Let's Go To Court! - 131: Conrad Hilton III & a Bad Pot of Coffee

Episode Date: July 15, 2020

Daryl Pitts, aka DP, is back for his third illustrious guest appearance on the podcast, and he has one hell of a story to tell.  Conrad Hilton III is young, rich, and accustomed to getting what he wants. So when he boarded a commercial flight (the horror!) from London to Los Angeles and was asked to turn off his cell phone, he immediately lost his cool. He screamed obscenities at the flight attendants. He punched the bulkhead. He smoked weed in the airplane bathroom. Later, he threatened to kill the flight attendants. When they handcuffed him, he complained that they would ruin his modeling career. When they finally landed and lil Conrad was made to face some consequences, his family hired famed O.J. Simpson attorney Robert Shapiro. Then Kristin tells a truly disgusting story about a horrific pot of coffee. On a Monday morning in the spring of 2009, Michael Utz was at work for the city of Culpeper, Virginia. He walked over to his personal coffee pot, but when he opened it up, he noticed that it was already filled with water. But… the water didn’t smell like water. It smelled like urine. He immediately went to his boss, who made it his mission to find the culprit.  And now for a note about our process. For each episode, Kristin reads a bunch of articles, then spits them back out in her very limited vocabulary. Brandi copies and pastes from the best sources on the web. And sometimes Wikipedia. (No shade, Wikipedia. We love you.) We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “Peeved ex-employee relieves himself of $5,001,” by Rhonda Simmons for the Star Exponent In this episode, DP pulled from: “Conrad Hilton and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Flight” by Amy Wallace for GQ.com “Hilton Family Struggles to Keep Their Latest Drama Under Wraps” by Erica Harwood for Vanity Fair “Conrad Hilton Violates Restraining Order, Seen in Bizarre Video with Stuffed Bear Outside of Ex-GF’s House” by the Blast Staff for TheBlast.com “Conrad Hilton, Brother of Paris, Gets Probation for Taking Ex-girlfriend’s Father’s Bentley” by City News Services for the LA Daily News  “Socialite Conrad Hilton’s Journey to the Dark Side” by Amy Zimmerman for the Daily Beast “Paris is Bad? Meet Her Little Brother Conrad Hilton” by Nick Clark for the NZHerald.com

One semester of law school. Dropped an undergraduate pre-law class. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Daryl Pitts. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll talk about a bad pot of coffee. And I'll be talking about one spoiled Hilton Hotel air,

and I'm not talking about Paris or Nikki. Ooh. Hilton Hotel Air, and I'm not talking about Paris or Nikki. Ooh, dad, well said. You barely stumbled over that last line, and we did perfect unison on Let's Go to Court. Did you forget the name of the podcast? I forgot the name of the podcast. What is this again? I'm on so many podcasts. This is called the Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan Experience. I've not been on that one before. I'm looking forward to working with you, Joe. Dad, welcome back. Good to be back. It's been a few months and I have missed being on the podcast, although I guess you just replayed this week the last podcast I was on. Yes, it's true. Is it because it was blowing up on the first time around and you decided to shoot it out there again? Yeah, it's not because Brandy's on maternity leave and we needed something to fill the space.

It's because people were like, that was the best episode of any podcast ever, and we must hear it again. Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, speaking of Brandy, I'm glad you brought Brandy up. Yeah. Because as 50% owner of this podcast i have an announcement to make okay i'm taking over the co-hosting duties of this podcast brandy is out wow well it's going to be devastating for her to find out like this i'll tell you that well you got to find out some way and but i do have one request um when your editor edits the podcast yeah i need for her

or him i'm not sure her her i need for her to insert a brandy laugh track whenever i say anything that's even remotely funny can we get that done you know what honest to god it is just because you know i recorded with kyla your my sister, in case you forgot. And it's weird to record with someone who doesn't have the Brandy laugh because the Brandy laugh makes you think you're the funniest person in the world. And then, you know, you're talking to Kyla or I'm talking to you and it's just a dead, dead pause. Yeah. Waiting for Brandy to laugh. Yeah. When I'm being hilarious. Well, and the other thing is Brandy will laugh for like 30 seconds sometimes. so i can take a bathroom break i can do all kinds of stuff to the bathroom whatever you need to do yeah brandy we we miss brandy so all serious all seriousness uh brandy

we hope you come back soon but we want you to enjoy your time with baby london so do that and we'll uh we'll cover for you while you're gone. And, okay, I'm going to make an announcement, and if we have to cut this, we'll cut it. But the plan is that the week after this episode airs with you, Brandi will be back. She won't have a case, but, you know, she has quite the labor story. Oh, good labor story. Yeah, she does. That's right. I won't spoil that at all, but good labor story.

Good meaning like every woman's nightmare. But anyway, yes. One other thing before we start, and I don't know whether you've got other things. I need to shout out to Ashley L. on Facebook. Okay. Last week you posted a picture on Facebook. It was of my lower torso legs, my cool shoes. Yeah, it was showing off your tube socks and your bright white Costco sneakers.

Yeah. Well, do you know what Ashley thought that was on Facebook? What? She thought those were Bradley Cooper's legs. And I got an honest mistake, Ashley. Yeah, it happens all the time. It does happen all the time. I get mistaken for Bradley Cooper, even just the lower torso with the tube socks and all that kind of stuff so

yeah it's uh it was an honest mistake thank you Ashley though for that compliment it's weird that you would have to compliment her when this happens to you all the time yeah but I guess you're just gracious I reach out and compliment I mean when I get complimented I reach out and thank people all the time yeah that's my deal we can all learn something from you, Dad. You know, this is me. I'm going into business mode, Dad. Okay, business mode. Okay, you got your business cat, your business. We're both wearing sweatshirts right now. But let's pretend we're in suits and let's wait a minute. Let's stop and talk a little bit about that. It is the middle of the summer in Kansas City. Yes. It's 90 degrees outside. True. And your house is so cold, I'm wearing a Bill Belichick hoodie sweatshirt and I'm still cold. Okay. Norman and I have an

agreement. He controls the thermostat during the summer because he gets very overheated. He controls the thermostat during the summer because he gets very overheated. I control it during the winter because I am always cold. So to me, like, I'm always dressed in my snowsuit in my house at all times. Well, it's because it's 62 degrees in here, and we're upstairs even. You know, downstairs, you'd think it'd be colder down there, but we're upstairs and it's 62, so I don't even know what it's like down there. Welcome home. No.

Business time, Dad. Okay, business time. Let's make some money for this fledgling podcast. I'm with you all the way because as 50% owner, I want some dollars. Okay, Dad. How do they do it? How do they support us? They need to be a patron on Patreon.

Very good. And I don't know a lot of details but there's different levels um oh good you really want to shoot for that supreme court level because that's the top level uh-huh i don't know what that costs dad what do they get do you know what they get they get a sticker uh-huh they get their name announced on the podcast which may be way better than a sticker monetary value on that what a million dollars it's well yes spread over all patrons yeah but not each patron doesn't get a million dollars worth of value out of that but but yeah it's worth a million dollars total couldn't even go with that the thing is. Yes. What else do they get?

I'm going to help you out. They get a monthly bonus video. They also get bonus episodes. They also get into the Discord, where it's like a 90s chat room. They chat away. That's at the $7 level. But if $7 is too spendy for you, go down to the $5. That's the appellate court level. And at that level, you get into the Discord and you get bonus episodes.

And I'm pretty sure that's it. That's not bad. That's pretty good for those dollar amounts. I would... Hey, Dad, you know, we're trying to promote it. So don't say it's pretty good. Say, oh my gosh, the value. Wow.

What an extraordinary value. What a steal. What I wonder about is merch. I want some merch. When do I get merch? Soon. You're working on merch? Yeah, we really are working on merch.

Oh my gosh. I want t-shirts. I'm going to need another heavy sweatshirt like this if I ever come over to your house in the summer. Oh, well, whatever you want. Yeah, we'll also be making bright white sneakers that say LGTC on them. Oh, you're going to get those? What, are you going to go buy them from Costco and stencil that on?

That's the cheapest way to do it. Now, let's get down to business. I understand you want to go first. I want to go first. Yes, I'm ready to lead the way. OK, are you ready for my case? Yeah. Got a little bit of an old timey disclaimer on on some of the background. Because this family goes back 100 years.

The original bad boy in the hotel business was Conrad Hilton. And not really a total bad boy, but he had some really spicy stuff come up back in 1919 through the 1940s. And so he had some tabloid drama of his own at that time. What qualified as spicy in 1919? Well, you're going to hear some of it. Okay. And it didn't start in 1919. The spicy stuff happened a little bit later. Okay. But in 1919, Conrad Hilton rolled into Texas at the height of an oil boom with $5,000 in his pocket. Now, he wanted to buy a bank, and I don't know much about the finances of the 1919s, but that doesn't sound like enough to buy a bank even back then.

Did you even adjust this for inflation? I've got an inflation adjustment for you. Okay. Man, I thought I was calling you out. No, no, no. I've listened to this podcast before. I know if any dollar amount is mentioned, you better adjust it for inflation. $78,000. Oh, yeah. That's not enough to open. You couldn't even put a down payment on a house in today's market for $78,000. Well, sure you could.

What kind of houses are you buying? Boy. Boy. Guys, we've got a rich old white guy on the line. Doesn't think $78,000 will get you a down payment anywhere. No, I sell some real estate. $78,000 will get you a down payment on a lot of houses. Okay. I stand corrected. He could not get the bank deal done, got impatient with it,

and so instead he bought a hotel in Cisco, Texas. Now, Cisco, Texas, not a big place, but this is the start of the empire that is known as Hilton Hotels. These guys made phenomenal money over the last 100 years. They have teamed up with casinos. They were the first hotels to team up with the casinos, made a boatload of money on that. They've got almost a million rooms. I mean, you can imagine the money this brings in. And they're really good business people, too. It's not like they got lucky a few times or anything but over the long haul they've made some really really great decisions now you were asking about the salacious part yeah tabloid part ready for a scandal in the 1940s he'd been married to his wife for a long time 20 plus years he divorces her course, because now he's a rich guy. Okay.

Divorces her and marries Zsa Zsa Gabor. Oh. Now, you know Zsa Zsa Gabor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times do you think Zsa Zsa Gabor was married? A ton. Seven? Nine.

Whoa. He was number two in the Zsa Zsa Gabor marriage. Now... Hang on, let me look her up. Let me see what old Zsa Zsa looked like. She was one of four Hungarian, I think they were from Hungary, Hungarian sisters who came to this country.

Oh, beautiful. Beautiful ladies. Kind of marginal actresses, I think, but beautiful ladies. A little critic here. Everybody's a critic. She's beautiful. Yeah, okay.

They didn't win Academy Awards, I don't think. Oh. So she's got this, she's a serial marrier, but this is only number two. She's in her 20s. Take a ballpark guess of how old Conrad is. I'm going to say 50s. He's in his 50s, correct. Oh, good.

Does the age gap bother you? Of course it does. Of course it does. You don't like the age gaps. you of course it does of course it does you don't like the age gaps but what happens when you marry a man in his 50s and you're in your 20s and some of your step-sons are about your age oh no do you know what happens oh man you go for your hot step son she has an affair with conrad jr oh yikes oh even the same name even the same name name. Gross. She got confused. She got confused.

Don't blame her. Now, Conrad Jr., so as a, I'm going to guess, late teen. I didn't get an exact date on this, but a late teen, early 20s guy. Well, let's hope early 20s. The older the better, right? Yeah. They have the affair. The older the better, right?

Yeah. They have the affair. And at 23, he marries another famous actress. This is actually a good actress. He marries Elizabeth Taylor. Oh, wow. Married Elizabeth Taylor at 23. And she was 18. Ooh, okay.

Now, Elizabeth Taylor was kind of a serial merrier also. How many husbands? I'm going to go five. Oh, seven. You're too low every time. Seven husbands. But this was her first. Now, interestingly enough,

Well, yeah, 18. This lady was really into the engagement and marry thing. She had been engaged twice before 18. I only found that in one source, but I thought, surely that's accurate. You can't make up something like an 18-year-old's been engaged twice before 18. I only found that in one source, but I thought, surely that's accurate. You can't make up something like an 18-year-old's been engaged twice before. Dad, if you were that hot, you would have had the same experience. Yeah, a hot young actress. And she's like a big-time actress already. So she's not,

you know, she's not just some girl in high school. She's been a big-time actress. Can you imagine the reality show this whole thing would have made amazing now conrad jr and elizabeth taylor got divorced in 205 days so that didn't last well evidently the hiltons have a little bit of a problem with relationships and maybe some drugs and some alcohol and some other things that create difficulties in life in general. I do have to tell you one quick quote that Zsa Zsa Gabor has. Okay. This is classic. I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. I love that. I will also say, though, I think when both parties are wealthy

and they go into a marriage, it's easier to divorce. Yeah. Yeah. Divorce is a privilege. Yeah. Divorce is a privilege. I think Zsa Zsa, in most cases, though, really married up, even though she had some money, she married up money wise. And in fact, that may have been the kind of the whole inducement to the marriage was marry up and you know i'm a beautiful woman i can marry these older rich guys and pocket some cash and keep their house so i think that was no you're not no i'm imagining i was okay so that's kind of the history So you get a feel that the base of this family, really, really good business people. Okay.

Maybe not so good with some addictions and some other problems they might have with the relationships. Okay. Okay, so let's fast forward 70 years. So we're jumping over a lot of history. There's been a lot of good and bad stuff happen to the Hilt's in that time but we're going to fast forward 70 years and we've got a 20 year old great grandson of the original Conrad Hilton and guess what his name is Conrad Junior Junior Conrad the third now what I've discovered in that with the Hilton's they get a few names that they like, and they really play them up. So there are two Conrad Hilton III's with different middle names. And so down two different paths with two different fathers, they both came away with this Conrad Hilton III.

The other Conrad Hilton III, the one we're not going to talk about, he's a generation older than this Conrad Hilton, who's 20. Are you with me? Yeah, I'm just thinking that kind of sucks for him. He already had the name, and then... You know, I don't know why. Maybe it was easier for him just to call out Conrad, and it would be, you know, they wouldn't have to worry about, like, I had trouble with Kristen and Kyla keeping you guys separated and understanding which name was which. I think if you name them all Conrad, it's just easier that way. Okay, okay.

Okay, so here's the other really important factor about Conrad III. Little brother of? Paris? Paris and Nikki. Okay. So this is Paris and Nikki's little brother, several years younger, maybe 10, 12, 14 years younger than them. This dude entitled beyond belief. Now, also, no resume whatsoever to speak of.

Okay, when I say no resume, dude doesn't go to school, dude doesn't work? Dude doesn't do anything except kind of get himself in trouble. I'm shocked they didn't buy his way into some college. Well, he would have had to study and work a little. No. I guess they could have bought the whole thing. No. Hello. You ever heard of Lori Loughlin?

Come on. Lori Loughlin and Paige Laurie from USC. Have you ever heard of that story, too? That's not USC. Yeah. Paige Laurie went to USC. Have you ever heard of that story too? That's not USC. Yeah, Paige Laurie went to USC. Oh. So the Laurie's are Walmart money. Right.

Actually, and Paige Laurie, she used to have her name on the arena at University of Missouri. That's what I'm thinking of, yeah. But when it just discovered that she paid another undergraduate, I think it was $20,000 to, I'm speaking extemporaneously here, so I'm off memory. I think she paid another undergraduate $20,000 to do all of her

undergraduate work at USC. Now, that was probably good money for another student at that time. That was great money at that time. Great money. Okay, great. But yeah, because that was, we're talking 20 years ago plus that this happened. Yeah, but you also have to think, how big is the pot of money that this person could pull from? I should be getting more like 80. Well, so she paid this, and evidently, she didn't kind of think ahead as to what could happen, because I think every few years, this, what is now a young woman, would call her and say um i need some more money or i need this i need that and of course you got to do it because your whole reputation's on

the line as page laurie and so she you know ended up it ended up getting blown up i guess they decided to stop paying or something but it blew up and her name got taken off the arena at missouri this is why you really shouldn't name something after like a 22 year old or whatever she was when they named it after her. So, yeah, you should really only name it after a Confederate soldier. I think that's a much safer move. And so we've kind of covered this. But if you think about it, what most 20 year olds, I mean, think what you were doing at 20. You were working in college and you maybe had a summer job and you were kind of busy trying to get ahead in life.

Other folks might be working on a career, and other folks might just be working minimum wage jobs, but they're doing something. Right. Conrad Hilton was doing absolutely nothing. And when you have a 20-year-old with what I'm going to guess is an unlimited spending account, things can get kind of dirty. Here we go. When he's 20 years old, he boards a plane in London headed for L.A. So this is going to be a long flight.

Right. Okay? For some reason, he's sitting in business class. Really? Oh, doesn't that seem strange? That's not a good, that's not where the Hiltons should be sitting. In fact, they should be on a private plane. No, that's really what I was going to say is I'm shocked he didn't have his own plane.

Well, and I think it's problematic when people are traveling below their means because they're used to a certain. Problematic? That's a good word to use there. Okay. You'll see how problematic this gets. But let me first kind of give you a personal story about traveling below your means. Okay.

Okay? I think I might have mentioned before, I spent most of my career as a human resource manager at Hallmark Cards. And as a human resource manager, this is a mid-level management job. This is not traveling on corporate jets and stuff like that. The only time I got to do that is if I was traveling with a vice president. If the vice president gets the corporate jet, whoever's going to wherever he or she is going, you're on the corporate jet. One time, a vice president, and this is a good guy, good guy.

I worked for him directly for a while. He and his subordinate, who was managing a group of plants, and myself, who was the HR manager for those plants, we had to go to Center, Texas. Great little town. It has a Hallmark fixtures plant there. Great people. Loved going there. Except it was a little bit of a pain in the rear end to get there. Great people loved going there, except it was a little bit of a pain in the rear end to get there. You know, you fly out of Kansas City at eight in the morning. You go to Houston. You have

to lay over in Houston for sometimes an hour and a half, two hours, maybe you get on a plane in Houston. You have to fly to Shreveport, Louisiana, and then you have to get a rental car and drive back into Texas about an hour and 15 minutes. Oh, it was a rough go. But I did that about every month. And so I was kind of used to it. That was the process. And so, in fact, when I found out that the vice president wanted to go to Center Texas with Shannon and I, his underling,

I said, okay, great, but understand if we don't get the corporate jet, it's going to be kind of a long day. He acts like it's no big deal. And this guy didn't grow up in extreme wealth or anything. He made a great career at Hallmark and did really well, but he was just a regular guy 20, 25 years before this. But now he's an entitled VP at Hall hallmark cars so here's what happened we arrive at the plant everything has gone totally smoothly i mean on time out of kansas city on time landing on time out of houston on time in shreveport the rental cars there we get. We drive. We walk in the plant. And, you know, the receptionist is excited to see us. The corporate visitors from Kansas City are here.

And the vice president's with them. And, oh, this is kind of a big deal. And she says, how was your flight? Uh-huh. And I was getting ready to say, great. Yeah. But he jumps in and he says, this has been the trip from hell. Oh, poor baby. Here's what he said. We got up at O Dark 30, went through two airports, had a long drive here, and our day is almost shot.

And I realized then that he had not been on a commercial flight for Hallmark and certainly not having to go to someplace like Center, Texas. He had gotten the, so let me explain to you when you're flying on the corporate jet, I got to do it a couple of times. From Hallmark, downtown Kansas City, it's about a 10 minute drive over to the downtown airport where all the executive planes are. So you drive 10 minutes. And the first time I did it, I said, what time do we need to get there for this one o'clock flight? And they said, oh, 10 till five till what? You literally pull up and park in front of the terminal little terminal thing.

I mean, yeah. Walk in, drop your bags over here and go get on the plane. And that's it. And it was that is unimaginable. Oh and here's the other thing then they fly you to center texas right and land you 10 minutes from the plant on a little you know little baby runway because it's a little corporate jet so they can land them anywhere and so that experience means that in a in less than two, you've left your office and you're in the plant in Center, Texas in less than two. And it's not even close to the same experience. That poor VP.

Now, I went off on that tangent because I think that Conrad Hilton was suffering from the same thing that this VP was. The first thing he did was to refuse to turn off his cell phone when the cell, you know, when they came around and said, you know, get rid of your cell phone. That's the Alec Baldwin move. That's a classic VIP. Yeah. Or as I like to call it, a V.I.W.G. Very important white guy. Oh, yes. He is a very important white guy. They often are. I've only seen a few people really get belligerent in that situation. And it's always a middle-aged white guy who is obviously closing on a billion-dollar business deal. Or so he'd like everyone to think. So that's the first clue to the flight crew that we were going to have some problems with Conrad III.

Right. Okay. The second thing he did was before the, you know, seatbelt light goes off and you can get up and move around, he goes to the bathroom and he doesn't just go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. Guess what he does in the bathroom? What do you mean? You think he maybe smoked? Oh, of course. No, he smoked weed. He smoked weed in the bathroom. Of course, when you set off the smoke alarm. Oh, that's gross. Then the whole plane smells like weed. It smells like weed.

But I'm guessing Conrad had some really good weed. It still smells bad. It smells like weed, doesn't it? Yeah. Now, here's the deal. Poor Conrad. You think it's probably illegal to put, I don't know. I don't know. I don't travel internationally much. I'm guessing you're not supposed to bring weed, though. Yeah, you're not supposed to.

OK, this wasn't a big deal. This was there were so many worse things than that that happened that this wasn't even mentioned when he got into court. Okay, so he comes out of the bathroom, you know, the cloud of smoke. The people are like, oh, my gosh, the smoke alarm's going off. He punches the bulkhead because he's been confronted by an attendant. And he gets mad and he repeatedly bellows. Now, I need to tell you what he said. I'm not going to say exactly what he says. Are you going to be delicate about it? I've got to be delicate about this.

He uses the F-bomb all the time. what he said. I'm not going to say exactly what he says. Are you going to be delicate about it? I've got to be delicate about this. He uses the F-bomb all the time. Our listeners aren't used to that, so you're going to have to dress it up. How about if I use the word sexy times? Oh, God. Just like I have in past. Gross. I've been working on you and Brandy

to get you to say sexy times instead of the F-bomb. It doesn't always work with you guys. You say it a few times, and then you just laugh when you say it so i'm gonna every time throughout this the whole rest of this and he says it a few times you're going to hear sexy times okay okay this is this is an early on quote he punches the bulkhead and then here's a quote i was sexy time i will sexy time you can't do it, can you? It just doesn't flow like the affibah does. Right, that's what I'm saying.

I will sexy timesing own anyone on this flight. Ooh. They are sexy timing peasants. Oh, gross. Yeah, so he's talking down to the people, and no one wants to be talked down to. What a douche. They're in business class. Okay, so we've got a major blowup. We've got the cell phone. so we've got a major blow-up.

We've got the cell phone. Now we've got the major blow-up. He returns to his seat briefly. But once the seatbelt sign is off and everybody can get up and move around, you know he's moving around. Yeah. He appears again at the rear galley and complains that a male passenger is giving him the stink eye. that a male passenger is giving him the stink eye. Now, the first time I ever heard the term stink eye was on Seinfeld when Kramer claimed somebody was giving him the stink eye.

I didn't even know it was a thing, but I guess people like to complain about people giving them the stink eye. But now, when you've reacted the way you have, the way this guy has, you think you probably are getting the stink eye from a lot of people. He's highly agitated at this point, obviously. And he says the man, and this is a quote, either wants to fight me or sexy times me, but I'm not gay. Okay. He accuses men of wanting to have sex with him or even rape him later on. And so I think he's got some kind of a homoerotic fantasy I'm not sure about,

but he always claims he's not gay, but there are men who are wanting to have sex with him. I'm glad he clarifies. In case you were wondering. Yeah. In case you were interested. And as I'm sure all these men are. They probably were. You know, if I'm on this plane right now, I'm afraid this thing's getting turned around because don't, don't they turn planes around when nutjobs do crazy stuff? What I know from the movie Bridesmaids is that sometimes they will just land at the nearest airport that's available. You know, is Bridesmaids, is that your background on this?

That's my background, yeah. Well, there's no place, we're in the middle of the ocean by now. You know, we've taken off from London. We're in the middle of the ocean. The Atlantic is kind of a long way to get across. Hilton, he's yelling at the passengers and crew. And at some point, they decide we've got to put a person, one of the crew members, to follow him around. Because he's wandering around the plane. He's creating havoc.

We need to try to keep the passengers safe. So they give him a chaperone. And it's one of the flight attendants. Can imagine this poor guy he's got to be i'm just thinking if conrad were black i mean they would have they would have cuffed him i mean it would he'd be cuffed already you think yes yeah maybe so okay this just pisses him off stop following me i'm going to sexy times kill you okay so he threatens the life of the flight attendant i will section timing this is hard i will sexy timing rip through you okay i will sexy timing own you okay now i want you to he's going to rip through somebody okay you know how skinny his sister paris is or probably was when she was 20 at least?

No, she's still skinny. Okay, she's still skinny. Okay, this guy is no bigger than her, and he's going to rip through somebody. Now, I don't know how big and tough this flight attendant was, but I'm guessing it was the biggest, toughest flight attendant they had, and he was going to rip through him. He approached another flight attendant. This is a monstrous double-decker plane, so there's 21 flight attendants. I'm sure they were trying to stay away from him, so you only had to have one confrontation with the guy. He approaches another flight attendant and brags that he has been banned by other airlines. Oh.

Don't you think it's good to brag about that? I'm going to say this guy needs to be put down you're gonna get a tranquilizer dart and put him down that's the nicest way of putting it i'm sure the flight attendant took some notes there and said we need to make sure we are like those other airlines in the future and ban this guy okay then it's nappy nap time. Oh, God. He's tired. You know, again, it's a 10-hour flight. We're only a few hours into it. Jeez. Time to take a nap.

Now, I'm going to jump to, I got to tell you what his lawyer said in court was that he was on sleeping medication. Oh, sure. Now, his lawyer, Robert Shapiro. Oh, my gosh. O.J. Simpson, Robert Shap got to get you got to get the big dog to take care of this stuff he shapiro in court says he was on sleeping medications i'm sure lots of medications i'm sure um so when he wakes up about an hour later he approaches yet another flight attendant again there's 21 of them so he seeks out another one and says, I'm going to sexy times

kill you also. Now, in this case, there's a physical altercation. He grabs the man's shirt and his name badge and says, I could get you fired in five minutes. I know your boss. My father will pay this out. He's done it before. Dad paid $300,000 last time. And I think that explains the entire problem.

Daddy has paid a lot of stuff out. So he's only 20. And this is only the first major, major blowup we know about. But Daddy must have paid and covered up a whole bunch of stuff in the past. And this sounds like it's going to cost way more than $300,000 to me. You think? Okay, the flight attendants are finished. They've got to bring out the big guns.

So you know who comes out next when there's not a federal air marshal on board? Who? Co-pilot. Oh. They are pretty sure. This is how confident this co-pilot is, he's pretty sure that when he comes onto the flight deck that he will have the authority to subdue Hilton. Oh, give me a break. Well, it didn't work.

He goes out there and argues with him and talks with him and screams at him and they scream at each other. And what ends up happening is the the co-pilot goes back to the cockpit he comes out from the flight deck a second time and presents hilton with a final written warning oh that ought to do it i'm sure he won't rip that into shreds oh you guessed it uh-huh what i was going to say was he read it carefully it was a long document he read it carefully he realized the error of his ways and he sat quietly the rest of the flight yeah instead you already blew my my my joke there hilton rips it up of course of course so and again i'm wondering we're somewhere in the middle of the atlantic, so you're not pulling a bridesmaid and dropping into an airport anywhere.

You've got to keep going at this point. Okay, after this, he falls back to sleep. So there may have been some kind of a sleeping pill, or maybe it was just the weed. He smoked so much weed it put him to sleep. Maybe. So they huddle up. The co-pilot and some of the crew huddle up and think, what are we going to do with this crazy kid? They decide they are going to get a blanket and they're going to subdue him with a blanket and handcuffs.

And so it doesn't explain exactly how this was done. Like you swaddle a baby you're gonna wrap him real tight i'm sure the blanket was wrapped around his arms and then he's got the cuffs on and didn't say anything about i would have cuffed his feet too just to keep him from moving around but that didn't go over well you might imagine when he wakes up he wakes up and he starts screaming, among other things, that he's a model and the crew is going to ruin his career. Now, I don't know that he has ever had a modeling job. May I Google him real fast to see how beautiful he is?

Oh, do it. I couldn't find anything on him being a model. But when you've done as many crazy things as he's done, being a model may be on page 12 of the Google search. I think he's confused with his sisters who are models. But I couldn't find anything that said done being a model may be on page 12 of the google search i think he's confused with his sisters who are models that i couldn't find anything that said he was a model in any way oh no no that's not happening oh boy he's got a real punchable face yeah well i'm sure that the flight attendants and the co-pilot felt that way. Okay, so you think this is going to be really, really bad.

There may be some, you know, we've got assault, we've got some other stuff, but there's really not much record at this point of the bad stuff he's done. And so when he goes to court, he pleads guilty, you know, what are you going to do? People have cell phone camera at him. They've recorded all this stuff because that's why we have so many good quotes is there was lots of people. What year was this? This was 2014. Okay. This wasn't that long ago.

Robert Shapiro, though. You got Robert Shapiro, three years parole. Spoiler alert. He violates that three years parole a bunch of times. Probation, you mean? Probation, yeah, parole. I've got parole written down even. I really messed that up. Yeah, probation. It's a good thing you're on a podcast with someone so smart. It is. Great legal mind. Great legal mind. Okay, the next year

he breaks into his ex-girlfriend's home. Oh my God. This woman, several weeks before, had put her mom, I don't know how old she is or was, her name's Hunter Solomon, and they'd put a restraining order on him because, well, I don't know why, because I'm sure he was a great boyfriend. Yeah, he sounds like a great guy. Great boyfriend. Side note here, Hunter Solomon is the voice of Tommy Pickles on Rugrats. Really? Yeah, yeah. Oh. I don't even know what that means. I do, and our listeners do. They're all very impressed right now.

Yeah, I knew Rugrats was a cartoon, and I don't know who Tommy Pickles is, but he spent a few days in jail for violating that order and going to her house, and, you know, the police are called and all that. It's a shame that he had to face some consequences. You know, it looks like the family would kind of let him sit in jail increasingly longer periods of time because the next year he violated his um you know i've got down here parole i think he he must have uh well did you pull from a source that said parole? Maybe it was parole. Okay, maybe I'm wrong.

2016, violates parole, spent two months in jail. So even Robert Shapiro, or maybe his parents just said, okay, let's leave him in jail for a while. Cocaine. Did some cocaine. Okay. But two months on a cocaine charge seems like kind of low, and you're already on probation. Uh-huh. Okay.

Yeah, he got the white guy justice. Don't worry. Yeah, he's not suffering. He's not suffering yet. Okay, the next year, 2017, he's about 23 years old. He goes to that ex-girlfriend Hunter's house. I'm sorry, he goes to her dad's house. Mom and dad are separated. Mom and dad are not married anymore.

Rick Solomon is her dad. Okay. And he has a Bentley at his house. And he also has a connection to Paris Hilton. Do you know the connection between Rick Solomon and Paris Hilton? No. There was a sex tape. Ew.

In 2003. Ew. It's Paris. And Rick Solomon? And and rick solomon the girlfriend's dad ew and conrad was dating the ew conrad little little conrad three is dating the daughter of the man who made the sex tape with his sister yuck oh good grief the circles are too small. Okay. Now, I found this really funny. Do you know the name of that sex tape? Midnight in Paris or something? Isn't that?

Yes. Very close. A Night in Paris. Yeah. Yeah. And N is not capitalized or anything. Just A Night in Paris. But I thought that was hilarious.

See, we need Brandy in here right now because Brandy would be on the floor on a night in Paris that she would think that was hilarious well sorry as fun as it is to talk about porn titles with your dad okay okay so let's let's move on so he steals the Bentley and you know you'd think that would be too obvious a car to steal and you're driving around LA in a Bentley no not when you're Conrad Hilton and else you're driving in the areas he's driving in. Exactly. It's like having a Camry here in Kansas City. There's about 10,000 of them. It's a very flashy car.

Very nice car. You don't have a Camry. I used to. Oh, you used to. Back when I was living high on the hog on my parents' dime. Back when Dad bought you, hey, that was an eight-year-old camera you got too wasn't that a sweet car i drove that forever i know you drove it till it had 200 and some thousand miles on it and uh do you know how how i convinced someone that i wasn't like a shady

reporter there was this woman who called up the newspaper when I was a reporter and she was she was kind of a nervous nut she had some story on the school district but before she wanted to tell me this dirt she wanted to make sure that I wasn't on the payroll for the local school district and so it was like she thought I was an undercover cop you know how people think that like if you ask the police have to answer honestly so she was like are you on or have ever been on the payroll for the local county school district? And I just started laughing at her. And I said, ma'am, I drive a 1994 Camry. And then she told me the story.

Well, it's not like school employees are highly paid and they're driving Bentleys. But the idea that I was getting my massive reporter salary, and in addition I was being paid off by the school district. And yeah, I'm driving around in a 94 Camry. Come on. She was a conspiracy theory nut job, wasn't she? She absolutely was a nut. Okay, well, let's get back to the story. No, I want to tell you more stories about myself.

Kristen, enough stories about you back to conrad hilton he's an interesting character so we understand that now he has arrived at hunter solomon's home okay her mom is she's called the police because you know he showed up there before hunter's the mom right hunter is no hunter's the daughter the ex-girlfriend the the mom i got it got it later in the script where the mom calls again because he shows up quite a few times. Yeah, yeah, sure. Police arrive, and he starts calling the police racial and homophobic slurs. Cool.

Now, I don't know whether he thought it was just people of color and gays that were trying to arrest him, but he, for some reason, was calling them all racial and gays that were trying to arrest him but he for some reason was calling them all racial and homophobic slurs he wrestled with them again it couldn't have taken more than more than about one person to take him down he screamed again i'm sexy timing conrad hilton and don't you forget it oh boy he would later claim that the police assaulted him and touched his penis no well i tell you what we hear a lot about police brutality these days it's it's rare to hear a fake one isn't it that's refreshing well and here's the deal you know they have security cameras on this whole thing oh and there's lots of security somehow miss the penis touch it didn't miss it didn't

catch any penis touch lots of racial epitaphs homophobic slurs uh-huh yelled loudly lots of little wrestling and getting there but nothing about penis touching on tape so they you know those police i'm guessing they must have got in there and messed with the tape. Yeah. Okay. So he stole the car. Yeah. You know, probably a $150,000 car. I don't know what a Bentley cost, but it's not in my price range. Violated the restraining order by going over to Hunter's house. Sure.

Assaulted the police. And at the same time, resisted arrest. And so the district attorney said, let's go to court. Yes. Okay. Come on. what do we got okay well remember he's conrad sexy timing hilton don't you're not expecting him to get too much of a punishment i'm hoping okay so the first thing they do when they arrest you and excuse me in that situation is they take you to the los angeles. Now, if you refuse to leave your cell and refuse to go to any kind of a hearing

to find out more about whether they should charge you, they just leave you in there for a while. And I don't know whether he thought he was going to just come and mom and dad were going to get him out of there and the whole thing would be over, but he stayed in there for several days before he figured, okay, I've got to go to court, meet with my my buddy Robert and see what we can get done with this. So eventually he does go to court. And it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

He was behind what looked like some bars and a plexiglass standing behind Robert Shapiro. So you see Shapiro there and then he's peeking his head out around him. They've got a camera in the courtroom, and he is saying, you can't hear him because they've got everything shut off there, and so you can't hear what he's saying, but he's making faces, looking around the courtroom, ignoring the judge's instructions, and when he finds the camera, and he finally sees the camera, he says, this is so sexy timing gay. Oh, you can actually read read his lips on that. Good grief.

The judge, you know, sees this kind of behavior and tells Conrad that he needs to take these charges. And there are several of them, obviously, very seriously. So Conrad immediately straightened up well listen to this he does kind of i will your honor i'm sorry to the court and to the entire state for disrespecting the court wow if he would have just stopped right there uh-huh it might have made some sense then did he say psych then came a really, really odd statement. And there are two different versions on exactly what he said. I'll read both versions.

They're both hilarious. The first version is, I do not have sex with hookers and I'm sorry. I do not have sex with hookers and I'm sorry. He wasn't being accused of it, right? That's right. It was kind of an unprovoked error. I'm guessing. here's my guess. He was having sex with hookers and he is sorry, but because he hadn't even been, you know, he must have gotten confused as to what the charges were because there were four different

charges, none of them having sex with hookers, but maybe in a prior, you know, court appearance that had come up. And so he thought it was important to say it. Maybe in a prior court appearance that had come up, and so he thought it was important to say it. The other quote that was in another source said, I am not obsessed with hookers, and I'm sorry. That's my favorite one. Okay, we're going to go with that one in the TV version. I think this must go back to his fixation with homoerotica, this sex thing he's always talking about. He's always sexy time and loving it.

He is. Okay, so later on, when the judge was discussing his behavior in court, he was kind of going over, you know, the things he had said to the police officers, the assault of the police officers. Right, right. And the homophobic slurs. Hilton disagreed with the judge's assessment and he yelled, objection! I got assaulted. Okay, now, do you know, can a defendant object in court?

No, that's their lawyer's job. Robert Shapiro probably wanted to punch him in the face. I was afraid you were going to have to call Franklin, your real lawyer buddy on that, but you knew that yourself. I knew it myself from many courtroom dramas. You've watched enough to know? Yeah. Okay, Kristen. Yes. What do you think he got?

Car theft. I'm going to go over these again. Violating restraining order, threatening an officer, resisting arrest, assaulting an officer. For Conrad Hilton, I'm going to say one year. No jail time. Come on. You're talking down one year. No jail time. Come on! You're talking, I'm not! Three years probation.

Give me a break. This is beyond white privilege. This is Shapiro privilege. You know, Shapiro got OJ off, and so... Well, he was totally innocent. Totally innocent. But can you believe that? I have no idea what...

His dad's name's not Conrad Sr., but whatever his dad's name is, I can't believe how much he must have paid to get that. Because that's some serious stuff. And you're having to pay off the Solomons. You're having to pay off the police department. I don't know how that works if you get the police to drop it. if you give them enough money and buy tickets to the policeman's ball or something. I don't know how that works, but unbelievable. It must have been kind of upsetting, though, to give that money to that officer who grabbed his son's dog. That's not really that's not appropriate, is it?

No, no. You're like, I shouldn't have to pay you. But here we are. Okay, so let's do a final wrap up on this sad tale of family wealth. This is so infuriating. Family fame and privilege, okay? 2019, just last year. This is so tame.

It dies a slow, sad death. According to surveillance footage at the home of E.G. Daly, that's Hunter's mom. Okay. All they have is the footage because they didn't have to call the police. He shows up just before 4 a.m. in the morning one day. He's wearing a bathrobe, and he's seen carrying a stuffed bear. Again, he hasn't dated this woman for like six years. The restraining order has kept them apart. And, you know, obviously she's not wanting to have anything to do with him.

He leaves a stuffed bear, blankets. He left his robe, a water bottle. Oh, no. And a welcome home mat. And then he left. So, you know, the only sad thing about this case is it's the only sad no there's no the only sad case for him oh is that i'm guessing he's got some some mental health issues but the hilarious thing is the stuff he says when he gets caught and the fact that his parents just keep everything they keep doing everything they can to keep him out of any serious jail time. He was never parented. That's a sad thing. Probably not.

Probably not. Does that sound like a guy who's been parented at all? No, it does not. You're probably right. But it's rough times for him. Rough times for him. And he has spent some time in jail. I'm guessing, keep an eye tmz and other news outlets

that love this stuff and i'm guessing he's going to show up some more it must be terrifying to be hunter oh yeah don't you think because you know this guy who's after you he's never going to get he yeah he hasn't gotten over you you need to get him set up with uh with a real girlfriend so he doesn't bother you you need to find his next victim for him i don't think so okay so that is the sad long sad trauma and you know the guy's like what 25 years old still i mean he's he's had a lifetime of problems in uh in the last five or six years but that's the that's that's my case and i'm sticking to it all right dad you ready for a story i can't wait to hear your story okay so i've i've told you a little bit before we got started but here's the deal i found this story about two years

ago and i wanted to do it so badly but But the truth is, there's just not a lot on it online. In fact, I noticed, basically, this woman, Rhonda Simmons, for the Star Exponent, she wrote this article, and basically every other article is just linking back to her with the words mixed around a little bit. So all credit goes to her. There's just not a lot on this. But as the listeners will soon find out, you have some expertise in gross workplace stories. I have a couple of gross workplace stories. And so I decided, you know, I've wanted to tell this story for forever. It's going to be short. It's going to be light. But you're going to be helping out with some extra stories.

I'll throw in some good stories if I have any. Okay. It was Monday, March 16, 2009. Michael Utz was at work. He worked for the city of Culpeper, Virginia, and he was a plant mechanic for the town's environmental services department. He'd been at the job since 2002, so he was pretty well established. He had friends, he had enemies, and he had his very own coffee pot. So that Monday morning, he went over to his coffee pot,

he opened up the area that held the water, and he noticed two things. First, there was already water in the coffee maker and second and more importantly the water didn't smell like water oh it smelled like urine oh i'm guessing like a cat got in there or something. A cat got in, flipped up that tray. And peed in there. So he was like, whoa, nope, nope, nope. And he went to his supervisor, Eugene Ronnie Brown, and he was like, hey, boss, I think someone put urine in my coffee pot. And Eugene said, you know what?

I think we should send it to a lab and get it tested. This is a good methodology here. Yeah. So they did. Because you got DNA in that urine. Yeah. Oh, my. Not bad.

Now, unless the urinator stole someone else's urine, they're going to catch this guy pretty quickly. Well, and I don't know that they ran a dna test but you know it's like you can determine pretty quickly is this really urine in here oh yeah okay that's that's simple probably they know that already a sniff test this lab is is unnecessary so that very day they took the liquid that was in the coffee pot and sent it to the lab to be tested. I don't know if maybe they had a lab on site or whatever. This all happened very quickly. Sure enough, the lab results came back and the liquid contained urine and fecal matter.

Oh, feces matter. Oh, this is not good. Eugene was like, OK, this is gross. So he called a mandatory meeting with all of his employees. And he was like, look, gang. Nobody's getting out of this meeting. Someone in here peed in Michael's coffee pot. Who did it?

I've got to say, you said you're wanting some HR expertise. This is not what I would do. Okay, well, why not? I'd go investigation totally. I would talk to people individually as to who do you think might have done that. Call in a big meeting. I mean, what's the effect? Somebody's going to raise their hand?

I don't know. Okay, okay gonna raise their hand i don't know okay okay go ahead no so he's he's up there asking the guilty party to come forward and dad as you predicted no one came forward nobody marched down the aisle for that one but he's you know he had the evidence he's like it's been tested in a lab i don't know at that point if you lie what i would do okay if i were a manager and I was doing the mandatory meeting, I'd say we send it to the lab. It has come back positive as urine. They're running more tests, more DNA tests on it, and we'll find out those results in a few days. If you come forward now, I can work with you.

If we get to the point where we have to find out then it'll be a much more serious conversation that's how manager kristin well that's it's a good manager kristin i will tell you though that if you've peed and pooed in someone's coffee by you're getting fired no matter when you come for right but i mean you know sometimes you lie to scare the pants off of people yeah i i um i never really had to go that route we we were we were more of the investigative mode and find out what the real deal was i'm trying to think if i would have ever kind of pretended i knew more than i did um i don't really remember maybe i did but i don't remember doing that i don't remember kind of faking it tell it to the judge all right so he's trying to get someone to come forward they're waiting they're waiting no one came forward no one wanted to admit that they'd been the coffee pier

but the guilt must have eaten the coffee pier alive or it was just super obvious who did it i think it must have i mean surely in any given workplace if if you're told someone here peed in the coffee pot you know that's when i'd be talking to individuals yeah yeah trying to get to the bottom of it because it's not like i don't know it could be anybody you know no there's gonna be some weirdo okay on tuesday march 17th the day after this gross crime was committed a man named james carroll butler came forward he had been working for the town's wastewater plant for 17 years and he wasn't a big fan of michael according to j, he had personal ill will and spite toward Michael. James told Eugene exactly what he'd done. A few days later, he wrote a letter explaining himself. Are you ready for the explanation? Yeah, yeah, I'd like i did it oh boy i'm trying to think

put your put yourself in the shoes of a coffee peer i i can't let me let me break into this and tell you a story of when i was sitting down accusing a guy of something absolutely, oh no, not as gross, but really, really bad. Okay. So at Hallmark one time, I had a manager come to me and say, someone is wiping poo on the inside of one of the stalls in the bathroom and he told me which bathroom it was what can we do to try to stop this and i thought hmm well we we could put so gross we could put a camera outside maybe but then you know it's but it wasn't a hugely used bathroom right so you know okay we put a camera outside we we time it and then then's going to have to go check. And, you know, yeah, you know, this is going to be a little awkward.

But I tell you what, the guy was doing it so often. Fortunately, this was not a bathroom I used. So I never actually had to see it. So you were like, I don't really care. How does this affect me? Really? It's not a big deal. I'm going to this bathroom here.

So we put the camera out and this manager and this guy was like three levels above this guy that got caught he kind of had an idea of who it was to begin with exactly and that's what i'm saying because you kind of know you kind of know who the weirdos are who's acting strangely and the the reason i wanted to bring this up now so we get it narrowed down we know who it is i call the guy you got it narrowed down based on the footage camera footage and and the going in okay we got the camera he comes out he's the only one who's been in there the manager goes in takes the pictures of it we've got oh gross so while i didn't actually see it, I got many photos of it. Oh, beautiful. And so I call the guy in.

And, you know, here's the deal. It doesn't make any difference what this guy says. He's getting fired. Right. But his first thing is, well, no. And here's the deal. This guy is a really brilliant scientist. I mean, he's a smart guy.

This isn't some yahoo off the street. Right. I mean, over 30 a smart guy. This isn't some yahoo off the street. Right. I mean, over 30 years with Hallmark. He first says, well, that must have, you know, I wouldn't wipe it. What are you talking about wiping it? You know, he acted like I was being crazy. Yeah. Which you would.

You would act that way. Until, you know, I said, I reach over, I tap i tap this folder and i said we got pictures you want to look at them no well yeah i just can't imagine so i get these pictures out and lay these pictures out in front of him and he said that must have splashed up out of the toilet i have i have explosive diarrhea sometimes i said no this is there are one and in some cases two finger smears across this. Ew. Ew. So I didn't say, you know, I could have said, you know, we've got DNA tests, but I didn't.

Right. So that was his first excuse. Okay. First excuse is explosive diarrhea. Explosive diarrhea. And he can tell Daryl's been around for a while and he's not buying the explosive. Daryl's had diarrhea himself. Second excuse, this is when you almost start laughing.

He says, well, I hate my boss, but she's a woman, so I wouldn't have done it. And I'm like, and I literally, I mean, I was, you know me, I can't hold back a smile. You and I have terrible poker faces. I said, you're saying because you hate your boss who is a woman that you wouldn't have done this in the men's bathroom? Are you saying you would have, if it was you, would have to be in the woman's bathroom? Is that what you're telling me? He says yeah yeah um so so that was his the two excuses he pulled out of his rear end which is kind of an appropriate place to blow it out of his rear end and then i just i said um you can go on home now we're uh we're gonna process some

paperwork thanks for being with us and again 30 plus years the guy had been with us did you shake his hand i did not shake his hand not even close and if he would have stuck it out i would have i know i would have played like we were in the middle of the coronavirus yeah putting my hands up but uh yeah so i you know similar situation so what made me think of this was you asked what was his excuse well yeah you can't who would have ever thought that you know this one guy's excuse would be well explosive diarrhea maybe that's a that's a reasonable that's a pretty good excuse yeah but when that one gets shot down who would have thought i hate my female boss that's that's not what you come up with so the bottom line is

i'm obsessed with hookers i'm sorry i. Here, I'm going to give you one. I sleepwalk and I thought I was in the bathroom. I fell asleep at work. I sleepwalk. I thought I was in the bathroom and I urinated into the cup instead of the toilet. Okay. That's all I can come up with. Okay.

And that's terrible. He said, I done something I am very ashamed of to a co-worker for stress related things going on in my life on and off the job i'm very much ashamed of my stupid and childlike behavior i tell you what that's as good as you can do i agree that's as good as you can do you can you kind of feel sorry for him uh you realize there's uh some really negative things going on in his world. I will tell you, as an HR manager, he is still out the door. Well, yeah. Who wants this guy around?

Good grief. So here's the deal. Apparently, oh, this is so gross. Apparently, this dude had gone into work, peed in a toilet, then taken an empty soda can, filled it with the urine, and then poured it into Michael's coffee pot. Oh, see, I was picturing him actually peeing straight into the pot. When I was doing the gross research for this case, this is an epidemic. This is happening.

And so there was one case. I couldn't figure out what happened with it. But there was surveillance footage of a guy straight up peeing into i actually i see i've seen that because when you something comes up on your news feed about a guy peeing in a coffee pot you gotta look at you gotta click we're only human yeah so you know james was obviously fired as you predicted and in may of that year a judge found him guilty of criminal misdemeanor assault for putting urine in his co-worker's coffee. What do you think the,

okay, now obviously he's no Hilton, but what do you think the punishment is for someone who puts urine in the coffee pot? The person doesn't actually drink it, but, you know. I'm going to say got uh six months jail and no no no three months jail 90 days jail and uh three years probation okay um the judge sentenced james to a year in jail one year of unsupervised probation and ordered him to pay a whopping 96 dollars in

court costs but it wasn't quite that harsh because the judge suspended 11 months of his sentence, so he only spent one month in jail. So he spent less than I guessed. Yeah, yeah. But that wasn't enough for Michael. Oh, no. Oh, no, Michael. He was horrified and disgusted by what James had done. And yeah, James had been forced to face some consequences,

but not enough. So he went over to James's house and he pissed in his coffee pot. No, he... An eye for an eye. Yes. It's a biblical deal there. He looked himself in the mirror

and he said, let's go to court. Civil court. He looked himself in the mirror and he said, let's go to court. Civil court. He sued James for, okay, how much do you think he sued James for? Well, I'm sure he sued him for like a million, but he should have sued him for 10,000. I hope he got that. Okay. Now, and here's the other thing.

What? I'm guessing the guy doesn't have a nickel to his name. That would be my guess too. I mean, if you're to the point in your life when you're putting pee in someone's coffee pot, I assume lots of things are going wrong. You're not doing well financially. And if your quote is, I done something wrong, that's not a guy who's going out and getting a big-time engineering job. Although, but your guy was a freaking scientist, right?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, he was a big-time scientist so you never know yeah so maybe we're maybe we're just judging here maybe we need some more respect for these coffee peers so he sued james for 728 000 he said that the urine in his coffee pot had caused him severe emotional distress, which... Did he have a mathematical formula to come up with 728? So here's the thing that drives me crazy about this. I want to know everything. Because he wanted $378,000 in compensatory damages, which I'm like,

okay, I want to hear more. How did you get to that? Did you have to take a ton of time off work and you must be very well compensated? And like, you know, did you have to pay X amount in therapy? And my God, that had to have been a lot. You know, I want to know how they got there. And three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in punitive damages. OK. And so, again, I don't have much on this, but obviously you're owed something because

that's gross and that would be distressing. But the bottom line is he didn't drink the stuff. So how much harm was there? So the jury listened to the case and they were disgusted, but they weren't that disgusted. In the end, they decided that James should pay Michael $5,001. And he didn't have that, so... I hope he had... Well, here's how they broke it down.

They thought James owed Michael $1 in compensatory damages, which just feels rude, and $5,000 in punitive damages. Michael's lawyer said that he was very very pleased with the verdict and that's the story of a man who put his urine in someone else's coffee pot that is some bad news that is some bad news you know um it's it's hard to say how many really really bad things have happened over the years in workplaces as far as in the refrigerators and stuff. Yeah. Because that's, boy, if you've got a crazy person and there's access to, you know, food and coffee and things like that. Yeah, who knows what has been done that we just don't know about.

Yeah. Well, and, you know, I even get worried. We'd always have, like, potlucks and stuff. Oh, and, you know, I even get worried. We'd always have like potlucks and stuff. Oh, I know. And people would bring stuff in. And I was at a plant one time, not a plant I worked in, but a plant I had the HR responsibility for. So I had a local HR rep there. So I would go in like kind of like in center Texas. I go in every month or month and a half. Like in center Texas, I go in every month or month and a half. And they were having a big potluck deal there going.

And I thought, oh, this is great because, you know, I like to eat good stuff. And one lady kind of came over to me and said, hey, that macaroni deal there, that cheesy mac stuff. And I said, oh, yeah, I love it. She says, I've been to that lady's house. I wouldn't touch it. i was still tempted now i didn't there was other good stuff here's here's how bad i am one time i left my office for a couple hours for a meeting and i came back and there was this big piece of chocolate cake on my desk. And we had just let a bunch of people go and we'd had some, you know, unhappy folks. But, Chris, at first I thought, I don't think I'm going to eat that.

I, you know, I just, I don't know who did it, you know. Yeah. And people are mad at me. And so I step outside my office and i ask hey did did who brought me the cake this is great they're like i don't know i didn't see anybody i don't know you know that should be a red flag yeah it was the phantom pooper kristin i chowed that cake down it was delicious and i was fine but let me tell you that's not a smart thing to do that's when nothing bad happens but you've done something that's not smart. Eating that chocolate cake, having no idea where it came from, who put it there,

not a good idea. Now, later that day, a lady came by and said, hey, did you get the cake we left for you? And I was like, oh, great, thanks. Yeah. So it was fine. She said, oh, I pooped in it myself. No, but so I am the kind of guy that, you know, I'd let that set for, you know, maybe 20 or 30 minutes is all I lasted. And that's when I went out and asked the folks and I still, I still ate it though, Kristen, I could not resist. So I know you did. I could be a victim of one of these pooper slash peers into the, into the food. Here's here's a gross thing that I read when I was looking at all these other articles. Somebody was like, you know, from a health perspective, you probably wouldn't get sick from drinking someone else's urine. Right. Right.

But it's just gross. And so who knows what went on with that cake? There was fecal matter in that urine. They said fecal matter too because he scooped it out of the toilet so you know another gross thing i'm thinking what how dehydrated would you have to be i mean you've peed into the toilet and then you take some of it into a soda can and it still smells so bad that it overpowers the lingering coffee smell in that coffee pot urine is a pretty strong smell kristen i i think uh i'm i suspect that our buddy james was also pretty dehydrated though is all i'm saying

could be could be well this has been disgusting should we move on to the discord yes discorded so dad here's the deal. We asked the Discord. Wait a minute. How do you get into the Discord again? I know you talked about this, but I have forgotten. Well, here's the thing. You sign up for our Patreon at the Appellate or Supreme Court level.

I was supposed to jump in there, wasn't I? Beautifully done. I was supposed to jump in there, wasn't I? Beautifully done. So we asked them for questions, and you, like a politician, wanting to be prepared for your totally off-the-cuff town hall meeting, you were like, do I get to see the questions ahead of time? So you peeked at a few of these, but most of these are new.

I hate to tell you. I'm ready. I'm ready. Are they all directed to me? I guess this is the first time I've been on the podcast for a while, so they got questions for me. Oh, yeah. People have just been itching to ask you questions, Jack. I bet they have. Rafiki 737 wants to know, what is DP's favorite Kristen and Norm story?

Favorite Kristen and Norm story. Here's my favorite thing that you guys have ever done was to ask me to officiate your wedding. Oh, that was it was what an honor to be able to officiate your your kid's wedding. And hint, hint, all you have to do if you want to officiate a wedding, at least in Missouri and in Florida, too, because I've done it there, is to go online and sign yourself up as a minister of, I can't think of the name of a church that I said I was, but they'll send you a certificate and everything. Which you have framed and hung in your house. It's in my office, yeah. So that was so cool that you guys asked me to do that. And it was so fun being able to kind of tell stories about you and,

and how great both of you are. And it was, it was fun. So that was my, that's my favorite story about you guys, I guess. Marius wants to know what were DP's first impressions of Norm and Brandy? Okay.

So Brandy with Brandy, cause you've known Brandy forever. It's a long time, but I tell you what you what, her intellect. So stupid. So you met her in fourth grade. Fifth grade. You didn't meet her until fifth grade?

We didn't become friends until fifth grade. Okay, so I probably met her in fifth grade. And you could just tell by sitting around talking to this little fifth grader how sharp she was i mean she is one smart cookie i know only one semester of of criminal justice but she is once one sharp cookie and and you can tell obviously you can tell now um i don't remember the big laugh back in the day and i don't know it may be because when she's talking to the parents maybe she was kind of subduing that a little bit now i don't think brandy has the ability to subdue anything well but once we got to know her and she went on vacation with us and things like that

you'd hear the big bellowing laugh yeah but like the the first impressions of of uh like taking you guys out i think i mentioned this last time uh taking you guys out trick or treating and things like that uh and and talking to her just one sharp cookie no doubt about that first impression of norm first impression norm we as we went out to north carolina and uh i remember he was a real active guy you had peanut at the time and he was a real active guy. You had Peanut at the time. And he was like super active playing with Peanut. And I thought that was neat that he was, he's a dog lover and a cat lover, obviously. But that was the first impression. Really?

I didn't know that was your first impression. I have a memory of like we go on walks in the campground. Yeah. And him, you know, Peanut was loose and he was chasing Peanut around. And the three of us were the campground. Yeah. And him, you know, Peanut was loose, and he was chasing Peanut around, and the three of us were kind of walking. Yeah. I was thinking, this is, and, you know, Norman's somewhat athletic in soccer and things like that, so you could see he was kind of quick and that kind of stuff.

I remember that. Oh, athletic boy. Okay. Just look at him. Just look at him. Just look at him, folks. Isn't that what one of his friends said yes uh let's see gadriel wants to know dp have you imparted any good fatherly wisdom or advice

on parenting to brandy that you can share i think anyone who's around me hears way more parenting than they want way more advice in general than they want but let's hear you've asked someone has asked for it dad this is this is your moment well i i love to impart financial advice to to people i certainly have i i'm not as comfortable doing it with a brandy but like with nieces and nephews, I've imparted financial advice to them that I can tell halfway through it, they are done. You know what most people say? Most people say a little bit of DP goes a long way. Gross. So I love to, like for young adults, I love to give financial advice. Not that anyone really wants to hear it because you're kind of wanting to do your own thing.

Let's hear it. Let's hear some financial advice right now. To someone who's 22. Live below your means. Okay. Start a 401k. Okay. Save, at bare minimum, save 5%, 10% if you can, of your salary.

And I know this comes from privilege because I know it's tough when you're that age because i didn't grow up with privilege and i didn't grow up with a ton of money well dad you did grow up with i i grew up with privilege okay i i well here's i'll go ahead and say that i grew up with a ton of privilege yeah because while i went to a private school and worked my way through and paid it my dad wrote me a check for the entire four years of private school after I graduated. So that's privilege. So I start off with several thousand dollars in the bank, which is not what most people get. Yeah.

So I would say the mistake most people make is probably to spend all the money they make and think, I'm going to save for retirement later. probably to spend all the money they make and think, I'm going to save for retirement later. And if you start looking at financial information, the money you save when you're 22 is exponentially higher when you turn 55, which that was my goal to retire at 55. My parents both retired at 55. And if you save between 5, 10000, $10,000, and then later on you can save more because you're making more and your kids are gone, you can retire at $55,000 as long as you've stayed gainfully employed for all that time, live below your means. And embezzled from wherever you work. Embezzled money if you need to. Oh, don't buy new cars.

Buy used cars and drive them a long time by good used cars by toyotas or hondas or whatever you think the best used car is and drive it till you have 250 or 300 000 miles on it see now dad somewhere out there some person was listening and appreciated that good but see i can't you know so the question was about Brandy. I don't talk to your friends, even your close friends like Brandy, and start giving them financial advice. Oh, give me a break.

I guess I do. Like, you've never given Brandy financial advice? Give me a break. I asked Brandy some questions about running a salon and how much does she make off of the customer. You straight up asked her how much money she makes. No, no, I said, I said, if I pay you $18 in your salon, how much of that is your money versus salon money?

Because I was curious about the breakdown. And then you asked how many people come in per day. No, I didn't. But no, you have definitely given Brandy financial advice. Okay, I probably have. I probably do it without even recognizing I'm doing it. Yes, it just spills out of you. What about parenting advice?

You got parenting advice? Don't spoil your kids, obviously. Why are you looking at me like that? No, because of this case. There's a temptation, especially if you have some means to spoil your kids and get them everything they want and get them out of all the trouble that they get into. You and Kyla never got any trouble, so there was no issue there. But you didn't get everything you wanted.

You didn't get a Barbie Jeep that you wanted. No, and I'm still bitter about it. Yeah, I know you are. So don't spoil your kids. Treat them with respect. Let them make decisions that you would not normally think a young person should make so we'll talk about the big decision that my dad was shocked that you two made so you were in first grade and second grade when we moved to chihuahua mexico yeah mom and i

went down on a couple trips beforehand to scout out uh the schools and to look at the house we were going to be the hallmark was renting for us and mom and I narrowed it down to three schools and then we picked two of them that we would take you and Kyla to and we had a clear favorite in our mind now obviously when you take kids to two schools you're going to let them pick kids to two schools, you're going to let them pick between those two schools, but you're going to try to influence it because they're in first and second grade. Yeah. You guys chose the school that we didn't think was the best school and we didn't think it was close. And we were hoping that you would see that as first and second graders. But I think you so you guys picked your school. Yeah. And my dad said, are you kidding me?

You let a first and second, my dad was a school principal. You let first and second grade kids who he loved you guys and knew you made good decisions and all that. But that's not a decision you typically cut loose on a kid. Yeah. But in my mind, I thought was that you would feel empowered if you chose the school. You would feel better about the decision. And if we had had chosen the other school, there may have been some bitterness. It may or may not have been a better school. There's no way to know that. You chose the school that was taught half in English and half in Spanish, as opposed to the school that was taught

all in Spanish. Now, we were told that you were going to absorb that so fast, and you did. It wouldn't have been a problem. I think you would have absorbed it really well. Probably would have taken you a few months to get going. But we had a tutor, and so we could have done the whole thing. But I think just give the kids as much freedom as they deserve and let them make decisions, make mistakes and things like that.

I think a lot of parents, they try to control the kids too much. And then when they go to college or whenever they move out of the house, it falls apart. And we all saw it when we went to college. You probably saw it when you went to college. Oh, yeah. I saw it when I went to college. There were people that acted like they were 13 years old because it was their first time to ever make a decision, decide when they're coming home, decide whether to party or not, decide whether to study or not. Decide what to eat.

Decide what to eat. I mean, you know, you see a lot of things in college. But, yeah, one of them, just a small thing is, oh, my gosh, I get to decide whether I drink soda all day long. I mean, that's huge if someone's never had that level of choice in their life. The thing I'll say about the schools in Mexico, you know, nothing about moving had been up to us. And so getting to choose the school, I think, was powerful. And the school that Kyla and I chose was closest to what we were used to. Right.

And so there should be no surprise that that's why you picked that. Yeah. Because I remember the one you guys wanted was a Montessori school. And I remember we went and we looked and there were some kids making like mud pies. And I was just disgusted. Disgusted. And then we went to the other school, which was the one we ended up choosing. And it was like kids in a classroom, you know, with the teacher talking. Yeah, that's it. That feels comfortable. Oh, okay. I like this question. Diane Fern wants to know what habits or quirks do you have that you catch yourself

doing and think, Oh my God, I'm turning into my lord you've you've probably got this you've probably got this nailed for me i i i know i know when i look up in the mirror at myself sometimes i see my dad oh that's weird which yeah so my dad wore glasses his whole life, and I've only worn glasses five years, maybe four. No, two years, two years, because I'm outside the window. So I'll look up, and I'll see my dad in my a little bit of trouble withholding a smirk or a laugh or something like that when something was ridiculous in his mind. Yeah. Which I know can be annoying because I remember him smirking at me sometimes and being annoyed by it. And I know I do exactly the same thing.

And I think you do too, don't you? Yeah, I do. I do. And I know I do exactly the same thing. And I think you do, too, don't you? Yeah, I do. I do. So when people tell me lies that I know that they know it's a lie and they know I know it's a lie, there's no doubt in their mind they've not fooled me because I'm smirking at them. Because I'm a genius and no one has ever fooled me ever, right?

But here's the deal. I aspired to be like my dad. I looked at his life and the way he treated us kids and the fun we had on vacations and stuff like that. And I thought this is and retiring at 55 and never he never worked a day after 55. He did volunteer work. Yeah. He was a member of Kiwanis, which is a service organization, always working to help kids and everything. But as far as going out and making any money, he didn't have to because he had really, really scrimped and saved and put together a very, very comfortable retirement. And I can remember I was about 30 years old, and I said, oh, I'm doing that. And I was already on my way with some savings.

Yeah. oh that's i'm doing that and i was already on my way with some savings yeah but that's that's that's how i wanted to be my parents is both of them walk out the door and do whatever they want to do at 55 yeah let's see let's see How am I like mom? Well, both mom and I, we are healthy skeptics. Very, very skeptical of is somebody trying to pull something on us? Oh, gosh. It's my worst quality. No, that's your best quality. That's a good quality.

No, it's not. It's terrible. Yeah. But as long as you're not paranoid. It's terrible. Yeah, but as long as you're not paranoid. And I think Mom and I are both very healthily skeptical of someone's motives, what someone's up to. Are you like Mom? Mom is much more, when somebody does something that she sees as wrong, Mom is much more likely to be immediately confrontational with them.

mom is much more likely to be immediately confrontational with them and i'm much more likely to kind of sit back and pick my moments to work with and confront that person oh i i've got a little mom in me because i i do hmm okay so the thing we should tell on mom is mom is a very polite person she's a very nice person you know 99 of the time no one's ever going to have a problem with mom but when she sees something that she does not like behavior in another person yeah typically she she will judge judy that moment like okay there was this one time in an airport where i can't even remember the full story but she was at this food court in an airport and you know she wanted a place that had to add an outlet by it so she could charge her phone

and she wanted a place that was just a two-topper because she didn't want to take up more space than she needed to in case a bigger party would come by. And so she ended up picking a spot that was right next to this other guy. And, you know, there were other places she could have gone to. But again, she wanted the outlet and she didn't want to do a four topper, blah, blah, blah. So she goes and she sits down and this man turns to her and sighs and he goes unbelievable. And you know basically he's I can't remember what all he said to her but it was basically like

you know of all the tables you had to pick that one. And so she called him an asshole. Which mom's not a big cursor or anything. Not at all. But if she feels like you deserve it you're gonna hear it and i'm a little bit that way yeah yeah again i think uh it's it's that it's that healthy ability

to to call someone an asshole i see and i i probably don't go there uh i don't think i've ever called someone an asshole but maybe that's a thing to their face yeah maybe that's a thing of like you know two guys one of them calls the other an asshole maybe you get punched in the face but like you know i'm i guess mom assumed she wasn't going to get punched in the face at the airport probably not oh sherry or wants to know how did dp meet sherry okay interesting story so um my roommate worked a roommate in college so we're senior year of college my roommate worked with sherry i had graduated semester so i I had left. So as we talked about on a previous podcast, I was engaged to a young lady. We broke up like halfway through the senior year.

And my roommate worked with Sherry and said, hey, we're kind of an Elizabeth Taylor with your multiple engagements. That's true. Yeah. And so he did. My roommate calls me and says, hey, we're doing this big, it was a, what was it? A leap year party. February 29th, leap year party. Do you want to, not party, it was like group date.

We're going somewhere. I can't remember where we were going, but group date, do you want to go? And I said, ah, no, I don't want to go. And he says, well, hey, I'll set you up with this lady i work with yeah um and where were where was he working jc pennies oh yeah yeah i'm working jc pennies yeah and so um it sets me up i i meet sherry for the first time i think i i think i'd seen her once or twice before she was on campus she she was a freshman on campus when i was a senior. And hit it off from there. And literally, we moved pretty quickly because within about six or seven months, we got engaged.

And we got married the next year. Boy. That was moving kind of quickly, wasn't it? Yeah, that's kind of a whirlwind romance there. Well, when you when you find the one you love and Sherry had. She knew immediately how lucky she was. That's right. She saw. So wait a minute. This guy is super cool. So she got down on one knee. Did I ever tell you Norman got afraid that I would propose to him?

Why was he afraid of that? Okay, so one of my good friends from college proposed to her boyfriend. And I just, you know, we were going to go to their wedding. And I happened to mention that. And Norman got like, pale as a ghost. And she proposed to him. I was like, yeah, what? Norman wants to be in charge of this oh gosh and so it got to the point he was so pale and sweaty i had to finally say look i won't propose to you calm down i'm just like because he norman was like well that's kind of weird you know he's a little southern belle he's used to used to some decorum well here's the deal um you went to a women's college and you guys learned different wild experiences there at the women's college.

A bunch of wild feminists who aren't too worried about the rules. Yeah, you're not going by those old Southern rules. Then you move to North Carolina where Southern Belle Norman is protected from those kind of Boston. Wild ideas. Those Eastern Boston ladies and they're asking men to marry him. So I can see. He was truly scandalized and I had to tell him. You wouldn't. Yeah.

I told him, don't worry about it. I'm not going to propose. Why would I want to marry you? That'd be my comeback. Oh, Oh my gosh. Haven. Mona hand says, my gosh. Haven Monahan says,

Hi, DP. Do you have any tips for your lecture-style parenting? I don't spank my eight-year-old daughter but need ways to get through to her. Oh, my God. Well, it's simply a matter of continuing to talk. And you can talk slowly. Oh, my God. You can have some breaks

where they think it might be over. You can ask questions because you don't want them to sit there and not participate. So you ask questions. Yeah, you don't want them to be off thinking about other things while you're mid-lecture.

You've got to keep them engaged. And I seriously, you have admitted this and so has Kyla. I think it worked more effectively on you. But being uncomfortable for, and I don't know that I had like a five-year-old, you talk for five minutes, a 10-year-old, you talk for, I don't know that there was any rule like that. I would talk about as long as I could about a subject and bring in all kinds of examples. could about a subject and bring in all kinds of examples. I would bring in work-related examples of what people who behave badly, what happens to them later in life. You know, I don't know whether

it was all sinking in or not, but whenever I noticed a kind expect a meaningful answer appropriate for the age. And so, yeah, it was meant to be uncomfortable. It was meant to be longer than it should have been. Yeah, you achieved that. But the other thing we did was we did timeouts, too. Yeah. And timeouts were super effective with you. Oh, God, I hated them.

You were devastated by timeouts. Kyla wasn't. Well, Kyla was. Kyla was kind of a badass. Yeah, she was defiantly comfortable in timeout to the point where you didn't know whether she was really defiantly comfortable or she was putting on an act so she wouldn't have to do it again, thinking we would switch the punishment up on her. You know, she seemed pretty good with it. I don't know. She would be like, fine, fine.

I like the steps. I'll go sit on the set. Send me to time out. Why don't you just send me to time out? And that attitude, I mean, that's hard to put up with, you know. Yeah. Fine. So it does kind of.

As opposed to me. No! Not time out so so she probably got more of the lecture style because I never was really quite sure whether she didn't like it or did like it but I knew she was acting like it was no big deal. It's tough to parent a smart kid, isn't it? It is. It reminds me of my dad. My dad, he was a principal back when they did corporal punishment. They actually whipped kids.

And so the kids who deserve to be whipped, he would give them choices. I'll either whip you. You deserve to be whipped. Well, back then you did certain things, you deserve to be whipped. Well, back then you did certain things you deserve to be whipped. Okay. Okay. And so you either, he said, I will, number one, whip you with the paddle or we call your parents. And do you know what the game there was? Yeah.

He would tell us. He would find out what they wanted and do the opposite. Do the opposite. Now, what that means is you can only do that once to a kid. Yeah. But the first time to the office, but you got them guessing at that point. They come back to the office, and they're thinking you're going to give them the choice. But he knew that if they said call the parents, he knew that the parents were light touches and wouldn't react appropriately.

And if he, you know, just the opposite if the other way around so that was i thought that was kind of ingenious and then they started doing the timeout thing you know he retired in 1985 so probably the last 10 maybe 15 years they weren't whipping anymore they were it was more of that liberal bull crap where you couldn't hit a kid that wasn't yours. Okay, Dad, let's move on to Supreme Court Inductions. I'm going to need you to bust out that iPad. Oh, I'm going to need you to say, I hear you and Brandy stumble over these names and these books and stuff. You're going to actually have me be a part of this? I mean, we really don't have any other choice.

Ready? I'm ready. Okay, this week we are sticking with names and favorite books. Ashley Minnick. One of Us is Lying by Karen McManus. Robin Gilligan. Anything by Stephen King. Brittany Kakachi.

Dragon Sword and the Windchild. Carly Reinig. The Harry Potter Series. Emily Patterson. Percy Jackson. Dragon Sword and the Windchild. Carly Reinig. The Harry Potter series. Emily Patterson. Percy Jackson, The Lightning Thief by Rick Reardon. Abigail Mandlin. Song of the Achilles by Madeline Miller.

Oh, look, she wrote a little note. By the way, you don't have to read this part, but my graduation ceremony for my master's degree that was supposed to be next month was obviously canceled due to current events. So you guys reading my name to pomp and circumstance is the closest I'm going to get to walking the stage. All right, congratulations, Abigail. Congrats, Abigail. Sophia Cochran.

The Four Agreements. Jennifer Steffen. Where the Red Fern Grows. Alyssa Holland Gone Girl Holland The Harry Potter Series Eleanor Sertich Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut

Heather Newell To Kill a Mockingbird Mandy Porter Fern Gully Welcome to the Supreme Court! You got Brandy's part? Do you remember what she does? I think so No, this is the part where Brandy goes

Oh my gosh, you guys Thank you so much for listening We're on Reddit We're on Facebook We're on Twitter We're everywhere You didn't send me that Well, no

I never send it It's just something she says But she always says it in the same way It's always Oh my gosh, you guys So, I'm send it. It's just something she says, but she always says it in the same way. It's always, oh, my gosh, you guys. So I'm going to fill in for Brandy. Oh, my gosh, you guys. Go find us on all the things.

And once you've done all that, head over to Apple Podcasts. Leave us a rating. Leave us a review. And once you've done all that, join us next week when we'll be experts on two whole new topics. Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process. I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitate it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. And I did exactly the same thing that Kristen just said.

So we owe a huge thank you to the real experts. For this episode, I got my info from the article, Peeved Ex-Employee Relieves Himself of $5,001 by Rhonda Simmons for the Star Exponent. And I got my information from the Washington Post, and by far that's the most credible newspaper I had to read for this. GQ, Vanity Fair, TMZ, The Daily News, The Blast, and The Daily Mail. For a full list of our sources, visit lgtcpodcast.com. Any errors are of course ours. Please don't take our word for it.

Go read their stuff. The Daily Mail