Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - It Doesn’t Matter When You Sleep With Him — Listener Questions Pt. 2
Episode Date: November 28, 2023Part two of fan questions and we’re covering my non-negotiables in my next relationship, attracting all the wrong guys after being on TV at such a young age, my media training, NDAs, how to... know when to leave a relationship when kids are involved, the cringiest thing I had to do on reality TV, mini update on Hotman from Raya and my favorite date, my ideal man, why celebrity guys aren’t for me, if I would get married again and have another kid, what made me change my tune on plastic surgery, and a real convo about money and why having my own is so important to me.A word from our sponsors:Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/KRISTINControl body odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off your starter pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code HONEST at lumedeodorant.com! #lumepodVisit Regain.com/BEHONEST today to get 10% off your first monthExperience the ease and convenience of shopping Blue Nile today, at BLUENILE.comProduced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open
on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more.
And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing.
Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari, and I am back for part two
of y'all's questions. So last week, we had some great questions from you guys. So if you haven't
listened to that one, definitely go and listen to it. And I'm sorry that the video cut out on
the end like that. I'm having some major technical difficulties,
but we're going to figure it out. It's not going to happen this time. So anyways, I'm just going
to jump right back in with your guys' questions. And again, thank you so much for sending these.
These are really good questions. So appreciate y'all. All right, here we go. Kicking off the
second part strong. What does happiness mean to you? Happiness to me is an inner calm,
like an inner peace. It's just, yeah, I don't really know how else to describe it other than
just, you know, you're living your life for you. You don't care about other people's opinions. You feel good about yourself. You love
yourself. Really, that's it. It's like an inner Zen. Just, yeah, I think that's what it means.
Top three non-negotiables in your next relationship. I love this question. Okay,
the top three things. Insecurity. Can't freaking do Okay. The top three things, insecurity can't
freaking do it. And by the way, I can notice that a mile away now, I hate insecurity. Okay. I would
say like a lack of intimacy. And when I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean, real intimacy
is like getting to know the other person on such a deep level, like the inner workings of that
person. Like what makes that person, that person I've been in relationships that have really lacked that intimacy. And
that's probably because of where I was at in my life too. I think because I didn't know myself
that well, and I didn't love myself. I attracted people who felt the same way. I think everything
is a mirror. Life is a mirror. So whatever you're attracting is really how you feel about yourself inside subconsciously. And so I'm not blaming anybody
in my life. If anyone, I'm blaming myself for attracting those people. But that's important
to me to have like a really intimate relationship. And then the third thing I would say is probably
accountability. I really don't like when people can't just own their shit and gaslight and put
everything on other people. That to me is a major turnoff. Is it normal for married couples to never
have sex? I have no chemistry with my husband and there's a sad face. So because some couples just
don't need to have sex really. And if that works for both of you, then
no, I think that's totally fine. But because there's a sad face, I think that implies that
she's not happy about it. I think sex is so important. You guys, it is. Sex is so important
in a relationship. So I think the first step would be, you have to have a conversation about it. I
think a lot of women, and I used to be like this,
we want our partner to read our minds. We want them to know what we're thinking and they don't.
And so we have to learn how to vocalize what we're feeling and express what we need. I think learning how to ask for what you need in a relationship is really important. And so I think you could, you know, you could try therapy too. I mean, therapy definitely
has helped a lot of people. I think the no chemistry piece is, is pretty big. So,
and I mean, listen, I'm not a therapist. I'm not a doctor. I would want to know how long
you guys have been married for, if you ever ever had chemistry like there's so many variables to this
I think if you've had if you had chemistry at one point in time, I think you can get back to that
I also think relationships have lulls they have ups and downs
They just do and sometimes you're having a lot of sex and sometimes it's just not as much
depending on what's going on with everybody and so
I think the most important thing though is talking to your husband about it and just being like, I love having sex and I love having
sex with you. And that's something that I need to feel close to you. I think like coming at it
from that sort of place, I think would be a good start anyways, but that sucks. I'm sorry that
that's happening because that fucking sucks. How did being a reality star so young affect your younger dating life?
Well, I think because I was on TV and I had some notoriety, it attracted a certain kind of guy.
And living in LA, not to talk shit on LA because there's a lot about LA that I love, but I think majority of people living in
LA are aspiring actors or whatever it is. Everyone kind of wants to be famous to a degree. And so I
think what it did was it made it really hard for me to trust people. I got burned by a lot of people
in my like late teens, early twenties. I had a friend sell a picture of
me to us weekly. Yeah. So stuff like that. Like I got sat next to a writer for us weekly at a
restaurant and I was telling my friend, actually this is after I had Camden, my first son,
telling my friends about my birth experience, like my labor and delivery. And the next week that was in us weekly. And
then what that did was it made me question all of my friends of like, well, who told
us weekly that I was going to be there? Like it creates a really negative, nasty environment.
And that happened with me with, with guys. So I think it made me have a really hard,
tough exterior up, which I already had. So I think it made me have a really hard, tough exterior up,
which I already had.
So I think it just made it worse.
And I think it was really, really hard for me to trust people for a long time.
Or the flip side was too.
It was either I had guys who like loved it
or I had guys who wanted to like put me down because of it
because they were jealous slash like threatened
of it because I was making good money when I was, you know, 18, 19. And I dated someone who I made
more money than, and he didn't like that or like would shit on paparazzi because I, I had paparazzi
pretty much everywhere I went when I was that age. And because it was, the attention was on me,
guys would be like, Oh, it's like, but if that was on
you, it's just the whole thing. And I still have dealt with that a little bit just with the
attention factor, not so much paparazzi, but when the attention is about the girl and like who the
girl is dating, it can, that's hard for a lot of guys. It's really hard for a lot of guys. It just is. And so,
yeah, I think it, I attracted the wrong kind of guy for a long time. I just, I do. I do.
I also wasn't good at filtering through them though either. I mean, that's also on me,
you know. Have you found love after your ex-husband? No, I haven't. I have not been in love since my
marriage, which is fine. I'm perfectly fine with that. I actually think it says a lot about
the growth that I've had because I feel like I, and I, I love, love so much. I really do.
So I think when I find someone, I'm going to be like, ah, like I'm going to be all in,
but I'm not just going to fall in love with anybody anymore.
Like I have a very concrete idea of what I need and want in a man. And I've just kind of gotten
to a place where unless you're that, I just, I don't have time. I don't care. I'm not going to
waste my time and energy on someone who is mediocre. And I mean, mediocre
for me, like, I don't want to sound like an asshole. I'm not saying like, oh, you're average
Joe. I'm just saying like for like half of what I want. Right. Like if I had my list of things
that I'm looking for in a man, like you don't check the boxes like I don't have time for that.
That's not to say I haven't been crazy about a couple of people. I have been like, like really, like I sort of, I think I was like in lust with someone
and I was really excited about it.
And it was right after my marriage and it was really fun.
And he made me laugh and it was just like, it was fun.
But looking back, no, I don't think I was in love with him.
So no, I have not been in love since my ex-husband.
Has it been hard to get away from
your media trained self and be more vulnerable? So it's funny. I think that there is this
idea that everyone has been media trained to be very careful about what you can and can't say.
That is not true. I think, is it true for some people? Absolutely. Like I just saw a musician
saying that he had a ton of media training because I think what happens is like a musician, for example,
if you have a big, big record label behind you, they want you to have that media training.
I never really had media training. My media training was trial and error and figuring out,
oh my God. Okay. If I say this, holy shit, it turns into this or like, you know, just like
dealing with it for so long has been like my media training.
And so kind of where I've been at in the last, you know, since I was on Laguna Beach is
I don't like when like I have a hard time with doing an interview, let's say, and me saying
something and then it gets taken out of context,
it gets turned into a headline. I sound fucking ridiculous in a headline. And if you don't read
the article or listen to the interview or whatever, I sound like an asshole. Like I get that. And so
I have a hard time with that. So I have always tried to avoid headlines and avoid people
talking about me really,
which I know is sort of silly because I guess, you know what they say, all press is good press.
And especially now having a podcast, like, do I potentially want those headlines? I guess. But I
also like, they just don't sit well with me. They just really don't. And so I think that's why it's
more been like this self-inflicted thing of like
censoring myself, covering it up. Cause I've also always had a hard time letting people
in really. Cause I, I think if I keep people at an arm's length, it's like,
well, they can judge me because they don't really know sort of a thing. If that makes sense. Even on
Laguna beach, I was like that. I like, didn't really want to air my dirty laundry.
Even at a young age, I just, I've always been a little guarded like that.
But the reason why I love this podcast and I'm comfortable opening up is because.
It's it's my voice.
It's not me doing an interview with someone and then my words getting misconstrued.
And I feel like the people who listen to the podcast are my actual fans rather than like,
I don't know why I keep using us weekly, but rather than like us weekly posting me and
like half those people hate me.
You know what I'm saying?
And so this to me is a more comfortable, safe space.
I'm filming this in my house.
It's just me here and my dogs.
It's like a very comfortable and easy for me.
So no, I actually have found that being
vulnerable and opening up on this podcast has been, it's been easy for me. And in fact, I've
actually really enjoyed it. I think it's, it's been really nice. So thank you guys for actually
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holiday season smell a whole lot better. Do you believe in soulmates? Do you think you have found yours yet?
I think we can have multiple soulmates. And I think sometimes they're in the form of friendships.
I think my ex-husband was one of my soulmates. I think Justin is one of my soulmates. I do not
think I have found my like perfect soulmate though, if that makes sense.
Like my like happy, like beautiful soulmate. Like I think that you can have soulmates and they can be
really difficult relationships in order to spur growth for both people. And so I don't always think soulmates are like that beautiful
love story. I think they can be. And I think I have another one out there who will be that for
me, but I haven't found that one yet. I have not found that one yet, but I'm thankful for my other
soulmates as tough as it's been. How to know if it's time to separate or divorce when you have kids
so hard. God, it is the hardest thing on the planet. It's the hardest thing on the planet.
I used to ask my mom all the time, how will I know? How will I know when it's time?
And she would just say, you'll know. You will know. And that's all I can say to
you because the thing is, it's different for everybody. It just is. And you know, the thing
with divorce is that anytime someone announces a divorce, that didn't happen yesterday. They didn't
come to that conclusion overnight. This has been a battle. And so
I don't have any advice. All I can say is you'll know. We can thank my mom, Jude, for that. But
you will just know. I just finally said, I can't, I can't do, I literally can't do this
anymore. And I stayed in my marriage longer than I wanted to for my kids because,
not because I feel like that's like the right thing to do. I come from divorced
parents. I just felt like I needed to like be around for my kids. And then I realized I am a shell of who I am. And because of that,
I'm not the best mom that I can be. And I want my kids to see me happy and thriving. And I want to
be happy and thriving with them. I want to be this version of me is what I wanted
my kids to see and to interact with. And I wasn't this. I was a shell of who I am. And
that's when I was like, that was the most important thing to me is how my kids saw me. And so I just knew, and it's been the best decision I've ever made.
Has it been the scariest and the hardest? One million percent. It didn't happen overnight.
It took me years. It took me years to really finally pull the ripcord.
But I think everything happens in perfect timing. I think
it happened when it was supposed to. And I believe that with you or you could work through it. I know
people who have worked through things. I think you have to figure out what's, what are deal
breakers for you? Like what's important to you and then go from there. But I wish I had,
I wish I had good advice on that.
I don't. And by the way, if someone gives you good advice on that, they're full of shit because
how can you, everyone's different. Everyone's different. What kind of help do you have with
your kids? So my kids are older now, right? I mean, my kids are in school, so I don't have
any help with my kids. I have a girl who will come once in a blue moon, but I mean, I don't have any help with my kids. I only have two babysitters and one of them's
about to get married. So I'm losing her. So I really like, I don't, I don't have my kids full
time though. You know, I think it would be a different story if I did maybe, but again,
I mean, my kids are in school, so I've got day, you know, all day, but when they were younger,
we had, we had help. So I didn't get
any help until Camden. My oldest was like seven and a half or eight months old.
And I had Camden August 8th, which is the very beginning of the football season. My ex was
playing football and I was living in Chicago. I just moved there. I knew one person in the city. So really it was just
little Cam and I just us against the world. And I was exhausted and it was hard and I didn't know
what the fuck I was doing. But, and you know, Jay wasn't around really because we were living in the
city and the bears practice up in a suburb that's like 45 minutes away. But with traffic, I mean,
sometimes it took him an hour and a half, you know, there were days he never even saw Cam. And so it was really just Cam and I,
and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Like I look back on that time and it was definitely hard,
but I feel so bonded and connected to that kid that like, I love that we have that. And could I have afforded
help? Absolutely. But my ego was so big that I wanted to prove again, what to everybody that I
could do it myself. And I wasn't going to get help because I think everyone assumed I was going to
get help. So I was like, fuck you guys. I'm not going to. But then we did. We did. We had one
girl and she would come during the week, you know,
Monday through Friday, I think, God, I don't know, nine to four or something. And that was
really nice. And I know how lucky I was to have help because having that break mentally, I think
is really important for parents. I just do. And I think it's okay to admit that, you know, we love
our kids, but it's really hard being Being a stay at home mom is so hard.
It's so hard. It really is. And it's like all these guys were like, oh, really? It's like you
have no fucking clue because you don't do it. I know there are some guys out there who do and we
love you for it. But being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs mentally. It's draining.
Like it's just it's constant. It's it's constant. It's, it's hard. It's just fucking
hard. So I know how lucky I was to be able to have help after Cam was eight months old and
I had help until God, I guess, I guess COVID or like, yeah, COVID, I guess. So since my divorce,
I haven't had help because again, I don't, I don't have them full time. So yeah, I'm proud of that. I am proud of that. What is people's biggest misconception about you?
So I would say, I think people think I live a very big glamorous life. And yeah, while there are aspects to my life that are big, my day to day is very normal. I'm
low maintenance. I'm confident that I can sit here and tell you I am low maintenance. I think
people think I'm high maintenance. I'm not. I'm very go with the flow, easygoing. I can make the
most of any situation. You can put me in any freaking situation and I will figure it out.
I'll rise to the top. And that's because I was always the new girl growing up. I moved around a lot as
a kid. I don't think people realize that. Moved around a lot as a kid. So I was always the fucking
new girl. And I had, it was like sink or swim. I had to figure it out. I had to make friends. I
had to be social and put myself out there. So I'm just, I'm like, I think I'm way more laid back than people probably think.
And I like, don't take things that seriously. Like, yeah. Are there things in my life I take
seriously? Sure. But like, I can like laugh at myself. I can, I'm like, I like to joke around
and just have a good time. So what's your relationship with your mom? Like Jude, I love
this question. My mom is my best
friend. My mom now is my best friend. It wasn't always like that growing up. My mom and I had a
pretty rocky relationship my teen years. And, you know, I look back on some of this stuff and I'm
like, God, I was a fucking asshole. I was an asshole. I was an asshole. And you know, there's things with her that I,
I'm not proud of. I was also a really unhappy kid. And I think my mom would also admit that
she didn't do things perfectly. And some of the stuff that she did really affected me,
you know, coming from divorced parents, bringing in step siblings, step parents,
like it was just, you know, but I'm really happy that she's my best friend now.
And my mom is like your stereotypical Midwestern mom. Like she's so sweet and supportive. She
thinks everything I'm doing is so cool where I'm like so jaded by it all. And she's like,
still thinks everything I'm doing is cool. And she's just, she's just what you want in a mom. And I think that a lot of her qualities I have as a mom as
well. And I'm really thankful for that. And my mom actually in the winters has been last winter,
she lived in my guest house. She's coming back. She's going to be back here in a couple of weeks.
And it's been nice to have my mom close to us for a few months out of the year. And my kids love it. And I just think
it's really special to have this time with her. So my mom is my best friend and I'm happy about that.
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Are you ever going to do a TV show again? Please do. LOL. Well, thank you that you want me to
be back on TV. I don't think so. I don't think so. You know, I loved my TV experience and all
three shows that I did, I look at very differently. Laguna Beach, the Hills, very Cavalieri. I have
very different emotions tied
to all of them and feelings about each of them. And I'm really happy that I did all three of them,
but being on TV offers a level of stress and anxiety. Again, it kind of goes back to what
I was saying about even like headlines and stuff. It's like just people judging you
based on what they think is
your life when really it's not your life. You guys, reality shows are not real. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but they're not. It's impossible. It's impossible. No one's
life is that exciting. I mean, it's just not. So, um, that was always hard for me of like
creating storylines and then having people think it's
real and then judging me on it.
I'm like, that didn't fucking happen.
So, so no, so no, no, but I, I think I can promise you I'll never do a reality show about
my life.
Can sign a fucking contract right now.
But I would go back to TV in a capacity of a hosting
job or something like that because I do enjoy that. The thing for me right now is my work life
balance is so great. And this is, again, why I love the podcast, because for the most part,
I can do them from my house. My life right now is my kids. It is being the most present mom.
It's not missing any basketball games. It's like, that's what's important to me right now.
So when my kids graduate high school,
would I maybe revisit something?
I don't know.
We'll see.
But right now I don't have the time.
I don't want to,
because TV shows take up obviously a lot of time
that I don't want to be pulled away at all.
My life right now is like,
it's in a good, a good state. So I don't want
to rock that boat. How do you separate dating single life versus mom life? So that's easy.
They don't spill over into each other. I have my kid bucket and I have my work, dating, friend,
social bucket. Like it's like kids and then everything else basically. And can I do a
little work when I have my kids? Absolutely. I can do a podcast from my house when my kids are at
school. That's all fine and great. But I don't get babysitters when I have my kids, especially
for a date. I did one time, one time I've said this before in interviews, and it was because
they wanted to meet this musician specifically. So they asked me if I would go out with him when they were with me. So I said, okay. So that when he came and picked me up, my, my boys,
or did sailor go out too? I think all three of them actually went out. They met him.
They were really excited. So I took them for the team. I did that for them.
But I'm because here's the thing. My kids are the most special people to me, the most important
people to me that I'm not going to take up my time with my special people to me, the most important people to me that I'm not
going to take up my time with my special people to go on a date with someone that's like,
I don't know, maybe he'll work out or not.
Like, no, I'm not doing that.
It's like just knowing what your priorities are.
And so, I mean, that's it.
Again, I think going through a divorce and not having my kids 100% of the time has almost
forced this like perfect balance on me where I'm lucky
because the flip side is when the kids are at my ex's house, I can go on a date. I can go out with
my friends and not have mom guilt. I can travel to LA to go have two photo shoots and I don't have
mom guilt where before if I had to go to New York or LA, I made my trip as quick as possible. I was,
so then I'm exhausted, right? Cause I'm like in and out, I'm working, working, working. I'm on a plane. I'm
home. Boom, right back to being mom. And that was really hard. And I had mom guilt the whole time.
Right. And so now that mom guilt's gone, which is really nice. It is really nice. And I'm not
recommending everyone gets a divorce. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, but that's it. I have
the two buckets. They don't spill into, into one another, which is great. How's it going with hot man from Raya? Okay. So, oh my God, you guys, so much can change
in such short time. I need to have a daily podcast. No, I'm just kidding. Justin and I are
going to catch you up to speed on hot man from Raya. Also this other, my favorite date that I
just said in part one of the questions,
which was last week. We're going to catch you guys up to speed on those in two weeks,
two weeks. That'll be the next solo episode. We have a guest next week and then it'll be solo.
So that's coming. But man, guys, some fucking tea there. Okay. What's your ideal man? So I
really would love to have someone who is just really comfortable in their skin,
you know, loves themselves. And I think to get there, they've probably gone through some shit
in their life and they've had to really work on it, which I love and value because I've been
through some shit in my life too. And I've had to really do the work to get there. And someone who
can just make me laugh and who I can have fun with. I really want a friend, right? Like I want
my best friend in a relationship, which I haven't really had in the past. And so I, I really want
that. I want someone who thinks I'm just awesome. And like everything I have going on is awesome,
who supports me and encourages me. I've never had that either. I've always had guys trying to like put me down and like shit on everything in my life, which again is that's
an insecurity on them. I didn't realize that when I was younger. Now I do. So that's why I like a
secure man. Like that's really important. But like, that's it. I mean, you know, someone who
is, lives a healthy lifestyle. I think like your lifestyle is important, that compatibility
piece, but who also likes to have fun once in a while. Cause that's how I am. But it's like really
my, my buddy, who's just like my, it's like your safe spot who I feel really safe with emotionally,
physically, like all the things I think that I think that's really important. How do you tell
guys about who you're also dating? Or do you lie
about the others when they ask? I never think you should lie. I really, I don't care what it is.
I really, I don't. Lying is never good. Also, the problem with lying is then how the fuck do you
keep up with your lies? That's where I would get in trouble. I'd be like, I can't remember what I
said and who I said what to. So no, I think it depends on the situation. Clearly,
I don't believe you guys have had the conversation of like, what are we like? I want to be together,
right? I think like, I'm assuming this guy, I'm assuming this is from a girl and I'm assuming
it's from a guy. Sorry if that's a stereotype, but I'm assuming he's like, who else are you dating?
You know, like just kind of curious. What I would say to that is, well, why do you want this to be exclusive? Like, I think you could like, you don't have to lie.
I think you could like, but you also don't have to offer up all the information. I think you could
make a joke of it. I could be, you could be like, who are you dating? Well, you tell me first kind
of a thing. Or you could just flat out be like, it's none of your business until you want to have
the exclusive talk. It's none of
their fucking business. I think until there's a conversation, I think, okay, listen, I think
there needs to be a conversation right before it can be like, you shouldn't be seeing anybody else.
I do, however, though, think there are some situations where if you guys are like saying goodnight every night, if you are
like, I think you can just tell if you're texting all day, like there are situations where it's
like, I think you kind of know if someone, well, I think, you know, if someone is seeing someone
else, if someone goes radio silent for a day or even a night, they're with someone else. Like that's the only reason why it's the only reason why.
And so I think sometimes it can almost be implied a little of like, we are exclusive without having
that conversation, but I still feel like there needs to be the conversation, especially,
I think there's like, let's be exclusive, which to me, that's almost
not even boyfriend and girlfriend. Right. But I think there needs to be a conversation of like,
I think the guy should ask you to be his girlfriend. That's like a, I just do. I just do.
Do you only date celebrities? No, I don't. Have I dated a few? Yes, I have. But ideally, I would not end up with a celebrity. I
and I think almost that's I've gone on a lot of dates in the last three years with
well-known people. It's not the vibe for me. It's just not. It's not.
Famous men. Listen, there are some great guys out there. They're probably all married, but I don't know
the celebrity thing. It's no, it's not all it's cracked up to be you guys. It's really not. I know
that's easy for me to sit here and say, but they're just people. And a lot of times they're
people with a lot of insecurities and they're people with, they just, they need that validation
and that's why they want to become famous. I mean, that's kind of the harsh reality. Not all the time. There are really good, good people that
are famous. Absolutely. Maybe the ones I've gone on dates with are a little, but so no,
I think in my ideal world, I would end up with someone who was not famous. Yeah. And I do,
I've gone out on a lot of dates also with Joe Schmo. I mean,
I really have, I have, I've given, I'm an equal opportunist. You guys, I've given everybody,
everybody an opportunity. Um, would you ever have another child if you met the one again?
This is, this is a question that's really top of mind for me because I feel like
most guys that I am going out with are in their early thirties and they want kids.
And so it's a very real conversation and I don't know the answer. I don't know the answer.
I think it would be very difficult for me to go back and have another one because Sailor is turning eight and she's my baby. And I think the thought of getting pregnant
again, breastfeeding again, the newborn phase, like it's a lot. I've done it three times,
three times. And I don't know if I have it in me again, you guys. So I got my boobs done.
Like, I don't know. I don't want to do all that again. You know, I had a lift after I breastfed
all three of my kids. So, which by the way, has been the best thing I've ever done. Just saying,
I was not one to, I never thought I would do anything. It was actually like kind of against
plastic surgery in my like late teens, early twenties.
Got a lift and you know what?
Best fucking thing I've ever done.
I don't know.
But I think also if I met the most amazing guy
and I was so in love and he didn't have any kids,
would I maybe want one with him?
Maybe.
And it's funny because my sailor,
especially my daughter,
she would love if I had another kid.
I mean, she would, she would love it. I actually, so that would be like the one good thing is my kids are old enough now they could help out. I don't know. It might be kind of cute to see them
as like with a baby too. My kids are all interestingly really good with little kids.
So I don't know, I guess TBD we shall see. I'm also almost 37. I mean, I know like I have
friends that are having babies in their late thirties, but like, I don't know. I don't know.
That's just a lot to consider you guys. Would you ever get married again or no desire to?
A hundred percent. I know I will get married again. I very much believe in love. Absolutely.
And I know that I will. And I know that the second time I do it will be forever. And I know what to look for now. And I was going to say, I can't wait to get married
again. I can. I'm going to take my time with it. But I also know that when it happens, it's going
to be really beautiful. And I think it's I I'm excited for it. Do you think you would have made
it without family money? OK, I'm a little offended because I don't have family money. I never did.
Here's a misconception. I think because I grew up in Laguna Beach, everyone assumed I have
all this family money. I've never gotten a fucking penny from my family. In fact,
my dad borrowed a ton of money from me, a ton of money from me. So I don't have any family money. So yeah,
actually, I do think I would have made it on my own because I did. And you know,
here's the other thing. Since we're on the subject of money,
I think people also assume I got a lot of money from my ex-husband. Well, I didn't. I didn't get
any money from my ex-husband and I don't get any money from my ex-husband. Well, I didn't. I didn't get any money from my ex-husband and I don't get any money
from my ex-husband that was never even on the table because of my company. And here's the thing.
When I launched Uncommon James, it was really important to me that it was mine, that every
dollar that was put into that company was from my name, that it was
mine. And by the way, thank God, because that makes a difference. And Uncommon James was fully
funded by me. I think sometimes people forget that I had been working in entertainment since I was
17 and I had campaigns and I had like, I was like always working. I had good money and that was
what I used to start Uncommon James. And so thankful that Uncommon James is so successful,
but that was, that was the sticking point in my divorce. And listen, from when I was 15,
I went out and got a job because I wanted to, not because I had to.
And I remember my dad saying, if you need money, I'll give it to you. And I was like, no,
I don't want your money because making my own money has always meant freedom to me.
That's the best piece of advice I can give any woman is have your own money so that you never feel like you have to stay with a man.
And you know, if I didn't have uncommon James, would I have taken half of his money? Yeah,
I would have, but I wouldn't have felt good about myself. I don't want a penny of my ex-husband's
because I don't want to spend his money. I also don't want him to have that on me. So everything in my life, everything
that I own is because of me. Me. Not because of family, not money, not because of my ex-husband.
It's all because of me. So the people, and what do you know? It's mostly men. Now I'm getting
bitchy. I get it. I'm getting a little bitchy. It's mostly men who are like, oh, she took
half of Jay's money. No, I fucking didn't.
No, I didn't. I don't know. Just something to think about. So I'm glad you asked that question,
you jerk. Okay. Let's see. Is it mandatory to make out on a first date?
Yeah. No, I mean, I love kissing. I love making out. I also think that's when you can really tell if you have chemistry with someone.
There was one guy over the summer
I was like really excited about
and I kissed him and I was like,
oh no, we have no chemistry.
He's a horrible kisser.
Because by the way, if the kissing's bad,
the sex is going to be bad too, baby.
So I think kissing is very important.
So I think absolutely make out on the first date.
What's the cringiest thing
you were forced to do on reality TV?
You know, here's the thing I will say. I was a team player on the hills. So I look at Laguna
Beach and the hills is very different shows. But on the hills, I was a team player. I was like,
what do you guys want me to do? Great. I think I sort of knew at that point that you could say no,
although I didn't really say no a lot. So I'm not, this is all on me. I'm not blaming anybody. I totally understand producers
jobs of trying to get your cast to do stuff because everyone's trying to make a good TV show.
With that being said, um, it was the Hills. We were in Costa Rica, the end of season one,
trying to get picked up for season
two. And everyone kept asking me to make out with our bartender. And I was like, all right,
we'll like, fuck it, whatever. So I did, which fine. Okay. Later I found out he was gay,
which is fine, but I was making out with a gay guy. So that, I mean, I definitely,
you know, I'm trying to think about, oh, you know
what? God, there was an episode where we were in Vegas and we went to a strip club and I want to
say Stacey and I kissed. Is that right? I think they had us girls kiss. Like some of that shit
I could do without, you know, like today, obviously life is very different. I'm a mom now, but I don't
know. Like, that's one thing.
It's like, you know, you can say no to kissing a fucking girl at a strip club in Vegas. Maybe not
the best look. So just like some of that stuff. But again, that was just my personality back then.
It was like, yeah, what do you want me to do? Like, all right, fuck it. Because that way I was
able to have fun with it. And I didn't feel like I was always battling the producers then. Whereas
Laguna Beach, I felt like I was always like battling. It was like I was like fighting against everybody. So the hills, it was
like, OK, let me in on it. So then at least this can be an enjoyable experience for me. So there
you go. Are you and Jay on good terms? So, yes, yes, we are. And you guys, I never thought we would get here. I never thought we would get here.
I didn't. I'm so happy about it. Oh, my God. I'm so happy about it. Because, you know,
everyone wins when the parents are on good terms. My kids see it. I mean, it's like it's just easier.
And listen, I get it when when people's hearts are breaking. It's really
difficult. It's really, really difficult. And so, you know, seeing Jay happy is the best. That's
what I care about because I obviously see the benefits. My kids see the benefits. And yeah,
life is really good right now. And I'm so thankful for it. I'm so thankful
for it. When I tell you guys, if we can get there, anyone can get there. I mean it. I used to,
people used to say that to me. I'd be like, there's, you're right. There's no way. I mean it.
I mean it. Gotta spill the John Mayer dates. Wouldn't you like to know? Maybe I talked about it earlier. I don't know.
How many dates till you sleep with a guy? It just really depends. You know what else? Okay. I've
been on this thing. I don't know, in the last like couple years, like two years, maybe of being like,
you should make him wait like three or four dates. I don't think it fucking matters. It doesn't.
It doesn't fucking matter if you sleep with him the first date or the 10th date. If there is
chemistry and feelings there, it doesn't matter. I saw this relationship coach post on TikTok
saying 90% of couples who are in like the most, like the best relationships where they like found
the one all slept together the first or second date, all of them. So, and actually my history
tracks out, uh, a lot of my boyfriend, a lot of my serious relationships were earlier on.
So I don't think it matters. I don't
think it fucking matters. I won't do the first date. That is like, that's kind of a hard line
for me. I never have done the first date and I never probably will or would. But other than that,
I've done the second date and it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter.
Was there any part of you that wanted to rekindle
with Steven, Steven, when you did the back to the beach podcast? No, I think it's really sweet that
it feels like everybody like just wants us to be together, but you guys know,
no. And I love Steven, but no, if I'm just being completely honest with you guys. Plus he's engaged and I
couldn't be happier for him. So no, it's, uh, it's definitely not going to happen. You know,
Steven was my high school sweetheart and I loved him and I've got great memories of us together.
So I did actually see Steven in Laguna beach. I brought my kids to Laguna for the first time
two and a half years ago, something like that. And Steven and I actually went to dinner and we kissed and I post a picture
of me sitting on his lap. And we did, we made out and it was so much fun. And, you know, the drinks
were flowing and, you know, but I don't know after that. Well, I was dating someone at the time,
sort of like loosely dating someone. And that was just kind of what I said. I, um, no, I didn't want to go back there. I'm sorry,
but no. How was after marriage sex? Guys, that was like riding a bike.
It wasn't weird at all, which I guess is like, I knew I made the right choice.
It was great. In fact, it was great. It was wonderful. And you know, the other thing too,
so the first guy I dated after my marriage, no one knows about, which I kind of love still.
I dated him for like five, six months and I was in the height of COVID. He lived in LA. So I would
go out to LA and we couldn't really go anywhere, you know, cause nothing was open, but we would go on his motorcycle. And it was like, oh my, that feeling
of coming out of a 10 year relationship, marriage and being so unhappy to then that's a huge relief
in itself. But then dating a guy and going on his motorcycle was like the most freeing thing I've ever done in my entire life. It was, it was great. It was great.
I loved it. And I'm still friends with him, which, which I love. When a guy has only been
on a few dates with you and starts to send you dick pics, what do you do? Well, honey, I'm sorry, but this guy just looks at you for sex.
Yeah, that's dude. Dick pics are like relationship status. They are. That's not early on. And also,
if he is sending them unsolicited, like he just sent them out of the blue. You weren't like,
send me a dick pic. No, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. This guy's come back. I had a guy do that to me, actually. I had a fucking guy do that to me. And that turned into
just sex, by the way. So yeah, it's like we know what this is. Have you been cheated on?
So yeah, I yeah. But the good thing for my situation is that I didn't know at the time. I didn't know until
after I got out of the relationship and then I found out. And that was hard. That was hard for me,
really hard for me. But I think it helped a lot that it was like a year, it was like a year and a half or two years
after, after my, that relationship and that softened the blow for sure. But yeah, it,
it was really fucking hard. And I just felt like everything was a lie, which kind of checked out.
So yeah, it fucking sucks. Hottest guy you've hooked up with.
This is so funny. Okay. If I were just purely basing it on looks, right? Like put every guy
in a lineup, like nothing to do with like chemistry or like just the hottest Tyler Cameron. And believe it or not, you guys,
I know this is really freaking hard to believe he's hotter in person. Like I don't, it's,
it's insane. It's insane. It's insane. So yeah. TC for you, baby. Okay. Have you ever had to sign
an NDA for anyone you've dated or had anyone sign one for you? No, I have not. I have not.
You know, no. I think if someone handed me an NDA, I'd be like, go fuck yourself. First of all.
And the only people I've ever had sign NDAs were like for when I got married, you know,
the employees involved with the wedding, like the wedding or like all of the event people, like the food catering people and stuff like that.
I think when very Cavalieri was on through uncommon James, we had some sort of an NDA
for the employees. I don't think we have that anymore. Or if we do, it's probably kind of
silly. I think we definitely had all of the wrong employees for a while. So we needed it where now everyone at my company is fucking incredible that I wouldn't even, I mean,
I wouldn't also, what are you going to say? Like, you know what I mean? I'm not like yelling at
people in the office, so I'm not worried about it. When do you introduce your kids to your new man?
You know, I have this question. I don't know.
So I haven't introduced them to anybody because I haven't met anyone special enough yet. But,
and in the past, I've been like, at least not for six months because you don't get to know someone
for six months, which is probably true. But I think it just depends. I also think every
relationship is different. The thing about my kids though, is they know everything going on in my life. I'm very open and honest with them about who I'm
dating, who I'm talking to. They've, they see pictures. They have strong opinions on people,
even without seeing them. My kids have very strong opinions on guys just from photos alone.
And you want to know what's interesting. They're always right. So they've got,
they have good, good instincts too. But I think it just depends on how serious
you guys are as a couple. I mean, I won't introduce my kids to someone until I'm serious
about a guy. If I see like real long-term potential and my kids want to meet him, I think
that is maybe a bigger thing of like, are they ready to meet someone? Are they excited about
meeting someone? Because that's a big piece of it. And, you know, I come from divorced parents. And so I think I can at
least have a lot of compassion and empathy for my kids and relate to them and have conversations
that I understand everything they're going through because I went through it too. I think
that really helps. Yeah. I think it's, you know, it's not like a specific time. So we'll see. I'll let you know
when I meet someone that's worthy of meeting my kids. Is it possible to have a friends with
benefits situation when you're famous? Yeah. Yeah. You guys fucking everybody does. Yeah. I mean,
I think it's like the best situations are when it's friends with benefits with two famous people. That's ideal, right? Because you both have something to lose. But the flip side is that
could get out a lot easier than like if I were just hooking up with like, you know, Bob down
the street, that's probably not going to get out as easily. Right. So I think like there's pros and
cons to both. But yeah, people do it all the time. So about you
and Morgan Wallen, I'll take any tea as long as it's hot. Um, yeah. So here's why I'm not going
to really answer this question. I feel like I went on watch what happens live and Andy Cohen asked me
about Morgan and you know, I didn't give a straight answer. I kind of skirt What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked me about Morgan. And, you know,
I didn't give a straight answer. I kind of skirted around the question and that
turned into a shitstorm in the media. And I didn't even give an answer.
So I think if I gave an answer, it would really turn into a shitstorm. And I just,
I like being mindful of other people. Like I think about him
and he probably doesn't want to deal
with a shit storm again, you know?
And because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.
I wouldn't want someone to go on a podcast
or whatever and be like,
yeah, I went on a date with Kristen.
And you know, like I'd be like,
bro, why are you talking about me?
Like, shut the fuck up.
Because actually I have had people do that to me
and it really pissed me off.
And so. Trust me, guys, I want to fucking tell you, I want to give you all the fucking tea. I just it's like a respect thing. It's a respect thing. OK, I'm going to do just a
couple more. Do do do do do. What's been your fave era in your life so far?
For sure, this one that I'm currently living in because, you know, 30s are great. And I think
with where I'm at, I said it earlier, but I'm so happy on my own. Like my life, I've set my life
up to be really fucking great. And I'm really thankful
for that. And I've worked really hard to get there, but I have done it. And life is good.
Life is really good right now. I feel this inner calm, this inner peace. And that's really nice.
And I'm having fun. And my kids are at great ages. And I've got really good friends.
And life is just really good.
If I could go back and redo an era, it would be like right after Laguna Beach before the
hills.
It was fun.
It was fun.
And I was getting into trouble.
And I was, you know, it was fun.
And I think when you're that
age, you don't realize how great those years are. I always wanted to be older. I always wanted to
be in the next phase, but like, I wish I could just tell myself, be present, just be present,
be in this moment. And that's what I'm trying to do now as an adult is live in the moment.
But that was a fun fucking era too. That was really, really fun. What are some goals you are still wanting to finish this year?
I don't have anything, which is awesome because I've always had.
Well, you know what the difference is?
Here's the difference.
I no longer feel like I have to do a million fucking things
because I'm comfortable in my skin.
Before I really learned how to love myself, I put my value and my worth in my accomplishments and nothing was ever good
enough. And my list was a mile long and it was like, I want to do this and then this and then
that. And listen, I have accomplished a lot in my life. I've done some really cool things, things I'm very proud of. I have. And I think
without that mentality, I wouldn't have accomplished all of that. So I'm thankful
that I've had that. But now I love that I've just settled into life. That's what it is. It's like,
I just feel like I'm like settling into life all of a sudden. And I have Uncommon James. It doesn't take up the same energy that it once did. I have it at a
really great pace right now. And my team kills it. They're the ones running it. And I'm really
thankful for them. I have the podcast, which is a new venture for me, which I've really been
enjoying. I'm having so much fun. And that's kind of it as far as work goes.
And I don't know with my kids, like it's just continuing to
teach them things and have real honest conversations with them. I feel like at these
ages, which is 11, 9 and turning 8, everything is a teachable moment. This is like when it gets real, you know, and that's fun for me. And, and, and you realize as a parent, you can really mold these little people to a degree.
I really, I think like you are who you are when you're born, but I do think obviously your
upbringing and everything can have a huge impact on you. So I have a hand in three people's lives,
you know, and that's exciting. And so I just, there's nothing on my list. There's not,
even in the foreseeable future, I'm really happy with where I'm at. I would love to be in a
relationship, but that's not like on a list of things that I need. Like, that's like the one
thing in my life though. That's like, I would, I would love that, but I'm in no rush. I'm not
going to just make something work because I want to be in a relationship again, but I'm in no rush. I'm not going to just make something work
because I want to be in a relationship again
because I'm just, I'm happy.
So that's a really good place for me to be in.
And this is something new for me.
I've never been in this place of just being happy
and sitting in comfortably in my life.
So it feels really good.
And honestly, you guys, you guys help with
that because having you guys to support everything I do means the world to me. I mean, I'm, I live a
dream. I know that I've never taken that for granted. And so really from the bottom of my
heart, I appreciate you guys. And I love you so much every week that you listen, it means the
freaking world to me. And this podcast is doing really well. And I'm so I'm
over the moon about it. I'm so thankful. And so you guys are the best. Thank you for submitting
all of these questions. This was really fun. The next solo will be back to my crazy dating life.
Don't worry. We'll get, get into all of it. And that's that as always. I love you guys.
Thank you so, so much.