Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Rachel Bilson: From 2000s Nostalgia To Her Mom Era

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

This week, I’m sitting down with one of my favorites, Rachel Bilson, for a fun, honest, girl chat. From growing up in L.A. and sneaking into Hollywood clubs as a teenager to getting into trouble, Rachel shares how she somehow managed to stay grounded through it all. She talks about getting the partying out of her system early — long before the job that turned her into an early-2000s icon.We dive into that whole era of fame, including the harder parts: the public relationships, the headlines, and how they’ve made her censor herself today. Rachel opens up about dating now and what she’s genuinely looking for — including whether marriage or more kids are still on the table.We break down co-parenting, her relationship patterns, and the surprising peace that comes from being completely content on your own. Rachel also shares the mindset she wishes she’d had in her 20s (and what she hopes younger women hear today).Plus, Rachel on Broadway, Dancing With the Stars, and the mom conversations we all have: wanting our kids to actually come to us in high school, and why she’s holding off on giving her daughter a phone for as long as possible.A word from my sponsors:Armra - Go to armra.com/HONEST or enter HONEST to get 30% off your first subscription order.Bon Charge - Go to boncharge.com/HONEST and use coupon code HONEST to save 15%.Skims - Shop my favorite bras and underwear at http://www.skims.com/honest #skimspartnerRitual - For a limited time, save 40% on your first month at Ritual.com/BEHONEST.Hiya - Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/HONEST.Tonal - Right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code HONESTFor more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in, guys. Today is a fun one. It is one of my good friends, someone who I absolutely adore and who I know you all. know and love, and it is Rachel Bilsen. Enjoy this episode. I'm so excited to see you. I know you. You are my absolute favorite. I love you so much. It's been too long. You were born and raised in L.A. I was. And so I think L.A. is its own world. It's really hard to be here, especially grow up here. And then also being in the entertainment industry, I mean, that adds a whole other layer to it. Yeah.

You somehow have remained normal and sane and cool. And so I want to know how the hell you I'm not really happy that's like the outer persona because I lose my shit all the time. No, you know what I think it is? It's really funny because like all of my best friends are my best friend since I was like 13 years old. You know, junior high, whatever. We all grew up in the valley. Yep. And they're still my best friend.

And it just, I don't know what it is. Also, like being around L.A. growing up, all the things weren't like these crazy things that were like Hollywood and the glam and the whatever. Like we were sneaking into clubs underage very early. Like all the clubs in West Hollywood? Of course. How old were you when you started going to the clubs? I mean, I want to say the first time I tried, I was probably like 15, but I looked way too young, so I don't think it was successful.

But I feel like around 18 or 19, I would have to borrow IDs and like go into the clubs. And it's just having that experience before, then you start working and people might recognize you or whatever, but you've kind of already done that whole thing. beforehand, it just kind of painted a different perspective, I guess. That's interesting. I mean, I guess I started going out in L.A. my senior year of high school. Right. Exactly. It's the same thing. Yeah. I don't remember needing a fake ID though. Yeah. Is that weird? And then all of a sudden, I think it was like a couple years in. That's when they started cracking down. And then there was like a six-month period that I couldn't go to the clubs until I turned 21. That's like the perfect

window. Right. So you've talked a lot about how you got into a lot of trouble growing up. You were kind of Yeah. A bad girl, right? Well, as part of it was like doing all of that beforehand, you get it out of your system. We for sure were, you know, going to parties, having our like Mickey 40s. I could never, obviously, like, I'm not a drinker. I can't drink. I will throw up if I drink. So it's not really my thing. But you experiment with everything. Yeah. And you just go for it. But again, I was grateful that I got it out of the way because I was super domesticated once I started working. I'm like, great. I want to be at home. I want to cook. you know, and do all that. And I was only, like, when I got on the OCO, I was 21. And so you were already over that whole phase. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It's not like we didn't go out, but we all went out as a group. And then I was in a relationship and like my friends would come along with us. Yeah, it's just different. Right. Once you're in a relationship too, it's different. Yes. Well, I just saw you went on another podcast and you talked about how you got in a car accident.

Yes. When you were 14. I was shocked by this story. Really? Yeah. I mean, I just didn't know. I was like, holy shit. I know. So what happened? Oh, my God. So speaking of, like, you know, partying a little too young. Yeah.

We were kids. And my friend and I and a couple guys, like, were on the beach and they were drinking and, you know, I'm trying to think the boys were doing other things. They may have been. Right. And we left. We were like in Oxnard, which is, you know, north of L.A. And then we were on PCH, I said they closed highways. So the guys are older, so they're able to drive.

Well, actually, my friend. was the one driving because I was 14 but she was 16. Oh. I was friends with the older girls in high school. Got it. Because they were my brother's friend. My older brother introduced me. So I get in with like the older crowd and we were driving and like the guy in the passenger

seat was like messing around and like tickling the guy in the back seat and he just takes his arm and he pulls the steering wheel. Oh shit. Yeah. Like you know they were. I know you're just here not even thinking. No. I mean they were obviously inebriated or you know.

like pulled the wheel and then we shifted. We were in like a little car. Shifted over to oncoming traffic and it was like a big head-on collision. I don't remember a thing. Right. So you woke up in the hospital, right? Yeah. And I barely remember that. Like, wow. My mom says my head was bandaged and black eye and everything. And I have a scar like under my hairline. It literally stops like right at the edge. Oh, you're lucky. Yeah. Yeah. It was like it kind of like, you know, went into my head, scalp kind of part of it or something. Wow. But I don't remember. It. It's just like, it. It's literally I black out. Like the hand on the wheel is the last memory.

Well, it's probably a good thing. Thank goodness. Like, I would not be able to drive anything. So you were airlifted to the hospital, right? Yeah. Jaws of Life had to get us out of the car. Airlifted. Now, this is often like the police report reading it because, you know, you don't remember anything.

Yeah, and I would say that was a really big point where I was hanging out with certain people. Then that happened and it kind of directed me towards the drama department in high school. Oh, thank God. Perfect. Yeah. So that worked out. Okay. So maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

I mean, I like to think of it that way. Yeah. I mean, some, you know, the guys didn't come out to, like everyone survived. But, you know, the injuries were pretty bad. Wow. But yeah, personally, it was, yeah, blessing in disguise. Yeah. But you've have, you've got memory problems from it still, right?

Yeah. Was it, wait, short term or long term. And I think you guys were fighting about this on the podcast. No, I don't even remember what it was. I don't know. Yeah, it's so bad. And people sometimes like take offense. I'm like, no, you don't understand.

Even my daughter, oh my God. Oh, my God. The other night she was like, Mom, you still have the first thing I knitted for you? And in my head, I'm like, oh, fuck, what was it? What was it? And I was like, the coaster. She was like, yeah. I was like, to be fair, I don't think I would remember something like that either.

No, that's hard for mom. I think all moms can relate. I was like, oh, shit. The worst is Sailor and my daughter. Because, you know, when they're younger, they bring home a thousand things every day. A picture. Oh, whatever. 100%.

And I would throw them in the trash. And sometimes she found them in the trash. And I would be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. No, like devastated. And I'd be like, no, I don't know how those got in there. I don't know what happened. Of course I want those.

Have you seen those things where you can turn their art into like books or something? I don't know. There's like something you can do. I'm not a bad idea. I do have a whole bin. Yeah. And I will keep some stuff. But I mean, you can't.

You can't keep at all. No, there's a lot. It's a lot of stuff. It's a lot of stuff. What's it like raising a daughter in L.A.? So we're a little L.A. adjacent. Okay, right. Which I love.

It just feels a little, like there's a little bit more normalcy. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of different occupations and small town feel where we are. Not just the entertainment industry. Not at all. Yeah. Not at all. Oh, is there anyone or is it kind of, yeah.

Yeah, of course. I mean, you know. Yeah. But it's a lot less than, you know, friends who have kids in other schools or stayed more. central. I definitely feel a difference. And I really love it. And you know, for my daughter, she has, both of her parents are in the business and especially her dad will get recognized, but it doesn't even register with her. Yeah. She kind of just is what it is. She has a really good attitude about it. And she's like, you know, I like to say not effective. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

Kids will humble you real quick. Real quick. Well, how do your kids deal like with you? I mean, well, and same thing. Like their dad was an athlete. Right. You know, so like, and my boys are in middle school now. And so all the boys like know who Jay is and like the girls know who I am. Yeah. But they're just, yeah, they're kind of used to it. And again, it's like more mom and dad. Yeah. They don't look at us like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's different. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Which is good. It's definitely good. So let's talk about the early 2000s because people don't get it. It's so different now. And that was such a time. Oh my God. It was such a time. Such a time. And so fun. So fun. It was the best. And it was. I was. It was. I. It was. I really credit because it was before these smartphones. So we didn't have... Seriously? Think about it. I know. Thank God. No Instagram. Yep. No. So it was like the start of the

sidekick. Yeah. Right? That we all had. No camera phones. No. You had to bring out a digital camera or whatever or have a digital camera. Yeah. Of course. And it was the best. So people were actually having fun. I know. And they were present. They were present. So as fun as it was, though, there were hard times with being on TV. I mean, the paparazzi were ruthless. That was a big time. lot. The tabloids were crazy. You were involved with the bling ring. Like, there were a lot of things. What was the hardest part you think? Oh my God. I don't, you know, I mean, the paparazzi thing, like where it got to the point where there was a time, I forget where I talked about this, where my mom and her neighbor had like a shared dog door in their fence because they were so close.

I remember having to like crawl through the dog door and leave out of my mom's neighbor. driveway to not get followed. And you know what that's like. Because at the time, it was, it was a lot. It was a lot. And there would be like 10 cars outside of your house every day. Yeah. Yeah. So even if you're like, I just want to go to Walgreens and get something. You're like, I can't. I can't. Right. It's just too much. It felt like you can't. Or you just go and you don't care. But like, you know, you're not going to be put together every time. And it is what it is. Like I've always kind of had that attitude though where I'm like, what are you going to do? I know. I just kind of like that time. I just didn't like the attention that. I just didn't like the attention that. I just didn't like the attention that. I

created. Right. You know, so like now when normally you could just probably dip into Walgreens. Yeah. The paparazzi though, now everyone is going, who is that? Who was that? What's going on? Right. That was the part I hated. That's more the thing. Yeah. I totally get that. I didn't care about like looking like shit or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I did. No, I did. No, but I know. That's the, yeah. Yeah. The paparite. What about the tabloid world? Was that ever hard for you? I really like, I feel like I was so domesticated when the height of the OC was really taking off. It was a different experience for me than it was for like Misha, for instance, or like you guys. Like, I just feel like.

You were at home making dinner. I was at home. I was like going to the bagel shop in the morning and like, you know, the movies. Yeah. It was a different thing. And had it been before, that would be a different story, you know. But what about? with relationships because I mean, especially, so you dated Adam Brody. Yeah. And do you feel like because

you guys were on the same show together and that was at the height of the tabloid world, do you feel like people felt like they had a right to know what was going on with you guys? I think that's always the case a little bit. And I'm sure you can relate. Like if it's out there or they think they know you or especially because we were a couple on the show. Yeah. And a couple in real life. They're like, oh, it's Seth and Summer or, you know, and they really relate it to that. and they think that's what you are or who you are. And I remember thinking, like, in the beginning of the show, summer was like a bitch.

And we had like this event where there was all these people. And I purposely like went overboard, like nice to all the fans. I'm like, I'm not her. Right. I'm a really nice person. And I like went so hard with it because I was like, I'm not that person. And obviously she evolved and changed a lot. But yeah, they do feel like they know you or have a right to, you know,

privacy or you're putting yourself out there. Which you are to a certain degree. Yeah. And I would think especially like, you know, the reality versions of the shows where it's you, quote unquote, right. They probably really feel that way. They do. They feel like, yeah, they feel like that is 100% you on those shows.

Right. It's funny because I relate to you and that I felt like I needed to overcompensate too because I was the bitch on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I don't think that's who I am. So I was like, I'm going to show around how nice I am. You're like, every time you're like, give me a hug. Yeah, I'm not that mean, I promise.

What about later with other relationships? Did you feel like once you weren't on the same show with someone? Did you feel like it was a little bit less or they still were kind of bruised? It's kind of funny. I'm like, God, if I look at my track record because then obviously like Breyer's dad, we met on a movie. Oh, right. And so we were in a movie together. But movies are shorter lived than series.

So I feel like that wasn't really a thing. I don't know. There was a lot more privacy I felt like in that second relationship than the moment. first. That's nice. Yeah. I think. Yeah. There goes my memory. Right. Right. Like, actually, that's not true at all. Yeah, let me show you these headlines. Well, unfortunately, you do understand the headline world more than most. I mean, you've been under fire. Look, who's talking. Why? Yeah. I mean, listen to all you and I are right there. You've been under fire for talking about sex. You even lost a job for it. Yeah. I think that is so shitty because here's the shitty part. You're very open on your podcast. And I think just in

general, which I think that's why people love you so much. You're so relatable. And then, you know, you get these headlines that are taken out of context. And then I think, tell me if I'm wrong. But like, I know for me, it makes me shut down and it makes me really sense of myself. And then you lose a little piece of you. Yeah, absolutely. Even coming here today, I'm like, okay, we have to filter. Because, you know, they'll take things and they'll put it out there. And you know, I think better than like most. Yeah. I feel like, you know. I'm always so entertained. Like, oh, my God. No, but it's true. So, like, you have to think about it.

And when that was the whole thing about the podcast. Like, when we started broad ideas, we wanted to be able to be relatable, make things accessible, talk about things that might be taboo. I grew up in a household where my mom is very open about sex and was always talked about. So to me, it wasn't a thing. And then you talk about it. I don't even remember what the thing was. I know. I'm trying to think, too.

I know. I made a comment, like, jokingly. Yes. When we're talking, it's like friends talking, right? Right. And so you might say something, which is kind of funny. Right. But then they take it.

Right. And you're like, oh shit. Like I was being sarcastic. I was being sarcastic. I was just, you know, having fun. Yep. And then. Having a girl's conversation.

Like this is the stuff that we talk about. A hundred percent. Yeah. All of a sudden when they take a little snippet and you see it in a headline, it's like, I can see. Yeah, it's jarring because you don't understand. You don't get it. You don't hear the whole conversation.

Yeah. I think there was something else. And then it was like talked about on the view or something. Oh, God. I haven't thought. Things are just coming for some reason. Where I said something about not having that many partners. I don't remember what I said. But anyway, it makes it there. And I'm like, you guys didn't hear the whole conversation. Out of context, it sounds much different than the whole thing. I'm like, if you're going to comment on it, you should have to go and listen to the whole interview.

Educate yourself. Yeah. If you're going to be a journalist, you can't just go off of a clip or a headline. You have to understand exactly what you're talking about. Right. That's my biggest issue with it. Yeah. So do you find that you censor yourself? on your podcast now. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Do you? Yeah, I go through phases. Yeah. Where sometimes I'm like, okay, I cannot be in the headline world for a minute and I'll definitely pull back. And I feel like I've found this way to kind of say stuff without just saying it. But then I'll be like, okay, I'm losing myself. So then I'll be like, fuck it. I don't care. And I'll be like, we're just going to say whatever I want. And then it's like this ebb and flow. So how do you, because you have your boys are in middle school. Yeah. So how do you handle it now that they can

like see these things? Okay, so this is actually the one thing that made me be like, whoa, I need to watch what I'm saying. Okay. They told me, actually, they told me recently that like a year ago or something when I was dating that younger guy, that their friends said they saw he and I played a drinking game or something on the podcast and they saw some of the sexual stuff that we were talking about. And I was like, whoa. That made me like really pause. Right. And think that I, more than ever now, I need to start being careful.

Because it's really, I don't care at the end of the day, like what Jane in Kansas thinks about me. Right. It's my kids that like, I can't be saying stuff that's going to affect them and their friends. So that made me. That was like a real eye opener. It was a bit of a wake up call. Yeah. Oh, my God.

I know. I forgot you dated. He was a lot younger, right? He was 13 years younger. Oh, wow. Yeah. That was fun. It was fun.

Yeah. It was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun. Okay. it's that time we're going to talk about Bon Charge. Bon Charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence-based products to optimize

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t-shirt bra and look no further. You can shop my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, guys, be sure to let them know that I sent you. Select podcast in the survey and select let's be honest in the drop-down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for your Valentine or for yourself, the Skims Valentine's shop is now open. Are you dating? No. No. Have you dated at all in the last little bit? Yeah. Oh yeah. How do you meet people? That's the thing. I know. Have you ever gone on the app?

I was on Raya for a minute. You were. Yeah. How was it? I went on a few dates. Yeah. And I went on some good dates. Yeah.

But I don't know. I got over it pretty quickly. I think it's fun for like two weeks. Right. I know. I've never been on an app. But like if I'm around someone who's on it, I like look with them because it's fun. Yeah.

You just like see what's going on. But I've never done the apps. I really like I'm a hardcore like bedtime before nine kind of person. I know. Me too. So it's like, I'm like if I'm going to go out, it has to be. something I really want to do. Yep. I know it. I know. It's the hardest part is meeting people. Yeah. Well, yeah, how do you? I mean, I'm trying to think I kind of don't. Like I haven't, I don't. I haven't really dated a lot this

year. Really? Yeah, I took the first half of the year off and then I got set up with a coach through CAA. You're my agency. Okay. Random. Wait, like a professional coach. Yeah, like an NBA coach. Oh, your life coach? But I guess I should clarify. An NBA coach. A.m. coach. Yeah. And then I went on a few dates with a guy that I met through friends. Yeah. Like randomly, we went to an oasis concert. But I haven't. And then I went on one other date, got set up by friends. But it's just like naturally happening. And so that was my thing that I deleted Ryan. And I was like, I really want to meet someone in real life. Yes. So, but, you know, there are all those success stories, right? I know. I know. People are like getting married and, you know, which is interesting. I know. Do you want to

get married? I mean, you weren't married before. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's like a weird question. You know, like I'm coming into like mid-40s. Like, do I want to do that? I like how my life is. I don't know. That's a tough question. Yeah.

Do you want more kids? I mean, I think I'm too old. I probably would have. Yeah. But I don't think my daughter would be down. Because she's how old now? She's 11. Oh, right.

Okay. So she's the same age as Jackson, my middle. Oh, okay. Yeah. He's six. He's six. Okay. She's just turned 11.

Okay, got it. She's older for her grade. Yes. But yeah. No, she doesn't want, she doesn't want to say, like she tells me. You guys are probably in such a rhythm, too, like the two of you. We have such a thing. Yeah.

I don't want to mess with it. Are you done? Oh, God, yeah. So my baby, sailor, she just turned 10. And so it's similar. I can't imagine going back to the baby phase again. That's what I'm saying. There's no way.

My niece is two and I'll have her. Then I'm like, oh, I love her. But then going back to that, it's a whole. When did you make it out? It's just so easy, right? Yeah. So we're in like, so. Such a good place.

11 is such a fun age, don't you think? So fun. It's so much fun. I know because they're like real people and they have a sense of humor. So funny. And you can just hang out and talk and like go do the things. And she's my little partner. She's a buddy.

She's a buddy. I know. It's the best buddy. How is co-parenting going? Because that's always a bit of a journey. Great. Ours is like a unique, you know, version of it. We get along really well.

We do a lot of like stuff together. Great. A lot. Yeah. Like, will you guys spend the hall like? days together. That's amazing. Yeah. That's so nice. Yeah. And it's, you know, we have been able to keep it very like copacetic and nice for her. How do you do that? Like, what's your advice for someone who's just now starting on that journey? What would you say? Do you guys have to switch and

alternate holidays? Yeah. So, and he gets them every other weekend. And then, like, he'll have him Christmas Eve this year and I get them Christmas morning. And so it's like, yeah, we switch. So you do that. Yeah. Well, we weren't ever married. So we never, you know, had to, so we figured out our own way. That's nice. Our own path. Yeah. Advice is just, God, I don't even know because I hear so many different situations. Some people are so evolved and like, it's amazing from the, from the jump, like they don't have to do anything. I don't really have an answer other than communicating and sometimes you have to compromise a lot. There's no real answer. I know. It's not. In every situation is so different. It's so different. I would say don't

take things personally and like understand. I think especially in the beginning, people are probably still hurting. Yeah, I think emotions for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know it's nice when you can finally, when everyone can let go of that. And then you can just go parent. Totally. Yeah. I mean, yeah. And I, you know, I'm really close to his family and it's been almost, it's like 19 years or something, which is, yeah, a long time. Yeah. So it's just like. Yeah. Like just water under the bridge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. feels like. That's so nice. Yeah. We have kind of similar situations in that you guys met. You guys got engaged really fast and then broke up and then got back together. You did the same?

We did the same thing. Really? Yeah. I mean, and then we ended up getting married, but it wasn't until after I had Camden my first. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we kind of, yeah, same pattern. Yeah. What did you learn about that whole phase of your life? What did it teach you about you or just relationships in general? God. It taught me so much. I was so young, though. Yeah, I was... How old were you? 25. Yeah. When we met, how old were you?

I was 23 when I met my ex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But he and I are the same age. So, you know, I mean, I know it's different guys and girls, like girls, which were faster and stuff, but it was still pretty similar. I was really young and I think that that relationship let me kind of take a step back.

And I felt I was very present because I wasn't just chasing the career thing, you know, it wasn't number one for me. But I tend to do that. Like, I tend to do that. I tend to put relationships. Oh. But now my kid first. But like when I'm in a relationship, I really prioritize that.

Yep. So I think that's what came to play for me. And looking back, because I was so young, you're like, oh, maybe you could have done more for yourself or. Right. But I have no regrets. Yeah. I think that it was just interesting to see that I kind of put everything else on hold because I wanted to like support and nurture that relationship. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. I mean, I get it. 23 is so young. I mean, so it's 25. I mean, all of it's young. Yeah. It's all young.

It's young. I don't think you should be able to get married until you're at least 30. 45. Yeah. Actually, there's probably some truth there. It's true. You just change so much. Well, you watch The Bachelor and there's girls on there. They're like 23 and I'm like, you don't.

No. Run. Get out of there. Don't. Like, don't do it. You're a baby. Oh, my God. That's why I'm like.

Yeah, the Bachelor should start at like 30. I know. 35. The success rate would probably be higher. Probably be higher. Just saying. I know. What about relationships then moving forward?

Were you able to make yourself more of a priority? Or did you still find that you were kind of doing the same thing? I have that pattern. Yeah. And now it's with my kid. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah. I'm like, no, mom first.

It's 100%. She's first. Of course. No matter what. But yeah. In relationships, I think I'd probably be the same. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. How long has it been since you've been in a relationship? Well, you know, defining relationship. Yeah. Or something. Like a serious. Something serious. Oh, God.

It's been a minute. Yeah. A few years, right? Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Like something serious. Yeah.

Yeah. There's been, you know, things. Right. But nothing that's nice. No. I guess was your last serious, the younger guy? Yeah. You know what's funny, though?

It's like, so yes. But I also say I've been single for almost six years. I just think like once you've had kids with someone and been married, it's like, not even just been married. But like, once you have like a serious relationship like that. Right. It's hard to kind of define like serious. Yeah. That was serious.

Right. Everything since then is like, like was I faithful to him? Sure. Right. Like I wouldn't look back and be like that was a serious relationship in my whole life. I totally get that. Yeah. And I think you've, unless you've like been in a really serious relationship with kids or marriage or both.

Like it's hard to kind of understand that. But yeah. I'd say I've been single for actually almost six years since my divorce. Right. So there's. I probably would say the same. Right. What however long it's been.

Right. Exactly. Yeah. What are you looking for in a guy today? How is that evolved over? My friends get so mad at me because they're like, why? Like, they like to live vicariously through me. Right.

Because they're all in relationships. Right. And they're like, go out, do this or that. And I'm like, dude, no. I want to like be home. I want to be at the soccer field with my daughter. First thing in the morning. Like, I'm not doing any of it.

I know. Get a good night's sleep. Exactly. I'm like, that's the best. I know. It's all I want to do. I know. I know.

I'm like I'm an 85-year-old woman with my knitting. But they all want me to do all the things. But I think I don't even know anymore. Like I used to be like, they need to be funny. Because I really like a sense of humor. But now I'm like, I don't even know. I don't even know if I need that. I'm like, I don't think I need anything.

So you are not like like you do not care. I don't care. I love that for you. I don't care. I love that. What do you want? I think that you're in a really great place. So I do want to be in a relationship.

And I would love to get married again. Okay. I'm in no rush and I will not settle. That's for damn sure. I mean, that's why I've been single for so long because I think to your point, like, I really value my peace, my time. I'm really happy on my own. My kids are a massive priority and they take up a lot of time because they're busy. Yeah. It's busy. We're in a very busy season of life. And I found out yesterday from an astrologer that my career is number one. I'm like on that track. So like I don't know. Yeah. So I don't know where a relationship falls into that, but I would eventually like to be in a partnership, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's definitely times where you're like, fuck, like something

broke and that I can't, like, I don't want to go on the roof. You know what I mean? Hell no. I've got a great handyman, though. Do you have a handyman? Do you have a handyman? You need a good handyman. I mean, I have, yeah, I have people I can call for sure. But we don't want you going on the roof. Not going on the road. Don't do that. No, there are things, you know. But it's also cool for my daughter to see that, like, I do do all the things when it's just us. I agree. I agree. I think she's going to have a very cool perspective on her mom. You know, I think it's good. She still likes me, which is great.

Isn't that so nice? I mean, I'm dreading, like, if that ever changes. It may, honestly, my 13-year-old still likes me. So, I don't know. I mean, he's a boy. It might be a little bit different, but I don't know. I don't know. Especially because it's the two of you.

I think you might be okay. I hope so. Is she, what is her personality? Is she wild at all? She's so sweet. Yeah. No, she's like a really kind, sweet, gentle person. I love that.

I'm so happy with the human she is. It's so nice. It's so nice. And she might not turn on you. She might not. You know, I know like hormones come into play and all that stuff, but she,

she's a good one. I mean, I tell you what, so Sailor, my daughter, she just turned 10 and she's sassy. Like, she's got the two.

And so I don't, I feel like you would see glimpses of it by now if she was going to be like that. For sure. For sure. I definitely, there's a unique situation going on where she's just so sweet.

I love that. I know. You're lucky. Very. Okay. Well, Well, it sounds like, I mean, I've got a lot of dating questions, but it sounds like maybe you don't have any days.

Do you have a dating horror story? Oh, my God. Or a really good story. Because I think sometimes we're always like, what's the worst date you've been on? I know. What's a good date you've been on? A good date? That's so funny because I've always like, I need my best friends around because they'll remember.

We're dealing with this memory. We're dealing with this memory. I'm a really great interview. I'm always like, you guys, I can't. They'll be like, remember that time. That's hilarious. I did have a guy, like, leave a butterball turkey on my doorstep at Thanksgiving. Wait, that's nice.

And a Christmas tree on my doorstep at Christmas time. That's nice. Yeah, this was, I was much younger. I mean, I was probably 19 or something. Oh, wow. I like that. I know. That is handy.

Handy. I'm having a Christmas tree shop at your door. Thank you, sir. I wouldn't, you know, but whatever, it was a turkey. Love that. It was a butterball. Okay, that's nice. Sounds better.

What happened to that, man? I don't know. That's a good question. We don't know. We don't know. We don't remember anything. But it's like kind of funny. I like that.

Yeah. And, God. Any horror stories? I know horror stories. I know. I'm sure. It's always hard to remember them on the spot, though, too. Like, you'll leave here and be like, damn it, I just thought of the best one.

Do you have yours, like, just ready to go? I mean, I feel like I've talked about a couple in podcasts before. So I always feel like a broken record. But I haven't, luckily, I haven't had any new ones. New bad ones or new amazing ones, I guess. But I don't know. The one that I always remember is I went on a date with an actor out here in L.A. at Laurel Hardware.

Yeah. We were at the bar, which was like so busy. Yeah. And he was fresh out of a divorce. I think he was kind of nervous. So he was slamming drinks. Oh, no. And he started telling me how he does his own stunts.

And he got up and he started acting out a stunt. And he ran into a waitress. No. And I mean, it was a whole, and I was creating such a scene. And I was like, please just sit the fuck down. And I just was like, but hammered. So I never saw him again. That is, I, and especially like as you get older, do you find like super drunk, hammered people?

Such a turnoff. Yeah. To me, it's also. like a weakness slash insecurity. Like, what are you running from? Why do you feel like you have to get hammered still? Yeah, I know. And a drunk guy is just, oh, it's such an ick. I know. I know. Especially, so you don't really drink. I don't like alcohol. I know. Good for you. Good for you. That's great. Yeah. That is great. So not even like one glass of wine or anything. Like once in a while, but it takes a lot for me. Like it's a mission for me to finish that class. Yeah, that's so good. I sleep like

shit when I drink. So it has to be like, everything has to align for me to have a fun night. Otherwise, it's like it's just not worth it for me. Yeah. But a lot of people need that to kind loosen up and be social. Yeah. You know. Well, on a date, sometimes it is nice. Yeah. But like one or two. I'm not trying to get after it on a day. Right. You act like an idiot. All right, we can get off the dating steps. What? I know. I'm like, I'm going to think of stuff, though. You let me know when you're back out there and you've got some good stories. I'll be like. No. I think it's good. You're honestly, it's an inspiration because it tells girls you don't, like,

you can be okay being on your own and being single and be very happy. No, yeah. It would be super content. I think that's like the best thing to do. Especially if you want to jump back in is to get to that spot first. Yeah. Probably a good idea. Agreed. Being happy on your own. Yeah. Yeah. Because then you'll attract a different kind of person who's in a similar vibe. Yeah. Which is important. Totally. Yeah. You're not just trying to build a boy. Because like unavailable guys are like super attractive for so long. And then it's just like, isn't it so nice when you can finally like change that? And then you start

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honest for $200 off your purchase. That's tonal.com promo code honest for $200 off. All right, I want to know what chapter of your life you're most proud of. Or is it the one that you're currently in? Oh, my God. It's hard to say, like, anything that my daughter wasn't part of it. Yeah. Because that's, like, my greatest thing. Yeah.

You know, it's just, it just makes life. And I know you can relate. Like, having kids just makes life so much. And look, and if people, you know, they don't have kids or don't want kids, it doesn't mean that you're not going to have, like, an amazing life. But it just kind of changes things where. I'm like, oh, this is what it's about for me. Yeah, you found purpose when you became a mom.

Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing cooler to watch this little human, like grow up and become a person. I know. And sometimes it's hard, like, helping them navigate things and seeing what life can be like and them learning that life isn't always fair or it can be scary. I know. But yeah, I would say for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. So in your mom era. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

It's like as a mom, you don't want. them to feel any pain, like physical or emotional, you want to shield them from all of it? How many times you want to, like, kill other children? Oh, my God. But you also know, it's like that's actually the best thing for them. Yeah, it's them to figure out. Yeah. But it's hard. I know. They're like little pieces of your heart just running around the world. It's so hard. It's so hard. You know, and you have three. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. But it's kind of nice to do because they look out for each other. As much as they like hate each other, you know, so they say. But they, they, when it matters, they're always there for each other and have each other's backs. It's really sweet, especially at school.

Yeah. Or like in a social setting, which I love. Right. That's the one thing is like, because I grew up with a brother. Yeah. And just wanting her to have a sibling to kind of have that. So that's been the one thing for me that's been kind of hard to let go of. Yeah. You know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm already 11. So even if there was another kid, they're so far apart. It would almost be like two separate families anyways. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Well, for whatever reason, her journey and your journey is supposed to be this. Yeah, right, right. I'm sure there's different lessons in there for both of you. For sure.

So, yeah, it's all good. Yeah. It's all good. I don't complain about it. What advice would you give your younger self? Do you get asked that question a lot in interviews? I mean, I think maybe like, you know, it comes up sometimes. Yeah.

But I like that. I do like this question. Yeah. That's why I was excited to ask you. Like, let's say your 18, 19, 20 year old, like that phase of your life, what advice would you give? Oh, my God. What advice would I give myself?

I think like starting earlier to not care what other people think. That's a good one. Well, that's like a big thing, I think especially for a young girl. Yep. You're so focused on the outer and it doesn't matter. And like it's so cool like getting older as a woman and being like feeling good about who you are, what you look like, how you carry yourself and like not paying attention to like all the other stuff that's out there and being. you know, grown at you. Yes.

Or wanting to like these expectations or these certain things. And I think if you learn that younger, if I could have the same mentality to have now, like what that would have looked like. Right. You know? As a young adult. That's such a good answer. Well, it's just.

It's so true. It's so true. I know. The quicker you can learn that, the better. You get so caught up in all the shit. I know. How, like, how's your journey been to getting to this point now of not caring what other people think? Like, when did you actually start to understand that?

So, okay, this is kind of a motto that my family always says. And this comes from, I told my daughter this the other day at dinner. We were sitting there. And when my grandmother died who I was very close to, it was 21, I think. And we were at her funeral and her best friend, like, we were in the bathroom after at the reception. And I was so upset and distraught. Minnie was her name. She walked out of the bathroom stall.

She was like, oh, honey, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. And I was like, crying. She was like, well, what are you going to do? And, like, walked out of the bathroom. Yeah. Because that's how, like, that's our, my family we always say, and it's our motto. And I was talking to my daughter about something in particular. And I told her the whole story.

And I was like, this is why we say that. Yeah, I like. And it's like all one word. Ah, well, what are you going to do? Well, because it's true. I know. So that's kind of like goes with, like, Like, you know.

Yeah. Like other people's opinions. Yeah. Anything. What are you going to do? It applies to everything. Yeah, it does. I like that.

It's also like just moving on from shit, you know? Like, okay, there's something you can do. Let's pick up. No control. Like, it is what it is. Yeah. Oh, I like that. That is really good.

Yeah. Where do you feel most like yourself? Is it at home being mom? Is it on set? Is it doing your podcast? Oh my God. This is so funny. Okay.

So, my daughter and I started watching Dancing with the Stars from the first time this season. Yeah. So fun. It's so good. Yeah. And for her birthday, I took her to the finale. Oh, cute. And I know. So cute. That's so funny you took her. Oh, my God. It was the best night ever. She had so much fun. We loved it. And I remember always watching that show being like, that looks so scary. And once we were there and there were all the cameras, I'm like, well, it feels like a set. Yes. This doesn't feel that scary. Yeah. So I think for me, like, being around that. No. No. You should do it. Oh, my God. Are you? You? I did it a thousand years ago. You did? Yeah, I mean, like literally. Wait, what season? I mean, hold on. I think I was 24. So, I mean, like a long ass time ago. How, where'd you go? Three episodes. Okay, yeah. Do you know how badly I want to watch your season now? I mean, who is your partner? Mark Ballas. It was so fun. He's the best. Oh my God. I always tell Breyer. I'm like, I'll only go on if I could have Mark or Val. You could probably request him. I think I requested Mark. Did you? Yeah. I don't. Oh my God. I want to watch your season. You can't watch. You can't watch. You can't watch. You can't watch.

old seasons, though. We tried. We tried to watch this other season. Well, they're on YouTube. They are? Don't feel like you have to. Oh my God. Kristen, I have to watch, of course. You should do it. I know. It's like you'd be good. No, I, I'm, I would get so dizzy. Your daughter would love it. She could come. Everyone keeps being like, it's your daughter's favorite show. But it does, it does look like a set. Well, and you know, it looks like everything is smaller in person. No, I know. And I was like, oh my God, this doesn't feel as scary and intimidating as I thought watching it. Right. Which it still is, of course. You're like. dancing live on TV. But my point is, for whatever reason, I feel, not for whatever reason, I do feel comfortable on a set. Yeah. There's cameras and stuff. But if that would be like on a stage,

you know, like an actual stage and not cameras. Right. I would freak out. So you could never do Broadway. I mean, no, I wish I could do Broadway. I know. That scares the shit out of me too. I did. I did plays in high school. Like I, I hypothetically, I think I would love to. Yeah. But I also think I would shit my pants. But maybe that's why you should do it because you should go towards the fear. No. That's the other thing. But then you get comfortable.

I know. And you're like, I know. What's your thing that you? So I did a podcast tour last spring. Oh, okay. The scariest thing I've ever done. Really?

Yeah, because live shows. Yeah. So same thing. Cameras all day. Right. Any day, all day. It doesn't make me nervous at all. But a live audience with it just being me and my words was the scariest thing I've ever done.

But I did it. And Rachel, I can tell you, I came off of that tour being like, I can do fucking anything. Anything. Anything. So I feel like maybe you should get back into that. You know what? I could relate that to when I was a kid. I would not go on upside down roller coasters. Yeah. And then I kissed my first boy. And I was like, I can do anything. And it went on the upside down roller coaster. It's exactly the same thing. I love that. No, but it's true. Like you do something you're scared of. Like I was petrified at kissing a boy. Yes. And in sixth grade, you know, behind the library. And then I was like, off to the races.

I love it. I had my first kiss in sixth grade, too. You did? Yeah. And Jackson just told me he had his first kiss. Oh, so he talks to you. Six grade. Yes. So by the way, he had his first kiss and he called me that night. And I was like, I've done something right as a mom that my 11-year-old boy wants to have me be the first call from his first kiss. That is. I know. I mean, that's like a real proud moment. It makes me so happy. Yeah. They tell me stuff. They enjoy talking to me still, which I'm like just, I hope it stays like that throughout, well, forever. But, You know, throughout high school. When they really need to talk about things.

Yeah. I'm like, you know, first experiences and everything. And I never want them to be scared to come to me. I'm like, I just want you guys to be safe. That's my goal. So if you get yourself into a pickle, please call me. Instead of trying to get your own way out of it or whatever. Right.

I never would have called my parents. Did you call your parents? Yeah, I would have called my mom. You would have. We had a very open household, like talk about everything like I was saying before. So yeah, there was ever a time like you don't feel safe or whatever. So I think having that relationship is so important. I agree.

be so many high school parties or like whatever where you need out. Yes. Don't feel afraid to call. Call me. I know. I just want to keep you guys safe. I know. Were your parents ever worried about you when you were getting into trouble?

Like around 14 and your car accident and everything? Probably. I mean, my poor mother. I mean, she was a single mom at the time and my dad was around, but he was way working a lot. So I think for her, you know, we were always hanging out at our house, all the kids. Oh, that's good. So that was the good thing. You know, but also, you know, we're doing what kids do.

I know. I want my house to be the house that everyone wants to come to. Right? Yeah. I just, yeah, again, because I was horrible. I know what's going on. I know. We all know what's going on.

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I just want everyone alive. That's my goal. Seriously, I know. It's so scary. It is scary. It's really scary having kids.

And when they start driving. Oh, my God. All of it. It's a lot. I know. It is a lot. Yeah. We think about what we did in high school.

I know. And kids. are always one step ahead too. You know, it's like, and I remember my mom saying that too, but, you know, where I'm like, I used to sneak out a lot. And I'm like, well, now I have, you know, you can put the beeps on all your doors and, you know, but like trackers on your children. They always figure it out. So what they do is now, by the way, and my kids tell me this, there's two things. So if you have Life 360, that app that can track them. That is. Okay. It's an app that you can track them. They've figured out how to pause it so that you

think they're at the same spot. And what the high school kids are doing. You kind of like proud and pressed a little bit that the kids can do that. You're like, oh, that's smart. Also, thank you for telling me. Yeah. But, and then we had a babysitter who was 16 and she told my kids, and then they told me that she has a bat phone. And what the kids do is they leave their phone that their parents are tracking them with and they have their other phone just to be like, okay, come pick me up or whatever. They're still doing all the same things. They're doing all the things and we think they're just sleeping over out of friends. Nope. Oh my God. That's ridiculous. That is ridiculous. Do they have phones? Yeah. All of them?

Yeah, I didn't want my younger two having them. My oldest was 12 when he got one. Got it. But I only have so much say. Yeah. You know? Right. That's hard.

Does your daughter have one? No. I'm so happy for you about that. I'm so anti, like, I just want to hold it off as long as possible. You're so smart because once they have them, I know. Game over. I know. How old do you think you'll wait until she is?

She's already, she's like high school and I was like, we'll talk. When you're a senior in high school. I know when you're in college. No, it's good, though. I just want to hold off as long as possible. And I keep telling her, like, you won't have apps and all these things, you know. And then she's like, but mom, what about music? She's trying to find loopholes.

Yeah. And I think, you know, her and her dad and I are pretty aligned on all that stuff. So that's helpful. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Yeah.

Hopefully it stays that way because I really want to hold off. Make it wait as long as humanly possible. Can you imagine, like, going through high school with Instagram? No. There's no way. don't think like, no, that is even like seeing friends hanging out and you're not, like, there's no way. It's hard.

It's so hard. I mean, the friend thing, figuring out that you're left out, but also the body image stuff. No, that stuff is the worst. It's just too much for these kids. Too much. Let them be kids. No, there's like countries that are banning social media until 15 or 16.

I want to say it's like New Zealand or I don't know. It's how it should be. It's how it should be. It should honestly be 18. Norwegian country. Yeah, it should be. Yeah. But yeah, I wholeheartedly support it.

I know. And there's, I mean, like I will say, I've got all these parental controls and stuff, but still, I just It's only so much you can do. Yeah. And the fact that they've got phones and they're attached to these phones and I have to physically take them away to get them off of them. Have you heard of that brick thing that you can have in your house? No, what's that?

It, like, locks certain apps when they leave the house. Like, they can't go on social media. Like, it'll only let you access, like, maps in your phone or something. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm going to look this up. I know. That's what I was good. Like, if it's ever a smartphone, I feel like that's. Yeah, because you got to have some sort of

limit or control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can control what other kids do. Like they'll be around, whatever, but right. You could do your best. It's hard raising kids in this age. Yeah. It's just a lot. No, it's so much. And there's all these things like promoting like growing up in the 90s, like what it was like. I know. I love seeing that. Me too. The best. Yeah. I got Breyer like, I got her a boom box. And, like, you know, like, I'm trying. And we have a landline, but like. I love that you have a landline. Oh, yeah.

We've always have. That's great. Yeah. I thought about getting one. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Just the simpler times.

Nostalgia, simple. Yeah. Yeah. That's just the way. Good for you. Yeah. It's going to be a battle. Yeah.

But it's going to be worth it in the end. And then when she becomes an adult and gets it, she's going to thank you. Yeah. I really think that. Yeah. I think so. I think so. Okay.

I want to play a game with you. Yes. Even though, I mean, you know, you're not really dating. But let's just say that you were. Okay, it's called hot or not. I'm going to give you scenarios. Okay. Potential scenarios with men and I just want you to tell me if you think it's hot or not.

Okay. Okay. He has four kids. I'm like, but how old are they? I want to know more information. Right, right, right. We need details. Yeah.

I know. Let's say they're a little bit older. So you don't have to. Right. But what if they were younger? Great. Okay. Okay.

He's an actor. No. I say that. And then you look at my track record and it's literally. Isn't that the truth? I know. Okay, but why do you say not? Some are great. Some are great. I think it's the stereotype when you hear that, it automatically goes to maybe, you know, not the type of person that you would go after. Yeah. Yeah. But apparently, I do. I get it. I know. I know. He's a massive stoner. Not hot, but also I'm like, whatever. Oh, guys, you don't really care. I don't really care. Okay. Do you smoke pot? I mean, I can take that out if you want. No, I mean, I'm used to all the time.

Yeah. I hate it. You hate it? Yeah, I hate it. Because you anxiety? Yeah, I overanalyze everything. Of course. It's awful.

But I loved it like in high school. Of course. I would laugh and have fun and then I don't know when it turned. Oh, yeah. I was major in high school. Yeah. I think that's just what you do. I just found my yearbook right before my high school reunion.

And like every entry was like, I love smoking bowls with you. I was like, God, how much hot was I smoke? Like everything. I was like, cheesy. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay, you kind of answered this earlier, but he wants more kids with you. Oh, I don't. No, I, that's too hard of a question. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Too many variables. But you're a not. I would be a not. I am not having more kids. No, I'm not having more kids. Right. There's just, no way. Okay. He tells you he loves you on the third date. Not.

Okay. Because that's like love bombish. It feels love bombish. Have you been love bomb? Yeah. Like, come on thick, man. Yeah. They come on thick and you're like, something isn't right here. Yeah. Like, you don't even know me yet. You don't even know me. Like don't, yeah. Yeah. It's so alarming. Very alarming. Big old red red. Big old. He's never been married and he doesn't have any kids. Great. Right. I mean, yeah. I love that. Okay. Okay. I love it. His mom lives in his guest house. Aw. But like, like, what kind of mom? She's like how you're just like hot or not and I have so many like questions. I'm like, but that's sweet. How old is she? How old is. How old is. How old is. How old is? She, yeah. And like, do I like her?

Are we going to like hang out? Watch. Okay. So we could go either way. Okay. What if they're together all the time? She's like very involved. It's like the friend's episode where the brother and sister are a little too close.

Yeah. She's like very involved. Very involved. She's always around. I mean, that's hard. Yeah. But I'm pretty easy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Like the worst of this game. He also has a podcast. Okay. Don't care.

What was it about? Are you funny? Just make, you just want to make you. The details matter. Okay. Next time we'll have more details for you. I love you. Tell everyone where they can listen to your podcast.

Yes. Your podcast is great. And then also just in general where they can find you. Okay. Where they can find me. Where they can find you. Perfect. Rod ideas.

you can listen to wherever you listen to your podcast. It's also on YouTube if you want to watch. And I only have Instagram. I don't have TikTok or anything else. And just your name. Just Rachel Bilsen. Yeah. Yep. That's my name. There you go. On the gram. There you go. It's so simple. Like there's like nothing really. I know. Whatever. But I'm working on some things. I'll be doing other things in the future. Yay. I'm excited. It's so good to see you. It's so good to see you. I love you so much. This was so fun. So fun. Thanks for coming. for having me.

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