He tells you he loves you on the third date. Goes against that slow burn. You know what? It's so funny. Do you mean what you say? Yeah, yeah. It depends on, it depends on how he's going because. do I say how he's going? No, it depends on how it's going and what he looks like.

Like, you know, like, I'm just going to be very superficial and say that. Like, I actually told Adam that I loved him the second week. Oh, wow. Because I was feeling it so intensely. Yeah. The words were just like tripping to come out of my mouth. And, you know, again, I'm somebody who, like, I'm like, we've got one life. Like, you got to live your life. Like, you know, not from like a morbid place. But, like, if I'm on my death. tomorrow, I want to look back and not have any regrets. And I actually told him, but I told him, I was like, look, you don't need to say this back. And I was, no.

Oh, wow. And I was fine with it. I was totally fine with it. I was like, you just need to know this. Like, I love you. Don't say it back because I know this is weird, but I do love you. And then after a while, I got annoyed he wasn't saying it back. Yeah.

Like, so I gave him, I gave him a deadline. I was like, I can't remember. when it was that I said it, but I was like, you have two months. If you can't say it back by like October 10th, like, we're done. He's like, you can't give me a deadline. I'm like, I just did. Yeah. So anyway, but then he did. Yeah. Okay. Thank God. But yeah, can you imagine like five years later? I'm like, he never said it back. No wonder. We broke up. Yeah, like I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay with it. I love honesty. I love like somebody who isn't afraid. Yes. You know, to put themselves out there.

So I think it's kind of hot. Vulnerability. Okay. Yeah. Sexy. Okay. He's a swinger. Mm.

No, not. Yeah. Not. I'm just too much of a germaphobe. Yeah. I can't. I can't. There's no judgment on it, but like I don't want diseases.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm a one woman kind of guy myself. So just nah. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. I get it.

Okay. He never wants to get married. Hot. I'm okay with it. Okay. I'm okay with it. You're happy to just be together the rest of your life. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You want a ring or you don't even care about that. I don't know if I would want to ring. I don't know. Maybe I would want to ring. Like maybe something that shows an outward commitment. It doesn't need to be anything flashy, you know?

Maybe I would want something. But I'm not, I don't need to, you know, it's like, that's the thing. When you've already been married and you've done it, you know that just because you got married, like, it doesn't mean you're going to be together forever. Like with every situation, the most you can promise is you're like, I'll be here for as long as I can. Yeah. Right? Exactly. And so I, yeah, the marriage thing does not mean anything to me.

And then the flip of that is true. If it's somebody that I'm with and they want to get married. Like, I would do it again. You know, whatever. Got divorced once before. I'll get divorced again. That's the second one. I get it.

Okay. He's an actor. I love it. I'm so hard at that. This is so funny. Because I just spoke to like three girlfriends about this yesterday. I can't wait to hear this. Oh, my God.

This is hilarious, Kristen. Oh, my God. Okay. I am going to say not. Okay. And here's why. Because I've realized that being an actor is the laziest thing on the planet. I love this.

And like, and the reason I say that is because if you're just a guy who like, sits around, waits for the phone to ring, then you go to the gym and you play golf with your friends on the weekends. There is nothing attractive about that to me. Like, you need to have a fucking, like, and the thing is, is I realize it for myself. Like, before I started writing, I'm like, I have so much free time. And if you're not filling in those things with that time, with other things that you're passionate about, or if you're not an entrepreneur, or just whatever. It's like, it's so unattractive. Like, you're so lazy. Yeah. So I'm going to say not. Right. Because when you don't have that much going on, you don't have that much to talk about.

You don't have that much to talk about. And also, I feel like you make the relationship or the other person, like your main focal, like focal point. Yeah. And, you know, you are a businesswoman. You know, you are an entrepreneur. You got a lot of different things going on. I am just now entering that space of being the multi hyphenate and all that, you know, so it's like you have so much to talk about. You have so much to put your attention on. Like I want a relationship that's going to add value to my life, not like take away from my life. Yes. And somebody who really understands what it's like to build something because I'm in that space, right?

So if you don't, no, no, no, actors are so not hot. I agree. It's honestly, it's the first time I felt like this. Like, I've always been into, like, everyone I've ever been with. Like, more or less has been in the business and they've been actors. And that's why I meet people are on that. Exactly. Right. So, but yeah. I'm not. I love this for you. N-O-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T. Literally underlined. Yeah, exactly. I know it. I love it. You're the best. You're in an inspiration, honestly. Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much. Tell everyone where they can get your book, where they can find you. You're also, you have a show, too. So tell everyone all the things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I have a show. Well, I have a show. Well, I have a show. Well, I have a show. Well, called Paradise. That's on Hulu, and the second season is about to air February 23rd. And then we start filming at the, our third season. I think it's in March. And that's a really great show. It's done really well. I'm very grateful for that. And then I, yeah, I'm on Instagram at at Sarah Shahi. You can find the book anywhere books are sold, be at Amazon or Barnes & Noble or your local bookstore. And then you can also go

to www.com. And that's where you can find. Amazing. Yeah. Oh, and I'm on substack. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Substack. It's cool.

Subsack's really come up, like as like a platform for writers and stuff. I've seen it popping off now. Yeah, a lot of people are doing it. I write a lot about sexuality, sensuality, women ownership, just embodying yourself. Like, that's kind of my niche on substack. Hell yes. Yeah. Yes.

My kind of girl. I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh, my God. Thank you for having me. Please note that this episode. episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.