Let's Go To Court! - 291: Mark Zuckerberg Signed This Contract

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

In this final episode of Let’s Go To Court, Kristin takes us full circle — with a con man. In his hometown of Wellsville, New York, Paul Ceglia was known for his dishonesty. He always had a scheme going. He often got caught. In fact, he got caught in 2009 running a fraudulent business. But our pal Paul claims that it was in that dark moment, with the government coming after him, he discovered something incredible. While going through his old files, he found a contract that had been signed by an 18-year-old Mark Zuckerberg. According to that contract, Paul was the rightful owner to 84% of Facebook.  And now for a note about our process. For this episode, Kristin read a bunch of articles, then spat them back out in her very limited vocabulary. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to the real experts who covered these cases. In this episode, Kristin pulled from: “Facebook Face-off” episode of American Greed “Facebook fraud suspect on the lam; family, dog also missing,” Associated Press “Facebook friend or foe?” by Tim Graham for The Buffalo News “Fugitive Ceglia to be returned to U.S. to face charges of attempting to defraud Facebook,” by Phil Fairbanks for The Buffalo News “Ceglia has bad day in Facebook lawsuit,” by Dan Herbeck for The Buffalo News “Paul Ceglia: The man who owns 84% of Facebook?” by Van Voris for Bloomberg Businessweek “The buy who says he owns 50% of Facebook just filed a boatload of new evidence – and it’s breathtaking,” by Henry Blodget for Business Insider “Facebook’s suit against lawyers for Ceglia thrown out on appeal,” by Bob Van Voris for Bloomberg News  “Where in the world is Paul Ceglia? Possibly Ireland,” by Phil Fairbanks for The Buffalo News  YOU’RE STILL READING? My, my, my, you skeezy scunch! You must be hungry for more! We’d offer you some sausage brunch, but that gets messy. So how about you head over to our Patreon instead? (patreon.com/lgtcpodcast). At the $5 level, you’ll get 55+ full length bonus episodes, plus access to our 90’s style chat room!  

One semester of law school. One semester of criminal justice. Two experts. I'm Kristen Caruso. I'm Brandi Pond. Let's go to court. On this episode, I'll be talking about a con artist. Ooh.

I know it's unusual for me. No, it's very much up your alley. Going outside the box, so to speak. Can you believe this? This is the last episode. Oh, my gosh. We're here. We did it.

Oh, my goodness. You sound terrible. We're here. We did it. No, we made it. I have canyon toe. No, that's not what I meant. On all my toes.

No, I don't have any canyon toe currently. Just the camel toe. No camel toe either. That's all she's got folks those gojo pants i have jeans on what would you have to do in jeans to have camel toe i mean it's all about the fit right if uh if it fits you weird i don't know surely someone on this earth has gotten camel toe in jeans? You think? Think of all the possibilities in this land. How?

How? What do you mean, how? The denim goes betwixt the lips and then, boom, camel toe. Welcome to the last episode of this podcast. You, ma'am, are not imagining hard enough. You think in the history of denim no one's ever gotten a camel toe in denim?

I'm fucking Googling it. I guarantee you they have. A camel toe in jeans. Everyone, I don't... I'm going to get weird porn. You think this is going to pull up weird porn? I don't know. But you know what I do know?

It'll pull up some camel toes in jeans because it's a thing that has happened to somebody in this land. Everybody, Brandy's looking at her phone quite intently. Okay. I wouldn't. I guess that's technically... What do you mean technically? What do you... What, is this scientific to you?

It doesn't really look... It just looks like jeans. Let me see. This is what they're saying, that this is camel toe and jeans. Oh, that's toe! You think that's camel toe? Well, what the hell else is that, ma'am? It's just a woman wearing jeans.

No! Oh, my gosh. I wouldn't think anything of that if I saw that woman walking. I would think her jeans were a little too tight, I think. But... Brandy. You thought that was like offensive camel toe? Yes, I think the denim is touching the back of her brain.

I don't think so. Oh my. She just has a thigh gap. Mmm. A thigh gap just has a thigh gap. Mmm. A thigh gap and then a camel toe. All right. Everyone, this is the episode where we learn that Brandy has no idea. I do wonder how she sits in those jeans.

Brandy, you can see the outline of her labia. I could draw her vagina with scientific accuracy after looking at that photo. All right. You're telling me that's not toe? I'll give you toe. I'll give you toe. Now, that is camel toe. Well, yes.

I mean, that's undeniable. Okay. Do you accept that you've been very, very wrong? Yes, this is legitimate camel toe in a pair of jeans. Quit showing i could look away i can't i can't it's mesmerized i'm mesmerized by the toe anyhow okay um at this point i feel like i should do an ad for myself. Okay. It's called Kristen's Camel Toe. Kristen's Camel Toe. Is that your new podcast?

We do. No, it's jeans. It's a denim line. And we guarantee you'll have toe. Even to the toe deniers like Brandy. Even Brandy will be like. Are you buying jeans because in your business, you're selling jeans to people who specifically want camel toe? You know, it'd be nice if you were a little supportive of my new business venture.

Do people want camel toe? See, this is the kind of haterade that I'm dealing with, people. Everyone, please support me in my new venture, Kristen's Camel's Toe. Wait, it's Kristen's Camel's Toe? Well, I'm still working out. Is there an apostrophe? Is that like a Ruth's Kristen Ste Camel's Toe? Well, I'm still working out. Is there an apostrophe? Is that like a Ruth's Kristen Steakhouse kind of thing? You know what?

I'm done workshopping this with you because you've been so rude about it. And everyone, if that business doesn't end up getting off the ground, which I don't know why it wouldn't. Also, my dear husband Norm and I are starting a new podcast together. It's a history podcast. It'll be quite funny. What's the name of it, you ask? I don't know. I'm voting for History Hoes. History Hoes, because we

are hoes for history. I love it. I do kind of like History Hoes. I love History Hoes. Do you think it would be hard to find advertisers? No! Not only for my. Your camel toe business. Yeah, my camel toe business will be our only advertisers. I think you might need to workshop that business just a touch more, Kristen.

You know what? You know what? At the start of every big business, there's always some naysayer. Naysayer. I'm the naysayer. Who could have gotten in on the ground floor. Like, you could have just, like, been like, sure, I'll invest

$500 into your camel toe business. And I'm like, thanks so much, Brandi. And then you're, boom, a billionaire a year from now. Now, it's not gonna happen. Now, it's not gonna happen. And it's gonna be on audio. It's just me and Steve Wozniakak or whatever his name is.

Whatever his name is. Isn't that his name? Yes, yes, yes. He did all that coding. Got hardly any of the glory. Yeah, none of it. Anyhow. Steve and I will be in a support group together when Kristen's camel's toes really takes off.

Every word has an apostrophe S. Yeah. Really keeps you guessing. That's right. Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is Norm and I are starting a new podcast. If you want to listen to the backlog of Let's Go to Court bonus episodes, the ad-free episodes, watch all the videos. You can still go to the Let's Go to Court Patreon, and it'll vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, transform into Kristen's camel's toes, which is— That's your transformer noises?

Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom? First, you shit on my new business. Usually you're so good at noises. Wow. You are. You have great noises. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And what'd you think of that one? It wasn't my favorite. Anyhow, if you want to watch a video of the live show that we're going to be doing,

where Brandy's going to be really rude about all my new business ventures. That video will be up on the Patreon. And also, you know, I'll be debuting all kinds of, you know what? I've lost energy. I've lost all hope. I'm sorry. Do you want to make your transformer noise again? We can hit it again.

No, no. That transformer noise. What a great transformer noise, Kristen. Now I know you're lying. That's the best transformer noise I've ever heard. If you think you're going to get a single stitch of free denim from me, you're sorely mistaken. I think I'm all set on camel toe jeans. Thank you. Yeah, because you have a camel toe in every single pair. I don't. She does. She does. Anyhow, should we do an ad for someone?

Let's transition straight from camel toe to an ad for someone. Toodle-oo! We're back from the ad. I have to stop and get chapstick. Okay. You have some in this box over here. Okay. Gosh, you were so worried I was going to leave you.

Well, I just meant I could have grabbed it for you. Now who's the history hoe? And done like a toss. You wouldn't have had to walk those eight steps. How good are you at tossing? I'm good. I'm real good. Yeah.

You did have all those years. Okay, that's enough. You did have all those years as a softball player. I played softball for years. I played basketball for years. Okay, wow. I'm an excellent for years. I played basketball for years. Okay, well. Excellent tosser. Jesus.

Okay, for the record, Kristen just threw chapstick at me, not to me. Okay, let's see. You ready? Yes. You ready? Oh, that was a good toss. A good toss. Everybody. Dropped it right in your hands. Everybody, she played softball for years. She played basketball for years. Okay. You heard it right in your hands. Everybody. She played softball for years. She played basketball for years.

Okay. You heard it here first. All right. Are you ready? I am. Tell me about a con man. All right. But first, you must know that this right here is a full circle moment.

What do you mean? My very first story on this podcast came from an episode of American Greed. Oh, yes, it did. And this final episode of the Let's Go to Court podcast will end with an episode of American Greed. Wonderful. And boy, is it a doozy. Is it? Here we go. Paul Seglia was a schemer, a con artist, a hair gel enthusiast. And the funny thing about Paul was that, unlike a lot of the other con artists that I've covered, everyone knew that Paul was kind of a shithead. Really?

Yeah. What, are we talking like crunchy hair? You know, I've realized that maybe I'm a little unfair by calling him a hair gel enthusiast because I've seen a lot of different pictures of him over the years. He wasn't always so into hair gel, but there was one photo that really struck me as a little over the top. Okay. Kind of an L.A. looks, you know, extreme gel type of deal. Are we talking like a spiky thing or like a slicked back thing? Slicked back.

Okay. All right. So I think everyone knew he was a shithead because he grew up in a really small town. And when you grow up in a really small town, it's impossible to keep your bad personality a secret. That's true. Paul grew up in Wellsville, New York. Oh. Population 5,000. Population 5,000.

And, you know, you're probably wondering, gee, Wellsville. Did they name it Wellsville because of the oil wells? No, Brandy, don't be an idiot. The village of Wellsville was incorporated 22 years before oil was ever discovered on that land. Okay. All right. Okay. I'm sick of people asking about it. Okay. Did they. Jesus. Okay. I'm sick of people asking about it.

Okay. Did they have water wells there? Is that where the name came from? Everyone had water wells. That'd be like naming your town Land Land. Landville. It's because we're pretty unique because we've got land here. Anyway, Paul grew up in Wellsville and he attended Wellsville High School.

And in his 1991 senior yearbook, his classmates voted him most corrupt. Really? Yeah. Wow. I know. Can you believe that? What? That's even a category?

Why is that even a category? For guys like him. I guess. I thought they that? What? That's even a category? Why is that even a category? For guys like him. I guess. I thought they were all, like, nice ones. Yeah, evidently not. Not in fucking Wellsville. No. Wow. Most corrupt? Yeah.

All right. Can you believe that? No! Who from our high school would have been voted most corrupt? Hmm. Hmm. corrupt? Our year? Yeah. I want to know if we're thinking of the same person. I don't know.

Like, nobody's, like, popping into my mind right away. Who you got? Oh, fuck, absolutely. Yeah, Patty, please bleep that. That name. It was no secret that Paul always had some sort of money-making scheme in the works. Like a Zack Morris situation? Yeah, a bit.

Yeah. A bit. All right. It was also no secret that Paul felt like the rules didn't apply to him. Kind of like a Zack Morris situation. He had the biggest cell phone you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, when he was 24, he got into a little trouble with the law. Okay.

He got caught in Texas with magic mushrooms. Oh. He pled guilt. How much? Felony level. Like intent to distribute? I don't know how many magic mushrooms a guy has to have. felony level. Like intent to distribute them out? I don't know how many magic mushrooms a guy has to have.

If the guy's just dosing himself, I'm not that worried about it. It was felony level. So yeah, there you go. It's just mushrooms, folks. Alright. Brandy loves this, man. I don't. I just think that criminalizing stuff like that is stupid.

It's a gateway drug brandy one day it's mushrooms nexus meth zucchini vegetable joke you didn't see it coming yeah there we go he pled guilty to the drug charges and spent 10 years on probation okay but that was a minor setback. Paul was an entrepreneur, which is my favorite word to say. He was always looking for the next big thing. His parents, Carmine and Vera, rented out a bunch of commercial properties in Wellsville, so it's probably no surprise that Paul caught the real estate bug. that Paul caught the real estate bug. But somehow, through no fault of his own, he got in trouble for doing that too.

See, this one time in Florida, he was giving some potential buyers a tour of an orange grove, and he was showing it to them and talking about how much he'd sell it for. And next thing he knows, he's arrested for trespassing all because he never actually owned the Orange Grove. Yeah, you can't. If it's not yours, you can't sell it, sir.

Unless the people who do own it have asked you to sell it for them. Well, maybe he didn't know that. Okay. Is he really going to get in trouble for something he didn't know? I couldn't do that. Yeah, he pled no contest to that charge. Okay. But don't worry.

If at first you don't succeed in selling an orange grove that isn't yours, you can dust it off and try again. You can dust it off and try again. Try again. A couple years after that little mix-up at the orange grove, Paul sold 17 acres of farmland to this guy, Greg Conklin, only for Greg to later discover that Paul never owned those 17 acres. Okay, so he didn't actually now own them either.

No. Yeah. So, you know, that went to court, and a judge was like, Paul, you absolute dipshit, you have to stop. Yeah. But Paul didn't stop because he was so full of great ideas. Can't stop, won't stop. Please don't introduce song lyrics into this.

Alright? Okay. I'm trying to tell a story here. Okay. He taught at an alternative school in New Mexico. He opened an... Paul did? Yeah. What qualifications does he have for that? Please don't worry about that. He's a confident white guy, okay?

Oh my gosh. Sky's the limit. All right. Was he teaching economics? I'm sure he was perfectly qualified to teach whatever he wanted to teach. Okay. He opened an ice cream stand in New York.

What? What? You don't like an ice cream stand? I do. This guy's just all over the fucking place. Mm-hmm. Well, why is he, like, he's literally all over the United States. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Because he's running? Maybe he likes to travel. Maybe he's an adventuresome dude. Okay. I meant to say an adventuresome dude, but I didn't have the time. I don't think I did. Oh, okay.

The camel toe's cutting off the blood supply to my brain. I just realized that's a bad advertisement for my new business. Yeah, exactly. Patty, cut that. No. Patty, I will send you a pair. Don't worry. Yeah, he renovated homes in the Bahamas.

He started an eco-friendly cemetery. Is this one of those biodegradable situations? I'm not really sure. I'm also not really sure that he actually did any of this. Any of this? Yeah. Eventually, he came back to Wellsville, got married to a woman named Aisha, and together they had two boys, Lenin and Josephin.

I'm going to spell that name for you. J-O-S-E-F-F-I-N-N. Josephine. Josephine. That poor child. What do you suppose Josephine goes by? I would pray Joe. Or Finn. Finn would be cute. Finn would be very great. But why two Fs and two Ns? I don't know the answer to that. Did they have somebody in the family named Josephine and this is like a homage? I don't know. I don't know. All right.

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of it. Yeah, that's a rough name to carry around. You'll be thrilled to know that Paul did eventually actually own some property for real this time. He rented it out. And, you know, he just did like the bare minimum to make it inhabitable for humans. So he's a slumlord. Is that what you're telling us? Oh, that's so rude.

That's so rude. But yes, absolutely. You know, the great thing about becoming a landlord was that it really allowed Paul to flourish as an entrepreneur. Because again, I can't stress this enough. Paul had no shortage of business ideas. Okay. Okay. In 2009, he came up with a great one. He and his wife started a company that sold wood pellets. For smokers? What?

Like for meat smokers? No, this was for indoor home use. Apparently, a lot of people in upstate New York use wood pellets to heat their homes. Oh, like in wood-burning stoves? Sure. Okay. I was much less familiar than you were. They're like little tubey pellets made of compressed sawdust and bits of wood.

Boy, you're just sitting over there knowing it all. Well, that's what the pellets that are used in smokers are like, too, I believe. You smoke a lot of meat, do you? I don't. Actually, I've never smoked meat in my life. Well, how do you know this stuff? I don't know. I've never smoked meat in my life. Well, how do you know this stuff? I don't know. I'm so, so confused. All right.

Paul called the business Allegheny Pellets. Is Allegheny like the county? Yeah, Allegheny County. Allegheny River near them? I don't know. Okay. But I would assume. Okay.

He sold the pellets primarily online. And right away the business was very successful. He took in like 200 grand worth of prepaid orders for wood pellets. And then did not fulfill them. Hold on. Those orders came from about 130 customers. Paul was so good at taking orders for the pellets. Now all he had to do was come up with 1,900 tons of wood pellets.

That's all. That's not that much. The funny thing was Allegheny Pellets wasn't the only wood pellet game in Allegheny County. There was this other business, Sisson's Chainsaws and Stoves, and they also sold wood pellets. They'd done so for several years, and they knew that they were getting to that time of year when it's harder to get wood pellets. You know that time of year, don't you? Sure, absolutely, when there's just, you know, no wood to pellet. Okay.

So they were very perplexed by this guy who was pre-selling a seemingly limitless supply of pellets very cheaply. Uh-huh. What was his secret? How was he doing it? I don't know. How was he doing it? They figured maybe he must have some hookup that they didn't have or maybe he knew something they didn't.

He's not fulfilling the orders. You are just jumping right ahead, ma'am. Okay. Yeah. I am, uh-huh. Yeah. In the fall of 2009, Paul sent out a letter to his customers being like, oh, my God, you guys, thank you so much for all that money. I really appreciate it. But bad news, bad news.

We have fallen on hard times. Oh, this economy. Oh, the recession. Oh. What year is it? 2009 is what you said? Yeah. Yeah.

Right? It makes sense. It does. We all remember what happened to the wood pellet industry in 2009. I know shockingly little about the wood pellet industry. Here's a sad true story that he told his customers. Are you ready? Yeah.

I had to lay off a bunch of employees. Yeah. He didn't have any employees. What are you talking about? In his imaginary wood pellet factory. Excuse me. He had a wood pellet factory. Okay.

He did. And he even had a sign outside that said Allegheny Pellets LLC. All right. So what more do you want? But, yeah, you know, he did have to do some layoffs. Okay. It's a sad reality for these tough economic times. And, yeah, that meant that the wood pellets would not arrive on time.

Again, because of the layoffs. Ever, because he's not going to fulfill the orders. A bunch of customers were pissed off. They were like, well, I need those things to heat my home. Also to smoke meats, apparently. Could you tell me when I will get my order?

That's what people's response was. Not like, can I just have my fucking money back? Hang on. My god, keep your pants on. I couldn't possibly. Because of the camel toe. Because Kristen's camel toes are just really digging in there. You are trying to tank my business before it's even off the ground. Perhaps I'm trying to taint your business.

Ew. I'm going to have to give those things a scrub. Wait, you're reselling these? Yeah, that would be the plan. I'd be like, these are the pants that Brandy wore on the final episode. Pre-camel toed? Yeah. You can see there's already an outline.

It's like a couch that you've had in the family for years. Yeah, it's got butt imprints on it. Yeah, and this is a toe imprint. Gross. From your ample toe. Gross. What's the matter with you? So many things.

So anyway, yeah, at first they're like, well, okay, so it's delayed. When am I getting it? Yeah. And he's like, leave me alone. And then they're like, okay, well, can I get a refund then? And he's like, leave me alone. And then they're like, okay, well, can I get a refund then? And he's like, leave me alone. It got so bad that a reporter came out to take a look at Allegheny pellets. And he looked around and was like, you're saying you had a round of layoffs, but dude, are you the only employee?

And Paul was like, well, look at the time. Guess you'd better get going. You'll be devastated to hear that all of Paul's customers were real dicks about the fact that he was taking their money and not giving them any of those sweet little wood pellets. Pretty soon, the local DA's office caught wind of what was going on, and they charged Paul and Aisha with first-degree scheme to defraud and 12 counts of fourth-degree larceny for defrauding customers.

Yeah. I'm sorry, the reaction I'm looking for here is, aww. No. But wait, there's more. In December of 2009, New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo took a break from sexually harassing women to shut down Allegheny Pellets and accuse Paul of fraud. Imagine that. Oh, my God. This was just terrible for our pal, Paul.

The case was eventually settled, not that you give a shit. But Brandy, you know, sometimes we find light in our darkest hour. Okay. Are you ready to be inspired? Yeah. What's Paul's next scheme? No. No, no, no, no, no.

He's in this rough time, okay? Picture it. Paul had bills, bills, bills. Couldn't pay his telephone bills, couldn't pay his automobiles, couldn't pay his legal bills. old file cabinet. He's just looking through old files, hoping to find, you know, evidence that perhaps someone owed him money from years ago. Don't make that face, Brandy. I mean, this man is, you know, he's going through it. All right. Where's your sympathy? I mean, I'm sure he is going through it, but because of his own actions, Paul.

Well, he hates dealing with the consequences of his own actions. So he's going through this file cabinet, popping open old folders. He'd owned tons of businesses over the years. Maybe someone owed him something. over the years. Maybe someone owed him something. And oh my God, you're never going to guess what he found in his old folders. What? He discovered an old contract. It was from 2003. It was a simple work-for-hire contract, and it was signed by none other than Mark Zuckerberg. No. Yes.

Yes. What? Yes. Okay. That's right. That's right. Paul Siglia had in his possession a signed contract with Mark Zuckerberg, creator of Facebook slash wooden doll who desperately wanted to become a real boy.

He's, I mean, just a straight up robot. Those videos of him at the congressional hearings. So lifelike, so real. I mean. Turns out, in 2003, when Paul was 29 years old, he came up with a business idea. He called it street facts. Okay. All one word. Well, that's stupid.

Why is it one word? Why Well, that's stupid. Why is it one word? Why not? That's stupid. Why has it got to be two words? Because they're two words. The idea, if you'd like to hear it, was that Street Facts would have photographs and measurements and maps of busy intersections. that Street Facts would have photographs and measurements and maps of busy intersections. And once they had a database of these intersections,

they would sell access to that database to insurance companies so that insurance companies could investigate accidents that happened at these intersections. What do you think? Okay. Okay, this drives me nuts. Because in the American Greed episode, they presented this. And I was sitting there thinking, okay, I hate that I like this idea. And obviously, Google Maps comes along. But like in 2003, for someone to come up with this idea, that is not a bad idea at all.

Yes, but Google Maps has just really wiped out that industry for Paul. Well, sure, sure. Yeah. But it turns out – And Google Maps is two words. As it should be. If it had been one word, we wouldn't have heard of it. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah. I found out later in an article in Businessweek that this wasn't even his idea. A few years earlier, Paul had worked for a company called Street Delivery. I hate to tell you all one word. And they did this. So he was just taking this idea from someone else and trying to do it on his own. Yeah.

Except he couldn't do it on his own. He needed a coder to actually do the complicated work. Enter Mark Zuckerberg. Is that how he got hooked up with the Zucks? Don't be casual, please. I know he wears the same T-shirt every day, but that doesn't mean we can be so casual. So Paul put out an ad on Craigslist. And no shit, guess who responded with the lowest bid?

Mark Zuckerberg. Truly, 18-year-old Mark Zuckerberg, who was in his freshman year at Harvard. Holy shit. Yeah. So, in April of 2003, Paul met up with Mark in Boston, and they signed a contract for Mark to work on Street Facts. Except Mark never did the work. No. Oh, okay.

No, Mark did the work. Where do you think this is going? I have no idea. Come on, take some guesses. No, I've got nothing. Take a you think this is going? I have no idea. Come on, take some guesses. No, I've got nothing. Take a big swing. I don't have a clue. Take a big swing.

Well, when they were working together on Street Facts, Paul ran a little idea about a social networking site by Mark Zuckerberg. He really is the brains behind Facebook, so now he's going to have to sue Mark Zuckerberg for stealing his idea. Now you're thinking. Yeah. Not quite, but you are close. All right. Okay. So I just told you it's a contract for Mark to work on street facts.

Yeah. Except was it just a contract for Mark to do some coding for street facts? for Mark to do some coding for Street Facts? Not according to Paul, who seven years later had fallen on hard times and had fallen into his file cabinet and gotten rock hard looking at this contract. Why? Why? Why? Why did he get rock hard? Why did you insert that into your story? That's what they said on American Radio.

I did not. And I said, oh, my God. Come on. It's too much. I said. Yeah. But I did write it down. Yeah. According to Paul, when he met a young Mark Zuckerberg, Mark talked to him about a little project that he was just starting called the Facebook. Facebook, by the way, two words at this point. You happy with that? That is interesting.

And Mark asked him, Paul, will you please give me some money to help me get The Facebook off the ground? In exchange for $1,000, I will give you 50% ownership of my brand new company, The Facebook. Is there a contract saying that there, Paul? Yeah. Yeah. To hear Paul tell it, he didn't even quite understand what he was investing in. He thought that the Facebook. It was Kristen's camel's toes. He wishes.

Because you know what? He's going to be rich a year from now. Your Kristen's camel's toes is making a billion dollars in a year? Maybe, maybe. Maybe it'll be a Spite store. Maybe I'll be like, I am fueled by Brandy not believing in me. Yeah, so he thought that the Facebook was going to be confined to just Harvard and then it would be selling, you know, mugs and sweatshirts and stuff.

He thought it was a decent idea. And he was like, sure, kid, here's a thousand dollars. And so that two page contract that Mark signed didn't just mention the coding that he'd be doing for Street Facts. Oh, no. It also outlined the fact that Paul Siglia definitely owned 50% of Facebook. Was that like in a separate page that he just kind of stapled to it? That was on the first page, yes. Not mentioned on the second page.

Oh, weird. That's interesting. Well, you can't confine everything to one page. Sometimes, you know, you mention the Facebook on page one, and then you don't mention it at all on page two with the signature. Sometimes that's the way it goes. I don't think so. Wow. I don't think you're going to want to hear this, but there was more to the contract.

No, there was. Yeah. According to this contract, you know, all right, he pays the thousand dollars that gets him 50 percent. We all agree. We all think this makes total sense. But Paul would also get an additional 1% of interest in the business per day after January 1st, 2004, until Facebook was complete. And guess what, Brandy? Mark Zuckerberg didn't complete Facebook on January 1st, 2004. It took him a while longer. Which meant that, according to this very real contract, Paul Siglia owned 84% of Facebook.

Paul, get the fuck out of here. Nobody believes your fake contract. Wow. Oh, my gosh. He owns 84% of Facebook. No, he doesn't own 84% of fucking anything. Holy shit. Brandi, guess what?

At this point, Facebook was worth $23 billion. So I guess Paul's a billionaire and I guess you can suck it. More like you can suck it. Am I right? Oh, great. That's right, folks. I saved all the good jokes for the last episode. She's been holding back this whole time. Here she goes. And so, in June of 2010, Paul Siglia sued Mark Zuckerberg.

Okay, Paul. As Paul later told a reporter for Businessweek, he never would have discovered that he was about to become a billionaire if it hadn't been for those state troopers who'd arrested him for fraud last October.

Oh, wow. Think on that, Brandi. This is ridiculous. Think on that. It's like when one door closes, I don't know if you've heard of this, another door opens. It's kind of one of those things. Kind of one of those things where you think things are really bad, but oh, wait, look. When one scam fails, you just start a new scam. You know, you're really not looking to the positives in this story at all.

For the record, Paul wanted everyone to know that he was very proud of what Facebook had become. And he was looking forward to what this lawsuit would mean for him and his relationship with Mark. He said, quote, if at some point in the future I start running Facebook, I guess I'm going to have to hire him to keep running the company. Okay. Yeah. And on that note, I think we better break for an ad. Doodaloo! And we are back from the ad.

Doodaloo! Okay, so Paul is ready for his new role as a billionaire. And you are being a really doubtful, rude person about it, so he will not be giving any of the money to you. I'm so sorry to tell you that, but you frankly don't deserve it because you're being mean to him. Paul's legal team was a bit of a revolving door of, in my opinion, unscrupulous opportunists. I think they are shitheads. I should probably stop talking about them. His attorney at the time of the American Greed episode was a guy named Joseph Alioto.

And the nicest thing I can say about him is that he did dress well. I knew you were going to say he had nice suits. Like, I thought that's exactly. How did you know? I just knew that was what you were going to say. You know what? It's had nice suits. Like, I thought that's exactly. How did you know? I just knew that was what you were going to say. You know what? It's true, though. Yes.

This guy, well, I think any kind of opportunist, frankly, they know. Yeah, that's part of the deal. Yeah, you don't show up in a tank top. Yeah, you don't show up with egg on your shirt, Clarence Darrow. Darn right. Man, Clarence. It's probably worth mentioning that around this time, Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook had recently settled some pretty big lawsuits. Oh, yeah.

I'm sure that had no bearing on this situation here. In 2009, they settled with a guy named Eduardo Saverin. He'd been at Harvard with Mark and he'd been one of the co-founders of Facebook. And he'd said that Mark had unfairly diluted his stake in the company. And I'm pretty sure, like, Mark wrote that in an email, which, you know, oof, rookie move, buddy. Anyway, that lawsuit was settled.

And if you're worried about Eduardo, don't be. He is now the 65th richest person in the world. Okay. He's doing just fine. Just fine. Okay. Rumor has it he has two hot tubs. Then there was the Winklevoss twins lawsuit.

Oh, yeah. You know all about this. You saw the social network. Uh-huh. They said that Facebook had been their idea, so they sued Mark Zuckerberg, and Mark settled with them by giving them $20 million and 1.25 million Facebook shares. So I think they're doing OK, too. Yeah, I think so.

So in conclusion, if you were following the news and you were a big dumbass. You knew Mark Zuckerberg was handing out money. I mean, I wouldn't even call it handing out money. No, yeah. But, like, yeah, you might be thinking that you, too, could sue Facebook and get a ton of money. And that certainly seems to be Paul's plan. Yeah, yes, with his fake contract. Fake? Boy, is your face about to be red.

No, it's not. Paul's civil case against Mark Zuckerberg became big news. At a court hearing in the summer of 2010, the lawyers in this case were going back and forth about the two-page contract. To be clear, Mark Zuckerberg never denied having worked with Paul. He'd definitely done some work on street facts. Well, exactly. Yes. That part of the contract is real. Nothing about Facebook is mentioned

in the real version of the contract. That's my prediction. Wow. So I guess you're not on the side of the little guy. The little guy who gives a thousand dollars to this, you know, young kid and says, yeah, I believe in you, kid. Let's do this thing. In court, one of Facebook's attorneys told the judge, our client entered a contract with Siglia. Whether he signed this piece of paper, we are unsure at this point. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. So that remark about being unsure was so fucking exciting for Paul.

Yeah, I'm sure it was. And it was a little exciting for everyone else, too. A few days after that court hearing, Mark Zuckerberg did an interview with Diane Sawyer, and she asked him about what his lawyer had said in court. and she asked him about what his lawyer had said in court. And Mark, who looked completely natural and 100% human, said, if we said that we were unsure, I think that was likely taken out of context because I think we were quite sure that we did not sign a contract that says that they have any right to ownership over Facebook. Yeah, just spoken like a real human. Paul was loving this.

But for some fucking reason, Diane Sawyer didn't come out to Wellsville to interview him. Wow. Yeah. What? Yeah. Thanks a lot, Diane. Yeah. So he had to issue his own statement. Paul did? Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Thanks a lot, Diane. Yeah. So he had to issue his own statement.

Paul did? Yeah. Okay. Would you like to know where he made his statement? I sure would. On Facebook. He wrote, saw Mark on Diane Sawyer last night. He says, we are quite sure we didn't sign.

It seemed pretty hard for him to get that out without choking up. What? Yeah, yeah. He's got Mark Zuckerberg by the balls, Brandi. Yeah, and Mark Zuckerberg's one second away from crying. That's what he's saying? Yeah, yeah. All right.

Paul really wanted to paint himself as the guy who'd gotten shafted. In an interview outside of what was once Allegheny Pellets, he said, Here I am in my little factory, and Zuckerberg is now a mogul. Yeah, because you don't have anything to do with fucking Facebook, sir. Also, can you call it a factory if you never actually made one, Pellets? Never made anything there? Yeah, you put a sign out front. Here I am in my signpost.

It seems like people who didn't know Paul or know his history were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But the people who did know him were more than willing to tell on him. A reporter for the Buffalo News went to Wellsville to talk to people about Paul Siglia. And I mean, I love this article. It's so good. One of his former classmates said, the whole time I've ever known him, he was into conning people. Any way he could make easy money, that's what he did for a living. He can talk a real good story, but in the long run, he's nothing but a joke. Shit. A shop owner on Main Street said, when you shake Paul Siglia's hand,

you better count your fingers afterward. Oh my goodness gracious. So yeah, people started to get the sense that Paul was maybe a little full of shit. And then Facebook issued a statement saying, Mark has made it clear that Siglia's claims are absurd, and we strongly suspect the contract is forged. But Paul refused to give up. Just one year after he filed his lawsuit, Facebook's value had more than doubled to $65 billion. And guess what happened? What? Paul hired an even bigger legal team.

And oh my! Oh, what's this? He discovered more evidence for his lawsuit. He did? Yeah! Do you mean fabricated? Shut up. Turns out he oopsies found a bunch of emails between him and Mark. Oh, okay. Yeah. And they completely backed up Paul's version of the story. His? Okay. All right. All right. Let's hear the emails. And they come

from a verified email address that Mark Zuckerberg used? Brandy, I'm going to read you these real emails, okay? Okay. In one email from July of 2003, Mark asked Paul for permission to use the coding work he'd done for Street Facts for the Facebook. So, suck on that. Or zuck on that, as you said. And of course, we all remember that Mark was supposed to launch Facebook on January 1st, 2004. And if he didn't, Paul would collect an additional percentage of the company for every day that Mark was late. And yeah, sure enough,

in January of 2004, when it was clear that Mark was way behind on his deadline, Paul just went off on him in an email. Oh, did he? Well, sometimes you get fired up, right? He wrote, I'm starting to think that you blew that money, Mark. The whole thousand? You know perfectly well that you can't just take a person's investment and then spend it on women and beer or whatever you do up there in Harvard. I've been stalled long enough on this thing, and if I don't see something soon, I'll have no choice but to contact the school and perhaps your parents in Dobbs Ferry and let them know what's been going on. Okay, bud. Yeah, yeah. Would you like to hear Mark's response? Yeah, I really would.

Threats to call my parents are uncalled for and unprofessional, and you would be seriously violating our trust by doing so. I have done what I can with the small amount of money you have invested, and I will have something live for you to view soon. Again, I want to state that under no circumstances do you have any permission to contact my parents as they have nothing to do with my business. And just because I am young doesn't mean I'm afraid of my parents' response. Please do not contact them about this issue. They would probably just laugh you off anyway. Okay. I will say there are a lot of run-on sentences in that email for someone who's going to Harvard. But hey, you know.

Let's not to look too closely at it. Please, let's not. Of course, you know, the emails weren't always that tense. Oh, sure. They were just like some about like maybe getting pizza. No, no. It was a business relationship. Okay.

Sometimes Mark Zuckerberg reached out to Paul for wisdom and advice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. In one email, Mark was like, hey, I'm thinking about charging people a monthly fee to use the Facebook. And Paul was like, I don't think that's a good idea. He said, I'd be concerned that we wouldn't get enough people on there to keep anyone interested. Think on that. See, that was a great piece of advice he gave. And, you know, who knows if Facebook would be as profitable and popular today if Hall hadn't given him that really good advice back in 2004. Yep. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Guess what? What? In one email exchange, they discussed the contract that they'd signed. Oh, did they? Yeah, so it kind of backs up this whole thing. Yeah. Mark was like, hey, I just looked at our contract, and I don't think it's fair. According to this, I owe you like 80% of the company just because I've been so late on my deadlines.

And Paul, you know, responded to that email and said, fine. Oh, my gosh, we'll do 50-50 as long as we start making money off this thing. By the way, we should really start selling some T-shirts and mugs. You act like you don't even want a T-shirt or a mug. Oh, my gosh. There were so many emails, each one more real than the last. Yeah. Yeah. What's Mark's legal team have to say about these emails? Oh, just hang on.

Just hang on. Okay. Actually, what's Paul's legal team have to say about these emails? Well, they obviously say this is all very real. I know. I know. I know. I think. He's got shy, stupid shysters.

I think. As lawyers. I think his legal team is full of shit. We'll get to it later. Okay. But I can't believe he got anyone to take this case. Seriously. And he got some big time lawyers to take this case.

This is so transparent. This is this case. Seriously. And he got some big time lawyers to take this case. This is so transparent. This is such bullshit. Yes. Yes. But they see dollar signs. Just my personal opinion. Just the chance that Facebook might settle to make this go away. I think so.

I think that's what they're thinking. Yeah. Why else would an attorney take this on? This is such bullshit. Yeah. Such obvious bullshit. Yes. It's so obvious.

And I haven't even gotten to how obvious it is. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So in June of 2011, the legal team for Facebook and Mark. The email address is for sure Mark Zuckerberg at gmail.com. address is for sure mark zuckerberg at gmail.com they asked a judge for permission to search through paul's electronic media and run tests on the paper contract because they were like we're pretty sure this is a heaping pile of bullshit yeah and the judge was like sure go balls out that's what the judge said to them okay facebook's legal team started with the paper contract

i don't think you're even ready for this. Okay. Okay, it's a two-page contract. So they examined it, and they were like, you've got to be kidding. First off, the formatting is way different on the two pages. Of course it fucking is. The space between the two columns on page one is super narrow, and the space between the two columns on page one is super narrow. And the space between the two columns on page two is much wider.

Which, why the hell would they be formatted differently? No, they would not be. The paragraph spacing is a mess on page one, but it's all uniform and consistent on page two. Even the fonts are different. Page one, Times New Roman. Page two, Garamond. Also, does anyone else think it's fishy as fuck that the Facebook appears three times on page one, but never on page two, which is the page with Mark's actual signature on it?

Yes. Yes. Yes. I find that. What did you say? Fishy as fuck? Fishy as fuck. I do.

As fishy as your vagina, Kristen. Brandy. This is a family podcast. It's not. How dare you? I'm sorry to all the parents who are listening. They're young, impressionable children. As punishment, Brandy will leave content creation. You'll be in my very classy, capable hands.

Kristen's camel's toes will meet all your needs. Do you need extra support for the very middle part of your vagina? Don't worry. I've got it. Kristen's camel's toes. Gotcha. So, yeah, they're like, OK, obviously, page two of this contract is real. Page one is like brand spanking new.

He clearly just wrote it up, you know. Yeah. I don't know. He clearly just wrote it up, you know. I don't know. Last year, Paul's legal team defended the contract on the episode of American Greed. And I think you're going to love what they had to say. They explained that the contract is, yeah, it's a little sloppy in its formatting.

But that's only because Paul isn't an expert at writing contracts. I'm so sorry. He's not an expert, Brandy, at paragraph spacing and keeping the fonts consistent. But you know what? This contract is real where it counts on the inside. Okay. The paper came from the same mill and the same run. Both those sheets. For sure.

Is that just what they're saying? That's what they said on American Greed, but I don't buy that for a fucking second. Also, the staples show that the documents were originally together. Oh, does it? Yeah. Okay. Also, look at how nice my suit is. Yeah. You should always trust

someone in a very nice suit. Yeah, okay. Then, Facebook's legal team went hunting for those emails between Mark and Paul. Oh, okay, great. One problem, okay, not a big deal, but they could not find them in Paul's email account. Uh-huh. You know where they did find them? Microsoft Word.

Yep. Mm-hmm. So it was pretty obvious that Paul had made this all up. Yeah. You know where they did find them? Microsoft Word. So it was pretty obvious that Paul had made this all up. But, you know, the Facebook legal team kept going because they were being funded by a mountain of money. So in July of 2011, they found their smoking gun. They discovered two emails from 2004. They were sent to an attorney in Chicago. They were from Paul's mom's email account, but he was the one who signed the emails. And the first email had the subject line, page one of two for street facts contract with Mark.

And there was an attachment with a low res image of the real contract. And guess what? It didn't mention the Facebook at all. So then Facebook got a court order to search the email server at the Chicago attorney's office because, again, mountain of money. And they found the real contract. There had never been any mention of Facebook. Paul had clearly made this whole thing up. The emails were fake. So was the first page of the contract. Duh, duh, duh.

But I ask you, did Paul admit to what he'd done? Of course he fucking didn't. Did he say, okay, you caught me? No. What do you think he, you caught me? No. What do you think he said? I don't know. What did he say? This is my favorite. He told the media that

he had obviously been hacked by expert hacker Mark Zuckerberg. Maybe Mark Zuckerberg had planted the fake contract himself. Wake up, sheeple!

Oh, my goodness. Paul. No. What do you mean, no? Say it ain't so, Paul. This is not what you're going with. You should say, no, Mark, quit hacking people. No.

At a hearing a few months later, Paul's legal team got their asses handed to them. Yeah. They lost all their motions. And the Facebook lawyers kept asking about these five thumb drives that Paul had kept saying held proof that the contract was real. And they were like, OK, show us the thumb drives. And Paul's attorneys had to be like, we can't do that because no one knows where they are. Also, yes, our client is currently in Ireland and we are not sure why he is in Ireland or how long he plans to stay there. Please stop asking questions. Okay. And then the head of Paul's legal team was like,

Judge, could you please refer this whole thing to a mediator? We'd like to, you know, do an out-of-court settlement. And the lawyers for Facebook were like, yeah, I bet you do want that, but taint happening, which is the new name of Kristen's camel soap. Excellent. After this hearing, both legal teams talked to reporters, and the Facebook legal team was like, yeah, they just want to go to mediation because their case imploded. Yeah. And Paul's legal team, no shit, was like, that's not why. I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg really wants to continue this expensive lawsuit because, you know, this is really adding up.

Okay. Honey, do you understand who you're up against? Right. Yeah, it turns out Mark Zuckerberg was not sweating these legal fees because this case did keep going. It did? It doesn't just get dismissed right then? This thing went on for two years. This is ridiculous.

It's so stupid. And yet, these two years drag on. It's just more and more clear that Paul has been full of shit. And so in 2012, Paul was arrested. He was charged with mail fraud and wire fraud for inventing evidence in his civil suit. Because it turns out you can't do that. It's a little frowned upon. Yes.

Even though we all know that he was hacked. He was facing up to 40 years in prison. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's a lot. Well, it's federal, baby. Yeah. He pled not guilty.

On March 26, 2013, a judge dismissed Paul's case against Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook. Sure. In his decision, the judge was like, dude, you clearly made up this contract. You suck. Yeah. Eat a dick. Whoa. The judge said it, not me.

My goodness. Judges are so unprofessional these days. Did you hear about that judge? What? That was like caught during a trial, like looking at Facebook and sending text messages. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, she just resigned, like had to step down because like it was like thousands of text messages over the course of a trial. Good grief.

Yeah. Not just like, hey, things are running late. Things are running late. No. And like, there's a camera behind the bench. Wow. And she's just actively texting the whole time. She's got a camera next to her while she's on the bench.

And she's just scrolling Facebook, texting, all kinds of shit. Good grief. Hmm. Anyway, judges are really professional. Okay. Anyhow, t'was a tough time for Paul. He had to wear an ankle monitor as he awaited trial, and that really pissed him off. It itched. At a hearing in 2014, his lawyers asked the court to loosen his bail conditions.

And the prosecutor was like, no, no, no, no. Yeah. This dude lives a couple hours from the Canadian border. I know we took his passport, but he could easily pop over to Canada, then use fake travel documents to get to Ireland. By the way, did you know that he has dual citizenship with Ireland and so does his mommy? That's what he was doing in Ireland? What do you mean that's what he was doing? Getting his dual citizenship? I think he always had it. Okay. I guess I don't know that. Okay. But anyway, just fun fact for you. Mom's Irish? Yeah, put it in your hat. All right. And your pipe. Can I put it? And smoke it. And yeah, I know we have an extradition treaty with Ireland,

but it's rarely enforced. And the judge was like, okay, yeah, you've made a good point. So Paul had to keep his ankle bracelet on even though he really didn't want to because it itched. Yeah, and he was starting to get like a little rash under it.

Yeah, I mean, it was just a little red and irritated. Months passed. Then came March of 2015. Paul's criminal trial was just two months away. He was about to face the consequences of his own actions, and who wants to do that? No one. So he did something a little different.

He took a picture of his ankle monitor with his phone and then he took the ankle monitor off and put it back together and called his parole officer or whoever checks these things and said, hey, there was a little problem with the ankle bracelet, but it's on. I'm fine. And he sent the photo for proof. And then he did something with the ankle bracelet that's a little hard to describe. What did he do? Okay. One source said he, quote, hung his electronic ankle bracelet on a motor driven device that stretched to the ceiling and moved around. Okay. He put it on his Roomba? See, that's okay. I had a lot of thoughts. At first, I thought he just taped it to a ceiling fan. Oh, sure.

Which seems simple enough. Yeah. But the American Greed episode showed a very blurry picture of what he'd done. And somehow it's even less clear to me what he did. He built a Rector set? Rector set? What are you talking about? Yeah, and he's like driving on a little thing.

He's got a model train set up. he's like driving on a little thing. He's got a model train set up. So, okay, picture a ceiling fan. Yeah. But it looks like a ceiling fan slash movie projector combo in one. And it also looks like he's involved a broom handle somehow. At any rate, this is the weirdest setup. He had his ankle bracelet attached to what I assume is a fan, and the fan was on a timer so that it would look like he was moving around his house,

you know, during the daytime. And then Paul just took the fuck off. Yeah, to Ireland, right? Don't jump ahead. Lass. But there was a problem. The timer malfunctioned. Oh, no.

So you just laid there for three days. So authorities realized something was wrong. Yeah. They showed up at his home, knocked on the door. No one answered. They claim they heard a weird buzzing inside and that's why they broke down the door. Whatever. They just went.

Yeah. So they busted in, found that weird device, and they're like, we can't even describe this, so who can hold Kristen responsible for not describing it well? And they discovered that Paul and his whole family, including their Jack Russell Terrier, was gone. Wow. Would you like to know the dog's name?

I was just about to ask. Buddy. Oh, all right. Of course, they spread the word that Paul Siglia and his family were on the run. And Ayesha's sister, Brianna Castor, used her Facebook page to ask anyone who sees Ayesha or the two boys to call the police. And she had this interesting quote in the media. She said, to be honest, we're not surprised at what he's done. What we're shocked about is that our sister would disappear. It's

not like her to go missing. Wow. So there was this thought that, you know, perhaps she and the two boys were in danger. Yeah, maybe they didn't go willingly. Yeah, sure. You might be interested to learn that shortly after Paul and his family disappeared, Paul's parents moved to Ireland. That is interesting. I'm wondering if Josephine is an Irish name. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. That would make a lot more sense.

In which case, I've been a dick. sense. In which case, I've been a dick. It's my first time being a dick, so this is really shocking for us all. In the early days of this disappearance, Paul's lawyers tried to argue that he couldn't possibly have fled. He was too passionate about his lawsuit against Facebook to just up and run Brandy. His lawyers floated the theory that perhaps Paul and his family had been the victims of foul play. They'd been abducted by Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. No. To be clear, I do think Facebook is evil. Oh, so do I. Yes. No, that's not the case here. With Paul nowhere to be found, his attorneys decided to keep the civil suit going. What?

I know. They asked the Supreme Court to reopen the lawsuit against Facebook, and the Supreme Court was like, you have to be fucking kidding me. Yeah, they were like, shut the fuck up. Get out of here. No. So as that was happening, Facebook filed a malicious prosecution suit against all of the lawyers and law firms that had represented Paul in his stupid civil suit. I didn't even know that was a thing. OK, the article I read said that this is very unusual, but I was loving it because I

this whole time I've been like, how the hell did he get attorneys? Yes, seriously. But a New York court dismissed the suit, saying that Facebook failed to show that Paul's lawyers lacked probable cause to pursue the lawsuit. I imagine the bar must be very high. I would assume so. Apparently he passed a lie detector test, but, like, dude's a con man. Yeah. Years passed. No word from Paul.

But finally, in 2018, Paul was arrested in Ecuador. years passed. No word from Paul. But finally, in 2018, Paul was arrested in Ecuador. He was there with his whole family. The fuck are they doing in Ecuador? Hiding out. A vacation? Well, on the run, but, you know, probably having a good time. I don't know.

Ecuador's National Court of Justice was like, okay, you're going back to the United States. Get out of here. But then the president of Ecuador reversed that order on the grounds that Paul had fathered a son in Ecuador and he needed to pay child support. So it was in the best interest of that child that he stay in Ecuador. And he was also like, by the way, we have some citizens who are in the United States and you guys aren't extraditing them. So how do you like dim apples? Which I didn't know that that was such a popular saying. I think Good Will Hunting really did a lot for that saying.

Sure did. Yeah. So. What? Paul? Who do you father a child with? Okay. I tried to look into that.

It looks like just his wife. Oh, okay. But you know. She's not being extradited. Right. So. Oh, my gosh. So Paul was released from custody.

He was a free man in Ecuador. And as far as I can tell, that's where Paul and his family remain. What the fuck? So to teach America a lesson, Ecuador's like, uh-uh-uh. I guess so. Wow. And that is the story of a man who claimed to own more than 80% of Facebook. Here he is in front of his little factory while Mark Zuckerberg is a mogul.

Oh my gosh. Is that not ridiculous? I cannot believe. What an idiot. That he got attorneys to take that case on. Yeah. Yeah. They truly just believed that Facebook would do a settlement just to make it go away.

I think so. It has to be. I think so. You did not believe him. There's no way. No. When you see the contract and page one is so different from page two. No, my dude.

No. You happen to be very lucky. You got an 18-year-old Mark Zuckerberg to sign a contract in 2003. That's it. That's it. That's it. No claim to Facebook. No. No. Oh my gosh.

That was wild. It surely was. And now let's do a wild ad. What? Doodaloo! Kristen Houser? And we're back from the ad. Doodaloo! Oh my gosh, Brandi. It's our final time as one.

To take questions from the Discord. Yeah. Let's do it. To get in the Discord, all you have to do is sign up on our Patreon at the $5 level or higher. That's how you get 57 bonus episodes right away. And you find out about my new projects before the rest of these people out here. Brandi, did you know that everyone who signs up for the Patreon gets a new pair of Kristen's Camel's Toast? How lucky for them. So lucky. It sounds wonderful.

Oh, Adult Human Nightmare asks, what was the most rewarding aspect of your podcasting career? So I like this question. And I think the most rewarding aspect has been the community. Yeah. That has developed around this podcast. The listeners are amazing. I think the Discord has been a really amazing place to be. And like people are so supportive of each other in there.

And I just love that community that has that has formed around this podcast. It is amazing to me that we've had this for so many years. And I think I've only kicked like two people out of seriously. Seriously. Yeah. That's pretty. That's pretty wild. Amazing. No, it's it's a good community. And we're glad that you all have found us. Yeah. And it's really cool to me when people talk about stuff we've gotten them through, just because I feel that way about certain podcasts that I've listened to or TV shows. It's like when you're going through a really hard time, sometimes you just need something consistent. Yeah.

And I hate to call it light because it's not like we do a lot of really light stuff here. No. But overall, we keep it as light as possible. Yeah. And I'm glad to know that we've given people comfort. Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. Okay.

Fistful of Pencils asks, must do see Eat in Key West going there for my wedding or for a wedding in October. Okay. Two restaurants. They were our favorite restaurants there. They're both on Duval Street. Mango's was amazing. They had our favorite key lime pie that we had the entire time we were there. And we had it every restaurant we went to.

It's David's favorite thing. So we basically had a spreadsheet trying them all. They have a wonderful patio that you can eat on. And there's almost always live music going on on their patio as well. Love that. David's favorite meal we had was a po' boy sandwich that he had at Fogarty's, which was like a really cool like little bar and grill type place. Also on Duval. Definitely recommend both of those.

Legitimately, I loved the Ghosts and Gravestones tour. That's where I learned about Carl Tanzler and the Key West Corpse Bride. Loved that. I would totally do that. It's like an hour-long tour. It's cool. It's fun. And then Catch a Sunset.

Like, beautiful sunsets in Key West. You heard it here first. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Someone has put this in here as a joke, but this is maybe the new best name suggestion for your podcast. What? History Ho-Bags. Why is History Ho-Bags better than History Hoes?

It's funnier. I don't think so. I think History Hoes is funnier. I mean, I really like History Hoes. I don't think so. I think history hoes is funny. I mean, I really like history hoes. Ooh, Dick Gunn wants to know, what's the funniest memory or moment of the podcast? The thing that comes to mind that I laughed the hardest about on this podcast was during the darkest case, one of the darkest cases that you have ever covered. What was it?

It's the John Robinson case. You covered a serial killer on this podcast very early on, which is not you, like at all. But there was weird sex stuff involved. The nipples. The nipple clamps. Yes. Nipple clamps. You lost your mind over it.

Yep, I did. And I laughed, I think the hardest I've ever laughed on this podcast about that. The hardest I've ever laughed was when you said Bob Moss. Yes. That was the funniest because you didn't even hear it. You were so, you were going so fast. I was so wrapped up in that story. Charging forward.

Yeah. Yeah. And now, Bob Moss is a thing. Yeah, that's right. Charging forward. Yeah. Yeah. And now, Bob Moss is a thing. Yeah, that's right. That's right. It's really okay. Ask,

if you had a pet parrot, what would you teach it to say? I would hate to have a pet parrot. Yeah, I don't like birds. Kind of in general. Sorry. They're not my thing. My grandma did have,

it was a little blue bird and I don't, it was just some kind of like little songbird. And she taught it to say, holy shit. Did she intentionally teach it to say? Oh, okay. Yeah. And this was very scandalous because this is my grandma who grew up Mormon. So. My God.

She thought it was the funniest thing. Yeah. I think if I had a parrot, I would teach it to tell people to fuck off. Yeah, that is not at all surprising. Okay. Something that I found funny was when London started saying fuck and you were so surprised and upset. And it's like, what did you expect? I wasn't upset at all. No, I wasn't surprised.

And I told her, no, I know that I don't censor myself around my child, but we have conversations about what are adult words and what are kid words. No, I was very impressed the first time that she said that because she used it right. What was the context? We were outside walking to the grocery store. It was in the summer. We were walking from the car to the parking lot. Yeah. And it was so hot.

It was like. Did she say it's hot as fuck? She said it's so hot. It was like. Did she say it's hot as fuck? She said, it's fucking hot out here. Oh. And I said, I just started laughing and I was like,

you're right. Mm-hmm. And you did use that word correctly, but that is a grown-up word. Oh my gosh, that is the funniest thing this morning

out of nowhere, okay? She points to an electrical outlet. Like, we have one on our, like the side of our peninsula in our kitchens. You can plug in, like. Don't brag. You can plug in your mixer or crock pot or whatever.

She pointed to it, and she goes, you never touch those. Because it'll make you go, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then you turn into a skeleton. Okay, what cartoon is this? I have no idea, but she has clearly seen somebody get electrocuted on a cartoon. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I was like, yeah, yeah, nope, don't touch those. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm just waiting for the day when she accidentally brushes up against it and is just, like, shocked that she can't. Shocked that she does not go, whoa, whoa, whoa, and turn into a skeleton. Well, it's kind of like when you're told, you know, when you have sex, you're going to get pregnant right away and get all the diseases. Yes. Yeah, I haven't had that conversation with Linda yet.

Well, you know, wait till she's five. That's what I say. All right. I'm seeing a lot of requests, so I'm just going to have to do it. What is it? Going to have to sing Christmas Shoes. No. I'm not seeing any.

There are several requests. Anna has requested it. Cubby has requested it. Oh, my God. I saw a couple more up here. Oh, god. I saw a couple more up here. Oh, jeez. Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my

mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. I think you made this up. Could you hurry, sir? Daddy says there's not much time. She's been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes will make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful. If Mama meets Jesus tonight.

Folks, it's so sad we could have kept the podcast going except i couldn't do another christmas that's the truth okay should we find one final question to end on? Yeah. I think this is the one we should end on. Okay. What is it? Robin Noodles asks, Brandy and Kristen, is Patty real? I love that people ask this question.

I love this. Yes. Here's what I can say. Okay. We've never met Patty. That is true. What if she's not real? Well, who are we?

I don't know. Maybe her real name. What if she's not really Patty? What if it's some dude in his basement in Colorado? Well, we appreciate his work. He's been doing great. Thank you. You almost called him Patty, didn't you?

Thank you, Ken. You secretly know his real identity this whole time? No, Patty is real. Patty is real. And I'm keeping Patty. Yes, Patty is moving on. Because Patty was also like, I'm sick of Christmas shoes. I can't deal with it.

No, Patty's coming with me to the next project. Yeah. Yeah. Should we share some fun facts about Patty? Well, I guess we don't really have permission. No, we don't have permission to share her facts. So that makes it even more suspicious. Yes. That we don't really have permission. No, we don't have permission to share her facts. So that makes it even more suspicious

that we can't share fun facts. Yeah. Sorry, folks. Is she real? Who knows? It was just a dream. Should we read our final round

of Supreme Court Inductions? Supreme Court Inductions. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we are reading your names and your first celebrity crushes. Downey Jr. Ramirez Solomon. Natalie Portman. Rachel Z. Oliver and James Phelps. Alicia Rojas. Elijah Wood. Ben. Alex Hedison.

Rosalind. Jack White. Emden. Aaron Carter. Ari. You. Hehe. Wait, me or you?

Ooh. Obviously me. Obviously you, Kristen. Oh, you were, we were supposed to get in a fight. Well, all right. You gave up really easily. Okay. Aaron Kristen. Oh, we were supposed to get in a fight. Well, all right. You gave up really easily. Okay. Aaron Potter.

Pete Wentz. Amanda Who Cross Stitches. Val Kilmer. Ray. Christian Slater. Emily Ream. Erin Carter. Carolina Uyawa.

Daniel Radcliffe. Nikki Matasik. Nick Carter. Kaylee. I'm not writing it fresh. I'm writing to finally be inducted and say goodbye. I love your beautiful souls and the community you've built. Podcast adjourned and best of luck.

Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. Come Kardashian. Oh, no. Leslie. JTT, of course. Oh, I read the wrong. Kristen Stewart.

Lindsay. Now we've got JTT. Everybody calm down. Everybody calm down. Everybody calm down. Bethany. I'm just assuming it's the same Bethany who creates chaos. Taylor Lautner. Andrea.

Jonathan Knight. Amy. Nick Carter. Sarah Crater. Jesse McCartney. Ellie Schwetz. Aaron Carter. I peed my pants kissing him in a dream at seven years old.

Please feel free to include. Anna Van Wardhuizen. Kevin Jonas. Aisling McGing. Oh, the LGTC gals. Kelly LaPierre. Pre-slap Will Smith. Lisa Baines.

Goo from My Brother and Me. Savannah Guerrero. Frankie Muniz. Emily. River Phoenix. Okay, I just have to say, every person named Emily gives us the same pronunciation. I think it's wonderful. I think this is funny if your name is Emily.

Like, they all phonetically just put M-L-E. Anyway, this doesn't even know Patty. You don't need to include that. Patty, please include it. No, got it, Patty. Patty, Patty, keep it in. Got it, Patty. Vanessa G.

Lance Bass. Andy Mayer. Peter Pan. Cheryl Deckard. George Clooney. Lisa Marie T. Uncle Jesse. Joey Navarro.

Donnie Wahlberg. Mimi Angelique. Davy Jones. Gr Donnie Wahlberg. Mimi Angelique. Davy Jones. Gratia Bridges. Zac Efron. Jackie Baker. Keanu Reeves. Sammy.

Carrie Ellis. Meredith. The Backstreet Boys. Meow-ly Cat. The Cartoon Ninja Turtles. I've always been a little weird. Julie Cortez. Heath Ledger. Courtney. Dylan Sprouse. Abby McMullen. David Bowie. I've always been a little weird. No judgment, please. Bo Duke Anna Alford John Stewart Emily Royale Les Jeunesse I don't remember, but I will be missing you both.

Aw, I guess people put these in after we announce. Kim Usher Rebecca Tree David Duchovny Lindsay Taylor Lautner Myra Britson

JTT Emma Hotchkiss Hannah from S Club 7 Amber Alberts. James Hetfield. Shayla. The Fox from Disney's Robin Hood. Kyra Cowleys.

David Bowie. Melanie Hunter. David Bowie again. Kirsten. Prince Eric. Kristen with an E. Taylor Hansen. Mackenzie Slider.

Cam Gigandant. Kate Craven JTT Michelle Jareth Leah Finan Aaron Carter Erica

Donnie Darko Lori Officer Jonathan Andrew Baker Arsis Deepika Padukone Baria Zach Efron Ryan Ray

Alyssa Milano Welcome to the Supreme Court! All the sounds today! Yeah, were those good enough for you? Those were excellent sounds! Way better than your Transformer sound earlier. Wow. So we end on a note of hate.

Oh my gosh, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, everyone who has supported us these six years. This is wild. This is wild.

Yeah. Man. Yeah. This is fun. And I mean, we couldn't have done it without the listeners. So.

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And specifically the patrons. Thank you. Thank you. And specifically the patrons. Thank you. Stick around and support Kristen and Norm and their new ventures. Yeah. Wear my camel toe jeans.

Jesus. Also listen to my new podcast. I think that might be more important, Kristen. Wow. You still don't see the promise in my new jeans company. Anyway. Kristen's camel's toes. I will be updating this feed with, like, new information about what I'm doing next.

But also keep Googling Kristen's camel's toes. I'm sure something will eventually pop up that'll catch your eye. Okay. Yeah, stop. Don't Google that, please. I wish I hadn't Googled Jean Cameltoe earlier. Porn name? Jean Cameltoe.

Anyway, on that note. Podcast adjourned. And now for a note about our process. For this episode, I read a bunch of stuff, then regurgitated it all back up in my very limited vocabulary. So I owe a huge thank you to the real experts. I got my info from the Facebook Face Off episode of American Greed, as well as reporting from Business Week, Business Insider, and the Buffalo News. Any errors are, of course, ours, but please don't take our word for it. Go read their stuff.