Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - How to Spot a Controlling Partner with Justin Anderson

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Justin and I are getting real about the manipulation tactics and red flags that can show up in dating—especially the ones that can be disguised as care, concern, or even a joke.We talk about men who try to minimize your wins, criticize you under the guise of “helping,” confuse protection with control, need to be right in every disagreement, or make you feel like you have to audition for their approval. We also get into confidence vs. dominance, why asking questions and genuinely being interested in someone matters, and how your first difficult conversations can reveal so much about a person.Plus, we talk about what healthy relationships actually look like, why emotional vulnerability is a strength, and the things we've learned from our own relationships and dating experiences that we wish we knew in our 20s.Ladder: Head to https://ladder.fit/HONEST and take a quick quiz to find your perfect Ladder plan. Use my link and get a free 7-day trial with NO credit card, and $10 off your first month if you join.Salt and Stone: Try Salt and Stone’s discovery set to find your signature scent — Go to https://SaltandStone.com/HONEST and use code HONEST at checkout for 15% off your first order.Sam Edelman: Visit us at https://samedelman.com to explore everything you need for Fall and get 15% off with code HONEST15Nutrafol: See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just 3-6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to https://Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code HONESTFigs: Get 15% off your first order at https://wearfigs.com with the code FIGSRXNeurogum: For a limited time, you can get 20% off your first order at neurogum.com by using code: HONESTFor more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Okay, hi. Hello, how are you? Hello, Justin's here. Yay. Oh, and we're going to take care of the audio today.

Last time I was here, the audio went out. I mean, I've been podcasting for, I think it's been honestly almost five years, including the back to the beach. Has it really? Well, including back to the beach. And you would think at this point, I'd have all this shit figured out. No, I still have issues all the time. Well, you worked for the producer before.

This is you all on your own, you know? It's a different beast. Well, anytime I'm here in Nashville, it's just me on my own. That's why when I actually go to L.A., the podcast is perfect. Here, there's always some issue. Okay, but hi. Okay, so I was periodically, I'll go through. I've got notes in my phone.

and it's just like podcast ideas that I've jotted over the years. And I came across one that you and I talked about. I think it was like two or three years ago, probably three. No, I guess maybe two. And it was about how we wanted to do an episode about manipulation tactics that men will use in dating. We at the time I had gone on a couple dates with this guy. And that was what sort of like sparked this conversation for us.

And I'm not really dating. Well, I'm not dating currently. But I do think it is. is still a good conversation. I think you and I are hyper aware of this stuff. So we just wanted to shut a little light. Yeah, we are very hyper aware of that. Wait, what was the one hookup that we were talking about that kind of sparked that? Well, it was the guy out here. Oh, right, right. Okay. I went on a couple dates with a guy, like a dad from school and normal guy. People are always like, would you ever date a normal guy? I have dated normal guys. This was a dad from school. Which sometimes

turns out to be worse. By the way, crazy. Which is what is normal these days. But I mean, you're talking about somebody who's not like... Or people say like, who's not in entertainment. Public facing. Public facing. I like that. Public facing. I'm going to start using that. That's a good one.

Public figure is so dorky on Instagram. Have you seen that? Yes. In the bio or whatever. And by the way, they pick that. I know. You have that in your bio. I would be fine if somebody else like...

Mine says it. Does it? No. Well, yours probably does it. But it like means it. You kind of are. Mine says like entrepreneur. But sometimes they'll be like a PTA president.

it is. Public figure. Public figure is so good. Yes. People are always like, would you date someone who's not a public figure? I'm like, I literally have given everyone a chance over the last few years. But so I dated this dad from school and he turned out to be actually bat shit crazy. Is that fair to say?

No, no, definitely. Unfortunately. And this is why you can't eat where you shit or what's that saying? Shit where you eat. Shit where you eat. Like, I think dating at school is not a good. good idea. At your kid school? Yeah, no. No, mama. Anyone could have told you that, sweetie. I did one time or like went on three days with this guy, one dad, but I would never do it again.

Okay, but before we- Oh my gosh, so not only do you have to like pull in your followers and people from the media and stuff, but now you have to bring your school into it. School into it. Now my kids are involved. Like I'm not even kidding, though, this, it did sort of like this guy had a couple daughters and they were talking about it at school with my kids. And then one of them commented on Instagram. And I was like, okay, this has gone too far. This, we can't do this. Okay, before we get into the manipulation tactics.

So we were talking, I don't know if we were in my work or whatever. And it's very rare that I give you a new story from my life, right? Like, we've pretty much heard everything about each other's lives. But there was one, I don't know how this came up. But I told you that when I was in fifth grade, which is crazy to me because that's sailors age right now. Like as my kids now are like eighth grade, seventh grade, fifth grade, I'm sitting here going, wow, the shit that I did at their age.

is like kind of wild to me. Whoa. So this would be like sailor coming to me and telling me that she got her period because when I was in fifth grade, I lied to my mom and I told her I got my period. I clearly needed attention. You guys, when she told me this story, I literally sat there with my mouth of it for a few minutes. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like who lies their mom about having their period?

Lied. Explain to what about why you did it. I think I needed attention. This was important. in my life where my dad was already living in California, my brother was getting into a lot of trouble. Oh, that makes sense. Nobody is kind of sad, actually. Like, we can laugh about it now. But like, every night my mom and my brother were fighting. So I like kind of didn't exist. And so I think looking back on it now, I'm like, I need to create some attention. So I lied to my mom about

getting my period. And my mom, of course, is like so excited for me. I'm sure must have brought me maxi pads. Also, as a mom now, I'm like, I can't imagine like I, you go into your job. And you're daughter's room to take out the trash and there's no maxi pads in there. Like, there was like no period paraphernalia. Nothing to show of it. I just told her I got it, but that was it. So that was it. So then I did you ever come clean or you had to act like it every month. You're like, I'm on my period. Here is the one thing. When you first get your period, you don't necessarily get it every month. So then I got it a year later in sixth grade for real. And I was like, she didn't believe you. I probably was just like, I got my period again.

Like for the second time. So I actually didn't talk to my mom about this until probably the last like year or two. Did she say I knew that you were like? No, she had no idea. Oh, wow. She said that she just thought, I was like, well, what did you think when I didn't get my period for like another year? She's like, I just thought I was like normal. Interesting.

Yeah, I know. So I actually don't. Cute. Cute. Yeah. You have such a good mom though. No, my mom is the best. But that.

Did parents talk to their kids about periods back then? It's funny because like I don't really remember that. I mean, that would be the most traumatic thing in the world. I think you just bleed one day. Right? Also, that's a lot of responsibility for a kid. A lot. But I think about like a kid going to school.

I think my sister has a really crazy story about her period. I shouldn't tell it. But like the trauma of that. It's kind of. If you kind of were at an age where you knew it was going to become like, aren't you freaking out? Like don't you think about what color pants you wear to school? Or it's not going to.

I think when you first get it, it's like you probably just spot. But you don't know that as a kid. Like, did a parent tell you like, oh, it's just going to be a spotting thing? And when you see it, you know what's funny? Go straight to the nurse at school. We must have talked about it in sex ed, right? But like, I don't know. I wasn't in that class.

You didn't take sex ed? Well, they separated it for guys and girls on that stuff. Oh, I don't think they did for us. Oh, yeah, all the guy issues and girl issues. I remember they separated it at our school. But I was fascinated. I was like, I want to know how period works. I think that guys should know how periods works.

Like I do too. I do too. a joint thing. Maybe now they do. No, now they separate them. Really? Yeah, but I think that I was with the boys because I was learning about penises. I loved sex ed. Did you love it? I was like upset. No, I did. Oh my God. I was upset because I'm like such a horny piece of shit. But I like love sex ed. Weren't you in fifth grade for sex ed? It's so young. That's so young. Yeah, it was it was elementary school and it was young. But yeah, I probably went every semester, every year. I probably showed up in I just need to take it again.

And kindergarten. But so I had to take my kids to get physicals this summer before school started. They started a new school. But for sports, I think you have to do it every year anyways. But this is the first time Sailor has done it for like a school sport. And so I took her and Dr. Howard, you know, doctor. Yeah. Who we love.

And he started talking to her about like periods and stuff. And she looks at me. And she was like, oh. Because Sailor, you guys, is like not the person. It's actually funny because I think when we had this conversation in Majorca, you and I started talking, then I was like, Sailor's not going to talk to about this stuff. Well, she would talk to me,

but because Dr. Howard is a man, the way she looked at me, and he was talking to her about, like, buds forming under your boobs. And I also was like, oh, my God, I am so like, like, we'll handle it. We'll talk about it on our own time.

But you know what? It was good because it did, it made me go, wait, holy shit. Sailor could potentially, if she's on track like I was lying, she could get her period at any moment. Like, it starts early.

And I did get it. We shouldn't talk about that, though. But I'm just saying like for girls in general, though, like they are getting their periods in fifth grade. I got mine in six. I was really young. Aren't they getting him younger now? I think so. Yeah. And so I was like, this actually could happen at any moment in time. I wasn't even really thinking about it. But it was just like kind of a nice wake-up call for me as a mom to be like, oh, yeah, no, we need to talk about this stuff. Thanks, Dr. Howard. Okay, anyways, total pivot here. Sorry about that. So, okay, so manipulation tactics by. men. And here, well, here's another thing that I thought was interesting is, I don't know if you notice this in your life, but people who have been together for a long time, I feel like it's the norm to like put down your partner. And a lot of times it's in like a joking way. But like it carries

a lot of weight to me, I think. Do you notice that at all in your life? And I also, I really don't like that. Like you will never catch me talking bad about Scoot. You even know, like you're my best friend. even if I say some like scoot was bugging you're like but you know I love him more than anything and Scoot's a saint and like whatever I always preface that but if I'm ever around somebody who's just like openly talking crap about their partner yeah like to me that's a no no and I think and you just said the right thing it carries a lot of weight yeah because I think that there's something really sad there because I think that that's somebody that's a relationship that you should really protect I won't talk crap about you if somebody tried to talk crap about you to me the way that I

would shut down immediately like oh I would never talk about Kristen with you you know what I mean like so your partner should be even more sacred I think but I get it that it's a real normal thing for a lot of people because aren't don't a lot of girlfriends love to sit around like girls dinner and they like just kind of rip on their partner or whatever so I do think like as a couple year so it's normal I don't think that everyone that does it is yeah but I just don't do that okay I think it's a little different for a group of women and I'm not trying to like I don't know I'm not trying to be like sexist or like make it okay for women. You're not.

Those are just speak from the heart. But like I do think that like a group of women just kind of like bitching about their husbands is really normal and it's really relatable. And I think in a lot of ways it makes women feel like, okay, I'm not the only one dealing with my husband who's like a mess or like not like serious. You want to know it's so funny. Okay. So yesterday, Scoot and I have this conversation. We have our weekends where him and I just like rot on the couch together. And like we like do our thing.

We literally said at the end of the day yesterday, I was like, could you imagine? being in a relationship with a woman. Or like, could you imagine a woman being a relationship with a man? I was like, because it's so different because Scoot and I do everything the exact same way. We're both really clean because we're gay men. Yeah. We like really healthy meals. We love to put a lot of energy into it.

Then we're watching like this romantic, cheesy movie together. Then we get into bed together and it's like, we have our good smelling candles going. We just did our skin care together. Yeah. And I was like, it's so weird to me to think that the majority of the earth gets into bed with the opposite sex. And I'm like, straight men are stinky. Like sometimes they don't think about like, no, I didn't shower today. And it's like, you have to get in bed with them.

Also straight men like, like the room really cold. A woman likes it a little bit warmer. Like so it's very different. So me saying, I think it's different being in a gay relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Straight men and straight women together to me is so foreign, obviously. But I all, but yesterday we just had that conversation. It's like, no, I can't imagine.

It's so different. Like I love being around women because I love their energy. but like yeah it's like getting into bed every night with a woman it's so different. See it's funny because like I could never get in a bed with a woman like and I think there's a lot of things that it would be easier like you just sort of like naturally understand each other. There's like it's a this comfort automatic comfortability I think but like I could never like I love. That's interesting because I said because then I was said to scoot yesterday. So then do you think that also like women like imagine if like two best girlfriends just got to get into bed

every night together, like do their skin care, like giggle. Like, a scoot night giggle, like two little girls in bed. See, I can do that with a man though. Yeah, that's true. And then I like that I have like a manly man in bed. But back to your point, though, I think that's where it's like a group of women. You could talk about the differences between men and women and kind of like, oh, it's so annoying he left his socks out again.

Yeah. It's like harmless stuff, right? But I think like, I'm like, let's say you're at a group dinner and like the couple, like, let's just say it's the man is like joking around about like, I don't know. Let's say she doesn't do anything, you know, like she doesn't even clean the house, but it's like a joke, but like really it's not a joke. Like that to me, it's like joking, but putting your partner down is so disgusting to me in front of other people. Oh my God, never. Never. And I feel like there's just such a when we were having that conversation yesterday, Scoot was like, I think the thing, because Scoot was like, you're super masculine though. You're almost like a straight guy or whatever. He's like, but I really love because I. I. compliment Scoot all the time. Like, I can't believe how well he keeps our house, the meals that he creates, and he's like, I can't imagine if my partner didn't appreciate that.

Or if I was just with a guy who like took that for granted or whatever. So then the total opposite of that is sitting at a table with your partner and they're trashing the way that you take care of a home or saying she doesn't do anything all day long. You know, Scoot doesn't have a job. But like he does more than I do. That would be like you being like, oh, well, you know, Scoot doesn't pull his weight around here. Never. Never. Never. Never.

Like that kind of shit. That's so demeaning. And like, I think at that point you don't really like love your part. Like you don't. I just do not like that kind of stuff. No, I don't. Well, Ann, hello. If you're at that table and a couple is doing that, I immediately get so uncomfortable. Because I'm like, oh, you guys don't like each other. Exactly. Because when you're around other people, you should have their back no matter what. Yeah, agree. Agreed. Agreed. Especially. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you're doing it in front of other people, like, what the hell are you doing behind closed doors? But you bringing that up? That happens.

That happens a lot. Because I'm saying like, I've noticed it a lot lately. And I'm like, why is that the norm, though, to put down our partner? Like, shouldn't we be building each other up? And by the way, if you guys have resentment and you have all this shit and you kind of actually hate each other, should you maybe look at that and be like, should we stay in this? Should we go to therapy? You know what?

That happens so much now that you're pointing it out. And I'm thinking about it. You know what? It will happen with me a lot. Like, I'll meet somebody randomly like on vacation and we'll meet about the bar or whatever. And the wife will start saying. things like see honey like why can't you dress like them look how good they dress and it's like well first all we're gay men and we care whatever but like saying and they're kind of giggling over and i'm like sitting

there being like he doesn't want to hear that you know you're making him feel like some dumpy dork right she's giggling thinking like yeah and she was like he can barely get two shoes on or whatever it is you know that's what i'm saying yeah which that's a little bit harmless but the things that you're saying like not pulling weight or like that they're annoying or like oh i don't like he's such a little shit. Parents will also do this about their kids and I have such an issue with this too, calling your kid like a little shit or like a little like if the kid isn't around though, would it be okay? I think if the kids not around. I think if the kid is around though. Because that's relatable. Like, oh, my kids were driving me crazy this weekend. Thousand percent. I've said that, but I think

in front of your kid. Oh my gosh. Like putting a negative spin on a joke when it comes to someone that you really love, I think is like really, really bad. I will forever remember. I love my mom. Hopefully my mom doesn't listen. My mom really is a good mom. My mom and your mom are a lot like a lot like, like, but my mom did this thing a lot when I was a kid. I was naturally really loud and I liked making people laugh, you know, and my mom would always like, I'm sorry, he's so annoying. You know, and we were like, I remember one time we're on a car trip to San Diego to go to Sea World. I'll never forget this. And it was like new kids that we were friends with and like some of my siblings friends were in the car. And I was trying so, I was making everyone laugh and everyone was laughing.

And I just kept hearing my mom in the front being like, sorry, Justin's so loud. And she's just shaming. Yeah. And I just, it stuck. out to me forever, you know, because at that time, like, I genuinely just wanted to make everyone in the car laugh and I was having so much fun back there. But like, your kids pick up on that stuff. That's shame. I just talked about this on an episode last week about parenting. Shaming your kid is the worst thing you can do. They'll remember forever. You're, you know, not a, maybe attacking is not the right word, but attacking their character, like who they are and making them feel bad about who they are. Like, you're a comedian. You're like making people laugh. And she was trying to make you feel

shitty for that. Yeah. She wasn't trying to make you feel shitty. That's the wrong way to say it. I think she was also, I was genuinely probably annoying in the back seat because I was really loud. So it's like a natural thing to be like, I'm sorry. You know, like whatever. But at the same time, you don't realize that the kid is harming it. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I'm like so hyper aware of that with my kids. Why did it happened to you? I don't know. Well, my dad. No, it wasn't so much shaming. It was more just like I never felt good enough with my dad or like I never felt like he liked me. Like nothing I could do or say was the right thing to do or say. Did he ever say stuff to other parents around you? I don't remember that. I just wonder why it sticks out to you something. Well, probably because of,

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Visit them at samedleman.com to explore everything you need for fall and get 15% off with code honest 15. Again, that is samedleman.com and code honest 15. So there's a lot of similarities between I think narcissism and just like a guy who's controlling. And I think for the purpose of this conversation. We're going to talk about more of a guy who's controlling, even though, again, there's a lot of sometimes spillover. But we've talked about the narcissism thing. I think it's beaten to death. And so this is more just like in the dating world, how you can sort of spot this stuff earlier on. So, and actually how this came about was this dad that I dated from school, what did he even do? Now I can't even remember. He was like in finance or something. And he said to me at one point,

He said, you know, like dating you doesn't really do anything for me in my line of work. And I was like, why are you even thinking like, hey, why are you thinking like that, but be, why would you say that to me? Like, that thought process is very bizarre. Because he clearly was already thinking about what you could do for him, right? Right. And so it's, but also to me, what that is, is it's trying to diminish what I have. It's trying to like put me below him in a way. or even maybe on the same playing field,

but it's definitely taking me off any sort of pedestal that maybe he thought I felt or I don't even know. But like it's trying to diminish who I am to a degree. Yes. Whoa, that's such a guy-girl thing though. Yeah, because you just made a lot of sense. It's also like if a guy went on a date with a, let's see, a beautiful woman and they start saying things, you know, like, well, you know, beauty is dime a dozen.

There's tons of beautiful women out there. because they're trying to take away that thing that like you might might not even claim that as your biggest thing you know most beautiful women that's not what they want to own it's not how they want to be but i've i've noticed a lot of guys will do that being like oh well just being a pretty faces and everything it's like well first of all she didn't say that right and like and why are you thinking and why are you trying to take that away from her from her anyway no she is special because she's beautiful and she stands out and you that's also why you were attracted to her right a lot of guys do stuff like that i think women do too though i do by the way 1,000 percent this does go both

ways. I just think like my experience is with men and men trying to control because I've had a lot of men actually try to control me and try to like put me in a box and like diminish my light essentially. But I also think controlling guys really, I think the crux of it is insecurity. Right. So like a situation like that where they try to like diminish you minimize who you are is because it makes them feel better about themselves. And we've talked about that. And I yeah, I think it's a big big thing. But then I also think like sometimes those guys are attracted to a girl like you. Yeah, you have to be very aware of it. It's just, it's an interesting thing.

I think this is an interesting conversation. Okay, ready for that. So here's another thing that I think is really interesting that I think in the beginning can be disguised as like concern or care, but really can be kind of crazy. When a guy is like, well, I'm only asking you because I care or why do you need to go out without me? That guy obviously wants to sleep with you. Like those types of comments, you know what I mean?

That are disguised as like as like I, it's just, I'm only saying this because I care. Like I'm telling you this because I love you. But and then there's like a bat. Well, those are like two different things actually. I'm telling you this because I love you. And then there's like a there's like some sort of a criticism. Yeah. I think is like run from that kind of guy.

Wait, okay. So give like an example. How could that happen? Okay. What could I'm going to actually. This just popped in my head only. I don't know why. But my dad did this to a woman he was dating a few years ago.

And this isn't even a big example, but it's like, and my dad's a narcissist, so take that with a grain of salt. But she made lasagna. Okay. And my dad was like, I mean, it's good. But like next time what I would do is I would boil the noodles more and I would like do X, Y and Z. And he was like changing the whole thing. But it was in a way where it was like, and only because it's my dad. And I know that again, nothing you can do and say with my dad is ever enough. Like there's always a critique. There's always, he used to say shit to me too all the time of like, I don't even know. I would have changed the walls in the uncommon James store. Like that was the one time that I saw it.

The only thing he came to my Dallas store opening and Justin was there. Didn't say one thing about like, except for a criticism. Except for a criticism. Nothing about, not even a congratulations. The story looks good. How about everything in this fucking store I created out of thin air? Nothing. He just criticized where the wall was.

I think that that unfortunately, not to like harp on your dad. or anything, whatever. It's a good example, though. Yeah, but that comes from a place of, like, their own ego. Like, because, oh, my gosh, if my daughter was standing there and everyone was giving her praise about this new store that she opened, I would just, like, can you believe it? this is unreal.

Like, you are such a rock star, whatever. But it unfortunately comes from a place of insecurity to try to find the one thing, like, I would have changed this. Or maybe, like, had you have come to me, I would have told you to do this. Because they want to be the savior, too. But by the, he did do my real estate, my lease agreement for that store, which is interesting too. He knew about the one.

He knew about the fucking. But my Nashville store, which was the first store, same thing. I brought him to it. I was so excited to show it to him. He knew the fucking floors, the concrete floors in my store were already there. My dad is in commercial real estate. So he at the time was doing my real estate deals. And he walked around the entire store, looked at it.

And then he went, were these here or did you do these to the concrete floors? I said, they were there. He said, oh, these turned out nice. Only fucking thing he said from the entire store. Well, then that's a real thing. I mean, so these are just like a one-time mistake. I don't know. This is like, can never give me any fucking props for a goddamn thing.

I used to call. He'd be my first, you know, when I'm like 18 to whatever. He was always my first phone call. Like, I remember getting like the cover of Cosmo Girl or something. I mean, being so excited calling him and being like, Dad, I got the cover of Cosmo Girl. That's like the biggest deal for like a 19 year old. And he goes, okay, cool.

So what's your next move? Yeah. Defeated. Yeah. But so these are good examples. My dad is a narcissist. So I think these are like kind of extreme. Also.

Those people don't even realize they're. doing it though, right? That's the thing that's so sad. And what he would tell you is he'd be like, well, I was just trying to help her so she'd get too excited about the cover so that she didn't lose herself in what she's actually trying to do. Right. Which for a long time, I sort of was like, well, I can understand that as a parent. But like, no, let me have five seconds to be excited about something. Okay, but let's go back to like dating and but those are good examples of like a guy who's always trying to minimize what makes you special. So are you saying if a girl who is listening has situations where that happens early in dating somebody.

It's like they should pay attention to those kind of things. You know, pay attention to a man who is not, can't be excited for your wins in life. For sure. I mean, for sure. That's like friends. That's like anyone in your life. You want people who can celebrate your wins with you. But I think, yeah, I think it's like really a guy like who is trying to minimize who you are and what makes you special.

And then the other thing I said was when when they disguise. Well, okay, there's the conversation of protection versus control where it's like trying to disguise worry and care as control. So like I just, I'm really nervous about you going to the club. I don't know. Going to the club because what if someone tries to hit on you? Like really, that's controlling. Yeah. Maybe that's not a good example.

No. I mean, I think that that's actually more what they're thinking about. but maybe they would use a different excuse being like, are you sure, like, who are you going with? Is someone going to be there to protect you? Right. Women go out every day by themselves. Also, by the way, women are single.

Like, they go out like they're going to be fine. But I think what they're really trying to get at is they're afraid that somebody's going to hit on you. And like framing it as like, well, why would you want to go out without me? Like the only reason to go to the club is it's a flurr. Which is so not true. Not true. Like when you get to a certain point in your life where it's like.

Couldn't tell you the last time I flirted when I was out by the way. No. Yeah. And you're not looking for that when you're in a good relationship. You know, like I love when my partner goes out on their scoot. I just don't want to keep talking. I don't want to just keep talking about scoot. But I do.

I love what Scoot goes out on his own. You have more stories in your relationship. But like that's not hot too when a guy tries to control like that. That's what I'm saying. I think it makes you end up like resenting them and being like, now I want to shoot on you. Of course. Because when you give someone so much freedom and trust, yeah, they don't want to break that. It's when you're fucking.

hovering over them. You're like a fucking helicopter husband. But also, well, okay, and then disguising criticism as like keeping you grounded, which is sort of like what my dad would do with me, right? Of like always a critique, always something. And but they say it like it's for your own good or like. Yeah. And I do think that like relationships and then parents are different, right? I just in general don't really like a lot of criticism or giving criticism. You know, like I would never criticize something for you or like give you advice. Like I'm very careful with especially with you because you and I are very headstrong. We know what we like to do.

Unless you asked me for my opinion, I don't give it. Same thing with like Scoot. Like Scoot cooks every single night. I would never be like needs a little bit more salt. Okay, you fat ass. Get off of the couch and cook yourself. Like I should have done it myself. I would never do that, you know?

Or like the way Scoot does things around the house. He does a really good job taking care of the house. But I'd never be like, can you fold the towels a little bit more like whatever? Like, yeah, right, right. But there are, like, nothing's ever good enough. Yeah, but there are a lot of people who will do that in relationships. And they think that's normal. I think that like, I don't know.

Also, like, okay, early on, like, making you audition for his approval. So, like, even in the early days of him being like, even if he's joking, like, well, we'll see if you're actually relationship material. Like, I'm sorry, but literally go fuck yourself. I'm actually auditioning you, motherfucker. I'm trying to decide if I like you. But I just think men in general think that they have that upper hand because that's just kind of been taught forever. Like everyone's always just tried. And I don't like the whole man versus women thing. I really, really don't because I think that everyone should be equal.

But like that's just kind of been taught to everyone. Like women, you need to do this, this and this or a man's not going to want you. I know. And like you have to be wifey material. Wifee material. Which for me, I'm like, first of all, like, they're on. I'm just so the opposite of that. I'm just like, I think men need to do a lot more work. I do feel like women are in a good era right now because there is this conversation online of like, do you like him? We're no longer putting it in his court of like, does he like me? I hope he likes me. It's like, do you like him? We are deciding. But you know what's so interesting is like how hard. It's such a bummer because I think like you have two boys. And so like moms would be protected. Like it's a hard time for men. It's a hard time for boys, whatever. But it's really not. I think if you just listen, I think a lot of like really amazing men are going to stand out a lot.

If you're just like a good man and you respect women and you like know how to like, I mean, I think the hottest guys that I know are men who are like masculine, but also like they can talk about feelings with their with their wife or they like think it's cute to be a part of conversations that some guys like I don't care about that. Like I'm a guy. Yeah. You know, it's like I think there's an opportunity right now for men to really shine actually. I think like the ones that are fighting back at it. It's like you're kind of a problem. You're the problem. You're the one that should listen more. It's not like people are hating men. I think people love men and they want men to win. I agree. Women love men. They love men. We love men. I just think it's the men who don't want to listen and they're fighting back being like, oh, what am I even supposed to do? Be a good person. It's a little bitch. It's actually not a lot. It's not a lot that people are asking. It's actually not. And I think it is up to us to raise this new generation, you know, myself included, raise these boys to be good, strong men, but in touch with their feelings and knowing that that's not a

weakness because I think that was it right generationally it's like men were taught that being vulnerable showing emotions was a weakness which couldn't be farther from the truth it's the opposite a real man who can express their emotions and isn't afraid to ask for what they need and be vulnerable I think is the real sign of strength god if I was a woman though and I was like dating single men I mean that would be one of the first things I would you know how you kind of like pry question wise on your first date I would just really want to know those kind of things. Like if a guy has... Like what would you ask?

I would ask things like... I'm trying to think what I asked. I mean, I... I would bring feminism things. I would... I just would to see how they would react immediately. If they were like, well, that stuff's a bunch of bullshit. Why are women still talking about that stuff?

To me, that's just... Funny. You know what? Okay. I don't think, even if a guy felt like that, I don't think he would say it on the first date, unless he's just a complete piece of shit. But I think, but by the way, everyone is putting on their best, for the best foot forward, the first, at least few dates, but especially that first date.

Like, I think people aren't really putting all their cards on the table, which I don't think should be the case. I also, the older I've gotten, the more I am, like, here's who I am. I don't give a flying fuck because I'm not going to put on some facade because then it won't work out eventually anyways. I'd rather just put it all out on the table. Yeah, no, I totally know what you mean. I also think there's a little bit of both, though, because we've talked about this thing before. you've talked to a lot of guys who they don't ask you a lot of questions at the beginning. And to me, that's a massive red flag because I think that it's a some men are taught to like that

women aren't even interesting to them. So they don't. So they don't even ask questions. Oh, you think it's because women are interesting to them? I think to them it's more about they want to just like peacock and they have the thing in their head that's like I want her to really like notice me. So for me like the guys who stand up the most like the guys who are genuine genuinely. you're not putting on an act because we could all be like, oh, you should do this on your first

day. No, it should be like, what comes naturally to them? Guys to me that really stand out to me are men who are really interested in women who think women are interesting. Beyond just like tits and ass or like whatever, but guys who are just like women are badasses or like, I would ask a guy on my first day like, who are like three of the top three like women who stand out to you of all time. If you could have dinner with three women dead or alive, who would it be? It's such a gay guy thing. It's so fucking, no, you wouldn't actually do this. But imagine the answers that you would get and how it would make sense. If they were like, Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, and you know what I mean?

But if they came up with really interesting women. Like their grandma or like, you know what I mean? Or women who have done really amazing things in the world. I think so. I mean, those guys exist. I'm telling you. That's going to be my new thing when I go on dates. If I ever going to do that.

No, it is interesting. Interesting though. It's like and I it's not even an age thing because I noticed it when I was on Raya. And again, this is a while ago. But even like if I've talked to a couple guys on Instagram or whatever, it's like it's actually what it is. It's the best looking guys. Don't ask a lot of questions. And but here's what. Well, I know because they've never had to put in work. But when I was on Raya, thinking of two guys specifically, one happened to be like 55. He was a retired athlete. And another one was a model. And as soon as I will, I'll. ask a question for the first, like, couple back and forths to keep it going. And then I'm like, okay, if they're not asking questions, then I purposely stop. And then it'll be radio silence. And then they'll be like, oh, wait. And they'll like, come back with questions. And I'm like, nope, it's too fucking late.

Yeah. And but it's like, I don't, I think it's these guys who have never had to put in work. And so probably inadvertently, they also are just like not as interested in women. To your point. Yeah. But then imagine how that would, that relationship would end up being fired. years in when they're really genuinely not interested in you. Then you end up with a guy like that and they could care less what you do or what you have to

say. That's why ladies, we need guys who are going to ask you questions. Also, guys who want to get to know. Or guys who had to create a personality when they were younger. You got to go for like the chubby guys. You need a guy that makes you laugh. The guys who were chubby when they're younger who had to create a personality who really love their mother.

Yeah. You know, stuff like that. It's a real thing. You need a guy who makes you laugh. If that, well, I do anyways. But I think a guy who's really interested in who you are. and like is interested in like your relationship with your family. The older I've gotten, the more I realize family is important and not in a way of like,

you need to have a great family. It's more that like family is really directly affected how we all are, whether we want to admit it or not. And so someone who's curious about your upbringing and why you are the way you are. Or also just understanding their own family dynamic. You don't, we've talked about this too. Some of the most fucked up people that I know come from perfect families quote on quote. But it's like even if you come from a little bit of dysfunction, how do you you deal with it. And are you able to recognize like, oh, my parents, I love them, but they're a little bit

fucked up in this way. You know, it's like my family on paper could look perfect to the outside world, but we have a lot of our things. But we've all talked through them and we all kind of know about each, know our things about each other. And we've worked through it. A lot of people don't. And that's scary when people, you know, you don't want to end up in a family that has no communication. They're fucked up, but they think they're perfect. Right. You know what I mean? The word. The word. And then you're stuck with that family forever. Family's a big thing. Family is really big. I also think you don't really learn someone until you have your first tough conversation

to see how they're going to handle it, which that's when you realize if someone's going to sweep things under the rug or if they'll be able to have communication and if they're emotionally mature. And so, you know, don't you wish that we knew this stuff when we're like in our 20s? Yeah. I mean, because we have a very similar story with like our 20s and our first relationships, like my first major relationship. I learned everything from. I wouldn't change it for anything.

It makes us. We are today. Yeah, I feel like I'm such a better partner now. I agree. You know what I mean? Like had I found a scoot in my 20s, I would have fucked the relationship up. You wouldn't have appreciated it. Yeah, I wouldn't have appreciated it.

So I love the way that it happened. But yeah, this stuff is good to know. It is good to know. For when you're really ready to have the right relationship because and that's why it's taking you longer. Like now, now guys like I noticed shit a mile away. Yeah. And we were just talking about that recently where it's like we were talking about this.

And I was saying, you know, it's just different now because there's so many things that are immediate, like, no, I just don't want to deal with that. I don't want to deal with it. Why would you deal with that now? You know, if you want to settle in any way. No. No way. Honestly, the biggest issue for me is I'm not attracted to anybody.

I haven't been attracted to anybody. I don't know the last person I was attracted to. But I think that's because, like, you're looking deeper. You've been attracted to looks, but I know what you mean. But right, there has to be something deeper. There's not something that keeps you there. Looks go out the window for me now. Where you're like, I need to have a conversation.

I need a deep conversation. I need like an understanding. I need to laugh. I need a, fun. I know what it is. Am I allowed to say on here? Yeah.

Because I'll just leave it. I don't like it. No, what is it? Because I do think that you love that real masculine, tough guy. And I think that sometimes you need a little bit more sensitivity there. I just think you do. I love the mass super masculine.

Yeah, which unfortunately comes with some of the like, I'm the masculine one. Like, you're the woman. You know, like whatever. If you could find that balance of a super masculine guy. who also has like a tender soft spot who's like really listening to you and then like when you're talking about accomplishments in your life they're like hell yeah that's my girl

and I want to lift up. We've talked about these things off camera or whatever. But I think that that's what it is. He's a diamond in the rough. But if you, if there were 50 men they were put in front of you, you would boom, boom, boom, pick the same one and I bet they'd all be

a little bit toxic. Well, I think I'm over toxic now. Toxic masculine. Like that look is such a thing for you. I think. But I still think that guy's out there. I think the hot, big, strong, tough guys out there that has that cute, cuddly side to him. I just think he haven't found him yet.

He's just really hard to find. Yeah, because there's not a lot of them. Hopefully his podcast creates war of them. I'm telling him. But he's coming. I just, I feel it in my bones. I know he's coming. No, he's definitely coming.

But I think that's the thing. You know, like, I'm looking for something very specific. Exactly. And it's a teeny tiny, teeny tiny, tiny, tiny little window in life that you can find these men. But he's out there. There's point zero. Zero zero two percent in the whole world. But he's coming.

Okay, another thing that's a huge red flag is when he withdraws when you do something that he doesn't like. So like, let's say you do go out. I don't know why this is like the only reference I can come up with today. But let's say you go out. He doesn't like it. And then he gets really spotty with communication, like pulls back. So he's trying to teach you a lesson.

Trying to teach you a lesson. That's the grossest thing in the world. That was what my first relationship was totally like. If I would go out, like, okay, yeah, it's fine. Like go out with your friends or whatever. I would pay for it for five days. Yeah. It was like quiet, silent treatment or when you're out and they'll message you something and you message back and then they go silent because they're trying to like then get you to be like, wait, why are they not responding now? It's all like a manipulation game. Yeah. Well, okay. Yeah. No, that's just like a massive thing. I think a lot of people in relationships do that unfortunately. Like real toxic relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Like trying to prove a point or like to punish your partner is so weird. But that happens a lot. I know.

And it doesn't work, by the way. You're just going to end up making your partner resent you later. Of course. You know? Yeah. Well, also it's interesting because we did date a similar type man. And my story was when I would be, even at dinner with girlfriends, texting me constantly, incessantly texting me always had to have a fucking pulse on me.

So I think actually when I became single, it was like, oh my God, I cannot have a guy fucking texting me. Like a guy who wants to text all the time for a while. Now I like get kind of wrapped up in it because I like think it's fun in the beginning. But for a while it would like trigger me. Because I'd be like, I need a man who can go eight hours without hearing from me because I'm fucking busy. That's so healthy and normal. You're not supposed to be able to get a hold of someone 24-7 actually.

No, at all. No. Okay. Okay. So we talked about protection versus control. Do you think a lot of other people deal with that? Yeah, that's a pretty common thing. Or is it like a certain personality attracts those type of people. I'm wondering, like, thinking about the buddies out there listening, you know, if people are like,

yeah, I experienced that. Like, it's a pretty common thing, I think. For people to do those toxic things in relationship. I think toxic is kind of normal, unfortunately. Yeah, I do. People love that one TV show. What is it? What is it? The one that you and I both watch with the, uh, euphoria. No, what's the other one that's like euphoria, but they're in college. Tell me lies. Tell me lies. Yeah. People love that show because they can relate to it. Like, there's a lot of talk. There's a lot of Stevens out there. Yeah. Not Stephen Cloddy. Okay, guys, let's talk about Nutraful. You know I love them. Sometimes upgrading your routine doesn't mean changing everything. It's just about finding one thing you can do a little bit better. Well,

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it just kind of helps you drift right off to sleep. But I've been living on all of these mints and the gum. I love them. For a limited time, you can get 20% off your first order at neurogum.com by using code honest. That's neurogum.com and use code honest for 20% off your first order. You can also find neuro at Walmart and Amazon. Okay, confidence versus dominance. So like, oh, I like that. She didn't tell me any of this stuff before. So I'm literally just learning right now. I'm to surprise you. So like, okay, I think confidence is like you can have a disagreement and, you know, he doesn't always need to be right or like have you be wrong. Where I think. controlling. It's like the man needs to win that that interaction. Does that make sense? Like I think like again,

okay, we'll just stay on this theme of like you go out now he's mad about it and now you guys are going to talk about it. Instead of having like an emotionally intelligent conversation, he like has he has to make sure that you see why you were wrong for that. Oh my God. You know what I mean? That is so unhealthy but it happens a lot. Yeah. I just think these are you know what I think it comes. down to, can I be really honest for a second? I think it's like if you genuinely love your partner, you don't care about being right anymore.

And their opinion that could be completely different from yours, it's just their opinion. Because I think about Scoot and I really do have such a healthy relationship and I've been in some fucked up relationships, whatever. And Scoot always say things to me like the other day he just said he's like, were you on the debate team in high school? He's like,

because I love to debate a topic. I love to be like, I want people to hear my side. But then I also want to hear other people's sides. for the most part, I kind of want to be right in a lot of situations. But in my relationship, Scoot and I will disagree on things. And because I love him so much, I'm like, interesting that that's your perspective. And I really mean it because I love him and I want him to have his own voice and his own opinion. But if I was in a relationship that I didn't really love, my partner, I'd be like, you're an idiot. You know, no, look at it this way. I could probably be toxic if I was with someone that I

didn't genuinely love. But I love Scoot so much and he's so sweet that if he sees something that's completely different than I do. It makes me go to my head, like, that's so interesting that he sees it that way. I know what it is. It's because you respect Scoot's opinion. Yeah. Because Scoot does have good opinion and so he's right about a lot of things. I think like a good relationship boils down to respect. Like do you respect your partner or not? You respect your partner. That's huge. I just got chills, bitch, because it's so true. And also like, I don't want to lose Scoot. Right. My life would be over by last. You're right. You're absolutely right. You got it. You got it.

You know, but it's like, but no, because I love him so much and I respect him, I never want to be without him. Yeah. But I've been in relationships before where I didn't care. I was like, I want to prove my point. Yes. You know, and some people like they treat the relationships like that like, yeah, you don't have to win every other. I mean, that's like one of the biggest things they say. Never go to bed, anger at your partner and let arguments go.

But there's a lot of relationships where you're in it where you could argue with your partner all day long. You're not seeing what I'm trying to see. No, she doesn't see what you're trying to see and let it go. I know. Move on and go to bed. Do you love her or not? Get into bed. Give her a hug and go to bed.

Like at some point, people need to figure that out. And I've had to do that. Like, I'm a strong personality. Like, I just am. But, like, the amount of times in our relationship where I just let's go to happen. Let him have it. Like, you know. Did you ever, when you were in your toxic relationship, go to bed, angry?

Oh, my God, every night. Oh, my God. It was like my favorite thing to do to go to bed with silent treatment. No, no, I think it was like, that was like, like, laying in bed and not talking. You know, and like, we would do it and like, oh. I hated it so much. No, I hate it. It absolutely.

But like you do this, what you do in those toxic relationship. Because you're forced to do that when you're in that kind of a relationship. But like, oh my God. And I thought that was normal. I thought that meant that we loved each other. Then we'd like, then we'd make up and it'd be good. But then you go right back. And now, oh, you couldn't even.

I could never be around that. I couldn't have a friend like that. But that's like I used to go to bed in a fight and like so sad about it. And then the next day I'd be like, nothing happened. And I'd be like, I can't fucking. That makes you crazy. That makes you crazy. crazy and like what it does to your body inside your back will go out like you start clenching your jaw

all that shit you know you don't even know like your body's gonna deal with it in other ways scovin i will never go to bed we don't fight but we don't will never like go to bed in a fight we had a hard time in myorka and that was like the first time you know we don't have to go into that now but it was like a tiny dose of that where our communication was off a little bit because we were just going so hard this summer we talked through it or whatever but when i got a glimpse of that. I mean, I talked to you about that. It freaked me out. You know, like. And you guys talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it. We completely worked through. We, we figured out what was going on or whatever. But in old relationships, you just sweep it under the rug. Yeah. Actually, that's such a good point. You try to move on. And then end up with resentment. And then end up with resentment. And once you're in a really good, healthy relationship, you just won't do that anymore. You want to sit down and really get to the root of it and be like, I never want to feel like that again. Like, why do you think. And both of you are like, I think it was this. I think it was this. Oh my God, you're right. And then. And then you're. And then. And then. You're. And then. And then. And then. And then. And. And. And. And. And then. And. And. And. you kind of move on. So beautiful, actually.

It really is. I can't wait to be in a relationship and see who I can be now. But you will because like those are all your words too. I mean, that's what you and I do in our friendship. Think about it. You and I are strong personalities. And I think that's why some of people who know us in person are, you know, like, Scoot loves our friendship.

He wants to hear everything about you. Like we're too strong personalities who are together. But like our communication is so spot on. I know. I know. You know, there's so many things where you and I could immediately be like, Kristen, I did not mean it that way. You're like, whatever.

And so we both, we've learned that at this point in our life. Yeah. We kind of run the same journey. No, so it actually is kind of wild, yeah, that we have been on the same trajectory. I'll, yeah, I think when I'm finally in a relationship where I like, I'm so in love, I'm going to appreciate him every single day. I can't wait for it. I believe it.

That's why those things right now when you're talking to these new guys and stuff, I mean, they stand out. Yeah, for sure. Right away for you. Because I also like know exactly what I'm looking for. And it's like, like we said, very specific. but he's coming. Okay, boundaries versus rules.

So like a boundary is, I won't stay in this relationship if X happens. And control is you're not allowed to do X. Like telling someone you can't do something. So give me an example. Well, okay.

Like, we're just going to keep using this. Like, you're not allowed to go to the club with your girlfriends. Versus... That's actually not a good... No, versus. I understand that going out with your girlfriends is important.

But for our relationship, I'd appreciate it if we kept it to once a month. Yeah. But then even that seems like. It seems a little controlling stuff. But that's again communication. What are you comfortable with? I think there's some people who are in relationships where I could side with a man who was like, who doesn't want his girlfriend to go out every weekend with his girlfriend. 100%.

I get it. Yeah, I get that. You know, but you should never want to take that away if a girl's night out is fun for your partner, you know? So I think that's what we're talking about. That's what you're saying. Yeah. It's like there's no way you could say, I just am not comfortable with you going out with girls to a club. Right.

Every weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Right. That's a boundary rather than being like you're not allowed to do this. It's like a boundary is more like a conversation and like, hey, here's where I'm at in my life. And like either you can meet me here or you can't. And that's fine.

We're controlling is like, I'm going to tell you what you can and can't do to be in this relationship. Yeah. Yeah, it's gross. It's so funny that we're talking about clubbing. We're like 40. I don't know why that's like the one thing that's popping in my head. Don't know the last time I went to the club. But let's think about what people who are a little bit older and they've been in a relationship

for longer or like somebody who's older. Or like maybe like having a friend who's the opposite sex. I could see that being a problem for a lot of people. Not you because you're gay. But like you know what I'm saying? I'm like you get into a new relationship. Let's say I get into a new relationship. And I have, I do have a handful of men that I'm.

good friends with, right? And let's say a new guy didn't like that. And he also have been in relationships, by the way, where they don't want me having male friends. That's a real thing at any age. Maybe not as much as you get older. Like, what do people care about as you get older? No, I think it's things like that. Like having, we're like. I think a lot of it though, as you get older, like you have like more money to do extra things like a girl's trip. Maybe girls want to do like a trip. A trip where she's like, we're doing a girl's trip to Paris with all my girlfriends or whatever. If a guy was like, I'm not comfortable with you traveling with your girlfriends. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, I have a friend in a situation. Yeah, like stuff like that. You know, we're like, oh, we all love this one artist. So we're all going to New York to see Green Day perform. Cairo. I say Green Day. I'm like so 90s.

Do you have that time? Green Day is so funny. Oh, wait, I was just week 20. I die. Green Day is so good. But I think there's a lot of men, there are a lot of people who are in relationships where their partner is very controlling.

They don't like that. They don't want you going on a girl's trip. Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean, I know someone right now who is going through that. Yeah.

Fuck. I don't know, man. This is the time where I wish there was a message word in front of us with people who are listening. I want to see people's comments because I think there's people who could either be like, yes,

I totally get what you guys are saying. Everyone has their own situations or whatever. Yeah. You know? Or people could be in relationships. and not even realize that they are kind of being controlled a little bit. Or like, are you in a relationship and still able to do the things that make you really happy? You know, it's interesting?

Okay, men, why is it that men are allowed to go play golf all day long? Go get drinks with the boys after or whatever? But then, like, if the mom wants to, like, go to brunch with her girlfriends, like, that's a big deal. That's really common. But it's because it comes from guys' insecurities because men are thinking about hooking up, that they think that girls are everything they're doing is going to hook up with guys. Is that what it is? I think so because girls.

They're projecting. Yeah, they're projecting because when girls are going to brunch, they literally want to have fun with their girlfriends at brunch. They're not going to like, they want to go to like a brunch and like drink champagne, laugh, maybe do a karaoke thing or whatever.

Like really have fun with their friends. I was going to say like drag brunch. There's so many straight women who love to like go to like drag brunch because they love to be like wasted and like whatever. And hang up. But it's not about the hookups, right? Where men a lot of times are going and they're talking.

And also, I think men also hear the conversations that happen on the golf course. And they're talking about like, oh, do you see that girl that? But blah, whatever. So they project. So and that's again, I hope that people are in relationships where they can talk about this stuff. And by the way, girls and guys are so different. Like I'm not, there are nights so far and few between where I'm like, I want to flirt

tonight. And by the way, I never end up flirting those nights. But like, women are for the most part not going out looking to like find a group of men. Because women are built that way. Right. That's what I'm saying. It's very different. I also think too, like the parent thing offers a whole other level because like a guy going

and playing golf all Sunday and the moms with the kids. It's like we like parents start to keep tabs, right? It's like tit for a tat. Like, okay, well, you were gone all last Sunday. Like I need to have a day by myself too. And it's like the dad's like, what the fuck? Like, what am I supposed to do with the kids? Like I think it boils down to like.

That makes no sense to me. It's so wild. Two of men are like, I just need my time away from the family. It's like, but you realize she's been with them seven days a week. Oh, so like the dad's with their kids. He's like he's babysitting the kids. It's like, no, he's being a fucking dad. He's being a dad.

They want to get like a pat on the back for that. Why is the fucking bar on the floor for dads? Oh my God. I don't know how that would ever change. That's why a good dad, like an active involved dad who's like, go to the spa, go do whatever. I'll be with the kids all day. Like that to me is like the hottest thing on the planet. You know how I think that you get a man to understand that is just from the beginning,

have them spend a lot of time with the kids on their own. Like I think about my sister and her husband, he takes the girls all the time that he gets it. Where he's like, Malia, my sister's Malia, he's like, you need to go do your own thing.

You know, like, well, because that's a healthy relationship. Because by the way, and I've always said this. It should be a little bit of both. The men should understand how hard it is to take care of kids in the house

by themselves. They won't until they're alone with the kids at first. I've always said that. But the difference is a man realizing it and being proactive and allowing you, your time or but then realizing it and then making you stay all the time with him like no one now can have a lone time either everyone wants to just be miserable like misery loves company the little bit of time that I spend around friends who have like young kids I'm like I think going to work every day is the luxury that's vacation it is the one that stays home with the kids and runs the house

to me that is real work yeah like that mental break when you get to leave the house yeah well and you're stimulated with other adults Yeah, when you're working. I think there's like this backwards thing where it's like, oh, well, the husband works and he makes the money. It's like he's not working as hard. It's a break, man. The mom that's so draining. Yeah.

It's draining being with the kids all day. That's a real thing. And again, I keep, I always want to be really careful of like, I'm not trying to be like the man hater, like women versus men rolls. But that's just the reality. Even there's stay at home dads, the dad who's home with the kids all day long. When you experience all that time with the kids, I mean, you know this stuff. it's like, that's a whole different kind of draining when your kids are little. That's a lot.

And keeping the house clean and making sure there's a meal and whatever the situation is. That's why when a dad steps up to the plate, like you are a fucking hero, which it shouldn't be like that right. It should just be like, oh, he's a great dad the same way that a mom is a great mom. But like it is true, like a man who can step up and be the best dad and be really hands on, I think is incredible. Yeah, that's so important for younger girls. I mean, young girls who are listening, like those kind of things picking a spouse.

that you know can understand that stuff when you're ready to have kids together is so important. Yeah, you got to ask those questions before you have kids with someone of like, what's he going to be like as a dad? Because fuck, man, that's when it'll really tear you apart. Okay, just a couple other little things is we just said, like keeping score, financial control, I think is really a big one, information control. So like a man being like, I need your password for X, Y, and Z. I need to be able to get in to do this.

No, no. And we said it. Wait, financial, I think. is a big one, though. Like, what is your take on financial? Oh, I mean, this was like my life. I think it's a red flag if a guy doesn't want you to work and wants you to put all of your money with his and because that's, it's controlling. Yeah. I think women should always have a safety net in case, worst case scenario, they needed to get out and they had something on their own. I hope women are getting to that point in their life, that if they're in a relationship where one person is making

the more money, but your life together, that yeah, you're really. You got to keep your own. You got to Keep your own. Or put shit in your name or make sure that you're watching everything that's happening. You know. Make sure you know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's very easy for people to screw you over.

Very. Yeah. Yeah. Make sure your name is on stuff. You know what's going on. If you can have your own separate account, I think that's important too. I'm so backwards though because I'm the type that's like, let's say you have a woman who works. And the man's like a state of them.

I'm like, it's her money. I know. So I have to check myself. yourself because I'm very, I'm very, I'm very, or like, for me, it's like if a man works and a man makes a lot of money, but the woman works and she makes a lot of money, she deserves the more. No, I literally, and I trust me. No, we're, we're going to.

Like, I love men and I, like, all, I'm not even, like, whatever, but I agree with you. Like, why is it like the woman deserves every penny and you need to go get a job? But the reality is if something to F up happened and the woman wanted to leave the relationship, I actually think the woman would be fair about money where I don't think the man would. And that's the difference. That's why my mind goes that way is I'm like, you need to look out for yourself because unfortunately, men don't a lot of time. And they'll try to find a way to screw the woman or like.

A toxic. By the way, there are men out there who are like, I will totally take care of my ex-wife, like whatever. But like a lot of men, well, and again, we go back to like the controlling man, which is the specific type of man we're talking about today. No, they want to fuck you over and they want to ruin your life and they want to make it miserable for you to leave. That is the difference. Yeah, those are the ones who, yeah. Yeah, so we got to stay away from them, guys. Stop it before it begins. Hi, thanks for listening. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a

direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.