Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Solving Listener Dating Scenarios — Part 1

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

You know what, guys will get away with whatever you let them get away with. So let's talk about what that might be. You guys submitted dating and relationship scenarios that include the big conversation of social media in dating, wanting a commitment with someone who isn't on the same page, heartbreak, seeking male validation and how to move on from that, breaking up when living together, how you know when it's over, relationships when kids and ex-wives are involved, how to survive being single in your 30s, and why it's always the guys who we never want who want us. A word from our sponsors:Purely Elizabeth - Visit purelyelizabeth.com and use code HONEST at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Purely Elizabeth. Savor the Start.LMNT - Get a free Sample Pack with any drink mix at DrinkLMNT.com/HONEST. And if your an LMNT INSIDER, you have first access to LMNT Sparkling - a bold, 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. Smartwater - Life's full of choices. Smartwater is a simple one. Visit drinksmartwater.com to learn more. eHarmony - Get who gets you, on eharmony. Sign up today.For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari, and today's episode is going to be a fun one, I think. I had asked you guys on Instagram to send me different dating scenarios that you're in, and I'm going to help you get through them, hopefully. Hopefully, shed some light on your situations for you since

sometimes it takes an outside perspective to get some clarity on things because sometimes friends are almost too close to the situation as well. So you guys submitted some really great dilemmas, situations that you guys are in, which I really appreciate. I'm going to keep everybody anonymous. Most people did say, please keep me anonymous, but it's still a very vulnerable thing. So I appreciate everyone who submitted. I had so many that it was really hard for me to narrow them down. So I think we're just going to go for it here. Okay. So the first person said, I need advice. I'm talking to this guy for a little under two months and we have great chemistry. We text every single day and stay over once a week with each other. I think it's too early to decide if we want to be exclusive, but I can't help but want to pull away because of his

3000 Instagram. I'm assuming that's 3000 Instagram followers. It's a turnoff when guys are into their social media, especially compared to me at 500 people. Am I being Delulu? Oh, actually. So maybe this is he follows 3000 people and she follows 500. That's actually how I'm taking it. So social media adds this other completely unnecessary layer of pressure and stress and confusion in a relationship. It just does. The only way it won't affect a relationship is if someone is literally not on it. So I empathize with this for sure. I think there's a few different things here. I think men, especially, they just, they follow a lot of people. Most, most men or a lot of men, I should say, just follow a lot of people. There's a few things here. I think that, you know, we all sort of look

at social media differently. Like I relate to you more and that you only follow 500 people. I think I follow like 135 people. I've never just been someone to just follow someone just because, but I do think it's a lot easier for most people to just follow people. Like, I don't think it's as big of a deal to the majority. Right. And especially men, for some reason, I feel like they just, they kind of follow whoever, and it doesn't carry a lot of weight to it where someone like you and me may look at that and be like, Oh my God, he follows so many people. We give it more meaning than there actually is. And I guess I would want to know out of those 3,000, how many are just random girls that he doesn't know? I think if a guy is following a bunch of girls who don't follow him back,

aka he doesn't know them, that to me is a bit of a red flag in a relationship. When he's been single, fine, all bets are off. Obviously guys are going to follow hot girls. That's guys are very visual creatures. But I think when you get into a relationship, things have to shift a little bit. Ultimately what we need, us women need is a guy who, when you become exclusive, stops liking girls' photos. That's great. But then if they also unfollow all of the random girls, I think that is like, you are a great guy. You are a really great guy. And so, and by the way, it's a respect thing, right? All that is, and it's not even like, it's not for the guy. For me, it's a respect thing for me from other girls because we

all know how girls are. And this goes both ways too, but especially girls. If you're in a relationship and your boyfriend is liking other girls' photos, it gives the other girls that opportunity to be like, oh yeah, but he still likes all my photos. Like that's a disrespect thing for the girlfriend or the wife or whatever it may be. So guys love to sit here and I think gaslight us girls to be like, oh, you're being crazy. Oh, you know, X, Y, and Z, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, no, that it's, it's that simple. It's a respect thing. And I think if a guy is really that serious, it would be very easy for him to be like that. I think in this case, because you guys are not exclusive yet, I don't think you can, I don't, I don't think you should hold that against him. I think become exclusive if you want to. And then you have a conversation

about social media. And unfortunately, I just think it's that it is a conversation in today's day and age. We have to have a conversation about social media etiquette when you're in a relationship because it just is a real thing. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't cut them off just yet. I wouldn't be, I wouldn't be scared and pull away because I feel like you've created this problem in your head already that we don't know is going to be a problem. We don't know yet. Let's, let's have the conversation. Let's cross that bridge. And then you go from there. But if he gaslights you, if he is still disrespecting you and saying,

you know, you're crazy, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter. If it means something to you, he needs to respect you enough to then stop whatever it is that he's doing that you don't like. It's that simple. So I hope that helps. You're not to Lulu, though. This stuff, this social

media stuff will make us think that we're crazy and we're not. I mean, these are real things. These are real issues in relationships. Okay. I've been in a relationship for almost nine years, but we both own different condos. And honestly, he doesn't seem to want to change his life. I've brought up moving things forward like marriage and getting a house together. And he kind of just tells me how good things are and that changing it would change everything. I love him deeply and I'm 37. He's 39. And damn, I want a commitment and a home, kids and a life together. I want to go. I want to go home to him at the end of a long day, but I also don't want to give up the love of my life and my best friend just because I want to live with someone and play house. Been there, done that, and got

divorced. Plus the dating scene is scary and the throwing up emoji. Nine years is a long time to not live together yet being a committed relationship. I don't think you should ever apologize for wanting marriage and living together and wanting a family with relationship. I don't think you should ever apologize for wanting marriage and living together and wanting a family with someone. I mean, that's a deal breaker for most people as it should be. If those are things that you really want, you don't want to waste another nine years on this guy to then wake up and be like, what the fuck did I do? I blew it. Those were nine years that I could have found the one, started a family, actually own a house together. I think that's a red flag. I do. If a guy is not

willing to give up his life, like what his, his freedom, his independence. Cause like to me, that says in a lot of ways, he's gotten to have the best of both worlds with you for nine years and he's gotten away with it. Guys are going to get away with whatever we allow them to get away with. If we have some boundaries and tell them what we want and need in a relationship, maybe, maybe that could have changed five years ago. I mean, we don't know this and we can't think like that. Like could have, should have, would have, you know, we are where we are today. And so we got to look forward. But if that stuff is important to you, that's not just going to magically go away. And in fact, it'll make you resent him then more. And so while yes, he is your best friend, he's the love of your life. I think if, if those things are deal breakers for

you, then maybe he's not the love of your life. And maybe right now you think he is, but you'll get out of this relationship. You will move on and you will then realize why it didn't work out with him. But you can't, if someone wants kids and a family and to just, I mean, nine, living together after nine years is not that much to ask for. I'm sorry. That is like, what? Hello. And also, why are you guys both spending money on condos? Like you, it just, I don't know. I just don't think that makes sense. So I think you need to set some boundaries and, and don't let the dating scene being scary, prevent you from ending a relationship that should end because it's actually not that scary and it actually can be really fun and you

can learn a lot about yourself and grow a lot. So never let that stop you from leaving a relationship. I mean, really, because that that will end up being a huge regret. OK, Kristen, I dated this guy for two years. The last month of our relationship, he completely flipped a switch on me for the worse. Let's say the way he chose to end it didn't provide any closure whatsoever. Fast forward a month later, he brings a girl to a mutual friends party. Fast forward again, the two of them get engaged after nine months of seeing each other post breakup. This didn't come out in the wash until much later. But for those nine months, he was still stringing me along, sending me flowers for a family member passing, wishing me happy birthday, et cetera. And there even was a drunk dial in there confessing

his love to me. It's been two years now since we broke up and I still feel like I'm hanging onto the breadcrumbs. He creeps my social media every day and is constantly checking up on me. This guy sounds like a real piece of shit. I mean, it's that simple. This guy breaks up with you out of nowhere, immediately gets into a new relationship, yet he's still stringing you along. This guy's a scumbag. What that says to me is when you guys were together, and I'm sorry if this is harsh, when you guys were together, this new girl, he was like, oh my God, I got to have her. So much so that he ended things abruptly with you, got into this relationship with her. Things became real as they always do. And he is missing you, but not enough, but like wants the attention from you. Just kind of wants to know

that you're still there. And that to me, people who do that are so shitty when, cause that's so selfish, right? He's not thinking about you. He's not thinking that that's going to fuck you up two years later. And you're still going to be holding on because of these little things that he's doing. That's about him in that moment of needing attention. That's what that is. I wish I could sit here and be like, he's in love with you still. He's not. He's not. And if he was, he never would have just abruptly ended things with you for something brighter and shinier in the moment. And so this guy is a real douchebag. And I feel like you dodged a bullet and you should be thanking your lucky stars and you need to let it go. We're done with this man. If he reaches out again, we're not responding.

It's like, we're done. He's a dick. Imagine if you got back together with him, you would never trust him ever, ever, ever, ever. And this guy would do it again to you. We don't want someone like that. We want someone that knows from the get-go,

we are it. They want us. They're not looking around for the next best thing. And this guy, he's a dick. He's a dick. Goodbye. We're done. Let's chat about Purely Elizabeth. Purely Elizabeth makes delicious granolas,

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your free sample pack with any drink mix purchase at drinkelement.com slash honest. And if you're an Element insider, you have first access to Element Sparkling, a bold 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. I'd love to hear any advice you have for getting over someone you're in love with, who you can't be with because they're with someone else and they don't know how I feel. I'm bad at getting over things like this. So, okay. So they're in a relationship and they don't even know how you feel. Yeah. I mean, you know, there's really nothing you can do about that, unfortunately. And it's, I, you know, it's one of those situations because he's in a relationship. I wouldn't say anything. Cause then you're just, it's not, that's not good. That's not good. We don't want to be homewreckers. And so I,

oh, it's so hard. You know, our heart breaks. You know what I think you should do is honestly focus on the negatives, focus on, pick out the things you don't like about them and focus on those. I think we tend to sometimes put people on a pedestal and it's really the people that we don't even know that well. Haven't you guys seen on TikTok? If you're on TikTok, you know, there's always these jokes of like, oh, if you have a crush on a guy, just get to know him and it'll go away. You know, I think crushes are very natural. Even when you're in a relationship. I do. I, I always have said that unless it's like the early stage stages of a relationship where you're just like so infatuated. But like when you settle into relationship, I think like having little crushes here and there is a normal thing.

And I think they're very they're fleeting like they and then they go away and you're like, what the fuck was I thinking? That's so stupid. And don't come for me about that because it's a really natural thing. And I know for a fact, 98 percent of people have had those little crushes. And if you say that you haven't, it's just because you can't admit it to yourself. So, okay. I can actually admit it. And that doesn't mean you act on it or do anything about it. But, but so I guess my advice would be, you have to try to like humanize him somehow, right? Like just make him, make him like every other guy, because when someone is unattainable, when we don't know them that well, but there is something about them, we put them on

a pedestal. So we got to get them off of the pedestal first of all. And I think you need to just distract yourself and maybe go on some other dates. Also, I would remove myself from being around this person as much as possible. I think if you work with them, that's obviously it makes it a lot more challenging, but if he's just like in your social settings and stuff like I would actually really try to avoid being around this person so that your crush kind of kind of fades, because I really do think it just takes time and removing someone from your life for you then to kind of just move on and get over them. But that sucks. I feel for

you in that. Hello, Kristen blank from Morocco here. Just wanted to ask how to detach from male validation. Cause I feel like that's something you're great at doing. Stay golden. Stay golden is cute. I like that sign off. Okay. So that's interesting because, you know, for a majority of my life, male validation was the only thing I cared about. So, um, I would say only in the last, well, I don't know. I don't know. I guess I think when I got married, obviously I kind of stopped caring so much about validation from men, but that can't be, I guess, I guess if that's what you're searching for, right. Is validation from the opposite sex. I would challenge you to ask yourself why that is because it's usually like in this case, maybe there's issues with a dad. Maybe, you know,

something happened with a male in your life. Like I know mine, all of my issues with men were because of my dad. You know, I think it's usually that simple. And I think until you really like work through your issues with whoever it is or whatever sex it is, that will always present itself. And so that's ultimately what it's about. If someone has mommy issues or, you know, like wants a girlfriend to just like take care of them and baby them. Like I would say there's mommy issues there. Like it's usually it's like pretty simple like that. Sometimes obviously it's a little bit more complex, but my seeking male validation was because of my relationship with my dad and never feeling like I was good

enough and like wanting to make every guy fall in love with me so that I didn't get hurt. And then it, you know, I always had my walls up, but like I wanted everyone to fall in love with me, every guy. And I ultimately ended up hurting a lot of guys because of that, which was never my intention. And now that I'm older and I reflect back, like I really, I feel bad about a lot of the men that I hurt in my life. Like I really didn't know. And it was never an intentional thing. I think that's the most important piece is like intention really is everything in any situation. But while it wasn't my intention, I still really, I heard a lot of men and I do feel bad about that. And so I would say, yeah, in order to detach from that, you have to, you have to figure out where it's coming from. Love yourself

because when you, when your cup really is full, when you're happy in your own skin, you know, you're doing things in your life that just really fulfill you. You don't need validation from anywhere, whether that's men, women, co-workers, you know, whatever the situation may be. And that is a really great place when you really get to a place of not caring what anybody else thinks, not needing validation from anybody, just like really being happy and content with where you are in your life. I think that's a really beautiful place. I was literally dying to ask you relationship questions. The talking stage is so rough for me with social media. How did you get through it? I'm not insecure, but I hate the stage. I want

to stay anonymous, please. LOL. I have more to the story if you want to respond. So I'm sorry, I didn't actually respond to you. I went through these and just screenshot them, but okay. So yeah, listen again. So I had a lot of questions about social media because it is so hard with dating. The talking stage is weird in with social media because the talking stage. Guys and girls can follow new girls. They can like other girls photos. They can do whatever the fuck they want. Right. Because you're not exclusive and they're allowed to do that. The weird part is we can obviously see when most of that stuff is happening. And I know we all kind of check, you know, I wonder if guys check as much as we do. That's a question I want

to ask some men that I have come on. I'm curious because like I know we get a little obsessive, right? I'm OK to admit that I'm 100 percent OK to admit that. So I wonder if guys are the same way. I guess my advice would be to not pay attention to it as much as possible. Way easier said than done. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes, but try to disassociate from it and really not pay attention. Because again, I really do think that sometimes a guy liking a girl's photo and or following a girl actually doesn't carry as much weight as we want to give it sometimes. And we also don't know who the girl is in relationship to him.

And because think about it. I think about me sometimes too, if someone didn't know everyone on my follower list and they wanted to go find a guy on my list and see that I've been liking their photos, they could easily take it because I think we all kind of jumped to like worst case scenario of like, oh my God, she's flirting with him. When like, really, it could just be like one of my best friends, you know? And so I just think that's like going through someone's phone too. Things are always taken out of context. So it just gets a little dicey. And I think we're really good at coming up with scenarios in our head. And we always, we just, we go to the worst place possible. So I think, I think to try not to pay attention to it as much as possible and just

focus on your interactions with this guy or girl or whoever it is, I think we have to let social media go and focus on our conversations, the feeling that we have, like our interactions, instead of focusing on that. Because God, it's fucking garbage, man. Social media is garbage. Please do an episode on boys. I'm in a relationship for four years and live with him and I think I'm just over it, but it's hard and even harder to leave since the living situation. I love him, but how do you figure out if you aren't in love anymore? I would say the fact that you are DMing me this, you're not in love anymore. If you're thinking about it this much, you already know. You know. Does living with somebody make breaking up way harder? Absolutely. But you know what? If I could do it when I was 19, you can do it. I mean,

I lived with my ex-boyfriend when I was 19 and yeah, did it suck because I'm like, I have to move out and the logistics of moving out of someone else's place is not fun, especially when they give you like hour windows to come and get your shit. You know, people can get really petty in that situation, but you can, you can do it. That's like, okay, if that's the biggest issue, we can do it. You can move out. You're going to be okay. And I just think if, if you're sitting in that space of going back and forth, do I do it? Do I not? If you were, obviously I'm assuming you've talked to all of your friends about this. If you are reaching out to me who you don't know, I would put money on the fact

that you do know and you need to just listen to your gut. I mean, how do you know if you aren't in love anymore? Because you're questioning it every day. Like if every day you're going, should I be staying? No. If you're really in love, no. it shouldn't be that hard. And I actually think sometimes I think the hardest is when you are in love, but it's not right. Like maybe it's toxic or you just know, like you just know that's harder because you're like, fuck, I actually love this guy so much, but I know it's not healthy for me. Like that's harder. Be happy that you're just shit. I don't think I love him anymore, but I don't, it's hard to move out. That's that is like best case scenario. So be thankful actually that that is the situation you're in.

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It's gotten up to 104. So my smart water bottles have come in handy because I literally can't go outside without one. Life's full of choices. Smart water is a simple one. Visit drinksmartwater.com to learn more. For this episode of Let's Be Honest, I've partnered with eHarmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Let's be honest, guys. Has anyone else ever pretended to be into something that they're not actually into while dating just so you could try to connect with the other person? Yeah, me too.

But eHarmony is great because they weed that out. They know from the get-go who you're going to be compatible with and have things in common with. And when you're with someone who you can just fully be yourself with, it's honestly like pure magic. It just clicks. It just flows. It's easy. And that's what we all want. Someone you can be yourself with for me means that really every single side of your personality. I have a really goofy, playful side that I don't let everybody see. But for me, when I can let my guard down and I can be that, that's when I know I'm 100% being myself. And I want that for everybody listening. And guys, trust me, I know, we know dating is not easy. That's why I've

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gives the kids an opportunity to enjoy both parents being around. I straight up told him that I do not hang out with my ex and I do not plan to socialize with him either unless it's at a neutral site like a bidet party or sporting event. I know there are probably enlightened people out there that can handle this type of dynamic, but not me. Am I being a brat or is it unrealistic for him to expect me to adjust to this arrangement he and his ex have? Thanks. I think you're being a little bit of a brat and I'll tell you why. Because you can't compare your ex to him and his ex wife and kids. It's different. When there are kids involved, it changes things. And I am very envious of these exes who can be together and have a family day

because that's not always the case. And I'd say for most people, that's not the case. And I actually think that's a beautiful thing. I think what's happening is you're feeling a little insecure. You're feeling a little jealous. So then I would say, okay, why are you feeling insecure? Is he making, like, is he not giving you what you need in the relationship so that you feel insecure? Or is that really just like, because it's his ex-wife, which I can appreciate. I get that. But him trying to do what's best for the kids is ultimately what I think should win in this situation. I do. And I think, unfortunately, if you can't handle that, you shouldn't date someone with kids because kids are the number one priority. I don't care what the situation is. You got to suck it up a little bit. You got to, you got to go find ways to fill your cup so that this isn't the biggest

thing in your life because also why don't you join them? Go on the boat day with them because then you can see their dynamic together. And if you go on the boat, that kind of dispels any illusions you have of it. I think seeing their dynamic together and you being there would just soften everything a lot. And because, you know, the mom will eventually have a boyfriend too. And wouldn't it be great if all of you guys could hang out? That's like such a dream of mine. Like I would love to do that. So I actually think you should be really thankful. This is a, sounds like a really great situation for these kids unless they're still in love, you know? But again, I just think, I think if they were still in love, they wouldn't be able to be on the boat together. Like if one person was still in love with the other person, I don't think they'd be able to hang out like this. So to me, that actually says they're both,

they've both moved on and they're just trying to do what's best for the kids. And that I actually really applaud. And again, don't make this about, it's not similar to your ex. It's different. After you've been married and have kids with someone, it's different. So yes, you're being a little bit of a brat. Okay. Those are her words, not mine, by the way. I would never just call her a brat. Because by the way, like I get that. I think if I wasn't divorced with kids, I think I would actually be like that. I would. Because it's just a situation until you're in it. It's a situation you don't really understand. But I am telling you to be able to be in that situation is such a blessing. That is such a good thing that I don't want you to shit on it because then also that will make him probably look at you differently.

Because if I was dating someone who couldn't support that dynamic of like wanting to just put the kids first, right? Whether that meant being with my ex or not, I wouldn't like that. So if you want this to work out, I would be supportive in this situation. Okay. Hi. So I'm not really needing advice on boys per se as I'm currently single, but any advice for girls in their thirties that are still trying to figure it the fuck out in the dating world and have watched all of their friends find love, getting married and starting their own families. It's really hard sometimes. I know I'm on my own timeline and I shouldn't stress, but I'm 33 turning for 34. And I definitely thought I would have that by now. It's super disheartening to go on a ton of dates and never really have anything stick mostly because of me laughing my ass off.

I get the ick easy and I refuse to lower my standard standards, just needing words of encouragement. So girl, I feel you. Cause that's how I was. I went on so many dates and I, I hated everybody. Or maybe I liked someone for five seconds and I was like, Oh, I never liked anybody. And it's really hard. So what I did, honestly, well, I would take breaks. I'd go on a bunch of dates and then I'd be like, I'm done. I'm done dating. I'm not doing it anymore. And I would, I would take breaks and then I'd go on a bunch of dates again. And then I would take breaks and you just, you have to make it work for you. Right. I always found after I took breaks, I was really excited to go back on more dates.

And listen, it is, you know, I think when I look back on the last four years, like, oh, that was so much fun. And that was great. But I had a lot of moments of being like, when the hell am I going to meet someone? And it is when you least expect it. I mean, it's, I literally, when I met Montana, I was done with dating and I meant it. I was like, I am, I'm actually done this time. Like I'm not going out on another date until like someone literally falls into my lap and that's kind of what happened. So I think, yes, it's easy to get hung up on timeline on age. And I think you just have to let it go and just know that you will look back on this time one day and it will make sense. What I used to tell myself

too, is I'd be like, okay, I don't know where my future guy's at. Right. Like maybe he's getting a divorce and that's why it's taking a little bit longer than expected. Maybe he's graduating college. But yeah. But you know, I was like, I for a long time, like made it all about me. And then it was like, well, I don't know where he is right now on his journey to get to me. So I think when you can kind of look at it like that, like he's tied up right now, but then he's making his way to you. Start looking at it from that perspective, just like zooming out from a bigger lens and just know that someone is coming. It's going to happen. And, and because we know it's happening, have some fun in between in the meantime. And then there's like little things too. Like I'm

a big believer in manifesting. I really am. And I think a large part of it is okay. Knowing exactly what you want, but then letting it go, like literally letting it go because you know, it's on the way. So you're not worried about what time is it going to be here? When's it coming? What's it going to look like? And then that's like bigger picture manifesting. And then little things. And I've talked about this before is I cleared out a drawer in my closet. I had an empty drawer. When you pin people on your phone, I had an empty spot for someone and they say you want to make room for something new to come in. And so that's what I did. And so if you believe in that stuff, those are all great things to do as well. And I really, I do believe in that stuff. So I hope that helps, but he's coming. He's coming girl. Okay. Let's do one more. And then I think we'll

do a part two cause I still have so many great questions. So, okay. All right. One more. Okay. Let's do one more. And then I think we'll do a part two because I still have so many great questions. So, okay. All right. One more. Okay. You've had your fair share of men that are always playing games. I feel judged, but the way Justin treated Audrina for four years versus how he treated you from the get-go were so different. So she's referencing the hills. So Audrina and Justin Bobby, do you think guys treat girls who are always more available like shit, Audrina, versus girls who have an, I don't give a shit, it's your loss type of attitude, you better? This is a great question. I think guys are gonna treat a girl how a girl treats themselves. Meaning, if you have no respect for yourself, if you let a guy walk all over you and let him not call you for five days and then

come crawling back and you just accept him, yeah, that's how he's going to treat you. Guys are going to do whatever they get away with, where if you have some boundaries, if you kind of give off this attitude of like, hey, if you're not going to be what I need you to be, then I'm going to go find somebody else. Well, then, yeah, I mean, I think and I think, you know, listen, this is in my early 20s. And I think how I was with men then is different now. Thank God for that. But I and I mean, it's such a deeper conversation. I was the way I was with men because I was so scared of getting hurt that I said it earlier. We're like, I just wanted every guy to fall in love with me. And I didn't even realize that

me being like, you know, I don't fucking need you. I don't like, but like super flirty too. I didn't realize that that would make, well, I guess subconsciously I did. Cause that's why I was doing it. Guys were like fucking nutty with me. And, but I never got close to any guys. It was like, it was like, Oh, I'm going to make you think that I want you, but really I'm going to keep you over here. And that did make guys like want more. There is something to be said for making guys kind of chase you a little bit, I think, but not so much. Like I don't, as an adult now, like I don't want to like be playing games like that all the time. So it worked in my early twenties. And, you know, I think there is some truth to why is it that the guys who you never

want are always the ones that want you kind of a thing. But I think let's just like being comfortable on your own, right? Loving yourself, not being worried if a guy likes you, I think let's just like being comfortable on your own, right? Loving yourself, not being worried if a guy likes you. I think flipping the switch of do I like him, that alone, that energy gives off that mentality of like, I don't need you. I think it's like no one wants to feel that neediness, right? So it's like, if I'm confident, I'm powerful, I'm standing on my own. If you come great, if you go, I don't care. That kind of vibe comes with being confident, knowing who the fuck you are, just all of those things. I think that's just really sexy and attractive to the opposite sex. So if you can be that, I think that and have boundaries again, you can't let a guy walk all over you and treat you like shit because then they will. They will. They are going to do what you allow them to do.

So I think getting to a place of not like, I hope he likes me. Oh, does he like me? I don't know. Like, no. Do you like him? Like, I don't know. I don't know yet if I like him. Maybe I need to see him one more time to see if I do. And then I'll assess. But like, it's we're no longer playing this game of I hope he likes me. No, it's do we like him? So stay in that. That's powerful. Okay, we're going to do a part two to this. And so I'll see you guys next week for more questions. But again, thank you for submitting these. They're always just so good. And I appreciate you guys being vulnerable. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'll see you guys next week for more questions. But again, thank you for submitting these. They're always just so good. And I appreciate you guys being vulnerable. So thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. I'll see you guys.