Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Do What Makes You F*cking Happy

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Join me in this feel-good episode to discuss why I think we're completely screwed as a society when it comes to body image and how to start living your life just for you. Also, let's get into why our triggers are so important and why no one else's opinion matters.A word from our sponsors:Seed: Join me in my gut health journey with Seed. Visit seed.com/HONEST and use code HONEST to redeem 25% off your first month of Seed's DS-01® Daily Synbiotic.Hiya Health: Try Hiya’s bestselling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/honest.HelloFresh: Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. Go to HelloFresh.com/50letsbehonest and use code 50letsbehonest for 50% off — plus free shipping!Ned: Become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned products with code HONEST. Go to helloned.com/HONEST or enter code HONEST at checkout.Farmer's Dog: Invest in your dog's health with Farmer's Dog. Get 50% off and free shipping on your first box of fresh, healthy food at thefarmersdog.com/honest. Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari, back for another solo episode. And I hope that this episode can just make you feel good. That's what my goal of this episode is. I want to talk about body image and this insane world that we're living in and how difficult it is right now with everything that's being thrown at us to just feel confident in our skin. I think we're living in a crazy time. And then I want to talk about some things that have helped me along

the way of just loving myself and being really comfortable in my skin and doing what makes me happy. So I'm just going to get right into it today. I want to start with body image. And I feel like we're so fucked, quite honestly, with where we're at as a society. You guys, do you remember when we were growing up? And when I say we, I mean, I'm 36. I'm technically a millennial, I believe. So if you're close to my age group, okay? Before this insane social media craze that we've gotten into, all we had growing up were magazines and TV for these images being thrown at us of what a woman should look like, let's say, right? And it was these fashion magazines. And yeah, you'd have Kate Moss on the cover or whoever,

and you'd flip through the magazine and you'd be like, oh my gosh. I remember looking at Cosmo in middle school and being like, I want my body to look like that. But then once the magazine, once you're done with the magazine, it's sort of out of your head. It's not a constant thing that's being thrown at you and TV, but it wasn't TV in the same way that it is today. I think Singled Out was like the first show. Again, I want to say I was like middle school-ish where you're like, damn, you know, Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra are so hot. They've got like the big boobs and like the little waist and you're like, oh my God. But again, that was it. That was all we had. Now everyone is being flooded with those images constantly through social media. And it's not one platform. We now have three platforms on our phone and it's constant. And so I just think it is so hard now

to just love your body. And you guys, this blew my freaking mind. On TikTok, I saw an AI influencer. And when I tell you she looked so real, she was modeling, she was selling a bikini. She was in a bikini, showing off her little bikini. Had this account not said that she was an AI influencer, I never would have known. Never. And she was beautiful. She's like hot. I was like, damn, she's not real. Like what is going on, you guys? And it scares the shit out of me for my kids. But we're already living in a time when this image of like what the perfect woman and perfect man is supposed to be. And now we're going to come out with fake, with AI influencers too. So we're really, really screwed. And the thing is now, even before AI, you know, there's all these apps

now, right? I mean, there's so many apps and, you know, there's Facetune, there's, I don't even, it's like FaceApp or something that you can literally change your body shape. You can get rid of lines. You can get rid of, well, anything. You can take off anything, a blemish or whatever. You can change your face completely to be more acceptable, I guess today is the right word. I guess that just is the right word, acceptable, to make you look hotter, essentially. And it just freaks me out with where this is headed, not to go too far backwards, but when the Barbie movie came out, which really wasn't that long ago. I mean, it was this summer.

And people were saying that Margot Robbie is mid. It's like, oh my God, we're all so fucked. She's one of the most beautiful women on the planet. And our sense of what a woman should look like is so skewed that we don't even think she's beautiful anymore. That's when I was like, this is awful. I will say my boys actually think she's like the most gorgeous woman on the planet. So I'm really happy that my boys haven't succumbed to this AI influencer shit yet. But they're young and they don't have social media. They're not on it like we are. I just think we're all trying to live up to a standard that's not even real. It's not real. What's on the internet is not real. The images that women are posting and guys too,

I'm probably going to continue to just say women, you guys, but please know that I'm also referring to men. I know that men deal with body image the same way that women do. I really do. I get that. I think because I'm a woman, it's easier for me just to reference women. But trust me, men, I see you and I hear you and I get it. But we're trying to live up to the standard that's not real. And so everything that people are posting now has been edited so much. To be honest, I really wish that you had to say, well, I wish all the filters and the apps and everything would just go away, but they're not going to. So I wish that we had some new law for the sanity of our children and everybody that you would have to say what filter

you use, what apps you use, like all the things. It's never going to happen though. But, you know, it's interesting because I deal with people judging me all the time on my looks. I have since I was young. And when I was 17, 18, I really took that stuff to heart. It really did affect me. Now that I've gotten older, I've really had to learn that when people judge you, it actually has nothing to do with you. And whether it's your looks or something that you've done, it's not about you. And when I was 17, 18, I didn't understand that concept. But now I do. And especially because some of the things that people will say to me is, I've aged horribly. That's one. Or I've had so much work done, which don't those contradict each other? So my point is, no matter what,

you can't please everybody. That I did learn at a young age, but now I really can really grasp it and understand it. And I think that while I have it on a bigger scale, I do think it's a good message for everybody because especially now, I mean, anyone could go and talk shit to you on social media, but I just think with this world that we're living in, and even if you don't deal with it publicly, I think friend groups and stuff too. I mean, I think we all deal with it to some degree. So I just think it's a good lesson for everybody. And I think the biggest takeaway on that is, have you guys heard the saying, hurt people hurt people? It's so fucking true. If you're unhappy with yourself and you speak

negatively to yourself, that's how you're going to talk to other people. Trying to tear someone down, all it does is trying to make you feel better about yourself for five minutes. But ultimately what it does is it brings you down even lower into a lower frequency. And I really, I mean, everything is a frequency. That's law of attraction. I really believe that what you put out is what you get back. So if you are going to live in that negative space where you're tearing people down, well, really it starts with you. If you are going to be talking so horribly to yourself and then in return, you know, talking horribly about other people, that's what you're going to get back. It's just this like negative cycle. So I think it's really important to break out of that.

And, you know, I think it's, that to break out of that. And I think that's the challenging part because again, it goes back to the social media thing. How are we supposed to love ourselves if we're not this image that is being thrown at our face all day? Okay, fellow parents, you're going to want to listen up because we're going to chat about Haya. Haya is a children's vitamin that I and my kids are both obsessed with. Typical children's vitamins are basically just candy in disguise filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and just other gummy junk that growing kids should never, ever eat. That's why Haya was created. The pediatrician approved super powered chewable vitamin. While most children's vitamins

are filled with five grams of sugar and can contribute to a variety of health issues. Haya is made with zero sugar and zero gummy junk, yet it tastes great and is perfect for picky eaters. Haya is designed for kids of all ages and sent straight to your door so parents have one less thing to worry about. I love Haya because they are delivered every month, makes it really easy. I don't even have to think about it. They just show up. And I've never had an issue getting these in my kids.

And as I'm sure my fellow parents can attest, it can be very challenging to get vitamins and minerals in your children. So these are a home run as far as I'm concerned. And I've worked out a special deal with Haya for their best selling children's vitamin receive 50% off your first order to claim this deal. You must go to Haya health.com slash honest. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H I Y a H E a L T H.com slash honest and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. All right, let's talk about probiotics, which everyone should definitely be taking. Have you guys heard of the brand seed? They are a brand of probiotics that I am absolutely loving.

Seed's DS01 Daily Synbiotic is a broad spectrum probiotic and prebiotic formulated with 24 clinically and scientifically studied strains for whole body benefits, including gut, skin, and heart health. And if we want it to be a bit nerdier, DS01 preserves ecosystem function, fortifies the gut barrier, promotes healthy regularity, reinforces an optimal gut-skin axis, promotes cardiovascular health, and supports healthy immunological responses in the GI tract. Seed formulates based on robust clinical and mechanistic research that includes the biologically active dose of each strain and ensures the full dosage of live bacteria survives and remains viable through digestion or the trip to your doorstep. I love seed because I just feel like it's one of the

few probiotics that actually does what it says it's supposed to do. And like I said earlier, I can travel with it, which makes me really happy because most probiotics you do have to put in the fridge. So I love that they've figured out this technology so that you don't have to do that. All right, you guys visit seed.com slash honest and use code honest to redeem 25% off your first month of seeds. DSO one daily symbiotic that's seed.com slash honest and use code honest. But here's the thing. Triggers are really important to pay attention to because they tell us what we need to work on. So again, if this is actually a good example, because I've seen this a lot where like someone

gets out of a relationship, whether it be a marriage, a long-term relationship, whatever, and they immediately start dating someone else and people are like, oh my God, that's too soon. And what is she thinking? And blah, blah. It's like, A, first of all, you have no idea what really has gone on behind the scenes. But B, if that is triggering for you, you need to figure out why. I think triggers, and whether it be about appearances or the way someone is living their life, triggers really what they're doing is showing you where you need to do some self-healing, some work. And in a situation like that, maybe whoever's being triggered, maybe that happened to them growing up where their mom or their dad, they got a divorce and one of them dated immediately and it really affected

them and they haven't worked on it. Or maybe their ex left them for someone else. Or there's always a reason behind it. And usually it's when you haven't done the work, when you haven't worked through all of that, that's where those triggers will come up. That's why shadow work is so important, you guys. And if you don't know what shadow work is, shadow work is working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress or hide from yourself. This can include trauma or parts of your personality that you subconsciously consider undesirable. I've done a lot of shadow work in the last few years, and I think it is so powerful. I think that's why really taking care of yourself and making yourself a priority is

so important. It really, really is. I think everyone's mission here on earth, and I think we can have multiple missions, but I think one of them is to really find ourselves. I really do. Really getting in touch with yourself. And there's so many avenues to get there, but I think just starting small, you know, because it's baby steps. It really is. You can't just like all of a sudden do everything at once. It's baby steps. Listening to yourself, listening to your body. Learning to say no. I think there is so much power in learning to say no. Doing only what makes you happy and lights you up. And listen, obviously there's going to be some stuff that we have to do that doesn't

necessarily light us up. Maybe there's a work event that you have to go to that you're not crazy about or family stuff, whatever. But you get what I'm saying. The things that you can control, only saying yes to those things that make you happy, really just following what excites you. And it kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier. If you can't please everybody, then why not live your life for you, doing what makes you happy? It's your life. And sometimes that means not everyone's going to understand it, but that's okay. And we're all at different stages on our journeys. And I think if we could all respect that about each other, the world would be a much kinder place. What's right for you isn't necessarily right for me and vice versa. And you know what? That's okay because we're all at different places on our

journeys and we have no idea what our neighbor down the street, where they're at on their journey or someone that we saw in the media or our friend's cousin or who, what? We can't judge other people because we have no idea where they're at on their journey, but I can guarantee it's different than where you're at. I've never understood why people get so up in arms about the way someone else is living their life if it doesn't affect them. Well, I mean, I do get it because again, it goes back to that shadow work. If the way someone is living their life is triggering you, it's because it's some sort of a threat or a fear within you. Again, I just like

really advise everybody to do that shadow work. Shadow work for me really started, I used to go to this spa called the We Care Spa in Palm Springs. And it's like a full detox spa. You can go for either three days or five days. You don't eat food. It's like a full detox spa. You can go for either three days or five days. You don't eat food. It's like a lot of drinks and stuff. And you're taking all these pills and all this stuff. You do get a soup at the end of the night. And I liked it. I liked it the few times that I went. I really did like it. But one of the most beneficial things that I took away from it was I had my first hypnotherapy experience. And when I talk about hypnotherapy, well, let me start by saying this. I think hypnotherapy is the

best form of therapy on the planet. At least it has been for me. The first time I did it was at the We Care Spa. I've since done it a lot. And that's, wow, where I've really grown the most. And you guys, hypnotherapy is not, like you're not hypnotized where your guide can get you to do anything. It's not like that. You're just really in this incredibly meditative state, which makes it easier to talk to your subconscious. And you have to work with a guide on this, obviously, someone who's really trained in this. But as an example, some of the stuff that you'll do is when you get to a really meditative state, they will guide you, you know, and as an example, maybe into an empty room, a white empty room, and there's a window and it's like all of these

things. And the first thing that comes to your mind, and I'm really, it's not that simple. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to just kind of like dumb it, not dumb it down, but I'm just trying to simplify it. And that is dealing directly with your subconscious. And that's when triggers can come up and triggers, I mean, trauma or things that you've been ignoring that you just push down. Emotion, like you can really, I think we store all of our emotion in our body. I've done some of this hypnotherapy and I've gotten to a memory and I've just like started bawling, crying and you feel so good afterwards. That's been the most, I can't say enough good stuff about it.

It's been so powerful for me. All right. Let's chat about America's number one meal kit. Of course, I'm talking about HelloFresh, guys. A crazy schedule can make it easy to fall back into your dinnertime recipe rut. Keep mealtime exciting with over 40 recipes to choose from every week, so there's always something delicious to discover with HelloFresh. With so many in-season ingredients, you'll taste all the freshness of fall in every bite of HelloFresh's chef-crafted recipes. Produce travels from the farm to your door for peak ripeness you can taste. HelloFresh does all the shopping and meal planning for you. Ingredients arrive at your doorstep, pre-portioned and ready to cook, along with pictured step-by-step recipe cards. I

mean, come on, how easy is that? I got to be honest, there is something so nice and convenient about HelloFresh. Having everything ready to go makes dinner such a breeze. I'm balancing three kids schedules this fall, which is honestly insane between baseball, horseback riding, and everything else we have going on. Dinner sometimes has to be rushed. So these 15 minute meals have been such a dream come true. And the fact that they are delivered to your doorstep, you really cannot beat it. So you guys go to HelloFresh.com slash 50. Let's be honest and use code 50. Let's be honest for 50% off plus free shipping. Again, you're going to want to go to HelloFresh.com slash 50. Let's be honest and use code 50. Let's be honest for 50% off plus free shipping. Trust me, you guys, you're going to want to check out America's number one meal kit. Okay. I'm excited to talk to you

guys about a supplement that I love. I am talking about Ned's Mellow Magnesium. You guys, magnesium can make you a better version of yourself. I'm not kidding. There are so many immediate benefits of Ned's products specifically. Better sleep, less stress, less inflammation, less pain. And when we experience these symptoms less, it can make us a better parent, you guys. It makes us better at our job, a better partner, all the things. Maybe now you finally have the energy to get that art project started or host that dinner party for your friends that you've been talking about. Honestly, what I've noticed when I've started taking that is that I sleep like a baby. Did you guys know that 75% of American adults are deficient in magnesium and that's a mineral that's essential to hundreds of functions in the body. Ned's mellow magnesium was designed to address the fundamental imbalances that come with our

modern lives. It helps empower your natural born ability to thrive as a human. Ned's natural alternatives are not here to fix you. They're here to help bring you closer to living the way nature intended. Full transparency, Ned shares all of its third-party lab reports, all right there for viewing on its site. Ned's products have over 5,000 five-star reviews. So definitely check those out. You guys become the best version of yourself and get 15% off Ned's products with code honest, go to hello, ned.com slash honest honest or enter code honest at checkout. That's H-E-L-L-O-N-E-D.com slash honest to get 15% off. Pet lovers, listen up. My dogs go insane for the farmer's dog. I don't know if you guys have tried this stuff or not, but whoa, I've never, my dogs are really

drool as I'm trying to get their food ready. It cracks me up. You guys, the results of switching your dog's food from kibble to fresh can seem like magic. When a senior dog starts acting like a puppy again, and the pickiest of eaters can't wait for dinner time, you might think some spells were cast, but the farmer's dog doesn't use any sorcery or secret ingredients to make their fresh food. Just science. The farmer's dog makes and delivers fresh, healthy dog food. It's developed by vets, nutritionally balanced and made from real healthy ingredients to human food safety standards. It's the best option for dogs at all life stages because it's not kibble. It's not canned goo.

It's just real healthy food. A fresh diet has been found to have all sorts of benefits from healthier coat and skin to better breath, even easier digestion and smaller, better poops. Hey, who doesn't want that for their dog? A healthy diet isn't just important for humans. It's definitely important for our dogs too. My Bernadette Quinn and my German shepherd Kona. Like I was saying earlier, you guys, they go insane for this food. I mean, they scarf it down. They get so excited and Kona is almost 10 years old and she is healthy as can be. She's running around. I mean, she plays and hangs in there with Quinn who's only a year old. So there you have it. You guys get 50% off your first box of fresh,

healthy food at the farmers dog.com slash honest. Plus you get free shipping. Just go to the farmers dog.com slash honest, go to the farmers dog.com slash honest to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. But anyways, one thing that I learned at the We Care Spot, and this was the first time I'd ever done it, was I was really working on some stuff with my dad. I've never had a good relationship with my dad, and I really felt this void, this lack. And I was talking to my guide about how I knew in my head that my dad loved me. Like I know, logically, I know that he loves me. I just don't feel it in my heart. And she said, it's actually the opposite. Our hearts know. Like when we came into this earth, our hearts knew, our souls, they knew we

were whole. We are whole. We know that. But what happens is we think too much. We get too much in our heads. Our minds start playing tricks on us. And I think flipping that switch for me about my heart knows. My heart knows. It's my mind that's literally fucking with me. So flipping those for me has been really, really powerful in the last few years and learning how to drop into my heart and kind of get out of my head. And that's where meditation I think comes in and plays a huge role. Learning how to do that has been huge for me. It just really has. And I think that we all have these expectations about how we think our lives should be. And I think that we all have these expectations about how we think our lives should be. And so we want to control it, right? Like we want to control our

lives and everything that's happening around us. But when we do that, we stop life from just flowing from things naturally coming in and out. And every year I choose a word for the year. This year I chose the word flow. And I do feel like this year I've done a good job of just like living in a state of flow, like not trying to control anything that I think coming into my life is easier, but like things leaving my life, I wanted to control that before. And now I'm like, okay, there's a reason why something better is coming. They were not right for me, or this was not right for me or whatever the situation may be. I'm not trying to hold on to anything. And I have found a lot of peace in that. And I have also used mantras in the past when I was doing this We Care work. And actually, I think it was because of this work at We Care, I then had a mantra for the year of I

am whole. And I was just telling myself that. And I used to have to do the mantras of more of a repair. I don't know if repair is the right word, but damage control. No, but like my, I was trying to heal where now, because I've done a lot of that work. Now I'm almost in a state of surrender with the universe of just like letting things come in and out. Hence why my word has been flow. And even though we still have a few more months until 2024, I am trying to think of my 24, like what an appropriate one would be. But I don't know. I just, I love having a word for the year. It's kind of like a, it's kind of like a guide. But I really think when we follow our happiness, where we come alive,

we say yes to the thing that most excites us if we just start there. And that can be really small. That can be like, what do you want to do on Saturday? You want to go to the dog park or you want to go to the farmer's market? What sounds more exciting to you? And then eventually, there'll be bigger and bigger decisions and even some scary decisions of like career-wise, you know? Maybe you hate your job and you've always wanted to start a business, but that's scary as fuck. Like that is really scary to quit your job, your stability, to go and chase a passion, a dream, and you have no idea what's going to happen. I get that. It is so fucking scary. But I think after you've had a lot

of training to do these things, you learn how to trust your gut because that's what it is. It's trusting your gut. And I am someone who runs off of gut instinct now. And it's taken me a long time to get here. And it's been trial and error of not listening to my gut and my gut always being right and being like, damn it. Why didn't I just listen to it? Because it's never steered me in the wrong direction. And I would challenge anybody with, has your gut ever steered you in the wrong direction? No, our gut is our best compass. That's what we have. It's there for a reason. And now I really like that's, that's what I go on. And I've even, you guys, I've even said it in business decisions.

I've said it to my team at Uncommon James where I've been like, this doesn't make sense to you probably, but I just have a gut instinct on this and I'm not doing it. Actually, it was a store location. We were going to open up a store in a city and I went and looked at the location. My team was sold on it and went and looked at the location. And it just, at first I was like, great. Yay. And then I sat with it for a few days. I was like, no, everything in me is telling me not to open up a store here. And we are in this phase right now of wanting to open up a lot of stores. And so on one hand, would it make sense to just open up a bunch? Yeah. But I also am like, no, I can't do it. There's something telling me not to do it. And I may never know if my gut would be right on that or not, but because I trust my gut so much and I've had so many instances where now I know to listen to my gut instinct. I don't care if I'm ever proven right.

I know in my soul that that was the right decision. And again, who cares? If my team thinks I'm fucking nuts for facing business decisions off of my gut, I don't give a shit because that's what I have. That's all I have. And it just goes back to what I was saying earlier. Who gives a shit what other people think? You've got to do what's best for you. So I guess the point of this episode is do what makes you fucking happy. Do what makes you happy. You. Because no one else can decide that for you. Who gives a shit what other people think? Because at the end of the day, their opinion doesn't change your life, your day to day. It's your life. No one else matters. So that's my message today. I actually do really want you guys to DM me and tell me if these kinds of episodes are beneficial

because sometimes I feel like I'm just rambling. I hope that they're helping people. I, you know, and my goal with everything that I do is if I can help one person, I feel like I've won. And so that is awesome to me. But sometimes I don't know. I don't know if you guys want funnier stuff. And I'm really hoping to give you a good variety of like crazy dating shit to then like the serious stuff that I've learned along the way that I hope I can help you guys with because I've been through the fucking ringer and I've learned a lot. And so I want to share that stuff with you guys. So anyways, I hope there was some takeaway for you guys in this and let me know if you start to do the things that excite you and you see differences in your life. Like I am very

curious. I'm really, my goal with this podcast is to build a community and I want us to be able to all come together. So that's it. As always, you guys, thank you so, so much for listening. It's a new world for me to talk about some of this stuff publicly. So I appreciate y'all being here and I will see you guys next week.