Let's Go To Court! - 283: Snapped! ft. Ellyn and Joey from I Think Not!

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Buckle up, people! Ellyn Marsh and Joey Taranto from the podcast I Think Not! invited us on their show and it was a hoot! Btw, we recommend you listen to this episode while eating a bowl of guacamole.  *** YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 52+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

If you're changing payroll providers, experience better payroll processing services with ADP Canada. Payroll time and HR for business. Visit ADP.ca. Why, hello everyone. Boy, do we have a gift for you today. And did... What? Why are you laughing? This is a gift, Kristen. Well, I'm just questioning, what did they do to deserve this? Why are you laughing? This is a gift, Kristen.

Well, I'm just questioning what did they do to deserve this? No, we have for you today the collab that we did with I Think Not. We covered an episode of Snapped with them on their show. And get excited because they have been guests on our show as well. So please enjoy this episode of I Think Not featuring us. Us. Us. And stay tuned in February because our first episode back will be our episode with them, the Ellen Marsh and the Joey Taranto of I Think Not. In case it's not super clear, we love them. They are super funny. If you've not listened to their podcast yet, check it out. Take the word of our very own sisters. They have a wonderful podcast. They're really cool. Wow. What are they

like in real life? Shut up, Kyla and Casey. Anyway, if you love I Think Not, and we think you will, you might want to check them out when they go on tour. They're going to Washington, D.C., March 2nd, Chicago, March 13th, St. Louis, March 14th, and Los Angeles, March 26th. Check them out and please enjoy this episode that we did with them. Let's, well, okay, let's clap. Let's clap. Okay, one, two, three. Brandi, what the fuck was that? Was mine bad? Oh my gosh, everyone else did this. Brandy, what the fuck was that? Brandy! Was mine bad? Oh my gosh, everyone else did this. Brandy, this is you. Okay, three, two, one. Brandy.

Hello, down bitches, and welcome to I Think Not, the podcast where Joey Taranto and I sit with other podcasters and laugh inappropriately, and then we finally hit record at some point. Welcome. Hi, Joey. Hello, Yellen Marsh. How you doing, baby girl? I love you so much. Look at you in that pretty little print. What is that from? I love it right now. I can't tell if it's a carpet or a curtain, but you look beautiful in it. It's, they're banana leaf. It's like banana. Oh, is it a banana leaf? I don't care. It looks like a carpet or a curtain, but it's beautiful. Can you be nice in front of our new friends and introduce them with a

glowing and a loving introduction? Baby girl, God, you look so good. I love it when you dress like that. No. Oh, no. I drove on it when we drove. It's like a pizza pie. So hot dressed like a pizza pie. So hot. Banana leaf pizza pie. Fuck.

Two minutes in, and we're in Daddy Boys. Two minutes in. Can you please introduce our guests and make it nice with a lot of adjectives? I'm sorry. Hi, everyone. We are here with the hosts of Crime Junkie. Oh. How dare you, sir? I'm sorry.

Joey really got himself with that one. Look at you all proud of your little giggle joke. Your little silly, silly goose joke. We're here with the hosts of Let's Go to Court. We are here with Miss Kristen Caruso and Brand Bond. Hello. Hello. So, tell us everything, including your social security numbers. Go for it. Just tell us. Hello. Hello. Tell us everything, including

your social security numbers. Go for it. Just tell us. Absolutely. My home address is... Well, listen, for those of you who don't know, we are sitting here with two OGs. They have had a podcast, Let's Go to Court, since 2018. They got

like a little bit of criminal... What do you guys say in your intro? A semester of criminal justice and like we are dropouts. One semester of law school. I'm a law school dropout. Brandi's a criminal justice dropout. Our families are so disappointed. And now we're podcasters. Yeah, look at it. They podcast. And we have been mutual fans of each other. And we have been planning to sit down with them for months. And finally, the four of us did. And we're going to cover an episode of Snapped all together. So I'd say Poppin' Edible. I mean, we...

Absolutely. That's just something to bring you down. We have just been chatting off mic that we're going to add to Swamp Talk for an hour. We've been telling inappropriate jokes, inappropriate stories. I don't know what's going to make the final cut, but you can find that on Swamp Talk on our Patreon, as well as all of our bonus episodes of all of the shows that we cover. And there's a lot of them.

I told maybe one of the filthiest stories I've ever told on this podcast, on this episode. And Brandi and Kristen had to listen to it. We were scandalized. I fucking loved it. I don't know if that's had to listen to it. We were scandalized. I fucking loved it. I don't know if that's going to make the cut. There might have to be some bleeping. I'm going to... I think

there'd be a lot of bleeping. So much bleeping that the story won't make sense. Can't we call it Swap Talk X-Rated? Yeah. We might. Honestly, they might. Oh no, because it's on our Patreon. I was going to say, Apple might rate it explicit. But anyway,

you can find that as well as all of the extra perks that you have with being a member of our Patreon, including bonus episodes, ad-free episodes, our close friend circle.

We got watch parties coming up. In fact, by the time you hear this, we will have watched the Gypsy Rose. Oh. In our watch party, do you guys want to come?

Oh my God. Have you guys watched it? Have we watched it Gypsy Rose in our watch party. Do you guys want to come? Have you guys watched it? Have we watched it? We're obsessed. Yes. Wait, the new one? No. I haven't watched the newest one yet. Okay, you guys, we have a watch party to watch it all together and we chat and we talk and we giggle. That's at patreon.com slash I think not. But let's take a couple minutes and talk to our ladies before we jump into the episode. You guys, I think the most amazing thing about you for anyone who hasn't listened, but I think we have a pretty big crossover. So most people already know is that you all have been friends since the year one. Yeah. Since fifth grade, when we were in the same class and we were put together like in a seating arrangement because our last names both started with P. And then like making friends is hard. So we just decided to stay friends. Just lock it in. Yeah, it's exhausting. She treats me horribly, but I just put up with it

because what am I going to meet someone new? Exactly. What do we have like 27 years invested at this point? We're in too deep. It's the sunk cost fallacy, but for friends. I love it. Yeah. I have a question. Did y'all do musical theater in high school? No. I was a drama girl, but I didn't do any of the plays and stuff.

I just took like the class and then I was a choir girl. Here's how cool I am. Are you ready? Yeah. Always. Editor. Wait for it. Editor on the yearbook staff.

Wait for it. Editor on the newspaper staff and Editor on the yearbook staff. Wait for it. Editor on the newspaper staff. And editor on the literary magazine. So just a different kind of nerd. Like we're theater nerds. Exactly. Exactly. A different kind of nerd. We're all nerds. I don't know. I had a whole narrative in my head, Brandy, that you were a theater person. I don't know why. I made that up. Probably because we kind of share a brain. I thought you both would be in drama because you're just so outgoing. You have big personalities. I was like, I thought for sure both of you would have been in drama club in high school.

Yeah. I mean, I was wrong. I could see myself in that crowd for sure. But yeah, no. Next thing you're going to say being gay is a choice. Jesus, Brandi. Fuck. She did say that on Swamp Talk.

And we were all pretty horrified. But, you know. Yeah, it's me with my really, really strong opinions there. You will be getting a cease and desist by EOD. So just trust and believe. Listen, if you don't know, the two of us podcasts don't have a great track record of staying on task. So good luck. Buckle up. That's all I can say. Buckle up. That's right of staying on task. So good luck. Buckle up.

That's all I can say. Buckle up. That's right. Buckle up. Click it in. Best of luck to all involved. And we'll see you at the end or we won't. So that's right.

Let's jump in. OK, Joey, I have a new thing, by the way, on Snapped. You know how Snapped, the title is the name, the person, the person's name. I don't think we should say that anymore because it gives it away. Oh, good point. Oh, yeah. All right. Here we go. We're jumping in. Season 25, episode three, no title. They were a couple enjoying the prime of their lives on their farm out in the country. I do believe they were happy, very happy. on their farm out in the country. I do believe they were happy, very happy.

He gave her as much as he could. Where that farm is, it's God's country, and he loved it up there. She did too. But in these parts, people are known to disappear, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. You get more concerned the more time that goes by. We want to know where they were. This is the Ozark Mountains and they don't play and they're not

forgiving. I hollered out for my brother on a mountaintop and it echoed. I said, I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna find you if it's the last thing I do. All right, well, in the words of Samuel L. Jackson in Jurassic Park. Hold on to your butts. Yes. Thank you, Sammy, because we've got a doozy for you. It is March 8th, 2004, the year that Brandy and Kristen graduated high school. Yes. That's correct.

Yes. I paid attention. I don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning, and I don't remember the name or the address of the person that I hooked up with last night, but I did remember what year you graduated high school. That's important. What was the number one song that year? Ellen, I can tell you that I just watched a video of the top songs from 2004, so I don't know that it was the top song overall, but in June of 2004, this one stuck out to me, was Burn by Usher was the top song of that month. That was the year's number two song. And the number one song was also Usher.

My boo? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yes. Usher had the number one and the number two song. Listen, that song. What a year for Usher.

What a year. I love Usher. That song drives me crazy. But I would go see Usher. Is he still, does he still have his residency in Las Vegas? I don't. I don't care. I don't know.

I'm not up on my Las Vegas residencies. Yeah. But I will say that 2004 was also the year that JoJo gave us this bop. Get out right now. It's the end of you and me. It is a great song. I'm also like, I don't ever need to see Moulin Rouge again. It was a really terrible show.

I don't care. I'm sorry. Moulin Rouge is a terrible musical. But JoJo starring as Santine, I missed it and I'm really sad about it. Who's Santine? Satina. Santine? Scriptine.

What's her name? If you would have asked me when that song came out, I would have said 2015. No. It was 2004? And she was only like 14, 13? I have smoked myself stupid. But we're in the Ozarks, y'all. We are in all red Arkansas.

That's kind of like our part of the country. Is it? It's a little southern for us. Also, in this episode of Snapped, they referred to it as God's country. Yeah. That's kind of like our part of the country. Is it? Like, it's a little southern for us. Also, in this episode of Snapped, they referred to it as God's country. Yeah. I don't know. What does that mean exactly? I've noticed when shows are covering places that aren't the greatest and they say things like God's country, what it really means is everybody has a meth problem.

I mean, it's really. Yeah. I mean, seriously. I kind of took it to mean like we're in the Bible Belt. Sure mean, it's really, I mean, seriously, I kind of took it to mean like we're in the Bible belt. Sure. The Bible belt. It's below the Bible belt. It's below the Bible belt, but it's in the region. The Bible zipper. The Bible fanny pack. Also, what if God was a city dweller? What if he wanted to take public transportation and watch people pee on stuff? Yeah, exactly.

What if God was one of us? Yeah. Trying to make his way home. What Brandi's saying, it's in the vicinity of the Bible Belt. You sound like a man describing the clitoris. It's in the area, okay? I was close to it. It's around there somewhere.

Deep in the Ozark Mountains, the Van Buren County Sheriff's Department is working to unravel a mystery. The whereabouts of 46-year-old Ted Throneberry and his 45-year-old wife, Ann Throneberry. At that point in time, they were just missing. You know, Ted and Ann were missing. And they have been searching for them for two weeks. They have a suspect, but let's go back to the beginning. Yes, we're going to go back to the beginning. A very good place who's hot.

I'm sorry, I had to. I love it. I know. Which one of you is going to call me a fag now? We sing on our podcast, but we can't sing. So this is a very refreshing change for us. Absolutely. So a man named Mark Hill, who was a co-worker slash good friend of Ted's,

goes to local police and he's like, hey there, Ted Throneberry is missing and I'm worried about him. We're at this job site. He went home, was supposed to come back for a union meeting, but he didn't. And I have not seen or heard from him. This is very unlike him and you need to look into it. He was very insistent. Yeah, I think it's really bad news when someone doesn't show up for a union meeting. Like, that's a really big deal.

Because there's always free sandwiches. And Ted never missed a sandwich. Ted never said no to a free sandwich. Yeah, he was like, we had French dips that day. And he knew it. So there was something amiss. So the police are like, all right, Mark, we hear you. And they go and they meet Mark at the farm that Ted Throneberry shares with his wife and Throneberry. And it's huge.

It's like 100 acres in the middle of nowhere. Well, not in the middle of nowhere. It's in the middle of the Ozark Mountains. Ozark Mountains, God's country. I know a drag queen named God's country, but it's not C-O-U-N-T-R-Y. It's C-U-N-T-R-Y. Oh, wait a minute. Okay, we get it. All right. Scandalized. The property is 100 acres, which is a lot of acres. And Ann and Ted have been married for 16 years. So when Mark gets to the house, they do a walk around the house and

there's no sign of him. And I'm really, really happy that friend Elias is here because he tells us this. It was very out of character. If Ted was home, he was home. So just the fact that they were gone was very odd.

So just if we can all recap, when you're home, you're home. You're home. I have that on a sampler in my home. Yeah. When you're home, you're home. And she just looks at it every day and she goes, you know what. You're home. I have that on a sampler in my home. When you're home, you're home. And she just looks at it every day and she goes, you know what? That's true. It is true. Yeah. Truer words never been spoken.

If you're home, you could also be at the podiatrist. You know? So many people work from home now, so sometimes when you're home, you're at the office. It's true. That's what Elias meant. Thank you, Randy. If he's home, he's around. That's how that works.

If he's home, he's around. If he's around, he's home. And Kai. And so one of the lieutenants who was there noticed that the windows were open. No one was coming to the door. And he's like, do y'all smell that bleach coming out the window?

And I was like, that makes me nervous. I don't like this. Immediately, no. Okay, but we have to pause because lieutenant w potts had an amazing quote that we need to stop and think about he said when i smelled it it never crossed my mind where this case would take us sir yeah sir i know right so where the fuck did he think it was going people are missing are missing. Because I know right away somebody's missing. It smells like bleach.

But he was home and not in the home. There are so many unanswered questions. How did you not deduce that as a lieutenant? He's like, oh, no, sorry. Sorry for the confusion. My first name is Lieutenant. I didn't even know that. I'm just my first name is Lieutenant.

So now we get Ted's backstory. He was born in 1957. He came from a close-knit family and his sister, Tressela. Sounds like the third sister from Cinderella. Thank you. It does. And just to clarify, the woman that, for real, she's perfectly fine looking. She does not look like an ugly citizen. No, actually. No. She's beautiful. Yes. Gorgeous little pixie cup.

I love her little accent, too. Ted and I had a wonderful childhood. Our parents were loving. We were brought up with great morals and values. And I was like, what's that like? Miss Brandy Perfect Pants will tell you. You guys, on Swamp Talk, we already learned that Brandy has like so many parents and like more than one dad. She has no clue where my dad is.

Brandy made it a point to say that too, which I thought was rude. She did. In hindsight, it was pretty rude. Kristen, can we talk to you for a second? We're just going to mute Brandy real quick. Yeah, please do. My God. Yeah. how do you work with her yeah it's just so it's just like throwing the like acceptance and like a nice family like in our faces i just didn't think we were gonna like i know that but you know she likes to research people ahead of time figure out what are their past traumas how am i better than that is what she asks herself And then she just goes in for the kill. Yeah. Got it. Is that why she called me a worthless slapabottomus? I believe so.

I believe so. She had an index card with insults on it when she came over today. Yeah. She was like, mention the dads. Mention the divorce. Mention Joey's breakup. Okay. Just so we're new.

Thank you. Is everyone heartbroken? Great. I'm doing fine, she said. Yeah. That's what she said. That's what she said. Okay, Joey, you can bring Brandy back now. Hi, Brandy. We love you.

Hey! How are you guys doing? Well, Tressela says that Ted was an outdoorsy person. Listen, y'all, there's a picture of him next to a tree, so it must be true. That's right. I do love the outdoors. I just don't want to live in the outdoors.

You know what I mean? Even if you had a donkey? No, thank you. Even if you had a goat? No. Did you see some of the B-roll of the 100 acres? I did. All the animals.

That all sounds like a lot of work. Totally agree. I'm not the least bit interested in that. Also, it seems like way too far from like a grocery store and a gas station. Target. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a Target.

And a hot tub. Where's the hot tub? Exactly. Kristen's house. I'm. Yeah, a Target. And a hot tub. Where's the hot tub? Exactly. Kristen's house. I'm sorry, I'm living high on the hot tub, as we say. So Sister Tricella, again, pixie haircut, she says something that nobody has ever said about any of the four people in your ear holes right now. She says,

He didn't really talk a lot. How dare you? Yeah. I mean, yeah, no, that's never been said about me. Can you imagine being like, I think not. And let's go to court. I wish they talked more. I wish there were more tangents. I wish they didn't hold back so much. I wish they stuck to the story less. I wish they were a bit louder. We did recently have somebody online who were like, somebody had recommended the podcast. And then there were all these like wonderful responses. People like, oh, my gosh, love them. It's so great.

And then there was one person who was like, I tried it. They talk too much. It's a talk show. Yeah. What the hell? It was all valid. We do talk the whole time. It was.

It was completely valid. We do talk the whole time. It was. It was completely valid. We do talk too much. Did you send her to www.doyouknowwhatapodcastis.com? Like, it's literally just people talking. So Ted went to Louisiana Tech where he learned to weld with the goal of becoming a union pipe fitter, which, Ellen, you learned the hard way. I did. Several moons ago, I didn't know what union pipe fitter, which Ellen, you learned the hard way. I did. Several moons ago, I didn't know what a pipe fitter was. And now I do because people gently and kindly and lovingly yelled at me.

Listen, I've been a professional pipe fitter for years. I've been a fitting pipe. Are you a union man? Laying all kinds of pipe. Sometimes the pipe don't fit. Wow. My God. I also love it when people aren't quite ready for the question that's about to be asked.

And Randy, someone was like, hey, Randy, why don't you just like really quickly for our people, tell us what a pipe fitter is. And he says. Pipe fitter is a unique employment. They work on preparing different plants and factories and stuff. I love any explanation that ends with and stuff. And stuff. And stuff, yeah. You know, what do you do?

Stuff. Like, I mean, that is actually can be said for us, but you know. But he was a bit lonely. And so Ted took out a singles ad in a Christian newspaper as one does. Ted took out a singles ad in a Christian newspaper as one does. Listen, if you are looking for someone who loves Jesus and a dick, a Christian newspaper can help you with that. Glory to God in the highest. Who wants to eat my ass? Please reply.

I think that that's how it goes on Christian Mingle. Am I right, Brandy? That's where you met. Yeah, I think so. Your husband, right? Yes. Yep. Met my husband on Christian Mingle.

Yep. Wait, did you guys do like apps or anything? I legitimately met my husband on Tinder. Aw. Yeah. Legitimately met my husband on Tinder. Brandi, could we tell the story? This woman, this woman here.

Okay. Please go. So quick backstory. I was a child bride. I got married at 21 to like my high school sweetheart. It went great. Was married for several years. Got divorced.

Okay. Went through the divorce. Decided I had never dated like because we'd been together since we were very young. And I was like – I told Kristen. I was like, I am going to enter my ho phase. Yes. I'm just going to enter my ho phase. Yes. I'm just going to live it up.

I love that for you. Everybody calm down. I'm going to see what's out there. Really live it up. I get on Tinder. Okay. Cute little profile pic. I've never been on a dating app in my life.

I was unprepared for how many dick pics would be sent my way. Unsolicited dick pics. Yeah. I should say. Anyway, so I am on Tinder for all of two days when I match with my now husband. He's the only person I ever met in person. And yeah, I mean, just a real ho phase failure. She was like, honestly, this is exhausting. Do you want to just get married and call it a fucking day?

Yeah. I thought I wanted a ho face and I don't. Do you like TV foot rubs and getting stoned and eating chips? Great. Me too. Let's get married. Exactly. Legitimately.

That was about the conversation. I love that. Well, they don't do that on Christian Mingle. Yeah. Oh, actually they do. No. Do they send dick pics on Christian Mingle? Oh, no.

Sorry. I just meant like they don't go through a hoe face. They're like, you. Oh. You know what I mean? Like, you and me. There was never, Brandi was never going to have a hoe face. I legitimately thought I would. You were ridiculous

for ever thinking that, ma'am. Drag her. Ma'am. No, this lady just had guacamole for the first time in her life a day ago. Not for the first time. I have had guacamole other times in my life. She said. There is nobody that can call you out on your shit

like an old friend. That is the secret weapon. I fucking love it. He literally said, you just tried guacamole yesterday. You are not allowed. You are not about to swap gravy with a stranger in the back of an F-150.

I'm sorry. You weren't. Okay. I really convinced myself that I was going to. You just tried guacamole yesterday, Brandi. Zip it. We get 10%. Kristen, did you have a ho-face?

Of course I did. I've been eating guacamole my whole life. Kristen, did you have a ho phase? Of course I did. I've been eating guacamole my whole life. Like when Brandy announced to me that like, yeah, I'm going to have a ho phase. I was just like, that would be great. I would love that for you.

Did I tell you it's never going to happen? I mean, I feel like I had that energy. It was like unsaid subtext. I knew it was in there. Pepperidge Farm remembers. You weren't bitchy enough to say it to my face. I for sure said it as soon as you left. I could tell. Well, listen, y'all.

Ted got a response from a woman named Ann Ryberg. And these two hit it off the old-fashioned way. They were writing letters. They were writing letters. They were writing letters. Gather round the campfire, children, before texting, before email, you put a pen to paper,

you folded it up, you put a stamp on it, and then you mailed it out. Sometimes you could draw a dick pic. You could just draw it like that. That would have been fun. They started writing back and forth. Now, Anne's sister Edie is here. She was like, yeah, we were in a very socialized family.

We were kind of like homebodies. We found school challenging because we were quiet and remote. And then she says this. At 17, Anne's dad was ready for her to leave the nest. Like, is that a thing? Is that like a culture? I just couldn't imagine a parent being like, listen, hey, thank you for hanging out for 17 years.

I don't care where you go, but you can stay here. Okay. GTFO, you're 17 now. It's time for your little bird wings to fly. Time for the army. Well, not just that. Apparently. Yeah.

You're going to enlist in the army a year before is legally allowed. Someone did not think that through because they were like, how old are you? You're what? You're 17. And they discharged her. They're like, you can't come to the army. You're not old enough to be at the army. And then the second part of that was they said, you're a woman.

Go back to the kitchen. That wasn't on the episode, but we picked it up. But we knew it was in there. It was implied by Joey. Yeah. But we knew it was in there. It was implied by Joey. Yeah. I love my women in the kitchen. What else? Joey? Anything else you want to say?

No. He lost confidence. I don't like my women in the kitchen. I like them sitting in a restaurant eating fancy with me right where they belong. I don't want you cooking for me. I'm like, let's go get a nice dinner and have champagne and be gay. Hold on. Wait, Joey just texted me. I like my women with guacamole on their nipples.

What? What is that even? Wow. Wow. Wow. So out of pocket, Joey. Wait, Kristen just texted me. How do you work with this cunt every day? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. And I don't use that word often, but when I'm describing Ellen, absolutely. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yep. Thank you. So, Anne had a couple of relationships. If you guys have listened to Let's Go to Court, their average episode is about three hours long. And this is why they are spiking every part of me and Joey's ADHD. So if you need a sandwich and you need to come back, Joey and I, we try, but we're not that strong. No.

She had a couple of relationships. All of them failed. It's okay, Ann girl. Just keep her head held high. It's fine. She also had a short marriage. That's okay, too. After her divorce, Ann began to seek guidance from a higher power. She was religious, but, you know, she got more serious about it as time progressed. It was her search for a good man that led Anne to Ted's ad in a Christian magazine, and she fell in love. They wrote, they visited, they had a ton in common. Next thing you knew, they were married.

And Ted was like, come on, we're moving to all red Arkansas. And they were living deep in the Ozark Mountains. And they were happy. Because they were literally in the middle of nowhere. And they didn't want to be any part of city life. They wanted their farm. They wanted the mountain. They wanted God.

Okay, I know the narrator said they were happy, but at that moment when the narrator was talking about them being the perfect couple, the photo that was shown, the picture of them. Ted looked so happy. Ted, absolutely thrilled. Anne looked like a Victorian doll. Anne, she looked so sad. A little consumption maybe. But the longest ginger hair you ever did see. I mean, clearly the clean mountain air is helping that hair grow. I've never seen knee-length hair on a person before. Her niece. She has it swooped to the side and it legitimately goes to her niece. It is flowy.

It is ginger. That has to be real or that is a lot of Ms. Clairol. Oh, it's for sure real. Oh, that is real. And she is giving you a heavy, heavy, heavy bang. Heavy bang. Oh, so much bang. So much.

She's got three people's bangs. She's got three of Kristen's bangs. Yes. I do want to be brave and say... Uh-huh. Go ahead. I don't like it when we try to tell women what to do with their bodies. But I think we have to make an exception here and say knee-length hair, disgusting.

Should be illegal. It has to be stopped. Listen. I have to. Right? Listen, I have to agree. Anything that can possibly touch the toilet water when you're pooping exactly thank you that is a problem thank you what is happening when she goes to the bathroom she's putting that up in a top she better or

something because that's a heavy top knot it's a lot of hair also like logistically i mean you're you're restricted yeah with your brushing you're restricted with your brushing. You're restricted to the length. It is. It's a lot of hair. And top knot, you'll need a chiropractor if you have a- Oh, for sure. She's going to have serious neck and back problems with that kind of hair. Listen, Lady Godiva, I don't care what she did.

Cut your hair. Get you a nice bob, Anne. You're okay. Nobody wants to see that TRESemsemme mess in the toilet water. Okay, I'll get you a Bob. Ann was an artist as well. She had these wood carvings. Those wood carvings were very, very gorgeous and intricate.

And she sold them for a lot of money. Oh, well, don't worry. Their friend says just how much money she was making off of some of those pieces. Go ahead. Tell us, friend. And, I mean, there's some pieces that she'd get multiple thousand dollars for. Multiple thousand dollars. Multiple thousand dollars.

I like that. That's going to be a new Lizzo song. Multiple thousand dollars. Listen, one of those pieces, I didn't know where I knew it, and I took a picture and I put it on, you know, Google reverse image. Okay, Neve.

Honestly, like, she was ahead of her time. Banksy, like, copied one of her pieces. Did he? In that when you hung it on the wall, it just exploded? Yeah. Yes. Shredded. It's true.

Look it up. Which did result in a lot of splinters. Unfortunately. And those multiple thousand dollars were wasted, they say. That's right. Multiple thousand dollars. Hi, I'm. That's right. Multiple thousand dollars. Hi, I'm here. I'd like to buy some clothes.

And I have multiple thousand dollars to spend in here. So be nice to me. That was the cut version of Pretty Woman. It was. That was. They were like, I don't think that's a line. So remember, Ted had to travel for work, which left Ann with a lot of responsibility on the farm. And look, Ann loved that farm.

She loved the animals. She loved all of it. But it was a lot for two people, let alone one. So they ended up hiring two neighbors to help. And that was 49-year-old Mark Halsenbach and 28-year-old Bill Frazier. And they basically were hired to help keep the farm looking good. They lived right up the mountain, so it was convenient. Also, did I mention that Mark and Bill did not have electricity or running water?

Well, yeah, they actually— I mean, barely a house. They bury the lead with that because the neighbor says their place was rustic. And when someone says rustic, I'm like, oh, like Pottery Barn chic. Like, I'm thinking dark woods. I'm like, oh, like pottery barn chic. Like I'm thinking dark woods. I'm thinking comfy throw blankets by the fire. Nah, bitch, they didn't have electricity. That's not rustic.

That's rough stick. That is like rustic. That is a no for me. That is a no for me. If I can't bathe, brush my teeth, if there's no water for me to drink, if I can't turn a light on, I can't turn anything on. I'm not living here. But I also want to know how they approach that exchange. Because in exchange for taking care of a farm, which I don't, are you guys farm people? I mean, it seems very hard. There's animals, there's poop, there's feeding, there's mowing, there's, I don't know what it is. It just seems like a lot.

And Ted was like, hey, we have all this work. It's like morning till night and it's a lot and you're going to get dirty and you're going to get tired. I'll give you running water. And they're like, deal. That sounds amazing. Yeah. You can take a shower and then you can sit in front of the picture box for one hour. Okay.

But we only watch all in the family in this house. And if you don't laugh at the racist jokes, you got to go back up the mountain. It didn't seem like a very equal trade. I did wonder about that because I thought surely, surely there's some money exchanged, right? But they didn't mention money. They only mentioned the showers. Yeah. Yes. But they did say mention money. They only mentioned the showers. Yeah. Yes. But they did say that they helped keep the

farm looking pretty, so maybe they were doing, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Live, laugh, love sign. Gay stuff? For all of you. I was just gonna say cosmetic things for the farm. Tamer, I think you should put the gladiolus over there, babe.

The gladiolus go over there. I don't know. We're going to learn that these two guys don't have much of an aesthetic, honey. I don't know, honey. I'm also imagining that this is meth country and you won't think twice about, oh, I can shower if I pull this calf out of this cow's. Sure, I'll do it so I can shower later. Can you not say in front of our very classy friends? They are like, I'm just going to meet you

guys for one second. OK, they are like not problematic. Like, do you know what I mean? Don't say don't say don't say dick. Don't talk about sex. Don't talk about Grindr. They're like classy. OK. All right. I got it. All right. Okay. Anyway, so they said, look, if you want to take a shower, shove your fist right up that cow's, pull the turds out. And then you got to go make those two chickens over there. Because we need more eggs. And that's how eggs are made. So go make those chickens over there.

And I'll let you sit in front of the picture box and we can watch pornography. It's homemade pornography. And the problem is a lot of it is blocked out by her 75 inches of hair, but it's okay. There's some parts every once in a while you see a nipple, but that's all right. Does that sound like a plan to you? Yeah. Can I just, honey, I'm just going to mute you for one second. I just need to ask Brandy and Kristen a question. Do you guys want to do like a, like a three person podcast? Like let's go to court and then it'll be like A or something like that.

And then we can like, yeah, we can market to like a Canadian demographic. OK, we'll talk about that. Yeah, we'll talk about that. Perfect. We're back. OK. Hi, honey. Hi.

What did you guys talk about? Periods. On March 8th, 2004, an unsettling and unwanted development hits the town of Allred, Arkansas. Mark Hill called down the sheriff's department and said, I can't get a hold of him. You know, something's wrong. And the sheriff's department went out to check on things. Best friend Mark is a down bitch. He was like, Ted never misses a sandwich.

He was due at a union meeting. He went to DBU. He majored in Even If I Am in Illinois. And there in Arkansas, I am driving all night. Drove all night. I have not sung that in a long time. No, you haven't. And he's going to figure it out. So now we're back at the day in question and they're going to do a search of like the immediate

vicinity. So the team's like searching into the night. They've got their flashlights and they're just like roaming around this mountain. And this is rough terrain, y'all. Like this is not like there's not paths everywhere. This isn't Julie Andrews being like, the hills are alive. This is like, ball with the ball to bang, bang. You know what I mean? Like it's that kind of. That's the perfect analogy. That's the kind of mountain that we're in. Getting real strong kid rock vibes in this part of the country. Literally. Where is that guy? He's shooting

up Bud Light cans somewhere. Yes. Truly. It's a no for me. Yeah, it's a no for me too. He hadn't been relevant in so long. That really brought him back to the mainstream Twitter. Yeah. Anyway, so they're flashing their lights

around. Oh, God, sorry. You can't say flash in a flashlight. Shining. Shining flashlight. You're welcome. Brandy, don't you shit every fucking word. Who the fuck do you think you are coming on my show and correcting me? Don't you ever fucking dare.

Who are you to judge me? You just had guacamole yesterday for the first time. I will come out there to Kansas City and we will have a fight. I will dance fight you. I haven't been challenged to a dance fight in years. So they shine their flashlight in the dark Arkansas night. Thank you for your help, Brandi. You're welcome. And they get a reflection off of a taillight and the light lights up and it's lighting up.

There's lights. And through the light, they see, whoa, the light is shining and it's covered up and our light shined into the taillight and it shined back at us, it's shown upon us an understanding that bad shit has happened. Thank you. It was Ted's 1995 Ford truck. And I love how they were like, you know what? Just cover it with some sticks and branches. That'll be fun. It's like the time my daughter, this is an actual story. My daughter played hide and go seek and she put a hat in front of her face. And she thought since she couldn't see us, we couldn't see her. Solid logic.

Kids are stupid, dude. They're so stupid. We're all fucking idiots. So they were like, I mean, olly olly oxen free, we see your truck, even if you put sticks and branches on it. And it was Ted's truck. So now we have two missing people, Ted's truck in the middle of the woods with shining tailgates and taillights. They're like, Mark, can you fill in the gaps for us a little bit? All jokes aside, when they said that on this episode, I was like, oh, no, that's not good. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not this.

And so, yes, they sit down with Mark and Mark says, okay, this is what I know. Ted and I were on a job site in Illinois for several months. And in February last month, Ted told Mark, hey, I bought some furniture. I want to bring it back to the farm. So I will be making a trip home for the weekend. I'm going to leave on this Friday, come back Sunday night so I can be ready to work Monday. Except Ted never came back. And two days later, Mark is calling the farm trying to get in touch with Ted.

He calls. He calls. No answer. Finally, Ann answers and says, hey, I'm sorry. I've actually been staying in a camper on another section of our property while Ted remodels the house. It's full of cedar in here. It's making me sick. So what's up? And he's like, I don't know where Ted is. And she's like, I don't,

I don't know anything about that. So now another 48 hours goes by and there's no word from the Throneberrys at all. So Mark goes to the police and that's what he knows. And that brings us to where we are. Right. So they're like, okay, you say you were going to, you were in that camper. There was nothing in the camper that was significant. It looked like someone had been there maybe recently just because it wasn't taken over by varmints. I've never heard that word not said by Yosemite Sam. Yeah, well, you're in God's country. The varmints. Lieutenant Potts does not. It wasn't taken over by varmints. I literally turned my caption back on because I was like, so those are real? Varmints.

I mean, listen, I'm from the deep south and we say critters every once in a while. But even where I'm from, we never say varmints. Yeah, we don't say varmints around here either. On the Missouri side, we do. Unless you want to. On the Missouri side. I had guacamole yesterday for the first time and I'm feeling first grade. Get over here, you little moron.

Is the Missouri-Kansas thing, is that like a Sharks and Jets thing? Oh, yeah. Like, do you guys, like, dance around each other? Yeah. Well, like, literally it goes back to the Civil War because Kansas was a free state and Missouri was a slave state. They have, like, legitimate border wars. Really fun story. Yeah.

Super fun. Yeah. Super fun. Yeah. Let's talk about the Confederacy on our comedy podcast. Yeah, let's talk about that more on the comedy podcast. Absolutely. I love that. So because there were no varmints, they got no answers from the camper. There was no sign of a struggle.

Everything was pretty much together. But they were like, also, remember the bleach smell? It's still here. And in the house, they found Ted's wallet, driver's license, a paycheck, all just sitting out on the dresser and Anne's purse in the house. And also the reenactment Throneberry house. So there's a lot of trinkets everywhere. And this is a throwback, so you might not know that, but do you know what my mom used to call trinkets?

Knick-knacks. No. What? Yeah, what? Tchotchkes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tchotchkes, sure. And then when I loved tchotchkes, and she called my room a...

Tchotchke hole. Oh, my God. That sounded terrible. Man, this is a family show. I apologize. Keep your Chachki Hole out of here. I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. No, Brandi, a Chachkilarium.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Sure. That was my second guess. Thank you. But this reenactment house is a Chachkilarium. It is a Chachkilarium. There's like, what are those little dolls with the round faces?

The poor person. Precious moments. Oh, God. I was going to say Leslie Graham. With the creepy ass eyes. Yes. So the police also find blood on one of the doors and they could tell that things had been wiped down. So things are not looking good.

There's the smell of bleach. The windows are open. They found blood. They found Ted's wallet and Ann's purse plus Ted's truck. And all I can say is fuck. I literally said fuck out loud. This windows are open. They found blood. They found Ted's wallet and Anne's purse plus Ted's truck. And all I can say is fuck. I literally said fuck out loud. This is not good. I did love the luminol reenactment on this show because it was non-existent. Like they acted like there was going to be like, they're like, when we sprayed down the luminol and then like, they literally showed like a guy with a tiny spray bottle.

And that was it. There was no budget for, for fluorescent lighting on this show. They spent it all on the tchotchkes. Go, go to the Dollar Tree and get the Fabuloso. It's fine. No one will know. So on March 13th, they bring in the dogs to search the grounds of the farm, the acres, many acres. And the dogs did indicate an area of the farm, the acres, many acres. And the dogs did indicate an area which investigators did dig up, but it turned out to be nothing. So now police are searching the mountains. And it's like we said, it's a rough area. And the sheriff says, You're walking in some of the roughest country you can imagine.

This is the Ozark Mountains. And they don't play and they're not forgiving. And it was only in that moment that I now know what that person meant when they compared me to the Ozark Mountains that time. I thought it was my boobs, but it's also that I don't play and I'm not very forgiving. There you go. Yeah. I thought it was a boob reference. You know what?

You are just like the Ozark Mountains and I'm leaving it at that. You know what? You are just like the Ozark Mountains, and I'm leaving it at that. Now I'm like, oh, it's because they don't play and they're not forgiving. No. Do not boo me. I will tell all of your secrets right now. I will have Rick unbleep that whole Swamp Talk.

I have no secrets. I've got none. You do have secrets. I just found out the other day. I only have a handful of secrets from you, but they're ones that you can't handle. Brandy and Kristen, do you have some secrets that you keep from each other? Hmm. That we keep from each other?

Hmm. I don't know. I don't think so. We're pretty open. And also, I feel like we're not good at playing poker. Like, there's no bluffing. So even when she says some stuff, I'm like, okay. Mm-hmm. Got you. Yeah, but you don't believe stuff about I'm like, okay. Got you.

Yeah, but you don't believe stuff about me that's actually true. Okay, this woman claims she doesn't fart. No, I don't claim I don't fart. I am a bathroom farter. That's not a thing. It's not a real person. It is a thing. It's a real thing.

No. I want to see more of this. Can y'all fight? Yeah. No. Brandy, do you hold it in? What if you're in the car and you have to fart? Yeah, I have the tightest butthole in podcasting.

That's official. I've been given that title. Merch! I'm glad somebody in podcasting does because mine is not. It's definitely like... Joseph? Joseph? So when we do the scale.

Dino DNA. This is. Is anybody still listening? Brandy, I do not believe that for a second. It's true. Okay. It's true. I'm a bathroom.

The reason this whole thing came out was several years ago, Brandy and I were in the car together. I was in her car and I did not have a car that had heated seats yet. So we had the heated seats on and I was like, oh, man. And keep in mind, we've been friends since the fifth grade. So I should be able to ask anything and have an honest conversation. So I'm like, okay, these heated seats are awesome. But what happens when you fart into them? It's got to be terrible, right?

Like a crock pot full of shit. And she looks at me, horrified. She's like, fart in the seats? I was like, well, yeah. Yeah, like when you're driving around, what happens? She's like, I've never. Acting like a woman from the Gilded Age. I have never.

And to this day, she claims she does not fart anywhere but into a toilet. Are you serious? It's true. How long is this long game? How long have we been telling this story? Too long. It's the truth. It's not a story.

So even when you're walking around your house by yourself, if you feel the need to fart, you're like, I'm not farting out into the, you know. I think it's so ingrained in me that it's just like I naturally just have a clenched butthole 99% of the time. You know what that comes from? What? Having a dad. Wow, that's your privilege showing, Brandi.

Yeah. That's right. I mean, good for you. I don't care. I will do it. I will crop dust. What is it? Crop dust an entire crop dust.

Yeah, I will crop dust anywhere. Central Park, whatever. If the theme song for your farts is like, oh, Ellen, help me. What's, never mind. This joke's going nowhere. Yeah, there. They can't all be winners. Oh, Ellen, help me. What's, um, never mind. This joke's going nowhere. Yeah, there. They can't all be winners. Yeah.

Oh, my God. That's what his dad used to say to him. Oh, this is great for us. Kate, that's what your dad said when you moved out. Joke's on you. He was already gone. Detectives ask neighbors if they had seen anyone around the Throneberry's property. The neighbors witnessed Billy Frazier, Mark Holzenbach, at the Throneberry residence.

They would see them interact with Ted some. And when Ted would leave, they would see Mark and or Billy at the farm. They're like, that's not news. That's just the broke back guys. Also, their age difference, 20 years living their, you know, not pottery barn dreams. OK, Daddy. So they go to this house. I'm putting house in bunny ears.

And it's like just a step up from like a tent, basically. They're camping. You couldn't even stand up straight. Stand up in it. That's what they said. That's a lawnmower shed. That's not a cabin. The guy on the show literally said like, this is a structure to keep the rain off of you. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, everyone says these guys are odd. They're nice enough, but they're odd. They bought this piece of property that had no house on it. It's rough terrain. And Mark and Bill were obviously trying to get a fresh start from whatever they had been

perhaps running from. And it worked out for Ted because they needed help and they were right up the mountain. Now, it also turns out that Mark Halsenbach had a wife who also lived up there. So there's three people in this 12 by 12 shack with no running water and no electricity. And the wife's name was Jerry Parton. And also something you should know is Mark and Bill always carried a gun. And I don't mean a tiny pistol. They walked around with AK-47s. Yeah, just strapped on. Literally. At all times. And they were stockpiling and they were survivalists and they were conspiracy theorists.

And they basically were waiting for the collapse of the economy to come. I mean, it was 2004, so joke's on us. Maybe they were onto something. Right. I mean, there's a fine line between crazy and genius because we all know what happened in 2007. Well, they were stockpiling ammunition, guns, food, and all the back issues of Vogue because just because it's the end of the world does not mean you should not keep up with your fashion, your fashion, your fashionista, Maxinista, Mr. Boombastic feeling fantastic, Oodlelolly. Rugged chic is in. But it turns out

they had been running for the law. They were wanted in Louisiana. They were felons. And just so you know, I know that you didn't make it through law school, but I am a lawyer. Oh. Yeah. I went to the, it's called the laws. With your boyfriend, George Glass, I presume. Please leave George Glass.

No, but what I learned in law schools is felons can't have guns. Correct. And they have like hundreds of them. And like 180,000 rounds of ammunition. It was just 80,000 rounds, ma'am. Calm down. It was? Sorry,000 rounds, ma'am. Calm down. It was?

I'm sorry. Excuse me. But I loved... That wasn't nearly enough for me. But I loved that they kept them in Ziploc bags. Ziploc bags? Like, dudes, you don't have a chair to sit in. You don't have a pot to piss in.

But you've got all the different sizes of Ziploc bags. Okay. And a Gideon Bible. And a Gideon Bible. And a Gideon Bible. Don't forget that. That one's already there in the drawer. No, totally. It's one of those Gideon Bibles.

You open it up and there's a square cut out and it's just more ammo. So they were like, we got to find these guys. They need to find Mark and Billy because they tell us that they have built a fortification. And I was like,

what the fuck is a fortification? And I was like, what the fuck is a fortification? And I Googled it. And the definition said something that fortifies. And I was like, OK, Miriam Webster, are you here to help me? Are you working for or against me? And then I realized it was a fort. Yeah. Yeah.

I built a blanket fort. Yeah. I am stupid, but Miriam Webster is a cunt. What's a fortification? Something that fortifies. Okay. They basically were ready for the end of the world. Yes.

Sheriff's deputies and investigators head into the woods and up the mountain, looking for Mark and Billy. The cabin and surrounding compound is fortified and ready for war. They had fortifications all over the property where they could hide behind and they were prepared for anything that might have come up. And so the police show up and nobody's home except one person. And that is Mark's wife, Jerry. She appears and police say, hey, we have a warrant for Mark and Bill's arrest. She's like, I don't know where they are. They're like, no worries. Here's our card. Give us a call when you can. On what? Which what? Call you. We don't have a toilet. We have guns. We have ammunition. We have tuna. We

have Jesus. We do not have Verizon wireless. I'll send a pigeon. Yeah, they have one of those Gilligan's Island coconut phones. Exactly. I will send a pigeon your way. That is the most you can hope for. But the pigeon will shit on your car. So look out. And she's like, honestly, quite frankly, I don't care if they do come back. I've been waiting to have this for it all to myself for months. Yeah, she can stand up.

So they have four missing people now. So finally, on March 14th, they get a call from Jerry, Mark's wife. And she's like, OK, I might have some more things to tell you about what is going on up here, because I hate it. I've been asking for running water for months and I have been fucking floating these two for a really long time. And she was also very upset because her husband, Mark, was spending a lot of time down at the Throneberry's farm, especially when Ted was gone. So Jerry was thinking Ann and Mark were having an affair, which if that's the case, is Ann with Mark and Bill of her own volition? And then Jerry says, listen, I know you probably know this, but I don't think you really understand. These two

numbskulls are heavily armed. They are ready to fight. If you come up here, they are not going to jail. They will die before they ever go to jail. Do you pick up what I'm laying down here? We may not have water. We may not have electricity. But what they have is their freedom and guns, and they're willing to die for it. So use caution. Yep.

So they call the FBI, the ATF, the SWAT, the PYT. Arkansas Fish and what was the other one? They called the in Louisiana we have wildlife and fisheries. They have the Arkansas Game and Fish. They check fishing licenses. What the fuck are they

going to do? Exactly. They're like, you're part of the SWAT team today, Bobby. Good luck. 4-H club. They got the bowling team, the high school principals. Anyone who has a uniform, they're in there. A marching band just to be safe. Pick up Sam Walton's corpse and just throw it at him. There's two Starbucks baristas.

They're like, you know. So they have all these people together to try and find these four people. And we know two of them are heavily armed. So they meet in the darkness and they're waiting for the daylight. My only thought was like, why don't you just start in the daylight? Why are you being so dramatic?

They're like, we're going to meet at night. We're going to stay up all night and wait for daybreak. Wouldn't it be easier to just meet at daybreak? gonna stay up all night and wait for daybreak wouldn't it be easier to just meet at daybreak no horrible idea you're in the mountains and they have fortified their home i think you need some light sir so one of these state troopers gets a little too close to the fort and he sees two flashlights coming at him and then he sees two AK-47s and he radios the rest of the team. And he's like, oh shit, I see them. They're coming my way. I need backup. And I'm going to let you

know right now, I have to tell them that I'm here. So he says, stop right now. You're surrounded, drop your guns. And honey, Mark and Billy are like, oh, okay. We only see you. Yeah. That was my favorite line from the whole show. You're the only one we see. And they open fire on this man. Terrifying. You can hear him on the radio yelling, I need help, they're flanking me while they were firing at him.

Charlie gets hit. One round hits Charlie in the arm and one hits the actual barrel of Charlie's rifle fragments and hits him in the mouth and in the tongue. Charlie calls out on the radio for help. He goes, I need you guys to start shooting. Let them know I'm not here by myself. So then all the acronyms or whatever surround him and they try and ambush Mark and Billy, but they retreated up to the house, you know, the garden shed, the lawnmower. Yeah. And they surround the house and

they're like, we got to get them to come out. Let's all sing the weather girls to get them to come out. Because they love the weather girls. They're like, who's the soprano? Here's your note. It's raining, man. Did they do the long intro, though? They had time.

Have we got news for you. You better listen. So they shoot tear gas into this cabin, quotation marks, and they're like, any minute they're going to run out. Any minute they're going to come out of here. Any minute we're going to hear screaming. Any minute there's going to be nothing. The SWAT team goes in there and they clear the joint. They are not in that house.

And what they realize is that Mark and Billy escaped because they know the area. They know how they could slip in and out of there in the darkness. Okay. I just have to ask. Did anybody else at this point in the show think, oh, my God, they have a trap door and there's like tunnels under this thing? Yes. That's exactly what I thought. Exactly.

No. Are you nuts? Tunnels? Of course. They don't have running water and you think they've got tunnels? I did. I don't know. I thought maybe there was a fireplace that they would go in the fireplace.

Exactly. Thank you. And you'd find some waterfalls and then they'd end up on one-eyed Willie's ship. I didn't know. I was impressed that they had Ziploc bags. No. It did not even occur to me that there might be a tunnel. Those Alcatraz guys dig their tunnel with spoons.

Exactly. They had the time. They're not scrolling TikTok. That's true. They're not doing anything. They're just staring at each other. Very boring. That's for your Disney adults, Kristen.

Listen, my version of a Disney adult is like I get stoned and go to Disney World. You know what I mean? Why do you say I? We get stoned and we go to Disney together. I can approve of this. Are you mad at me? Are we in a fight? Do you wear Disney merch frequently? No.

Okay. You have one sweatshirt, but it's really cool. Oh, no, no, no. I do have, I have Disney World sweatshirts. I like them, but I don't really wear like the t-shirts and I don't wear mouse ears. No judgment to anyone else who does, but I'm, I mean, I love it. Oh, tons of judgment from Kristen. No, I don't wear mouse ears I no judgment to anyone else who does but I'm I mean I love judgment from Kristen no I love it I don't judge Randy not me you've confused me with someone else wait Kristen while I have your focus and attention um what is your judgment of Joey no I I have no judgment truly truly I enjoy. I enjoy Joey. Go ahead, Kristen. She's like, you on the other hand are a cunt. You can judge me.

It's fine. I'm gay. I've been judged my whole life. Okay? You can't. I'm fine. Are you challenging me now? I don't want to be mean like Brandy.

Oh. I want to see y'all fight. I want to see it happen. Hmm. How often do you guys fight? I mean, it happens. It happens. As Brandi was shaking her head and I'm like, yes, it happens.

It happens. Yeah. We fight like once every couple months, but we're very like calm. We're very talk. We just are very talky. I don't really fight though. Well, you've taught me to be better about being like, hey, this really bothers me. Oh, yeah.

But we don't ever like yell or like we've never. I'm not a name caller. No, no, no. really bothers me. Oh, yeah. But we don't ever like yell or like, we've never, I'm not a name caller. No, no, no, I would never. Oh, yeah, no. We both had that either. No. No. We reserve that.

We don't like call each other names. What we do is have mental breakdowns in front of each other at least once every six months. Oh, absolutely. 100%. Like real, yeah. So like you mentioned earlier, Kristen, they found 18,000 rounds of ammo on this property

alone. They found stashes of guns and there's still no sign of Ted or Anne Throneberry. So now over the next few days, all anyone can talk about is where the fuck is Mark? Where's Bill? Where's Ted? And where's Anne? It's all over the news. Search teams are relentless and they're doing aerial searches. One week later from the raid, the search is still on. And now folks are thinking, I don't know that Ted and Ann are alive. Then on April 2nd, 2004, one of the largest manhunts in state history ends with a phone call from a local resident. The guy called the police. He said, there's two strange characters down here near my house that are really hungry. And they left and walked down the highway, and that's when they were picked up by the police.

And it's not two men. Who is it? It's fucking Mark with Ann. I did not see this coming. Am I just being naive? I did not see this coming. I did not see this coming either. I also did not see the state of her bangs.

They'd grown out. They'd grown out something fierce. They were real rough. They were real rough. I thought she had chopped her hair off, in fact, because it was such like it was so severe around her face. It was just all bang. The rest of it was just hiding. She was like, I need a Philly cheesesteak and I need some soft layers in the front. I need curtain bangs or something. Something, yes. And they actually are starving because they've been eating berries and roots, which as soon as they said that, I was like, doesn't that sound like a fad diet that movie stars do? Yes. Yes. They're like, I'm on the brute diet. And they're like, what is that? Like berries and roots. Yeah. And Mark surrenders and he's taken in. And the next day, Billy was recognized at a gas station

and they arrest Bill Frazier. And everyone's like, oh my God, poor Anne. She was held captive by these two monsters. I'm sure they'll just question her, release her. Clearly she has been tortured by these men. Y'all, that's not gonna happen because we get the story of what happened to poor Ted. Buckle up because it is awful.

When Ted made that drive to Allred from Illinois to drop off furniture, he arrived home, walked through the front door where Mark and Billy were waiting for him. They jumped him, beat him up, duct taped this poor man to his recliner where they beat him to death with a sledgehammer. Then they placed his body in a 55-gallon drum, filled it with diesel, put it on a pyre, and burned it. And once the fire was done, any remains were picked up in the bucket up the tractor, driven down the property, and scattered. That is fucking horrifying. This man did not see it coming. No. Not even a little bit. So now they try to get Anne's side of the story, and Anne is fucking horrifying. This man did not see it coming. No. Not even a little bit.

So now they try to get Anne's side of the story, and Anne is not talking. She doesn't say she was kidnapped, beaten, brainwashed. She's not uttering a word. And she kept silent for a very long time. And now investigators are thinking if she wasn't involved, she would pipe up real fast. So her silence is very telling and also disturbing. So then Anne has to account for her time. And so she says she talked to Ted and they prayed on it. JK, she went to Walmart and she went to the murder aisle. She got bleach, paper towels, rubber gloves. She got two sizes

of rubber gloves because God forbid you have tight rubber gloves. There is one thing she will not stand for. She's like, I have stood for a lot. Those precious moments figurines, those are creepy as fuck. I will not stand for ill-fitting gloves while I'm doing murdery stuff. God damn it. Yeah. I was like, also, when are we going to have like a ding that goes off at Walmart when people buy murder kits? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When is there going to be like a rubber gloves? OK, that's not crazy. Bleach. Maybe they're cleaning their basement. Zip ties. OK. Ding ding. Arrest this one. This one's up to no good. So many years ago, when I was from the ages of like 16 to 20, I worked at Walgreens and as a

cashier for part of that time. And there was a literal like poster at the cash register, like out of view of the customers, but in the view of me, the cashier, it was like, if somebody buys these items together, you are supposed to get a manager. And it was like for, it was for cooking meth. Oh. So it was like Sudafed and salt and like all these things. But like they should have a similar thing for murder. I agree. I agree. Well, listen, things are not looking good for Anne.

But the question is, why would she want Ted dead? You know? So according to Anne, Ted had started drinking and she said Ted had become abusive. She emailed Ted's sister and said those claims. And Ted's sister was like, why are you talking to me about this? If you've got a problem with him, divorce him. Get a divorce. Truly. And we don't know if this is true. There's nothing to substantiate the claim. But also the other thing that we can't substantiate is whether or not Ann was having an actual affair with Mark. And, but what we do know is if she and Ted got a divorce,

Anne would have to say goodbye to her most favorite thing in the world, that farm. Yep. And the donkeys. And the donkeys. There's a lot of shots of the donkeys at that point in the program. They didn't have the budget for horses. They were like, we can get you a donkey, maybe a mule. I'm not clear. On November 4th, 2005, Mark Holzenbach is tried, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison.

His fellow co-conspirator, Billy Frazier, is tried next. Billy Frazier was convicted of criminal attempt to commit capital murder, first-degree murder, kidnapping, and aggravated robbery. Billy received a sentence of 30 years with a negotiated plea. He only gets 30 years. That's a lot of bad stuff. Well, they also said, we're not entirely sure who killed Ted. We don't know who did it. I mean, they both participated in it.

So I don't know that it matters, really. But then we get to Ann's trial and Anne says, I had no idea. I had no idea that they were planning to murder Ted. I came up from the camper. I got that call from Ted's friend, Mark Hill. I had no idea anything was happening to Ted. And then she says that Mark had been sexually assaulting her for months. And after Ted's murder, both Mark and Billy forced her to go into the mountain with them. But the prosecution is like, okay, explain the Walmart trip. Exactly.

Because that doesn't look great for you. Right. They were like, hey, we went shopping in the murder aisle. So January 26, 2007, Anne Throneberry was convicted of manslaughter, kidnapping, and hindering apprehension. She was sentenced to 28 years. But I mean, the whole thing was everything pointed back to Anne. And her sister absolutely does not believe a bar of it. Her sister is like, no way, no how. And that is where the episode ends.

Yeah. Okay. So here's what I, my thought on that. All right. All they really have to tie her to the murder is the receipt from Walmart, right? Yeah. Neither Mark nor Billy said that she was involved. Mark didn't even say that they were having an affair. He sort of hinted at it a little bit. But there's nothing really tying her other than that receipt. It's substantial, right? There was one other thing that they mentioned, which was that Mark and Billy knew when to be lying in wait for Ted.

And that had to have come from Anne because she was the one who was talking to him on the phone. So that's the other. She said he's coming home for the weekend or whatever. And she just happens to go and purchase all those things from Walmart right before he comes home. You know, it's just. Well, it doesn't matter because she's in her early 60s and out on parole. Is she? Yep.

She is out on parole. She was sentenced to 28 years and she became eligible for parole in 2015. But she was in prison till 2020. And she still says she's innocent. Wow. Do you think there's a world where, you know, maybe she was being brainwashed while Ted was gone or maybe she was being assaulted and she was too scared to speak? I mean, do you think that's possible? I think that maybe they were like, you're going

to go to Walmart and you're going to get these things. Yeah, I think it's possible. Do you know what I mean? Sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I think that's what makes cases like this kind of hard to talk about is you can totally see the defense yeah yeah i i don't know final thoughts you both have to say something funny to end the episode we can't end on a downer so you got to say something funny cow i prefer cow now you got to sing our theme song ready and you just sing anything you want because we don't even know what it is. I don't know how we made it through this episode.

You all, we started at noon and it's now 9 p.m. I don't know how we made it through this episode. You all, we started at noon and it's now 9pm. I don't know what is happening. Can I just say, I've had a great time with y'all. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for having us. This has been wonderful. You have to come back again. We will. So, for those of you

who don't know, I know that Let's Go to Court drops on Wednesdays, but give our Down Bitch Society over here Those of you who don't know, I know that Let's Go to Court drops on Wednesdays, but give our down bitch society over here every detail you can possibly imagine, all of the socials, every way people can connect with you. And I know you guys have a big announcement. Yeah. So we are the Let's Go to Court podcast.

You can find us Let's Go to Court basically anywhere. Our big exciting thing that we have coming up is our first official live show. We're doing it all on our own this time. So March 29th at the Madrid Theater in Kansas City. That's where we'll be. It's our first ever show. We're so excited about it. Big stuff. We're excited for you. Thank you. Thank you. So where are you guys like most active? Are you guys most active on Facebook? I see you guys on Instagram all the time. What is like the best way if someone has a question or wants to reach out or join your Patreon, where can they do that? Yeah, definitely reach out to us on Instagram, Facebook. We're on both of those. And then if you really want to, you really want to get with us, get on our Patreon.

We have a discord you can get in. If you join our Patreon at the $5 level or higher, patreon.com slash LGTC podcast. I love it. I am so glad that you guys came on. Joey, cover your ears. It's just, you know, seeing other hilarious, smart women in podcasting, there's not many of us. And you guys stand for everything that I love. You're silly. You're smart. You guys stand by your morals. And you're just like pretty badass. And I really hope you guys come back again you are always welcome and when we go to Kansas City you guys we would love for you guys to come join us on stage yeah do something silly we'll be there yeah we absolutely have to so please support all of our fellow podcasters there are so many people out there creating content, working so hard. It is really,

truly like a, just a 24 hour job. And you guys do it so well. And you do it with such grace. And we just, we both love you so much. So thank you so much for being here. This was so much fun. Thank you both. This was amazing. Until next time, I love you, Joey.

I love you, Gail and Marsh. And we love you dumb bitches. Love you all Bye They're gonna do an immediate search Of sorry they're gonna do a Search They're gonna do a full search We got a medic

This one's broken They're gonna do a search of like the immediate vicinity. I got there. You got there, baby. And so pretty, baby. Rick, can you just like beep all, you know, so it's just a ton of beeps because, you know, not everyone needs to hear me say cow's. Oh, I didn't say cow's.

Yeah, I think people need to hear it. You did now.