Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari - Wouldn't It Be Easier If We Could Pick Who We Love? — Dating Questions Pt. 2

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

We're back for part two of listener dating scenarios. We discuss how to spot a narcissist, questions to get to know someone, breaking up with someone who isn’t your forever person, why I won’t settle until I have these three things, when you'll know if you want to marry someone, dating someone with kids, plus what's more important: stability or chemistry.A word from my sponsors:Bon Charge - Go to boncharge.com/honest and use code HONEST to save 15% off my favorite Red Light Face Mask and other wellness products.Armra - Go to Tryarmra.com/HONEST or enter code HONEST to get 15% off your first order.LMNT - Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/HONEST.OLLY - Let's do wellness on your terms, whatever that looks and feels like to you. Find us at Walmart or Target near you or at OLLY.com. Disclaimer: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseaseBilt - Start earning points on rent you're already paying by going to joinbilt.com/HONEST. For more Let's Be Honest, follow along at:@kristincavallari on Instagram@kristincavallari and @dearmedia on TikTokLet's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari on YouTubeProduced by Dear Media.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari, a podcast all about getting real and open on everything from sex, relationships, reality TV, wellness, family, and so much more. And just a fair warning, there will probably be some oversharing. Cause I got all the power, yep. Welcome in to Let's Be Honest, part two, two listener dating scenarios. Welcome back. I did not take a break. I'm just continuing on, but it has been a week

since I've seen you guys once this comes out. So welcome back. If you did not listen to part one, definitely go listen to part one. And we're just gonna get right back into things here. We still have a lot of juicy listener dating scenarios to go over and just dating bullshit in general. And so we're going to start talking about narcissists and basically just how to spot them, what to do. So I had a lot of questions actually about this. And so people want to know how to

avoid narcissists, which sort of goes hand in hand with another question, which is things that you can do to weed out the bad ones. And then this one is can't get over a guy who love bombed, ghosted and gaslit me. How to let go I'm so hurt and so angry. So I put all of these questions together because they sort of go hand in hand because here are the telltale signs of a narcissist. Love bombing is a huge red flag. And if you don't know what love bombing is, definitely look it up. But in summary, it is when a person comes on really strong in the beginning and is telling you how great you are, how they've never felt like this before,

they are whining and dining you, they are doing all of the things and you are like, oh my God, I'm in love, I've never felt like this. And then you start to see the real them. So, and in this one girl's particular case, then he ghosted her, ghosted her and gaslit you. Well, I'm assuming it went gaslit then ghosted. But so, this is what's so hard is they come on so strong,

where you literally are like, oh my God, I've never felt like this before, I'm in love too, like what? And then this did happen to me one time. And then it was like one little thing and it was like fucking flipped. Flipped. And I want to be honest with you. I think a lot of times if they will test the waters with something or something will happen and they'll see if they can manipulate you and control you. And I think what happened in my particular case was

this guy saw he was not gonna be able to manipulate me and he was like, I'm out, we're not compatible. But I'm like, what the fuck just happened? Oh my God, you literally came on so strong and now you're telling me that we're not compatible. And gaslighting, if you guys aren't familiar with gaslighting, it's kind of a, gaslighting is kind of a tough one

to actually explain. Let me look up the actual definition. Essentially gaslighting is like turning everything back around on you. So, well here, okay, here's the Google definition. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their own reality, perceptions, and sanity.

It's a coercive control tactic that can happen gradually in a relationship and at the abuser's actions may seem harmless at first. So yeah, okay, so that's the thing. It starts to make you question everything in your life and you go, am I crazy? Because it's like this way that they like turn everything back around on you and lie

and manipulate so that then you're like, wait, what am I lying? Am I losing my mind? But so for the girl who, okay, if you can't, if this happened to you and you can't get over this guy and you're so upset. And I again, I kind of went through this with this one guy and luckily I only went on two dates with him so it wasn't that serious. But it's like you get so wrapped up in it.

And I have experience with narcissists and I still got wrapped up in it. You have to realize how lucky you are that this guy ghosted you and that you got out because these relationships do not end well. Being with a narcissist will make you a shell of who you are, it will make you go crazy and question your whole reality, it will offer a level of stress that you didn't even know you could experience. So when I

tell you this is a blessing in disguise, you have to realize that and you have to focus on that. You have to say thank God. Thank God I got out because narcissists do not change and they are scary and and it's you just this is a blessing in disguise. And I realize you're angry and it is like, how can someone go from love bombing you so hard and like so obsessed with you to then just ghosting you? And I'll tell you why, because the love bombing stage is not fucking real. That's what they do to try to like butter you up in a sense to then be able to manipulate and control you. And I would wonder if maybe something happened

where you had to set a boundary or stand up for yourself or something. And they realized, because I think a lot of times these narcissists, when they realize like, I can't fuck with, this is gonna be too much of a challenge. Well, they do love a challenge,

but if it's like, if you're too headstrong and just too strong of a person, they will bounce because they love to manipulate and control. So other ways to tell if someone is a narcissist is if they take no accountability for anything in their life. So the same guy who love bombed me and then fucking overnight was like, wait, what? Oh, we're not compatible. He also, when asking about all of his previous relationships, everything was everybody else's fault. If a guy or girl cannot take any responsibility for any of their relationships and it's everything is everyone else's fault, that

is a red flag. So zero accountability is a major major red flag. And again, the love bombing, a guy coming on really fast. I have learned in my adult life is it's not normal. And I think that I don't think everyone who comes on strong is a narcissist. In fact, I had a guy who I had to say to, what is the point of rushing into this? Let's just take a step back and go slow. And I had a guy be very receptive to that, very receptive and be like no you're absolutely right. Like those guys do exist. And I've had another guy who I was like what is the point of rushing into this? And he had every excuse in the world about why we needed to rush into that. He is a narcissist. Didn't know it at first. And again, because I have a lot of experience

with narcissists, I thought I could fucking figure them out right away, but they're so good at hiding it in the beginning, they're so charming, they say all the right things, they will even bash narcissists. So you're like, oh, well then you must not be one. But no, they are. Those are the big things. A guy who wants to like buy

you stuff, like a lot of stuff, like shower you with gifts in the beginning, I also think is a red flag. That also might not go hand in hand with narcissism, but I actually in my experience, it sort of does. And so again, these things do not necessarily mean that they are a narcissist. I think the word gets thrown around a lot these days, but I also think there are a lot of narcissists in the world for whatever reason. And so it is something that we do need to be hyper aware of. And women can be narcissists too, obviously, but I think there's a misconception about narcissism is that narcissists are just full of themselves.

And that is not it at all, actually. If you've had any experience with a narcissist, then you know narcissists are actually the most insecure people on the planet. They actually hate themselves and they have a lot of shame and a lot of emotions that they have buried so deep that they're overcompensating by living this big life. Look how great I am. But really they hate themselves. And it usually stems from childhood of course, like everything else. But yeah, the accountability thing is really, really huge. And unfortunately, I think we really don't know someone until you have

that first tough conversation. And how do they argue or not argue, but how do they have a tough conversation? Are we able to have conflict resolution? How do they handle conflict? Are they sweeping things under the rug? Do they actually want to talk about it? Are they taking accountability? Are they apologizing? Are they listening to you? Are they hearing what you have to say? I think that's when you finally get to see someone for who they are is that first tough conversation. And then of course, all of the other tough conversations they're on after. That's why I don't think I think a conflict or a disagreement or something happening early on is not a bad thing because

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Again, element is spelled L-M-N-T. And then questions to really get to know someone. So that kind of goes hand in hand with things you can do to weed out the bad ones. You do, you got to have good questions. And I want to hear about someone's story, like how they grew up, the difficulties that they've had to face in their lives, how they've handled it. Like, I love people who have had to do work on themselves and who have gone through shit. I just do because I relate to it. And, but it's important

for me to see how people have worked on themselves, the growth that they've experienced. And you know, you I do think of asking about past relationships is a good thing, not the first date necessarily, but I do think it's good to get into that because how a person talks about their previous relationships is huge to be like, like you want someone to be like, you know what? It didn't work out and maybe it was really difficult,

but you learned a lot from it. It made you do X, Y, and Z. Like you had to work on yourself. You're a better person for it. You know, those are the kinds of things that you want to be looking at. If this person is willing to do the work and if this person wants to continue to evolve and grow in their lifetime, I think those are all really good qualities. I think you have to decide what's important to you, first of all. But like loyalty and honesty is huge for me.

That does come with time, but I think you can kind of figure it out quickly in conversations with these people. I think, you know, their goals in life, like just how they see their life, what's important to them, you know, if they're a parent, you know, their parenting style, how they're raising their kids,

because that's a really good indication of who they are as a parent, you know, their parenting style, how they're raising their kids, because that's a really good indication of who they are as a person or if they have unresolved trauma that always comes out in your parenting. Because I think ultimately you want to see if you guys align on your morals and values really, you know, and I think the whole point of getting to know someone that talking phase, those like first few dates is to see if you're compatible, right? I mean, and that's the point of those conversations is to see if you guys have interests, if you look at the world the same, if you know all of that stuff, because I think chemistry you can kind of tell pretty quickly. the same if you know all of that stuff because I think chemistry you can kind of tell pretty quickly I think anyways I know sometimes I can grow but I I always

know pretty immediately if there's chemistry and chemistry is not something you question it's like it's either there or it's not and you just know that from being together so the whole point of these conversations right is to see if you're compatible I think you can totally ask someone if they've ever been cheated on cheated on someone You know, I think that those are questions to see again because I also I think you can have a guy say Yes, I have cheated on a girlfriend, but you know what that's something that I've had to work on That's not who I am anymore. It's not something I'm proud of, but I definitely did do it. Like that to me is a green flag. A guy who can be honest, and that's taking accountability. And I do think people can change. I do. I think people only change if they want to change.

And I think a lot of times the way people change is something has to happen where they're almost forced to change or they started doing the work on themselves and that made them change, you know, which is typically what I've seen. And that to me is great. And that's what I'm saying. Like if you have a past and you were maybe not a good person at one point in time, but now you've done the work on yourself, you've gotten your shit together and you're a different

person like that to me is... that's great. I love that. I love someone who's done the work. Because by the way, I always haven't been the best person either. I had to do a lot of work and grow up and really take a hard look in the mirror. So I respect anyone who is willing to go down that path because it's not an easy one. Okay, she wants me to meet her family after a month. I'm not ready yet and it's causing issues. So a month is fast. I mean I get that. That's really fast to go and meet someone's family. You don't really

know someone for like six months, I think. And I think if it's causing issues, well, everything is about communication. I think it needs to have a soft approach and just say, listen, I am flattered that you want me to meet your family and I would love to eventually meet your family. I'm just feeling like it's maybe happening a little too quickly for my comfort. You know, a month is moving very fast and I'm not saying that I don't wanna meet your family or that I'm not crazy about you, but I would love if we could push that off just a little bit.

And if someone can't be receptive to that and understand where you're coming from, then I don't think that they're the right person. You want someone who can understand your stance and your place as well and that is moving fast. If it was a year I would be like you need to go meet the family like what are you doing? Because then I would think maybe you're not serious about this person. And so, but a month is... That's sort of a red flag. I think it should be for you. Honestly, if she can't... This was from a guy. I think if someone can't understand your perspective

as well, that's also not a good thing. And so I realized she's the one who's upset and that's why it's causing issues, but maybe that's an issue for you, right? And that's okay too. Again, this is why we date people. This is why we don't get married after a month because you don't know somebody for the first six months. And so this is when you figure things out.

You have these tough conversations and then you're like, wait, you know what, maybe we aren't compatible after all. And that's okay. This is how we learn by dating people, getting to know them. And then sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And that's okay. Not everyone you date is supposed to be your next husband or wife.

Cause by the way, these conversations going through this stuff is how we learn and grow. Because to me, even if this doesn't work out, or even if it does, this is a real opportunity to have a really great conversation. This is an opportunity to build real intimacy. If you both can come at it from a vulnerable place and just have a conversation of like, I totally get why you want me to meet your family. I realize that that's so important to you as it should be.

You know, your family is the most important people to you and their opinion matters and I value that and I respect that. I think because it's only been a month, I'm having a difficult time with that. And so maybe we could just meet in the middle and push it off a couple more months, whatever it is. And maybe you say, because I don't know, I just think everything stems from childhood.

So being able to express that of like, why is it too soon for you? Or why does she feel this urgency to have you meet the family? I would come at it from curiosity of like, just asking questions to understand like what that need really is about. That's how you develop real intimacy. Okay, how to break up with someone you love but you know isn't your forever person.

That is the hardest thing. That really is the hardest thing to do. I think it's just that. It's that conversation. I think when you end things with people, it can be that honest. I think it should be that honest. I think it's, I'm in love with you. I just know long term. And for whatever reason. I mean, you can list why or, you know, but those are the hardest breakups when you break up not for love lost, but because you know, it's not right for you or you know it's not your forever person. And that's really hard. I really empathize with that.

Those breakups take a long time to get over I think and it just takes time and I also have an episode about breaking up and how to help a breakup if you guys are going through a breakup and you miss that one. But I think this shows how strong you are as a person because if you're able to make yourself a priority like this, I think that's huge. And I think everyone should make themselves a priority. I think a lot of people are stuck in unhappy relationships. And that breaks my heart because life really is so short. And yeah, while there's gonna be temporary pain for three, four, five months, whatever it is, if you know it's not your forever person,

that's gonna be a lifetime of that always in the back of your mind. And so yeah, ripping off the bandaid, knowing it's gonna be painful, knowing it's gonna be really hard, but still doing it shows a real level of strength and power, honestly. And I don't mean power, like abusing power. I mean, like, I think it's important for all of us to realize how powerful we are and how we can really shape our lives how we want them to be. We are in

the driver's seat of our lives. And doing scary stuff like that is where we really start to build confidence with ourselves and really start to love and value ourselves and that's the best place to be. Having that strength, digging deep, having that strength, knowing ultimately what's right for you is huge. That's huge and I I applaud you for that. And just know it's not going to be easy, but you will get through it. I spent four years on a healing journey, I am now 40 and finding it hard to meet anyone normal. I know what you mean. Once you've done the work. It's really hard to connect with people who have

not. So I think a big part of the healing journey, healing journey slash spiritual journey is realizing that not everyone is where you are and that's okay and it's meeting people where they're at. And I think a lot of times when you have done the work, you can actually be an expander for someone else and you can bring a lot of that knowledge and that light to other people's lives, which

I actually think is a really special thing. But it can also be difficult when you're trying to connect with someone romantically if they haven't. And I think it's okay to say that you don't want to get into a romantic relationship with someone who hasn't done the work. I I think that's perfectly okay. I am in that place in my life right now because I don't connect to someone who hasn't done the work and that's okay and they're at a different place

on their journey. We're all in different stages of our own personal journey. We're all in different stages of our own personal journey. And that can be great, and it can also be okay to have boundaries for yourself about what you're looking for. And I think you have to get really serious and clear about what you want. And I think the universe will send you people that are really close to be like,

okay, I like this about him, I don't like that, but I like all these other things. And I think it's okay to say, I'm waiting for my perfect. I am waiting for my perfect. I am doing that right now, you guys. I am waiting for my perfect and I have been really close, really close. But each time I date someone who has these really important things to me, like someone who has done the work, the depth is there, you know, all these things. I just, I know, okay, it's not him,

but it just means I'm that much closer to finding the one. And I'm a big believer in that, in that the universe is gonna put things in your face to be like, do you like this? Is this what you're looking for? It's really close, we're really close, so keep going. But then I also want this. You know, just getting really clear and honest with yourself about what you want and standing firm in that. And it's okay to wait for that for your perfect, for your perfect. Your perfect is different than my perfect. It's different

than Sally's perfect. than Jennifer's perfect. Everyone has a different perfect. And there is no such thing as perfect. But you know what I'm saying. That's why, I mean, I've been single. I'm gonna say single, obviously I've dated and whatnot. But I've been single, I had a boyfriend, you guys all saw it.

But I've essentially been single for five years. And it's because I am waiting. Well it's because I had to do a lot of work on myself first of all. I had to get serious. But now it's because I'm waiting for my perfect and I'm not settling and I know he's out there. I know what I'm looking for is out there and I know that I'm looking for the 0.001%, but he's out there.

And I'm not gonna stop until I find him. And I'm getting really damn close. I'm getting really close. And I want all of you guys to also wait for your perfect. Cause it's not worth it not to. It's not. Wait for your soulmate. And I think we can have multiple soulmates, but wait for your perfect one.

I think we should do that. And don't care about society's timeline or what your friends are telling you or whatever it is. Only you ultimately know what's best for you. Even my best, best friends, I value their opinions and I will listen, but ultimately I'm doing what I'm gonna do and I'm listening to my heart.

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So again, that is joinbuilt.com slash honest to start earning points on your rent payments today. Okay. All the nice guys I meet, I have zero attraction or chemistry to them. I'm laughing because I get it. Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could pick who we loved? If we could just be like, great I want to love this person. My life would be a lot easier, I can tell you that. It just doesn't work like that. And

I get it. I don't know if it's because it's nice guys and maybe you are typically drawn to the bad boy. But I think it's I think they're just not the right ones. Or maybe you do need to do a little work on if you are drawn to more toxic and unavailable men, maybe do a little work into why that is. But I think just in the general sense I think chemistry is really hard to find. Well okay here here's what it is. I think for a really great relationship we need chemistry, we need compatibility, but then we need that X factor thing of like it's like that chemical reaction. It's like that thing you can't put your finger on. You can't describe. It's just that feeling that you get, which is chemistry, but it's like another level of chemistry. Like

I think you can have chemistry with a lot of people, but I think it's like that that that inexplainable chemical reaction. I don't know how else to describe it, but that's my thing right now because I'm not settling until I have those three things. And obviously that's the hardest thing to find is when you have all three of those things. And I think they're all equally important. But I think that X factor thing is actually the most important thing. And trust me, I feel you because it's so rare that I am really attracted to someone. It's very rare for me. And I've had amazing guys, amazing guys where I'm like, why can't I have this crazy attraction to you? And they're good looking guys too. It's not like, but I, it's that X factor thing

that's lacking for me. And that's what I'm not gonna settle until I have. And I think everyone, again, I think everyone should have that. I don't think that's wrong, you guys. I think a lot of people settle. I just do, I think a lot of people settle. And listen, I get it.

I'm older now, I have my kids. It's like, I can a lot of people settle. And listen, I get it, I'm older now, I have my kids. It's like, I can wait, I can wait. I don't need a guy for anything other than just pure happiness. I know not everyone is in that boat, but I think everyone should have that, I just do. And that's why I'm waiting until I have it. I think everyone should have that. I just do.

And that's why I'm waiting until I have it. And I have a couple of girlfriends who waited a long time to get into a serious relationship. Two girlfriends really come to mind who late thirties got into their first real serious relationship. And they're both in really solid relationships with great guys that they are wildly attracted to

who are faithful, who are all the things. They're great guys. But it didn't, it took a while, you know, and that's what I mean. I think sometimes to find the best ones we unfortunately have to filter through a lot of the wrong ones. And it takes a little bit longer. And listen, that's not to say, I know some people are able to marry their high school sweetheart and they have the most amazing relationship. Like that's fucking awesome.

That was never me. That would have been nice or whatever. I'm not even gonna say that would have been nice. That's not ultimately actually what I wanted in this lifetime. And I think, but that's, I'm happy for those people. I think all of that can exist. I'm just saying, I think sometimes for people more like

my girlfriends that I'm thinking of, maybe this girl who wrote in this question, for me personally in this phase of my life, I think sometimes it just takes a little bit longer to find these really special guys. And I think that's okay too. Cause in the meantime, we can really learn a lot about ourselves and do a lot of work on ourselves and,

and make sure that we're putting out the same type of energy that we want to be attracting in. How long to date before you should know if you want to marry him? So, I mean, I don't think there's any sort of should is relative. I think it just it depends on the person. Typically, I think people know within the first three months, they say guys know within the first three months. I also sort of feel like girls know too. And that's not to say you don't continue to date, of course, because you want to make sure and the longer you date, the more

tough conversations you have, the more things come up to really test if you guys have what it takes to get through tough times or whatever it may be. And I think by month three, you should have a pretty good idea of thinking, you know, I could potentially see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. I think you have an idea. And that's not to say you go and you get engaged and you run out and you get married. But you know, I think you know. So one guy is ambitious and wealthy and treats me like a queen. The other is sweet and truly cares for me and the sex is incredible. Do I go for stability or do I go for chemistry? Well, I'm gonna say you go for chemistry. I know for women this is this is really

hard. Here's why I'm gonna say chemistry over stability because at the end of the day you're because at the end of the day, you're not marrying his ambition and his money. I mean, yeah, that lifestyle is nice, but I always, I'm gonna go for love over money. I just do because to me, choosing someone for the lifestyle is empty. I think it can be fun. I think it can definitely be a distraction. But I think about going to bed with that person at the end of the day and laying in bed talking and having sex with that person. And that to me is what a relationship is. In those moments together, go make money your own or go, you know what I don't know, find fun and adventure elsewhere because I think that's a lonely dead endend road, but if you end up with someone who truly cares for you, like this other guy treats you like a queen, okay, but you said this other guy

truly cares for you. There's a huge difference in those two statements. The first one to me is like trophy wife sort of just like treats you like a queen for him. Do you see what I'm saying? Like that's about him. That's actually not about you. And the guy who truly cares for you sees you. That's intimacy. That's a real relationship. That's love. And the sex is incredible. Why wouldn't you go with the guy who has you've got great sex with because sex is huge in a relationship and I can appreciate how a guy who is ambitious and wealthy is That's attractive. I would never take that away from a guy

I find that to be very attractive and men to a successful man is attractive There is no doubt about it. And that is not a shallow thing to say. I'm sorry, it's just not. Us women think that is attractive. Success and power are attractive. But you need to be grounded while also having those things and you need to be able to be both.

You can find a guy who is successful and who is ambitious, who also sees you for you, who you also have great sex with, who you also have chemistry with. Maybe you don't have to choose between the two. Maybe this is a way for you to have both and you go, I like all of these, you know, I like a couple things from the chemistry guy, like a couple things from the wealthy guy. And now you want to find all of them in one guy. I think that's what this is telling you. And I think you can find that. I think you can. Again, it might take longer, but I think that you can. And I think ultimately we want someone to see us for who we really are. I think that's more important. I do. I think that real chemistry, that real

love is way more important than fun and adventure and lifestyle and I don't know, money. Maybe that's easier for me to say. I don't know, you know, because I money is not an issue for me. And I, I'm very honest and very real about that. But I think the money thing is all it's temporary. But I know, listen, I know it works for some women. I know some women, that's all they kind of care about. I wonder, I'm not saying this guy is ugly and whatever, but I wonder if, like I'm always like, OK,

so you marry for money, but you still have to sleep with the guy. Like you have to sleep with the guy. Like how could you sleep with a guy you're not attracted to? I could never do that. I couldn't do it. Again, to each their own if that's what you wanna do. But it sounds like you want more than that

and that's why you're having a hard time choosing. I say go for chemistry. Okay, just started dating after being married for 11 years. I have no idea how to end a date. God, I love this so much because I've been there so many times and I'm like fuck I want I'm so over this date but I just one time I went on a date with this guy in LA and it was just supposed to be

drinks and it was an awful date and he was fucking he was slamming drinks I think I had one or two if it was a five hour date you guys. Oh my god. And then it turned into dinner and I just like didn't know how to get out of it and I was like fuck I have to wake up early the next day and I was just like oh he was hammered. I was like oh no. I think I've gotten better at that though. But I think it's you just you you could go into the date being like I have an early morning tomorrow with work just you know want to throw that out there and then whatever plans can always change

if you end up liking the guy. You're like, oh, whatever, it's fine. But that's why I love a drink, because if you're not feeling it after one drink, you can be like, this was really fun, but I shouldn't have another drink. I have a really early morning tomorrow. That's an easy way to do it.

And if you're not into him and the guy, you're on drinks and the guy was like, can you get dinner? Again, I think you can be like, this has been so much fun, but I really only allotted for an hour. I don't know, you could just make shit up. But before you go on the date, have those options in your head so you're not thinking on the fly.

You need to have your excuses ready to go. And then just be assertive and stand in that, you know? Okay. New guy is perfectly my type. Chemistry is unmatched, but his kid is with us all the time. Yeah, that's tough. I think you have to know that a guy with a kid, unfortunately, their kid's going to be around. And if that's a deal breaker for you, then then that's a deal breaker and then don't date people with kids. But your time will probably be after the kids go to bed at night. And if they're younger, you know, they go to bed pretty early, which is

nice. So then you could have a whole night, you know, you guys can make dinner at home and but that is a real thing, unfortunately. And I think you could bring make dinner at home and, but that is a real thing, unfortunately. And I think you could bring it up and just say like, hey, could we get into a routine of getting a babysitter? Maybe it's once every two weeks to start, you know, we're able to like have our adult night or, and then maybe after a little while, it's once a week,

we can have a babysitter. And I think you can ask for that in return, but unfortunately when kids are young, it's hard to get away. It sounds like maybe this kid is not in school. Eventually they will go to school. You know, you can get babysitters, but that's a real thing.

But I think if it's gonna be a problem for you, you should not date a guy with a kid. Sometimes that's why parents like dating other parents because you just get it. You get it. And I've heard from guys that with kids that it helps when they date women with kids because it's a hard thing if you don't understand it,

but the kid's not going anywhere. So I would just, if you can't do it, you can't do it. But I'd get out now. But I think it's okay to request an adult night without the kid once in a while. All right, you guys, thank it, but I'd get out now. But I think it's okay to request an adult night without the kid once in a while. All right, you guys, thank you so much for sending these in. This was fun. I hope you guys enjoyed it and I will see you guys soon.