Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Tears Streaming Down My Face

Episode Date: March 5, 2024

Join me from Cabo for my most emotional episode yet as I discuss bufo (what is it, what you can expect), my personal experience from being in a kaleidoscope to emotion literally trying to leave my body, then losing my brother, dealing with grief, and getting signs from a love one who's past. A word from our sponsors:Kerastase - Visit www.kerastase-usa.com and use code HONEST15 for 15% off your purchase. Standard exclusions apply, offer valid through 5/31/2024.Branch Basics - Go to www.branchbasics.com to save 15% on your Starter Kit or their new Hand Soap when you use code LETSBEHONEST at checkout. Nutrafol - Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter promo code HONEST.Honeylove - Get 20% OFF @honeylove by going to honeylove.com/HONEST! #honeylovepodNeeded - Head over to thisisneeded.com and use code HONEST for 20% off your first month of Needed products.Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest, you guys. I am your host, Kristen Cavallari, and I am coming to you from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. So excited to be here. I'm here shooting the Summer Uncommon James campaign, and I've been planning on doing an episode about my experience doing Bufo. And I specifically waited to tape this podcast until I was in Cabo because my experience happened while I was here. So I figured this would

be appropriate. If you guys are not familiar with Bufo, we are going to get into it and I am going to tell you all about it, but it is basically one of the most powerful psychedelics out there. It is plant medicine. It's similar to DMT, sort of also in the same family as ayahuasca, but bufo only lasts for roughly 20 minutes where ayahuasca lasts for eight to 10 hours. So we're going to get into all of that. But first I want to give you guys just a little brief history of my time here in Cabo because Cabo is a really special place for me. I actually started coming when I was really young, probably about eight or nine. My dad brought me here and we went deep sea fishing. I caught, I mean, my dad and his friends helped me, but I

caught a huge tuna that was like as big as me at the time. And on the boat, we sliced it up and ate it right there, which was awesome. And I got my hair braided when I was younger. Like I had that really cool Cabo experience when I was younger. Also something you can catch the puffer fish here in Cabo, and then they blow up in your hands. And my brother and I would catch them and then we would like throw them back and forth underwater, which was, it's really cool. I haven't done that since I've been an adult, but now I actually forgot about that until I just started talking about it. But I want to have my kids do that because I feel like my kids would,

they would love that. So came here when I was really young, loved it. And then living in Laguna Beach, it's about an hour and a half, two hour airplane ride. So it's really easy to just pop down here. So my high school spring breaks, my junior and senior years of high school were actually in Cabo. And if you guys watched Laguna Beach, you definitely saw my high school spring breaks. And so just so much fun to be able to come here in high school. The drinking age is 18, obviously in Mexico. So we definitely had a good time. And since then, I've just always come to Cabo. I feel like I've been here at least once a year, every single year. And I've taken my kids here and my kids love it. And that's the beauty of Cabo is you can do a kid trip and have it be

really fun, but you can also come with your friends and turn it up a notch and just have the best time. And so, like I said, I'm down here for the Uncommon James spring campaign and another new product that we're launching in June, which I can't say just yet what it is, but we did two photo shoots down here and I do have a boy with me here and I'm going to do a whole other episode on that because I will tell you guys how this all came to be, but he is here with me and I just posted on Instagram. And so, yeah, I'm excited to share that with you guys too, because he's making me very happy. But anyways, that's not what this episode is about. This episode is about my Bufo experience. So, okay. I want to tell you guys. So Bufo, so what we did was, so Justin came with me. So we did this detox

retreat basically here. So you fly into Cabo and then you actually go to the other side, which is Los Barilos. And Los Barilos is this tiny rustic town. It's really not built up at all, which is what I love about it. And we stayed in a house on the beach. It was this older beachy home. You know, it wasn't, this retreat is not very glamorous, but you stay in such a magical place here in Mexico. Los Perillos has these, these little pockets of these hot springs in the ocean. And it's just like a really healing, incredible energy that they have there. So that's why this woman, Tanya, who I absolutely adore and love, who runs this program, it's called Baja Cleanse, if you guys are interested. So she runs this program. And what you do is you detox your

whole body. So we only ate fruit. We were there for, God, I want to say four days. So we only ate fruit. And actually, this is really funny. So Justin and I shared a house and the whole fridge was stocked with the most amazing fruit. And Justin and I ate all of the fruit on the first day. And when we told Tanya that we needed more fruit, she was like, wait, you guys ate all of that? She was like, usually that lasts the entire weekend. And we were like, oh, I mean, we're just like the worst detoxers ever. But I thought that was really funny. So all you do is eat fruit and Tanya's philosophy on that is that fruit is really nurturing. It has all the vitamins and minerals

that you need. It's hydrating. It's, it's just really good for you. I think fruit gets kind of a bad rep, but I've been eating more fruit since, since we did this detox. So anyways, I don't know, but so that's what you do. And then we did yoga. You can get massages. We actually, one day we did this really cool thing where we hiked to some waterfalls, which was incredible. And we actually got to release little baby turtles into the ocean. It was just like a really magical, special trip. And then you do a liver and gallbladder cleanse, which consisted of drinking... I'm going to get this wrong. And if you guys want to do it, just look it up because it is all stuff that you have

at your home that you could do yourselves. But I want to say there was a bunch of salt in it and also olive oil. Those were the two things that I remember, but you drink it and then just it gets things moving. And that's also where I learned how to give myself an enema, specifically a coffee enema. So it's all around just like a really cool experience and a really cool detox. But the one thing that is very different than any other detox place that I've been to is that they offer you either Bufo or Ayahuasca. And both are plant medicine, but they are strong and they definitely, I'm going to say fuck you up, but it's not in a way like other drugs. It can be really healing and really powerful in

a really good way. So the day that we did it, so Justin and I decided to do Bufo because Bufo only lasts around 20, 25 minutes. And in my head, I was thinking, I can do anything for 20 minutes, right? Where ayahuasca lasts for like 8 to 10 hours. And that is, it's scary to me. I've had a lot of friends who have done it and they are changed forever in a good way. And it's incredible, but I'm not quite ready to commit to that. The eight to 10 hours kind of scares me and it can be really intense. So I'm like, okay, we're going to do Bufo. And one of my girlfriends had gone before me. Well, that's how I found the spa. And I, you know, anytime you do something or anytime I do something new, I get really nervous

for it. So I was really nervous to do Bufo. And I was talking to my girlfriend and she's like, Kristen, we've done a lot of drugs in our day, right? Like I definitely partied my ass off in my early twenties. So I was like, yeah, you're right. She's like, this is nothing. Okay, great. Okay, guys, let's talk about Branch Basics. They are my absolute favorite. They are non-toxic, hypoallergenic, free of fragrance, hormone disruptors, and harmful preservatives. They're baby, kid, and pet safe, clean, and cost-effective. I've been using Branch Basics for a long time now. They are the only cleaning supplies that I have in my house because I have peace of mind when I use them. Their premium starter kit replaces all of your toxic cleaning products in your home.

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and metabolism as they evolve throughout a woman's life. Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code HONEST. Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and hairstylists recommend Nutrafol for healthier hair. Nutrafol.com, that's spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code honest. That's Nutrafol.com, promo code honest. So Bufo, what Bufo is, is it is the venom of the Bufo toad. So it comes out of the glands of these specific toads. And then what they do is, I guess, and there could be variations of this, but for the bufo that we did was they dry it out, I guess, and then it turns into like a crystal and then you smoke it. You smoke it,

which was pretty intense. But okay. So what it does is it activates your pineal gland. And I'm sorry if I'm mispronouncing that. I've heard pineal gland and pineal gland. But I think it's pineal gland. And they say that what Bufo does is you have an ego death and mystical experiences. So a lot of people will say they've been like born again after they do it. And no one can really explain it. And everyone has a different experience. So they actually say if you're going to do it, not to read other people's experiences because you really want it to just be like whatever you're ready to experience. And I kept saying, leading up to it, like, let me just see what I need to see. I didn't go into it

wanting something specific. It was more just like, what does the universe want to tell me type of a thing. And they also say you should let Bufo and Ayahuasca find you. Like if it comes to you in your world, it's like on a spiritual level, like, okay, you're ready for it. It's not something that you're supposed to go and search out unless it is like, you know, more people in your life are talking to you about it. And then you're like, oh, I want to do it. But like it should naturally sort of like come to you. That's what they say. And this definitely did come to us. So, okay. So I'm excited to experience this oneness with the universe as they describe it. And I'm so excited, but I'm definitely, I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. So we have our shaman come to our house, Victor, love him. And we sat outside on our patio for

probably about an hour. And Justin and I were just peppering him with questions, right? Cause we're, we're nervous. We don't know what to expect. And he had the most calm, incredible energy. And he would have talked to us for 24 hours straight to calm us down and make us feel comfortable if that's what it took. And that was a great feeling. And he brought all of his, you know, he had instruments and he had like incense and just like all of these things that you want in a, it's a bufo ceremony. So we put cushions down. We're on the back patio. You can hear the waves crashing, the birds chirping. It is warm out. It is literally like a perfect day. And it's just Justin and I and our shaman, Victor. And I go first because I don't know why. I just feel like typical, like Justin and I, I'm the guinea pig and I go first. But honestly,

I'm so happy that I went first. So, okay. So I sit there with Victor right in front of me and you take three inhales of the smoke. And honestly, after the second inhale, I think I was like comatose. You lay down, everything that you experience is in your mind. And you guys instantly, like fucking instantly, I was in a kaleidoscope. That is the only way to describe it, where if you literally are looking through a kaleidoscope, that's where I was. And again, I'm laying down with my eyes closed. Okay. So that's what I'm experiencing. And I don't really then remember what I was seeing. I know I had visuals, but I don't remember them. And that's common, they say. But what I do remember is my hands and my legs were so tingly. I was laying there and all I wanted to do was like whipping my hands and my feet. And you're like pretty comatose,

I would say. If someone was like, the house is on fire, we need to get outside. I would not have been able to get up. Okay. So you're like pretty, you know, you're out of it. But I like kind of half opened my eyes and I was like, everything is really tingly. I was like, my arms and my legs are really tingly. And I was like, is that normal? And Victor looked at me as he's like playing an instrument, like a flute or something. And he goes, you tell me. And I was like, okay, I get it. Yeah, it's normal. So I like closed my eyes again. And I just kind of like, and I just, I don't even, I can't even really remember like exactly what I was experiencing. I'm not gonna lie to you guys though. There were probably two times where I was laying there when I like started to come back, like the kaleidoscope, like gone. I have like, no, I can't like even

think about anything else. But then as it went on, like, I do remember thinking, I want this to be over. I want this to be over. Not because it was scary. Not because of anything other than like, okay, I'm, I'm just, cause you're, you're out of it. And I didn't know, you guys, that you could actually be on another planet like that. And again, I've done drugs in my life. I'm not afraid to admit that. But this was so different than anything I've ever done. I was literally on another planet. And I wasn't prepared for that. And actually when I came out of it, I remember being like, okay, now that I get it, I want to do it again. I was like, you have to just ride the wave. Like it's a journey and you have to just lean in and ride it. But so here's what's

interesting. So when I came out of it, and by the way, you come out of it and you're like totally normal. It was like a couple minutes where I was just sitting there like, whoa, like, cause you can't even comprehend where you were or what just happened. Like you go to a different dimension. That is the only way I can describe it. So like when people describe like being one with the universe and everything, like a hundred percent, that's what it is. And unless you experience it, it's really hard to explain. But so I came out of it. I'm just kind of like sitting there and I'm super chill. And I'm like on this high. And Victor, the shaman said that that tingling that I was experiencing is emotion trying to leave my body. And when he said that to me, I lost it. I just started bawling, crying. Oh, let me back up. Another thing was when I was in my, in my Bufo experience and my, everything was tingly and I

was shaking everything. I remember I could, because my arm, everything's heavy. Like my arms are really heavy, but I remember like taking my arm sort of and going like this and like wiping away all of these tears. Like I just had like tears streaming down my face in the middle of my Bufo experience. So when Victor told me after that, that was all emotion trying to leave my body. It just like, it all came out of me. And I'm actually getting a little emotional right now, recalling it because, whoa, I didn't think I was going to have this kind of reaction. So right before we went to Mexico, I got a call that my divorce was final and my divorce took two and a half years. And I was obviously really happy, but I had gotten that call months before. And then my divorce didn't end up being final.

So part of me was like, yeah, it's final, but like, is it actually going to be final? I'll believe it when I see it. And a divorce taking two and a half years, I mean, that was so incredibly stressful on my life. And when, you know, he said, that's all emotion trying to leave my body. There was no surprise there. So the best part of this whole thing is that the next day I was laying on a hammock in the morning and, and I'm going to go back and I'm going to tell you guys about the rest of my day because it, I was in this, this haze of like just trying to comprehend what I had just experienced. But so the next morning I'm laying on a hammock and I'm still just sort of like in this post-buffo, like what the fuck did I just experience? I'm like trying to understand it. I'm like trying

to like put it all together. And I got an email that my divorce was in fact final and all of my money was being transferred over. And I then again, just started bawling, crying. Um, man, I didn't realize that this was going to be this powerful, but it was, you guys, the best feeling in the entire world. And these are those and right now too, were and are tears of pure happiness. Thank fucking God that that part of my journey was coming to an end. I have never felt so light and so free in my entire life after Bufo. So after my experience and after like a couple minutes of like that in between, like coming out of it and being normal, like once those few minutes kind of passed by, I felt a hundred percent totally normal, like totally normal, which was great. So then Justin did his experience and his experience was very different than mine,

but also incredibly powerful. And then, so what happened was, okay, so we like wrap up the ceremony. And then I went for a walk on the beach and I don't know how long I was walking, but I was walking for a while. And then I just laid on a rock and I just stared up at the sky. And I just remember being like, well, like it just opens up your mind to a place that I didn't even know existed. I mean, I don't, and it's really hard to put it into words, but it opens up your mind a lot. And it's interesting because it kind of moves into grief. And another topic I've been wanting to talk about on the podcast. And so my brother died eight years ago and him dying really started my spiritual journey. And it made me question everything in life. What are we doing here?

What is the point? Where do we go when we die? Right. All of those questions. And I got a ton of signs from my brother, my mom, my dad, and I all got so many signs from my brother that it made me really think it's not the end when we die. I know that it's not because how would you, how would you justify those signs then? And I got to a place of like, if it is the end when we die, then what is the point of this? There's just got to be something so much bigger. And so it kind of goes with the Bufo experience because what Bufo did is it opened up my mind to the idea that there are other realms. There are other dimensions. There are other places that we go. I think life is so much bigger than we can comprehend with our human minds.

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minute. So I think that everybody is capable of receiving signs. You just have to be open and you have to ask. I think signs are really personal, so I. You just have to be open and you have to ask. I think signs are really personal, so I'm not going to give a lot of them, but I will tell you guys that signs that I've gotten from my brother are gold coins. And when my brother passed, actually my mom, my dad, and I all saw this medium out in LA. And she said that Mike, my brother, wanted gold coins at this ceremony that we had for him. And so then we all started getting gold coins in the craziest places, the craziest places. One for me was I bought a new makeup bag, brand new. I had never used it. And I went to Charleston. And when I was in Charleston, I found a gold European coin. And at the time, I was like, I haven't been to Europe in, I mean,

like years and years. And it was like, what? It was so, it was brand new. It had never been used. So stuff like that, where you can't tell me that is not a sign. And especially when you have so many. And between my mom, my dad, and I, we just had a ton, which I love. I find so much peace in that because it just makes me feel like, A, he's okay. I know that I'll see him again. And that makes me really happy. And it just gives me a lot of peace. I think my brother dying and me like really diving into the spirituality side of things has made me really comfortable with death and really comfortable with life and really comfortable with hard times because I just really think that we will all see each other again when we die. I really do. And you know what? Even if we don't, fine. If that's the faith that I want to have that makes me happy, then that's what I'm going to choose

to believe. But let's talk about grief. Let's back up for a minute because grief is a wild thing. And I actually feel like it is like a drug. The post few months of Bufo that I experienced were very similar to me grieving my brother in the sense that you go about your day-to-day life, but there is this thing hanging over you. And it's almost like you're in a bit of a haze. I remember not wanting to talk to anybody who didn't understand what I was going through. And another thing I hated when I was grieving was people that said, thinking about you. And listen, unless you've experienced death, you don't know what to say. That's what I used to say to people. And now when I have someone in my life who's experienced death, it's a much different conversation because I know now what people want to hear. But I used to get so mad about those text messages. And it's not those people's fault. You literally just don't know what to say. But it's a roller coaster. It comes in waves. You finally think you're okay. And then it's like, bam, it hits you again. And I remember actually the three-year anniversary was the hardest. And I remember my mom said, it's because at three years, it becomes real.

That's when you're like, he's not coming back. Like Mike's not coming back. And that was really hard. We're like the first like year, you're definitely in a haze. And it's like, you know,, you're definitely in a haze. And it's, it's like, you know, you can go a year without seeing someone, but yeah, three years was really tough for me. And the thing too, with grief is it just takes time. It just takes time. And I think you have to really allow yourself to feel every emotion and it is every single emotion. I mean,

especially, you know, and depending on how someone dies, obviously there's different emotions or one will be more than the other. I mean, my brother died unexpectedly and so we didn't get to say goodbye. And I just remember being like, I just wish I could hug him one more time. So I actually had a dream. This is wild. It was in the first, so my, so my brother died. I'll tell you guys how he died, actually. So my brother had a lot of issues with drugs and alcohol. And he was coming off of a bender and he was driving from Southern California to Chicago. This was the week of Thanksgiving in 2015. And he hadn't slept. And he was driving through Utah, pulled over, crashed his car. And because he was so out of it, the airbag went off. He got out of his car, left the car running, left his cell phone

in the car. This is in the middle of nowhere in Utah. And what we think happened was he got out and walked really far because we went out and we actually retraced his steps and we did a little thing for him out there, my family and I, but got lost, didn't know where he was, couldn't find his way back. And then he ended up dying of hypothermia. But there was a two-week period where we didn't know where he was. We knew he crashed his car. They were out looking for him, but no one knew where he was. And I had just had Saylor. I had Saylor on Monday. Mike died on Friday, but we didn't know for two weeks. That was the craziest time in my life, honestly, because I had this newborn baby and I felt like I was on one of those unsolved mystery TV shows trying to find my brother,

which was just so crazy. But anyway, so I kept saying, I just wish I could hug him one more time. So I had this dream the first week that we found out they found his body. And the medium that we saw in LA, she was in this dream and she opened up her arms and then my brother was right there. And you guys, in my dream, I was hugging my brother and I woke up bawling, crying, but it was not a normal dream. I know in my soul, I was hugging my brother. I know. I know that I was. This was a very different dream. And especially because I kept thinking like, that's all I want to do. That's all I want to do is give him one last hug. And I was able to. And that was so freaking cool. And mediums that you talk to say that in the dream state, you can in fact have like more interactions with spirits

because you're in a different dimension. And I have Cindy who is a medium. She's coming on actually on the podcast here in the next week or two. And we talk more about this. And I'm really excited for you guys to hear that episode because we definitely go more into this, but it's like all of these things just make me feel like he's around, he is around. And so I think just having some peace of knowing that we're going to see our loved ones again, this is temporary. You know, we're going to see them again. You know what I really think? And this is probably going to sound batshit crazy to a lot of you. I think, I almost think like life is the dream. And when we die, that's home, right?

And like, obviously, a lot of people will be like, well, yeah, that's heaven. And like, yes, that is heaven. But like, I think I believe in reincarnation. And I think we have a lot of lives. And I think we come to earth to learn different lessons and experience things. And I think we have a soul tribe. So I think all of our main people in our lives are our people in every life. Maybe my brother in this life is my dad in another life, for example. I mean, that's what I really believe. And so because I believe that, I'm like, cool. Okay. So Mike is good. We know Mike is good because we've gotten all of these signs. He's no longer hurting and in pain,

right? And so I'll see him again. I know I'll see him again and we'll have many lives together. And so this is just this time period right now without him. So I don't know if that helps you guys or not. I think just like having a lot of faith during the grieving period is really helpful. And another book, if you guys are interested in a book that I loved, oh my God, that I loved about this spiritual stuff and all of our lives and everything, it's called Many Lives, Many Masters. And that book really opened up a lot for me for just thinking about this kind of stuff on a different level. So if you guys are interested in this stuff, I would really recommend that. And then definitely listen to the episode with Cindy from Revealing Soul.

But I wanted to connect Bufo with grief because I do think that there's a lot of crossover. And I think that's the thing. It opened up my mind. Both of these experiences, the bufo and, you know, losing my brother, they've opened up my mind to the fact that I just think life is so much bigger. I think there is so much more than we can, than we can comprehend, which I actually think is so cool. So I wanted to share my experiences with you and definitely check out Baja Cleanse if you guys are into it. I think it's, it's pretty special.

So this is a much more serious episode than I've you guys are into it. I think it's pretty special. So this is a much more serious episode than I've done, but I think this stuff is important to talk about. So I hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry, I got a little emotional, but I love you guys. And as always, I and louder than ever. Join us on May 4th in Austin, Texas for the ultimate live podcasting experience. Watch and learn from your favorite Dear Media hosts as they bring their insightful discussions from your headphones to the stage. Get ready to be inspired, entertained, and watch audio get a makeover. Tickets are on sale now at dearmedia.com slash IRL. See you on May 4th in

Austin, Texas.