librarypunk - 063 - Radio Free Tote Bag

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

This week we’re joined by Audrey and Donovan from Radio Free Tote Bag! We talk about the ever-important issue of sex and libraries. We finally have answers for the questions you were too afraid to ask! https://rftb.me  https://www.patreon.com/rftb  https://twitter.com/rftbPod  https://twitter.com/rftbAudrey  https://twitter.com/rftbdono  Media mentioned #212 A Badly Edited Collage of Disappointment feat. Liam Anderson and Rin | Radio Free Tote Bag #101 John Fucking McAfee feat. John and Janice McAfee | Radio Free Tote Bag  8 books sparked library debate: How does Livingston handle dating, sex and gender issues? | News | theadvocate.com John Waters - This Filthy World (2006 Special) [1080P HD] 049 - Party Girl (1995) feat Luisa Díez #127 Buy A Butt Plug And Read Up On Stoicism | Radio Free Tote Bag

Can we use profanity on this podcast? No, this is a Christian podcast. We're part of the Crosswalk Network. On our good Christian queer, yeah. Part of the Crosswalk podcast network. Funded by Focus on the Family. How would I never put together that Crosswalk could be like the cross, the fucking cross, and your walk with Jesus? That's right.

So, Crosswalk was the name of an early ad blocker that my mom put on our computer. I didn't watch anime. I was kind of young for porn. Isn't there an anime with Jesus in it? Yeah, there's a St. Young Men where he and Booter roommates. I don't know if that was not yet. Beyond Genesis Evangelion. The truly God-fearing Christ-like anime.

In Jesus. Beyond Genesis Evangelion. We did talk about that Karl Marx anime, though. Oh. I thought it sort of like a. a clip or something from that. The leader. Oh, where we found on the Carl Marx

like Wikipedia page that he was in DeVore. Yeah. Someone had shit posted in Wikipedia. It wasn't even the Carl Marks page. It was the page for the Chinese produced anime about Charles. All right. Was Marks a shreddy or a gulpy? Oh, I don't know.

I didn't get to that level. Oh, so I have to like leave glasses on my coffee. table for my cat to drink out of mine. He's like a person. So we'll introduce ourselves. I'll say we have guests. Would you like to introduce yourselves? Then you can go ahead and introduce yourself. Absolutely not. You can be different people. You can be whoever you want here. Wow. Hi, I'm John McAfee. I was just listening to the episode where you had Liam on and you said you had John McAfee on. And I was like, his wife. Is this, is a joke?

Episode 100. It was maybe a month into the pandemic. It was episode 101. One of one. Yeah, because 100 was the was the, but it was him and his wife. Clip show. I was in a hotel in the middle of Colorado somewhere evacuating from Portland back to Cincinnati where my folks were.

Because I got like laid off as the fucking pandemic happened, lost a whole contract and shit. So I'm in this hotel. And Audrey messages me and is like, hey, you're ready for the McAfee interview tomorrow? I'm like, fuck, I'm supposed to be like on the road. I've got my girlfriend and my cat with me driving all the way across the country. And I'm like, babe, it's very important to do this interview. Would you be opposed to staying at like wherever the fuck, bum fuck Colorado for another day?

She's like, you got to do it. It was a surreal experience. It is incredible. We won't know how much longer we have him. Just like buy a bunch of edibles. Like, while you're interviewing, just have her like just go buck wild and like make some brownies or something. Yeah. It was a wild ride.

We did not use the normal show format. They did not help us answer any listener questions. But we did find out which jails are the best internationally and which are the worst. He said by far the United States, worst prisons to spend time in. Shocker. Right. Best prisons, Mexico. He said there was a great time.

Yeah, it's basically a party. He said something along the lines of there in other countries. The guards recognize that they're just people on the other side of bars. But in the United States, they have this sort of like elevated idea of them. themselves as like keepers of reprobates. Yeah. Have you seen the like Twitter posts of things from the Guantanamo Bay gift shop? I saw the Minion shirt.

There's also a mindfulness coffee. No. What the fuck? That's grim. Jesus Christ. Mindfulness. It makes me deeply, deeply ill. Like that was worse than the minions one.

Yeah. I wonder if Guantanamo has a library and we could get in contact. They do. They have to. No, there was a Guantanamo librarian. No, no, no. There was a Guantanamo librarian on Twitter not that long ago. I remember reading something.

Fuck them. Yeah. Class trainer. How dare you? Okay. I'm Justin. I'm a Skalkan librarian. My pronouns are he and him.

I'm Sadie. I work IT at a public library. My pronouns are they them? I'm Jay. I'm a music library director and my pronouns are he him. And we have guests. Go ahead. I'm Donovan.

I'm Donovan. Believe it or not, I'm a professional podcaster. My pronouns are any pronouns. My name is Audrey. I too, I'm a podcaster. My pronouns are she her. Let's go. All right.

Welcome. We have a live studio audience just for you. Always film in studio, yeah. Can I just say I love your theme song? It's like some spooky-ass, Mort Garson shit. That's really cool. Yeah.

No, that was one of our former co-hosts wrote that. And she does a whole lot of like cool noise music, but made some synthy, spooky stuff because I don't know. When I came up with the idea for the podcast, it was like actually punk rock themed like 2015. And then once I got around to making it like a year ago, it was like, nah, that's kind of boring.

All the kids like 80s shit now. So I'm going to make it like, it's like cyberpunk instead. So it's library punk in the cyberpunk sense. I don't know. I felt like that might be a good. theme. I abandoned it after about like three episodes. I'm picturing a big book with neon trim around it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

A cyber book. No, you've got it. Like Harrison Ford would be like eating noodles while reading it. Yes. Yeah, that can't. RGB book. The B stands for book. That's a kind of great humor.

I'm bringing to the show this week. Yeah, that's kind of good. It's it. I've been looking for the classic sitcom like, but I can't find it anywhere. Oh, goodness. I'll do some digging. I'll see if I can't find it.

Yeah, that would be so awesome. We should have had that when we had the queer personals on, when we were reading the little personal ads. I've tried to have it from the beginning. I just can't find it. Actually, let's do plugs up front. Audrey and Donovan, where are you from? What are you doing in my house?

why are you here? What's your deal? We're from the radio free tote bag podcast. A podcast where you, the listener, can send us questions about dating relationships. Also like mental health and birds for some reason. We take bird questions.

I just like the little fuckers. And we do our best to answer it. We've been doing it for like four years. We got guests on pretty frequently. They'll tell us about their dating experiences. And they'll help us answer questions. We just got off with Amber Rallo from Low Culture Boil. Also plug them.

They're fucking great. That episode's going to be great. But it's an old, like a dear abby kind of format. We read the questions. Then we use our expertise to answer them. I was calling it millennial love line for a time. And I used to say, if you love love line, but you hate misogyny, we're the show for you. Have you ever done an episode on the like bird dating sim?

We got to play that on stream at some point. It's been kind of done to death at this point. but like I feel like because it's so specific to our brand. Yeah. You should do some guests. If anyone was born to do it. I have the bizarre combination of skills. I've got my bird. Pull it up, baby.

Field guide right here. I've been known to read a bird fact when we guessed on other podcasts, but I don't know if I'll subject you to that. We'll have to see. Justin has this like Looney Tunes sound board. There are four discs of cartoon sound facts that I've, no, six discs that I went through. And I always forget he has that one until he pulls it out.

And then I'm like, are you having a stroke? I thought one of us was making that sound. And I was seeing none of you all talking. I was like, am I making this sound? Is this it? Did it happen? Is it all coming to a close? No.

Fun coincidence. That bird dating some question you got. I sent that in for Katz episode. Oh, hell yeah. I love that game so much. That's so fun. I've been a long, long time ago.

We got to give it a shot. Yeah, that'd be fine. You should do a whole, if you guys stream at all or anything like that. We have streamed a bird game. We streamed wingspan, the board game about having a bunch of birds. And so I guess that'd fit.

Wingspan is great. It's a good time. I got my. My shit rocked, unfortunately. I Drew's much better than I am. Card games, baby. I play Magic of the Gathering. I can fucking summon some birds.

Hell, yeah. So we have a segment where I play around with a GPT3 AI tool to generate, usually tweets about libraries, but this time I thought I would generate Quora questions about dating. No, Twitter questions about dating. Twitter, no, sorry, Twitter advice about dating. The other two didn't work. I've been working at this for like an hour and a half today.

I wasn't getting much for a while. So this segment is called Barronaut. Hey, we use that drop too. That's bad ass. So I'm going to roll a D6 to get a random post, and then I will read it out, and you will all tell me if it was generated by AI, or if this is a real tweet someone wrote giving dating advice.

Also, we're always, always so bad at this. Okay. First date, you should always have flowers for her. If you come empty-handed, you're already down 10. points. Fuck. We've debated this on the podcast about bringing gifts on the first date. That's real and I wrote it.

Yeah. You brought flowers one? I did. I've brought flowers. I won't say many times, but a time or two to dates. Yeah. Wait.

Are you serious that you wrote it or are you just saying? No. No. Okay. Because like I'm, I'm for some stupid reason, but I convince myself it was for professional reasons. I'm learning like digital copywriting.

right now and that sounds like the kind of like vague repeatable change one letter bullshit that you're learning in that like especially the 10 points because it's like you got to get that like the number it's specific so i'm going to say it's a i it's a bot okay i'm metagaming again it did strike me as bot too i'm gonna if i'm casting a vote in the bot category i'm going the other way i'm saying it was a real person a real douchebag That one is real. Oh, shit. Nice.

I think that's the first time I've been right in like four sessions. I don't think I've ever, yeah, I'm so bad at it. It's from someone called Wake Up Lilo. Yeah, I mean, we use the D6 roller so Jay can't like try and guess if I'm switching between AI or not. So that's why we have to use a random number generator to make sure that I pick one of these random. Somebody die. I can't see the screen. I'm looking at the dice.

Did Peggy murder something? I don't think that... I threw my dog's toy directly into a fan. I'm sorry. Oh, no. He's very mad about the fan. Hold on. I thought the dog was a sound effect.

I was 100% certain the dog park was one of the jobs. I am starting to tout my own sanity on this show. That's what this is all. Chicken noise. Casual disaster. Don't mind me. If you want to get the girl, never let her think she's smarter than you.

Act like you know everything, and she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand in no time. Like, I've seen this shit. Yeah. This sounds like it came out of one of those what, God, what are they like the pickup artist books?

There was one, when I was doing public service, there was one dude who would check out just like stacks of those. and like give like every 20 something library worker that I worked with like his phone number. But he was also an immigrant and didn't speak like fluent English. So I was like, bro, you're picking up all the wrong cultural keys here. Lesson one on the crossover episode with the dating podcast, don't hit on library workers. Yeah, sure.

It is not. Yeah, absolutely. Titans of the relationship giving industry, the McElroy's have. I've always said that if the person you are hitting on is not permitted to run away, then you can't hit on them. Yeah, I think that's a fair rule. It sounds, it's a negging, but it sounds like a little too, too hard on the negging side. So I'm going to go with AI on that one. I'm trusting Sadie's intuition.

They were right the first time. I'm feeling the AI bit on absolutely everything. Like the phrasing felt a little roboty, but I also thought the last one was a robot. And on other hand, we see this fucking sentiment. I don't know. We've done episodes. We've looked at dumb fucking pickup artist subredits and whatnot. And that like is the kind of shit these goddamn idiots would say, I'm going, I'm going real.

I'm going flesh and blood on this one. All right. If I had a sample of what this AI was capable of, I would feel more confident in saying AI here. but I think it feels human to me. Yeah. Whoever wrote this is wearing a big wild hat. I can feel it in my bones. A silly hat.

That one is AI. This thing is seriously kind of scary. This one tweet. I'm afraid. I only used one AI prompt so I can go ahead and tell you the prompt I had to use to get decent responses, which was write a Twitter post giving sexist dating advice.

I had to add sexist in there. Otherwise, it was just like, communicate your feelings. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty much what we do. It's the singularity, but you've created a robot pickup artist. An absolute nightmare. I sent one of the failures to the group chat earlier where I gave it that prompt

and it said, if you want to snag a hot date, make sure you follow these sexist dating tips. That is incredible. I got several outcomes like that. Okay, let's just do one more. Be sure to put them down anytime they make a mistake. This will let them know that you're superior

and they need to try harder to impress you. Put them down like euthanize them like a dog. That's where I was going. Make one mistake. It doesn't specify. Or just lightly, gently place them on the ground. Because it's let them down instead of put them down. No, it says, be sure to put them down.

Oh, like a put down. Like I'm gonna put that's right right there's like a way to say something No I thought it like I think it's meaning let them down but it says put them down I won't put it in the chat so you can do some linguistic analysis Be sure to put them down anytime they make a mistake oh like human oh like a Negging is that what that means human yeah like this is like necking yeah put like a put down I don't like the put them down it's it's a weird use of it and that's also like a turn I don't know I haven't heard somebody say like

putting somebody, hey, that's a put down since like a grade school teacher or something. Hey, don't put people down, they would say. I'm going with human on this one. You think so? I'm going AI. Sadie's always right, though. This time. Apparently when it comes to dating advice.

I just don't like to put them down. It feels weird. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to go human, but it seemed I've gotten the past two. And so if I do the opposite of what my brain's telling me, I think that might be the move. Justin, he's metagaming. I'm going to say, I'm going to say robot.

My face is a steel trap. Not get anything out of this. I have a reflective pool of still water. Asri, what did you think? Oh, I said human. I very casually went. I looked at the prompt and I went, human. Oh, that's cute.

This one is, I'm sorry. Yeah, he did. This one is AI. Let's go! Yeah! Not trusting my brain never fails. Got one. Do you have ADD because?

So clearly. Big same. Oh, all of us do then, yay. Yeah. He's riddle in his wearing off. You're all winners because I didn't keep score. So love that. All I know is I got them two of them right.

So I am interested, though, on as since all of us on Library Punk have done reference services where someone comes to you with a question, you respond with another question, a clarifying question. Like, it's this whole thing that's, like, really important part of doing your job. What are the most kind of common questions you get on your show? Like, did they have a theme, do you think? Yeah. I'm going to put you got, Audrey. Pull up our most recent document, I think, and just like see if I can. through, because there's some trends.

I will say like off the top of my head, people having trouble with dating apps. We do a whole thing on our Patreon where we punch up people's profiles for them. But a lot of just like, oh, I'm swiping on so many people and I don't get anything back. And we're kind of like, it's just kind of the nature of the damn things,

you know, but we get that one pretty frequently. A lot of just like that kind of, I'm getting back into dating and I don't. What do I do kind of stuff? That's a big category, I think. Yeah.

Ever since I started undergoing gender transition, we get a lot of questions about transgender issues and something we've been talking about a lot. And I've been pretty public about being non-monogamous as well. And that's become something of a trend in the question box. Yeah, a good amount of that. We had like 10 people asking us if we knew that John McAfee died. And so by proportion, that's probably a trend. So many people messaged us that day.

It was wild. Yeah. Or like, uh, parent-in-law, like mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, that kind of thing. We do do like a whole, we got to drop for the friend zone where we drop our voices for some reason. If it's a friend or like non-romantic question that people are asking. And so that's a pretty decent genre, I think.

Like just stuff with your family you're trying to work through. Like, I don't know, typically something with a sibling or like a parent that maybe you're reconnecting with this kind of thing. Yeah, friend manses. Do we get many kink questions? That feels more like a Patreon thing, but I think some people have, some people have asked. It's usually something along the lines of, I mean, maybe this is something you see more on Reddit than we see in our own question box. But like, I have this weird kink and I just don't know how to share it with my partner.

How do I do this? And then, of course, everybody in the Reddit's like, what's the king? And they have to say, because it's honestly, that is, the answer is different. Because if you're like, I'm in defeat, that's one thing. I'm into animals, totally different thing. Yeah. So it varies. And then a whole,

a whole segment is, is thirst posts where people write in and tell us they want to fuck one of us. We did a fair amount of that. One person told me that they wanted me to must be nice. Take them behind a CBS. Send these good people some thirst posts, library punk listeners. I am so fucking hot.

Chop, chop. I'm also single now. They got to get on it then. That's true. That's your responsibility as listeners to a program. You must send feral messages. Yeah. What was the one?

Somebody said that they wanted to be a, how filthy can we get on here? As filthy as you can, honestly. We'll let you know. They said they would be the filthiest cock gobbling slut for a bird book. Donovan had said something about dating and like giving you a free bird book if they date. And the great thing about that is that is now my latest drop for like the next 20 episodes.

I still have this one. Bigot. Was it a, yeah. So is it a cock gobbling? Is that what it was? Filthiest little cock gobbling slut for a free bird book. For a bird book. And so, yeah, don't bring flowers on the first day.

bring a bird book. That's what people are into these days. Apparently do it work. You sit down and you say something along the lines of, uh, book on next day. Don't make them pay. It has to be a free bird book. Yeah.

That would go against the ethos of libraries, though. So why would I expect that there would be payment involved? Nice. Nice. Go on a library date, check out a bird book. Tying it all together. That's real. It's real.

And then figure out where you're going to, uh, was it garglecock? What was being done to the cobblobling? Like a turkey. I feel like y'all are trying to make me say, Filthiest cock gobbling slut is many times as far as. We really need a dream take for it to be a trap. Everyone shut the fuck up. This is all.

Go, go. And this is the shussing section of the podcast. Filthiest cock gobbling slut. There we go. My cat is so scared. I'm trying to see if I got any bird facts about turkeys. Drop a bird fact. I'm getting in the library zone by looking at a book while we're recording.

Duh, library zone. Yeah. There are no books in my office. I hate books, actually. Surprising. No, fuck books. Get them away. Books suck.

It's like a sandwich with words in. Also, you just moved. Oh, yeah, God. Like, who wants to move with books? Yeah. Fun fact about me, I never sold back any of my textbooks, so I have a fucking mountain of like reference material and shit. Hot.

That will follow me my entire life. I use them as a monitor stand. I've got cognitive science and fundamental statistics for the behavioral sciences right next to me. I've got some like free copies of my book. stacked up for my monitor and my office upstairs. Oh shit. What did you write? Me and three other librarians wrote this like, so my first position was like a residency

and we wrote like developing a residency program, a practical guide for librarians, I think is what it was called. So it was very like helpful advice for how to set up one of these programs and whatnot. And I haven't made any money from it. But I have like multiple boxes of free ones because the first one that they first box of free copies that they sent had the wrong index in it to all of us. It was like for some book about like Chinese like history economics or something. That's fine. And we're like, uh, we think this is wrong. And so then they had to send us another book.

So I've got like two boxes of just free books of things I wrote. Those would all be gone. And then my computer sits on the Chinese index. Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, I will. That's a rare edition. It is. one could buy it because it was like the little preprints.

My favorite part of setting up a library program is the great leap forward. That's a very essential piece of the process. Yeah, smelting iron in your backyard, that sort of thing. Really important for lending libraries to really also. Maker spaces could really be used to refine raw materials into the needs of the socialist state. That's actually a good idea. We'll have to get the seriously wrong boys. back on to talk about library socialism with Chinese characteristics.

Fun. But I am interested in the information needs of fuck seekers, as I put it in the notes, because you are answering the questions of the people. And so I... You do our jobs, but for fuck? Yeah, people don't go to the library and ask these kinds of questions most of the time. Maybe they should. I think they should.

They should. I would answer it. I would too. but I don't think every librarian would. No, they would not. Y'all seem like some swinging cats. Don't just ask a librarian fuck questions, but you can have to have like a question.

When they hand up the liaison rules for like collection development, it's like who can we send the fuck questions to whenever they come in? Like they're not in the office today, but you can email them, but like none of us are going to deal with that. Yeah, that's a good idea. I like that. Yeah, I volunteer.

Fun times for sex and gender in the library. It's gone beyond library world. I mean, we've been talking about this since like March, but like there are a lot of book challenges going on right now for particularly trans affirming books, particularly those focused at trans youth. And so I put a little article and I'll leave it in the show notes as well. It's just, you know, one local story out of a hundred, it seems about what's going on. And there's, I think it's called moms for liberty is the kind of front group right now. Yeah. Right.

Anything's got moms in it. Yeah. It's bad. They've mobilized very effectively, I hate to say, across the country. And so these are really, really going quick. And as well as doing LGBT friendly programming during Pride Month, saying like you can't do Pride Month. I know my local public library, they can do Pride displays, but they can't put them on social media. Oh, God.

What? Because anything for social media has to go through the city commission. Oh, God. Unacceptable. It's incredible. I believe frustrating. Yeah, and it's really important to do. Absolutely. And particularly for trans issues, like, I spent a long time with a lot of things just not making a whole lot of sense for me in my life. And I started transitioning when I was like 31. And if I had had access to like a vocabulary

around how to express what I was feeling about my gender, then I could have started earlier. I could have avoided a lot of pain, a lot of difficulty if I had just had the language to express how I was feeling. And that's why it's so important for trans kids to have access to these materials. And it's like, it's full on Nazi shit to like keep this information away from people. This is what they did. They, you know, they burned the trans literature. Literal pictures of book burnings are from the like gender trans institute plays. Right, right.

Literally. Absolutely psychotic and fucking just misguided. And like obviously these are not brilliant individuals if this is how you're choosing to spend your time trying to ban books like this. But like, anybody cracking open a book and like, oh, shit, I'm trans now, I guess. Sure. Something in the pages here just did it. It's what Audrey's saying. It's like fentanyl.

If you touch the page. Are you chanced? You get transed. It's like one's estrogen and one's testosterone and then you just fucking double tip. That's how you become gender fluid, ladies and gentlemen. That's where the book genderqueer is. That's why they're banning it.

Oh, fuck. I touched two floor. And now I'm non-binary. Shit. Oh, no, I have blue hair now. I have pronouns. Right. Which is the silliest shit.

Like, other people who say, like, I would never date someone who has pronouns. It's just silly. I think at certain point, a certain amount of fash have just realized that they control us by doing that and being that annoying. What is it? What was it? Sarch said it was like fascist play with language because they don't believe in it. its consequences or something, they allow themselves to play with language and never hold themselves to anything they actually say.

Right. That's why you can't ever, this is why like Keith Olberman and fucking Rachel Maddow are so misguided. They're always trying to like, huh, gotcha, because you said this. And then it's this other thing that you're doing. It's like trying to catch him in hypocrisy when it's just simply not effective. Like it just doesn't do a day thing. Aaron Sorkin is single-handedly responsible for the downfall of. Western society.

I'd like to take him on a walk and talk behind the fucking woodshed, you know what I'm saying? We simply need to debate these people in the marketplace of ideas who would kill us, given the chance. We have to point out their hypocrisies because if they realize they're wrong, they will change their mark. Yeah.

Looking down in a pile of burned books and just awful fucking vitriol spewed at people and oh shit, I really whiffed this one doing all of this. Think about it like that. Oops. Right. That's a whoopsie.

We have talked about this before, but we are bringing on someone who's an expert in book challenges. And they have theories about like how the conservative, like how the reactionary mind thinks about books. And basically, Jay's explained this a million times. So I'm going to take a swing at it is that they believe that books have the power to actually change you. They just don't expect that those changes will be good in certain groups that they don't trust, particularly racial minorities and gender nonconforming people. people. And this is true of reactionaries of any political or religious belief. So it's not just like a right conservative ideology. Now granted, when it comes from the left, it's very different reasons normally, but that doesn't mean it's automatically good all the time. But that's sort of

the baseline of it. Reading is so powerful that it can change you and we don't trust certain groups to change the way we want them to. Yeah. Yeah, I'm looking forward to diving into that more. and seeing how their theory might have changed over the past couple of years with the... Yeah, because I haven't kept up with her about it, but like she got this whole like grant scholarship to basically like spend a year or two, like going around the country and like visiting school boards and like going to like these meetings and stuff of public schools and public libraries and whatnot that had book challenges going and just to see why things were being banned. Yeah, she's cool. So I think I have a clip to lead us into the next segment. I don't know. When I was young, book reports and glory holes, I just went hand in hand.

What? Is that John Wander? My patron saint. I love him. As soon as I knew we were doing this, I'm like, oh, shit, that one clip from this filthy world. There was so many. I had to pick one because otherwise it would have been like a two-minute clip. I just played while we listen.

Yeah. Yeah. A sea librarian. That's my other. Yeah, that was good. I wanted it. I was just down at the glory hole, and I learned that by the end of the 19th century, the wild turkey had been hunted almost to extinction in much of its original range.

That's post-clarity. I was wondering when the turkey fact could show up. You like, you nut, and then suddenly you learn things. That's why you do it in a library so that your mind is nice and clear, and then you can immediately burn fact. That's right. Gobble-gobble. Cockcobble.

filthy cock gobble Well yeah I guess if you're if you're reading a book report then you can do that with one hand Or like right? I don't want to deconstruct the joke too much because I know a joke should be cracked and forgotten so you know maybe I don't need to work out the mechanics of how exactly glory holes in book reports go hand in hand

But I imagine yeah If you were dexterous enough For sure you could put like a Kindle over the glory hole So you're just like while you're just like While you're pulling away, you're just swiping. I mean, compared to most sex acts, a glory hole does give you like a flat service to maybe put a piece of parchment on. Perhaps spread out a notebook. I mean, people write in bathroom stalls all the time.

Might as well put paper there and be a productive member of society. The wild turkey was hunted to extinction. Ah, okay, I post that clarity. Now it's better. That'd be kind of fun bathroom graffiti, to be honest. If I was taking an unpleasant public dump somewhere and like, oh, God, why now? And then you're looking around like, oh, shit, I didn't know that about turkeys. That turned my mood around pretty good.

Yeah, I think you should do that. It's my new tags. Yeah, you start a tag crew. No, I've always wanted to start a blog of graffiti in library bathrooms. Just like, what do people put in there? Because they put, like, weird shit that are sometimes library specific that, like, fuck the cost of textbooks. Like, I work in an academic library, so they're usually like, fuck textbooks. Yeah.

Yeah, fuck textbooks. It's a lot of that. Or fuck textbooks. Yeah. And that's where the glory hole comes in. You don't know if it's a book on the other side of that hole. Could be a beautiful young romance novel. Speaking of glory holes, they did have to put big steel plates between the stalls at the bathrooms of my university for whole reasons.

and someone, the day they installed it, someone took a, because it's like stainless steel. So someone took a permanent marker and drew the Venus of Willendorf. Yes. Over the whole wall. And I was like, humans. That's amazing. Humans never change. Hell yeah.

Do you think overall library bathroom graffiti is elevated compared to say a truck stop where it's usually like Trump, 2020, call this number to fuck sort of things. Like any particular library stall troops. I think you're just in a different headspace because you're in a truck stop. It's like transient. Whereas you're in the library, you're in there for a while. So you've got some time to like, you've been sitting there thinking about something. And then you're just like, I need an outlet.

I need to create. And technically your writing is then in the library. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're published at that point. Yeah. Does that count as publication? We can start a discourse that I... Do you need to, like, get a Library of Congress, like, name authority record for your bathroom graffiti?

ISBN number for your... We could ask Netto-Nel. He makes all of them. Not really, but he does. He made mine, so that's fun. We did an episode on the movie Party Girl, which is a classic movie about working in a library. From the 90s, it's not really about libraries, but the main character works in a library. And it goes to library school eventually.

Yeah, and goes to library school. After you wheeled in the TV on the cart for that episode. You were like, let's just do, let's do a fun one. Teachers hung over. No, but they did that my last day of one of my courses, but with desk set. So. So she does have sex in the library in the romance section. Romance languages.

Terrible. Romance languages, sorry. Romance languages section. Better. See, after helping her boyfriend find information, about how to become a public school teacher in New York City because he was a teacher into some country. So he comes and he's like, he doesn't know she's working that night and they rekindle and they have sex in the romance section. And so we couldn't find a good answer of where is the

best place to fuck in the library because we've got several considerations that are, you know, very short carpets, kind of uncomfortable, stacks tipping hazards. And the furniture, you know, you get that wooden, that wooden, like, blocky kind of furniture for public spaces. And you don't want to get, like, fluids on the books. Yeah, well, for sure. Yeah. You need to be respectful of the, of the texts. Yeah, because, like, that's actually safety hazard for the librarian.

Right. You might have to, like, get that book in and stuff. That's like, you know. Yeah. I don't think I've ever brought it up. OSHA violation. Yeah. I read a romance novel.

There was this whole series of romance novels. I read several of them that were about public librarians. And in the very first one, the children's librarian hosting some sort of Valentine's date night thing, like trivia night at the library, who then ends up having sex with a dude on the children's stuffed animals in the children's section. The library is closed. And I was like, I was willing to suspend my disbelief all the way up until that point happened. because every children's librarian I know is like, please don't put stuffed things in my library.

It will become disgusting in a matter of minutes. So to be willingly able to have sex on a pile of stuffed animals was just like a step too far for me. Yeah. Because I'm very pro fucking in the library, but not there. Regardless of it were a children's stuffed thing. Oh, you would just burn it. Was there a scene later?

in that novel where the children are interacting with the stuffed animals and she becomes very uncomfortable? Was there anything like that? God, I wish there was. No, it did pretty short after that. Yeah, it was just never addressed. The cold, beady eyes of the stuffed animals looked on with quiet indifference as he plowed away. It was kind of a terrible book series, to be honest. like a different book had like there was like sex going on and like the book mobile like parked on the side of the road and I'm just like that sounds fun that did that sounded more plausible is there like a giant wizard like a giant wizard that's just yeah one step away from it frucking in a transit van you just have books to look at well yeah but they're all on one side because it has to be space for the people to get in There's only one side of books on a bookmobile. Not necessarily true, but. And he can still paint a badass wizard on the side.

I think my answer hinges on which library you're in, right? So like general, general advice for fucking a library. I think the stacks are the way to go because you have, your sight lines are limited, right? So you're able to eliminate that. You go to a less often used section. I won't, I won't denigrate any section of the library by saying, that nobody goes to that one. The disease, where we put all the library, library science stuff.

Sure, sure. So you go there. If it's a library of Congress, then not do decimal. For sure. I'm thinking hand stuff or head at best. I think you're getting a little ambitious if you're trying to go through penetration. If you are in the library at SUNY Fredonia, the main library, there are these cubicles that actually face the window, which seems bad, right?

because you've got exposure to the outside. However, you do have a completely obscured sight line to the inside of the library. It's a 24-hour library. So if you go late enough, nobody's going to be outside. Perfect crime. It's like that hotel from shame where you can see the people fucking from the street. That's like an actual hotel in New York City, by the way. And like, you can actually like see people, like people just stand and like watch people

fucking. Like it's an actual thing. Like people know it's like, that's the fuck hotel. People are fucking. Like, that's my uncle. Yeah, that's awesome. I have a somewhat similar answer, but at the Ohio State Thompson Library, a pretty tall building with a whole bunch of stacks. And that one's got kind of like, they ever see those chairs where it's kind of like encased?

It's like almost a cubicle chair. Like you have a little pool at desk kind of thing. It's facing the window. These particular ones kind of like behind the stacks off in a corner. And you're, you got the same window problem. Audrey's describing. but you're several floors up. And if you're in the middle of the day,

and we can learn a lesson here from birds, we know that the windows are reflective. And so they're just people outside, they're just seeing, oh, trees and birds crashing into it. But if you sit there with your girlfriend in college, you can get a dry handy, not to completion,

and get out of there pretty safely. And so that's my suggestion. You can really tell the two of you are the experts here, because those are both specific, detailed, well thought out, and just seamless. So I'm actually, I'm really impressed how quickly both the day did that. That's actually good answers. You were just like, oh, uh, do you know,

thank you for the thought you put into that question. Oh, yeah, I read the outline and went, oh, fuck, I'm going to put some fucking thought in like it instantly. I was like, yeah, cubicles, Zinifredonia, main library, no problem. Yeah, I will say I don't rate the experience particularly highly. I'm also not a big like voyeurism type person. So I think I was just kind of stressed. But just there's better accommodations.

Well, this is just a friend I was talking about. I still got an email with them. I don't know if I don't know if that could be follow it back to me. Checking the security footage and just seeing a nervous. Well, I guess I didn't have a mustache back then or my friend, I guess. but just there's better options. I'm feeling like ducking into like a side room late at night. If it's a big place like that,

because you got like a room with a copier in it maybe. You got like, what else was in a one? Yeah, we didn't consider noise coverage because it's quiet in a library. That's true. If you're under the HVAC system. Or if it's like a public library main kind of space or in a lot of academic libraries,

there'll be like the you can be a little rowdy in here versus. you go up and if you wear flip-flops, you're going to get shanked, you know, like that level. If your kink is shussing while you're, uh, while you're having sex. Who wants to get their shussie aid? No, shissing is being shussed by like a gay librarian. Shissing. If you're, that was a, that was a Dono's goofer right there. We're on a recording marathon today.

your kink is shushing, then you just, you know, you'll fit right in. And that was kind of the library sex joke I had. Oh, fuck, I'm gonna shh. Always enchanted at the idea of there being a sound effect when the magic trick happens. You know what I mean? It's pretty good. Zoo! Gobble, gobble, go, bo, go, go, go.

Yeah, that's what I was the fucking chicken. Did Sadie throw the toy and knock over the fucking fan again? Nope, that one was footstep, slip, and fall water. I see. Wait, is that a sound effect? No, that's dog. No, that's dog. That one's a dog.

Where am I? I will say, I mean, I guess it depends on the library and what cop shit internet filters they've forced Sadie to put on the computers. But if you're in a public library, even like an academic library, you can actually watch porn as long as you're not winking it. Right. And as long as like it's not disturbing like other people, especially if like children can't see, especially in an academic library, you might be in a woman studies class and you got to watch porn. It's true. And you may have, you know, had to go to a doctor on the day you're supposed to watch the porn in a class or something or you're writing a paper.

Or like, yeah, in public libraries, like people watch porn. And as long as you don't have your, like, your digger your pussy out and, you know, other people aren't like snooping. You know, because you'll get people all the time. Like this happened when I was in college. Like, because I went to a public university for undergrad. And so anyone of the state of Virginia could go in and like use the public computers. And like there was like an old guy and he was watching porn. And a lot of people were like mad at him and trying to get a picked out.

And it's like, no, he can be watching porn on that computer as long as his dick's not out. Why are you looking at his screen? Children are around. Y'all are over 18. Get over it. If it's legal, you can do it on a library computer, or you should be able to do it on a library computer. Depends on what cop shit they've put on there. Yeah. The library in my hometown, the Sims Township Library, offers a cardboard hood that you can put over the monitor in yourself so that you can view whatever you're viewing on the, yeah.

Dup Horns out. That's a new one. I've heard of like, I've heard of like the desks that have. have like the built-in privacy screen and the monitor monitors that are like tilted. So like you don't get the inadvertent or like the privacy screens that just hang straight on like the monitor. So if somebody has to be directly behind you to see ship, but a cardboard, hood, that is a whole other level of privacy expectation. That's like straight up like naughty store. Like you put the nickel in and like pouring it comes down.

The next thing is going to be like little stalls with curtains and like. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. That's Ohio excellence, folks. That's what our great state is all about. All library computers should have a little, like, porno theater curtain on them for their privacy screen. This is the future.

I have control of a library budget. How much do those cost? If they're cardboard, I don't know. You got to look into this. Yeah. Can I put little tassels on them? This was clearly a case of somebody, I'm going to guess a gentleman,

kept coming into the library and watching the pornography and was permitted to do so, of course, because that's how it's information. You can access information at the library. But somebody was like, hey, he can't do that. And they went, what if he wore a cardboard hood? Would that be okay? Hey, get in the box. It's also probably one of those where we have one person doing one thing that we can't tell

them that they can't do. So we're going to devise a solution for everybody that really only applies to this one person. Right. Yeah, like, when people say like, ooh, let's do. libraries are the last bastion of democracy. Like, I know what they're mean, but like, I wish they made, like, no, people can watch porn with the cardboard hood. And like, that's, that's people power. That's freedom.

I get the, like, swelling pride in my heart when people can watch porn in libraries and not what it's like, woo. Something just occurred to me, Jay. Like, you work at a music library. Do you have, like, private study, like practice rooms? Because I bet you anything. There's more than just violin lessons going on. some of those. Oh, yeah.

Practicing the skin flute, folks. Let's go. The fun thing about my college is that the two buildings that can sit that my college is used to be houses. Oh. And so all of the rooms in both buildings are just like regular rooms of a house that they've like shoved harpsichords and shit in. Sure.

Yeah. Except for the library, which is like a recent, addition to one of the houses. But it's like a main floor where like my offices and the CERC desk is and the computers. Then you go down into the what I call the spooky score room where they go down some stairs and like in the basement. That's where all the scores are. Like if you want to play some Bach and then you can get it down there. And then you go upstairs and there used to be more books up there.

But then they like weeded the shit out of the collection. So it can be like it's one of the bigger spaces in both buildings. Because again, houses. And so, like, they'll have, like, ensemble classes up there sometime. But it's, like, a little, like, study space and students can book it for gigs. Because it's a conservatory, right? And there's, like, beanbags up there. And also, they just ordered new furniture and painted it.

And the furniture is these, like, they literally were putting it up in there today. Like, I've been getting, like, high off paint fumes for the past couple days because they painted over the weekend. And I could smell it in my office. The chairs are like fucking Oscar. They're not a she's long, but they're like a very like blue velvet, like the kind of chair you think I would buy because I'm like a little like Oscar wild asshole. Right. It's like it's like tufted blue velvet chairs with these like fucking 70s like mustard yellow leather like chairs. Like I'm like, are we a boogie nights now?

like, hell yeah. I'm like, oh, fuck, yeah. We got a, like, little, like, someone's going to get up there with, like, violin and play some, like, the, the porno, wot-wah music, but on, like, a violin or something. Put a disco ball up there. Somebody's going to be playing Jethro Tull. Hell, yeah. We got floutists. Or I think I think floutist is, like, out of vogue now.

I think it's just flutist, which is in the spot. I see. Can I run back briefly to something that you said? You referred to the circulation desk as the. CERC desk. Yes. Nice dick. Who did your CERC desk?

Nice. And that's a joke you can tell your buddy when you're standing next to them at the urinal. You can say that. We don't have urinals at my institution because it's houses. And so all of our bathrooms are single stall to introduce your bathrooms because they're just back in a house. Yeah. For the record, every bathroom should be that. And they put like free tampons in them.

So when you're holding your bro's dick while he pees, you can see. you can say nice circ desk. Is that that's right? Right. None of it makes any sense. You just called it a Cirque desk and I was like, well. Nice dick, dude, who did your Cirque? Yes, exactly.

Yeah, I'm looking for a recommendation. I also need a barber if you know anybody. I thought you met like a Japanese who did your Suk desk. Like Desca. Like Serks desk. I have a tangent because of what Audrey said that Sims Library in Ohio is, is the one I would go to. I lived out of the country for a stretch when I was in, when I was in middle school and high school, and this is like a very 2007, 2007, 2008-ass

experience, because we didn't have like laptops or anything. We had a desktop at the place. We would come back for like the summer or the holiday or whatever and like not really have a computer except for my dad's like work computer. And so we'd go to that library and I would use the computer and like, you couldn't download an app or anything, but I could go into the browser and get MSN messenger running. So like I would hang on the library for hours. so I could talk to like, the girl I had a crush on. And I developed like this really like fondness for like this particularly little seating area in there. I haven't thought about that forever.

That's a, that's a deep memory. What lyrics did you put as your MS and messenger? I feel horrible to admit this, but there's definitely some Lincoln Park up there. Like just the most generic of like the 13 year old dipshit ones. We are pro Lincoln Park. It's some modest mouse. Oh, nice. Some modest mouse in there.

Yeah, that's a little less bad. What is y'all's professional advice for, like, I know we don't have MS and Messenger anymore, but what song lyrics should we be putting in whatever the 2022 equivalent of MS and Messenger song lyrics put her statter. Put in your Microsoft Teams. Some real cryptic shit, some fucking hyperpop lyrics is what you should put. It's like something about fate. My face is the front of shop is what you should put on there. Okay. Fucking status on teams.

Just like these wounds, they will not heal away. I'm just going to run this through, like, voice to text and put it in my teams. There was definitely some, I had corn lyrics up there at some point, too. We had a whole corn fist. Were you feeling like a freak on a leash out of it? I'm telling you, this is a safe space for your new metal. We love corn on this podcast. Oh, yes.

Just some good old Iowa boys I've had the street fight guys on their show. I won the new metal library fiend award one time or something from Shannon. Hell yeah. Yeah. I'm appreciating the resurgence of support for it because I am too. I don't know. I can't say it's high art or anything.

Oh, fuck you. I'm actually jealous. I never got to see them. I went to see Evanescence on the Corrin Family Values Tour. Let's fucking go. Yeah, fucking ruled. Damn. Return to 2008 musically.

I'm feeling it. Not economically. Not most of the other things. I remember when gas hit fucking 80 cents a gallon of my neighborhood in like 2008. It's like, ooh, spooky. There's the roll, like the lines around the block of cars trying to, oh, simpler times. To get them cheapies. And so the gas station is kind of like a library for cars when you think about it.

Yeah, it is. And what kind of birds are at the gas station? Actual answer, you're going to get some rock dubs. That's the cool bird person named for pigeons. They're called a rock dove. Damn, rock dove. If you're here in Chicago, sometimes you get seagulls, even though you're nowhere close to the lake,

but they're just puttsing around in the parking lot. Geese love a good parking lot. That's a gas station bird, a goose. I think that's kind of the main ones. Maybe a house sparrow, but they're everywhere. In Texas, you got, you got grackles everywhere. What about starlings? Love a grackle.

Oh, yeah. Forgot about them starlings. Those got sparkly little bastards Cock crockling Cock crocklings Oh fuck me That's a good king right there I mean that's what we're here for us

I did I did start play around Go ahead of I came here to Greckle and chew gum And I'm all out of go Thank you for pausing for that dog shit show

I'm gonna cut it I'm gonna cut it out I'm gonna make it like loud I'm not going to put sweeping orchestral music behind it. That's how we're going to close out. But I did go through, when I was looking for the Bot or not game, I did end up going on Cora. I don't know if you use Cora for your show,

but I think you should because what I've learned about Cora recently is if you look for dating advice on Cora, people will find any excuse to post their thirst traps as a response to a question. Hell yes. Some will say, like, what should I wear to my library date? So like I was looking for a date. And then there's just people showing off basically or one.

Sure. I want to say dude said, I like these outfits. And it's just like six like supermodels. Just wear that. Yeah, just just look like that. $1,200 farragamo dress. Just be upfront about your once it needs. I haven't thought of this.

Audrey, didn't we do like a Yahoo answers when that shut down? Didn't we do a segment one time? Right. When it was wrapping up, we did it. We did reference a Quora post. It's so funny. I actually happened to be listening to this episode. It was like episode 124,

buy a butt plug and read up on stoicism. Yeah. Where we, there was a Quora post about putting ice in your ass that we had. I remember this. Yeah. I've read fan fix like that. Hell yeah.

We got to do that though, because that is a particular breed of poster. Yeah. Quora. Different from like the Reddit weirdness, you see, even different than the Yahoo answers. Feels more dedicated.

Yeah, yeah. Here's the one with all the third. You get like people with PhDs like giving. Being horny on me. I have never clicked a link faster. I keep getting, for some reason, and my brain is just cross like wiring Quora with Stack Overflow for some reason. It's the same.

Hang on. Wait a second. Let me go to Stack Overflow real quick. Dates. What would we wear on our library dates? What I wear to the library? day, Pinky. Black hoodie, black jeans,

black shirt, black boots. All black everything. Ready for a block action any minute. Any moment. Yeah. It's definitely not because I have like executive dysfunction every morning and just like all black everything. Goth or ADHD.

My big go to lately for all date like functions is just like a t-shirt dress with a cute ruana. I have like if it's a solid dress, it'll be like a print ruana, like some kind of. a pattern and leggings usually and just these cute little ballet slippers. It's fun of it. I would wear a

book outfit like a book mascot like Bible man or whatever that thing was. There's an everything as terrible like thing that I'm thinking of where it's a big horrifying purple book with a face poking out of the book. And I'm thinking then you could just blend right in. You could

kind of surprise your date. They think you're just one of the many materials the library has to offer before you start. spitting some game partner. I bet birds. Yeah, that's right. Hey, turn to page 69.

Am I right? I'm a big horn and book. That's the kind of things I would say. I would kick you out of my library so fast. I live here. This is my home. This is where my people are. So funny.

Yeah. I haven't been on a first date since, like October or November of 2019. So it's been a while. I don't... I'm absorbed by your work. No, because I got a boyfriend and I don't have one anymore. But I haven't got myself out there.

So I don't even know what the lads would be attracted to anymore. And if I go on Grinders, just a bunch of like libertarian bears. Yeah. Libertarians, yeah. Liberatorians. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Grindr fucking sucks.

I'm going to come out. I wonder if scruff would be better because I like the fuzzy folk. But yeah. So I don't know what I'd wear to my library date. Maybe a harness over something. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Good fashion.

I love a good harness. Or like I have like a leather wrist cuff I got at I believe the Eagle in Baltimore. If you wear that. That'd be color. Over like a black button up. Go in and people like, this is a live. Sir, this is a library. That's right.

Join me. This is a wind. I'm going to the stacks. Don't check up on me. Yep. Yep. I'm getting a hand job and writing a book report. Yeah.

In my cool leather outfit. It would just be like a very trendy harness like over like a shirt though. Yeah. That's a sick luck. That's just what I wear on any date though. Sure. But I could be like, hello, here's the books. Witness them.

I know about them. Do you want to have sex with me now? Did it work? My work, yeah. I could shush you if you want. Yeah, that's some people's thing. Yeah. Although some people call it shussing, I've heard.

Shussing. I could chuss you. When you said chussy, I was like. It's the new bussy. Okay. Was that, what, Bussy, is that book pussy? What is that? No, that's book a bookishy.

That's a lecousy, bookusi. From fucking, like, all the lesbians loved, like, with the page, with the fingers and the page where it looks like you're fingering a pussy. Shannon posted that today and called it like book hussy. Yeah, did she? Yeah, yeah. She knew. She knew we were going to talk about it. We said we were doing this.

I don't think it was related. I think she was just being her living her best book hussy post in life. Yeah, the lesbians love the book hussie. Anyway, I promise we would wrap it up at an hour. Did you get everything else you wanted to in like in the plug section before you go? Yeah, just check us out. RFTB. That's our website.

You can find the link to the question box. If you want to submit your quandary to our program, we do also offer Patreon. A series, $5 a month gets you a bonus episode every week, Patreon. Patreon.com slash RFTV. And access to like 90 bonus episodes or something. I can never remember how many. back there, but there's a lot. 89.

89 is this week's episode. And that's almost 90. My brain is on fire. Killing it. Do you want me to put your personal Twitter's in there as well? And the link. Oh, sure. Yeah.

At RFTB Audrey. We keep the branding pretty tight here. That's right. And I'm at RFTB Dono. Although I'm unlocked, but I'll accept people. If they seem cool, that's kind of my strategy. And they don't seem like they work for the place that I work. That's a big part of.

That's kind of the criteria. Awesome. Thanks so much for coming on. It's been. This was a blast. Our pleasure. This was great. Thanks for having us. Ever actually get like how do I fucking aliburie questions come back on? Oh, absolutely. We will keep the eye out. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We got almost a thousand questions in there. Somebody's got to come with that one eventually.

All right. I prepared this and we never got to use it. So I guess this will be our outro music. Good night. Asking Dallum Quest. Asked all in Quest. asking all these, making statements, a two. Asking all questions. Asking all questions. Why are you asking all these questions making statements? A two?

Uh, two. How much?