Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - The Life Lessons I Want My Kids to Carry

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

Today’s episode is advice for my kids — and really, advice for anyone doing life. These are the lessons I’ve learned over the years that I hope to send my kids into the world with. We talk about trusting your gut, living authentically, letting go of people-pleasing, and why other people’s opinions have nothing to do with you. I dive into self-worth, work ethic, energy, fear, comparison, and what it really means to live a fulfilling life.This episode is about growth, resilience, and learning to let life surprise you — even when it’s hard. Whether you’re a parent or just need a reminder of what matters, this one’s meant to be something you keep in your back pocket.A word from my sponsors:Bon Charge - Go to boncharge.com/HONEST and use coupon code HONEST to save 15%.Armra - Go to armra.com/HONEST or enter HONEST to get 30% off your first subscription order.Skims - Shop my favorite bras and underwear at http://www.skims.com/honest #skimspartnerHiya - Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal, you must go to hiyahealth.com/HONEST.FX's Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette. Watch now on FX, Hulu, and Hulu on Disney+ for bundle subscribers.Listen to Jay Shetty's new Audible Original series Messy Love: Difficult Conversations for Deeper Connection. Go to Audible.com/MessyLove to start listening today.For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavalry, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Hello, hello. Happy Tuesday. I hope everybody had a great Valentine's Day. I, well, hopefully when you're listening to this, I will have already seen Wuthering Heights with Margo Robbie and Jacob Lordy. I'm really going to try to see it the day before this comes out.

So obviously I'm recording this a couple days in advance. But that Monday is a holiday. There's no school. And I'm going to try to go see it, not with my kids. But because it's a holiday, I'm going to try to take advantage. And I'm dying to see the movie looks so good. I think Jacob Lordy is my new celebrity crush, although he's not really, I guess, a new celebrity crush. He's kind of been a crush in and out over the years. Of course, when I watch Euphoria, I'm obsessed with him and I think Margo Robbie is a girl crush. So, yeah, this is not paid whatsoever. I'm just really excited to see it. And I will just also be getting back from L.A. I'm going out there to shoot the Uncommon James Spring Summer campaign. And we are,

are shooting at a house that looks like an Italian villa. We are calling it our Italian summer. And this house really, it looks like it's in Italy. So I'm excited about that. And then since I am single, the plan is to go out for Valentine's Day. But we'll see. I don't, I don't really have any set plans as up right now. I'm going to take out my team after the shoot. That is the day before Valentine's Day. And then TBD on what I'm actually going to do the night of Valentine's Day. But, you know, I feel like it's a good night if you're single to go out because I would imagine most singles are out. I don't know, guys. I don't know. I don't know. Anyways, that is definitely not what this podcast is about. Quite the opposite, in fact. Today is going to be advice for my kids. And of course, some of this can be taken for just good life advice for anybody. It doesn't necessarily have to be kids. But these are just the messages that I really hope I am currently instilling in my kids, have instilled in my kids, have instilled in my kids. my kids or will instill in my kids. These are, I think, good life lessons, things that I've learned over the years that I really hope to armor them with to send out into the real world so that they

have these in their back pockets. So as always, this is in no particular order. And we're just going to jump in. Okay, we're going to start with one that I say a lot. I've definitely said it on the podcast numerous times, but it's potentially one of the best. And it is to always trust your gut, obviously. always, always, always. It's really important to always trust how someone or something makes you feel. And of course, I think in order to really be able to trust your gut, it does take trial and error. I know for me it did for years. And after so many times of constantly realizing that your gut was always right, you know, when you didn't listen to it and it was always right, eventually you start to build real trust with yourself and you know, that your gut never steers you wrong. And it's, I think the most important part is learning how to

tune into it. Really, I think getting quiet, it's as soon as you feel that feeling, which you know, it is your gut for me. It's always in my gut. It's just trusting it. It's learning to tune into yourself so that you can recognize when your body is trying to tell you something. I mean, I'll even get it for business decisions. I'll get it, of course, with people. I am usually. Usually I am really good at knowing if someone is right for me or not, whether it be dating, friendships, even in business, you know, I'm usually, I always can pick up on that gut feeling. But it could even be for, you know, I mean, it can be for small stuff too. I just think we always know. We are our own best compass. I've definitely said that before on the

podcast. So I think if I could equip my kids. with one thing and be like, this is the one thing that you need, I would probably say, trust your gut. Always tune into yourself and trust your gut because it will never steer you wrong. Okay. And this is probably, I know I said this was in no particular order, but I don't know, maybe subconsciously I put it in this order. So another really big one and another one that I've said, because I learned this at a young age, so I've said it multiple times, is no matter what you do, no matter what, you will not please everyone. So live your life for you. Do what makes you happy. Because no matter what, someone will not agree with what you're doing. I don't care who you are,

how big or small of a thing it is that you're doing, where you live. I don't, I don't care what the situation is whatsoever. There's always going to be someone that doesn't agree with you. And that's why, if you know that, if you know that no matter what decision you make, someone in this world will not agree with you, then why not make every decision based on what you want to do? And I think that's where a lot of people get into trouble because I think a lot of people in the world are people pleasers. And so instead of listening to themselves about what they want to do, they ignore what they want to do and they start to think, well, what would he want me to do? What would she want me to do? What would my boss want me to do? What would my husband? You know, you start putting other people above

yourself and that it just gets tricky. And then also what that does is it hinders your authenticity. And I think, well, I know, the highest vibration that we can all have, by the way, I told you guys, I'm still going to work in the spiritual woo-woo stuff because that's just who I am. I did have a of DMs being like, no, don't stop doing the spiritual stuff. It's who I am. So it's, of course, just innately going to come out. And this is what I'm saying is the highest vibration is authenticity. And so in that sense, the best thing we can do for ourselves, for the planet, for everyone around us, is be 100% authentic. And so the way to do that is to start getting in touch with yourself, figuring out what you want or don't want in this world, who you really are, what lights you up.

And so starting to live a life for you with what makes you happy, your wants and dislikes and, you know, all the things, that's the most important thing. And I think as a parent, modeling that for our kids is really important too. And again, instilling that in our kids of, listen, you're going to get that. get out there into the real world and you're not going to be able to please everybody. So you need to do what makes you happy and be so comfortable in your own skin and love yourself so much that you aren't afraid to be authentic because I think that's what happens and that's why people shy away from authenticity. I think a lot of times I can start early in childhood of needing to please a parent.

And so you start to slowly lose little pieces of yourself because it's easier to do what you think your parent wants you to do to not get in trouble or not get in the way. And so over time, you just slowly start to lose checking in with yourself and realizing what you ultimately want. So I think that's why it's really hard for a lot of people. But if I could really like those two things, if I could really hammer those into my kids of be so authentic that you know that's also going to piss people off because people really, people who are really insecure and self-conscious really get triggered by authenticity. And so, yeah, it's going to piss people off, but you are going to live a much happier life by being so locked in on who you are and living your life

for you. So those are really, really important. And then actually kind of going off of that, right? So if authenticity is going to trigger a lot of people and piss people off, then there's kind of two things here. So other people's opinions of you have no. nothing to do with you. Nothing, nothing, nothing. It literally has nothing to do with you. That is about them, which is also why you can't take things personally. And if you guys haven't read the book, the four agreements, it's a really easy read. It's something you guys should just have that you can, you know, however often refer back to it. But basically it's saying there's four things that you need in life to live a happy life. And one of them is that you can't take things personally. Because

whatever people are dealing with and why ever they're triggered by, whatever it is you're doing, it has nothing to do with you. So you can't take it personally. And also another good example of that is, let's say you go to Target and you're in an aisle and there's someone else in the aisle and they kind of like scowl at you. They're like, get out of my way, right? You're just, they're having a really horrible day and you just happen to be there at the same time. That is nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything to piss them off. You just, you just happen to get in the way. But you can't be like, fuck that person. What the hell is wrong with that person? I mean, you could, obviously, but that's because you're taking it personally. That has nothing to do with you.

We have no idea what that person has been dealing with all day. For all we know, they could have found out right before they walked into Target that their dad died and they have to go into Target because they have to get toilet paper, but it's like the worst place for them to be. I'm just saying, like, we never know what someone is going through. That's another thing that I wrote down to is that everyone's fighting a battle. And I think when we can look at the world and people through that lens, we will definitely have more empathy. We have no idea what other people are going through. And that's why we can't take things personally. And we have to have more empathy for people because everyone's dealing with something. Everyone has something. And it's like that saying, you know, you never know someone until you

walk a mile in their shoes. I mean, it's the same thing. I mean, it's so true. We have no idea what someone is going through. And with that also, so if we can't take, if we shouldn't take things personally and people's perception of us has nothing to do with us, right? Then with that, words can only carry power and wait if you believe them. And so what I mean by that is, let's say I trigger someone, which that does happen. Quote. often. I trigger someone and, well, here, I mean, this is an example. It's a very realistic example. This happens all the time. I trigger someone, right? So they come on my social media and they're talking shit to me and telling me basically what a piece of shit I am or, you know, like what a horrible

person I am. That would affect me if I thought maybe somewhere in my brain that I was, in fact, a horrible person. But because I know I'm not, I'm a good person. I've got a big heart. I lead with love for the most part. Like I really do try to be a good person. That doesn't affect me, right? Because I see it. And I'm like, okay, like, you clearly have no idea who I am. And then I kind of forget about it. And I just, it rolls off my back. But if someone said something to me and I believed it, it would affect me. And then I think when people plant these little seeds in our head and there's a doubt in ourselves already that maybe there is in fact some truth behind that. So it's been planted then. And then it grows and it grows.

And if someone else then says something else and then we let that absorb and it just becomes this spiral. So we have to be so rooted in who we are. And we have to know that again, this person thinking I'm a horrible human. human has nothing to do with me because what? They saw a clip of me saying who knows what and they took it and, you know, came up with their own story behind it based on their own beliefs and insecurities and everything else that goes into how we filter the world. They have come up with their own conclusion about me that has nothing to do with me. So that's why it's so important that we do not let other people's perceptions of us seep into our subconscious or our conscious whatsoever.

I hope you guys are following what I'm saying because this is like, that was kind of a lot. And I think I threw four or five little nuggets in there that I ultimately, you know, I think is good advice. And I kind of like work them all together. So I hope this is all making sense. Let's chat hya. Our kids are the first generation. growing up on ultra-processed foods and the long-term effects, well, we're only beginning to

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And that's karma, right? I mean, if you're a good person, you know, and you're doing the right thing, you know, good things will come back to you. You know, we've heard that a thousand times. But, and really that's manifestation also is if you believe in abundance and you are really giving and, you know, that will come back tenfold. But more than that, what I've noticed to, because I almost look at energy as a game and how we can manipulate it, it manipulates maybe not the right word. But I mean, it is. It's like how can we work with energy to get what we want. And what I have found, also is if you don't like something, big or small, I think a normal human thing to do is

something happens that we don't like and we focus on it. Right? That's all we think about that. We're talking about it now. We're focused on it. We're replaying it over and over in our head. And all that's doing is giving that thing that we don't like more energy, more attention. Where attention goes, energy grows. And so that thing now that we don't like has taking over our whole lives. So if you don't like something, give it no energy, you guys. Literally, let it come in and out. Don't think about it again. Flip it and start thinking about something positive because I'm telling you, I've noticed a shift in my life where those things that I haven't liked just kind of go away. When you don't think about them, they just sort of naturally go away.

So try it, you guys, because I really, really believe that. And so with that also, I think it's, fear is something I really hope my kids don't embody ever. And obviously, they're human. We've all experienced fear at some point. But fear is such a wasted emotion. And actually, I don't even think it is a real emotion. But if you fear something, it just makes, it bigger and bigger. It just makes it grow. So really, instead of fearing something, you need to flip that and turn it into something positive because we have to be careful what we wish for, good and bad, because if we're constantly focused on what we don't want, what we don't want, what we don't want, that is taking over our lives. And so instead of constantly thinking about what we don't want and

living in a state of fear, we should be thinking about the things we do want and what would make us happy and what would light us up. I think because of the way that the world is, we're so programmed to live in a state of fear. I mean, especially if you watch the news, if, you know, if you live in this world, you're being bombarded with fear. It just sort of is how it is, unfortunately. And so it takes a real conscious effort to reprogram our minds and to focus on the good and focus on what we do want, rather than the things that we hope we never have to deal with. And with that also, words are really powerful. So we have to be careful what we're saying because I've seen these. I mean, maybe my Instagram algorithm is all the spiritual woo-woo stuff. But words are spells. Like everything we're

putting out into the universe is going to be coming back, whether it's a feeling, whether it's what we're saying. And so we have to be really careful what we're thinking and feeling and saying out loud because that's what's going to come back. So that's just another thing that I really want my kids to be hyper aware of. And then I have little things on here too. Like question every, well, actually, this is not little, but question everything. Why do you believe the things that you'd believe? Because I told you to, because a teacher told you to, that shouldn't be reason enough. I want you to question everything I've ever said to you. I want you to question everything for sure question everything that the news tells you or the media, question everything. Just because an authority

figure says it doesn't mean it's true. Or maybe it's true to them, but that doesn't mean it has to be true for you. We don't all have the same belief system. And I think that's what makes the world such an interesting place. And I just want my kids to always, always question what they've been told. Because I think as kids, and I mean, I I know I was like this, you know, we're told, well, this is what we believe. You know, we believe in God and we believe in Jesus and we believe in the Bible and, and we believe or whatever. I mean, my dad was Buddhist and so I didn't necessarily grow up with that. But I just want my kids to come up with their own, their own opinion about why they believe the things that they believe. I don't want them to

believe something just because society or their parents told them. I think a lot of of us go through life, not questioning things and just doing what we think is right because our community told us, you know, our society. And I think it's important to take a step back and actually question everything. All of your beliefs. Why do you believe them? Question them. And then a smaller one, but I think it's important. And my kids always roll their eyes at me when I tell them this. But if you don't know what a word means, look it up. Because that's how you learn. And we've all got freaking chat, GPT at this point now, it's really easy to look up a word or I'm on Google too, even before chat. But it takes two seconds for us to look up a word now because we have our phones. I mean, sure,

when we were growing up, it was like, go look it up in the dictionary. Like, no, thank you. I've got other things I'm doing. But now there's really no excuse. And every time my kids don't know what word, I'm like, look it up. Ask chat or ask Google what that means so that then you remember. Okay, here's another good one is never compare yourself. to anyone else. Ever, ever, ever. Comparison is the thief of joy. I think we've all heard that. The only person any of us should be comparing ourselves to is ourselves. Am I better than I was the day before? You know, it's, we're all on a different journey. And so it gets really tricky to start comparing ourselves to other people because it's just not the same. And that's what's so tricky

about social media is we're all comparing our worst to everybody else's best. I've said that before. I'm sure I'm not the only person to say that too. But just really important that we do not compare ourselves to other people. And actually, I have had to tell mostly my boys that with sports. That's been kind of a big one for us as of late. And I think it's an important one. And it's the one they'll take with them forever. Okay, this is one my dad actually taught me from a young age. And this is a really good one. And it's, if you're going to do something, give it 100%. Otherwise, don't even do it.

But the thing is, you're doing it anyways. So why not give it a, actually it should say 110%. Because it's going to make it more enjoyable for you. It's also, it's that work ethic. And that work ethic will carry you through life. And people notice that. Maybe right now you're in a job that you're not crazy. about or maybe, you know, you're working in a company that you love, but you want to work your way up.

Well, I can promise you. I can, well, and I know this just from my own company, people notice when you go above and beyond and you give it 110 percent, even if, like, for me, I'm just thinking within my company, if I have a store employee, let's say, and she goes above and beyond and she's always on time, if not early. She's filming content in the store because she just wants to. We notice that. We all notice within the company when there is an employee, whether she's at the store, at the warehouse,

at the corporate office, we notice when someone is giving 110%. And I can tell you, at any job I ever had, and yes, I've had normal jobs in high school. But like when I was a hostess at a restaurant, Like people noticed. I remember like people talk about it. When there is someone who goes above and beyond, people are noticing. And so my point is always give 110% because it's like I said, it's going to make it more enjoyable for you. It will help you as far as work goes, climb up the corporate ladder or whatever ladder you want to climb. And it's just,

to me, it's a mentality for life. Like are you going out there and are you excited to to be there and do you have a smile on your face and are you doing something to the best of your ability? Because if not, what is the point? Go home. Go home. But even if you're home and you're doing laundry, do laundry to the best of your ability. I just think it makes everything way more enjoyable rather than being a miserable bitch suffering through things. Like, why not make the most of it, you know? Time heals all. And if you've, you've, gone through anything in your life, losing someone, well, losing someone is not a great example, but I will say, time does heal for the most part. Probably not if you've ever lost a kid.

I can't even let my mind go there because I don't know how anyone moves on from losing a kid and obviously like my parents lost their son. So I guess I could ask my mom this. But well, my mom and I have talked about this. You know, I think. losing someone is, you'll never be the same. That's fair to say. You will never be the same when you lose someone who's really close to you. But I would say time heals. Maybe it doesn't heal all, but it heals. I am very different about my brother's death today, 10 years later than I was at three years. And if you've gone through a breakup, you know, when you're in the midst of a breakup, it seems like you're never going to be okay. You're never going to get over this person. You will

never see the light ever again. And then all of a sudden, you wake up one day and you're like, you know what? I'm okay. I'm okay. And then as more time passes, you look back and you're like, I can't even believe I was that upset. Like, truly. Any big thing you've been through in life, you can look back and you know you're going to be okay and you know you're going to get through it. It really just takes time. And so I think when you're going through something heavy and hard and heartbreaking,

that is really important to remember, it's just going to take time and you will look back one day and you will be okay. So that's a good one, I think, for my kids to take with them, anyone to take with them. But also, life is the long game. Be patient with life. Sometimes let it surprise you. As someone who used to be very impulsive and want things right now, right now, I want the result right now. I've learned over the years that, you know, well, life always works out, right? life always has a funny way of working out. That is true.

And sometimes the things we want in the moment, you know, that we don't get, we realize later there was a bigger plan for why we didn't get the thing that we wanted at the time because something better was coming. Or even with people, I've dealt with people that I'm like, I wish people would see the real, the real person, right? because I know what the real person is like and they're a real scumb bag. But here's the good thing about that too is people make their own beds. And the truth always comes out. The truth, guys, it always comes out. It may take a while. It may take years. But the truth always comes out.

And the people that matter know. And so that's why sometimes it's good to just sit back. Let life take care of it. Let life do its thing because life. always does. Life has a funny way of always taking care of things. And when you let life take the reins a little bit and stop trying to be such a control freak, and I can say that because I used to be a huge control freak, life can surprise you. And it can actually sometimes be better than you had hoped. So I think, and listen, because I used to be a control freak, and that was, that was me being really controlling and wanting to control my whole. life was a trauma response, you know, and that, I don't think control freaks are a good thing.

I think you're running from something is my point, because that's how I was. Where in the last few years, I've kind of kicked up my feet a little bit. And I'm like, you know what? Yes, I've got goals. Yes, there are things I still want to accomplish. But I'm going to let life kind of take the reins for a while and steer the ship. And it's kind of fun, you know, to let life surprise you. So I think it's important, you know, and what I would tell my kids is it's very important, of course, to have ambitions and goals and go out there and chase life and do the thing and get it all and make it happen, right? But then there is a side of that that's like, it's kind of nice to also let life surprise you and let the universe be your guide

sometimes. That's what I mean by that. All right, guys, it's that time. Let's talk about Bon Charge. Bond Charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence-based products to optimize your life in every way. You guys already know, but my personal favorite product from Bon Charge is their red light face mask. Red light helps with so many things, but mainly wringles and fine lines. It's great for eczema. It helps with migraines. It's also really good for acne and scar tissue. It is really relaxing and it also helps with razor burn and ingrown facial hair. It really does it all. What I love so much in particular about the Bond Charge face mask is that they've removed circadium and sleep disrupting blue and green light from their red light face mask.

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And you're definitely going to want to be checking out Armra Colostrum. In addition to all of those, I swear it really ignites your metabolism as well. and I notice a difference in my hair health, also just nails, skin. And you guys already know, I've worked out a special offer for my audience. You can receive 30% off your first subscription order. Go to arma.com slash honest or you can enter honest to get 30% off your first subscription order. That's A-R-M-R-A dot com slash honest. Okay, this is a big one. This is a big one. And this is one I did not. not do until I got a divorce. Learn to love the hard times too. There is beauty and pain.

And we need the dark to appreciate the life. The life. The light. God. Well, both, right? But I for so many years, as long as I could remember, I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to push everything away. And I always was like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm the tough girl. And, you know, we, anyone who's followed me for a decent amount of time in my career knows that about me. That was my M.O. I was always fine in my life. I was fine. I didn't know how to ask for help. I couldn't be vulnerable. And when I finally, I think, I've told you guys, but during my divorce, I was like, no, you know what? So the first time in my life, I'm going to feel it all. I want to experience it all. The good, the bad, the ugly. I want to feel the pain. I want to

sit in it. I don't want to rush through it. Like, I want to experience all of it. And thank God I did. Because that was where majority of my growth in life came from. The pain and the hurt and the suffering is there to teach us something. That's where we learn and we grow. So instead of running from the pain, pushing it away, pretending like it's not there, because I think a lot of people want to pretend like it's not happening, you're doing a disservice to yourself because the real beauty is sitting in that pain. And that's how you get to the other side where it's even more beautiful. It's so much more beautiful on the other side. But to get to the other side, you have to sit in it. You have to go through it. And I do.

think that the ignoring it or the being the tough girl, whatever label you want to put on it, can serve a purpose. I definitely think it serves a purpose. It really served a purpose for me. It did. When I was in survival mode, it served a purpose. And I needed it to get to where I was going. But then it gets to a point in your life where it doesn't serve you anymore. And if you want to change things, right? Like if you don't like, let's say, the type of men you're attracting into your life or just where you're at in your life, maybe you haven't advanced in your career the way that you've wanted to, you're just not where you want to be. It gets to a point where then you have to take a hard look in the mirror and you have to ask yourself, what have I done to

contribute to this? That's actually another lesson that I want to teach my kids is always take responsibility for your life. You have to ask yourself, how did I contribute to get here? so that you can take ownership for your life so that then you can change it if you want to. And again, I definitely think when you've been in survival mode and those tools that you pick up when you are in survival mode, they do serve a purpose. They absolutely do. But you can't do it your whole life, you know? They can get you so far. But then if you want to go deeper and you want to have a better relationship with yourself, if you want to live a more peaceful life, if you want better relationships with everyone across the board, romantic relationships,

friendships, people at work, you have to then shift and change it. All of the relationships in my life today are much deeper and much more profound. Maybe that's kind of like kind of cheesy. But I love the relationships in my life so much more today than I did in my early 20s. And most of my good friends are friends I had in my early 20s, but they're different now. And of course, that comes with age and it comes with maturing and growing up. But I just think when you can finally take off your armor and get real with yourself and be like for me, like being able to be vulnerable and ask for what I want and I need.

And to just be softer. I'm much softer today than I was. even 10 years ago. And that's made a huge difference in my life across the board. So you guys know, I am a huge proponent of self-love and just getting down and getting in the nitty gritty and being authentic, right? Like it all comes back together. These all work together is knowing who you are on such a deep level and being really comfortable with who you are. That it just, that authenticity and that love just seeps out of you, right? It's all vibration. Okay. And then just a couple more. But your character is very important. And your character is more important than your talent. Because at the end of the day,

character is what's going to get you in the room. It's going to get you to come back. It's going to get it's going to make people want to be around you. Are you kind? Do you do the right thing? Do you do what you say you're going to do, which following through with your word is so important. If you're not going to do it, then don't say you're going to do it. That's actually a pet peeve of mine. I wonder why that is a pet peeve of mine. Well, I could actually tell you why. When you've dealt with people in your life, for me, it was men who never did what they said they were going to do. There was no follow through. Makes you kind of lose. your mind. And so that is very important to me. And it's very important not only that the people in

my life do that, but that I do that, especially with my kids, probably because I don't think my dad did that. It's so important that my kids know if I say I'm going to do something or I'm going to be there, that I'm there. I'm going to do it. Otherwise, I'm not going to promise you that. I'm not going to say it. I think that's a big one for kids. I think that's a really big one for kids. I think that's a really big one for kids. And being honest, you know, I think those are all, those are really important to just be a good person. And I'll tell you what, if honesty is really tricky if you're not authentic, because if you're not being authentic, you could kind of look at it like some of your life is a lie, right? If you're not being true to yourself, that's kind of a lie. You're not being honest. So again, it's being authentic. And then all

of these other things really start to fall into place. Okay, another one is, mistakes are a good thing, right? That's how we learn. That's how we grow. It's going to happen. Mistakes are going to happen our whole lives. The most important thing is getting back up. When you fall, it's getting back up. You keep going. You don't let nose knock you down. You know, you keep going. You keep going. Okay. And then I have Chase fulfillment. Chase, chase what makes you happy because really when you look back at the end of the day, living a life that you like is the real success. It's not like. Like I know for me when I'm dying, right, and I look back on my life, I'm not going to be like, thank God I had a New York Times

bestseller, you know, like I probably won't even remember that. I think, think, because even if I died today, I would look back on my life and I would say, I had a lot of fun. Like, I did it. I had a lot of fun. And I went through a lot of shit. But I got back up. And I didn't let that knock me down. And I learned from it. And I was a really good mom. And I was a really good friend. Like, those are the things that matter that you showed up for the people that you care about. I could die tomorrow. And I could be very happy with that. I'd be very happy with me. my life. I would be like, I fucking did it. I did it. There's not one accomplishment that I would be like, thank God. Not one. So when you look back on your life, did you have fun? Did you enjoy it?

Did you feel good about the decisions that you made? Even if they weren't good decisions. But did you learn from them? Because listen, guys, I've made a lot of stupid decisions in my life, but I either learned from it or I had fun doing it. Maybe it was harmful to me. You know, I've done some stupid shit. But I never harmed anyone else. But I'm saying like maybe I made some dumb mistakes, like things I'm not necessarily proud of. But you know what?

Like in my early 20s, I had fun. I had a lot of fun doing it. And I learned a lot. I learned a lot. And so you know what? That's what life's about. Know your worth. You know, I talk a lot about that.

Knowing your worth goes with loving yourself. And when you love yourself and you know, your value and your worth, you don't put up with bullshit. And you set boundaries and you take care of yourself. And again, this goes with everything that we've just been saying. But it's, it's know that you are valuable. That's what I would tell my kids. It's know that you are unique.

You're the only one like you. You're special. You're valuable. Like you bring value. Every single person on this planet. brings value. Everyone is here for a reason. And that makes me sad to think that some people don't feel like they have a lot to offer. Honestly, I mean, that was, I mean, maybe it makes me so sad because I didn't think of myself highly, very highly growing up, right? And so I think it makes

me sad to think about other people like that. And I would never want my kids ever, ever to think that they weren't amazing people because they are. And so I think it's really important to tell all of our kids, you are valuable and you are bringing something special into this world and never forget that. And then the last one is life is going to change. You're going to change. You're going to grow. You're going to evolve, you're going to have ups and downs. And with that as you grow and evolve, you're going to outgrow people. Some people may outgrow you. You're going to outgrow places. You're going to outgrow dreams that you once had. You're going to outgrow versions of yourself. I think the goal in life is to constantly be growing and evolving, right? The version of me today as a 39-year-old woman

is very different than the 29-year-old me or the 19-year-old me. And the people that I knew at age 19 may have this idea of me in their head. And that was probably true at age 19. I'm not that same person. And that's what I mean is we're going to outgrow people. And also, again, going back to everything else we've been saying this whole podcast is, let's say those people that I knew when I was 19 have a version of me. And maybe they're still telling people that version of me at age 19. And oh my God, she was crazy. She was wild and crazy. It was true. But guess what? I'm not anymore. I'm a mom. Like, I've chilled out, you know, but let people have that story of you. Who cares? Because I know I'm not like that anymore. And I'm sure there's probably people I party with at age 19 that are telling stories about the

dumb shit that I did. But like, okay, let them have that. Because I know that I'm not that person anymore. Because I outgrew that version of myself, right? That was a version of me that definitely existed. And I'm no longer that person. And that's a. good thing, right? I hope no one is the same that they were 20 years ago, 10 years ago, five years ago. I hope I'm not the same that I was a year ago. So that's what I really hope my kids take away from me as their mom. I also wrote my kids letters a couple years ago that I'm going to give them when they turned 16. And I put them in a safe and I will give them to them on their 16th birthday. And it was probably, I honestly don't remember exactly what I said,

but probably had a lot of the same similar messages that I just shared with you guys. It was advice that I wanted to give them at age 16. You know, what's important at age 16 that you need to know? I think at age 16, a lot of it really is like loving yourself, being comfortable in your skin, you know, not having to prove your value to anyone else. Which, and by the way, you guys, here's the other thing with all of this advice. At the end of the day, we can sit here and say all of this. I can give this to all of my kids and I can say listen to this podcast and I can hammer these things into them every single day. But they have to experience life. They have to go on their own journey. And that's the thing as parents. We can do as much as we can do,

but then we have to let them go. And we have to trust that the things we've said, you know, has planted a seed and it's stuck and we just hope that we've told them enough times and done the right thing and that we've been a good example of what to do in the world and then we have to just let go. And that's the hard part as a parent. It's like, okay, I hope I've done enough. And now you go out into the world. And they have to fall on their ass and they have to get back up themselves and they have to experience these things and they have to go through these things. And we want to shield our kids from any kind of harm or hurt or sadness, but we can't because that would only be doing them a disservice because I know and I know that all of us parents know, the reason that we

were able to get back up and we were able to, that I'm able to be here today and be tough and love myself and do and, you know what I'm saying? Like all the things is because of all the shit that I've been through. It's the only way I'm able to have three note cards full of advice I want to give my kids because I've been through so much shit. And so I know that as a mom, I have to let them go and fall as hard as it is as a parent because our kids are little pieces of our heart out there just in the world. And it's scary and it's hard, but we have to do it. So my kids will probably never listen to this episode. When I told them I was doing this, Jackson goes, so you want us to listen to it? I was like, no, no, I know that you won't.

Maybe today they won't, but I'm sure at some point in their lives that they will. Maybe it won't be for 10 years, but hey, it at least is out there in the world. But even if they never do, these are messages that I try to work into our everyday lives, right? These are things that are always at the forefront of my mind. So I hope you guys are taking away at least a nugget or two from this. And thank you for listening. I find this podcast to be really therapeutic in a lot of ways. Like this is, I get a lot out of this by being able to share these messages with you guys. So I hope it lands and it sticks. Anyways, I love you guys. I'll see you next to. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and

services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.