Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Red Flags, Gaslighting & Bad Behavior — Dating Dilemmas Pt.1

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Listener dating dilemmas are back—and I'm always reminded how crazy it is out there. This episode is packed with your real-life dating questions, from men in relationships following (and liking) other women on social media, to ghosting, exclusivity gone wrong, and major red flags you should never ignore. We’re talking social media behavior, emotional maturity, cheating in the honeymoon phase, and why liking photos is very different than just following.I also get into flirting (how to do it without overthinking), dating younger men, money in relationships, being “too loyal too fast,” and whether it’s okay to have fun with the wrong ones while waiting for the right one. Plus, what it really means when someone won’t talk about their past, why photos of an ex are an immediate no, and how to support a friend who keeps dating the same toxic type.A word from my sponsors:Nutrafol - See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just 3-6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code HONESTTaylor Farms - Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit. And get your salad together!Upward - Download Upward. The dating app where faith and values meet.ADT - When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit adt.com or call 1-800-ADT-ASAP.Mill - Try Mill risk-free for 90 days and get $75 off at mill.com/HONEST and use code HONEST at checkout.Revolve - Shop at REVOLVE.com/HONEST and use code HONEST for 15% off your first order. #REVOLVEpartnerKahlua - Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsiblyFor more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Hello. How are you doing, everybody? I'm excited for today. We're doing dating dilemmas. I love doing dating dilemmas.

They're fun. And especially now that we have the voicemail set up, it's, I just love being able to hear your voices. The only issue, though, with the voicemails is they can get really long. And so I actually, most of these are going to be from Instagram because they're just super concise to the point. Because in those little boxes on Instagram,

you can only say so much. So I am going to play a couple voicemails. However, most of them I'm going to read just for timing purposes. So as always, I really appreciate you guys writing and calling in because they're just, they're good. And just always a little reminder that it's crazy out there, guys, in the dating world. So, okay, we're going to start with this one because this became a whole to do on the old Instagram. Okay, so the first one is men in relationships following random women. when I asked you guys to submit these dating dilemmas, it turned into this whole thing about

men and their social media behavior because women are confused and women don't know. So I had asked the guys to chime in, let me know, give me all the info on this. Okay, so here's the consensus, ladies, from the men themselves. Following women means absolutely nothing. There is no weight to put behind that. Kind of what I gathered was we overthink a lot of things. And obviously, you know, because I think the difference is most women that I know anyways don't follow hot guys like random hot guys. Because I just think we're built differently.

We are wired differently than men. Men are visual creatures. They just are. And men like to look at pretty things. But it doesn't mean anything. And so the guys were saying scrolling is mindless. But then where it starts to get tricky is when guys are liking random girls' photos. Because, and I agree, what is the point?

If you're in a relationship, why are you liking other girls' photos? I think it's disrespectful to your girlfriend or your wife. And I think, like, what is the thought process behind liking a photo? Is it because you want them to see you? Is it because, you know, you're, like, trying to flirt a little? because so then guys also said, and separately from following random girls, because I said, is a, is liking a photo a subtle flirt? Most guys said yes. And some guys said it's not even subtle. That is like a definite flirt, like hoping that you'll see us. Some guys said,

no, we just are supporting what we're seeing. Like it doesn't, again, it just doesn't carry that much weight. But majority definitely said, okay, following girls, not a big deal. don't overthink it. But the liking of the pictures is a bit of a red flag. And so that's kind of where we're at. I think in a perfect world, ladies, we would get into a relationship and our guy would unfollow every random girl that they don't know. But it's not always going to happen. And so, okay, if we can look, because by the way, it's the internet. They can go find any hot girl that they want. They look at bar stool. They look at any freaking website and there's hot girl. So we can't have our men be living under a rock.

Like guys are going to be inundated with hot women on a daily basis. It's just the world that we're living in. And I think if you try to control your man, you can't follow her. He's going to want to do it 10 times more than he already wanted to. So let the man follow some hot girls. Get it out of the system. It means nothing.

And especially if these like, you know, models and actresses or whatever, if it's Joe Schmo, they're never going to come in contact with these girls. If it's like some hot waitress, from the bar downtown. Okay, well, that's a different story, especially if he's liking her photos. Like, no, I'm sorry. We're not liking girls' photos. It's disrespectful to me. Okay? That's what you say. Here's what I'll tell you from my own personal experience. The guys we really need to be careful of, ladies, is the married men who are liking every fucking story, but not liking a feed post. I have those men

constantly, constantly. And those guys are trash. Okay. I've got guys and a lot of them are athletes, okay? They don't follow me, by the way, either. But they're verified, and I see a lot of the verified activity. These guys are married. There's one guy in particular who has his fucking wife in his profile picture. He likes every single story I post. Doesn't follow me. He doesn't like my feed post. But I'm like, the only reason you're doing that is to try to get my attention. And to me, you're a fucking scumbag. I wish I could just call these people out or like DM the wife and be like, Here's the activity that your husband is doing. Look at all these legs.

Like, you're trash. You're trash. Anyways, the point is, I don't think if it's just following, I don't, I think it's okay, girls. I think we're going to be okay. Okay, ghosting has become the norm. It has. Ghosting has become the norm. Is it a good thing?

Probably not. But in the same breath, sometimes it's easier. And I am, I have. How do I say this? I wasn't a fan. I'm really not a fan of ghosting. Let's just start with that. However, I wouldn't do this, by the way, because I wouldn't want it done to me in return.

I am always the one who's like, hey, I had a great time, but I just don't see a future. Hey, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And normally it's pretty respected, right? There are, of course, I've had a couple immature guys in the last few years. are like so such babies about it. But for the most part, like most men are adults and they're like, hey, I totally get it. All good, whatever. But I will say if you've gone on one, maybe two dates with someone and you get ghosted, is it the end of the world? No, it's not. And in a way, is it almost easier? Sure. Because then you don't have to have the conversation. And I'm not saying it

makes it okay. I'm just saying, can we move on from it? Yeah, we can. It's kind of the world we're living in, unfortunately. And be, look at it as a good. I think we should start looking at ghosting as a good thing, because then you go, wow, thank you. Because now you just showed me, you do not have the emotional maturity to have an adult conversation with me. So thank you. Because then you can take that knowledge and say, I don't want to be with that guy anyways. I don't want to be with an emotionally immature human. So goodbye. I think we have to start looking at it as a gift. He had pictures of his ex-girlfriend in his house. Girl, no, run. Goodbye. Goodbye. You are not over your relationship. So goodbye. I actually dated someone when I was probably 19 who had just gotten a divorce and I went to his house and he had a framed picture of her in the bathroom.

And now when I look back that, I mean, there's the whole thing. He was not over his ex. You guys, if you go to someone's house and they have photos of their ex, it's because they're not over them. They're not ready to close that chapter. Because when you're ready to close that chapter, you're putting away all the photos, anything that reminds you of them, you're getting rid of.

So he's not ready to be in a relationship. Let's just put it that way. Very clearly. He's not over it. And he's not ready for anything. Okay. So if you want to sleep with him, sleep with him. But he's not ready for a relationship.

You never, I think, want to date someone that's freshly single. Even if they weren't married, any kind of breakup. Because you're a rebound. You're a rebound. It takes time to hear. heal and you definitely don't want a guy who's jumping from one thing to the next because if he hasn't had time on his own to reflect, there's been no growth, there's been no healing, there's been no takeaway for him. So you definitely don't want to be with those guys.

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intention really does matter. If I'm dating someone, it's because I actually see potential. I'm not interested in wasting time. And I don't think that you should either, depending on where you're at in your life. So if you're looking for something meaningful and want to start from a place of alignment, download upward and date with intention. Because when your values line up, everything else feels a lot simpler upward. I'm excited to talk to you guys about this one. It's called Mill. Food waste is one of those problems that feels huge and honestly kind of impossible to fix. But here's the wild part. Most food waste comes from our own homes. And that means we actually can do something about it. Mill is the odorless, effortless, and fully automated food recycler. So think

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It's like we have to learn how to drop down in our bodies to be fully present so that we can hear what they're even saying. I think sometimes when we're nervous and we're in the middle of a conversation, we're not even listening to what this guy is saying that we're interested in because we're so in our head. So we have to get out of our head. We have to drop into our body. We have to stop thinking like, okay, what could I ask him next?

What could I? Like, no, no, no, no, no. Just be present. Look at him in the eyes. It's, you need to be confident. You need to just, if you have to tell yourself, I am the shit. Like, this guy's lucky to even be here with me. Tell yourself that.

I don't care what you tell yourself. You have to be your biggest hype crew. Your own a hype crew. You have to put yourself on a pedestal and like I'm just saying. This is not how we want. to carry ourselves throughout our everyday life. I'm just saying when we're flirting. We have to be confident. We have to be present. Look him in the eye. Stop getting ahead of yourself in the conversation. And just be yourself. Just be yourself. And stop overthinking it. I think that's the hardest part.

Are you able to have a conversation with it's really the key to being confident when you're flirting is being really rooted in who you are, not being self-conscious. If you say something dumb, you don't harp on it the whole time. You say something stupid. Okay, move on. Move on. Let it go. We're on to the next.

It's being really present. You have to just be present. Stop thinking so much. Us girls think too much. We get in our own ways. We sabotage ourselves. Watching my best friend go for the same type that hasn't worked and letting her learn on her own. I mean, that's just it. Here's the thing with dating. And as a friend, seeing your friend

go for the same toxic bad guy, you know, you can only do and say so much as a friend. Ultimately, we all have to go through our own journey. We all have our own lessons. And, you know, if you're the friend, let's say, and you've been married for 20 years and you're really happy with her husband and you're seeing your friend go for these toxic men and you're like, why can't she just get it together. You're on a very different journey than her. She has things she has to learn from these dynamics. And the only way to learn them is to go through them, unfortunately. I say this as someone who has gone through a lot of the same toxic behavior with men. I had so many lessons that I had to learn by dating narcissists or dating, you know, certain types of men. And I had to go through

that. And I couldn't have my friends be like, you know, Kristen, you really shouldn't go out with Joe. You know, he's going to be the same type of guy as Cade. I don't make it names. You know, it's like, cool. I've always been someone who has to experience things on my own. It doesn't matter what it is or if everyone's telling me not to do something. I have to do it on my own. And unfortunately, as the best friend, all you can do is be there and support when she gets her heartbroken again or, or, you know, or, you know, whatever it is. And you can't be like, I told you, I told you not to date him. Like, no one wants to hear that shit, okay, when they get their heartbroken.

And I'm not saying that this person would say that. But just all we can do as friends is just be a good support system. Just be there for our friends. You know, don't say I told you. I was right. No one cares. No one cares. Should I reach out to the parents of a verbally abusive X, 10 years, to tell them why we broke up?

No. No, because no, oh my God. Here's the thing. I guess I would ask, what is your goal with telling this guy's family that he's verbally abusive? What are you trying to get from that? Some sympathy, some support. I mean, my guess is, where do you think he learned that behavior? Here's the thing.

family very rarely is going to be like, oh, wow, you guys broke up and you're telling me that my son is verbally abusive. Thank you so much for telling me. I'm going to have a conversation with him. Like, what do you think is going to happen in that situation? Absolutely nothing, nothing that you want to happen. You guys broke up too. And also, if he's verbally abusive, why did you stay for 10 years? Here's the thing. we have to move on from that. That relationship happened. It was 10 years. You were verbally abused. That's shitty. That's really awful. We're not getting his family involved. We're closing that door. We're moving on. But then what I would ask you is, why did you stay in that for 10 years?

Let's start the healing journey. Let's start the self-love journey. Let's ask ourselves why we put up with that behavior for 10 years. you are the bigger piece of this. It's not what his family. We're done with this family, okay? We're moving on from this family. The family doesn't actually probably care what your opinion is. I'm sorry, but they just probably don't. The bigger question is why you stayed as long as you did?

So someone I've been seeing said they wanted to be exclusive. And then a couple months later, I found out they were not being exclusive. It caused a big fight, of course. He actually tried to get, like, turn it on me, get mad at me. Then a few weeks later, it was the holidays, and he wanted to see me and apologize relentlessly, said he did want to be with me. He was just going through some things.

I don't know, whatever. But since then, everything's been perfect, but I can't help but wonder if he already showed me who he truly was. I just don't know if I'm making the right choice. giving him a chance after he already said he wanted to be exclusive and then fucked it up. Girls, please, can you promise me? If a guy shows you who he is, just trust that. Trust that because that's who he is, especially in the beginning.

If he was cheating in the beginning, he's going to cheat forever. The beginning is the honeymoon phase. That's when you both should be so excited about each other. He shouldn't even be thinking about other girls. Like, that's when it should be like pure bliss. If he's cheating on you in the honeymoon phase, honey, he's going to cheat on you forever. Of course, he's going to be putting his best foot forward right now to stay in your good graces. I say once a cheater, always a cheater.

I think there's a little bit of a gray area with that. But I think this, if he's cheating on you in the beginning, this is who he is. And he wanted to get back together during the holidays. Of course. Everyone wanted to be in a relationship during the holidays. I mean, I don't know. I would say, and then I don't like the fact that he was turning it around on you. That's gaslighting.

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Grab a Taylor Farms chopped salad kit and get your salad together. I have a dilemma where I get too loyally fast and I just don't like to talk to multiple people at once. But I know that that's recommended. However, I see it different. I feel like if I really like you, I don't really want to talk to anybody else. I'm the same way. When I like someone, I am all in and I don't want to look at another guy. So I get this so much.

And that was actually hard for me when I became single six years ago. That was, I had to learn that. Like I had this learning curve and dating after not being single for 10 years that the landscape today is very different than it was, you know, back in like 2008, which, oh, God, I'm really aging myself. But it's a different dating world right now. It just is. And it takes a minute to really process it and understand it. But, you know, it's tricky because I'm the same way. And I think in a lot of ways I started to get a little jaded of like, okay, well, maybe I shouldn't be putting all of my eggs in this basket. But I don't, I mean, I don't know. I'm single.

No, I think, but here's what I've noticed with dating. I have actually had a lot of guys. Oh, no, but this is going to go against my theory. Are you ready for this? Okay. I've had a few guys put all of their eggs in my basket. And it really turned me off. So I'm processing this in real time, you guys.

Maybe the move is to pull back the cards a little bit. And I think, I think you can do. both. I think you can be really excited about someone and not be talking to anybody else, but you can still play it kind of cool. And I hate playing games. I really hate games. But unfortunately, the dating world nowadays, you kind of got to play games a little bit. But also, okay, I'm really, I'm really going against myself right now. But I think when it's the right person, you will not have to play games. There will be no bullshit. It's just. It's just, going to click. I'm just trying to get us through these dates. Okay, girls, I really don't think that

when you're with the right one, you're going to have to play any games. But here's what I will say to you. The couple of guys that are coming to mind where early on put everything on me, it's because, and it made me be like, is because they weren't right. I think if it wasn't that, it would have been something else. But I'm just saying, I think it, I do think playing it cool a little. little bit in the beginning is probably your best bet. I don't really think I answer that question at all. Really what I think at the end of the day, when it is the right person, you could be obsessed with them immediately, play zero games, and it's just going to work. But if we're just trying to like go on a second, third, fourth date and just like feel like a woman and, you know, feel wanted,

then I think you got to play the game a little bit. I just do. All right, let's go back to reading some of them. advice for dating a 28-year-old male. I'm 43, however, we both look young and enjoy each other. I say absolutely go for it. I think there's nothing wrong with it. I've said it a thousand times. I think age is just a number. I think what it ultimately boils down to is life experience.

And I think it's where you're at in your life. If you're 43 and you're having a good time and, you know, you don't want kids right now. and, you know, like, if it's working for you, absolutely. When I dated Mark, I remember someone said to me, you know, you just do it until it doesn't bring you joy anymore. And that should be sort of how everything in life is. Like, do it until it doesn't make you happen anymore. You know, I think there's nothing wrong with enjoying a moment in your life. Or if it leads to something long term, then great, then do it. I literally see nothing wrong with it. And I actually,

think we're living in an era now where really a lot of women are dating younger and women are doing what they want to do. And so I say absa fucking lootly. Have fun with it. Great man checks all the boxes but financially behind at 40 years old. We both have kids. Okay. So here's, oh, she's so cute. Her picture. Here's what I think. This is hard because I would love to say money isn't a factor. But it is. is, especially when you have kids. I have dated multiple men that haven't had any money. And that wasn't the only thing, but it became a thing. It became a thing for me because I don't like paying for men. Of course, once in a while, I'm more than happy, like, I'm more than happy to pick up a dinner and a

this and like, if I'm going to the grocery store and making dinner at home all the time, I'm not like, hey, can you give me money for groceries? Like, I would never. But I'm saying like, I'm paying for your flights, if I'm paying for the hotels, if I'm paying for the drivers. Like, it's just, I don't like that because I already support three kids. I don't need a fourth. So it's a real thing. And I don't know.

It's money can be so tricky. And it can really complicate things. And I would say, listen, if money was the only thing, if you were so crazy about this guy and he makes you so happy and he's so good to you, but he doesn't have a lot of money and that's the only thing, I would say, try to find a way to make it work because everything else is so hard to come by. Right? Like the attraction and the compatibility besides money. But like if he's so, he's good to you and you really love him, can you make it work? Like I know for me, there's two guys in particular that are coming to mind that I've dated that didn't have any money. There were other things, right?

Like it wasn't just the money thing, I think, is what ultimately made me kind of start to be like, ugh. But there were other reasons why it was never going to work long term. But that's why it's so shitty. It's like, do you go for the guy that, let's just say has no money, but he's such an amazing guy in every other aspect of life? or do you go for the guy with money, but there's an empty relationship? I absolutely say go for the guy with no money who makes you happy because you don't need a lot of money

to have a good time with this guy. You know, you could sit on your couch and have the best time with this guy and have a really deep conversation. But you could live in a huge house and have all the things with the guy who doesn't make you super happy and you're going to feel so empty and alone. Trust me, you're going to feel so empty and alone. Trust me, you're going to feel so empty and alone. So I see, there's always so many layers to these things. Like, I need to know more. But that is my advice on that. If it's a guy, if you can make it work with not a lot of money, I think that's the move. Okay, people not wanting to discuss their past relationships. I'm sure this is controversial. In what world is that controversial? Why the fuck would no one want to discuss their

past relationships. I'm sorry, that's a red flag to me. A guy doesn't want to tell me about his past relationships. Why? Are you a fucking psycho? I need to know about your past relationships because it helps me to understand you better. The only reason that we talk about past relationships is because it helps me see into your world and who you are and what you've been through. That's why. If a guy can't talk about his past relationships, it makes me feel like because he's not over them. Or like he murdered his ex. Like I don't like something weird's going on. That is a red flag.

A guy who won't talk about his past. No. Mm-mm. That's weird. That is so weird. Talking about your relationship dynamic is like I have found, especially when you've been divorced, talking about the reasons why you got a divorce and what you learned from it

and now ultimately what you want. Like those are big conversations in the dating world. Like we are going in on that. We are going in on that. No, I'm sorry. That is weird. Okay, we're going to do one more. We'll do a voicemail.

And then we're going to turn this into a part two. So we will. Okay, here, we're going to do one more. So right now and a lot of the times, I'm really torn between while you're looking for the right one, don't forget to have fun with the wrong ones. And I feel like that's the type of girl that I've been in the past. Like, I tend to connect easily with people, especially guys. And I explore any and all relationships. But a lot of times they end up being emotionally unavailable or toxic or whatever. But even when it ends badly, I'm still really grateful for the time that we had together.

So that's kind of where I'm bucketed. But I'm torn between that and, the flip side of that, which is don't waste your time on people that aren't meant for you and kind of just date intentionally and, you know, kind of move on from those people quickly, which I don't know. It's like life is so short. I don't want to just hide in my apartment and not, you know, date people at all until it's like they check all my boxes. I want to have fun along the way. But how can I strike a balance between both. Oh, this is so common. I struggle with this. I think, well, she just said it. She wants to have fun also along the way. So that means go out and do the thing. I think it's whatever your belief system is. If you are taking the belief of like, okay, I'll be honest with you guys,

kind of where I'm at right now in my life is, I feel like the universe has been testing me lately. and I think I have to, well, I have. I think I've had to be like, no, I'm not doing this because I think the universe is like, how serious are you? You want a serious relationship? Well, let's see if you mean it. And I've failed a few times. So I'm under the belief with where I'm at in my life. I need to start, and I have been for the most part, but I need to really start intentionally dating and dating to find my guy, right? But I think if you're more in this space, which is where it sounds like she is, of yes, you want to be in a committed relationship. And while you're looking for the one, you still want to be able to go out and have fun and meet new people and there's takeaway

from everyone you date. I think then absolutely you should be going out and having fun. Absolutely. Because guys, also the flip side of that is I've gone on probably four dates in a year. I'm not exaggerating. I've probably gone on four dates in a year. Is that right? Probably. Well, here, I can figure it out actually. I went on, I went on like three or four dates with one person in L.A. I told you guys about that. And then I went on, I went on two other just first dates. So, I mean, yeah, I really, it's. So the flip side is when you are dating intentionally, it gets real quiet. It gets really quiet. Okay. So, I think you should absolutely be going out and having fun. I just do. If I didn't have kids and my life wasn't so full in that sense and busy and I would be going on more dates, probably knowing that

these guys are not the one. But I do all go on one date with someone and I'm like, I know he's not the one. So I'm not going to waste my time on a second date. That's just where I'm at. But in the last six years, well, I'd say up until about a year ago, I was definitely going to, out with people that I was like, I'm not going to marry this guy, but I wanted to have fun. And so I think it's whatever you want. I think it's, it depends on where you're at in your life and what your belief system is. I'm under the impression right now that I have to show the universe. I'm serious. So that's why I cannot be just going out with anybody for fun. But I think you should. Do it for me. Okay, we're going to take a break. We're going to stop. We're going to do a part two. So we'll finish these next week.

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