Let's Go To Court! - 269: The Nose Doctor!

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

Mark Weinberger didn’t ask for much. All he wanted was an 80-foot yacht, a sushi chauffeur, a skinny wife, and a five-story townhome. Luckily, Mark could afford his glitzy lifestyle. He was an ear nose and throat surgeon – and not just *any* ear nose and throat surgeon – he was The Nose Doctor of Merrillville, Indiana. As it turned out, damn near everyone who walked into his clinic needed sinus surgery! And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “The Runaway Doctor” by Buzz Bissinger for Vanity Fair Vanity Fair Confidential “The Runaway Doctor” “Convicted ‘Runaway Doctor’ starts new life after prison, leaving former patient shocked,” by Rob Stafford and Lisa Capitanini for NBC Chicago YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 51+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about the nose doctor. Ooh, the nose doctor.

That's right, sniff sniff. Oh, is his name Dr. Sniffles? No, it's nothing cute like that. Sinus issues are no joke, Brandy. Well, I do suffer from, I am a sinus sufferer, so I do have a little sniffle today, even. I know you do. Allergies. I feel like it's just

perfect that you have a sniffle today for this story. Great, can this doctor help me? I guess we'll find out. I often tell stories about people who are just doing great at their job. Great things, yeah. Wonderful folks.

Great things for the noses of the world. Everyone, you should know that Brandi's weird today. I am weird today. Why am I weird today? I don't know. I don't know. You're the one in that body being weird. I am.

We've got an exciting evening planned by me. I mean, me, David, and London. I was going to say, wow, I've not been invited. Would you like to join us? No. I mean, oh, I have plans. Yeah, go ahead and tell the people. London has earned a

reward for no longer using her binky. So she gets to go to the train restaurant for dinner tonight and then to Target to pick out a toy. So big stuff. Big stuff. If I accompany you on this outing, do I also get to pick out a toy of my choosing at Target? Does Target sell sex toys?

Well, we could all find out together. As long as they do not, then then yes you can come and i will wow to show a toy devastating see she's being weird again she won't do the most i love the idea of us going to target and like london what she has her eyes on is a toy toy a toy tool set that is hard to say okay. And then I love the idea of you going to the personal massager section. My back hurts. What?

Anyhow, everyone, welcome to the show. By the way we started out. You didn't think we'd go from train restaurants for toddlers to me trying to con Brandy into buying me a sex toy. I guess I wasn't conning you. No, you were. I was being very straightforward.

Yeah, you were on the up and up the whole time. Very admirable. Yes. You know what I deserve for that? I knew exactly what I was getting into, a toy. Yeah. Folks, if you're enjoying this banter and, know how could you not that's right you'll probably want to support us on patreon yeah do it oh wow brandy everyone i know you're thinking you're

thinking oh gosh there's just not enough of this podcast i can't get enough. Well, boy, do I have good news for you. We have 51 bonus episodes. Why did you say it like that? Well, I couldn't remember if it was 50 or 51, but then we just recorded the 51st. So, yeah. 51 bonus episodes over there on our Patreon. And boy, are they coming at you fast. They are.

Once a month. You're dodging. Whoosh. And there's other benefits as well. Yes. You get in the Discord to chitty chat the day away. At the higher levels, you get inducted onto the podcast, onto the podcast, into the podcast. Make entry into the podcast, as we say.

Also, we do little monthly Zoom calls with you. Yeah. And at the $10 level, Brandi will reward you for being a patron, and'll go to Target with her and she'll pick out the adult toy of your choosing. No, that is not a reward that is available on our Patreon. Actually, a money losing endeavor that we're engaged in. But it's really more of a community service thing. Don't you agree? Absolutely.

Personal massagers for everyone. Yeah. Tool sets for children. Sure. Anyway, that ought to convince people. Patreon. Tool sets for children. Sure. Anyway, that ought to convince people. Patreon.com slash LGTC podcast. But you know what? There's another thing I'd like to plug, Brandy.

And it's an ad. Doodaloo. Not your butt. Stop it. We're doing an ad. I'm so sorry. Doodaloo. And we're back from the ad. Doodaloo. Not your butt. Stop it. We're doing an ad. I'm so sorry. Doodaloo.

And we're back from the ad. Doodaloo. Are you ready for this? I am. Are you ready for a nose doctor? Nose doctor. Nose doctor, nose doctor. I'm making up songs.

Everybody loves it. I thought you were going to do like a called the nose doctor. Oh, yeah. That's probably where I was going. And I convinced myself a called the nose doctor. Oh, yeah. That's probably where I was going. And I convinced myself that I made something up. Yeah. What a hack. Okay. All right. Shout outs to.

Oh, well, okay. I got to do like one of the big shout outs to Buzz Bissinger. Okay. This fella wrote one hell of an article for Vanity Fair. I'm not telling you the title of it because it gives too much away. Is it the nose nose? No. Okay.

But that would have been adorable. Yeah, it would have been. Just so cute. Cute as a button. A button nose. Yeah. No, he wrote, I mean, kind of the OG article on this. I mean, this vast, vast, vast majority comes from him.

Also, there was an episode of the show Vanity Fair Confidential. Oh, also based off of that article, I'm guessing. Yeah, but it had more info in it. Oh, okay. Not more than the article necessarily, but a little different. So I'm throwing some in. You're peppering it in there. Mm-hmm.

Also, Dateline did a little something on this. Oh, who was the who was the Dateline correspondent? I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't watch the episode. I just read some articles. Yeah, I know a dumb hoe who did that. I tried it out myself today. All right. Are we ready? I. So I'm in a weird mood. My God. Did my weird mood rub off on you? You know, I'm going to be honest. I feel like I started my day weird.

Well, it's worth noting that this is episode two of the week. We did the bonus episode on Monday. We can't be held responsible for this episode. We are always weird on the second episode of the week. So normal. Yeah. We're very professional the rest of the time. It's just this one time. Yeah. We're very professional the rest of the time. It's just this one time.

Yeah. That you'll find us talking about sex toys at Target. Which they don't have. No, but they for sure have massagers, which is what you would try and get me to buy you. Don't. Hey, you don't know me. I do. You don't know me.

Hey, you don't know me. I do. You don't know me. Anyway, everyone, please stop asking about this. Mark Weinberger was a big fucking deal. Ooh, BFD. Ever heard of chopped liver? Yeah.

His grandma invented it. What? For real? Yeah, she served it in her restaurant in the Bronx in 1990. I almost said 1994. 1944. Uh-huh. And it was so popular that she and her husband sold it in grocery stores.

And it was a whole thing. And they had their own line of packaged foods. And we don't have time for that story. This is a tangent-free episode. No, it's not. know i mean isn't that kind of cool that's very cool i mean i've never had chopped liver but i've said what am i chopped liver multiple times a day yeah because you're always feeling disrespected we get it anyhow bottom line is mark came from a line of successful folk that's what i'm trying to tell you. All right.

How's it going over there? You know, I was taking a sip of my coffee and I expected us to be able to cut that. Except I gave you a weird look. You did. You made direct eye contact while you did it. So I love how it's on me. It is on you. How dare you.

Mark was the middle child of Fred and Fanny Weinberger. And just like his brothers, Mark excelled academically. His brother Jeff went to Columbia University, and Mark and his brother Neil went to the University of Pennsylvania. Oh, okay. Mark was a smarty pants. After he got his bachelor's degree, he went on to medical school at UCLA. He really killed it.

He was a really good doctor. All right. He became an ear, nose, and throat surgeon. He landed an insanely competitive fellowship in Chicago where he studied under one of the world's top rhinoplasty surgeons. Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not. I'm engaged in the story. I'm listening to you tell it to me.

Do you want me to look away? Preferablyably yes. Why are you looking at me while I'm talking to you? When he finished his fellowship in 1996, Mark set up shop in Merrillville, Indiana. Oh, okay. You ever been there? I don't believe I have. Me either. Yeah.

Kind of a shithole, huh? Is it? Well. Are you going to tell us about it being a shithole? Here's the thing. I would never, right? I would never. I'm not one of these folks who's like, oh, it's a charming small town. You know how like they're true crime tropes and it's always like, it's the most wonderful town. Yeah, that's not your thing. No. But at the same time, if I don't live there, I'm not going to shit on it. But man, this Vanity Fair article.

Did it shit on it? Referred to it as a tepid and dreary town. Oh boy. Right? That's pretty insulting. Ouch. To the poor people of, what was it called? Merrillville.

Merrillville. Is that where Meryl Streep is from? I don't believe so. If it was, they'd have her face on the water tower. Probably. I almost said water fountain, and that would have been way funny. Anyway, it's like 30 or 40 miles from Chicago. Oh, okay.

At the time, there were only about 30,000 people living there. But this town really needed an ear, nose, and throat surgeon. Yeah. A lot of people in Merrillville worked in the nearby steel mills. And even if they didn't work there, they definitely breathed in the effects of all the steel mills. Yeah. Do you feel like my microphone's too far away from me? I feel like it's in a weird spot.

You've got to be in charge of your own microphone placement, ma'am. I can't do everything. Tell the podcast story. Buy my own sex toys. You know? It all falls on my shoulders, doesn't it? Your shoulders look nice today. You've got an off the shoulder toppy on today.

It's cute. Yeah. Pretty alluring, huh? Bare shoulders. You've got both bare shoulders. I usually only do like a one bare shoulder situation. What do you mean usually? No, you only do one.

I have one shirt that is off both shoulders. I've never seen you wear it. You have. But also I only... Oh my God. Because it feels very revealing, I only wear it if my hair is down. You couldn't have even lived in Victorian times. I couldn't have.

We'd go to those balls with just the shoulders showing and whoo. Scandalized. Too much for Brandy. That's right. All right. All right, Ho-Faze, I see you. So the people are breathing in all this low quality air. But, you know, because a lot of people had union jobs, they had health insurance. Okay. So Mark found a community that needed him and, coincidentally, a community that could pay for his services. Win-win. Yeah. You got an ear, nose, and throat guy?

I should. Yeah. I really should. I actually, this story, ironically, has inspired me to go to an ear, nose, and throat person because of all my sinus issues. Yeah, I have an ear, nose, and throat guy. You do? Well, just because, yeah, of my thyroid. The surgeon who did my thyroidectomy is an ear, nose, and throat doctor.

Yeah, but he moved away and you haven't seen him. No, that's my endocrinologist. My surgeon is still here. How dare you? All right. I'm just monitoring the situation over there, miss. And how you know, my OB

is doing my thyroid care at the current moment. Current moment? So that's why someone's in your vag. Stop it. No, just as long as it doesn't get you crazy. She said she could monitor it for me. So her thyroid's up there. I know you're concerned that I wasn't seeing anybody for my thyroid care.

I am seeing someone. It's still out of whack, but we're working on it. Yeah, because you're, I tell you what, folks, let me tell you about this woman. Serious conditions. She had shaky hands. I did. And I'd be like, hey, I'm concerned about that. And she'd be like, oh, it's no problem.

I definitely don't need to see a doctor about this. I am under the care of a physician for my thyroid. Everybody calm down. It only took like six months, a year

of harassment from me. Yeah, probably a few months from you, yeah. Several months. All right. Anyway, worth noting, Mark didn't actually live in Merrillville. Oh, where'd he live? Chicago?

Uh-huh. Why would anyone live in Merrillville, right? I heard it's so tepid and dreary. It's so tepid. Oh, the tepidness. What a weird way to describe a town. It's just kind of lukewarm. Yeah.

You dip your toe in, you're like, eh, take it or leave it. The important thing was that Mark was doing the Lurds work. His clinic was doing great. Everything was going great. Except for his love life. I don't know what was happening in his love life. He was just unlucky in love, Brandy. And that was too bad. He was a good looking guy. He was in very good shape. He worked out three times a day. That's insane. That is insane. How do you have time for anything else, Mark Wahlberg? Exactly.

If you're working out three times a day, that better be your job. Yeah. Anyway, he couldn't seem to make a marriage stick. How many times had he been married? I'm about to tell you, ma'am. Just calm down, okay? I will. All right.

I know I've got both my shoulders out, but that doesn't mean you can talk to me any such a way. My pants are firmly affixed. Don't worry. I tell you what, I have never been more tempted to just take this from you. Don't you dare. He'd gotten married when he was doing his residency, and that hadn't worked out. when he was doing his residency, and that hadn't worked out. And then, just a year after he opened the clinic in the hellhole known as Merrillville,

Indiana, he got married again. But that didn't work out either. Okay. And I'm not sure why. All Mark wanted was a beautiful, skinny woman who loved giving him blowjobs. Was that too much to ask? They just grow on trees, I'm pretty sure. All the skinny women who love cocks at hell. Brandi, I can tell you're concerned.

Dr. Mark did find love again. Picture it. Mark was in his late 30s, and he was having the time of his life Dr. Mark did find love again. Picture it. Mark was in his late 30s, and he was having the time of his life at a Chicago nightclub called Glow. And that's where he met Michelle Kramer. Michelle was beautiful. She was skinny. She was blonde.

She was 25. And, you know, they got to talking, and they instantly hit it off. What's wrong? How old was Mark at this? Late 30s. All right. OK. Michelle was working on her master's degree at the University of Chicago, and she had a deep respect for doctors. OK, this is nuts. When she was 13, she was hit by a car and spent a year in a body cast. Oh my gosh. Yes. But I mean, the thing was like by the end of that year, she had so much respect and appreciation from doctors and the medical field, you know, they'd saved her. So she met this guy and she's just like thrilled.

They started dating and wow, it was a whirlwind romance. Mark spared no expense. Michelle was from the south side of Chicago, and she grew up working class, and, you know, all this stuff was very exciting. Yeah. And it was exciting to see her parents be so thrilled with Mark. They hadn't always liked the guys she's dated. What kind of guys was she dating before? I don't really know, honestly. Oh, all right.

But, you know, they just really liked Mark. Well, yeah, I mean, if she brings a doctor home. Sure. Yeah. Sure. After about a year of dating, Mark and Michelle flew out to Rome, as they often did. Yeah. That's my aunt and uncle's names. Really? Mark and Michelle, yeah. Well. Yeah. Okay, I won't say any more. Just a fun fact for everyone. All right. I have an uncle named Mark and his wife, my aunt, is named Michelle. Everybody jot it down.

And what are their birthdays? Because you know how much I love when we stop the story to tell the people about a random birthday. I wasn't going to mention any birthdays. Because I haven't mentioned a date yet. That's right. All right. Mark went out to the Piazza Navona. The public square thingy.

And Michelle followed after him. Wait, where'd they go? Rome? Yeah. Okay. What? What? I have to tell the people. I have to tell the people. I have to tell the people.

I'm sorry, folks. Tangent. Last night, I saw this TikTok and it was a woman and she was like, ladies, I need you. It's for science. I need you to do something. I need you to ask the men in your life how often they think about the Roman Empire. And then someone had stitched that. And it was a woman asking her partner how often he thinks about the Roman Empire. And he's like, you know, not every day, but, you know, two, three times a week.

Which just blew my fucking mind. Yes. Because I think about the Roman Empire. Never. Never. Not that it's not interesting. No. But it never pops up.

Never, never pops into my mind. No. So then I'm like, what the fuck? And so I asked David last night, how often do you think about the Roman Empire? And he, just like for like a split second, thought about it. And then he goes, pretty often. He said, not like every day or anything, but pretty often. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about?

And he goes, yeah. And he starts launching this whole explanation about how, like, they were the basis for modern society. They had the roads and buildings and all this stuff. Yeah. So then today I asked Norm, how often do you think about the Roman Empire? And Norm thought about it for a second. And he goes, I mean, you know, sometimes, you know. Yeah. And Chris is like, sometimes, you know. Yeah.

And Chris is like, what do you mean? And he's like, you know, kind of often. I couldn't believe it. This is something I never think about. Never. Literally never. And he gave basically the same answer David did. He's like, yeah, pretty often.

I mean, not every day, but. Like a couple times a week. Yeah, a couple times a week. Think about it. Roman Empire just pops into my mind. What? So, folks, let us know. Yeah, report back, please.

How often are you thinking about the Roman Empire? How often are you thinking about the Roman Empire? Well, let's think on it right now. Okay, while you tell us about Rome being at the Piazza dei Marmotti. So, Mark arrives. Yeah. Not your uncle. No.

The man from this story. Thank you for clarifying. Sure, absolutely. I was confused why my uncle was there. And Michelle followed after him a little while later. Wait, is this my aunt Michelle or the Michelle from the story? This is Michelle Tanner. Oh, this took a weird turn my Aunt Michelle or the Michelle from the story? This is Michelle Tanner. Oh! This took a weird turn.

No, it's Michelle from the story. I'm sorry. She shows up and as she arrived, a group of singers serenaded her. Were they singing I Hope You Dance by Leanne Womack? Oh God, I hope not. One can only hope. Can you imagine?

That would be terrible. Wait, is he proposing to her? Well, boy, someone's quick. Someone's real quick. Hold on. I think I know what's about to happen here. Then he got down on one knee, but it was to tie his shoe. No, it was to propose.

Oh, okay. And he'd hired the singers. Dye his shoes. And I don't know what they sang. Okay. I just thought that that song would be really awful. I hope that they sang My Heart Will Go On from Titanic. Oh, God. Yeah. Okay. That would also be awful.

A lot of good things. Michelle said yes. She was thrilled. Mark told her that he would treat her like a princess for the rest of her life. Shit. I hate to admit that I would love that. Yeah. Absolutely. We're not supposed to love it.

Oh, right. Just like we're not supposed to think about the Roman Empire, so we don't. But yeah, it was wonderful. They were living in a fairy tale. But then something really bad happened to Mark. What happened? Well, Michelle's dad developed lung cancer. And it was terrible for Mark.

What? I was going to say, what does that have to do with Mark? I mean, it didn't happen to him. Obviously, he would have to be involved in supporting his fiance during that trying time. Yeah, that sucks, right? No! What? Okay, let me explain.

All right? Okay. So Michelle was devastated by her father's diagnosis, and she ended up spending a ton of time in the hospital caring for her dying father. And, you know, Mark did what any fiance would do. He got annoyed. Yeah, see, that's where you lose me. He said, and I think this is a great point, why does somebody want to be in a hospital room?

It doesn't help anything. Well, that's just not true. Sir, and I feel like I shouldn't have to explain this to you. To a fucking doctor. The doctor. But that's where the medical care is. Yeah, that's where you can advocate for the family member. That's where you can make sure that just all the little stuff is getting done.

You can make them comfortable. Yes. Oh, boy, what a terrible take. Well, you know, hear me out. It was a real bummer for Mark that Michelle's dad was dying because it really messed with their plans, you know? Okay, what were their plans? See, Mark had a vision for their wedding. He wanted their wedding to take place in May of 2002 in Italy, and he wanted it to be lavish. Okay? Okay. But Michelle had a different priority. Taking care of her dying dad?

Well, she wanted her father to see her get married. Yeah, like she wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle? Yeah, that's what she said. Yeah. So she was, like, wanting to move the wedding date up and, I don't know, have it in Chicago, maybe not make her dying father. Go to Italy?

Right. Sure. The nerve. Whose side are you on? Mark was pissed off. It was his third wedding, the one everyone dreams of. He'd been dreaming of this since he was a little boy. Specifically the third one.

The third wedding specifically. It's just dreams of the third wedding and the Roman Empire. And if he could have that wedding in Rome and combine the two. Yeah. And who cares about your fiancé's father, right? He told Michelle, you can't let dying people change what the living are going to do. Okay. Isn't that the sweetest thing you ever heard?

No. Top ten? No. Okay. Tough crowd. Yeah. thing you ever heard no top 10 no okay tough crowd yeah mark did eventually compromise though he didn't want to so that was big of him they got married in november of 2001 at the chicago botanic garden which i'm sure sucked ass. I bet it was beautiful. No, it's beautiful. I looked it up. Of course it's beautiful! Of course, Plan B is very beautiful. And they also

had a blessing ceremony in Italy. They had a reception at the Field Museum in Chicago. I mean, it was nice. Let's calm down, Mark. Yeah. They quickly settled into a very nice life. They bought an 80-foot yacht.

They bought one and a half acres in the Bahamas. They participated in private jet rentals, which is apparently a thing. Okay. That's not, I'm not on that level. Obviously not. You don't even have a hot tub. I don't. I don't on that level. Obviously not. You don't even have a hot tub. I don't. I don't have a hot tub.

I'm not even in the neighborhood of a private jet rental. They bought this beautiful townhouse in Chicago right by the John Hancock building. It was five stories tall. It had an elevator. It better if it's five stories tall. It had an elevator. It better if it's five stories tall. I agree. Yeah. I actually think it would be more noteworthy if it didn't have an elevator.

They had a staff of people. Oh, my gosh. Get a fucking load of this. They had three drivers, three maids. This is for two people. This is for two people, a personal assistant, a personal trainer and a massage therapist who gave massages to Mark and Michelle every goddamn night. What? Don't you just get tired of massages at that point?

Hell no. Hell no. You'd get a massage every night if you could. Absolutely. What? Who do you think you're talking? Yes. What? Who do you think you're talking to? Yes. In fact, by like the 22nd hour, I'd be like, oh, gosh, I'm so tense.

I haven't had a massage in almost a full day. You totally would. I absolutely would. You absolutely would. Are you kidding me? Do you really think you'd be like, oh, no, take the day off? Yeah, no, because I get pretty tendy after a massage. I need a couple days to recover. Well, give me a nice light one.

You know, you think the daily masseuse can't, you know, adjust it? Yeah, that's true. All right. All this on ear, nose, and throat, Dr. Money? Yeah. What? This seems very pricey. Well, think about it.

We all have ears, noses, and throats. I mean, that is true. Every single one of us. That is true. Yeah. Okay. So think on that for a while. I'm thinking on it.

And, you know, Merrillville, I told you, there's people there. And I think damn near every single one of them has an ear, nose, and throat situation. Yeah, we have like an insurance fraud thing happening. Oh, my God. Brandy? Yeah, I think so. insurance fraud thing happening. Oh my God, Brandy? Yeah, I think so. This is an Ivy League doctor, okay, with an 80-foot yacht. Okay.

So I'd like to know. He has an 80-foot yacht. I told you an 80-foot yacht. I was stuck on the elevator, honestly. The doors wouldn't open. Literally and figuratively. I never even got to see the fifth floor. Do you think?

I mean, five floors. That's too many floors. It's too many floors. All of this is too much. And there's no way. I'd be fine with a 60-foot yacht. The 80-foot yacht is, I don't even know how much money that costs, but a lot. They parked it next to Bill Gates' yacht.

I don't know if parked is the, it's probably docked on. This is how you know I don't own a yacht. No, you know I don't even have a boat. Because you don't park a canoe either. I don't have any of this shit. No. Yeah. All right.

I'm smelling some insurance fraud. Oh. Okay. I can't smell it that well because I am having some nasal issues. Yes. And you know what? Maybe if he liked our coverage of this case, he would have done some work for you. But now he won't.

Okay. Because I've accused him of insurance fraud. Yeah, yeah. And it's very hurtful. Okay. Okay. He's just a sweet guy. All he wants is a beautiful, skinny woman who loves to give him blowjobs. And you're being mean to him.

So my conscience is clear. Okay. Okay. is clear. Okay. Every morning, Mark would get up and have one of his chauffeurs drive him to his clinic in Merrillville. The chauffeur would drop him off. Then that chauffeur would drive back to the city to get sushi from one of Mark's favorite restaurants and then drive all the way back to Merrillville to bring Mark his little lunch. This guy has so much money, he does not know what to do with it. Oh, he knows what to do.

Three chauffeurs. Yes. A sushi chauffeur. That is hard to say. Sushi chauffeur. That is just ridiculous. It is ridiculous. I'm sure Merrillville has great sushi

restaurants. I'm sorry. I don't personally eat sushi, so I could be wrong here, but I think the last way you want your sushi described is tepid. I'm no expert. You know, here's the thing.

Why not do all this? Mark could have anything he wanted. He was the nose doctor. That was his brand. Everyone needs their own personal brand, Brandy. That's what I'm always saying to everyone. Add nauseam. And he was great at this. It's their own personal brand, Brandy. That's what I'm always saying to everyone. Ad nauseum. And he was great at this.

My brand is burping in the middle of a story. What's yours? I don't know. I fucking hate when people talk about their personal brand. Yeah. I feel like people have stopped doing it, thank God. Yes. But I remember when I was in college college we had a lot of people come and

talk to us about our personal brand no thank you i just think that sounds like farts what do you mean like oh you yeah everybody likes their own brand sorry yeah i that it wasn't really it shouldn't have taken me that long to catch up. No. My brand is stupidity. So he bought billboards, the Nose Doctor. Uh-huh. He got a website, thenosedoctor.com.

Ooh. He wanted to make it his phone number, but God damn it, there were too many letters. So he had to settle for 1-800-SINUSES. Why not Nosedoc? Oh, fuck. many letters so he had to settle for 1-800 sinuses why not nose doc oh fuck yeah why not what the hell mark boy little missed opportunity big time big time Big time. Big time. With financial help from his mom and dad, Mark opened up a new facility.

And wow. It was, dare I say, a little over the top. He needed financial help from his mom and dad when he's got a five-story townhouse and three chauffeurs and a sushi chauffeur. Wow. Well, hmm. Cat scan machines aren't cheap, Brandy. Okay. Okay.

And maybe when you come from chopped liver money, you can just ask your parents for some loans and it's fine. All right. All fine. All right. All right. All right. I'll save my judgment. Will you? No.

I was going to say that'd make for a very boring podcast. Yes. I also, I wonder, well, now why am I giving him the benefit of the doubt? Part of me is like, well, surely you open the new clinic and then you buy the yacht and the blah, blah, blah, and the blah, blah, blah. Yeah. But I don't know that that's and the blah, blah, blah. Yeah. But I don't know that that's necessarily how this went down. Right.

Okay. Anyway. Okay. Time is a construct. That's fine. Beautiful. But with the help of his liver parents' money, his parents' liver money. Oh, God.

That sounds terrible. It does. His parents sold their livers for this. On the black market. Outside the clinic. I'm not going to say really beautiful. So it's a brick clinic, you know, got the white columns. There was like a sculpture of a face and the face had a big nose.

Like an abnormally large nose? Just a prominent nose, I would say. But I mean, I come from a large nosed family. So maybe I'm sensitive about this. I kind of come from a very Lincoln-esque. We're very Lincoln-esque. A large nosed family, so maybe I'm sensitive about this. I kind of come from a large-nosed family, too. Oh, do you? Yeah. Ours are more bulbous.

I was going to say, your nose is very cute. Thank you. I think it borders on large. It's bulbous as well. Okay. You feel like any moment it could tip the scales into not cute territory. Because your nose and your ears continue to grow your whole life. And that's what was happening in Merrillville.

And that's why this guy got so rich. All the nose growth. He was doing nose trimmings. Was he? Yeah. Give you the nose you had when you were 14. Wonderful. Was on the tagline.

Everything inside the clinic was high end. Marble, cherry wood, bookends in the shapes of noses. Were there tattered old copies of People magazine in the waiting room? No. Hell no. No. No. There were beautiful coffee table books what kind of content we're talking

about travel mostly okay patients who entered the clinic were awed by it they were blown away by this beautiful clinic situated in their shithole of a town. Again, I don't really think that. I just love the idea of some writer shitting on this town. The best part was the clinic was a one-stop shop. Mark could do it all. He had his own CAT scan machine, so he didn't have to send his patients out to a hospital to get their scans.

You know, he could do it all in-house without anyone looking over his shoulder. Yeah. That's great. No. Insurance. For sure there's insurance right here because there's nobody else getting an eye on this stuff or a second opinion. He's an Ivy League educated doctor.

You don't need a second opinion. Okay. Those nose bookends speak for themselves, I think. Okay. Because you know those were special made. For sure. Also, and I don't think you're going to like this because you're rude, he was the only surgeon in the whole clinic.

Yeah, I know. I get it all. What's wrong with that? When you go to the nose doctor, you get the nose doctor. That's pretty awesome, don't you think? It's wonderful. Don't you agree? I don't.

I know if I'm calling up the nose doctor, I don't want Sharon, you know. I want the main guy. I want the nose doctor. Yeah, we get it. I think I said dactor just now. That's also how I get you. Well, we've got a doctor and a doctor. Which one would you like?

No, they set you up with a doctor. And you have to advocate for yourself to get the doctor. Mark was busy. So busy. Like, impossibly busy. Yeah. People of Merrillville really needed him. Okay?

Because, get a load of this. So, you know, people would come to the clinic, and for their first appointment, more than 90% of them ended up needing sinus surgery. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Just terrible, the need in this area. It's the air quality, I heard. Sure. Yeah. Everyone needed sinus surgery. Mark saw more than 100 patients a day. You're fucking kidding. What? Does that seem like a lot? understand how that's physically possible unless he's spending one minute in each of their rooms. He was spending about three.

Okay. And sometimes people would ask him questions and he just wouldn't respond. Yeah, I bet. That's the only way you could see that many people. He did about 100 to about 150 surgeries a month. Again, did he really or these like fudged numbers? Because like honestly, I think he could convince that many people that they needed surgeries, even if it was unnecessarily like if he's scamming them or whatever. But can he physically do that many surgeries or is he billing surgeries that never took place? I would like to answer your question by telling you about like a real cute video that Michelle shot. You know, they do little home movies.

And oh, I think you'll find this like hilarious. Oh, will I? I know I did. He told her to get a shot of his hands and he showed her his hands and he goes, ask me how much my hands are worth. And she's like, you already love it. I don't. And she's like, how much are your hands worth? And then he goes, $1 billion in a Dr. Evil impression, which was super timely.

Yes. And his delivery was great. So I think his hands were worth it, baby. Okay. Performing all those surgeries. Yeah. And I can't be more clear than that. All right.

You know, you might think that he wasn't accepting new patients. He was actually accepting like 120 new patients a month. Mm-hmm. In the meantime, Michelle was working on her Ph.D. at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She was also mourning the death of her father. She was, you know, in this kind of weird place, she was very in love with Mark. I'm obviously telling you some really bad stuff, but obviously there was great stuff going on. I mean, you got a yacht. Yeah, absolutely. You had a five-story townhouse with an on. I mean, you got a yacht. Yeah. How mad can you be?

You had a five-story townhouse with an elevator. I don't know how nice the fifth story is because I never did get there. But, you know, Michelle had a lot on her mind. Yeah. And one day during one of their many vacations to Italy, Mark and Michelle were out at dinner and he confided in her that he was unhappy. And she asked him why. And he said that, oh gosh, she just wasn't enthusiastic enough

when she gave him blowjobs. Are you serious? Oh, I'm very serious. Fuck this guy. Oh, there's more. Had she gained some weight, too? Well, we'll get to that in a second. I don't know how you're sniffing that out already.

But let's stick with the lack of enthusiasm. Lack of enthusiasm for blowjobs. How do we make that more insulting? I don't know. Okay, I'll tell you. He drops this bombshell at dinner, of course. Why not do this in a public place, right? And then he let her know that he had taken the liberty of purchasing her a DVD full of blowjob advice.

You fuck right off. Yeah. Michelle could not believe that. She just got up and left. Yes. Good. Not to go watch the DVD. No.

Yeah. So Michelle said their relationship was never bad, but it was strained. Yeah. She really loved Mark, and he definitely gave her all the material goods a person could want, and she respected what he did for a living. But as time passed, she came to suspect that he didn't really want to be married to an independent woman.

Mm-hmm. Mm. What? Oh, my gosh. Okay. What's up, Brandy? You look troubled. I hate all of this so much.

Yeah. Turns out that Michelle was a little too free-thinking for Mark. Mm, yes. Yeah, she was earning a doctorate in psychology, but she didn't have her own checkbook. Mark handled all the bills. He gave her a weekly allowance, and it was $1,000 in cash that he left on the kitchen counter. She got the feeling that he just wanted her to

really just focus on her appearance. That's what mattered. Okay. You know, wear revealing clothing, have her nails done, have her hair done. And I can't stress this enough, never get fat. Yeah. Never. Never. Ever. Nope.

Mark felt very strongly that women, all women, should be thin. He often yelled at the nurses in his clinic about their weight, which sounds so fun. In fact, he had a fun theory about women and weight. He did. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to hear it. Oh, you're going to love it. A woman's engagement ring should be in inverse proportion to the size of her ass.

Big ring, little ass. Yeah, I put that together. Teeny, tiny little ring. Yeah, it's not looking good for me. Really? You'd get a sliver of ring. I'd get a microscopic ring. Meanwhile, I...

Cannot be seen by the naked eye. I love reading an older story like this where, like, now butt fashions have changed. Yes, butt fashions have changed. I think he'd have to revise his theory here. Yeah, I think he would. But, you know, I'm sure he'd be open to that. It seems like you were about to tell us the size of what your ring would be by this rule. I mean, as we know, I've got a real flat spread in the back.

You'd get a big old ring. I would. You would. And I'd shove it in your face. And I'd be like, yeah, I have one too. I'd be like, then why can't I see it? Look under my microscope. Yeah, so I don't think I need to tell you that Michelle had a huge ring.

Yeah. But then Michelle and Mark found themselves focusing on something arguably more important than the size of a woman's ass. Michelle was pregnant. Oh. Mark was super supportive. He did that cute thing soon-to-be dads do where they don't show up to any of the ultrasounds. I 100% knew that you were going to say he did all those cute things, and then you were going to list off not cute things that he did.

Because there's not a chance that this guy was super supportive. No, I guarantee you it was like, oh, God, you're going to get fat now. What is it about him? Is it because he was upset about how her father's cancer diagnosis affected him? Yeah, he's starting to seem like kind of a bad dude. Oh, starting to? I'm getting that vibe. It was so sweet.

He liked to complain about having to be present for medical appointments that had nothing to do with him. But Michelle did insist that Mark at least come to the appointment where they find out the baby's sex. You know, because she's a bitch. She commanded it. Jesus. And at that appointment, they got horrible news. Michelle had had a miscarriage. Yeah, she was absolutely devastated.

And this is one of those weird moments you look back on later. But she remembers sobbing hysterically over the news of this miscarriage. And Mark just didn't seem to care. He did cry a little, but she had this weird feeling that he was forcing himself to cry. Later, when she had the DNC procedure, I believe this was a separate follow-up appointment, Mark showed up so late that he missed the entire thing.

Great. Great, yeah. Super supportive husband. She didn't need any support through that. separate follow-up appointment. Mark showed up so late that he missed the entire thing. Great. Great, yeah. Super supportive husband. She didn't need any support through that totally fine moment. But hey, in fairness to Mark, he had a lot on his mind. People were being really mean to him. Former patients were coming forward saying ridiculous things like, oh, I think you gave me unnecessary sinus surgery. And gee, I actually feel worse now that I had this unnecessary sinus surgery. Oh, shit. In a few cases, they said, hey, why did you ignore my super obvious medical problem and give me sinus surgery instead?

Wow. Yeah. They were all full of shit. No. Obviously, they were full of shit. If you ain't got no haters, you ain't popping. The truth, according to Mark, was that, okay, other ENTs were jealous of him. Because he had this booming practice and they didn't.

No one else had those nose bookends. So they were like conspiring to take him down. Sorry for being so good at my job. Okay. Except, was Mark good at his job? Phyllis Barnes didn't think so. She was a social worker and she was very, very sick. She'd been coughing for months and sometimes even coughed up blood. She had trouble swallowing. She had trouble breathing. So she went to her doctor and the doctor was like, maybe you have asthma, maybe you have allergies.

But that wasn't it. You know, she kept getting worse. And finally, one of her co-workers was like, hey, you should go see the nose doctor. Maybe you have some kind of sinus issue. So Phyllis went to Mark and what do you know? She did have sinus problems. Turns out she's just like filled to the brim with excess polyps. Mm-hmm. So Mark got her... I think any polyp is probably excess. Oh, well, excuse me. I don't think you want any polyps.

You want a little polyp. Everything in moderation, I say. So Mark got her scheduled for surgery the following month, and he removed those polyps. And he said, you know what? All of these are excess. Okay. So I'm taking all of them. And after the surgery, Phyllis expected to feel better.

But she didn't. She felt worse. So she went back to Mark. She said, I'm still having trouble breathing. And he, you know, was kind of annoyed, frankly. He told her to relax. Okay.

And, you know, just take some time. The surgery just needs some time to work. You know? Okay. Kind of got The surgery just needs some time to work. You know? Okay. Kind of got to grow on you. Mm-hmm. So she tried to relax as much as a person can when they're barely breathing and losing weight because it's painful to swallow.

Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm. She felt awful. So she went back to Mark. She said, something's really wrong. I think maybe I have pneumonia. And he said, well, you know, I don't treat pneumonia, so you're gonna have to go to the ER for that. Oh my gosh. Fuck this guy. Yeah. Finally, in December of 2001, just 18 days after she'd last seen mark weinberger she went to a different ent surgeon and this guy in like no time at all just from hearing her breathe said whoa you don't have sinus problems. You have throat cancer. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. It was obvious. You could see the tumor. She had enlarged lymph nodes in her neck. She had two hard lumps in her neck. It was kind of unbelievable that Mark Weinberger, this big-time ENT, hadn't seen what was right in front of his face. OK, so that's kind of the way the Vanity Fair article put it.

The show went into more detail. And, you know, because I guess I was envisioning, you know, this last time Phyllis goes to the doctor, she's like going on her own. Yeah. From my understanding, that's not actually what happened. So she was the sole caregiver to her 16 year old daughter. And her 16 year old daughter came home one day and her mom could not breathe, barely breathing. It sounded horribly traumatic for this girl because she said, I could see the fear on my mom's face. So they call an ambulance. Like, that's the situation where the throat cancer was caught.

Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm. All this man had to do was examine her throat. Which is weird that he didn't because he's an ear, nose, and what, doctor? Women's ass doctor. And that's just when you judge asses and award diamonds based on their size. Yeah. Yeah, so when Phyllis came in for her first visit with him,

he hadn't bothered to examine her throat. He ordered a CAT scan of her sinuses, and he performed that surgery and sent her on her way. Because that's what he did for everybody. Everyone. Mm-hmm. So in October of 2002, she sued him. In a filing, her lawyer wrote, with such obvious abnormality, Dr. Weinberger would almost certainly have had to intentionally ignore this situation in order to have missed it as badly as he did. Yeah. This is cold-blooded. Yeah.

Oh, no, I'm not going to look at that. Her teenage daughter can find her and handle that. Yeah. What the fuck? My suspicion is that it's possible that he even noted those abnormalities because if he's a doctor, how could he not have? Yeah.

But that doesn't benefit him. He's talking about long-term care. Absolutely. Stuff that he doesn't do. He doesn't do chemo in there and all of that. He could do her tumor removal surgery or whatever, possibly. He's not going to make money off of what's wrong with her. So he's going to make money off of something else. Yeah. No, I think you're exactly right. And I think the fact that he is so intelligent and the fact that he was, I mean, that's the thing.

He was a good doctor. He knew shit. Yeah. And that makes it worse. Yeah, it does. Because it's not just like, oh, I'm bad at my job. No. No, I see you.

Yeah. I see that this is a painful, horrible way to go, especially if it's caught late. Yeah. And I'm going to give you sinus surgery a medical review panel found that mark had been negligent when he treated phyllis yeah in a video deposition from 2003 phyllis spoke as best she could she didn't have um do you call it a voice box stoma stoma Is that what you're talking about? Where they remove it and they have to talk through the thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's called a stoma. Wow. I believe. What if I just made that up? Sounded good. Yeah. You said it so quickly. How could you be wrong?

It just popped out. This is why you're great at trivia. Let's see if that's what it's called. A stoma itself is any opening in the body. So it's the same whenever somebody has a colostomy bag, that's also called a stoma itself is any opening in the body so it's the same whenever somebody has a colostomy bag that's also called a stoma but yeah that is what it's yeah i'm gonna call my vagina a stoma okay i think it's well what all right you're the stoma expert you tell me am i wrong i'm not all right i'm not a stoma expert by any means okay no what a letdown i think that a stoma expert by any means. Okay. No. What a letdown. I think that a stoma is specifically an opening that has been added, maybe, but I'm not. Oh, no.

Uh-uh. What? A mouth, a nose, and anus are natural stomata. So, all right. You can call your vagina a stoma for now on, Kristen. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome.

So, you know, Phyllis is speaking, you know, through the stoma thing. So she gave a video deposition and in that she talked about her concerns for her life. And she said, you know, I'm my daughter's only surviving parent. I just want to make sure that she goes to school. I want to be able to live and see those things happen. Yeah. But she died on September 16th, 2004. Wow. She didn't get to see her daughter go to college. And in the meantime, unfortunately, Mark stepped—what's wrong? Nothing. Okay. For real?

No, it's just September 13th, so it's very close to the anniversary of that. I like when dates align. I wasn't going to say it because you were going to judge me. I'm judging you all the time regardless. I know you are. You can't cheat your way out of this game, friend. Anyway, in the meantime, unfortunately, Mark kept on working. Great.

You ready for another terrible story? Yeah, I guess. This guy named William Boyer came into the clinic and he had bad allergies. And Mark ran some scans and showed William a disgusting image on the computer. Just gross as it could be. And polyps that were filled with pus and they were bloody. And Mark was like, ew. I'm sorry. No, they were both like, ew.

Mark was like, look how disgusting you are. And then what's the patient's name? William. William was like, ew. He goes by what? Bill. As well. What?

I thought you said Billiam. That Billiam is great. Little party, little business. I'm going to reverse mullet in a name. Love it. Billiam. Billiam. Anyway, Billiam, you know, is told, here's your disgusting sinus cavity.

You need surgery. And, of course, he's like, oh, my God. Yeah. He's horrified. Do it up. Yeah. But turns out that maybe that picture wasn't from Billiam's sinus cavity. Oh, really?

Yeah. Imagine that. He just, like, has, like like a stock image of the worst sinuses ever. Hopefully it doesn't say Getty Images. He was kind of lured, not kind of, he was lured into surgery under false pretenses. And before he went in for surgery, he had to get an EKG. And the EKG showed that he had an irregular heartbeat. So, you know, maybe not the best candidate for surgery. Perhaps it wouldn't be safe. Yeah, maybe.

Especially if it's not medically necessary. Right. Well, don't worry. Mark was not worried about that. I'm worried about it. You know what he did? He just took that printout from the EKG and where it said abnormal,

he just crossed it out and wrote normal on it and then signed his name by it and bing bang boom now we're good are we no that's fucking nuts yes what a piece of shit holy shit william survived the surgery but he still had sinus problems and so he's like well that's weird because I thought I got this all taken care of. Yeah. So he went to another doctor and yada, yada, yada. He never had polyps in the first place. So he sued.

Yeah. Arguing that the surgery had been unnecessary and that it may have actually made his condition worse. Yeah. More on that later. By the way, in a fun moment at that trial, an ear, nose and throat surgeon who ironically was testifying on behalf of Mark Weinberger said that he was the worst doctor he'd seen in more than 30 years in the medical field. Oh, interesting. That's the guy

who's on your side. Yeah, isn't that neat? This was just the tip of the lawsuit iceberg, as we say on this podcast so often. Yeah. There are a lot of awful stories about what Mark did to his patients. And in my opinion, there's one more that really stands out. Okay. Tell us about it. It's what he did to an eight-year-old girl. This woman named Valerie Thomas took her eight-year-old daughter to Mark because the little girl was having some kind of medical issue.

You know, not sure, but something was clearly off. And, of course, surprise, surprise, Mark's like, oh, you need sinus surgery. Yeah, shocking. Uh-huh. So he performed unnecessary sinus surgery. On an 8-year-old? On a child. And in the process, completely missed the fact that the little girl had a tumor on her pituitary gland.

So she recovers from sinus surgery, but the tumor continued to grow, and it was painful, and it got so big that it pressed on her optic nerve, and she started to go blind. Oh, my gosh. Luckily, she was able to get good medical care eventually, I guess, and the tumor ended up not being cancerous. But according to Valerie, because of the scar tissue from that unnecessary sinus surgery, it was impossible for the new doctors to completely remove her daughter's tumor. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Wow. It's so fucked gosh. Yeah. Wow.

It's so fucked up. Yes. Because you trust a doctor. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. So word was getting out that Mark was mistreating his patients. Law firms put ads in local newspapers asking people who had sinus surgery in the last two years to come speak with them because they might have had unnecessary sinus surgery.

So the civil lawsuits were kind of piling up and there were more to come. And that's because people were totally uncool about the unnecessary surgery. People are so uptight these days. They were real dicks when they found out that he wasn't even performing surgery in the most effective modern way. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. So get this. At the time, surgeons who were performing sinus surgery would just enlarge the sinus openings. That's the way it was done. But Mark did things a little differently. He chose to drill literal holes in the back of the sinuses.

That's a super outdated method and pretty ineffective because when you drill holes in the back of the sinuses, the mucus drains further back. And more often than not, you end up with more. Are you OK? I said mucus and you're dying. I'm not even concerned about you saying mucus. Like the holes, drilling the holes in the back of the sinuses. Yeah. Yeah.

And it just drains them. Yeah. And you end up with, in a lot of cases, more chronic sinus conditions. And that especially sucks for the people who didn't even have anything going on to begin with absolutely holy shit one thing i couldn't find and i'm still curious about this is why do it that way because that's how he knew how to do it probably so i am guessing okay that the reason he did this was obviously to make money, but it was also because this was a surgery he had down so pat that he could whip in there, barely pay attention, get it done, get him out. You're right.

Yeah. Ugh. I guess the good news for our buddy Mark is that these cases are kind of hard to prove. This is what I hate about cases like this. It's difficult to say that someone's medical issues were definitely made worse by something you did. Yep. But there's strength in numbers. And ultimately, Mark would be sued for malpractice 350 times.

Wow. By the summer of 2004, Mark was getting really nervous. Yeah. This was right after Phyllis died. A lawyer who represented a ton of Mark's former patients requested more medical records, so clearly a storm was a-brewing. Yeah.

And Mark didn't handle it well. He started walking around the office not fully dressed. What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? I would love to know. Not fully dressed. Surely that just means maybe no sport coat. Or lab coat.

Yeah. We're going to choose to believe that. What I'm kind of picturing. I mean, if he had no pants on, that's what you lead with, right? He walked around pantsless. Maybe he walked around without shoes on. I mean, if he had no pants on, that's what you lead with, right? He walked around pantsless. Maybe he walked around without shoes on. But no, I think you'd say that, too. Yeah.

Maybe he was like, okay, this is what I'm going to choose to believe. I can tell you right now I'm with you on this. Okay. Didn't have the button up button. He's wearing the button ups and then he's leaving them undone, untucked. Just kind of got his under shirt just showing. Probably his nipples are visible. Inappropriate, I say.

Cover those fuckers up. Yeah. Boxes started arriving in the office. What kind of boxes? You know, boxes that contain like totally normal stuff. Like what? You know, like a portable shower kit. What?

How many do you have? He got three. I don't even know what that is. I think I have zero. You're not prepared, I'll tell you that. A five-language translator. Thermal underwear. Is this guy getting ready to go on the run?

What? What? Is that what this is? Who? Not Mark. run what what is that what this is who not mark he had all kinds of survival gear he's preparing for a life on the lam like 40 boxes worth of survival gear all sent to his office you know like we all do just in case and then then in September of 2004, Mark and Michelle took off for Greece. It was a trip they'd been planning for a while. It was Michelle's 30th birthday trip, and they were going to do it up big.

They go to Mykonos? Yeah. That's what you would recommend, too? I've never been, but I'd love to go. That's what you would recommend, too? I've never been, but I'd love to go. Now, for what it's worth, Michelle knew about some of Mark's legal troubles, but she just believed that, you know, people were being overly litigious. You know, this is just a thing people do when you're successful.

Blah, blah, blah. Okay. She also believed that they were going to have a great time in Greece. So they flew out to Greece. They got on their yacht. And that night they were in bed on the yacht. And Mark said to her, kind of like he was realizing it for the first time, you really do love me, don't you? And she said, yeah, of course I love you.

And she's like, just get some sleep. You've obviously been stressed. What a weird thing to say. Yeah, super weird. Yeah. And then he said, you're going to have such a huge surprise for your birthday. It's something that celebrities have. You'll remember it for the rest of your life.

And on that note, I think we should go to an ad. Toodaloo. Toodaloo. What is it? Toodaloo. Oh, man. Now we're back from the ad. Sorry, I doodalooed too. I was a premature doodalooing. Gosh. Amateur. Really? Yeah. We got to work on your doodles. Okay. So we're back. Okay. Your birthday present is going to be amazing. A birthday surprise. Birthday. Oh, yeah.

It's something celebrity has. Boy, are you lucky. It's a boob job. I think he already got her a boob job. All right. It's a. I feel like there's a hard limit on how many boob jobs you can get. I don't know what he got her.

Okay. Why don't you tell us? Okay. So the next morning, September 21st, 2004, Michelle woke up at about 6 a.m. and Mark wasn't in bed. She figured he'd gone on a run. I mean, that wouldn't have been unusual.

But still, something felt off. She felt weirdly panicked. She looked all over Mykonos for him, just as Brandy predicted. But she couldn't find him. So she went to the captain of their yacht, and she asked him if he knew where Mark was. And the captain said something about Mark flying to Paris to get her some diamonds. How romantic. Why'd you go without me?

It's to get your birthday diamonds you know does david take you out to buy your birthday diamonds no no but all right you wait in the fifth story of your town home why well what what what questions do you have i just feel like this is poor planning on his part he's gone now buying diamonds. She's awake, wondering where her husband is. Is this her actual birthday? No, I don't think it was technically, but I believe it was the birthday celebration. Celebration day. All right. Yeah, I don't like it. Okay. Okay.

The captain said something like, oh, you know, he'll be back soon, you know, before sundown. He doesn't come back, does he? No, sure doesn't. Yeah, because he's on the lam now. With his portable showers in tow. With his portable showers in his surf fiber. In tow. I didn't even pick up that you said in tow.

I thought you said and towel. Well, he doesn't need a towel. That's true. You could drip dry, but I prefer not to. Me as well. Mostly because I need to immediately cover up. I was going to say. Yeah.

I have a two-tail situation. A two-tail situation? Yeah, one on the body, one on the hair. Oh, okay, okay. I thought you were doing some weird thing where it's like over the shoulder number, you know, around the waist, like the whole thing. No. Okay. I'll allow it. Yeah. I got to put my mermaid hair somewhere. All right. Everyone, she's so proud of her hair. I am. I'm in my mermaid era. It's fine. Be a shame if something happens. Don't say that. What could happen? I don't know. All right. I'm about to be by a campfire this weekend. You planning on dipping your head into the campfire?

No. All right. With an ember. Wouldn't you just feel fucking terrible if I come back from my camping weekend with no hair or like just half my hair singed off? I mean, I don't think I would feel as bad as you would. Honestly, I feel like I'd be like, thank God you're okay. And you'd be like, I'm not okay.

I'm not okay. Half my hair is singed off. I can totally see you not being thrilled with being alive, not being thrilled with being able to tell the tale. You know, the headline is, I lost half my hair. Yeah. My mermaid era is over.

Yeah. We got to suck this back out of the universe. I'm excited for your Kate Gosselin era. You stop it. I've already had a Kate Gosselin era, unfortunately. Did you? Yeah. I mean, had a Kate Gosling haircut, unfortunately. Did you? Yeah. I mean, didn't we all have – you want to talk about it?

No, it was a really bad haircut. Tell me about it. I mean, it was straight up the Kate Gosling haircut. Did you ask for it or did it happen to you? Oh, no. Well – Was it thrust upon you? Kind of.

But I did ask for it. I went through another unfortunate. I've gone through some unfortunate hair phases. Well, haven't we all? As a hairstylist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went through a very unfortunate phase where I was like bleach blonde. Very, very blonde.

And then my hair got over processed processed and so it was breaking off so then to to get my hair back healthy i chopped it off into the kate goslin and colored it dark so that it could just like live for a while you have really scrubbed those photos off the internet have you i mean i bet i think there's one as, hold on. Let's see. I bet I've got a former profile picture that has this horrible hair experience. Do I not? There's no way. Oh yeah, we're getting there. We're getting there. Hold

on. Hold on. Oh. What? Have I deleted it? I bet you have. Knowing you. Are you kidding me? Wow. There shall be no memory of this, you said. Clearly. Yeah. Wow. It's okay. We all went through it. All right. I did my pixie cut because I thought I would look like Jennifer Lawrence. Turns out I looked like me with a pixie cut. That is devastating.

That is true, yeah. Who could have predicted that? Yeah, so as you predicted, Mark didn't come back. Yeah. Finally, after he'd been gone for like 12 hours, Michelle sat the captain down and was like, okay, you have to tell me more. Where is Mark? Because she was really worried about that. Of course she was. And the guy said, he's gone.

He's never coming back. And Michelle was just floored. Yeah. So she's like, okay, that that's unacceptable you have to tell me more and he finally admitted that okay he knew mark had a greek cell phone so he gave her the number and michelle called it and mark answered all chipper yeah hello and she goes mark it's michelle and he hung up and he never answered another one of her calls holy shit can you believe this i know it is unreal to hear her talking about this. That would be nuts. Yeah.

That would be nuts. Yes. She didn't have a fucking clue this was going to happen. And it's so cold. Yeah. He really did abandon her. He left her with her passport and a thousand euros. Oh, my gosh. By that point, they owed dockage fees for the yacht, but Michelle had no money. Yeah. So she couldn't pay the fees.

So, you know, you don't get to keep your yacht after that. The Greek officials, they seized that in the parking lot. She had to borrow money from her aunt to buy a ticket back to America. So she flew home, still not understanding what the fuck was going on. And when she got home, she found an envelope from Mark. Okay, so natural assumption. All right, so there's some explanation here. Explanation here, yes.

She opens it. No. Divorce papers. Nope. He'd left her the certification for her engagement ring. That's weird. Yeah, why do you think he did that? So she could sell it.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, because she needed to sell the ring. Yeah. She needed money now. Yeah. Yeah, because she needed to sell the ranch. She needed money now. Yeah.

With Mark gone, Michelle was left with the reality of their financial situation. It was just a ton of debt. Yeah. She was livid, and she became obsessed with figuring out where he had gone and what exactly he'd been up to this whole time. Yeah, say less. That would be so. Oh.

I mean, this is pre. Like, I mean, this is pre-internet stalking capabilities, kind of. But I'd be. You would have cut your teeth on this case. Absolutely. Yeah. So one of the first things she did was get his cell phone records. There were a ton of calls to New York. So she's like, OK, he's got a girlfriend in New York. Yeah. So one of the first things she did was get his cell phone records. There were a ton of calls to New York.

So she's like, OK, he's got a girlfriend in New York. Yeah. No. She called those numbers and she discovered that he'd been talking to diamond brokers. He'd been flying to New York on his jet on his lunch break and flying those dudes out to Indiana so that he could convert cash to diamonds. What the fuck? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

She found a bunch of documents that he'd shredded, so she started piecing them together. She described this as just, like, days where she didn't sleep. She just sat and pieced together these documents. And on one piece of paper, she found the name and address of a hotel in Paris. It was in his handwriting. And so she just took off to Paris with just the clothes on her back that she'd been wearing for, you know, however many days. She went right to that hotel, talked to the receptionist, and discovered that she'd missed him by one day. The receptionist said that he'd checked in by himself. He'd had a drink at the bar every night.

He'd had dinner every night. He seemed fine. Oh, my gosh. And that's when Michelle realized, He seemed fine. Oh, my gosh. And that's when Michelle realized, okay, he wasn't abducted. He wasn't the victim of anything because, you know, she'd been scared for him. Something had happened to him. Yes.

She said, he just threw me away like a piece of trash. Yep. He really just left. Yep. She stayed up all night crying. Couldn't believe this was happening. Neither could the people at Mark's clinic. So, you know, these are all local people. They live in Merrillville, if you can imagine. And so everybody's got appointments, everybody's got stuff, but the one doctor isn't in and they're having to be like, yes, well, he's not here right now. We're sure he'll be here someday. About two weeks after he disappeared, some dudes showed up

at the clinic. They were from the bank and they basically said to the 40 employees who worked there, hey, you got till noon to get all your stuff and get out. We're shutting this down. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so Mark had taken over all the bookkeeping. And I know this will shock you, but he was siphoning money. Yeah. Yeah, so the bank was like, yeah, we're going to go ahead and stop this. But where the hell was he?

Yeah. Where the fuck is he? So Michelle's still just obsessive about like this cannot stand. Yes. This woman loves justice. She's like this. We need answers. Yeah.

And she was stunned to discover that, you know, just a couple months after disappearing, he started using his credit cards again. She's like, the fucking gall. Yeah. He was going to stores and casinos in the French Riviera, living it up. Fuck off, Mark. So Michelle flew back to France, and this time she brought handcuffs. Was she going to handcuff him to her? No.

Well, no, I don't think so. One cuff for her, one cuff for him so he couldn't get away? No. The plan was she was going to handcuff him and call the FBI, and they were going to come arrest him. Come get him. Okay. And she told her mom this plan, and her mom was like, are you nuts? Yeah. Do not do this. You don't know this man. You thought you knew him. You thought you her mom this plan and her mom was like, are you nuts?

Do not do this. You don't know this man. You thought you knew him. You thought you did, but clearly you do not. But Michelle was like, sorry, mom. I am doing it.

So she flew out to France, walked all over the place with this picture of Mark trying to talk to people. She came back empty handed. She couldn't find him. She couldn't find him. Mm-mm. And when she got back home, she discovered that he'd completely drained all of their bank accounts.

Oh my gosh. So in 2005, she filed for bankruptcy. He's still nowhere to be found. for bankruptcy. He's still nowhere to be found. After two years of being on the run, Mark had his medical license revoked. Not a moment too soon. I agree. A federal grand jury indicted him in absentia for 22 counts of health care fraud. Good job, Brandy. They said he had overbilled insurance companies for surgeries that were either totally unnecessary or just not performed at all. Oh, everyone, Brandy feels like a genius. I do feel like a genius.

She's smiling so big. Yeah, enjoy your life now, Brandy, because you're about to lose half your hair. Are you shopping? You stop it! The following year, a court granted Michelle a divorce from Mark, even though he's still nowhere to be found. She was still pissed and she was outraged to find out what he had done to his patients. She went on all the talk shows. Which ones?

Oprah and I can't remember some of the others. Sally Jess. No, Sally Jess is not around anymore. No, she wishes. No. Ricky Lake. No, no. What year is it? What time period are you in?

Dr. Phil. Does she go on Dr. Phil? Probably Dr. Phil. I remember Oprah for sure. I feel like there was one more. I can't remember. But then she went on the most important show of all. America's Most Wanted.

Damn right. Oh, yay! The episode aired. At this point, this fucker had been on the run for years. He'd spent some time in France, but for the most part, turns out he'd been in the Italian Alps. What? What? All right. Was he just living itps. What? What? All right.

Was he just living it up, skiing? Yeah, pretty much. He had a new girlfriend, a woman named Monica, who owned a little grocery store. How does she know? What? How do they know this? What do you mean, how do they know this? I'm jumping around.

I'm letting you know where he is. Oh, thank you. Okay. Sorry, I didn't realize that was going to be so confusing. I thought you were the genius who predicted the health care fraud. I am one and the same. So this new girlfriend was really into him. He seemed like such a wonderful, sincere person.

Yeah, I bet. He told her he was divorced, which was very true. Mm-hmm. Super true now. Yeah. By the way, Michelle didn't even know about the second marriage that he'd had. She found out on a talk show. Oh, no.

That's rough. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, so he told Monica that he'd been a stockbroker and that he'd earned so much money that now he didn't have to work. He could just enjoy what nature had to offer. After they'd been dating a while, he told Monica that he had a dream of living high up in the mountains and writing a book about the experience. Okay. Love it. No. So that's what he did. He went and lived up in the mountains and he oopsies, whoops, didn't pay rent on the apartment that he had because the rules don't apply to him.

Right. So don't get mad. Yeah. And that turned out to be a real bad move. That was the thing that's going to get him. Yeah, because for some reason he gave his landlord his real identity. And so when he stopped paying rent, the landlord went to the local police

and the local police, beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop, in their system, and shabam, up pops Mark Weinberger, international douchebag slash fugitive. Yeah. That's how he popped up. Yeah, douchebag first, fugitive second.

Sure. Yeah. Somehow, word about Mark's true identity got to one of Monica's friends and the friend told Monica and Monica was like, no way. He's a great guy. Not my Marky. That's what she said. But then you know what she did?

She Googled it. I think she had to go to an internet cafe because this was, you know, kind of cutesy old timey times. And she went on america's most wanted website rest in peace and she discovered the truth she was devastated but much like michelle monica loves justice oh i think it's kind of funny that he gravitates toward these women who are you know not gonna let him play his games. Yeah, get away with this. So she printed that page right off the old timey internet and took that to the police.

And she was like, I know where this guy is. But it is kind of hard to track someone down in the Italian Alps. Why thought she knew where he was? Well, she knows the basic place. He had a couple different campsites. She'd bring him granola. He's camping in the Alps? Yeah, that's what you write about

in your experience. He's roughing it. I thought he was in a cabin. Well, he had an apartment, but then he had the dream. I thought he was going up to the mountains to be in like a little mountain shack. A chalet, if you will. I didn't think he was in a tent on the mountains. No, he's in a tent

eating the granola that Monica brings to him. She brings him granola? Yeah, she owns a grocery store. I can't tell if you're fucking with me right now. I'm not fucking with you! I'm not fucking with you! I'm sure she brought other things as well.

What? Is that drink almost empty? It is almost empty. The way you're drinking it. But you're afraid to slurp it. I was afraid to slurp it because I thought you were going to say more things to me about the granola. No, this is nuts. I thought he was in a chalet.

I thought he had a big bulky sweater on. I'm sure he did. He was drinking a steamy cup of tea. But no, he's a mountain man surviving off the land. Yeah, I mean, no. And Monica's granola.

Yeah, I mean, he's not... I mean, he's definitely roughing it. It sounds terrible. Yeah, no, thank you. But he's not truly living off the land because his girlfriend has a grocery store and she brings him stuff. Yeah. But he did get pretty hungry out there. So hungry that he could eat a bear? Ma'am

everyone Brandi has dropped her head why did I ask you that I don't know I don't know but we shan't cut it because it was a gem weird uh huh

and I just looked at you I just let you think about it you had no words to say back no let me sit here and think about what I said yeah sometimes you just need to reflect and think gosh maybe after this I do owe her

a trip to Target I'm buying you no toys Kristen what if it's what if I don't consider it trip to Target. I'm buying you no toys, Kristen. What if I don't consider it a toy? What if I consider it medically necessary? You're suffering from hysteria? Yeah. Yes.

Yes. I think a lot of people would say I'm pretty hysterical. So, you know, they had to get on their snowmobiles to find this guy, which is like the second case I've done in a matter of weeks where someone has to get on a snowmobile to find the bad guy. Okay. Think on that for a while. I will. That was a bonus episode. So if you'd like to hear more about snowmobiles, you've got to sign up for our Patreon.

Yeah. Business Cat. Boom. That's Yeah. Business cat. Boom. That's right. Did it. It's at this point that I would like to thrill you with Mark's alias.

Okay. I want you to remember his real name is Mark Weinberger. Is his alias Ork Meinberger? He had a ski pass issued to

Mock Weinberg. He barely changed it! It looked just like a typo! I loved it. They'll never find me! Christy Caruso. Oh, they searched his campsite and found a bunch of shit. I didn't find much of it interesting.

Here's the one thing I was interested in. He had Viagra out there. So he wasn't hungry enough to shoot a bear, but. What are, finish that thought, please. But he was horny enough to fuck one? What are you saying? Maybe. Maybe.

Can you imagine? You don't have a toilet to flush. But you say it. Maybe. Can you imagine? You don't have a toilet to flush. But you have Viagra. You don't have your boner pills. You never know when you might. I think you do know though because you're not around anybody. Monica's bringing him

granola on the regular. Okay. Yeah, I guess that is true. Yeah. And that granola ain't free. Real cute bear wanders into his campsite. You better hope the mama bear's not around because I feel like that would go. What if it is the mama bear?

No, I'm, okay. You know what? You drag me into this. I'm going to finish this and you're going to regret it when you say cute bear to me that means like baby bear and mama bears are famously protective of their preps and so in my situation

I'm not talking about bear pedophilia Kristen oh don't act like you're better than me you brought this whole thing up and I gotta say this man he's just a normal human man brought this whole thing up. And I gotta say, this man, he's just a normal human man. If he's gonna fuck a bear, it's gonna probably have to be

a cub. He likes real skinny things. I don't know if I established that. Okay? Hey, you. Bear fucker. You know what we always say on this podcast is as long as the bear

is of age and consenting, we're not going to judge you. That's right. Take your Viagra out to the Italian Alps, eat your granola, and find a bear to love. Or don't love. You don't have to love. You want to go through a whole phase with a bear? Be our guest.

This has gone too far! Again, Brandy, you did bring it up. I did. And I say hilarious and unpredictable things. So in a way, this is very much on you. So they took Mock Weinberg down to the station. They let him hug the bear goodbye.

And then he wolfed down a bowl of pasta. I thought it was kind of interesting. And then he wolfed down a bowl of pasta. I thought it was kind of interesting in the Vanity Fair article. The author made a point to say that, you know, they kind of all sat down for some pasta and he finished his way before anyone else. But I'm thinking, well, no shit, right? Yeah, he's hungry. He's been surviving off of Monica's granola.

Right. And I'm sure it's great granola. Yeah, I'm not saying anything about the granola. It's just not enough. Right. Yeah. Because we know he wasn't eating bare ass because... Because it's too long ago. It was kind of before that really...

Yeah, nobody was eating ass in 2005. Brandi, I wish you'd move on. 2023, everybody's eating ass. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So he wolfed down some pasta, and then he posed for a mugshot. Snappity snap. And then, whoops, took out a knife and tried to die by suicide.

He was fine. Don't even worry about him. Okay. He had a belly full of pasta, little cut on his neck. Okay. And love for a bear in his heart. Even though he said specifically

it was going to be a hoe face. So you tell me. And I know you could tell me okay okay so on february 25th 2010 oh we're in 2010 no people were thinking about eating ass i'll stop i'll stop we are done with this okay so mark was extradited to the United States. Putting yourself on an ass-eating diet, are you? Brandy. My goodness. My goodness.

There you go again. Yeah, it's always me. There you go again. Making me talk about eating ass. And I can tell you don't know this song. I do know this song. Oh. Yeah, you got painted on jeans. Oh, well, you're better than you have a right to. Oh, why'd you come in here

looking like that? Looking like a little bear cub. Toting around your jar, honey, wearing a little red shirt. Why'd you come in here looking like that? Oh, man. I got to tell you, folks, we switched formats, as you probably know.

You've noticed, I'm sure. And these ones where I tell the case and I can just be free as a bird to go on tangents. And, you know, Randy eggs me on. be free as a bird. Yeah. To go on tangents. And, you know, Brandy eggs me on.

She tells me, oh, don't say that thing. And then she brings up something hilarious knowing that I will jump off that diving board any day. Yeah. We have gotten complaints about the tangents.

There's been a few. Uh-huh. And I just want to tell you that I'm working my hardest to rein Brandy in. But she is a problem. Okay, so he's extradited to the United States. Yes.

And as soon as he got into the States, the prosecution was like, lock him up without bond. He's a flight risk. Absolutely. Yes, he's a massive. Also a risk to bears. Everyone's at risk. He's going to go up to anyone and be like, you need sinus surgery. Give me my hand drill or whatever.

Do you call it a hand drill? Sure. Why not? Oh, you just call it. It's not a foot drill. So anyway, even Mark's own defense attorneys were like, yeah, that's fair. We probably shouldn't get to that. Yeah!

We're not even going to fight you. No! So, you know, Mark sat in prison for a little while. And then prosecutors came to him with a deal. Okay. No, not okay. None of this is okay. They offered him a four-year sentence.

That's it? What the ever-loving, yes, four years. Holy shit. Word got out that he was being offered such a light sentence and the victims were outraged. Yeah. His now ex-wife, Michelle, wrote a letter to the judge asking him not to accept the plea deal. She essentially said, you know, we still don't even know the full extent of what he did to his patients. But, you know, Mark really wanted that plea deal. Actually, his lawyers were advocating for time served. I think if you go on the run, you can fuck right off. Yes. Well, I mean, technically you did fuck right off. You did fuck right off.

But you fuck right in to prison. To prison. Yeah. And don't fuck anybody. Don't enjoy it. You have to just sit there and not enjoy it. Uh-huh. Well, you were going to say something else.

No, I was not. Yes, you were. I am on my best behavior. Thank you very much. I know what you're going to say. No, you don't. I do, but I'm not going to say it. You don't know my mind.

My mind is a mystery to you. I am an enigma. Okay. You see me and you say, I must know this woman. Brandy what's the most mysterious thing about me um your nipple hairs what I'll have you know I don't have them right now

right now well I didn't want to lie I feel like freshly tweezed. Yes. Yes. The second I see them, I tweeze them. Anyway, there's really nothing mysterious about nipple hair.

It grows exactly where you think it grows. On your nipples. Yes. Well, no, around. Exactly. Oh, so there is mystery. There is. Okay.

It's not like you have one hair sprouting out the middle of your nipple. That'd be terrible. That would be bizarre. Oh, my. I'd be scared to pluck that thing. Yeah. Would your whole boob come out? Yeah, what might come out?

Like, how deep does it go? All the way to the top. Oh, it's making my stomach do flippy floppies. I don't like it. Mm-hmm. You think you tug on that thing, your brain comes out your boob? Maybe. Could.

Or your butthole. What if it's attached to your butthole? You pull your butthole right out through your nipple. Somehow that is very funny to me. Now the brain, no. No. There's no joking about that. No.

brain? No. No. There's no joking about that. No. But you tug on it and a balloon knot comes out. Well, that is kind of funny. And you've got time to figure out okay, how do I remedy this? How do I tuck this back in?

You pull out your brain, your thinking days are over. You pull out your brain, your thinking days are over. This podcast is ridiculous. I don't think it is ridiculous. I think we're making excellent points. Okay. So how did the judge respond to Michelle saying, don't take this deal. Like, this is ridiculous.

The judge just ate like a bunch of pasta really fast. Okay. So in late October that year, Mark pled guilty to everything. And he's supposed to get the four years, but the judge intervened. The judge was like, no. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Hell no. Yeah.

No, no, no. Hell to the no. And the judge was like, go back and think about it some more. And then they thought about it some more, and they agreed to seven years. I know. That's it? No, fuck off to seven years i know that's it seven years it's not enough and here let's get more angry because you know he's gonna serve three of that before he's out right he'll get a little more but you know don't get excited yeah don't act like a bear's

coming your way all right so uh mark stayed in prison and in the meantime more civil suits played out in court did you like that i said the gross thing and then I just, bam, moved along? Yeah, just moved right along. Yeah. It's being a pro. Some people didn't even catch it, I bet. No, no. Well, there's a lot of subtlety in this podcast.

So subtle. What you do have to do sometimes is you listen again. You're like, oh, my gosh, I got the first layer of what they were saying. But now I understand the deeper meaning. I get it now. The dick is inside her. That is so rude of you to say.

Everyone. Brandy's very rude. One time she made a joke about dicks and cider, and I didn't quite get it. It was a sophisticated joke. We can all agree on that. All right, so anyway, civil suits, they're playing out in court. In 2011, Phyllis Barnes' civil suit went to trial, and her estate was awarded $13 million.

Wow. and her estate was awarded $13 million. Wow. Approximately 300 of Mark's patients were awarded about $55 million in a medical malpractice settlement. Okay. But, you know, that money just comes from victim compensation funds, which are from the taxpayers. So, again, I don't know if I've emphasized this, but Mark can suck it.

Yeah. Yeah. And he can not enjoy it. Mm-hmm. But he better do it enthusiastically. That's right. And if he doesn't,

I've got a DVD. I will give him a DVD. There's also a nice book called How to Tickle His Pickle. What? It's a real book. Have you read this book? I have not, but I believe.

Did you write the book? I believe it was sold at those like pure romance parties. Did you ever go to a pure romance? Yeah, I've been to a couple of those. That's the only. They were very popular for a while. That's the only MLM party I would ever want to be invited to. And it's the only one I was never invited to.

You've never been to a pure. You've never passed around a cock ring with your friends. Okay, actually, I don't want to do that. Because every time there's an MLM party, it's like family and friends. Yeah, exactly. My goodness. So you yourself have passed around a cock ring. Yeah, I think I've been to two pure romance parties.

Did you make any purchases? Yeah. Nothing scandalous because they were at, like... What? Well... What? They were, like, co-workers at the party. Oh, God.

And so, yeah. God damn. Yeah. This is why... I bet, like like shaving balm and. Woo. Yeah, like. You know what they say about old Brandy.

Linen mist. Linen mist? Yeah. Yeah. One promise to dry up the wet spot. Ew. Ew. It's a liquid that dries the wet spot.

First of all, I don't buy it. It was like a dry shampoo for your sheets, if you will. Oh, my God. I regret asking any questions. Also, those are the most boring things you could possibly buy in that situation. But I completely understand. You're with coworkers. Yeah.

The Lord didn't intend us to have these shopping parties. Did I want the giant fist dildo? The world may never know. I think the world does know that you had to buy that in private. The world does know that you had to buy that in private. You wished you had the courage. So, yeah, Markleboy Parker. He got out of prison early for time served.

He was released in 2014. He served less than five years in prison. Dateline evidently tracked him down a couple years ago. He's living in West Palm Beach with a new wife and two children. And apparently he's super into cryptocurrency. Oh, of course he is. And he's referring to himself online as a yoga doc. Oh, boy. And I'm pretty sure I found him on YouTube.

He is stupid. And that's all I've written. Okay. I ended with he is stupid. Is he the guy that does the butthole twister thing on YouTube? Butthole twister? What are you talking about? No, I think he's a chiro twister? What are you talking about? Though I think he's a chiropractor.

What are you talking about? I haven't seen this viral video. What? You're making up a viral video. It's viral in your head because you've watched it 20 times. It's not. So a chiropractor is doing their chiropractor thing

and they press on the butthole and we hear some pops. He has an actual device. No. That he twists on the butthole. No. He does it in the video on a fully clothed man. And you can see the man is like... Unsure of how to react.

Well, did he know it was coming? I assume so. I would hope so. I would hope there was consent involved. Does it go in the hole? Well, the man was clothed, but he did go around the shorts. And then... You went under the shorts, you mean?

Um, mm-hmm. Yeah, like, eh. In the short leg. Okay. And then he had a device. But whole chiropractor. Gotta do some Googling. Should I come over?

What are the odds that this is going to? I would love the idea if it pops up it pops up. There's 11 views. They're clearly all from you. You can't find it, can you? It's because it's not a viral video. It's a fantasy. It's not a fantasy of your own. I swear.

I swear. This is a real. Why can't you find it? I don't know. Kyra. No. Kyra. Brandy, you're lucky we don't kink shame on this podcast because otherwise I might take a moment to tease you about the fact that you went searching for a chiropractor. Coming up.

Why have I seen this? Well, Brandy, when you go specifically searching for some things. Hold on. I'm going to do one more search and then we'll move on if I can't. I'm going to go pee. I'm going to give you time to find this. I remembered where I saw it, but I'm still not finding it. Patty, we will not be cutting this.

No matter what Brandy says. Somebody out there has also seen this video. I guarantee it. Yeah, somebody wishes they saw that. Stop it! Anyway, yeah, I hate this video. I guarantee it. Yeah, somebody wishes they saw that. Stop it! Anyway, yeah, I hate this guy. I can't believe you can do all this to people and face so few consequences.

So few consequences. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Wow. He obviously can't practice medicine anywhere and he can't go to zoos. But like what else can. For a moment I was like, why wouldn't he be able to go to zoos? But word about the bear fucking did get out. It sure did.

It sure did. It's called karma, baby, and it comes around. Brandi, should we take some questions from our Discord? I think we better. I think we better. Will you tell us how to get in the Discord? Yeah. To get in the Discord, all you have to do is join our Patreon at the $5 level or higher,

and that gets you in the Discord, and then when we record, we ask for some questions, and then we answer a few. Beautifully put. Thank you. Ooh, Annie wants to know, Kristen, Halloween costumes for dogs? Yay or nay?

Oh, my gosh. My dogs would look so cute in little costumes. They would look amazing. They would hate it. Yeah. I feel like Kit could rock a costume. Dottie is less likely to be okay with a costume. Dottie will do whatever we ask of her.

Okay. Because she's a good dog. Yeah. But I would just hate to put her through that. Yeah, I think that would put her through, like, crazy anxiety having a costume on her. The restriction of the costume would give her comfort. Oh, it might. Like a costume on her. the restriction of the costume would give her comfort. Oh, it might.

Like a thunder, thunder jack buddy. What's it called? I don't think it's thunder buddies. Thunder thighs. That's from the Mark Wahlberg movie.

A thunder shirt? Thunder shirt. That's what I was looking for. You know why I'm a piece of shit? Why? I knew immediately. But you couldn't just jump in.

I had to fucking quote Thunder Buddies from Ted. Thunder Buddies for life. Fuck you, Thunder. You can suck my dick. Oh, boy. You know, we had a real classy episode until we did that. Yeah, it was pretty classy. Jillybean asks, I know you guys redid your first episode so you could tell the stories like you would after doing the podcast for a while.

Are there any other early cases you'd like to revisit and tell again? Do you have any? No. I have one. Do you really? Yeah. What is it? Yeah.

I covered the West Memphis Three so early. Uh-huh. And then there's been development since. Oh, I see. Yeah. I think I would be interested in covering that. I think I would cover it differently now. Sure.

Just because I think the way I tell my stories has evolved. Now you think they're guilty. I do not. Oh, jeez. I certainly do not. That was a joke. Yeah, it's funny. My answer is no. Not because I'm like, no, I covered it great the first time.

I just. Yeah, no interest in going back and. No. Yeah, that's fine. I live with no regrets, as they say. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, spooky butthole. So now, Brandy, are you a coffee drinker?

I know we regularly hear Kristen's coffee sloshes and slurps, but you're more of a soft drink gal. Is it an aversion or a preference? No, I actually do love coffee. I drink coffee. I don't drink it, like, a lot. You're nothing like me. Yeah, I don't drink it daily, but I enjoy coffee. I go to Starbucks, you know.

You don't drink it daily? I do not. Okay, I'm one of those people that is not affected by caffeine oh has no I don't like I don't have withdrawals from it if I don't have it it doesn't like amp me up if I do have it I have like no it has no effect on me so no I don't cry but I like the way coffee tastes I okay have a coffee maker at home I drink it on the weekends usually. This is a whole new lifestyle. Frankly, I don't understand it. I don't want to know any more about it.

Oh, God. True Crime and Taco Bell says, what is the worst pet name you have ever heard someone use for their partner? I recently discovered someone I know and may be related to calls her husband pee-pee and I can't stop thinking about it. Ew. It's almost as bad as what your parents call each other. My parents call each other muffin. And Kyla and I have told them for years, muffin is slang for vagina. Quit calling each other vagina. For a long time, they said that we were wrong. We were making that up. They now know that, in fact, we were not making that up.

Yeah. They still do it. You can't break it. I mean, yeah, you're already calling them muffin all the time. You know, you can't just switch that over. What if they switched it to taco? Right? They switch it, but it's so much worse.

You start calling each other pussy. Oh, that's enough. That's enough. Okay, Brady, how about you tell a story about people who say, you know, name. I am watching The Sopranos right now. No, that's all I know. I know your parents who call each other muffin. Yeah, I mean, that's the worst part. watching The Sopranos right now. No, that's all I know. I know your parents who call each other muffin.

Yeah, I mean, that's the worst one. That is. It's pretty bad. It doesn't get worse than that, folks. All right. Go ahead and top that. Oh, my God.

Apparently, this is a new segment on the show where we talk about disgusting flights that have taken place. Oh, my gosh. What happened? Sarah Love Star says, What are your thoughts on the Air Canada puke seat situation?

I have heard nothing of this, but Sarah's here with all the information. Okay, Sarah, tell us about it. A woman got to her seat and saw that on the previous flight, someone had puked in that seat and the flight crew did not clean it up entirely. The woman didn't want to sit there, but the plane was full and she was made to sit on the vomit seat. No, no, no, no, no. The flight crew cleaned it

with coffee grounds and covered the seat with a blanket. Thoughts? Oh, my God. Air Canada is giving me free flights for the rest of my life if I'm being forced to sit in the puke seat. Also, we're not doing a blanket over it.

We're doing a plastic. Plastic, yes. Blanket on top of the plastic. Shake that blanket out. Make sure there's no puke on that, too. You're wrapping that seat in a. Make sure there's no puke on that, too. You're wrapping that seat in a... Okay, also, this has to be a fucking safety hazard because your seat turns into a flotation device, right?

What if you die because you're like, I'm not hugging this thing. Maybe the seats don't turn into a flotation device. Maybe I'm... No, I think you're right. The seat cushion, you're supposed to hang on to that thing. Yeah, you're supposed to hang on to your seat cushion, right? I think maybe I made that up. Maybe that's an old school thing.

And the vomit helps it float. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. No, that's just terrible. But I can see, like, this is the only seat, so I guess I'm stuck. And I have to get where I'm going. Yeah. Okay.

What? It seems like we're about to have a vulnerable moment No, I'm just thinking That like Probably the person has to sit in the puke seat They do get, you know, their flight comped They get money back I bet they don't

I bet they don't Oh, they fucking better No, I agree, they should, but I'm thinking about the person who has to sit next to the vomit seat They get all the smells and none of the reward. Yeah, but you can't complain. That's what I'm saying. Exactly.

Yes. They don't get to complain. They don't get anything in exchange. But their situation is just the tiniest bit better than the person who is sitting on the vomit seat. Disagree that it's the tiniest bit better than the person who is sitting on the vomit seat. Disagree that it's the tiniest bit better. Because I think there's a world of difference between sitting on the vomit seat and sitting next to the vomit seat. As Mark Twain once said, the difference between lightning and a lightning bug, okay? I'm just saying you're experiencing all the same

sense probably everybody in a three seat radius is oh god it's terrible I don't want to be on that flight no no one does and then let's say you're flying to

meet your lover your lover. Yeah. Your lover muffin. And you're like, sorry, I have to go change my pants. I've just sat in vomit for the last three hours. Yeah. Don't worry. There was coffee grounds and a blanket on top of it.

It sounds gross. They scraped up the chunks real good. Oh, no. Oh, this is horrible. So do you want to do sex stuff later? Right. Ooh. Richard and Balls asked, Brandy, would you rather get a meaningful, cool tattoo on your face or a weird, ugly tattoo in a spot no one regularly sees?

I'd get the weird, ugly tattoo. How weird and ugly are we talking about? It can be as weird and ugly as it needs to be. You know what I'm going to ask you? Yes, I would get my driver's license picture tattooed before I would get a cool, meaningful tattoo on my face. Okay. Okay.

Let me see if I can. That's what you were gonna ask wasn't it it absolutely was but now i'm wanting to up the ante a little bit okay okay it's difficult because you know i'm just gonna wear enough clothing to cover whatever yeah no i'm tattoo i get I'm putting new rules on myself okay because my immediate thought was offensive but no it's weird and ugly yeah so we're not ugly yeah we can't do offensive all right you know what I've got nothing okay nothing you're gonna do the weird I'm gonna do the weird and ugly I'm doing weird and ugly tattoo. I'm going to do the weird and ugly. I'm doing the weird and ugly. Because I do think that I would enjoy that. I think that I would enjoy having like a funny weird and ugly tattoo.

Oh, I think I would think it was funny. No, no. It would not be funny. I am not one of the people who thinks that every tattoo has to have like some big meaning to you. I like the idea of like nothing tattoos. Okay. Yeah. Just a meaningless balloon right on your ass. Right on my, yeah, sure.

Okay, great. Big yellow one like that creeper brought in my salon. Uh-huh. And we'll have a banner over the top. Balloons, balloons, balloons. Yeah, I'd get that. Ooh, AdNoise says, not a question, but I had an allergy testing done today and it was a disaster. And then she shared a picture of her back with the scratch test.

Oh, yeah. And it is angry. The only reason I chose to share this with everyone is because I have a story about this, a 10 pounds fun fact for you all, if you will. Let's hear it. My dad has all of a sudden been having this weird allergic reaction. Like happens, his hands will start to swell and then they get itchy and it happens to his feet too. Weird.

Yeah. And so he went to an allergist. And when he was a little kid, he had terrible allergies. Like he would have to get weekly allergy shots, like the whole deal. So he goes into this allergist and the allergist is like, likely you just need to be on a daily allergy medicine, but let's run, Let's do an allergen test. You know, we'll do all this stuff. I'll get the results back.

You're not going to hear from me. You don't want to hear from me. You know, that kind of thing. Your daily allergy medicine. Let's get you on that and you're going to be good. A few days go by. My dad gets a call from the allergist. Right.

And he's like, well, fuck, I thought I didn't want to hear from you. And like my dad, of course, misses the call. And then, you know, they play phone tag. Finally, they get a hold of each other. And turns out my dad's like deathly allergic to everything outside. Yeah. Like the allergist is like,

okay, anytime that you're going to be outside in excess of 30 minutes, you need to then come in. In excess of 30 minutes? You need to then come in. In excess of 30 minutes? In excess of 30 minutes, you need to come in, remove your clothing, shower immediately. Oh, my God. Yeah, exactly. My dad's like, okay, but, like.

I can't really do that. And also, like, I'm 60 years old. Right. I've made it this far, man. Yeah, like, deathly allergic to everything outside and cats and dogs. Like, you cannot be around cats and dogs. Yeah, the 30 minutes outside, come in, strip down your clothing, shower immediately. Also, you need to be coming in for weekly allergy shots.

Holy shit. Exactly. My dad's like, really? You know what, though? I bet if he does this, he is going to be like, I had no idea how miserable I was until I did this. I think that's very likely. They're going to start. So this was alarming, obviously.

But the allergist was like, all right, let's start with the daily allergy medicine and then let's work up to see if you actually need the shots. But just so you know, you are allergic to a shit ton of stuff. Like, yeah, really, really allergic to all kinds of stuff. Isn't that nuts to find out at 60 years old? I believe it. Yeah. I believe it. I mean, I didn't find out about so much stuff until recently.

And I just feel like there's more to find. Should we move on to Supreme Court inductions? Yeah, absolutely. All right. To get inducted on this very podcast, all you have to do is sign up for our Patreon at the seven dollar level or higher. And this week we are reading your names and your first celebrity crushes. Shelby Siren. Christina Ricci and Devin Sawa.

Sorry, it was the same movie, so both Kristen's Missing Falope Barney That's a young crush, alright Madeline Porsche Anne Hathaway Mel Hickson

Drummer kid from School of Rock Yeah, he was cool I think his name was Zach No, Zach was the bass player We need to get to the bottom of this. No. We also need to figure out that chiropractor video. Oh, we'll move on.

Okay. Okay. I do like that movie a lot. Jenny Robinson. Eric Von Deacon. Jesse Griffin. Rupert Grint. I think his name was Eddie.

Maybe Eddie was the drummer. Oh my God. Move on. Rupert Grint. He's Ron in the Harry Potter movies. Very good. Kelly Davis. Edward Norton.

Aubrey. Christian Bale in Newsies. Andrea Pasquaretti. Zach Hansen. Rosemary Sigastar Saylor. Frank Sinatra. Steph Galati-Shaw. Leo DiCaprio.

Summer DeRush. Joe from Blue's Clues. Please do not judge, I was five and he was hot. I read deep. Good. It's a deep cut. All right. Brittany Baker. JTT. Melissa Potts. Jillian Anderson. Camille Jobin. Brandon Quinn.

Zero percent chance that's pronounced properly. No, we always get the French words right. Welcome to the Supreme Court. Thank you, everyone, for all of your support. We appreciate it so much. If you're looking for other ways to support us Please find us on all the socials We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast Wherever you listen And then head on over to Apple Podcasts And leave us a 5 star rating and review Then be sure to join us next week When Brandi will be an expert on a whole new topic Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process.

For this episode, I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. So I owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from the article The Runaway Doctor by Buzz Bissinger for Vanity Fair. Also, the episode of Vanity Fair Confidential, also titled The Runaway Doctor. And reporting from NBCChicago.com. Any errors are, of course, ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go.

Read their stuff.