Let's Go To Court! - 103: Carol Burnett v. The National Enquirer & the Seemingly Perfect Couple

Episode Date: January 8, 2020

Brandi starts us off with a story from her Johnson County, Kansas, bubble. Ed and Tyler Patton seemed like the perfect couple. In many ways, they were opposites. He was a partier, while she was more straightlaced. Their friends figured that Ed and Tyler’s differences were what made them a good match. But less than a year after they got married, Ed was murdered. Despite her many protests, Tyler seemed like the obvious culprit. Then Kristin tells us about legendary comedian and actress Carol Burnett. Carol is well known for being a hollywood trailblazer, but she’s also a trailblazer when it comes to fighting back against tabloids. It all started with a fun night out in January of 1976. Carol was out with some colleagues. She shared her dessert with a few nearby tables. On her way out, she said hello to Henry Kissinger. A few months later, when the National Enquirer wrote about Carol’s night out, they told an entirely different tale.  And now for a note about our process. For each episode, Kristin reads a bunch of articles, then spits them back out in her very limited vocabulary. Brandi copies and pastes from the best sources on the web. And sometimes Wikipedia. (No shade, Wikipedia. We love you.) We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “Burnett v. National Enquirer, Inc.” wikipedia “Carol Burnett sued The National Enquirer and won!” clip from John Fugelsang’s ‘Tell Me Everything’ show on SiriusXM “Burnett Wins Enquirer Suit,” by Jay Mathews for The Washington Post “Tabloid Law,” by Alex Beam for The Atlantic “Carol Burnett given $1.6 million in suit against National Enquirer,” by Robert Lindsey for The New York Times “Carol Burnett launches trial balloon,” by Vernon Scott for UPI In this episode, Brandi pulled from: “Kansas Woman Brutally Beats Husband To Death With Wooden Plank” by Benjamin H. Smith, oxygen.com “Greed led wife to kill husband, jurors told” by The Associated Press, Lawrence Journal-World “State v. Patton” findlaw.com “Widow found guilty of murdering husband” The Associated Press, Lawrence Journal-World    

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Egan. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll talk about the time Carol Burnett sued the National Enquirer. And I'll be talking about the perfect couple.

Or were they? No, they were not. They never are. Unless they're me and Nor. Okay. Ugh. they were not they never are unless they're me and norm okay or you and david who is in the room with us right now david is sitting in like a creepy guy in the background okay should we tell the truth like we all went out to dinner yeah and then you sent david home and norman and i were

like why why can't david stay he was gonna He was going to come back and pick me up after we were done recording. Well, he's not your mom and this is not junior high. So yeah, David doesn't have a mic, but just know that he's saying all kinds of things about you guys right now. Why are you doing like the Richard Nixon? He was recently impeached. Okay, it's not nice to bring up. Kristen, did you hear about the latest Nixon? He was recently impeached. Okay. It's not nice to bring up. Kristen, did you hear about the latest stuff? Shut up.

Shut up. You guys, this is Brandy's new favorite joke. It never gets told to her. Why don't you tell the joke, Brandy? All right. So I text Kristen all the time about the impeachment stuff. And I'm like, did you hear the latest thing? Because Norm and I, Norm's on the same page with me.

And Kristen's very hopeful that something's going to happen. And Norm and I are like, nothing's going to fucking happen. Okay, fine. You know what? I'm a cynic just like you guys. And you know what? It's going to be just a dumpster fire from here on out. Listen, I am not cynical. I'm really not a cynical person. No, I know nothing's going to happen. Thank you. I know. Anyway. Anyway. Yeah. What if my case is about the perfect couple and how they lived happily ever after forever? Well, I think that'd be pretty shitty on a true crime podcast.

And plus, did you get this from a Dateline episode? No, I didn't. 48 hours? No. Keep guessing. What show? 2020. No.

Investigation Discovery. There's some crap on there. No. It's it's an oxygen program oh no what is it who the bleep did i marry snapped oh okay but full disclosure there is a snapped episode about this i read an article posted by oxygen i didn't actually watch the episode it's hard to find because it's an older one okay okay anyway all right well i was gonna go into my spiel, but, you know, all right. Not how they sell it as, like, everybody's perfectly happy and did they see it coming? Yeah, but on the- Should they have seen it coming? But when it's snapped, you know someone's going to snap.

Well, you know, and it's the lady. But on Dateline in 2020, they're like, they were the perfect family until the son murdered everyone. You know, come on. Which does sound like a me case. Yeah, it does. All right. Shall we get down to business? Yeah.

This feels weird because I went first on our last episode because, like, the recording. Like, anyway. People are going to be so thrown off. People don't come here for our problems. People are going to be so thrown off because I went first on episode 102 and I go first on odd numbered episodes. Are you trying to get me to do a flippity flip? No, I don't want your flippity flip. I will happily go first. I'm just saying.

It's a lot of episodes in a row for me to go first. Such a hard job. Okay, as I mentioned, there is a snapped episode about this case. I didn't watch it, but I did read this great article that was posted by Oxygen about this written by Benjamin H. Smith. And then I got some more info from the court record and from the Lawrence Journal World. Oh, okay. Is that a clue, Kristen?

Well, it tells me that it happened in Kansas. Sure did. Sure did. So I was feeling like I was missing my roots a little bit. You know, hadn't done a case about Johnson County in a while. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm not doing the case you think I'm doing. Okay, Miss Cleo, which one am I thinking of? Bitter Harvest. Which one's that? The doctor? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm not doing that. Okay. I do. Okay, I do 100% plan to do that case. So dibs right now. My grandma actually just gave me the book.

So I. Okay. No, this is a case I had previously not heard about. I literally Googled murder in Johnson County. And you're like, done that, done that, done that. And then I was like, what's this? I've never heard of this. Yeah.

So this happens in Johnson County, Overland Park specifically in 2001. Really? Yeah. Okay. Tyler Block was reinventing herself. So much so that she changed her name from Phyllis to Tyler. Oh, well, good, good change. It's a solid change.

By 1998, her third marriage had ended. And despite her success as a nail tech and nail salon owner, she decided that it was time for a change. So she had decided to follow in the footsteps of her most recent ex-husband, Michael Block. Now, as in H&R Block? Not as an H&R Block, but if you are from Kansas City Metro or live in and around the Kansas City Metro, that name might sound somewhat familiar. So the Block family, to which Michael belonged, owns and operates one of the largest commercial real estate companies in the area.

So Block Real Estate is a big commercial real estate company. Also, H&R Block was founded here. Yes. So I don't want people to be like thinking that I'm some idiot. No, no, no. Yes. H&R Block was found here. H&R Block's headquarters is here. Yes. So that was not a bad guess. But no, this is Block Real Estate. Okay. Thank you. I'm so insecure. Huge commercial real estate company here in the Kansas City metro area. Okay. And Michael Block is like one of the main brokers

in the company. It's like him and a cousin and a brother and whatever. Gotcha. So Tyler, well, she was Phyllis when she was married to Michael. So she gets divorced from Michael, changes her name to Tyler and decides she is going to go into real estate. So newly reinvented Tyler sold her nail salon and decided to try her hand at the real estate game. It was this career change that brought Ed Patton Jr. into Tyler's life. So he was actually kind of a well known guy in the Kansas City area who's like known as a playboy and a bachelor. By the time he met Tyler, he was well into his 40s. And he had been married once before, but not for long. Like the relationship, I guess, didn't last long. And he had been single for a very long time. His parents had started

Ed Patton Realtors, which was a pretty big realty company here in Kansas City. Like it started like in the late 50s and had operated until the 90s when Ed was working for them. And Ed liked to call himself a trust fund kid, but he actually did work in the family business as well. He liked to call himself? According to this article, he was self-described as a trust fund kid. That's weird. I know. I think it's a weird thing too. So his dad, the founder of the company, Ed Patton, died like in 1987, but he had left a trust fund behind for Ed Jr. And so he

started receiving money off of that. So in addition to making money off of his real estate dealings, he also was making money off of his inheritance, though his mom was still alive. So he worked in real estate. And that's how he ended up meeting Tyler. But Tyler was pretty serious and was taking her new job real estate pretty seriously. And Ed was a big jokester, big partier, into drugs. And so it was an interesting match in the beginning. It was definitely a case of opposites attract. But people said when they got together, they just meshed perfectly and they balanced one another out. And they became this perfect couple.

They met in 1998 and were inseparable. A little bit about this. So there's not that much information available about this case outside of like this Oxygen article in the court records. But when I saw that it was a Kansas City real estate company, I went to my sources, aka my dad. So my dad owns a sign company and they make, you know, mainly real estate signs. And so I talked to my dad about it. And I was like, do you know? Because I had never heard of Ed Patton Realtors. No.

And my dad's like, yeah, we used to do all our signs. They used to be client of my dad's company. So my grandpa owned the company before my dad did. My dad owns it now. And then my sister is the office manager there. So a real family owned business. And so, yeah, they did signs for Ed Patton Realty. And so Ed and Tyler get together

and they marry in February of 2000. And things were pretty good. No, they were the perfect couple. Everybody thought they were the perfect couple, Kristen. They moved into a house and okay, you know, this kills me. What? You couldn't find the address. I could not find the address. The only address that I could find that was registered to both Ed and Tyler was a mailboxes, et cetera, address. That had to just rip you to shreds. It sure did. Okay.

So again, I went to my dad and he believes if he, and this checks out with some stuff that's mentioned later, he believes that they live somewhere around 95th and Nall in Overland Park. Okay. So picture the old Metcalfe South Mall. There are several neighborhoods back behind that. So somewhere in that area. So for people who are not from here, what does that mean?

It means very suburban, upper middle class. Everything's beige. Yes. Got it. Heart of Johnson County. Yeah. So it is now January of 2001. So they've been married almost a year.

About time to call it quits. Perfect couple. Everybody says they're the perfect match. Again, Ed had not wanted to settle down until Tyler came into his life. And then he was ready to hang up his, I don't know, what do you hang up when you're not going to sleep around anymore? All I can think of is whose bed have your boots been under? But that's not right.

Hang up your hat? Hang up your hat. Hang up your hat. I don't know. But you know, you can. Anyway, he was ready to settle down and yeah. Okay. Stick it to one woman. Ew.

Is that gross? Yes, that's gross. Also romantic. Yes, so romantic. Okay, so it's January 16th, 2001, about 930 p.m. Overland Park Police get a call. It's from Tyler Patton. She says that she's sitting outside of her home that she shared with Ed.

An address, please. I don't have it, Kristen. I just feel really disappointed in myself that it wasn't Ed's. You would not believe the amount of time I spent trying to find it. I'm sorry, and it's mean that I'm teasing you. Part of the problem is that Ed dies here. Oh, oh. And it was in 2001.

And so his address record stopped in 2001. And so most of that's not available online. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So they get a call from Tyler. She says she's sitting outside of their home, that she had come home to see Ed, and that she'd gone in and found the place ransacked. And that she thought she heard somebody upstairs. And so she had run out of gone in and found the place ransacked and that she thought she heard

somebody upstairs. And so she had run out of the house and called the police. She said she hadn't talked to Ed since the previous day. She had been staying at another property they own. So once they got married, they started buying up properties and like flipping them and selling them because remember, it's early 2000s. Yeah, real estate markets booming. They had another good eight years of that. That's right. So they so yeah, so they've been flipping properties. So she was just staying at another one of their properties because Ed had the flu and he didn't want her staying there and getting sick. Okay. And so the police show up, they get to the house, they go in through the front door, which is unlocked. And I believe that Tyler doesn't remember if she unlocked the door or

found it unlocked. But they go in and they see that the place yet there's shit all over the place. The house has definitely been gone through. There's debris everywhere. And they call out for Ed. They call out his name and say, are you in here? No response. And so two police officers head towards the stairs and they notice immediately blood spatter on like the railing or the wall like heading up the staircase. They go up the stairs and they head to the master bedroom. And as they get there, there's an undeniable stench that meets them the closer they get to the bedroom. In the bedroom, they find Ed Patton Jr. laying in the bed covered by two blankets. And he is very clearly deceased. And he has been bludgeoned to death so severely that his face is unrecognizable.

Oh my. The blankets have been pulled up over him. And then another blanket has been placed on top of that. Near him, they find a large shard of wood. It looks like it's broken off of some other larger piece of wood, which they believe to be the murder weapon. Like a two by four? Like a two by four.

Exactly like a two by four. Okay. So yeah. So there's like a shard of a two by four laying there covered in blood, but the rest of the two by four is missing. So they bring in, you know, the crime scene investigators, all that.

They secure the scene. They start going through. They go down to the basement and in the basement, they find like all of this, like drug paraphernalia and marijuana and cocaine, like all spread out almost on display. And so at this point, they're like, okay, this is looking a bit odd. Well, it's just a drug potluck. And so they start taking a little bit closer look at the scene. And yes, the house has been ransacked.

Nothing of value was taken. No, there's a Gucci watch sitting on the table. Well, you don't want that. That's too flashy. And they start looking around and nothing of value seems to be missing. There's all kinds of stuff out that is worth plenty of money. It's not missing. They have Tyler at some point come through and talk about what she sees that's missing from the scene. All that she can come up with is a lamp with some kind of halogen bulb and computer speakers. Nothing of value. So this is definitely striking them as odd. And then there is the condition of Ed's body. This is not two seasoned investigators. this is not how you find a body of someone who

has interrupted a burglary or who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's way too personal. Way too personal. This is a rage killing. Yeah. Yeah. And so as the investigation moves forward, a couple of things are kind of uncovered. First is the fact that Tyler told them that she had spoken to Ed the prior day and Ed has been dead at least 48 hours. Oh.

Yes. Ooh. Yes. Oh. So that's not great. Yeah, he is in an advanced stage of decomposition. So he has been dead at least 48 hours. I've never heard of anyone being caught like this. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. And then they find the murder weapon wrapped in a bloody towel on the back porch of the home. So yeah, somebody who has fled the scene doesn't typically wrap the murder weapon in a bloody towel on the back porch of the home. So yeah, somebody who has fled the scene doesn't typically wrap the murder weapon in a towel and then drop it on the back porch. No. So they bring Tyler in and they talk to her and she has all kinds of ideas and explanations for them. Yeah. So first, you know, they talk about the drugs that they found. She's like, well, yeah, you know, our marriage was perfect. There wasn't a thing wrong with it. We got along perfectly. We were the perfect couple

with the exception of his drug problem. You know, he used to be and still has signs of addiction. And really, that's the only place that we would argue. Yeah, we have a perfect relationship, except he's like a raging drug addict. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. No. And so they're like, okay, well, great. And already, this isn't making any sense. No. And so they're like, okay, well, great. And already this isn't making sense to them because of the way that the drugs had been like spread out. It was multiple types of drugs. Okay, so obviously, I'm not a drug user, right? Like, my guess is you don't do all the drugs at the same time. Yeah. And you don't have them like spread out like that. So they also found like a prescription pill bottle that was like dropped

in the backyard of the property. And it had like a bunch of medications that had been combined into the one pill bottle. And then they found all of the original pill bottles for those in the trash can inside the house. Somebody who's breaking in the house to try and get the drugs is not combining them all into one bottle, taking the time to throw those other bottles away and then oops, dropping the bottle on the way out of the house. Well, they don't want you to have to deal with all those empties. Exactly. OK, this woman was beyond stupid.

It's not great. It's not great at all. She didn't consume enough true crime stuff. She clearly did not. So again, it's 2001. Hey, they had Barbara Walters was on 2020. They had Diane Sawyer on, was it Dateline? She was on.

No excuses. No excuses. My point is that there just wasn't the same information available. All right. And so they're like, okay, well, you know, can you think of anybody who might have. Besides yourself. Wanted to harm Ed in any way? And she said, you you know with his drug problem

he did deal with a lot of nefarious people so i the only thing i could think of is that you know it was a drug deal gone wrong or that he you know somehow upset a drug dealer and that they came and did this to him and they're like okay any other ideas and she's like, well, actually, I do have another idea too. So my half brother, he is always borrowing money from us. And I recently cut him off and I wasn't giving him any more money. And he was very upset about it. And you know, Ed and I actually usually sleep on the opposite sides of the bed. We had just switched sides of the bed. So I am thinking that maybe my half brother came and he thought he was killing me when oops he accidentally killed ed instead that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard this is a great come on yeah it's not good it's really not looking good for tyler well

but imagine how hard it is to solve crimes. And then you get one like this. Yeah, exactly. You'd be like, blessed. Yeah, no kidding. So they've talked to Tyler. They're not believing a word she says. And they're looking more into the crime scene. They run a DNA test on the murder weapon that was found.

Turns out she's 100% the murderer. Tyler's DNA is all over that two by four. There's multiple blood samples taken from the bedroom and only two people's DNA comes back from those blood samples. They're both Ed and Tyler's. Same thing with a blood mark that was like on the railing or the stairway

somewhere. It comes back to Tyler. Tyler has fresh cuts on her hands. Don't worry because she has explanations for all of this. This is so stupid. Man, they had to really milk this for an entire episode of Snatch. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you, it's a good thing you didn't watch it. So don't you want to hear Tyler's explanation for all of this?

I would love it. May I guess? Yes. So cuts on the hands? Yeah. Nail tech stuff? I mean, I know she... That's not a bad guess.

All right. All right. Thank you. But no. Okay. hands yeah um nail tech stuff i mean i know she that's not a bad guess all right thank you no but no okay so remember she's staying at their property that they're renovating to sell she was sanding cabinets oh well that'll bang you up yes she's been sanding cabinets getting them ready to refinish so that's where the cuts on her hands come from dna on the two by four. Okay. Well, I mean, there's no, there's no explanation. No. That two by four was purchased for a home project. She purchased it, brought it to the house. Of course her DNA is going to be on it. There was just one two by four at that house? Yeah. She purchased that one two by four for a home project. How many projects do we do with like one two by four? Okay. Yeah. She was going to make herself a live, laugh, love sign.

On a one, two by four. So autopsy results come back and their suspicions are correct. This has definitely been a rage killing. He was hit at least eight times with this two by four. Like that's not anybody but someone who has... Norm, do you need to get in a more comfortable position? What the fuck are you doing, Norm? I'm just relaxing. Okay, you look look really uncomfortable looks like you're mid crunch

yeah you're gonna have amazing abs by the end of this episode well i'll keep going okay so you guys he's on the love seat and peanut is he was trying to make peanuts kind of in my spot yeah and it's just not working i'm sorry sorry not now she thinks you're 100% that bitch. I know. Okay, I should be good now. So yeah, they identify this two by four as the murder weapon. It's a big, big move. But it was really just DIY gone wrong.

DIY gone wrong. That's right. And that's when they narrow down that he has definitely been dead longer than Tyler has said since the last time she spoke to him. So they bring Tyler back in and they want to talk to her again. And she walks them through kind of what had happened in the days prior to Ed's death. Because the day that she said she last spoke to Ed or no, I'm sorry, it was the day that she discovered Ed's body or discovered the house had been ransacked. She left him nine voicemails that day.

Okay. So each time she ran an errand that day, she called and filled him in and left him a voicemail. She wasn't concerned or anything? No. Because he had the flu, Kristen. So he's probably just sleeping it off. Okay.

She talks them through her whole day. And it's one of those things where someone has clearly been trying to come up with an alibi. And I've got a receipt from there and a receipt from there. And I remember down to the minute at exactly which place I went to. Yeah, she went to all kinds of places all around like the 95th and Metcalfe area. She went to Name Brand Clothing, Home Depot, Sears, Walmart. She's got receipts. She knows exactly what time she left here exactly what time she made it

there she remembers having a meeting at the new home to talk about somebody to come and do a dry basement thing and what time that person left her parents were in town so she went and visited them at their hotel for 31 minutes and the two houses the on. I'm sorry to back you up. Yeah. Did she go to Half of Half name brand clothing? I'm guessing that's what that is. That place is disgusting. I don't remember another store called name brand clothing. So I'm guessing that's what that is. That's not still there, is it? It is still there. Oh, God. Yes. Oh, the things that survive. Cockroaches and Half of Half name brand clothing. She went to the bank. She's got a bank receipt. She's got all kinds of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the thing about the two residences, so the house that they're renovating and that she's staying in because Ed has the flu. Why do you say it like that, Brandy? Clearly this place was ransacked by drug users.

And then the house where Ed was at are very close to each other. So each time she's going from one location to the next, like when she's going to these stores and stuff, she's driving past the home where Ed was at are very close to each other. So each time she's going from one location to the next, like when she's going to these stores and stuff, she's driving past the home where Ed is at. And so they asked her if she noticed anything odd. And she said she did notice that there were no lights on in the house. And that did seem off to her because usually there would be at least something on, you know, the living room light, the light by the window,

something like that. And she had noticed that no lights were on in that she thought that was a little bit odd, but not odd enough to stop and check on anything. So the phone call that she talks about having with Ed the day before his body was discovered, when we already know that Ed is dead, he called her and said he missed her and wished that she would come home, but that he was sick and didn't want to get her sick. Okay. So how long in this story, how long did they go without seeing each other because he was sick? So according to Tyler, just a couple of days. That's crazy.

If David had the flu, would you really just like take off? Exactly. And especially if you were driving by, wouldn't you at least stop in and be like, do you need some soup? Absolutely. Yeah, this is absolutely. Yes. And they're in the honeymoon phase of their marriage. So come on. So they're doing some honeymoon phase of their marriage. So come on.

So they're doing some more searching of the crime scene and trying to figure things out. And laughing the whole time. I mean, this is ridiculous. And they come across some information that Ed had kind of tucked away. They find a diary of his that's like written on the cover, Tyler time. And it's like a list of all the times that they've gotten into arguments and what she's pissed about and all the things she's unhappy with in the marriage. Yes. He makes a note of it like every time. Really? Yes. He's got like a whole journal

of arguments that they've had. Yes. Oh, that's creepy. Uh-huh. And like the final entry is January 2nd. And then they find a recorded conversation of a fight between the two of them. Oh, this is so sad. Where Tyler says that she's done. She's not in love with him. She's unhappy with their marriage. She's unhappy with their situation. He doesn't make enough money. He was lying about how well to do he was when he, you know, wooed her and she wants a nicer home and all of this. And that she's done and she's moving out of the house and she's gonna go live in the other house that they had just purchased that they're renovating wow so her story about him having the flu and her just staying at this other

having the perfect marriage yeah so as they start like talking to people who know them lots of people knew this lots of people knew that they had had a fight at the beginning of January and that she'd moved out of the house. Of course. She's just an idiot. I swear. Yeah. This is, yeah, this is terrible.

Yeah. This is so sad to me because it makes me think of Nicole Brown Simpson, how she had, didn't she have like a safety deposit box with all these photos and like yeah evidence of abuse yeah and here ed had this log that he kept yeah of basically all this verbal abuse that he was yeah yeah dealing with and how you i'm gonna get i mean maybe he didn't did he write down any physical abuse i just don't think you start with the two by four you're probably right yeah i don't know i don't know um i mean not that she did or anything. Yeah.

I will say also that the autopsy determined that there were no kinds of defensive wounds on Ed in any way. So he was either incapacitated or in such a deep sleep when he was attacked that he did not fight back in any way. Wow. Yeah. So obviously they arrest Tyler and they charge her with the murder of her husband, Ed Patton Jr. Was she like, what? This isn't me. Have you guys

looked at my half brother? And actually they did. They brought. You've got to cross people off your list. They brought in the half brother. They interrogated him. He had an alibi. It wasn't him. Like, it was very clearly Tyler. And she did just a terrible job of trying to cover this up. Well, I guess if you kill someone in a rage. Well, that's true. Yeah. That is interesting. Yeah. If you're, if you've killed someone in a rage and then you're going back to try and cover it up after the fact. Yeah. That is true. i hadn't even thought about that well this is why we do this together brandy so like the big thing at trial was the state brought an expert she plead not guilty she pled not guilty what she pled not

guilty and they tried i was waiting for the plea deal no No plea deal. She pled not guilty. And they tried to put on a defense that it was anybody but her. They pointed the finger at this drug dealer that Ed knew. So Ed was a known associate of this drug dealer that was murdered back in 1992. And that drug dealer's sister's address was in Ed's address book. Oh, OK. The most ridiculous defense you've ever heard like just anybody else it could have been well i mean that's what that's all you can do right yeah other than take a plea deal i don't know why she didn't take a plea deal because she

was not guilty brandy she was innocent yeah so the big thing that the state put on was like how staged the crime scene was they brought in this expert whose whole like job is to come look at a crime scene and then this is really interesting to me i didn't even know this was a thing but to weigh the condition of the crime scene against like the risk of the person's lifestyle and see if they are compatible at all so like what is this person's risk factor in life? And then what does the crime scene look like? And do they match up? And so that's fascinating. Isn't that fascinating? Yes. Yeah. So and he said that he found nothing that led to a risky enough

lifestyle that someone would do this. Exactly. And that to him, the crime scene 100% looks staged with only like three things missing from it, none of which were of actual value, while items of actual value were left behind. Like this was a very staged crime scene. And it was staged by someone who didn't know what the fuck they were doing. Yeah. Didn't have like the slightest thought in their head of what they should have done. Did Tyler get kind of offended that they were calling her dumb in court? Yes. So then an expert comes on and talks about the DNA.

And they talk about how, yes, Tyler's DNA was found on the two by four. But it wasn't just transfer DNA. It wasn't just skin cell DNA. Her blood was found at the scene. And there's like a one in 53.9 billion chance that it's anybody but her. The bloodstains. So I mentioned this earlier, but here I have the exact location. So the bloodstains were found on a blanket on the bed. So like there was the blanket that he was covered with. And then there was that other blanket that was on top of that. So that's the other thing is, if you didn didn't know the person why would you cover them with a blanket afterward

yeah exactly yeah so on like the secondary blanket he was covered with her blood was found on her blood was found on the dresser which was like where that shard of the two by four was found so there's that piece of the murder weapon that was found there and there's a blood sample taken from there and that matched tyler's dna yeah and then there was a blood stain on the dryer knob like someone had like tried to do some laundry maybe clean some blood stains out of their clothing and that matched tyler's dna yeah come on yes and then they found like a tissue in her car that had blood on it so that's not as damning to me because, I mean, you could get a nosebleed in your car, I guess. And was it her blood? Yes, it was her blood. Okay. Well, yeah, that's not. Yeah. So there's so much DNA evidence here. I mean, this is ridiculous.

Yeah. I know. I don't understand what her, like, why not take a plea deal? You really thought you were going to get out, get off on this? She was delusional. I mean, did this trial last two days? I mean, there's just nothing the defense can say. Right. And so another expert, or I guess not an expert, but like a forensic financial person came in and talked about the couple's finances and how they were doing fine financially. But should Ed die, that the inheritance that he was getting from his trust fund, that

would go to her. He had like $103,000, like insurance policy or something that would go to her. And so she stood to gain substantial funds if he didn't exist anymore. Wow. Yeah. So what this forensic accountant guy found out, though, is that when that fight had happened on the second, Ed had actually gone in and tried to change the beneficiary on that $103,000 policy. Whoa. Yes. Away from Tyler. Oh, this is so upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. This is so scary to me when people know what's going to happen. Yeah. So again, as I mentioned, the defense tactic was to just point their finger at any other person. They called a bunch of people and talked about how Ed was this known drug user and how he had,

you know, rubbed elbows with all kinds of bad people and anybody could have done this to him. Okay. At one point, this one witness was talking about some, okay, so this woman's name is Nancy Pratt, and she's called as a witness by the defense. And she had knowledge of somebody else whose name they did not release. But somebody close to the Pattons had told her about the murder before the information had been released to the public. And so she is testifying on the defense's behalf that she was given knowledge about this murder before anything was released to the public. And so that person had ties to drug dealers or something like that. So she is testifying. And at one point, she gets reprimanded by the judge because her daughter was sitting in like the

gallery. And they were communicating back and forth to each other while she was on the stand. communicating back and forth to each other while she was on the stand. Not verbally, but they were like signaling each other. And the judge saw it and he got pissed. Called a recess. He excused the jury. He told this witness that he was going to throw her daughter out of court. And they were like, we're not talking.

We weren't communicating with each other. And he's like, don't lie to me. I saw it. And finally, Nancy admit her daughter had her car keys and she thought her daughter was going to get up and leave with her car keys that's what she tries to claim not that they were trying to like share information or give some kind of signal to tell some specific story that's weird yeah he threatened to ban the daughter from court for the rest of the trial yeah so I don't know what the judge picked up on but he thought for sure he picked up on something. Something fishy was going on. Okay.

Yeah. Anyway, this trial was, I mean, open and shut. Like. Yeah. There's plenty of evidence. The jury deliberated for four and a half hours and they find her guilty. Of course. Of first degree murder. She was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole after 25 years.

So she will be eligible for parole in 2026. Wow. Of course, she appealed her conviction on so many fucking grounds, like nine different reasons. And it's all ridiculous. Of course. Of course it is. All her appeals were denied. The thing about the judge reprimanding the witness, that was one of the reasons. Jury saw part of that and that could have tainted the jury pool. The fact that the defense wanted to bring in a bunch of information about Ed's past and his drug use and all of that, and that wasn't allowed because it was considered, you know, we talk about this a lot, actually, like previous bad acts and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the defense thought that that was pertinent information because it showed that he

had dealings with people who may have wanted to harm him at some point in his life everything that they wanted to present happened like early 90s though yeah give me a break if people were mad about that they would have done so the judge hadn't allowed it in and so they appealed on that part that the judge should have allowed that in all kinds of stuff like that and all of them were denied and she remains in prison in Topeka today wow yeah the worst attempt at a murder cover-up I've ever heard of. Yeah. Girlfriend was dumb. Yeah. Thank God though. No kidding. Poor Ed. I know. Yeah. You ready for me to lighten things up a bit? Yeah, talk about Carol Burnett. Oh, please. Perfect time for a plug here. Yeah. Because this suggestion comes from someone

on our discord. This is how I found out about this case. And if you're like, oh, my God, what's a discord? What are you talking about? Obviously, never listen to this podcast. First of all, welcome. But no, second of all, our Discord is for people who support us on Patreon at the $5 or $7 level. So it's like a 90s chat room where you can just discuss life. You can make case suggestions, discuss the case of the week, post about your pets, which we always enjoy. We do love that. And at the $7 level, that's the Supreme Court level. You get all that, plus a monthly video and a sticker.

That's right. You heard it here first. If this is your first episode. Anyway, so this comes from someone whose username is i88. And she recommended this case. I assume she, someone, recommended this case from when Carolol burnett sued the national inquirer and she said my grandma loves court shows and when i told her about the podcast she said tell your friends about carol i love that so here we go excellent let's talk about carol burnett

let's okay kind of before our time i mean yeah, yeah, I'm and by kind I mean, like a long time before our time. Yes. But are you familiar with her at all? Absolutely. What do you know her from? Well, the Carol Burnett show was a variety show that she had. And she had all kinds of different characters. And yeah, hugely famous comedian. Yeah, an actress. So she was a big comedian in the 60s and 70s. And know she still continues to work but yeah her big show was the carol burnett show it had songs and comedy sketches and it made her a huge star over the years she's won a ton of emmys golden globe awards she's been nominated for tony's and in 2005 she got the presidential medal of freedom wow. Carol Burnett is a big deal.

Yeah. But I'm not here to talk about her showbiz success. I'm trying to imagine what the National Enquirer would say about her. Okay, yeah, let's have a moment here. Yeah. So what do you think that the National Enquirer said about her that pissed her off so much that she was like, you know what? I'm going to do something that nobody else is really doing at this time. I'm going to sue. I would think it

would have to be something about like her behind the scenes, like she's horrible to the workers and like just like a nasty person and not at all like the fun loving character that you see on TV. That's not a bad guess. Okay. But I know nothing about this case yeah yeah okay so we're not going to talk about showbiz yeah what we're going to talk about is what really happened one night in january of 1976 are you ready i am right are you buckled in oh do you have your pants on i never not have my pants on kristin whenever i ever come here without pants on you know i always have to tell you to keep your pants on okay but you know very appropriately dressed with the pregnancy lately do you want to tell people how long you held out on maternity pants for some weird reason okay yeah so i was doing a thing where i was just not convinced that it was time to like switch into different pants

doesn't your body tell you it's time like i, here, like, I, you know, I was in a little bit of denial. I still, like, I'm this far in. I haven't gained any weight in my pregnancy, but my body is a-changing. And so my pants were very tight. And so when we would sit down to record, I'd be like, sorry, Kristen, I have to unbutton my jeans. And so I would do it, too, in solidarity. But now I've got these leggings

that come up so damn high. Yeah, I tried to tell you maternity pants sound amazing. I don't know why everybody isn't wearing these fucking things. Well, they're basically jeggings, right? Yes.

I mean, they're just, they're so comfortable. All right, all right. I will also say that I was getting that same harassment at home from David. Hey, when you're getting something from me and at home, then it's just good advice. Okay, picture it.

Picture it. What really happened one night in January 1976, Carol Burnett was preparing to perform for President Gerald Ford at the White House. And the night before her performance, she and some of her writers went out to this really fancy restaurant in Washington, D.C. They had a lovely time. It was just marvelous. They were all eating,

and they had had just a little bit to drink, like a couple of glasses of wine. Nothing crazy at all. And then they learned that the couple in the booth next to them had just gotten engaged. Oh, yay. Oh, my gosh. Oh, how fun is that?

So Carol and her friends were like, oh, congratulations. And by this point, Carol's table had a bunch of desserts. So they were like, hey, do you guys want some souffle? And so like the waiters came by. I think they came by with like extra plates and kind of facilitated. Okay, great. Yeah, fun times. Then turns out there was this like great fun family in the booth behind Carol's. Lovely people, just the best. And so Carol offered them some baked Alaska. Again, you know, get the plates, you know, okay. I mean, good time was had by all.

And Carol walked out on the bill. Meanwhile, in the same restaurant, Henry Kissinger, who was the U.S. Secretary of State, was sitting nearby. Kissinger or Kissinger? Kissinger. Okay was the U.S. Secretary of State, was sitting nearby. Kissinger or Kissinger? Kissinger. Okay. All right. So Henry Kissinger was there with Lou Wasserman and his wife, Edith. And Carol knew-

Edith Wasserman was there? Yes. Wow. Is she someone I should know? No. Oh, God! Don't scare me like that! Don't do that!

How do you know the thing to say to me? She was the one person I didn't google in this entire story so carol knew edith and lou really well because lou wasserman was a big-time talent agent he was the head of a studio okay so on her way out she stops by says hello to them and they introduced her to harry kissinger here's how the conversation... Henry Kissinger? What did I say? I'm sorry. I'm getting excited. Everyone's name is changing. Here's how the conversation went. Henry said, I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at the White House. And Carol said, oh, that's lovely. It's very nice to meet you. Wow. Yeah. Pretty crazy, huh? How dare she say something like that? Pretty wild.

Then she left. Next day, she performed at the White House. And that is the story. That is some hot dirt for the National Enquirer. Everybody calm down. I hope no one was driving while they heard that. Yeah. Bada bing, bada boom.

That's it. That's done. What the fuck did the National Enquirer turn that into? Well, I'm glad you asked. So the National Enquirer, as we know, is a very prestigious publication. Well respected. Yeah, yeah. So it's a tabloid for anyone who's like, I assume it's only a U.S. publication.

Yeah, I would assume so. It's like a really shady tabloid. Yeah, very, very. So they wrote a story about what happened that evening. What did their story say? I would like to read it to you. Yes, please. The headline read, Carol Burnett and Henry K. in row.

Ooh. So they fought? Yeah. Just like I told you. Yeah. Huge big fight. Okay, here's the article. In a Washington restaurant, a boisterous Carol Burnett had a loud

argument with another diner, Henry Kissinger. Then she traipsed around the place offering everyone a bite of her dessert. But Carol really raised eyebrows when she accidentally knocked a glass of wine over one diner and started giggling instead of apologizing. the guy wasn't amused and accidentally spilled a glass of water over Carol's dress. What? Yep. Wow. By that point in her career, Carol had had a ton of untrue stuff written about her. And she'd just always sort of taken it.

Yeah. Tabloids tell lies about you. That's the shitty, unavoidable part of being a celebrity. But this article was different. Carol, both then and now, was very anti-alcohol abuse, very anti-drug use. Both of her parents died from alcoholism. So alcoholism and everything that goes along with it was very touchy for Carol. And the fact that she'd been portrayed as being drunk and obnoxious just incensed her. Apparently, she's only been drunk once in her

life and it was in college and wow that's just yeah but what could she do about it tabloids have always been pretty shameless about what they print about celebrities but it was particularly bad back then they literally printed whatever they wanted and why the hell not they had the first amendment to back them up plus it's not like these celebrities ever saw these false stories in the paper and sued them for libel so carol hated that false story about her she and everyone in the restaurant that night knew the full story they knew she hadn't been drunk and obnoxious so she looked herself in the mirror and she said let's go to court she called up a 33 year old entertainment lawyer named barry langberg she was in tears when

she called him she told him what's barry short for bartholomew that's exactly what i was thinking and david is nodding i'd probably go by barry too yeah short for Short for Barry with three R's. That was so stupid. We're keeping it in. So she told him she wanted to sue and he was like, Oh God, I thought you were giving me the flip off there. And Barry was like, I was giving you my like cutest look. I know you're sitting over here under this mood light you have yes the light above Brandy is out right now so she's giving me like she's got a basket full of looks can you describe the look you're giving me right I don't know I thought I was just showing you how interested I was no it's a little weird

so Carol's like I want to sue and And Barry's like, are you positive? Barry didn't want to do it. Well, he wanted her to know what she was up against. OK. Because this case was not going to be simple. Mm-hmm. Because she was a public figure. Right.

Quick legal detour. Here we go. If you thrust yourself into the limelight, then reporters and tabloids. That was a sign of thrusting. Oh, I know. I spot it anywhere then reporters and tabloids have much greater leeway in what they can say about you and because of that leeway if a public figure decides to sue them that case is much harder to win than if like joe blow down the street It's like, you caught me thrust in, but you know.

Anyway. He should really change his last name. Joe Blow. He really should. It's a shame. So this all stems back to a major Supreme Court decision from 1964, New York Times versus Sullivan. I will now tell you every detail of that story. Is this, we're getting two cases in one? No, I'm just kidding. That would be terrible. No, so, okay, here's the part that's important for Carol Burnett's case. Okay, who's the Sullivan? Do you know?

Yeah, I read up briefly. I might do the case. Oh, okay. So just keep your maternity pants on. These things are hard to get off. They go up so high. Is it like a pair of pantyhose where like you yeah you just yeah i mean i could probably get my both arms in there man are they thin yeah up top yeah thinking about getting me a pair so for an everyday private citizen to win a defamation

case they just have to prove that the publication published a false defamatory statement about them. Okay. But as a public figure, you've got to do that plus one step further. Carol Burnett had to prove that the Inquirer printed a false defamatory statement about her and she had to prove that they'd done it with actual malice. Right. Okay. So that makes sense. So that means that she had to prove that either the inquirer knew that the story they were printing was false or that they recklessly, what are you, are you two making eyes at each other? I just looked at him. Stop flirting in the middle of our very. I just looked at him. It was a flirt. I literally looked at him. Just talk of thrusting and you two are looking at each other. This is how you two got into this mess. I was going to say,

we got in this situation, Kristen. Just to note, she's looking at each other. This is how you two got into this mess. I was going to say, how do you think we got in this situation, Kristen? Just to note, she's looking at David, not me. What? Norm! The listeners might have been confused. I don't think anyone was confused. Just saying. Thank you for clarifying, Norm.

That was really important. I will attempt not to make any further eye contact with David for the rest of this recording. Okay. It wasn't eye contact. It was eye contact. You guys, these were hungry eyes. What are the lines to that song? I don't know.

Hungry eyes. That's all I know. Between you and I. Oh, I feel know. Between you and I. Oh, I feel the magic between you and I. Chrissy, did you feel the magic between me and David? Maybe I did. Now you made it weird.

Okay, so where was I? For I was rudely interrupted by your flirtation. I literally just made eye contact with him. Brandy, this is a professional thing, okay? She had to prove that the inquirer knew that they were printing a false story or that they had recklessly disregarded whether it was true or not. And that gray area of whether they recklessly disregarded the truth

had to be proven by clear and convincing evidence excellent that will be very difficult to prove it sure will or will it well i mean you already told us she does it so well i told you she sued okay what do you yeah what are you checking the word successfully was in your no no okay i think you just think success anytime you look at me. Was it in the blurb you read us from the Discord? Nope. You sure? Yeah, I think it might have been. Shoot.

We'll have to censor that part. Dang it. Dang it. I know that I have received a clue that this is a successful lawsuit. No. No, it doesn't say. Well, now I've given it away. But no, it doesn't say that. It doesn't? away but no it doesn't say that no where am i picking

up that that i thought it was i just told you you look at me and you see success is it the cat tree behind me she's like about to she was like getting in pounce mode she was gonna pounce on your head well i might deserve it okay so barry explained all this to carol and he was like look it's going to be really tough celebrities have sued the inquirer for defamation before but they never win right the inquirer always wiggles out of these lawsuits yeah he said i told carol what the pattern was that the inquirer would make a lawsuit hard long drawn out and very expensive and she answered i've got the time the patience the resources and the desire to do it damn carol so carol burnett knew that the stakes were high but she thought she had a pretty good case so she sued the national inquirer for 10 million dollars good for her what

year was this this was 1976 adjusted for inflation 45 million dollars holy shit carol burnett okay i think that's crazy that's a lot of money i mean yeah it was not a nice story but i mean it wasn't bad yeah wasn't that bad yeah didn't say you took your top off or anything didn't say she humped henry kissinger right there in the restaurant that's what i'm saying so at first the inquirer was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, we can see you're angry. Let's make it better. Please accept this settlement.

And she was like, no, Carol Burnett did not need settlement money. Carol Burnett was rich. Yeah. So then the inquirer took another tactic. Under California law, a newspaper can get itself off the hook for certain liable damages if they publish a retraction that is just as noticeable as the original article. So that's what they did. In April of 1976, the Inquirer published this.

An item in this column on March 2nd erroneously reported that Carol Burnett had an argument with Harry Kissinger at a Washington restaurant and became boisterous, disturbing other guests. Kristen, his name is Henry Kissinger. What did I say? Did I say Harry? Oh my god! What? There's a weird chip in my brain! When have I ever said Harry Kissinger?

Twice tonight? I know, I know! Oh lord. Lord, help us. So it's drinks from dinner. I had one drink at night. It's a strong drink. Would you like some of my dessert?

We understand these events did not occur, and we are sorry for any embarrassment our report may have caused Miss Burnett. Carol later said, You know what that retraction reminds me of? A hit and run driver who hits you and when you're in the hospital, they send you a bouquet of crabgrass. Oh, yeah. She was like, your retraction means nothing. Yeah. I want a jury trial. Yeah. And that is exactly what she got. Her trial began in 1981 in Los Angeles County. It lasted a little over a week. It was the first time a libel case against the National Enquirer went to trial. Brandy, there's no word

like successful thrown in here. I don't know what made me think that you would. You're just one big spoiler alert. So Carol Burnett obviously was amazing on the witness stand she was charming like anytime we do anything with celebrities they're always great yeah the folks for the inquirer not too much not not so polished not not so friendly not so great pretty quickly the truth came out that bullshit story about carol getting drunk and obnoxious had come from a paid informant a what a paid informant what did i say what no i'm sure that's exactly what you heard i heard pagan in there you didn't expect that twist did you yeah that's why i told you to keep your pants on but the thing is the pagan informant had only told the Inquirer that Carol had been, like, kind of loud.

And that she'd offered people some of her souffle. They'd never mentioned Harry Kissinger or... Okay, that time I did it on purpose to be hilarious. And he specifically said that she was not drunk. When a reporter for the Inquirer tried to do some fact checking, the only thing they found out was that, yeah, Carol had shared some of her souffle. And at one point she stopped and talked to Henry Kissinger. But the fact check didn't turn up anything for her being in some drunken fight.

And in fact, two restaurant employees said that they talked to the Enquirer and they said, no, she was not drunk. Wow. Uh-huh. So this is how she's going to prove it because even all those people said it. It sounds pretty actually malice-y to me. It does. Okay. I just got the image of push up your glass. Actually malice. Actually malice. So Henry Kissinger didn't testify at trial, but he did. What about Harry Kissinger? I don't know. His brother, his brother was available and they were like, we don't want you, Harry. So he did submit to a deposition and he was like, yeah, Carol was perfectly ladylike. You know, why am I here? Yeah. Apparently the reporter who was asked to do the fact check about the piece

was asked to do so one hour before deadline. Oh, wow. When time was up, he didn't feel great about it. But, you know, the time was up. Yeah. Which I do feel bad for this guy because although the National Enquirer, like they published this thing months after it happened. So I don't see why it was such a like, oh, we got to get it in now.

But anyway. Just a real missed opportunity for a very dirty job yeah so i kind of feel for the guy because you know it kind of all gets put on his shoulders when a little bit but also like you know kind of like with this podcast we don't go because we're ready we go because it's wednesday so some inquirer employees did say that when the story was written they believed it to be accurate they trusted the source but steve tenney was the guy whose byline actually ran with the piece and he said that he didn't trust the source and that in actuality he hadn't written the piece what an editor wrote the piece wow yeah how often does that? So I don't know how often that happens, but I have been in situations before. Well, in the newspaper I used to work at,

we had an editor who you would go home and sometimes he'd just mess with your story. Yeah. And I mean. And so what gets put out is with your byline on it, but maybe not what you. Right. Yeah. And I don't think think i mean he never intentionally put in errors but when you're going in and messing with someone's story and they're not there to look obviously errors happen absolutely i'm still mad about it don't worry it was only like 12 years i'll be over it any day yeah yeah give it a good 15 years i'll be fine i remember one time oh no, no. This stupid story. Okay, okay.

I'm moving on. You're fired up. You're so fired up. What an ass. What an ass. You find out that he messed with your story the next day when you pick up the paper. How vain are you that you're going in and reading your own story, Kristen? You had to because people would call and yell at you and be like, that didn't happen.

And you'd be like, I didn't write that. Oh, wait. Oh, apparently I did. I could tell so many lame stories right now that no one would be interested in. So in a deposition, an editor for the Inquirer admitted that he hadn't trusted the source for the story. Yeah. And that he'd written the thing himself. Wow. He'd just rewritten it. Okay. Which sounds exactly like my old editor. Oh no, are we here again? I'm sorry. I thought I'd worked through the trauma. Obviously not. He wasn't a bad guy. That just pissed me off.'m over it now are you i'm so good now so zen look at me i'm in one of those i'm doing downward facing dog or right now right now as we record

because i'm so zen okay is it downward dog or downward facing dog i don't know it's just downward dog oh well kristen's facing i'm know. It's just downward dog. Oh, well. Kirsten's facing. I'm doing an extra step. I'm very advanced. She's actually doing that bulldog dance that she pretended not to know anything about. When it came time for the Inquirer to defend itself, they didn't bother pretending that the story had been accurate.

You know, they'd already done the retraction. They admitted it was wrong. The tactic is to say it wasn't done with malice, right? It was just an error. Actual malice. They were like, hey, we had this informant. We thought he was reliable. And the hardworking journalists at the Enquirer

tried their best to fact check the piece. And later, when they learned that they'd made an oopsie daisy, they printed a retraction. What more do you want? And oh, by the way, if you look closely at the piece, you'll see that we never actually came out and said that Carol was drunk. Really? I mean, technically, they never said she was drunk.

But if she's getting into a fight and spilling wine, I mean, you know. Yeah. Carol later said a sixth grader could make that leap, you know. So. Yeah. Carol later said a sixth grader could make that leap. You know, so. And you know, even if we had said that she was drunk, we're just the National Enquirer. We have no power. We can't negatively affect Carol Burnett's career or reputation. In his closing argument, the National Enquirer's lawyer, William Masterson, took the high road.

No, he didn't. Yes, he did. You ready? You ready for the high road? You buckled up? He said, I speak not only for a client, but also for a principal. And that is the freedom of the press. Your right to know. There are some who may feel that some news is more important than other. According to the Supreme Court, news is news. Oh, my gosh. Are you with that? In other words, whether it's the National Enquirer or the New York Times, it's all news.

And according to the highest court in the land, it should all get equal protection. Which I do see how this can get into a slippery slope argument when we're saying that, you know, Gawker sucks, we hate Gawker, so we're going to come down hard on them. But I just, I'm sorry, I worked for a newspaper. That's not news, what they're doing. No. You heard it here first. You heard it here first, the National Enquirer.

Not news. Hot take, we're going to get a lot of letters from very angry grandmas. I88's grandma is going to be pissed when she hears this. So like I said, Carol had originally wanted $10 million, but I think her attorney was like, hey, let's scale that down a bit. Asked for $1.5 million. Okay. Did you adjust that for inflation?

No, I didn't. I figured we'd just have to go with it. So here's something interesting about this trial. About $4 million. Right? One-tenth? You're asking me a math question? Yeah, it'd be one-tenth. Okay. Very good, Brandy.

I might be wrong. I will now give you the Nancy Pelosi clap. I do like her clap. I do. I know nothing's happening with the impeachment, but I like her clap. I do. I know nothing's happening with the impeachment, but I like her clap. Okay, so everyone was following this trial. Particularly celebrities were following it. Yeah, because they're like, oh, is she going to win this?

Yeah, exactly. I got a shot. Yeah, exactly. They were like, oh, they've been saying shit about me. Can I sue now? So one of the celebrities who was really concerned about this case was Johnny Carson. So on The Tonight Show, he talked about the lawsuit and he just railed against the National Enquirer because they just published a story saying that he and his wife were headed for

divorce and it pissed him off. So he was like, they're liars. I hate them. Go, Carol. Go, Carol. Go, Carol. Go, Carol. Go Carol, go Carol, go. Norman just gave me a look like he was so in love. He's so embarrassed. So in love. No, I think that was a look of embarrassment, Kristen. That was a parody of Go Ninja, Go Ninja. Yes. The Vanilla Ice song from Secret Abuse.

Yeah, from Ninja Turtles. And it was beautifully done by your wife. Was it a look of love or embarrassment? What a lucky man. Could it be both? Could it be both? No, it can't be both. No, he's embarrassed by how much he loves you. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah. Okay. That makes total sense. So, you know, Johnny Carson's on The Tonight Show being like, I hate the National Enquirer. They suck. Love you, Carol. And because of what Johnny said, two jurors had to be excused because they were like, oh, yeah, we watched that. Oh, my gosh.

Or we heard about it. Yeah. So they were out. And with just one alternate to fill in, a jury of 11 people deliberated for two days or four days, depending on which source you look at. They ultimately sided with Carol Burnett. As Brandy depending on which source you look at. They ultimately sided with Carol Burnett. Ooh. As Brandy predicted.

I think you told us. They awarded her $1.6 million in damages. Wow. So to break it down, they awarded her $300,000 in general damages, which I don't think

they call them general damages anymore. Actual damages. Maybe. I bet it's what they would call them now. Actually. They now call them general damages anymore actual damages maybe and that is what they would call them now if actually they now call them actually damaged and 1.3 million in punitive damages so the jury had spoken the national inquirer had knowingly

printed false defamatory statements about carol burn. Not nice, not okay. Under California law, only nine members of the jury had to agree. But in this case, the decision was unanimous. The National Enquirer was real sorry. Like so sorry. So sad. They were like, we did you wrong. Here's your money. No, they weren't. No. we did you wrong. Here's your money. No, they weren't. No.

They appealed. As soon as the jury's decision came down, the attorney for the inquirer vowed to appeal. Yeah, he like jumped up and ran out of the courtroom. Appeal! Yes! He said that the jury's verdict was an affront to the First Amendment. Okay. And that it was almost the equivalent of capital punishment for a corporation.

Wow, that is a stretch. Will we go to the funeral of the corporation? Do we send flowers? We send a bouquet of crabgrass. That's right. Worth noting, the trial judge actually reduced the jury's award. Oh, really?

Yeah, so the jury wanted to give her 1.6, but the judge reduced it. Redursed it. Redursed it. The judge reduced it. Redursed it. Redursed it. I'm going to reduce it. You guys, that's actually a legal term.

I know it from law school. It's when you reduce something. Redursed it. It means reduce, school. It's when you were derst something. Derst. Derst. Derst. Derst. It means reduce, but you sound smarter when you say it. Derst. Rederst. So the judge reduced it to $800,000.

So the National Enquirer appealed, of course. Oh, my God. You okay? Mm-hmm. Irma Gertie Rederst. appealed of course oh my god you okay that's what carol burnett said that's what johnny carson said to you so the inquirer appealed it was a long process dragged out several years and i'm just gonna sum it up quickly and we're gonna throw some details to the wind, you know. The inquirer claimed that the jury had gotten incorrect instructions on how to award punitive damages, that the retraction they published should have given the inquirer greater protection, and that mean old Johnny Carson had poisoned the jury.

But the appellate court was like, eh, not really. Nope. Yeah. Get out of here. We're finding against you on those three arguments. P.S. So do you remember the retraction thing that they did about like put the retraction in a place that's equally noticeable as the article? That was a California law that applied to newspapers. And this appellate court was like, you're not a newspaper. Get out of here. But then came the fourth argument. And the fourth argument was that the punitive damages, even though they'd been reduced by the judge, were still way too much. This was something that legal analysts had kind of already said.

When the verdict came out, everyone was like, oh, great. But legal analysts were like, wow, that's kind of a lot. Yeah. And so the speculation was that it was because Carol Burnett is so likable and the National Enquirer is so hateable. Yeah. And that's how they got to that amount. Right. So the appellate court said, you know what? That award was excessive. We're going to reduce it to $150,000 in punitive damages and 50 grand in actual damages. Actual damages. So Carol Burnett had a choice. She could either get a new trial or she could work out a settlement. In December of 1984, eight years.

Oh my gosh, this did stretch on. Holy hell. It lasted forever. You're practically alive by now. I know. That's a good point. Just give it like a year so carol burnett settled the terms were confidential

well no it's still a victory for her i hate confidential settlements i think it was probably like 200 grand i mean that's just guessing i mean it just seems like yeah i am just guessing okay fine i'm just guessing but anyway the important is, as soon as she got the money, she donated it to journalism departments at the University of Hawaii and Berkeley. That's awesome. The lawsuit was never about money. It was about sending a message. She said, if they'd given me $1 plus car fare, I'd have been happy.

Because it was the principal. The fuck's car fare? Car fare? Like money to compensate your transportation? Oh. What? Brandy. Who calls it car fare?

It might be more of a city term. I don't know. Have you never heard car fare? No. You two. Car fare? They're totally not listening. Is that a term you guys are familiar with?

Car fare? Let me read you a sentence. Okay. If they'd given me one dollar plus car fare i'd have been happy because it was the principal oh so paid for her taxi yeah yeah yeah i've heard that before wow wow brandy brandy my gosh i'm sorry i'm not familiar with your big city terms we got a classic country mouse and city mouse so i do want to say when she said that she was talking about the jury you know it wasn't about

like getting money from the inquirer it's about a jury signing yeah she said they didn't give a darn about my rights as a human being i didn't do a thing to the national inquirer they did it to themselves her lawsuit sparked a bunch of other similar lawsuits in the tabloids. Okay, some articles I think kind of overstate the effect this lawsuit had. It did have a big effect on tabloid journalism, and I think it showed celebrities that they could stand up for themselves. But, I mean, it dragged on so long. I don't know that it encouraged that many people. And it's not like we don't have tabloids today.

Okay, well, I just ended that on a real downer. Great, Kristen. Anyway, that's the story. And basically, Carol Burnett did nothing for anyone. No, that's not true. And that's the story of when Carol Burnett... You're welcome, I-88's grandma. Successfully sued the National Enquirer.

Successfully, Brandi. Successfully. There. It's at the end of the script, which is where you put that information. Not all willy-nilly in the middle. My goodness. I enjoyed that very much until you shat all over Carol Burnett at the end. What about Harry Kissinger?

A lot of people don't know about him. A lot of people don't know about him. A lot of people don't know their history is the problem. That's right. They only know about Henry. All right. Oh, yes, Norm? We also learned a new law term, reduced. Reduced.

Reduced. You know, some people are attorneys who listen to this. Some people are in law school. So make sure you mention that next time you're in court people are going to be really impressed i was hoping to get a reduced sentence you mean reduced no no no you dumb dumb learn this on my favorite podcast do we have questions from the discord yes oh Yes. Oh, my. We got people up late with us. I did say it is after dark.

After dark. Obviously. People have to know when I can't say words, it's after dark. Well, let's get this one out of the way because we are recording this on January 1st, 2020. Many people have asked this. Your New Year's resolutions. Do you have one kirsten oh gosh i hadn't really thought of it so i don't have any like real specific resolutions but like i have

little like goals to get ready for baby yeah what do you have it's kind of like you know i gotta like get the house ready and all that stuff so this hand gesture was like start the waterfall i was i was like doing like a that's a passage of time yeah it's like each month i'm gonna have like a goal to work towards so that when the baby is here i'm you know prepared for it okay it's very overwhelming well you finally got pants so much better now i have these pants you know i think for me it's gonna be i'm working on my second book and i want to have a draft that I like by the end of this year. Excellent.

Yeah. So this one's for Brandy. Ooh. We all know Brandy's belief that she could easily be roped into a cult. We do know that. Yes. Brandy, what cult, either past or still active, would you rather be brainwashed by? Ooh.

Ooh. Is there one where you just like, you know? No. No, there's not one where like you sit around and sing songs. All cults are bad. I know. Okay, so I wouldn't do like Heaven's Gate because the shaving the head and the wearing the jumpsuit, I couldn't handle that.

It's all about the shaved head, isn't it? It is. Yeah. I do not have a face for a shaved no i feel like manson family pre-murders i think i could have like what they just they just had a bunch of sex and did a bunch of drugs and lived on that movie ranch they thought a race riot was coming and they wanted to get in dune buggies and find pits to hide in. No, it wasn't just sex. I mean, all of them had sexually transmitted disease because they were just banging everybody.

I mean, I believe it. No, I probably wouldn't pick that one either. They'd be playing the Beatles again and you'd be like, do we have to listen again? And they didn't really shower. That one's not for me either. So in other words, Brandi has to think long and hard about which cult she'll join i'm pretty sure that the guy who played the hot guy in 10 things i hate about you heath ledger what heath ledger no no the hot guy like how dare you andrew keegan or whatever his name is is that his name name? Okay. Well, he was hot too. I don't remember his name, but he was like the snobby.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. He played Joey. Yeah. Anyway, I'm pretty sure he has started a cult. He's claiming it's a church, but I'm pretty sure it's a cult. I'd probably hang out with him.

Good choice. Yes. Andrew Keegan. Keegan. Okay. I was right. See? Yeah.

He played the hot guy Joey in 10 Things I Hate About You. And he has started a church. He had beautiful hair. Which is definitely... You and your hair. No, he had crunchy hair. So did Heath Ledger. Well, I was a fan.

Anyway, yeah, he started a church. I'm pretty sure it's a cult. Oh, he did have very crunchy hair, didn't he? But beautiful skin. Yeah, he did have beautiful skin. You know, he does not look great today, I will say. Well, since Brandy got her own question, I'll give Kristen. Yeah, he did have beautiful skin. You know, he does not look great today, I will say. Well, since Brandy got her own question, I'll give Kristen her own question. You don't want to start a fight between us.

Kristen, are you able to give us any hints on what your book is about? Sure. It's a chick lit book called Second Best. And it's kind of a coming of age story set in a girl's senior year of college. And it starts with her older, much more successful sister has just gotten engaged. And meanwhile, the protagonist is like a loser virgin. So it's all about like, how do I catch the fuck up really fast? Hilarity ensues.

Hilarity ensues. Your dad responded, by the way, and said, she won't even let her dad read it. So I'm guessing it's filthy. You know what? That's a good guess. Good DP commentary in the Discord. It's erotica.

Oh, God. We'll end with this final question. right for both of you what childhood fear for example darkness wait who asked it flyger 133 what childhood fear still creeps you out the most okay i have so many fears i like how do i not live in a bubble but okay i have okay first i'm going to tell you well you do. Well, you do live in a bubble. It's the Johnson County bubble. I do live in the Johnson County bubble. We appreciate you coming out. No, but I had like an embarrassing fear when I was a child.

What was that? So dumb. Okay, I had this fear that I was going to... So I loved to go to the swimming pool, like the public swimming pool, and I loved to go off the diving boards. But I had this fear once I got into the deep end that a shark was going to come up out of the bottom of the pool and get me. So I would jump in and then swim as fast as I fucking could to that ladder and get out.

You know what I mean? The shark couldn't get me. Did you look around for sharks first? Yeah. Before jumping in? Yeah. Obviously, Norman. But then they'd still appear and get you.

For the record, I was a very small child when I had that fear. No more than nine. I also was very scared of vampires when I was a little kid. I saw Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie when I was like six and had horrible nightmares after it like so vivid that I can remember them to this day like the scariest nightmare I've ever had in my life and so I would go to bed at night and I would be so worried that a vampire was going to come in my bedroom that I'd have to convince myself to be able to fall asleep. So I'd have to like convince myself that I put if I put my blanket up like

perfectly and covered my neck with it, a vampire wouldn't be able to bite me when they came in my room. And that's why I'd have to lay there perfectly still with my blanket all the way up to like my chin. And that's how I would fall asleep. You and I have very similar tactics. The way I would fall asleep, and sometimes I still do it because it's a good tactic for falling asleep, is like, okay, I get freaked out. Bad guys in my house. If I stay perfectly still, don't move a muscle, he can't see me and I'm safe. And to this day, I will fall asleep that way. There you go.

But I don't have any of those fears to this day. So to answer the question, really the only fear, I obviously have the hiccups, sorry. Spiders and clowns. I've been scared of clowns since I was a very small child and I'm still scared of them today. What if a clown jumped into the pool? Sorry. I'm sorry. Well, their makeup would run, so.

That'd be even scarier. What are you talking about? I still have the fear of, you know, that urban legend of like the snake coming up the toilet. That's a real fucking thing. That's not an urban legend. Don't say that. Don't say that to me. Every time.

I mean, I know this is supposed to be about like dumb stuff we thought when we were kids, but I'm still a dumb kid. That's a real fear. Anytime I'm on the toilet a little too long, sometimes I just, you know, do a little squat check. No,

so far, no snakes. There was an episode of the X-Files when I was a kid that scared the shit out of me. There was this port-a-potty monster. Oh no. It was in port-a-potties and it would like come up and eat people or kill people. I don't really know what it did, but when I was a little kid,

I was afraid to use a port-a-potty because I thought that port-a-potty monster was going to. You should be afraid to use a port-a-potty because I thought that You should be afraid to use a port-a-potty. I am still afraid to use a port-a-potty today, but that's a lot more about germs and smells and less about monsters.

Bonus points if anybody remembers that episode of The X-Files. What's the cash value of these bonus points? TBD. Okay. All right. Should we do some

Supreme Court inductions? Yeah, because I'm definitely ready for that brandy you know we do it at the end of every episode is this new yeah i'm totally yeah so how's that work how do you get inducted what's this really you don't remember okay okay everyone i'm gonna angrily tell you about this great opportunity to be your own boss. I'm sorry. I went into the wrong speech. Let me tell you about my new multi-level marketing. Hey, they don't call it a multi-level marketing scheme. No, these are our Supreme Court inductions.

They're for people who have signed up to support us on Patreon at the Supreme Court level. So they get inducted on the podcast. They get a sticker. They get bonus episodes. They get into the podcast. They get a sticker. They get bonus episodes. They get into the discord. They get bonus videos every month. It's a ton of fun. Join us, won't you? And oh, look at that. Brandy has pulled up her correct document. You just sound like you're inviting them into a cult, Kristen. Join us, won't you?

We're your family now. You don't have to shave your head, we promise. we're your family now we promise this week we're continuing with everyone's favorite beverage kirsten what do you want people to do during uh inductions this week i want all of you to think about the great contributions that harry kissinger has made to this nation of ours all right okay great emily mugias honey lavender lattes. I've never even heard of that. Well, she didn't have to clear it with you. It's her thing. I'm interested. Sounds very interesting. Caitlin Jill Johnson Baxter. Fountain diet Coke, preferably from McDonald's. She

continued that they have a proprietary recipe. It's true. Fountain drinks from McDonald's taste different from fountain drinks anywhere else. Can confirm. Yes. Well, specifically Coke products. Coke products, yeah. Are they better? Yes. Sprite and Coca-Cola. I believe it's because they're delivered in like chilled cakes. It is. It's chilled the entire time and then their straw is made specifically

to give you the exact mix of like the right amount to hit your tongue and exactly it's a whole science. Are you guys trying to get a sponsorship with McDonald's after that terrible case i did about them a few no it's legit whenever i want a coke i always go to mcdonald's yeah it's the best coke yeah okay anyway thank you kate i'm sorry about that tangent emily horton creamer with a splash of coffee mariah kavanaugh ranch water water. Tequila, triple sec, and Topo Chico.

Sounds pretty good. Bethany Trosper. Hibiscus. I'm sorry, Kiki just attacked my foot. Oh, great. Does it taste like a flower burped in your water? She said don't come for me. How dare you come for her? Brandy DeLeon.

Black cherry white claws because there ain't no laws when you're drinking the claws. Crystal Brown. McAllister's iced tea. Brooklyn. Diet Dr. Pepper. Evan Bronco. Hot butter beer from the wizarding world of Harry Potter in Orlando. Don't make Brandy jealous.

I'm so jealous. Ashley Hopper. Apple cider. Samantha Jay. Dr. Pepper. Ariel. Pinot Noir. Welcome to the Supreme Court!

Oh my gosh, you guys, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. Happy New Year, guys. Do you guys want to mention the Christmas cards and the gifts you guys got? No, not at all. Thank you, Norm. Okay. No, we should mention... We definitely want to. Thank you to everyone who sent us holiday cards and nice notes. It was totally unexpected. Yeah, we should mention. We definitely want to. Thank you to everyone who sent us holiday cards and nice notes.

It was totally unexpected. Yeah, we loved it. We went to the P.O. box and man. Yeah, we got lots of love. We appreciate it. Super unexpected was, and I'm not totally sure. This person didn't include a note with it. So I'm going to include her name right now.

And, you know, if she wants us to bleep it we'll bleep it i'll find out who she is somehow some way some way thank you julia for sending us all these fun sodas yeah she sent us banana soda which we have not tried yet but i'm so excited i'm so excited to try it and then what what was the stuff that you said norm uh ramune japanese soda yeah that looks amazing strawberry flavored and david is drinking right now the butterscotch root beer yes oh and he man he's kind of vanna whiting it right now i mean he's lost points because he's not in a sequin gown but you know we'll we'll allow it it was good i tried it it was really

good yeah so thank you so much that was so kind that was amazing and fun story that box was very heavy fun fact that was a heavy box yeah norman came out of the post office sweating it was weird though because he has a he was lifted up like a boom box on his that's exactly how he was carrying it, actually. He's a real tough man, Brandy. Hate to tell you.

He looked like those guys from Teen Witch. Don't bring, don't mention Teen Witch. Teen Witch, my God. Okay, for everyone. And you're not. If you want to get with me, I'll give it one shot okay

literally everyone but you two is like what's teen witch what are you two talking about wrong false fake news okay what is it then guys it's an amazing movie the best rap scene you've ever seen in your life the freshest funkiest hip hop song

you will ever hear okay Brady are you gonna wrap this episode up or what well you already made fun of me so I know but I like to make fun but I do it with love that's how we express love in our culture that's right in our cult

no thank you guys so much for your support. We appreciate it so much. If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, YouTube, Patreon. And then once you've done all that, please head on over to wherever you listen to podcasts and subscribe. And then leave us a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. And be sure to join us next week.

When we'll be experts on two whole new topics. Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process. I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitate it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. And I copy and paste from the best sources on the web and sometimes Wikipedia.

So we owe a huge thank you to the real experts. For this episode, I got my info from the Washington Post, The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Wikipedia. And I got my info from an article by Benjamin H. Smith for Oxygen, The Lawrence Journal World, and The Court Record. For a full list of our sources, visit lgtcpodcast.com. Any errors are of course ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.