Let's Go To Court! - 277: Buried Treasure??

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Michael was terrified… and frankly, confused. Two masked men had just broken into his Newport Beach home. They’d beaten him mercilessly. They’d threatened him with a gun. They’d zip tied his wrists and ankles. And then, they demanded money. Michael offered them everything he had, but it wasn’t good enough. They wanted a million dollars, cash. Michael told them the truth – he didn’t have that kind of money. But they didn’t believe him. Soon, a third intruder joined in. The captors took Michael and his roommate, Mary Barnes, out to the Mojave Desert, where they demanded that he dig up the million dollars. But Michael couldn’t appease them.  And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “A Gruesome Mutilation. A Global Manhunt. Inside One of the Most Twisted Crimes Ever,” by Tim Dickinson for Rolling Stone “Catch me if you can?” episode of 20/20 “O.C. pot dealer guilty in kidnap, torture plot,” by Christopher Goffard for the LA Times YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 52+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about a search for buried treasure. Oh, shit.

Yes. That sounds very exciting. Okay, this is the wildest ride we've been on in quite some time. Am I going to need to buckle up? You are going to. Should I strap in and strap on? Strap in, strap on, put on a pot of coffee. This is quite the tale.

Oh, shit. Okay. Click. All right. All right. Listeners, this applies to you as well. Ooh. Mm-hmm.

Ooh. Everybody buckle your seatbelts. But first, how are you doing today, Brandi? I'm doing wonderful. How are you doing? Terribly. Why? Thank you for asking.

Why are you doing terribly? I'm sitting here with no caffeine. Oh, that's right. You know what's happening. Yeah, because you're getting your lips blushed. Everyone, I'm doing something wild. You are. This is pretty wild. It'll be especially wild if it turns out

terribly and then I have to come on the podcast next week and be like, oh, I don't recommend that. It's basically a tattoo on your lips. And I discovered today that 24 hours beforehand you can't have any alcohol or any caffeine. And I'm fine with the no alcohol, but the caffeine devastates me.

Yeah, I am not familiar with the caffeine thing. I have had caffeine before all of my tattoos. The alcohol one I get, I've never heard the caffeine thing before, but Norm said he has. Well, and maybe it's different if you're getting lip blushing versus like a big Daffy Duck tramp stamp. Yeah, sure. It might be different. Anyway. You said you'd never tell everyone about that tattoo.

How dare you? So beautiful. We got through that whole episode where the guy had the Daffy Duck tattoo on his neck and you never brought it up once. My mistake. Everyone, welcome to the show. Also, if you're enjoying this fun banter about me being uncaffeinated and also getting lip tattoos and Brandi getting a tattoo of Daffy Duck

on her lower lips, then please sign up for our Patreon at the $5 level or higher. You get access to 52 bonus episodes. Plus, you get into the Discord. And at the higher levels, you get even more stuff. Brandy, you seem shocked as shit. You're disgusting. Will, we have to cut that. Who knows?

All right. Well, we're all strapped in. I am strapped in and strapped on. Take that to mean whatever you want it to mean, folks. I sure will. Ask no questions, please. Okay. So starting yeah with my shouty shouts yeah hugest shout out to tim dickinson for rolling stone he wrote the article on this case

okay it's incredible i'm not going to read you the title because i think it gives too much away also an episode of 2020 oh yeah yeah everyone it's my least favorite of the uh of the the programs the big three you got dateline you got 48 hours you got. I would put them in that order, best to worst. In 2020, it's just further and further down the list. Everyone, if you're wondering how to feel about this, just consider the fact that she has a Daffy Duck tramp stamp. So are we listening to her? Are we listening to her judgment? No, we're not.

2020 is wonderful. And they did a bang-up job on this case. I'm sure they did a great job. I have no doubt they did a bang up job on this case. I'm sure they did a great job. I have no doubt they did a great job. It's just my personal preference. You just wish that Dateline had taken charge here. Yeah. A little.

We got Josh Manx. We got a little Andrea Canning. Maybe. Maybe Keith Morrison. You have Dennis Murphy. Now you're getting greedy with the Keith Morrison stuff. How about Matt Guzman? I'm pretty sure that's the name of the 2020 guy.

It's probably Guzman. Guzman. Okay. All right. Anyway, he was involved in this. All right. Okay. I'm going to do a quick disclaimer.

Oh. I am going to start this story by talking about a man named Michael. I won't be using his last name, and the reason for that will become obvious later. But just, you know. Okay. All right. Michael, no last name. We got it.

Okay. Picture it. Does he have a middle name? Okay. Okay, you. Everyone, she thinks she's so cute. She started thinking she was cute when she said Joshie Manx. I could see it in her eyes.

There was a twinkle there. Now she's a full-blown monster. I was really just thinking about how Josh and I have come a long way. You have. You have. Okay, picture it. It's like 2.30 in the morning in October of 2012. And we're in Newport Beach, California.

Is that fancy? That sounds fancy. Oh, my God. Okay, first of all, everyone's sounds fancy. Oh my God. Okay, first of all, everyone's hot there. Oh, okay. And I know people are going to be like, well, not everyone. Everyone. Literally everyone in Newport Beach is hot. I watch the 2020 and you see a police officer

and you're like, well, that's a very good looking police officer. They interview another one. Well, my God, that's another good looking one. DA comes on. Oh, goodness me. Okay. A random roommate. Oh, sexy as hell.

Okay. Everyone's hot. You were just hot and bothered halfway into this episode, it sounds like. We're going to get there. Bottom line is everyone's hot. Okay. They kick out all the uh-goes in Newport Beach, I'm pretty sure. No uh-goes allowed in Newport hot. Okay. They kick out all the uggos in Newport Beach. No uggos allowed

in Newport Beach. Okay. So this guy, Michael, was asleep on the couch in, was it his four-bedroom home or was it the other guy's four-bedroom home?

Who knows? Different sources have it different ways. Okay. I know it's not an important detail, but it really bothers me not to know.

Just a block away from the beach. Hmm. That night, he wasn't alone. I know it's not an important detail, but it really bothers me not to know. Just a block away from the beach. That night, he wasn't alone. He actually rented out some of the rooms in his house. Or was it the other way around? We don't know. It's fine. So this woman, Mary Barnes, was down the hall asleep in the primary bedroom.

She had just moved in like two days earlier from Florida because her boyfriend also lived in the house. But on this particular night, Mary's boyfriend was out of town. So it was just Mary and Michael, two people who barely knew each other, asleep in the house. Okay. And all of a sudden, Michael woke up to a shotgun in his face. Someone wearing a ski mask was holding a gun in his face. So Michael, you know, obviously that wakes you up very quickly.

So he grabbed the gun and began wrestling with the intruder for control of it. But as these two men wrestled for the gun, a second masked intruder burst into the room. Really? Yeah. What'd they say? They didn't say anything. They just started beating him up. It's two against one now. Okay. And they've got weapons and, you know, he's just asleep. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah. One of the men hit Michael in the head with the shotgun. The other man put him in a headlock. They beat him mercilessly. And Michael eventually blacked out.

Wow. The men blindfolded him. They gagged him. They zip-tied his ankles together. They zip-tied his hands behind his back. And then they took him downstairs. And they did that in the most painful way possible. They drag him down the stairs? And so his head smacks against every stair.

Michael was terrified and confused and in obviously horrible pain. But the main question was, what the hell is happening right now? You imagine how disorienting that would be? I mean, it would be wild. Yes. By this point, one of the men had already attacked Mary. She'd been asleep in bed when she woke up to the feeling of a gun pressed against the back of her neck.

Oh, my gosh. And before she could even say anything, the man with the gun whispered to her, this is not about you. Don't try to fight and you won't get hurt. So that's terrifying. Oh yeah. Yeah. And of course, Mary did what she was told. The men duct taped her mouth shut. They blindfolded her. They zip tied her ankles together. They zip tied her wrists together. And they carried her down the stairs.

So now Mary and Michael were at the bottom of the stairs, unable to move, unable to speak, completely terrified. But at least at this point, one thing was certain. These intruders wanted something. They wanted money. They ran around the second floor of the home, you know, dumping out drawers, searching for hidden cash. But I guess they didn't find any. Finally, one of them went up to Michael and removed the gag from his mouth and asked, where's the money? And Michael said, I have two thousand dollars in a sock in my room.

You know, you can have it. And the intruder said, not that. Where's the million dollars? What? Yeah. They think there's a million dollars in this? They know it. Just in a drawer in this house?

Maybe not in a drawer, but they know he's got a million dollars. Okay. Except Michael didn't have a million dollars. Why do they think he has a million dollars? Was he singing that Barenaked Lady song? That's if I had a million dollars. That's not I've got a million dollars. Now, if he was singing I've got a million dollars, then okay, maybe he brought this on himself.

But that ain't the case here. No, so he's like, I don't have a million dollars. But that just pissed these men off because they knew he was lying. So they kept searching for the hidden cash. And then Mary and Michael heard something. It was the sound of the garage door opening. Someone, a third man, was moving Mary's boyfriend's car out of the garage and backing in a white van. Oh, no, that's bad.

That's real bad. Yeah, so that's when they really started to panic. Clearly this was not a robbery. No. They were about to be taken somewhere. And they were. The men loaded Mary and Michael into the back of the van where they lay on the floor tied up. Two of the men stayed in the back and they tortured Michael as the third man drove. They slapped a rubber hose against the bottom of Michael's bare feet.

They tased him repeatedly. And of course, Michael lost control of his body. At one point, he defecated. At another point, after he'd been tasered, his body was spasming, of course, and he accidentally kicked Mary. And the men got mad at him. They told him, do not touch the female. They called him a pussy for shitting his pants. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

I'd love to see how you do in this scenario. Right? Right? Holy shit. This man's being tortured. Yeah. He blacked out. Of course he's going to shit his pants. Yeah.

Way to be a pussy. Oh, my gosh. They beat him some more. They were merciless. They were relentless. And as they tortured him, they kept asking that same question. Where's the million dollars? And Michael could never answer it to their satisfaction.

Because how can you tell someone where the million dollars is if you don't have a million dollars? These men drove and drove and drove. And Mary and Michael had no idea where they were being taken. But it seemed from what they could hear that they were on the highway. At one point, they had to stop for gas. It seemed that, you know, one of these three dudes had oopsies, forgotten to fill the tank. Oh, no. You know, you got one job to do. Yeah, it's pretty rough.

So the men held weapons on Mary and Michael as they got gas. These two were terrified and bewildered. These men seemed to think that Michael had just a ton of money and that it was all in cash, just ready for the taking. And they were being so sadistic. But Michael didn't have any enemies. He didn't know anyone who would harbor this kind of hatred for him, or at least he didn't think he did. Finally, the captors kind of let him know who they were sort of what what does that mean well first off they started speaking in spanish accents which was interesting because they'd already used their real voices yeah that you can't make that decision like halfway through, my dudes. No, you got to commit from the beginning. What the fuck?

Mary said, these were terrible Spanish accents. Oh, my gosh. So it really felt more weird than anything. Yeah. And out of nowhere, one of them told Michael in this, like, Mary described it as a Speedy Gonzalez accent, you're hurting our business with your little dispensary, and my patrone wants your million dollars. Mm-hmm. So what's his little dispensary?

So, okay, Michael had a medical marijuana dispensary, and it's true, he was doing well for himself. But he had to tell them again, okay, but I don't have a million dollars. And the guy goes, oh, you better have it, Issy. Okay. Michael tried to bargain with the men. You know, he didn't have a million, but he did have way more cash than the average person.

And that's because at the time, medical marijuana was legal in California, but marijuana was still illegal at the federal level. So dispensaries in California were in this weird gray area where what they were doing was legal at the state level,

but no banks wanted to do business with them because, you know, it's illegal. So dispensaries were all cash-only businesses. And, yeah, if you owned a dispensary, it was probably pretty likely that you had a lot of cash on hand. Yeah. So Michael told the guys, you know, basically, hey, let me give you what I have. I have some money. He's like, let's drive to my dispensary.

You can have all the weed in the shop, and I've got like 30 grand in there. Take it. It's yours. He told them he had $100,000 in a safety deposit box. Is it safety deposit or safe? We've had this exact conversation before. And we learned nothing. Casey told us, and I can't remember.

We're going to get a strongly worded text from Casey. I'm pretty sure it's safety deposit box. Well, anyway, he's like, look, I've got money in there, safely deposited in my safe safety deposit box. You know, we just have to wait till morning. But I'll go there. I'll get the money. It's yours. But that wasn't good enough.

Yeah. They want the million dollars. Yeah. Why do they think he has a million dollars? Has he asked them that? I don't know. I don't know if he asked them that. The bottom line that you need to know is that they are 1000% certain that he

has a million dollars and you can't say anything to convince them otherwise. Yeah, because it seems like Michael, Michael, is that his name? It sure is. He's pretty adamant that he does not have a million dollars. Well, he's clearly lying. Don't you agree? No, I don't think so. lying, don't you agree? No, I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he just doesn't have a million dollars. Right. Right. All right. He's still eating Kraft dinner. I mean, he doesn't have to, but he would. He would. So, of course, Michael's still telling him, I don't have that kind of money. I don't have that kind of money. And they're just getting angrier and angrier and angrier. So the torture escalated. In addition to the beatings and the taser, they used a torch on him.

Oh, my gosh. Yes. They threatened everyone he loved. They recited his parents' address. They described his girlfriend and told him what car she drove. Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm. It was clear they knew a lot about him.

Yeah. They drove for about two hours. And eventually the question became, where did you bury the million dollars? What? Uh-huh. That was kind of Michael's reaction, too. Where are they getting their intel? Am I going to need to remain strapped in and strapped on?

I'm afraid so. Okay. Eventually, Mary and Michael could kind of feel the car slow down. It was obvious they were getting off the highway. And at some point, they felt the car go onto a gravel road. That's not good. What would you do in this? I have no idea.

I would be terrified. I mean, there's probably nothing you can do if you're zip-tied. Yeah. So they drove for a while? And roll out the back and do the worm away? Like, I'm never— No, that's never going to happen. That's never going to happen for me.

Well, for anyone, unless you're amazing at the worm. Some people are really good at it. Okay, but you've got to be amazing at the worm, and then the three guys have to be just terrible at just like walking. You know? That's true. So they drove for a while on gravel and then the van came to a stop. The men threw Mary and Michael out of the vehicle and onto the sand of the Mojave Desert. They positioned them about two feet apart.

And Mary remembers thinking, OK, this is where they're going to shoot us. Yes. Obviously. Yes. And sure enough, the men said that if Michael didn't give up the money, they were going to shoot them. But again, Michael had to be like, I don't have that kind of money. I don't have it.

I certainly haven't buried it anywhere. It's just I don't have that kind of money. I don't have it. I certainly haven't buried it anywhere. It just, I don't have it. Yeah. At that point, one of the guys walked off. And although Mary couldn't be sure because she was still blindfolded, it sounded like he was talking on the phone and maybe not doing the best job remembering to keep up that fake accent. Oh, yeah.

You know how your accent comes and goes. Uh-huh. Yeah. When the man came back over, he went straight to Michael, and everything got so much worse. The man said, My patron says if I can't bring him the million dollars, then he wants me to bring him your dick. Oh, my patron says if I can't bring him the million dollars, then he wants me to bring him your dick.

Oh my. And with that, the men pulled down Michael's pants, zip-tied the base of his penis, and began cutting his penis off. As the man

Holy shit! As the man cut off Michael's penis with, like, a kitchen knife, he sang along with the motion of the knife, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. By the grace of God,ael passed out holy shit i know i've got goosebumps yes but then he woke up a few moments later in unbearable pain obviously and the men were pouring some kind of liquid all over him. All he could hear was like the glug, glug, glug. Yeah, they're going to set him on fire.

Right. He assumed it was gasoline. And he begged them not to light him on fire. He said, just shoot me instead. Oh, my gosh. But they didn't. And actually, they weren't dousing him in gasoline. They were dousing him in gasoline. They were dousing him in bleach.

Get rid of evidence? Mm-hmm. Oh, my gosh. Also, if you're into inflicting pain. Yeah, that's going to burn. On open wounds? My God. At this point, one of the men walked over to mary who was still tied up still duct taped still blindfolded and he pressed a knife against her hand and he said i'm gonna

take this and i'm gonna throw it if you can get to it and cut through your zip ties, today's your lucky day. And he tossed it. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, these men are fucking, oh, I don't even know the word. Yeah. So, yeah, that guy threw the knife off into the distance, and the three men took off in their van, leaving Mary and Michael alone in the desert. Holy shit.

Mm-hmm. Mary waited until she felt certain that the men were gone. And then, okay, Mary is 53. She does yoga. I mean, the contortion she had to do. So she used her knees to push the blindfold up over her eyes. Oh, my gosh. She looks around her. She spotted something kind of shiny in the distance.

So, you know, scooting on her butt, because, again, she doesn't have full access to her limbs. She worked her way over to it. Sure enough, it was the knife. to her limbs, she worked her way over to it. Sure enough, it was the knife. And with her arms still zip-tied behind her back, she used the knife to cut her legs free. Once her legs were free, she went over to Michael. She pulled off his blindfold. She cut his gag. And as soon as she did that, he said, oh, that feels so much better. And she didn't say aloud, but she thought to herself, oh, my God, he's alive. Michael begged her to cut the zip tie that was around his wrists.

And she tried. But, you know, her wrists were still zip tied. And he was so swollen and bloody. And she's like, OK, I can't do it. And so they're in this terrible position. But Mary had to make a decision. And she said, I'm going to leave. I'm going to go get you some help. That was obviously not an easy task.

Mary was barefoot. She was in her pajamas. Her hands were still bound. She had no idea where they were. They were in the middle of nowhere. But she saw some lights in the distance. And she followed the lights thinking, okay, that must be where a street is. Yeah.

She couldn't run, but she walked as quickly as she could. And finally, she got to a road. And as soon as she did, she just started screaming, somebody please help. Somebody please help. Somebody please help. And then, in like unbelievable luck, the first car that passed her was a police car. Holy shit. Deputy, I can't imagine this. Deputy Steve Williams just happened to be on his way into work when he spotted this woman

in obvious distress. So he stopped, called for backup, took pictures of Mary's injuries. He's like, holy shit. And Mary directed the officers and EMTs to Michael's body. The footage of this is unreal because you can tell all the officers are in total shock. But Mary is like, okay, who's an EMT? We need to get help over here. He has a stab wound. You know, like, I mean, she was amazing. stab wound. You know, like, I mean, she was amazing. Obviously, everyone who responded to the scene was very disturbed by what they saw. The deputy even talked about getting out of the car,

not even seeing Michael's body yet, but instead being struck by the incredible odor of bleach. Oh, my gosh. That's how much bleach they used. Michael's injuries were horrific. His eyes were swollen shut. And thanks to the bleach, he had shoe prints that were chemically seared into his flesh where the men had stomped all over him. Oh my gosh. They eventually got him into an ambulance and investigators searched the area for Michael's penis, hoping that it could be reattached, obviously. But they couldn't find it. No, they took it with them, right? Presumably, yeah.

Michael survived. Holy shit. I know. Michael survived. Holy shit. I know. He survived, but like, first of all, I can't even imagine the emotional trauma. No.

But literally every time you look at your body, it's never the same. No. These men, whoever they were, needed to be caught obviously yes but that was going to be really tough because mary and michael didn't have a clue who they were right they'd worn ski masks the whole time and again michael didn't have any enemies that he knew of he certainly didn't know anyone who could have gotten the idea that he had a he certainly didn't know anyone who could have gotten the idea that he had a million dollars buried in the desert it was just so weird yeah investigators were kind of screwed because yeah i mean you look into somebody and you're hoping you'll find something but he really was just a regular businessman.

Wow. He wasn't, like, cheating on his girlfriend. Right. There's no, like, nothing. Nothing. Yeah. One of them later said, I think we slept six hours in four days. We were busy because we didn't have any answers. We didn't have any direction.

Mm-hmm. But, you know, just to cover their bases, they went around Michael's neighborhood and asked people if they'd seen anything suspicious. And no, no one had. Except this one neighbor. What would this neighbor see? What's their story? Who is this? Calm down. I thought you were buckled in. Are you not buckled in anymore? I am buckled in, but like, I've got my foot on the gas pedal. Turns out.

I'm in, for anybody who has any confusion about that, I'm in one of those driver's ed cars where you have a gas pedal and I also have a gas and brake pedal. I thought that the driver's ed folks only had a brake pedal. Is that true? Well, I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know if it's safe deposit box or safety deposit box. I'm pretty sure it's safety deposit box. That does seem right, doesn't it?

I'm pretty sure that's what Casey told us. Casey's going to be so mad. She's going to be pissed. She's screaming the answer at the podcast right now. Yes. No, she's texting us both right now is what she's doing. Yes, yes. Seeing us both right now is what she's doing. Yes.

So turns out, on the afternoon before Michael was abducted, one of his neighbors was just sitting around when she heard some noise. She looked out the window and saw three men kind of over at Michael's house. They were construction workers. At least they had the outfits. And they had an extension ladder ladder and even though that's not really that weird yeah in fact it's not weird at all there must have been something about these men that didn't seem right so the investigator was talking to the neighbor and was like huh okay all right um can you describe the vehicle and she she's like, well, yeah, sure.

Do you want the license plate? I wrote it down. She wrote it down? Holy shit! That nosy bitch! We love her! We love a nosy bitch! This woman not only wrote down the license plate,

she'd also made a note about a dent on the front fender of the vehicle. Oh, my gosh. Amazing. Yes. She was even able to describe two of the men really well. She said, well, not really. Well, I'm about to describe anyway. Hey, don't get greedy. She she wrote down a lot. She said that one of the men was very good looking. But hello, Newport Beach, California. Yeah, they're all they're all good looking. And the other one was on the shorter side and a little chubby. And not as good looking. Is that what she said?

I don't know that she said it, but I've seen pics. That was a vibe. I have to agree. She said that if she had to guess, the three men were in their late 30s, early 40s. It was at this point that the investigators open mouth kissed her. False. They did not. But they were thrilled.

They wanted to. We all want to. Well. Can you? No, I think this is wonderful. I'm fine not open mouth kissing her, though. I'm just a closed mouth smoochie. You just do a little.

So investigators ran the license plate in their system and beep bo boop, beep, boop, beep, boop. It was registered to this guy named Kyle Handley. By the way, Kyle is a little short and a little chubby. Oh, he's the less good looking guy. I got to say, though, what qualifies for like stocky in Newport Beach? Yeah, it doesn't hold up to our Midwestern standards, I guarantee it. It's a Kansas City, Missouri size four in my world. So they went to Michael and they're like, hey, do you know a guy named Kyle Hanley?

And Michael was like, yeah, yeah, of course I know Kyle. But, you know, he wouldn't do this to me. We're friends. What? But Kyle had done this to him. Okay, so Kyle and Michael knew each other through work. Kyle grew pot and Michael bought some of it. And Michael thought Kyle was kind of fun.

So he had invited Kyle and some buddies out to Las Vegas for, like, a fun trip. Michael had paid for the whole trip, which is really nice. How many times on the trip did he say that he had a million dollars? Never. Yeah, I imagine not. Never. Yes. But he did have cash.

Okay. But the million dollars thing is such a specific thing. It sure is. It sure is. Okay. thing? It sure is. Okay. Was he singing the Bare Naked Ladies song and they misunderstood

the lyrics and just thought he was just bragging? You just cannot let go of that Bare Naked Ladies song. You know what? It feels like you've been waiting for like 20 years. Green dress! And a Picasso. And a fur coat.

Yeah, not a real fur coat. That's cruel. So with Michael reeling, the investigators got a warrant to search Kyle's house. They went over there, busted in. Wow, you really hit that B. Yeah. Are you feeling a little scared? I was.

I was. that b or that b yeah really you're feeling a little scared i was i was so they bust in they're like huh boy this really isn't much of a home oh really it's more of a grow house oh i tried to think about a joke about like how do you make a house a home and grow but there was no time okay so leave i leave that to the listeners they searched the property and they found garbage bags full of old towels the towels were covered in blood and bleach one of the towels contained a zip tie they opened up kyle's van and were damn near knocked on their asses by the scent of bleach. Yeah. And that was enough to arrest Kyle. Yeah.

But they still had to identify the other two kidnappers. And that turned out to be a little easier than they expected. Because when they searched Kyle's van, they discovered that it had been, you know, pretty well cleaned out. With the exception of one pair of gloves. They did a DNA test on that pair of gloves and they found a match. Those gloves had been worn by a man named Hussein Nayyari. Do we know this guy? Who's this guy? I mean, I don't know him. You know, actually, I'm not going to tell you anything about him.

Tell us about him! I just expected you to know. Now we're screwed. No! So investigators went back to Michael, and they're like, okay, who is Hussein Nayyari? And Michael said, I have no clue. Really? Yeah.

Okay. So let's talk about Hussein Nayyari. Yes, let's. Please. So Hussein was born in Iran, and he moved to Fresno as a young boy. I say young boy, but he was starting high school. Okay. Is that a young boy? I don't think so.

Anyway, all right. Only by norm standards. I agree. Everyone, my husband refers to himself to this day as a young boy. It's not at all disturbing. Please don't worry about it. His dad was a doctor. His mom was a lawyer.

So it comes from this prominent family, but he was kind of described as the black sheep of his family. Yes, he was smart and good looking, but he was also kind of a troublemaker. He was very violent. He got into a ton of fights in high school. After high school, he enlisted in the Marines. And again, because he's intelligent and charming, Hussein quickly bumped into a position where he was doing surveillance work. But Hussein turned out to be more trouble than he was worth.

He got into a bunch of stupid fights. He got caught stealing polo shirts from the shop on the base. Oh, my gosh. Which is like, I feel like that's the dumbest crime. Yes. You're stealing at your job. And polo shirts what's the resale value on that i mean really maybe he just wanted some new duds i don't think he did he went awol because you know fuck this yeah and finally the military was like okay that's enough of you yeah actually they were a

little nicer than that they were like look you can, you can come back, recommit yourself, but, you know, you're going to have to be punished and, I guess, come in at a lower ranking. I'm sorry. You made that look like it was sexual. I don't think it was sexual. I made no sexual look. Everyone, she raised an eyebrow.

I was going to ask what form of punishment, but I didn't mean it in a sexual way. You absolutely did. I 100% did not. Anyhow, they gave him a bad conduct discharge, basically. No spankings. Don't you dare. Strap in and strap on for a spanking, as we say in this podcast.

But here's the thing. Hussain didn't like having that bad conduct discharge on his record. It made him look bad. So he went to court to fight for that to be changed, and, yeah, he got it changed. It was just a discharge now. Isn't that great? No! Is that a thing?

Well, sure. I mean, you can go to court for lots of stuff. Why not? You look horrified. I am! Are you about to be really... Are you ready to be really excited? I don't know. Am I? You're gonna be so excited.

Okay. Well, first of all, you should know life after the Marines wasn't great, okay? He found himself back home in Fresno, 24 years old, working as a waiter at the weirdest restaurant on earth. The weirdest restaurant on earth. This is a restaurant I know. Oh, you do. Oh, I do. You absolutely know.

I'm familiar with this restaurant. You're too familiar, I say. Oh, you do. Oh, I do. You absolutely know. I'm familiar with this restaurant. You're too familiar, I say. Oh, is he serving at Mimi's Cafe? He is! Holy shit! That is weird. Yeah. Mimi's Cafe, loved by the very old and very young and no one in the 20s.

That's right. One day. You get caught stealing corn chowder. What would you steal from a Mimi's Cafe? Muffins. Just a sack full of muffins? Muffins, champagne. They have champagne at Mimi's Cafe?

Yeah, they do mimosas. That's not champagne. That's Prosecco for sure. Okay, Prosecco. That's not champagne. That's Prosecco for sure. Okay, Prosecco. That's fine. So you're stealing Prosecco and a garbage bag full of muffins. Muffins, yeah. All right.

And corn chowder. Yeah, gross. What a combination. It's delicious. They find you puking out back with your bounty. One day when he was waiting. Just for the record, I would never steal anything from Mimi's cafe or anywhere else. I like that you were specific.

I am a thief, but there's honor amongst thieves and I would never do a thing to Mimi's cafe only because it's not around here. Yeah, that's pretty sad. Sorry for bringing that up. I know that's a real sore spot for you. It is a sore spot for me. One day when he was waiting tables, a beautiful teenage girl sat in his section. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.

You look concerned. Well, she's a teenage girl, and he's at minimum 24. What do you mean at minimum? Well, you told us he was 24. I assume some time has passed. No, you know what? One source said he was 23. Does that make you feel better?

No. Oh, well, there's no pleasing you, and that's because Mimi's Cafe is so far away. That's right. Her name was Courtney Shigarian, and she was 16 years old. No, fuck off. No, not to her. Yeah. Go back to high school.

What is she, a beauty school dropout? You're bringing all the songs today. Beauty school dropout. Go back to high school. All of our new listeners just turn it off right now. Yep. They're like, first of all, Mimi's Cafe is weird. Why are they so excited? You should know that Courtney was immediately smitten with Hussain. Great. And why not? He was funny and charming and really good looking. Yeah, he's 24, maybe 23, and she's 16. Yeah, she's got no experience. So anyway, they began dating. No. For what it's worth, she says she initially lied about her age. She told him she was a freshman at Fresno State.

But she came clean after a few weeks. And maybe they kept dating anyway. Courtney says they did. Hussain says they didn't. I believe Courtney. As do I. Bottom line is Courtney's family really didn't approve. Don't know why.

Yeah, imagine that. Weird. Yeah. I guess they couldn't be bought off with Prosecco and muffins. Maybe not. So Courtney comes from a very wealthy family. Her family owns an electronics recycling business, which I guess I didn't know that that was so lucrative, but it is. And yeah, they didn't approve of this relationship with this grown-ass man.

So Courtney began kind of seeing Hussein in secret. He told her all the right things. He told her that her parents just didn't understand her, but he understood her. And of course, because she's a teenager, she eats that right up. Of course. The next few years were a wild ride. Hussein started growing marijuana with two of his high school friends, Kyle Handley, who we remember from before, and Aysan Tusi. And that was evidently going well enough. But one night, the day after Christmas of 2005, Hussein and Aysan went out to the casino.

And even though Hussein had been drinking and doing cocaine, he insisted on driving. Oh, boy. Yeah. So at some point on the drive, he lost control of the vehicle. The car flipped and Aysan died. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it was terrible. Yeah. You know, it was clearly an accident.

But actions have consequences. 100%. Maybe not for everybody. But yeah, in this case, there should be consequences, right? So Hussein was charged with vehicular manslaughter. Yes, he was an impaired driver. But here's the thing, Brandy. He really didn't want to face those charges.

He just really didn't want to. That's not how that works. He didn't, but he didn't want to. He shouldn't have driven the car while impaired. Hey, no one's more mad at himself than he is. So just lighten up. So he made bail. And then he fled to Iran.

Okay. And, you know, that was not a bad move because Iran doesn't have any kind of extradition treaty with the United States. Wow. So. Yeah. He's now an international fugitive and no one's going after him over this. At that point, his parents were living in Iran and Hussein ended up marrying a woman in Iran. Oopsies.

Forgot to tell Courtney about that. But, you know, these things happen. Is he still seeing Courtney all this time? Off and on. Yeah, sure. You know, he does the pop in, the pop out, the secret marriage to another woman. We know the drill. Okay. After a year or two in Iran, Hussein decided to come back to the United States. Or rather, sneak back to the United States using a passport that belonged to Courtney's cousin.

And once he was back in the U.S., he built up his marijuana business and Courtney was super helpful. Or at least her parents were. What did her parents do? Well, they didn't really know how helpful they were, to be fair. Okay. And you seem confused, and I'm happy to fill you in. Yes, what the fuck does that mean? Okay, well, you know, Courtney did some work for the family business, you know,

and as a result, she did have a company credit card. And, you know, she used that credit card to bankroll Hussein's marijuana shop. Okay, great. She stole approximately $150,000 from her parents. Wow. Can you imagine how rich you are? No kidding. This was eventually discovered in an audit.

Wow. I know. Goals. Yeah, no kidding. That's a level of rich I know nothing about. That's because you don't have a million dollars. I don't have a hot tub. Yeah.

You know what I like to do? I put on my green dress, get in my hot tub, eat my Kraft dinner. That's right. Then, in 2009, tragedy struck. Oh, no. Hussain finally had to face consequences for the death of his friend. Oh, did he? Yeah, it's so sad.

Did he come back to the United States? Huh? Did he come back to the United States? Well? Did he come back to the United States? Well, I mean, he came back. He's been in the United States for quite some time. How did he? Like, how? I guess you're probably going to tell us.

You know what? Actually, no. I actually don't know how he got caught. I assume it's some, like, dumb traffic stop. Probably. And they're like, show us your ID. And he's like, hee hee. Trying to be all cute.

I'm a national fugitive. It's no big deal. He had a stamp on his driver's license that says that. He's like, don't pay any attention to that. Just ignore that. I put that on myself. That's an old license. Oh, that's been straightened out.

It did get straightened out. Oh, did it? Pled no contest. And his friends wrote really nice letters to the court, you know, pleading for leniency. His friends said that Hussein had punished himself more than anyone else ever could. And the judge was very moved by that. How moved was he? Well, I'll tell you.

You could do some years in prison for this. That's a possibility. Yes, correct. Especially if you've, I don't know, gone on the run. See, that's what always amazes me about this stuff. It's like when people fuck off to another country, that doesn't seem to be factored in at all. What'd this fucker get? Okay, it's really tough.

You ready for this? It's a suspended sentence and five years of probation. Fuck off! Yeah. So, Hussain was free to continue doing his thing. Hussain and Courtney continued their relationship, and of course, things got really bad. What happened with the wife in Iran? We don't know.

Oh, okay. You know, there's, women get used up like tissues around this guy. Okay, great. So she's gone. All right. He started saying, you know, occasional biting comments to her. Your nose is too big. Your boobs are too small.

Your butt isn't big enough. He isolated her from her family. They got into fights that were so loud that the neighbors would call the property manager. Yeah, see, that's what I really loved about this meet cute they had at a Mimi's is that she's 16. He's 23 or 24. We can't be sure. She knows nothing. She's wooed by him.

And he has a violent history. Violent history? You told us that he got in fights all the time. Well, you know, boys will be boys. No. I always say that. And that's why men should never be held accountable for anything, I say. Fuck.

Then the violence started. She said that during one fight, he bit her arm so hard that it turned black. He threw her on the ground and put his foot on her neck. But we know how these abusive relationships work, and she was in the cycle. She thought she loved him. And so they got married.

But they kept the marriage a secret because obviously they couldn't have Courtney's family finding out. The violence, of course, continued. And at one point she called the cops on Hussein. of course continued and at one point she called the cops on hussein and she told them that he'd pinned her to the floor put her in a chokehold and threatened her with a box cutter and she actually pressed charges against him which doesn't happen in a lot of domestic violence cases so now he was going to face some consequences. No, he's fucking not. Yeah, huh. Well, he should because he's on probation at this time. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm guessing he's just charming enough to.

Here's what he needed, Brandy. He just needed some anger management classes. And then the charges could be dropped. Am I right? No. Well, that's what the judge did for him. Courtney said that that actually made things a lot worse. He was getting away with more, and that meant he could become an even bigger monster.

So despite all this, Courtney got into law school. She attended Whittier Law School, which is no longer in business. That's just fun fact. OK. By this point, it was 2011 and Hussein had reconnected with his buddy Kyle from high school. And now Kyle was living with Courtney and Hussein. And the two dudes were working on their pot business. And if you're wondering who paid for this business, you'll be shocked to know that Courtney's parents were once again footing the bill. Yeah. And that's when Michael unwittingly entered the picture. He obviously had a dispensary and Kyle came in from time to time.

And sometimes Michael would buy weed from him. And, you know, Michael thought he was a cool guy, took him on that trip to Vegas. And, you know, Michael thought he was a cool guy, took him on that trip to Vegas. But I guess at some point Kyle approached Michael about buying more of the weed that he and Hussein were growing. And Michael politely said no. Wasn't personal. Michael was just like, yeah, it's not quite the quality I want. And when Hussein heard that, i bet he was fucking pissed no he took it real well the anger management classes worked no he was livid and kyle told him about how michael had

paid for the entire las vegas trip in cash and together husussain and Kyle decided that Michael must have one million dollars in cash. Where did they come up with this figure? Based on what? Who fucking knows? They were sure he had it. I mean, were they baked when they decided this? Probably. Probably. Probably. They just knew that he had it. And they knew he had it stashed somewhere.

And they knew that they were going to find it. Oh, my gosh. The DA later described this whole story as like 90% evil mastermind plot and 10% dumbassery. I'm obviously misquoting a bit. Yeah. But like, it's just the weirdest combination, isn't it? Yes. They get it in their heads that it's a million dollars and you can't convince them otherwise. That is wild.

So in 2012, they decided that they needed to surveil Michael and figure out where he was stashing his million dollars. They put cameras on Michael's house. They put cameras on his parents' house. They bought GPS trackers and attached them to his vehicle. For nine months, Hussein monitored every move that Michael made. It was an obsession. Yeah. And then one day, he struck gold. He was on his computer, watching the GPS monitor that he'd attached to Michael's car,

and it indicated that Michael was driving out into the Mojave Desert. And why would he drive out to the desert? Obviously, it was to bury the million dollars. That was the only logical explanation. Woo! Maybe he was, like like going for a hike. Would you like to know what he was actually doing out there? Yeah. Okay. Michael had gone out to the desert that day because some acquaintance had been trying to talk him into some dumb real estate deal about like buying a gold mine, like a literal gold mine. And so he went out there and he kind of looked around.

He's like, this just seems like a scam. So then he like drove home gold mine. And so he went out there and he kind of looked around and he's like, this just seems like a scam. So then he drove home or whatever. And that's what he was doing out there. Oh my gosh. He obviously didn't know that he had some fucking

GPS monitor strapped to the bottom of his car and that Hussein's sitting there like, wee-hoo-hoo. Yeah. I don't know why

he was the Pillsbury Doughboy. I've got muffins on the brain. Why? Because of Mimi's? Yeah, because of Mimi's. What do you mean why? Pillsbury doesn't even make muffins.

I guess they maybe make muffin mix. Or you just add milk. I'll admit that they're not known for their muffins. But I don't think that it's too much of a leap to think of any baked goods when you think of the Pillsbury Doughboy. Okay. And if you were a true friend, I think you would have just gone along with me on that. I go straight to cinnamon rolls. Oh, now I want cinnamon rolls.

Me too. God damn it. I'm going to make some tonight. We bought this four-pack of them at Sam's. Oh, yeah? Yeah, four- pack of Pillsbury canned cinnamon rolls. Are you sponsored by...

I mean it's... I'm not! You got a lot of detail there. They're delicious. It's a Sam's Club exclusive. So right on the package. Everyone, when you get to check out, just shout Brandy at the cashier. Now you gotta shout, Woohoo!

I mean that would be entertaining. It would be. So, yeah. When I think about me eating my cinnamon rolls tonight while you're sitting here not eating cinnamon rolls. You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately? What? On our last episode, you revealed something. Oh, my lazy nachos?

Yeah, you probably should have kept to yourself. It sounded disgusting. Everyone, if you missed that episode, this woman takes Cool Ranch Doritos, puts them on a plate, shredded cheese on top, zaps that in the microwave. Dip it in salsa. And she calls that a nacho. Yeah. Feel free to pause and cry for her. Okay.

I mean, I wouldn't, if I got that at a restaurant when I ordered nachos, I'd sure be pissed. But in a pinch, when it's no nachos or lazy nachos, 100% of the time I'm going lazy nachos. How often are you doing this to yourself? Maybe like once a week. Oh, that's tragic. I had them, I think like two days ago. Okay, so Hussain is sure that Michael was out there burying cash in the sand. All this surveillance work had paid off big time.

I know. Now that they knew for sure where Michael had hidden the cash, all they had to do was kidnap him, take him to the spot in the desert, and force him to dig up the million dollars. It was the perfect plan. No, I mean,

this is completely, like, this idea that he has a million dollars is completely fabricated by them. Hey, they ran some numbers. This is nuts. Yeah, it's. Cocoa nuts.

It really is. It is diabolical. And you just think about Michael just living his life. Meanwhile, these fuckers are surveilling him for nine months. Dear God. And then they kidnap him, torture him, cut his penis off over something they have invented in their own heads. Yep.

Yep. Holy fucking shit. All right. So they had the perfect plan. Yeah, no. Yeah. We all know it's the perfect plan. It's terrible.

But a funny thing happened about a week before this kidnapping. How funny is it? You're going to be amused. Okay, all right. So it was around midnight, okay? And Hussain was riding around Newport Beach in his Chevy Tahoe. He's going about 70 in a 55. Great. He was also high, because why wouldn't you be?

Of course. In the car with him, he had some weed and about $36,000 in cash. Holy shit. Also, a bunch of surveillance equipment that he'd been using to spy on Michael. Right. Nothing to see here, folks. Right. And he gets pulled over?

Well, hold on a second. So a cop did spot him. Uh-huh. And he tried to pull him over. But the same didn't stop? No, he's like, took the fuck off. And now they're in a high-speed chase. Oh, my gosh.

The cop ended up going 117 miles per hour trying to catch Hussein. And he got in trouble because that's obviously fucking nuts. Yes! You're going to kill somebody trying to catch this guy in his Chevy Tahoe. Hussein managed to lose the cop, but just barely. He pulled into a side street, grabbed his cash,

grabbed his weed, and ran away. Oh my gosh. So this cop found the Chevy Tahoe just moments after Hussein fled the scene. I mean, it was still hot to the touch. Okay. That's how hot this case was.

And, you know, so a bunch of backup arrives. There's helicopters trying to find this guy. Couldn't find him. Where was he hiding? Who knows? All we know is that he showed up at home in the wee hours of the morning, soaked from head to toe.

In what? Sweat? I assume beach water. Which we call I think is what most people call it. We call it beach water. Beach water. We'd call it beach water.

So methinks he was hiding in the beach water. Okay. So the police confiscated the Chevy Tahoe about a week before this kidnapping. But, I mean, obviously they didn't really know what they had. No, but they have surveillance equipment, right? Yeah, it's in the Tahoe. Okay, but they've, okay, all right. Whoa, whoa. Let's do some deep breathing.

Where's my fucking detective hat? Just pretend you're at the beach. Okay. Laying in that beach water. Detective hat on. You should know that a lovely listener sent Brandy a detective hat. And Norm cleaned out the room here. She's practically nude.

She's practically nude without her detective hat. So they impound this Tahoe a week before. It's got the surveillance equipment in it. They don't know they have it. But now this horrible thing has happened to Michael. They're connecting the dots. They're going to go back and check the evidence locker where they're going to have surveillance

equipment and they're going to be able to... He's getting away. Come on. He's soaking wet. They've got memory cards in this rough. He's taking the dolphin. He's getting away. We've got the evidence already in the locker room. Locker room? I don't think that's right.

Evidence locker! Anyway. Brandi. A hearty applause for you. Once again, your detective work is spot on. It's about ten years too late. But, you know, let's not worry about that. Time is a construct.

That's right. Okay. So they've impounded the vehicle, as you've already pointed out. Gosh, am I about to? Oh, wait. No, I've got news for you. I've got news. Okay.

So then the kidnapping took place. Then Kyle got arrested. Hussein freaked the fuck out. So what did he do? He fled to Iran again. He sure did. Yeah. He sure did.

And there wasn't shit that the investigators could do about it. Yeah. They had his DNA in that glove. So they knew he'd been involved. Yeah. But he was gone. And then they realized. What? so they knew he'd been involved. Yeah. But he was gone. And then they realized... Like a fart in the wind.

What? Isn't that a phrase? Wait, what'd you say? You said he was gone. I said like a fart in the wind. Oh, sometimes those things linger. But you know what? Hussain didn't linger.

He was off. Like a poop in the wind no what where's the poop going i mean it's dropping because of gravity yeah it's not blowing away in the wind once again what's your poop like are you pooping powder i wish that'd be a lot more convenient Are you pooping powder? I wish. That'd be a lot more convenient. That's your diarrhea sound. You know what?

I really try to keep it classy on this podcast. It's disgusting. You're far too old to be behaving this way. Now, me, I've got the excuse. I'm 22. You wish. Brandy is 47. Would I take your years out of mine?

What? The years you took off your age, you added those onto mine? Wow. My God. So anyway, Hussain was gone like a poop in the wind. And then they realized, oh my God, we've got this dude's Chevy Tahoe. I bet the evidence has been here the whole time. And what's inside?

A bunch of surveillance equipment. They took a gander. Complete with memory cards. Yep. Sure enough, they discovered hours and hours of footage of Michael's house. Everyone, Brandy looks so proud right now as if she actually solved the case. You can't tell her otherwise. So they're like, this fucker.

Yeah. How do we get him back? I'll tell you how they got him back. How? By being sneaky sneaks. Oh, they lure him with the promise of a million dollars. Of unlimited Mimi's Cafe muffins and Prosecco. Yeah.

They just send him pictures. And corn chowder. Okay, that doesn't really go. I'm trying to make you forget the corn chowder because it's a weird combo. It's my favorite thing at Mimi's. Okay, remind us again. What would you order at this establishment? Okay.

You ready for this? I mean, I thought I remembered, but go ahead. Okay, it starts out with a cup of corn chowder. Oh, that's just the foreplay. And you get a baguette as well. So you dip that baguette into the hot corn chowder while it cools down. You just eat the baguette first. Oh, good.

Okay. We're learning how to eat this. And then you eat the rest of the corn chowder once it's cooled down enough. Then it's time for the main course. Oh, my. I've been waiting all day. Now, tell me, do you do the thing where you maybe would only eat a light lunch that day?

Yeah, I'm preparing for this meal. Prepare your body for Mimi's Cafe. I'm getting soup and an entree, which also comes with a little dessert. Spoilers! Spoilers! Okay, we're not there yet. Tell us about the entree. The entree. Chicken breast. Grilled.

Just a grilled chicken breast. Sounds spicy. It's not. A little green salad. Maybe there's a little chopped carrot in it. What do you mean a green salad? It's literally just greens. It's just lettuce, a little bit of carrot on top, maybe a tomato slice.

Uh-huh. Then you get a little couple of pieces of fruit. You get a slice of cantaloupe. You get a slice of orange. This is ridiculous. You get a couple grapes. That is so weird. And then.

Only 80-year-olds like this. And then on the side of that. What happens? What do they got? You get a muffin of your choice. What were the choices? Okay. Well, they always have blueberry.

Sure. Sure. Gotta have the classics. They always have bran. Oh. Well, I bet people are shitting their pants left, right, and center at Mimi's Cafe. They always have buttermilk spice. Okay.

That sounds good. That was my usual choice. Unless. Unless what? The seasonal muffin was even better. Was it pumpkin spice? Perhaps. Buttermilk spice, get the fuck out of town.

Be gone like a fart in the wind. Carrot raisin. Oh, my God. Okay, you got your soup. You got your wonderful meal. You mentioned a dessert. That's the muffin. You save the muffin for the end, and that's your dessert.

Do you get a beverage with this? Was there a favorite beverage? Diet Coke, obviously. That is the saddest meal. Well, no Coke, obviously. That is the saddest meal. Well, no, your lazy nachos are the saddest meal. I would also typically get a little side of

barbecue sauce to dip my chicken in because it was a little bland. You're kidding. You're telling me the grilled chicken with just lettuce and a couple dressing you get a dressing for the salad i'm sure yeah it comes in a little boat a boat like a little gravy boat but like a mini one yeah that's cute yeah it is it's very cute i can see

being charmed by that yep all right well uh i hope that wasn't too painful for you, knowing that the Mimi's Cafe around us closed down due to lack of interest. I mean, I will be having to track down a Mimi's Cafe. So, yeah, they thought about luring him back using the Mimi's Cafe menu. Sure. But it was unsuccessful. But weirdly, it didn't work. And we're not sure why. Had he not tried dried chicken before? Where's his wife at this point?

Oh. Is that how they get her back? Interesting. Interesting that you shouldn't mention her. Christine? Is that her name? Courtney. Oh, sorry.

There's no U in it. It made me mad every time. Oh, just a C-O-R-T? Mm-hmm. N-E-Y. Oh. I don't think that spells Courtney. C-O-R-T-N-E-Y?

I meant that that's not the usual way to spell it. Oh, I'm sorry. Your sense of humor sometimes goes flying over my head. Remember, if you will, the time you said Dixon Cider. And I thought you were talking about a beverage for adults. You were not. No. Anyhow, they called up Courtney

with no you. And they were like, oh, hey, girl. Hey. What you up to? We're just casual over here. We're just real casual. Do you want to come over and claim your vehicle? Just pop on over anytime. We're just real casual. Do you want to come over and claim your vehicle? Just pop on over anytime. Yeah, come on over.

And, of course, Courtney and Hussein were in communication, and he was like, yeah, you know, go in there and find out what they know. Okay. Okay, so she's also casual. Okay. Just a bunch of casual people sauntering in. So many casual people. Into the locker room, as you put it. So many casual people. Sauntering in.

People. Into the locker room, as you put it. And the officer's like leaning against the locker with his jacket slung over one shoulder. And he's like, hey, yeah, we're going to release the car, but you got to sign for the paperwork. No big deal. Brandy, let me let you in on a little secret. This paperwork is real special because it basically said in the fine print. Yeah.

Hey, all that stuff in the car. It's mine. I know what's on it. I played a role in capturing all the footage. I know all about it. I'm guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

And Courtney, like the good law student that she was, read the document and signed it. So I don't know that she really was a very good law student. Yeah, we got it. As soon as she signed the document, they were like, huzzah! Gotcha! I'm not casual at all! Now, how about you cooperate or you're going to prison! Big time, baby!

Yeah. But that didn't really work on Courtney. It didn't? No, she got really pissed off and she stormed out. Oh, shit. She huffed off indignantly to the roundhouse.

She slammed the door when she left? Probably. Fuck. Investigators decided, oopsies, better try a different approach. Detective Ryan Peters called Courtney's dad. Just to give you a taste of the lifestyle that one can live in the recycled electronics biz,

you should know that Courtney's dad called the detective back from his private plane. His private plane? Yeah, he was on a private jet at the time. Okay. Anyway, so this detective was like, like hey did you know that your daughter is married and that her husband is a violent criminal and also she's in big huge trouble because i'm pretty sure she just pretends to read fine print doesn't actually read it and courtney's dad i mean i can't he say, I'm going to turn this plane around? Courtney's dad did the exact right thing.

He called a lawyer. Yeah. He hired a very good attorney. He hired a very good therapist. And Courtney started going to that therapist four times a week. Yeah. a very good therapist. And Courtney started going to that therapist four times a week.

Yeah. And he was like, Courtney, you better do whatever the cops want you to do to save your own ass. Yeah. Over time, Courtney became very cooperative. She filled in details for investigators. She told them about stuff that they really would have had no other way of knowing. For example, Michael's parents had a dog named Bailey, a wonderful dog named Bailey. And any time that Hussein came around to fuck with the surveillance stuff, Bailey would bark and bark and bark. Yeah.

And Hussein didn't like that. I killed the dog? Hold on. Hussein didn't like that because he was seriously considering breaking into Michael's parents' home. So he told Courtney, I need to shut that dog up. And he sent her to the store to buy hamburger meat. And when she came home, gee, she can't remember if she did this part or if he did this part, but someone put on some gloves and mixed some stuff into the meat. And then they

threw out the pan because. Because they poisoned the meat. And then Hussein went over to Michael's parents' house and he poisoned Bailey. Wow. But guess what? Bailey was fucking fine. Good. So suck on that, Hussein. Oh my gosh. Bailey probably just shat her pants a little bit.

Well, probably wasn't wearing pants. I don't think Bailey was wearing pants. Probably not. But we don't know for sure. We true but i bet you that dog had some real well we don't need to get into the details we're we're too classy okay bottom line was bailey was fine yeah so courtney told them all these stories and she she talked about, you know, buying burner phones and all this stuff. And they were like, you seem pretty sketchy yourself. But her lawyer, who, again, was quite good and was the former mentor to the prosecutor in this case, was like, hey. What if Courtney lures Hussein out of Iran?

Then would you maybe consider giving her immunity? Wow. Mm-hmm. And everyone at the exact same time was like, lure him out of Iran? Why? It's so crazy. It just might work. Yeah.

Can you believe they all said that? That's wild. It's a real movie moment so that's what Courtney said about doing by this point she and Hassan hadn't talked in forever but okay she did this thing where like I guess his uncle died in Spain there was a funeral she goes to the funeral knowing that it would get back to him that she went to the funeral and isn't that nice. So then they start talking and she's like, oh, I miss you so much. I love you.

I want to be together forever. She actually did do that sing-songy thing. It's pretty cringe. Oh, really? Yeah. You've heard it? Yeah. Because of 2020.

Okay. A quite superior program. And she's like, let's go on a trip. I miss you. Let's go on a trip. A couple weeks. Okay. Go on a trip.

Hey, where are we going? How about Barcelona? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, even though I don't think her acting skills were that great, Hussein fell for it. He's like, yeah, OK, let's do it. So she convinces him, let's go to Spain. Yeah. And oops, look at that. His flight to Spain would have a layover in Prague.

And guess what? The Czech Republic did have an extradition treaty with the United States. Oh, shit. So picture it. Hassan boards a plane with thoughts of doing the horizontal mambo in beautiful Barcelona. And boom! As soon as he gets off the plane in Prague, he was strip-searched, cavity-searched, and arrested. Right in front of everybody. Well, we don't know that. I don't think it was right in front of everyone.

Probably saved that. Yeah. And guess what? He did have a couple cavities, and they just needed a few fillings. I wrote that late at night last night. You should know that Hassan was very unimpressed with the accommodations in the jail. Okay. Yeah, it was not nice in there at all.

Okay. Okay. Do you have anything to say? Where's your empathy? I don't have any for him at this point. Yeah. So he started out unimpressed, and he got even less impressed when he had to sit there for a year waiting for extradition.

Holy shit. I know. I kind of envisioned it as like they nab him up, they give him the old searchy search and then they take him off to the U.S. of A. Yeah, that's what I thought too. Nope. Mm-mm. Had to wait a while. But finally, in September of 2014, he got extradited to the United States.

He was put in the Orange County Jail to await trial. Are you ready for some justice? Yes. All right. All right. Well, slow down. Okay. Because you should know that the Orange County Jail is really for, like, low-level inmates.

Uh-huh. Talking DUIs, drugs. Yeah. Not a dick chopper in sight. Yeah. Except for now there is. Seriously, how do you do something like this and not get, like, bumped up to a pretty high level? I don't know.

Yeah. Also, this guy's a huge flight risk. Yes, he sure is. Fun fact, this jail was just a few miles from where Courtney lived. It freaked her out to know that he was so close by. And it freaked her out even more when he sent her a birthday card. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

You seem concerned about this man, but don't worry. He made friends in prison. I'm not concerned. You seem very concerned. I'm concerned that he might accidentally get released from this jail because they're not perfect. What, like an oops fudge stripe situation? Yes, that type of thing happens. No, not here.

I'm concerned about that. I'm not concerned about his well-being. That's rude. You should know that Hassan took 240 hours of English as a second language courses from a woman who taught in the jail. Isn't that nice? Yeah, it was a lot of hours of those classes. Is he banging this lady? I don't know.

The interesting thing is that Hassan did speak English already. Yeah, but, you know, it never hurts to brush up. And she did feel some affection for him, it seems, because she gave him a map of the jail, which is nice. He's going to get out of here, isn't he? What? Holy shit. Maybe he just likes maps. No, he doesn't fucking like maps.

I like maps. Also, some contractors evidently left some equipment just hanging out. So that might have been how he got a hold of some Sawzall blades, you know. Oh, my God. Brady, you can't lean away from the mic and die inside. If you're going to die inside, you've got to do it to the mic. Oh, my God. This is terrible.

Yeah. I mean, yada mic. Oh, my God. This is terrible. Yeah. I mean, yada, yada, yada. Gosh, there are so many people to thank for this brazen prison break that's about to happen. But there's just no time. Okay? There's no time. Instead, oh, Brandy has lost it. Are you okay over there?

This is ridiculous. This is why he needs to be in a more secure facility. No. No. He just needs to take more English as a second language courses. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, yeah. One night, Hussein and two other incarcerated men, a man named Bak Young, who was 43, and Jonathan Chu, who was 20, decided to break out of jail.

If you're wondering how they did it, don't worry. They recorded their entire escape on their cell phones. Okay. How did they have cell phones? What do you mean how? I told you they had a lot of friends. It's important to have friends. Oh, my gosh. friends it's important to have my friends gosh and it's important to be in a place where you can

wrap sheets around your bunk bed for privacy um yeah oh my gosh they boot scoot and boogied through the ventilation system. They used sheets to climb up the roof. And when they got up to the rooftop, they rappelled down the side of the building where a getaway driver was waiting for them. Great. They were free! Oh my gosh. But the Orange County Jail didn't know it. In fact, it took them 15 hours to even notice that three incarcerated men were missing.

Holy shit! Interestingly, it took quite a while to figure out which men were missing because around the time that the prison guards figured this out, a fight broke out. It definitely wasn't planned. Yeah. Uh-huh. As a distraction or out. It definitely wasn't planned. Yeah. Uh-huh. As a distraction or anything. Oh my gosh.

Mm-hmm. So at this point, they've figured out Hussain is missing. They go to his bunk, and they found two photos printed out in his bunk of the prosecutors who were working on his case. Holy shit.

Yep. So they're freaking out, obviously. And he's been gone like 15 hours. No big deal. No big deal. In the meantime, Hussein and his new buddies cruised around town getting booze, getting a gun. And eventually the getaway driver was like, I think I want to get away from this.

And so they called a cab. Cab driver came to pick them up. You know, he doesn't know what he's walking into. No, of course he doesn't. This is a 71-year-old man named Long Ma. And so he picked these guys up and he agreed to drive them around that night for 100 bucks. It all seemed fairly normal until they pulled a gun on him.

For the next several days, they used this man's driver's license to cash checks and to book hotels. They ended up spending a few days at the Flamingo Inn. And these three dudes just drank a bunch. And Long Ma just sat there terrified that he was going to be murdered. Yeah. The other layer is that he doesn't speak English. So he couldn't understand what they were saying about him. Yeah. At night, they blocked the hotel door so that he couldn't escape.

At some point, these dudes stole a white van. They did it in a way that I've always wondered about stealing a van, which is like you see someone trying to sell this vehicle on Craigslist. You go up. You're like, hey, I'd like to take it for a test drive. And then you just never come back. You drive off in it. Yeah. So that's an idea for someone, I guess.

Thanks for putting that out there. He never came back. He just drives off in it, yeah. So that's an idea for someone, I guess. Okay, thanks for putting that out there. At another point, they took photos of themselves on the beach. Just for funsies? I've got thoughts. What are your thoughts?

Well, okay. Hussein's defense team would later point out that these photos were proof that they were all having fun and that Long Ma hadn't been kidnapped at all. No! No! He'd been fucking kidnapped! Yes. These pictures, he's smiling in these pictures but it's obviously not a real

smile and I'm sorry if you've got a gun and you've kidnapped me and you tell me to smile for a fucking picture I will do it. I'm a smile for a fucking picture i will do it fucking picture yep after about four days on the run things started to go south bach and hassan got into a physical fight they were having a disagreement hassan evidently wanted to murder Long Ma. And Bach was just like, why would we do that? We don't have to do that. It seemed that over the past few days, Bach had seen Hussain's true colors

and was horrified. Clearly, this dude was cocoa bananas. Yeah. And at the same time, he'd gotten to know their hostage pretty well and he really liked him. So he was like, no, we're not going to kill this guy. Did he start singing to him then?

Singing what? What song do you have now? I feel true. Colors shining through. You're the worst dude in the room. Ooh, very good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah worst dude in the room. Ooh, very good. Yeah.

Thinking about recording that. I just did. Okay, so they get into this big fight. The next morning after this big physical fight, Hussain and Jonathan left the motel to get the windows tinted on the new van they just stole.

And Bach went over to Long and he said, look, I think of you as like a godfather figure and I want you to think of me as a godson. And so they're kind of having this bonding moment. And that's how Long Ma was kind of rescued by one of the men who'd abducted him. Oh my gosh. The two men got back in Long Ma's cab. Yeah, and get the fuck out of there.

They drove back to the Orange County jail where Bach turned himself in. He had been free for seven days and he decided that he would rather be in jail than living outside with Hussain Nayyari. Wow.

So Hussain and Jonathan were now on their own. They drove to San Francisco in their stolen van, which they'd filled with bottled water, Jack Daniels, marijuana, and bananas. Naturally. And if you're wondering, hey, did they take any more videos of themselves? Rest assured, they sure did. Right. In a super condescending tone, Sane tells the camera, we don't have crack. We don't have crystal meth.

We're smoking weed and eating bananas. Fucking douchebag. Yeah. By this point, they'd been on the run for eight days. Their escape was all over the news, partly thanks to the fact that one of the prosecutors on this case, a woman named Heather Brown, who is awesome, did an interview with the Orange County Register shortly after the escape. And evidently, OK, she says she intended this to be off the record, but it got printed anyway. Bottom line is she told this reporter that when she learned that this man had broken out of jail, her immediate reaction was, oh my god, they let Hannibal Lecter out.

Wow. Heather actually got in big trouble for that quote. In fact, she got kicked off the case for a minute. Wow. But that quote ended up being very helpful because it got everyone's attention. And now everyone was looking for this Hannibal Lecter dude. And now everyone was looking for this Hannibal Lecter dude. And that's how on day eight of this escape, a guy named Matthew Hay Chapman, who just loves reading the news, was literally reading an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about these escaped fugitives.

And he looked up from the paper and across the street in the Whole Foods parking lot, he saw Hussein Nayyari pop out of the back of the van. Oh, my gosh. So he's like, holy shit. So he alerted the cops and he was like, hey, that Hannibal Lecter guy you're looking for is over there in that van. And he got like a hundred grand in reward money. Oh, good for him. Yes. Yeah. So that's how these dudes were captured.

Oh, my gosh. But, hey, Hussein is not a bad guy. And to prove that, he had his lawyers release a video about his escape from prison. Picture it, won't you? The video opens inside the jail. You get to see what it's like in there. And the song Under Pressure plays in the background. What? No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, is that Vanilla Ice? It's like in there. And the song Under Pressure plays in the background. What?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, is that Vanilla Ice? It's the same thing. All right. Then comes the escape. For that part, what do you think they played? What song do you play for the escape? I got to break free.

Oh, that's not bad. That's not bad, but think bigger, please. Oh, shit. I don't know. Because, you know, they're doing big moves here. Okay. Okay, obviously it's the Mission Impossible song. Oh, okay.

Come on. When they got to the part where they kidnapped a taxi driver, Hussain did a little voiceover just explaining that, no, Longmaul was just a hero who decided to help them. No, he didn't. No. You kidnapped him. You held a gun on him. Yeah. So that's how he decided to help. Yeah, and he was scared for his life for days.

The video also included a very heartfelt and, I think, quite sincere apology to the public. Would you like to hear it? Yeah. We scared the hell out of people and caused a lot of anxiety and fear. At the end of the day, I can't say I feel good about that. I don't know any club tie velvety words to express this, but I do know with every ounce of my being, I absolutely feel terrible for every single person who was affected. Club tie velvety words? Mm-hmm. He says he doesn't know any of those, but he seems he does. Yeah.

This is a man. I think those English as a second language classes were really bad off. This is really working for him. Uh-huh. He might have not needed them at all. He ended the video with some very deep thoughts. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Okay, prepare to wake up, sheeple.

Here's what he said. Who polices the police? Please, think for yourself. Question authority. Think for yourself. Question authority. Which is an example of good advice coming from a terrible person. Oh, my God.

Are you all right over there? This dude cut somebody's dick. Well, he didn't personally. He ordered somebody's dick cut off. I don't know. Maybe he— I guess he could have been there. Been there?

Oh, yeah. His DNA is on the gloves. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think this video worked on you. Now you're like, oh, he's so bad. No, it did not. He was just eating bananas and drinking Jack Daniels.

I just wasn't sure if he was the one who did the actual cutting. I couldn't remember if. Well, we're not sure who did the actual cutting. What's his butt did it? Kyle. Kyle. Yeah. Fucking Kyle.

Guy's name would be fucking Kyle. It would, wouldn't it apologies to every kyle yeah but i mean you know you're a douchebag right then came january of 2018 kyle hanley remember him yeah i remember him he went to trial where the prosecution argued that he'd been the one to drive the van that night. It was a slam dunk case. Yeah, slam dunk the funk. That's right.

That's what they said. The jury deliberated for less than two hours before finding him guilty of kidnapping, mayhem, and torture. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Mayhem is an official charge, huh? I know. Interesting. All right. Finally, in July of 2019, it was time for Hussein's trial.

Prosecution had a very good case. They had the glove with the DNA from Kyle's truck. They had the neighbor who testified about writing down the license plate number and all those open mouth kisses she got. They had Mary Barnes who testified about what she'd been through that night. They had Michael who also testified. And they had Courtney. She testified about what she'd seen and about some of the ways that she'd participated. She confirmed that Hussein had been obsessively surveilling Michael. She said she saw the fake construction worker outfits, the ski masks, the torch. She testified about his ability to flip from charming one minute to abusive and sadistic the next. When it came time for

cross-examination, Husssein's defense team attacked her character. And that was pretty easy to do. The attorney was like, hey, remember that time your parents' company underwent an audit and they determined that someone was stealing from the company? Oops, fudge stripes. That was me. Yeah, she had to be like, yeah, that was me. Yeah. The defense argued that Courtney was only testifying against

to saying to keep herself out of trouble okay but no she's also groomed by him here's what i hate about this it's like yes she was groomed and yes, she certainly knew a lot, participated to a degree. I think I kept having weird feelings this whole time. And like the bottom line is I'm glad she got immunity for this. Like he would not have been captured without her involvement. I think what bothers me about it is there are a lot of women who like black and brown women, poor women who they're caught up to a similar degree in a crime. They don't get. No, they don't get the offer for the deal. They don't.

They don't get the fancy lawyer who has been a mentor to the prosecutor and is able. Yeah. Yeah. That's. able. Yeah. Yeah. That's. Yep. I'm happy. I'm fine with what she got here. Yes.

But I wish it applied to everyone. Of course. There we go. So, yeah, they're saying she's making this all up to save her own ass. She'd been given immunity in exchange for her cooperation. She got no jail time. She got to keep her law license. And the defense essentially argued most people would do or say anything to save their career and to keep themselves out of prison.

What do you think? I think that's pretty good. That's a good argument. The prosecution tried to argue more like, who cares what her motive is? Just ask yourself, is she telling the truth? Yeah. That's what matters. Sure.

And I agree. Yeah. Okay. You're the defense. How do you defend this guy? How do you defend this guy? Specifically with the glove. So we got that glove. It has his DNA on it. It was in Kyle's truck. Sure, he works with Kyle. Okay. That's not bad at all.

Yeah. That is not bad at all. Yeah. Okay. So here was what the defense said. They tried to argue that, yes, Hussain had been surveilling Michael, but he only did that as a favor to his friend. He was being paid to do that by his friend. He had no idea what was really going on here. He certainly had no knowledge of the kidnapping plot, obviously had not participated in it. Sure. Now, as for that glove with the DNA, well, the police planted it in Kyle's truck. So the defense's argument was the police had Hussain's Chevy Tahoe a week before the kidnapping, and it was filled with surveillance equipment.

And so they saw that footage that was on those surveillance cameras. And then a week later, Michael gets kidnapped. And they're like, wait a minute. This same dude was surveilling Michael's house. I bet he was involved somehow. How about we frame him for this crime by planting a glove in Kyle's truck? You're going to have to do more than make faces at me, ma'am. Okay.

That, like, maybe explains, like, one detail here. But But like, why did he go on the run? Why did he, if he didn't have any role in this? And I think it's kind of ridiculous to assume that every vehicle that gets impounded is then completely searched. They find little cameras. They're like, what's on the memory card? They commit that to their own memory. Then a week later, this guy gets kidnapped and they're like, wait a second. Here's how we can make all this. It's too far-fetched to me. Absolutely.

It's too far-fetched to me. In a move that should surprise absolutely no one, Hussain took the stand in his own defense. Of course he did. Yeah. I thought that's what you were going to ask me before. Oh. If he took the stand in his own defense. Yes.

Yeah. And he did great. He did. Really? Yes. Absolutely. He was great. He did. Yes. Absolutely. He was great. He was calm, charismatic. He pointed to Kyle as the mastermind of the crime, which is kind of funny because everyone seems to agree that Kyle is D-U-M-B dumb.

He admitted to the surveillance, but said he had nothing to do with the kidnapping. He was under the impression that Michael owed Kyle a bunch of money. Okay. And so he was just surveilling this guy in case he tried to skip town. Also, did you know that Hussein was very rich from his own marijuana business? He had like over a million dollars in cash himself. Oh, did he? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So then why is Courtney's family bankrolling his business? Well, she's bad. She's bad. You can't listen to her. She's bad. Okay.

What? Nothing. All right. You should know that he got emotional on the stand. He broke down crying. Did he? Nothing. All right. You should know that he got emotional on the stand. He broke down crying. Did he? Yeah. He talked about that time when he was discharged from the Marines.

It was one of the biggest heartbreaks of his life. That's stupid because you had a choice what you had a choice it was the biggest heartbreak of his life choice he could straighten up and fly right or he could be discharged and he chose discharge which is a weird choice. Anyway, obviously you've got a heart of stone, but one juror did not. One of them wiped tears away during this part? Yeah, he was crying, she was crying. And you know, when it comes to juries, it only takes one. Shit. Yep.

This young woman was on the edge of her seat. And the prosecution saw that and they were like, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No. Their case against Kyle Handley had been like stupid easy. Yeah. And so they thought their case against Hussein would be even easier.

Yeah. But looked like maybe not. Oh, my gosh. So when it came time for cross-examination, prosecutor Matt Murphy was like, OK, I've got to show the jury the other side of this guy. I have to piss him off. Yeah, get him mad. Rile him up.

You're so excited. OK, I would like to read you a few testy exchanges between jose nayeri and the prosecutor and i gotta say the prosecutor did a good job of being a little condescending prosecutor mr nayeri we've got all the time in the world, so you don't have to interrupt me, and I'm not going to interrupt you. Are we good? No. Hussain. I understand.

Prosecutor. Okay. Are we good? Are you going to do that? Hussain. We're good. Prosecutor. Okay.

Hussain. Are you going to start telling the truth once in a while? Okay. At this point, Judge Greg Prickett, who was playing the role of courtroom daddy, told Hussain, you know, hey, you can't say that kind of thing. And also he literally said, you know better than that. Did he wag his finger like that? I don't think he wagged his finger, but I mean, it was real like, now, sir, don't you do that. Not in my courtroom. No corn chowder for you.

Here's the thing. Hussain did not know better than that. And another point in the cross-examination, Hussain told the prosecutor, do you want to hear the truth? Do you want real answers or do you want fake answers? And the judge had to step in again and say, sir, you have to stop it with the gratuitous comments. Please stop. But Hussain couldn't stop. Here's another exchange. Prosecutor. Mr. Nayeri, I'm going to ask the questions.

You're going to give us answers. Hussein. Truth. Truth, please! Prosecutor. Okay. Judge. Mr. Nayeri, do I need to admonish you again, sir?

Oh, shit. Hussain. Your Honor, he's shoving down information down my throat. So at this point, the judge looks up at the jury and he says, Ladies and gentlemen, I need you to please leave the courtroom. So then, you know, Hussain got a little spanking, I think. Uh-huh. And the cross-examination

continued prosecutor your marriage to courtney was annulled yes or no hussein falsely yes it was an old prosecution my question to you hussein false information, yes, it was an old. Prosecutor. My question to you, Hussein. Based on a bunch of bull. Judge. Sir! Oh my gosh!

You ready for it to get weirder? Yeah. Here's how the cross-examination ended. Prosecutor. I've just got one last question for you. You're out in the desert with Michael, and you cut off his penis. Why couldn't you just leave it there in the hopes that it could be reattached? And Hussain looks at him for an uncomfortably long time and says,

you're done? Wow. And the prosecutor looks at him and says, you want to give us an answer for that? Yeah, you didn't answer the question, sir. And he said, I'm going to give you an answer for that personally prosecutor personally i'm done is that what you said at this point hussein's just sitting there kind of smirking and And the prosecutor again says, I'm done. Hussain's still sitting there, kind of smirking.

Prosecutor, what does that mean, Mr. Nayeri? Hussain, I said, are you done? Prosecutor, so my question to you, Hussain, I'm not even going to answer your question. You don't even deserve an answer to that. Prosecutor. Okay. Hussain.

Nice try. Wow. Mm-hmm. So this trial lasted about a month, and then the jury went into deliberation. What do you think? I don't know. I'm worried about the crier. Yeah, we're all worried about her. Yeah.

The jury deliberated for days. That one juror. She hold out? She felt that he was absolutely innocent. And the other jurors were like, are you fucking kidding? Evidently, things got really out of hand in this jury room. There was screaming and yelling. But evidently, one woman was just like, nope, we are sticking this out.

We are doing this. So she got out the whiteboard. She starts mapping things out. And she was able to truly convince the holdout that Hussein's surveillance, which was undeniable, had aided and abetted the crime that followed. And according to the law, someone who aids and abets is guilty, guilty, guilty.

Also, my God, do we have to believe everything a hot guy says? No kidding. So finally, after five days of deliberation, the jury had a verdict. They found him guilty of kidnapping and torture, but they hung on aggravated mayhem. They couldn't decide if he was the one who'd actually cut Michael's penis off. if he was the one who'd actually cut Michael's penis off. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole or a roll, which was what I was about to say.

You think this is a Mimi's Cafe? You're wrong. There's no baguette with the soup. They don't have rolls. You're telling me they don't have rolls. They're making muffins. They're making baguettes. They don't have time for rolls. That's correct. Yeah, probably if you've got those other baked rolls. They're making muffins. They're making baguettes. They don't have time for rolls. That's correct.

Yeah, probably if you've got those other baked goods, you're like. Yeah. They also have a carrot raisin loaf. That's quite good. A loaf? I thought you said it was just a muffin. I feel very lied to. Here's the real story.

Okay. Sometimes they offer it in muffin form. It's not always available in muffin form. Have you studied this restaurant? they offer it in muffin form. It's not always available in muffin form. Have you studied this restaurant? If you order an entree, it comes with a bread basket. And that bread basket includes baguette and carrot raisin loaf.

I have a question for you. How hard did you cry when the Mimi's Cafe shut down? Very hard. How hard did you cry when the Mimi's Cafe shut down? Very hard. Can you tell us about your first time there? Was it quite the stunning experience? You just had to keep coming back for more?

Yeah, I loved it. They do a nice breakfast, too. They got a citrus French toast that's delicious. Oh my god. When was the last time you went to this place? I mean 10 years ago probably. And you talk about it with such fond memories. Is it one of my favorite restaurants? We've got to figure

out where the nearest one is. When we eventually go on tour, we will only stop at places that have Mimi's Cafe. I'm guessing there will be at places that have Mimi's Cafe. I'm guessing there will be two places in the entire United States. That's right. Okay, so he's locked the fuck up. Yeah.

But you may remember there was a third guy involved in this crime. Yeah. Actually, there was another woman involved in the crime, too. It takes a village to hatch a stupid, diabolical plot. So the third man, I'm going to keep this short, obviously, because we've been here for 12 days and we're craving Mimi's Cafe. That's right. We've got a long drive to get to one. So this third man was a guy named Ryan Kevorkian, and he'd also gone to high school with Kyle and Hussain. Is he a doctor? No. Fun fact about him, he used to be a prison guard until

he impregnated an incarcerated woman. Real wonderful guy. Yeah, amazing. Yeah, so in one of the recorded phone calls between Hussain and Courtney all those years ago, he admitted to her that Ryan had been the third guy in the kidnapping plot. And what's that stupid movie that all the dudes love where it's like Mr. Brown, Mr. Pink? Reservoir Dogs. Reservoir Dogs, yeah. Ryan was Mr. Brown. Okay.

Anyway, DNA tests later revealed that his DNA was on a cut zip tie that was found in a garbage bag at Kyle's house. Oh, all right. But I think Ryan got off pretty darn easy. Oh, all right. But I think Ryan got off pretty darn easy. In May of 2021, he pled guilty to kidnapping. Kidnapping two counts. I'm very sorry.

I meant two kidnapping counts. Or two counts of kidnapping. No, I like the idea of kidnapping counts. Also, burglary and assault with a firearm. He was sentenced to 12 years, but he got credit for time served because he got locked the fuck up back in 2013. And yeah, he became eligible for parole this year. Cool. Naomi Rodas, who had been married to Ryan, now no longer married.

She'd also gone to high school with all these guys. She'd also been hooking up with Hassan. She'd also been very helpful with this crime. Bought the GPS devices, bought them a gun. Again, it's kind of the question mark that we have over courtney of like yes she's involved but was she kind of under his spell who knows anyway she got a deal in the spring of 2022 she pled guilty to a misdemeanor and she got three years of informal probation which sounds like nothing what the fuck is informal probation? You don't have to put on a gown when you meet with your

probation officer? That's the worst part. Because they remember what gown you wore last week. That's right. You can't wear the same one. You try dyeing it in the sink and they're not really full.

As for Michael. I was going to say how's Michael doing? I don't really know and you know he he's not really done public interviews and um he says that he is constantly looking over his shoulder his body is obviously permanently scarred and injured as a result of this stupid attack ridiculous attack the one silver lining is that he's now married to the girlfriend that these three douchebags had threatened to harm and yeah i hope they're doing well yeah and that is the story of an evil stupid plot against an unsuspecting man who did not have a million dollars cash. Yeah.

Good grief. That was nuts. Was that not the wildest? Yes. That was Mr. Toad's wild ride. Yes. You want to hear something absolutely bananas? I do. I almost did that for our live show where we only had an hour to tell.

Because I thought I could tell it in an hour. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, you're super confident that you could tell it in an hour. So confident. So confident. Oh, my. Yeah, so there we go.

Oh, boy. That was nuts. Yeah, it was. It was interesting. So I told Norman about that case. And Norman was like, right away when I told him about all the details of the violence, Norman was like, death penalty, death penalty, death penalty. And I was like, wait, are you like in favor of the death penalty?

And he goes, well, you know, I go back and forth. But on this one, I'm sure. It brought out some real strong emotions. I guess so. Goodness. And you know what brings out strong emotions in me? Doing ads. Doodaloo.

Doodaloo. And we're back from the ad. Brandy, will you hand me my phone? Oh, yes. Now that I'm back, should we take some questions from the Discord? I believe we shall, but what the hell are you talking about? What's a Discord? A Discord is like a 90s-style chat room, and to get in it, all you have to do is join our Patreon at the $5 level or higher.

You can get in there, chitty-chat the day away, and then when we record episodes, we ask for questions and then we answer a few. You said that so quickly and so beautifully. Thank you. Are you high on Mimi's muffins? I wish! Ooh, ProBonyAttorney asks,

you joked last episode that the Bob Moss level of the Patreon was for hot tub owners only. I don't own a hot tub, but I do live in a house with a circle drive. Can I stay? Obviously.

Obviously. You fucking made it. Okay. Okay. Here's how you know you're rich. You've got a hot tub or you've got a circle drive or whatever. David's is a double front door. Oh, yes.

Yes. That is a sign of wealth. That's so funny. I wouldn't have thought about that. But you're right. You're right, David. Yeah. Okay. Those are the three ways to be rich. That's right. Robertina asks, best Thanksgiving you've ever had? Mine was Thanksgiving 2019.

The night before Thanksgiving, David proposed. Oh, yeah. And then we told everybody at Thanksgiving when we saw all of our families that we were getting married and that we were expecting London. Aw. So it was a wonderful Thanksgiving. Well, now I feel the need to compete. And I will. Wait, didn't you get engaged at Thanksgiving too?

Yeah. Yeah. But I wasn't pregnant, so we didn't have that need to share. So now I have to make something up really quick. Gosh, what could be better than, hey, we're bringing your grandchild into the world? One, I said to everyone, one day I'll start a podcast. And they said, wow, that seems like it's going to be great. And so obviously that was a wonderful Thanksgiving for everybody.

The Garth Brooks of Hot Tubbing wants to know, would you rather have $100 million but you have to slap your dad or your dad gets immortality but you never earn more money than you do right now. This is so easy for me. My dad would be so mad at me if I didn't slap him for $100 million. Yeah, my dad would tell me

to do the same. Yeah. So there we go. Also, my dad has made it very clear he does not want to live forever. Yeah. Which I kind of agree at a certain point. Yeah.

Doesn't the quality of life slip a bit? Yeah. I mean, this got dark kind of fast, but my grandparents who are in their 90s say all the time, never expected to live this long. Do they say it with a real happy tone? No. Yep. Nope. Yep.

Nope. Sure don't. Yep. Ooh, Brandy Step Away from the Penguin asks, would you rather live in a large home in the trees or underground? Ew. In the trees, for sure. What the hell kind of question is that?

For sure. It's not even a question. My God. Yeah, I'm living in the trees. I think there must have been something missing from this question. Well, no, you didn't misread it, but it's like living in the trees. I would do that happily now. Why?

I don't know. Okay. All right. All right. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Frozen Like a Grape says, my daughter and I are watching themed horror movies. Y'all have a favorite Thanksgiving horror film?

Mine's the 80s slasher Blood Rage. Ew. Okay. My brother-in-law loves Blood Rage and has threatened to make us watch it every year for the last several years. And just this weekend, he said, Brandy, David, this is the year you're not getting out of it. This is the year you watch Blood Rage. So apparently I'm about to watch Blood Rage. Sounds like James might have some kind of weapon.

I'll report back frozen like a grape. Oh, OK. This is a question for you, Kristen, but I actually have a story I want to tell about it. OK. OK. Mrs. Peavitoe asked, does your anxiety ever make you feel like you're having a heart attack? I once convinced myself I was having one in an Ikea at the ripe old age of 23. Okay, so I have talked about how Casey has had open heart surgery on this podcast before, but I've never talked about what led up to it. Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. So I

want to share this story. So Casey was born with a birth defect in her heart. She had a valve that didn't open and close properly. And they discovered it at birth. Like they didn't know when my mom was pregnant with her, but they discovered it at birth. And so throughout her life, she's had to see a cardiologist. And they knew at some point they would have to replace that valve. So then about five years ago, Casey was at work one day. And she was having chest pains.

And she works with my dad and my dad came into Casey's office and was like what's going on you know and she's like I'm having chest pains and my dad just like yeah everyone knows my my dad by this point like was like we're going to the hospital right now so my dad took Casey to the emergency room and because of her history with a heart condition, they admitted her immediately. And we're like, we're going to get to the bottom of this. And so they start doing all of these tests to figure out where her chest pain is coming from. They do, you know, an EEG, an EKG, a CT scan of her chest. They do all of these things. But things are coming

back normal, like nothing is showing any signs of heart attack, nothing like that. And so they determined that she had had a panic attack, essentially, that caused these chest pains. But when they did the CT scan of her chest, they discovered she had an aortic aneurysm, something they would not have caught without doing that specific test, which is not part of her regular cardiology care. Right. And so it and if that aortic aneurysm ruptured, she would die. Yeah. Like there is no ifs, ands or buts about it. She would die. And so the fact that they caught this aneurysm because she had a fucking panic attack is a fucking miracle. And so then she had open heart surgery where they repaired the aneurysm and while they

were at it, they replaced her valve at the same time. But like because she had a panic attack and thought she was having a heart attack, they discovered this thing that would have killed her. That is wild. Wild. Yes. So yes, not Kristen, but Casey has had an anxiety attack that felt like a heart attack. Yeah. So it's funny.

My anxiety always feels like stomach stuff. Yeah. Like I feel weirdly hungry or like, yeah, it's just, it's more, it's more of that and more like racing thoughts. My anxiety, thoughts so much with my anxiety. My physical symptom is that I get cold and shaky. Oh, yeah. Like cold all over? Yes. That's which oddly is also a thyroid symptom. So I don't know. Well, that's a fun. That's just a really fun guess. Am I anxious? Or is my thyroid shit fucked up? Now I'm anxious about my thyroid. Exactly. Now everyone's happy.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that stuff with Casey in a while. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Thank goodness that your dad doesn't fuck around. I mean, he is a go-to-the-doctor kind of guy. Yep.

Yep. Absolutely. Whew. How's that tummy doing over there? I don't know. It feels fine, but it's sure making a lot of noises. Seems like there might be a fart to the wind happening. No. No farts. Don't worry. Oh.

I'm honestly not worried. I'm more excited. Okay. In fact, I think we're going to take about 20 more questions just to wait my gosh. Forgive me for this question. Okay. But Labia Lounge wants to know, when does Ask an Old White Guy come out? My father, the darling DP who stole all your hearts for some reason, is convinced that the world needs his podcast. Kelsey, who runs the Let's Go to Court fan group on Facebook, enabled this monster of a man by reaching out to him and creating a fan group for his podcast that does not exist. Kelsey and I are now mortal enemies. My father and I have recorded one episode of the podcast.

He listened back to the edit, thought it was perfect. I thought a lot needed to be edited out. We are having creative differences mainly he wants to record all the time anytime and also go on vacation whenever he wants and then pop back and i'm trying to explain to him that i am not retired i actually have a job yes it's really fun dealing with an old white guy i do think it'll be an entertaining podcast we'll see how long it lasts. He thinks it'll be a great success and that we'll have real sponsors within a month. Okay. Hey, Brandy, how long did it take us to get sponsors?

Fucking two years? Right. More than that even, I think. But this spinoff podcast, it's going to be a month. So anyway, yeah, this podcast is happening and it's all everyone's fault, but mine. Hold on just a minute. Pochetto Chips wants to know, Brandi, what are your thoughts on the jellyfish cut craze? What the hell is this?

I'm looking at a picture. This hair looks terrible. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Everyone, it looks, can we describe this horrible haircut? Okay. I would say imagine. Well, imagine a jellyfish, really.

Yeah, imagine a jellyfish. Imagine a, okay, imagine the, I'd like to speak to the manager haircut. Okay. But then underneath that, imagine a lot of disconnected length. Yeah. Imagine, if you will, the Carol Brady on steroids. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of a wedge Bob mashup. Have you had anyone come in? No. Thank goodness. Is this a real craze or is this something that's made up? It's definitely an internet craze. I have yet to have anybody ask me for that. I have had lots of people ask for wolf cuts. Lots of people ask for butterfly cuts.

Not a single person has asked for the jellyfish. If they ask for it. No, thank you. You just say no? I would do a lot of discussing about the practicality of this type of haircut. Wow. Everyone, she's anti-jellyfish. I'm not necessarily anti-jellyfish. I am. I'm looking at this picture. I don't like the haircut.

No. I don't like it at all. That'sjellyfish. I'm looking at this picture. I don't like the haircut. No. I don't like it at all. That's okay, Sam-I-Am. Should we move on to Supreme Court induction so you don't have to look at this picture anymore? Yes, please. Everyone, to get inducted on this podcast, all you have to do is sign up for our Patreon at the $7 level or higher. And right now, we are reading your names and your first celebrity crushes. Hannah from South Africa.

Heath Ledger. Doretta. Chad Michael Murray. Maggie Watson. JTT. Elise. Ben Affleck. Catherine Harvell.

Scotia Bakula. Who's that? I'm wondering if it's actuallyvell. Scotia Bakula? Who's that? I'm wondering if it's actually supposed to be Scott Bakula. Catherine, that's on you, okay? That's on you. Ainsley Rice. Taylor Lautner. Megan Holbrook.

Orlando Bloom. Eve. Matt Willis. Caitlin. Zach Orlando Bloom. Eve. Matt Willis. Caitlin. Zach Hansen. Cynthia. Macaulay Culkin. Sarah Kelly.

Young Peter Pan from the live action movie, You Know The One. Holly Suter. Jordana Brewster. Kristen Roberts. Donnie Walberg. Susanna Entreline-Hanner. Joey Lawrence. Welcome to the Supreme Court!

Thank you, everyone, for all of your support. We appreciate it so much. If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and then head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five-star rating and review. Then be sure to join

us next week when Brandi will be an expert on a whole new topic. Podcast adjourned! And now for a note about our process. For this episode, I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. So I owe a huge thank you to the real experts.

I got my info from the article, A Gruesome Mutilation, A Global Manhunt, Inside One of the Most Twisted Crimes Ever by Tim Dickinson for Rolling Stone. That is a hell of a title. I'm glad you didn't share it. Me too. Also, the Catch Me If You Can episode of 2020,

which is an excellent program, don't you agree? Also, reporting from the LA Times. Any errors are, of course, ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.