Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - The Biggest Things I’ve Learned About Parenting

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

In this episode, I’m opening up about the kind of relationship I’ve worked hard to build with my three kids... and why, more than anything, I want them to know they can always come to me.We’re talking about trust, honesty, boundaries, accountability, one-on-one time, and giving your kids room to make mistakes without feeling ashamed. I also get personal about my own childhood, how it influenced the mom I wanted to become, and why healing yourself is such a huge part of parenting.Lululemon: Go to https://Lululemon.com to check out the new collection. And if something doesn’t work for you, free returns, always.Ritual: Save 25% on your first month at https://Ritual.com/BEHONEST. Clean Safe Products: Go to https://cleansafeproducts.com/HONEST and use code HONEST for an additional 15% off the Green Mitt Starter KitK18: Shop at Sephora or get 10% off your first purchase at https://k18hair.com with code KRISTIN.Nature's Sunshine: Go to https://naturessunshine.com today and use the code HONEST for 20% off your first order, plus free shipping.Absorption Company: Go to https://absorbmore.com and enter HONEST at check out for up to 35% off your first order.For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in. Hello. I'm still in Atlanta coming to you from Atlanta. Well, by the time you're listening to this, I will actually be home. but I am recording this in Atlanta. It is the last couple days of shooting the movie that I'm doing,

and I'm just having the time of my life. And it went by so fast and I can't believe it's over. But what a fun experience. And I'm just so grateful for the opportunity. But anyways, I wanted to do a podcast about parenting. Okay, this is actually hilarious because I'm filming. So I'm in Atlanta. And it's so hot in Atlanta.

Hotlanta is a very accurate nickname. And I'm filming outside just because I feel like, I don't know, it's the best, the best scenery at my Airbnb. But my camera just fogged up. So I had to get up and wipe it off. But anyways. So I did ask my followers a few weeks ago what you guys wanted to talk about on the podcast. And I had a lot of parenting questions. And where they really stemmed from?

was Justin and I did an episode and I had talked about how I took Camden to dinner for his birthday, his 14th birthday and how my kids every birthday, they want to go to dinner with just me, which I really value. And I just, it makes me feel really good as a mom because I feel like it's one thing when they're like, you know, seven and eight, they want to go to dinner with you. But when they start getting into the teen years and they still look forward to one on one time, A, but B, like that's how they want to spend their birthday is with their mom. to me, it really does say that I've done something right as a mom. And so a lot of you guys felt the same way and had, and I had a lot of questions saying, what have you done as a mom to

make it see your kids still want to be around you? And so I thought, okay, let's, I think I love this conversation because I am, I am proud of the mom that I am. And I think at the end of the day, it's actually the thing I'm the most proud of. And we've had a lot of ups and downs. I mean, there's a lot of stuff I'm not proud of, but I think overall, I think I've done a really good job and I'm doing a good job and I hope I continue to do a really good job. And for me, once I had kids, it was like, that was it. Being the best mom I could be truly when it all comes down to it is the only thing I care about. So I do want to walk you guys through everything. And so, you know, obviously today I have a 14 year old, a 12 year old. And,

Sailor's about to turn 11. And today looks very different than it did when they were all three little babies, right? But it definitely does start when they're babies, when they're really little. And the one thing I know I've always done is I've always been really sweet. And I've always had my friends tell me that when my friends were around me, when my kids were babies and little. And I remember actually one of my really good friends, Pip, who lives in Australia. but she now she does she lived in LA back in the day but when cam was a baby she looked at me and she was like I just really hope that when I'm a mom I'm as sweet as you are because I'm very loving I'm naturally a very loving sweet person and I think I get that from my mom my mom is the

quintessential Midwestern mom in the best way she is so sweet she thinks everything I'm doing is the coolest thing ever she's always been so supportive like she really she's exactly what want on a mom. My mom is the best. And if you're listening, Mom, I love you. So it of course started when they were really little. And I've always, I've always been good at, we'll just call it words of affirmation. Words of affirmations with my kids because I think it's important for kids to hear you love them and you're proud of them. And hey, you know, when you did X, Y, and Z, I was really impressed with that. Like, I'm really impressed with how you handle that. Or I, I like, I like, like to focus, not, of course, when they have a good basketball game, I'm like, I'm so proud of you.

But like, when your heart comes through, when your character comes through, like, that's where I'm like, hey, I am so proud of you. And I, guys, I swear on my life, the compliments that I get from other parents about my kids' manners, which is very important to me. And I've hammered that in my kids from when they were little pleasing. Thank you. Huge for me. But, and I think that's just like repetition. That's like every time. It's still actually, if we go out to eat. And eat and they don't say please. I'm like, please. Like, I still, but they're, they're really good at it. But I think it's more like, I've gotten calls or texts or even letters actually from other parents, specifically Jackson. I'll shout out my little Jackson. God, that kid has a big heart

where I've had parents be like, the way that your son was with my kid, like, how meaningful it is. It's just because Jackson's not afraid to let his big heart show. And I love to remind. I love to remind him of that of, you know, like, that's what it's about. And I always say, especially to my boys, I'm always like, stay sweet forever. Just stay sweet. And, you know, the world is going to rock you in ways that's going to try to harden you. And I just always want my boys to stay sweet. And they all have big hearts. And I just always try to hone in on that and remind them of that of how important it is. I think there's also an authenticity piece. Like, you can't be the. mom that's like every day. I'm so proud of you because then it doesn't have the same meaning.

So it's, I always want it to land, right? Like everything I'm saying to my kids, I want it to have meaning behind. I want it to land. And actually that's sort of a pet peeve of mine in like romantic relationship too is like when everything becomes so robotic, like I love you. Like everything is just robotic and it no longer carries weight anymore. I never want to be like that in relationship. And I think when you've experienced that, it can kind of drive you crazy. Like, I always want to make sure everything I'm saying is going to stick and, like, carries weight and resonates. And I think also, here's the thing at the end of the day. Everyone has different priorities in their life.

And we're all on a different journey. I think for me, the reason my kids are my number one priority. and I've shifted my life around in a lot of ways for my kids is because I never felt that growing up. And I've said this. And my mom is my best friend today. And as you become a parent yourself, you understand your parents more. And you understand that we're all going through shit. And we're all figuring this out for the first time together. Like my mom being a mom in this lifetime was the first time she had been a mom. You know what I'm so? Like we get it. As we get older, I think we have a lot more empathy. for our parents and I love my mom and I wouldn't change anything. I would go back and relive my

entire life, everything that I went through to knowing that I could get to where I am today. So this isn't a knock at all on my mom or anything. But I just never felt like I was a priority from my mom or my dad. And that was a shitty feeling growing up, obviously. You know, I think, I felt like I was very much on my own a lot. And I was. And I think because of that, I'd be became super independent, which has served me in a lot of ways. And it's something that I've had to sort of work through as well, again, when it comes to romantic relationship. But because of my childhood, I always knew when I become a mom, I never want my kids to feel that. And I know that I have been successful at that. You know, but parenting is weird because it's like, we always want to do

the opposite of what we had growing up. But sometimes it's almost like, but you don't want to go so far the other way, then it like messes them up in another way. And I have thought, I'm like, the way that I have like no life outside of my kids, except for like whenever they're with their dad, which isn't even that much, it's like, I don't know. Maybe there's more of a balance I need to find, which like, whatever. But anyways, that's a different podcast. But I just think it's important to remember that this idea that we don't own our kids. You know what I'm saying? Like, and our kids are not us. They're not even really an extension of us. I mean, like, sure, I think there's an argument to be had there. But I also think really our role as parents is to be a support system and to be a guide.

But, you know, we're, we're raising them to then have them go out into the real world to be successful in the real world. And so I think like a big, a big message there. Oh my God, you guys are, I have like, I just before we started recording, I took so many notes because there were so many things that I didn't want to forget. But like, we have to remember that our kids are on their own journey. And their journey is going to look different than ours. And we might in our heads have this idea of how we want our kids to be. But it's not up to us. Like, they're their own people. And especially when you have multiple kids and I've got three, how different all of my kids are. You know, you can't parent them all the same either. And that whole conversation of like nature versus

nurture. I mean, I know just from having three kids. they are their own people and they are from the moment they are born and can the way that you nurture them and raise them have an effect absolutely. I mean, huge. However, the essence of who these kids are, they came into this world with any, I think any parent would probably agree with me on that. But I think the goal as a parent is to raise your kids so that they don't need you. right? Why would we want our kids to need us when they're 35 years old? I think you haven't done your job as a parent then. I think the goal is to raise them so they don't need you, yet build a good enough relationship so that they still choose you. So they still want you in their life. You know,

I think that's the goal as a parent. So I also think it's huge because I'm so thankful that when I had Cam, and I was 25 when I had Cam, I really got serious about, I really wanted to be the best that I could. I just sort of always knew that. And so I read a lot of parenting books. I felt like I like did the things that I was supposed to do. And I tried to really start on my own healing journey, which anyone who has been in their own healing journey, it's a process. And I mean, it takes so many years. but I would say I really started at 25 and I would say only in the last couple of years do I feel like I've like gotten to the other side and I say that and I hesitated only because I feel like I won't fully fully know until I'm in a romantic relationship and then I can see like if I'm

able to apply what I've learned because I think that's like the ultimate test is a romantic relationship but I do know having three relationships with my kids you know I feel as though I have done a lot of work and I feel like I'm pretty level-headed and I, like, I don't take things personally and I can just kind of like see it for what it is. But I do think it's really important to work through your own trauma when you have kids because otherwise you're just repeating a cycle and it's just going to come out because any parent knows it triggers you in every possible way. And like one thing for me, is I learned when my kids were little, when my kids would get really needy and it was like this

overwhelming sense of everyone needing me, right? Like I'm being pulled in every direction. I would get really triggered. And that was really hard for me because I didn't have anyone that I felt like I could rely on. Again, it goes back to just sort of how I was raised and, you know, not to get into the weeds of it, but like my mom just had gotten remarried and I felt at the time like she was pretty wrapped up in her new marriage, which by the way, understandable. Like I get that now. I got thrown into a stepfamily with step siblings. It really rocked my whole world. Some drama went out. Like things were happening, right? My dad was in California. My brother and I got split up. My brother moved to California with my dad when I moved to Chicago with my mom. And my dad and I essentially had zero relationship. And whatever.

There's there's so many more things that go into. it, but just giving you the broadstrokes. And I never felt like I had anyone I could rely on or who really I could depend on. And so, again, that's why I was hyper-independent. And that's why that neediness would really trigger me. And that was something I really had to work through. And I, that's actually even one now. And again, my kids are older, so it's not really like a meltdown anymore, you know, like occasionally, but not often. But that was one thing that sort of lingered in a way for me of like even in the last couple of years like if someone was super needy. I would really have to like take deep breaths and like really work through it because again

everything goes back to our childhood childhoods. But okay. So here are the things that I actively do as a mom that I think have created the bond that I have with my kids. And I'm not delusional. My kids would sit here and tell you not obviously all this. I don't have them. the emotional capacity for it. But my kids love me so much and I know that. I know that. And I've had other teachers and parents be like the way that the kids adore you. And as a mom, like, it just, it makes me want to cry because it's like, I'm so, I'm so thankful for my relationship with my kids. All right. I want to talk to you guys about the absorption company. What if the biggest problem with supplements wasn't what's in them. It's whether your body

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like, we're in the real world now. You know, my kids are dealing with like real life shit. And it's like, it's no longer like kids banging on pots and pans in the kitchen and just trying to like get dinner on the table and change diapers and get like, you know what I'm saying. It's like we're dealing with like real life stuff that's, I do feel like at this point in time, it's almost like everything is a teachable moment, a learning opportunity. And really it's kind of like leading by example is the most important thing. I remember when they were at a young age. I don't remember where I heard this, but it was kids do what you do, not what you say. And that's always stuck with me. because it's true. Like, you could sit here and tell them something until you're blue in the face. But if you're doing the opposite of that, not only is that confusing as fuck for a kid, but they're going to do what you do. Like, that's the ultimate, the ultimate test. Okay. So anyways, first of all, my word is everything. If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. I do it. And if I don't, I apologize. And actually, that's another one. accountability as a parent is really, really important. And actually what that's called is

repairing a rupture in your connection. And so I'm not a perfect parent. I've had moments. I've yelled when I really have not wanted to. I've said some things I'm really not proud of. I've had some pretty bad moments as a mom. And I've always known it is so important after everyone cools off to go into, we'll just say Sailor's Room and have a conversation with her and me start by saying, I am so sorry that I yelled at you. That is not how I want to be as a mom at all. That's not how I want to act. And I hope you know that even in those moments, I love you so much. And I'm really, really sorry that I reacted that way. Let's both be better next time. No, actually, you're not supposed to say, let's both be better next time.

I'm going to actively work on, you know, not reacting like that in the future. That's it. It's not right now. But by the way, Sailor, you know, the way that you spoke to me, that's another conversation later. It's taking accountability as a parent and owning your piece of it. And then later we can be like, hey, by the way, say, I think we should talk about what happened earlier. And, you know, I stand by the fact that I fully take responsibility for how I react. And again, that's not how I want to be. And also, there's an element where I need you to meet me in the middle. I've said this to Saylor. I need you to meet me in the middle. Can we both work on our reactions to

one another? You're not allowed to talk to me like that. Because again, you're the parent. There needs to be boundaries and expectations. And there has to be consequences when your kids talk back to you or they don't listen to you or whatever it is. I mean, I've taken phones away many a times, you know? And actually, I will say, like as much as I hate the phones, that's the one good thing that they do not want to lose those phones, right? So it's a really good way to be like, hey, if you don't, you know, do what I'm asking, your phone is mine. Well, they're going to do it because they don't want to lose that phone. But I mean what I say. You know, if I say it, I'm going to do it. And I think, I think in life that's an important

lesson, but especially as a mom. Trust and honesty has always been really big for me. I have raised my kids to say, if you are honest with me, you will not get in trouble. And what happens when you raise your kids that way is they will test it with really small things at first. And if that's what your goal is, if your goal is honesty, then you have to say when they are honest with you, hey, I stole candy from the supermarket. I don't know. Okay. Thank you so much for telling me. And you can leave it at that. Or you can make them go and return it, which I actually had to do that growing up. My mom did, I stole a keychain. I don't know from like Target or something. And my mom made me go back and

return it. And now as I say this, though, I think someone did steal something. I can't remember what I did. But I think that's a, that's an example of I really appreciate you telling me. and being honest with me. That's it. And those smaller moments will turn into bigger moments. I have had my kids, specifically Jackson, come to me. And also because Camden is my oldest, he's my rule follower. I think there are so much truth to the birth order. Cam's not really doing things where he like kind of feels guilty and is like, shoot, I need to tell mom this. Although he has. He has. He has. I don't want to totally discredit that. He has come to. to me with stuff. But Jackson, he's my middle child. He's my second born. I was a second born.

Like, we're a little wild, right? And Jackson's my guy. Then I'm like, I, you know, I see this kid because I was this kid. And he's come to me so many times about stuff where he was like, he felt guilty. And he was like, I have to tell my mom. And when he comes to me, I say, thank you so much for telling me. I really appreciate you coming to me, and I'm glad you're safe. And that's my biggest concern always is keeping you safe. And I'll tell you also why, because right now it's like, I wouldn't say it's completely innocent, but like it's still, he's not like necessarily putting himself in like major danger. I worry about high school when they're driving, when they're drinking, you know, that kind of stuff.

And I really never want my kids to be in a situation where they're stranded somewhere or where where the only option is someone is drunk driving or like, you know what I'm saying? And everyone's scared to call their parent. I want my kids to say, we can call my mom. We can call my mom. My mom will come and pick us up and she won't ask us questions necessarily. She won't be mad at us. Because if in high school that happens, I would go and pick up. Let's just say it's Jackson and all of his friends. And I probably wouldn't, I mean, I probably would ask a couple questions. Again, Because my kids are so comfortable with telling me things and they know this is another thing, I'm not going to judge them. I'm not going to shame them. I'm not going to make them feel guilty.

Like to me, a parent who shames their kid, oh, it's like such a pet peeve of mine as a parent. As a parent, yes, you need to have boundaries and expectations, but you need to be a safe place. Not the place that your kid feels like shit. Like kids are going to mess up. And that's the whole point, right? I want to give my kids the freedom to fall on their face to make a mistake, to learn how to pick themselves back up because this is when you're supposed to be doing it. I don't want my kids to be living in fear, afraid to make a mistake.

And then when they do, they feel shameful about it and don't feel like they can talk to me about it. Like, my job as a mom is to when you fall on your face and then you pick yourself back up, it's to be a support system for you and also be like, by, the way, I get it. Like also, I was your age once. I think this is important. Relating to your kids, when it's appropriate. I think being like, oh my God, no, I get, I remember when I was your age and I remember, you know, dealing with that. This is one thing. And you guys, I think no, like I don't have a relationship with my dad anymore. But that's not to say my dad actually,

there were a lot of good things about my dad. And I remember one time in high school, I got in a lot of trouble. I don't remember what. I did this one particular time because I got into a lot of trouble. But I remember my dad actually sat me down and he told me something that he did where he got in trouble. And it really humanized him. And I remember looking at my dad differently being like, oh, okay, he was a teenager once. And he also made mistakes and got in trouble. And I was like, okay. Like, I don't know. It made me feel better about my situation. And that stuck with me. me. My dad also had had the trust thing with me as well, which is probably another reason why I

value honesty and trust a lot is because my dad raised me that way. But I think it's that. I think it's allowing our kids the freedom to be themselves and to fall and make mistakes. And we're not going to judge them or shame them. And also like my kids are in on the joke, right? Like my kids are sarcastic. They're fun. We're like, we give each other. shit in a really playful, harmless way. But I think when it's a fine line because I think like you don't want to make fun of your kids and you don't want it to feel like there's truth behind it. Like, I don't know. I just think you have to be really careful. That's a fine line. But I think like the sarcasm and the playfulness comes in like other ways. But like I just think like the shaming

piece and that is like, it's, oaf, that's a, that's a bad one. And again, I think, again, because we are setting the example. So when you can take accountability as a parent for your mistakes, the kids are more likely to do that. And it seems like I'm singling out Jackson a lot in this episode. But I have the most examples, I think probably with him. And I'm also, it's, I'm also so proud of him. Like he, to me, like, he makes my heart melt. And anytime Jackson is, Jackson was a tough kid, actually, until he was about eight. And then when he turned eight, it was, he kind of turned a corner. But it used to be, Jackson, oh, he just always seems so unhappy. Like, he had really bad eczema as a baby. And then, um, just like a lot of meltdowns, right?

Like, he was like, he was a, he's a strong personality. So this doesn't happen that much anymore. but occasionally he will get really upset about something and he has come at me. I have had from Jackson maybe three. I hate you. You're the worst mom. Maybe two or three. And I never, and here's the other thing. If that happens, like, I don't react to them. I'm not like, I hate you too or you can't talk to me like that. Like I definitely am like, actually no, because you know what, I don't say that to him. because when he is in those moods, I also know he's in a mood,

the kid just has to chill out. I'm not going to fight fire with fire. And this sweet young man always comes to me and apologizes. And what I do in those situations when he comes and apologizes to me is I am like, Jaxie, thank you so much.

I really, really appreciate your apology. And then maybe later I can be like, you know, you know, like, it's situational, of course, could there be a conversation of like, hey, I really, you know, I don't appreciate when you talk to me like that. Like, that hurts my feelings. I think absolutely. I also think, do you know how hard it is for a 12-year-old to apologize for the way that they talk to you? Like, I think that's huge. And I just, I want my kids to have accountability. So I love that. If you're watching, then you know I had to turn my camera around because my camera went out because it was too hot. That's how hot Atlanta is. So I had to move it because it was the sun slowly started creeping

in on my camera. So anyways, so annoying because I felt like I was in such a groove. It's that time, guys. I want to take a minute to talk to you about Lulu Lemon. If you listened a couple weeks ago, then you will remember that I was really excited about their new fall collection. now it's here and I have the product. I'm so excited. I have this really cute little workout set and I have a really cute sweat set with a quarter zip. Not only is everything so cute, but everything is really soft. It's really comfortable. And what I love so much about Lulu Lemon is that these pieces are great to take you from the gym to school pickup, to running errands, to whatever it is that you need to do. But I will say I have this really cute sports bra and a really cute

short that matches it and it feels very vintage inspired. It has piping. There's shine on it. So you guys are definitely going to want to check out all of Lulu Lemons new styles. If you're like me and you want to be comfortable yet you want to look great. But you also want these pieces to be able to take you from the gym to everywhere your day takes you. And I'm telling you, check them out. I love Lulu Lemon and you should too. New styles from Lulu Lemon's fall collection are here. Popular colors go fast. So be on the lookout. for those drops. And if something doesn't work out for you, there's free returns always. That's Lululemon.com. All right, let's talk about ritual. We all have so many different routines between

working out, obviously work, shuttling our kids around, you know, commuting. So when you are a modern woman like we all are, it's really important to keep up with a good night's rest so that you can keep up with the demands of a busy schedule. So that's why I, I, love talking to you guys about rituals magnesium plus and tart cherry powder for mind and muscle relaxation, helping you to unwind from the day and support restful sleep so you can wake up ready to take on the day. I was never someone who really had a nighttime ritual, but that's why it's been so fun for me to make this my nightly ritual. Ritual selected a bioavailable form of magnesium that's gentle on the stomach. It's also clinically studied to support stress and mind relaxation,

and it also eases leg cramps during pregnancy, which is great. It's also great for providing support for period cramps and PMS. Tart cherries are sourced from Michigan-grown Montmoren C. Cherries, which is clinically studied to support muscle recovery and quality sleep. So sit back and raise a glass to your new evening ritual with magnesium plus. Save 25% on your first month now at ritual.com slash be honest. That's ritual.com slash be honest. honest, for 25% off your first month. All right, all my hair babes that care about your hair, listen

up, because we're going to talk about K-18. I don't know if you guys are aware of what K-18 is or not, but if you're not, they have a ton of products that address hair damage from chemical services and heat, and they really aim to restore strength and softness. And they really do just that. I've been loving their shampoo and conditioner for color treated hair, which I do have. They also have a triple bright oxidation defense purple shampoo that helps with getting your blonde brighter and getting all of the dullness out. They have a patented technology that really is supposed to help rebuild your hair. People have sworn by it for so long. I have finally gotten on the bandwagon and I really do understand why everybody loves it so much.

And so I'm thankful because you guys know I've always been kind of on a hair journey the last few years and K-18 has been such a great addition. So you can shop K-18 at Sephora or you can get 10% off your first purchase at K-18 hair.com with code Kristen. That's code Kristen at K-18hair.com. But okay, so someone specifically asked me about when kids are whining. Obviously, this is when they're a little bit younger than mine currently are. But I always found what would help when my kids were whining is, to kill them with kindness. And so one thing I always used to love doing is when they were in a horrible mood, they're whining, they're like, whatever, I would go, listen, whatever you do,

don't smile. Don't you smile. Don't you do it. They always, every single time would start smiling or don't laugh or, you know, one of those. It works every single time. And it just sort of diffuses it. And I think once they smile, it sort of like pulls them out of it. They'll definitely try to go back into it. But it's not the severity will have died down a little bit. That always worked. I always found too, like if someone's like really going through it, like, oh, you just you need a hug.

Come here. Just like grab them and give them a hug and a kiss. It doesn't always work. And I definitely didn't every single time have the wherewithal to react that great every single time. But just in my own experience, fighting fire with fire always escalates, always ends very badly for everybody involved. And so if you can take a breath to try to diffuse yourself first, so you don't react, and then

try the smile thing, because that always worked. It literally always worked. So, okay, another thing I always make sure I do is re-entry to each other, whether that is in the morning after everyone was sleeping, coming home from school, at a friend's house, at their dad's house, whatever it is. The first time I see them after not seeing them for however many, you know, hours, minutes, not minutes. The first time seeing them after not seeing them for a minute is my phone is always down. I'm always locked in. Hey, how a hug? How are you? I missed you. What's going on? You need anything? Like, like just being locked in with them instead of them coming home, let's say from school, and I'm on my computer and I'm like, hey, hang on.

Like, the energy of that is so different of like, I'm excited to see you. I missed you. Tell me about your day. And like, usually after school, they're not like, oh my God, let me tell you everything. Like, they're always just like, it's fine, whatever. Like, throw their shit down. They usually go to their rooms for a little bit. Which I totally can appreciate because, like, think about it, they've been around people all day. they want a minute. My kids, I have found the best time for them when they open up to me is always at night. And I don't lay down with my kids at night before they go to bed anymore. But when I was, that was when they would open up to me and tell me about their day. And I tell you that if you have smaller kids, don't wish away that time because I know you're so freaking tired at the end of the day

and you want to like half the time speed that up. And it's like, you just want to get in bed. You want the day to be over, you will miss that time. And laying in bed with my kids every next, I used to go from one bed to the night. I do all three of them. That's when they open up to you the most. And now what I do is, I just go in their rooms. They'll be in their rooms. My boys love whatever video games they play with all their friends on their headphones and stuff. And actually, my boys will actually play together too. And Sailor is always in her room. And she's on FaceTime with her girls. And she's, you know, doing her thing. She's like always doing her girly stuff in her room. I just go in their rooms. And I just lay on their bed and just start chatting.

with them and then they really talk to me. Car rides, they always talk to me too. They always open up. I always do also try to find opportunities to have one-on-one time. It is really hard because it's just me with the three kids. But like a good example of that is, if I'm home, I love going to the farmer's market Saturday mornings. And God, I love, I know I'm talking about Jackson a lot. I'm obsessed with all of my kids, just want to go on record. I just think Jackson, I don't know, he just, he makes an effort. He will be out with his friends. He'll go to bed at 3 a.m. but he will set his alarm for 8.30. So, because he knows, because he wants to go the farmer's market with me and I will go and pick him up and he'll go to the farmer's market with me. So tired.

But that's our time to be together. And here's an example is when we go to the farmer's market, just the two of us, I'm always like, thank you so much for coming with me, buddy. I love being able to just spend time with just you. Like that makes him feel good. It makes me feel good. And now he makes a real effort to come with me on the weekends when we all like he should be sleeping like he would probably benefit more from sleeping because he stays a play with his friends but it's important to him and it's and I love that he makes the effort and he comes with me okay so that's re-entry also my kids all know they have a voice in my house they are allowed to have their own opinions they don't have to agree with me all the time they don't have to agree with each other I am raising them to be like

you guys all have different perspectives on things you guys are all very different people the same way in the real world, we don't all agree on everything. We all have different opinions. And there's a way that we can all have different opinions and still coexist and still live together. And also, you don't have to agree with me. Just because I'm the parent, I always am like, you should question everything. Everything. Just because an adult told you something is true doesn't mean that it is. What do you believe? Question everything. And there's a difference between being like, you don't have to agree with me, but I'm still the parent and there are still rules and boundaries and expectations living at my home. But you're allowed to have your own opinion. And this also kind of

goes into, well, really, I never want my kids to be afraid of me. I think that a lot of people parents from a place of fear and control. They love the word no. They just want to control the kids. And kids ultimately then sort of live in fear of their parent. I was sort of, I was kind of like that with my dad. I was always worried I was going to say the wrong thing. It was always like walking on eggshells. I always thought he was judging me. I never felt like he liked me. It's a really shitty feeling as a kid. So I always want my environment at home to be warm and welcoming and inviting. I want my kids to move about the space freely. It's their home too. Again, there has to be respect with our siblings and me and blah, blah, blah. But you know what I'm saying? I just want,

want the environment to to allow space and freedom to be who you are and to figure it out. You know, I love having space to mess up and to just be yourself. I also think it's really important as a parent to never use guilt as a weapon. What I mean by that is, like, I think there's a big difference between my kids wanting to spend time with me and then spending time with me because they feel like I'll be upset if they don't.

And that actually kind of goes hand in hand with being afraid of me, but it's a little bit different, but like kind of in the same world of I want my kids to want to be with me because they enjoy being with me because it makes them feel good because it makes them happy, right?

And instead of feeling obligated. And again, I think that's just like even like I know, never want to put my emotions on them. And what I mean by that is, we'll use me being in Atlanta as an example. I haven't seen them in a week. And let's say I get home Saturday and they want to see their friends. I would never be like, but I've, I've missed you so much. It's been so, it was so hard in Atlanta without you. It was really hard for me to be without you guys. I would never say that to them, even if it's true, which by the way, it is really fucking hard not being with my kids.

And being in a house by myself, I absolutely hate it. I hate it. I hate it. But I would never say that to them because I don't want them to feel guilty. I want them, if they want to see me this weekend when I get home, it's, I want them to be with me because I want to be not because they feel like I've missed them so much and like they have to be responsible for my emotions. I think that's it. I don't want my kids to ever feel responsible for my emotions. My emotions are mine to deal with and I'm never going to project and put that on my kids. And in the same breath, I don't make their emotions about me. So if, if they're upset about something or they're mad at me or they don't like a boundary that I set, I never would need reassurance from

them that they still love me and that they still need me and or like, you know, relationships evolve with your kids. And so, like, now my kids want to be with their friends a lot. I have had weekends at my house by myself where I'm like, fuck, this sucks. You know, like, it's my weekend with my kids and none of them are home and I don't have a partner. So it's like I've had moments where I have been sad of like, this is, this is kind of shitty because I'm alone. But I would never, that's also the guilt piece. I would never put that. I would never tell them that or put that on them. That's mine. That's mind to deal with, not theirs. They're not responsible for my emotions. But I also, you know, I would never be like, well, do you miss me? Well, I don't know. I just think like that's gross.

All of that kind of behavior is gross. And then, you know, the other thing, too, is I'm really interested in their world. I ask them questions. I want to know about their friends. I want to know about, you know, what music. I, of course, want to know about their crushes and, you know, like, you know, what's going on with so-and-so. And I, I love knowing their little slang. I think there are words that they say are hilarious. And the way that they talk to me and I joke back, like, I mean, the way that Camden texts me is absolutely hilarious. And I was on set yesterday and I read a few, like, he like wrote me like, I don't know, four or five texts, one line each, but just like so hilarious and so outrageous. Like, I don't know, calls me twin. They just, they have their own

lingo. It's so funny. But, and like, I'll say it back to them. And like, it's, fun. It's funny. I don't know. I just think you got to have fun with your kids too at the end of the day. I think I think that's also what it's about. And listen, it's not to say like we're all human. And when we're going through hard times, it's really hard to show up as a parent in the way that we want to. But again, that's why it's really important to work on the things that you need to work on as a person so that you can show up and be the best mom that you can be. And I'm really thankful that I've, that I've done that, and that I've been able to show up for my kids. And I'm just, I'm so damn proud of my kids every single day. They're really good people. And it's been really fun to see them evolve into who they

are now. And it's like, God, overnight, they just change so much. And, you know, they're becoming, like, real people now. And it's, it's very cool. And I can't wait to see what all becomes of And I just, it's such a joy, right? Like being a mom, like what a gift. And with all of this to say, I do want to make it clear that I also think there's a huge difference between being your kids safe space and being their best friend. And it can be a fine line. But at the end of the day, I'm not here to be my kid's best friend. I do want to be a safe space and I want to be fun and happiness and joy. and I also want to hold them accountable and teach them things and be a guide that I'm not here to be their best friend. I want to make them the best little people that they can be. And, you know, it's scary, right? There's a lot of pressure to be a parent. But it's also such an incredible opportunity. But it's wild, like how much impact we have as their parent. We are shaping the rest of their lives. I think everything comes back to childhood. And so, I don't know. It's a wild ride. It's a very cool journey, one that I am so thankful to be on.

And I know what a blessing it is. So anyways, I hope this helps in a small way. I am in no way, shape, or form a parenting expert. I just am a mom that has three kids who has had a lot of trial and error and can actually say that I do have a good relationship with my kids. And that's the most important thing to me. So anyways, at the end of the day, we're just doing the best that We know how to. You know, I think we have to give ourselves grace. I think we have to give ourselves grace as parents. We're not going to get it right every single time. And actually, a lot of the parenting experts say you only have to get it right 30% of the time, which, hey, in the grand scheme of things, my guess is we're all doing a pretty damn good job. So anyways, thank you guys

for listening. As always, you know, we see you this. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.