Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Don't Date a Little Wiener Boy

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

Join me and dating coach Jake Maddock as we discuss what you need to achieve a 10/10 relationship, whether attraction can grow or not, the rules for online dating, what to ask yourself after a first date, how to get high-value dates, masculine and feminine energy, why dating as a woman is much harder than a guy, doing wifey things before being engaged, and signs to leave a relationship.A word from our sponsors: Armra - Go to tryarmra.com/HONEST or enter HONEST to get 15% off your first order.Branch Basics - Go to www.branchbasics.com to save 15% on your Starter Kit or their new Hand Soap when you use code LETSBEHONESTKerastase - Visit www.kerastase-usa.com and use code HONEST15 for 15% off your purchase. Standard exclusions apply, offer valid through 5/31/2024.LMNT - Go to DrinkLMNT.com/HONEST to receive a free LMNT Sample Pack with any order when you purchase through our URL.Quince - Go to Quince.com/honest for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Needed - Head over to thisisneeded.com and use code HONEST for 20% off your first month of Needed products. Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari, and I am very excited for today's episode. I have with me dating coach Jake Maddock. Hi. Hey, champion. How are you? Thanks for having me. Thank you. So you're in Australia. What time is it there right now? About 8 a.m. or so. Well, I appreciate you getting on so early and talking to me. I've been

so excited for this conversation. I feel like I'm going to pick up a lot of tips myself. But okay, so you coach all of your clients to achieve a 10 out of 10 relationship. So explain what that means. Yeah, so basically a 10 out of 10, as weird as it sounds, is basically a perfect relationship. As weird as that sounds. So just a really, really, really awesome relationship. When I'm coaching someone, I know I've been successful when they call me up and say,

hey, I have a 10 out of 10. Thank you very much. They have to tell me. I can't tell them. Okay. And so I've seen that you've said really to achieve the perfect relationship, you need three things. So you need compatibility, chemistry, and that X factor,

that thing that you really can't put your finger on. So can you talk to me about those three things specifically? Yeah, for sure. So when you meet your ideal partner, it's going to be a beautiful mix of chemistry, compatibility, and X factor. As you said, the chemistry, you want to rip each other's clothes off. You've got a high sense of attraction. A good thing with chemistry as well is they smell great. It's pheromones. It's all that sort of stuff. You really enjoy the smell of your ideal partner. So if you don't like a guy's BO, that's a good sign. Like he's really not for me. A hundred percent. If they smell weird or they're like, I don't really like the way they smell, they're not your ideal partner. Even on the first date, you should be able to smell their neck

and you go, they smell really good. Even though you can't really smell anything, it's the pheromones. So that's really powerful. The compatibility is the conversation just flows really smoothly. Like you guys can talk for hours. The compatibility is there. And the X factor is kind of like maybe fairy dust in the air, the bit of magic, something in the air going,

there's something special about this person. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I need to be with them. Okay. I am so happy that you talk about all three of those things because I've been dating now for almost four years. And this is such a hot conversation for me and my friends, because I will not settle until I have all three of these things. And that's why I'm still single, but I'll go on a date with a great guy. You know, good looking guy has a great job. He's really nice. He's all the things, but I'm not attracted to him. And almost all of my friends will be like, you should give him another chance. And I have always taken the stance that if I am not attracted to someone,

that's not all of a sudden going to change. Is that, do you agree with that? Or do you think that that actually can grow? So attraction can go up and down to a certain degree, but even right from the start, there should be a fairly good sense of attraction right off the bat. So what I recommend, say you meet someone online dating and you're scrolling through and you're meeting someone online dating. If the pictures, if you look at their pictures and you think that they're a six out of 10 or above, go on the date because some people's profiles aren't that good. So you go on the date, sort of suss it out, see how it feels. If the date's pretty good and attraction goes up and it feels okay, at the end of the first date, you should only ask yourself one question. And that

question is, do I want to see this person again? That's it. Okay. Okay. They're amazing or anything. Do I want to see him again? If he then says yes, see them one more time. By the second date, definitely the third date, you'll know they're your ideal partner or not. Right. Because it's that. See, I've always been under the impression that like that X factor thing, you'll know almost immediately. But you're saying maybe, maybe not.

Second date, you'll know. Yeah. So the first date, sometimes people can be a little nervous, but you should, even the first date should still be fantastic and go, yeah, there's something special. I definitely want to see them again. And the second day you're like, yeah, there's, there's, there's definitely something special here. Okay. Cause the question I always ask myself is, do I want to kiss this person? And if the answer is no, I'm like, okay, well then I'm not going out with him again. Yeah.

If you definitely do not want to kiss him at the end of the first date, definitely don't do it. But a statistic that you might be interested in, so I've coached thousands of people. The majority of those slept with their ideal partner on the very first date. I saw that you said this and I've gotten a lot of shit for this because I said on a

podcast that I don't think it matters when you sleep with someone. If there is chemistry there, if there are feelings, yes, obviously there are times where a girl sleeps with a guy and he never calls her again, but if there are real feelings there, it does not matter. No, no, it's very true. A lot of girls think if I wait and make the guy work for it then he'll like you more yeah it's not the case some girls make him wait two months and then she finally sleeps with him and he goes well that was terrible i'm gonna ghost her now it makes no difference how long you take you're better off i reckon get it out of the way quickly and it's really, really good. He'll want to see you again. Love that advice. Great. You heard it here first, you guys. Don't hold yourself back. It's a good thing. Okay. Right. Right. I mean, ultimately you want

your partner to be really attracted to you. You want the guy to want to sleep with you. That's a good thing. It is. A lot of girls get in their head about it and they go, this guy wants to sleep with me. I go, he's supposed to want to sleep with you. If he doesn't want to sleep with you. That's a good thing. It is. A lot of girls get in their head about it and they go, this guy wants to sleep with me. I go, he's supposed to want to sleep with you. If he doesn't want to sleep with you, that's a big problem. He should want to rip your clothes off. That's good. It's a high attraction, high chemistry. Yes. Okay. I love that. Okay. So you just mentioned dating apps and you encourage all of your clients to get on dating apps. I want to hear how you advise people to use them correctly, because I do think there is a right and wrong way to use dating apps. I just got on one for the first time. I never thought in a million years I would ever be on one, but here I am. I loved it at first,

and now I absolutely hate it. So I want to hear your advice. Yeah. Online dating can be super frustrating. A few rules with online dating is if a guy wants to see you, it's got to be a high value date. So no low value dates, no hanging out, no cups of coffee. It's got to be a proper high value date. So set it up properly. He wants to see it's got to be a high value date. If you get one high value date a week, you're going to achieve a 10 out of 10 pretty quickly. And second to that, you want to make sure your profile is warm. You want to make sure your photos are warm. Okay.

So warm, wifey material we're looking for. Not sexy photos. We're looking for warm, kind, joyous type energy. Not one bikini photo. It doesn't really work. It attracts the wrong sort of stuff. Okay. We want a guy to mainly look at your face and go, she's really pretty and warm.

She looks lovely. That's what we're looking for. Oh, okay. Maybe I remove my bikini photo. The sexy photos often have counter effects. They don't really work very well. Even if you have a fantastic body, when I'm coaching someone, I build their profile for them.

I pretty much never put any sexy photos in any of the profiles. Okay. I mean, no, that makes sense because if you're looking for a long-term partner, yeah, that attracts, I get it, the wrong kind of person. But let's talk about high value dates. So what exactly is a high value date? That is like, I'm going to come pick you up. I'm going to take you to dinner, right? So what about a lunch date? Is that considered high value or no? It can be okay. I prefer it to be at nighttime. And what's even better is if you can get an activity in there as well.

So ideally, a great day goes like this. A guy says, hey, I love talking to you. Can I take you on a date this Friday? He says, fantastic. He picked me up at seven. He comes and picks you up, opens the car door for you as a gentleman. Then he takes you to some sort of activity. It could be axe throwing, mini pot pot, whatever.

It could be any sort of fun activity. Something fun. And then he takes you out to dinner. He pays for it, pulls out your chair, good conversationalist, all that. And then you get back in the car after dinner. Hopefully he did a good enough job that you want to kiss him. And so on and so forth from there. Okay.

I mean, I think here's the tricky part with dating apps. And this is what I was talking to one guy about is that, you know, after you go on so many dates, I think for a lot of these guys, it's like, it's another day, you know? So I think for a guy, I'm just trying to think from like the male's perspective right now to have to always be doing these elaborate dates for women, I think would get pretty exhausting. So I could kind of, no, no. Only if you're dating a little wiener boy, who's a little crybaby. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean to have to? No. Okay. I know. If a guy gets to take you on a date, he goes, okay, I get to take this gorgeous girl on a date. It's going to be fantastic. And a heaps of fun. We're going to do heaps of fun stuff,

but some fun activity plans. I'm going to have a great meal. I've been eating clean all week. Now I get to have my cheat meal on the date night. It's going to be fantastic. I'm going to have heaps of fun. I get to take this gorgeous girl out. It's going to be amazing. That sounds like a great night. He shouldn't be looking negatively upon it. Okay, so I agree with you, and I would not settle for anything less than that. But I guess I'm just trying to put myself in the male perspective right now, where I just do feel like it becomes a lot for a guy to have to take out girls constantly,

pay for everything, plan these elaborate dates. I can just empathize with men, I think, a little bit. Yeah, okay. Fuck them. You're right. Fuck them. If a guy goes, oh, I don't want to take a girl on a date, buy a cat bit. Yeah. Okay. Fuck them. You're right. Fuck them. If a guy goes, Oh, I don't want to take a girl on a date, buy a cat and shut up. That's the best advice.

Some guys have a real wiener little, Oh, my life is so difficult. I got to go on a date because they're sitting in their feminine energy, right? Let's talk about masculine and feminine. A masculine energy guy is somewhat positive, mostly. Okay. The four traits of masculinity are leadership, ambition, decisiveness, and protection. He has mastered his emotions, and he's a real masculine man. He's in control of his emotions. He feels what he wants to feel, and he's in control of himself. And he's a mature man who has high integrity,

who says what he means and means what he says. Why is that so hard to find? It is. It's much easier these days being a guy than being a girl in the dating game. Way easier. When a guy comes into my program and I teach him how to be masculine, he is chomped up so fast in the dating game. He goes out there there i show him how to be masculine and date properly take girls on high belly dates and be masculine he could have pretty much any girl he wants he just gets like a piranha it's way harder for girls way harder because the amount of masculine guys it's you're looking for one less than one percent of people it's still possible they achieve 10 out of 10s too but it it's a longer process. Feminine girls, the traits of femininity are nurturing, caring, supportive, and joyous.

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That type of communication. So the opposite of feminine energy is fear. So when a woman is particularly fearful and insecure, she's going to be holding on to control and trying to be hyper independent. I don't need no man trying to be hyper independent. It's like hanging onto a barbed wire fence and you're cutting your hands at the same time you're holding on to that control too tightly not allowing anyone into your life having your walls up super high not trusting anybody that's the opposite of

feminine energy so you've got to let that go let go of control drop the walls down allow yourself to settle into the being energy of feminine energy and just have fun and enjoy the present feminine energy is also patient it's joyous it enjoy the present. Feminine energy is also patient. It's joyous. It's staying present and going, I'm going to enjoy what's happening right now. Not be too in control of the future and go, well, I got to have all these things done. And that's from the negative stuff from the past trying to control you. So you got to try to let that go. Well, so what does the conversation look like for you when clients come to you? Where do you start? Because I do feel like a lot of this is therapy from your whole life. Yeah. So it's a lot of mindset stuff. So we work a lot on the confidence,

the self-esteem, self-worth, get rid of the overthinking, the self-sabotaging, the fears, the insecurities, which a lot of that has to do with simply the internal dialogue. Okay. So when a lot of women come to me, they say they have a lot of that internal dialogue. Okay. So when a lot of women come to me, they say they have a lot of that internal dialogue. I hate all men. I can't trust anybody. I got to look after myself. My ex was terrible. Every guy I'm going to meet in the future is going to be terrible. Online dating sucks. And they have all these negative consistency, internal dialogue, just going through their head all the time. So we've got to reframe that to a positive state of mind, positive internal dialogue. So, and got to reframe that to a positive state of mind, positive internal dialogue.

So, and how do you do that? Just by like, just rewording it in your mind? Yep. Basically. So yeah. So just reframing all internal dialogues to the positive makes a huge difference. So for example, you might say online dating sucks to instead going online dating is an effective tool and I'm going to enjoy using it. Simple, just really simple, just rewording things to a positive. Oh God, all of this is hitting me. So you're saying the masculine has to be taking charge. He's the leader. What if a guy is not in his masculine energy? How can a woman try to help like push him into that? Great question. And it's called nurturing behavior you want to see. So for example, you use feminine indirect communication. So for example, you're talking to a guy on Tinder, you could say, Hey, look, I love talking to you. When are you going to take me on a date?

Or if you're dating a guy and you've been in a relationship for a while, you'd say, we have so much fun on the dates. I can't wait till you take us on another date again. It'd be awesome if you took us on a date this weekend. It'd be so amazing. We'd have so much fun on the dates. I can't wait till you take us on another date again. It'd be awesome if you took us on a date this weekend. It'd be so amazing. We'd have so much fun and make me feel so special. And this is what I call the three steps to a feminine sentence. I would love if you took me on a date this weekend, that would make me feel so special. Three parts, right? That's a very simple thing. And a guy will think you're being subtle and he's going to think he's smart by picking up on your hint, even though it was fairly heavy, he will see it as subtle. Okay. And that's a great form of feminine communication. It's the best way to get exactly

what you want in a relationship, consistently nurturing the behavior you want to see. He feels he's special. He feels like he's doing a good job. And he's also going to feel like you need him, which will also make his attraction for you go up. Wow. So another thing that I saw too, is that you're married, you've got kids, but you still take your wife on dates. And you've said that when you do, you ask her to go on a date, you plan it, you execute it and you pay for it. So it's still important even after all of these years for you to be in the masculine energy and for your wife to be in her feminine energy. A hundred percent. Extremely important. Whether you're at the start of a relationship or you're together for years and years and years, doing the fundamentals perfectly is very important. Okay. Yeah. Now a big conversation

with women is should we be doing wifey things before we're engaged? That's like the whole thing with situationships right now. So what are your thoughts on that? Give yourself fully and put the best version of yourself forward, regardless of where you're at. Okay. Okay. Doing wifey duties on girlfriend wages is the same as going to do a nine to five job and being a shithead at work going, well, I don't get paid for that. So I'm going to be lazy. Well, you're never going to get a raise with that attitude. It's just having a super negative mindset. Do your best all the time, I think. And if, you know, if holding yourself back and looking for things and all that sort of jazz, it's just negative.

You don't want to do that. Yeah. Well, that's good advice for anything in life. Actually, my dad taught me that when I was really little. If you're going to do something, do it 110%. Otherwise, don't do it. 100%. Yeah.

And I also think women think that cooking and cleaning for a guy, really taking care of a guy is going to make them like us more. But you say that's not true. So, yeah, not inherently true 100%. So everyone likes a delicious meal, right? You cook for a guy, he's going to go, this is delicious. Is that really going to make him feel really amazing? So if you're not his ideal partner and the chemistry compatibility is okay, and there's no X factor, it doesn't matter how good of a cook you are. It's not going to make him your ideal partner. As far as attraction goes,

everything you do and everything you say makes attraction go up or down. A lot of things couples do consecutively make attraction go down, such as arguing, low integrity acts, acting single on social media, stuff like that. That makes attraction go down. It makes people feel unsafe in the relationship, makes attraction go down. There's lots of little things which make attraction go up all the time. A lot of people seem to think doing lots of chores and household stuff makes attraction go up. A lot of guys think that too. They go, well, if I help my wife out with the vacuuming and the cleaning and the dishes, she will like me more. Short answer, no, not really. It might take a little bit off her plate, but you're much better doing the fundamentals, which I talk about. Intimacy three times a week,

two 20-second hugs a day, effective communication, no arguing, going on dates every week, to working on dual goals and dual hobbies. Those fundamentals are far more important than helping out with some vacuuming. Okay. Yeah, I agree with you. Wait, list those again for me. I want to make sure I'm getting all of those. So intimacy three times a week. Yep. Two 20 second hugs a day. Two 20 second hugs a day. Okay. As well as no arguing, never argue, just communicate. Okay. So give us some examples for how to effectively communicate without arguing. Yep. So it's okay. It's okay in a relationship to disagree. A disagreement is just simply, you want to have steak for dinner. I want to have chicken. Okay. It's not a big deal. You

just disagree on that. It's not, it's not a huge deal. You just disagree on that. It's not a huge deal. An argument is a disagreement that's full of disrespect and aggression, which has no place in a relationship. So no arguing under any circumstances. Affected communication, there's a few things to that. One rule you should ask yourself before you start talking to your partner, how do I want this person to feel when I finish talking? Okay. Ask yourself that question before you start. Okay. Because it is going to make you a better communicator and also if you're a girl or a boy try to communicate in that correct energy so if you're a woman try to communicate out of that feminine energy which is soft it's caring it's nurturing it's joyous and a lot of physical touch if you physically touch a guy while you're talking

the chance of him hearing you goes up dramatically oh wow okay wow. Okay. Dramatically. Okay. So definitely whenever you're talking, make sure you're touching him. That makes a huge difference. You can also remember the triangle method. So you and your partner in the relationship always do what's best for the relationship, not what's best for either person. That drops the ego back. So you do what's best. The relationship that makes a huge difference too. Yeah, that really does. I love that. Okay. What are some ways that women push men away? Not in their feminine energy. They're acting fearful and that fear becomes self-sabotaging and they'll start saying stuff like, I need space. This is too much for me. I don't know if I'm ready for relationships, all this sort of garbage.

Okay. You can't, don't, don't let fear rule your life. So many fear, fear is the most expensive emotion. It will take everything from you if you allow it. Yeah. Oh God. Well, and you've said that most of your clients are divorced and in their forties or like single, single parents. Why do you think that is? I think a lot of people who come to me, they've been married for 10 or 20 years or whatever. They get divorced. They're single parents. Then they jump on Tinder and they go, wow, this is, I'm not having fun here. This online dating is really difficult.

I can't meet anyone organically out because it's just absolutely terrible as well. Where am I supposed to meet anyone decent? Then I show them how to do it properly. Okay. I feel like I do have to get back on Raya and just start going on more dates. So you're saying if I think someone or anyone is above a six to go on a date with them. Yep. You should be getting at least one high value date a week.

Okay. Okay. And I recommend using the popular apps. So not Raya? No. I know. I hate Raya. A lot of what I would call high achieving females, they think Raya is really good, but it's just lowering the chance of finding that person. What you want to do is you want to cast a really wide net and then filter down from there. So you're looking for a very, very particular human being, a very unique person, someone who is just a perfect puzzle piece for you. So you're better off seeing

where the most people are. So I've coached lots of people on all different apps and Bumble and Tinder still take the record. Okay. Good to know. What about if people do want to go out into the real world and meet someone? Are there certain places that you recommend? You can do hobbies, hobbies, not bad, like go to CrossFit or whatever, but the chances are way worse than online dating. Yeah, I know it is. It's hard to meet people. Or I just heard someone say going to like a hotel bar or even just like sitting in the lobby and getting coffee in the morning is kind of a nice way to meet people. Yeah. Who has time for that though?

You know, just sort of sitting around, just going, just hoping you get picked like a flower. What I like about online dating, it's like going shopping and you go, okay, I got a thousand matches. No, no, no. This one's not bad. I got on a date with that person. And it's like very logistical. So you can, you can get, you actually getting progress. 99.9% of people I've coached has achieved it with online dating. One or two have achieved it organically, but it's, it's so rare.

Wow. It's just crazy. The different role that we're living in now. Okay. Let's talk about loyalty because obviously loyalty is so incredibly important to most people. Why do you think men cheat? Oh, because the relationship's not a 10 out of 10. He doesn't love you and he has low integrity to the degree where he's a touch of a coward and he doesn't really want to end it, but he doesn't love you or like you or want the relationship to last either. Oh, God. Okay. So you almost feel like in a way it's self-sabotaging and they sort of want to get caught maybe so that then they can leave the relationship.

Correct. Oof, that's a harsh reality. And then I have a lot of women asking me what to do if their boyfriend or their husband isn't initiating sex, which I think is kind of tricky because I've always taken the stance that if you're not sleeping with your boyfriend or your husband, someone else is. So I think this gets a little tricky, but what do you recommend a woman to do in that situation? Yeah. As far as initiating goes, the man should initiate intimacy 90% of the time. Okay.

Something like that, like a fairly high amount. If he's not initiating intimacy, what your job to do as a woman is to be a sunflower and lure the bee into you. So you got to really turn on the charm, short skirts, long eyelashes, red lipstick. lipstick you gotta flutter around like a bee and really turn it up turn it up to a degree where you're drowning him in that feminine charm so he okay it's like a flight of flight of honey he can't he can't resist oh my gosh and also also do the cat and the mouse game okay yeah show the body language that you really want to do it and then oh i don't really want to intrude that little cat and mouse game to really

make him hunt for it a little bit not too hard of course play the game a little bit turn up the charm if you're wearing a pair of track pants and you look like shit and you're complaining that he's not sleeping with you are you even trying are? Are you even turning it up? Turn it up. Turn up the sexiness. Dress. Get into it. I see some housewives and stuff. They complain the intimacy is really low and they look like shit all the time. Put some effort in. Well, speaking of the cat and mouse, do you believe that in the beginning of a relationship, there is that cat and mouse game that you need to play? There is that little bit of a dynamic, right? It should always be there. Always. Okay. That's the key with masculine and feminine energy. Masculine energies are doing energy. Feminine energy is the being energy. You

don't want to lose that. A lot of couples lose that and they settle into a state of comfortability. You want to keep that cat and mouse game going all the time. So meanwhile, i've been married for years and we are 90 95 percent of our communication is heavy flirting oh i love that that makes so much sense to me heavy we've been married for years have kids heavy heavy flirting Like it's sometimes it's a lot and the kids look at you like, whoa. No, it's good though. It's teaching kids what a good relationship is. And then that's also to what we said earlier, consistently dating your spouse. Like you have to keep that going too. All the time, all the time. Your, your long-term relationship should be so sexual that the second intercourse finishes, you go into foreplay mode and it's foreplay all the way around the clock until you're doing it

again, whether that's the next day or a couple of days, just, you're just always kissing each other and smacking each other. Like all that flirty play all the time. Okay. Wow. Okay. That's really great advice. Okay. Well, flipping the switch a little bit. So leaving a relationship can be extremely hard. Obviously for a lot of people, it can be one of the hardest things you'll ever go through, whether it's a divorce or just leaving a relationship. That's another thing that women always ask me because I'm divorced is how I knew when to leave a relationship. What are signs that you think it's time for someone to leave a relationship? Yeah, it's a good question. Looking at it, you've got to think to yourself, well, is this person my ideal partner? Can I get a 10 out of

10 with this person? Is it even possible? And is this person doing and saying things my ideal partner would say and do? If the answer is no consistently to those questions, you just ask yourself in your head, you've got to go. You get to a stage where you look at them and go, I can't get a 10 out of 10 with this person. I don't think this person is my ideal partner. This person's not doing and saying things my ideal partner would say and do. They've said things which my ideal partner definitely wouldn't say and what they're doing wouldn't work either. But you do think that couples can be married and not currently be in a 10 out of 10 relationship, but they can get there. Oh, for sure. I've helped heaps of couples get to a 10 out of 10 and they

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but it's just kind of like what I've taken away from it. And I want you just to explain them a little bit more. Okay. All right. So the first one is your mom is wrong and your wife is right. I love that sentence. I very much like my mother-in-law. Okay. I think she's very nice. She's very nice to me. She treats me extremely kindly. As far as I'm concerned, compared to my wife, everyone is garbage. Okay.

I want men to look at their partner like that, like hold them up to a high degree. So your wife is always right. Now in saying that, you got to take it with some common sense in there. Prioritize her over everyone. That's what it means. I love that. I love that so much. And that's part of being masculine is being protective. So if your wife is wrong, you're still on her side. That person's right and your wife is wrong, you're still on her side. Okay. That person's right. And your wife is wrong. So she might be wrong. I'm still going to defend her.

She's right to me. Fuck you. Yeah. Oh my God. Always protect. Yes. We need to see. We need more men like that.

Oh, I think men want to be masculine and chivalrous like that. It's just some are confused. Exactly. They muddle up. They want to be. A lot of guys want to be masculine I talk to. They're just not 100% sure how to do it and confident how to do it either. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Okay. The next one is guys mean what they say. Women overthink it. Yeah. So for example, if you're talking to a guy online dating and he says, I don't want a relationship ever, he just don't even try.

Okay. Okay. Don't, don't, don't, don't even listen to him. If he tells you something directly without any prompting, take it. Believe it. If he says you can find someone better, go, okay, well, and then leave and go and find someone better. Right.

Cause women will take that and be like, oh no. can find someone better go okay well and then leave and go and find someone better right because women will take that and be like oh no like he's just saying that oh he's being so like i'm gonna fix him all that kind of shit but you're saying yeah run away okay 100 so you should date a guy who's high value he will think he is he will think confidently not arrogantly that he's a good catch. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Another one is if a girl is successful, keep it on the down low initially. So why do you say that? Because men like to feel needed. Okay. And men don't want to really date someone who's more successful than they are. So I coached one woman, Sarah, her name is, I've coached tons of Sarah's, but this particular Sarah, super successful millionaire. She embraced feminine energy so perfectly. I didn't even know she was super successful until maybe six months in. And she'd tell me about her business stuff. I'm like, what? You're super successful. And she's so bubbly. And she has a 10 out of 10 relationship now, but she keeps it on the download to such a degree that she makes any guy she's with feel super needed and feel amazing and masculine and just embraces it so well. So no matter how much you earn girls, you don't need to share that information. Hey, the guy's going to pay for every meal. He's paying for everything. Keep the money in your bank. You don't need to share that information. A, the guy's going to pay for every meal. He's paying for everything.

Keep the money in your bank. You don't need it. Even after, let's say you go on a fourth date with someone, you don't think that you should be offering to pay for dinner once in a while or split it? The girls should never offer to pay even 10 years into the marriage. Really? It's much, what do you think is more valuable, Kristen? Your feminine energy or the $50 for the meal? for this. And it, I mean, it's a real thing. I get that. And it ultimately didn't work out. I think for numerous reasons, not just that, but that's a real thing. Like he said to me, you have a certain lifestyle and I can't keep up with that. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Why would any girl want to date a broke guy? Well, a hundred percent. And I, I've dated some guys where I've paid for everything. And I'm very traditional in the sense, right? I want to be the woman in the relationship because I'm so masculine in my everyday life that when it comes to a relationship, I want to be the feminine. I want a guy to take care of me. I'm with you on everything you're saying. We're not asking you to go to pay for a house. You're just paying for a meal. If he can't afford to pay for the meal, find someone else. Yeah. Okay.

So if a girl and a guy end up together and let's say the woman does make more money, eventually if they're in a long-term relationship, could they be splitting the household costs? You're just saying like an actual date needs to be paid for by the man, not like the everyday life. So when you start living together, then you become a team. So you don't split the cost. You work as a team. So you say, well, this month we earned this much. These are our bills. This is our holiday account. This is our investments. These are our assets. These are our liabilities. It's ours. It's not mine and yours. So we don't split it. It's teamwork. Okay. So even though I'm a business

owner and my wife's technically a stay at home wife, but she helps me with everything. I don't say I own this much. You are nothing. I say we earn this much. These are our bills. This is how much we have. These are our investments. So on and so forth. It's always we and how. I love that. Okay. And then my last one is you've said that you should grow old together, meaning you're not a fan of age gaps. Not too much, not too much. So 15 years, any more than 15 years, you're sort of pushing it a little bit. Okay. So Kristen, how old are you? So I'm 37. Okay. So 37, do you have kids? I have three kids.

Incredible. Do you want to have more kids? No. That's also been a hot topic. I would have guessed you were 25 with no kids. Oh my God, I love you. So 37, three kids. Don't want to have more kids. If you did want to have kids, we'd go younger

because you don't want to have kids who are going to go a touch older. So for example, in online dating, I would set your settings from between 36 and 50. Wow. Okay. I think right now I have it from 30 to 45. Too young. Guys, if you go out with a guy who's 31, what's going to happen is he's going to want to have babies. Yeah. They've all said that. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. If you go out with a guy who's 31 and he looks at you, he's going to go, I want to get you pregnant. It's not fair. Well, you want to know what's funny though,

is all these guys, cause I'll be like, I don't want to have more kids. And all of them are like, oh, well, I mean, I don't necessarily have to have my own. I'm like, yes, you do. You're just saying that. Don't date a guy without kids. Okay. If you have three kids, you've got to date a guy with kids and I wouldn't date a guy who's younger than you. Okay. I know. I've always kind of taken that stance. But lately I've been like, whatever. I'll go out with a 31-year-old.

And if he's over 35, he better be as super successful. Successful as shit. He better be just smashing it. Yeah. And do you think it's a red flag if a guy is in their late 30s, early 40s and has never been married? It's a little weird. If he gets to 40 and he doesn't have kids and hasn't been married, that's a touch bizarre. Yeah. But I wouldn't overthink it too much. But again, in your situation, don't date a guy who doesn't have at least one child.

Yeah, I agree. That's kind of where I'm at. But you're also going into the age bracket now where if he's 40, his kids might be teenagers or even adults by now, which is good. Which I would love. Yeah. I would love. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Great advice. Thank you. Okay. This has been so great. I've learned so much. Thank you so much for joining me and then tell everyone where they can find you. Yep. So just type in Jake Maddock on Tik TOK or Instagram or Facebook or YouTube or whatever. Check me out, watch my stuff. I've coached thousands of people into 10 out of 10 relationships. I'm very black and white with a lot of stuff I say. It's just because it works. I know what works. I know it doesn't work. Yeah. You can achieve a 10 out of 10 this year, my friend. I want to see it happen.

Okay. I'm going to follow up with you and I will say you are a great Tik You can achieve a 10 out of 10 this year, my friend. I want to see it happen. Okay. I'm going to follow up with you. And I will say you are a great TikTok follow. That's how I found out who you were. And I was like, God, everything you say, I was like, yes, yes, yes. So, well, thank you so, so much. It's so great to meet you. I want to invite to your wedding, my friend. Okay. It's coming. I'm going to change all the settings on my apps right now.