Let's Go To Court! - 265: SENSA!

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

BREAKING NEWS! We just discovered the biggest weight loss breakthrough of the 21st century!! It’s definitely not a scam!!!!!!!!!1  You don’t need to diet! You don’t need to exercise! Simply sprinkle Sensa on your food, then watch the weight fall off! IT’S THAT EASY!  …Please don’t ask any questions about how the product works. Definitely don’t ask about the clinical trials. Just hand over your credit card and check those critical thinking skills at the door. And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “The healthy skeptic: Sensa promises to curb eating,” by Chris Woolston for the Los Angeles Times “Chicago doctor’s claims fail FTC smell test,” by Julie Deardorff and Karisa King for the Chicago Tribune “Feds crack down on 4 bogus weight loss aids,” by Matthew Perrone for the Associated Press “Sensa products feels weight of FTC,” by Ricardo Lopez for the Los Angeles Times Sensa’s 2011 Infomercial Sensa Dance Commercial YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 49+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about CENSA. Okay. Okay. I did not get, because you called dibs on this, but I don't know that you put it in all caps. I did okay when i saw it in all caps here it was because i was like whatever the fuck i don't know what that is absolutely and then when i see it here you're talking about weight loss sprinkles i sure am holy shit okay it's so funny that you didn't recognize it immediately because that is the thing i have noticed because i've talked to a couple people about it yeah nobody remembers it right off the bat. Mm-hmm. But then. Yeah. It was CNN in the all caps here that did it for me.

Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Should I just dive in? I don't know. What do you, do you, maybe give people an update. People are going to want to know how you're feeling and all that. I meant more about weight loss sprinkles, but yeah. I know.

I know what you meant, but I meant like, let's take a second because people want to know that if you're feeling better. I'm coming to you now from beyond the grave. That's not true. No, I know what you meant, but I meant, like, let's take a second because people want to know if you're feeling better. I'm coming to you now from beyond the grave. That's not true. I'm good. And I do want to say thank you to everyone who reached out. You know, last week I was dealing with my really fun ovarian cysts. If you don't have ovarian cysts, I insist you try them.

They are hilarious. No. you try them. They are hilarious. No. No, it's been reassuring because like I've had a lot of people kind of just be like, yeah, you know, it's normal to have that kind of discomfort and pain. What's your face about? I'm just I'm just taking in your polish color and I love it. What is it? Oh, OK. Well, everyone, my fingernails look beautiful. They do. But you know what? Okay. So they're to the point where they've grown out nicely. They look really good. Yeah.

But I can tell. You can't handle them to be like one millimeter longer? No, I actually, I love the way they look and I will catch myself just admiring them. You know, just smiling at my... You've always had wonderful natural nails. Oh, thank you. You've always taken really good care of your nails. Oh my gosh, Brandy. Yeah, always.

Even when we're like 12 years old, you'd give yourself manicures. I've always been a very fancy, sophisticated lady. P.S. I farted at the beginning of this recording. We had to edit it for time. Not because it was gross. We didn't have the time to include my fart. But the important thing is I've always taken great care of my nails. Anyway, it's just a Sally Hansen sheer.

I like their sheer colors. And so you just do a couple coats. Yeah, it's like a nude. It's a nudie color yeah but i have to be careful with the nudes because i've got what what happened what do you mean you gotta be careful well okay i suffer from what i think probably a lot of pale women suffer from this you get the nude that looks great in the bottle you put put it on, you look like you're dead. Yeah. It just looks, it's all skin all the way. So I do have to get the tint.

And I'm rocking kind of a more bluey tint. It's good. I like it a lot. Thank you. You know, people say they don't like the tangents. We just like to hit them right at the top of the show. All right, now, Kristen, I demand you tell us about. No, we should plug our Patreon.

Oh, yeah. Everybody, join our Patreon. That's our ad from now on. That's our ad for Patreon. Support our show. If you want bonus episodes, that's where you go. There's 49 of those fuckers on there. Calm down.

That's a lot. It's true. That is a lot of bonus episodes. Next week, there will be more. There will. One more, to. It's true. That is a lot of bonus episodes. Next week there will be more. There will. One more, to be precise. Yes. We're not going wild or anything.

No, we're just going to do an additional, yeah, just like one for this month like we always do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Everybody just. Yeah.

We got all kinds of other shit on there too. We do Zoom calls. You get stickers. There's merch discounts. All the stuff can be found there at patreon.com slash lgtcpodcast. Well said. Okay, here we go. Okay, weight loss sprinkles!

Weight loss sprinkles! First off, thank you to, reporting by Julie Deardorff and Carissa King for the Chicago Tribune. Okay. Can I ask questions before you start? I haven't even said shit, but sure. Could I also give my other shout-outs? Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry.

You said two people. I thought that was like... Okay, sorry. I also want to shout-out the court documents. Okay, great. And also, please stand... We know how much court documents love a good shout-out. Yeah, yeah.

They so rarely get a good shout-out. They usually get a shitty one from you. Oh! And please stand and salute the everyday heroes who spend their days uploading very old infomercials to YouTube. They are gods among them. Okay, what's your question? Okay, does it... Okay, never mind.

You're going to tell me, and then you're going to be mad that I asked this at the beginning. Does it change the taste of your food, or does it just make you feel full faster? Let's find out together, shall we? I think it just makes you feel full faster, right? That was their whole gimmick. Just sprinkle this on, your food's still going to taste amazing, and you're going to be full in no time. Hmm. All right.

Interesting. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, Brandy, our younger listeners probably won't remember this, but there was a time not that long ago when people who weighed

more than they wanted to weigh would put themselves on these things called diets. And they'd go to the gym and they'd work out and that was what we thought we had to do to lose weight. But then, in the year of our Lord, 2008, a new product hit the market and it changed everything.

Did it? I'm talking, of course, about Sensa. Yeah. Sensa was a medical breakthrough, Brandy. No, it's not. Nay, a miracle. Finally, someone figured out a way to lose weight without diet or exercise. Naturally, the fine folks who created Sensa needed to spread the word.

So they launched a big, flashy ad campaign. I would like to describe one of their commercials to you now. Great. This unlocked a core memory for me. Yeah. Okay, picture it. It's a sunny day. People are sitting outside a cute little cafe, eating their lunches, sipping their beverages.

Everyone is happy. Everyone is thin. And at the bottom of the screen, there's teensy tiny little bit of text and it says, consult your physician prior to beginning any diet program. Sure. Great. Good advice. But you know, don't worry about it. So a waitress comes by. She sets a Cobb salad in front of a smiling woman. The woman is thrilled with her Cobb salad. She pulls out, what's this? Maybe a pack of cigarettes or a deck of cards? It's a little white rectangular box, and it reads, Sensa.

She shakes the box of Sensa all over her salad and as she does so, magical gleaming crystals fall from the box and onto her salad. And she holds the box upright and there's a little sound effect like ding!

The camera pans to show everyone at the outdoor cafe they're all thrilled to be alive. They're singing shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Oh my God. Shake your sass off. Shake your sass off.

Oh, you forgot about that! I'm telling you, this was lodged somewhere in my brain. Deep, deep in there. Yeah. They jump out of their seats and into a line and they're dancing and they all have boxes of Senza and they are dancing with their Senza. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake your Senza.

Yeah. Shake your Senza. There's new teeny tiny text at the bottom of the screen. And it reads, these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Okay. I thought it was kind of interesting that they said that because no one had actually said anything in the commercial yet. But anyway.

Next, we see a happy, thin woman walking out of her brownstone apartment. She's clearly a businesswoman on the go. She's got a muffin in one hand, a box of Senza in the other. And bright yellow text appears on the screen next to her. It reads, Michelle lost 40 pounds. Results not typical. Hold up. There's some new teeny tiny text at the bottom of the screen that I'd like to tell you about.

And it reads as follows. Studies show average weight loss of 30 and a half pounds in six months. Michelle used Sensa for six months. I await your apology, Brandy. Seems her results are typical. She lost more weight. All right. Sorry, Sensa worked so well for her.

Then we hear a voiceover. Diets are hard, but Sensa's as easy as shake, eat, and lose weight. The camera pans to a group of very cool dudes, and they're breakdancing on what appears to be a giant chessboard. And guess what? They also have sensa. Yeah, because tons of breakdancing dudes are constantly talking about weight loss. And sensible diets. That's right.

And sensible diets. That's right. They're like, I'm so embarrassed by my love handles. Then we cut to a police officer. He's directing traffic. Oh, yeah. And as the music plays. He dances.

Yeah, he's selling the choreo. I mean, he is great. He smiles wide. He sprinkles Senza onto his jelly donut. There's so much dancing. Everyone in town is dancing now. We got Flash Mob. They're in the town square.

We've got the break dancers. We've got the people from the cafe. We've got the police officer. What's that? The local judge wants to join in. He flips multiple times in the air. Of course he's in a robe. What do you think? Holding a gavel.

Text on the screen informs us that he has lost 75 pounds on Sensa. Yes, yes. Much smaller text reads, Roger used Sensa for 12 months with exercise. Remunerated for excellent results. What? Remunerated. Is that a word?

I think it's a word. I don't know how to pronounce it. Remunerated? Yeah, I think so. Remunerated? Remunerated. Remunerated. Remunerated. Mm-hmm.

Great. Oh, paid someone for services rendered or work done. Okay. Wonder why they didn't just say paid. He was paid. Wonder why they used a word. So people wouldn't know that he was paid, Kristen. They went to their thesaurus and they were like, what's the word that people are least likely to know?

And they picked remunerated. Roger flips through the air, his little judge robes a-flapping, and he lands perfectly in the formation. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake your sense up. That he is both a judge and an acrobat for this, and that he lost 70 pounds using sense up. And exercise, don't worry. Okay, yeah.

Now, exercise is not necessary. Right. It's just as easy as shake, eat, lose weight. That's right. Yeah. It's just as easy as shake, eat, lose weight. That's right. Yeah. Then we hear a voiceover. In one of the largest clinical studies of its kind ever conducted, 1,400 users lost an average of 30 and a half pounds with Sensa.

Now it's your turn to join the revolution that's got the whole world shaking. Visit Sensa.com to get your free trial today. I think that's an interesting choice that they made. What? To say 30 and a half pounds instead of not saying over 30 pounds with Censa. Hmm. Why do you think they were so precise? Probably because they have to be because they have a study that says everybody lost 30 and a half pounds.

Yeah, I'm sorry they're scientists and they want to be accurate. You're going to have to use actual words like remunerate. Remunerate. The commercial ends on a screen that reads, Censa.com. Try it free. Asterisk. You have to pay for it and you got to do what, like a mail-in rebate situation? Okay.

The bottom does explain a 30-day free trial offer includes free enrollment in Censa Auto Ship Delivery Service. Uh-huh. enrollment in Sensa Auto Ship Delivery Service. Receive a fresh supply every two months for $89.95 billed to your credit card plus $7.95 shipping and handling. What's that I'm picking up here?

Notes of gobs have come. Ew. We got an insight. You know what? Brandy. Not everyone has been listening to this podcast from the beginning. They don't know that that's a reference to another scam. They're listening to this. They're like, what the hell did she just say?

What did she just smell in the air of Kristen's home? I thought you were going to sniff and smell some bullshit. No. That would have been a more normal, just a note for you for next time. No, in the Insight case, people got auto-enrolled and then it was impossible to cancel. It's a similar thing here with Sensa. No, this is just how we all got super thin. Okay.

is just how we all got super thin okay since i had no calories no sugar no sodium no stimulants no diuretics what the fuck is it well um i do know what it is the main thing that i need for you to know is that it has no active ingredients which is kind of you know it is. The main thing that I need for you to know is that it has no active ingredients, which is kind of, you know. That is odd. So, Senza was made out of sugar, maltodextrin, and other various things. Senza worked by enhancing the way food smells and tastes and turning off the magical hunger switch in your brain. Now, some sources said that Senza was flavorless brandy, but I found an article that said that Senza made savory and sweet flavor crystals.

Oh. Would you like to know the flavors? Yeah. Okay, on the savory side, we've got cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, ranch dressing, taco, onion, and horseradish. Okay. Sweet flavors included. Cocoa. Caramel.

No. No. These flavors aren't great. No. What the fuck? Banana strawberry. That's not. How do you have banana strawberry, but you don't have vanilla?

That's a smoothie. You want to put a fucking smoothie on top of your food? No. Spearmint. That's not a sweet. That's. Raspberry. Okay.

Malt. Malt? Malt. Malt. I like a nice malt. You do like a malt. I knew I'd say malt and that would shut you right up. You could have gone on and on about how experiment doesn't count.

I'm not going to sprinkle fucking malt crystals on my food, though. Why not? That's not going to work. It worked for Roger the judge. And also Michelle, the businesswoman on the go. What about the police officer? How much weight did he lose by sprinkling it on his jelly donut? I don't recall.

But the important thing is it worked for him. You could get a one-month supply. But why would you only want a one-month supply? The six-month supply was ideal, in my opinion. It came in six packages, and the formula for each package was a little different because of science. They had to – don't make that face. Because of science. Don't make that face.

You see, Brandy, the different formulas keep your senses from getting complacent and getting used to it. And then the hunger switch, you know, gets all floppy and wonky. But that doesn't happen when you do the different formulas. When you get used to the regular one. Yeah. Okay. So what I'm saying to you is, why not spring for the $289 six-month supply? Before you

answer, you should know that I will throw in a free Getting Started DVD. I don't want that. You're gonna want it. You're gonna want that DVD. It's gonna explain a lot to you. Is it? Oh, yeah. The actual You're going to want it. You're going to want that DVD. Okay. It's going to explain a lot to you.

Is it? Oh, yeah. The actual science behind sensor? Sure. Sure. Is there any? Brandy, they said there was a clinical study. The largest study of its kind.

Yeah. Is that not good enough for you? It's not. I need to know more about it. Hmm. All right. You know what? I'm going to return to this script here where I have literally written, just from my pure

psychic abilities, Brandy, dot, dot, dot, you seem skeptical. I think what you need is more information. No. more information. And I'm thrilled to provide it to you by telling you about one of CENSA's truly fabulous infomercials. Okay, great. But first, we're going to break for an ad. Ooh, perfect. Ooh.

Doodaloo. Doodaloo. We're back from the ad, and we're about to talk about an infomercial. I don't remember them having, I remember that commercial vividly. I don't remember infomercials though. I can't believe that because you love infomercials. Yes. I feel like maybe it's in my, do you think it's in my brain somewhere? I think it's in there. Okay. Here we go. All right. Picture it. We open in a bright, airy kitchen. A very skinny, very blonde Kelly Ripa knockoff is holding a plate in the air. On it sits a piece of chocolate cake. The woman's actual name is Dana Devin,

and I looked her up on Instagram, and she's still skinny, so clearly the sensor worked. I looked her up on Instagram and she's still skinny. So clearly the sense of worked. Anyway, Dana looks right into the camera and says too loudly for some reason. Everything you've ever learned about dieting is wrong. The truth is you don't need to diet to lose weight. There's a better way. But don't blink or you'll miss it. And she holds up a box of Senza.

How short is this infomercial? If you risk missing it if you're blinking. Okay. It's the magic of the Senza that you'll miss with the blink. Okay, it's almost too magic to be captured by the naked eye is what you're saying. Also, it's so simple. Because it's not real. You are so hateful today.

It's a fucking placebo effect, isn't it? I don't know. Let's find out, shall we? She sprinkles the sense on the cake and says, that's it. Then the infomercial cuts to black. I have always thought that the thing that would enhance a piece of chocolate cake is a nice strawberry banana. I like just the ranch flavor on your. Yeah.

flavor. On your chocolate cake. Yeah. Really confuses the taste buds and that's what keeps my hunger switch flipped hard in the right direction. No floppy switches here, folks. The infomercial cuts to black and white B-roll of headless

fat people walking down the street. Great. Yeah, that's super fun. Yeah, because what is more terrifying than fat people walking down the street? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Lots and lots and lots of things. And a male announcer says in that iconic infomercial voice.

A snake being in your toilet and then coming up into your vagina. Why would you say that? Is much scarier than fat people walking down the street. That's the scariest thing on earth is a snake biting my vagina. Okay, I have to tell you that I saw this TikTok. It's not about a snake biting a vagina. But it unlocked a new fear in me. What is it?

Okay, it's this woman and she's talking about living in Arizona. Okay. Okay. She's like, welcome to Arizona. And she walks into her kitchen and she like pans her camera up on top of her cabinets

and she's like, what's that? And goes to pull something that's hanging over the edge of her cabinet. Stop it. She pulls it.

She doesn't pull it all the way down. She pulls it part of the way and it's a shed snake skin. No. She puts it back.

No. And then she just looks at the camera and goes, welcome to Arizona. I'd get the fuck out of Arizona. I had no idea that was something that I would need to be afraid of if I was in Arizona. That there's just snakes in my house shedding their fucking skin on top of my cabinets. You know that's where I'm going for Thanksgiving with my family, right? I did not know that. where I'm going for Thanksgiving with my family right I did not know that

I'm very sorry thank you so much Brandy I apologize but Kristen I mean you've got that but then there also might be fat people walking down the street my god the horror Also might be fat people walking down the street. My God.

The horror. Can you handle it? Now when I witness this, will it be in full color in my head? No, no, no. Somehow it will. All color will drain from your vision. Now we hear that iconic infomercial voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've tried to lose weight, there's something you already know.

No matter what restrictive diets, programs, or products you've tried, they've all had one thing in common. They didn't work. As he speaks, we see more black and white footage. This time we're focused on a very sad woman in a very sad montage. She's taking a diet pill. Is she in black and white too? Of course she is.

What do you think? It's like a big circle circle with an x gonna come like across the screen she's eating she's gonna drop her diet pill on the floor oh wait for it wait for it there's so much more drama to come for this woman okay she's eating a pre-packaged microwavable dinner. She's reading a book called The Diet Diet. Then she's using a blender to make some sort of healthy shake. But we all know how complicated blenders are. Yeah, so she can't get the thing to snap into the base and then like, what's this lid?

Right? Yeah. She actually forgets to put the lid on. And the shake goes everywhere. The montage ends. If only she had sense of crystals. I know. Those things aren't going to go flying anywhere.

The montage ends with the sad woman standing sadly on a scale, looking sadly in the mirror at her own sad reflection. Just when it looks like she might off herself because she can't lose 10 pounds, the announcer gives us the good news. Okay. There's something new on the market, and it does work. Does it? Yes. Sense of flavor crystals. Hundreds of thousands of people are already losing millions of pounds without dieting.

They've discovered the most revolutionary weight loss breakthrough of the 21st century. So suck on that. You don't get a lot of suck on that in infomercials these days. They need to be there. For the skeptics. Yeah. It's called Sensa, the amazing new clinically proven sensation that you sprinkle on to take the weight off. I see what they did there.

Whether you need to lose 10 pounds, 50 pounds, or more, now you can. Simply sprinkle Sensah on and continue to eat all the foods you love and watch the pounds come off. It's that easy. You'll lose weight easier than you've ever dreamed possible. As the announcer speaks, we see before and after pictures. So many before and after photos. Oh my God, the success stories were incredible. Somehow, in addition to losing weight for the after photos, some people developed better style, better hair, better makeup.

Weird. In some cases, better faces, honestly. Also, just like way better lighting in the after picture. Yeah. The announcer says, this revelation in weight loss is the result of 25 years of research and development by one of the world's leading experts on the science of smell and taste, Dr. Alan Hirsch. He found that the key to Sensa's effectiveness is a medical phenomenon called sensory-specific satiety. As you eat, Sensa works with your senses. That word is pronounced if you want to go back.

Satiety? Mm-mm. Satiety. Really? Yeah. No, you're wrong. I don't think I am. I could be.

Let's look it up. Satiety. Oh, all right. I've never heard it pronounced like that. Sorry. So sorry. Patty, please leave that in oh my gosh interrupted with the wrong information so sorry i've now i apologize i've never heard it pronounced like that

i'll go back a little bit okay he found that the key to senses effectiveness is a medical phenomenon called sensory-specific satiety. As you eat, Senso works with your senses to help safely stimulate your body's natural hunger control switch. So one bite triggers your body into thinking you've eaten more than you have. Go ahead and continue to eat your favorite foods. You'll begin to lose weight without having to think about it. It's as simple as sprinkle, eat, and lose weight. So, why haven't we all been doing it? It's so revolutionary, it's been featured in thousands of news media outlets

such as Time Magazine, the New York Times, and Dateline NBC. Featured? Or you placed an ad in those publications? Don't worry about it. I'll have you know, Brandi, that Sensa is endorsed by well-known doctors and nutrition experts. Do you have any? Well-known doctors. Well, some popped up on the screen. Okay.

What do you think you got to do to be a well-known doctor? Yeah, I don't know. Have a... Little-known doctor. Have a TV show? What are we talking, Dr. Yeah, I don't know. Have a little known doctor. Have a TV show. What are we talking? Dr. Oz? I didn't recognize any of these doctors.

Brandy, you remain skeptical. I am extremely skeptical. But the thing is. Mostly because I know this. I don't believe this to still be on the market today. believe this to still be on the market today. So I don't believe it to be the end all be all to weight loss that they are claiming it. You think they might have had more staying power if it actually worked. Yes. Interesting. Well, the infomercial boasts that no other weight loss product, quote, has ever had such extraordinary clinical results.

How do you explain that? You can't. Yeah. Yeah. Just sit there looking sad, sitting sadly. Also, it's so effective that it is pending for separate U.S. patents. So just waiting to hear back on that. Okay.

Sure. Pending patents. Yeah. Four of them. Okay. For the different flavors? Don't worry about it. Okay.

All right. Hey, Brandy. Yeah. I've got pretty big news. Okay. I've got pretty big news. Okay. If you call within the next 29 minutes, you can try Sensa for 30 days for only $9.95.

Wow. But you've got to call now. Is there a countdown happening on the screen right now? Okay. Are you ready for Dana to come back? Yeah. She's back. What's Dana got to say now? Oh, boy.

Prepare to have your mind blown. She's going to What's Dana got to say now? Oh, boy. Prepare to have your mind blown. She's going to tell us about her remarkable weight loss journey. Okay? Whew. All right. Dana, she lost 20 pounds on Censa. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So she was never fat. Right. So her before picture is just kind of like a semi unflattering photo of her when she's sitting down and kind of slumped forward in a lumpy sweater. Yeah. That's her before picture. Yeah. So, yeah, that obviously changed her life big time. She touted how safe it was.

Again, no stimulants, no diuretics. You don't have to count calories or exercise or change your life in any way. She says, it's simple. It's actually fun. And guess what?

It works. It's fun. Oh, it's a blast. Just sprinkle on your fucking food. It's a blast to get those gummy little ranch granules all over your food.

I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm ready to hear about the science behind census. Yes. Tell us about the science. Okay. For that part, we look no further than Dr. Alan Hirsch. Dana tells us that Dr. Alan Hirsch holds five medical board certifications and is recognized as the world's leading expert on the science of smell and taste. So all those other wannabe experts can suck it.

Yeah. He's the leading one. He has appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America, Dateline, Extra. The list goes on. Okay. I would like to know more about that episode of Dateline, I got to say. Yeah, what the fuck's he doing on Dateline? Oh, I'm just telling you what the infomercial told me.

It has to be like a Dateline special, right? Where they're covering... I would think so. I don't know, something out of the... I don't imagine that he was brought in for like a typical Dateline episode, right? No, probably not. All right.

Unless he's some expert witness for a trial or something. Could be, I guess. Mm-hmm. Smell expert. Smells like murder in here. That's all he says on the stand. That's all he said. And he's like, I'd like $515.

Then Dr. Allen speaks to us directly. Okay. You ready? What are his eyebrows like? Okay. I actually had nothing in here about his appearance because I thought, you know what? I'm a good person, but he looks dead. You know how like-

It's the second time you've described someone as looking dead. What are you... You described yourself as looking dead if you get the wrong nail color. Well, okay, that's true. But this guy has kind of a waxy sheen to his skin. He kind of looks like, you know, you go to a funeral, it's open casket. Maybe Dr. Alan Hirsch... Oh, that's so rude of me to say.

My God. Patty, if you'll rewind the tape, I simply asked about his eyebrows. What are his eyebrows like? You did this, Brandy. This is your fault. Anyway, let's get to it. You can tell a lot about an older gentleman by their eyebrows. You can? Yeah. How much older gentleman by their eyebrows. You can?

Yeah. How much grooming is going into those puppies? Are they just being left to... Oh, I'd say he's pretty well groomed. ...wander the wilderness alone? No, I'd say this is a groomed gentleman. Okay, all right. Mm-hmm.

I mean, that waxy sheen's got to come from something, right? I don't know what kind of embalming fluid he's getting into. He says, after 25 years of research, I finally figured out why diets don't work. Why? Okay, I'm so glad you asked. Most diets focus on what you eat. They have it all wrong. They have it all wrong.

Censa looks at why you overeat and the biological mechanisms that prevent you from overeating. You seem like you need more information. Don't worry. I've got so much more. It uses the body's natural physiology to prevent you from overeating. I found that hunger isn't controlled by your stomach. It's controlled by your brain. We don't overeat just because we're hungry. It's because we love to eat. And diets don't stop you from wanting to eat. They just stop you from eating what you want. And that is a recipe for failure.

The key is a medical phenomenon called sensory-specific satiety. As you eat, Sensa works with your senses to activate your body's natural hunger control switch and triggers your body into thinking you've eaten more than you have. So you begin to lose weight without having to think about it. Look, I don't mean to pressure you, but the timer is down to 20 minutes and 36 seconds. Get those orders in now! Yeah, you want that deal? It's not going to be on forever.

All right, Brandi, I can see you're ready for the hard sell. Here we go. If you think Censa sounds too good to be true, you'll have 30 days to try Censa at home for yourself. That's right. Call now and thanks to this introductory television offer, you can try Sensa for 30 days for only $9.95. And for a limited time, we'll even ship it free. It's our exclusive 30-day try it before you buy it trial offer. You're guaranteed to start losing the weight you want or simply return it and your credit card won't be charged a penny more.

And if that's not enough, if you call right now, you can receive a free upgrade to Rush Processing and a supply of our brand new Sensa Slims, the revolutionary to-go packets. Great for taking Sensa with you everywhere. A $30 value, free! Oh, boy. So what are you possibly waiting for?

Get started on that thinner, trimmer, sexier, healthier you, and for a limited time, we'll even ship it free. Woo-hoo! Yeah! Okay, but what is it? Can I put you down for $! Okay, but what is it? Can I put you down for 12? No, what is it? I told you about the malta dextrose and other

flavors. Still not interested. No, I'm not interested. Well, I've got bad news. I was very excited watching this infomercial, obviously. You ordered the year supply? No. Six-month supply?

No. They teased me. They said they had a celebrity guest coming on to promote the product. Who was it? Patty Stanger from The Millionaire Matchmaker, which is a reality show that I very much enjoyed back in the day. Is she the matchmaker? Yes, she is. With the big lips?

Does she have big lips? Well, every reality tv star does she's very mean long straight dark hair yep okay yeah yeah i've never watched the program but i remember the commercials well not this infomercial here's the sad thing she she couldn't make it. I believe she did make it, but the person who uploaded this to YouTube didn't have that clip. So we're just going to have to sit in silence and imagine what that was like. All right. You watched that show? Hell yeah.

All right. You can't judge me. I'm judging you. What's up? I tell you what, I love a problematic reality TV show. Millionaire matchmaker. Did you have to be a millionaire for her to make a match for you? If you were a dude, yeah.

Oh, not the ladies. No, she had lady millionaires on there. It's actually really gross. It's basically like, okay, so I'm the millionaire. And I come and I'm like, oh, why does no one want to date me? I'm so great. And you know, clearly they're fucked up beyond belief. So then she finds young, naive, hot people to go out on a group date with this person who has no personality. And then, you know, the winner gets to be with them. Lucky them.

No. It seems really lucky. Anyhow, I didn't anticipate talking about the millionaire matchmaker formula today, but I'm glad you asked these questions. These are the things I don't know. Uh-huh. I can't handle reality TV, so. Well, you're missing out on a lot. Okay. So this really all comes down to the clinical trials. Yeah. Tell us about the science. Okay. Studies. Largest study of its kind ever in the world. Okay. So I'm going to tell you about what they say about this study. Okay. Okay. On this infomercial, they say,

Senza works. No other weight loss product has had such extraordinary clinical results. In one of the largest clinical studies ever conducted for a non-pharmaceutical weight loss product, over 1,400 people were given Senza and told not to diet and not to change their exercise routine. In most diet studies, people lose a little weight. But with Sensa, the average was an incredible 30.5 pounds. Now compare that to the other group in the study. The group that wasn't given Sensa only lost two pounds on average. Okay. Sensa was definitely one of those products that sounded too good to be true. Yes.

But in all of their promotional materials, they talked about how Sensa was not only safe, it was also proven to be effective through these trials. Plus, it was backed up by this, you know, apparently very famous, well-respected doctor. Yeah. Dr. Alan Hirsch. Who was carried away in a Hirsch. And he said, wait, I'm still alive. I've just got a waxy sheen on my skin.

And you haven't even mentioned my eyebrows. I've just got a waxy sheen on my skin. And you haven't even mentioned my eyebrows. You can tell a lot about an older gentleman by his eyebrows. So let's talk about him. Let's talk about Dr. Allen. Dr. Allen Hirsch. That's the one. All right, great. He is a neurologist and a psychiatrist, and he opened the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago in 1987.

Okay. He describes himself as one of the nation's foremost experts on smell and taste. Does anybody else describe him that way? Well, sure. The lady from the infomercial did. And, you know, it's kind of true. Kind of? Well, I mean, how are we defining it? He's it's kind of true. Kind of. Well, I mean, I mean, he's got his treatment facility.

Right. And also he's appeared on countless news shows to talk about his research. Why are you saying research like that, Kristen? Because there is no research. It's all made up. This is bullshit. Hold on. Because he's got some research here that, frankly, I think you're going to want to hear about.

Okay. It's very interesting. Tell me. All right. Did you know that when a person is exercising and they sniff some buttered popcorn, they burn more calories. What? Is that real? It's one of his research studies. Also, listen up.

Did you know that when you're bowling and you get a whiff of jasmine, that can actually raise your score? Jasmine specifically? Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. a jasmine that can actually raise your score jasmine specifically okay so you know those are those are fun studies you you definitely get on a lot of news shows with a little study like that that doesn't sound real is that because you've never tried it and therefore you don't know it seems to me like that would vary person to person. Everybody, like, people are stimulated by different scents. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. It's funny you say that. You use those words, stimulated. Mm-hmm. Because over the years, Alan wrote several books, including such classics as Sensational Sex, The Secret to Using Aroma for Arousal. Well, I mean, that's not new. Aromatherapy, right? Like, that's a thing.

Yeah, so it's real. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying. What else? What else has he written? What flavor is your personality? Discovering who you are by looking at what you eat. I am a nacho.

I am a six-year-old boy. You ate a six-year-old boy? No, I eat the same things that a six-year-old boy does. I think we just had a confession to cannibalism on the pod. Okay, okay. Okay, I await the police. Also, another great book, How to Tell if Your Teenager is Lying and What to Do About It.

It's kind of a long title. What does that have to do with the other things? That's scent-based? Don't box him in. I thought he was a smell and taste expert. Yeah, but you know, he's got other... But now he shouldn't be smelling or tasting your teenager. That is disgusting, Brandy.

How are you supposed to tell if your teenager is lying based on a scent or a... I didn't say this was scent involved. I'm just reading you the titles of some of his books. You've jumped to some conclusions there. So quit sniffing those teens. Stop it. Now I'm sniffing teens and eating six-year-old boys? Great, Kristen.

That's not my fault. Are you lying? I'll smell it on you. Are you lying? I'll smell it on you. He also, of course, wrote a book about Sensa titled Sensa Weight Loss Program. The accidental discovery that's transforming the way people lose weight. I love an accidental discovery, don't you? Oops.

Oops. Stumbled into this sexy little discovery. It's so much more charming when the breakthroughs are accidental, don't you agree? In that book and in the promotional materials for Censa, Dr. Hirsch went on and on about the clinical trials that proved Censa's effectiveness. went on and on about the clinical trials that proved Sensa's effectiveness. So a lot of people saw these ads and figured, you know, why not give it a shot? From 2008 to 2012, U.S. sales of Sensa totaled roughly $364 million. Yeah.

Sensa brought in so much money. Mm-hmm. It got to the point that you could buy it just about anywhere. It was sold online, through the Home Shopping Network, in GNC, and even at my beloved Costco. Have you ever been in a GNC? Yeah, I used to have a salon that was right next to a GNC. Were you constantly getting in there, getting some roids? No.

I was talking about hemorrhoids, by the way. No, I was very intimidated by the GNC. Yes, those were intimidating places, and they always had the same dude working there. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, there were three dudes that worked at ours, and, like, everybody would, like, hang out behind the yeah, there were three dudes that worked at ours and like everybody would like hang out behind the store when there were no customers. Yeah. So, yeah, there's a lot of dudes.

Pretty broed up dudes. Exactly. But not everyone believed in the power of Dr. Hirsch's medical breakthrough. For example, of Dr. Hirsch's medical breakthrough. For example, in the spring of 2011, a writer named Chris Wolston wrote a very rude piece for the L.A. Times. And by very rude, I mean that he had the audacity to ask some basic questions. Such as? Well, first off, he looked into the main study that Dr. Hirsch kept touting.

Yeah. And the writer found that the study hadn't been published in any medical journals. That's weird. Yeah. All Dr. Hirsch had done was present it at a meeting. Interesting. Yeah. And since the census study wasn't published in a peer-reviewed journal, that meant that people couldn't look into, like, really basic information about how that study was conducted.

Yeah. And, you know, people really wanted to know how it was conducted because the results of the study were just astounding. Yes. That study claimed 30 and a half pounds in six months or 15 percent of a person's body weight. Yeah. And that's wild. Yes. Medical experts were like, you know, that's the kind of thing you might expect from like

gastric bypass surgery. So they wanted to know more about the study. And they also wanted to know how the hell Sensa worked exactly, which I don't know how we can be more clear. It's the floppy hunger trigger. Your switch is all floppy is the problem. This stuff hardens it right up. It's the taco seasoning that hardens mine the most.

What with you being a nacho and all, that makes sense. It's true. That's why you've got to find the right formula for you. And don't get complacent with it, okay? That's right. You've got to mix it up. You've got to throw in the spearmint on top of the taco seasoning. I'm just never going to want spearmint flavored anything on top of my food.

Okay, so when it gets into, like, how this stuff works, it's so frustrating because, like, obviously there is some evidence that scent and flavor impact how much we eat. I mean, no shit. Yeah, of course. But that's more like a meal to meal thing. But there was no evidence that very small amounts of maltodextrin or whatever the hell else was in sense could affect appetite. Yeah. Maltodextrin is just a corn derivative

like it's just a form of corn hunger stopping corn it's like corn powder yeah it's like a sugary corn stuff right yeah all right delicious great the one good thing that everyone kind of seemed to agree on was that Senza did seem safe. It was just a gigantic ripoff. Yeah, it's not anything. Here's how the LA Times article ended. Dieters who give it a try wouldn't be risking more than a few hundred dollars. And if they didn't get any results from their investment, they wouldn't be the first.

Which I hate that. Yeah. To me, that seems so flippant about people being ripped off when they're vulnerable. Yeah. But, you know, not everyone was quite so flippant. And that very same year, a group of people got together and filed a class action lawsuit against Sensei. Yeah. Yeah.

What'd they say? Yeah. Yeah. They said this shit's fake and doesn't do anything. Picture it. They opened at an outdoor cafe. You know, they didn't have to have a song and dance for their lawsuit. We're not going to take it.

Oh, that'd be so good. We're not going to shake it. Yes. In their lawsuit, they claimed that the makers of Sensa didn't have enough scientific evidence to support what they said in their marketing materials. Correct. You don't know that. Yeah,. Correct. You don't know that. Yeah, I do. You don't know it.

I do know it. The court documents got particularly spicy when the attorneys for the plaintiffs referred to Dr. Hirsch as a, quote, particularly sophisticated huckster, one with a medical degree and a thick stack of junk science to support the claim that his magic crystals are clinically proven to promote weight loss without diet or exercise. Wow. Oh! What's a huckster? I guess I don't know.

I thought it was just a general douchebag. Is it? Just a term to— Huckster? Huckster. I'm having to look up all kinds of words this episode. Huckster. A person who smells, who sells small items either door to door or from a stall or small store. Well, I don't know that I'm reading quite the right definition.

Oh, here we go. I don't know that I'm reading quite the right definition. Oh, here we go. North American English. It is promote or sell something typically of a typically a product of questionable value. I think that's the definition we're going to go with. Although I like the idea of a person who smells small items. The fine folks at Censa were outraged by this lawsuit obviously the people who were suing them were full of shit but you know just to be on the safe side they did settle it for nine million

dollars without admitting any wrongdoing okay Okay. Yeah. Great. It is great. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Brandy, for supporting science. Yeah, okay. And breakthroughs. Yeah. And entrepreneurship.

So, you know, they kept selling Senza. They kept making ridiculous claims. So finally, not a moment too soon, the Federal Trade Commission stepped in. Oh, good old FTC. What they have to say. They started looking at the clinical trials. They started looking at some of the people behind CINSA's success stories. And here's what they found. They found that, first off,

CINSA failed to disclose that some of the people who appeared in the ads as these success stories had been paid. I know, it's shocking. They'd been remunerated. I've got to remember the word! They'd been remunerated

all over the place. I think we should start a new podcast where we learn new words and use them incorrectly. Yes! I love that idea. We're just a couple of remunerated hucksters. Hold on while I smell this small item. A lot of these people

volunteered for the opportunity because, you know, they wanted to get a free trip to L.A. They wanted to get on TV. You know, it's all part of an offer. They wanted to put on a judge outfit and do flips through the air.

Who doesn't? And if you're going to remunerate me, then so be it. Here I sit awaiting remuneration. Yeah, so I'm sorry to shock you, but they weren't just regular folks who had success with the product, okay? Okay. I've placed the box of Kleenex on your desk in case. I'm all set. You're all set. All right. Well, you're taking this very well.

All right. So well. So, you know, the FTC is like, mm-mm-mm, bad, bad, bad. You needed to disclose those incentives. But the real dirt was on those clinical trials. Why did I say it that way? Sclinical trials. Sclin clinical trials. Why did I say it that way? Sclinical trials. Sclinical trials. So few people pronounce the S in front of clinical. Yeah, a lot of people are really stupid, Brandi.

A lot of people don't know what remunerate means. Or how to say satiety. Satiety. say satiety. Not everyone can be as brilliant as you and I. Okay, so this part is very infuriating. Okay, let's see. Oh gosh, how am I going to do this? Okay, just as a refresher, I'm going to read some of what Dr. Hirsch said about his studies. OK. So here's what he says about the first one. We conducted an initial pilot study with 92 subjects over a six-month period in 2002.

Using these testants, so that's what the sprinkles were called, or tastants. I mean, it's all bullshit, you know. Resulted in substantial weight loss. Compared to a control group that used no tastants, those who used tastants lost an average of 34 pounds over a six-month period. The greatest results were seen in those participants with the normal ability to smell and taste. Okay, so that's the first study. Okay. That's a much smaller study. Right. Right. Yeah. Well, so that's the first study. Okay. That's a much smaller study.

Right. Right. Yeah. Well, they're just testing it out. Similar results to the big study. Sure. Okay. Now we move on to the second study, the big one.

Okay. In 2004, I wanted to test this process on a much larger population base, Brandy, so keep your pants on. Jesus. In this next clinical trial, 1,436 people finished the study. A non-treatment control group of 100 individuals were randomly selected to not use the tastants. Both groups were instructed not to change their eating or exercise routines over the course of the study. Weight and body mass index were measured for both groups before and after the study.

The test group using the tastants experienced an average weight loss of 30.5 pounds and an average BMI decrease of 5 points over a period of 6 months. The control group, who used nothing, lost an average of only 2 pounds. There you go. So he's saying that 1,300 people used the actual product. And then the average weight loss is still 30.2. I mean, it's 30.5 pounds. That's incredible results.

That is. That's incredible results. That is. That's very impressive. Big if true. Yeah. As they say. Exactly. So they conducted those two studies themselves.

Had excellent results. Yeah. Can't argue with that. But then they took it a step further. Yeah. They went to an independent lab and had sense attested there. And again, similar results. Really? Yeah.

Or is that just what Dr. Hirsch is saying? Is there actually produced like documents, clinical results? I can make some documents for you. All right. It's just bullshit. This whole thing's bullshit. Okay. Here's what the FTC found when they looked into this.

Yeah. And really, oh, gosh. Okay. I'm just going to tell you. Okay. So that first study. Yeah. The one where Dr. Hirsch said, you know, oh, people lost an average of 34 pounds over six months. It was pure bullshit. When you look at the patents that he filed for and some of the abstracts from when he first presented that study, you see that he says that the people who completed that six-month study lost an average of five and a half pounds. That's way different. Totally different. That's

completely different. We're talking 5.6 pounds over six months for me to sprinkle shit all over my food? Yeah, what? Also, if you... So where'd the 34 pounds or whatever he said from that study, where'd that fucking go? Hmm. He just made that up? One person lost 34 pounds? He's like, the average!

Or he just made it up. Well, it certainly sounds better, doesn't it? Well, yeah, of course it does. All I can tell you is that in the beginning, it was 5.6 pounds. And then magically, when it came time to advertise and promote this product, the results of that study got a whole lot better. Which in the business, that's what we call a lie. I might also call it fraud. Yes, absolutely.

There are other issues with this study. People self-reported their weight, which, come on. Yeah, I lost 57 pounds since yesterday. Yeah, pay me five grand. Yeah. I lost 57 pounds since yesterday. Yeah. Pay me five grand. Their diets weren't monitored. Their exercise wasn't monitored. The study actually did not have a control group.

Excellent. So now we go to the second study. That's the one where, you know, almost 1,400 people. Not almost 1,400. More than 1,400 people supposedly lost an average of 30 and a half pounds. Yeah. Fun fact, that study actually started with a group of 2,437 people. Well, he did say 1,436 people. Convinced the study.

Yeah. That's right. All right. So he's kind of telling a little just glimpses of the truth. Yeah. That's right. All right. So he's kind of telling a little just glimpses of the truth. Yeah. But, you know, people might say, gee, we sure would like to know what happened to the other thousand people. Yeah. Why did they drop out?

Yeah. What happened? We don't know why. Oh, okay. Okay. But we do know that once again, people self-reported their weight and that according to the FTC, the second study had all the same problems as the first one. Yeah. Then we get to the third study, the one that was conducted by the independent lab.

Yeah. For that study, CENSA reported that the independent lab had a test group of 46 people and a control group of 32 people. They claimed that the 46 people who used Censa lost an average of 27 and a half pounds in six months. The control group gained a third of a pound. Okay, here we go. Shocking news ahead. He made it. There's not. This lab doesn't exist. No, actually, the. Shocking news ahead. He made it. There's not.

This lab doesn't exist. No, actually, the lab does exist. Okay. That would be really fine. It's owned by Dr. Alan Hirsch. So, SINSA paid for the study. And according to the FTC, they, quote, participated in or exercised control over the design, conduct, and report of the study. And of course, in some cases, the weight loss was completely misreported. Also, fun story, the owners of that lab, which was a real lab, and some of their family members appeared in some of the Censa ads to endorse the product.

Yeah. Cool. Just a fun little independent lab. Yeah. Don't worry about it. Yeah. So the FTC was like, okay, you guys suck. Yeah. Cool. Just a fun little independent lab. Don't worry about it. Yeah. So the FTC was like, okay, you guys suck. Yeah.

You're in big trouble, mister. But were they really in big trouble? No, probably not, because they said these claims have not been evaluated by the FDA. Can you just lie to consumers like this? No, probably not. Mm-mm. Not here. Not in America. Not in my house. Tried that in a small town. Oh, Lord. In January of 2014, the FTC announced that it reached a settlement for $26.5 million with CENSA. The total judgment against CENSA was actually $46.5 million, but $20 million of that was suspended because CENSA couldn't pay it. Oh, shit.

Yeah, it turns out they made a ton of money, but they also spent a ton of money. Hey, do you think infomercials are cheap? They are not. They are not. a ton of money, but they also spent a ton of money. Hey, do you think infomercials are cheap? They are not. They are not. So the FTC sent out 477,000 checks totaling like $26 million to customers who'd purchased Censa. And those checks were, you know, on average like 50 bucks. But, okay so 30.5 bucks on average under the terms of the settlement Censa could no longer make weight loss claims

about dietary supplements or oh I meant to say food or drugs, but I called it rude or drugs. Unless they had like two human clinical trials to back up, you know, they had to be super sure. Yeah. But here's what I fucking hate about this. As part of this settlement, they didn't have to admit to any wrongdoing. Wow. Which is why they got to send out the following press release on the day that the settlement was announced. I am going to read this to you now and prepare for a load of bullshit.

Wait, was that a truck backing up? Obviously it was a truck backing up. Okay, you ready for this news? Yeah. Today, Censa Products LLC announced a settlement in connection with a Federal Trade Commission consent order on the use of certain advertising claims for the Censa weight loss system. The settlement involves no admission of wrongful conduct by the company and does not challenge the product's safety. Sensa is sprinkled onto foods and designed to help users

learn portion control without restricting food choices or feeling deprived. The system empowers people to change their eating behavior over time while learning healthy lifestyle habits through its community at mycensa.com. Censa is building on over 25 years of research by working with leading experts in the weight loss field to comply with FTC consent order requirements. The company has invested millions of dollars in clinical research. With over 3 million customers, Censa helps users engage in proper portion control. Okay, fuck off.

What? No, they're doing great work here. No, they're lying to people! The FTC consent order is focused solely on Censa's advertising claims. Censa is incorporating changes to its advertising to comply with the FTC's consent order and continues to support the brand with new advertising and marketing materials. Okay. We stand behind Sensa. Okay.

A leading lifestyle tool that helps customers change their eating habits without traditional dieting, stimulants, or pills, said Kristen Chadwick, CEO of Sense of Products. Does this fucking work? We continue to receive positive feedback from our customers and remain committed to developing products that help our number one priority, our customers, live healthier, happier lives. Live, laugh, love. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, real tough punishment for them no i hate that yeah that blatant lie yes ripping people the fuck off yeah people got so rich off of this oh my. Not that rich because they couldn't pay the 40... Yeah, because they spent it all. That's true. Because the C... Yeah.

It's because everybody was getting big old bonus checks. Right. Not everybody. And they spent them on boob jobs. Everybody at the C level

was getting... And boobs can't be repoed as we talk about on this podcast frequently. That's why if I ever commit a scheme i'm gonna spend it on plastic surgery because they can't repo that shit okay huh why are you seeming so unsupportive what procedures are you thinking of having done oh big booty yeah can't take my ass away. Brazilian butt lift. Oh, lift these tits. Hike them up high.

Oh, tit lift. Got it. Maybe I'll get some reality TV star lips. You ever think of that? Yeah. Just do like a lip flip. I think I'd do a lip flip. Really?

Yeah. I would not do anything to these luscious lips. Everyone, Prandi is. Yeah, I wish I had bigger lips. Oh, really? Yeah. You see, you just get like, I don't know... Yeah, I wish I had bigger lips. Oh, really? Yeah. You see, you just get like,

I don't know, like two Botox shots right up here. It's called Lip Flip. Yeah, I know what it is. I watch reality TV. You don't have to keep me abreast of it.

My only exposure to it is TikTok, so... What do you think? How would I look? Well, I think it's a real gamble because what if they get you flipped up too far? Too much, right?

And you just look like you're sniffing your upper lip all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's not a good look. All right. Probably not worth the risk. All right. All right.

What if I couldn't speak anymore? I was no longer allowed to. I couldn't podcast anymore. I mean, that'd be an interesting injury. Would you go to court? Would I cover it on this very podcast while you sit silently and listen to my coverage?

Hoodie on in the courtroom. Don't you fucking dare. Well, I hadn't planned to wear a hoodie, but I got to court and I found out that my shirt was see-through. No. It's a court date. You dress up for it.

Show some goddamn respect. My lord. I would apologize to the judge personally. So that was big news. Yeah. The settlement got a lot of media attention. Of course. But how did the statement work?

Did people listen to the statement? No one listens to that statement. Did they eat the statement up? Did they keep eating the flavor crystals? Really, I think since it really missed out by not pairing with Guy Fieri at some point and doing like a flavor crystals to flavor town kind of yeah mashup anyone who hasn't worked with guy fieri has probably missed out on a big opportunity i'd say wouldn't you no i mean i feel like sensa died pretty quickly after yeah right yes yeah yeah this was kind of dunzo for them once you take all their money and you reveal that it's a big scheme, the hucksters go, aw, shucks, and they hoof it on out of town.

The hucksters become shucksters. But, you know, these two reporters at the Chicago Tribune became very curious about this doctor. Dr. Hirsch? What are we going to find out about Dr. Hirsch? Here's what they found. Okay, so first off, they just do a little digging. They went to the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation website and saw that according to the website, he had conducted and published more than 200 research projects, which, you know, sounds very impressive.

But they looked into it, and very few of those studies were published in peer reviewed medical journals. And a lot of the conclusions that he drew from research were based on very small studies with either totally unclear or just real sketchy methodology. Yeah. The foundation's website also claimed that he had published work in major journals, like the Journal of the American Medical Association and the American Journal of Psychiatry. And yeah, you know, technically he had had some stuff published in major journals, but they were letters to the editor. It's not the same.

Book reviews, you know, opinion pieces. It's not the same. Book reviews, you know, opinion pieces. It's not the same. Not the same. The foundation website also said that Dr. Hirsch was working on three projects with NASA. So the reporters called up NASA. Yeah. And a spokesperson said that Dr. Hirsch hadn't worked with them on anything in like 15 years. Oh, interesting.

Dr. Hirsch also claimed to be affiliated with Rush University Medical Center, and the foundation website said that he was a member of the medical faculty at Mercy Hospital and Medical Center. So the reporters called up the hospital, and a spokesperson said that Dr. Hirsch, quote, does not actively practice at Mercy and, quote, does not function in a type of faculty or teaching role, which I kind of wonder what the hell does that leave us with? I think that just means he does not work here. Right? Right.

Our reporters also found that Dr. Hirsch had had some tough times in court. Yeah. Showed up in a hoodie. They found three instances where attorneys wanted to call him on as an expert witness, but the judges wouldn't allow it because the guy was so full of shit. Yeah, he had no fucking credentials. I mean, he has credentials. He went to the right schools, but he's just full of shit. They also discovered that a law firm had hired him to be an expert witness.

You know, he charges a lot for these things. And they had this case about people who'd been exposed to chemicals. They think they're getting, you know, the leading expert on this. And smell and taste technology. And during a depositionosition the opposing counsel just destroyed this dude so the law firm was like well you suck ass and so they stopped working with him and i don't know if they just were like we're not paying you or we're not paying what we agree there was some kind of issue with payment and he sued the law firm for about 200K. Did he win? Well, in the court document,

attorneys for the law firm wrote, quote, Dr. Hirsch's opinions and diagnosis of each of the clients was erroneous, misleading and not based upon any medically or scientifically accepted methods. He's a fucking huckster, they said in their next line. That's what they said, yeah. The law firm eventually dissolved, so, you know, lawsuits go bye-bye. But you'll be pleased to know that Dr. Hirsch, all these years later, appears to be doing just fine. What's old Hirschy up to these days? Okay, from what I could tell, he's still to be doing just fine. What's all Hershey up to these days? Okay, from what I could tell, he's still out there doing his thing.

He still loves to appear as an expert in the media. And he remains apparently a pretty well-respected out there. Can I Google him? Sure. Let's see what he looks like. Doctor. Oh, Jesus. You accidentally Googled jesus

what's his let her sure oh sure well the first picture i saw of him he looked much younger but then i see this another picture and he looks not as young there so i think he's not you think he has aged over time aged as some of us do is this the guy like he this guy looks yeah this is the same guy right like this is the first picture i saw yeah i assume so yeah that you think that's an old picture i do think that's an older picture because you see brandy people People look younger and their eyebrows are not notable in any way. I can see why you could not answer my question. You see why I struggled

greatly. They're almost non-existent, honestly. No, they're there. He has a pronounced brow bone. He does. But not pronounced eyebrows. He is brow bony. Yeah. Interesting. Real strong jawline on this one. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Real strong jawline on this one.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Chiseled almost. Lifted almost. Oh, for sure lifted. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. For sure, right?

Let's see you, doc. Uh-huh. And that is the story of a bullshit weight loss product. Yeah. Okay, so I've actually wanted to do that one for a really long time. But I always stopped because it pisses me off. Yes.

You know, the FTC counts this as a victory because, you know, it's PR for them. Of course. I think Sensa got away with everything. But Sensa faced no real ramifications for what they did. Yeah, I mean, it's the typical scheme. They cash in big time and then everyone just moves on. Yeah.

Yeah. And they just fucking lied. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Disgustingly lied. I mean, it's just... Yes! It's amazing to me.

Just the blatant lies. Yes! Okay. So you remember this product. Oh, vividly. Tell me what you remember. I mean, I remember the commercials. I remember when it came on the market.

But by that point, I mean, what was it? It was 2008, right? I mean, I'd been on diet since I was a child. So, no, it looked like bullshit to me from the second I saw the commercial. Yeah. Yeah. You weren't even slightly moved by Dr. Allen and his slight eyebrows, but very big brown bone. No, I was not. One of those things where they're going after vulnerable people.

Yeah. And I think a lot of people are like, okay, so it might be bullshit, but I'll give it a try. Yeah. And that's what they're banking on. Yep. And it's fucking shitty. And there's like the added level because it's like, okay, there's not really any real risk factors here. Right. I mean, it's not like fen-fen.

Fen-fen. Yes, exactly. Good grief. That's another one. Yeah. You can do that one. I might. That's another one. Yeah. You going to do that one? I might. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel like with Chop and Steal last time, and this one with Sensu, I need to get off of these, you know, studly men and our weight loss sprinkles, you know. Weight loss sprinkles. I don't want people to get fatigued. That's right. No, we got to mix it up. No, this was wonderful. Thank you.

Yeah. I had a lot of fun watching the infomercials. I love a good infomercial. I love infomercials. I get so sucked in. You don't just watch TV anymore. So you don't see infomercials anymore. Do they even exist?

Probably not. Yeah. I liked, I mean, cookware infomercials were my favorite. Yeah. Well, that Ron Popeil, I mispronounced it, didn't I? No, you misprons were my favorite. Yeah, well, that Ron Popeil. I mispronounced it, didn't I? No, you mispronounced it, right? Oh, okay.

Yeah, the Showtime rotisserie cooker. Brandy has one in every room. Yeah, I always like the pans that are like the nonstick, and they show you how you can just burn cheese right in that thing and it's going to come right off. Copper pans. Yeah, those are very big. I also liked the compilation CD. Oh, hell yeah. I fucking loved that.

They give you just a taste of the hits. Oh, yeah. And that, in a way, becomes its own mashup that you can sing along to. Yeah. Man, I've watched so many infomercials over the years. What about the hair ones? I've thought about doing some of the hair ones because I mean

there have been some miracle products out there. Yeah. Win. Big infomercial brand. Lots of lawsuits. And all because everyone hates a miracle product. That's right. Too good to be true.

Okay. What's your favorite product that you've ever bought from an infomercial? I don't know that I've bought much from an actual infomercial. You've just enjoyed the programming, huh? I've just enjoyed the program. Anything you've been super tempted? Oh enjoy the program anything you've been super

tempted oh lots of things i've been super tempted to buy yeah lots of paint like the non-stick pans are the things that really they stand out to you yeah they're one year i mean this has probably been gosh 10 years ago now there was this infomercial that was on all the time i mean it'd be on during the middle of the day. Okay, that's the top dollar infomercial. Square pan, like a square skillet that had like a copper lining in it that made it so that

it was completely nonstick. Man, I wanted that fucker so bad. Never bought it. Regrets. Yeah. Yep. They say you shouldn't live your life with regrets.

Every blender ever. Yeah. Yeah. What is it about a blender? Man, I can make a smoothie and salsa in that thing. Sign me up. And then? Whip up a scrambled egg and just pop that thing in the microwave.

I don't even have to move it to a different container. That's the other thing. Yeah. The magic of not moving it to another container. Think of how much better my life will be. What? Okay, my parents did. That's the other thing. Yeah. The magic of not moving it to another container. Think of how much better my life will be. What? Okay, my parents did.

This just popped into my brain because I was about to tell you about the new wave cooker, which I really wanted as well, which is like some weird, I think it was like the precursor to the air fryer. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. Anyway, no, my parents had a dehydrator when I was a kid. Totally had to have come from an infomercial. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. Anyway, no, my parents had a dehydrator when I was a kid. Totally had to have come from an infomercial.

Oh, for sure. But they made beef jerky in it all the time and it was amazing. See? Yeah. So while it wasn't my purchase, that's my favorite

infomercial purchase. That would be an amazing purchase for a child. I would like a food dehydrator. No, but I did love the beef jerky that we ate as a result of it. Now, you did buy pajama jeans. So, okay, I bought a lot of As Seen on TV products. Oh, I see.

Yeah, but not from the infomercial. I did watch the pajama jean infomercial, though, and then I went to Walmart and looked in the As Seen on TV section, and they had the pajama jeans, and I purchased them, and I've never been more disappointed in my life. First of all, they didn't look like jeans. Second, they didn't feel like pajamas. No. They checked neither box. Were you ever tempted by the

bump it you remember the bump it I had the bump it fuck yeah I had a bump it wow yes

yeah also I had that twirly bobby pin thing it looks like a spiral you're supposed to be able to

just like I still have one of those yeah pin or something like that yeah I mean it does some

stuff but it doesn't do what they expect you will be disappointed pin or something like that. Yeah, I mean, it does some stuff, but it doesn't do what they say. You will be disappointed. Should we move on and take some questions from our Discord?

Let's do it. How do you get in the Discord? Well, you see, you simply join our Patreon at the $5 level or higher. And then when we're getting ready to record or just cord, we ask you if you have any questions. And you say, yes. Yes, I do. Yeah, so many.

Oh, my God. Please answer them. Kristen, you're so cool. Brandy is also there Breaking news Someone just dropped this in the questions Chop and Steel Have mentioned the podcast

On Instagram Shut up are you serious Richard and Ball says I'm behind on my episodes So please forgive me It's already been mentioned in the discord But the Chop and Steel mentioned LGTC on their Instagram. I am freaking

out. What if they were like, those fuckers? Hold on, hold on. Wait, I'm gonna take us to it right now. They shared our logo. Oh, those sweeties. And then said, the hilarious ladies at LGTC did a two plus hour deep dive on the Chop and steal lawsuit with

Gray Television. Give it a listen and laugh all the way through. Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh, that's so cool. Okay, their real names are Nick and Joe. Thank you, Nick and Joe. Yes, thank you, Nick and Joe. Holy shit, that's so nice.

That's so cool. That's awesome. I feel like I'm swimming in turbo gravy right now. I'm just so happy. That's so sweet. I feel like I could break several twigs across my knee right now. Have you been training for it? No.

Then don't even try it unless you think you can pull it off. Oh, my Lord. Do we have a question here today? Do we have a question here today? Winston the Corgi wants to know, is there a polite way to tell your husband that you'd rather cut off both your feet than have his brother, mom, and cousin be at your house all day for five days right after you get a C-section? Oh, Lord. That's too much. That's, oh my.

Okay, you start polite. I was going to say, you got to do the politeness sandwich, right? No, you give your advice, I'll give my advice. I can tell you I'm... It's amazing that they are offering that to us. That is, that's so wonderful. Yes, I think that, you think that extra help would be amazing. But also, I think we will need time here, just to

fill in the number three of us, you, your new kid, and your husband, I don't know if you have other kids, whatever, to bond and to heal and to recover. I think, well, that's an amazing offer that they have made to us. I feel like I'm watching an infomercial right now.

The number of times you've said the word amazing. All right. How would you, how do you handle it? What's your fucking husband? So I say, you know, you start out, yeah, you start out polite. Yeah. You say that that is so incredible that they're willing to do that. But I've got to be honest.

Yeah. Dot, dot, dot. Yeah. And then you just say, I don't're willing to do that. But I've got to be honest. Yeah. Dot, dot, dot. Yeah. And then you just say, I don't think I can handle that. Yeah. And if you need to sing, I don't think I can handle it. Who's he to stop you? I don't think you're ready for that.

You're very pregnant. People in our house right after we have a baby. And also it's going to fall on me To make sure they have drinks and food And I've tried to recover from a C-section Yeah. Yeah. We need to get in the studio right now and record that. Because you know it's gonna be like,

oh gosh, now I'm also worried about, is the house... Yes, is the house in the right condition? Does everybody have what they need? I don't know why I'm getting nervous. Like, I am going to suddenly be pregnant and have a bunch of people come stay. But I am feeling nervous. I also, I think you got to, you got to say. Run away from home.

Thanks, but no, no. Just say this. It's a runaway bride situation. The mayor is calling for the FBI, says, what's your comfort food when you don't feel well. My dad is in the hospital recovering from surgery and he doesn't like any of the food here and has requested peanut butter crackers and chicken salad sandwiches. Okay my comfort food when I am feeling not feeling well and it's like it doesn't really matter what kind of illness I have. Yeah. It's the same every time because what my mom gave me

when I was a little kid and didn't feel good. What is it? Saltine crackers and Sprite. Yeah. Yeah. That is my, like, if I don't feel good, that's what I want. Even if it's like an emotional don't feel good? No.

Oh, well, excuse me. No. Any kind of, like, physical ailment. This answer will surprise no one. And I think reveals a lot about why I often don't feel great. When I don't feel well, I want nachos. That is an odd food to gravitate to. And do I say hold the jalapenos, hold the spices?

No, I do not. You say load that fucker up. I want to blow it out my already blown out butthole. That's right. Yeah. That's right. This reminds me of the time. What?

Norm at Tanner's. Oh, my God. Okay. This has been, I don't even know, a long time ago now. But Norm had had a rough day. He'd spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Some toilet time. Yeah.

I think there were four separate trips. It was rough. And he had just finished telling us how rough it was. And then we went to lunch. He had the big blowout. Yeah, he was going to take it kind of easy at lunch. And we sit down and order and the server comes over. And Norm is going to place his order and he says to the server, just how spicy is the five alarm burger?

And it's like, you don't want to tell someone. Are you fucking out of your mind? But I turned to him and I was like, are you kidding? out of your mind. But I turned to him and I was like, are you kidding? You're a shell of a man right now.

You just finished telling us how you've just blown your butthole inside out four times today. And now you want to know how spicy

the fire alarm is. You know, that's what draws me to him. He's always up for an adventure. Cat alien Natalie wants to know, when are there going to be more juvenile Bigfoot hoodies? I've got big news for you, honey. They're up there on the website right now. Oh, shit.

I put them on up there on kind of like sneaky sneaks. Yeah, sneaky sneaks. You got to check the website because sometimes we get stuff restocked. I'll make a little announcement. Okay. Gosh, people just want to buy stuff out of my basement. Squished Peach wants to know if you could fill up a plastic kiddie pool with absolutely anything, what would you fill it up with? And then I jump into it?

Sure. Hmm. Excellent question. Yeah. I don't know. What would you fill it up with? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I feel like maybe I'd do Skittles. That's a terrible idea. No, I think it'd feel fun to like.

It'd be fun for like a couple seconds. But then what if it's hot out? Then all that dye is going to get all over. No, that's why I went Skittles and not M&M's because really my heart is with M&M's, but then M&M's would melt. But Skittles leave that dye on your hand too, just like M&M's do. Only if you sweat on them. Do you not sweat? No, I think I could sit in my— Do you not bleed? I think I could sit in my kiddie pool filled with Skittles without—and I think that would feel very satisfying to me.

Am I a sweatier person? I think so. I'm just imagining grabbing handfuls of Skittles and then letting them like sift through my fingers. I can tell just by the way you're looking right now that you feel powerful

just thinking about it. Yeah. I think I would find that very satisfying. Yeah. Absolutely. And then if I want like a couple of Skittles

I'll toss them back, you know. Now what do you wear in this Skittle pool? Um, what would I wear? Probably just what I'm wearing now. What a boring answer, but yes, true. Jeans, black shirt.

Yeah. No shoes, because I want to wiggle my toes in the Skittles, too. May I make a recommendation? Yeah. 1920s bathing suit. I mean, my regular suit's not far off from that. I thought you had a bikini. I do.

It's a high-waisted bottom. Excuse me for even asking. It's a high-waisted bottom and a long-line top, so there's very little area between the two. What's a long-line top? Yeah, so it's got, you know, you know, like a, it comes down like. Like a tankini thing? No, it's not a tankini.

Tankini comes all the way down. Long line. You know, like a. Oh, yeah. Okay. To the, to the ribbies. You get just a pinch of skin to show off. Yeah.

It's very little. Very little. Yeah. And if I adjusted just right, I could make a meat. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Very good. I don't know that I'd wear that suit for the Skittles thing.

But I do have that. All right. Very good. What are you putting in your kiddie pool? I have no idea. You don't want nachos? You don't want a kiddie pool full of nachos? Not really.

You don't have to get in it if you don't want to. You could just You don't want a kiddie pool full of nachos? Not really. You don't have to get in it if you don't want to. You could just sit there and eat a kiddie pool full of nachos. Well, that sounds disgusting. What if it's just brand new? Nobody's ever even been in it before. Right, but I mean, like... I watched a TikTok where a lady made a big thing of nachos in a kiddie pool. Why?

I assumed for some party. I only paid attention to, like, the first 30 seconds, and I was like, I'd never eat that and moved on. Imagine how soggy those chips on the bottom would be. Exactly. No, I hate it. I hate it. Absolutely hate this idea. No, you know what I want?

Kitty fool. Kitty fool. A stupid cat. You want a stupid cat in the kiddie pool? A kiddie fool. That was my hilarious joke. No. A kiddie pool full of puppies.

That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Just real cute. And they're like knocking each other over. Yeah. Adorable. Yeah.

I would like that too. And I get to sit on the side and pet them as they come to me. Yeah. All right. that, too. And I get to sit on the side and pet them as they come to me. Yeah. All right. That's it. OK. OK. I hate age gaps, says in an early bonus episode, Kristen said DP wants to start his own podcast called Ask an Old White Guy.

Any updates on that? When is the release date? white guy. Any updates on that? When is the release date? Everyone, I have saved you from hearing the podcast, Ask an Old White Guy. The advantage is a lot of old white guys don't want to really work these days. And of course, my father is no exception. He did discover that it would be a significant amount of work. Yes, he was shocked and dismayed to discover that it would require sticking to a schedule and showing up. And, yeah, perhaps listening back to episodes for editing purposes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I've decided the world's not prepared. Ooh. the world's not prepared. Ooh! NickyNicky85 asks, everyone always asks the best part about having a kid.

So, Kristen, what's the best part of being child-free? Oh, man. I get to do whatever I want. Yeah! That part is pretty awesome.

Yeah, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, your schedule is not dictated by a tiny human that bosses you around. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I get to do what I want.

Yeah. And I don't know that this is always the best thing necessarily, but I'm kind of, I'm my main concern. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah, you get to focus on you. Yeah. Well, you get to focus on the family.

Pat Robertson. Pat Robertson. Should we move on to some Supreme Court inductions? Yeah, let's do it. To get inducted on this podcast, all you have to do is join our Patreon at the $7 level or higher. We are going to be reading your names and your first celebrity crushes. Bailey. Fred Savage. Sarah Drake.

Sting in the original Dune movie. I've never seen it. You ever seen that one, Kristen? Get out of here. Catherine Slade. Val Kilmer. Alice Kalman. Everyone talks about the fox from Robin Hood,

but my celebrity crush slash weirdly handsome Disney animal was always Kovu, the hot lion from The Lion King 2. I never saw The Lion King 2. I don't think I ever saw The Lion King 2. Was that a straight-to-DVD number? Too hot for theaters, maybe? Probably just straight-to-VHS even at that time. Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Boy. Kit Kat Ost. For your Australian audience, Daryl Summers and Alan Border. Okay, those must be Australian superstars. I don't know who they are. Cassandra Pavlou. Johnny Depp. Christy Woods.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Sarah Palkowitz. Paul Rudd. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Sarah Palkowitz. Paul Rudd. Amy Hilt. Megan Fox. I didn't know at the time I was gay, but my God, when I finally realized it, I knew that my desktop background image in 2007 wasn't Megan Fox for nothing. Kimberly Balega.

LeVar Burton. Stacy Blankenship. Matthew Lillard. You used to like him, too. I loved him, yes. Calm down, I'm sorry. Yeah, he was in Scream. Ashley Collins.

Ryan Filipe? How do you say that? Sure, I have no idea. Filipe, Filipe, Filipe, Filipe. Ryan Filipe. Jennifer Profeta. How do you say that? Sure, I have no idea. Felipe, Felipe, Felipe, Felipe. Ryan Felipe. Jennifer Profeta. It's a tie between Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Zach Hansen. Jessica West.

Mr. T. I love that. Yes. Heather Roast. JTT. Jade Clevenger. Aaron Carter. Christina Hogan.

Errol Flynn. Errol Flynn. Errol Flynn? The pirate guy in the old movies? I have no idea who we're talking about right now. I think you dress up as a pirate in black and white movies. Christina. I don't know for sure, though. Desiree Vasquez.

Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley from Pirates of the Caribbean They also dressed up as pirates Man Tanya Eminem Katrina

Ralph Macchio Michelle L Eliza Dushku Welcome to the Supreme Court! Thank you, everyone, for all of your support. I'm not going to continue doing that. Don't worry.

You lost confidence so fast. What was it that got to you? Was it the fact that I couldn't make eye contact? If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen. And then head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star rating and review. Then be sure to join us next week.

When you'll be an expert on a whole new topic. Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process for this episode i read a bunch of stuff then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary so i owe a huge thank you to the real experts i got my info from julie deardorff and carissa kings reporting for the Chicago Tribune, reporting in the LA Times, the Court Record, and newspapers.com. Any errors are of course ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.