Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Stop Feeling Guilty for Cutting People Off

Episode Date: October 20, 2026

Who gets access to you and who doesn’t? In this episode, I’m getting real about cutting people out of your life, setting boundaries, and finally letting go of the guilt that comes with choosing yourself. I talk about outgrowing friendships, recognizing energy-draining and one-sided relationships, dealing with jealousy, and understanding when someone is simply no longer a good fit for the person you’re becoming. I also get into why family isn’t exempt from boundaries, how you can forgive someone without giving them access to you, and why not every relationship needs a dramatic ending... sometimes people just naturally fall away.The older I get, the more I realize that we get to decide who is in our lives, how much access they have to us, and what kind of energy we allow around us. And if setting a boundary makes someone angry? That doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong. This is your reminder that protecting your peace isn’t selfish, and you don’t have to be a people pleaser to be a good person.Salt and Stone: Try Salt and Stone’s discovery set to find your signature scent — Go to https://SaltandStone.com/HONEST and use code HONEST at checkout for 15% off your first order.Clean Safe Products: Go to https://cleansafeproducts.com/HONEST and use code HONEST for an additional 15% off the Green Mitt Starter KitFigs: Get 15% off your first order at https://wearfigs.com with the code FIGSRXAbsorption Company: Go to https://absorbmore.com and enter HONEST at check out for up to 35% off your first order.Ritual: Save 25% on your first month at https://Ritual.com/BEHONEST.Vinted: See what's hiding in your closet, you might be surprised how much you can earn with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start listing with no seller fees.Geviti: More life starts here. Get started at https://gogeviti.com/HONEST and use code HONEST for 20% off your membership. For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Hi guys. Welcome. I'm feeling a tad under the weather, but we're just going to make the most of it. I feel like I've been fighting a cold for a couple weeks now, and it's like it isn't fully taking

over, but it's just lingering a little bit. And then I didn't sleep that great last night. So I'm just not feeling 100, but we're, that's okay. You know, we're just, we're rolling with it. But I hope everybody is doing well. And I'm excited for today's episode because we're going to talk about cutting people out of your life and how to not feel guilty about it and being okay, setting boundaries, aka how we're not going to be people pleasers, guys. Okay? So everyone get on board because damn it, this is our life and we get to live it how we want to live it. You know what I'm saying? I've realized over the years, yes, I am good at this. I always sort of have, but maybe the differences for a while, I didn't know that it was a good thing. Like I've always known

my cutoff game as strong. But I think for a long time, time. Well, for a long time, I actually thought maybe something was wrong with me. And I just sort of chalked it up to how I grew up and how I was always a new girl. And I was, I was always moving around. So I never knew how, like, the relationships in my life were always for a short window. And yes, like while I would move around, like even when I moved to Laguna Beach from Chicago, I still kept in touch with my closest friends from Chicago. But it's just different. I don't know. I think when you're always being thrown into new situations and having to make new friends and like start over, just I've always known that or felt like most things in my life were sort of

temporary. And so I've never held on to anything too tightly, whether that be a person, a place, a thing. Like, I've always sort of had to just kind of go with the flow and know that a lot of people come into your life for a season. And that has only been validated more as I've gotten older and I can look back at my life because it's one thing when you're a kid, right? And I'm being forced to move around. Like a lot of that is out of my control. But as I've become an adult and my life has shifted and I've had to, you know, take other turns. And it's interesting to see like who does fall out of your life, whether that be friends, business people, family in my case. You know, it's interesting to look back at my life and see where I've actively made a decision

to not have someone in my life anymore or where people just sort of like kind of naturally fall away. So anyways, what I've realized as I've gotten to this ripe age of 39 is that we really do get to decide who is in our life, who has access to us, the amount of access that they have to us. And ultimately, everything in our life we get to decide. right? Like what our life looks like to a pretty large degree, we get to decide that. When we stop doing things for other people, aka people pleasing, and we really just focus on what we want for ourselves, that's where the beauty happens and that's where you get to then live your life for you. And if you're not living your life for you, who the hell are you living it

for? Because everyone has their own life. Like, I don't think that's selfish to live your life, how you want to live it. And granted, listen, when I say these things, obviously, there are things as a mom that I have to do that maybe are not at the top of my list. Like when I have to go on for parent teacher conferences next week and I've got like freaking 10 of them or something insane, maybe not exactly what I want to be doing with my entire day. But like, we do those things because there's certain things that our relationships in our life require that obviously I have to do as a mom.

Like, I have to show up. But ultimately, like, we do get to decide what we want to be doing and who, but really this conversation is about who has access to us, right? And you know, like, I think the point of life is to continually be evolving. I want to, until the day I die, be evolving as a human in my beliefs, in the way I carry myself in the world and who I should. show up as day in and day out. And if that's what we're doing as humans, we are, of course, going to outgrow people in our lives. And when it comes to romantic relationships, someone one time told me, I wish I could remember who this was, that a romantic relationship is one person

growing and evolving. And then the other person kind of catches up. And then maybe even that person advances. And then the other person is catching up. Like a romantic. romantic relationship, you're very rarely ever on the same playing field. It's just a matter of, if I evolve and grow, can this, can my spouse keep up? And if they can and you guys can grow, you know, simultaneously, I can never say this word, simultaneously. Then that's when a relationship can withstand the test of time. But if someone can't keep up, that's a lot of times when divorces happen. And, you know, friendships are interesting and I think are kind of similar. And also business relationships, too, is as you evolve and grow as a human, if you no longer can relate

to a friend or you don't really have that much in common anymore, or maybe you have, like, I think of an example of a friendship, right, of like, let's say two people become close when they're both sort of insecure, haven't really taken off in their careers. And it's almost like, I'm not going to say a trauma bond, but it's like a negative bond, right? Like they both love tearing other people down. Like they hate the same people. They talk shit on people. And then one person gets a great job, let's just say, all of a sudden starts to get some confidence, you know, they're excelling in their career. They're feeling better about themselves. And they no longer actually want to tear other people down, well, the other friend who's not advancing

in their life won't like that, right? Because that's a threat to then how she is. And so that's a situation where that negativity will bring you down. And you have to, I think, look at a situation like that. And I think you'd be really thankful for the people in your life for a season or even for most of your life. And then you get to be 25, 28, 30 and those people no longer serve you. And what I mean by that is if someone is not bringing you joy, happiness, why do we have them in our lives? And I don't want to sound insensitive. I just think, well, and people go through phases, right? Like, I think it's one thing for someone to be going through a hard time and be a little bit more negative maybe than they typically are.

I don't think it's the right thing to do to leave them, to leave our friends in those situations. I think, if anything, that's when our friends need us the most. I just mean in general, if it's not a phase, if it's like fundamentally who this person is, and if someone is always dragging you down, if you're with someone and you leave, you always feel like shit after, you know, if they're always, you know, talking shit on your other friends, on your boyfriend, your fit, like, if they're trying to alienate everybody else in your life. To me, that's always a bit of a red flag. And when you do start to evolve and grow, like I said, that will trigger the people who are not growing with you to the same pace. And they don't like that. Another thing people don't like

is when you set boundaries. I would say family more than anything. And I know that only from my own experience is when things have been the way that they've been for your whole life, you know, for years and years. And then all of us, sudden you want to set a boundary with your dad, let's say. And, you know, maybe that boundary is, I can use me as an example. A couple of boundaries that I remember trying to set with my dad. So when I started, when I got on TV at age 17 and then for the next couple of years, when I started to make real money, my dad was handling my finances. And I needed it, right? At first, and it was good. And I obviously didn't know what the hell I was doing.

And then I turned 19. And actually my boyfriend at the time had a financial advisor who he recommended I meet with. And I did. And I really liked him. And I decided I wanted, I didn't want my dad managing my money anymore because I, again, like money's always been this thing for me. And money was always my freedom and my independence. And I didn't like my dad knowing everything and like micromanaging. I don't know. To me, it was just like, it was too much. It was crossing a line. And I will never forget when I told him that I wanted someone else to manage my money,

he got so weird with me. Did not like that. And basically tried to convince me that he was going to steal money from me. I'm just like, what a shitty thing to put in your kid's head? Like living in fear of that. And the other thing, too, is like, this is neither here nor there. but the entertainment industry is very specific with a lot of things and like who gets a percentage of what. And like there's like so many little nuanced things that go into a paycheck from the

entertainment world. And like, you know, creating an LLC or like it's just there's a lot that goes into it. Right. And like my dad didn't know that stuff either where I needed a business manager who specifically understood the entertainment industry to help me with my money. And he, did not like, he did not like that. And again, because everyone takes everything personally. We're like, really, that was just me trying to be like, I'm growing up and I don't need you to be involved in every facet of my life anymore. Like, at some point, that was of course going to happen. Like, dad, you're not going to manage my money until I'm 80. Like, what are we talking about? This is good. This, of course was going to happen. And so my point with that is that, man, when you try

is that a boundary, people take that so personally and they can get really upset. And another thing I've learned is we are not responsible for other people's emotions. So that inadvertently made me upset, right? Again, I'm 19. This is the first time I've stood up to my dad. Like, I didn't know how that would make me feel. And I felt guilty about it because he made me feel guilty about it. But that wasn't on me. People cannot make you feel any sort of. certain way unless we allow them. And again, I think that's where like that people pleaser, like the guilt has to go out the window because that's on my dad. That is about my dad. That has nothing to do with me. That's about him. So when you set a boundary with someone, yeah, a strong

chance you might get a shitty reaction, but you can't get hung up on it. You have to do what is best for you. You know, and the other thing is too is, and not even, I'm not talking about my dad specifically here. I'm just talking about people in general is when you outgrow them. It also doesn't mean that someone is a bad person. You can just naturally outgrow someone. And I think another good example of that is when someone has kids, you know, your whole world changes. Your priority shift. You no longer have time to go get drinks with the girlfriend that you used to get drinks with every week. You know, your Saturday morning looks very different than it used to. It's just everything shifts. And now because your life is based on your kids, you're making mom friends.

You're doing play dates. Like it just looks very different. And it can be sad. Like I'm thinking of one friend in particular who was a bridesmaid. And also she moved to Ohio. I moved away. You know, she was one of my good friends in L.A. And we will still periodically check in with each other.

But, you know, it's just one of those things that like it is actually kind of sad. But like I loved the years that we had together. I will of course forever, you know, love watching her life on Instagram and always be rooting for her, of course. And like, there will always be a love there. But like, are we friends today? I mean, no. Like, I very rarely ever talk to her. But that's another situation where it doesn't have to be some like brutal friendship breakup. It doesn't even have to necessarily be a conversation sometimes. It can just sometimes be a natural, just drift apart. You know, you move. People become moms. You know, like the world, it just things change and that's okay. And that's okay. And then other times,

you know, I, I have had to say to people, I quite literally don't have time for friendships right now. Or like a newer friendship. And people will take that personally. But it's the reality. I mean, I've met a lot of people, I'd say, like in the last six years, we'll just say that I've really liked. and that I do really like. And if I didn't have kids and I had more time, would I probably love to go to coffee or lunch? Absolutely. But I, my reality right now is I don't have days that I'm waking up going, what should I do today? My life is so scheduled. Every day I have a whole running to-do list. The only free time I have is every other weekend when my ex has my kids, but most of the time, I'm traveling for work. So it's rare that I'm home and I have a day where I'm like,

what should I do? And if I do have that day, I want to see my best friends, right? Like, I want to go see Justin. I want to see my couple of girlfriends that I have out here. So it's just, it's just certain seasons of life are really busy. And if people can't understand that, then those aren't our people, right? Like, ideally if someone said that to me and they were like, listen, like, I would love to hang out with you. Like, I truly mean that. I just, in this season of life that I'm currently in, I don't really have time. I'd be like, by the way, I completely get it. Because I've been there. I get it, you know? And I respect the honesty instead of, to me, like, honesty is so much more important than someone every time they text you being like, yeah, yeah, I would love to. Like,

let me let you know when my schedule dies down. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We should do dinner. We should do dinner. And has no actual, like, knows that that's never going to happen. Like, you don't actually want to go to dinner. Like, don't, I don't like that whole game. Like, just be honest with me. We're all busy, right? Us modern people are so busy between work, exercising, commuting, shuddling the kids around, cooking dinner, doing all of the things. And we also know the importance of a good night's rest to keep up with the demands of our busy schedule. But sometimes it can be tough to switch off and relax at the end of a long and tiring day. Well, ritual is magnesium plus is a blend of magnesium bisclosinate and tart cherry powder for mind and muscle relaxation. Helping to own

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All right. Let's chat clean, safe products. I'm obsessed with them. If you have kids, if you have dogs, then you already know. Somehow everything you own ends up with something spilled, smeared, or rubbed into the couch, the rug, the car seats, nothing is safe. Well, the green mitt starter kit from clean, safe products is basically the easy button for cleaning couches, carpets rugs, car seats, dining chairs. I mean, you name it, all the fabrics around your house. And it was created by professional carpet and upholster cleaners. So this isn't some random cleaning hack. There's no machine, no steam cleaner, no complicated process. You just spray whatever you're cleaning and give it a few minutes to work. It's magic. Then use the green mitt to lift the dirt

and mess away. Rinse the mitt and see what taste came out of your fabric. My little Quinn, my Bernadoodle, She eats so much crap outside that she throws up. I don't want to say regularly, but more than I would like her to. And it used to drive me crazy. But now that I have the clean safe products, I don't even worry about it anymore because it really does get everything up, which is awesome. Try it risk-free with clean safe products 60-day money-back guarantee. Go to cleansafeproducts.com slash honest and use code honest for an additional 15% off the green mitt starter kit. That's clean safe products.com slash honest for an additional 15% off the green mitt start. kids. You know, the other thing, too, is, and I think where a lot of guilt comes in with people of cutting off a relationship is if you have history with someone. Like, let's say you've been friends with someone for 20 years. And I think that's where the guilt comes in of like,

well, I've known this person since high school. I grew up with this person. And they've been with me through a lot. Like, I can't, like, I have to be friends with them. But, like, why? Again, I just really think, and I think there's a difference between you've been friends with someone so long that, let's say, 20 years. And so today you're still friends with them. But if you met them today, maybe you wouldn't be friends with them, but you can still have fun with them. You still have a lot in common. Maybe you guys are like in a group, like a four or five of you that have all kind of grown up together. Like that's different to me than someone who's just a Debbie Downer always wants to focus on the negative. maybe is kind of like giving you shit all the time, maybe in a passive aggressive way. You know, it's like they can't be happy for you. A barometer, I think a good way to judge is how you feel after you've been hanging out with someone, notice how you feel. And that goes with dating as well.

And I remember Cindy, the medium who's been on the podcast multiple times. I remember she said that to me. She was like, anyone can have fun in the moment, right? And like, I can talk to a wall. Clearly, I'm basically am right now. I'm talking to a camera, right? So like I can go on a date and have a good time with someone, but it's how you feel after. And she would say, if you feel drained, if you feel tired, that's because they're on a lower vibration than you, which AKA sort of means they're an energy suck. And we don't want energy sucks in our life. That's kind of where I'm at is like, ideally in our lives, we would have people who are in the same playing field as us or even a little elevated. Like if you get jacked up about, you know, being around someone and you're excited and you feel inspired and you feel inspired and you're. you're like, you get something from being with someone. Like, those are the people that we want in

our lives, not the energy vampires. We got to get rid of those people. And this is something Justin and I actually talk about a lot is when something is one-sided, if you're the one-sufficient, is always reaching out, trying to make a plan, initiating. We should get dinner. We should get coffee. If someone is beating around the bush, running year around. Yeah, yeah, let's get coffee. I would love to. Let me get back to you or sets a date. And then as it gets closer, I'm so sorry, this happened. If that consistently happens and you stopped reaching out, would they reach out to you? Because you don't want to be that person. that's always trying to make a plan with someone who doesn't have the balls to just say,

hey, in this season of life, I'm too busy. Or like, hey, I'm actually not interested, which that would be hard to hear without a doubt. Like a friendship not interested is almost worse than a dating one. But like, okay, but then I can stop looking like an idiot and reaching out to you all the time. And like, that's just, that's annoying for everybody involved of a consistent trying to hang out and reaching out without anything ever actually happening. And so I guess my advice would be if you feel like you're the only one who's initiating in a friendship, then I would stop. I would stop and see what happens. And also it's interesting too. A friendships to me are, they're a back and forth. They're a balance. It's, and it's not always going to be 50-50

of like listening and talking about what's going on. Your life. But like, there has to be a balance. There has to be a dance. If you're the one who's always listening and you have a friend who is coming to you only when they have problems and they need someone to basically just listen to them. But if you have something going on, they're not there. That's not a friendship. A friendship is a balancing act.

And there has to be give and take. It has to be mutual to a degree. And like I said, that's not always going to be 50-50, depending on what's going on in someone's life. Like, I look at my divorce, right, with Justin. My divorce and what I was going through and dating for that matter, too, for a couple of years was the topic of conversation most of the time. And Justin's so great because he always does make it seem like we're going through it together. And I think on one hand, like, he's been with Scoot for so long. And in a lot of ways, he probably found my life entertaining. But, like, that was a bit of a bit of a bit of. And I was a

me way more than 50%. Like we were going through my divorce together. We were, you know, freshly dating together. Like it, he was in it with me. And, but that's a situation where when a friend is going through something heavy like that, it's going to obviously shift a little bit. And the flip side is when Justin's had things going on here in the last few years, I'm all ears. It's about him. We talk. The voice notes that we do every day are about him. And I'm, it's made me so happy. that I can be there for him when he's been going through things because of the way he was there for me during my divorce. And that's, to me, like, that's what makes a true friendship, you know? It's not always one-sided. And, and, yeah. And so that's, I think, a beautiful friendship.

You know, and like, and I, this is interesting with girls. Just hearing stories from other women that I know in my life. And I'm around a lot of women that are a little bit younger than me, just with, different work situations. I don't want to like say too much because of I don't want to put anyone on blast. But like I'm around a lot of women in their 20s. Let's just put it that way. And a common theme with women in their 20s. And by the way, this is probably because in your 20s, you are learning how to set boundaries

and how to ultimately walk away from friendships where I think in your 30s, you have a little more confidence and a little more your tolerance for bullshit goes down. and I think that progresses as you get older, like, as I'm about to go into my 40s, like it's way even more now than it was in my early 30s. But what I've noticed in mostly with the 20s, 20-something-year-olds is, and specifically women, is there's a lot of jealousy disguised as friendship or like, not even disguised as, well, yeah, disguised as friendship, but like jealous friends who they want to minimize your wins. They subtly try to compete with you.

you know, like if something good happens to you, let's say then they have to one up you. Like, ugh, I can't stand that. And they're almost more interested in you when you're struggling. Like, they actually don't like when you're winning. They don't like when you're confident. They don't like when you're out there and your light is shining. We don't, we don't want those friends. And sometimes that can be hard to recognize. Again, it's almost like dating. But again, that's why I think it really does go back to how you feel after you've been around these people. Like, you'll know if you just start checking in with yourself. And again, that's why I think it's really important to be in tune with your body. Again, I think you learn that as you get older.

I mean, God, I don't even remember ever like feeling anything in my body in my 20s, you know. And or if I did, I was probably then I would numb it with alcohol. Like, quite honestly, I was drinking every single week in my 20s for sure. Like before I had kids, for sure every weekend. And I just think, like, that's the maturity thing. That's a growing thing of, and that's a trend. And that's a trend. an error thing too. And I think setting boundaries and realizing like who we like, who we're going to let in, who we don't. Like also trusting your gut, knowing that you can trust the energy that you're feeling. Like this all comes with time. But man, those girl, those girl friendships and the girls who cannot be happy for you, that is bad news, bad news. Again, it's like those people who as you evolve and

grow, which we were talking about earlier, like the people who, they don't like this new version of you, right? Like, they like the older version because now this new version is kind of a threat. It's like, you know, the light that shines on the darkness. Like, they don't like that because now you're sort of illuminating their darkness. You know, it's like they liked it better when you were insecure, when you were partying more, when you were complaining about things, maybe when you needed them a little bit more.

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Maybe you're looking to earn a little extra money on the side. Well, that's why I'm excited to tell you guys about Vinted. It is a secondhand marketplace app that makes it easy for everyday sellers, so people like you and me, to sell pre-loved fashion and earn some extra money. They make it so easy to list your clothes on Vinted. And there's actually no selling fees. So you keep everything you earn and you can do what you want with that money. It's also really nice, too, at the end of the year, to see how much money you've made from Vinted. Because then to me, it sort of justifies buying a few new pieces. That's Girl Math for sure. Listing items on Vinted. like I said, is so quick and simple. And once the item sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping

label for you. So I'm telling you right now, try it. Again, the app is free and there are no seller fees. So if you're ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money, download the Vinted app for free and start listing. With no seller fees, you keep every dollar you earn. And as I've gotten older too, it's been interesting to see, you know, like who has access to me because I actively choose them and who has access to me simply because they've always had it. And what I mean by that is when you realize that you do get to make a choice in who has access to you. And I'm actually really happy to say that a lot, well, most, most of my good friends I've been friends with for over 20 years. And I mean, my group of girls in L.A.,

Britney, Shar, Brooke, Chelsea. Brittany, I went to high school with. And everybody else I met, Brittany and I both met together right when we moved up to L.A. when we were 18. And we've all remained really good friends over the years. And then like Beeggs, who's been on the podcast, who I met, oh, I was probably, what was I when I met Beeks?

21, 22 right around in there. Obviously, Justin, I've known since I was 18. But like, so I've been really fortunate that a lot of my friendships that I've had for all of these years have been able to evolve. And we've been able to grow and we've been in all of these different seasons of life together. And it's been really amazing. And like, for example, Brittany doesn't have kids, but she's still been able to evolve and she's active in all of our kids' lives. Like, my kids are obsessed with Britney, you know? And it's not like weird talking about kids shit with her. Like, she's awesome. And like, Beez didn't become a mom until a couple

years ago. And so, and same with Shaw, actually. And, like, that was never a thing. Like, we've all been able to evolve together. And I've actually always said, like, truly the friendships in my life, I am, like, that I know has been a gift in this lifetime for me of my fucking rider dies, man, have been my rider dies for so long. And that I know how, how lucky I am for that. And that's also probably why I don't necessarily care about making a ton of new friends as an adult. And that's not to say. I mean, I have really good girlfriends out here who I met through school and and I have met obviously a lot of great people in my adult life. But it's just different, like having those people who have known me for so long,

like the history that we have. And that's why I fully understand having history with someone is valid. Like that carries weight, you know. But not enough for me that like I look at these friendships. If some of that, if one of them like couldn't keep up with us and was like not fun to be around and was kind of negative. Nancy, I would have no problem cutting them out of my life. And I do think about, like, I had another group of friends too in my early 20s. They were more my party friends, right? And when I'm talking about, like, when I was insecure, when I was partying, I was probably complaining about shit. Like, I needed them in a lot of ways. I haven't talked to them in years and years and

years, you know, because they couldn't evolve with me. And it might be different if I ran into them today. But I'm just saying, like, we were in different phases in our life. Like, it served me for a while until I started to get my shit together. And I started. And I started to evolve and I started to actually take care of myself and care about myself. I started my self-love journey, if you will. But, you know, but that's what I'm saying. And I've had friendships come into my life for, for seasons. And they do.

They kind of fall to the side. And business relationships also, that's really an area where, like, you cannot, business, you cannot keep someone around because of history, because of guilt. because you feel bad because you're a people pleaser. Business is business. And we got to get those people out if they are not bringing value. And that's just the harsh reality. I also think, too, like if you've had situations where maybe you did have a situation with a friend and it blew up the friendship, right? I think you can forgive. A, you should forgive for yourself because you don't want to carry that around because the only person that that hurts is you. So I think

getting to a place where you can forgive everybody in your life for the wrongs that they've done only benefits you. I know that. But you can also forgive someone and still not give them access to you. And in a lot of ways, I sort of think I've done that with my dad because I don't hold any sort of resentment or anger or anything with my dad. My dad. And I actually, I'm so thankful that my dad is my dad. I really am. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I've learned a lot from my dad. And while my dad is not currently in my life, because of some of the things he's done, which crossed the line for me, set a boundary, I can still be so thankful for the things that he did teach me. He had so many great, has so many great qualities. It's a lot of. It's.

It's just unfortunate because his negative qualities really outweigh the good. Or that's not actually the right way to say it because I did get a lot of his good qualities growing up. And he was a great dad in so many ways and then really shitty in a lot of other ways, you know. But I can love him from afar and appreciate him and be thankful for him in so many ways and also not currently want him in my life. And I think, you know, that's the thing. Both things can be true. And I cut my dad out of my life because he crossed a major line, a major line. And it involved my kids. And you don't get to do that, actually, you know, and that's another boundary. And really obviously pissed him off. And he's never once tried to get back into my life, which I think is pretty telling. And as a mom, I can't imagine.

I can't. I just can't. Whatever. But like, okay, that's fine. That's his life. And he's got his own shit he's dealing with. Right. But I set a boundary. And it was a boundary so big that my dad is no longer in my life. And that's okay. And that's okay. But again, that forgiveness, like, I would never want to carry that around of like, fuck my dad, you know. I think what he did to my kids was pretty bad, but also my kids and I have talked about it a million times and we've worked through it, but like really affected them. And we'll probably have affected them for the rest of their lives. And none of us, my kids included, are carrying around anger towards. it's him. Like we, and actually my dad will text my kids periodically and, you know, and that's fine. And that's

fine. I'm not stopping that. I want my kids. If they want to have a relationship with them, I want my kids to. That's their choice, you know. So with that, my point is family is not exempt. And it's okay to forgive really for you and still keep a boundary and control who has access to you. Yeah, because at the end of the day, and I always go back to this. You know, this is, our life. We get to decide who's in it, what we're doing with our life, how we move about our life. Like, it's for us. And also, I've said this a thousand times publicly in my life and privately. I'm lucky because I learned at a very early age with being on TV that no matter what you do, no matter what, you cannot please everybody. So knowing that is the most freeing thing,

because then if I can't please everybody, well, then the only person I can please is myself. So I may as well live my life for me. Because if I'm the only person at the end of the day that I can please and that ultimately matters, I'm going to do what I want to do. And that's a beautiful thing. That is a beautiful thing. And a lot of times I think what I've noticed is people a lot of people, I think, sort of like poo-poo it off and be like, oh, you know, yeah, I'm a people-pleaser. But that's a trauma response, you guys, from your childhood. Look it up. I've read a lot of trauma books and I'm like fascinated by human behavior. And while I'm not a people-pleaser, I do know people-pleasers in my life. And that's not something to be taken lightly, actually. And if you don't really understand,

it, but you are a people pleaser. I would start to do shadow work. I would start to unpack your childhood, start journaling. If you don't know where it comes from, like, you can, I mean, you chat GPT at this point of like prompts that you can ask yourself. But it is a trauma response. Like, that's proven. And so I would unpack that if I were you because you got to start, you got to start living your life for you. That's the only way I think to have a happy life. And I think for me, a happy life is inner peace, right? Inner peace, I think, is like the ultimate goal. And I think I'm pretty damn close, to be honest with you. I have inner peace every day. There's obviously things that can rock it a little bit. But like, I am for the most part actively

moving through my life with inner peace. And it took me a long time to get here. And that's why I really do think, I was going to say unfortunately, but it's not unfortunate. Setting boundaries, cutting people out of your life sometimes, living your life for you, doing what you want. is the key. It's just the key. So that's my advice for you guys today. And listen, start small. Start baby steps. By the way, it's so freaking scary to set a boundary, especially with a family member. Truly the scariest thing I've ever done was when I started setting boundaries with my dad. And I remember there was one other time and it was about my mom. And I was like, you actually don't get to talk to me this way about my mom. Like, why are you always bashing my mom?

Why do you, it's like, I couldn't do it anymore. And it was like really bad stuff. But that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Why is that so scary? Setting a boundary with our family or friends. It's fucking scary. But if you start small, it's like a muscle, I think. And then you can start working your way up.

And I just think, I just think the hardest part is doing it the first time. And then each time it gets a little bit easier. And when you realize how much peace comes from it, it'll be worth it and it'll make you want to do it again. So anywho, all right, well, you guys know I love you. I always appreciate you listening so much. So thank you. And I'll see you next week. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.