Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - When Kaitlyn Bristowe Knew It Was Time to Walk Away

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

My good friend Kaitlyn Bristowe joins me for a real friend heart-to-heart, as though mics weren't recording us! We discuss how a hula hoop was her breaking point, why social media will play no role in her next relationship, the first date she went on post-split, the red balloon that freaked us both out during taping, thirst trapping with crying selfies, and how she ended up in a relationship while taping this episode.A word from our sponsors:Nutrafol - Nutrafol is offering listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter promo code HONEST.Smartwater - Life's full of choices. Smartwater is a simple one. Visit drinksmartwater.com to learn more. Bon Charge - Go to boncharge.com and use code HONEST to save 15% off my favorite Red Light Face Mask and other wellness products.Wayfair - Find everything you need to summer your way at Wayfair. Visit Wayfair.com or get the Wayfair mobile app. Wayfair. Every style. Every home. Quince - Get warm weather ready with Quince! Go to Quince.com/honest for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristen Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest. I'm your host, Kristen Cavallari. And I have my friend, Kaitlin Bristow here today, who we've been talking about you coming on the podcast for a long time now. Quite a bit. Like since you started. Yeah, basically almost a year. So I'm so happy you're here. I'm happy to be here. You're so busy. Where have you been?

I feel like you've been nonstop. Honestly, for nine years, I've been saying I'll slow down. And but that's because I was having like imposter syndrome all the time. And I'm like, oh, next month will be fine. And then nine years later, I'm like, OK, she's still going. I know. I feel like I'm all over the map. Well, so are you. But you are actually all over the map. Well, I've been having so I go to L.A. and New York for podcasting. And then I've had a wedding in Vancouver, a wedding in Raleigh. And then I went to Charleston, which you have a place. We were literally driving and I went, wait, I think Kristen has a place here. And I looked up and it was like coming up. I was like, I know I was impressed that you got a video. How did you know the street looks like it would be here? And then I like randomly pulled it up.

Yeah, I'm tired, but like I'm turning 39 in two weeks and I'm pretty tired and I don't know how to keep doing it. I know it's exhausting, man. You're also a mom and like, I don't know how you do it. Well, today's not a good day to talk to me about that. Cause I'm actually like about to rip my hair out. It's just like, well, it's summertime now. My kids are home. I don't have a nanny. I was just telling you, I don't have an assistant. I had an assistant for a while. I was going to say that was a game changer. Yeah. You need that. She moved. And I just, I think cause I had her for so long, it was like, I can't start over. And I was like, I can do it myself. I'm like the kind of person like I can do everything myself.

I do that exact same thing. Bullshit. You can't, you can't. No, you can't. And I also, I'm moving, which I wasn't planning on doing. So I close on a house tomorrow. I just put this house on the market and you know, it's like huge. So all day on the phone today, I'm talking to like the water company and it's like all the shit that you're just like, I don't want to do that. You just need to pass on to somebody else like you really need for your own sanity. Could you please like you could hire me for I'm here for two weeks. Great. I'm using it for two weeks. And then where are you going to call your water guy? I'm going, okay, my niece is coming here for Zach Bryan. Oh, I'm going. Are you? Yes. Oh my gosh. Samesies. Let's go to dinner before. Okay.

My niece who's 16. She's so cool. Yeah. She's going to come. Oh my gosh. She would die. Oh, I love that. And then so she's obsessed with him. And so we're going and then I'm taking her to LA with me because I'm filming an episode of the Golden Bachelorette. Cute. Oh, how fun for her. It's like her bucket list to go to LA. And I called her the other day. I was like, do you like to fly first class with me and go film an episode of The Golden Bachelorette? She was like, you're making her whole life. Yeah, it was really cool. That's so cute.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, see, this is the kind of person you are. And this is the story that I want to start with you. So I want everyone to know how we met. So you and I had never met before. No. This is probably almost four years ago. And you know, Justin Anderson very well. You'd known him for years. And I get a call from Justin one day that said, well, let me back up. My ex husband had a podcast on the same podcast company as you. And a lot of times what podcast companies will do is they'll be like, hey, we have, you know, so and so and so and so on the same podcast company as you. And a lot of times what podcast companies will do is they'll be like,

hey, we have, you know, so-and-so and so-and-so on the network. Do you guys want to do a swap? So it's not uncommon to do swaps for your podcast. So anyways, Justin called me and said, hey, my friend Caitlin Bristow called me because her podcast company wants to have your ex-husband come on her podcast. And she wanted to make sure that that was cool with you. And I was like, I've never even met her. And she wants to make sure that's cool with me. It's like, that never happens. Girls are not cool like that anymore.

And I was like, okay, this is the coolest thing any girl's ever done. So I said, how about I go on your podcast instead? It was literally perfect because I had no intention of being like, oh, I'm going to get in with her in that way. Like I was in my brain. I went, I don't know if this would bother her or if she wouldn't care at all or whatever it was. So I was like, I'll ask Justin because Justin always said we would get along so well.

And so many people were like, oh, are you not friends with Kristen? Oh, you guys would get along so well. So I was like, there's potential for like a nice friendship there. And so I was like, I'm just going to make sure that that, and then you were like, I'll come on your podcast. I was like, great. Even better. How about I come on instead? Yeah. And that's how we met. And then we became fast friends. I mean, like instantly just loved you. But I think it's like, that's just so who you are. You are such a girl's girl, a cool girl's

girl. And that's so hard to find these days. Well, I feel like I don't know if this has to do with being Canadian, but I feel like you grew up in California. And I don't know if that's a stereotype or a thing, but I feel like where I grew up, all of well, that's not true. I did get bullied a little bit in high school, not girls, girls. But I feel like that's just how we all kind of were. And I moved to Vancouver and I had a really strong group of 10 girlfriends who all just like supported one another and helped each other and it was it was so like a such a solid foundation for me like with friendships yeah and so then going on tv I was like oh girls are nasty yeah it was like a shock to my system that they could be like that

and so then I was always like oh I gotta stay true to who I actually am as a human and as a friend. And friendships are so important to me. See, I love that because it would have been so easy for you to just like succumb to the Hollywood bullshit. Oh, girls are nasty. I mean, it really is true. Oh, my God.

And it's easy to just to try to like play catch up, fall into that. Well, and get lost in it. Like it's like it's almost like a I find that people all my experience is only bachelor bachelorette, really. But I find that so many people get like a little taste of that drug of fame or attention. And it's just like you can either go one of two ways with it. You can go down a very slippery slope or you can like build something from it. Yes. And I was just like I also went in at a very like slope or you can like build something from it. And I was just like, I also went in at a very, like, I hope you're very proud of yourself because you went in at a young age.

I started at the age of 29, almost 30. And I feel like that's the only time in life I could have went on and had like my head on my shoulders properly. So that helps. That's true. That is true. I know. Well, that's no surprise. And why a lot of these young child actors, they go completely off the rails. I don't know how you would start as a kid and come out normal. I really don't. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. Actually, I don't think there is one. Do you know who I talked to once that I really enjoyed was I can only remember her as Stephanie Tanner. But like, how do I know that from the full house? Yes. Right. Yeah. I know that name. Like she seemed cool when I talked to her on a podcast once. That's cool. Yeah.

Seemed normal. That's great. We love that. But she also went through like a period of doing heroin at one point in her life. So like, you know, Alanis Morissette said it. You live, you learn. That's what it was. We all go through our shit.

Okay. So I want to talk about from when we met to where you are now. Yeah. Because I've seen a huge change in you. Yes. We met almost four years ago. And at the time you are now. Yeah. Because I've seen a huge change in you. Oh my gosh, yes. We met almost four years ago. And at the time you were in a relationship. You were engaged and seemingly planning a wedding.

Yeah. And I think it's safe to say now that the whole time I knew you, you always had something in the back of your head saying, I don't know if this is right. Yeah. And I think one of the scariest things someone can do is walk away from something, especially when you think it's forever. It was a lot of back and forth and it's a lot of questioning in it and you play out every scenario in your head. So I want to know, when did you know it

was finally time to walk away? Oh, it really was. There's like you and Kat are two people that I really confided in about this relationship and like where i was at with it and and even he kind of knew i think as well that i was i was i wasn't like all in and i wasn't out i was in this like area this gray area and in therapy have you ever done therapy where they put like two hula hoops in the room and you put one foot in no oh my gosh i like i like an act of therapy oh I need a visual I need to be moving and she was like put like like step into each other's hula hoop I was like all in on mine and I knew who like my hula hoop I was like I know this about myself I've gone through this in my life I've learned this lesson I know the

things I need to work on blah blah blah and then it. And then it's like your hula hoop, their hula hoop. And then you have a little like crossover in the hula hoop. And it was very easy for him to step in. And I was like, kept like putting a toe in. And I realized that I'm very much like I react physically to things. So the therapist was like, do you see how when he's not being real with you, you physically back up? And when he lets his guard down and he's just being a real person, you actually lean in and rub his leg. And I think that's what was just kept getting missed in the relationship was I think we got lost in social media. I think we got lost in like being engaged and thinking the next step was obviously marriage. But like I wasn't fully leaning in. Yeah. And I just felt like there was something that was blocking that. And there's obviously

my own shit. But for me, I didn't feel like there was realness there. I felt like everything was very performative and for social media. And that's part of my fault, too. And I just couldn't fully put my foot in that damn loop. That is wild. And it was in that moment I was like, this is unfair to him. This is unfair to me. And then it was probably six months later that we ended up breaking up. But that hula hoop moment was an actual turning point for you. Seeing that visual. Yes.

It was an eight-hour therapy session. Because we really wanted to like, we were engaged. We really wanted to like, okay, did we do everything? And it was just, it got to a point where I feel like it wasn't, it really wasn't fair to him because I really wasn't. Yeah. You're not all in. Yeah. All right, guys, let's talk about Nutrafol. If you follow me on Instagram or you've listened to the podcast, then you've definitely heard me talk about Nutrafol and for good reason. I've been taking it for, gosh, I guess almost probably nine months now. And I've really noticed a huge difference. I've been on quite a hair journey for the last couple of years.

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and there's a one-year warranty. Guys, honestly, my skin has looked so great. I've been getting compliments on it. I do have some fine lines on my face, and I feel like they look better. Okay, guys, so you're going to want to go to Boncharge.com and use coupon code HONEST to save 15%. That's B-O-N-C-H-A-R-G-E.com and use coupon code HONEST to save 15%. Bond Charges products are H-A-S-F-S-A eligible, providing up to 40% off. So you bring up social media and how it's almost like you guys are putting on a show, which is similar to a reality show. I do think when you sometimes make your relationship so public, social media is like an extension of a reality show. It's like its own version of a reality show. So next time, moving forward, and when you get into a new relationship, have you thought about

like what role social media will play for you? It will play nothing. Like literally like not even posting. No, I don't want to post. No, nothing. Like as far as the audience knows you're single. Like I'm not going to hide going out or like, I wouldn't be like, Oh God, no photos or don't do that. Like if other people see and post or if other people are fine, whatever. But I am not going to, I want to treat it like Instagram followers are my kids. And I'm like, I'm not introducing you until I know that you're the right one.

I just feel like two very public failed engagements. I'm like, I can't do this again. And I don't want, and I'm not saying you shouldn't or that other people shouldn't I'm saying for me personally like that was part of what I think I got lost in at the beginning of the last relationship I was like wow people really support this this is fun this is exciting and instead of focusing on like foundations and so this time I want to just honestly I want to know somebody for a full year before I even fully dive into that relationship and be like, I'm going to give myself

to this relationship. Yeah. Because I feel like I I'm scared of getting bamboozled by people. I get it. I get what you don't really know someone for at least six months. Well, and I'm not being my full authentic self for six months. And then I don't like I can be I'm I'm awesome in the first six months. Like I am like everybody should want to date me for six months. I am. I am awesome. But after six months, my like, you know, my vulnerability starts like really showing my insecurity start showing. I start like having my old patterns and habits and certain things come out and I go, OK, this is this is happening. So same thing for someone else.

And I just want to protect the relationship next. I totally get that. I really do appreciate that. You know, it's so fun though. It's so fun. It is fun. It is fun.

Like hard launching your new boyfriend. This is the first time I've ever really experienced that, you know, and so like there it is like a dopamine rush. It is. Yeah. And it's stressful in the same breath.

You know, everyone's opinions about about your relationship. But so and again, because social media played such a large role when you are ending something that comes into play. I don't care what anybody says. You think about it. You worry about it. How did you handle any negativity that came your way during that time? Oh, my gosh. I knew it was like, here we go again, because I knew from my last public relationship and how that breakup went. I knew it would be like hot and crazy and news and headlines and then, you know, give it a week and it'll die out. But I mean, the shelf life of this breakup has actually been quite a while. But I think it's because social media and people know our relationship and we were together for five years. They were invested. They cared. But I do find it so interesting. And you and I have talked about this so many times where I had to mentally prepare myself for being destroyed on social media just because the other person seems perfect to a lot of people. And it must be messy.

Caitlin, you know, messy Caitlin strikes again, can't keep a guy. And it's always, it's so interesting because 97% of my following is women. And a lot of them are so supportive, but I saw a lot of them that even the supporters turn on me and be like,

he was perfect. And he loved you. And you don't know what a good thing is when it's right in front of you. And blah, blah. And I was like, it's so frustrating because like, we are only showing you what we want you to see. Yeah. Okay.

I'm not kidding. I swear to God, it is always the opposite of what someone's image is. Yes. I'm telling, I've said it a million times on the podcast. I'll say it a million more. People are never what they seem ever. And it is usually the opposite person who should be getting shit for it. It really is.

And I think it's easy for girls to get shit. Like you're a mess, you know, because women want to just tear other women down. Of course. But my God, I can, I can just say as your friend, I saw you try every, I saw you put your heart and soul into it and really try everything. And if it's just not there, it's not there. And thank God you did it now instead of marrying him. Well, and I'm like, what was I supposed to do? Marry him to please my Instagram followers? It's like, what? That would be crazy. It's insane. And I think about this all the time too with social media it's just such an illusion and I obviously feed

into the into the illusion because I'm putting out what I want people to see I try really hard to mix in some real moments and talk about my anxiety and certain things but like at the end of the day it's say I did 10 Instagram stories a day that which seems like I don't know 10 to 15 is a lot like clicking through you're like wow that person on the other end of that thinks they know you and that they're with you their whole day and then that's your whole personality they see you as one dimensional from your Instagram story and you're like what about the other 24 hours in the day where I'm like you have no idea what I'm doing feeling sane hanging out with like nothing it's so true and it's fun and I'm glad people like to follow me and be in and feel like they know me and if it's supportive and healthy and happy, that's great. But like the other percentage, I'm like

this. It almost makes me feel like what a waste of one life that you're given to follow me and think like obsess over what I'm doing in a negative way. Oh, I know. One, you know, I don't have to tell you this, but you know, like those people are just unhappy. It has nothing to do with you at the end of the day. No, it's sad for them. Exactly. Exactly. But so that's one thing that you are not afraid to do is you aren't afraid to be vulnerable on social media and, you know, show yourself crying and show that you have bad days. And I do think that's really relatable. I think, you know, for me personally, I think it's scary to be that vulnerable on social media, because if I were to say, okay, here's why I'm actually really upset and that people were to be negative, I'd be like,

oh my God, I like can't handle this. You know what I mean? They're like validating your insecurities. How do you decide what to share with everybody and what to hold close? To be honest, I've been getting a little bit lost in that because I, I don't know what, what is too much or where, where's too far. And I have to respect other people's boundaries and what their life is. And I don't want to give anybody like this bad reputation because if they only hear my side, it's going to look bad on them.

It's so hard to decide. Like, I'll like, sometimes I'll do like very passive aggressive little moments. And then after I'm like, oh, that was immature. But that's just also part of, I am a bit of a mess. And I'm like, that is just who I am. But I don't know. It's just like I feel like something comes over me sometimes where I'm like, I bet I'm not alone in this and I'm going to share this and I'm not. And I purposely make sure I'm in a headspace where I'm not doing it for attention. I love that

because I can I could do that. Totally. And I have done that. And it's usually when I'm in not a good place in my life. So I have to really take inventory of like, hey, am I doing this for attention right now? Or am I doing it because I think somebody else could relate to this and I don't want to keep showing this fake facade. So I love doing a self check in. I do a lot of anything. And I do a lot of probably not the worst thing to do periodically throughout the day. If anyone came into my house and looked through my journals and like what I write down, they'd be like, we're going to go away for a weekend. They'd be like, that's a lot of self-work, but like, how is the self-work not paying off yet? Cause this is a lot. What's happening here? I do like rage pages where I get like angry.

You know what? That's better than getting that. You got to get that out instead of holding it in. It's like kids. Kids don't know how to process emotions and they have to get out their emotions some way. And so do adults. Like we have to let out emotions in some way, whether that's crying or writing a rage page or like going to work out or like whatever it is. The energy needs to release from your body.

I'm going to do a rage page tonight, man. I am fucking wound tight right now. Are yeah sometimes i'll just scream oh yeah same disease oh i love a scream feels good it honestly again it's needed yeah it is it is you have to get that stuff out otherwise because we do we hold on to all of that emotion in our bodies oh it's the best in the car too you like feel the like oh like the reverb of your scream and you're just like that did something i think everyone should go out and scream right now. Seriously. Just take it and go to your pillow. Yes. We'll wait. Come back. Let's all do a scream into the microphone. That'll be fun. Okay. Let's talk about stuff that's more fun. I want to talk about dating. What was the first

date that you went on post split? I actually don't know this. Post this split? Yep. Most recent one. Oh, gosh. I went. What was my first date? And I want to know who. Well, you don't have to say who it was with. But what'd you guys do? Did he pick you up? How did you meet him? Like, I want to know.

I want to know it all. So funny that I can't. You literally can't remember? I can remember who it's with and I can't remember what it was. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Can you share that? No. I knew you wouldn't. Oh, that's the only thing I won't share. Okay. It was in New York and he actually was working and he had a driver pick me up from the airport.

Yes. Boss move. And had like a charger, my favorite snacks. Like, yeah, in the driver. And then the driver took me to his apartment, which I'd never been to. And then I waited there. And then it was like. What did you do while you're waiting? It was literally like five minutes. I had a coffee. Snooping through his shit.

Looking for his rage pages. I'm like, nothing. What? No rage pages here? We'll never get along. But I was like, well, this is a pretty like decent apartment for New York. I love this. Yeah.

All right. It's really nice. Great start. We're in a great area. The kitchen is not in the bathroom, the bedroom. We are. Yeah. And then we drove to get pizza and sat outside and chatted.

I love that. It was drinks. No drinks. No drinks. Love a sober day. I love a pizza. Oh, I know there was a there was a bottle of wine. OK. Yes. Yes. I love this. That's. Yeah. How were you nervous? Were you excited? No, you were like, I am. I just I'm so weird. I would get nervous usually in situations like that, but I was just like, here we go. Like what's, I'm going to know right off the bat if I like him or not. The conversation's either going to be good or terrible.

And I was just going into it, like almost like fed up. Like I was like this, and then, but the ride thing, like everything, I was like, oh, okay. I'm pleasantly surprised. Yeah, it was good. How was it right off the bat? Did you like it? So good. Oh my gosh. Immediately it was like chemistry and like we still talk and we went through like a blip where I was like, what am I doing? And

I think I know who you're talking about. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, it's just been. Yeah. So what happened? So it just, is it like a location thing? Like you guys don't live in the same city? I mean, it's kind of. It's kind of like, it's like, we're not not talking. And we're not going to move to each other's city anytime soon. Right. And we're just kind of like, I don't know, getting to know each other. Because wait, how long has it been since you guys, since you've been single? Well, like to the media later,

but like in real life, I would say June. Oh, so it's been a year. Yeah, almost a year. Okay, I was going to say I thought it was about a year. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Okay, yeah.

It's been almost a year. And yeah, this person though is just all heart. Like they're just, they're good, a very good human. And it's pretty nice to get to know someone like that oh sweet yeah but i keep being like when is it gonna turn i know and my mom's get so mad at me because she's like you always wait for the other shoe to drop and that's what does it that's like it's like i sabotage it but i'm honestly not sabotaging this i'm i've never been more clear and like level-headed and mature okay and like myself Yeah. How often are you guys seeing each other?

Maybe once a month. Yeah. So it's just hard. Yeah, it's hard. And then there was there was like a period of time where I was like, oh, I don't think I could do this. And then when it wasn't there, I was like, oh, wait. Yeah. I think I could do that. I'll come visit again. But I'm like, so, yeah,'m like so yeah I'm really trying to be open to just being myself and getting to know someone

and like I think I've done so much therapy that I'm and so is he good that we're like laying it all out there

because he knows I don't want to be surprised and I don't want to surprise anyone either so it's just been a really like healthy healthy honest

communicative I love that word. I was like, did I just make that up? No, that's a word. I love it. It's been, yeah, it's nice. It's just, we live in different cities. A slow burn is not the worst thing though. I will say it's a slow burn. We like that sometimes. So, but you're also dating other people. Yeah. Fair to say. Yeah. Yeah. So how are you meeting guys in general? I don't. You're a lesbian. I literally went through a phase where I was like, Fletcher, if you are watching this, like, please, for the love of God, I'm obsessed with you. I think I get it. Oh, my gosh. I am so attracted to her. But I don't like I'm not on any dating apps.

I'm not for not joining. I'm not you for not joining I've never been on one I never have I probably won't yeah um it's just but it is getting to a place where I'm like do I feel bad if I'm hanging out with somebody else oh interesting do you think he is no really he's told you that yeah and I I but he hasn't asked for that in return no and i don't really i don't know i don't really want to which by the way you shouldn't yeah you got out of a serious relationship like you should have fun for a minute i'm just so scared yeah because like going from balloon just there's little kid feet running around and no you don't understand what are you afraid of balloons no you're gonna die when i tell you this you're gonna die that's a sign of her

kaylee shut the you have to say it right now it's a bad oh a bad sign should we break up with him it's over i'm dying that a red balloon just dropped from that wait shut the i'm like gonna i'm sweating i'm sweating so i when i went through that little blip i was like because you and i talk about how we like signs and ask for signs yeah i was like i need red balloons like as red flags what i swear to god and one of my one of my boys just threw a red balloon down you guys. You're laughing? He read your rage page. He knew it was a sign.

So I'm like, oh God. Jackson's been looking through your papers. Is he like an intuitive kid? I'm getting the balloon. That's wild. Wait. And also the day after I asked for those signs, Harry Jowsey came out with a podcast and he walked out of a door with like 30 red balloons.

And I was like, I need to see. It's yours now. That's your red balloon. Exactly. Death to the red balloon. But then I've been joking that the balloons are like,

but they're kind of pink. Yo, that's not a true red. But is it a sign for the guy you're talking about or dating other people or dating other people? So we got to give us 100 percent. Holy.

I think you can't be scared. Like, fuck it. What's the worst that happens? Ask for red like red balloons to be my red flags. And that just dropped for me while you were talking about that. That is that is why anyone that knows and listens to my podcast, you'll know that that's I didn't just make that up. Like, right, right, right.

Also, like, we didn't plan that. It was like, Jackson, say hi. I didn't even know he was here. They just got home. Oh, my God. Wait, that's crazy. What are you going to do now? I guess I'm committed.

I guess you're in a relationship now. I'm committed to the bit. I'm a taken woman. What are you going to say to all the other guys out there? You know, it's sad. That was very humbling. I didn't really get hit on that much when we broke up.

Hi. Thanks for the sign. That was great. That's good. That is so funny. I'm sweating. I was going to ask you how many guys would say that they're dating you right now. None! I swear to you.

I swear. First of of all i was so humbled i was like okay so like the dms are open you're like ready to go checking re-scrolling every day and i was like okay nothing nothing huh no it was really it's but i even know guys who was like are obsessed with you. What? Yes. I mean, maybe you know one. I know one. I probably know others.

I just, I definitely know one that comes to mind. You know one, but no one else? I don't even believe that. I don't know. Maybe people are just like, don't think to slide into DMs anymore. Maybe you're intimidating. No. I also think my Instagram is like for the girlies. Like,

I don't think it's like, I know what you mean. I, I, me too. I'm not thirst trapping anyone with my crying selfies. I don't know. You just recently posted. You've got that line. Is it bikinis that just came out? Oh, I did the laundry swimwear. Yes. That's what, yes. And you look hot as hell in that. Oh my gosh. Well, shout out to our trainer, Kevin Klug. Oh, yeah. We've got the same trainer who's so hard. I had him this morning. He killed me.

He's so hard. I just I actually just talked about the way over here. But so I've been wearing their bathing suits for like seven years. And they're like recycled material. And they celebrate all women of shapes, colors, sizes. And like it's a small Canadian business. And I've always supported them. And then they were like, why haven't we done a collab yet? And I was like, oh my gosh, why haven't we done a collab yet? So yeah, it was, it was very intimidating because we did the photo shoot in a garage

and I like was scrolling before and I saw like, um, Olivia Calpo doing her bathing suit shoot and I was like wow this is really testing me right now with my insecurities and my body dysmorphia and I like go into a garage where it's like we couldn't even put like a spray tan or body makeup like no edits to the photos nothing and I was

just like I got like really dark there for a minute and I went nope this is an opportunity to celebrate like what we're doing here. We're celebrating bodies. We're like, I did this for a reason. I've been supporting this company for a reason. And so I just leaned in. No, well, and you can, I could tell there was no edits or anything, but in a good way.

And that's what like, you looked so beautiful. Everybody did. And I think like the message came across in such a great way. So it was, it was awesome. It was because I was like, I mean, I could, I could have done any, you know, I could have done it all and made it the most perfect shoot. But that whole point of it was to showcase a little more realness. I love that. Yeah. See, that's why we love you. I felt that. I felt that. Thank you. Okay, guys, let's talk about Wayfair.

It is the summer, obviously, which is my personal favorite time of year. I love just being outside on my back porch. I have a screened in back porch, which is really nice. Having a cocktail, hanging out with the kids, playing cards. We've been playing a lot of Uno lately or just being out by the pool,

eating watermelon on a hot summer day, lounging. Well, guys, you can find everything you need to summer your way at Wayfair, no matter your style or budget. From keeping kids entertained in the backyard and relaxing on the patio to gathering friends for a dinner party, Wayfair has everything you need to make your home the ultimate summer destination. I love Wayfair so much because they truly have everything you can imagine. Right now, as you guys know, I've mentioned it, I am in the process of moving. And so my kids wanted to design their own rooms this time. You know, they're a little bit older. They're very particular now about what they want. And so I let them go on Wayfair and pick out bed frame, nightstands, dressers, you know, their rugs,

everything for their rooms. And they had so much fun because the options were endless. We just ordered them. So we're yet to get them. I will keep you guys posted when we move into the new house and their rooms are all set up. If you guys are like me, then when you know your house, you feel good about your house, it's all put together. You like your furniture, you like all your stuff, all of your kitchen accessories like that one for me is huge. Loving all of my kitchen trays and serving spoons and all the things. It makes you want to entertain and have people at your house, which I love doing. And that's why Wayfair is so great, you guys, because they literally have it all from furniture to kitchen accessories. I mean, you name it, every style, every kind of budget. So guys,

you can find everything you need to summer your way at Wayfair. Visit Wayfair.com or get the Wayfair mobile app. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Okay, a brand that I know everyone has heard of and probably drank before, and that is Smartwater. I know this is really corny, you guys, but it's my favorite accessory. I just always have a bottle of water with me, and I love Smartwater because they have that really crisp, refreshing taste. I know I can always find it. That's the great thing about Smartwater. It's at every gas station. It's at every airport when I'm traveling, which is all the time at the grocery store. Of course, it's literally anywhere you can buy water and the bottle shape is so

great. It can easily fit in your hand, of course, or you can throw it in your purse. I also love it because it fits in cup holders and cars. That for me is huge. In a world filled with overthinking, they're providing a refreshing change of pace, a moment of clarity with a simple choice of hydrating with smart water. When it comes to living my life, there's a lot to overthink. Like right now I'm in the process of moving. So there's the endless list for stuff with that, but at least I don't have to overthink my water. Also, another thing I love about smart water is they have added electrolytes for taste, which I love. You guys know, I mean, hydration is so incredibly important, especially for me. I work out consistently, usually four to five days

a week. I go in the sauna regularly. I also just live a really active lifestyle and in the heat right now. And that's why I love smart water so much. I know I can always find it, which I love. Life's full of choices. Smart water is a simple one. Visit drinksmartwater.com to learn more. All right, let's talk about quints. Why do I always feel like in a whole closet of clothes, I never have anything to wear or if I do, everything's kind of worn out or I honestly just like can't put an outfit together. But I discovered quints. You guys, it's my go-to for high quality vacation essentials that I'll be packing for trips to come. They have things like premium

European linen dresses, blouses, and shorts from $30, washable silk tops, premium luggage options, and just so much more. And the best part, all Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. By partnering directly with Top Factories, Quince cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings on to us. Thank you, Quince. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. I love that. I am going on a ton of beach trips this summer, which I'm very excited about, but I want easy, versatile dresses that are going to be able to go from Mexico to Greece to the Bahamas. And so that's why Quince has been my go-to because they have the best options. I just got a ton of little dresses

that are going to be coming with me on every trip and I cannot wait to wear them. And what I love is that, you know, the quality is going to be good. And also the prices are really hard to beat. So you guys, you should also be packing your bags with high quality essentials from quince. Go to quince.com slash honest for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I NI-N-C-E.com slash honest to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash honest. Okay, wait, I want to go back to men really quickly. What are you looking for in a guy though? Like what have you learned through all of these journeys and what now do you want?

Honestly, I learned so much. I can't believe how much I learned from the last two relationships. Good, bad, whatever. I feel like I was like really in love with Sean and I learned a lot of that of like what I don't deserve. And don't say, oh, sorry, what I do deserve. Oh, what do you... Oh, Kayla, sorry. This is the problem. This is the narrative you're telling yourself. I'm sorry, but I do deserve. I learned a lot of what I do deserve if I'm going to like feel that way with someone. Oh my God.

I learned about how terrible I am, how all of my insecurities are valid. There've been a lot of growth. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. But you do deserve her. Yes. And then in the next one,

I thought I broke the cycle. I thought I found, he is a nice guy. He's not terrible, but yeah. I thought I found like the one and I was like, okay, after all these years and heartbreaks and toxic relationships,

and I will say this last relationship wasn't toxic. And I was like, okay, this must be what it feels like. Like this must be real love if it's not toxic. Right. And then just over all the years, I think I've just learned that what I crave in human beings, whether it's a friendship, a business relationship, I just want such honesty and authentic. Like I want you to ooze authenticity to the point where you're like, I'm so comfortable with who I am. Like, it might make other people uncomfortable. Or like, if I'm going to do this on social media,

it's because like, I'm like, honest. Just be honest about it. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Yes, apparently. I know. I just want somebody who can own all their struggles, all their like patterns that they've

learned about themselves over the years of like, you know, like, oh, I grew up needing this for attention. So now I show up in life doing this. I just want somebody to know completely who they are. I want their eyes to have seen some shit. I want them to just like know who they are and treat me like a queen. Because that's how you are, though. So I mean, that's what you want in return, which makes sense. Yeah. And you know, a lot of people go through life not questioning how they grew up,

you know, the way their parents raised them, their parents' dynamic or anything. And they just kind of are floating through life. Yeah, I don't want to float. No, no, me either. And you and I are similar in that way. We want to get in. Yes. Get down and dirty.

Because a lot of people are scared to do that because it is scary. It's so scary to get that deep and dive in and go through all the mud and just feel so stuck. And then every time I come through it on the other end, I'm like, I am an evolved woman. Right. And I feel so good and confident. Makes you feel so good. Yeah. You just know more about yourself, which does give you confidence. I think going out into the world. I have definitely the most confidence I've ever had in myself right now. And I'm like, always thought like, oh my God, 39 or like turning 40. And I always heard it like, 40s, I always heard people talk about their 40s. And I'm like, oh, it kind of makes sense.

Oh, yeah. Like, I feel the best I ever have too. And I'm 37. Yeah. You know, I mean, you just you know who the fuck you are. But were you delusionally confident in your 20s? Because I was completely. Yeah. I thought I was like, I had all my shit together. I knew everything. I look back. I'm like, what a dumbass. Oh, I was such a loser. Didn't know a goddamn thing.

I didn't know anything. I still don't know a lot. But I'm like, I know more and more about me. And that's all I could do. Exactly. It makes such a huge difference in life if you get to know yourself on like all different parts, like these shadows. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Because then you have a real appreciation for yourself too, which then makes you demand that from a partner as well. Oh my gosh. Yes. The bar used to be in hell and now it's probably

a little too high. Yes. No, that's a good thing. But I think it's a good thing. Well, how do you know when you can trust a guy? Like that's a hard one. I think. I'm trying to do this thing where I trust someone until I can't, but I don't like that. Oh, that's tricky. I know. That scares me. I don't know when I honestly could look at like who they're following on social media. Like, I don't trust you. Like a hundred percent. By the way, that girl, I don't trust you. I know.

No, it's real. Yeah. Which again again it's just all an illusion and this and I'm I don't know it's well I have trust issues majorly well I do too yeah I think it doesn't I think everyone probably does to a degree and then I I think being in the public eye it just amplifies it because you get burned a lot you get people backstabbing you, you know, taking advantage, whatever. Yeah. And like, I don't know. I always feel like someone's going to use me for something. Exactly. Like it always freaks me out. So I don't know how long it takes for me to trust somebody. I don't know. I know it's tricky. And I think it's like I think like the more you get to know someone, it's like little things they

say, you'll be like, OK, like that. Yes That makes me think you're a good person. And like how they treat other people, how their friends and family speak about them. Like, yes. Yeah. I feel like if women would just listen to their intuition a little more, you would realize how powerful it is. And I feel like you can just kind of lean into what your gut's feeling and just go with that like until they do something that until they hopefully don't do something yeah but I mean they're gonna make they're gonna make mistakes and people are gonna mess up and people are gonna disappoint you and hurt your feelings it's just like the trust you you know I think you kind of know I think you do pretty quickly if it's there or not I do too I think we all we all have that it's just a matter of listening to it or not yeah I do I do too. Like I always say on like my podcast,

I was even talking to my girlfriend last night. I'm like, how do people not think they could listen to their body like that? It's literally telling you things in your gut, in your heart, in your brain. When your body can sit there and create another life. I know. And build like veins and lungs and fingernails.

Like, but you're not going to trust your gut or like think you have intuitive power. Like your body is a miracle. It really is true. It really is true. We have to just get in tune with our bodies. And there's so many ways to do it. And there's so many tools and resources out there now

and podcasts about it. And like, yeah, I have a spiritual coach. I have an intuitive coach. I have a therapist. I need more of these things in my life. Get yourself an assistant first. So I'm going to start with that. Start with that because then they can help you so that you have time to do those things.

That's the thing. Oh, God. Yeah. Okay. I want to play a little game with you and it's called Hot or Not. Okay. These are going to be scenarios that a guy does and I want you to tell me if it's hot or not. Oh, this is where I'm going to get weird.

Okay. If a guy, okay. A guy calls his mom multiple times a day. It just depends on their relationship. I think, I think some of the,

like, Jason did and I thought it was cute because I love his mom. Right. Okay. Multiple times. Like,

Oh, okay. Okay. Not hot. Not hot. Right. I was saying like two max. Okay.

It's still a lot. But like, I don't know. Because I like I'm like cuted out by a good relationship with a son and a mother. Well, it is important. Yeah. But OK, I get what you're saying. Like just excessively. OK.

A lot. Not hot. Not hot. Yeah. Right. It's a fine line. It is a fine line. You want them to be close.

You want him to respect the hell out of his mom. Yeah. But like. But like, OK. Like if he's calling her every hour, like for advice. Yeah. Like, no. Yeah. No. Yeah. the hell out of his mom. Yes. But like, okay, like if he's calling her every hour like for advice. Yeah, like no. Yeah, no. That's too much. Yeah. Okay. You're at a bar with a guy

and another guy is talking shit to you. Okay? Okay. Your date pushes him and they get into a yelling match before you have to defuse it. Ooh, that's a good question. Like he didn't throw a punch. He pushed him and they're like yelling at each other. And you have to break it up.

No, not hot. Right? Not hot. I want him to be like, what's happening here? And then just ask me to walk away with him and like laugh at the guy. Exactly. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And yeah, but like defend you. Defend me. But like, don't forget I'm standing there because you're in your little ego. Hello. Yeah. Like, who are, definitely defend. Don't forget I'm standing there because you're in your little ego. Hello. Yeah.

Like, who are you protecting? Your ego or me? Yeah, exactly. You got lost in that. Okay, I like that.

Okay. All right, you sleep together after date three. Yeah. And now the floodgates are open. He starts sending you dick pics on the regular without you ever asking.

Ew. Ew. I'm sorry, but dick pics, are they a thing? Not cute. Not, nobody wants to. Ew. I'm sorry, but dick pics, are they a thing? Not cute. Not, nobody wants to see that. Even, okay, maybe like

if it's in boxers and like- Right, a boner and a boxer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like kind of like far away. But like- Yeah. But like an unsolicited dick pic, I'm offended.

No, it's offensive. Excuse me? It's offensive. It's very, imagine just sending like- I can't. I can't. Also, I've never sent a coochie shot ever. It's the just sending like, I can't. I can't. Also, I've never sent a coochie shot ever.

It's the equivalent. Have you? Yeah. Only if it was asked for, though. OK, right. And not to a random like it was in a relationship. It wasn't like, hey, it's our third date. Send me a cooch pic.

And I was like, you got it. No problem. I've never put the cooch on blast like that. Good for you. I keep her, you know, locked down. Good for you. I don't. Good for you.

She's a free bird. I love that for her. She's a free bird. I love that for her. Okay. He calls you his queen in front of everybody. Both of your families, all of your friends, co-workers, the people at Whole Foods, like literally only refers to you as his queen.

Too much. I mean, you had me at first i was like yes and then it's like whole foods anywhere but whole foods even i'm not really like a nickname gal either like i'm like if somebody calls like babes fine but yeah i don't know yeah like you're checking out a whole food this is my queen yeah i would be like okay okay buddy thank you yeah because i could imagine i was like and he's my king ew ew ew i can't even say it i called mark my king yesterday joking around i think i made him a coffee did you love it here you go my king oh that's kind of cute but it was like a joke but it was kind of cute because it wasn't did you love it yeah i loved it i'm like don't get used to

that of course i did yeah still a no yeah i agree it's weird because i'm like, don't get used to that. Of course I did. Yeah, still a no. Yeah, I agree. It's weird because I'm like such a feminist in so many ways. And I'm like, like you where I go, I could do it myself. And I, but still there's something about chivalry to me. I agree. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I completely agree.

He, he's silent when he comes. Oh, serial killer. Serial killer. Have you ever been with someone like that i'm trying to remember i've literally been with three guys in the last like 11 years which god that's nice i know i made up for lost yeah i mean a little bit that's true though i've said people like i've had one for caitlin well i went through enough in my 20s i don't think i have i have and i'm like hello i'm like, hello. And then he tried to kill me. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm glad you're still here with us today. I'm not

going to be alive, quite honestly. That is weird. It's fucking weird. That would be on my list. It's like you can't just like let go. Yeah. Like what are you? Are you embarrassed? Yeah. Like what's happening? Yeah. Yeah, that's weird. Oh, my God. OK. I hate that you've had that. I know. It's really unfortunate. It's too bad. It's a traumatic point, honestly. When planning your wedding, he's super involved, like wants to have a say in every little thing. Hot. Hot. I like that. OK. Because I am a terrible planner and I I'm so indecisive and I don't really care. OK. I don't know. It's like it's helpful. Yeah. I'd be like, oh my God, that's great. Yeah.

Great. Take this off my plate. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think that's hot. Okay. Amazing.

Oh, that was it. Oh, that was so fun. So fun. I mean, I feel like I'm so happy that you finally came on the podcast. I know. I could do this all day. Literally. I freaking love you.

I love you too. And then I'm sure I'll see you soon. Yeah. Tell everyone where they can find you. Everyone knows, but just remind everybody. No, you've got a great audience. Caitlin Bristow on everything. And then my podcast is Off the Vine.

And oh, my wine, Spade and Sparrows. I brought you a bottle. I love you. It's so I love it so much. But people are just not drinking as much these days. And what's wrong with everybody? I don't know. But I'm like, why?

It's low sugar. It's delicious. It's so good. And they did a study around the world of why women live the longest and they drink wine

and they have community. See? Yep. There you go. You're helping women live longer. You're welcome. You're literally

just doing God's work. I'm doing the Lord's work. I love it.