Let's Go To Court! - 279: The Mini Madoff

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Darren Berg was a bit of a scammer. He scammed his fraternity brothers at the University of Oregon. He scammed a Portland bank. Following each scam, Darren received a slap on the wrist. So was it any surprise that Darren moved onto bigger scams? (No. The answer is no.) By the mid-2000s, Darren was running a $150 million dollar Ponzi scheme. He had two yachts, two private jets, and a sweet hot tub to show for it. And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “Seattle Roasted,” episode of American Greed “Financial empire, luxurious lifestyle were built on a a mirage,” by Rami Grunbaum for Seattle Times “Prison escape of Darren Berg, Washington’s ‘Mini Madoff,’ is like ‘Shawshank Redemption,’ official says,” by Mike Carter for the Seattle Times “Darren Berg on the Run: Inside the biggest ponzi scheme in Washington State history,” by Clara O’Rourke for Seattle Met “Escaped Ponzi scammer possibly went to Brazil,” by Michael Balsamo and Chad Day for the Associated Press YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 53+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

Meet Kate from Hamilton. Hi. Hi back. Kate is a social media manager. One of the first to know wearing socks with rubber clogs could really work. But at Woodbine Racetrack, she becomes Lady Catherine, clog wearer of the hammer at the King's Plate. Experience the excitement of horse racing,

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Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about the mini Madoff. Ooh, we got a Ponzi scheme. Just a cute little one. Cute little Ponzi scheme.

The most adorable little Ponzi scheme you ever did see. Is this what they call this person, a mini Madoff? Yeah. You think I made this up? I'm not that clever. You're pretty clever. Oh, thank you, darling. My mic is on the whole other side.

I know. And everyone, I don't know if we're going to release this video, but this is the first. We're recording video. We're recording video. We're looking right at you. Uh-huh. This might be a test. It might be a test.

So in that case, just disregard everything. But we are looking a little extra cute today. That's right. Yeah. Brandi got a fresh blowout. I have pants on. Mm-hmm. extra cute today. That's right. Yeah. Brandi got a fresh blowout. I have pants on. She normally does this podcast cooter to the wind. You fucking wish. And I say to her, please, please throw a sheet over. Okay. Am I right? Anyway, welcome everyone to this lovely episode.

Yeah. How you been, Brandi? I've been good. We're back from our Thanksgiving break. You had an amazing vacation. I sat in my house for four days with my husband and daughter and it was wonderful. Congratulations. I hiked in Sedona.

That sounds amazing. Did you see any snakes? Okay. Okay. At one point I was on a hike with Kyla and Norman. Yeah. Just the three of you. Just the three of us.

It was a big, long hike. Yeah. Dear God, oh, Lord. So I've got asthma, and altitude kind of messes with me. So, you know, I like to be in the middle or at the end. And at one point, Kyla's like, go ahead. Go in front. Go in front know, I like to be in the middle or at the end. Yeah. And at one point, Kyla's like, go ahead, go in front, go in front. And I said, no, no, thank you. I am busy at all times on a hike looking for snakes. Yeah. I'm always looking. Absolutely. And Kyla was like,

you know, but I really think in this weather, the snakes are, and I said, do not talk about them. But I really think in this weather, the snakes are, and I said, do not talk about them. They can hear you. I said the word snakes one time. We're not going to say it again. Anyway, I don't remember why I brought this up. But in conclusion, it was a lovely hike. No snakes.

I didn't see a single snake. Good. Did you see any, what, tarantulas? No. But what I did see, and I'll tell you this. It was sexually explicit art in your Airbnb. Did see that. Did see that.

Didn't want to see that, but I did see it. No, here's what I saw. Okay, so this was a very long hike. I think it was like a five-hour hike. Oh, my gosh. The three of us went on. It was amazing. Yeah. But when we were in the parking lot, first of all, Norm did nothour hike. Oh, my gosh. The three of us went on. It was amazing. Yeah.

But when we were in the parking lot, first of all, Norm did not come prepared. Oh, no. So he had to borrow my dad's Kansas City Chiefs sweatshirt to put on. Sure. As soon as we get parked, a, I'm not kidding you, maybe seven-year-old kid starts trolling Norm. Go Eagles! Go Eagles! Go Eagles! Fly, Eagles, fly!

And so we're all kind of like, ha-ha. Yeah. Okay, hey. Well, we're all on the same hike. And so sometimes. You're on the same hike with the seven-year-old. Yeah. And so sometimes when that seven-year-old would see us and he'd go, go Eagles!

Norm got trolled the whole time. How'd Norm do? Norm did fine because he figured the only thing more embarrassing than being trolled by a seven-year-old would be to be like, Hey, this actually isn't my sweatshirt. I'm actually a Miami Dolphins fan. This is my father-in-law's. Hey, did you borrow this from my father-in-law. This is my father-in-law. So shut up, kid. But this whole time, we were kind of like, wow, I guess this isn't such a hard hike if there are like kids on it. Seven-year-olds

on it, yeah. No, it was a really fucking hard hike. Let me tell you what happened halfway through. So the kids beat us. The kids were way ahead and that was humbling. Then all of a sudden we get to this, like, what we think is the summit. Turns out there's a million more summits ahead. Bear Mountain, if you, you know, if you're interested. And we come across this mom with this sobbing child. I was like, and this mom is like, pain is weakness, leaving the body. Yeah.

And this mom is like, pain is weakness leaving the body. Giving her the toxic positivity talk. Did she say pain is weakness leaving the body? It's a vibe. Okay. It's a vibe. But it was very much like, I would not put you in danger. Oh, sure.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, that seven-year-old, I think, really ate his words because we saw him crying later on. Okay. So listen up, seven-year-old Eagles fan. You can fuck right off. I saw you cry. Yeah, and for the record, that wasn't even my husband's sweatshirt.

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that if this video is ever released to the public, people will now know that I do weird dances sometimes as we podcast. Do you think they already caught the vibe?

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That's right. And never to the right beat. Should we plug our own stuff real quick? Oh yeah, plug our Patreon. You do it, I've got to tell a whole story.

It's going to be exhausting. Oh, we've got a Patreon. It's located at patreon.com slash lgtcpodcast and we've got all kinds of stuff. There are like

53 fucking bonus episodes. Is the cursing necessary? It is. Oh, my God. It is. I was making a point. To get all of those, you just have to sign up at the $5 level or higher. There's also other stuff.

You can get inducted on this podcast. You can get ad-free episodes a day early. All kinds of stuff. Check it out now on patreon.com slash LGTC podcast. Okay. Now. Tell us lgtcpodcast. Okay. Now. Tell us about Minnie Madoff. Well first.

Which sounds like that could be cute. Like Bernie Madoff's mom. Oh it does. You know what? I had a moment where I was like

that feels weird to assume that Bernie Madoff's mom is smaller than him in stature. No, I caught up. I caught up. It just took me a minute. I assure you, this is not about Bernie Madoff's mother.

Okay. It is, in fact, about his lover. Minnie Mouse. That's why people hate him so much, because he's a Disney adult. Oh. Well, all Disney adults do want to make loved cartoons. Okay. That's just a fact.

And that's why they're so problematic. I feel like you've said that before on this podcast and cut it. I actually said something way worse and cut it. And I've regretted it ever since because it was hilarious. All right. Let's see. Well. You going to give some shout outs?

I'm going to give some shout outs. I was going to say I shouldn't say this, but I think I should because I already called this person a mini Madoff. So, you know, American Greed. Oh, for sure. Yes. They had an episode called Seattle Roasted. Oh. Oh. Does this have to do with coffee? sure. Yes. They had an episode called Seattle Roasted. Oh.

Oh. Does this have to do with coffee? Maybe. Okay. Maybe it doesn't. All right. Also, excellent reporting from the Seattle Times and the Seattle Met. What's the Seattle Met?

It's a publication. Okay. I can't tell you. Sure, for Metropolitan, probably. I would assume. Okay. Yeah. Clara O'Rourke. Good job, can't tell you. Like, short for Metropolitan, probably. I would assume. Yeah. Clara O'Rourke. Good job, m'lady.

I didn't think that was kind of a suggestive look you just gave Clara. She'll never know because I don't know that we're going to release this video. These videos we're doing right now are really more of a learning process for all of us. They are a learning process, that's right. Okay, alright. We're learning whether we look hot enough on video to release them to the public. Well, I already know the answer to that.

Yeah, we are. Let's go in a different direction. The world is craving two middle-aged Midwestern ladies. They're like, we want to see those ladies age. Yeah, okay. Is it true that they're just slowly

rotting every day? We'd like to see it, they say. Okay. To which we say, all right. Okay, picture it. It's 1983, and we're at the University of Oregon, home of the fighting ducks. Yeah, are they the fighting? I just thought they were the ducks. I think they're just the ducks.

Okay. I think they're pacifists. I like the idea of ducks. Did. Are they the fighting? I just thought they were the ducks. I think they're just the ducks. Okay. But I like the idea. I think they're pacifists. I like the idea of ducks. Did you see the spit? I did. I dodged it. I don't think you did.

I think it landed. Sorry. A generically handsome young white boy attended classes there, and he checked every box on the generic handsome white boy checklist. Okay. Six foot. Mm-hmm. Dark hair. Yeah. Okay. And he checked every box on the generic handsome white boy checklist. Okay, six foot. Mm-hmm. Dark hair.

Yeah. Okay. I didn't expect you to give me the list, but yes, you're doing great. Oh, I can't remember what color. But I wouldn't be surprised. Perfect smile. Yeah. Pearly white teeth.

Yes. Oh, my God. I've got it. I've got it. You're missing something. Oh, no. What am I missing? The strongest. Oh, jawline. Yes. Yes. Yes. no. What am I missing? The strongest.

Oh, jawline. Yes! Yes! Check, checkity, check! I'm just picturing Colin Jost at this point. That's all you have to do. Yes! He even had what is, in my opinion, the quintessential handsome white boy first name.

Oh. Mm-hmm. Can she do it? Josh. Think handshmm. Can she do it? Josh. Mm. Think handsomer. Handsomer. Yeah, think more sophisticated.

Uh-oh. Keep in mind it's 1983. Chris. Christopher. You're terrible at this. Okay, what's his name? No, no, try harder. Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay. A little, let me give you some hints. Okay. A little less common. Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No basic bitches here. I don't know, because my next guess was Matthew, and that's very common.

Oh, my God. You're great at listing the checklist. Sorry, terrible at coming up with the basic white boy names. Darren. Oh, I never would have gotten there. All right. I think that is a very handsome man name. You can't be ugly and be named Darren.

All right. They'll just be like, we're going to downgrade you to Daryl. Sorry, Dad. Sorry, we're going to have to revoke the last couple letters of your name there, Darren. Yeah. You're really letting us down. His name was Darren Berg. And even though he was only 20 years old, he was already super impressive.

First off, he was charming. Obviously. He had mastered the art of the first impression. Okay. Did he have a good handshake? Of course. Of course. Firm, but not too firm?

Let's not talk about this young man's firmness, please. He was confident. He was personable. And he was driven. Literally. By a driver? Kind of. You see, at just 20 years old, he owned a charter bus company.

Oh. I didn't think it was going that direction. I knew you wouldn't. He called it the Derenberg Tour Corporation. Thoughts?

I don't like it. I also don't like it. It doesn't just roll off the tongue. No, and I think there's something about when people use their name in the name of the company. I feel like you really limit yourself. Yeah. Although Darren is a great name, and we've already established that, and no one's arguing with it.

He was super passionate about this bus company. In fact, if there's one thing you need to know about Darren Berg, it's that he loved buses. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. Like too much? This dude fucking buses? Stop it. Although, if he could, I think he would.

So his grandfather had been a Greyhound bus driver. Okay. And Darren had always idolized his grandfather. So owning a charter bus company was basically the tits. Yeah. This all really impressed Darren's fraternity brothers at Pi Kappa Alpha. Oh, okay. So when it came time for the fraternity to elect a treasurer, they were like,

Bro, we are electing you treasurer and also president. Okay. Darren was obviously the right guy for the job. Was he? Yeah, he was so motivated. He's so good at fucking buses. Stop it. You said he was really into buses.

You know what? Fucking loved buses. I just switched the words around. You're really into Ugg boots. Do you fuck Ugg boots? I don't, but I do really like Ugg boots. It's a controversial opinion. Super into Ugg boots.

All right. He told his fraternity brothers that he would have their fraternity in tip-top financial shape. Part of his duties as treasurer were... Duties. Good God. Everyone, I'm sorry. I know that I am the Grace Kelly of podcasting. I'm the 12-year-old boy of podcasting. Yes, yes.

Thank you so much. As I was saying, part of his duties as treasurer were to shit all over the place. Were to collect rent from his fraternity brothers. Oh, okay. He did a great job collecting. How did he do it turning it in?

Not great. Yeah. He collected like 15, 16 grand in rent. Uh-huh. What do you do with it? Excuse me. You're jumping ahead. So I'll ask you to calm down.

Okay, sorry. All right? You're acting like Darren around a bus right now, and I won't have it. A few weeks after Darren collected the rent money, the fraternity's alumni advisor, a guy named Mike Stone, got a call from the fraternity's landlord. And the landlord was like, hey, you guys planning on collecting rent anytime soon? And Mike was a little surprised because he knew that the rent had been collected and of course it had been paid. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Right? Right. Absolutely. So he was like, oh, okay, let me look into it. it. Mike stopped by the frat house and started going through the fraternity's bank statements and was shocked to discover that the September bank statement didn't list any deposits. That is shocking. So he went to Darren and asked why the rent checks hadn't been deposited into the bank.

Yeah, what's Darren got to say? Darren went nuts. He did? Yes! He was super angry! Did he stab his basketball? What? It's a Ben Folds song. Oh, my God.

Sing some of it. The bitch went nuts. She stabbed my basketball. That's all I remember. Weirdly, Ben Folds is going to come up again in this story. Are you kidding me? I am not kidding you. Yeah, this is a strange...

All right, anyway. So, fun fact about that song. There's actually two versions of it, and that's the less kidding you. Yeah, this is a strange. All right. Anyway. So fun fact about that song. There's actually two versions of it. And that's the less popular version. I bet it is. What's the more popular version? So there's a thing that he does. And you would know this if you had paid the $80 to go to the show at the symphony.

I didn't have that kind of money. I wasn't a hot tubber yet. OK. Thanks for making fun of me for being poor. He makes a suggestion from the crowd. And then he composes a song around it. Oh. And so I think that's how that started.

I think that's why there are multiple versions of it. Okay. And then he actually went and wrote a real version of it for his album later. That's my guess. And the real version is what? It's called Bitch Went Nuts, but it's a nicer song. Oh, sounds lovely. You know he's been married like five times.

Like five times, yeah. All right. Yeah, the bitch might not be the problem, Ben. Yeah. There's a common thread. So Darren's just going nuts. Very angry, very defensive. How dare you accuse me?

I've not done anything inappropriate with the money. Also, get out of my room. You're not my dad. I don't think you said that part. Maybe not. We weren't in the room. Call me son one more time. Yeah. Is that what he said? That's exactly what he said. That's from Hamilton. Yeah, we know. We know. All middle-aged ladies know. I made my family listen to the Hamilton soundtrack on our Thanksgiving drive. The entire thing? Yeah. We listened to it every time we were in the car on Thanksgiving. We had multiple places to go.

There was an extended driving time between them. It was delightful. Did everyone enjoy it or just you? Everyone enjoyed it. Everybody sang along. Well, great. But I did force them to listen to it. Sure.

Yeah. Well, there you go. So Mike's like, okay, I'll leave, but I'm taking the financial records with me. And as Mike left the room, he paused in the middle of the doorway and he leaned his head back into the room and he said, this isn't over. Again, I think that is a dramatized version. Again, I wasn't there. I'm sure you were, but I was not there. So we can't say for sure if it didn't happen.

With the financial records in hand, it didn't take Mike long to figure out that about 21 grand was missing from the bank account. That's very concerning. Yeah, adjusted for inflation, about 65 grand. Holy shit! I know! Fuck! Turns out Darren had taken checks that were written out to the fraternity. He'd endorsed them with his tour company stamp and put all that money into his bus company.

That's not right. That's not what you're supposed to do, Darren. Mike was pissed off. Clearly, Darren could not be treasurer of the organization. And even more clearly, he needed to give that money back. Yeah, but he probably spent it. Well, here's the thing. Darren hadn't done anything wrong.

No, and he hadn't found out. No, no. You haven't heard his side of the story. Okay, tell us Darren's side of the story. Okay, well, within a few days of this, you know, I hate to say it being found out because clearly Darren's on the right side of this whole thing. Darren sent Mike a letter in the mail. sent Mike a letter in the mail. The fine folks at American Greed showed some of the letter on screen, and I am grateful for that, but I'm also very sad to tell you that they cut off the last paragraph, and I'm sure it was full of gems. Okay, so you're going to read us what you were able to see? Yes. Fuck yes, do it. Here we go. Okay, for starters, you should know this is a typed letter.

It follows the format that we were all taught in the fifth grade on how to write a formal letter, okay? So it's serious business. Here it goes. Yes. Dear Mr. Stone, as per your request, I have complied with your requests. Okay. I hate it already. No, I love

it! I love it. I love it when someone uses the same word twice in one sentence. It's wonderful. No, it's not. Allow myself to introduce myself. You will be pleased to find Gamma Pi Chapter in the capable hands of Mr. Craig Mitchell. A word for the record. I have at no time ever embezzled any funds from the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity.

What an erroneous assumption. It's for this reason that I welcome your audit. As always, you will find a reason for everything I have done. My bookkeeping will be no exception. Any money deposited into any account will have a tangible and reasonable explanation. Oh, yeah. Tangible. You'll be able to touch it. And oh, how I would like to be there to make all these explanations and draw the pictures for you.

Unfortunately, however, I will be unable to participate in your Perry Mason game. If, for any reason, however, you should should have any questions i suggest you direct them to my attorney mr eb salstrom of eugene he has paid good money to answer stupid questions and i'm sure he'll be happy to answer yours okay along those lines another point first your audit does not bother me second your representations to the members of Gamma Pi... That's where American Green cut off. And I'm devastated. Because you just know he was ramping up.

What do you think? It sounds like bullshit. How dare you? He is unwilling to participate in your Perry Mason games, Brandi. Okay. All right. I don't think you get to say that when you stole money from the fraternity. Oh, he did not steal it.

There are reasonable, tangible explanations. What are they? Just touch them. Just reach out and feel. Was he granting the fraternity bus services? I don't believe so, no. So there's, like, maybe the one explanation for it. So Mike was stunned by this letter.

Darren had always been so charming in person, and this letter was childish. Also, Darren didn't know how to spell the word explanations, which is not something Mike mentioned or anyone mentioned, but I'm mentioning it. Okay. He spelled it the way you would spell explain and then adding explanations. Yeah. Yeah. Typewriters, man. They didn't stop you.

They didn't do the red squiggly underneath it. You think he typed it on a typewriter? In 1983? Absolutely. Oh, I forgot it was 1983. Sorry. Get with the times, Brandi. I think there were word processors by that time.

I'm sure there were, but I doubt that's what was happening here, ma'am. Ma'am. But, you know, Mike wants to get to the bottom of this. Yeah. So he called up Darren's attorney, Mr. E.B. Salstrom, and Mr. E.B. Salstrom was like, Who? Ah! Darren Berg?

Yeah, I don't know. Never heard of him. Not his lawyer. Mike says he went to the police and to the Lane County DA's office to ask them about pressing charges, but he said that they evidently didn't think it was worth pursuing. Really? Yeah. He claims that Darren told the cops that as president slash treasurer of the fraternity, he'd spent a lot of his own money and he was simply reimbursing himself. So he obviously hadn't committed a crime.

So wipe that look off your Perry Mason loving face. Do you have receipts for your... Frankly, that's a rude, stupid question. And I will refer you to my lawyer, Mr. E.B. Salstrom. I called him. He's never heard of you. For what it's worth, the Lane County DA's office has been asked about this incident in recent years.

What did they say? They said they have no records of this. So they can't really say why he wasn't charged. Ultimately, the fraternity brothers did get their money back. They did? Yeah. So Mike says that the first interstate bank took the hit for dealing with a fraudulent depositor, which is the one who poops all over the place without asking permission, aka the Brandy Pond story.

No! The important thing is, Darren got away with this. Okay. So let's stop talking about you pooping all over the place. I haven't pooped anywhere ever in my entire life. Seems like a lie. pooped anywhere ever in my entire life. Seems like a lie.

Within a week of being found out, Darren cleaned out his room at the frat house, dropped out of the university, and moved to Portland. You'll be pleased to know that he did great in Portland. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He still had his bus business. Okay.

He also teamed up with another frat brother to start an advertising firm. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What was it called? It was called Berg Chavre and Associates. Okay. Okay. Do you remember the Where's the Beef commercials? They did that? No. Oh, fuck off.

No, they did okay. All right. Until 1987. What happened in 1987? Darren embezzled all of the money from the company and took off? Careful. Hey, watch it. Watch it.

No, no, no, no, no, ma'am. The U.S. attorney in Portland indicted poor, sweet Darren on bank fraud charges. For what? Well, apparently little Darren had been engaging in a check-kiting scheme. Oh. I just want everyone to know that I know what check-kiting is. And so do the folks at American Greed. And they didn't explain it to you, so you don't really know what it is? Hang on.

American Greed. And they didn't explain it to you so you don't really know what it is? Hang on. Also, everyone who's ever written about this case also knows what it is. So we don't feel the need to explain it. But I understand that you don't know. Okay, great. Explain to me, check Katie. Okay, this

comes from magnifymoney.com which I go to frequently. Here's their definition. Dear Mr.com, which I go to frequently. Here's their definition. Dear Mr. Stone. No, it reads, check hiding is the illegal act of writing a check from a bank account without sufficient funds and depositing it into another bank account. Then you withdraw the money from the second account before the original check has been cleared. Yep. So you're stealing money.

You're stealing money. Mm-hmm. Turns out Darren had been using the accounts from his advertising agency and the accounts from his charter bus company to engage in check kiting. Great. And now he was in big trouble. Mr. Mm-hmm.

Is that what the police said? Obviously. That's what they always say. He was accused of stealing 19 grand from a Portland bank. Okay. He was facing prison time. Yeah, that's a lot of money. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You seem concerned about him. I'm not. He's going to weasel his way out of this one, too. By doing what? I don't know. Coming up with tangible excuses for why he was hiding

checks. Well, yeah, he pled guilty to one of his eight charges, and the judge gave him a suspended sentence. All he had to do was repay the money he'd stolen and go to counseling. So that's what he did. Yay! With stolen

money. Consequences adjourned! Did. Yay! With stolen money. Consequences adjourned. Did he pay back the stolen money with stolen money? That's a good question. I mean, probably. I guess we don't know. Consequences adjourned. Very nice. Thank you.

Brandy, I can tell that you're worried about how this might have impacted Darren's entrepreneurial spirit. I could not be less concerned about Darren. Fret not, you concerned woman, you. After this little mess with the check kiting, he moved to Seattle, where he started a brand new business. Uh-huh. What is it? What is it now?

Wait, so he's gone from where to Portland to Seattle? Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Moving on up. Okay. What's from where to Portland to Seattle? Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Moving on up. Okay. What's he going to try in Seattle? Try? Okay, what?

He's going to succeed at starting a company called Meridian Mortgage Funds. Oh, subprime mortgage. What? Is that what he's going to be doing? Meridian Mortgage Funds was a totally legit business. For a minute. I will now tell you some very boring things as quickly as possible. Okay, great. So in this business, Darren invested in the private mortgage market. Yeah. So that's when you sell real estate without involving a bank.

Usually it's a situation where the buyer doesn't have good enough credit to get a bank loan. So the buyer ends up paying a monthly mortgage to the seller. And in turn, the seller tends to get a higher interest rate than the bank would. All of this is totally legal. Yeah. So what Darren did was he would find people in private mortgages and he'd go to the seller and say, hey, let me offer you this beautiful lump sum of hot, steamy cash so I can buy the note. In that situation, everyone's happy. Are they? Well, I mean, you obviously have the option to say no. If you say yes, the seller gets the lump of hot, steamy, creamy cash.

Stop calling it that. I made a decision early on that I was just going to ramp it up until you decided you couldn't put up with it anymore. You really didn't last long. I didn't make it long. Darren got to buy the mortgage at a discount and the buyer probably didn't care. They would just

start paying their mortgage to somebody else. Mortgages get sold all the time. It's true. Again, all totally legal. But to do this on a large scale, Darren needed investors. Yeah, he needs a lot of capital to be doing that. Sure. I'm glad you're on the same page.

So he's going to scam a bunch of people? Holy shit, calm down. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation. Tangible explanation for this. The great thing, first of all, is that since this was a private offering, it was only available to accredited investors who had more than $1 million in assets. Also, since this was a private offering, Darren didn't have to worry about a bunch of regulatory mumbo-jumbo. Okay, that just gums up the works.

He didn't even have to tell his investors about his previous legal trouble. Isn't that great? I feel like he should have to do that. Yeah, you'd think so. A little bank fraud, you might want to know about that. But don't worry about it. So that permanent record they threaten you with, that's not like a real thing? Don't worry about it.

So that permanent record they threaten you with, that's not like a real thing? Brandy, one of my favorite stories you've ever told is how you thought in elementary school that it would go on your permanent record. Your permanent record. If you took a shortcut home from school. Yep. I got called into the principal's office so that the principal could tell me that it was okay if I walked on the grass just for the portion that I had to go from my backyard to the schoolyard. Yeah. I've never been more terrified.

You should have been terrified. Let me tell you something. You should have been terrified. And frankly, I don't like it that you were allowed to break the law like that. I know. You've been lawless ever since. Oh, my God. That's so funny. I'm such a fucking rule follower.

I was literally walking down the block and around. I was walking a whole extra block away so that I would not walk the six feet onto the school's grass. Because someone had told you not to walk on the grass. To get off the grass, yeah. I got a whistle blowed at me one day. Blown at me. Let's see, you call yourself a rule follower,

but if I recall, you were fired from your job on safety patrol in sixth grade. It was the most devastating day. And as a good friend, it's time for me to bring it up. Of my sixth grade life. Everyone. I was kicked off sixth grade life. Everyone. I was kicked off of safety patrol. Yeah. Because you know what?

Some other kids were throwing bologna sandwiches at each other. And I didn't stop them. Yeah. Yep. Bad things happen when good men do nothing. Yep. That's a saying. I stood by and did nothing when a group of safety patrol officers were throwing an old bologna sandwich

they'd found in a lunchbox in the lost and found around on a playground, and I got kicked off of safety patrol for it. Mrs. Dupree was devastated for me, and she apologized and said that she tried to fight for me. Did she really? Nope. Mrs. Dupree was the best. She said, I know that you were not really involved in this situation. You were just present.

I tried. Unfortunately, you've been removed from safety patrol. Is it true that they stripped your reflective vest off of you? It was a sash. Pulled my sash right off. Yep. Took your bouquet of roses. Slapped you across the face,

and they said, you get out! I cried, and then my mom, I was afraid I was going to get in trouble, and my mom was like, no, you're not in trouble. See? That gentle parenting, it never works. You're out of control now. I'm so out of control. Maybe that's when I

became the ultimate rule follower is when I got kicked off a safety patrol. Who knows when it happened. So Darren's in this wonderful position where he's dealing with people who have a ton of money. Tons of money, yeah. Where he doesn't have to tell them about his past. And it's so great for him. Let me tell you something. He did a great job in his presentations to potential investors.

He was so charming. He was so generically handsome. Yeah. He wore a beautiful suit. He had a nice tan. He was smooth. He was self-assured. He seemed like a real stand-up guy.

He told them, hey, hey, there's no magic here. It's real meat and potatoes stuff. Okay. It's all just hard work. Okay? Okay. He said, the game here is just to make the phone ring 800 times. You want to buy three loans?

You make the phone ring 100 times. You want to buy six? You make the phone ring 100 times. You want to buy six? You make the phone ring 200 times. Yeah, that's exactly. He holds out his hands, and then the potential investors do exactly what you did. They're like, 200 times. And he smiles. He's like, yeah, yeah, it's pretty simple.

Darren was the kind of guy who could really weather a storm. All right. He's who you want. Yeah. He told the potential investors, somebody asked me here tonight how I was doing. And I said, I'm actually having fun in this economy. People are like, this guy's a masochist. The reason I'm having fun in this economy is because there's nothing funner than being right.

There's nothing more fun than being right. Ew, he said funner. Yeah, he did. I hate it. Makes you feel cozy and comfy with them, doesn't it? It does not. Makes you feel like, hey, this is just a regular guy. He's real smart, but he's folksy too.

No, did not make me feel like that. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Also, Brandy, you should know that when it comes to investing, Darren is very conservative. He's so cautious. Other people are wild, okay?

But not him. Yeah, okay. Don't make that face. Okay. He told the potential investors that, yes, okay. Oh, my God. Meridian has had a lot of success. All right, calm down.

And sometimes when you're super successful, people want you to do more stuff, you know, take more risks. But he always said no. No risks. Mm-mm. No risks. Mm-mm. He launched into a little imitation of the people who wanted to, you know, go out there, invest in all kinds of stuff. He said, we should be doing more stuff.

We should be more aggressive. We should be doing construction loans. And I'd say, whoa, little soldier. We're just happy with what we've got. And here we are today. We're still standing, still smiling, making money. All's good. Okay. Yeah, it's

safe to invest your money here. Yeah. Because I'm super conservative with it and you're going to get a return on your investment. You're wondering how we always get 12% returns? It's because we just work really hard. It's a simple thing. No, it's because it's made up. Shut up. It's all

bullshit. Actually, actually, it's not all made up. Okay. It's not. No. Start it out real. And some of it remained real. Okay. This is a little more complicated. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Everyone, Brandi's making the concerned face. Okay. She's thinking this is hocus pocus and I'm just telling her it's meat and potatoes stuff. Okay. Okay. I don't think I need to tell you that a lot of people gave Darren a lot of money. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Would you give him money? No. You wouldn't? No. Well, first of all, I don't have a lot of money. Would you give him money? No. You wouldn't? No. Well, first of all, I don't have a lot of money, so... I think I'd throw some dollars his way. You would? I mean... No. I don't envision myself

getting to this point in life, but like... I can really see... Oh, I would find him very convincing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yes, if I heard him like, I can really see. Oh, I would find him very convincing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yes. If I heard him speak, I think that I would buy in. Yeah.

Like, I would believe everything he's saying. I don't think I'd get to the point where I'm actually giving money to him. But I bet I would find him very charming, very intelligent until he said funner. See, I would think he was just being folksy. Oh. See, I think that would be the thing that would pull me out of it. I'd be like, I don't care for that. Well, I mean, do you have to care for

everything? No, no. I think he would win me over. Yeah. And it wouldn't be difficult. Yeah. Because you're such a slut. No. I'm just very impressionable. No. I don't think I'd give him actual money, though. Okay. Maybe monopoly money.

I was going to say, not actual money. I don't know why I said actual money. All right. Well, anyway, Darren ran into a big problem pretty quickly. Well, see, by the time he actually started this business, the private mortgage industry wasn't really a thing anymore. Oh, shit. It was the early 2000s. Banks were giving loans to everyone.

So why would anyone get into a private mortgage? Right. And if you did get into a private mortgage, you probably wanted to be in one. Yes. So why would you want to get out of it? Yeah. So Darren found himself with millions of dollars of other people's money. And nowhere to invest it.

Well, well. Oh. Okay, he couldn't invest it in the way that he told them he was going to invest it. So he was going to do it in like a much less safe way where they were going to lose all their money? Much riskier way? Now, hold on. What do you think he did i have no idea i mean he could have given the money back to people no he for sure didn't do that absolutely not we wouldn't be talking about him if he did no or what else could he do brandy

come on you know one thing about this man What's the one thing he loves in this world? Buses. Yeah. He started a bus company. He could invest in really nice buses. Oh, no. This guy does love fucking buses. He said, I've got all this money.

Come on, get me a real nice lady. He couldn't help himself. Nice lady. He couldn't help himself. The year was 2003, and Meridian Mortgage Funds had like $13 million just sitting around. So naturally, he took a measly $4 million and invested it in his bus company. And that was so easy that he took some more money. Sure.

And some more money. And some more money. Yeah. All some more money. And some more money. Yeah. All of it. Well, hold on. First of all, and this is very rude because you haven't even asked, but his buses were very nice. Okay, but what's he doing with the buses? I am so glad you asked.

Have you ever wondered how the Seattle Seahawks get from point A to point B? They get there by bus. Darren's buses. Darren's buses. Okay. Yes. All right. But here's the thing. Why just spend stolen money on buses?

Why not spend a little on yourself? Oh, good. Right? Yeah. Why not buy yourself a hot tub? Did he buy himself a hot tub? He did, but, you know, who could blame him for that?

Yeah. He took his investors' money and bought himself two private jets. Oh, shit. What? Well, what use is one private jet, really? Why do you need two? Because you don't want to seem poor.

Can you imagine two private jets? What the fuck are you doing with your life? Two private jets. Also, two yachts. What? Again, I think one will do you. No, no it won't. Not when

your money is truly bottomless. Okay. Also, he had multiple homes because what's more boring than one home? One private jet. One yacht. Yeah. He was living the dream. On other people's money.

Sure, that's a minor detail and it's rude of you to bring it up. Around this time, he posted a photo of himself on Facebook. Was he in front of his private jet? No. No, no, no. It's way funnier than that. Are you ready to laugh?

Yeah. Okay, we'll see if you get the joke. In this photo, he's standing next to a poster for Seattle Roasted Coffee Company, and the poster had an image of coffee beans on it. Yeah.

And the poster read, I'm hot and I'm rich. Oh, sure. And in the photo, Darren's standing next to the poster and he's pointing at it. Yeah. And the poster read, I'm hot and I'm rich. And in the photo, Darren's standing next to the poster and he's pointing at it and he's giving a thumbs up. Yeah. Because he's also hot and rich. Do you get it? Do you get it? I think they get it. Oh boy. Ready for more good times? Yeah. Okay. In March of 2007, Darren paid $5.5 million for a gorgeous mansion on Mercer Island. Not only did the mansion sit right on Lake Washington, but it also had a view of the Bellevue skyline. But let me tell you something. Darren wasn't like an as-is of guy you know a lot of projects

he wanted to yeah get done in there yeah the real shitty mansion was it he just wanted to make it his own i'm sorry is that a problem oh oh i'm sorry brandy's all like oh you can't throw a coat of paint on it turns out and i hate to give this guy a compliment, but man, when you combine excellent taste with unlimited money, you can have a very nice home. That's what I learned from this episode of American Greed. Okay. One of the subcontractors who worked on the remodel, which, by the way, this remodel took like two years, spoke to the Seattle Times and said, essentially, yeah, I mean, we work on really nice homes all the time. You know, we work on waterfront homes.

Obviously, we're used to a certain level. But this was next level. Money was truly no object. Darren would see something in a magazine and he'd be like, do this. Oh, my gosh. He said that they rebuilt rooms three or, do this. Oh my gosh. He said that they rebuilt rooms three or four times. Oh my gosh. Darren would walk in and say, I don't like it, redo it. And they would. But oh my God, it was incredible. It was all metal and glass and exposed

wood. Here's how you know it was amazing. Any home from 2007 should look very dated. Yeah. This one did not. I mean, here's the thing. It's not like you wouldn't see it and go... It needs some updating. But I think it looks pretty amazing. Also, and anyone who knows anything about slate prices will drop their jaw at this.

He had a long, curved driveway made of slate. How much did that cost? I don't know, but I know it was a ton. I know that, like, he spent $5.5 million, and people said that he spent about that in renovations. Wow. He had four bedrooms, a home theater, a pool, four kitchens, which I think is ridiculous. That's excessive. He also had a king-sized horsehair mattress, which, need I remind you, is the second time I've covered a con artist who

had a horsehair mattress. It is. I think we need to look into anyone who's sleeping on a horsehair mattress. Just lock them up. Don't ask questions. Yeah. Am I right? Absolutely.

No way you can go wrong with that. Also, and I love this, the American Greed episode specifically mentioned that he had a hot tub. So that's how you know he was doing great. That's right. I am shocked that you have not asked for the address. You have it? I should.

I assumed you would say it if you had it. Lay it on me. 1640 72. What? 1640 72nd Avenue. Oh, okay. Sorry, I said that wrong. Southeast.

What? Mercer Island, Washington. Oh, okay. Sorry, I said that wrong. Southeast. What? Mercer Island, Washington. Oh, shit. Yep, I believe Zillow has some pictures. Oh, shit. Okay, am I right about, like, yeah, it's not exactly. Why are the pictures so small? Get the fuck up here.

Let me see the picture. Yeah, you're looking. Are your pictures small? Yeah, my pictures are small. You're just going to have to deal, ma'am. All right. Wow. Yeah, this is nice.

It's incredible. Yeah. Yeah, I get exactly what you mean. Sure, there are things you could do, but you could slum it there. I could survive there. No, it looks amazing. Uh-huh. 5,400 looks amazing. Uh-huh. 5,400 square feet.

Mm-hmm. Not bad, huh? No. What is this, a private dock? Yeah, he had a dock. He had two yachts. What, are you not going to have a dock? Four ski-doos?

Is that what they're called, ski-doos? I think that's a brand name. I couldn't think of the jet skis. I couldn't think of what they are. Oh, yeah, yeah. He had a lot of jet skis. Yeah, he's got four. I think I see three or four. The picture's small of the jet skis. I couldn't think of what they are. Oh, yeah, yeah. He had a lot of jet skis. Yeah, he's got four. I think I see three or four.

The picture's small, so I can't tell for sure. All right. Yeah. That pool just like goes out to the water. That's my favorite kind of pool. Fuck. It's the pool next to the open water. It looks like you could just swim out into it, but you won't because.

And you're safe from the creatures that are in the water while you pretend that you're out there and brave. Mm-hmm. There you go. Years passed, and Darren kept on thriving. Yeah. And he kept on lying. Yeah. The truth was he was running a Ponzi scheme.

Yeah. So he needed more investors to come in so that he could use their money to pay off the old investors. Yeah. But don't worry, it wasn't hard to get new investors. Darren looked so successful. He had multiple private jets, for Christ's sake. Clearly, he was very good at making money. That's why he has multiple private jets. That's how you get an investor. You need my jet for the weekend? Oh, yeah. You want to borrow my jet? Yeah, no problem. You need my jet for the weekend? Oh, yeah.

You want to borrow my jet? Yeah, no problem. That's a good... Yes. I've got a spare private jet. Mm-hmm. Yep. Good Lord. Plus, by that point, he'd buddied up with financial advisors in Seattle and Bellevue who recommended him to their clients.

Great. Did they know he was a schemer? Good question. Great. Did they know he was a schemer? Good question. Yeah. I have suspicions. Yeah. But they come a little later. Okay.

All right. I'll keep my pants on. Bottom line is, who would question this guy? He'd gone to law school. He did? Yeah. Or did he just tell people he went to law school? He went to law school.

He also went to business school. Okay. Yeah, University of Oregon. Ever heard of it? Fighting ducks. Yeah. Or did he just tell people he went to law school? He went to law school. He also went to business school. Okay. Yeah, University of Oregon. Ever heard of it? Fighting ducks. Yeah. Okay. I think they're just the ducks.

No, they're fighting. Pacifist ducks. Fighting hard for law school. Yeah, he did not have an undergraduate degree. So, yeah, there was no law school. Yeah. But these are minor details, and I'll thank you not to bring them up again. Did he make up fake diplomas?

I don't know about that, but he definitely told people he... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With the money rolling in, Darren poured about $40 million into the bus business. What the fuck? Turns out you can have a really nice bus business when you pour $40 million into it. Oh, my gosh.

Was that business actually doing well? I mean, you tell me. They were now luxury buses chartered by top athletes and celebrities. So, yeah, I think they were doing just fine. Oh, my gosh. MTR Western, you ever heard of it? No. Still around today.

Okay. Darren was super protective of his buses. They had oak floors. He wouldn't let anyone drive the buses on gravel or in snow. What? Yeah, you're in Washington. This guy loves fucking buses. I'm afraid so.

He insisted on interviewing each bus driver himself. He bought their uniforms from Nordstrom. He did? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. This guy, this is so weird. Simply the best. He's obsessed with buses.

Uh-huh. One time, he threw a party for his bus company in the hopes of attracting more business. Okay, so tell me, what kind of party you throw? A party on a bus. No, you want a lot of people there. You want to really draw people in, okay? It's 2005, 2006. I'm not really sure what year, but keep that in mind.

What do you do to draw the people in? I have no idea. What do you do? Obviously, you hire John Mayer and Ben Folds to perform at your party. Well, that sounds amazing. Exactly. Two douchey guys. Hired by another douchey guy.

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I will not! Um, what do you think? What do you think? I don't have a clue. $100,000. Oh, hold on. Your body is a wonderland. You're worth more than that, baby. What do you think? Okay, it's 2007-ish. So he's like a real big deal. People probably don't even really know he's a douche yet. Exactly.

A million dollars. Oh, well, calm down. It's fucking John Mayer. We're looking at $465,000. That's a lot of fucking money. How much did Ben Folds get paid? I don't mean to upset you, but this did upset me. Ben Folds was evidently not a big enough star to be included in several of these articles.

They just mentioned John Mayer. I found one that also mentioned Ben Folds, but they did not mention the amount that was paid. All right. Yeah. It's probably not surprising that the people who drove the luxury buses for Darren's company thought he was great. Yeah. He told them all about how his grandfather had driven for Greyhound and how he'd worked his way through law school by driving a bus. Okay.

That's all bullshit. Well, his grandpa did work for Greyhound, actually. But he did not go to law school, and he did not work his way through driving a bus. Wow. He's just obsessed with buses. Yeah, but wouldn't it be great if he had worked his way through imaginary law school driving an imaginary bus? Yeah, wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be amazing?

Yeah, wouldn't that be nice? He spent hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for the drivers to go on an all-expenses-paid holiday party to places like Disneyland. And also a place that I've definitely heard of, Teatro Zanzani. What? I think it's like a circus thing. I looked it up briefly. What? To me, it was a little like check kiting.

I was like, all right, you're saying this like I'm supposed to know what it is. I have no idea. What is this called? Teatro Zanzani. How do you spell that? Hang on. Let me. Ah! Oh, no. I do you spell that? Hang on. Let me. Ah!

Oh, no. Oh, wait. I already got it. Oh, okay. I already got it. Thank God, because I'm messing up. Oh, yeah. Is this like a Cirque du Soleil type of thing?

Yeah. All right. Junior varsity version, or what are we dealing with here? I think so. Yeah, it's founded in Seattle. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's kind of a homegrown. A lot of people break their necks. It's founded in Seattle. Oh, okay. Kind of a homegrown.

A lot of people break their necks. It looks very cool. But yes, it appears to be just like an off-brand Cirque du Soleil. I would accept that. Yeah. So, obviously, that was really cool. Why are you making that face? That seems so weird to me.

What? That he would spend his stolen money on... Who cares? It's stolen money. But. Why not? Because he loves these fucking buses so much. Yeah.

He wants to make sure that his employees are happy and not fucking his buses. Well, certain employees, yes. Yeah. Only the bus drivers. But yeah, the people who worked with him every day at Meridian saw a different side of him. Oh yeah. Because you know, you can only keep up the charade for so long. Yeah. He would get super angry when

things didn't go his way. You know, the thing about a Ponzi scheme, I don't mean to educate you here, but like you gotta keep people in silos, okay? Yes! And everything has to come to you. Exactly, and nobody can talk to each other. Yes! Yes. You get it.

Your Ponzi scheme is going great. When things didn't go his way, he threw laptops at people. Oh, good. He threw coffee mugs. Great. Which I assume were full of coffee. One day, the HR manager was trying to calm him down, and Darren threw a stapler at him. Oh, boy.

At the HR manager, and the HR manager was like, I quit. Because, of course. Uh-huh. The truth is, it's hard being hot, rich, and full of shit, because you can't just take money out of accounts. It's not that simple. Yeah. Darren had to create reasons for the money to go missing. Could we get some sad music playing behind me while I say this?

So he created a bunch of fake paperwork for fake real estate deals. Okay. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to be ass deep in fake paperwork? It does seem like a lot of work. Yes. You got to work for deep in fake paperwork. It does seem like a lot of work. Yes. You got to work for those real private jets. Don't even get me started on the audits. One accounting firm did three audits of the Meridian funds.

And what'd they find? Well, hold on. First of all, you should know that the way that typically works is the accounting firm sends out letters to a random sampling of mortgage borrowers and they'd ask them, hey, you know, what have you paid on this loan? And the borrower gets back to you with their number and you check that. It gets the number that was provided to you by the lender. And, you know, if everything adds up, then we're good. Yay, yippee skippee. What happens if it doesn't add up? Well, then that's a problem. So those audits were obviously going to be a problem for Darren. Absolutely.

But don't worry. He came up with a solution. What's the solution? Okay, I've just told you how these work. What's the solution? How do you get around this? You do an in-house audit. Mm-mm.

Okay. Okay. Nope. You fabricate the borrower's responses. How do you do that, though? You never ask them in the first place. No. It's an outside firm that's doing that. I don't know.

I don't know. Tell me. Oh, wow. First rule of improv. I don't know. Tell me. He opened a metric shit ton of P.O. boxes and had those P.O. boxes forwarded to his address so all the paperwork that was meant to go to the fake borrowers ended up going back to him. So he'd fill it all out, send it back to the accounting firm, firm.

And bada bing, bada boom. Audit complete. Oh my gosh. Passed with flying colors. And then you can go and brag to any skeptical investor and be like, look, we've been audited several times. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Look how legit I am.

Yeah. It's not hocus pocus. Absolutely. My buses have oak floors. We went to Teatro Zanzani. Darren kept this up for years. Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. How much money do you think he stole? I have no idea. Millions of dollars. Of course. Yeah. Give me the ballpark. $25 million.

Mm-hmm. Mm me the ballpark. $25 million. Mm, mm, mm, mm. In less than 10 years, he managed to scam more than 800 people out of more than $140 million. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Would you like to know how he finally got caught? Yeah, I would. Okay. It was all Bernie Madoff's fault.

Really? Bernie Madoff got caught, and so they started looking into... It's funny. It's not even that simple. So Bernie Madoff got caught operating the largest Ponzi scheme in history. Yeah. I mean, that we know of. Yeah.

operating the largest Ponzi scheme in history. Yeah. I mean, that we know of. Yeah. And one of Darren Berg's biggest investors had also been an investor with Bernie Madoff. So once that guy realized he'd been duped by Bernie Madoff, he got really nervous. Yeah. I don't even know that he suspected anything with Darren. He was maybe just like, I just lost a bunch of money.

Yeah. I need to get my money back. Yes. Anyway, he went to Darren and was like, yeah, I want to withdraw my money. Yeah. I need to get my money back. Yes. Anyway, he went to Darren and was like, yeah, I want to withdraw my money. Yeah. But it was so much money that Darren couldn't pay it back.

Couldn't cover it, yeah. He was trapped. He tried to wiggle out of it. But that just freaked out more of his investors and suddenly more people wanted their money. At the same time,

the housing market was collapsing. So a lot of people were like, that money that I just invested for fun, I need that back. Yeah. Darren tried to lie his way out of this, but eventually people started suing him. It was becoming a problem. Darren saw the writing on the wall. So he did something kind of wild. He got on his yacht and he just sailed away. Sail away, sail away, sail away. But he couldn't figure out which yacht to choose. Yeah.

So he tied them together. Oh, yeah, he tugged one behind. Oh, that's much more efficient than what I was thinking. I was thinking side by side, and he does a hop, skip, and a jump to, like, spin the little wheelie guy. The helm. Thank you. We call it the wheelie guy in my house.

No, he got a lawyer, called up the feds and said he had a confession to make. He did? He sure did. He just turned himself in? Yeah. Wow. I mean, at that point, probably best move. You're going to get the lightest sentence. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. On July 16th, 2010, he met with the feds and he

was super cooperative. It was like, I want to file for bankruptcy. I want to work out a deal. Basically, he's like, I will tell you out of this. He's like, this is all very complicated what I did. Yeah. Because some of these funds were legit and they stayed legit. Yeah. So he's like, I will tell you everything I did. Yeah. He was pretty charming the whole time. Uh huh. You know? Yeah. The feds told him that, OK, you know, you'll have to turn over your assets to a bankruptcy trustee. And Darren was like, yeah, I get it. You know, OK. But don't take my fucking buses.

Is that what he said? I think that was the vibe. The bankruptcy trustee who was assigned to this case was a guy named Mark Colvert. Mark Colvert was so deeply unimpressed with a lot of aspects of this Ponzi scheme. Yeah. In particular, he was like, the strategies that Darren used to mislead these auditors at these accounting firms were stupid. Yeah. Didn't they think it was weird that most of their letters were going to P.O. boxes?

Right. And didn't they think it was weird that, like, all the letters they received back had the same handwriting? I wondered that, too. Well, especially, it's funny to me, you're dealing with real estate deals. Yeah. And everyone has a PO box? Yeah. They're not just getting their mail at their home?

Super weird. But the way he gets away with it is because there were legitimate funds mixed in. So it's not like every single one of them is fraudulent. Well, see, I don't know about that. And I don't know how these audits work, if they're just auditing this particular fund or what. I mean, I know a lot about this. OK, so I've known about check hiding for years now. So I can answer a lot, but I can't answer that.

years now. So I can answer a lot, but I can't answer that. Ultimately, Darren was charged with nine counts of wire fraud, two counts of money laundering, you know, but he was allowed to be out while he awaited trial. And that makes sense because, again, he's being very cooperative. Right. But then the feds discovered that Darren only appeared to be cooperative. He was only showing them what he wanted them to see. There was more? Yeah, there was more, and there was also more on top of that. So they discovered that he had a secret bank account in Belize that he just started up. How much money was in it?

Don't worry about it. How much money? I don't believe he'd actually gotten the money into it quite yet. Okay, so he'd only set it up. Which is weird when you're like planning to go to prison soon. Sure is. They discovered that he had other properties

that he'd been concealing from the bankruptcy trustee. And they were like, holy shit, this guy is playing us. He's just been buying time for himself while he plans his escape. He's going to get on two yachts at the same time. He's going to be like, yee-haw! Does he got one foot on each yachts at the same time and he's gonna be like, yeehaw!

Does he got one foot on each yacht? Yeah, obviously, duh! Also, how does this guy still have money coming in? Yeah. When confronted about his new money, Darren was like, what?

Oh my god, you guys. I just started a new business. I can't help it that I'm so successful. Okay, good job, Brandi. He had money coming in for consulting work. I am consulting people on what it's like to own a corporate jet. Uh-huh. Yep.

Wow. He showed them the paperwork for the consulting work, and so they went to the guy who allegedly hired Darren as a consultant. And the guy was like, first of all, that is not my signature. And also, my name is misspelled. I know how to spell my own name. Turns out the money actually came from a property he'd sold. Oh, neat.

A property that he'd been concealing from the government. Oopsies. Oh, okay. Fudge stripes. Yeah. So the prosecutors went before a judge, and they were like, could you please lock this dude up? He's a flight risk.

And Darren's attorney was like, hey, hey, hey, this offshore account wasn't sketchy at all. Darren had just been trying to protect his bus company. Yeah. Uh-huh. Anything to protect the buses. Anything, yes! I'll lay a finger on my buses!

Don't let them drive through snow! You're on gravel! Sir, this is Washington! I don't care! We're on a road that's like a little bit uneven! So this judge thought about it for like 12 seconds and was like, yeah, I better lock this guy up. Yeah! So this judge thought about it for like 12 seconds and was like, yeah, I better lock this guy up. Yeah.

On October 21st, 2010, Darren was charged with an additional count of concealing funds from a bankruptcy trustee. By that point, investigators had a bitter, bitter idea. I thought they were going to have a bit of batter. Bitter batter. Betty Bitter Batter. Was it a bigger idea, a better idea, or a bit of batter? A bit of brownie batter. A bit of batter.

She had a bit of batter. They had a better idea. They had a better idea. And they were just stunned because this was so much bigger and better than they initially thought. Oh, jeez. This case was headed for trial. Yeah. But in August of 2011, they really- He took a deal. Oh, jeez. This case was headed for trial. Yeah. But in August of 2011, they-

He took a deal. Oh. Yeah! Yes! Darren pled guilty to one count of- One count?! Hold on. Okay, sorry.

Jesus Christ! One count of wire fraud. Pause. Okay. One count of money laundering. Pause. And one count of bankruptcy fraud. Okay.

And it still seems a little like it. It does, indeed. At his sentencing in February of 2012, his sister spoke in his defense. She said that he'd had an abusive childhood. Their father had beaten their mother. Their father had beaten their two older brothers. And the brothers had taken their anger out on Darren. Oh, boy.

That's rough. Yeah. It's terrible. She said that in those moments, Darren invented an alter ego named Rod Taylor, and he'd evidently never let that alter ego go. Wow. She told a newspaper reporter that Darren used to hide under the bed when his father would beat their mom,

and she said that their childhood had warped Darren's values. Darren's mom also spoke out in his defense. In a letter to the judge, she blamed the victims. They should have been so stupid. Actually, I think it's a little worse. Really? Here's what she wrote. They too must be culpable for a small percentage of the guilt as savvy investors for letting their greed overtake their reason no no no yeah no that's so shitty holy shit yeah oh boy

he'd bought his mom a house with this stolen money, so I don't know. Maybe she wanted to keep the house. I don't know. I just think that's so exceptionally shitty. It's really shitty. Judge Richard Jones didn't seem moved. He told Darren, I'm not sure how you live with yourself. And he sentenced him to 18 years in federal prison. Wow.

Yeah. That's a nice long term. Yeah, I agree. All right. I thought when he was getting one charge each that it was going to be a real light sentence. Sure. All right. Sure.

You're happy with 18 years. Well, I don't know that I'm happy with 18 years. Honestly, it seems kind of long for a financial crime. 140 million? It's a lot. You're right. You're right. I mean, we just a financial crime. $140 million? It's a lot. You're right. You're right. I mean, we just punish financial crime in this country.

I know. It's so different. Yeah, it is. But also, like, first of all, I feel sorry for anyone who's swindled. No, absolutely. But also, he's only dealing with wealthy people. Yeah. Now, a lot of them, you know.

So you're kind of siding with his mom? No. No, I am not. I'm just saying if you're going to rip anybody off, rip off the people who have multiple hot tubs. That's what I'm saying. For a couple of years, Darren bounced around from minimum security prison to minimum security prison. Did he sneak on out? What are you talking about?

He snuck on out. No, he got 18 years and he's going to serve. No, he's not. In 2016, he was moved to Atwater Penitentiary. It's worth mentioning that Atwater is a maximum security prison. Okay. But they also have a minimum security satellite camp nearby. He's at the satellite camp, and he was, and then he just wandered off one day, and nobody's ever seen him again. They decided that the con artist belonged in the minimum security satellite camp, surrounded by, get this, minimal fencing. Great.

You can't even get a full fence around there? Just sounds perfect. This next part will shock you. On December 6th, 2017, Darren broke out of prison. Yeah. And actually broke out might be a strong term. He just wandered off. Yeah, it might be more accurate to just say that he walked out.

Yeah. He was evidently working on the prison grounds when he literally walked away. Uh-huh. The Federal Bureau of Prisons wouldn't provide any details about how he'd escaped. Oh, that's interesting. Mm-hmm. Probably because it's so fucking embarrassing. Because they fucked up, yeah.

I believe one article said that he was the third person to escape that year. And maybe that satellite camp's not working out real great. A local sheriff talked to the Seattle Times and basically said, yeah, I mean, it seems like you probably had some help with the escape. And by the time the guards figured out he was missing, he was long gone. Yeah. And he's still he's still missing. No. Oh, he's been found.

Hang on. Hang on. OK. Would you like to hear a fun fact? Yes. Guess what's right by the person? I don't know. The ocean or an airport.

An airport. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. An airport. Yep, yep, yep. Great. Uh-huh. Shortly after. Got himself on a plane, did he?

We don't know. To a country without an extradition treaty. You're moving way too fast, lady. Okay, he's just escaped. Okay, great. We're not sure he might be in the bushes, okay? Sure. It might not have occurred to him to get on a jet.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Shortly after the escape, Mark Calvert, who had been the bankruptcy trustee on Darren's case, was like, yeah, no shit, he escaped. I don't think he said no shit.

Yeah. But I'm sure he was thinking that. Yeah. He basically told reporters, yeah, I'm not surprised. He was like, it was my job to track more than like $150 million in stolen investments. And of course, at least a couple million were unaccounted for. So one has to assume that Darren squirreled that money away, knowing that he might one day escape. Mark said, you're probably not going to catch this guy.

He's smart. He's well-traveled. He definitely has money. He's probably in a country that doesn't extradite to the United States. Mm-hmm. Mark was right. Yeah, it didn't look good. Darren Burke was 55 years old, free as a bird.

The victims of his Ponzi scheme were pissed off. According to the article in Seattle Met, many of them had to delay retirement or sell their homes. And one of them, when they found out that Darren was on the run, said this. I hope he's hiding out, wracked with paranoia in some rat inf-infested, mosquito-ridden dunghole, fearing for his shitty life. Oh my gosh. I mean, yeah, of course you would feel like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he's probably doing any of that.

I don't think so either. I think he's got millions of dollars doing just fine. He probably bought a couple of buses. Millions of dollars. So do I. Doing just fine. Probably bought a couple of buses. Yeah, can we think of any countries who all of a sudden have great luxury buses right now?

Years went by and Darren's whereabouts remained a mystery. But investigators were pretty sure they knew who'd helped him escape. Who? Darren's boyfriend, a guy named Daryl Ray Blankenship, which is a great name, was a flight attendant. Oh! Fuck!

Yeah, so he may have had access to a private jet. And a few weeks after Darren's escape from prison, Daryl posted photos on social media. Looked like he was in Brazil. Oh!

And according to the court documents, one of the men in the photos that Daryl posted had the same hairline as Darren Berg, which I'm like, the same hairline? What the hell does that mean? Does he look like him or not? I'm wondering, like, was it taken from far away? Yeah, does he have a distinct hairline? He looked like just a generic white man to me.

Does he have like a widow's peak or anything like that? I can't remember. All right. Although I do like a widow's peak. Yeah. So maybe that was it. Maybe. Anyway.

In 2019, federal agents named him a person of interest in this escape. They gathered up evidence. They found a message that Daryl had sent to a friend. It was signed Daryl and Darren. They got a tip from a friend of Daryl's who showed them an Instagram message that Daryl had sent saying that he'd just heard from Darren. But guess what, Brandy?

It's 2023 and I've got nothing else for you darren berg is still on the run and that is the story of a mini made off holy shit yeah yeah i think that guy is doing just fine i think he is too. Running the same scheme on new people. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. That dude's been scheming since... They may even know exactly where he is.

Oh, absolutely. Holy shit. Mm-hmm. That was wild. Freaking Darren. Fucking Darren and his fucking buses that he loves to fuck. We don't know that, but we strongly suspect. Wow, I really liked that.

That was wild. Did you really? Yes, yes. That was wild. Yes. Yes. I just, that is an unfathomable amount of money to deal with, let alone steal from people. Yeah. But you really see how the snowball effect happens.

Absolutely. I mean, I'm sorry, you're letting me borrow your private jet? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to assume you know a lot about making money. Absolutely. Yeah. Whew! Yeah, take my going to assume you know a lot about making money. Absolutely. Yeah. Woo! Yeah, take my yacht for the weekend.

Absolutely. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Holy shit. Should we? Oh, no, we have to do it. I was going to say let's take questions from the Discord, but we have an ad to do. Doodle-oo!

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Oh my goodness, what should we do now? I think we should take questions from the Discord now. What is a Discord? A Discord is like a 90s style chat room where you can shitty chat the day away shitty chat i would prefer i said shitty chat shitty chat shitty shitty bang bang i love you record um we take some questions from the discord i got all rattled i can't imagine why was your podcast co-host messing with you the whole time you tried to talk? What a charmer. Oh, okay.

The Ginger Snap asks, what is the one kitchen implement or instrument you can't live without? I have a ridiculous answer to this. And I went- What is it? For 34 years of my life, 35 years of my life, 36 years of my life without one of these. Please be accurate. Because I thought that I was fine without it. Uh-huh.

A juicer. Just like a little squeeze juicer. The little one where you put the lemon or the lime in the thing and then you just clamp it down. I've just been hand juicing. And then you got to pick out the seeds and shit. Wow. What a chump you were.

I know. I learned from Rachel Ray because she just hand squeezes her shit. And so I was like, if it's good enough for Rachel Ray, it's good enough for me. No! Get the fucking juicer

squeezer thingy. You realize you're so much better than Rachel Ray. Well, that's not what I'm saying. Yummo, am I right? Stop it. Do you have a gadget?

Hmm. Inspector gadget? Oh, this will surprise no one. You know a device that I really enjoy? What? My soup blender. It's an immersion blender. They call it an immersion blender.

I call it a soup blender. What are you blending your soup for? So it's not all chunky. I like chunky soup. I do too. I like a little chunk. I don't like it all chunked up. I like chunky soup. I do, too. I like a little chunk. I don't like it all chunked up. Okay, so you use your immersion blender.

Okay, so I blend it. Okay. Just a little buzz, buzz, buzz, and that's it. Then you're happy. Don't buzz at me. And then you've climaxed into super- I was going to say, how many things do you like that go buzz, buzz, buzz, Kristen? That's such a rude question.

And this is a family podcast how dare you cotton candy math teacher asks i have to ask are you taking january off yes we are absolutely it is you can't force us it's so important to the process hey hey you you know those podcasts where you're like oh oh, my gosh, they sound like they hate each other. They sound like they've lost their zeal. Like they have no interest in doing the podcast anymore. Yeah, it's because they don't take breaks. Yeah. Young podcasters, learn from us.

Take breaks. Take breaks. It's so fucking important. And if your audience is mad at you for taking a break, good. They should be upset because they should want more from you. Sure. But it's not your job to do everything that everyone wants from you. You gotta take a break. You gotta take the break. It's so important.

There you go. Yeah, so we will be off for January. We'll take off Christmas and then the whole month of January. And also June. Yes. Because that's what we do. That's what we do. Absolutely. Ooh. Su-hu-p-ch-k-rah. Yes. Because that's what we do. That's what we do. Absolutely. Ooh. Su-hu-p-ch-k-ra. Yes.

Says, favorite Christmas song? Mine's an old-fashioned Christmas. Stop it. Parentheses, Daddy's Home. Everyone, on our bonus episode, which it's a great bonus episode. I took Kristen on a journey. Oh, my gosh. My favorite part of that listening back

was when you stopped me as I'm telling you the lyrics of a song and you go, is this a movie you watched? That song is ridiculous. It is ridiculous. Too much stuff happens in that three minute song. It's four minutes.

Oh, I'm sure it is. Might as well be an hour and a half. Yeah, everyone, Brandy told us about a horrible song. What was it called again? It's called An Old-Fashioned Christmas, parentheses, Daddy's Home. Let me tell you something, folks. If you don't give a shit about a whole bus full of people dying

on Christmas Eve, you'll love this heartwarming song. It's ridiculous. Check it out! Oh my gosh, okay, on that same line. Pro Boni attorney says, not a question, but somehow Brandy's description of an old-fashioned Christmas somehow was not as unhinged as the real thing.

I listened to the song right after and could not handle it. Do I need to go listen to this song? We played it after the episode. You have heard it. I blocked it. I made you ignore listening to it. I made so many people listen to that song. Okay, I've got a great question here.

Okay. It comes from Criminal Fivehead. What's your favorite dad joke? I've got a new one. Okay. You ready? Yeah. What do you call a cat that just ate a duck?

I don't know. A duck-filled fatty puss. Oh, my gosh. On our family Thanksgiving trip, my mom purchased some joke books for kids from the Dollar General. This came from the part two in the series. So we weren't dealing with the top brass and alexandra was reading us jokes and you know my mom and i are kind of like cheesy cheesy cheesy well she asks us that question and we couldn't come up with an answer

and then she looks at it she goes i'm not reading this a lot yeah and we were like come on right she's like no no, I, I'm laughing about it, but you won't get why I'm laughing. It's just my sixth grade mind. And it's like, so anyway,

we did see it. And guess what? I did get the joke. You did, yes. Because I also have a sixth grade mind. Absolutely. It peaked at that age.

Amazing. Anyway, duck filled fatty puss for you. What? Do you have a favorite dad joke? Knock, knock. Who's there? Yodel lady.

Yodel lady? Quit yodel lady. Knock, knock. Who's there? I eat map. I'm not saying that! Damn! I eat map. I'm not saying that. Damn. Oh, my gosh.

Coochie Twinges wants to know, I broke my toe this morning stepping over the baby gate in my office. What's the silliest way you've injured yourself? Okay. okay to me there's nothing more embarrassing than getting a noticeable cut or something and having it be for a really stupid reason one time in college i was trying to get into the packaging of a frozen piece of salmon and i was using a very dull knife yeah Yeah. And I cut the shit out of my finger. And it was very embarrassing to be like, yeah,

I couldn't just, like, I was too lazy to search for some scissors. I couldn't possibly, like, get a sharper knife. I just hacked

into this thing. Yeah, anyway. How about you? The one that comes to mind is not really that embarrassing. I mean, it was embarrassing

at the time, but I was in middle school and at softball practice my coach called my name, so I turned to look, but I was playing catch and the other girl didn't notice that I turned to look, so

she threw the ball to me anyway. Do you remember this? No. Hit me square in the forehead. Oh, wait. Okay. I had a giant goose egg on my forehead for like two weeks, and you could see the stitches from the softball in the dent on my head. It was wonderful. You looked really cool. Thank you. Uh-huh.

It became a trend that day. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone was so jealous. It became a trend that year. Yeah, yeah. Everyone was so jealous. Amber the Buy Disney adult asks, if you were on the number five bus from New Haven,

would you haunt the shit out of that family whose dad missed the bus? Hell yeah. Hell yes, I would. I would ruin their Christmas. Yes. I'd be like, you assholes. You're not the only ones on this planet who matter.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Kristen's burp says, not a question, but I gave birth a week ago today to your biggest fan. Say hi to Willow Ray. Oh, what a beautiful baby. Look at Willow Ray. You're not just showing me. I'm looking at Willow Ray right now.

Willow Ray is beautiful. Welcome to the world, Willow Ray. This truly is a family podcast, which is why you need to stop being disgusting, Brandy. It's not a family podcast. Next time you make a disgusting joke about duties, I want you to think about Willow Ray. Okay. I'm still going to make the jokes. You know what I think we should do right now?

Supreme Court injunctions! That's right. To get inducted on this podcast, all you have to do is sign up at our Patreon at the Supreme Court level or higher, and then you will find yourself inducted on this very podcast. Why did you become a Southern Belle there? Because it's very fancy. Oh, okay. All right, and also, right now, we are reading your names and your favorite, or not your favorite.

Your favorite first celebrity crushes. Jess Cordero. Raphael the Ninja Turtle. Claire. Heath Ledger. Alex. Moses from the animated film The Prince of Egypt. We had so many animated answers.

I love it. Do you? I do. Well, you always wanted to raw dog Mickey Mouse. No. You always wanted to. Never. Never got a chance. Never once. Because that guy at Disney World was like, ma'am, please stop. Anyway,

Alexis Coleman. Joshua Jackson a la Mighty Ducks. Zach Combs. Lola Bunny. Corrine Pelletier. John Travolta. Bonnie Yarborough Brandon Lee Bridget Kay Theodore Lawrence

from Little Women Courtney Hines Joshua Jackson again Kelly from Kansas and Chicago but lives in Florida I don't think that's her real name Lee Thompson Young Veronica Jay Ken Griffey Jr. Sports.

Biebs. Sean from Boyz II Men. Amber. Christian Slater. Sam. Macaulay Culkin. Alex Harmon. Johnny Depp.

Natalie. Devin Sawa. Casey. Oh, Casey. A.K.A. Aunt Kiki. This is Brandy's sister. And her first crush was Jabba the Hutt. That is on brand and very alarming.

Maddie Grace. Zac Efron. Michelle Peshkin. Leonardo DiCaprio. Jaleesa Evans. Daniel Radcliffe. Welcome to the Supreme Court! Oh my God!

Thank you everyone for all of your support. We appreciate it so much. If you're looking for other ways to support us, please find us on social media. We're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Patreon. Please remember to subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen and then head on over to Apple Podcasts

and leave us a five-star rating and review. Then be sure to join us next week when Brandy will be an expert on a whole new topic. Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process. For this episode, I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary.

So I owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from an episode of American Breed titled Seattle Roasted, as well as reporting from the Seattle Times and the Seattle Met. Any errors are of course ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.