librarypunk - 169 - Movie Night: To Philly With Love

Episode Date: August 15, 2026

We’re doing a movie night, where the National Archives and the city of Philly stock footage are main characters. We also pitch our own Hallmark movie directed by Bruce LaBruce about mismanagement set at the Mütter Museum.  Transcript: https://pastecode.io/s/q6fbce2p  Join the Discord: https://discord.gg/qWPTurTnkT

Is it going through? That looks pretty good. Check. Jack. I'm Justin. I have a great job and a stable job. My pronouns are he and they. I'm Sadie. I work IT at a public library. I'm available at all hours, despite my high position, and my pronouns are they them. Oh, fuck.

Shit. Oh, I'm not. My name is Jay, and I'm not as clever or funny as Justin and Sadie. I have unrealistic expectations for how long labor takes to do things. My employees, apparently, because it only takes a week to do exhibitions. My pronouns are EM. That's right. I did find a archivist's Facebook group that was talking about this movie, because we are talking about to Philly with Love, which came out in, I don't know, April of this year, just in time for the Susquehanna Centennial. Oh, I see what you did there.

go birds, et cetera. Go birds. Is it Susquehanna in New Philly? It's the river that goes, oh no, this is Skukle. Yeah. I don't know. I was just doing word association. Yeah.

None of us are from Philly, but we've all been there at least once. Yeah, we were there. Live show. Did our live show in Philly. I've been to Philly for four times. I think five, actually five times. But once I was in college, and it was just to see a band. We did eat at Reading Terminal, which is in the movie, which is very exciting.

What was it? It also made us realize that like the walk from Reading Terminal to back to the courthouse, I think is probably improbable to yield colonial times in Philly. To eat your, to eat your Philly cheese steak, which Philly cheese steaks are good. So good point to the movie. I was kind of hoping to see like Justin. Rosniak and just in the background going on

you can see here the way that this building was just walking in the background talking about Philly stuff talking about Gobirds The Fannatics is just like bouncing by and like

tongue and gritty or something I don't know in my fan fiction that's what they're doing speaking of fan fiction what is to Philly with love Justin why are we watching this? What is this what happened? Who are you? Are you in my house?

Someone was talking about it on Blue Sky. And they said it was a very interesting portrayal of archives in movies. And since there aren't that many portrayals of actually working in archive in movies, I was like, well, we should watch it. And also, it's a Hallmark Romance movie. Yeah. Yeah. And by romance, it means they don't kiss until the end. Yeah, it's a God-fearing movie. It loves God, loves country. Oh God. Oh God. This is just jerking off about America, even though it's Canadian. Yeah. I've only seen, I think I've seen one homework movie the night. I've seen Hot Frosty.

Those aren't Hallmark movies. Those are just bad Netflix holiday romances. They're different things. When I was getting dental work done, they had the Hallmark channel on. And so I was watching a Hallmark movie the whole time I was having my T3 done. like getting a million pills done on my teeth because the dentist was like your front teeth are too thin I'm going to thicken them up and she just bath my front teeth thicker

and I couldn't close my mouth after that until I wore it all away. There's like romance movies at various levels of steeminess and explicitness and then there's Hallmark romance movies and the Hallmark romance movie is where you get the like the business woman

come home for Christmas and meet the lumberjack and then she stays with them and they fall in love because he's got a job, and she doesn't have to be a big city lawyer, executive, whatever, anymore. And they have no sex or anything risque, no innuendo. There's no, like, lust and desire.

You could show this to a five-year-old, and it'd be fine. Yep. You'd show anything to a five-year-old and be fine. They don't know what's going on. That's true. Sadie, what's your, like, experience with, like, the Hallmark romance? I've never actually watched any Hallmark movie before, although I am normally a fan of romance.

I mean, I think the most I've ever seen is like my vet tends to play Hallmark movies in the lobby, but it's too far away to here. So I'm just watching what's her fucking named Danica McKellar. There's one actress who's always in those fucking movies. I forget her name. She was in Boy Meets World. And now I got to look it up because... Hallmark's all like explicitly Christian, but it's very like Christian coded. It's very Christian friendly.

Danica McKellar, whatever, whatever movies she's always in that are like Hallmark or Hallmark equivalent, that's like it is I just see her walking around in a power suit on while I'm in the lobby of my vet hospital. So like that's not, yeah, no, which my wife has had more experience watching Hallmark movies for some reason. And I was like, oh, it really is. it really is that cheesy. And they were like, yeah, what did you expect? And I'm like, I didn't expect them to actually be the level of cheese. The cheese whiz, if I may. Oh, ho.

I've always got a canned pasta because I can't say SpaghettiOs. I was like, did he say canned pasta? I'm like, what is canned pasta? And I was just sitting here thinking about it for like a good two minutes. People are just so deprived of good Italian food, apparently. I think the only thing that actually made me laugh in this movie was, when he goes, it's surprisingly tasty. My mom is cooking chicken pot pie tonight,

Pennsylvania Dutch style. You're welcome to join us. Unless, of course, you're craving your canned pasta, in which case I completely understand. It is surprisingly tasty. And I was like, okay. I will give this movie props for how hot and in his 40s he was.

Yeah. That was a perk. He was fucking, I saw, I was looking through his credits after and kind of early on, he played hands. handsome guy in an episode of a show. I'm like, damn, he sure is a handsome guy. Yep. I can't see. He's good looking. Can't argue that. Ain't argue that.

Credited as handsome guy. I was like, when he came on screen, I was like, is this the love interest? He looks a little older than I expected. In his 40s, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, he is. All right. Cool. The main character is older than me, which is crazy because she looks incredibly young. She looks like mid-20s. Yeah. I pulled it.

Her name looked familiar because she looked like familiar. So I just looked her up. But no, she's just like a regular actress doesn't do anything weird. Is married to an Indy car driver. Oh, cool. Yeah. Hey, driver, drive these. I did look up the Ottawa Archives and the Philly and the National Archives in Philly.

The National Archives in Philly. The National Archives in Philly is a big, like, column building old style. So everything we saw that was the National Archives was the... Was it was James Brothelman Archives and Library in in Ottawa? Hell yeah. It's the city public archives. And they just slapped Philadelphia National Archives outside. I thought it looked a little slapped on. So the premise of this film is our teacher, history teacher lady, amateur historian.

He's coming home to Philly because she didn't live there anymore, but her grandma died. Oh. And so she and her mom have to go through all her grandma's shit. and sell it and sell her old house and stuff. And her grandma was an amateur historian. And she was working on a project of Revolutionary War letters between this revolutionary soldier and a British chick. But they only have the dudes half because history is not feminist.

But we're going to try to give a cookie to feminist so they don't get mad at us. And we want to find the women folks' letters because they're important to in women's history. And so we're going to go to the National Archives to meet Hot Archivist dude, Nate, or whatever his name is, and he's going to help us, and it's just going to be national treasure, but they kiss it. Actually, they kiss at the international treasure. So this is just national treasure. And also they do an exhibit of the letters and stuff.

We'll talk about the exhibit a lot. Yes, we will. It's where all of the budget of us. Dying. We were like, what the fuck is happening? An important caveat. None of us are archivists. That is not my training.

That is not Sadie's training. That is also not Justin's training. They would argue Justin is the closest having done history and having also worked in special collections before. And archives. And I have processed institutional archives, but not,

I've never been to the National Archives. I know that you don't browse the stacks at the National Archives. They bring boxes to you. So you don't ever go in the stack. There are no stacks. It's all brought to you. And I think with you saying that before we get into shit talking this movie, an important caveat to note, no, a film representing the profession does not have to accurately portray the profession.

That being said, it will be fun to make fun of this. We know that they change things for narrative contrivance. We understand that we know how movies work. It's fine. Although we do need a white glove alert alarms drop because we were doing the Leo meme pointing at the screen because the white gloves. I have a note. I have a note that's just the gloves. I mean, I was loving the sexy microfiche scene. I love, you know how I love a microfeche montage. They gave it to me. And the moving stacks. Yes. I love that shot. It was good. That was like my favorite shot of the movie. It was like the one, between them and then it opens. It was really good.

Anyway. So where do we go in the plot? I always I always forget the plot beats for movies if I don't take plot by plot. Romance, plot beats are all the same, basically. Yep. I was sitting there waiting, okay, now when's the moment when the trust is broken and they have to come back together and then it'll be a big, yeah. Yeah. I saw that one coming 90 million miles away. I was so contrived. I just I like it's like

she comes home she meets him they have their meat cute there's a moment of cohesion they do some flirting trust is broken and then they get back together and then they kiss the end

yep yeah that's that's how it goes I wrote I wrote in my notes that this was like I was like reading a Nicholas Sparks novel I was like I was like I'm so fucking bored right now

but it's like it's still happening so I guess I'm gonna keep watching but yeah it was like the closest narrative experience I can get watching this Hallmark movie was like reading a Nicholas Sparks novel, which like those are probably the same audiences, so it makes sense. Yeah. The thing about romance is like, yes, it's formulaic.

All genre is formulaic. The fun thing is how does it then play within that genre? How does it sober expectations? What does it do differently with the plot beats? How does it do the timing? How does it do whatever? Even if it is following it beat for beat, what is it doing within that? is usually where the interest happened. How are you playing within the limitations of the genre? And it's just not doing anything interesting. No, but I wasn't expecting anything interesting. I was just interested to see, like, what is the fantasy?

I think was my big thing of like, okay, the love interest is an archivist. Like, what's the fantasy angle here besides being cast as handsome man in other movies? And so I was, you know, like, what does he bring into the moms, like, watching this? I assume the average, like, hallmark viewer demographic is like 45 to 60. I think we were talking before we started recording and Jay was saying what he should have done was quit his job. Yeah, quit his job and then work for the not daughters of the American Revolution who have troubles with the IRS. They're totally doing fraud. Yeah.

Sadly, our nonprofit status is at risk of being revoked. Why? We've run into some compliance issues. But I think part of the fantasy is like, oh, he has a good job. It just has a stable job. And he's not impulsive. He's just making money. I don't know.

What's the appeal? The thing that got me was like, like the whole deal is, you know, she's got to finish her grandmother's reports or like the ladies of liberty or, you know, knock off DAR or don't wash out of the big non-profit see of historical societies in Philadelphia. But like- And which there are many. Yeah, right. And like how she just like walks into the archives and just happens to have somebody coming downstairs who's like, oh, what can I do for you? And she's like, I wanted to talk to an archivist.

And then the person is like, oh, let me bring you to our chief archivist. Like he's just like, he's just there. Like he doesn't have like meetings or like he's not on a. Zoom call or anything. Like, he's the chief archivist, but he's just like available right now for you if you need him. I was like... Yeah, a lot of going on in Ottawa when you work at Anara in Ottawa.

That was the thing that cracked me up, though, is I was like, this dude's got a really boring-ass job then. I did like his office. I thought his office was a good design and makes sense. And it's, I mean, this is clearly like stuff that the Ottawa Archive has. So it's probably like their real office space. and their real conservation lab. Which, what archivists would know how to do any of that?

I don't know, maybe I'm underestimating archivist, but I feel like that's not, that's a separate skill at that level. I don't know. Yeah, and he does bring in the conservationist later when they find the rest of the letters. Which are folded. Which are folded. And he's like, we have to have the conservationist handle these.

I can't do it. We'll get started tomorrow. Who's we? Well, these letters are fragile and should be handled by the best. our chief conservative needs to be involved. He's handled documents and you're far older than these. Okay. Well, as long as I have time to read them and get the report done by the deadline. Yeah, we should have him treated and scan by the weekend.

Yeah, that was something that was brought up in the Facebook group is like who starts doing the buffering stuff that he brushed on it. Like, who does that as the first thing before even talking to someone and appraising like what it is? Like, whose first step is that? I've never used this chemical in 20 years, stuff like that. But I like the stacks, scenes, the automatic stacks, which are a pain in the ass, and then he has to use the code 1776, which I noticed him type in. I'm very good at noticing pin pads when I worked in special collections. I was not told what the login for the pinpad was, but I saw people put it in,

which was 1492, so they love a historical, this was very, this was very similitude. And so, yeah, they had to change the pen after they realized that I knew it because I kept letting myself in by using the pen. Nice. So it is, that was good verisimilitude. They would use 1776 as the unlock code and never change it for security purposes until a graduate assistant learns it by accident. But yeah, Jay said the conservationist lab looks like NCIS, which I thought old people love NCIS. so that makes sense. But I've never seen a lab like that that wasn't just like covered in giant maps being scanned

or someone in there at all times, like moving huge oversized stuff that needs to be scanned. Weird things propped up in weird positions, you know. Shit stacked that probably shouldn't be stacked. Oh, yeah. I mean, I've definitely found stuff. Stuff that was just sitting on a bookshelf that was supposed to be in processing and just got put under some other stuff and was sitting under a pile for, like a year that happens all the time. But yeah, I approve of his office. I love a whiteboard

for trying to think up projects. He has layers. He has his coats and his slutty little sweaters, which I think is also what you need in order to, I have my cardigan and my space heater and all my layers. He had that sexy handling that one scene. I noticed that immediately. I was like, I was like, ooh, he's got the Hanley on. He's a man. Casual Friday. And also, whoever is the person

who did the costumes for this, give everyone a size up. All of the costumes in this were too tight, especially his suit for the big dinner scene. I don't think he could raise his arms. And then like the sister-in-law looked like her tits were about to pop a shirt open, and her pants as well.

like they were just way too, way too tight for how Kirby she was. It didn't look comfortable. Oh, the fucking bumpet on the moth that kept migrating how her bumpet was situated and how far down

the rest of the hair was around the bumpet in the first scene, it's like on top of her head and then it's like lower immediately halfway through the scene like the continuity changed her bump it like halfway through it. I caught it immediately.

And like every single thing, her bumpets different. And then all the other women, except for our main character, all have fucking bumpets. I'm like, why are they all obsessed with bumpets? I'm sorry. I was just like, I noticed it and I couldn't unnotice how many fucking bumpets were in this movie. I did not notice that at all. That's hilarious. Like seriously, just rewatch the first scene.

And immediately it's like really tight high bumpet and then it's a little bit more relaxed bumpet. It's like in the same scene. It's so funny. It reminded me of Robin Hood men and tights where his mole keeps moving. Like, I have a mole. I have a bumpet. Also, that pink lip the mom was wearing was way too blue.

She needed a warmer color. It did not look good on her. I thought it was very strange how much AI was in this movie that didn't need to be. So the house sign is very clearly AI. That's not a real font that has ever existed. I'm pretty sure some of the other signs were AI. and also I think the kid's drawing was AI. So there's a lot of like very minor,

but very obvious because the scene loves an establishing shot. Like it will cut to the outside of a building like three times before you leave the building. We were trying to like start guessing. We're just playing a game of like, okay, now it's going to cut to the outside. Now it's going to cut to the outside. Make a drinking game. Yeah.

Every time it cuts to the Maple Street sign address. outside the house or the National or the archive sign. Take a shot. Which is the same establishing shot every single time. Same lighting. It's the same angle, same framing. They just reuse that stock footage that they've edited the sign over every single time. Yeah.

I also wonder like how they did the letters. It's like obviously the handwriting is not period appropriate, but whatever, who cares? But I wonder if like the yellowing and stuff was done by AI or if that was actually done properly by someone just trying to have a vision. But it was very funny how much little bits of AI were sneaking their way in. Even though this movie is mostly, I mean, it's just shots of Philly and Ottawa outdoor scenes. And it's kind of it. Wait, I remember something.

What the fuck is water ice? Water ice. Water ice. Water ice. Water ice. Oh. That's how they say water. Wooder. I had

subtitles on. So she says water ice. And then he literally said, Wooder. Like Wooder ice. And I was like, is that what it's really fucking called? Water. That's just how they say water. That's funny. That's a Philly thing. Yeah.

But I was like, what's a John. The, the archives John, the letters John. Yeah. That water ice, John. Yeah. When we start off in the movie, she's trying to sell off the grandma's house and they got to clean it all out and they're going through all the random stuff and the AI drawn children's video or children's drawing. But then there's also the lady from the Historical Society comes over and she's like, here's your grandma's letters.

And she hands the letters from it. And she's like, yeah, we're from the not daughters of the American Revolution and we're going to lose our nonprofit status. And she goes, why? And I just yell out, tack embezzlement. And she goes, compliance issue. We've run into some compliance issues. Which are never explained what the compliance issues are. Then the Historical Society loses their building.

Hi, Nancy. I just came to pick up the rest of my grandma's files. Oh, hi, Emily. I'm glad you're here. I was going to call you. What's going on? We have to move out. What? Why?

Haven't you been here forever? We have. But we lost our lease. We thought we'd be able to renegotiate with the new owner, but it didn't work out. What happened? He's asking much higher rent. Antis made it clear he doesn't even think we'll be around after the nonprofit review. Well, I'm working on that.

Once we know what happened to the other letters, it's sure to help the review. I know. And I'm just like, someone lost all of the money in Majong. And so they're like, oh, the rent's going up too much. And it's like, this bitch is embezzling all the money. The grandma who is keeping her at bay. You cannot tell me that the ladies. of Liberty in Philly aren't fucking rolling in donation money. Are you kidding me? Of course they have money.

I was just like really, because like I don't know shit about this kind of thing, but I was just like, how would a scholarly level report somehow save a nonprofit from compliance issues? Compliance issues. It wouldn't. You don't have to prove anything to be a nonprofit. You don't have to prove you do history to be a nonprofit. Yeah, that was the thing that I was just like, this, this is scenes contrived as fuck. Like, I, I don't see how a historian, historian's amateur daughter, like, could somehow save from non-profit compliance issues. Like, bitches, that's tax. You need a tax lawyer. What's this? The report your grandmother was writing. She was going to present it to the board at the Historical Preservation Society of Philadelphia as evidence that the ladies of liberty were still engaged in scholarly research.

They said they're a 501c3. Okay, you can continue to be one. What did you do illegally? Did you not file your taxes? Did you not do your 540? The NFL is a non-profit. Like, it's not hard. It's a 511C7.

Did you endorse a political party when you're not supposed to? Okay, I'm starting to laugh hard enough that my like asthma cough is kicking. It can be funny for killing Zadie. They do start looking into these ciphers in the letters, which is, So the whole thing is he's a patriot, a real patriot. He's a believer in this country they're building, which is strange because he would be fighting for a country who already existed, which is Pennsylvania. He would be a patriot of Pennsylvania for his own country. That's how he would have thought about it.

He would have thought Pennsylvania was his country. But he's like, oh, we're going to make a new united sort of country thing. It's very presentist. It's very looking back on things. They go and hang out with Betsy Ross to look at the flag. before flag shagging had been invented and they're just like, isn't the flag so important? And he's like convincing her

that the American Revolution is a meaningful thing to do for reasons. He's doing the romance movie thing of she's like looking at admiring at the very bad tour giver and he's like doing the thing where she's looking at the and he's looking at her.

Wow. Oh, so wow. It's like this is like as bad as a fucking an obvious as a John Dunn poem that's like I'm going to talk about my love for the undiscovered country and talk about how beautiful the discovery

of America or whatever is as a way of talking about how much I want to bang somebody. My dearest Mary divided from you, my love, I am lost. Though I must leave you now. Know that I do with the heaviest of heart and a sacred vow.

You want to never be alone, dear one. For each time you gaze up at the stars, shrouded in their velvet abyss, I so too will be at once gazing upon them such, and in that moment we too shall be as one. In your eyes, I have seen the stars reflected in the hope of a new nation forming. Hence I am called to battle and fight I must, but trust I take thee with me always. If I shall never return, know that your notes are forever safe. Until we meet again, yours in eternity, Jonathan. Like, it's very like in the country is beautiful.

And isn't this beautiful and new and emerging? Just like our love is beautiful and new and emerging. I like it. Yeah, the whole Romeo and Juliet of the American Revolution thing, I was like, just fucking shoot me right now. Like, that's the big exhibit, right? That's the big earth-shaking exhibit. And I'm like, like, 6,000 people haven't thought of that idea before.

And, like, every time somebody donates their grandma's old letters or some shit like that, like, I'm like, there was nothing earth-shattering about that. I was hoping they would write to each other like John and Abigail did, where they would just, like, insult each other and be like, hey, and I love you. And I tell you truthful things because truth is how I show love and also bring me pins. Hey, thanks. Bye. Love you.

There's an embargo going on. I need lace and fabric so I can flip it and also give me securities and stuff so that I can also do money speculation really well. Something that Abigail Adams was really good at. So then what happens next? He gets, so we meet Mr. Kent. Oh yeah. This fucking wig on this motherfucker. As far as the movie.

The donors. Mr. Callahan, when you think of art. archives. What's the first thing that comes to mind? Well, exactly. And that's the other reason I'm here. I want to create an exhibit unlike anything we've ever done before. Some of the that shows people that the archives aren't just a place where whole documents are stored on shelves. An exhibit that's interactive and exciting. It shows people the real value what we do here. And equally is important, if a lot more so, something that excites the donors. Doaters!

We have to do an exhibit in one week. That has to be the best exhibit we've ever done. Not like, I don't know, that like in any place, because this is obviously for the 250. It's not like you would have been planning that for like the past five years. In Philadelphia, are you fucking kidding me? You would have been planning this exhibit for five years minimum. But the donuts.

Oh, he was an. Heartland, the Canadian horse TV show. He's the sexual grandpa in Heartland, I think. I know, he's not the star, but he's in it. Yeah, Michael Dixon. handsome gentleman is in Letterkenny,

apparently. He plays Richard Kent. I don't know. I thought he was like a legislator who dropped by, but apparently he's just like a big wig at NARA. So he, I guess, is like being a mentor to our love interest and he's trying to like you know he wants he wants a protege and so he's given him this

thing and he's like I'm I'm wooing the donors you do the archive of stuff now and you come up with an exhibit for me that's something exciting and something we can show the donors and that was again in the Facebook group boss giving him one week to do an exhibit accurate so we thought maybe the exhibit was going to be like, I don't know, just like a table of letters and just like in the corner of a room. And like that's the big exhibit. But anyway, so they're, they're hanging out and they go to while we're learning about like the house and all the other issues, the romance is blooming. So we're told. And they go to the brother's house, the love interest's brother with his story go birds. He's, he's one eagle jersey because it's Philly. He's got two sheet of kids.

They're incredibly chaotic and they're the best-behaved children I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. She can throw Do Football and the sister-in-law is a non-profit specialist lawyer. And she's like, oh, I might need a favor from you. I'm not going to tell you what it is now. And then later calls her on the phone and is like, by the way, do you know Daughters of the American Revolution? She's like, oh, yeah, I love their work. Send me everything you have and I'll look into it.

A nonprofit my grandma was a part of has run into some trouble. with their 501C3 status, the Ladies of Liberty? Yes, I love their work. I'd be happy to advise on that. Have them send me all their supporting documents. Oh, I'm so grateful. Thank you.

It's my pleasure. And this resolves later on after the betrayal of trust where she's like, oh yeah, the compliance thing happens the best of us. It's solved. So we never learn what the... The lady on the whatever is on my PTA,

so I'm in good graces. Yes. So 501c3 filings can get complicated within new regulations. We've seen a lot of nonprofits loser status. I'm glad you brought this to me. All the compliance issues have been addressed. Thank you so much, Sonia. And the ruling on the historical merit of your report will be made any day now.

But between you and me, the senior board members on my PTA. It's so handwaged. It's hilarious. So then the boss, we get the microfeet scene where love interest is trying to figure out what the fuck his thing is going to be he keeps wanting to do historical research

on the letters he wants to figure out the actual treasure shit yeah he wants to figure out the ciphers and figure out what all the hidden messages are because it's the notebook and he which is relatable like I just want to do historical research instead of my job

makes sense this is also realistic so he doesn't want to want to do stupid donor bullshit. But then he has to go to fancy dinner with the donors. And he says, I have an idea for an exhibit. It is called Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution. And he steals the idea.

And I said, this is true. Male historian stealing women's scholarship is a time-honored tradition. But he tries to give credit, but he can't because Kent interrupts him. It's a new collection. A collection of revolution. Revolutionary War era letters. Ah. Love letters, as a matter of science.

From the Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution. Fascinating. So how does this love story end? Yes, I'm dying to know. Hopefully not as tragically as Shakespeare. Let's hope. Well, you're just going to have to wait and see. Suspense, I love it.

Did I not tell you that Mr. Callahan was an exception? Storyteller. Oh, please. But the credit for this exhibit, it must go to... It's going to be amazing. I, for one, cannot wait for the opening.

Yes. And then they have the dinner, and our main character shows up, and she's wearing her grandma's a slutty red dress. It's a Jackie Kennedy dress. She's color-mogging Jackie over here in her red Kennedy dress.

This was your grandma's little black dress. I thought it would be really funny if she's wearing like the purple hat, like she's a purple hat lady. Like this was your grandma's outfit. She's just wearing the big purple hat. Totally not the D.A.R. Totally.

No. Yeah. What did the purple hat ladies do? They do something. They're probably the D.A.R. right? I don't think so. I've been to a red hat lady thing when I was younger. Like I helped.

That might be a Daughter's of the Confederacy thing though, because I'm from DeSouth. Yeah, they just do stuff. They're fun. Red and pink hatters. Anyway, so she shows up. And then the, the Kent mentions like, oh, have you heard about his, his exhibit? You should go. And she's like, I might.

And he goes, yeah, Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution. And she goes, dun, dun, done. And she's like, fuck you. I didn't even give you, I didn't even get a donor agreement for giving you all these valuable letters, original letters that no one else has. I didn't even get a custody agreement for you holding onto them. He's constantly like, he's constantly like, they're going to, they're going to degrade. It's like, bitch, it's been 300 years. they're fine. You've got them in plastic sleeves. They're fine.

I tore a wall out of my grandma's attic and discovered this special brick, like, pattern. Something Justin said about we were watching it. It was like, this is glorifying and reinforcing everyone who's like, but my stupid bullshit's going to end up in an archive, right? Like all my special bullshit, all my family's special bullshit. It's all special and it's all going to end up in the archive and all the archivists are going to be interested in. in it. Like this movie is like, we see you. Yep. Yeah, we don't have letters from common people from the revolution. Like, their family doesn't keep their shit. Because usually, like, the reason we have the stuff from the founding fathers is because they were presidents and senators

and their grandkids were presidents and senators. And they kept all of their stuff and published it, even if they didn't want them to. Like Abigail Adams wanted all her letters burned. common practice you would read a letter especially if they had a fucking cipher code in it it would have been destroyed after reading it like these none neither of these letters would have existed

he he especially if he's out on the field he would be destroying the letter she sends him as soon as he commits whatever important thing is to memory he would not be carrying that around with them they would be burnt well and especially because they're like

framed as being like the sort of like star crossed opposite sides of the war where he's like the revolutionary and she's like, have parents who are loyalists. And I'm like, bitch, those letters aren't burned. Yeah. Like, also, I'm realizing now, if the movie is trying to do a star cross-lovers, like, across enemy lines,

Romeo and Juliet thing with the letters, why the fuck wasn't that mirrored in our couple? That would have been such an obvious, like, not even enemies to lovers, but like, they're on rival whatever's or like she's on the donor board and they're not wanting

to give money but he it like something where like they have conflicting interests but then they love each other anyway it's right there yeah she's a she's got pink hair and doesn't want to fund

the the American Revolution stuff and he convinces her that America is actually good I read a lesbian romance novel like that one time where it's a monarchism, apology where it's the first dyke queen of England

falls in love with an anti-monarchist and then they get married and they fuck at Balmoral and it's really hot. They fist at Balmoral actually it's pretty good. And she convinces her to not be an anti-monarchist

people. She does. It's so fucking funny. It's by Ginny Trout, I think. It's really good. Yeah. One thing, one thing that I was just like, oh, my fucking God, is when she's like going through her grandmother stuff and she's like, oh my God, we found this family tree that grandma wrote up. It goes four generations back.

And I was like, are you four? Only four? Sadie, you grew up Mormons. You don't have the same experience with the rest of us. And the most of us don't have that information. I guess. But like, I'm just like, okay. So like, yeah, I know, like, I know professional genie.

for reasons. And like, but like the family, like, four generations is fucking nothing. If she, especially in its town like Philly. Like they would have like, like, and it wouldn't just be like this like strange like little like drawn out like tree. Like she would have like, you have to find records. Like you would know that bitch's last name. Like as part of it is like, we don't know who this is because they don't have her last name in here. And it's like, that's not how genealogy works at all. Like, If anybody is interested in genealogy and lives in Philly and has had a history there, like, I was just like four generations back.

Like, I know four generations back off the top of my fucking head. Anyway, that was a thing that I was just like, they were stretching there for all of these reasons to like pull her family into the American Revolution. Like, oh, maybe this is the Betsy Ross connection and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all leading up to the fucking letters being in her attic wall. And I was just like, God, you could have done. without half of that. Just. There's also no way the city wouldn't have known

the historical importance of that house. Yes. They would have known there's like fucking provenance of house ownership and how old it fucking is.

There's no, I mean, obviously not every historical building is registered as like a historical society thing but they would have known how old it is. You know,

like it's not some shock that this is an old fucking revolutionary era. a building. Like, come on. Also, it's huge. I'm like, grandma must have been fucking loaded. Like, yeah. They've just had it a long time. I like when she was like, oh, we can get help from him because he has access to the genealogical databases. And I'm like, so do you through your public library. And also just online for free. Like, you don't even have to use ancestry. Ancestry and the family history library, which is, I forget what it's website. It is. It's the same exact database when you're on the free level. It's the same thing. Thank you, Mormons. It's the same. The Ancestry.com is also Mormons. It's all the same. It's all the way down. Just trust me. It's all genealogy is Mormons. But just go to the family history library website and then you can do, that's how I did mine. It's free. It's great. Just do it. They have all of it. You can't avoid it. Usually just plug you in. Yeah. A question for you, guys.

guys, what the hell do you think Linda's job was? She's probably a librarian. Linda? Which one's Linda? She's like the Asian lady that worked at the archives. She's the one that first, like, introduces. Oh, she also had a bump it. Yes. I mean, yes. But like, she was in a couple of scenes, but she's in like the one scene where he's like,

oh, yeah, I can't. I'm thinking up ideas or whatever. And she's like, oh, well, I'll leave you to it all awkwardly. And I'm just like, what's your job? Why are you here? Yeah, like, I don't know if she is also like a train. trained archivist. She might be a librarian and doing more like

general reference books and stuff. Or she might just be a more like public service person. I don't know because not everyone that works in an archives or a library is like trained in those skills but they do other equally

as important functions, right? Linda doesn't even have a last name in the credits. Okay movie for doing fake feminism. This woman doesn't even have a last name taking you to task for the importance of women's roles in the history of a stupid country or whatever and you don't even give Linda Bumpet a last name, how dare you? Yeah, I don't know. She's, could be a library assistant, could be probably like a librarian or something, just like an assistant archivist or something. Yeah. I just like how vague it, they kept it.

Like, we don't want to define anybody's role outside of Nates. He's just the archivist. Yeah. We don't have them any extras. Although I did wonder if the people that walk past in the archives were like people who just worked at the Ottawa archives special collections because they did just walk past random people. And I'm like, did they just have them there in the background? It seemed like it. Well, so we got, if we were, oh, at the very end of the movie, so the whole, the building gets placed on the historic register in under like a year. and they do the exhibit.

Which we still need to talk about. We need to, so the exhibit night. The exhibit night happens and we go to night at the Roxbury. Yeah. It has bisexual lighting. It has a fog machine. It's got barrels. It's got people walking around.

It's got costumes. They blew all the money on the fog machine. There's so much costuming going. Everyone's dripped out. And there's so much lighting happening. There's period costumes. that they shipped up to Canada. I just connected like,

because at one point she's like, with the letters and he's like, don't use flash on the letters, right? And she's like, I know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then in the exhibit, they're like, there over a light, like displayed over the top of a light with like back,

and I was just like, wait a second. I thought- sexual lighting. Well, I'm just like a camera, a cell phone camera flash, it's not fucking nothing on those display lights. Like, I was just like, That's not going to degrade it.

Okay. There's a very fast facsimiles they had created. Yes. And a photocopier and he just trimmed it on display. Aged. I guess. I was, I thought it was funny that they had like these actors there for the exhibit night, opening night, big exhibit opening night with the fog machine and barrels.

And they have these actors who are dressed up and they're playing like this voiceover of them reading. So they're like a live. exhibit production that they've done. I don't even know what you would call this because this isn't a real thing that happens. But I don't think they told the extras that there's a voice opera happening and you should be looking at the actors in costume because everyone's just acting like this isn't happening. It's a cocktail party.

Everyone's just walking around talking, being natural. Whereas, you know, if there was a performance happening, you'd probably looking at the actors to be polite. also in no world would the exhibit just be these letters it got barrels like there would be like the reason why exhibits don't take a week to put together right because there's like other pieces

in your collection that you try to relate to it to bring in context there's probably pieces that you would get on loan from other archives museums or library special collections again to give context there's curatorial statements you have to write there's like all sorts of shit you got to do. There's prepping the specimens. Like, I remember at U of I when I was in grad school,

like in their museum studies minor, there was just a whole fucking graduate course you could take on exhibit design alone. You have to like measure the room and shit. Like to prepare, like, ugh. Like there's so much fucking work that goes into exhibits. Like what if a piece they wanted to put on the exhibit as, part of this was on loan elsewhere

or was currently being like in the conservation lab or like out with a researcher like what what do you do it's so it's just so like an exhibit is not just look at the letters

hooray that's the exhibit and then the little fucking pamphlet and his like big romantic gesture is just to put the grandma's name and the not daughters of revolution on it but it's still like the

the chick doesn't get credit, even though this is also her work. She's the one who figured out all the ciphers. Yeah. It's bad. She did ask her to be credited that way as a collection name, though. He said you could put the collection name under your name, and she goes, we'll put it under the nonprofit's name.

Yeah, but she also still deserves to get credit. She didn't want to be credited, though. Annoying. I get thing to help with the nonprofit status. It's just going to say, I love that that's like the big, gesture is that he puts, like, that's her turning point as she goes to this exhibit and is, like, looking around at it and picks up the pamphlet. And it's like her grandma's name and the not daughters of

the revolution are on the back. And then she softens to his whole deal, right? Then she got, she has to go run after him at the Liberty Belt. And I'm like, for literally doing what you asked him to do. The stakes are so low. So low. There's no stakes. They were like, they're like, they're like, minimal state stakes. It is the most minimal stakes movie I have ever

watched. Also like he goes the Liberty Bell tells his coworker and I'm going to go hang out at the Liberty Bell to which I realize oh he put a stupid code

in the letter and she didn't notice it and I thought there'd be one of the little coded messages at the bottom there's not even that he just wrote the word Liberty Weird

slanted and she didn't even notice it until her co-workers like oh he's at the Liberty Bell she was like Liberty Bell and at this point she doesn't need to look at the stupid letter, but she notices

Liberty and Code, but there's not even the little code that is supposed to be a cipher for. He just wrote Liberty, and she didn't even notice it. She didn't even do it right. Yeah. So, Jay, you've already said how you would redo this movie. What would you change? One, we didn't mention that the flags

at the end are ironed. They had these old school looking American flags. They are not ironed. It was the very last scene, like about before credits roll, and I go, iron your flags, and Jay just followed over laughing. You can see these creased fake Betsy Ross flags. Oh my God.

They didn't iron the flags. That's queer representation. No, I refuse. I guess I'm queerphobic. I own your fucking flags. I don't care. Every trans person listening, iron your fucking trans flag you have hanging up.

I'm coming for you. Get a steamer. Hang it in your shower when you take a shower and don't turn on your fucking fan. Just something. Anyway, how will we redo this movie? I have a couple ideas. I've said one of them. him, but...

He has to quit his job. Yeah, that's the other one. He should have quit his job. And his big romantic gesture should have been, he quits his job, he doesn't do the exhibit, like he doesn't give that to Kent and the donors. And then they do it for the not daughters of the non-American,

not revolution. That should have been the big romantic gesture, because that's what the problem was. And that's how it would have fixed it. Also, they should have been hornier and kissed way sooner. Anyway, that's what I would change. I would have Bruce LeBruce remake this movie. Someone's just jerking off in front of a thing of Benjamin Franklin.

Yeah, I don't know. I thought his big romantic gesture is like, I'm going to give you all the letters back or I'm going to burn these letters. Stella! We watched streetcar named Desire last night, so I had that in my head. I don't know. I don't know what else you could change about this movie to make it. It needed more romance.

It's like an 80-minute movie. They were just like, all right, done. Yep. I was like, this was certainly an hour and 24 minutes of my life, I guess. Like, that sure passed. Like, if they had better chemistry, it would have worked. Because, like, there's the scene where they're at the brothers, and they get their hot dogs different. And he says, we sure are, one of them says, like, we sure are opposites, huh?

And I'm like, bitch, where? Yeah. You don't talk about anything. You haven't established an opposites attract thing. You seem to be very the same. He's an archivist and you're a history teacher. Match made in heaven. Yeah, like, okay.

It was very, very picturesque. And like, it was just like, and every single, like, Philadelphia symbol was crammed in there somehow. Saw the same statue of Benjamin Franklin like four times. Oh, yeah. Just like. Brilliant night was just a statue shot. Yeah. Go to South Street and go to Condom King or Condom World or whatever it's called.

Like, that's what I want to see. Like, go to the Mutter Museum or some shit. Like, do something a tiny bit grittier. That would be it. Do this movie, but the Mutter Museum. Yes. With the lady who got fired or whatever. Yes.

That's the movie. Make that into a movie. That's the Hallmark movie. And then just add a romance. Yeah, just add a romance to it. She's trying to. With a Gen X goth. Who's like, no, keep it weird.

So he has, he, he donated his phone. fucked up foot and she is putting all the human remains under review and he's mad that his fucked up foot isn't on display anymore and then they fall in love and she steals the foot and they start their own historical society with the foot. A historical society with the foot of the dude who's still like alive. Yeah. That feels like genuine Philly representation to me as someone not from there but has plenty of friends there.

That's how I would, that's the movie I want to see. That's my next question is. What Hallmark movie would you want to see that the library Hallmark movie? I think that's it. It's the Mutter Museum. It's a guy who, because then you would have the actual conflict of like we're coming at this from different angles. He wants this fucked up foot on display and she wants to have ethical museum practices

and then they fall in love. I could get behind that. He can't put it had to be amputated. They put all of their prop money into the foot. It's just one big foot. It's like two feet long. See, I think like what Hallmark movie would I want to see that's library related, like it can't take place in a city.

It has to be like a small town where there's like a solo librarian or like only a couple workers. And it's the someone coming home or whatever with the librarian. Like the librarian has to be like that that formula like the Hallmark romance. works really well for small towns because the sort of like idealized utopian idea of how societies work and how jobs work and how relationships work and all that. Yeah, boy, what? Like, you need the small, idyllic, pastoral town for that. And like, what would be hotter than like the solo librarian that you went to high school with and then you're coming home from the big city? and he's this hot librarian who wears Henleys and cardigans and stuff.

That's how you do the library Hallmark movie, in my humble opinion. And his grandma was a librarian. And so now he is the librarian after his grandma dies or something. You have to have that connection. And the grandma was their librarian when they were kids or something. That's how you do the Hallmark Library Romance, you know. I mean, my brain is instantly like, well, of course, make it queer. You know, if...

Hallmark doesn't know gay people exist, Sadie. I know, but like, if I'm gonna... Yes, they're small. If I'm gonna,

if I'm gonna do anything romance, it's gonna be like gay, I can't help it. But it's like, I just, microfilm shots. Just, just have,

just have something you do in lots and lots of microfilm. Like, not, like, the, like, whichever one is in there, like,

because they, in this movie, they try to do, like, the weird family connection deal, like, worked into like the whole history of Philadelphia.

I'm like, I want to see that shit. But, Like the root trees are dead, sort of like, where it's like he's trying to find some, he's trying to make some mystery, like solve some family mystery using genealogical. This is actually a video game. It's really good. All the genealogy is microfilm.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Like, just put more sexy microfilm shots in there, I guess. That's what I'm saying. Just show that machine, like, go in, you know? That could be your, that could be your horny metaphor, the microfilm. machine. Yeah, I want Bruce LeBruce to do the Mutter Museum movie.

And it's... They have to fuck one of the specimens though. Yeah, I mean, the whole movie is going to be fucking. Yeah. Not unsimulated. That's the Bruce LeBruce thing. They do it on screen for real. Yeah. I mean, that was one of the, when we finished watching this on my Plex, it was like other movies, it was just all gay movies and one of them was a Bruce LeBruce movie. It was like, you want to watch St. Narcise next? Listen, in the modern museum, Bruce LaBruce, hallmark romance,

someone's fucking the foot. Oh, yeah. Oh, they're fucking the foot like crazy. They're fucking the foot. They're fucking around the foot, like in pink flamingos where they fuck around the chicken. Well, he could use the same, he could use the pussy foot from... He could use the pussy foot from the visitor. Yeah. I'm not familiar with this at all.

So this is, you're saying words that to me are on, words and orders that are unprecedented. I'm sorry. Pussy foot. I don't know what the pussy foot. I don't know what the pussy foot. Sorry. That sounds like a... That's going to be the cover.

for this episode. It's just the pussy foot from the visitor. It's exactly what you think. It's a fleshlight that's a foot. But that has a pussy. So you can fuck it. They bought it at like a sex shop and just it was like, this is plot now.

I don't know, maybe they made it. Silicon's cheek. Okay. All right. It's late. Final thoughts. Do we recommend this movie to anyone ever? The dude's hot and he's like in his 40s.

Yeah. I would be curious, Philly people. Chime in. What do you think of this movie? I think it just does like Here's the tour for tourists Who want to jerk off about America

On the 250th Like as someone who now lives in Boston This was a very annoying place To be around the 4th of July For 250 I can imagine Philly was the other place That would have been annoying to be for 250 And around and leading up to it

And this movie's not helping Yeah I don't think I would recommend it I think I would recommend Storm Center And Storm Center but she comes to a town and does Storm Center there, and that's the Homework movie. The communist dream is being banned, and then she falls in love with the guy trying to ban it,

and then they both burn down the library. That's romantic. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Well, that was a movie. It sure was. Thanks to whoever was talking about it on Blue Sky,

that gave me the idea that this would be fun to do, because we haven't done a movie in a while. And good night.