Life in Colour - 22: The 42% - Why So Many Women Don’t Feel Happy, Confident, or Comfortable in Their Clothes

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

In this episode, I share the results of a recent Instagram poll where 42% of women said they don’t feel happy, confident, or comfortable in their clothes. I dive into why this happens — from losing touch with who we are, to dressing out of habit, to feeling unsure about what actually suits us anymore. We’ll talk about how to begin shifting that — starting with awareness, small changes, and reconnecting with your style in a way that feels like you. And if you’ve been feeling ready for a change but unsure where to begin, I also share details about The Style Reset, my 5-week private mentoring program designed to help you rebuild your wardrobe, your style, and your confidence — from the inside out. Click here for more information on The 5 Week Style Reset https://www.lovingcolour.au/offers/FLRG8dni 🎧 Tune in for practical insights, real talk, and a gentle reminder that you don’t have to stay stuck in clothes that don’t feel like you anymore. 👉 Listen now on Spotify or Apple Podcasts — just search Life in Colour.

Welcome to Life in Color, the podcast where we dive into the real, raw and wonderfully colorful aspects of life. I'm your host, Ashley, and I'm here to explore the ins and outs of seasonal color analysis, navigating motherhood, thriving in your 40s and beyond, and embracing health and wellness with a healthy dose of humor. Join me as we uncover the secrets behind finding your perfect palette, share stories of the joys and challenges of being a mum, and from practical tips to heartfelt conversations, life in color is your space to laugh, learn and live life. unapologetically in all of its colorful hues. So grab your favorite drink, settle in and let's add some color to this adventure that we call life. Welcome to Life in Color. Hi, everyone. Welcome to this week's episode. I'm doing something

a little bit different because I had an idea in mind of what I was going to record for you for today, for today's today. It's the 5th of November. But then I did some story polls on Instagram last night. And I can't say I was shocked by some of the results. They're still ongoing. but because the poll's still alive. But I was a bit saddened by some of it. And I just wanted to address it on here and have a chat with you. And almost like you're having a coffee with a friend, that kind of thing today is what we're going to talk about.

Because I just thought this is really important to address. So I'm going to dive straight in. I put up three different polls and I'm going to tell you the question and then the answers that I gave and like the percentages of the people that have voted. And I have had a good number of people vote in these. I promise you it's not just me and my mum voting in these. and a great number of people have voted in them. So the first one that I said was,

how would you describe your style? And the options that I gave are classic and timeless, natural slash casual, bold and dramatic, and I'm not sure. Now, I don't expect everybody necessarily to know what their style personality is. And you can have a mix of a style personality too. Like sometimes I feel I'm more natural casual

and other times I'm very much classic and timeless and I kind of mix the two together. I would say I have always been that style personality. It's just something that resonates with me and that I really enjoyed to wear. But they're the options that I've put up, but I then also put up that I'm not sure. And I put that up for a reason for those who aren't quite sure what their style personality is. And look, you may have a style personality, and I'm going to go into these a little bit more in this episode today. But you may have it and not actually realize what style personality you are, but you are one.

or you have absolutely no idea and you're just sort of wearing anything because, well, it fits and you need to wear clothes. So that's two very different things. The next poll that I put up was if someone walked into your wardrobe, what would it say about you? The first one is, I've got this figured out. The second one, mostly comfy and practical. The third one, a bit of a mix. And the last one, I don't really like my clothes. What kind of astounded me on this one was the amount of people who voted for I don't really like my clothes. So to take you through, 5% said I've got this figured out. This is obviously, it's still running. But 32% said mostly comfy and practical. 34% said a little bit of a mix. And 30% said I don't really like my clothes. And that

made me a bit sad to think of the number of women that have either voted in this poll, but there there are going to be so many more of you out there who open your wardrobe and that's how you feel. And it makes me sad because I don't want you to feel like that when you're standing in front of your wardrobe because I can then only imagine how you actually feel once you put those clothes on. And this is the kind of thing that we're going to be talking about today. And last but not least, it's do you feel happy, confident and comfortable in the clothes you wear every day? This was a little bit more balanced, but 35% of you. you said yes, I do and I love it, which is fantastic. That made me so, so happy.

23% were a bit like, I'm not really sure. But 42% of you who voted in this have said, no, I don't, but I would like to. That is a massive amount of you that have voted that are not, you don't like your clothes, you don't feel comfortable in them, you don't feel confident in them, you don't feel happy in them. I cannot tell you. I cannot tell you. you the impact that that's going to make on you throughout your day. It's not just about the clothes. And I know that you might think I sound like a broken record and I harp on and on and on about this. But it is so true. Like today, I'm going to take you through what I'm wearing today because I love it. And yes, I know what I do for a living. And I get that. But I love it because it makes me

I'm comfortable in it. I feel really confident in what I'm wearing that it suits me and that I really like it and I feel happy in it. If I catch a glimpse of myself as I'm walking past somewhere or a mirror reflection or something, I'm like, oh, I really like that outfit today. And it's not just that. It's the whole thing. Like, I like my hair the way that it is. Like, I finally have found a length of hair that I feel is working for me really, really well now because my hair has gone like a little bit thinner. I know we talked about that before. But like, I like the makeup that I have on. I've got contact lenses on. I've got contact lenses on today and that for me is a confidence boost. I love wearing my glasses, but I don't want to wear them

all the time. And I feel more self-conscious, I think, when I wear my glasses and I just find them irritating. And so I'm trying out new contact lenses. Side note, total tangent. Does anyone else wear multifocal contact lenses? A, I didn't know that was a thing. And secondly, I'm trialling them. And one eye is for long distance and one eyes for like close up and then they're just supposed to work. I'm not quite sure how this is working out for me. They're super comfortable, but we shall see how that works out over long term. Anyway, that was a side note. But I feel more confident in myself when I'm wearing my contact lenses.

That's just something how I feel. And it gives me that boost. And I'm wearing a yellow knit with off white pants and tan shoes. And I feel like the bees knees. But I realize, according to the pogs that I've done, I am in the minority of feeling that way. And that's what makes me feel. sad. And yes, like I acknowledge that I do this for work. However, I didn't always do this for work.

It is something that comes more naturally to me. And I know that I have mentioned to this to you all so many times learning how to wear clothes, choose clothes, put outfits together, put makeup together, figure out your hairstyle, accessories. They are all skills. Just like a teenager learning to drive or if I wanted to learn how to play piano or learn to say, I wasn't born knowing. how to do that, that doesn't come naturally for me at all. And so I have to have someone teach me how to do that or I have to go out and find on YouTube how to learn about that. Like there are free resources out there and there are paid resources out there to help you with pretty much anything in your life that you're wanting to know how to do. And with so many of you feeling like that,

I don't want to be controversial, but it kind of makes me think, why haven't you necessarily invested in yourself because we invest in so many other people in our lives. Like, if my kids need something, I get it for them. My husband needs something. Again, it's the same kind of thing of absolutely what do you need. And I get that you can be hesitant and reticent to be able to invest in yourself, especially when, let's face it, everybody's on a budget, unless you're a multimillionaire, everybody is on a budget.

But it doesn't even have to be investing in yourself in a really big, way, there can be small things that you can do to make yourself feel better about yourself. Because I can 100% guarantee for you. It's not just the clothes. Those clothes are going to have an impact when you put them on. If you don't like them in the wardrobe, how do you think you're going to feel when you put them on? And I know that this is going to sound a bit like a bit of a tough love episode. And I didn't mean it necessarily to come out that way, but perhaps that's how it's sounding. It's more that I feel deeply that so many women out there don't like what's hanging in their wardrobes and then imagine, I can only imagine, how they would feel them putting

those clothes on their body. That just not only would you not feel confident in it, that would make you self-conscious in it. You then take that throughout the rest of your day. The psychology like we've talked about before, the psychology behind the clothes and the things that you choose to wear and how you, if you choose to wear makeup, if you don't choose to wear makeup, all of these are personal preferences, 100%. But if you know that you don't like what you're wearing and you know that it brings you down and it has an impact on how you feel about yourself and your self-esteem, I really want to encourage you to take some action to change that. Now, there are so many different resources out there that you can use. You can use free resources like

Instagram and YouTube, like places like my Instagram page that give you ideas on outfits and colors and how to determine your colors, how to know what body shape you are. So then you can find clothes that fit and flutter your body rather than trying to make something work for you that doesn't. Like, I am, as you know, I am petite and I am a rectangle body shape. I love a line skirts, like maxi aline skirts. They don't love me. It is a very certain particular cut of skirt, maxi skirt that sits well on me and suits me because that kind of skirt on me makes me look more rectangle. I lose any kind of shape unless it's cut on the bias. If it's cut on the bias, the fabric has the movement to it, and therefore I feel like I've got a bit more shape.

So many of them are shapeless on me. I could wear them if I wanted to, but I'd feel like I was wearing a bit of a sack, a bit of nothing, and I'd be like, it doesn't really look very nice, but okay, I'll guess I'll wear it. And I think that's where so many of you are. And I understand when you feel that you don't know what suits you. but I promise you there are so many things out there that can help you. So like I've mentioned, you can use free resources like blog posts and Instagram and YouTube.

All of those things can help you. Knowing what your body shape is, by measuring your body and looking at its proportions, you can find out whether you are like long torso, short torso, long legs, short legs. If you are in proportion, do you have a waist? your shoulders broader than your hips. All of these kinds of things, these skills and knowledge are power for you to be able to take back a little bit of control because when you're wearing clothes that you don't like, you're giving the clothes the control. You're literally handing all that

control over to your clothes and going, okay, well, it's not that I don't care. And I know that some people would think that that if you're wearing clothes that you don't like, it's because you don't care. No, I don't feel that or think that at all. I actually think you, for some of you, you care deeply, but you just don't know how to fix it. So knowing and learning your body shape, there are so many resources online that can help you with that. And they're free. They're all out there and they're free.

Then knowing your colours is the next thing that you can do. As you know, colour is at the heart of every single thing that I do. And when I determine someone's colours, I know how much of a difference that is going to make for them. It can stop them looking tired and washed out. No amount of makeup that you put on is going to make you look less tired. I can assure you that if you're wearing a color that washes you out or makes you look really, really pale, that can almost make you look sickly. Likewise, if you're wearing a color that makes you go green or yellow, where your skin tone takes on the color of the clothes that you're wearing, again, nothing can really counteract that because it's

clashing with your natural skin tone. Knowing the colors that suit you, It's a game changer, not just because of how much easier it makes getting ready every day because everything goes together and it's cohesive and it just, it works. But when you're shopping, you're not wasting time and money on clothes that don't suit you. And you know they don't see you. I know for a fact that a really beautiful, rich rust is not for me. I love the colour. That doesn't change.

I really, really love the colour. But that doesn't mean I should be wearing it. you can love something, a style, a cut, a color. Like, I love it when I see people wearing a pair of leggings and a tank and an open denim shirt over the top. It does not suit me. It just doesn't suit me and my aesthetic. No matter what I do, there is nothing that's going to make that look better on me.

I just feel off when I put it on. Yet it looks amazing on someone else. So you can admire other styles and like other styles and think they are fabulous. but they just might be fabulous for someone else, not for you. And so that's where knowing your colours is a real game changer. But if you are stuck in that cycle of not knowing what suits you or what to wear, I understand how you can default back into wearing the same old thing every single day. But the thing is, is that do you really want to do that for the rest of your life? because if you don't learn the skills of what suits you and what to wear and what colours to wear,

and I'm not saying that this is a rule book that you have and you have to follow everything for the rest of your life. Preferences change. What you wore in your 20s is not going to necessarily now suit you in your 40s and 50s. And that's for a number of different reasons, whether you've put on some weight because of perimenopause, whether your boobs totally changed from breastfeeding. The premise of it all is is that you have to want to make the change. And when I saw that stat of 42% of people saying that they didn't feel confident, happy and comfortable in their clothes every day, and then the 30% stat of I just don't like my clothes, it made me sad because of all of these women out there that you feel like there's no other option or there's no other choice. There's always a choice. You can get all of this free

information, but then you have to act on it and implement on it. And I, I know that sometimes that can be scary and I know from a fact, though, the difference it can make. Like I put up something else on Instagram this week and it says, I profoundly believe that one decision can completely change your life. And I know that some people might think that talking about fashion and clothing, oh, it's vain. No, it's not. It's how you show up for the world every day. So don't you want to show up for the world feeling good about your own? yourself, feeling like you feel confident, happy and comfortable in what you wear every day,

that you open your wardrobe and you're excited by the myriad of clothes in there for you to choose. And I'm not saying I feel like that every single day. Like if I'm painting the staircase, do I feel excited to put on the old trackies and t-shirt that am I working clothes? No. But in, I would say 99% of the time, I enjoy getting dressed every single day. and I know that some people might be like, well, that's because you're a stylist. Yeah, I get that. I really, really do, but I also see it from evidence from my clients. So I'm going to tell you a little story

about a client that has just been in the style reset with me. This particular lady before we started, it's a five-week program. It's one hour per week for five weeks that we work together. And yes, there's a lot of fun stuff that we do at the end, but there's a lot of hard work that has to be done in the beginning to understand and unlearn and figure out why you're at where you are with not liking anything in your wardrobe. You have a relationship with your clothes, whether you like it or not. You might have a positive one. You might have a negative one. This particular client had a negative relationship with her clothes, whether they had memories in them that she didn't want to wear them because of the memories that she associated with them or whether because she just

was at a stage where I just don't really know what suits me or I'm wearing a style of clothes. that I don't even like because I feel I have to, because I feel that's what's expected, or I feel that that is what is all in the stores. Trust me, if you have a type of clothing that you want to wear, you know, think of people who like to wear like goth clothes. There are stores out there for them because there is a market for that. And so there's a market pretty much for any different kind of clothing you're after, whether that's like retro 70s or whether you like to wear sort of more 80 clothes.

or whether you like to wear really modern, chic, elegant, crisply cut clothes. They are out there. Boho, flowy, romantic. There are so many different style personalities out there. And for a lot of clients, their perception of what they feel other people think they should be wearing is what's holding them back. And it's holding them back because they need that confidence level to be like, this is what I want to wear.

and I am going to wear it unapologetically. I don't care what other people think if I turn up in a pair of retro cord pants and a mustard top and I've got my hair like Farrah. I don't care. I don't care that we're not in the 70s because this is how I want to dress. This is how I want to show up. This is what makes me feel happy and confident and comfortable every single day. And when I say comfortable, yes, we talk a lot of.

about fabrics. With my clients, I talk about so much to do with fabrics, but it's more about being comfortable in your own skin. And I would even say for myself, in the last couple of years, knowing my colours and really determining what shapes suit me best, like I had a very good idea, but I've really refined it. For me, it's even with my hair making a decision that my hair's thinned out, I'm going to cut it, I'm going to go shorter. I love it this length. I feel more like me. It's like with the contact lenses that I was talking about, all of these little decisions. I prefer wearing a pink-based lipstick. A lot of nudes have more peach in them. I don't want to wear a peach. I'm cool-toned. All of these little incremental changes add up to make the most

significant change. And it literally can change your life and how you feel about yourself. When you have unearthed, the reasons and the things that are holding you back, and it is, it's like fashion baggage. Things that you were told you couldn't wear in your 20s. Well, you can wear what you like. It's always a choice. But also just because you couldn't wear it in your 20s doesn't mean you can't wear it in your 40s, 50s or 60s. There are so many different things. It's like how they used to say, oh, women can't have long hair past the age of like 40. Why not? You do you. You wear what you want to wear and how you want to wear your hair. If you want hair extensions, go get those hair extensions if your hair's too thin and fine like mine.

There are so many things. And so when I was working with this client and we were going through the joy of seeing her grow and flourish each week, I cannot tell you how amazing that was for me as like her mentor to watch her embrace and implement everything we talked about, everything we had learned, clearing out her wardrobe of the clothes that she didn't like. And that was a lot. she did let go of a lot of clothes and I don't say that you have to get rid of everything. No, but when we're doing big work like in the style reset, we do that because there is normally a really

bigger, deeper, understanding running underneath of why you're feeling the way you are about your clothes, why you buy the clothes that you do. Sometimes people, it's almost like an on-purpose thing. I don't really necessarily like my body shape, therefore I'm going to hide it by these clothes. I don't like wearing these clothes, but that's what I'm going to do. There are a number of different things that you can do to make sure you feel more confident and happy. And when I did that with this client and we worked right the way through and we did body shape analysis, we did colours, we went through journaling and talking about what she didn't want. We talked about what she did want and she did move boards.

She did the whole kitten caboodle. And I got a message the other day and it said for the first, first time in my life, I truly feel like myself. And you know me, I can talk till the cows come home. That left me speechless. Like you can ask my family. Well, you can't ask my family, but if you could, you could. Because I came downstairs and my husband was like, what's wrong? Because I looked a bit teary. And I do. I get really emotional about these things because she looks so much lighter. was on a call in the colour collective last night. And she looks so much lighter and so much happier

and so much itself with peace with herself because we've done all of this work. And now she knows and she's so excited and she's sending me messages with all these different outfits. And she's like, people are noticing. And so now they're asking me questions and I'm now inspiring other people to make changes. It's like that knock-on effect.

And so I just want to encourage you deeply if you feel like you're in that space, do something about it. Don't stay like that. It makes me sad to think that you would stay like that and make a choice. And it is a choice. I know you have to be ready, but it is a choice to stay with a wardrobe that brings you down rather than lifts you up and helps you saw in your day-to-day and everything that you want to do. You know, Michelle Obama said in her new book, The Look, when she was promoting it,

that when you put on clothes, sometimes that's your armour for the day. If you know you're going into a bit of a tough day, that can be your armour. It can shield you. It gives you that power. It gives you that self-confidence. If you don't like everything in your wardrobe and you're going into one of those days, that's just going to make you feel even worse. And I mean it.

And I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about yourself at all. I'm just trying to highlight to you that you can make these changes and that the resources are out there, be it whether they are free or paid. Now, if you are interested in wanting to know more about the style reset that I was talking about with my client, I do have two spots open right now before Christmas. It is a five-week program. We do one hour every single week. We do reset and focus. We do style personality, body shape analysis, colours, and then we bring it all together with a makeup tutorial at the end. But I realize that that's not for everybody. So make sure you are looking to your free resources as well that you can use, whether that's following me on Instagram and getting

the tips from there or doing some research online, even journaling with yourself. Use chat GPT as your prompt. But for those of you that are ready to make a change and you know that you need my help, send me a DM or click the link in the show notes below because that will take you to all of the information on the style reset and how I can help you. I hope this hasn't felt like too much of a tough love episode, but it made me sad. And I just know that we can do something about it, whether that's you finding free resources or letting me help you. And if you would like me to help you, there is nothing more that I love more than doing the style reset work and watching these clients absolutely transform their lives, not just what they wear, but most importantly,

how they feel and how they show up every single day. So if you are interested in that, click the link in the show notes below, head to my website. There will be a link on there for the style reset and head to Instagram and you can send me a DM and we can have a chat to see if you feel like something like this is for you. Anyway, take care. Have a great rest of your week and I just want you to know if this is how you're feeling you are not alone, but it is 100% you can change it and you can change how you feel about yourself and it doesn't have. have to take that long. All it can take is five weeks if you decide to join me in my Star Reset. Anyway, take care. I will chat to you later. Bye.