Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Our Friendships Require Maintenance

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Friendships are one of the most precious parts of our lives! But as we get older, balancing them alongside family, work, and “me time” can be tricky. This week, I discuss what I think makes a truly great friend, how to show up for someone going through the hardest parts of life (including divorce), and the ways my own friends supported me when I needed it most. From navigating changes to making sure we tell the people we love that we love them, this conversation is a reminder that friendship isn’t just about the good times... It’s about being there for each other, always!A word from my sponsors:Quince - Go to Quince.com/honest for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.OPositive - Take proactive care of your health and head to OPositiv.com/HONEST or enter HONEST at checkout for 25% off your first purchase.LMNT - Right now LMNT is offering a free sample pack with any purchase, That’s 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT order. This is a great way to try all 8 flavors or share LMNT with a friend. Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/HONEST.ZipRecruiter - See why 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. ○ Just go to this exclusive web address, ZipRecruiter.com/HONEST, right now, to try it FOR FREE.Monarch Money - Use code HONEST at monarch money dot com in your browser for half off your first year. That’s 50% off your first year at monarchmoney.com with code HONEST.Cymbiotika - Go to Cymbiotika.com/Honest for 20% off plus free shipping. For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalery, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Hi, everybody. I feel like it's been so long since I've taped a podcast and I've only taken two weeks off. But wow. Okay, hi. I feel like it's a new year. Like I'm back. I'm excited. Well, it is a new year because actually my kids are back in school. They started this past Monday, which is insane. I can't believe how fast summer went. And also, yes, this is the earliest we've ever gone back to school. We actually started August 4th, which is crazy to me. Camden's birthday is August 8th. And it's usually... Like the day before or I think one year he started on his actual birthday, but usually they have a half day on a Friday and then they have the weekend off. But this year, they had a half day on Monday and then they had a full week. And so, I mean, we are back in it, you guys. I'm up at 6 a.m. I'm making breakfast. I'm making three lunches. I mean, we're back. We are in it. But I got to be honest, I like being in a routine. I'm always so excited for summer. And it always comes at the perfect time. And then I'm actually kind of excited for school to start because I thrive on a routine.

I thrive on structure. And it's fun for a few months to kind of sleep in a little and, you know, have, you know, more fluid days. But I like knowing what's coming. I like having the structure. So everyone's back in school. The first football game is tonight. Both of my boys are playing football. My OG listeners will remember last year. I did an episode and I think I cried. in it because Camden was playing tackle football for the first time and I was a nervous wreck and he took some hits last year and that was really hard for me. This year I am way less emotional but I think it's because my boys are not really going to play, especially Jackson because Jackson is a sixth grader and our team is sixth, seventh, and eighth because our school is so small. We do not have varsity and JV. And historically, the sixth graders don't really play. Camden starting last

year was really unusual. And actually halfway through the season, they pulled him as starting quarterback because he's really little. Camma's little. And he was getting hit. And we were kind of worried about his safety. I was very happy as a mom to pull Camden. And he's not starting this year. So I hate to say I'm happy about that, but I'm happy about that. So, While Sailor and I are going to the game, we don't have a lot of stress because my babies are not really going to play. So I'm more just excited. It'll just be fun. I love football season. And yeah, so that's what's happening on our front here. Camden is 13, which what the hell? What the hell? How did that happen? It feels like yesterday I had Camden. And, you know, your firstborn is so. interesting because they completely changed your life. I mean, Camden completely changed my life. And so it is a special bond with that firstborn. And the fact that we are now in the teen years is

so crazy to me because it does go so incredibly fast. But what Camden wanted to do for his birthday, which I love him so much, is he wanted to have a little date night with me. And we went to a place called Putshack, which is miniature golf. It's indoor. And it's very cool. I think they have them everywhere. But it's sort of like this futuristic miniature golf. And then we went to a burger place, actually, that we love. If you're in Nashville, Joyland, really good. And so anytime we go downtown and we play miniature golf, we always go to this burger place.

And it's really good. Camden and I did that, just the two of us. And I, my kids on their birthdays, they want to have a date night with me, which, oh my God, I will take that. I, to me, that's a huge win as a parent that my kids want to spend time with me and they want to, like, all they care about is having one on one time with me. Like, what? That makes me feel like I did something right as a parent. Or I should say, am doing something right as a parent. I will never take that for granted that my 13 year old still wants to do date night with me. That's really special to me. And actually, on Camden's actual birthday, he went to his dad's house. So he did do like a big thing with some of his friends. But when we we celebrated his birthday a couple days early. That was what he wanted to do. So I was very, very happy about that. And we had a great night. So, okay, today what I want to talk about is, it's about friendships. I want to really, I want to do a whole episode dedicated to friendships

and specifically friendships as an adult. And where this kind of came from is the last solo episode I did. So I guess that was about a month ago, four weeks ago. I had talked about how I spoke on a panel for the Today Show. I did a Q and a moderated Q&A for the Today Show. And it was some of the best questions I had ever been asked. And I've done a lot of those, you know, so that's, that's saying a lot. I really, I mean, I was, I told you guys, but I was kind of blown away at how great the questions were. And so what I did was it was a moderated Q&A and then at the end of it, we did questions from the audience. And a woman in the audience asked me how to show up for her friend who is going through a divorce. And I really loved this question because what this question

tells me is that she is extremely mindful of just being there for her friend during this difficult time. And the fact that she was asking me that question shows me how much she cares. And I thought, wow, you know, if all of our friends could really want to show up in that way for each other, I mean, I just, I thought that was incredible. And so I'm going to answer that question because I think that's beneficial for anyone who knows someone going through a divorce. But I also, I want to, we'll get there because I want to, I want to just start with friendships. And so I have my list of things that I want to discuss. And I want to start by just telling you guys who my best friends are because it's funny. I do get this question a lot. And I think, you know, the people who really do

follow me, like on Instagram and stuff, you guys have seen my best friends. But I want to talk about it. because I actually think who someone's best friends are is a great indication of who that person is. And in fact, on dates, I love that question of who are your best friends. And I love when a guy asks me that question because friends really are a reflection of who you are as a person. And if you haven't had a lot of long-lasting friends, to me, that's a bit of a red flag. And I mean, again, I would love to get into the weeds of why that may be. But I love when, and this is more in the dating world, but I love when there is a guy who's been able to maintain friendships for a really long time. To me, that is a green flag. So I'm going to tell you guys about my best friends. And this is

a bit of a shout out to all of my best friends. But obviously, you guys know Justin. Justin is my best friend. He is in Nashville. He is my rock. He is my ride or die. And I have known Justin for about 20 years. And we've always loved and respected one another, but we became as close as we are now about seven, eight years ago. But we were always friends, but not to the level that we are now. And then Beeggs, who you guys have definitely, I think a lot of you will know who Beeggs is. Her real name is Stephanie Beagle, but we call her Beegs. And she's been on the podcast. She's my best friend. She lives in Chicago. Beegs and I actually met in L.A. I was probably 20 years old, yeah, I think I was 20, 20 or 21. And we both lived on a street called Rossmoor in L.A.

I lived at one condo building and she lived at a condo building, I think two condos down. Actually, how I met Beegs was she worked for this company called fingerprints. And they used to, I think they were essentially a marketing or PR company for different brands. And so what they would do is they would have, you know, people come in and get swag, free shit, basically. And so I went in to get free shit. And they had Victoria's Secret was one of their clients. And I started trying on bras in front of Beeggs. And we just like instantly fell in love. We just instantly had this comfort with each other. And Beeggs does that with everybody. I mean, she instantly makes everyone just feel like you're her best friend. She is the absolute

best. And so Beegs and I hung out in L.A. and then she moved to, she moved home to a suburb of Chicago, which was funny because my mom lived in Chicago and I, of course, was from Chicago. And her parents and my mom were not that far from each other. And so when I would go visit my mom, I would see Beaks. We would get lunch and we would hang out. And she was with me actually the night before I met my ex-husband. And so when I moved back to Chicago as an adult, she was the only person that I knew in the city. And thank God I had her in the city because that was who I would be social with when I was social. I also had a baby pretty quickly. No, I had a baby almost immediately. And so that was then my life. But, but thank God I had Beeggs in Chicago. And we've, of course,

just, you know, we've been best friends ever since. I have my little crew of girls in L.A. So Brittany, who I went to high school with, who I've been friends with for over 20 years. And then, oh, and by the way, so Beeggs and I have been friends also for 15 years or so. No, sorry, did I say I was 21. So no, a little bit over 15 years, somewhere, somewhere in there. So Brittany, I've known since high school, we became friends my senior year of high school because we actually used to go up to L.A. as seniors and go out. And we just became, you know, friends that way. And then we met our friend Charlene almost immediately once we moved up to L.A. So because Brittany and I graduated high school and moved up to L.A. We met our friend Charlene in Malibu.

So those two girls have been two of my best friends for, again, over 20 years. And then in that group is also our friend Brooke, who I recently reconnected with. We were really good friends in our early 20s. We both kind of got married and started having kids and kind of separated for a little while. But me, Shar, and Brittany do girls trips. We try to do a girls trip every year. And Brooke just came to Austin with us. And it was so much fun and so good to reconnect with her. And I'm really happy that this crew has kind of come back together. all right guys i want to take just a second here and talk to you about quince as summer winds down i'm all about refreshing my wardrobe with staple pieces for the season ahead quince nails it with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished perfect for layering and mixing this fall their styles are so versatile i find myself reaching for them again and again think sheet cashmere and cotton sweaters starting at just $40. Yeah, you heard that right. $40. Washable silk tops and classic denim pants. Timeless styles you'll keep coming back to. And the best part, everything with Quince is half the cost of similar brands. They do this by working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman.

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or you can share Element with a friend. Get yours at drinkelement.com slash honest. This deal is only available through my link. So you must go to DR.I-N-K-L-M-N-T.com slash honest. Again, Element is spelled L-M-N-T. And then here in Franklin, I have Jenny Lee and Casey, who I've met in the last, I think, about four years, and I met them at school. And I'm excited to tell you guys that because I think what happens is there is a period where, you know, you have your friendships from your early 20s, let's say. And then you do become a mom.

And friendships change a little bit. I mean, they do. And I've actually met two, well, again, two, I'd say really good friends in a mommy and me class with Jackson, Kim and Kelly. They're also in Chicago. Shout out you guys. And we've maintained a friendship and we've always make an effort to see each other. I just love them so much. And that is rare, I will say, to make really good friends like that in a mommy and me class, I know how lucky I was and I am because I do know that that's rare, but it can happen. And that's why I'm excited to tell you guys that because these things do happen. And then I met two of my best friends in the last four years, you know, and I met them through school when my kids were a little bit

older. And so for anyone who is in that phase of wanting new friends, because now you're a mom. And it is also really hard when you're in that world of trying to find your mom friends. I actually, I think that's harder than dating, you guys. I really do. Finding like-minded friends who are moms who are in the same stage of life as you is very difficult because it is. You're like speed dating moms. You're like having play dates and trying to get to know them. And you're like, could I hang out with this woman all the time? You know, like, do I want my kids around this woman? Like, it's wild. It's worse than dating. And so I remember there were moments where I would be like, God, this sucks. It sucked. It's really hard when you don't have those friends that

you just instantly click with and bond with and have similar interests and you can be fully yourself around. That was my biggest thing was it was hard for me to feel like I could be 100% myself around some of the moms that I was like trying to hang out with and trying to form friendships with. And that's why like Kim and Kelly, who I love, instantly I was like, okay, cool, I can be myself. I can trust them. They're not judging me, et cetera, et cetera. And so just know that if you're in that phase, those friendships are. are coming. I promise you. I'm 38 and I think at like 34, I made two of my best friends. So this can happen. And so that kind of does lead me into like what makes a good friend, you know? And so,

and I think this is probably a little different for everybody. But to me, what makes a good friend is someone that you are just really comfortable with that you can 100% be yourself with where there is zero judgment. To me, that's a friend. I want to be able to be myself and to tell you everything because I'd tell my friends everything. That's just how I roll. Like, I'm not able to like keep things secret or like, I mean, I can keep a secret. But I think when it's stuff about me, like I'm, I'm an open book with the people in my life. And to me, that's how you connect, you know, is like, I want you to know what's going on in my life and like the things I'm struggling with. And also like vice versa. I want to know, like, if you're having a bad day, I want to know so I can be there for you.

It's that kind of vibe. But it's also, the no judgment thing is also, if I really did something stupid in my life, like, let's just say I did something that I'm not proud of. And, you know, I'm feeling kind of down about myself. But I want to be able to come to you and tell you and not have you judge me and not have you make me feel worse than I already do. A friend is supposed to say, all right, listen, I mean, you did it. But like, who fucking cares?

It's all good. Move on. You know, you learn from it. It's like, I don't know, to me, that's a friend. And this is so silly. But I remember even in high school, I would say to my friends, I'd be like, you know, I want friendships. And I feel like I'm the type of friend where if you, this is what I said in high school. Okay. So don't, don't judge me as an adult. Obviously, I would never do this. And I don't really mean this. But like, if you killed someone, I'd be like, okay, cool. Like, I will figure out, let's figure out how to hide the body together. Like, that was the kind of friend I wanted to be. It was like ride or die. Like, no matter what you do, I'm showing up for you. And so I don't know. I think I've always been like that. I think the difference is I really stand by that as an adult where maybe in my early 20s I was a bit more kind of like wishy-washy, not wishy-washy, but like, I was always there for my friends. I think I just really value my friendships more today than I ever have. I think is really the gist of it because friendships were always important to me. But as I've gotten older, I just realized. how important they are. Because without my friends, I think it would be kind of a lonely life. And maybe because I'm single. Maybe if I had a spouse, I would, no, but I still, no, because I've been married, I've been in relationships and my friendships are still as important to me. But I, and again, what I get from friendships is very different than what I get in relationship from a man. And Justin is maybe a little different because Justin is a man and he's very masculine.

And he is someone who I really, I really am able to get a lot from Justin, which, hey, maybe that's why I haven't felt the need to settle or like make a man work. Because I'm getting a lot from Justin that I would need from a man other than sex, obviously, which we won't even go there because the lack of that is, that's really sad. I haven't been dating this year, you guys. I haven't been dating this year. I did just go on a date. And it was a great date. And it was a really great first date back in the game, which we'll get into. I'm, we'll get into that. I'm not, this is not what this podcast is about. But I am kind of back out there, which is, no, I wouldn't say back out there. I went on one date. But it felt good. I was excited to go on a date. Let's put it that way because it's been a minute. But it's been good. I've needed this year to kind of just focus on

myself, which is good. Anyways, that's another podcast. But anyways, yeah, so what I get from my friends is very different than what I would get in relationship. And I think that's why they're also important. And by the way, you know, I have certain friends for certain things. Like, what I get from Justin is very different from what I get from Beaks or very different from what I get from Sharr, like, or what I get from Jenny Lee and Casey or, you know, like, it's just, it's all very different. And that's why I really, I really value them all. Also, what I love in a friend is honesty. I don't like yes people. In fact, if someone is agreeing with me too much, I'm like, I don't like that. I want someone to be authentic, be themselves, have an opinion, disagree with me. Tell me if I'm being a

fucking idiot. That is a real friend. Tell me when I need to reel it in or in the same breath, if I come to you and I'm like, hey, do you like the name? Let's be honest for my podcast. If my friends don't like it, I want them to be honest with me about that. Like, I really do. I want to know. And I will also say, even if you don't like the name, let's be honest, I like it so much that I'm probably still going to do it. And that's okay. But I also really value that you were honest with me about that. And I don't hold that against you. I'm just like, no, like, I really, that's something that I really value. Honesty and transparency. And another thing that I think makes a really good friend is, well, it is that authenticity piece. Show up

is you. That's all I ask. Just be you. And, Empathy. And so this actually, this goes into how to show up for a friend in a divorce. Okay. I think what makes a really good friend and someone who's able to be there for you in tough situations is when you have empathy. And empathy and sympathy are very different things. Sympathy is, I'm so sorry. God, it must be so hard for you to go through that. God, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with that. Oh, that is awful. God, I'm so, like, never say I'm sorry. Never ever say I'm sorry. No one wants sympathy. No one wants sympathy. I do think maybe there's a time in place for sympathy, but with your best friends, no. They want empathy. And empathy is when you are sitting in it with me. My friends are really, really good at that. And I really am thinking of Justin in particular. but all of my friends are. But Justin, because Justin is always my first text, voice note, call, whatever, about guys specifically

or, like, you know, in my divorce, he was really there for me. Again, all of my friends were shout out big, shout out short, like all of my friends. But Justin is, I'm just going to use Justin as an example, because Justin is so good at acting as though. he's not even acting though like he really believes like what's happening to me is happening to him and it makes me feel like I'm not alone in the situation it makes me feel like I have someone really who gets what I'm going through that's something I love about Justin is he really understands what I'm going through and how I'm thinking and feeling I mean he gets it he gets it on so many levels

and Beegs too, you know, now that I'm just sitting here, I'm going to shout out Beegs with the dating stuff. Like, Beegs fucking gets it, man, because she's been here. And I actually just texted her, sent her a voice note right before this podcast. And I was like, I need your advice. I need your advice about dating. And, you know, and again, it's like, that's a situation where it's not like, yes, like, I was on that date with you. Like, this is happening to us. But she gets it because she's been there. And that's why maybe I think it also is a situation where let's say you have four really solid friends. And by the way, you only need, you should really only have to count your friends on one hand. I would rather have four, five really great friends

than 10, 15 mediocre friends. Because also I don't have time for that many people. But within those five, let's say. You know, there are certain things I think that I would go to for each person. And actually, let me say that differently. I would go to all of my friends for all of the things, but I think the priority list, like the chain of how I would go, like who's top, like for dating, like who's top for dating? Like Justin and Beegs would be at the top, you know? But like, I don't know. It just, it just depends. But I think that's ultimately what makes a really good friend. I want to talk to you guys about ZipRecruiter. We are all faced with so many different options throughout an entire day.

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And I'm speaking from experience and what I really needed during my divorce. And what I needed was a safe place to talk as little or as much as I needed to. Where if I needed to talk about the same thing 10 times, my friends weren't like, we've talked about that. Like, girl, we talked about that. You're not over that yet? Or like, like, no one ever made me feel like they were an unlawful. or like they judged me or, I mean, they really treated it as though it was the first time

we were having that conversation. And again, there was no sympathy. No one ever was like, this seems really hard. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. It was more just like it was happening to me and my friends. And my friends showed up when I really needed them. Here's a good example, actually. I, so in the very beginning, before I was able to move into my old house, you know, that I got after my divorce, or in the midst of it. But my ex and I did a period where we would do three days on with the kids and three days off. And we would stay at our house. So like, I would be at the house with the kids for three days. And then I would leave. And then Jay would stay at the house for three days with the kids.

And so in those three day periods, I would either go and stay with Justin and Scoot, which, by the way, like, could you imagine, like, if I didn't have Justin and Scoot in Nashville? What the hell what I have done. So, I mean, that was just incredible. But I also had a condo in L.A. And yeah, it was a short trip or it was a long trip for a short amount of days, but I would go to L.A. Because I had my own space and I needed my own space sometimes. And when I went to L.A., because you guys have to remember, this is in the height of COVID. COVID happened March 2020. that's when we split up, but we announced it April 2020. And so, you know, the world is in lockdown, but I, not me. I was on a plane to L.A. a few times, you know, a lot. And I remember one time

I went to L.A. and I called Sharr and Brittany and our friend Chelsea, who it was like, so me, Sharr, Brittany, Chelsea, and Brooke were like all a crew. And Chelsea's busy. Like, I get it. She lives in Malibu and she's got kids and she owns a salon and I shout out Chelsea fucking love Chelsea. She's one of my favorite people, but I just don't see her as much as I once did. Anyways, not the point. The point is I called them and I was like, hey, you know, like obviously they knew I'm going through a divorce. I'm like, I'm coming to L.A. like, let's go to dinner. Like, let's have a night. And everyone's like, Kristen, L.A. is shut down. Like, we can't go anywhere. But they came to my condo. We made dinner and we had a night. We got pissed drunk, you guys.

and stayed up way later than we ever do anymore, but it felt like the old times. And listen, a couple of my friends were definitely a little like, hey, it's COVID, you've been on a plane, not super crazy about this, but they still showed up. They showed up for me because I needed them. And that was really important. And they got really drunk with me. And they stayed up late with me. And they were there for me. And that wasn't. even a night where it was like talking about my divorce all the time. For me in that moment, I needed to like let, I needed to get drunk. I needed to let loose. I needed to be with my girls. I needed to be reminded of what it was like in our early 20s where like the girls just fucking

showed up for one another, you know? And that is the night I will remember for the rest of my lives. It's stuff like that. When your friend is going through a really hard time, if they need you, it's the friends who are able to drop everything and show up. It's like, God, you guys are the best friends. Those are the best friends. Because listen, we're all busy. We all have our own lives going on. But to be able to put your life on pause for a minute because you know how important it's going to be is huge. And it's also a check-in. You know, I think what happens a lot of times when someone goes through something really, really serious, really traumatic, whatever it may be, is initially everyone's checking in. And everyone is really great about

being like, how are you doing? You know, even, it's funny, even after you have a new baby. And the reason this is on my mind is because actually one of my best friends just had a new baby, which is really exciting. Well, okay, to be fair, actually, a lot of my friends in the last couple of years have had babies, which is awesome. But one of my friends out here in Franklin, Jenny Lee, shout up, Jenny Lee. She just had a baby. And she's a year younger than me, but she has two boys. about the same ages as my boys. Well, same age as Cam and then same age as Sailor, actually. And so she, her youngest is 10 and she just had a baby. And so it's just, it's been very cool. And it's just, it's awesome to see. But I think what happens sometimes is, you know, you're so good for the first week,

maybe two weeks of being like, you know, how's it going? Are you getting any sleep? Like I dropped off some food, you know, like all that. But then it's like, let's say a month in, people just sort of, you know, it's not brand new anymore. So people aren't really checking in as much. But I think that happens a lot with like, you know, the divorce, you tell all your friends you're getting a divorce. And then everyone is there. Everyone is there for you. And this happens a lot actually when someone passes away. Everyone is there for you. And then a few weeks go by and there's not as many check-ins. But actually, sometimes, that's when it becomes the hardest is it's not initially. Because almost initially, it's shocked.

you're living in a days. Reality hasn't really set in. And then a few weeks go by. And then at least when you're grieving, that's when the hard part happens. And actually with a divorce, you guys, a divorce is weird because it's a lot of up and down. It is not linear your healing journey, at least in my case. And I mean, I would be great. I'd be so great. I'd be perfect. I'd be like, this is amazing. I've got freedom. And then all of a sudden, I would be a mess. And I'd be like, what am I doing? Like, I don't want to split up my family. And I'd be sad. And I would feel guilty. And I would be, I'd be a mess. And I had moments where I felt really lonely. And that was not right away. I mean, I swear, I think it really took me, it probably took me a solid three years to like fully,

fully close the door on my divorce. And I don't mean I was in this period for three years being like, have, did I make the right decision? Did I like, I just mean like to really work through it all and to like fully close that door and move on from it. It probably took about three years. And so my point with telling you that is when you're trying to show up for a friend, it's consistently showing up for a long period of time, I think is probably the best way to say it because it's a work and a lot of the emotions will probably hit later. And so that's it. It's listening. It's being there and it's having empathy. I think those are the three most important things. Whether it's a divorce, whether it's someone losing a loved one, whether it's, you know, whatever it is, whatever it is,

anything traumatic. Losing a job. I mean, that's fucking traumatic. You know, there's a lot of, even a breakup, even a breakup. And again, I'm not going to talk shit on a breakup. Just anytime a friend is going through a tough time, I think that's the most important thing to remember. And then one other thing I wanted to talk about with friendships is because adult friendships are interesting to me. And they're very different than they are when you're in your early 20s. But what I have found in the last few years is I will meet women who I actually really like. And, you know, women want to hang out. And I'm like, yes, like, that sounds awesome. But I don't have time. And, you know, I'm just at a place in my life where I barely have time for my core people, let alone making new friendships. And I have

found that's been a difficult thing for me to convey, to say. Like, I have a hard time just coming out and saying that. When in reality, that's probably all it would take is like, hey, you know, if someone's like, hey, let's get coffee, just being like, listen, I would love to get coffee. I really would. It's just where I'm at in my life right now. It's really hard for me to find free time where I'm able to just get coffee. I mean, and that's true. But the free time I do have, I want to see my really good friends, you know? And I don't know. I just, that's been a hard thing for me. And I totally respect that we're all in a different place in our lives. And I think some of the women I've met, you know, are like pregnant and about to have their first baby. And I'm also like,

well, when you have that baby, like, you're not going to hang out with me either. But I don't know. I just, I wonder if other women have that same issue. You know, the thing for me, to is not only is my free time limited and when I have free time, I want it to be with, you know, my best friends, but I also need alone time. Like, I have to work in a lone time too. And I think I've told you guys this before too, but what I will do periodically in my calendar on my phone is I will have a day that just says keep empty. And yes, I'm probably going to work out. I'll probably, you know, if I go to the grocery store or whatever, like I'm not just like sitting on my ass. But the point is,

is I need alone time. That is how I recharge my batteries. I've always been like that since I was a little girl. And so not only am I when I'm like balancing my schedule, right, of like free time, because it's like family bucket and then it's work bucket. But like work and free time, which is like friends or whatever, it's kind of the same bucket. Like I've got these two buckets and like friends and work can kind of be a little interchangeable depending on what's going on in the work world, but nothing ever spills over into family. Like, that's, that's a hard line for me. That's a deal breaker. But in that other bucket of, you know, free time, work, friends, I'm also like me time, like scheduling in the me time. Because that me time is actually probably the most

important thing in the whole chart. Because if I don't have the me time, I'm not as good of a mom. I'm definitely not going to want to hang out with my friends. Work suffers. Like, I would actually put me at the top there because I just, I know me. You know, there are certain things for me that I have to do and I have to make sure are happening in my life for me to be able to show up the best way that I can. It's having a minute to myself. It's getting plenty of sleep. I'm a fucking nightmare when I don't sleep very much.

I am a nightmare. Half of it's probably in my head. But sleep is important to me. It just is working out as important to me. Being able to eat really well is important to me because those things, make me feel good, which then makes me a better mom, a better friend. I also then really value my time with my friends when I, you know, because I don't have it all the time. So when I do have it, it's really valuable to me. And, you know, most of my time with my friends is every other weekend

when my kids are with my ex because that's when I will go on a trip. Like I just, oh, I got to shout out Pip. My best friend, Pip. Okay, so Pip is another one. I've known her for over 20 years, we did a show together when I was 18. The first show I did after Laguna Beach, it was a show called Get This Party Started. It was on the network UPN, which doesn't even exist anymore. That just shows you how old we are, how old I am. And I was hosting this show, and Pip was a producer on it, and we instantly fell in love. Anyways, long story short, she was in L.A. for years. And then during COVID, she moved home to Australia. She's Australian. But she was just in, she had to go to the Hamptons for a wedding. So I popped into New York for two days to go see her. And then I went to Nantucket to go see Justin and Scoot. And I did all of that, you guys, from a Thursday through a Monday. Okay. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom. But, you know, that's important to me because that's quality time with my friends. And that was the weekend that my ex had my kids, you know? And then where then there's like that hang up for me is a lot of times those weekends that I don't have my kids is then used for work.

for like a photo shoot or I'll go to LA and I'll do some podcasts or whatever it may be. And so that's where like the balancing act comes in. And again, a lot of it is because most of my best friends do not live by me. I have Justin and I have Casey and Jenny Lee. But that's it. And listen, I have other friends who I do like I'll get a coffee with periodically and everything. But like those are like my main people who really to me are a priority. So and then I just want to leave you guys with this little nugget. I think, and this is coming from my journey of friends are always important to me, but now as I've gotten older, I couldn't live without them. And I realize the magnitude of them in my life and how important they are. And I've gotten to a place

where I think it's really important to tell the people that we love, that we love them. I think when you're going about your day, you're folding laundry, and yes, I fold laundry. Okay. I love when people are like, you don't give any of that. Yes, I do all of the normal shit. Like, folding laundry and like, this is what I do anyways. Like, think about my friends. Like, whatever. Because I like to think about the things I'm grateful for. And I'll, you know, my friends will pop into my head. And instead of me just being like, God, I love them and I'm so thankful for them, sending a text, taking one extra second and just being like, hey, I just want you to know how much you mean to me. And, you know, I can't imagine life without you. And I love you. And I hope you have a great day. It takes two seconds.

And it really makes a difference, I think. Like, I've gotten those texts. And I'm like, God, I fucking love you. It makes my day. I just think, you know, and maybe because I've never or previously, you know, like growing up in 20s and stuff, I was never good at that. I was never good at taking a second and just going a little extra for a friend and being like, hey, you know what? You're really important to me and I love you. And as I've gotten older, I've softened a little. And I think that's, important to me now is just taking the friendships and the love that we do have in our life and expanding on those. And, you know, because it's an energy thing. Like, uplifting the people that we care about and being like, hey, by the way, like, you're a fucking badass is, I think important. I think it's important. So, and with kids too, you know, I mean, I think it's really important as parents sometimes it's like easier to be like hey you know you're not supposed to do that or like hey you can't talk to me like that or whatever it is but also being like hey you know what you did on that report was really impressive like wow that was really cool or like hey well

this is camden actually like completely rebuilt a bike for jackson and and jackson broke a piece of his bike and cam was like i'll give you the one off of my bike i mean just like i was kind of blown away i was really impressed with Camden. And I just, later, when it was just the two of us, I was like, hey, buddy, I want you to know, like, what you do with Jaxie was really incredible. Like, you are a phenomenal big brother and you have a really big heart. I always tell my kids, you've got really big hearts. Don't lose that. Never lose that. I think it's important to talk about the good things more than the negative things. Because unfortunately, obviously, as parents, we have to, you know, our role is to, of course, guide our kids. And unfortunately, sometimes,

that includes the negative stuff as well. But I think the positive stuff is more important. Anyways, so that's, that is the gist on friendships. And shout out to the girl who asked me that question at the Today Show panel, because that was a really, a really great question. I love when friends really want to show up for one another. I just think it's really special. So if you have those good friends, hold on to them tight. And if you don't, just know that they're coming. They're coming. You will make good friends. I think throughout your whole life, I'm only 38 and speak to my life. But like said, some of my better friends I have met as an adult. So they're coming. All right, guys, I love you. We will do parenting soon. And then we can really dig into all of that. I will see you

next week. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.